#i swear i know i shouldn't have forgiven him cause he still hasnt apologized I just started to talk to him again and just pretend
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#it kinda sucks having this feeling of wanting to talk to someone specifically#but you know you arent in good terms with them anymore and still find yourself wanting to tell them things that has happened#and ask what they been up to and whats been up#it just sucks feeling like im not welcomed ? if that makes sense.#i think i should just remove them as a friend on Snapchat and Instagram but it doesnt feel good hoovering over it#like i really do miss them but i messed up our whole friendship while going through some things i didn't tell them about#im sure to them i like changed out of nowhere and just became pessimistic#but in reality i was missing my old house and the memories came back with my two dogs that passed away#and how i took care of Scooby while he was suffering from seizures for him to die on Easter Sunday#while i was away hurt me so much i really blame myself so much for my dog dying.. he died laying next to my bed..#i remember when he first had a seizure i held him and rubbed his back to try and calm him down i was so scared i was going to lose him#then the whole niece's calling me a loser.. really hurt me so much i really just felt like everyone just was better without me around#and i could tell they weren't really in the mood to talk to me anymore so it was better for them i suppose#it just honestly sucks cause i see there name on Snapchat and some times i want to just be like yoooo whats up punk how you been#but its been months since we last spoke. they didn't even tell me happy birthday either. so i know they dont think of me or care about me#yet i can kick it off me i just hope they're having a great life honestly#i can't lie i drive to my old house to see how the new houses they're building looks and its just so depressing#then the whole thing with a other friend telling me to do it when i told him i think my depression was coming back#and i had been thinking of trying again and they straight up told me don't talk about it to me unless you're going to do it#i swear i know i shouldn't have forgiven him cause he still hasnt apologized I just started to talk to him again and just pretend#he never said those things to me i just felt like if i didnt forgive him my whole friend group is going to shatter#hes friends with both of my friends heck he was friends with them before i was there friend and i never wanted to put them ina situation#i never wanted my friends to feel like they had to pick who to be friends and i never asked them to pick cause its not right#but then i started to realize how more often my friends David and ryan were joining my parties more than his or maybe he just didnt get on#but idk it just felt so wrong so i just decided to join a party invite to our old group on ps4 and when he said he got hurt#i didn't think of what he said to me that day i was just concerned about his well being and unblocked him and we started to talk again#so far he hasnt had a good apology cause im sorry i shouldn't have said it doesnt cut it but i still forgave em for the sake of our friends#..#anyways i need yo try and sleep#personal
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