#i suppose this could work for any ryder

[storiesforallfandoms]

the space cowboy and the pa ~ tom ryder;the fall guy

word count: 2869

request?: no

description: in which the big movie star takes interest in the pa of his new movie

pairing: tom ryder x female!reader

warnings: swearing, tom being tom, use of y/n

masterlist (one, two, three)

When you were hired as a PA on a major sci-fi blockbuster, you were obviously beyond ecstatic. It was a big deal for many reasons, and it would look great on your resume as the first film you worked on.

What you didn't expect was for your job to essentially become you running after Tom Ryder all the time.

You knew who Tom Ryder was before you were hired on to Metalstorm. Everyone did. His face was on every screen and every poster. But besides knowing him for his work, you were also warned about his work ethic and entitled attitude. You couldn't say you were surprised to hear that. You figured most celebrities of his status were all into themselves. But when you started working with him, you realized it wasn't just his stuck up-ness, it was his lack of work ethic. Truly, you had no idea how any of his movies ever got made.

You didn't agree to work on Metalstorm so you could chase a self obsessed ego maniac around all day and convince him to come do his job. That's now what a PA is meant to do. On the plus side, Jody was very sympathetic and apologetic to you over this. Jody had worked with Tom for years, and had actually been the one to warn you about Tom's behavior. She knew you didn't want to just be a lacky to Tom Ryder, but when Tom's personal assistant was constantly out taking care of his dogs or getting him his super (annoyingly) specific Starbucks order, and everyone else was too busy trying to make a huge blockbuster to do it themselves, the responsibility had to fall to someone.

So, when you arrived on set to see Jody with her head in her hands, a sign that she was stressed, you already knew what was happening.

"He was supposed to be here an hour ago," Jody said, exasperated. "We don't have much time left for this shoot and there's still so much to be done, but he's nowhere to be found."

You looked up at Gail, sipping her usual Diet Coke. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I've already gone to his trailer twice. Each time he said he was on his way to set."

"Clearly he wasn't," you muttered. "I'll go find him."

"(Y/N), no - " Jody started.

"Try to film something with Colt in place of Tom or something," you told her. "I'll get the dickhead to set."

You made off for Tom's trailer. It was incredibly easy to find among the sea of other cast and crew trailers because it was the biggest one. He could probably live out of it if he hadn't gotten a huge apartment to stay in while filming. His name was printed in big, bold letters on the door, as if the size of the trailer alone wasn't enough to signal that it belonged to the star of the movie.

You walked in without knocking, something you'd realize later you might've regretted if you had found Tom in a more...revealing position. Luckily, he was just laying on the trailer couch, a sleep mask over his eyes and AirPods in his ears. He didn't notice you walked into his trailer, so you did something else you'd probably regret: you flicked Tom's forehead to get his attention.

He jumped and ripped off his sleep mask, snapping, "What the fuck?!"

You crossed your arms as his eyes readjusted to the light. He looked up at you and took out a headphone. "What do you want?"

You rolled your eyes. "You, on set, now."

"Gail already came to tell me it was call time. I'll be there in a minute."

"You were meant to be on set an hour ago. There's no more 'minutes', you're coming now."

Tom sat up. "Listen, assistant, I have a very intense process before I start filming that takes time and concentration. Gail already interrupted me, and now that you have as well I'll have to start all over. Tell Jody not to worry a hair on her pretty head, I will be there."

A combination of general frustration with Tom's behavior and the fact that he was dismissing you as just an "assistant" caused you to finally snapped. You grabbed Tom's sleep mask and snatched his headphones from his ears. He protested, but you ignored him as you kicked open his trailer door and chucked the objects as far as you could.

When you turned back to Tom, he was on his feet and he looked furious. But you refused to be intimidated by him.

"You listen to me, Tom Ryder," you said. "I don't give a shit about your stupid fucking pre-filming rituals. What I do give a shit about is this movie, that you're supposed to be the star of. I am sick and tired of chasing you around like a toddle to round you onto set when that is not my job. So, please, get off your ass and do your job."

You turned to leave, but paused to add, "And I'm a PA, not your assistant."

You walked out of his trailer, the frustration slowly starting to evaporate. You didn't think your words were going to have any effect on Tom. If anything, you were sure it would just make him pissed off and he probably wouldn't even come to set at all now. You'd feel worried for your job if you weren't so happy with yourself for finally telling Tom off.

You were planning on how you were going to tell Jody about what happened with Tom when you heard his trailer door open. You turned to see Tom stepping out of the trailer, already dressed in his gold space cowboy outfit which you hadn't noticed before.

He brushed past you, saying, "Let's shoot this fucking thing."

You let out a sigh of relief as you trailed after him.

Tom, luckily, was super professional and fantastic at his job for the remainder of the day. So much so that Jody was literally jumping from her seat to praise the cast, and to show her relief that the day had finally gone well. You were equally thrilled by this because it meant you were finally able to do your actual job.

When Jody finally called it for the day, you were collecting your stuff and noticed someone approaching you. You looked up to see it was Tom. You braced yourself for the verbal berating you were likely about to get.

"Hey," he said. "PA. What's your name?"

You'd be offended if it were anyone else asking. You had been working with Tom for months, so most people would expect that he'd know your name, but considering that he viewed you as just another assistant until hours ago, you weren't shocked that he hadn't deemed you important enough to remember your name.

"(Y/N)," you told him. "And, listen, I'm sorry about what I said earlier - "

"No you're not," Tom cut you off. "That level of verbal smackdown only happens when you've been holding something in for a long time and you've finally had enough. And you're right, I haven't been making things easy for anyone on set this whole filming process."

Was this some sort of joke? Were the cameras still rolling trying to film your reaction? Had you passed out suddenly while filming and now you were dreaming? There was no way that Tom Ryder of all people was admitting to his faults, especially to someone he couldn't even be bothered to learn the name or occupation of until seconds ago.

When you didn't respond, Tom continued on, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Uh...just going back to my hotel room, I guess. Maybe grab a drink with Jody at the hotel bar."

"Change your plans. You're gonna come have a drink with me instead."

It wasn't a question because Tom Ryder didn't have to ask questions. Tom Ryder was used to just smiling at a woman - or at a man honestly - and having them fall to his feet immediately.

So imagine his surprise when you said, "No."

You started to walk away from him, but he quickly moved to follow you. "Uh...maybe you didn't hear me correctly."

"No, I heard you just fine," you said. "The answer is no."

"But...why?"

You stopped walking to turn and face him. "Tom, you are the star of this movie, and I am a production assistant. There are so many levels of not right about me getting drinks with you."

"It's just drinks," he said with a shrug.

"It's a date, and I can't go on a date with you while we're working together."

You turned to walk away from him again. This time, he didn't follow. He watched you go for a while before calling out, "What about when we're not working together?"

