#i swear 'at least' even with its flaws continues to be a great episode in my eyes just because of how compelling his plot is in it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gascon-en-exil · 4 years ago

Text

A Game of Thrones 10th Anniversary Season Ranking: Part 2

Link to Part 1

Time for the bottom half of the list. The four seasons here will surprise no one, but the order might.

#5 Season 6

You can tell what I most what to talk about here...but there's an order to these things.

S6 actually has a bunch of great ideas, but they drown beneath the most slapdash plotting and character work the show has seen yet in order to set the stage for the narrower conflicts of the last two seasons. It's notorious for bringing back characters who haven't been seen in a season or longer only to kill them off (Balon Greyjoy, Osha, Hodor, the Blackfish, Rickon, Walder Frey) or awkwardly graft them back into the main plot (Sandor Clegane, Bran). There are plot threads that ought to be compelling but are too rushed in execution, like the siege of Riverrun, Littlefinger's hand in the Battle of the Bastards, or Daenerys's time back among the Dothraki and then finally getting the hell out of Meereen. Arya hits on the only interesting part of her two-season sojourn in Braavos - a stage play, of all things - only for it to stumble at the end with a disappointing offscreen death and some incomprehensible philosophy ahead of the start of her murder tour of Westeros. There's also so much cutting off the branches, enough to be conspicuous; the final shot of Daenerys leading an armada of about half the remaining cast she assembled partially offscreen says that better than anything else. Well, not anything....

Highlight: Without exaggeration, the opening of S6E10 is easily my favorite sequence in all of GoT. The staging, the music, the mounting suspense even as it becomes increasingly obvious what's about to happen, the twisted religious references particularly in Cersei's mock confession to Unella, Tommen throwing himself out a window because he can't deal with the reality of how terrible his mother is, how Cersei gives absolutely no fucks whatsoever about murdering hundreds of people at once in a calculated act of vengeance largely prompted by her own poorly thought out actions - I love it all. It's the single most masterfully-executed act of villainy in the whole show - Daenerys torching King's Landing probably has a higher body count, but the presentation there is all muddled - and if I had any doubts about Cersei being my favorite multi-season major character they were silenced in this moment. The explosion of the Sept doesn't sit perfectly with me, because I liked the Tyrells and because of what I said about deaths like theirs and Renly's in the previous post under S2, but I think that unease only cements the strength of this sequence. It's an overused phrase in fandom these days, but GoT at its best is all about moral greyness that gives its audience room for multilayered reactions. Cersei nuking the Sept and making herself the sole power in King's Landing, which in a sense is just a more overt example of the kind of character/plot consolidation elsewhere represented by Daenerys's armada, is one of those events that's impossible to approach from a single angle if you care about any of the characters involved. And hey, it's not in the books (yet, presumably), so unlike Ned's death or the Red Wedding the GoT showrunners can take the credit for realizing this one.

Favorite death: Even leaving aside the Sept and related deaths there's a lot of good ones to choose from in S6. Ramsey is cathartic but too gory for me, Osha's was a clever callback but a little delayed, it's hard to pin down specific deaths when Daenerys incinerates the khals, and Arya only gets half credit for Walder Frey and his sons when she saves the rest of the house for the opening of S7. I'm thinking Hodor, not so much because I enjoy his character or the manner of his death but because it's a clever bit of playing with language (that must have been hell to render in other languages for dubbing) wrapped up in some entertainingly murky consent issues and some closed time loop weirdness. It's all very...extra? Is that the word for it?

Least favorite death: Offscreen deaths continue to be mostly letdowns, in this case Blackfish and the Waif. Way to botch the ending of Arya's already near-pointless Braavos arc, guys. Speaking of Arya, this spot goes to Lady Crane, whom the Waif somehow kills with a stool or something. It's a dumb way to send off an entertaining minor character.

#6 Season 8

I swear that I'm not putting S8 this high solely because of Jonmund kind of sort of happening. I've never been very interested in either of them and the sex would be far too bear-on-otter to suit my pornographic preferences, but even so the choice to close out the series with them is hilarious.

I really don't need to elaborate on why S8 is down here; everyone who's ever watched the show has done as much in the nearly two years since it wrapped up. I do however need to explain why I've ranked not one but two seasons below it. My biggest argument here is that I don't believe it's fair to critique S8 for problems it inherited from earlier seasons. A non-comprehensive list:

Mad Queen Daenerys: unevenly built up beginning from S1 and continuing in some form through every following season

The questionable racial optics of Dany's army: also seeded as early as S1 and solidified by S3 with the Slaver's Bay arc

Cersei only succeeding because she makes stupid decisions and then lucks out until she doesn't: apparent from S1, directly lampshaded by Tywin in S3, fully on display with the Faith Militant arc of S5-6

Jaime not getting a redemption arc or falling in love with Brienne: evident with his repeated returns to Cersei throughout the show as one of the most consistent elements of his character, particularly in S4 and during the siege of Riverrun in S6

Tyrion grabbing the idiot ball/becoming a flat audience surrogate mouthpiece: started in S5 around the time the showrunners ran out of book material for him and wanted to make him more of a PoV character and his arc less of a downward spiral, although I've seen arguments that changes from the books involving his Tysha story and Shae set him on this trajectory even earlier

The hardening of Sansa's character: began in earnest in S4 and never let up from there

The strange ordering of antagonists: set down by S7's equally strange plot structure - the Night King had to come first with that setup

CleganeBowl and the dumber twists: from what I've heard the whole thing of writing around fans on the internet guessing plot twists started pretty much when the book content ended, so S5-6 maybe?

Yes, there's plenty to criticize about S8 on its own merits...but just as much that was merely the writers doing what they could at that point with deeply flawed material.

Highlight: This may sound cheesy, but the better parts of S8 are almost all the cinematic ones, whether that's E2 being a bottle episode with tons of poignant character send-offs before the big battle, a handful of deaths with actual satisfying weight like Jorah's and Theon's, and an epilogue that incorporates both closure for individuals and the broader uncertainty of messy socio-political systems that GoT has always been known for before working its way back to the Starks at the very end for some tidy bookending. Even imperfect moments like the Lannister twins' death and the resolution of Sansa's character felt weighty and appropriate based on what had come before.

Favorite death: Forget about the audio commentary attempting to flatten Cersei's character; Cersei and Jaime Lannister have an excellent end. Cersei especially, as the scenes of her stumbling her way down into the catacombs as the Red Keep crashes down around her really show off how her world is abruptly falling apart and how she retreats into her own self-interest at the end in spite of her demise being at least partially of her own doing. There's some stupid moments associated with these scenes, like Jaime dueling Euron to the death and CleganeBowl, but I can excuse those when the twins end up dying exactly where you'd expect them to: in each other's arms, in a ruined monument to their family's grand ambitions that, like Casterly Rock itself, was taken from another family.

Least favorite death: Quite a few dumb ones in S8 have become forever infamous. Missandei sticks out, and for me Varys too just as much because of how the writing pushes him to do the dumbest thing he could possibly do purely for the sake of killing him off ten minutes into the penultimate episode. But no one belongs here more than Daenerys Targaryen, killed at the height of a rushed and uncertain villain reveal by a man who takes advantage of their romantic history (who is also her family, because Targaryens) to stab her in a moment of vulnerability - pretty much only because another man tells him that Daenerys is the final boss. Narratively speaking that might be the case, but even so this is the end result of multiple seasons of middling-to-bad buildup. Not even Drogon burning the symbolism can salvage that. Also Fire Emblem: Three Houses did this scene and did it better.

#7 Season 5

...Yeah, we're going to have to go there.

Sansa's rape is not a plot point that personally touches me much. It's terribly framed in the moment and the followup in later seasons is inconsistent at best, but it's not a kind of trauma I can relate to. On the other hand, in the very same episode Loras is tried and imprisoned for homosexuality, and Margery faces the same punishment for lying for her brother. That hits much closer to home, not just for the homophobia but also for the culture war undertones of the not!French Tyrells persecuted by a not!Anglo fanatic who later reveals himself to be the in-universe equivalent of a Protestant. The trial is just one part of Cersei's shortsighted scheming, just as Sansa being married off to Ramsey is part of Littlefinger's, and both of them get their comeuppance in the end...but it's unsettling all the same. I especially hate what the Faith Militant arc does to King's Landing in S5, swiftly converting it from my favorite setting in GoT to a tense theocratic nightmare that only remains interesting to me because Cersei is consistently awesome. What's more, pretty much everything about S5 that isn't viscerally uncomfortable is dragged out and dull instead: the Dorne arc, Daenerys's second season in Meereen, Arya in Braavos, Stannis and co. at Castle Black. The most any of these storylines can hope for is some kind of bombastic finale, and while several of them deliver it's not enough to make up for what comes before, or how disappointing everything here builds from S4. S4 has Oberyn, S5 has the Sand Snakes - I think that sums up the contrast well.

Highlight: S5 does get stronger near the end. As much as his character annoys me I did like the High Sparrow revealing his pseudo-Protestant bent to Cersei just before he imprisons her, and there's a cathartic rawness to Cersei's walk of atonement where you can both feel her pain and humiliation and understand that she's getting exactly what she deserves (and this is what leads into the climax of S6, so it deserves points just for that). The swiftness of Stannis's fall renders his death and that of his family a bit hollow, but it's brutal and final and fittingly ignominious for a character with such grand ambitions but so little relevance to the larger story. The fighting pits of Meereen sequence is cinematic if nothing else, and even the resolution to the Dorne arc salvages the whole thing a tiny bit by playing into the retributive cycles of vengeance idea (and Myrcella knows about the twincest and doesn't care, aww - no idea why that stuck with me, but it's cute all the same). Oh, and Hardhome...it's alright. Not great, not crap, but alright.

Favorite death: I don't know why, but Theon tossing Myranda to her death is always funny to me. Maybe because it's so unexpected?

Least favorite death: Arya's execution of Meryn Trant is meant to be another one of the season's big finale moments, but the scene is graphic and goes on forever and I can't help but be grossed out. This is different from, say, Shireen's death, which is supposed to be painful to witness.

#8 Season 7

I can't tell if S7's low ranking is as self-explanatory as S8's or not. At least one recent retrospective on GoT's ruined legacy I've come across outright asserts that S7 is judged less harshly in light of how bad S8 was. If it were not immediately obvious by where I've placed each of them, I don't share that opinion.

Because S7 is just a mess, and the drop-off in quality is so much more painful here than it is anywhere else in the series except maybe from S4 to S5 (and that's more about S4 being as good as it is). The pacing ramps up to uncomfortable levels to match the shortened seasons, the structure pivots awkwardly halfway through from Daenerys vs. Cersei to Jon/Dany caring about ice zombies, said pivot relies largely on characters (mostly Tyrion) making a series of catastrophically stupid tactical decisions, and very few of the smaller set pieces land with any real impact as the show's focus narrows to its endgame conflict. As with S6 there are still some good ideas, but they're botched in execution. The conflict between Sansa and Arya matches their characters, but the leadup to that conflict ending with Littlefinger's execution is missing some key steps. Daenerys's diverse armada pitted against Cersei weaponizing the xenophobia of the people of King's Landing could have been interesting, but there's little room to explore that when Cersei keeps winning only because Tyrion has such a firm grip on the idiot ball and when Euron gets so much screentime he barely warrants. Speaking of Tyrion's idiot ball, does anyone like the heist film-esque ice zombie retrieval plotline? Its stupidity is matched only by its utter futility, because Cersei isn't trustworthy and nobody seems to ever get that.

And how could I forget Sam's shit montage? Sums up S7 perfectly, really. To think that that is part of the only extended length of time the show ever spends in the Reach....

Highlight: A handful of character moments save this season from being irredeemable garbage. As you can guess from my screencap choice, Olenna's final scene is one of them, even if Highgarden itself is given insultingly short shrift. S7 also manages what I thought was previously impossible in that it makes me care somewhat about Ellaria Sand, courtesy of the awful death Cersei plans for her and her remaining daughter. The other Sand Snakes are killed with their own weapons, which shows off Euron's demented creativity if nothing else. I like the entertainingly twisted choice to cut the Jon/Dany sex scene with the reveal that they're related. And, uh...the Jonmund ship tease kind of makes the zombie retrieval team bearable? I'm really grasping at straws here.

Favorite death: It's more about her final dialogue with Jaime than her actual death, but again I'm going to have to highlight Olenna Tyrell here for lack of better options. She drops the bombshell about Joffrey that the audience figured out almost as soon as it happened but still, makes it plain what I've been saying about how Jaime's arc has never really been about redemption, and is just about the only person to ever call Cersei out for that whole mass murder thing. There's a reason "I want her to know it was me" became a meme format.

Least favorite death: There aren't any glaringly bad deaths in S7, just mediocre or unremarkable ones. I still think the decision to have Arya finish off House Frey in the season's opening rather than along with their father at the end of S6 was a strange one that doesn't add much of dramatic value.

#Game of Thrones #GoT

4 notes · View notes

my-happy-little-bean · 5 years ago

Text

Constellation Observations

pairing: logince (woah bean isn’t writing logicality what’s this–) warnings: mild swearing, insecurity, talks of burn out, allusions to a depressive episode words: 3456

summary: Logan begins to write a series of observations to learn more about Roman; and as he does, he grows to understand his universe (and perhaps falls in love with it too).

a/n - somehow, reading stuff by @sign-from-god-complex inspired me to go out of my comfort zone and write some logince fluff. it’s not the most revolutionary logince content out there, but it out here :p plus i wrote this whilst lying down in my backyard again so consider this my way of giving you a piece of my good day :”) also i am still trying to figure out the next golden slumbers chapter so i needed to give my brain a break :pp

enjoy!

[read on ao3~]

---

Observation #1: Roman always picks at the grass in the Imagination, even if he is the one who grows it. Reasons for the needless destruction of his own creation remain unclear at the moment.

Perhaps it was because he was exhausted beyond belief, but Logan just couldn’t stop staring at Roman.

Logan had his notebook in his lap like he always did; though this time, he was sitting on the grass of the Imagination, not in his desk chair. It was late at night as well, maybe 2:30 AM. However, the stars in the sky flickered in a way that made Logan believe in the possibility of a timeless day.

It did not surprise Logan that he was still awake, given all the work that had to be completed. Thomas’ work schedule for the week was impacted by a rather unwelcome last-minute change, so Logan, of course, had to take a figurative evening shift.

What surprised Logan was that Roman was awake too.

It seemed as though it was going to be a sleepless night for both of them. Roman brushed off his presence in front of the coffee machine as nothing; a mere necessity in light of the new change. Though in hindsight, Logan knew more. The shift in schedule was a result of a production issue, which meant that the idea had to be re-worked. So of course Roman would be awake.

Roman, ever so kind of him, hence decided that Logan’s presence in the kitchen was a ‘sign from the heavens’ that he needed company (when really, it was just the result of Logan needing a refill). He then brewed coffee for the both of them and invited Logan to spend the night in the Imagination.

Logan would never admit it, but he was always intrigued by the Imagination. It was almost like Roman’s secluded workplace, separate from the Mind Palace and the rest of the sides. Not many of them ever really thought it was worth the visit; after all, they all had their own responsibilities, and the Imagination was simply Roman’s. However, Logan’s curiosity couldn’t help but lunge at any opportunity to visit; and while he knew none of it was real, he always left feeling rather awakened and alive.

So that was how he found himself sitting on a grassy hill in the Imagination, with Roman beside him, lying down on his stomach with his elbows propping him up slightly. Logan hadn’t touched his notebook in what felt like hours, only lifting it to mask a yawn. Roman, however, appeared to be busy picking at the grass below him.

“Do you have nothing productive to be doing right now?” Logan said, breaking the silence between the two. “Thomas needs a new idea before his friends arrive in the afternoon for shooting the revised takes of his video.” A pause. Logan added hesitantly, “I believe I cannot continue without your final verdict.”

“Aww, you can just say you need me, Erlenmeyer trash!” Roman said in a pouty voice; one that made Logan tear his eyes away from the dramatic sight. Determined to be seen, he rolled over onto Logan’s lap, flinging his hand onto his forehead. “Just say that you need me like one needs the air above – that you need me like one needs the ocean and all that it bears– Logan! Just tell me you can’t live without me!”

A beat of, quite frankly, unapproved silence. Logan just scoffed.

“That is obviously not the case.”

Roman rolled his eyes, but kept his energy steady.

“Anyway, I’m workin’ on it!” he exclaimed defensively, yet Logan couldn’t find it in himself to believe him. After all, Roman wasn’t even looking at him.

Instead, he rolled over to a patch of grass further away from Logan, landing in the same position as before. He then lowered himself ever-so-slightly, the grass nearly grazing his nose, before slowly plucking an individual piece of grass from the ground.

Logan sighed. “Roman, I do not see how your inefficient gardening tactics reflect that you are ‘working on it’.”

Roman looked up at him dramatically, his eyes narrowing at him.

“I’m rewiring his brain, Logan.”

Logan placed the blame for what happened next entirely on his sleep-deprivation. He blinked, the words registering in his mind. Roman, not breaking eye contact with Logan, then placed the single strand of grass in a patch not too far away from where it originally grew. Logan watched in some kind of twisted horror as the grass straightened in its new place, then moved in the same way the rest of the grass did.

“Are we–” He stood up frantically, grabbing his tie. His next words come out as a hushed whisper. “Is this Thomas’...”

A wide, pearly grin. “Figuratively, Specs.”

His eyes widened, staring at the grass he once sat on. If the grass—and hence, the Imagination—was a mere representation of Thomas’ brain, that meant– well that meant he was sitting on Thomas’ mind. The breakthrough, no matter how revolutionary, was utterly horrifying. What if he had stepped on an important synapse, damaging it permanently? What if that rock he idly kicked on the way to this hill represented a part of Thomas so essential to his development? What if–

Suddenly, Roman broke into loud, hyena-esque laughter. Logan stared at him, his eyes blown wide with fear when it suddenly hit him.

Logan took a deep breath and resumed his place on the grass slowly, adjusting his glasses.

“Now is not the time for falsehoods.”

Roman wiped a tear that was probably just for show. “Oh come on, Oscar the Protractor-Pouch; it was really funny.”

“Not in the slightest.”

(Logan would never admit it, but he found it a little amusing. An infinitesimal amount, some might say. At least, in its execution; not its purpose. It was because he was tired though, nothing more.)

“Besides, we needed something to wake both of us up,” Roman said, swiftly rolling back to Logan’s side. He softly bumped against Logan’s knee.

It was flawed logic, but Logan could appreciate that the logic was at least there.

Logan lifted his pencil from his ear to resume writing—or at least, to resume his attempts at writing—then paused.

“What were you doing, then?” he asked, looking down at Roman. He shrugged.

“I noticed some grass that was out of place.”

He said that as if it were obvious.

Logan continued to stare at Roman, who was still picking at grass absentmindedly. He stared at Roman while he bouncing some possible ideas off of him. And while Logan contributed a great deal to their conversation, he couldn’t quite focus on anything else other than the clear image of Roman.

Roman, whose creation was so vast yet so meticulous; whose attention to detail was almost too impressive to be true. Roman, his companion with a work attitude and ethic that bewildered Logan to great extents. Roman, who worked so hard for so long on a job Logan dismissed as something that could be done in one’s sleep. Roman who, Logan suddenly realized, didn’t sleep much at all.

And that was when Logan truly saw Roman for the first time, under the stars and on the carefully-crafted grass of the Imagination.

So, naturally, he wrote the observation down in his notebook to possibly revisit later.

---

Observation #12: When Roman is upset, he runs his hand through his hair; and he does so as if no one else could notice.

“You are not listening to me, Roman.”

“Uh, I don’t think I like what you’re saying, which means I’m probably wasting some brain cells listening to you, Sir-Nerds-A-Lot!”

“That is not my name. And that is not how brain cells work. You would know that if you were actually listening to me.”

Roman huffed, running a hand through his hair. He threw his head back, as if motioning at the ceiling to come watch yet another one of their disagreements unfold.

As much as he didn’t bother himself with feeling, Logan couldn’t help but feel bad for Thomas, who was standing helplessly in between their quarrel. It was always like this when it was just the two of them; Virgil nor Patton being present to mediate the situation.

He could possibly stretch this illogical guilt to Roman as well. He had not meant to anger the other side, but he just couldn’t help it. He was frustrated with his behaviour, how he was talking as if he– and hence, Thomas– were invincible. It was reckless, it was foolish, it was...well, stupid.

Still, Logan knew now where the figurative line had to be drawn. It didn’t take many arguments with Roman for him to recognize when his anger reached a point that was impossible to work with.

Logan took a deep breath, adjusting his tie.

“Okay. I see now that we are at a figurative crossroad with this discussion,” he said as cooly as he could. “Perhaps we should take a break.”

Thomas blew out a sigh of relief, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Thank you!” he cried out, already moving past Logan and towards the kitchen. “I’m gonna get a glass of water.”

“Yes, yes.” Logan noted the way Roman scrambled to pick up his own sanity as he spoke. “Let’s all take five.” He eyed Logan. “Even dunces need breaks between their...their dunce-ing.”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, letting a bit of his own frustration slip.

