#i think i have some. feelings about bublé showing up high to the draft that i haven't processed

[nolanhattrick]

i'm still gonna continue to goof on jb for his silly little outfits and his silly little ✌🏻😙✌🏻 poses and the gay little shoulder massages he gives auston on the bench but at the end of the day i'm really happy to see him happy. i'm really happy to see him doing something constructive like this. i'm really happy to see him putting time and effort toward something like this.

i remember the years of his very visible and public spiral into addiction and how people treated him and the spotlight he had on him before he (stated that he) achieved sobriety.

it's just really nice to see him have positive influences and something to look forward to and people that make him happy and people that didn't abandon him.

[babygirlbenji]

Christmas With The Hollands

A/N This has been in my drafts since around September as I LOVE CHRISTMAS, it’s my favourite holiday of the year. I was going to wait until closer to The Big Day to post this, but I wanted to get some original content out there to make up for my abhorrent lack of original posts. Enjoy! Also - I cannot be the only one who thinks that Christmas with the Hollands would be the best time EVER?

Warnings: none!

Word count: 2.4k - more under the cut! (I’m so sorry this is so long)

You and Tom had been dating for just over a year, and you were now part of the Holland family. As such, you were top of the guest list at the exclusive Holland family Christmas lunch every Christmas Day.

This Christmas was no exception.

Once you had put the finishing touches on the magnificent chocolate roulade you had made, and Tom had given Tessa a lengthy walk so she wouldn’t be too energetic while you guys were enjoying your Christmas lunch, the three of you dashed out into the frigid suburban air and into the warmth of Tom’s Range Rover.

‘Have you got everyone’s presents?’ You checked. He nodded, laughing.

‘Yes, love, for the third time today, I have everyone’s presents.’

‘Just checking! We don’t want a repeat of Christmas 2017.’ You both winced at the memory; due to a calamitous miscommunication, both of you had forgotten to bring the presents for the entire family, and were unable to retrieve them from your apartment as the traffic was so busy.

‘Don’t worry, love, I have definitely got them. I just hope Tessa doesn’t eat them.’ You thumped his arm, rolling your eyes.

The car cruised along the M25 towards London, the traffic piling up rapidly. Tom took the exit for his parents’ house, and before you knew it, you were parked outside the semi-detached townhouse.

‘I’ll take Tess and the roulade, you can take the presents!’ You immediately hopped out and carried Tessa out of her crate in the boot of the car. Tom just chuckled and obliged, carrying the two gift bags full of Christmas goodies for the Holland family.

Walking with Tess up the short driveway, you knocked on the door.

‘Y/N! How lovely to see you, my darling, Merry Christmas!’ Nikki opened the door, a festive apron tied around her waist and partially covering a cosy Christmas jumper. The delicious smell of Christmas lunch immediately wafted over you, and the sound of Michael Bublé’s Christmas album flowed softly from the speakers in the living room. The Holland house was one of your favourite places, made even better by the people who lived in it.

‘Hi, Nikki! Merry Christmas!’ You exchanged hugs and kisses.

‘That pudding looks incredible! Come in, come in!’ Nikki took the roulade, leaving a hand free to allow you to take your shoes off, before you led Tessa inside. Dom, Harry, Sam and Paddy were in the kitchen. ‘Hey, Hollands, Merry Christmas!’ you cheered, going round and giving everyone hugs.

‘Where’s your boy, Y/N?’ Dom asked as you broke apart from your hug.

‘He’s probably putting the presents under the tree! Ah, there he is!’ As if on cue, Tom came hurrying in.

‘Hi, dad, hey, guys!’ You looked on as he hugged his family, a small smile on your face. Nikki busied herself with the preparation of the lunch.

‘Nikki, can I do anything to help?’ You offered, feeling guilty about sitting around and doing nothing.

‘Oh, you’re such a darling! If you could start peeling potatoes, that would be amazing! Harry, help Y/N peel potatoes, Sam and Paddy, peel the carrots and parsnips and Tom, you can sit there and look pretty.’ You all laughed; Tom was notoriously bad in the kitchen, and you mostly did the cooking. Harry joined you at the sink as you peeled potato after potato, taking part in the conversation and just taking in the Christmas atmosphere. Christmas at the Hollands was truly something special.

‘So, Y/N, any hint on what my present is?’ Harry asked cheekily. You poked him gently with the peeler.