You looked over your shoulder and smiled at him. "We'll see."

~~~~~~

Weeks later, the filming of Metalstorm came to a close. It have become much less painful on set as Tom was always in costume and on set at the time he was supposed to be, sometimes even earlier. Everyone was so shocked by his sudden change, but no one was going to question it. There was too much left of the movie to be filmed to start bringing attention to the fact that Tom was actually being a professional.

During the last few weeks, Tom did not give up on his pursuit of you. He didn't ask you out again, but he was constantly sending you gifts to remind you that he still wanted to go out with you: flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals. The one that really made you laugh was when you found a magazine with him on the cover, shirtless, in front of your hotel room door.

The last day on set, as everyone was celebrating the end of the shoot and saying their emotional goodbyes, you walked up to Tom and slipped a piece of paper into his hand. When he opened it, he saw your number written on it.

You got a text almost immediately after: "drinks, my place. i'll send a car for you"

You got ready at the hotel, putting on the nicest thing you had packed. You hadn't really packed any dresses or outfits that would be date worthy because you weren't expecting to go on any dates. The closest thing you had was a nice pair of jeans and a short sleeved button up blouse that was white with red and pink flowers on it. It seemed more professional work vibes than date vibes, but that's all you had really prepared for.

You also hadn't packed makeup, not expecting to need any when you were just here for work, so you had to hope Tom wasn't expecting you to show up completely dolled up.

The car he had sent for you showed up around 8pm and took you directly to his apartment. He was waiting for you by the door, also dressed more casually than fancy for a date, so you felt a little relieved.

"Hey," he said when you got out of the car. "You look great."

"Thanks," you said. "Are we, um, staying in for drinks?"

"Yeah, I figure that's probably the better option. Less likely to be surrounded by paparazzi or crazy fans if we just hang out in my place."

Right, that would make sense.

You hadn't really thought about the fact that someone like Tom probably didn't get to go out as much as a normal person would. He hadn't been to any of the Metalstorm cast and crew nights out, but you had chalked that up to him thinking he was too good to go out with everyone else. Maybe it was actually because he felt like he couldn't.

You followed Tom into his apartment. Although, "apartment" was definitely an understatement. The place was bigger than the house you had grown up in, and even had two floors and a rooftop pool. You couldn't help but marvel at everything - the largeness of it, as well as all the film memorabilia Tom had placed on the walls and the shelves. And then you came across the walls covered in sticky notes and found yourself confused.

Tom noticed the look on your face as you stopped to read a few of the notes and laughed. "I like to remember things."

"'Next role: paramedic vampire'?" you read, giving Tom a playful look.

"I think that could be a good role. Imagine a paramedic who is also a vampire, and sometimes they have to struggle with all the blood they're exposed to every day."

"So basically Carlisle Cullen from Twilight?"

"I've never seen those movies so I don't know."

You chuckled as you followed him to the mini bar.

"What do you drink?" he asked. "I have...basically everything."

"Give me a whiskey neat." He raised an eyebrow at you. "I had a lot of hard nights during film school. You learn to enjoy the hard stuff."

He smiled and grabbed you a glass. He filled it halfway with a whiskey that definitely looked very expensive, and then got himself a glass as well. He held his glass up to you, and you tapped yours against his.

"What are we toasting to?" you asked him.

"To the movie finally wrapping so I could take you on a date."

You couldn't help but smile as you took a sip of your whiskey.

"There's something I have to ask you before we move forward, though," you said. Tom leaned against the island between you two and motioned for you to continue. "When did you and Iggy stop dating? I mean...obviously you've stopped dating...right?"

Tom chuckled. "Would I have asked you on a date if we hadn't?"

"I don't know how you big hot shot celebrity couples do relationships. Maybe you guys are like...open? I don't know."

"We're not, and we're not together. We broke up just before Metalstorm started filming."

You winced. "That's rough."

"That's acting. You can't just throw away a whole role because you have to act alongside your ex. Besides, it was mutual, and now she's dating Jason Momoa."

"And you're on a date with the PA from Metalstorm."

Tom gave you a look. "Don't say that as if it's a downgrade or something. I like you, that's all that matters."

You were speechless. This was the most sincere you had ever heard Tom be. Usually he was yelling or cursing on set because he felt like the take he did was awful, or he was annoyed by the Australian heat in his shiny gold costume. You had no idea that Tom Ryder had a softer side of him. Actually, you weren't sure anyone knew that.

You and Tom eventually moved from the car to the couch in his lounge. He turned on a movie ("I promise it won't be my own", he had joked) and the two of you sat close but not close enough to be touching. Tom had his arm across the back of the couch behind you, just begging for you to lean into him. You'd keep inching closer every so often until finally your side was pressed against his, and you were able to rest your head on his shoulder.

You couldn't help but think about how surprised you were with how quickly things had changed these last few weeks. For a majority of filming, you had basically hated Tom. You thought he was egotistical and annoying. You never would've thought you'd be on a date with him once filming had wrapped. Sure, you thought he was attractive. Anyone with eyes could see that. But you didn't think he would ever see you as someone to go on a date with, let alone that you would have agreed if he asked.

At some point during the movie, Tom shifted and moved away from you. You looked up at him, confused, to find him already looking down at you.

"I really want to kiss you," he admitted.

"What's stopping you?" you asked.

The answer was nothing, because once the words were out of your mouth Tom was cupping your cheek and pulling you in for a kiss. It was one of those magical kisses that people in TV shows and movies always talk about. The ones where they say you feel a spark and you see stars. You didn't want it to end.

But eventually you had to pull away for air. You looked up at Tom, who now had a small grin on his face.

"I suppose there's no chance you'd want to stay over?" he asked.

You really wanted to say yes, but you knew you shouldn't. You weren't the type of person to put out on the first date, and you knew there was a huge risk of that happening if you stayed at Tom's for the night.

So, you sighed and shook your haed.

"Thought so," Tom said. "I'll just have to get enough kissing in before I have to let you go."

You giggled as he leaned in to kiss you again.

[superprofesh]

The Five Times Colt Seavers Almost Kisses You (and the One Time He Does) — Part 5

Pairing: Colt Seavers x reader

Description: The fifth time Colt Seavers almost kisses you — when you finally decide you've waited long enough to tell him what he means to you.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5.5k

Tag List: @strangedeerconnoisseur, @icantwaittoliveandlearn, @moonlightandstarshimmer, @chemococktailonthehouse, @1word (sending directly to the rest because Tumblr isn't cooperating)

Author’s Note: Things are heating up!!! As you can tell, this chapter is a bit longer, and I can promise you, it's got a lot of good stuff in it :D By far my favorite chapter to write so far. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have, and I appreciate all your kind words and support so much!!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

A week after you’ve made an official friendship declaration with Colt Seavers, you’re back on the dim, grimy underground train station set, getting ready to watch him throw himself in front of a moving train.

At the moment, Colt is standing on the other side of the train tracks, and you’re watching him from a considerable distance across the set. You have every reason to be there — this is the set you’ve been working on day and night for the last month, after all — but you’re not the least bit worried about any of your props or decorations. All you care about is making sure Colt pulls off one of his most dangerous stunts yet.

It’s been a strange week for you. On one hand, you’re glad that Colt knows you have some feelings for him, and that your friendship has been able to carry on without becoming awkward. His sincere, unexpected apology only made your feelings stronger, but you’re trying to ignore that.

All the same, being “just friends” is the slowest, most excruciating torture you’ve ever known. For one whole week, Colt has not done a single thing that could be interpreted as overly flirtatious, just as he promised he wouldn’t so you could be spared the pain. No subtle touches, no saucy looks, no double-edged words. It’s kind of him, really.

It also hurts like a razorblade on a third-degree burn.

Still, it’s better than nothing. As long as you can have him in your life in some way, you’re satisfied to try to quell these overwhelming feelings that threaten to break free at any moment. You’re in love with him — you know that now if you never knew it before — but you just have to be content knowing that he doesn’t feel the same way. That you have to love him as you’d love a friend.

So here you are, being a supportive friend as he casts himself headfirst into a dangerous situation. This stunt involves standing in for the film’s star, Tom Ryder, whose character is supposed to be shackled to a railroad track directly in the path of a moving train, only to break free just in time. Colt’s job is to pretend to be shackled down and jump up in plenty of time to clear the path of the moving train, which is, to your great dismay, not a prop in the slightest.

As the camera crew makes their last arrangements to start filming this shot, Colt turns from fiddling with a handcuff prop to catch your eyes in the crowd that has gathered to watch. He smiles when he sees you, lifting a hand in greeting and throwing his trademark thumbs-up high above his head.

Your heart speeds up at the sight of Colt’s smile, and you wave back at him in what you hope is an encouraging manner.

“Hey, relax,” a female voice says in your ear. You turn to see Holly grinning at you as she walks back to the cameras that are already in position. “He’s done this kind of thing a million times.”

You cut your eyes at her with a smirk. “I’m not worried,” you insist.

Holly lifts both eyebrows and laughs at you, always able to read what you’re really thinking. You laugh with her, glad to feel the knot in your stomach loosening a little. Holly gives your hand a quick squeeze in encouragement before taking her place at the lead camera station.

When you look back at the set, Colt is already in position, crouched down on one knee with his hands behind his back. You know he’s not actually tied down, but even seeing the fake handcuffs almost makes you wish you hadn’t come to watch.

Elijah Gordon, the director, is shouting some instructions at the crew as they make their last-minute preparations. He’s already cued the train to start moving, as it takes nearly half a mile to get the desired speed for the shot.

“One minute, people!” Gordon bellows, situating himself on a camera dolly high enough that he can see the action below. “We’re doing this in one take, or we’re not doing it at all. Colt, remember I want it to look real!”

Colt grins up at Gordon, his face smeared with fake dirt and his teeth shining like a white band through the grime. “It is real, Gordon!”

Gordon gives a curt nod, then listens to a voice over the walkie-talkie. Though your mind is focused on watching Colt, you can’t help the creeping disdain that you always feel when it comes to Elijah Gordon. The man is a phenomenal director, but he’s also the most callous, self-centered, inconsiderate person you’ve ever known. Knowing Colt’s life is more or less in Gordon’s hands makes you feel queasy.

The train whistle pierces the echoey tunnel chamber, and Gordon lifts his megaphone to shout, “Roll cameras!”

You put both hands over your mouth, dreading having to watch the scene play out. Colt looks entirely confident where he kneels on the railroad track, but you can’t help wondering what he feels in moments like this. Does he get scared? Does he lose faith in his own abilities? Does he ever doubt that the stunt will work perfectly? Can he afford to think like that?

A second train whistle stabs your ears, and you can feel your heart beating faster than ever before. You feel like you’re the one lingering on the tracks.

You can see the train now, and your eyes flit back to Colt, whose face is mostly hidden by the bandanna tied around his forehead. His muscles are tensed, ready to spring away at the perfect second. Gordon is shouting directions, his voice barely audible above the racket of the approaching train. He holds up his hand high in the air, signaling to Colt to stay in position.

The train eats up another hundred feet. Two hundred. Three hundred. Five hundred. Gordon’s hand doesn’t budge, and Colt keeps his eyes on the director for his cue to move.

You can hear your heartbeat hammering in your ears, and it takes all your willpower not to screw your eyes shut. You keep them open as if caught in a trance, bouncing back and forth between Colt and the train as if you’re watching a tennis match.

The train rumbles closer and closer, now near enough that you can see the face of the man driving the engine. You hold your breath, waiting for Gordon to throw his hand down in a signal to Colt.

But Gordon’s hand doesn’t move. Another screeching whistle. The train is less than a hundred yards away now.

You know he should have given Colt the signal by now — you were there for the days of blocking and planning that went into this scene. Suddenly your lungs constrict as you realize Gordon is pushing Colt for a few more seconds on the tracks, long enough to make the film audiences gasp.

“Stop!” you scream at the top of your lungs, but your voice is drowned out by the roar of the train. Your feet are carrying you in a sprint before you even register your own movement. Two hundred feet away now.

“Gordon, stop it!” The director can’t hear you, but Holly does, whirling around and grabbing you by both arms to stop you from getting any closer to the set. You can see Colt’s eyes get wider as he realizes that Gordon isn’t lowering his arm.

Everything in your entire being is shuddering, wanting to shut down, wanting to scream, to explode into action, but Holly beckons for two other crew members to help hold you back. All you can do is watch as the train draws closer and Colt waits for Gordon’s signal. One hundred feet.

“Holly, make him stop!” you scream at your friend, whose distressed expression tells you you’re not alone in your confused panic.

At the last second, with the train less than fifty feet away, Gordon throws his hand down, and Colt is already in motion, somersaulting off the track and into the safety zone as the train — all forty tons of it — whizzes over the space that Colt occupied seconds ago.

Holly and her two crew members hold you back a second longer, and when the red light on the camera flickers off, you break past them and run as fast as you can onto the set. You can barely see where to step as you climb over the platform and down into the dingy, darkened train tunnel, tears blurring your vision and your pulse hammering in your ears.

Colt is leaning against the wall of the tunnel, his face as white as a ghost. Several crew members have already gathered around him, but you shove past them and throw your arms around his neck, uncaring of what anyone might think. You can feel Colt trembling in your arms even as his easygoing voice whispers in your ear, “I’m okay, I’m okay.”

Once you’re satisfied that he really is alive, you pull back, framing his face in your hands and searching his eyes with what you know must be a crazed look. Colt doesn’t say anything more; the color is slowly returning to his face, and his nerves are calming down now that the adrenaline wears off. He doesn’t, however, loosen his grip on you, betraying how shaken he still is.

“Nice work, Colt,” bellows a voice from the train platform. “That was just what we needed.”

At the sound of Gordon’s voice, all you can see is red.

Setting your jaw, you turn away from Colt and stride back to the platform with more rage than you can remember feeling in your entire life. Every muscle in your body is quaking visibly, and your voice rings out loud and clear over the chaos in the set when you shout, “How dare you?”

Gordon turns from his conversation with a cameraman and gives you a nonplussed glance. When he realizes that your yell and your power walk are directed at him, he dismisses the cameraman to deal with you head-on.

“Something you want to discuss?” Gordon asks you, condescension dripping from his voice.

Behind you, you hear Colt making his way onto the platform, his calm voice assuring you, “Hey, it’s okay—”

But you’re not in the mood to be comforted. “It is not okay, Colt,” you shout, your eyes still locked on Gordon. Every eye on the set is directed at you, now that you’ve chosen to make a huge scene with Elijah Gordon himself. Colt pulls to a stop beside you, but your words are still pointed at Gordon. “How could you make him do that? How dare you make him do that?”

“There wasn’t any real risk, kid,” Gordon says flippantly. “Keep your bonnet on.”

“No real risk?” you demand. “Did we just see the same scene? Colt was trying to get off the tracks to stay alive, and you forced him to stay on longer so you could get a ��closer call’ on camera.”

Gordon’s brows lower at that. “Again, not life-threatening,” he snaps. “If it were, Colt wouldn’t have finished the stunt, and I wouldn’t have made him do it.”

“You weren’t the one staring down the headlights of a train!”

Colt rests his hand on your elbow in an attempt to get you to calm down, but Gordon fires back at you immediately, “He’s a stuntman, my dear. In case you folks in the set decorating department don’t know what that is, it means he does stunts. Sometimes those stunts are dangerous.”

Gordon’s arrogance only inflames your anger more. “I am completely aware that his job comes with risks,” you shout. “But those risks shouldn’t come from a toffee-nosed director who thinks human life is something to play with like a deck of cards.”