“You are one to talk.”

Roman tilted his head at him. “Oh really?”

Shit. Logan pushed his glasses up, trying to maintain his composure.

“You are burned out, Roman,” Logan carefully said. “That is to say, you have overworked yourself not only in this conversation, but in your work in general. Therefore, it is not illogical to conclude that your burn-out is one possible reason why you are lashing out at me.”

Roman’s eyes went wide. “What are you–”

“Which is why we can resume talking about this matter at a later date. After all, you are not thinking logically. You are dismissing Thomas’ well-being for the sake of work, you are stressing him out to immeasurable extents — this isn’t you.”

“What do you know about me?!”

Logan blinked. Roman looked as if he was frozen in time, still lunged forward at him. Despite the distance, Logan could see the darkened rings under his eyes.

He didn’t answer Roman’s question for a while. It was most likely rhetorical, but even if it wasn’t, he didn’t know how to respond. After all, twelve recorded observations and a whole lifetime with Roman didn’t help Logan truly understand him.

But as he stared at Roman, who was surely close to tears, he couldn’t shake the familiar pang in his chest.

Through the glassy space between them was a reflection.

“I know myself,” Logan responded quietly. “It’s...it’s not good for anyone, Roman.”

It was quiet between them for a while. Roman drew himself back slowly, as if burnt by his words; and for a split second, Logan feared he had said the wrong thing.

Then, Roman wordlessly nodded at him. His stare burrowing through him like a bullet through a mirror. Before Logan could say anything else, he sunk out before Thomas returned, leaving Logan to conclude their discussion alone. His fear faded into a slight buzz in his chest.

(His tripedations were later reassured when he found Roman sleeping in front of the TV in the Mind Palace, Moana playing hazily in the background.

Logan sat beside him, stared at him for a bit, and then pulled out his notebook. He wrote something about the way Roman slept—peaceful, despite the storm behind his eyelids—before slowly nodding off as well.)

---

Observation #56: When Roman sings to Virgil, he does so by changing the song to fit a minor key. To Patton, he mostly sings him songs in C major. To himself, it varies. Perhaps he’s just practicing.

It was a hard day for Logan, and it was a long day for anyone else. When logic ran itself thin, there wasn’t much for Thomas to do other than wallow alone in his bed.

Logan felt Virgil and Patton on his skin all day, clouding his logical reasoning until it was barely there. It made Logan feel stupid and helpless; like he was some kind of joke.

On days like this, Roman was surprisingly the figurative glue of the group. He would visit Virgil’s room first and listen to his worries, helping him channel his emotions into poetry and songs. Then, he’d bring Patton cookies and watch home-videos with him until Patton felt comfortable moving on.

And Logan wasn’t sure why Roman bothered to visit him, but he did.

They couldn’t say much in Logan’s room, so they played along with the unspoken laws of his space and thought quietly to themselves instead. Roman was the only other side who understood why Logan’s room was mostly quiet; or at least was the only one to accept it. When no one talked, there was the smallest amount of room for subjectivity of any sorts.

Logan liked to think Roman found the idea clever; but judging by the way Roman looked at him with those eyes resembling that of a small puppy, Logan realized that he just found it sad.

Still, Logan’s room seemed to accept Roman’s classical music.

(So did Logan.)

At one point, Roman nudged his head to the bookshelf in Logan’s room, seemingly asking for a recommendation. The two leave his room with a few books in hand and smiles bigger than they initially were; Roman’s brighter, and Logan’s now there.

They make their way to the Imagination where Logan now spent a lot of his free time. Roman didn’t even need to extend an invitation anymore; all he had to do was stand in Logan’s doorway and nod at him. Then, Logan would conjure up a new notebook and follow suit.

(Logan found it strange how Roman didn’t notice the piles of notebooks labelled ‘Observations of the Imagination’. Or if he did, he made an effort not to pay attention to that corner of the room.)

(Logan was also relieved he kept his own personal notebook close, yet out of sight.)

It was halfway through Roman’s dramatic reading of “A Brief History of Time” when Logan broke into sobs. It was spontaneous and cruel that the tears couldn’t will themselves out of existence– that they even existed in the first place– but Roman didn’t seem to mind.

He didn’t mind how Logan ranted about how illogical it was that he was crying, or how illogical it was that Thomas felt like he had nothing when he had everything. He didn’t mind how Logan cursed at himself for two minutes straight in an indecipherable mess of the English language. He didn’t mind that Logan called himself ‘faulty’ and ‘broken’ (but he did frown sadly).

And he didn’t mind when Logan laid his head on his shoulder, so drained from the sudden burst of emotion that he couldn’t lift himself up anymore.

“You need to do that more, Specs,” he murmured when enough silence had passed. He took Logan’s hand into his own and rubbed it gently with his thumb.

“Do what more?” Logan scoffed, his voice hoarse from the strain. “Talk illogically?”

Roman laughed, pressing a kiss to Logan’s hair.

“Please.” Logan’s breath hitched at the sincerity. “I promise I’ll try to listen.”

Neither of them mentioned the kiss for the rest of the night because Roman started singing before Logan even had the chance to question its occurrence.

And when Roman sang to Logan, the key didn’t matter at all.

What mattered more was the sound. It couldn’t be contained by terminology, but rather by how it danced in the air that hung above them before it was carried off by the wind. His voice ran across his skin through goosebumps, as if someone wrapped Logan in velvet sheets. It sifted seamlessly through each verse, smooth as caramel and filled with its sweet, sugary taste.

Roman cared for the song just as much as he cared for his creation. He picked at each note like a strand of grass, as if carefully pressing them into imaginary sheet music in the dirt.

Logan would never be able to find the words because he kept going back to the same one:

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

And for a split second, the clouds in his mind parted, and the conclusion he reached seemed crystal clear.

Roman was beautiful.

---

Observation #92: It has been decided that these observations no longer apply to a person, but rather to a constellation. Evidence for this conclusion can be found in the freckles around his nose; or in his bright, shiny smile; or in the fact that his spirit, if those were to exist, simply housed a million, trillion stars – an entire universe, one might say.

At least, that is what it feels like nowadays.

Logan only understood love once he understood Roman.

Roman was fire, burning and warm. At one point, Logan had no problem describing Roman as his own personal hell – though at this point, that conclusion wasn’t even that far off.

Because it hurt sometimes to look at Roman; to see him laugh with the others in a dazzling display of light and sound. It hurt to see him surrounded by love Logan wasn’t able to pick apart and understand, let alone reflect.

He wasn’t broken. Roman made him understand that all too well.

But he was incomplete; and it didn’t take long for Logan to realize what he was missing.

There was a hypothetical theory called space dementia; where astronauts in orbit become so entranced by the immense vastness of space that they grow obsessed with its beauty.

And while there wasn’t much research done on the subject, Logan knew that his heart pulled towards the sight of Roman.

Roman was unlike anything Logan had ever seen or felt before. He was a million stars all wrapped up in a cluster in his chest, a vessel for something far more beautiful than this world deserved.

Perhaps that was why he held himself so tightly on the nights they would spend sleeping in the Imagination together (Observation #45). Perhaps it was because he was holding onto that cluster so tight; tight enough that no stars would escape. After all, the tiniest of disturbances would cause the whole universe to fall apart. He was as delicate as the velvet skies they laid under, yet burned so brightly when given the chance.

And when Roman showed him even a glimpse of his creation, Logan was, for lack of a better word, star-struck.

The piece Logan was missing took the form of a star, its edges worn and old as time itself. And it shot itself across the sky every night, as if flinging itself in their direction.

There was no set definition for what it was because Roman changed it every day. However, the idea remained the same.

Logan was missing Roman’s love.

“How long have you known?” Roman whispered as they stood on their hill, the Imagination stretching far beyond them.

“I do not know,” Logan replied, though the word ‘forever’ rests on his tongue. He took a step forward and grabbed Roman’s hands. “But I came to my realizations not too long ago. I decided that it would be illogical for me to hide this information from you, so I have decided to tell you now. I hope this does not change things.” A pause. “At least, changes them negatively.”

“Logan…” Roman’s eyes looked so soft. It made Logan’s heart ache and made him vow to love Roman as passionately as he could, if given the chance.

“I know it does not make much sense that I can harbour such a feeling but I...I do.” He mustered up a smile. “I love you.”

“You can feel, nerd,” Roman giggled, taking a step closer towards Logan as well. His forehead pressed against his, and the tips of their noses grazed each other’s.

He was so close. Logan’s skin caught on fire as Roman cupped his cheek, his other arm holding him tightly around his waist.

“I love how you feel,” Roman murmured. Logan’s breath hitched at the words. “And I love you too.”

Observation #93: There will never truly be enough words capable of describing the feeling of kissing Roman. But one thing is for certain.

He is air and he is light, and he is the missing piece.

After all, his lips fit almost perfectly.

(Though further experimentation is necessary in order to reach a solid conclusion.)

---

click here for a new and improved masterlist of all my writing if you’re interested ^v^

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #thomas sanders #thomas sanders fanfic #thomas sanders fic #logan sanders #roman sanders #logince #logince fic #logince fanfic #logan/roman #logic/creativity #gabbie writes things

68 notes · View notes

carols-review-box · 4 years ago

Photo

My Thoughts on Horimiya (Anime)

Here are my thoughts on the anime.

I’ll admit firsthand; I’m coming into Horimiya with perhaps, a major bias. That is– I’m a manga reader, and I’ve been reading the manga, month by month, for over half a decade now, so I’ve had a massive amount of time to get attached to these characters and their relationships. So, my view and subsequent thoughts on Horimiya might be tinted with rose-colored glasses, but I’ll try my best to make this review based on the anime and not the manga. (Side note: I don’t actually expect people to read this review, so does basing my thoughts on the anime actually matter? Who knows. In any case, I’ll be writing a separate review for the manga once I’ve reread it.)

The Goods

Here’s a basic question to be asked: Would I recommend watching Horimiya? The very simple answer is, yes. I would recommend it, purely for the two main characters and their relationship dynamic. What can I say? Horimiya presents a refreshing take on the romance anime genre. Ironically, the refreshing aspect of the show comes from the fact that it’s… well, just straight up realistic (which is what more anime romances need).

In this anime, there are no grandiose displays of love (maybe, except for when Miyamura jumped the fence to buy eggs for Hori). There are no long, dragged out misunderstandings, or complicated love triangles either. There is never a feeling of “Will they/Will they not get together?” And so on. Instead, the anime prides itself on depicting a fairly genuine love story; the main characters discover a “side” of the other that no one else knows, gradually fall in love with each other for relatable reasons, and get into a relationship well before the show is over.

And it doesn’t stop there– Hori and Miyamura still continuously learn new things about the other person even after they start to date, and they fall deeper into love. I think a good amount of people could relate to this; a lot of people have experienced something similar to this in real life, and it’s nice to see it reflected on the big screen. It’s also a good change of pace from the usual romance anime (which often have at least one, if not a combination of the issues listed above). It made me honestly miss my high school days; miss having young love, where having a crush was an exhilarating prospect, and it meant experiencing completely new things. (Not like I can’t still experience new things with my current boyfriend; but my point gets across, right?)

The Bads

That being said, there are a number of flaws this show has. The second half of the series (up until the last two episodes) goes downhill as it starts to focus a lot more on Hori and Miyamura’s friends, aka the side characters. I think this was done deliberately to appease manga readers, however it isn’t that interesting from an anime-watcher standpoint. For example; while Remi and Sengoku are great characters, there really is no need to dedicate half an episode to their backstory when: 1) The anime is already limited on the amount of episodes it airs, and 2) Their story contributes little to the plot.

Similarly, the anime puts a large amount of time on the love triangle between Tooru, Yuki, and Sakura, but nothing really comes out of fruition from that (though I admit, this is a manga problem as well.) The show even notes at this itself during a scene where Tooru has lunch with his friends, and he says something along the lines of, “So, Yuki and I are definitely more than friends. But I don’t know if I’m going to do anything about it.” ... And well... true to his word, he doesn’t do anything. They don’t start dating, but he doesn’t reject her either-- in fact, there’s not even so much as a conversation between them about their feelings. Their relationship stays stagnant: as friends, and only as friends, with no indication of romantic feeling whatsoever, despite the multiple episodes that supposedly built them up before. This is the one couple in Horimiya which completely let me down.

This is not to say the side characters themselves and their personalities are bad in any way-- on the contrary, they’re all lovely characters with gentle personalities and interesting journeys. While the side characters for many anime shows tend to be either straight up boring or annoyingly frustrating, Horimiya’s side cast are at least relatable and personable in a way which most people can understand. But with a 13-episode time restraint, placing so much importance on them ended up diluting both the main story and the side couples’ relationships.

Horimiya’s second major flaw (which is also a manga problem) is the fact that we don’t really get to see the characters’ journeys past their high school relationships. The anime ends with the main characters graduating from high school, but we have absolutely no idea what they’re going to do afterwards. There’s no mention of college or jobs, or aspirations or even daydreams. Similarly, there are personal issues and storylines within each character that could be explored, but are never given the light of day, such as Hori’s self-esteem issues.

Past the Plot

I’m just going to take a moment and say the animation in this show is absolutely beautiful and is one of the things that makes it much more enjoyable. The art rarely falters, if ever at all, and the soundtrack isn’t half bad either. The opening song, Irokousui, is actually kind of a banger.

Finally,

Now, I know that I just spent several paragraphs ranting about the obvious flaws of the show. But I promise-- swear on oath-- that overall, Horimiya is a very enjoyable anime. I only have one more thing to say about the show before I go and that is...

At the ending, during Miyamura’s internal monologue... I sobbed. I know it is a happy ending, but I cried and cried, and wouldn’t stop crying for another 30 minutes, and then had a feeling of sadness in my chest for the next 3 days. Even though I read the manga beforehand, I was not prepared at all for the impact of Miyamura’s love letter to Hori-- not prepared for his sweet love, not prepared for the innocence and purity, and most of all, not prepared for the true and final ending to a story and characters I’ve spent years following. To a story and characters I bonded with over the entire course of my own high school career and beyond.

Thank you to the creators of the manga and everyone who poured their heart into soul into its creation. As I said before-- I’m perceiving the anime through rose-colored glasses, but I can’t help but love it.

#anime #horimiya #hori to miyamura #8

5 notes · View notes

immortalled · 4 years ago

Text

Slapping these all together instead of making a ton of ooc posts, but.... s3e2 live reactions and final thoughts.

- Simon continues to be cute.

- Lowkey wondering if Overman has the pee fetish...

- Kelly and Alisha hanging out and getting ice cream is adorable. I hope we see them actually hang out in this season.

- Alisha is talking SO loudly in the graveyard. Seth is literally just right there. ALISHA PLEASE.

- Even without invisibility Simon manages to scare people by sneaking up behind them lmao love that. Never change, weird little man.

- ???? Okay, I don’t understand why Curtis wants to keep his whole “my power is turning into the opposite sex” thing secret? His friends KNOW that’s his power, why hide what he looks like? Why does it matter?

- This episode is quickly turning into one of those “uh oh big misunderstanding, now everyone is going to think Simon is cheating on Alisha even though this could have just been solved by talking to each other” plots and... man, that is my least favorite trope. I swear if it turns into this, I’m gonna scream. Curtis, I will throttle you, and then I will throttle Overman.

- ...Cute girl is gonna get Ruthed isn’t she? Gosh, Curtis... c’mon...

- S I G H S. I take it back. Curtis does need to drink his Respect Women Juice.

- Simon’s looks of horror are pretty golden lol

- OOF OOF OOF. This episode does not shy away from uncomfortable issues women have, huh? Yikes! I feel unsafe just watching lmaooo why’s everyone in this show a creep? Why!! Not a bad thing, it’s realistic, I suppose, but everyone? Everyone? Give me one nice man, Misfits, please. I miss Ben. Bring Ben back.

- Ohhhh, Curtis, honey... This is why women guard their drinks like HAWKS at parties...

- SKGSJGK RUDY SPITTING HIS DRINK INTO A GIRL’S HOOD IS SENDING ME I hate to keep comparing him to Nathan but at this rate I might actually have to make a Nathan/Rudy parallel gifset. That gave me bowling alley flashbacks.

- Emma what the heck?? Who just leaves their girlfriend passed out? Who assumes that was their fault? Excuse me?

- I AM SO SCARED FOR CURTIS OH NO

- .................I didn’t need to see that. I did not want to see that.

- I swear Curtis better own up to Emma. But now I’m not happy with either of them. Emma shouldn’t have left Curtis, and Curtis should be honest. This is such a mess.

- Simon is a mood. Simon is me. I too have no idea what the heck is going on. Curtis is making everything so difficult.

- Oh my stars, I love Kelly to bits. What a girl, what a pal.

- However, I am going to throttle Curtis and Overman. I hate this trope so much. Kelly being a bro for Alisha is literally the only good thing about this.

- Well. Curtis is certainly chugging his Respect Women juice now. He’s drowning in it.

- Seriously, why didn’t Curtis just tell them???

- I’ve said it before, but why do they always choose to film like this? What is this focus? It’s less awful than S1 when they’d put faces partly out of focus when they’re the only thing on screen but??? I really wanna know the thought process.

- Good job Curtis. Go do the right thing. GOOD JOB, DO IT. DON’T SCREW THIS UP.

- O h.

- O h n o.

- This episode is legitimately terrifying. IDK if I can watch this one again. I am so uncomfortable.

- SAVE HER CURTIS OH M Y STARS I HATE THIS

- GOOD YES GOOD THANK YOU BABY

- Holy crap that revenge though. Deserving, for sure, but. Wow lmao alright, then.

Final thoughts: That episode was w i l d l y uncomfortable. Lots of nonconsensual stuff, high even for Misfits. It’s not uncomfortable because it’s made out to be a joke, though, but this episode takes it with a shocking amount of seriousness. It’s really good at showing just how scary it can be as a girl and for that reason alone, I don’t know if I can watch this again any time soon lol. It’s just... a little too real. I didn’t expect Misfits of all things to have an episode that tries to teach a moral lesson about consent but, despite its flaws, color me impressed.

My only issue is that I really don’t see why Curtis needed to learn this lesson? Out of all the main male cast, he’s always been pretty considerate and aware. I guess we never get to see too many of his faults since Curtis-centric episodes before have mostly been centered around his time travel power and his guilt over wrecking his athletic career. But... it just seems sort of left field that he’s the one who needs to understand what it’s like to be a woman? IDK. I’m both glad this is an episode because maybe male viewers could learn something, but from a character standpoint, it strikes me as strange lol. If anyone needed this lesson, Nathan (if something similar could have happened in S1 or 2) or Rudy would have been my choice.

Anyway. Not a terrible episode, not a great episode. Squicky. Very squicky. There were times when I felt that some writing was being repeated, too. A few lines and actions from Rudy felt like rehashes of Nathan and some elements reminded me a lot of S1E2, namely the whole issue with Curtis starting a relationship with Emma while he’s in his girl body without telling her who he really is. And then everyone teasing Curtis about the thing with Rudy felt like a weird callback to them teasing Nathan about Ruth. It doesn’t ruin anything, it just really pops out to me when it happens. Not sure if it’s because it’s actually that noticeable or if I’m just extra sensitive to it because I write Nathan and pay the most attention to his scenes.

Despite all that, I’ll say that Simon and Kelly were the real highlights of this episode. Simon had some moments that were just really adorable imo and I love love love Kelly confronting “Melissa” (Curtis’ female persona) when she thinks Simon is cheating on “her” with Alisha, and then she goes after Simon too LOL like. I appreciate a girl who doesn’t let friendship get in the way of ripping into both parties responsible for cheating. It’s also pretty cute that Kelly goes to check on Curtis after it’s all explained and Curtis is upset. That’s sweet. Kelly has such a big heart.

#spark watches misfits [liveblogging];#out of immortality [ooc];

2 notes · View notes

troofless · 5 years ago

Text

Just finished watching a walkthrough of Tales of Zestiria, and I must say it is as HYPE as its opening.

My favourite parts:

Sorey and Mikleo bickering — actually, every sormik scene

I swear 99.9% of Mikleo revolves around Sorey, the other 0.1% is him getting teased by everyone (this could be his biggest writing strength and flaw depending on who you ask)

The opening song. A BANGERRRRRR

The different branching routes you can take in Ladylake. Sell the knife? The pipe? Don’t sell both? Sell the pipe later on to get a cool hat as well? How do you enter the Sacred Blade ceremony? YOU CAN CHOOSE

Mikleo leaving Sorey, in the game: Oh don’t worry, Mikleo will be fine, I trust Mikleo to take care of himself :) :)

In the anime: dkjasfnlD MIKLEO DID WHAT??! LAILAH WE MUST GO AFTER MIKLEO RIGHT AWAY

Tbh the argument ‘arc’ he has with Sorey? One of the best parts of the game.

