#i think he only finally relaxes once they all hammer out the im not gonna fucking murder you shit & it's the three of them so he knows

[intertexts]

OKAY NHW THOUGHTS. SUFFER WITH ME !!!!

having a lot of thoughts and feelings as always about how virion sees himself as the one who has to be strong, who has to be the one to protect the other two . dakota may have had his powers for longer, but virion has more field experience. he's been trained how to fight his whole life. his family prepared him for this since the day he could stand on his own two feet. it's so deeply ingrained into him, he knows the ins and outs of cape politics, and while he may be an outsider in new haven he had plenty of experience in fauna and how much different can the two cities really be? I feel like he's faaaar less trustful of the heroes, can kind of see through their bullshit when it happens, but he doesn't make a move because now he has a team, now he has people he loves again, and he would do anything to keep them safe even if that means putting up with bureaucratic nonsense. he's got that vigilante blood in him!!! idk how long he was on his own but even if it was as short as a few months that's still PLENTY of time to pick up terrible habits in the name of keeping on his toes, keeping himself safe. gotta keep moving constantly. can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, and the sleep he does get is VERY light. only ever wearing dark clothes and covering his face even out of costume. constantly keeping at least one concealed weapon on him. being SO hyperaware of any sound or sudden movement in the general vicinity. when hes with the other two he always places himself in the middle between them so he can easily grab both of them if he needs to. maybe walking a half step behind them to watch their backs. always situates himself with clear view of any doors/windows whenever theyre in an enclosed space. etc etc you see my vision!!!!!

im just thinking abt like... the first time william and dakota see him Without All That Tension. he probably looks like a totally different person! the whole time they've known him he's been this stoic quiet intimidating presence, he always stays awake longer than either of them so they've never seen him sleep. after one too many all-nighter volunteer patrols he passes on pizza for dinner and gets home before either of them. when they walk in later (leftover pizza for him ofc) and see him passed out fast asleep on the couch it almost takes them a second to recognize him . who is this.. soft faced *boy* curled up in a loose ball facing the door in their living room!! what if this is where williams crush really kicks in and becomes Real- he desperately wants to be able to make virion comfortable enough around him to make him look like that again. william is just frozen in the doorway staring at him, studying him, trying to commit the whole scene to memory, so dakota is the one who steps forward to put a blanket over him. virion wakes up IMMEDIATELY at this and the moment is kind of broken and he thanks them for the pizza and everything's back to normal but now they KNOW. do you SEE my vision here.

I hope ur malaise is a little better sorry this took me like an hour and a half to type i had 2 keep pausing bc I was getting emotional thinking about them auaghaguyghh

ohh having so many emotions about him.... yeah..... yeah..... the cape world is all he's ever known! of course he's more experienced, cynical, knows the procedures and conventions and lies better than they do. he's maybe the only one of them who's killed before. i think it fucks him UP to realize he loves william & dakota. how can he trust them? he does, he can't choose not to, but i think he's very scared for a very long time that they're going to betray him like his father betrayed his friends. "they sound like they really mean it" yeah well. so did his dad!! honestly i think it's a kind of let it happen situation. he thinks about it for a while and goes well. it's not like i have anything else. this, right now, is nice, so if i end up dead in my sleep about it? whatever. i like them. they're allowed. he's constantly waiting in the back of his mind for the cold gun to the back of his head while theyre hugging or a knife to his throat on the couch during a movie or for them to detour into a dark alley while they're walking somewhere. and it takes a very long time for him to lose this mindset. it would fuck the other two UP if they knew but he's very good at hiding it, both the fear & the decision to just let them do it, if they want to. virion sol willing vulnerability looks like anyone else's efficient dangerous capability and hypervigilance. (i think they Should find out that their best friend is always waiting for them to kill him. that would be a lot.)

anyway. distracted!! in my mind he was a rogue for at least, like, around a year. so much time for bad habits to sink in! the thing ive been thinking about is like, he never really had to be subtle? he's so good at disappearing into nowhere & being a sneaky ass creep on the job, he's alright at lying and social engineering if there was a situation where it was necessary, but he never like... had a civilian life! to him it was fine if he was mostly perceived as a thug or a contractor or just as suspicious as "deftly moving masked figure in black checking all the entrances to the coffee shop as he sits down or buying zip ties and gorilla tape and kerosene at lowes" implies. so like i think their manager or boss or handler has to go "hey dude you need to like. Not be walking exactly a step behind your friends checking your surroundings wherever u go. please stop moving like you're getting ready for a fight. it directs so much attention to u u are in high school ur supposed to be a kid ur setting off so many red flags!"& he doesn't really get it. and it's a thing.

ill over everything ur saying here btw!!!! actually fucked up over them seeing him without all those walls and facades & constant tension!! oh christ!! he's so intimidating even when he's not trying and knows so much and is so good at what they do-- he's. actually their age? he's really just some teenager like them? the crackling anxiety and hypervigilance aren't, just, like, part of him? all the tense lines and angles of him soften into just-- something normal and loose and comfortable?? that fic when???