‘No, you silly goose, that’ll ruin the surprise!’

‘What about mine, Y/N?’ Paddy protested from across the counter.

‘Okay, Pads, all I’m going to say is that you’re going to need a lot of time set aside these holidays to do it. I shall reveal no further information at this time!’ Tom smiled, loving the sight of you getting along so well with his family, the ones who meant the most to him along with you.

Nikki had completely fallen for you the first time she’d met you, as did Dom. Your nerves of meeting his parents quickly dissipated as soon as they welcomed you with open arms into their home, and Paddy absolutely adored having an unofficial big sister.

‘Hey, Tom, where’s Haz?’ Sam asked.

‘He’s with his family in Suffolk, mate, he has got other family other than us,’ Tom replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice; if there was anything Tom did better than acting, it was sarcasm. You giggled.

‘Alright, Nikki, that’s it for the potatoes! Anything else you want me to do? I lay a fine table, how about I lay the table?’ Nikki nodded enthusiastically, showing you where the Christmas crackers and festive napkins were kept. You busied yourself by laying the table in its full festive gear, missing Nikki whisper “keep her!” to Tom, and him reply to her “don’t worry, I’m planning on it”.

*

The family was at last sitting round the table, plates piled high with a delicious turkey, roast potatoes, carrots, parsnips, stuffing and all the trimmings of a traditional Christmas lunch.

‘Alright guys, before we tuck in to this delicious meal, I would like to make a toast!’ Tom stood up and raised his glass. ‘As you all know, I introduced you to my wonderful girlfriend Y/N earlier this year, and I would like to make a toast to her for making me the happiest I have ever been. This year has not been easy, with all the Marvel and Disney and Sony drama and then the movie and reshoots and everything. Yet, through all of that, Y/N has been right there by my side, never wavering with her wise words of wisdom and funny jokes and puns. Having her along for the press tour for Far From Home was the best decision of my life, and I am so grateful to have her in my life. I think we can all say that she brings joy to all of our lives.’

‘Hear, hear!’ Dom hollered.

‘Can you hurry up? I’m starving,’ Paddy whined.

‘Alright, pal, I’m done. To Y/N, and many more Christmases with her!’ Everyone raised their glasses in your direction, leaving you blushing beetroot red, before tucking in to their meals.

‘Thanks, babe, but you didn’t need to do that,’ you muttered in a low voice to Tom, who was sat next to you.

‘All of it is true. You are phenomenal.’ You leant in and kissed him gently.

*

Lunch was closely followed by a couple slices of your roulade, which went down a treat with everyone.

Everyone was extremely full, but Paddy (and Sam and Harry, although they didn’t want to admit it) were eager to open their presents, so you all adjourned to the living room, you and Tom on one sofa, Nikki and Dom on a chair each and Sam, Paddy and Harry on the other sofa.

As always, the presents were handed out, and once everyone had all their presents, you all dived in and opened your presents.

‘Oh, Nikki, this is wonderful!’

‘Wow, Paddy, this is great!’

‘Haha, Sam. Very funny!’

You looked down at your lap, all but one of your presents opened; you had received some very nice Chanel perfume from Nikki, a framed picture of you and Tom from Harry that he’d taken, a new book by your favourite author from Dom, a new PS4 game from Paddy (you were a big gamer, all thanks to Tom) and a pair of earrings from Sam (you had assumed that Elysia had helped him picked them out).

‘Go on, babe, open that one!’ Tom encouraged, keeping his voice low. ‘It’s from me.’ You looked at him, a look that said nothing but “no shit!” on your face.

It was a medium-sized rectangular box. You ripped the paper off, opened the box and your jaw dropped.

‘Oh, Tom!’ It was an incredibly expensive and fancy Michael Kors watch, the one you’d seen in Harrods a few weeks prior and immediately swooned over it, but persuaded yourself that you wouldn’t make any extravagant purchases in the weeks leading up to Christmas. ‘Oh, honey, you didn’t!’

‘Oh, but I did. I saw how much you liked it and knew it would be a perfect first Christmas present. Go on, try it on!’ You were acutely aware of the whole family’s attention on the two of you, but as you carefully prised the watch out of its case, it was as if you were the only people in the room. Tom helped you put it on, as the clasp was a bit fiddly, but once it was on, it twinkled slightly in the lights from the Christmas tree opposite you.