'Does a frog think of getting rid of snakes?’ ‘OH SO AM I A FROG NOW?’ ‘Your LIABILITY will be waiting in the inn’

When in the manga this slow burn (JUST GET CONTRACTED WITH MIKLEO ALREADY) gets extended to after Sorey contracts with Edna

When Mikleo calls Sorey out on his blindness in a skit THEY NOTICE EVERYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER OKAY

Yeah also, just thinking about how Sorey’s known Mikleo’s true name for a long time now HNNNRNNHSDGGGGGHHHH

Mikleo using his rod not as a conduit for magic but as a whacking tool. He has a mystic arte Crystal Rod where he throws his rod at the enemy saying NOPE (best...) and a mystic arte Final Player where he uses it like a hammer saying “I’ll crush you! Again! Again and again!!” smacking the enemy into the ground LOLLLL

That One Mystic Arte where Edna rides on her umbrella like it’s a flying broomstick and shoots out earth rocks with a finger gun

Zaveid coming out of nowhere at random times, busting out his persona shooting himself in the head and demanding that they fight him

Rose shaking her hands with Sorey at supersonic speed when Sorey gets her to hear the seraphim and she thinks she’s hearing ghosts

The whole ‘we’re married’ scene when they get to Rolance, and the whole joke of Sergei continuing to think Rose and Sorey are married

Dezel laughing at Lailah’s lame animal jokes in the background

Dezel not being able to see, but that’s okay… because he can read the wind!

Dezel being the walking encyclopaedia for all animals and plants bc he’s been everywhere

Rose wants to catch a butterfly and sell it for money, but Dezel interjects and tells her it’s a ‘shae monyurose’ moth, so Rose gives up on catching it, saying people don’t pay a lot for moths

Another skit where Sorey and Rose want to catch these rabbits to eat, (they’re cute... AND delicious.) Dezel is horrified and chases them away by shouting really loudly (HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT??!!)

Everyone who plays Zestiria complaining about how Alisha isn’t a permanent team member, then having mixed debates about whether the anime saved or broke the story with Alisha-Armatization

ZAVEID RUNNING DOWN A WALL

“My way is to put the hellions back in hell” Zaveid says while doing the Dio pose

WRYYYYYYY

I love how he just appears out of nowhere and gets him to fight you, multiple times, in both Zestiria AND Berseria

Dezel suggesting they could just fly all the way to the top but Sorey and Mikleo go “But we WANT to see the ruins...!”

In the bad ending Heldalf is just like ‘nothin doing… just standing here…’ when the team goes in and slays him

Heldalf: You want to defeat me, right? But if you do, you can’t get the TRUE ending… bitch

Sorey:

I love how Rose and Alisha are uncommon heroines, using lances and twin blades instead of magic (Mikleo takes that one, hah).

It’s like the writers of Zestiria were like Hmm. How do we explore the dark elements in this game by showing how people in Age of Chaos possess immense malevolence in their hearts and align it to the main story, and then went, Got it. Assassins. (Story of how Shepherd Sorey went gallivanting around with a princess *cough cough redactedbecauseshedoesn’texistinthegame* and an assassin~~)

Mikleo: Zaveid, there is literally NO REASON for us to fight. At all.

Zaveid: You gotta beat this ass first

And I think that is very sexy of him

Apparently if you take Dezel out of your team during the third fight with Zaveid, he will yell at you

Zaveid, T-posing on the ground: oh don’t mind me, just setting death flags for the only other wind seraph in this game so I can fill the XXX-shaped hole in your team later on in the game. Also here, take my glock

Dezel 🤝Eizen

being the same person

GIVE ME THE HIDDEN DEZEL AND ZAVEID LORE (but Dezel doesn’t appear in Berseria…)

Rose “I just noticed, whenever Mikleo gets angry, it always has something to do with Sorey” after merchants look at Sorey and think he’s a con artist Shepherd, then in a later skit comments that No, that’s not true Mikleo does get angry even when it doesn’t involve Sorey, then Sorey says, Nah, he’s not angry, just overreacting.

When the plot says Sorey and Mikleo were destined to be the Shepherd and Sub Lord all along :o :v :O

THEY ARE FRIGGIN MARRIED OKAY

BOTH OF THEM. FROM THE SAME VILLAGE. BABIES. RED STRING OF FATE AAAAAA

Sorey and Mikleo in a skit talking about how they’re not really affected by their past bc their real family now is Elysia. It’s a really quiet and sweet moment.

Zaveid in a skit doing flower fortune readings bc he’s worried that the group hates him bc he was all FIGHT ME! before, but Lailah cheers him up with her own flower fortune telling (‘Uh, your origami flower only has... one petal Lailah’) saying Zaveid is their friend AWWWW

GIVE ME THE HIDDEN LAILAH AND ZAVEID LOREEEEEE

gdi I know we see more Pacifist!Zaveid in Berseria but I want a sequel nowwwwww

Sorey and Mikleo having a final conversation under the stars

SOREY FILLS IN MIKLEO ON HIS PLAN breaking the trope of not telling his team that he’s going to save the world by disappearing

One of the main messages Zestiria delivers is how one person shouldn’t take all the burden on themselves and how Sorey learns to rely on other people

Like Lailah staying silent bc of her oath and how that pains her

Like Mikleo... forming a pact with Sorey.....

God I love Zestiria for breaking tropes everywhere

Did I mention how Alisha and Rose have such good platonic relationships with Sorey? Yeah and you can take out the romantic hinting and it is still a good relationship? Without any shoehorning of ‘forced het couple’?

Sorey calling back to the time he had to close his senses to get Alisha to hear Lailah, tying it back into the main plot!!!! :o GALAXY BRAIN

SOREY PUTTING DEZEL’S HAT ON IN THE STARRY SKY CUTSCENE AND ROSE AND ZAVEID TRYING TO TAKE IT BACK

How the hell is Muse alive and not, like, a hag

Love how the final part is Sorey going “I’ll defeat you with the power of friendship!! And this gun I found”

*flashback to AFOvsAll Might* Sorey: You thought it was over with that punch? I have TWO HANDS!!!!

Ok no lie the final fight was epic

THIS... IS MY EVERYTHING!!!!!!

fsdljfnsdkflsfs;fsf look all the seraphim went into the battle not expecting to live and Sorey went in fully expecting to kill his seraphim friends and prepared to KILL

Compared to the start when Sorey was full-out 'don’t kill hellions Zaveid how could you!!!!’, you can see how the darker themes shine here

What I wouldn’t give for a corrupted!Sorey though, I was expecting it bc of clips I saw on Youtube BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! Lowkey sad tho. Would love an arc where Sorey gets overcome by malevolence and becomes, like a jerk, but as like a morally grey character not fully blown evil (like Jerk Rose ig)

The epilogue with everyone!!! The Lord of the Lands (yeah Uno is very pretty)!!! Lucas!!!! Sergei and Alisha!!! The little drawings in the credits detailing Sorey’s journey!!!! Awwww

Overall a happy ending for Sorey and friends which is GREAT

SMOL SOREY AND MIKLEO EXPLORING RUIN TRAPS AT THE END

oh god I swear they are lowkey married they just don’t mention it to anyone look if you go back and play the whole thing with that in mind NOTHING ABOUT THE PLOT CHANGES

Mikleo my friend you have too many cape thingys on your back PLEASE

The callback to Sorey catching Mikleo though is so cute. In the anime we get the callback to “So this is the world!” htgdgmfgmmmmgfg idk the anime is one hole I don’t want to explore rn

sfaljdfsdlf but yeah though the epilogue was nice and clean and up to reader’s imagination, I wished they expanded more on the epilogue (LET US SEE SOREY..... *fighting back tears*), at least THANKS TO THE ANIME we get to see post-Heldalf Alisha and Rose tho hnggggrrgh

*chanting* D-L-C, didn’t know they had a D-L-C

DLC

ROSALI VIBES jkahdfjksdfs give it all to meeeee

Rose and Alisha catfighting sjdnflsjdfadfhgnfghth THIS IS THE ICONIC ROSALI VIBE I SWEAR

Because of this, this DLC is now elevated to god standards

Edna and Lailah casually talking while Rose and Alisha roll in the background LMAOOOO

Rose must be the most unconventional Shepherd ever and that is GREAT

Bruh is Alisha wearing an abbreviated costume of Mikleo’s

Anyway she’s so cute in her DLC outfit!!!

Alisha ditching keigo is so. Very. Cute.

Alisha and Sorey: :) :D :)))

Alisha and Rose: Bitch. }:( >:V

Love the girl’s party vibe, and how we get cameos of Zaveid and Mikleo (LET US SEE MORE DEVASTATED MIKLEO PLEASE....) along the way

Sadly no more DLC episodes :( wonder why that got axed, bc fans didn’t like it?

Overall I must say the Zestiria cast is awesome, I really like all the characters and how they are fleshed out very neatly with their own quirks and goals. Edna being god tier with her monotone sarcasm (she is QUEEN....), Zaveid being that dumbass that looks like a stripper (HIM.... baby...), Mikleo being ultimate waifu and how his comedic moments shine with Edna and everyone else when he’s being teased, Sorey being so pure and cute when he geeks out with Mikleo and how his character arc is just such a refreshing take on the hero archetype, Dezel with his stoicness Imma Get Revenge but also his cast knowledge and love for animals, Rose for exploring the side of reality in the malevolence in people’s hearts and her :3 smile and her determination to get things done and how she’s so different from Sorey which only brings out her charm, Lailah with her awful puns and eccentricity and quiet compassion. And uh, Alisha for being the bait-and-switch heroine but a decent character with her own personal goals that are separate from the main character. Sergei and Lucas are also very lovable.

As for the setting, Rolance and Hyland as two kingdoms seem a little small scale compared to lets say if they added one more kingdom, but seeing as this is a 2015 game I think the exploration map is pretty good (then I compare to Xenoblade Chronicles which came out in 2010 and just change the subject). Love the outside game mechanics Giant’s Fist, Wind Stepping and Water Shield (when Mikleo protects Sorey with that!!! And Sorey calls him out by saying he’s been practicing it for a long time... And you recall every time Mikleo asks Dezel and the other older seraphim to teach him stuff so he can get stronger to help Sorey and how 99.9% of his character revolves around Sorey). ‘That spinny mist thing sure gets the job done’ haha.

Anyway, great game and plot, please go check out if you have time, esp rn since animes and other games coming out will be stalled it is a great time to check out older games aaaaaaa

#troofless stuff #zestiria mumblings

3 notes · View notes

michelles-garden-of-evil · 5 years ago

Text

Episode 18 Review: Making Biscuits

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 }

{ Synopses/Recaps: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

Early morning on Maljardin. Exhausted from a day of shock and disbelief at the arrivals of her mother and Reverend Dawson on the island paradise(?) of Maljardin, Holly sleeps on the couch in the château’s great hall. Quietly, a fully dressed Jean Paul descends the grand staircase and stops behind the couch to cover her with a blanket. “Hi, Dad,” she says. “I had a dream. I thought that-”

I know that she’s probably a bit creeped out, but, honestly, I kind of envy Holly in this scene. There are days that I wish that I could wake up to see Jean Paul Desmond at my bedside. I know he has all kinds of issues and personality flaws, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find him cute and charming.

She tells him that she was dreaming about waiting for her father at home. “I know the feeling only too well,” he responds. “ Sometimes you know when memories haunt dreams, nightmares can follow.” I know that he is probably referring to nightmares about Erica’s death and/or to that freaky dream sequence with Raxl from the end of Episode 5, but still, I have to wonder if he, like Holly, lost his father at a young age. They reveal a little about Jean Paul’s father in the third and final arc of the show, but I don’t recall them discussing the specifics of his death beyond one thing that would be a spoiler to mention at this point. It would have been interesting to learn a bit about Jean Paul’s father in the Maljardin arc, but, unfortunately, we don’t.

So gallant! <3

We cut to a scene of Dan waiting impatiently for Jean Paul at the French Leave Café while talking to Vangie. Mostly, this scene exists so that Vangie can elaborate on why Maljardin is so hard to get to. “That channel is a cross between a tide and a continual tornado,” she says. “It's full of rocks and shoals. Actually, it’s never even been properly charted.” (Except probably by one of the des Mondes.) This is the only new information we get in any of the scenes between Dan and Vangie in this episode; the rest is nearly all recap, so I’m going to skip over most of it.

We return to Maljardin, where Holly and Jean Paul are sipping coffee from some dainty little cups. Before leaving for the main island, he asks her to attend Erica’s funeral, but she is reluctant because her mother and Reverend Dawson will be there. He advises her essentially to suck it up and go--which, as she points out, sounds like something "the good padre” would say. And then this happens:

I...don’t think that’s the generator.

Holly goes running upstairs and, just after, Jacques reveals that it was indeed he who tampered with the generator:

Love Jacques’ sarcasm in talking about the importance of the Holly portrait and how Tim and Holly may be “finished” before it is. And yes, the good Jacques portrait is back!

Next, we get what has to be the single most painful line of dialogue that the usually witty Jacques gets on the entire show: “Dear me, it does pose a dilemma,” says he about the situation with the Holly portrait that Boring Artist Tim is painting. “Pose, portrait, dilemma. A little play on words.” He snickers, indicating that at least he thinks the line is funny. “But I assure you I'm not playing games.” As Paflad would say, “BADOOM, and indeed, TSHHH!“

After the bad pun storm is over, he tells Jean Paul to bring Dan back with him to Maljardin because “[Jacques wants] to be sure that he doesn’t work against [him].” Cut to the second Dan and Vangie scene, where they recap nearly all the most important events on the show so far. It’s not all recap, however, as we do hear Vangie’s interpretation of the King of Wands, one of the Tarot cards featured last episode:

Vangie: “This way, a man of immense wealth and prestige and power in the world.”

“Reverse him, and he becomes the traditional card of ill-omen, a devil himself. Jean Paul Desmond...or Jacques Eloi des Mondes.”

And now onto the scene featuring the Matt-Holly-Tim love triangle, which feels endless because I can’t stand this subplot. I’m planning on writing a post someday explaining everything that’s wrong with this subplot and exactly why it doesn’t work, but I want to wait until after I’ve reviewed at least three more episodes featuring it. Nothing important happens in this scene, but we do get these lines:

Holly: "I wish my mother was on canvas instead of always on my back."

Be careful what you wish for, Holly. Someday you could have a portrait of Elizabeth Marshall that speaks to you constantly and manipulates you into doing things that make no sense to other characters. (Not a spoiler.)

The best Tim line on the show, and it’s a line flub. Go figure.

After the seemingly endless Tim scene ends, we return to the main island, where Jacques possesses Jean Paul while he is meeting with Dan. (He takes Jacques’ suggestions an awful lot, and I’m not sure if it’s because he actually agrees or because Jacques is manipulating him and he finds it too hard to resist.) We start with this shot of Jacques with ever-so-mildly creepy lighting:

Not scary, but it successfully conveys the message that Jacques has just taken control.

This scene makes up for the mediocrity of the rest of this episode. Jacques is his devilishly charming self, impersonating Jean Paul and making a fool of him by behaving far too cheerfully for a man in mourning. When Dan questions him, he insists that he’s only putting on a brave face and inwardly grieving, but Dan remains suspicious.

I must admit that I found this Jacques line--cheesy as it is--pretty funny.

Jacques, of course, takes advantage of the opportunity to troll him. Why not? For the first eleven episodes, he stuck to aiding Jean Paul and mostly just did things that they both wanted to do, with just a few exceptions like killing Dr. Menkin and giving Alison romantic dreams about him. Since Episode 12, however, he has been regularly screwing with Jean Paul’s life, trying to undermine nearly everything he tries to do in some way unless it also benefits him. By now, Jacques is in control of Jean Paul even when he’s inside the painting and so he probably feels he can get away with anything.

Anyway, remember when Jacques fired Dan in Episode 15? Well, he’s re-hired now and invited to Maljardin. He’s also more confused than ever, particularly because Jacques (who he believes is Jean Paul) keeps making faces like this:

BISSITS FACE!

For those of you who haven’t read my review of Episode 4 or who don’t remember it, Bissits Face™ is the name I gave to the cartoonish faux-innocent face that Jacques likes to make, where he opens his eyes extremely wide and purses his lips in a very cute way. The name comes from its resemblance to the face my cat makes when he makes biscuits, or “bissits” as I call them in baby-talk. I know the name is silly, but it is a silly face and probably not one you’d make in real life if you genuinely wanted to appear innocent--which is further evidence that Jacques thinks that he’s smarter than everyone else (and is probably right).

If his wrists weren’t crossed, he’d look like he was getting ready to make biscuits on that table like a cat.

Meow?

Of course, this isn’t his only bug-eyed expression, and he does keep those gorgeous blue peepers open quite a lot. I think that Colin Fox intended for Jacques to look “crazy,” which would explain all the wide-eyed expressions he has him make. Crazy eyes are, after all, pretty much standard acting technique for playing characters who are mentally disturbed to some degree. There’s an old French actor named Gérard Berner whom I’ve nicknamed “Crazy Eyes,” because, in the two miniseries I’ve seen him in (La dame de Monsoreau (1971) and Le roi qui vient du sud (1979)), he played characters with anger problems and, when said characters got enraged, he opened his eyes so wide that you would swear they were about to fall out of his head. This scene from Monsoreau is a good example, as is the one that follows it (Berner is the man with the longish hair and the silver doublet). Obviously, the intended meaning of Bissits Face™ is “I’m pretending to be innocent” and not “I’m angry,” but it’s still the same technique.

Gérard Berner (right) as François d’Anjou in La dame de Monsoreau (1971), demonstrating the crazy eye technique in a very different context.

Anyway, after Dan leaves to get ready to sail to Maljardin, Jacques and Vangie exchange a few words. By this point, she knows for certain who he is and that he will bring death to the island.

A rare instance of the subtitles getting Vangie’s name right.

I really like this exchange, so, as with many other exchanges that I really like, I’m going to post a full transcription:

Jacques: "Did you hear it all, Vangie?" Vangie: "Enough to make me wonder if I shouldn't contact the newspapers and let them find out the kind of man you really are."

Jacques: "You wouldn't do that, because you're afraid of my...power." Vangie: "In this world...or the next?"

Jacques: "Next world?" *laughs* "What are you talking about? You've been playing cards too much. It's dulling your senses." Vangie: "My father is dead. I am now the Conjure Woman. My senses are greater than ever. There is evil roaming on Maljardin. It must be destroyed."

Getting nervous, Jacques?

Jacques: "Vangie! You and your witchcraft. It will be the death of me yet.” Vangie: "I'm after the Devil."

Yup, definitely nervous.

Jacques: "And he's after you!"

And then we have a marvelous little credits scene where Jacques sits down in the big wicker chair, looking enormously pleased with himself. He puts his feet up on the table in front of him, grins, polishes his ring, all while looking incredibly self-satisfied. I love this comment about it on YouTube: “I can imagine the director telling Colin at the end credits,'Ok Colin-Baby, now just sit there and look smug...that's it...more smug-more smug...annnnd got it!'”

Smug.

Smugger.

Smuggest.

This episode is typical of Wednesday episodes on this show: light on plot and heavy on recap and character interaction that may or may not be filler. The only important things that happen in this one are (1) Jacques brings Dan with him to Maljardin and (2) Vangie reveals to Jacques that she has become the Conjure Woman and therefore a powerful opponent. But neither of these happen until the final scene, so, in all honesty, one could skip over most of this episode without missing much save for Tim’s hilarious line flub.

Coming up next: Reverend Dawson holds Erica’s funeral and Holly discusses an interesting nightmare she had about her mother.

{ <-- Previous: Episode 17 || Next: Episode 19 --> }

#strange paradise #gothic soap opera #week 4 #episode 18 #ian martin #review #maljardin arc #bissits face #the blue suit of sexiness #crazy eyes #creative line interpretation #the damned holly portrait #jacques putting his boots/shoes on furniture #la dame de monsoreau #tarot #strange title i know but i couldn't think of anything better

1 note · View note

imyourplusone · 6 years ago

Note

Sometimes i feel so sure that TPTBL are dropping Lizzington hints (“I see my way home” - not to mention “our house” playing during the scene, “there was a woman I loved. She was my life. My heart”, etc etc) but then I doubt bc again TPTBL.. are there any moments in particular that has you convinced (or at least hopeful) that lizzington is real and where the show is headed? I know this might be a pretty generic/general q but I value your thoughts :)

Anon there aren’t many simple yes and no answers where TBL is concerned but perhaps the biggest is YES LIZZINGTON IS REAL and don’t let tptb and especially the lead schmoes jon and john make you believe otherwise. Avoid them like the plague. Don’t listen to or read interviews if it involves the creator and is sidekick. Do a better job of that than I seem to because they can kill enthusiasm quicker than a bad set of promo pics.

You also have to view the show as A Tale of Two Blacklists. There is pilot thru 3.10 full of amazing Lizzington moments because it’s REAL and tptb baited it continuously. Red and Lizzy are the reason for their hit network drama not ANY OTHER DUO. Which is why as flawed as some aspects are pre 3.10 which mostly involve shitty Liz writing and Tom I can still look at it as a series finale and call it a day.

