#i think duncan is a very masculine figure but there's nothing particularly toxic about it. hes not aggressive and hes smart and hes not...

[oathes]

Talk abt !!! Alistair and masculinity !!! How was his understanding of manhood shaped during his youth, and how has it changed from his youth to Origins, and from there to Inquisition? (Talk 2 me abt the softest man in Thedas!!!)

send me a topic to write meta about my muse

ohhhh boy he’s just. he doesn’t KNOW what masculinity is? like he does, but it’s not something to emulate as is common in many parental units. like he doesn’t see it. everything is too big and too beyond his understanding. he’s just a boy. he plays with other boys, and they can be rough, and he can be rough with them in playfighting or what have you, and that’s it. he doesn’t really have father figures with which to look up to (maybe a bit of teagan who is a pretty understanding man, to be fair). he plays with toys. dolls sometimes. he’s a stableboy, so i guess he could look up to horsemaster dennet somewhat. but by and large adults don’t treat him nicely. and before he knows it he’s sent to the monastery.

and the monastery is the same. less adults to try to emulate behavior. more sisters trying to instill in him these chantry beliefs. he doesn’t go with that. he lashes out. he screams. he cries. the other boys tell him to toughen up. that’s probably one of the earlier examples of him and feeling openly. (and he misses sleeping with the dogs! softer than these hard beds and these rude boys, he probably thinks.) 

the first real good figure him is duncan. the kind of person who looks to see goodness in people. duncan saves him, really. saves him from the deep dark pit that is the templars, and he feels very grateful for that. he thinks duncan’s a good man. and he strives to emulate that. and duncan doesn’t tell alistair he has to hide emotions. which is something alistair thinks about sometimes, but he’s more. shrug. he has feelings, why should he hide it? what’s the point? why do some people feel the need to hide it? if i’m sad, i’m going to cry. if i’m angry, i’m going to yell. is that so wrong? etc. so duncan reinforces that, and alistair is absolutely FINE with that. another reason he loves duncan like a father. 

by and large, the concept of “behaving like a man” is lost on him. he’s a man. whatever he does is behaving like a man already. but his behavior is very much in line with what is considered traditionally feminine behavior, and he’s fine with that. he’s very emotional. he wears his heart on his sleeve, especially around origins. he loves with all his heart. he mourns duncan freely (and he’s only embarrassed because it’s crying and he doesn’t want to burden the warden). he hates loghain with everything in his heart. and there’s that dialogue about being okay with not steeling himself, because he’s okay with being a little soft, and that’s okay. it’s just who he is.

inquisition is a whole other story because he’s grown a little older and a little more world-weary. he’s lost many friends to the blight, to the taint, to darkspawn. to politics. to corruption. to unjust leaders. he acknowledges he’s probably going to die eventually but, especially in cases of a warden Love, he’s going to believe in them. he’s a lot quieter, more stoic. but that’s not due to any masculine figure and just… growing tired. he’s still very much a loving person. (he isn’t angry at the wardens for having misguided beliefs in inquisition for example. still by and large his family. it just hurts him. deeply.) but he’s depressed. and the effects of the calling – false or not – scare the living daylight out of him, even though he doesn’t talk about it. to people he knows, he’ll be open about feelings again. probably tiredly flippant about certain things, but largely still emotional. just more withdrawn. and awfully cynical and exhausted with the world. but still a firm believer in things that are near to his heart.