You feel Colt stiffen beside you, and his grip on your arm grows firmer. “Hey, it seriously is okay,” Colt assures you. “Just drop it.”

“I’m not dropping it, Colt. If that train had been a few seconds off count, you wouldn’t be part of this conversation. You’d be in pieces on the train tracks.”

Gordon raises his hands to cut in, replacing the harshness in his voice with honey. “Listen, my dear, let’s just keep a clear picture of who you are, all right? You’re here to make the sets look good. You do that very nicely, and I appreciate it. So why don’t you keep your little toffee-nosed opinions off the set where the actual movies are being made, okay?”

You feel a shift in Colt’s body language again, but this time, it’s directed towards Gordon. You stand your ground, shooting a steely-eyed stare at the director that would make any action star proud.

“I bet your producers wouldn’t appreciate hearing that you risked the life of their top stuntman,” you tell him softly.

Gordon laughs out loud at that, as do a few of the crew members standing around him. “Listen, sweetheart, the producers pay me to make their movies look good,” he informs you. His voice changes then, affecting a curious, offended tone. “Aren’t you the one who’s been on a little crusade lately about doing everything with practical effects? You want to change your stance and say I should do all the stunts in VFX? Your boyfriend will be out of a job if I do that.”

A few more crew members laugh, trying to reduce some of the tension that is radiating between you. You know you’re the only person who’s freaking out about Colt’s close call — it’s not like he hasn’t done this sort of thing before — but you can’t help feeling like this is important.

“You absolute scumbag,” you hiss at Gordon. “You seriously are going to play this off like it’s just part of the process? Colt almost died—”

Holly comes up on your other side now, setting a calming hand on your shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay, just—”

“I bet your producers would have loved to hear about that—”

“You need to calm down—” Holly says more firmly.

“And don’t you dare try to throw my own words at me like I’ve supported you risking people’s lives for a cool shot—”

Colt’s voice now. “Look, it’s not a big deal—”

“It is a big deal!” you explode, your voice echoing through the train station. “I mean, am I seriously the only one who sees any value in your life?”

Your comment is heavy, and everyone seems to feel the weight of it. Gordon hesitates, his eyes flicking back and forth between you, Colt, and Holly as if to make sure he’s not about to be physically attacked. The usual buzz of the crew is dead silent.

Finally, Gordon clears his throat and says dismissively, “If you’ve got a problem with me, kid, talk to the studio and see if they care. I can promise you they won’t.” He takes one step closer to you, and in a lower voice adds, “And in the meantime, keep your mouth shut about my processes. You’re good at your job, and I’d hate for you to have to get kicked off set just because you can’t keep your personal life separate from your professional one.”

With that, Gordon whirls around and walks back to the cameras to review the shot.

You’re still trembling with anger, your voice drying up in your throat as you realize that everyone in the crowd is still staring at you. You’re not ashamed of what you said, but you’re embarrassed that everyone on set had to witness it.

Ducking your head, you pull away from Colt and Holly and start walking out of the train station set. Only when the warm afternoon air hits your face do you realize tears have been streaming down your cheeks.

Colt is just a few steps behind you, and you look at him wordlessly, trying to read his expression. There’s not a trace of anger or confusion in his eyes — just a deep gratitude and affection. He slings his arm around your shoulders and leads you away from the set.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

The irony of that question isn’t lost on you. “This isn’t about me, Colt,” you state bluntly. You raise questioning eyes to him. “Does it really not bother you that he jeopardized you? Completely unnecessarily?”

Colt shrugs, his brow furrowing as he thinks. He seems so calm now, no traces of the panicky fear he couldn’t hide immediately after the stunt. “If I felt like it was unsafe,” he says carefully, “I would have jumped off the track no matter what he said.”

Another second, and it would have been too late.

“I know,” you acknowledge, a hint of emotion creeping into your voice. “I just… I don’t know. Just… seeing everyone act like it’s so casual and not important. Like your life doesn’t even make that much of a difference—”

“Hey,” Colt murmurs, stopping and turning you to face him so he can put both hands on your shoulders. “You are reading way too far into this, Picasso. No one is trying to eradicate my existence here.”

His tone is light and his eyes twinkling, and you know he’s trying to get you to laugh this off. But you just can’t.

“I know,” you whisper. “I just hate that it seems like I’m the only one who cares if you live or die. Including you.”

Your last statement makes Colt pause. You see the hesitation in his eyes as he mulls over what you’re implying. “Not true,” he replies at last, pulling you back under one arm as you resume walking towards the tents that have been set up for the crew.

“Really? Because you act like you don’t care.” Your voice holds no edge, no accusation. “You get more and more reckless with every stunt, and it just… it kills me to watch.”

You know you’re saying too much. You know you’re pushing the “just friends” agreement. But you can’t stop.

Colt takes his time responding to that. Suddenly, he seems to be really listening to the hidden meanings in your words, realizing that your outburst toward Gordon was indicative of something a lot deeper, something that you’re trying to communicate to him now. You can feel his steady heartbeat against your side, the gentle pressure of his hand on your shoulder. His steps are perfectly synchronized with yours.

“Look, I don’t have a death wish,” Colt explains at last, a serious note in his voice. “This is my job; I love the danger that comes with it. It’s like I said, both of us do our jobs because it’s our passion, no matter the risks.”

You shake your head. “I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I was mad at you.”

Colt genuinely chuckles at that. “Believe me, it was obvious who you were mad at.”

“I guess I overdid it, huh?” You can feel some of the intense anger in your chest melting, and you let yourself release a slight laugh as you realize just what a spectacle you made: screaming at one of the world’s top directors on his own set.

“Maybe a little,” Colt confirms kindly. Once the two of you step inside one of the empty tents, he lifts his arm off your shoulders, and you turn to lean back against one of the wooden tables so you can face him. His face is still smeared with grime, and it suddenly reminds you of the moment you shared a few weeks ago, marking each other’s faces with your oil paints.

“I shouldn’t have made such a big deal about it,” you concede, letting your gaze fall to the ground. “I just… felt like it needed to be said after literally everyone on set witnessed it.”

Colt nods, smirking at you and crossing his arms to lean against one of the structure beams. “Hey, I appreciated it,” he says with a wink. “No one’s ever challenged a director to demand safer working conditions for me.”

“Maybe it’s about time,” you shoot back, your heart speeding up.

“Maybe.”

The moment falls quiet. The tent is empty besides the two of you, and all you can hear is the sound of each other’s breathing and the gentle rustling of the wind against the flaps of the tent. Colt tilts his head back against the beam he’s leaning on, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath. You can tell that this stunt took a toll on him, even if he’s not showing it.

Without warning, all the feelings you’ve been hiding for the last few months threaten to spill out of your lips. Maybe it was seeing him so close to death; maybe it was your impassioned rant; maybe it’s just what happens when you love someone with the desperation of a drowning person reaching for air.

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you blurt out, “I really do care about you, you know.”

Colt doesn’t open his eyes or lift his head back up. “Well, if I didn’t, I certainly do now.”

His tone is humorous, but you’re not letting it go now that you’re committed. It’s now or never. “No, I’m serious,” you insist. “I know we’re just doing the friendship thing, but either way, I really care about you.” Colt lifts his head to fix his eyes on you, and you choose your next words carefully so he won’t misunderstand your meaning. “If you ever think that no one cares if you survive the stunts or not, I hope you know it’s not true. There’s one person in the world who would probably go insane without you around.”

Colt doesn’t laugh, but he doesn’t sound completely serious either when he responds, “Ah, you’d be fine.”

“Please tell me you don’t honestly think that.”

“Look, Picasso, I’m just one guy in the world,” Colt reminds you, shaking his head as if he’s explaining something very simple. “You’re going to meet thousands in your career, which I know is going to be super long and super star-studded. You’ve got everything in your life to look forward to.”

You frown at him, caught off guard by his seemingly off-topic response. “Colt, what are you even talking about?”

He swallows hard, looking off to the side and trying to disguise the emotion tinging his voice. “I’m just… trying to tell you not to put so many big expectations on me. I’m the kind of guy who can only let you down.”

Your heart plummets at his words, and suddenly everything falls into place in your mind. He does care. He’s always cared. He just won’t show it because he thinks he isn’t good enough. The most wonderful man in the world thinks he isn’t good enough.

“That is not true,” you declare, standing up straight for emphasis. “You’re the kindest person I know, and the smartest, and the bravest, and the funniest—”

“I think you’re confusing me with Keanu Reeves.”

“I’m not joking around, Colt. When I’m with you, I can just be myself, and I know you’re going to be there for me. You’ve seen me at my worst, but you act like you only remember me at my best. I know it sounds crazy, but I keep getting this feeling that everything in my life has led up to meeting you. Everything you do means so much to me. Every word you say, every minute we spend together is so, so precious to me. You are so precious to me.”

Your speech seems to stun Colt senseless. You have no idea where all that came from — you just knew that you wouldn’t be able to breathe until you had told him what you were feeling. Colt stands still as he processes your words, and you don’t regret a single one.

“Wow,” he finally whispers. “I have no follow-up for that.”

You shake your head, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “You don’t need one,” you tell him. “I just… felt like I should say it.”

Colt mulls over your words again. You wonder if anyone has ever talked to him like this, if you’re really the first one who has ever looked at him like he hung the moon in the sky. How could I be? How is it possible that no one else has ever recognized you for the treasure that you are?

“It means a lot,” Colt replies softly. “Seriously, you… you have no idea. Thank you.”

You just nod in response, not sure where to go from here. Colt isn’t acting like himself, overcome by some emotion that you’re not sure of. You don’t know whether to reiterate your statements, or to wait for him to say something, or to just stand in silence together for awhile.

Colt finally breaks the silence. “You sure you’re okay?”

You almost laugh at that, some of the tension sliding out of the atmosphere. “Yeah,” you assure him with a smile. “As long as you are.”

He nods at you, his own smile returning in a quiet sort of way. You’re transfixed by the gentle light reflecting in his eyes, the relaxed slope of his shoulders, when he holds out both arms to you, lifting an eyebrow as an invitation.

You don’t hesitate for a second. Why should you, after you just confessed every secret thought in your heart?

You step into the warm circle of his arms, and he immediately lowers his forehead to rest in the curve of your neck. Colt seems so unsure of himself in this moment, in a way that you’ve never known him to be. He’s trembling slightly again the way he was after he had just leaped off the railroad tracks. You grip your arms around his neck even tighter, and Colt wraps his arms around you so tightly you can barely breathe.

In that moment, you know your assumption was correct. He does care about you as deeply as you do about him. You can feel it in his embrace, in his very heartbeat. Every time you move to pull him closer, he mirrors your movements, closing every inch of space that has ever separated you. The grimy film makeup on his face rubs off on your neck, but it’s the sweetest touch you ever felt.

Colt catches you off guard when he tilts his head just slightly to the side, just enough that his lips are resting on the side of your neck. His manner isn’t seductive or suggestive: it’s as if he’s just breathing you in, trying to memorize the feel of you in his arms. Your sensitive skin prickles at the sensation, and one of your hands finds its way up to thread in the ragged-cut hair at the base of his neck.

You can feel his impressive strength just by the way he holds you, but you can’t help marveling at the gentleness of his hands when he reaches up to stroke the back of your head, once, twice. When he cradles the base of your neck with all the tenderness of an old lover, your stomach twists itself into a knot. He’s killing you. It’s magnificent.

Colt finally lifts his head from your shoulder, his hand still resting at the back of your head. His thumb moves in lazy circles, as if he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, and his eyes drag up your face slowly until they meet your own in a gaze that burns hotter than a supernova.

“I’ve never told you,” you whisper, your breath filling the few inches between your faces, “and I know I probably shouldn’t, but I’m in love with you.”

The words are hardly out of your mouth when Colt squeezes his eyes closed, a look of pain crossing his face. “Don’t. It’s not worth it,” he whispers back.

“It’s too late for that,” you tell him, tears choking your voice. “You don’t have to feel the same way. I just needed you to know.”

Colt doesn’t open his eyes, just shakes his head. “You don’t want to be in love with me,” he says softly, heartbreakingly. “My destination is a dead-end, and you deserve better than that.”

“Colt, I—”

“It’s better if we don’t go this route,” he tells you, opening his eyes so you can read the seriousness in his words. “You’ve got the most amazing future ahead of you. You’re going to be a lot better off without me dragging you down.”

Your heart constricts at his words. “Don’t you dare try to be noble about this,” you murmur, lifting your hands to frame his face. “You could never drag me down, and I couldn’t care less about what you think I ‘deserve.’ All I care about is you. All I want to do is love you, no matter what happens. If you really don’t feel that way about me, just say so. But if you feel as strongly for me as I do for you, please tell me. Please don’t break this off before we have a chance to even try it.”

The look that wells up in Colt’s eyes speaks to you in a language you’ve never understood before. His eyes roam your face, as if he’s searching for some hint that your words aren’t true, some way he can talk you out of your feelings. Realization dawns in his eyes as he reads the message you’re saying in everything but your words. I love you. I’ve loved you this whole time. You will always be enough for me. My heart is so full of you it barely even feels like it’s mine anymore.

He doesn’t kiss you — the distance between your lips and his feels like an interminable distance — but he lowers his face to yours in a way that is so tender, so intimate that all the breath leaves your body at once. He lets his cheek rest against yours, his beard brushing your skin softly, gently. You let your arms wrap around his neck again to pull him closer, nuzzling the side of his face with yours so he feels your meaning: I don’t ever want to let you go.

When his lips brush against your jaw, right below your ear, you can’t suppress your sharp intake of breath. You feel his hands resting on your waist, pulling you close against him, and you can hear his breath coming raggedly. He’s so different when he’s like this — no false confidence, no alleviating jokes, just the passion he keeps hidden from the rest of the world.

You slide your fingers into his hair, and you can feel him react to your touch instantly. He raises his face from where he’s been resting it against yours, savoring in the contact every slow inch he moves. His eyes are closed when he brings his face level with yours again, his breath ghosting over your lips in a way that is so effortlessly tantalizing. It takes all your strength not to tip your head back and drown in his kiss.

With his hand still resting on the back of your neck, Colt pulls you in close one more time, letting his forehead touch yours gently. You close your eyes, breathing in the scent that envelops him — pine needles, cinnamon, and something salty. One moment more, just enough to savor how it feels to be wrapped up in the very essence of him, and Colt pulls back, releasing you from his hold.

“I just can’t do it to you, Picasso,” Colt says, his voice hoarse and strained. “I’m sorry.”

Your heart plummets at his words. It wasn’t enough. All of it wasn’t enough to convince him of your love. Your words are the opposite of what you want to say, but you know there can be no other response. “If that’s what you want,” you answer quietly. “I’ll respect it.”

“I know.”

You take a few steps back, trying to ignore the agony that is so obvious is his voice. Colt still looks like he wants to snatch you back into his arms and beg you to repeat the confession you just laid at his feet, but he doesn’t. He’s too strong, too stubborn, too sure he’s truly doing the right thing by letting you go. You don’t try to talk him out of it. You love him too much to try to change his mind.

You take a deep, steadying breath. “You take care of yourself,” you murmur with a sad smile. “I mean it.”

“I will.” Colt doesn’t even attempt a smile back, the ache in his heart obvious on his face. His gaze wanders over your face for a moment longer, and then he turns and ducks out of the tent.

Once he’s gone, all you can do is bury your face in your hands and weep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Part 6

[lyricswrittenbythesecretdreamer]

Haunted

“You remind me of a man I used to know.”  