The second Blacklist starts at 3.11 and you really just have to tell yourself the ship, show, Red and Liz basically everything was derailed for Tom and a spinoff. That waste of time and all the mediocre effort that went into it doesn’t make Lizzington less real it just makes the johns more….everything that makes them form their horrendously bad decisions. They drove the show to the brink of cancellation so if anything thanks guys for proving our point that Red and Liz are what people want. Idiots I swear don’t get me started. The hilarious thing and by hilarious I mean I could literally cry is how shippy some scenes still are especially the first s5 episodes. R/L are so great together that’s all we’ve ever needed. Not some fake dna drop in to kill the mood. Smh I’ll never understand.

I have no answer for where the show is headed. I have a general thought as to what could happen to Red that satisfies that old story that tptb needed network permission for their planned endgame. I hope I’m wrong and it never happens. I love Lizzington but I think the perfect ending at this point would be ambiguous and leave it at that. In a perfect world Ressler would be nowhere around because as flawed as Liz is she deserves a better story than that. So do the viewers tbh.

The only thing I can really say is the ship is the real deal and has been since 1.10 when Red told Liz he’s not her father. Enjoy it for what it is but the reality is we may never get anything better than starry skies and the 3.10 reunion. But we got a lot. We almost had it all. Isn’t that a song? Whatever, keep sailing even if its only AU because as OTPs go Red and Lizzy are it. Cheers

#anon #I'm full of ramblings and non-answers #but dang i still love these kids

26 notes · View notes

paulisweeabootrash · 6 years ago

Text

Book Review: Princess Holy Aura

An earlier version of this post was published on Facebook on April 30, 2018.

PAUL IS WEEABOO TRASH; or, Paul Reviews... A Book?!

Q: A book? So, like, you're reviewing based on the first volume of a manga series or something?

A: No, a novel.

Q: A novel.

A: Yeah.

Q: Why not manga? You have a problem with it? Are you being snobby about what kinds of books are better than others?

A: No, not at all. Manga is just another kind of literature. I just felt like doing this novel because it's relevant to--

Q: How? Oh! Is it a novel that an anime is based on? One of those outrageously-long light novel serieses?

A: No.

Q: A visual novel? That seems like something you'd review.

A: No, it's a Western print novel, and there's no anime based on it. But I swear it's relevant.

Q: Relevant...? Hm.

A: Because it's--

Q: Is it something mentioned in an anime or something else you'd review? Oh! Is it "Hyperion"?

A: No.

Q: ..."Portrait of Markov"?

A: That's not a real book.

Q: Well what then?

A: It's a novel about a magical girl.

Q: Oh. Huh. Weird. Proceed. -----

EPISODE 8: Princess Holy Aura (2017)

Princess Holy Aura by Ryk E. Spoor is a magical girl story for people who are familiar with the genre and find its absurdities at least as endearing as they are frustrating. It's a sort of affectionate parody. We follow the normal progression of certain famous magical girl anime — the mascot (a magic rat named Silvertail) giving our heroine her powers, the escalating danger of fights with an otherworldly enemy (an assortment of creatures derived from Japanese and American pop culture and folklore), meeting and bonding with a whole team of magical girls (the Apocalypse Maidens) — with some added twists and an awareness of the rules of the genre that allows the main character to succeed because of his ability to deconstruct what's going on.

The deconstruction is justified--

Q: Wait, did you say "his"?

A: Yes. I'm getting to that. And the pronouns are going to get confusing.

See, the reason Holy Aura is genre-savvy is that her secret identity is Stephen Russ, an impoverished thirtysomething otaku and Air Force veteran. Chosen for his intense willingness to help others and his experience with the stresses of adult life, his knowledge of magical girl shows also turns out to gives him the preparation he needs to understand and anticipate his enemies. Why? Because, as I was going to say before, the deconstruction is justified by magic-users' beliefs about magic affecting how magic works — so it's susceptible to the magic-related memes of whatever culture(s) the current crop of Apocalypse Maidens are from. This means Holy Aura and the other Apocalypse Maidens apply knowledge of various media conventions to figure out, and sometimes anticipate, their enemies.

The other four magical girls, for magical plot contrivance reasons, are actual teenage girls, so Stephen must go undercover as "Holly Owen", Holy Aura's eyeroll-inducing normal human girl form, to find and recruit them. Stephen/Holly deals with the strangeness of abandoning his old life and adjusting to his role — not just physically, but because of how his status as small, young and female now drastically change how others interact with him. This leads to one of my favorite things about the story: how it describes Stephen/Holly's adjustment. Each Apocalypse Maiden is partially herself, but also a cumulative reincarnation of every previous version of the Maiden they are. So Holly not only has Stephen's memories, but those of every previous person to become Princess Holy Aura, all of whom up to this point have apparently been actual teenage girls. As Stephen adjusts to the radically different physical form of Holly, and the differences in treatment that come with it, he also finds himself feeling more and more "right", as if Holly is the "original" and Stephen the assumed persona. This is true not only of acting like a high school girl but also true of her physical body. Stephen's crisis of identity as he realizes he is becoming Holly to the point that his own male body becomes just plain disorienting to walk around in feels genuine and understandable.

The gradual shift from Stephen to Holly eventually leads to (sigh) an inevitable romantic subplot between Holly and another student, because the genre demands it. But I actually like how uncomfortable this is for both Stephen and the reader. At this point in the story, Stephen is in a truly alien and frightening situation. Since Holly is not just a persona adopted by Stephen but has traces of the personalities and feelings of all people who have ever been Princess Holy Aura in the past, Stephen is more and more a passenger in Holly's body rather than the "driver". Stephen is becoming subsumed into Holly, a brand new person born out of the combined experiences of many. So of course Holly has feelings Stephen feels alarmed by and does things Stephen doesn't fully control, and the reader should be creeped out by contemplating what that would be like.

As the book goes on, however, its flaws also become more apparent. Expository conversations (both between heroes and between villains) are an expected part of this genre, and given that there have been many iterations of the Apocalypse Maidens vs. Lovecraftian Aliens battle in the past to learn from there is at least an in-universe justification for them, but there are so. many. of. them. Silvertail's advice in particular gets increasingly tiresome, sometimes feeling as if we're reading "Silvertail's Walkthrough Guide to Magical Girl-ing" instead of a novel, and he has far too many conveniently-helpful magical abilities despite his alleged weakness. The premise also leaves itself vulnerable to an obvious in-universe problem, which it tries to address, but not convincingly. For reasons to do with how magic works, the Apocalypse Maidens reveal themselves to their parents, and this includes them learning that Holly was previously Stephen. As you might expect, this does not go over well. Stephen is genuinely a nice guy, not a "Nice Guy", and attempts to get that message across, but the most convincing argument he can muster is basically "your daughters are safe around me because they could kill me easily if I tried to molest them even if I was in full Holy Aura mode", and worse, parents accepting the situation is explained mainly as a mixture of that reassurance and magic itself keeping the Maidens together. There is, apparently, nothing Stephen can possibly say or do to reassure them he's not a sexual predator. Maybe that's the point of those scenes? It's unclear.

That takes us most of the way (and slightly out of order) through a broad overview of the plot, and I don't want to give any spoilers for the resolution (go read it yourself!). Suffice it to say that it continues along a pretty much "first season of Sailor Moon" trajectory. And of course, the whole book ends in a way that leaves it open to a second season-- er, I mean, sequel, but still definitely ends this particular story arc. Exactly as you'd expect. Exactly as it must, according to the memes controlling magic.

-----

[Classic] W/A/S Scores: 4(+extra) / 1 / 4

Weeb: This is very much a book by a geek for fellow geeks. Although I previously said the Magical Girl genre does not have a high a barrier to entry in terms of general cultural knowledge, and although Princess Holy Aura also incorporates tropes and characters from, and makes references to, a great deal of American media, knowledge of both Japanese and American horror and fantasy tropes is really helpful to "get" what anyone is talking about. Not only is it taken for granted that characters recognize the source material for what's going on, they also sometimes make leaps of logic that I have trouble following, and I don't know if that's a problem with the story or with my own background knowledge so that if I'd seen the right show(s) I would've caught on immediately. Plenty of things are explicitly spelled out, especially in early conversations between Stephen and Silvertail, but familiarity with several magical girl shows or manga would probably be helpful if only to know more specifically what Stephen is talking about. I'd rate this a 4 on the Weeb scale, but also at least a 4 on a scale of American Geek Media — knowledge of H.P. Lovecraft and recent internet lore, and to a lesser extent general knowledge of RPGs and major works of sci-fi and fantasy, are probably essential to not staring blankly going "what is this?" Like certain interminable live-action shows I could name, it mashes together monsters from a variety of source materials with mixed results.

Ass: As if directly responding to common complaints about men writing women in inappropriately-sexualized and deeply-implausible ways, descriptions are actually descriptive rather than gratuitous, and Stephen-as-Holly really only talks about his/her own body in the context of getting used to it, and does so in less-sexualized terms than I've heard women I'm friends with use in moderately-polite company. In fact, although Holly is understandably portrayed as having sexual feelings, Spoor rather aggressively avoids sexualizing her to the audience, which is an important distinction.

Shit: The whole "trust me, I'm not a pervert" interactions with the parents, some way-too-convenient things about the way magic works, and OH DEAR GOD THE EXPOSITION just end up making me go "is that really the best way you could think of to resolve that?". Also, the Cthulhu mythos seems shoehorned and incongruous. It's not great, but it is entertaining and coherent, unlike some things I've reviewed so far, so I'll give it a middling score. I still recommend it if you're in the target audience of "gigantic fucking geek", which, face it, you probably are if you read my reviews.

-----

Stray observations:

- The action scenes are described well enough that I can pretty much imagine how they'd go shot-by-shot in an anime. Or maybe I've just seen enough anime to know what common shots Spoor is talking about.

- SLENDER MAN IS NYARLATHOTEP. (This is barely a spoiler. It takes about one page for the characters to make the connection.)

- If "Silvertail's Walkthrough Guide to Magical Girl-ing" were a real book, I would totally read it. It would go on my shelf right next to Hate You Forever: How to Channel Your Rage Into Effective Supervillainy, which is also not that good but quite entertaining if you're the right flavor of geek (which, again, you probably are if you read my reviews).

#weeaboo trash #book review #princess holy aura

1 note · View note

neni-has-ascended · 6 years ago

Note

Any thoughts on the new SU episodes from two weeks ago?

So, in general I was very pleased by how the decided to handle this storyline. In general it wasn’t quite as explosive as I would have hoped, but nevertheless very satisfying. That doesn’t mean it was flawless, of course (what ever ist? I do think there’s quite a few things that could have been executed much better) but it did avoid quite a few terribly annoying tropes while playing into a lot far more pleasant ones.

I’m taking the more detailed view of mine under the cut, to avoid spoiling latecomers!

SPOILERS START HERE

Now we’re only falling apart:

I’m glad the fantheory that Sapphire was gonna betray the CG turned out to be bullshit. It would have been terribly out of character for her to betray her friends and love over something that a person who, for all intents and purposes, is already dead did. Now, running away and crying over it? That I can get.

What needs to be understood about Sapphire as a person is that she doesn’t just hate the Unknown; she is terrified of it. Thanks to her futurevision, there has almost never been a time in Sapphire’s life when she’s felt like she couldn’t guess the correct course of action in any given situation, or when she didn’t have an idea of what was going to happen. Even Steven’s character development throwing off her calculations wasn’t so bad as that she was completely blindsighted. The one other time this has happened before was when she hooked up with Ruby and then she had, well, the fact that at least it led to Ruby and her saving one another to comfort her. Here? She must feel like shes done everything right in a Visual Novel game and yet the script STILL somehow tossed her into the worst possible ending route. I’d ragequit too!

As for the revelations regarding Pink: They were exactly what I already assumed from the moment of the twist. I knew this was probably exactly as it happened. Pink was naive to what it meant to colonize a planet, and when she figured out she got sick in the stomach from realizing what’s going to be lost by the end of it. And of course, her sisters didn’t listen, because they’re Blue and Yellow and Blue and Yellow don’t listen to anything that doesn’t align with “the old order”(TM).That Rose Quarz as such, design and all, was Pearl’s idea, surprised me positively. I really like that detail. It shows that Pearl had so much creative potential right from her creation that was being squandered by her assigned role as a servant and only goes to show how flawed the Diamond’s hierarchy of thinking living minds of any sort could be forced into specific castes is. Pink being a little *too* excited at the prospect of fusing with Pearl (or any gems in general) was pretty cute too. She really just wanted to enjoy life. I am starting to feel like each Diamond represents one aspect of the mind; Yellow is cold logic, Blue is emotion and Pink is passion (which can lead into love). Makes me wonder what White is.

What’s Your Problem

I’ll admit, I was faked out at first. I genuinely thought season 1 Amethyst was suddenly back at it again, just not caring about the consequences of her actions. When I realized this was actually her slightly misguided attempts to keep Steven from destroying himself over the fiasco his mother caused, I was very positively surprised. Steven really said it best: Amethyst and Steven are the two Crystal Gems who have grown the most as people thanks to overcoming the questions regarding their places in the world. Also, Steven being so incredibly insistent about playing therapist for her kinda reminds me of how I can be with my friends as well, ahaha- Actually, my friends are often like Amethyst in this episode too.

The Question

A RUBY EPISODE YES YES YES YES-

Honestly, I hope that now that Ruby and Sapphire are married and have that to validify their bond aside from their fusion, we’ll see more episodes with them acting independently. As much as I like them as a unit in Garnet, I love them as individual characters as well, especially in how they bounce off each other, something usually only see when Garnet struggles with herself briefly. (Still wanna see them play Meat Beat Mania against one another, and see if that’d lead to the same disaster as when they played it as Garnet-)

Ruby was adorable in this episode. Charlene Yi may not be a good singer (sorry-) but she is an amazing actress, who I always love to see in anything, no matter what, when she just nails this flaming little ball of nervous badassery whenever she’s on screen. Hope Sapphire ends up sharing her newfound love for comics. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Garnet argue with herself over ships in the background of an episode sometime?

My only complaint is that the proposal could have been an episode all on its own. I would have loved to see more of Ruby and Sapphire deal with coming to terms with the fact that their fusion can’t always be 100% stable and that’s okay and doesn’t make then any less of an amazing couple and team. Doesn’t change the fact that the proposal was cute as heck. Like, I swear, Ruby is a million times better at proposing than me. When I proposed I just ended up flipping the table over my plans halfway through and throwing the ring at him like a moron-

Made of Honor

Should have been a Two Parter. At least. Like, goddamn, this was way too important a plot point to just throw it out in a single 10 minutes segment, you guys! This just continues to show the problems with the Steven Bomb format. This thing needed to end on a climax after 5 eps, right? Not sure if that’s how it was planned, probably not, but that’s what it felt like. There should have been more of a storyline with Bismuth running of and trying to figure out stuff, kinda like Ruby. Heck, maybe those things should have overlapped somehow, I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything brilliant off the top of my head. However, Steven should have had to invest way more effort into patching things up with Bis’. Bis’ just learned that her entire style of life was built on a lie. I would have been interesting to see her just go into a state where she randomly starts building spires, trying to fulfill her purpose again in utter defeat, until Steven snaps her out of it. That would have conveyed things a bit better.

I have no problem with Bismuth rejoining the team. She saw that her plan of assassinating key figures in the enemy forces only lead to the entire rebel army basically being nuked.That definitely was enough to shock her out of her genocidal intentions. So yes, I do accept that explanation. In the end she was just as naive as Pink, but in a different way.

Reunited

Let me get out of the way that the first half was all kinds of amazing for one single reason:It had a marriage scene that a) Didn’t come at the tailend of the story and b)Didn’t involve pain and disaster for everyone involved! I’m so sick of marriages in media only being used either as elements of an epilogue (”Happily ever after!”) or as a source of drama. As if working relationships were boring or something. They’re so interesting, especially when written right! Totally ignoring the gay aspect of it all (which is a great thing all in of itself), this is one of the best marriages I’ve seen on TV period! No arranged marriages, no annoying love triangles, no jackass suddenly bursting in going “I OBJECT TO THIS UNION” no bride suddenly bursting into tears because everything is horrible, no “And they lived happily ever after SHOW OVER” BS. Just a proper, nice step in the development of two characters. Also, Garnet’s dress is friggin’ gorgeous

The second half is where the special loses me a bit. Not with the script, that one is pretty great. Aside from once again relegating Peridot to comic relief, that is- Seriously, she can’t even get to use a single attack drone? Tch. Cheep. She has actual skills, you guys! Don’t treat her like a Magikarp! User her assets!

What lost me was the art direction and animation. While there was a lot of beautiful animation, especially on Blue Diamond, there was also plenty of derp, slow scenes, awkwardly choreographed battle moves... And the way Stephen using his telepathy to resolve the battle was portrayed visually was just very uninspired. It made the characters’ movements look so awkward. I wish they’d invited Horikoshi back in for this scene, because he managed similar scenes back in “Mindful Education” way better. Oh well... All in all, the art direction of that specific scenes just left me deeply underwhelmed.

All in all, however, this has been a very nice storyline so far. Can’t wait for the pay-off!

#Neni Replies #Steven Universe #Steven Universe Spoilers #alex-multiverse

15 notes · View notes

gaynoctgar · 7 years ago

Text

Thoughts about Prompto’s arc in “Brotherhood”

The real title, for now, is something like “Prompto being formerly fat was not even remotely necessary and was offensively handled” or “Haley rants about Brotherhood because it’s so fatphobic”

TW: eating disorders, fatphobia.

It’s also incredibly long, but I really want to share my thoughts.

Update: 10-4-2018: inspired by comments and tags, I added more examples of dialogue that exemplifies the problem

Update: 22-4-2018: accounting for the new “official profiles”...it got worse, everyone.

Oh Prompto. Prompto Argentum. My beloved, sweet, beautiful bi boy who could have had a much more satisfying arc. They really tried, didn’t they? They tried to give you a touching backstory and instead exposed their fatphobia. And as for the bi part, well, that’s another essay in and of itself....stay tuned everyone.

Yes, this is one of those posts. That’s why I put all of this under a “Keep reading.” It’s just something that has been subtly bothering me for a long time and I thought I’d give this short essay format a try. There will be a TL;DR at the end, I suppose, but please read through this if you are interested in this aspect that I feel is both underexplored and overexploited about my most favorite character in anything ever.

A bit about myself before we begin: I am rather chubby. I’m 5’4” (162cm) and 220 lbs (100 kg), and I have struggled off and on with eating disorders since I was in high school. I do realize this makes me “obese,” but this essay isn’t about that. Rather, it is about how fatness and obesity is often portrayed in media as a character flaw, or something to overcome, and my own feelings about why this is harmful. To be clear, I want to make two major points with this: 1) Prompto being “formerly fat” is not something that was even remotely necessary for his character arc and its inclusion and resolution are nothing short of fatphobic and; 2) the fact that Prompto receives his character development via losing weight in Brotherhood is emblematic of every problem I have with how media chooses to include fat people.

These points are incredibly intertwined, so let’s start by exploring what was intended by the episode. I want to be clear and demonstrate that I fully understand what the episode intended to show, and I will continue to acknowledge what the likely intent was. This essay/rant is critiquing the execution.

If the point of Brotherhood was to suggest that Prompto had a lonely childhood until he met Noctis, that’s great! I understand that that’s what Brotherhood was showing. HOWEVER. I have been sickened, from the moment I saw his episode, with how his journey to lose weight was correlated with his journey to “be good enough” to be Noct’s friend. Let me be clear. I understand that we are supposed to interpret this as a character flaw on Prompto’s part, and we see in the gayest scene the rooftop motel scene that losing weight did not resolve Prompto’s self-confidence. I know that. What I am saying is that him losing weight was in no was necessary to include, at least not in the way that they did. There are some ugly implicit implications here, not least of which is that eating nothing but salads is, I would argue, just as unhealthy as what he was doing before. The show treats it as a positive good that Prompto appears to be starving himself and thinking obsessively about losing weight, and that is what I am taking issue with.

I, personally, detest the “formerly fat” trope and all its incarnations. Wouldn’t it simply have been enough to say that Prompto was painfully shy (he was) and very lonely (he was)? Why do these feelings have to be justified via his body? Was there no other way you could justify Prompto simply being too shy to talk to Noct? Noct’s the prince, Prompto is a commoner who feels that he’s nothing particularly special…would this not have been enough? Doing it the way that they did implies that being fat is a moral and character flaw that needs to be corrected in order for you to be seen as a hero. That is what I am taking issue with.

And yes, I realize that the “weight loss journey” is jump-started by the fact that babby Noct says “heavy…” when trying to help Prompto to his feet. Believe me, I understand first-hand how much that hurts. I faced many similar instances in my own life. I can’t blame him for saying it, he’s a kid, but I do want to point out that Noct never apologizes for this. You could say “he didn’t realize he was wrong” but maybe you could have had a scene where Noct wonders why the cute boy with the camera is avoiding him, and Ignis can say something like “well, did you do or say anything that might have upset him?” and Noct can actually apologize for hurting Prompto’s feelings. This is not unreasonable to expect. When I was a kid and people were avoiding me, my mom always asked me to think back on why that might be. It’s part of growing up and learning that your words and actions have consequences.