‘Oh, Tom, it’s perfect. Thank you so much. And thank you for all of your gifts, they’re wonderful!’ A chorus of “thank yous” and “you’re welcomes” ensued, and you saw Paddy lean in and whisper something in his mother’s ear. She smiled at him and gently pushed him towards you, your gift of an Avengers LEGO in his hands.

‘Hey, Y/N?’ It was the first time you’d seen the young boy, usually so confident and outgoing, this shy and quiet.

‘Yes, Padster?’ Again, Tom found himself gazing at you in adoration. He knew you were always good with kids, but it meant a lot to him that you were so fond of his youngest brother, who was admittedly your favourite Holland brother.

‘Do you think you’d be able to help me with this?’ Your lips curled into a fond smile.

‘That sounds like the perfect Boxing Day activity, little man! We can tackle it tomorrow, what do you say?’ He nodded enthusiastically, and hugged you tightly. ‘Aww, you’re the best, Paddy. Thank you for your gift, it’s just what I needed to spend the rest of the holidays doing!’

After everyone had finished opening their gifts, you and Tom helped Nikki and Dom tidy away all the wrapping paper.

‘Babe, I’m just going into the kitchen to text some of the guys and send them our Christmas wishes, okay?’ Tom murmured in your ear, one arm winding its way around your waist.

‘Sure, babe, say hi to Chris for me, and tell Seb and Anthony I miss them!’ He grinned, kissing your temple.

‘Will do, darling!’ He hurried out of the living room, phone in hand, leaving you to finish putting the last of the wrapping paper into a bin bag with Nikki.

‘It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him this happy and relaxed,’ she remarked. You smiled shyly.

‘He really needed this break. The whole debacle with Marvel and Sony had him incredibly stressed. His face when he got the news that he was back in the game made me cry.’

‘I bet! He wouldn’t have gotten through it if it weren’t for you, I daresay.’ Her comment made you stop and look at her. ‘Believe me, he said it himself. He said something like you keep him saner than anyone he knows. He has Harrison, of course, but having you, someone who isn’t in the industry, offer him a place of solace where he can take his mind off the pressures of being Spider-Man and the “next Robert Downey Jr”, as the internet has called him, is a real gift. We have so much to thank you for, Y/N, really. You’re so special.’ You didn’t quite know what to say, so you just stepped forward to hug her.

‘Thank you, Nikki. You have an incredibly special son, too. He is one of a kind.’ She started laughing.

‘Isn’t that the truth!’

A comfortable silence arose between you, but it was quickly interrupted by Paddy, who came rushing in, begging his mum to put a Christmas movie on. ‘Alright, guys, let’s watch a Christmas movie! Home Alone?’ You and Paddy cheered.

‘I’ll go see where Tom is, he loves Home Alone!’ You excused yourself and went into the kitchen, where you saw Tom on the phone to someone. You felt bad for listening in, but you were curious.

‘…Yeah, she’s fantastic, Rob, she really is. She helped me so much through all this manic stuff with Marvel and Sony … absolutely, the way things are going, she’s the one for me … alright, mate, I’ll let you go and enjoy the day, see you soon, bud … you too, bye!’ Your heart was practically singing.

‘So, you’re on first name terms with Downey, huh?’ You smirked as you strolled into the kitchen. Tom whirled around, surprised, then smiled when he saw it was you.

‘Yep, we go way back, me and him!’ You both laughed, and you wound your arms around his torso as you came close to him.

‘Thank you for bringing me today, I’ve had such a lovely time. Christmas was never really… fun back home, with my stepdad and stuff, so I really appreciate having you guys as my second family.’ He smiled, thinking how he ever got so lucky.

‘I think I speak for the entirety of my family when I say that you are always welcome here, and if things ever go south at home, my bed can always fit two.’ He winked.

‘Is that so?’ Your eyes met his, and as your lips met in a sweet kiss, you heard a camera click. Breaking apart, you saw Harry in the doorway, face bright red as his arms fell to his sides.

‘Sorry, guys, I just wanted to try out my new lens! As you were…’ Both you and Tom started laughing as he backed away sheepishly.

‘Hey, Harry!’ You called out.

‘Yeah?!’

‘Send me that pic?’ Tom laughed harder, resting his head on your shoulder.