I was watching the embers in the fire die, and the thought just came, out loud. The Ghoul chewed an unknown meat off the stick he’d skewered it on, not looking up to dignify my statement with even so much as a grunt. Maybe not then, I thought sadly. Maybe all the men like Cooper had died when the bombs dropped. I certainly hadn’t met a man like him since we’d said goodbye to each other at that party. Still, I continued.  

“He was a lot friendlier than you – though I suppose actors are predisposed to high levels of charisma.” I smiled to myself from behind the handkerchief covering my face, thinking of how simple the past now seemed in comparison to the present.  

“Actor?” It was first word I’d heard him speak since he told me to put out the fire that had cooked our dinner and it brought me from my daydream of my old life.  

“Yeah, actor. One of the good ones, most of the time anyway.” I chuckled to myself, remembering the tantrums he used to have on set if something wasn’t entirely accurate.  

“How would you have known an actor?”  

“Well, if you must know, I was-”   

I was cut off by a knife flying past my face and narrowly missing my eye, and then there was a body on top of mine, all flailing limbs and trying to stab me, grabbing a hold of my neck and head to hold me down. I grabbed the pocket knife hidden in my coat and wounded my attacker, before rolling the both of us over and pushing his face into the dying ashes. Their screams echoed out against the darkness of the wasteland, and I heard several gunshots. I took my pistol from my belt and shot whoever had tried to jump me in the back of his skull, letting him fall limply beside me.  

I look up through the dying light to see the Ghoul surveying our surroundings, before looking down at me and I realised with horror I didn’t have the handkerchief covering my face anymore.  

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Rosie Ryder,” he let out an audible laugh, “What are you doin’ out in the Wasteland?”  

My face went bright red, and I huffed.  

“Even after the apocalypse, people still just know me as the girl who played the hooker that got her titties out for Cooper Howard,” I rolled my eyes and sighed, “I’ve done other movies, you know.”  

“Yeah, you were great in Under the Covers,” he chuckled again, “although for you that film must have mostly been about shooting all that kissin’ you did to the poor bloke. I bet his lips were chapped at the end of every day!”  

“You a fan of Cooper Howard?” I asked, looking him up and down, “this get-up of yours seems pretty inspired by his work.”  

“You could say that, Little Miss Ryder.”  

I laughed bitterly and gestured down at the three bodies around us.  

“We should probably find somewhere else to sleep tonight, in case anyone heard the gunshots.”  

I checked the pockets of the bodies but couldn’t find anything other than a couple of caps and a gun with some ammo still left in it.  

“No chems?” he asked, and I shook my head.  

“No chems.”  

*** 

As we continued in our direction, the Ghoul became more talkative.  

“So, if you were Little Miss Rosie Ryder, you must be at least two hundred and something years old,” he began, “So how are you here right now?” 

I shrugged.  

“It’s a long, long story. We don’t got that much time, Ghoulie.”  

Eventually we came across a shabby-looking shack that looked just about safe enough for the night and might potentially keep us safe from any radstorm that might decide to descend onto us. And maybe from any raiders, too.  

The Ghoul went in first, checking the inside whilst I set a bear trap up in front of the door, before following him inside. It seemed as if someone might have been living here for a bit – there was a sofa and a little table, as well as a small counter with what looked like to be a broken-down hob. No signs of life anymore, though. Everything had a thick layer of dust coating it, and any essentials seem to have been hastily removed when the last occupier had left. 

“The walls seem pretty sturdy and the roof’s secure,” he said, “did you put a bear trap outside the door?”  

“Yeah, don’t wanna take the risk we did earlier.” I sighed. “Still, can’t help but think we’re still sitting ducks if someone breaks in. We’re not exactly in the safest area – I know at least two Raider groups who have bases nearby.” 

“They’ll break in and come face to face with my pistol aimed at their skulls, sweetheart.”  

“Oh, I’m ‘sweetheart’ now, am I? Now that you know what I look like under all these clothes?”  

The Ghoul stepped closer to me, the shadow of his hat towering over me.  

“Maybe I jus’ appreciate those actin’ skills of yours,” he murmured, “on top of that fine figure.” He stepped back from me and sat down on the sofa, slouching.  

“I’ll take first watch, Little Miss Rosie. I’ll wake you in a few hours and when the light comes, we’ll continue, and you can tell me that long, long story of yours.”  

*** 

Susie Wellington was coiffuring my hair for my first scene, as I sat tugging on my cotton skirt trying to psyche myself up for the scene ahead. We’d rehearsed it a bunch of times in table reads but this was the real thing – closed set and all.  

“Susie, I think the leading lady’s hair’s done up enough for now,” came a voice from the corner, “and you should be making your way back to the dressing rooms. I’m sure Little Miss Rosie Ryder here doesn’t want another cast member staring at her tits.”  

I looked up in relief as Cooper appeared beside us, cigarette in hand. Susie didn’t look to happy about having to leave her creation as it was, but only pursed her lips and bid me goodbye.  

“You excited for your first scene, Little Miss Rosie?” he asked, and I felt a strange sense of deja vu come over me at his words. I ignored it and put a shaky smile on my face.  

“I’m excited to get the nudity outta the way, that’s all I’m gonna say!” I giggled a bit, and he laughed alongside me.  

“Well, there’ll be a barrier in place of everythin’ and that dress of yours ain’t comin’ off completely. Gotta keep them perverts on their toes.” He winked at me, and I tried to keep the smile on my face, but under it all, I felt as if this was very dangerous.  

As he kissed me softly in front of the cameras and rolled his eyes playfully as the director asked him to push my dress up to show more of my skin, I felt something lurking in the shadows. Once this was shot, there was no going back and for some reason, I felt completely doomed.  

*** 

I woke up with a start, flinging my body forward. From the sofa, the Ghoul shushed me, holding a gloved finger over my mouth.  

I could hear something outside, and I assumed that was what woke me up. It was a strange sound, of someone dragging their feet through the dirt and the mud. We sat there in silence for a full half an hour, until the dragging sound moved away from the hut and back out into the darkness.  

“You mind takin’ the next watch, Sweetheart?” he said, “I need to get a couple hours kip in before we set off tomorrow.”  

“Sure,” I say tentatively, pulling out my pistol. “I’m glad you finally trust me.”  

“Well, I’m a huge fan.” He laid heavy emphasis on the ‘huge’, winking at me through the dusk light. I rolled my eyes, but inside I felt a little proud for some stupid goddamn reason.  

Back when I started acting, I didn’t think I’d have any living fans – never mind a half-dead irradiated man from 200 years in the future. Is he half-dead? It’d never been explained to me at the brothel – I’d just done my service and taken the RadAway. None of the others had ever stuck around to tell me their life story.  

We switched places, I sat myself down on the sofa and the Ghoul lay down on the bedroll on the floor.  

“Damn, this shit is fuckin’ uncomfortable.” I heard him say, and I let out a laugh under my bed.  

“I didn’t complain,” I whispered, and he made a grunting noise. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be an insult or not, but I just chuckled quietly and pulled out my pistol, aimed at the door ready for anyone who tried to force their way through.  

The sun rose quickly after that, and by the light of the sky, I was able to get a better look at the Ghoul’s sleeping face. There was something so familiar about him, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I decided it was the cowboy look – it reminded me of the niche I’d almost fallen into after my three-month contract with Cooper’s team. The audience had loved our chemistry on screen in The Man from Calabasas, and the studios knew they’d get a lot more money if we came as a package deal – so we shot Under the Covers, City of Starlight and Valley of the Gun together. It took me back to the last film I’d shot, the one I hadn’t finished shooting.  

I looked down at my clothes – the same clothes I’d been wearing 200 years ago on set. The ‘Western Hooker’ dress, of which there had originally been five different versions. The hat, which I’d stolen from my co-worker as a joke, but had still been on my head when we’d been told to start running. For a moment, I could still smell the food that they’d made us on set. I could still smell the horse manure, and the flashing of lights.  

I looked back at the Ghoul, awake now, and almost came to a realisation.

Part 2

[tangerinesgf]

Loved your first Tom Ryder fic!!!

For a request I was thinking maybe something where he's supposed shooting a movie and everybody's looking for him trying to find him and he's off somewhere on set having sex with his girlfriend. They get caught and you can decide how it goes from there :) (if you're interested in writing it of course 🥰)

Tom Ryder x FEM!reader

Tags/Warnings: Smut 18+ MDNI, P in V sex, slight dirty talk, fluff, getting caught

A/N: Thank you so much for your request I absolutely loved it!! I hope you love it too! In my mind Tom Ryder is a total sub, so I tried to play with that a little bit, but I have more idea in that regard.

It was no unusual occurrence to find Tom Ryder missing from set. In fact it had become quite predictable and most of all frustrating for the people who were working with him. He is the movie star after all, the main character, without him there is no movie. 

Usually he would be found either daydrinking or in his trailer with the excuse of not being in the right mood to film the scenes that day. He had to be in the right headspace to portray his character. You see Tom Ryder was the world famous actor, in his eyes everyone had to accomodate to him and not the other way around.

Yet this time it was neither one of those things.

So while everyone was worrying about the disappearing daylight on set, that was the last thing on Tom’s mind while pushing you up against one of the huge fake rocks on set. It was one of the few days where you could actually be with him on set and he’d be damned if he was gonna let that go to waste. 

The moment he spotted you behind the camera, watching him do a scene he excused himself from set, earning him eye rolls from all the other cast and crew members. 

The two of you disappeard and haven't returned since.

“Fuck baby, it’s been so long..” He mutters in between kissing you from your lips to your neck, his hands roaming all over your body. He needs you badly. 

Tom hadn’t even bothered to put on something else, so here he was in his full on space cowboy attire including the hat, pressed against you. It almost felt like you were sneaking around like a bunch of horny teenagers in high school. 

“It’s only been a week, Tom.” You chuckle softly, your voice already a bit breathless from his touch. 

“Mhm.. too long.” He trails kissing down from your neck to your cleavage. His hand move down and start playing with your skirt, making his intentions quite clear to you. “I need you, baby.. please..”

How could you ever deny him when he looks up at you with those sad puppy eyes, begging you to let him fuck you into next week. You nod slowly and pull him in for a deep kiss. 

He kisses you like a starving man, exploring every inch of your mouth with his tongue. Meanwhile Tom’s hands hastily try to undo his belt, at this point he doesn’t care if he rips his entire costume. They probably have another 10 lined up for him anyway. All he can think about is being inside you right now, the sweet sounds you make when he fucks you, your hands in his hair, you lips on his.. 

Fuck, fuck. 

“Shit..” The actor mutters as he keeps struggling with his belt until he finally manages to unbuckle it. He quickly shoves his pants down his legs along with his underwear revealing his hard cock, the tip already red and leaking pre-cum. You practically groan at the sight of him, yes it had only been a week but you couldn’t wait to feel him inside you again. 

He lifts your skirt up and pulls your panties down, a grin appears on his face as he notices you’re already dripping for him. He licks his finger and teasingly runs it along your wet and sensitive folds. “God baby.. you’re so wet.”

You whine softly, aching for any kind of friction between your legs. Your eyes are locked on his as he licks your juices off his finger, if you weren’t so good at composing yourself you’d be drooling over him right now. 

“Ready?” You nod in return. He smiles at your consent and slowly pushes his throbbing cock inside you, dragging a long moan from your throat. He lets out a string of curses as he pushes himself in all the way in, everytime with you felt just like the first and he never got tired of it. 

Once he’s all the way inside he let’s you adjust to his size for a moment, kissing you from your neck down to your collarbone. “Doing so well f’me, baby..” He mutters.

When you give him the sign he slowly pulls out before slamming his cock right back into you, hitting you in just the right spot. Your hands move up to his dirty blonde hair, fisting your hand in it. “Fuck- Tom just like that..”

You get completely lost in the pleasure between the two of you. His hips rutting into you while he sucks marks onto your neck, dragging moan after moan from you.

“Missed you.. and your pretty little cunt.” He groans loudly as you clench around him. You’re so caught up in each other that you don’t even notice Gail coming around the corner until it’s too late. 

“Tom! We’ve been looking everywhere for ya!” She doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest about the position she’s found you both in, because let’s be honest she’s caught him do worse things. 

“Jesus fuck-” Both of you startle and Tom curses as he quickly uses his long coat to cover you both up. He stares at her with a look of annoyance and disbelieve, although he should have known that his producer is not one for playing around. “What the fuck Gail?”

“We’re losing dayligt, Ryder. Chop chop.” Gail ushers and crosses her arms as she stares you both down. 

“Fine.. fucking hell.. could you just- just turn around.” Gail rolls her eyes, but eventually turns around to give you both whatever privacy you got left. 

“You gotta talk boundaries with her, Tom. I swear to god.” You tell him in an ushered voice, so Gail can’t hear anything. He sighs and reluctantly pulls out of you, making you let out a soft whine. “I know, baby.. I’m sorry. Shoulda taken proper care of you, hm? I’m gonna make it up to you I promise, love.” 

He neatly fixes your panties and skirt back in place before pulling his own pants back up. Both of you are left disappointed and wanting, but Tom had a job to do. Unfortunately. 

“Meet me at the loft tonight?” He’s giving you those puppy eyes again. God you love him. 

You nod and receive a very happy Tom Ryder in return. He kisses your forehead softly before walking towards Gail with that usual annoyed look on his face.

“I told you not to interrupt me when i’m ‘busy’.” You can hear Tom whisper to Gail. 

“And I told you I wouldn't, but you were still wearing your damn mircophone, you idiot.” She tells him return and Tom just shrugs, seemingly not bothered by the fact that the entire cast and crew just hear him fuck his girlfriend. But then again you’ve never seen him embarrassed or ashamed of anything and you’ve seen things. You don’t hear anything else before they disappear out of view.  

Guess you’d have to finish this later tonight. 

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. If you have any Tom Ryder requests pleasse don't hesitate to leave me a message, Reblogs and comments are so much appreciated you have no idea. Love you guys <3

Taglist: @earth-elemental18 (lemme know if you wanna be added or removed)

[craftytomato]

I really liked your sonic AU from "phantom Rider" could you talk more about the AU if it's not a problem?

Sure thing! As long as you don't mind that I'm leaning into the Pretending to be Mind Controlled Idea instead of Actually Mind Controlled. Most of my ideas can work either way anyway.

(I wanna see how most of the actual arc plays out first in full before I go hard into my ideas but here's what I have so far based on the Phantom Rider's debut.)

The Idea:

Everything pretty much stays the same up until Surge uses her powers on Phantom Ryder, but instead she fully destabilizes his helmet and exposes Sonic to the world.

Everyone is shocked, scrambling to come up with an answer. Just before anyone can truly react, Eggman, who was watching from his base, gives a tired sigh because he had a feeling that something would go wrong. Now it was up to him to swoop in and keep their plan on track. He hacks into the jumbotron, scaring and/or confusing everyone.

"I see that my little present to this charity event has finally been unwrapped!"

He goes into a spiel about how he was interested in the event, 'hurt' that he didn't get an invite, and how he didn't appreciate the mockery to his likeness. So he decided to enter with a racer of his own with a little help from the dearly departed Starline.

Surge and Kit's blood runs cold. Eggman boasts that he had captured and mind controlled Sonic to be his champion racer. And now he was going to give this event some real challenge and excitement.

All eyes are now back on Sonic and he's torn right in half. He can't go along with this! He couldn't let Eggman scare everyone like this! But Tails and Amy needed the distraction. He had to stick to the plan, however derailed it was becoming. But-

"Some of you may be in disbelief that I was able to accomplish such a dastardly feat in such a short time. If you have any doubts, consider the alternative: my longtime nemesis willingly used my gear to disrupt a charity event? Doesn't sound like the blue rodent you've all come to sickeningly adore, now does it? No, of course not! Meaning that the only explanation is that Sonic is now my loyal minion whether he likes it or not!

Isn't that right, my Phantom Rider?"

Begrudgingly, Sonic makes his choice.

And he laughs. A hauntingly evil laugh that even impresses Eggman as it sends chills throughout the crowd.

"Glory to the Eggman Empire!"

Eggman cackles. "Enjoy your little race! I know I will!"

At that point, Sonic takes the chance to flee for the time being while everyone's distracted by Eggman.