TO BE FAIR: I do think the motel scene was an attempt to rectify all of this in the game. While Prompto formerly being fat is not explicitly mentioned, he is mortified that Noct remembers him back in elementary school. Now, I love Noct, but he’s stupid sometimes, and not very intuitive. This is, however, in his character, and I will allow it because the very next thing he says is “You should have said something sooner.” This shows Prompto (and the audience) that Noct doesn’t give two shits about how Prompto looks, now or ever, and I am happy that this was included. However, there is no given reason behind why Noct couldn’t simply talk to Prompto himself beforehand. Like I said, Noct is an idiot, and also a lot more shy and awkward than he lets on. But this moment was sweet between them, even if you don’t ship promptis, and I do think it is fair to mention it.

However, coupling all of this with the fact that the “character sheets” show us that Prompto does, canonically, have a fear of gaining weight, as well as these little snippets of dialogue…

Prompto: Hey, let’s hit up the Crow’s Nest!

Ignis: If you wish to put on weight? Certainly.

Prompto: *sighs* Yeah, I know…

(I swear to god every time I get this dialogue I SCREAM at Ignis, how is this even remotely okay to say to your friend who you damn well know has problems with his weight and there’s no way you don’t know this--)

EDIT: The addition of this quote is based on the tags from @gentiuna, I knew I was forgetting something!

Noct: Why is your face so fat?

Prompto: I’m NOT fat!!

(I swear to Jesus you’re on thin fucking ice with me Noct, that’s not even remotely funny and you need a time out to think about what you’ve done--)

This one I have only gotten once in my ~400 hrs of play but I swear I didn’t make it up; if anyone finds the specific words, I will correct it:

Ignis: talks about food and how it’s “anything your heart wants” or something

Prompto: Yeah, it’s the wanting that’s the problem.

I think this was intended to be a nod to Brotherhood but (and @bernielu can back me up on this) I SCREAMED when I heard it. How is that REMOTELY okay? Nobody even REACTS to this, or asks if Prompto is okay, or ask him why the FUCK he would say that.

This is when it becomes pertinent, I think, to discuss my own experience with eating disorders. I have wonderful friends and family, and I’m well on the road to recovery, but back when I was in high school, I just straight up wouldn’t bring food to lunch. Retroactively, I realize they all brought extra, hoping I would get just hungry enough to pick at the scraps (I usually did), and that was their way of helping me and showing me that they cared. It can be hard to want food sometimes. As offensive as I find its inclusion, I do think that’s an accurate way of representing how it can feel: you know that food is good, and you know that you are hungry, but it’s wanting to eat it that’s a problem. Here’s my issue: that should have raised everyone’s red flags, and the fact that nobody, NOT EVEN NOCT, WHO WE CAN EXPECT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS, says ANYTHING about this, and the game writes it off as another one of its Infamous Banters ™….it’s not looking great. It’s not looking like representation, to me. It’s looking like erasure and fatphobia.

Babby Prompto is supposed to be viewed with pity but also, I think, with disdain: by the audience and by Prompto himself. I’ve noticed in many fics that the fans like to almost romanticize this aspect of him, and explore that he has an eating disorder which is…I don’t’ like it because most of these fics come to the same conclusion: Prompto ends up skinny anyway and it’s just a quirk about him. This is what I meant when I said that I feel this is overexploited, earlier in the essay, but also underdeveloped in the sense that they basically, in my opinion, show this as something that Prompto had to “get over” to be a real protagonist. They don’t go into how fucked up Prompto’s psyche must be from this. It’s just kinda…ignored.

UPDATE 22-4-2018: I’ve got to get this off my chest, the new “Official Works Profile” for Prompto made all of this worse. It literally outright states that, after rescuing Pryna, Prompto “decided “to become the right sort of person for a Prince” and worked to change himself. It also refers to Prompto having a “pudgy youth” as if that were a bad thing. It also says “Incidentally, Prompto’s photography hobby developed when he was dieting and took photos to record his weight loss progress.” Not gonna lie, this one made me physically ill. There was literally no reason for that other than to imply that being fat is somehow immoral. Why is Prompto’s “personal resolve” equated to losing weight? Why couldn’t it simply have been to be more outgoing? I’m fucking ANGRY, I’m done being polite about this.

My solution, then? Well, one of two things: 1) don’t make Prompto fat to justify his bad childhood if you know you’re just gonna make him thin and completely ignore that he was ever different, which is my preferred solution, or 2) have at least one character be bigger and that’s just how they are and it’s not made into a plot point or anything.

A final note: I KNOW people can and do drop tremendous amounts of weight, and I want to be clear that I am not suggesting this is bad or that people shouldn’t do it. A person’s weight and their relationship to it is their own business, and as long as people have a healthy relationship with their body, I’m not one to judge. I know that we are supposed to see Prompto’s weight loss as heroic and a strong example of his dedication to Noctis. And sure, we get that. But maybe I have convinced you that the development we get comes at the cost of fatphobia, at least in terms of how it was portrayed here.

TL;DR: Prompto didn’t need to be fat to develop his character, and its inclusion and treatment in the narrative of Brotherhood suggest an uncomfortable degree of fatphobia.

If you stuck around for the whole thing, thank you so much for reading my thoughts. It’s something that has been bubbling up in me for months, and now I am finally able to put it in words. <3

#tw eating disorders #tw fatphobia #please take care of yourselves with this one #haley talks #haley has opinions #haley has a soapbox #it's just something i've been thinking about for a long time #ever since i first saw it i knew something wasn't right #brotherhood #prompto argentum #text post #long post #first try at an essay about this #let's see how it goes #i do not know how to format this on mobile so it will show up weird there #i'm sorry

52 notes · View notes

citkats · 4 years ago

Text

Love, Victor and it's problems

Hello! First post here! I know this isn't a movie, instead of a show, but I feel like I have a few things I have the urge to spill out, so here it goes.

I've watched both seasons of Love, Victor and finished the second one the day it came out, June 11. It's now June, 26 and I've let a few thoughts and problems I've had about the show sit in my brain for a while now but they're starting to get antsy. Is the show really that serious to pick it apart and point out its flaws? No, it's supposed to be a cute little show about a boy exploring his sexuality, and I know that. But man I can't help myself, what else am I suppose to do this summer anyway? So, that being said, let's get started!

Actually, before I start I just wanted to get out of the way that I am a queer girl myself, who is also a teenager, so that is the type of viewpoint I am watching this show through. Do with that what you will :D Now we can get started, here are the three main problems I had with the show;

i. The Writing

The writing of this show is... something else to say the least. It has its good moments for sure, but man is it hard to get through an episode without cringing once or twice. Now I am no writer myself, so I can't judge too hard, but I wish the show didn't try to fit in so many pop culture references and twitter lingo to try and appeal to teens. It's so obvious while watching that the writers themselves only have a vague idea on how to use it. There is a scene of the show that is going around on twitter, instagram and tiktok where a character says something along the lines of "We stan you!" and "We're all gay AF!" (link below for the whole video).

.... like... what? My god my body collapsed in on itself when I heard that. I think the writers maybe tried to make the line of "We're gay AF" as a cringy joke to show how oblivious the character was, but the line "We will forever stan you" shows how oblivious the writers are to the use of the word "stan", or at least that's how it came off the way the actor said it. The line is said with no implication that it's supposed to be cringy or something to laugh at. I don't know if the writers were aware at the time that this is something teenagers do not say about or to their friends unless they purposely want to sound out of touch. Someone in the replies even said "In real life that won't happen ever" and they're correct. This is just one instance where the writing feels shaky but there are many more sprinkled throughout the show. This probably is super nitpicky but it's just so prevalent in the show that I felt that I had to write about it.

ii. The Love Interests

Now on to another problem, The characters of Rahim & Benji. Let's start off with Benji. He serves as the love interest for the main character Victor, which is fine! It's great! Except it isn't because that's all Benji is... a love interest. He barely has any personality and the only three things I know about him are that he is gay, is in a band, and is a recovering alcoholic. With those three things, there is so much to do with his character. They mention in the show that his dad wasn't too happy when he came out, and brought him to a strip club in order to make him "straight". I thought maybe the show would show how his relationship with his dad has been damaged and how they're slowly trying to repair it, or maybe Benji doesn't want to forgive his dad and all! But no, the restaurant scene comes and everything seems fine like something as traumatic as your own father refusing to accept your sexuality and trying to convince you to be someone else never happened. If you're going to make your character go through something like that, it would be good to show its consequences, not to sweep it under the rug! In the first half of the season, if I remember correctly, we see almost every character in a different location doing their own storyline, except Benji, who only exists at school and in the coffee shop to show that he's Victor's boyfriend. I don't think there's a single scene where it's just Benji alone doing something that doesn't involve Victor. It isn't until the later episodes where he gets his own plotline, one that revolves around him being a recovering alcoholic and being 1 year sober. Now don't even get me started on this... the fact they waited a whole season and a half to get to this huge revelation?? This is a big part of Benji that he kept secret and they could do so much with it, but it ends up being just a plot device so that Victor can break up with him and end the season on a cliffhanger. It seems like every one of Benji's plot points is to benefit Victor in some way (all except for the band, but they also never expand on that either so :/). The other couples, for example, Lake & Felix, have their own problems and stuff they're going through, not just things to benefit their love interest story. I get that Victor is the main character, but if this show is about him discovering his sexuality, should his love interest be a huge part of that? Shouldn't there be more focused on his love interest rather on his best friend? I don't know that's just how I view it.

Rahim is Victor's second love interest who is introduced halfway through the second season in the episode called Sincerely Rahim. He, like Benji, the only purpose of his character is to serve as a love interest for Victor and create a love triangle that can end season 2 on a cliffhanger, just like season 1 did. The show cared even less about Rahim than they cared about Benji since they didn't even bother to show his coming-out scene. It sucks because he comes from a Muslim family and that coming out scene could've been really meaningful, for once showing a Muslim family being accepting of a gay son instead of shunning them, which is how the media normally portrays Muslim families.

iii. The couple bias

Probably my biggest problem with this show is the clear bias to the straight couples compared to the main gay couple of the show. Like I said before, Benji being a shell of a character compared to everyone else, I don't think that's a coincidence. I am aware that there was at least one gay writer on the team, but they didn't seem to make up the majority. It's obvious the writers felt more comfortable writing straight characters and couples (eg, Victor and Mia as a couple for the majority of season one) which is fine, but if you're writing a show with a gay couple in it then get gay writers who will actually understand and have an easier more natural approach to them. This is why I think diversity in the writer's room is just as important as diversity on screen. You can put a gay character in your show but if they're written by a straight person it's not going to feel authentic and can easily fall into stereotypes. But that's a conversation for another time.

Some other small problems I had but weren't worth a whole section

-The lack of sapphic women. I think they might start a wlw plotline the next season with Lake but man.. took them two seasons in a show that's suppose to be a representation to even hint at a sapphic relationship.

-Benji's timeline for his alcoholism... if he's 16 now (junior) and been sober for a year... that means he entered rehab when he was 15... which means he's been drinking heavily since he was like 14, so much so they had to put him in rehab?? Are his parents really that neglectful? This why I am so confused about his parents because what his dad did to him was awful and yet when they show Benji's parents, his mother seems to adore him and they are both extremely welcoming to Victor. The only reason I see why he would start drinking at such a young age is that he felt bad because of his sexuality... but man, at 14 do you even understand what's going on enough to be like "this is bad I should drown my sorrows in booze".... idk such a strange timeline.

-They didn't keep up Rahim's texts to Victor, it was one and done. I get that it was supposed to be like continuity with what Simon did to Bram and then what Victor did to Simon but it felt so forced that I wish they didn't do it at all. Felt like they just left it hanging there.... ok I will admit it is really nitpicky and I'll stop now I promise!

So... that's it! I know this can come off as annoying or I'm giving huge pessimist vibes because of this but I swear me having long rants about how I feel about a show's problems is rare. Normally I like deconstructing the parts I did like rather than the parts I didn't. I do think this show is cute and serves its purpose of entertaining, and I don't hold anything against someone who enjoys it! I can easily see this being someone's comfort show, and that's completely fine. I also realize that I did dig into the writers quite a lot here, so I just want to make it clear that in no way am I questioning their talent (one is a new york times bestseller and two others have been nominated for Emmys). Hopefully, my posts in the future will be more positive but for now, I hope this deconstruction was decent!

0 notes

arreumddawo · 4 years ago

Text

27/3/21

HIIIIIIIIII, i’ve only blinked and its already MARCH. this time last year, what was i doing? i think i’ve already went for this current job interview and then a while later, the lockdown was announced~ but wow, time really flies huh. *cues the angmoh man blinking gif*

for the most part, i really want to write down the feelings i’ve been feeling (melancholy and loneliness) for the past few days and how i’ve sorted them out internally AND how i just want the future nabilah to just READ this and REMIND HERSELF that everything will be okay. it will be okay you dramatic, overreacting bitch! it will be okay. haha okay lets starteu~

#/melancholy

i’ve been feeling downcast the past few days. i dont even know where to begin. melancholy as well as feelings of sadness and depression have always been a part of me since 2017 im not gonna lie but lately, these episodes got a little bad despite me trying to keep myself occupied hahah. for the most part, i am just really really afraid of getting older. i really am. its not so much of the “getting older part” which gets to me i guess but its more of how lately, i just want to turn the hands of time and go back to my past when i was 16 in secondary school (heck even primary school) and just live a life where i didnt have to worry about anything except for studying you know? where times were simpler and i was (definitely) happier. i miss wearing a school uniform, i miss only having to worry about my studies, i miss being at home at noon and watching disney channel until i accidentally nap and not understanding trig/physics/chem. oh- what id give to be in my youth again. id do anything. i would study harder and change my whole course of life and hope that i could be someone im proud of. im desperately clinging on to good memories. i terribly miss being young. i really do.

and recently, i feel like im expiring, i feel old (really old) which is funny cos ive only turned 23 BUT the fact will always be that im turning 24 this year (2021) AND its when the bone-crushing realisation of getting old really sinks in (for me). i find myself looking back at my accomplishments (which trust me is little to none) and i just feel like people are accomplishing great things (even at such a young age). there’s nothing in my life where i can truly be proud of. what have you done with your life, nabilah? questions i ask myself everyday. but then again, people would say the past experiences have shaped who i am today and without them, i would’ve been a completely different person WHICH brings me back to the next point. the current me right now who is writing this post is not someone im all that proud of either. i feel like- i feel like im struggling (keyword: struggling) to achieve great things before i turn 30 (and trust me when i say i dont even want to live that long of a life). i’m tired of adulting, of getting old, of having to worry about financial issues, of having to worry about whether i’m at that milestone where everyone expects me to be, of wondering whether im really suited for this field im currently working in. im aware that it may be very shallow of me to think this way considering that there are some people in their 30s who will probably read this, laugh at me and say “you’re still young + you still have a long way + you still have time to figure out your life” but the FACT is THAT im NOT young! i still have a long time to figure out my life? yeah that is if i plan to live way over my 30s (which i DONT). side note, my biggest fear is actually living a long life. so.. like.. what now?

#/loneliness

this is a very touchy topic for me considering that i am planning to devote myself to the single life and dying a virgin because i really dont think (keyword: really, really) there’s a man good enough for me out there. even if there is, he lives only in my imagination. and yes, as embarrassed as i am to admit it, YES i do feel lonely at times. honestly, i really thought that loneliness is something im able to handle really well considering that ive been single.. what? my whole life? LOL HAHAHAH (its true. sucks to be ugly.) but yeahhhh as of late, during times when things get hard at work and i start tearing up in public transport on the way home, when home doesnt feel like home anymore, when the world conspires against me... i look up and wonder @God, “don’t i deserve someone who i can talk to, who loves me for who i am, who doesnt mind the mess i am?” ok that was abit cringey but yeah i used to be ashamed of secretly wanting someone special despite swearing to the single life BUT thats just how it is! and honestly i feel that humans are not psychologically meant to be lonely, that is why we’ll always crave for a partner (even if we dont need one). but all that aside, its not like im going to even try and find one (like i said, there is no one good enough for me out there) and i absolutely detest the idea of getting married and having kids so i will have to suck this lonely feeling up and just live. for the most part, i just wanted to point out how lonely this adult life can be.

side note: its really great that i have a really good support system (my siblings and friends), so yeah.. i’m really grateful for that<3.

things i want the future nabilah to read (now that i have come to terms with these feelings):

phew that was a rollercoaster now wasnt it. now that you’ve typed all that and acknowledged what you feel, i have a few things to say to you.

i just want you to know that you are (as much as you dont want to hear this or dont believe in this), you are doing well (at least the future you reading this wont look back and be embarrassed of who you were). you may not have done well for o’s, may have slacked a bit during poly and uni and regret everything academic wise (and yes personality wise) but always remember that, these things do not define the authentic real you. not getting into a local university and not achieving greater things in life during your youth, these are trifle things that you shouldnt be ashamed of or even beat yourself up about. after all, they dont matter in the afterlife?? so like, stop it. its not like you can go back to the past and change it, you only have control of the present and thats WHAT you have to work on. as tough as it may be, as much as you refuse to get old, the harsh reality is that you have to and you will. you have a degree and you’re getting experience working in the field you have always been curious about and you’re on your way to get a another diploma under your belt. you’re really doing the most if i must say??. and you’re so lucky to be able to love what you studied and do what you like. off track and a side note, i wanted to tell you that i woke up today feeling a tremendous shift in me (and i really honestly think its because of the conversations i had with zim, bff and syiqs the past consecutive days). but i honestly woke up feeling excited at what i have to offer the world. you may not be the prettiest and the smartest but the amount of love you have (and willing to give) in your heart, the feelings of empathy you’re capable of and the change you want to make in lives.. these are things that define you and you can do just that. there are times where you will definitely feel afraid and wonder if you’re doing the right thing but as long as you keep reminding yourself of your morals and values, i think you’re pretty much on the right track.

and i know, i know you hate yourself more than anything else in this world. the face you see in the mirror and the horrible things you feel inside you, your dumb thoughts and all that but i really pray that in the years to come, you’ll grow to be kinder to yourself (and definitely the people around you). be kinder to yourself and have courage to face your flaws and work towards being a better person everyday. be kind to everyone (especially your parents) and just have a little faith that you can go through many hurdles in your life. you cannot do everything but you can do some great things and that is enough. i dont have to remind you that everything here and now in this world is just temporary right? remember the podcast you heard yesterday? true happiness will be in the afterlife, inshaAllah. death will come for you, you just have to be patient and never forget to work towards the afterlife. also dont feel too lonely. ultimately, you know you dont have the mental capacity for things like marriage and having kids and all but dear nabilah, if you get lucky and love comes to you one day through Allah, i hope that you dont close your doors firmly shut to it and embrace it if you may (only run when the guy proposes cos u aint got no time for that). last but not least, please never let go of good memories. cling on to them and let them be attestations of your kindness and love. always be kind and always try to be better for the people around you. i hope you’re smiling as you read this, i hope you’re proud of who you have become and i hope that you continue to always remind yourself of amazing person you are, despite all that you went through.

- 23 year old nabilah (technically 24 this year but hey SUCK IT TIME IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT)

0 notes

agentelmo · 7 years ago

Photo

The X-Files MSR Analysis Series: Season 1 Episode 5

“Jersey Devil”

Previous episode analysis - 1x04 Conduit.

Ah yes, Jersey Devil. The episode about two strange human beings driven by ancient, hereditary traits to survive - one a sexually-territorial male who stays hidden from the world, and his mate, who, guided by reproductive needs, leaves the safety of her ‘tribe’ in an attempt to procreate.

Oh and there’s a couple neanderthals running around eating people, too.

What?

I love that the first line of my notes for this episode simply says: “Scully rocking the salmon and navy.”

She’s so beautiful in this episode - I mean, she’s beautiful in every episode - but she gets a few great wardrobe changes here and she looks so lovely. Although the final outfit she dons is a zinger.

My word. The 90′s, eh?

So we start with Scully arriving at the supposed basement office that clearly isn’t in the basement. Seriously, watch how they they walk out of the office and straight into the bullpen.

At first, I genuinely wondered if perhaps I’d not remember that they started in a normal office and get sent to the dungeons basement later (I last watched TXF over a decade ago guys, go easy on me) but a little Google research reveals that nope - this is simply a huge continuity error in this one episode. Weird!

So anyway, Scully arrives, and to her amusement, finds Mulder catching up on some essential reading, perusing the latest issue of a fine gentleman’s literary publication.

You know... he was reading a dirty titty mag for filthy manslags. “Marty” will definitely be calling that super hot line, later.

Scully can barely contain herself.

I like the way Scully is totally chill with Mulder and his porn; she never gives him a hard time about it. It’s an amusing aspect of Mulder’s character that’s mostly played for laughs - but the reality is he’s a man; he has needs and no one to satisfy them, (hands down ladies, no volunteers) despite the fact women do find him attractive.

I know, obvious statement is obvious.

But isn’t it true that one of the most unrealistic aspects of the X-Files is how celibate throughout the entire show he is? I mean, just look at the guy.

....

Uhh... I’m sorry, what were we talking about again?

Oh yeah.

