#i swear i have a gaydar until it comes to girls i'm attracted to
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d1anna · 2 years ago
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@ PRETTY BALLET GIRL! DO YOU LIKE GIRLS???? LIKE ME?????
#i saw her backstage after we performed and i could have stood next to her but i was like.......#i am not worthy............ i'll stand in the corner even though there's space </3#like literally i looked up her name to find her instagram#i found her linkedin instead and she's a biomedical engineering major and working at this major tech company (like WORKING not INTERNING)#she's so accomplished 😭😭 simultaneously envious and in awe and in love ok...…#on a slightly different note i haven't had a crush like this on a girl in a while#i always try to suppress my crushes on girls because i always feel like i'm being (internalized) creepy (homophobia)#like even backstage today it was all girls and some of them were changing and i was like looking everywhere but where#people were standing#i felt so self-conscious … like i always get scared that someone will notice my...…..gayness lol#also like her staring at me while she was dancing and like stealing glances at me every now and then made me feel even more self-conscious#i swear i have a gaydar until it comes to girls i'm attracted to#I JUST DON'T WANT TO ASSUME AND LIKE........MAKE TROUBLE YOU KNOW (INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA ALERT!!!!!!!!!)#having crushes on boys is so much easier because i typically don't care for them as much lol#it's hard to explain but i find guys physically attractive but i rarely find them actually romantically attractive#most of the time the prospect of being in an actual REAL relationship with men repulses me or at the very least gives me indigestion#i don't know............ anyway i'm kind of on a sugar high from one (ONE) cookie that i ate after dinner#it was really good but i had two yesterday as well and it gave me a bad sugar crash after my parents and i went to this park#knocked out for two hours after we got back to our hotel#and then we went to this venezuelan restaurant and it was AMAZING#i had an arepa and an empanada con queso with fosforera soup (gorgeous)#i want more it was so good#so sad i have to go back to my rotation of the same four meals now that my parents have gone back home lol#dianna.moon#also i could have broken up this post instead of writing everything in the tags but i do what i want
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