‘Will do.’ You turned back to face Tom, who was gazing at you in complete adoration.

‘The family are watching Home Alone in the living room, let’s go watch!’ You tried to walk away, but Tom grabbed you and pulled you close.

‘I just want us to be alone for just a few minutes more…’ His arms pulled you into his chest, and you breathed in his warm, earthy scent. ‘I love you, Y/N. You make me so happy.’ Your heart swelled.

‘And I love you too, Tommy. Come on, let’s go watch the movie.’ You took his hand and led him into the living room, where you sat on his lap as you and the rest of the family watched the movie in comfortable silence.

By the time Kevin was reunited with his family, your extended family was all asleep, sleeping away another magical Christmas Day.

[myassbrokethefall]

X-Files Orientation Programming: Season 11

August, 2017

Welcome back to Vancouver, everyone! It feels like we just did this two years ago. Haha! Listen, I know this feels a little more old hat this time, but we still want to get you back into the swing of things, so we’ve planned a comprehensive two-day program that we hope you will all find interesting, informative -- and fun! The truth is out there, everybody!

Please enjoy your official orientation tote bag with David Duchovny's 5th-grade school picture on it and no other information, which includes:

Dog costumes of varying sizes for all your dog costuming needs

Unmarked baggie of (probably) granola

Single flip-flop once worn by Gillian Anderson (signed)

Copy of that book WBD wrote where he complains about everybody

Piece of gum that was in someone's mouth but is still perfectly good

Anonymous note reading "Are you good at resolving cliffhangers? Can you write really fast? Meet behind the dumpster at dawn"

Stunt bee that will lurk in the bag until you open it and then sting you and then receive a hefty union salary because it has a great agent

DVD of The Crown

Coupon for one (1) personal acoustic concert by David Duchovny ($30,000 value)

Brownie

DAY 1

Breakfast: The old crepe truck

Morning Warm-Up! Presenter: Mitch Pileggi Hey, everyone!!! Welcome back to set! I don't know about you, but I am PUMPED to be here doing another season of X-Files! Too bad Skinner can't get promoted, haha! You can blame Mulder and Scully for that one. This program will get your heart pumping and your toes tapping with excitement for getting the season underway! Expect lots of icebreaker games. Do you see several cartons of pipe cleaners? Evil chuckle! Get psyched!

I'm Not Touching This Presenter: Frank Spotnitz Sorry, guys. I'm not touching this. Sorry. I just wanted to let you know. I brought a movie we can watch though. It's The Karate Kid! Let's all watch it together.

Mid-morning snack: Apple that was thrown into someone’s boob

Is This A Meme? Presenter: David Duchovny "Zeitgeist Icon" David "Jazz Panda" Duchovny, star of Fox Television's monster hit "THE X-FILES," plays the brilliant and sullen FBI agent Fox Mulder, hero to millions and millions of self-proclaimed "X-Philes," who still spend their Sunday nights wide-eyed in anticipation just in case. He will look at things and tell you whether it is a meme. It probably is. Bonus content: If there's time at the end, he will tell you whether something is a podcast.

Workshop: Remedial Driving Topics covered in this lightly mandatory “refresher" course will include parallel parking, reaching the trunk hatch when it's very high, and how to recognize obvious, huge poles when they are literally right in front of your face. Neck braces recommended for all participants.

Lunch: Hot dogs (Not so fast, Michael Bublé)

I HAVE SO MANY GREAT IDEAS OMG I HAVE SO MANY Presenter: Bryan Fuller The presentation will cover whatever Bryan Fuller is extremely enthusiastic about at that moment, he just loves life, okay

Please Don't Call Me A Hero, I Just Wanted To Eat The Peanut Butter, Anyone Would Have Done The Same Presenter: Brick Duchovny, noted philanthropist

Mid-afternoon snack: Lozenges. Take as many as you need.

Jesus, We Tried Presenters: The people who made the Season 10 Scully wig That thing took a lot of work. Just saying.

Directing Seminar/Fun Rap Session Presenter: Todd Johnson Todd Johnson is an accomplished television writer and director who exists and has a lot of convincingly documented experience writing and directing television, specifically television very much like The X-Files. He is definitely not Matthew Rhys in a wig and mustache who has been planted by the fandom to secretly film fanfiction after Chris Carter has been lured away by a spirit. He will discuss his non-frightening, normal ideas for directing an X-Files episode, in which he will not rock the boat or upset anyone or disturb the perfectly orchestrated clockwork masterpiece that is the show’s continuing plot. Come to be reassured that nothing will change; stay for Todd Johnson's cool, relatable, spontaneous stories about being a regular Joe that you will find all check out if you care to look into it at all for any reason.