I don’t care who calls him Spooky, if there’s a single guy at my place of work who is witty and intelligent and looks like that, I’m trying my luck. So where are all the single FBI ladies? (I swear to God I didn’t Photoshop that picture, by the way.)

I just always found it intriguing that a guy with what appears to be a moderately high sex drive, barely ever has sex even though he quite easily could. Remember season 6′s Dreamland I, Skinner’s secretary? Yeah... ‘nuff said.

I guess he just doesn’t have Morris Fletcher’s way with women?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he doesn’t get laid. It plays nicely into my theory that while Scully is around, Mulder rarely ever looks at another woman seriously - there are the odd few that he is physically attracted to, like Dr. Bambi Berenbaum from season 3′s War of the Coprophages, but it’s only a perfunctory interest - we never see these characters again.

The only women who ever pose a genuine threat to the MSR are Mulder’s old flames - so it’s Mulder briefly revisiting old feelings from a time before Scully. Otherwise, since meeting Scully, he’s never become romantically attached to someone new. Isn’t that interesting?

So why might he prefer to turn to porn? Well, all I’ll say is this - do you remember that in Dreamland I, after falling asleep watching porn the night before, Morris Fletcher’s wife tells Mulder he was mumbling something about “Scully” in his sleep. Yeah. I’ll leave you to fill in the blanks with that one.

Aaaaaaaaaaanyway... that was quite a tangent, wasn’t it. Man, who knew there was so much to analyse in a few seconds of Mulder looking at a copy of Hankypanky? Which, by the way, is the best name for a porn mag, ever.

It is relevant, I swear. Mulder’s sexual needs figure into the plot of this episode in a very indirect way.

No, really.

It’s really surprising to me just how much Scully smiles so far in season 1. She was so carefree back then, eh? Had no idea what she was in for. At this moment in time, she’s just a normal FBI agent working some weird cases with her sexy crackpot partner.

S1!Scully enjoys simple pleasures, like how in this scene she seems to get a kick out of bringing him a weird case that she knows will pique his interest. She enjoys holding court - she’s the one with the information and she likes to tantalise him with it. The UST is simmering nicely.

I love the way her face tracks his, begging for his attention. And he responds with a bit of casual, flirtatious innuendo - she loves this little game they play with each other as much as he does, look a her. I wish she would get lucky, Mulder. HINT HINT.

For some reason she seems especially radiant and lovely in this episode. I already mentioned this, didn’t I. But seriously, let’s all bask in the glow of how stunning she is - she’s like a cross between Princess Diana and a 50′s pin up.

Don’t you think? Is it just me?

Ahem... so moving along, they head on over to Atlantic City to see what this weird man-eating case is all about, and run into an immediate roadblock when the local detective gets all territorial with his jurisdiction over the case.

Put a pin in this scene in your mind - human behaviour is under the microscope in this episode, and this detective guy is demonstrating some classic traits that are discussed in more depth later.

I love that when she means business and wants Mulder to stop what he’s doing and listen to her, she calls him Agent Mulder.

Oh please, don’t give me fanfic ideas, because I can’t write fanfic for the life of me, but someone, somewhere, must have written a fic where they call each other Agent Mulder and Agent Scully in bed, right? Someone PM me that shit.

So they leave and Scully is still in flirty tete-a-tete mode as they venture outside.

Fuck, that man has a beautiful smile. He really needs to smile like that more often. It makes me giddy that Scully can make him smile and laugh so easily, especially considering what they just went through together in Conduit. They’re so good together even at this early stage, it makes my heart hurt that it takes them 7 years to get their shit together.

Also, Scully’s comment about the Jersey Devil is another, more flippant, example of how she low-key reads Mulder’s mind regarding his theories on a case. She’s joking about the murderer being the Jersey Devil, but that’s exactly what he suspects.

I really am enjoying watching all of the regular dynamics of their later relationship play out for the first time in season 1. Its’s so much fun.

Mulder, you realise you’re flirting right now, don’t you? Come on, now...

Look at her smiling back at him as he attempts to seduce her with the fantasy of what sounds suspiciously like a date; where they grab a hotel together *insert raised eyebrow here* and then go take in the sights and sounds of Atlantic City.

He’s messing with her, of course, he just wants to focus on the case, but he enjoys the back and fourth and know she enjoys it too. They have an unspoken understanding, and, in moments like these, they really do exist in a world of their own together.

Of course, he doesn’t at all expect what comes next.

I cannot express enough how much I love how Mulder completely deflates when he says “you got a date?”

I also love that a date is his immediate assumption - he says it so quick it’s out of his mouth before he even thinks. Is this something he’s been worried about coming between them at some point? I’d say so.

He is well aware that she is a beautiful, intelligent woman, so of course she was bound to inevitably do what beautiful, intelligent women do - go on dates - have a personal life. He probably didn’t want to have to acknowledge, that at some point, their little bubble was going to burst. His deflated response is probably a reaction to thinking that time is now.

So would it be fair to say that Mulder is a little bit threatened by the idea that Scully wants a life that would take her away from him and their their work together. Yes, definitely. But I do think he’s willing to admit that to himself? Definitely not.

Even after learning she’s not going on a date, he remains deflated. Their sparky, fun, UST-laden tooing and froing has been snuffed out, and Mulder unceremoniously throws the keys over to her in defeat. He knows it’s not fair of him to punish her for having a life, but he kinda does anyway, since he ditches her to investigate alone.

Poor S1!Scully is just starting to learn here, that Mulder can be an inconsiderate dick sometimes. Or as she’ll put it later - a jerk.

It’s a flaw of his character, which I guess gives him some depth and makes him more real.

But mostly, it just makes him a dick. A beautiful dick, but a dick all the same.

Wait, hang on... that didn’t come out right.

Unfortunately for Scully, leaving her to make a 3 hour drive, alone, after he was the one to make her come all the way out here in the first place, is the least of his future transgressions.

So lets enjoy his suffering a bit more, shall we? Just look at his face when he hears she can’t spend the weekend with him fart-arsing around Atlantic City looking for cannibal cave men.

Dude… seriously, stop pretending - we know you don’t like it when the real world takes Dana Scully away from you.

Now we come to a scene that, only with 9 years of hindsight, becomes equal parts devastating, bittersweet and omg-squee-shippy-tastic!

Let’s break it down.

So first, Scully with children. She’s a natural at it - attentive, loving, affectionate. The little hug she gives the boy at the end; I can’t even--she would have been such a great mother.

Would have been.

That’s the kicker, isn’t it. Poor S1!Scully is completely oblivious to the fate that awaits her. Our foreknowledge of future events makes these scenes painfully bittersweet now. Despite the fact she would have been wonderful at it, her one chance at motherhood slips away after only a single year with William. She never had, and now never will have, the chance to truly be a mother and raise a child of her own.

I’ll let that sit with you for a while.

Edit: Ahem, yeah so... this was written before My Struggle IV, obviously. As insane and unexpected as it seems, Mulder and Scully do have another child together making this point pretty much moot. But I’ll leave it in for, you know, historical record? lol!

Feels like a ton of bricks in the pit of my stomach just writing it. In my work I have counselled women who have had to come to terms with infertility, and what it means for them to be a childless. It’s an incredibly harrowing thing to accept for many of them, feeling incomplete; less of a woman; their bodies betraying them; denying them something they feel is rightfully theirs - and sadly what society tells them is the greatest contribution they could ever offer to the world - a body that can create life. It’s perhaps, with my experience of these women, that I now look at Scully in a way that I didn’t when I was a teenager; watching the X-Files the first time around.

It makes me appreciate her strength, and her selfless, unwavering, devotion to doing what she thinks is right, regardless of the cost to herself, in a whole new way.

But for S1!Scully, all this talk about motherhood amounts to is a distant thought that, one day, she’ll meet Mr. Right and will start a family of her own. Just like most of us assume, and never question, until it doesn’t happen.

Told you this would be devastating.

All hell is breaking loose at this party with only her and her friend to herd the gorilla-masked kiddies (another oblique reference to primitive human behaviour), but she’s enjoying herself despite it all.

Doesn’t it feel strange to see Scully with a close friend that isn’t Mulder? To see that she once had some small semblance of a life outside of him. It makes me really realise how much she gave up for him and for their work together. What motivates a person to do something like that? Just a passion for the work?

It’s also very unfamiliar to see that Scully once contemplated not becoming a mother. That actually, she felt she wasn’t cut out for it. Although perhaps this is merely a cover for how she really feels. We know from season 5′s Christmas Carol, that Scully has a fear of getting close to people, and tells Emily’s adoption officer that she avoided attachments before her cancer because she was scared of the pain of losing those she loved. We know this changes for her though, as Scully will be forced to painfully acknowledge, in that same episode, that she didn’t realise how much she wanted to be a mother until she couldn’t have it anymore.

Which makes sense when you realise that this scene here, in Jersey Devil, was probably one of very few times Scully considers, and actually tests out, whether she wants a life outside of her FBI career, before discovering she cannot conceive.

Scully’s friend, El, hitting the nail on the head. She would be a great mother, but she has to choose it. She has to decide what’s more important to her - career or family. It’s not something she’s seriously thought about until now.

Being told she doesn’t have a life definitely affects Scully too, she plays it off as a joke here, but we know her actions after this conversation betray her true feelings. She starts to wonder if her work with Mulder is overtaking her life, and that she doesn’t have much else outside of her career. It worries her enough into taking action to change things.

Ah and then it comes to this part of their conversation. The part that gets our little shipper hearts pumping.

You know what’s funny about this scene now? The fact they’re basically discussing finding a man to have a child with. Scully easily dismisses the idea of dating and having children with Mulder, but the irony is that this is now foreshadowing... because that’s exactly what happens.

7 years from now.

That’s some epic retroactive foreshadowing, right there.

But sticking with the present moment, what might Scully’s reason be for calling Mulder a jerk? Well what did he do to her earlier that day? The way he flirted with the idea of them spending some off-duty hours together in Atlantic City and then got weird when she said she had plans and ditched her when she couldn’t do what he wanted. That’s definitely a jerk move.

She quickly corrects herself, acknowledging that his behaviour earlier that day maybe doesn’t wholly represent who he is, but still, I enjoyed the fact she basically admits that his ditching her bothered her more than just being slightly inconvenienced. Hmm, I wonder why... eh, Scully?

Now, things start to get a bit more interesting. As I mentioned before, Scully played off the fact she has no life as a joke but she’s clearly conflicted on whether she’s okay with such a skewed work-life balance. She’s now questioning if she needs to spend more time away from work and start to build a life for herself. And then...as if the hands of fate reached in themselves...

A WILD DIVORCEE DAD APPEARS!

DIVORCEE DAD USES “CREEPER SMILE”.

IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE???!

Seriously, why does she go on a date with this guy, he looks like a total creeper. The way he’s like, hey, check me out being all fatherly with my I’m-single-and-ready-to-mingle smile. Ugh. Dana!

Back to Mulder now, working off a hot tip from a homeless HBO fan, he’s been hanging out like a hobo trying to catch a glimpse of this Jersey Devil.

Uh, I take it all back. Maybe it was for the best Scully didn’t tag along on this one.

Scully: What happened to ‘grabbing a hotel’, Mulder? Mulder: FBI cutbacks, Scully. Wanna share my blanket? Scully: ...

Can you imagine? Them sitting together, in the cold, huddled under a tiny blanket...

Hmm... wait, I’m changing my mind again.

Mulder sees a dark, human-like figure in an alleyway, but is blocked from pursing it because he is stopped and arrested by the police, due to their mistaking him for a drunk.

Mulder redefining the meaning of the phrase “hot mess”.

So I’ve seen enough American TV shows to know that when you get arrested you get one call, right? So Mulder’s one call - the one person he can rely on to help him out is.... *drum roll*

OMG! NO WAI! Much unexpected! Very shock!

So much sass. Mulder getting sassed by Scully is my favourite thing. Like, ever.

Methinks she’s enjoying getting some sweet, sweet, revenge on him for ditching her, too. Just a lil’ bit.

I love how he just smiles at the end, as if to say “alright, Scully. You win.”

Then, while shovelling his face with food, Mulder tries to convince Scully of what he saw in the alleyway.

Their usual back and forth ensues – Mulder puts forward a fantastic (albeit pretty on the nose) theory about what he saw in the alleyway. Scully runs the gamut of reasons why it might not be what he thinks it is, making Mulder work for his theory. Which is good on one hand, since it’s teaching him to be critical rather than willing to believe anything at the drop of a hat.

But on the other hand, he’s actually right. I think this dynamic would work better if he didn’t always guess pretty much exactly right all the freakin’ time. I think Mulder needs to get it wrong a bit more often to 1. humble him a tiny bit and 2. not make it always seem like Scully’s scepticism is just getting in the way.

As it stands, the main purpose Scully’s sceptical, scientific, approach serves is keeping her and Mulder out of danger. Without her pulling him back from the edge a lot of the time, I think he’d have got himself killed ages ago. Which we’ll get a live demonstration of later in this episode.

Mulder then extends the invitation once more, for Scully to join the hunt, and for them to investigate the case together.

Then the conversation turns veeeeeery interesting.

Scully catching Mulder off guard is another one of my favourite things. His surprised head snap gives me Cheshire Cat face.

She’s put her personal life above their work together twice now and, again, he does a piss poor job of hiding that he doesn’t like it.

But notice something here. When he thinks it’s another birthday party, he isn’t threatened. He doesn’t ask her to cancel, he’s seemingly unaffected - disappointed no doubt - but notice how quickly his attitude changes when she clarifies that, this time, it is a date.

First up... wow, Mulder. Can she cancel? That was bold.

He can definitely sense she’s withdrawing, and he’s beginning to feel territorial about it. As selfish as it might be, he wants their work and partnership to take precedence in her life, but she’s resisting.

Although, it only seems to bother him when it’s a date, apparently. HMMMMMM. Sooo... a kid’s birthday party is less threatening than a date.

I WONDER WHY.

Second... Ouch, Scully.

She’s clearly showing, once again, that her friend’s comment about not having a life got under her skin. Why do I think this? Well I’ve never thought of Scully as petty, but that below the belt comment about Mulder’s life was kinda petty. I think in some small part she is resentful towards Mulder for the current state of her social life - she’s allowed herself to get swept up in his hurricane these past few months and is now a tiny bit sensitive to the assumption that she should drop everything to go Jersey Devil hunting with him.

She’s trying to take back control and get out of this all-consuming bubble they’ve been living in.

Now the next scene is fucking gold. Here’s where everything should hopefully fall into place.

Scully takes Mulder to meet her old university professor in Maryland. Mulder is asking the Professor questions about the Jersey Devil and he explains to Mulder that the wild man myth is universal - almost every culture has one. It represents an apparent symbolic fear of man’s dual nature as creators and destroyers of life.

Look at Mulder... Naww.. tell me more, teach!

The Professor starts to talk about how humans have hereditary traits which make us tribal and aggressively territorial, driven by selfish sexual and reproductive drives which makes cooperation beyond our perceived ‘tribe’ extremely challenging.

Now think about that for a second – what has been going on with Mulder and Scully since the beginning of this episode.

First Mulder has been territorial with Scully; he wants her to himself – not to share her with the demands of a personal life. He wants her to be as dedicated to the X-Files as him, but is finding it difficult to accept that she wants to go off and exist outside the bubble of their partnership - outside their “tribe”.

He is also, on some subconscious level, driven sexually – because why the hell else would he petulantly accuse her of having a date the way he did? He’s not threatened by her spending time with friends, but he is threatened by her spending time with other men. Perhaps not consciously, but somewhere deep down, it bothers him that she would go on a date. Both a kids party and a date result in her spending less time with him, so why does a date, specifically, sting more?

I do feel like I need to reiterate here, that I don’t think Mulder is in love with Scully at this point. But he’s very attached to her, and seemingly, he doesn’t like to share.

Then we have Scully – who has spent a great deal of time this episode discussing her thoughts on becoming a mother, and deciding if she wants to prioritise finding a man and having a family over her career. She then accepts a date with a man based on these discussions – so here, Scully is being driven by her reproductive needs.

She is also driven sexually too though, I mean, we know she thinks of Mulder as being “cute”. So she has definitely acknowledged a sexual attraction to him - and well, who wouldn’t.

But also the shy smile she flashes the creeper divorcee dad suggests she finds him attractive too - she’s not wanting to start dating for the singular purpose of getting preggo, of course not. Like Marty and his Hankypanky mags, she has needs too.

Now, pop your head into Mulder’s kitchen for a sec guys, c’mon just a sec.

FORESHADOWING!

Well, maybe... that damn alien invasion is gonna happen some day. Right, Chris Carter?! RIGHT?!

The scene then transitions into referring to the Jersey Devil directly rather than a meta commentary on Mulder and Scully themselves, and I love that it was Scully’s intention for her old professor to talk some sense into Mulder, but instead Mulder gets the guy to admit that what he’s suggesting, about the Jersey Devil being a pre-historic human, is feasible in the realm of extreme possibility.

Scully, ever the scientist, can’t argue with that one.

As much as she wishes she could.

Later that evening, Mulder sits in the basement-not-basement office looking subdued, staring at evidence photos, twiddling his thumbs... bored. He really is useless without Scully.

Beautiful, beautiful Scully, on the other hand, is on her date looking OH SO NINETIES. But still, lovely.

And OH MY GOD. Divorcee dad is boring as fuck.

No one wants to hear how you fantasise about running people over with your car on a first date, Rob.

Now we could get meta-meta, and suggest that I myself, writing this analysis, am getting quite territorial over the MSR relationship and am threatened by this dude, and that’s why I mock him to pieces. But honestly, there’s just something about him that feels super disingenuous and needy... he screams “please replace my wife and be my son’s surrogate mother” to me.

I mean, they’re not even 30 minutes into their first date and the guy is asking Scully to go on family days out with his kid to the beach. Fuck off, mate... how about you woo me a bit first, yeah? Let me decide if I like you before saddling me with mothering your kid. Geez.

Then he drops a real clanger... which, well - to be fair - isn’t that big a deal to S1!Scully. But, knowing what’s to come, this comment is just unforgivable.

What a douche.

So let’s check in on Mulder again, what’s he up to during this torture.

Look at this lost puppy, slumped in his chair, staring at the clock. I bet he’s checked that clock every five minutes since 7:30.

Mulder... it’s only been 25 minutes. Get it together, man.

You can’t tell me he isn’t feeling shitty, thinking about her being out on a date. Why else would he be moping in his office, and staring at the clock on the wall? GETTING EXACTLY ZERO WORK DONE. I’m getting Chinga vibes, here.

I don’t think he even really understands why, but he hates this. He wants her there - he’s used to her presence now and he’s bizarrely at a loss without her there to focus him.

He then gets a call from the Park Ranger who tells him a body, that is possibly the pre-historic human they’ve been looking for, has turned up in the woods, and that it has been sent to the coroner’s office.

This gives Mulder the excuse he didn’t know he was waiting for to call Scully and try, once again, to pull her back into the bubble.

Look at how bored shitless she is. She’s waiting for you to rescue her. GO MULDER GO!

#SorryNotSorry

The next day Mulder and Scully go back to Atlantic City to inspect the body, but it’s not there to inspect. Mulder theorises that the male neanderthal might have had a female mate, and they go back to the location where Mulder spotted her previously to see if they can find her again.

As they search, Mulder muses about what this neanderthal woman might be like. He questions whether she’s that different from Scully and himself.

Which is exactly the point of this episode - the fact that the two of them are also driven by ancient hereditary instincts. The same way the neanderthal woman and her mate were. Mulder and Scully’s personal life subplot reflect how the modern world has changed how we act on these instincts; but that ultimately we all want the same things. Mulder wonders out-loud whether she feels emotion, or does she just live on instinct - spending her days looking for food. To which, Scully replies...

I don’t know why, but I love that Scully knows how to make Mulder laugh.

Then just when we were starting to enjoy their being together, working as one again, Mulder goes and rushes off without Scully.

She calls to him several times, and he ignores her and then parkours his way to freedom.

Mulder and Scully: SYNCHRONISED PARKOUR MASTERS! Although Scully does it in heels, so she wins.

Mulder is cornered by the neanderthal woman, which he should have seen coming, really, these guys do hunt and eat people, right?

She knocks him down and looms over him. He basically looks like a 16 year-old boy who has never touched a girl before. It’s kind of adorable seeing him pinned to the floor by a naked woman with a look of terror on his face.

Be gentle with me, please.

Never mind.

Scully arrives, just in time, to save Mulder. Get used to that, Scully.

They then head out into the forest, to find neanderthal lady before Detective ThisTownAin’tBigEnoughForBothOfUs hunts her down with his SWAT team and kills her.

Sadly, that’s exactly what happens. They gun her down before Mulder and Scully are able to intervene.

Mulder is devastated. In no small part due to the fact that she’s a woman, alone, vulnerable - hunted. She ticks all the boxes to mess with Mulder’s head and trigger his need to rescue.

Mulder seems quite emotional as he asks the detective why he killed her. The answer he gets doesn’t give him any relief, in fact, I think it only leads him to despair more. Searching the detectives eyes, not quite believing what he’s hearing.

Scully can see Mulder is on the edge; becoming too emotionally involved. So she does what only she can.