Now the game has changed for everyone. The Diamond Cutters are torn. Lanolin and Duo want to stop the Phantom Rider at all costs while Tangle and Whisper are insisting on saving Sonic.

This also causes Clutch and Jewel to start to butt heads. Jewel wants to cancel the event for everyone's safety, but Clutch wants to carry it on. He gives reasons about how they'll have more security on standby for when the 'Phantom Ryder' makes another appearance and if they cancel the event then they're showing the world that they're scared of Eggman (in reality he just wants to use it to his advantage). Jewel pretends to buy it, but in her mind she's having other thoughts.

Surge and Kit are at a loss. Surge tries to play it off like Sonic deserves to know what it feels like to be in their place, but both her and Kit are being eaten up inside for multiple reasons. Surge wants to laugh and make fun of Sonic. This should be the perfect poetic justice for him in her eyes. But she can't and she hates that she can't!

Meanwhile Sonic is pretty sure that things can't get worse. Sure, Eggman saved the plan but now Sonic's essentially being blackmailed into following the mind controlled narrative.

Now what was supposed to be a simple plan gets more complicated by the minute as circumstances keep changing and more and more people are dragged into this mess.

And that's all I got so far

[crazyk-imagine]

Colt Seavers Headcanon

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- You met through Dan and Gail (unfortunately)

- You met Dan because you were tired of dealing with the idiot stuntman coordinators and then came your saving grace and new bestie

- You two became as thick as thieves, if you couldn’t get him in the budget, there would be no movie 

- Gail came into play when her perfect little munchkin needed a movie to be in

- Therefore those two have known you since your young years essentially

- You had been filming smaller lesser known films that took off once your big hit "Stitches: Don't be a Snitch" which started off as a joke film because it was an idea you've always wanted to make

- Then came in Tom Ryder, he thought it was a good film 

- Gail knew staring in this odd of a film would boost his career because people would invest in it and wonder why he did it

- Then came in Dan for the movie, who you then tried to hook up with one of your girlfriends, although they never worked out, you stayed close as ever

- He told you he had the perfect stunt man for the job, cue Colt

- He had such a "Kenergy" vibe to him, you couldn't get rid of him, especially when he pulled off your stunts

- You hated how perfect he did it and how he fed into your ideas, stunt guys aren't supposed to be like this, so- ugh

- Dan snickers every time because he knew, he knew you felt something for Colt and vice versa

- Then came the bonding, you grew close to Colt, flirting with him and building a bond

- That all went away the day of his accident

- You couldn't bear to leave him but Gail- Gail was nothing but insistent when it came to making her precious little cherub rich and her more famous

- You stayed with Colt as often as you could when he had his surgery and got out, made his appointments for rehab and physical therapy, when he got cleared

- Food was always in his fridge, his apartment was always semi clean (the dishes were put up and the floor was always swept clean)

- Then it stopped, he stopped calling, answering (his phone and door), just- he disappeared

- You tried as much as you could to stay with him but took the hint he didn't want help of any kind from anyone and left him alone, much to your despair

- Then after catching your big break, you didn't think about him as much but he came across your mind every so often

“Do these stunt guys suck to you?” 

Dan glances to the side, clearing his throat, “a little.” 

You nod. ‘Stupid Colt’

- Dan always kept you company and became more like your annoying big brother whom you want to fight every two minutes

- Gail was still a bitch but you learned to tolerate her and her little project

- You always hated first reads, you wanted to stab your eyeballs out with pencils every time

“Can I just use this now?” You hold the pencil in front of him. 

Dan shakes his head, “no.”

- Cue Colts return, to say you were shocked was an understatement

- You made him work for it, starting from redoing stunts and informing him of the back story, to texting every so often

- He was still an adorable little shit, ughhhh

- Then came him being framed for murder, that was a shocker especially when he could never kill a spider or cockroach in your room

You nearly cried hearing his voice when he called and explained everything

"What? Colt- colt," you hear the gunshots. "Where are you? What's going on?"

You can hear the smile in his voice as he confesses, "I was scared. I didn't think it was okay to come back to work, much less do it with you by my side."

He chuckles, "I couldn't let you down, that- you know that would kill me. God, you don’t know how much it killed me to not answer. "

He sniffs, "I've been in love with you since we met on your first big hit movie, you know. I- I couldn't go without saying that because you deserved to know."

Your lip wobbles, "Colt?" You whisper. Your vision is blurred by your tears.

"Don't cry for me, honey. I'm doing this for- for the movie- your movie. It's gonna be another hit. I know it is and it's gonna be everyone's new favorite."

He hangs up and you nearly break, even more so followed by the news broadcast

- You rewatch the blast, he couldn't have died 

- He wouldn't leave you like that, right? Fuck it hurts

- You didn't hesitate to protect yourself to the random alien in your- oh shit

You rip his head off and hug him, "you're such an idiot."

He gives you that dopey smile in return, looking like the blood is rushing back into his body

- Then came the plan, you knew it'd work just- never planned on having to punch a person

You groan, cradling your hand. "Goddamn, is your face made of rock?"

- You pressured Dan into driving faster before Colt could fall

- You ran to him as he fell, kissing him on his saving grace

"You're an idiot."

"And your movie is going to be amazing," he smiles. 

- Which it was- or would have been had your main star not murdered someone

- Thankfully Jason Mamoa could replace him, much more tolerable too (thank god)

- Either way you won in the end because you got the guy and a dog (plus your best friend who never left)

[ashyswoyaus]

About the Lord Wander AU, are there any episodes that would not exist? The characters being shuffled around change the dynamics so drastically, there's no way a canon episode would take place?

Or, are there episodes that do happen, but occur with such different context or with very different events, to the point of being borderline unrecognizable?

Much love!

ooooo yes!!! this is something i've thought quite a bit about—there'd have to be loads of changes like that. most episodes i think, even, would have to be changed significantly. for episodes not existing, there's a Lot that definitely seem like it at first, and i even made a list, but after thinking on it a little more...they might fit more into the second category, where they're pretty majorly reworked. for episodes i haven't really been able to come up with anything for, there's the box, the lonely planet, the tourist, the helper, the boy wander, the heebie jeebies, and the sick day. the good deed, maybe? (but i think it might work, if you replace wander's stubbornness in his beliefs with dee's struggle to be a good person. you could perhaps even insert wander in there, since he's meant to be a bit of a recurring character in s1) perhaps the epic quest of unfathomable difficulty. those episodes are really wander-specific, and putting dominator in those positions renders them kinda pointless (like with the nice guy, how she just buys the thunder blazz without any trouble). and i can't think of any work-arounds to keep the basic premise of each, unlike with some other wander-specific episodes.

oh, but also, you'd have to get rid of like. the Entire hater crush arc in s2. so that would get rid of the matchmaker & the rival...but that arc would likely be replaced with something else. i don't know what that would be yet, but maybe something where you could keep the new toy, the show stopper, the cartoon, and my fair hatey, while getting rid of the "impressing dominator" part. have to brainstorm a few ideas for that but i'd like to believe it's possible

and onto some episodes that would instead be majorly reworked: the hat, of course, and by extension the bad hatter. and together with them i'd put the bot. since i feel like the position of the dombots and wander's hat would be switched in these cases! sylvia has to learn to work with the bots, bot 13 accidentally gets onto the skullship (and gets his name), wander's hat somehow falls onto the beach...real question is whether beep boop or the hat dies...i don't know if the hat can die. maybe it gets stranded in space. that'd be a pretty major change for wander, though, so i'm not really sure. then again it is supposed to be a bit of a darker tone than the show so...it might work. i think i'll probably do more on this topic at a later time!

there's also stuff like the bad guy, the big job, and the rider, revolving around wander's lack of toughness compared to sylvia—dee's pretty tough, moreso than sylvia even, so she wouldn't have these issues, but you could probably keep the settings of these episodes and just change the main conflict. for the bad guy, dee and syl use a ship to get around rather than orbble juice, but you could easily have them needing fuel instead. and dee would fit in pretty well with ryder's attitude, so separating her and syl would be difficult...i'll keep trying to figure those ones out though!

this is getting long so i'll skip over most of them for now since i feel like i'd be repeating myself...i think the big day would be one of them, but dee wouldn't suggest a wedding-like ceremony. some other big event, like a funeral. and for the night out i actually have something Very specific for it: it moves placement in the season to the first arc, before lord wander is revealed as the wandering weirdo, and is titled The Day Off. while the night out was about letting loose and wild, it's a girls' night, brawling being something syl doesn't get to do so often—she gets plenty of that in the AU, and instead, the day off is all about relaxing, taking it easy and getting some rest, which is what this syl doesn't get as much of. oh! and something to do with wander's doing good deeds to stave off bad karma—while dom started the episode bored, and decided to go out to have fun, wander i think would start off somewhat Stressed and anxious because of how much Evilling he's been doing lately and take this day off to go help people, to keep in the universe's good graces. this is another one i'd like to do more on later when i get the chance!!!

there's tons of episodes i think would change (like...all of them) so if you (or anyone else) ever want to hear about a specific one or more about one i mentioned here just ask :)

[chaosduckies]

Restoration (Chapter 3)

I have no idea how I keep making the chapters even longer. I just somehow do. But, enjoy!

Word Count: 4,600

CW: Fear, mentions of death, panic attacks, reference to someone as an “it”, overthinking, slight trigger warnings

3-Nathan 

When my mom finally came home from work yesterday, I was expecting her to get her plate of dinner and sit down on the couch putting on The Golden Girls like she usually does. What I wasn’t expecting was that she’d be getting a call from my teacher Mrs. Kay. The worst part about it was that they acted like they were such friends. Joking around and laughing. Had they even met each other? Most likely if my mom had kept it a secret that Mrs. Kay actually knew what happened to us in the past. Was mom the one who put me in that horrid class? No, she wouldn’t do anything against my will. Not unless she knew I would be ready for it. 

They had talked on the phone for what seemed like hours. I was guessing Mrs. Kay was asking questions about me since my mom had mentioned me multiple times in their conversation, but I was raised not to ever eavesdrop. As I would be punished accordingly. But I wasn’t in that hell hole anymore. And I guess my fear was still pretty bad if I still thought I would be tortured for listening in on a conversation. What made anyone think I could even go to school with giants? 

When I had woken up the next morning, it was to the sweet smell of my moms famous pancakes. The one dad always loved before we were kidnapped. I cringed at the thought, but forced myself out of bed and ready for the day, putting on a light purple shirt with a button up, blue sweater my mom bought me last month, and black jeans. I never wear anything that shows my arms. For good reason too. 

I rushed down to the kitchen, where my mom had already place my plate on the very right edge of the kitchen island, giving a happy smile to me, “Morning, Sweetie.” 

“What the occasion mom?” I laughed, taking my seat and staring down the pancake on my plate. She had always made them the best. Incomparable to even IHop’s pancakes. 

“Oh well, I’m sure you can guess why. Last night I was told you were doing a little project with someone. As far as I knew you hadn’t made any friends, so I was getting worried, but now I know you were just embarrassed to tell me.” She giggled. What? Was she talking about Ryker. Oh no. No. Nononono. Not in a million years would I ever trust a giant ever again. Not after what they put my mom and I through. 

“N-No! We’re not f-f-friends.” I stuttered, suddenly feeling bad for saying it out loud. Why? I was only speaking the truth. But that didn’t leave a very satisfying taste in my mouth once the words rolled of my tongue. 

“Nate, your teacher told me some interesting things about that boy. Ryder was it? He really does sound like a nice guy. Maybe give him a chance? I know it’s hard for you honey.” She hugged me, her grip loose and weak, and planted a kiss on my forehead, giving a sad smile before digging into her breakfast. Now even my mom was saying that he was really nice. How was I supposed to believe that? For all I know all of those acts could have been acting. The little incident at lunch, him trying to talk to me, what if he was just trying to gain my trust to eventually backstab me? Just the thought was making my hands sake as I reached for my fork. I’d only have to hope that today doesn’t go wrong. 

Mrs. Kay had told Ryker and I before we left to meet in her room, or more specifically the little office that was in her classroom. It was right by the many newsletters and papers that hung on to the wall presenting various fights and political issues in the city. I try not to pay attention, but we all knew that there was a growing number of riots all around from bother giants and humans. 

I headed into her room, seeing that her room was crowded with what seemed like hundred of other students trying to find their partner. I was almost stepped on a few times had I not been practically running to get to the mini office in the back of the classroom. I guess that was just pure luck. Now I just have to hope that that luck pays off in here. 

Inside, there was a teacher desk where currently my teacher was sitting at, looking at something on her computer. I turned my gaze somewhere else, seeing that there were two student desks, both with the same elevators for a human to get on top of one. Ryker was sitting at the one on the far right. There were piles of paper on the floor that looked like it needed to be read through and put in order and graded, and some magazines with a picture of one of the people from the riots on the front cover. 

A quick glance back to the crowded room, and I was now face first with the elevator I was guessing I was supposed to take. Mrs. Kay nor Ryker even knew I was here, so if I wanted to back out and hide in the bathroom, now would be the time. Let’s see, if I did decide to hide in restrooms, someone is bound to find me and take me to the principal, but at least I wouldn’t be taken around everywhere like some pet, but my mom would hear about it and she would be mad at me. If I didn’t hide, Ryker would most likely try to keep talking to me and eventually forget I was even there. Maybe. If he doesn’t forget I’m there, he might want to mess around with my like I’m some kind of toy or plaything. 

Both options were equally as bad. A tough decision to make, but I don’t exactly want my mother to have gone through all of this trouble for me to have a “normal” life, just for me to quit not even a quarter of the way through. That was cruel. But on the other hand, it would be even more cruel to be subdued to that same torture for who knows how long again. Forget it. Everyone’s going through all of this just for me, so I’ll make sure it’s not in vain. Maybe. If I can get through this. 

I walked into the elevator, hand hovering over the same dreadful button I see everyday. I suck in a deep breath, pressing the buttons before changing my mind, and instantly regretting every single one of my choices. Wouldn’t I just be bothering these people? Ryker wouldn’t be bothered by me? As far as I know he’s already frustrated with me not even talking to him, and now I have to stick with him the entire school day in order for me to make it out alive. Maybe even literally. 

Unconsciously, I pressed my back up against the back elevator wall, sliding down and holding my head between my knees. Everything felt dizzy, and it wasn’t because of my fear of heights. Was I having a panic attack? No, I would be breathing harder and I wouldn’t be able to think. It was just a little breakdown. In front of my teacher and potential kidnapper. Great introduction for the first day, Nathan. I hissed in my head, trying to stand back up, using the railing to hold myself up on shaky legs. There were a pair of eyes on me, and oddly enough it didn’t feel like a stab right to my back. No time to think about that when I was struggling to just keep my balance. 

After struggling to regain my balance, I looked out where the elevator gate was open, revealing a huge black box I’m pretty sure was Ryker’s phone, his hand grabbing it and stuffing it in his pocket. I let out a quiet squeak as his hand moved fast, making me instinctively move back, and once again my back was pressed up against the wall. I made the wrong decision. 

My heart was beating fast, and my thoughts were all jumbled up. Any chance of thinking clearly was gone, and now I was trapped inside the elevator unless they wanted to force me out. How can I become friends with someone who was much, much bigger than I was? Would he even want to? Or was he like those sadistic jerks that just want to mess around and act like we were just toys? 