Dinner: That place, what was the name of it again? You know! The place with that fish thing! That guy Roger worked there? With the tattoos? Oh, it closed in 2002? Oh well.

Evening Activity: Group Episode Commentary Everyone gets mic'd up and then sits together and watches the episode in silence. ...Is that a gold car?? HAHA! A gold car! Now I've seen everything.

PUBLIC PROGRAMMING

Offered concurrently on Day 1. Tickets: $600

Things That You Want From A New Season Of The X-Files (Surprise: It’s Not What You Think!) Presenters: 1013 staff

How To Lure Someone Into the Woods Using Your Mystical Powers In Order To Accomplish Your Elaborate, Nefarious Agenda Presenter: The Spirit Nimue

You Are All Awful, And They Can Never Know About Any Of This Presenters: David and Gillian's social media people

DAY 2

Breakfast: Edible arrangement sent by Vince Gilligan. Accompanying note: Hi, guys!!!!! I hope you have a terrific season! I wish so much I could be there with you all. Unfortunately I have an emergency months-long business conference in Guam. Bummer!!! But I know you will all do great and I hope you enjoy this fun, tasty, nutritious fruit bouquet. You all have a standing invitation to come visit the Better Call Saul set anytime! Love always, Vince

How To Make Millions When Your Celebrity Friend Expresses A Vague Wish To Maybe Do Something Presenter: Brad Davidson

Salary Negotiation: Tips and Tricks Presenter: Gillian Anderson Such as: how to wait until they offer your male co-star something non-insulting and then say you’ll have whatever they’re giving him. Because, like, they’re not going to make the show without you, are they? Honestly. It’s 2017, folks. If time and progress towards the frustratingly torpid but necessary reshaping of societal norms permit, there will also be a survey of the fuzziest, softest caterpillars of the Pacific Northwest and also inchworms. Caterpillar assistant: Nelson Anderson

Mid-morning snack: Chili chocolate

Abject Panicking: When You Have To Write Another Whole Episode And You Don't Have Any More Old Drafts Of Things, Shit Shit Shit Presenter: Darin Morgan

Workshop: Physical Performance For The Infirm Are you over 45? Injury-prone? Tend to overdo it on the sports? Not good at checking how deep the pool is before you jump into it? Come to this required (for some attendees) session that will cover the basics of not hurting yourself while going down stairs and tips for running through a forest with various limb injuries. Don't forget your glasses! (Seriously, if you do not complete this course, insurance will not let us film.)

Lunch: Juice

Multitasking: How To Write A Script While Directing A Different Script At The Same Time Presenter: Chris Carter Did you know that it's perfectly possible to write an episode script in 5 hours while simultaneously directing another episode? Even a complicated cliffhanger that serves as the capstone to the triumphant, hard-won and much-heralded return of your iconic sci-fi series upon which the hopes and expectations of every major critic, an entire network, and millions and millions of self-proclaimed "X-Philes" ride? Well, it is! In fact, it's the only way to do things. Really, it's the only way and you should never try doing it any other way because why would you? Presentation details TK

I Did Not Fuck Mrs. Butterworth: A Rebuttal Presenter: The guy that fucked Mrs. Butterworth Arcadia garbage monster

Mid-afternoon snack: Ham sandwiches, served by someone dressed as a ham sandwich. Hilarious!!! Don't forget to take a picture and post it on Tumblr!

PowerPoint Presentation That Consists Of Nothing But Slide After Slide Of The Closed-Eyes Emoji Presenter: Gennifer Hutchison

Dealing With Vancouver Moistness Presenters: Original X-Files hair designers An instructive seminar about blowdrying the frizz out of people's hair as efficiently as possible so other people on set don't emotionally freeze them out for 6 years. 

Dinner: Whoever will deliver at 2:30 in the morning

Evening Activity: Sleep Enjoy it while you can!

Quick reminder: Brad is a WRITER now. Please don’t ask him to get you a coffee.

THANK YOU ALL AND LET’S HAVE A GREAT SEASON! 👽💋☂️