She steps in and speaks to him in their private language - where with just a look and a touch, she can bring him back to himself.

I love this aspect of their bond. It’s so subtle, but loaded with a quiet intimacy that’s always just below the surface. These two work best when they are in this bubble together - just the two of them. Every now and then, with just a small gesture, they forget everyone else and withdraw into their own private world.

A week later, back in the FBI not-really-basement, Scully, is telling Mulder about the autopsy results of the neanderthal woman, and gets frustrated as Mulder excitedly prepares to meet a colleague at the Smithsonian - throwing himself further into his work.

Clearly still feeling conflicted about how to balance her work life against her personal life, she tries to convince Mulder that, he too, needs to do some work in that area. But what she’s not understanding is that this is what Mulder does for himself - his work. When he said before that he has a life, this is what he meant. To him, this is living - it’s the life he chose and he’s not ashamed or embarrassed about it.

Mulder is a career non-conformist. He doesn’t work by the rules and he doesn’t live his life by the rules either.

It’s at this point Scully gets a call from creeper divorcee dad, offering her a night out at a Cirque du Soleil show.

Her complete and utter lack of interest in taking him up on his offer finally makes it click for her why Mulder would reject her offer of a day off, or to go get a beer.

Mulder has absolutely no interest in doing those things. They hold no value for him, and no enjoyment, in exactly the same way that she realises she has absolutely no interest in dating this guy, or going to see Cirque du Soleil with him and his freakin’ kid. Geez, man... stop it with the family days out. Someone buy this man a copy of Dating for Dummies.

This epiphany affects Scully deeply, as I think she realises in that moment that working with Mulder and being an FBI agent is the life that brings her the most fulfilment and excitement too. She never did want to date in the first place, it was a comment from her friend that made her question whether or not the way she lived her life was “okay”.

Now it seems she’s decided it is. She doesn’t care about conforming to what is expected of her anymore.

Reminds me of something Gibson Praise says about Scully in season 5′s The End.

I think she reaffirmed for herself, this attitude of not caring what people think, in this very episode. To be who she is, do what she wants and not give a flying monkey what anyone says.

So rolling it back a bit - when Scully gets the call from her divorcee date, Mulder answers the phone, and I’d say he is definitely aware of who it is by the way he walks out of the office without waiting for Scully.

He assumes she will not be coming with him because, well, she has a life now, right? She has more going on than just work and he has every reason to believe she would rather be doing other things with her time, especially after that speech she just gave begging him to take some time off. He thinks he’s got the message loud and clear - that she doesn’t feel the same way about their work as he does, and that this is how things are gonna be from now on.

It’s also a bit petulant of him, isn’t it? The way he storms off after giving her the phone perfectly illustrates that. Not to mention his dejected walk over to the requisition desk after he leaves the office. The way he sounds so defeated as he asks for a car.

So despite trying to be “okay” with it, Mulder is still feeling threatened by this guy encroaching on their partnership – I’m sure of it. The reason I feel so sure is that when Scully approaches him at the requisition desk, he straight away asks who it was on the phone.

Why is he interested? If he isn’t bothered then why ask? Mulder hasn’t shown any interest in her private life before. For the most part, these two never discuss their personal lives. At least, not at this stage.

Is the tension in this conversation not entirely palpable? He really doesn’t like it, does he. I still don’t think he has even realised why he doesn’t like it. The guy is an Oxford educated psychologist and profiler – if he looked at himself for 5 seconds he’d know why – which is probably why he doesn’t.

We don’t see this side to Mulder often, as the series progresses we tend to see this kind of thing more from Scully. To be fair, it’s usually because women fawning over Mulder just seem to keep popping up all over the place.

But I love seeing this. More jealous!Mulder, please. I’m dying to see season 11 for the Mulder vs. Skinner fight that is apparently over Scully. Not to mention it supposedly involving Skinner’s long harboured feelings for her. Fuck yes, please. Can we get some jealous!Mulder up in that, Mr. Carter?

“You gonna have dinner with him again?”

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MULDER? HUH?

You notice how he perks up slightly after hearing she’s not going to see the guy again? You really need to hear the audio to notice it - but his voice changes.

Ohhh burn. Guess he didn’t like being told he doesn’t have a life, either, eh?

Every now and then Mulder lets slip the odd bitter comment, it’s something he’s doing right up until My Struggle I – revealing his true feelings through backhanded, sarcastic comments rather than outright saying what he feels.

You tell him, Scully.

Phew and that’s Jersey Devil done. Another freakin’ long one! I’m almost certain the next episode will be far shorter... much less MSR to work with. This episode was chock full of it. Next up... 1x06 - Shadows.

#the x files #xfiles #txf #txf gifs #favorite msr moments #msr #msr analysis #x files msr analysis series #mulder and scully #fox mulder #dana scully #david duchovny #gillian anderson #chris carter #jersey devil #txf 1x05

148 notes · View notes

jbuffyangel · 8 years ago

Text

Let It Go: Arrow 5x21 Review (Honor Thy Fathers)

See... this is what happens when I don’t pull all nighters. My life interferes with my ability to write insanely long reviews. Sorry for the wait my friends. Your patience is appreciated.

There comes a moment in every person's life when you realize your life is your own, a separate entity beyond your parent's expectations and dreams for you. You also see your parents for what they are... imperfect people just like you. There is freedom in these realizations and it is a crucial part of adulthood. As you grow older, your life is less and less defined by being what your parents leave behind. You begin to wonder what you will leave behind. You define a legacy for yourself. You learn how to live for yourself.

That is essentially the process both Oliver and Thea are going through in "Honor Thy Fathers" but because they are superheroes everything is on a super scale. Both Oliver and Thea faced their past tonight. They saw Robert Queen for who he really was and with those lessons came a certain peace. The past is no longer weighing them down. Both Thea and Oliver are free to look to the future.

Not quite sure what to do with a television show that gives me everything I've been waiting for on a narrative level. So... Imma gonna drink wine and throw confetti.

Let's dig in...

Olicity

I am very specifically incorporating Oliver's section of the review with Felicity because he could not have gotten here without her. That's true for both this episode and this five year journey.

This is sort of my Arrow mantra, but let’s do this again for old times sake shall we? In every hero's story, there is a great love. This love is what the hero fights for, sacrifices for and lives for. This love is what makes the hero a hero.

The wonderful thing about Oliver and Felicity's love story is they are each heroes in their own right. The love Oliver has for Felicity has helped her evolve into the hero she is and the love Felicity has for Oliver has helped him evolve into the hero he is.

However, "Honor Thy Fathers" was specifically about Oliver. The road to the Green Arrow was long and difficult. I've always said when Oliver becomes the Green Arrow he will ready for Felicity. She is the last piece to this puzzle. However, he cannot become the Green Arrow without her. Oliver must walk this road alone sometimes, but he also must walk it with Felicity. What's so beautiful about "Honor Thy Fathers" is not only did Felicity walk those final steps with Oliver... she held his hand.

Chase sent Oliver a corpse encased in concrete because... the fun? Honestly, Prometheus does the most fucked up things and I love him for it. Arrow has found its off the wall, loony tunes Joker and please oh please can we keep him?

It's a fifteen year old corpse, so it's not Robert Queen like we presumed. It's actually much worse. It's the body of the man Robert Queen killed. Now, way back in Season 1 the audience was told this little nugget of information in the flashbacks of 1x21 "The Undertaking." Oliver, however, was not. For those of you who are like me and have absolutely no recollection of this information, allow me to fill you in:

Robert Queen: Because I'm not the man you think I am. About a month before the opening of the steel factory, the one in The Glades, I was approached by a local councilman. He wanted money. Told me that's the way everything was done in The Glades. I told him I never paid a bribe in my life. We got into an argument. I didn't want to hurt him, I swear Moira, but he fell.

Moira: Oh dear God.

Robert: The work I'm doing with Malcolm, with the list, it's my penance Moira.

Moira: So you'll atone for one murder by committing hundreds? Thousands? Robert, you listen to me, whatever wrongs you've committed, whatever mistakes you've made, preventing this horror is your chance to make it right. Please Robert, promise me you won't let this happen.

Robert tried to make it right. He plans in motion to stop Malcolm. He told Moira everything was going to be alright... and he got on the boat.

Note the episode number. We found out the truth about Robert Queen in the flashbacks of 1x21. It is no accident that, four years later, Oliver is finally coming to grips with that truth in 5x21. Robert Queen's death is the catalyst for Oliver's hero's journey and the beginning of his pain. This road for Oliver began with father, which is why it has to end with him.

Our lives can change in a breath. One decision, one moment, can change your life, change you, forever. As Robert Queen held his son on that boat he was given a gift. A moment of clarity. Robert saw his son for who he was and everything he could be. When Robert looked into Oliver's eyes, he saw the legacy he wanted to build, but death would not allow. Robert didn't know how, but somehow he knew Oliver would survive. Oliver would make it home. He would make it better. Oliver would right his wrongs.

Anatoly: That video. He wants you to save your home. I do not think Kapiushon is what he had in mind.

The thrill of the characters voicing my thoughts never gets old.

Anatoly is right. Robert Queen never imagined the Green Arrow. He saw something different I think and it gave Robert the courage, and the peace, to pull the trigger.

However, Robert's death has weighed Oliver down for ten years. Oliver has never been the same since then. He blamed himself for Robert's death. It's the reason why Oliver believed he enjoyed killing. He believed he was a monster long before Prometheus came into the picture. He just was too scared to admit it.

Arrow is pushing Oliver to face the truth on multiple levels. Last week, he confessed his deepest shame to Felicity and discovered that his deepest fear, Felicity leaving, was for naught. Instead, truth is what brought her home.

Truth is what made Felicity stay. Truth led Oliver to forgiveness and opened the door to the love that's been waiting for him all along.

But Felicity isn't the whole story. There's more truth Oliver has to discover, both on his own and with Felicity by his side. Primary among that is the truth about Robert Queen. Oliver has to understand who his father really was and what that means for him.

Naming the darkness was the first step.

Confessing to Diggle, so Oliver’s mind could understand the truth, was the second step.

Confessing to Felicity, to love, so his heart could believe the truth, was the third step.

And understanding his father, in a way Oliver never has before, is the final step.

Step to what you ask? To letting the pain go.

Oliver is convinced Chase is framing Robert. There is no way Robert killed this councilman, even though Dinah and Lance bring some hard-to-defy evidence like Robert's DNA under the councilman's skin. Damn that pesky concrete. Conservation is a motherfucker.

Oh Oliver... my sweet summer child. You poor bastard.

It's no secret that Oliver views his family with rose colored glasses, but there's something eternally innocent about the way Oliver loves his family. It's like he's trying to hold on to the way he remembered them before the Island. Except, every new secret unearthed makes that memory seem further and further away.

What Oliver doesn't understand, and what he will come to realize, is seeing someone for who they truly are is still love. Unconditional love doesn't mean we are ignorant to the flaws of those we love. It doesn't mean we cannot demand better. It simply means we continue to love that person while acknowledging the truth of who they are. It's a more complete way of loving. A more honest love.

Of course, Chase has thought of everything, which includes irrefutable proof that he leaves with his father's attorney - the last man to see the councilman alive. The proof is security footage of Robert Queen killing the councilman.

Now, generally speaking, this is the least murdery murder video I've ever seen.

It's CLEARLY an accident, but that makes it all the more tragic. Instead of telling the truth, Robert Queen runs away. He covers it up. If Robert had confessed and shown the video to the police, yes there probably would have been consequences (Murder 2 is a thing), but nowhere near as severe as the punishment for covering it up.

This mistake is what led Robert Queen to Malcolm Merlyn. It why Robert believed in the list. It was his penance. It's also what put him deep inside The Undertaking and squarely in Merlyn's crosshairs.

Shame runs deep into our marrow, until it becomes part of who you are. Robert's shame led him down a dark path, just like Oliver's did. Say what you will about Robert and Moira's marriage, but it was confessing to his wife that made Robert see the truth. Just like Oliver confessing to Felicity made him see the truth.

Oliver is horrified after watching the video. So... let's talk about this because Oliver's reaction is slightly confusing. First, he knew Robert was a murderer. Robert shot the other man on the raft before he shot himself. THAT COUNTS OLIVER.

Also, his involvement with the Undertaking was pretty shady. So, why is Oliver freaking about little Mr. Accidental Death?

Well... I think we need to keep a couple things in mind. First, this is five years later. Initially when Oliver came home he had a lot of difficulty with the knowledge that Robert failed the city, the list and the Undertaking.

By the time Oliver arrives to the end of 1x23, and his battle with Merlyn, he believes his father was trying to stop The Undertaking and that's why Merlyn killed Robert. All factual. So, after the events of Season 1, Oliver is able to view his father in an honorable light despite his past mistakes.

As for the man on the raft, Oliver views that murder as his father doing what he had to for Oliver to survive. The key is, Oliver is able explain his father's actions to himself. He is not able to do the same with the councilman.

I don't think Oliver has as much of a problem with the killing as he does the lying, which is extremely interesting given what he's just gone through with Felicity. Oliver can tell the difference between accidentally knocking someone into a pit of cement versus breaking someone's neck. Intent matters. So, Oliver is willing to give his father a pass on the actual killing because it was an accident. It's why Oliver defends Robert to Thea.

Oliver: That was an accident.

Thea: Yeah, an accident he tried to cover up.

Yuuup. That about sums it up kiddos. A+ work Queen sibilings. Both are right. It was an accident, but Robert did nothing to try and save the man. Concrete actually takes some time to harden there Bobby. You could have taken a minute to investigate or call the police. There was time.

Instead, Robert leaves and covers it up.

Oliver is having a very Felicity Smoak like reaction to all of this. Oliver thought he knew everything about his father. He thought he knew all of Robert's secrets. Oliver had dealt with and processed all of those secrets. Then, he comes to find there's another one lurking around the corner. Is it the worst thing Robert ever did? Well... it's not good! That's for sure.

Whether or not it's the worst is debatable, but the excuses and reasoning Oliver used to justify his father's actions on the raft and with the Undertaking don't quite fit with the councilman. Oliver has the rug pulled out from under him with this revelation. It makes him question everything about Robert Queen.

This is precisely what happened to Felicity when she discovered Oliver's lie about William. Felicity thought she knew Oliver's secrets and processed all of them. Felicity thought they were past this and then she comes to find out that there's another lurking around the corner. She had the rug pulled out from under her.

The effect is jarring and takes some time for Oliver to process - just like it did for Felicity. Luckily for Oliver, he has Felicity to help guide him through it precisely because they've found a way to weather the William lie.

I love Felicity's reaction to Oliver watching Robert's video again. "No pressure." I mean... seriously.

The enormity of what Robert was putting on Oliver's shoulders is not often discussed, but this was one hefty load to bear. The fact that Oliver rose to the occasion is just more proof Robert Queen saw the hero Oliver truly could be in those final moments.

Oliver: Chase wants to destroy the basis for everything that we’re doing here and that crusade began with my father. Everything that I’ve done, everything, has been in some way about honoring him.

Once again, Oliver tells Felicity what he's afraid of. He's getting pretty good at this isn't he?

He tells Felicity that he missed the truth - Robert Queen is a murderer. Oliver puts killing the councilman and covering it up in a different bracket than helping Merlyn with the Undertaking (but ultimately trying to stop it) or murdering the man on the raft. For Oliver, this is the worst thing Robert has ever done. Robert Queen would agree.

Chase's mission is to get Oliver to believe he's a hypocrite and a killer. The subsequent confession that resulted from the torture made Oliver believe those things were true. Thanks to Diggle and Felicity's love, Oliver understands the truth now. There's a difference between enjoying killing and believing he enjoys it. Oliver's deepest fear was that, deep down, he was a monster. The killing was a manifestation of who he truly is. As I explained in my 5x20 review, the reason Oliver so readily believed the lie is because he believes he killed his father.

Oliver believed he was a monster before he stepped foot on Lian Yu.

Except, Oliver isn't a monster who enjoys killing nor is he to blame for Robert Queen's death. Oliver Queen is an imperfect man, as we all are. Oliver is realizing on a deeper level that his father was just as imperfect. This is ultimately a gift. It's pushing Oliver to see what Robert truly meant by, "Right my wrongs."

Oliver likes to put people in boxes - including himself. You are either one thing or the other. People are far more complicated than that. Oliver is not a sociopath who enjoys killing. However, he has killed. Those two things are not the same though and there is a wide berth in the distinction between the two. It's the same with Robert Queen. Oliver's father may not be as honorable as he thought. However, he's not the monster Adrian Chase claims him to be.

At first, Oliver feared his mission was a lie because of who he is. Now, he fears it's a lie because of who Robert Queen was. Everything he's done was to honor a man who wasn't very honorable. In fact, Oliver has killed in his father's name. Is it any different than what Chase is doing for his father? Maybe Chase is right. Maybe Oliver is a hypocrite.

To which, Felicity responds...

The conversation Oliver and Felicity have about his father is nearly identical to the one she and Oliver had about him, which is exactly the point. Like father like son. The only way to stop the cycle is to change it.

No matter who Robert Queen was, he was a man who inspired Oliver to be a better man and save the city. All of which Oliver accomplished. Felicity argues perhaps the reasons for beginning the journey are not as important as the journey itself. PREACH MY SISTA!

As Oliver struggles with the truth of his father, Felicity tells him once again what she knows to be true. Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow, makes lives better, including hers. Felicity sees what Robert Queen saw in that boat. She's always seen it and that belief has helped Oliver see it too. Oliver did it. He became everything Robert asked him to be. Rather than question his motives for becoming the Green Arrow, Oliver simply needs to embrace it.

In other words... Oliver needs to let the past go.

As Oliver laments his inability to really move forward, because the past always pulls him back,

Felicity rightly points out it's because Oliver lets it. LORD IS THAT THE TRUTH.

Listen, it’s not like Oliver’s pain isn’t understandble. Homeboy has lived through THE SUCK. But... he doesn’t have to keep living there.

We cannot change the past. We can, however, change how we deal with it.

None of us belong to our past. None of us are defined by it. The past is a piece of who we are, but it is not the sum total of who we are. The difference between Oliver being hostage to his past and moving forward to the future is a matter of choice. It's been one Felicity has been asking him for a long time to make. Oliver simply hasn't been ready until now.

It's the same as confessing his secret. Say it out loud Oliver. Say it out loud so you can let it go. It's the reason it was so vitally important for Oliver to confess his shame to Felicity. Love reflected the truth to Oliver. Once he understood it, Oliver was able to let the shame go.

Not only does Oliver tell Felicity he knows she’s right...

he believes she's right. This is why Oliver needs Felicity. It why he will always need her. Knowledge speaks to the mind, but belief comes from the heart. It's why Oliver is able to process Robert's lie for what it is... and let it go.

Equally important is Oliver reaching out to Felicity. There is an ease between them. No more walls, but rather the intimacy that comes from the love and truth between them.

William was once a taboo topic, but now they talk easily about his whereabouts. Oliver asks Felicity for help with William and is reassured by it. THY NAME IS CHARACTER GROWTH!

And then... WE HAVE SHOULDER TOUCHING!!!

My actual reaction:

This is the Olicity equivalent to foreplay. Do not ask me where the rebuild is. SHOULDER TOUCH = REUNION. These are Olicity maths that don't lie.

More importantly, when Oliver discovers what Robert did he doesn't make the same mistake and push Felicity away. He doesn't isolate in his pain. Nor does Oliver allow his worst fears to dictate his reaction to her love.

Instead, Oliver opens up to Felicity. He's already told her the one thing he never wanted to. Facing that fear and shame makes facing all the rest easier. Lian Yu will always beckon to Oliver every time his past rears its head, but 5x20 taught Oliver how to leave the Island behind in a way he's never known before.

He makes the same choice in "Honor Thy Fathers." He didn't know it then, but there was a piece of himself Oliver was holding back in Season 4.

Oliver understands that now and faced it. This time, he doesn't hide from Felicity. Oliver chooses to leave the island behind and walk through the door Felicity opened in "Underneath."

Oliver shows Felicity the video. He listens. Oliver lets Felicity in. Her words land because Oliver allows them to. In this moment, Oliver chose home instead of the island because now he understands how to. Now he understands there's nothing to fear in that choice. This is the change Felicity asked for.

Oliver is ready. He's ready for Felicity, which means he's ready to be the Green Arrow - in the way he's meant to be.

Oliver puts on the suit, but it's Felicity's speech that galvanizes the choice. Oliver must become the Green Arrow to be worthy of the kind of relationship she deserves, but he cannot become the Green Arrow without her. Putting on the suit as a direct reaction to Felicity's words is the perfect way to encapsulate this symbiotic balance. It reinforces absolutely everything I've believed about Arrow and have spent the last three years writing about. I have to be honest, it's an extremely satisfying moment and worth waiting five years for.

Felicity harnesses his light once again. Felicity's belief makes Oliver believe like it has so many times before. Only this time Oliver knows he is worthy of the responsibility in a way he hasn't before. The darkness no longer has power over Oliver because he faced it. It means Oliver is able to see himself as more than just one thing - killer or hero/sinner or saint. He understands he's a complicated man, an imperfect man, but a man who is determined to always be better.