There were muffled voices outside, but I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying, more worried about how I would get out of here. I had calmed down enough to somewhat get thoughts through. If I make a run for it they could easily stop me. If I don't’ run they’ll force me out and punish me for not listening. Wait no- It’s a school why would they hurt a student? Were they even allowed to? Oh wait that’s off topic- 

“Hey, um, Nathan? Are you okay?” It was Ryker’s voice. Just as soft as I remember. Too bad I was not in any condition to answer. I most definitely was not okay. Not in the least, and yet I still somehow found myself in this situation. If anything, him knowing I was there only made my heart race faster and my trembling even more severe. 

The room stayed silent for a while as I calmed myself down. The first bell rang, signaling that there were five minutes until first period started, and I immediacy felt regret. I was going to make him late because I couldn’t even make it past this stupid elevator. Great. Even more guilt. But even more of a reason for me to get out. I was calmed down enough, and surprisingly I didn’t have a complete panic attack. Now the only thing I have to get past was how he would be carrying me. 

Taking one step at a time, I made my way to right in front of Ryker, occasionally tripping over my own feet and catching my balance at the last second, but I made it. I never lifted up my head, scared that I would lose any and all confidence that remained in me if we hade made eye contact. Especially when I had the feeling he would know that I was really, really terrified for my life. 

“Ryker? You can handle the rest?” I hear Mrs. Kays ecstatic voice, typing away at her computer. I jumped seeing him move his hand slightly towards me, shutting my eyes tightly and expecting for him to grab me like I used to be, or even dangled in the slightest, but it never came. To my complete and utter shock, he laid his hand palm up on the very edge of the desk, waiting for me to approach. I gulped. I had never done this before. 

I had always been grabbed or dangled around, never given the option of being held. It was either in a tight fist that usually resulted in a few broken ribs, or casually being used as a toy for kids. I shuddered at the memory. 

Still, this was a surprise. I wasn’t expecting this, and now I felt insecure about how to get on. Do I just jump? Walk? Run? I mean the guy from yesterday had just dragged me on, so this is technically my first time. He just jumped right on. Could I do the same? But Ryker knows Lucky. He doesn’t know me. Maybe only people who Ryker knows are allowed to do that. 

Curse my overthinking. 

I waited for Ryker to get impatient with me, but it never happened. His hand stayed still, never once reaching for me in anticipation. Maybe a minute had gone by. Th longest minute of my life, but that’s when he eventually gave a sympathetic look towards me, “Have you done this before?” Not willingly, no. 

I shook my head almost immediately with no hesitation, feeling terrible for making him wait this long. I dug my head in my hands, feeling all the extra wight of guilt on my shoulders. I’m ruining everything. 

“No it’s… it’s fine. Just whatever makes you comfortable.” He told me, a hint of sadness in his tone. What would he sad about?

I took shaky steps to the edge, seeing how I should do this and eventually just walking on. I mean, it worked out, but I fell face first into the fleshy surface. Somehow this wasn’t the first time that I’ve face planted into Ryker’s palm. He let out a chuckle, “You okay?” 

How do I even begin to answer? Words were not enough to express the amount of fear that was building up inside me. Not even enough to describe red my face turned from embarrassment. This was the worst feeling ever, but I still managed a weak nod before settling in the center of his hand, trying to stay away from all possible ways to fall down to my imminent death. Not something I would like to enjoy. 

He slowly stood up, grabbed his backpack and headed down the hall to his next class that really wasn’t even that far from this one. At least it wasn’t far for him. 

There were tons of students in this class, making me feel insecure and tiny. I wasn’t used to being around this many giants. Especially ones that seemed to notice me and give out looks. But they weren’t directed to me. All directed to Ryker, who just sighed and headed to his seat like he didn’t have a care in the world how others looked at him like he was some wild animal. How does he do that? 

I was expecting him to just throw me onto the desk, but he let his palm down, letting me get off safely without spraining an ankle or getting the wind knocked out of me. I would have thanked him had I not been terrified. I stood awkwardly on his desk, my thoughts a jumbled up mess. What do I do? I mean of course I have my own work to do on the computers we were given, but I was talking about what do I do now that I was on the desk. 

Ryker was pulling out a journal and a book from his backpack and placed them near me, but not so close that I jumped in fear of him dropping that onto me. He glanced in my direction, flashed a smile and dug out whatever else he needed for this class. I looked down, noticing that I was pretty much smack in the middle of his desk. I was in his way. 

Before my knees gave out on me, I hurried to the edge of the desk, and forced myself not to look down at the impossible height I was at. I felt stares, but most weren’t directed at me. I groaned to myself, hating the fact that I was being watched. They were just curious, but I’d rather not have to worry about someone constantly having me under their eye. It didn’t feel right. 

The final bell rang, and that’s when class had started. 

I didn’t even realize how shaky I was until Ryker lightly tapped on the desk in front of me, making me flinch and avert my attention to him. He flashed a sad smile, giving a thumb up as if asking if I was okay. I most definitely was not, but I forced myself to give a shaky nod and pulled out my computer. 

Every so often I would jump or react when he had moved to grab something near me or was just flipping a page. I was doing a pretty good job since I haven’t ran off yet. Not that I could without having twenty pairs of eyes on me. Otherwise, everything was going great. 

In all honesty, it really wasn’t too bad if I just did the same things over and over again. Ryker took me to his classes, I had somehow never failed to fall face first the second I took a step onto his palm, resulting in him asking if I was okay. During his classes, I moved out of his way before he ended up getting annoyed with me, which I was expecting but never came. Odd. But there was no way I was going to test his patience. It could all go downhill from there. 

For lunch, I just sat with at the table Ryker usually sits at, trying to make it easier on him. Both of us never ate lunch apparently. He sat on his phone, while I just finished up some notes from my physics class. He didn’t try to make a conversation with me, only the occasional yes or no questions. If I was okay. Did I want to move. Those sorts of things. 

What didn’t sit right with me was how he flashed me sad looks every time I moved away from him or when I jumped. It’s like he felt bad for making me feel scared. Why? It was so weird to see how he cared so much about how I felt when I cared so much about how he felt towards me. Wasn’t he annoyed with having to take care of me? I would be if I had to constantly carry about something that didn’t even look grateful for the help. 

The rest of the day was easy. He had his seventh period off, taking us to the library along with four other people who were currently playing Uno. He let me on the ground where there was an entrance to the human side of the library, telling me that I was probably tired of being around him all day and I could have some time alone if I wanted to. 

So now here I was in a quiet library where two teachers were talking about something and I just sat here trying to stay calm. Only forty more minutes and I was free. Eight more school days and I wouldn’t have to do this ever again hopefully. Good. I could barely keep up with one day, let alone the rest of the school year? Nope. I do not want that on my to-do list. 

It was three minutes before the bell rang, and I decided not to keep Ryker waiting like this morning. It was rude, and I really didn’t want him to be late because I couldn’t even get on his hand without going under a breakdown. I’m just lucky he hasn’t even mentioned anything about this morning. 

I walked back into the library, seeing that the people who were playing Uno already left for class while Ryker was sitting down on the couch reading that same book he took out this morning. He didn’t seem bothered at all. Well, that might change after carrying me around for two weeks. 

I looked around, trying to find a way to get on the table or really anything to stand up on for him to see me, but there was nothing. There were no elevators in this library. Heck. What do I do now though? The bell’s going to ring soon and Ryker doesn’t even realize. Of course everything has to go downhill right when it’s almost the end of the day. Life hates me. 

  Yelling was under no circumstance an option. Getting closer to him wasn’t either. I’d just have to hope he realizes soon enough. And luckily, he closes his book and looks towards the door that leads to the human side and sees me. Good. I was not about to yell for him to notice me. Not at all. 

He shoved the book in his backpack before standing up and walking slowly towards me, but I couldn’t stop the quiet squeak that escaped my mouth. He was tall. Really, really tall. Even for a giant. How did I not realize this sooner? My breath hitched in my throat as I looked down to the ground. Seeing him sitting at a desk was one thing, but him standing up to his full height while I was on the ground? Not something I wanted to see. 

He must have caught on because he crouched down, holding a hand out. Either that or he just wanted to get going. I hurried on, hoping he wouldn’t catch that I was trembling extremely violently. 

“Sorry. Were you waiting long?” He asked me. I bit the side of my cheek, shaking my head. I lied. 

As soon as the last class of the day started, Mrs. Kay walked in looking cheery as always, “How’d everyone’s day go?” She had asked, earning a few answers from students. Apparently they all had a great time. It’s because they were already friends and used to this. 

“I’m glad you all enjoyed it. Today is a free day, so finish up whatever work you have in other classes or talk with your partner. Get to know one another.” 

The whole room was bustling with bright conversation while I still couldn’t even say one word to Ryker. A part of me really wanted to. I mean, I was being rude by not actually giving any effort at all to talk, but at the same time I feel like I would just be more annoying to him. 

Mrs. Kay came over to us, smiling and keeping her posture as she checked on students as she came down the isle. I winced, already knowing what might happen. She’s going to tell us to talk. Ryker has only asked me simple questions today, and I always either nodded my head or shook it. Meaning I haven’t spoken a single word to him for the week and half. Honestly, I was kind of jealous that others could laugh and joke around with their partners while I couldn’t so much as open my mouth to speak. Some great partner, huh?  

“How did today go you two?” 

I didn’t bother looking, too embarrassed to answer. Ryker was about to complain to her about everything that was wrong with me and there was nothing I could do about it. Because he isn’t wrong, even if I don’t know what he’ll say. I was weak, pathetic, scared, my bones were even more breakable than a normal humans because of how many times they’ve been broken in the past, I was a lot shorter than the average human, I wasn’t strong. You’re broken. That last thought hangs in the back of my mind and leaves a sour taste on my tongue. 

Who knew, maybe he would get an actual partner that could keep a conversation with him. Or to entertain him long enough. Just get me out of here already so I can- 

“It was good.” Was all Ryker answered with, and I could somehow hear the smile on his face. 

I didn’t know if this was some kind of trick or not, but if it is, then it’s awful. He has to be lying. There has to be something he can say other than “it’s good.” Seriously. I’m pretty sure Ryker grew tired of my at some point in time. 

“And how about you Nathan?” The question directed to me. 

What do I answer? “I didn’t die?” Or “All my limbs are intact.” Or my body answers for me instead, nodding shakily as I eye the elevator door. Maybe I could get out of here? No one would notice, and as long as Ryker wasn’t looking I could just slip away… No. There’s only about twenty minutes left of class. I can hopefully survive until then. 

“Have you two talked at all?” Mrs. Kay asked, a hint of anxiousness in her tone. It’s because she knows from my mom. That’s what my mom was talking to her about. How I reacted to being around giants. Great. Because I needed more people trying to figure out what was wrong with me. 

I didn’t bother knowing if Ryker nodded or shook his head. I hated my overthinking. So, so much. All terrible possible outcomes, and that’s all I can think about. That I’ll never live the life I used to live ever again. That no one will figure out whatever was wrong with me. That I’ll never be able to trust a person again. I miss the days when dad would just lie down with me on the cold, metal floor of our cage and keep telling me everything was alright when nothing was. 

Wait. 

Why was I talking about that? 

I wish my overthinking would just go away. 

“Hmm. Alright. I said these next two weeks would be fun, and I have the best idea for that.” She giggled, but I could hint that little bit of worry hidden in her words. This wasn’t going to end well for me. 

She walks up to the front of the room, “I really wasn’t planning on everyone getting along so well right away, but this is apparently a faster class, so, here’s a little fun I’ve thought of!” She started off, “I want you to go to to each other’s houses. Or, more specifically your bigger partner.” She joked, and a couple laughed along. 

But this wasn’t funny to me. Apparently not to Ryker either. We both stared wide-eyed at our teacher, probably both wondering the same thing. Why did she do this?

There really was no way out of this. I thought I would pass by these next eight days with just having to deal with school, but now I have to go to his house? What would his parents think of me? I’m literally bothering him afterschool and that’s probably his time to destress and not be bothered by anyone, which was the complete opposite of what I’d be doing. 

“Now, it can be anytime between now and next Friday. You are not required to stay over for the night, but I would like either one of your parents to sign off, proving that it happened. If there are any problems, please take it up with me after class.” 

She smiled, and sat down at her desk, probably making the slips we were now supposed to get signed by either one of our parents. But, as I looked back to Ryker, he didn’t look angry, but he didn’t look happy either. His hands were clenched into fists, he was biting the inside of his cheek, and I did not like how close his hands were to me. 

Soon enough, the class was filled with excited conversation again. I somehow worked up the courage to turn around, and Ryker was staring out the window, and then his eyes met mine, making me jump. Great turn of events. I wasn’t expecting that. 

“How do you feel about being in a house with five other people?” He awkwardly asked, worry encasing every word he said. I quickly shook my head. No. Five people? So him… his parents… does that mean he has two other siblings? Oh heck. No. No this cannot be happening. I can’t even handle one person let alone five? 

Ryker gave a sad smile, “Sorry litt-… Nathan. I’ll just tell her afterschool that you don’t feel comfortable with this. I’m not going to force you.” 

I had no idea what he was going to call me before, but I didn’t care. I was more shocked at how he willingly offered to tell Mrs. Kay for me that I couldn’t do this. Why?

Maybe he wasn’t that bad after all. 

—————————————

Wow. That’s long. But thank you for reading! I hope you’re all enjoying reading this just as much as I am writing it! I promise the next chapter will really explain a lot. For now, enjoy this last-minute drawing I did of Nathan.

[annas-hair-donut]

WIP Tag Game

As everyone knows by now, I probably won't be writing any more new fanfic (but I will finish Head Over Feet). But since @the-red-butterfly tagged me I'll leave this bittersweet list of what could have been:

And If I Change My Mind (Frozen, Kristanna) This is a long fic continuation of the Bandana AU where Anna works in Kris' garage. Lots of friends-to-lovers vibes, forbidden love, workplace romance, trauma recovery, jealousy (Anna was going to date Mattias for a bit there), and I was also going to have some Belle/Ryder shipping going on (trust me, they'd be great together).

C U Next Tuesday (Frozen, Helsa) This was supposed to be for Frozen Smut Week, but, unfortunately, I spent all my time on Good Cop, Bad Cop instead. Hans is a straight-A student, but can't seem to catch a break in his economics class. His TA is a stuck-up B who tells him to come to office hours if he wants any help. He refuses to ask for help, though, even if it means raising his grade. Then one night at a bar, he meets this mysterious woman who shows him what it's really like to be helpless and BDSM changes his life (for the better).

Keelhaul (Frozen, Rydoff) This is another Smut Week fic that didn't happen. Ryder is a stowaway on Kristoff's pirate ship. He was going to be keelhauled (tied on a rope and dragged in the water next to the ship - usually a death sentence), but then Kristoff decides he would do some keelhauling of his own in his cabin.

Sittin' in Your Tree (Frozen, Kristanna) It's sort of a song fic based on the song "C'est La Vie" by B*Witched. Extremely shy widower Kristoff has a second chance with his neighbor from childhood when he enrolls his daughter in her Irish dance class.

Sunflowers Vol. 7 (or so) (Frozen, Kristanna/Rydoff/Hansanna) Based on the song Sunflowers Vol. 6 by Harry Styles. Kristoff (a veterinarian) and Anna (Elsa's chief of staff) are happily married with kids, but Kristoff has a secret he's been hiding from Anna. When Kristoff moves to a new clinic, he meets vet tech Ryder, and Kristoff can no longer keep his secret. Anna leans on worst enemy/douchebag ex-boyfriend/obnoxious lobbyist Hans for support and old feelings rekindle. Told from dual POV.

Anyway, that's what I got!

No pressure tagging: @thefamilybruno @bad-at-names-and-faces @butchbetty @glassslippers-n-cowboyboots @thecassadilla

[caxycreations]

🍓 Author Ask tag 🍓

Thank you for the tag! @phynewrites <3

Some fantastic questions ^-^

I tag @that-one-enby-onyx @verba-writing @mikathewriter @akiwitch and @dreaminggoblin