This belief also leads Oliver to some truth about who Robert Queen really is. Oliver is able to see his father the same way - a complicated man, an imperfect man, but a man who was determined to be better. This clarity leads to a gift.

Oliver tells Chase mid battle Justin Claybourne was going to disown him because...

The truth bomb is a bit jarring to be honest because the revelation to Oliver was off screen. I think I would have preferred to see Oliver obtain this little golden nugget and know the ace up his sleeve going into the fight with Chase. It felt less like a bomb and more like

I'm being a little nitpicky. I know, which is why I'm letting it go.

Chase wants to a side by side comparison of their fathers, Robert and Justin. Fine, let's play Crazy Pants. Let's just say accidentally killing a man and covering it up is on the same level as trying to gas the population with a terminal disease in order to make millions off the antibiotic. Or let's say being complicit in a plan to kill hundreds or thousands with an earthquake machine is the same as the terminal disease plan. Perhaps that's a more equal side by side comparisons.

First, Justin Claybourne expressed no remorse. In fact, most of those people landed on the list because they rejected the concept of remorse. It doesn't make it okay that Oliver killed him, but it certainly doesn't equate to the remorse Robert Queen felt for all his wrongs.

If this is really about honoring their fathers, then Chase missed a very key element. Justin Claybourne never wanted Sam to honor him. His father didn't want anything to do with him.

It's a moment of clarity for Oliver. Robert Queen was never asking Oliver to honor him. Robert was asking his son be more honorable than him. Robert believed in Oliver's goodness, in his heart, and had absolute faith his son would be a better man because... he already was one to Robert. Robert never stopped believing in Oliver and he gave up his life for this belief.

I don't think Oliver ever looked at it that way before. He understood his father made a courageous sacrifice for his survival, but Oliver has been so consumed with the guilt and shame over his father's death that he was never able to see himself through Robert's eyes. I don't think Robert was viewing Oliver with rose colored glasses. He knew the good, the bad and the ugly about his son and still... he believed. Robert saw Oliver the way Diggle sees him. The way Felicity sees him. Oliver Queen is imperfect, but he is worthy. Unconditional love is not an ignorance to flaws. It is belief in spite of them.

It's important not to discount William's role in Oliver's realizations and evolution. You understand how much your parents love you when you have a child of your own. I didn't know I had the capacity to love that much until my daughter. How does one put the infinite into words? It's a love absolutely worth dying for, but more importantly, it's one worth living for.

The councilman's murder revealed Robert's deepest shame. Oliver understands the full meaning of, "I'm not the man you thought I was" because he knows the truth. And because of everything he's gone through this season.

Robert Queen is where the shame began. Robert Queen is where the shame must end. Oliver sees his father clearly now and he understands that Robert's sins are not his own.

We are not condemned to live our parents lives, to make their mistakes or become who they were. There exists a choice. Make no mistake - it is very easy to fall into the same patterns as our parents. That's why we must be willing to see them for who they are - imperfect people. Just like us.

For so long, Oliver Queen has lived in the past. He allowed the past to dictate and control who he was.

Felicity's request to stop living in the past finally lands with Oliver because... he's ready for it to. The darkness has lost its power over him. The light has taken the stronger hold. Oliver is just... done. He's tired of being pulled back. It's time to move forward.

Sometimes it's easier to see who we are when we see ourselves reflected in someone we love. Thea immediately assumes because of who her parents were that's the reason she's grown up to be a monster. For Oliver, the last thing Thea is or could ever be is a monster. If Thea's fate isn't predetermined in Oliver's eyes... then wouldn't that be true for him as well?

Of course it is. We are not carbon copies of our parents. Oliver is not fated to be like Moira and Robert anymore than Thea is fated to be like Moira and Malcolm (and Robert). Their parents are part of Oliver and Thea, of course, and that includes their mistakes. However, they are not beholden to them. Our parents lives can be a great gift to us. We can see the twists and turns of their lives - the places where they made mistakes and where they triumphed. We are not meant to become our parents, but rather to learn from them - the good, the bad and the ugly. Not unlike the past.

Oliver gives Thea the video Robert left of her. He knows it was wrong to keep it from her. Oliver thought the video would be a burden, but he understands now it can be freeing for Thea. She needs to see herself through Robert's eyes, just like Oliver did.

There's another moment of significant change in Oliver. He doesn't kill Chase. The councilman's murder makes something crystal clear to Oliver - Robert's wrongs started with killing. Therefore, they cannot be fixed with killing.

"What good is a family without a soul?"

Anatoly you speak my truth! This is the question Robert asked himself in the video and it’s the question Oliver needs to start asking himself this. What good is Oliver really doing if he loses his soul in the process?

This has never been about the people Oliver has killed. Most, if not all, were very bad people and the world is better off without them. Oliver was justified in killing them, but that's really not the point. The point is the cost to Oliver's soul. All of this death takes a toll on him and it strips little pieces of it away. Oliver has to stop giving those pieces away, so he has to stop killing. Arrow is pushing Oliver to a stronger moral code. Something to hold to beyond rationalizations and justifications, because those can ebb and flow. That's not real morality. We can justify pretty much anything if we need to.

It's why Arrow incorporated killing with lying. It's not just about killing, but a broader morality. A more honorable one. Robert killed and he lied. Oliver killed and lied. We've seen the ramifications of both those choices and the roads they lead down.

Anatoly: The people closest to you always pay for your sins. You are paying for your father’s. Who will pay for yours?

Death begets death. There’s been a cost for Oliver and sometimes it was more than he can bear.

This is generational. Oliver is no longer the son. He's the father now. If he doesn't want to repeat Robert's mistakes, if this is really about being a better man, then Oliver has to learn from his father. So, William isn't pulled into the same generational cycle. It gives his mission, his morality, a new focus. Oliver has to look to the future, and not the past, to define it.

But first... there's one last thing Oliver needs to do for his father before he can really let it go.

Sometimes, if we're lucky, we are given a glimpse. It comes to us like... truth. I've experienced this in my own life. Once as a small child and then again, years later, when I was pregnant with my daughter. The first time it happened I was only 11. It was the night before a big and risky surgery and I was scared. I didn't want to fall asleep, primarily because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up after the operation. So, I was trying to stay awake as long as possible. I decided to say a prayer. I don't particularly remember what I prayed, but I do remember a voice. Loud and firm, but very gentle. It said, "You are going to be fine. Go to sleep." In that moment I was absolutely overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I never felt calm like that and I instantly fell asleep.

You can call me nuts. It's okay. Sometimes I wondered if I dreamed it, but then it happened again. When I was facing a life threatening pregnancy with my daughter. The voice was just as firm and loud. It kept saying, "28 weeks." And I knew, I KNEW, that's how long I had to hold on for my child to be okay. Eventually, my body just gave out and the doctors had to deliver her. My daughter's birthday was exactly 28 weeks to the day. As they wheeled me into surgery, I knew it was possible I might not wake up. The same peace overwhelmed me and I also knew, no matter if I survived or not, everything was going to be okay.

Y'all know by now I'm Catholic, so you can figure out who I attribute the voice to. I tell these stories because I think sometimes in moments of life and death, we're given these glimpses for a reason. These glimpses give us the strength to face what's coming, even if what's coming is death. Those moments weren't lonely for me and it gives me hope, that when it is my time, I'll be able to face it without fear.

We enjoy stories because they entertain, but also because they remind us of our own lives or we are able to glean some truth from them. I was hooked on Arrow before Felicity Smoak showed up.

Robert Queen's death is what hooked me. It was shocking and jarring. I immediately understood the horrors Oliver had survived and that it was just beginning. I needed to see where his story went.

So, that's what Robert's words to Oliver mean to me.

He was a given a glimpse and that is what gave him the strength to pull the trigger. I've often wondered what the glimpse looked like, whether it was a voice or an image or maybe both. Arrow answered a lot of questions in "Honor Thy Fathers" (like how Oliver learned to fly), but this was the question I wanted answer - What was Robert’s glimpse? It was this...

Robert Queen never imagined the Green Arrow. He only saw his son, dressed in a fine suit, taking responsibility for what he did. Oliver admitted Robert killed the councilman. He stood up and told the truth. By doing so, Oliver freed Robert of his shame. Oliver freed himself too. More than saving the city, this is what Robert meant by "right my wrongs."

Oliver isn't able to offer any defense for his father's crime because... there isn't one. Except perhaps fear, but that doesn't justify his actions. Oliver does, however, tell Star City about the man that he knew. He tells them that Robert, in a moment of courageousness, sacrificed his life for his son. It doesn't erase his sins, but penance isn't about that. It's about atonement.

A Face Like Mine by Peter Bradley Adams

I know he had a reason

I know a man can get lost

Whatever he believed in

I know he suffered the cost

His picture's almost faded

But I filled in the lines

And nothing's unforgiven

So father don't you cry

Now the years have found me

With a child of my own

Another generation

That must carry the load

But somewhere there's a memory

In the back of my mind

I see my father smiling

With a face like mine

This is a monumentally huge moment emotionally for Oliver. This is what letting go of the past looks like. Had Oliver found out about the councilman's murder four years ago, he would not have done this. He would have not told the truth. Oliver would have covered it up in the name of protecting his father. Oliver has a deeper understanding now of the truth honor really requires. He also understands what his father really needed in terms of "righting his wrongs."

Oliver also tells the truth about how Robert Queen died. "Honor Thy Fathers" is not the first time Arrow has used this title. 1x02 was entitled similarly, "Honor Thy Father." Oliver is very vague about Robert Queen's death.

Oliver implies, if not flat out lies, that Robert went down with the boat. That's the public story. It's the story Diggle knew before Oliver told him the truth. It's what Thea believed before Oliver told her the truth.

Now, Oliver tells Star City the truth. He tells everyone how Robert Queen really died. Oliver admitting this publically is such a profound statement on his healing. He isn't carrying the guilt or shame for Robert's death anymore. Whatever wrongs his father committed, Oliver can look back and see that moment, the moment where everything changed, as one of profound courage and unconditional love.

"I didn't know how painful it would be to keep my secrets. You asked me to save this city. To right your wrongs. I will. I swear. But to do that, I can't be the Oliver that everyone wants me to be. Which means that sometimes to honor your wishes I need to dishonor your memory."

Oliver made this speech to his father, kneeling in front of his grave. He had such a different perspective back then on what honoring Robert meant, the necessity of lies and the danger of truth. The weight of the past, of what Robert had asked of him, is weighing so heavily on Oliver in this moment it's almost crushing him.

This confession, admitting Robert's guilt and how he died, is the last weight of the past that Oliver finally puts down.

By doing so, Oliver truly honors his father. He breaks the cycle of lies with truth. Oliver breaks the cycle of killing by seeking a different kind of justice. He's allowed family,

friendship

and love back into his heart.

He's made lives better as the Green Arrow.

And as Oliver Queen.

He's saved the city.

Oliver has been forgiven

and has learned to forgive himself.

He's the Oliver he never thought he could be.

This is all Robert Queen has ever wanted for his son. He never wanted Oliver to be like him or live in the past. All Robert wanted was for Oliver to live his life to fullest for himself and for the people and city he loves. That's the life Robert died for. So... live it Oliver.

Thea Queen

Of all the characters on Arrow, I think Thea's arc has been the most complex and interesting. Truthfully, I didn't like Thea very much in Season 1 and watching her evolution has been one of the great joys of this show.

Yeah, she was benched in Season 5, which sucks, but it happens to every character eventually. My concern any time a character leaves the Arrow cave is they will be immediately regulated to Laurel Lance land of S1 & S2, where it feels like they are on a different show. That's sort of what happened with Thea this season.

My preference, of course, is to utilize Thea the best way possible (and in every episode) like they did Season 1- Season 4. However, this is television and it is an imperfect medium. So, my next preference is to use the character in targeted episodes that produce maximum narrative punch. Arrow achieved maximum punch with Thea in "Honor Thy Fathers."

Oliver and Thea are on very similar trajectories this year, which I wasn't expecting at the beginning of the season. I sort of thought Oliver would have his crap together a little sooner. HA! I know. Foolish child.

Truthfully, I just didn't see Prometheus coming nor was I expecting the darkness bomb that was 5x17. Oliver's 2B journey is very similar to the journey Thea has been grappling with since, really Season 3.

Is she a monster? Listen, being Malcolm Merlyn's daughter isn't easy and if I had that psychopath's genes in my DNA, I'd be giving the mirror a serious and hard look.

Of course, Thea only need to look at Tommy for hope that maybe she's nothing like her father and DNA doesn't determine our souls.

Ugh. Still so painful.

I actually think Thea is more like Moira than she is Merlyn.

BABY MOIRA LIVES!!!

Moira pulled some seriously shady stuff, which includes being complicity in the murder of hundreds. Moira was always willing to do whatever was necessary to protect her children and reconciled that her love for them balanced her sins in the cosmic equations. Moira was willing to go to the depths of hell itself if it meant keeping her children safe. This love gave Moira the strength to give up her life for Oliver and Thea.

Thea operates in a similar way. She's driven by love, like her mother, and not revenge and hate, like her father. But Thea understands something that even Moira did not. No matter how much their parents loved them, it doesn't excuse everything they did. Since Thea is driven by love, she can apply this lesson to herself. Being willing to do whatever is necessary to protect those she loves isn't an absolution. There's still a price to be paid.

What I love about Thea is her realism, especially when it comes to their family. She's the complete opposite of Oliver. Thea hears Robert killed a councilman and thinks, "Yup. Makes sense," while Oliver rails idealistic platitudes about their parents. It seems pretty clear there's only one Queen sibling who actually watches Arrow. I suggest Seasons 1-5 on DVD for Oliver for Christmas Thea. It'll make a nice stocking stuffer.

Oliver faced his own internal monster these past few episodes, which has prepared him to help Thea. Maybe in a way he wasn't capable of before. Now, he understands what Thea feels on a deeper level because instead of avoiding that pain like he has for the last five years, Oliver finally faced it. Well... after Chase tortured him, but Oliver still did all the work after, so I'm giving him points.

Oliver harnesses Thea's light by realizing that maybe he's not the person she needs right now. Who Thea needs right now is her father - Robert Queen. Oliver was afraid that what Robert says in the video would be a burden to Thea. He didn't want his sister to feel like she has to take care of him, which as Felicity accurately points out, is so Oliver Queen. Oliver sometimes fails to understand that this whole family thing is reciprocal.

What Robert tells Thea isn't a burden. It's freedom.

It's such an exquisitely emotional moment, because we realize how well Robert knew both his children and how much Thea needs her father right now.

Thea is stronger than Oliver. She always has been and Oliver knows that. As much as Oliver has survived, as much as he's overcome, there is always a moment when pain shuts Oliver down. I don't attribute this all to his PTSD. This happened to Oliver before the Island. Part of his journey to the Green Arrow is to learn how to process pain and adversity in a healthier way.

“Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up.” - Four, Divergent

Thea isn't like that. Pain doesn't shut Thea down.

It wakes her up.

She finds a way to absorb the pain and uses it to make her stronger.

“If there's a crisis, you don't freeze, you move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse, and you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are.” Derek Shepherd, Grey’s Anatomy

Robert speaks to the core of who Thea is.

Souce: @oilversqueen

Her strength is what makes her the rock Oliver Queen can crash against. There are two things Oliver cannot survive - losing Thea or Felicity. Oliver needs his sister to go on living. Losing her would be his breaking point. Oliver doesn't come back from that.

This love Thea feels for her brother, and everyone she loves for that matter, is often what causes her to cross lines. Robert gives Thea a gift because his words help her refocus that love. Oliver doesn't come back from losing Thea and there's more than one way to lose someone. If she wants to help her brother, then Thea has to hold the moral line as well. Thea can love just as intensely as Moira and Robert (and maybe even Malcolm), but she can also love differently. That's how she breaks the cycle.

Oliver passes along the advice Felicity gave him to his sister because, after five years, he's finally realized she's always right and life would just be a lot simpler if he just listened to her the first time.

I think the words land with Thea for the same reason they land with Oliver. The past is a heavy burden to carry and there just comes a point when you are tired. You want to let it go. Someone just needs to tell you that it's okay. The Queen siblings are tired. They are ready to let this go. (So is the audience kids. Go with God.)

So that's what Oliver does for Thea. She's not a monster. She's not destined to become like Malcolm or even Moira and Robert. Thea is her own person and it's okay to let the past go. It's okay to start living for herself, because... Oliver is right. That's what Moira would want. That's what would Robert want. It's what they died for.

Lance and Wild Dog

Seriously, I ship it hard. The friendship between Lance and Wild Dog has been one of the surprises for me this year. It's taken a little while to get there, but their scenes together are really starting to land with me. Paul Blackthorne and Rick Gonzalez just play off each other so well. Their two characters just blend together, which is kind of shocking when you look at how different they are.

Rene wants his daughter back. This makes me so damn happy. I enjoy hero stories that are moving somewhere. Rene's intent and purpose for being Wild Dog took a little while to flesh out, but ultimately my take away is- this year with Team Arrow prepared Rene to be the father Zoë needs. Like so many before him, the mask was an outlet for his grief and rage, but I am seeing a less wild version of Wild Dog these past few episodes. He is learning. He is growing. He is far less annoying. Damn it. I like him.

His reticance about putting Zoë through a hearing I think actually shows how good a father Rene is. He doesn't want to put Zoë through emotional trauma. Rene is harboring a lot of guilt for what happened to her mother, for the reason Zoë is in foster care to begin with. It would be very easy to believe she's better off. (Does this sound like anyone we know?)

Lance tells Rene he's right. The hearing may bring up bad memories for Zoë, but that's exactly why he needs to go. Rene needs to get his daughter back so he can give her new memories - happy ones - of them together. Otherwise, all she be left with is the bad. Rene has resigned himself to living in the past and by doing so he's resigned his daughter to the same fate. He's refusing to look to the future, to the possibility of happiness, because of what happened in the past.

Lance became pretty emotional during his little chat with Rene and pretty much begs him to go to the hearing. Quentin Lance is a hard shell to crack, but once you do he's just full of ooey gooey yumminess. He cares about Rene. He's seen how much he's grown and Lance firmly believes Zoë is better off with her father.

I also think some of the emotion can be attributed to Laurel. She's always there, just underneath the surface, for Lance. Lance has a hefty amount of guilt for how Laurel died and for the pain his alcoholism caused her. Quentin doesn't have the same opportunity that Rene does. He can't make new happy memories with his daughter. He will never have that chance again. So, some of this for Lance is trying to get Rene to see that he still has a future with Zoë. Lance does not. All he has left is the past.

It's why Rene not showing up makes ABSOLUTELY no sense. So it's one of two options: A) Rene still has a ways to go or B) my girl @callistawolf is right and Prometheus already took him.

Stray Thoughts

This really could have served as a season finale for me. I mean... obviously Chase is ten steps of Oliver, got captured intentionally and is going to fuck shit up crazy pants style. But from an Oliver Queen emotional evolution standpoint? I'm good. He's everything I ever wanted him to be (which is how he'll beat Prometheus). Eh... well... alright, if I'm being honest I need him to kiss Felicity. Then we can trot off to Season 6.

First up in the "Arrow Finally Answers Series Long Questions" Robert taught Oliver how to fly. It was some of his last happy memories of his dad. Awww. Also... Oliver had a skill before the island? I didn't know that could happen!

Deathstroke mask washed up on shore and Oliver used it as a grave marker for Slade because he was his friend. Oliver also felt it was some sort of sign BECAUSE IT WAS. DUN DUN DUNN!!!!!

Oliver was only on Lian Yu for TWO DAYS before the boat rescued him. A boat Anatoly arranged.

Oliver's Tom Hanks Castaway hair do was a wig. Oh Arrow... that's very meta of you.

"It makes Isobel Rochev look like a bad practical joke." Hmm... did you sleep with Chase Oliver? Asking for a friend.

Me: Well... Oliver and Diggle haven't done a concrete hole yet.

Curtis, and not the T-Spheres, took someone down. PROGRESS!

This might be the truest thing anyone has ever said about Oliver.

Prometheus pulls out a sword. I start looking around for Oliver's Ra's Al Ghul Killin' Sword. Would seem handy at the moment.

Source:sharingmyworld

Is there anything cuter than Proud Felicity? The correct answer is no there is not.

Mini rant: Dinah asking Curtis whether or not they should move in on Sampson was kind of ridiculous. DINAH IS A COP. She would know that the guns could be legal and they need to wait to have actual evidence of a crime for the case to hold up. We did not need Curtis to explain this to her. See... this is what bugs me about Curtis. More often than not, they are dumbing down characters (mostly FEMALE) to give him something to freaking do.

I love the name Zoë. Always have.

There's always someone on this fucked up Island Oliver. How did you not check the whole island before Anatoly left? Have you not watched the damn show?

***None of the gifs are mine. If you’d like me to remove it or credit you, just drop me a message.

#arrow #olicity #robert queen #arrow 5x22 #oliver queen #thea queen #felicity smoak #arrow spoilers #arrow reviews #arrow season 5 episode review #season 5 episode review

252 notes · View notes