Your questions are:

Which OC has the Jester's Privilege (google it if you aren't sure <3)

How long have you been writing your most recent WIP?

Other than your WIPs, what creative hobbies do you have?

Which character do you like the least from all your works?

If your WIP were to be considered the "inventor" of a new trope, which trope do you think that would be?

When the Writer's Block Fairy hits, do you hit back or do you let it run it's course?

If you could give any advice to your past self, right before starting your WIP, what would it be?

My questions, from phynewrites:

Which OC are you most fond of, and why?

David. I draw Davina more than David, by a lot, but David is my special little boy. He's the very first fursona I ever had, and he's still very near and dear to my heart.

Is there any form of media (other movies, books, theater, news, etc.) that inspired your wip/s? How so?

Visual Novels (which I'm working on one myself now!) and RPGs like Fable 2 and 3. Games where choices matter. I wanted to make a story that takes causality into account directly. Instead of writing back-to-front, where I have a pre-set conclusion, I write linearly. I've...essentially BECOME Malor, the God of Fate and Chance, from Relan.

I set very specific events that NEED to happen (David's incident with Trace, Ryder's employment with Kaleb, that sort of thing) and then allow the story to create itself in the in-betweens. What happens happens, and the choices matter: I let the characters breathe, live, do their own thing. I step into the shoes of an observer.

If I hadn't been so heavily inspired by games where the events are determined by free will and choice, I wouldn't write the way I do, and the story would be drastically different.

What wip-related activities do you do aside from writing your wip? (making moodboards or playlists, etc.)

Visual Novel XD I'm making a visual novel, and I draw now and then as well!

What are you most proud of in your wip/s and why?

The worldbuilding lore that most of the readers will never see XD

I put a LOT of work into building the world, before I ever wrote a single letter of the story, and most of it will never see the light of day unless I actually manage to finish the Relanian Lore Compendium

What tropes are common among your wip/s? Why do you enjoy incorporating these tropes?

Found Family, friends-to-lovers, affably evil, and irredeemably evil are my favorite tropes to use and pop up in almost everything I do XD

Which part of your wip are you most struggling and how do you plan to overcome it?

THE DOWNHILL CALM AFTER THE CLIMAX OF THE STORY. I've been struggling to write it for ages now. I finally hit the climax of the story and have been trying to write the final 2 chapters, and it's hard.

Supernatural said it best.

"Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass" - Chuck Shurley, Supernatural

Any advice/ words of encouragement or just really a greeting to any writeblr who would have read this far?

When you see those posts telling you how to be a good writer, giving all sorts of advice on the concepts of "show, don't tell", "don't over-worldbuild, don't under-worldbuild", "write this way, write that way"...

Fuck'em. If you're new enough to need advice, I promise, any advice like that is harmful. Start off just developing your style, your way. Learn how YOU write, what feels good to YOU. When you know your style, and you know what feels good to you, THEN learn the "rules".

Read like hell, both before, during, and after developing your style. When you have your style, learn the rules from an academic standpoint, learn the "correct" way to write.

And then adapt it. Bend the rules that suit you, break the rules that hurt your efforts, follow the rules that improve your work. Create your own set of rules and follow those instead of any standardized "This Is The Right Way" rules set by others.

That's my advice. Nobody can tell your story the way you can, so why should you follow anybody else's rules for writing?

[thebreakfastgenie]

iirc glee had a billy joel episode, or at least did several covers of his songs. do you have an opinion on that?

I've seen the episode, which is called Movin' Out, at least four times. I've also seen all the covers in other episodes. This took forever to answer because I decided to go back and watch some of these to refresh to my memory.

I appreciate that they did it. It was nice to see him get the recognition. Mr. Schue using him for the lesson was a fun idea, I wish the writers knew a bit more about him though because there were missed opportunities! I could have done it better. My overall opinion is that's underwhelming. I want it to be better than it is.

The covers themselves are......... mostly not good. The first time they did Piano Man, when Mr. Schue sang it with Neil Patrick Harris, it was diegetic, the two of them singing it together in a bar, so they were able to do the cut by just having them not finish the song, which was really good. I thought that one worked pretty well!

Puck's Only the Good Die Young is... fine. It's not great but it's fine. It's fit in the episode is a little tenuous but whatever. I enjoy the line about only doing songs by Jewish artists that precedes the cover. There are worse covers in that episode.

The Warblers doing Uptown Girl was good! It would have been even better if Glee could resist the urge to Glee it up so much and it sounded more like a boys' a cappella group would in real life but it was really close to that and it was fun.

New York State of Mind is a mixed bag. They did really well in some parts and not as well in others. Marley held her own but Rachel definitely did better. I wonder if Rachel's at least was an homage to Barbra Streissand's cover, but it's not too on-the-nose obvious if it is. Rachel singing New York State of Mind as a new student at NYADA is hilarious on a Watsonian level, like it would be such a cliche, but I think on a Doylist level it's an excellent choice. You know, it's a jukebox musical, she's excited to be in New York where she's been desperately working to get for the whole show up to this point. It's a good choice. I'm not convinced Lea Michelle and Melissa Benoist couldn't have hit some of the notes that get sidestepped, I think it was just the arrangement, but what do I know.

The Longest Time was okay. I think it would have been better if, again, it didn't Glee it up so much, but it's a much bigger problem here than with Uptown Girl. It's an "unplugged" song during a power outage and I wish they let it sound more like that! Let it be more acoustic and rougher sounding! It's supposed to be like that anyway. Good use of that song but just a failure to execute. I also can't stand the Glee style of dancing, especially by that point in the show, and I feel like it doesn't fit which makes me like it even less, but I'm trying to judge this more on the use of the songs and not inherent Glee problems.

My biggest complaint about the covers in Movin' Out is the cuts are just so bad. I know they had to cut them for time but they could have done it better! It's really jarring! The actual singing is also pretty meh. I like some more than others but I don't love any of them.

I have a certain fondness for Ryder's An Innocent Man. It's musically just okay but I enjoy how it's used. I don't think he really gets those notes though. 75-year-old Billy Joel is like "pray for me to hit the high note" and then kills it every time. That kid could do better.

I hate the use of Honesty, it's so weird, and I also don't like the cover. Sorry Artie.

I don't love the cover of Just the Way You Are but also it's Just the Way You Are. What can I say. Not the worst use of it in the plot though.

I hate the cover of Movin' Out. I don't really enjoy the montage thing either but it's fine I guess. It's weird because I would think Darren Criss would be able to do Billy Joel but I don't like any of his parts in this episode.

Jake singing My Life while also asking Marley for a second chance is kind of funny. I also remember that one being meh to fine.

It's hilarious that Blaine says "sing along if you know it" about Piano Man to a crowd in a piano restaurant in New York City. That place probably needs a "no Piano Man" sign like the sign in the guitar store in Wayne's World. Also as a side note if they could have gotten a Billy Joel cameo that would be the scene to do it; he should have been like "no not this song again" and stormed out. OR they could have had him correct Blaine because the sheet music is wrong (in real life that was with Just the Way You Are but creative license is allowed).

Ending on You May Be Right was a solid choice but I hate their version of it. It's terrible.

The choice of songs is... fine? I could probably make a better track list for a Billy Joel episode if you gave me some time, but they picked a decent mix of hits I guess, especially considering which ones they'd already used (of course they repeated Piano Man. of course.) I would like to see Blaine try Summer, Highland Falls, I think. Ultimately I think the biggest problem with Movin' Out is that Glee had declined so much by season 5. A Billy Joel episode in season 2 or 3 would probably have been better. There was just more care put into the music back then.

By the way, Billy Joel gave permission for Glee to use his songs but said he'd never seen the show because he only watches the History Channel.

[chevvy-yates]

[NC_RES]-31102049-EUR-GER scharfenberg_g_portraits_015_3_KBI-DA_WA.file ///core:_ryder_von_scharfenberg.file\\\

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⚠️ READ: Please do not repost/reupload any of my art here or to any other platform, or I will be forced to do anything to get it annihilated.

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Ryder's theme playlist.

Beware – long text passages behind the cut.

I've tried to shorten it but it's somehow gotten to a character eassy. So maybe save it for later and read it when you got time for it if Ryder really interests you. He is so dear to me and so complex I try to explain him with the help of this song collection for you to underline and understand his character better. I just lack of explaining it in a short way.

Blade Runner His main theme. It is no such wonder I chose a Blade Runner (end) title for him, because when I look at Ryder I always say to myself "You're my one true Cyberpunk 2077 character" — and Blade Runner basically is the foundation of this amazing yet dystopian future noir genre after all. I've always found the music in the original movie tremendously moving and mysterious in a way I've never experienced before. And so is Ryder to me: mysterious and evocative. A book I had and still have to read, to find out who he is. If you do not know him, you can only speculate who and what he is. He's that dark character, that looks frightening and bleak to you, stares at you until you look away. You may want to, but you can't stop looking at his drawing presence. Yet it is a mask he wears or rather is also forced to wear, because behind all this mystery is his true character savely kept for VIP only. The drums in this song represent he might be the dangerous sinister type whilst the synthesizer gives this overall beautiful and mysterious tune surrounding him, that feels somehow more chilling than dangerous. Yet there's still a hint of threat in that song because of its continuous fast paced cadence. If you could see the world through Ryder's eyes, it looks exactly like in Blade Runner, a city full of neon lights but in a mere monotone way — darker, less saturated, even at day because skyscrapers block the sunlight down in the streets. Buildings built onto buildings, lots of (acid) rain pouring down daily. Ryder knows how this world, he was born into, works. It is reigned by corrupt rich Corpos wanting nothing but power absorbing every small independent corporation, reign over people, don't tell what goes on behind the curtains because the lesser folk doesn't need to know (cloning/human meat theory, soul killer program, black wall etc.) — the rich don't care what happens to them. They are only interested in their money and consumption behaviors. At the same time Ryder knows what's going on down in the streets because he walks amongst them voluntarily. He sees the misery that is going on, people are mostly poor and barely can make a living if they don't devote their whole lives to working for the big ones. Humans become more and more synthetic, so much that the rise of cyberpsychosis is getting higher and higher and becoming more problematic than ever as they can not control it anymore while AI reigns the net, controlling an entire population (including himself) in a subtextual way. I don't want to compare Ryder exactly with Blade Runner. His job is not to hunt down bioengineered humanoids. He's a merc who hunts down those bad for this city and the entire world to make it a better place. He knows that the original vision of Night City was something entirely different and he's got hope that it can still be put on the right track. He devotes himself to this, as a merc, fighting that what he once was supposed to be too, but never felt like he belonged into: power-hungry Corpos like his father. Ryder's weapons are blades and he runs them into the flesh of his enemies — therefore: Blade Runner. If you listen closely at the end you'll also hear rain and a breath before it ends. Fits so to Ry.

Mesa Another Blade Runner (2049) song. It is calm, yet still mysterious right from the start, lingering, single piano tunes make it sound threatening but also interesting that you want to listen further. Then it gets bright, and nice, warm even, turning into a beautiful melody. Ryder’s personality is exactly like that melody. He doesn't trust anyone right from the start. But when he feels he can do that and decides to let someone in, he opens up towards you. He's not the mean guy, it is quite the contrary: he's got a heartwarming personality, a lower voice with a certain softness in itself that makes you wish he would read you a good night story. But this takes time, and you should let him decide when that time is. Because yet that song bears a threatening moment towards the end: suddenly it gets awfully loud and sounds even alerting — that is when Ryder's mood suddenly snaps. He gets mean even to a point where anger turns up from zero to hundred — it only takes a stupid commentary at the wrong time. Beware when it happens and choose your further proceeding carefully — because there is something lingering inside him that likes to have him angry.

Let Me Out is the song that represents that something inside him he started calling 'Bad Enduring (&) Aggressing Sinister Termination' (program) or in short: 'BEAST'* at a certain point in his and the teams story because it is what it forces him to do: do evil (bad) — in his eyes it definitely is because in a lot of cases he does not want to act this way. It is constantly (enduring) haunting him. It happens in a very assaulting (aggressing) way. And it is scaring (sinister) him as well. It only ends with death (termination) for his opponent while he is lucky to have survived each time. He doesn't know how it looks (it is mostly a distorted shadow with sharp teeth) and where it came from, but it is a daily and constant knock-knock that says: "Time to be angry. Now where is that hunger to kill? I know you want it. Fetch me their souls. Hey! — I'm here, don't you ignore me! Let me out! They harmed you. Kill them. Let me help. Let me out! Let me kill! Let me kill them all!" That song exactly does that: having a constant knocking-like beat. It never stops except for a few seconds accompanied by various other threatening dark and strange sounds making you slowly go crazy. Ryder is dealing with this constant pounding almost daily. It never lets him alone, since it first showed up in 2070 and took a part of control when he had his first rampage damaging his own furniture at home. He noticed that his anger grew as soon as he moved to Night City and it's gotten worse over time. First he thought it was because of the constant violation and degradation he received from his family, but he is sure this plays only a minor part now, since he cut ties with his Corpo life about seven years ago. He assumes the source must be something else or the only explanation left could be he’s close to end up becoming a cyberpsycho. Aware of that he chose to fight it even more. There are times he is able to completely ignore it, and he finds some peace when he is listening to his favorite music, passes out or is sleeping because thankfully he's got a very deep sleep at last. Carrying it always with him, he got used to living with it though, but lately (2078) it seems to have received an update that made it stronger than ever (it also makes him stronger in fights) and it frightens him more than ever. It bears one of his greatest fears: him hurting those around him he loves because he can’t remain in control over it anymore. And he knows he's a threat and a burden to his team as well once it happens. But Vijay insists that Ry stays part of it and promised to help him no matter what. *I want to underline that beast is not my idea. The overall AI idea is part of @nervouswizardcycle's (Void Jester) story, we just happened to work it out so my boys fit better in and named it beast one day. I like the thought for Ryder giving it the name BEAST, all caps, as written above because he will describe it to other people as that but he doesn't know it is an AI program controlling him. Finding out about it is gonna be mindblowing. A fun fact: he could just frigging leave Night City and be free from it because it is only tied to it. Hilarious.

Berlin represents one of the many songs Ryder simply loves: good, (extra) hard, dark and loud techno beats giving him the best thrills with the ability to stimulate his senses so that he falls into a trance only concentrating on moving along to the beat: raving until his stamina completely fails of exhaustion. He can do it for hours — his stamina is incredibly high through years and years of raving almost every night until the sun goes up. He's been on 24h raves many times. There's nothing better than those hard beats for him. Not only can he vent his anger through it, that music lets him forget this mad world for a while, gives him freedom for the time being — it's just him moving along with the beat. All he wants is to rave until he can't anymore. He doesn't even drink beer then, just water to stay hydrated. But there's another important reason why his heart beats for those techno/dark wave beats: it overshadows the BEAST's constant pounding, so he won't hear it for the time being. The BEAT of various songs literally BEATS the BEAST here. You could also say in a way he trained to hear the BEAST as some constant techno song (which also explains why he's constantly fidgety — imagine having a 24/7 techno beat in your head and what you would do). Also the title "Berlin" is chosen because it was in Berlin when Ryder first came into contact with his favorite music. A lot of good memories are tied to it. He's the opinion that Germany makes the best Techno(ise) (it is even mentioned in the CP lore books as well, yup).

Berzerker + Don't You Know Who I Am I certainly wish these two songs could melt into one. I tried to choose only one but for me one can't do it justice without the other. However, they represent Ryder's battle/fight theme. I've already mentioned them in a tag game post a while ago, but here we go again: 'Berzerker' is similar to Let me Out but harder and faster, so it can be seen as when Ryder is fighting yet still remains in control, slicing his Mantis blades through the flesh of his enemies while his Berserk operating system, Zetatech Berserk Mk.5, is activated. It boosts him up with an immense strength and resilience, increases his melee damage and receiving hits only make him stronger and more powerful. The song gets wilder in between when he's going into a killstreak having beast mode activated, dealing a huge amount of damage. Since his blades are standard with no effect they only deal physical damage with a high possibility for bleeding and dismembering. Depending on how hard the enemy ist, how long the fighting takes and how annoying they are to him, the chance to go literally berserk becomes critically high: he will slowly lose control with BEAST now taking over. It literally consumes him for the time being and all he sees is black and white with red shadowy distorted figures that are enemies and friends all together (robots and drones do not appear as distorted shadows at all though). That is when the song 'Don't You Know Who I Am' takes over: Ryder turns into his total unstoppable berserk mode killstreak — you better stay away from him. The raging screams in this song represent his sheer anger as he charges towards his target while the sound of blades can be imagined as he's slicing his sharp blades through everything and everyone in a total blind rage. The song is also very fast paced. Ryder has no Sandevistan but he's fast and versatile when it comes to running and parcouring and even dodging. His reaction reflex is trained constantly for years and he keeps his body agile.

Mörder This is another song I found way later when I've already written all of this post here but these lyrics hit so into the guts because they are so point — they describe how he sees himself concerning his out of control being: that he's a monster and a murderer. The lyrics are in German though: Dann steh ich vor einem Plakat und lese, Was ich getan habe, Und lese und lese: das habe ich getan? Aber ich weiß doch von gar nichts! Aber wer glaubt mir denn, wer weiß denn, Wie's in mir aussieht, wie es schreit Und brüllt da drinnen, Wie ich es tun muss... will nicht Muss... will nicht... muss! Aber ich, kann ich denn, kann ich denn anders? Hab' ich denn nicht dieses Verfluchte in mir, Das Feuer, die Stimme, die Qual? Ich will davon, vor mir selber davonlaufen! Aber ich kann nicht, kann mir nicht entkommen, Muss, muss den Weg gehen, den es mich jagt. Muss rennnen, rennen endlose Straßen... Ich will weg, ich will weg... Und mit mir rennen die Gespenster Müttern und Kindern. Sie gehen nie mehr weg, sie sind immer da, Immer, immer, immer! Nur nicht wenn ich's tue here is a translation via translator. Ryder isn't proud to always leave a mess of pool of blood, organs and dead literally shredded bodies behind. It scares him as well a lot of times as soon as he is coming back to his senses again. He doesn't remember what he's done, all he sees is the mess that's left around him. You could say he has gotten used to it with the years passing by since he learned to live with it, but since it got even worse it frightens him more than ever. He judges himself heavily thinking he's not better than those out there doing bad to harmless people even tho he kills only the bad ones. He also wishes to be more like Vijay (V is more you shall not kill orientented and leaves the badboy for the NCPD). It's Ryder's greatest wish that BEAST vanishes one day the same way it showed up, so that he is able to use his blades with a rather normal behavior instead of tearing everyone apart. He does not enjoy this kind of killing but he's got no choice, being unable to withstand the hunger to kill driven by BEAST turning him into a killer. Even Vijay could not help him, when he started looking into it. The only thing he can help with is to prevent the worst happening by resetting Ryder's Berserk System, so that he stops raging blindly. During this phase he will pass out for an undetermined amount of time and be vulnerable to his enemies. So it can only be activated when Ryder's safety is assured and another team member (also a reason why V wants more team members) can jump in fast to his side because Vijay is often too far away for him (Ryder's personal wish). Ryder gets a lot ofhelp by the team. Arki is dealing with similar to same problems but he remains in control. Arki sees a big threat in Ryder at first but as they get to know each other he understands Ry and offers his help to train how to focus and to stay calm. Thyjs joining in as the last one will do everything to help him. He's mostly back up to protect Ryder when he needs to be knocked out, giving Arki more room to concentrate on their enemy because he doesn't need to protect him anymore since Thyjs takes that role now.

Shake the Disease important mention: I did not choose the song because of the lyrics. I chose it because of its melody, which is why I went for an instrumental version made by someone else instead. So I would prefer you just blend out this is a Depeche Mode song (if you know it). Because if I'd chosen that because of the lyrics, netlords — I'd have to write something entirely different here now. That melody in this song stands for Ryder's good mood. Moments when he feels happy, content and simply has a very good time, completely forgetting about his troubles and worldly problems. Moments he spends with the team in the Afterlife having good talks. Moments of fun that conjure a bright grin on his lips. The melody sounds promising and accentuates that Ryder has already worked a lot on his selfesteem so he can be content with himself and proud of what he has achieved so far. He took his life in his own hands, chose who he wanted to be, that he got further away from having self destructive thoughts. This life of his was not lost, not hopeless. It is promising. He only needed a true friend (Vijay) who opened his eyes to see the world from a different angle – it is also why it sounds so close to Vijay’s themes (both like listening to Depeche Mode). Life is precious and you should enjoy every day while you still can. Ryder doesn’t know what happens to him, his future is unwritten with that raging anger inside him, but he does the best to enjoy it as much as he is able to (and he will get rid of this thing for sure so he don't has to kill anymore). He deserves happiness and does not give up to seek it which can only be achieved with this nesting demon inside him gone for once and all.

Memories of Green A calm song – another Blade Runner score one as well – it is one of those rare moments when everything seems calm for a while, presented by the piano. Yet there's still sounds wanting to distract. It stands for, that Ryder really wishes to concentrate fully on the piano, to take in its soothing melody, but has a bit of a hard time to blend out everything else around him. Some of these noises could also be done by his inner Beast to gain attention again. The piano stands for Thyjs as well, since Thy was taught to play piano. Ryder loves to listen to him playing some tunes a lot, it lets him forget almost everything, it's some balm for his never resting soul. He never thought he would enjoy classical music either — only with Thyjs he discovers it for the first time. So these are moments he tries to enjoy as much and as long as he can. Thyjs is going to mean the world to him. He has a natural gift to calm Ryder down similar to Vijay before but in a different way and Ryder will protect him as much as he protects his best friend all the time. He is more than thankful that Thyjs values him all the way he is, not caring he's murdered more than hundreds of living beings in the most cruel and agitating ways. It's because Thyjs can relate to it in a way since he was turned into being a killing machine trough Militech. He offers his help as well and does anything for him. Ryder never thought that after V he could fall this hard for someone else again. But Thyjs is the one. The calm center of the storm capable to handle the hot-headed angry man Ryder is, seeking peace he will find one day for sure.

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If you read all through here. I simply cannot give you enough kudos for it! Besten Dank! <3

[sleepy-seal]

[It's an beeping noise. Fate update. ]

Hello, gale. I probably think you hate me..along with that person..., but that's ok, I've gotten over it. It's the least of my concern right now.

I quit my job. Meaning, I am free of most of the chains preventing me to give privy to tell you everything, right now.

.... Truth is, I can't control anything. I'm a researcher who has no control over any of the variables. But, you already know that. I have the feeling you do.

... I don't know why I'm doing this. But, there's one way to stop this loop for good.

Number 1- revive moth, and burn the book ryder gave to moth immediately. It'll cause nothing but issues.

Number 2- whoever bothers you, stop them at all costs. Except acher. And now.

Number 3- get acher a new motivation outside of killing the person they need to kill. Give them more purpose, somehow. I don't know how, but it is possible. The steps are there. It's something only you people can do.

.. As for me and ryder and Andrew, our story is pretty much done, I think. I don't know what I can do from here.

... I'm sorry I had to tell it to you like this. And... I'm sorry to that person, if you see them, that i couldn't do anything about it. I was too weak to do anything. I'm sorry.

-the one known as drew. This isn't a fake, just in case. Nobody else can write fate, except for me.

[Gale was curled up on a couch when Fate began to beep.]

Oh, it's...

[Gale picks the book up carefully, looking at the cover apprehensively.]

I haven't seen you in a while.

[Gale opens the book, finally reading through the latest entry. The more they read, the more they felt guilt seep into every fiber of his being.

Once shell read all the way through, he felt compelled to grab a pen.]

I don't know if.... this'll work. But I think Acher did the same and it worked fine so.

[Ocean searched for a writing utensil and found something, then returning to the book.]

"Hello, Drew. I'm sorry if this isn't how I'm supposed to contact you, but I don't really know any other way.

I'd.... like to apologize for how I acted before with you. I was angry and frustrated for being trapped and I directed my fury at you. You didn't deserve to be yelled at by me. You were... you were doing what you could. I wish I could do more than just apologize to a book.

I think I've just become so... angry. I don't know why, but it's just been something I've felt so frequently lately. I don't want to keep doing that.

...Thank you for the advice. It's pretty good. The first one, I will be sure to remind Moth about it.

The second one, I'm assuming you're talking about Maiden in White. I don't know how to stop her yet, but maybe I'll tell you when I get the chance. Hopefully it doesn't become drastic.

I'm working on the third one. Acher and I watched a movie together and we talked about starting a band. It's pretty silly but... I actually want to go through with it. She seems to be a fan of music. Not in a euphemism way, surprisingly.

Congrats on quitting your job by the way. I think it's for the best. You were pretty stressed before.

Thank you, again. And I'm really sorry for everything."

[tal-vez-o-quizas]

How I became a Byler

It wasn't fate, it wasn't destiny, it was just simple dumb luck! 😜 

Get some water guys, this is long.

When Stranger Things first came out in 2016, my older brother was the only one who had a Netflix subscription at the time (I have one since 2 years ago) and I remember he said to my whole family (except my Dad who usually gets home late for work) that we had to watch this show that was super popular with Wynona Ryder, and that everyone loves it.

Now, of course we all knew who Wynona was! Even my Mom, who never remembers the name of actors or singers recognized her, lol. So we were like "Yeah, let's watch it!"

And we were all so impressed and flabbergasted by the show. My mom loved the cast and her favorite kid is Dustin cause she said he looked like such a naughty kid, haha. I absolutely loved it as well and I wanted to know more about Will, who seemed like such a lovely boy.

After that, I watched each season everytime it was released but I was not a hardcore fan at all. I didn't ship anybody, didn't analyze things, I just purely enjoyed it, found it very entertaining and thought that it was very well done.

When S3 came out and EP3 happened with the rain fight, I was like "Oh, are they gonna-? Nah, I don't think so... Will they? OMG" with displaying Will's sexuality. At the time it didn't occur to me that Will was struggling with his friend's exclusion and his sexuality at the same time (I know, dumb me). So I was like "I mean, he could be a late bloomer, I didn't get interested in boys until I was like 14" but now that I'm recalling middle school, I had crushes on different guys, lol. My mind was in denial because I just thought that Will being gay wouldn't be shown properly or in a sensible and serious way.

Then, when that first ST4 teaser ("With love, from Russia") dropped with Hopper in the snow, everyone and their mothers freaked out and the worldwide Stranger Things frenzy began all over again. I also remember that I saw some news online that said that ALL productions were suspended for Covid and that included ST or course. Me and my brothers were kinda mad because everyone knew ST was gonna be released like in 2 years or something, waaay later than it was supposed to.

Then, like a month and so before Volume 1 premiered, I don't recall how, but I watched the rest of the ST4 teasers (002, 003 and 004 with the Hawkings gang, the Hawkins Lab and the Cali one) and I got so excited! I started to watch a lot of the cast press interviews, videos and content, then I rewatched ST again, and was so surprised to realize, all over again, that it's such a great show and the cast is amazing. But my Byler senses were still dormant. The idea of Mike and Will romantically never crossed my mind (again, sorry for my ignorance).

Which is weird because I'm good at clocking queer characters.

Like, back in college, we had to watch a movie about this family who pretended to be someone else everytime they moved; they were imposters in a way. Thanks to the camera angles, the fact that he seemed uninterested in any girls and micro-expressions from the actor, I said to this girl next to me in class "He's gay" regarding the son in the family, and she was like "What? How do you know?" and I just told her to keep watching. Indeed, towards the middle of the movie, the guy (the son in the family, who was a teenager) went to this party; he started talking with this guy and they got in a car I think? Or was it outside the house the party was at? Can't recall. Anyways, the guy got closer to his school colleague and tried to kiss him, but the other guy flinched and said "I'm sorry, I don't feel that way" or something like that, he left, and the girl next to me was like "You were right!"

I've always been very open-minded, but I think I was used to watch media where queer characters where displayed as queer or in love with their friends in their late teens, so Byler was not something I ever considered.

After rewatching all the seasons, ST4 Vol 1 premiered on May 27th and boy, was I excited! Before that, I watched the first trailer, Sadie on Fallon, Millie on Fallon, the cast interviews on the ST4 premiere days ago and I knew that they were going to move forward with Will being in love with Mike thanks to that cut on the trailer when Mike and El are skating and Will stares at their hands. So I was like "Oh, what are they gonna do with Will?"

I was free from work on that Friday (it was not planned at all and I did absolutely nothing on that day, woohoo!). I started watching ST4 around 10AM in the morning in my living's room TV.

Now, I was incredibly hooked since the intro (I knew right away that El didn't murder those kids because the way their bones and limbs were broken didn't align with how El has attacked people before), got very interested after El said that Will was painting a lot and that maybe it was for a girl, clocked what was gonna happen later in the season with the basketball game and Eddie's campaign (Mike saying that they thought Vecna was killed by Kas, Eddie declaring that Vecna lives, the 11 that Dustin threw and it wasn't enough to win) as well as who actually massacred those kids in the Lab back in 1979 after Chrissy was taken by Vecna.

I found Mike so weird and odd in EP2 but I didn't know what it was; his outfit was horrendous and after EP3, I said to myself "Hold on, Will is in love with Mike in the same season when Mike can't say I love you to El's face? That's no coincidence" and kept on watching.

I knew Peter was Vecna immediately since he appeared on EP5 because there was not another new character that fit the vibe but I didn't know he was Henry Creel or 001, lol. Him being 001 was there for us to notice but I didn't, for some reason, haha.

I stopped watching on EP5 I think, in the afternoon. Did some stuff and then picked it up at 9PM.

After the master reveal and plot in EP7, I went to Twitter and started to check people's opinions or takes for this season, then I saw a tweet that linked Kaypeace21's "Why I no longer think Mike is bi, but gay" post, saying that Will loved Mike and Mike reciprocated, and I was like "WHATT?! OMG! This looks promising" and read the whole thing.

When I tell you that I felt like I had an epiphany it's downplaying things (not an exaggeration). It felt exactly the same as when I watched Maze Runner's "The Death Cure" on theaters and Newt threw Thomas against the wall in the middle of the film after screaming at him and I felt such an insurmountable amount of tension between those two characters that I started to read Newtmas fanfiction when I got home.

Everything on Kaypeace21's post seemed very well thought, it made sense and after that I read more Byler theories as well as overall theories for the supernatural, Vecna and more. I got obsessed, became a proper fan of the show and the characters, and waited for Vol 2 to drop. Stranger Things actually replaced my Heartstopper fixation.

The show was more popular than ever, the hype was so real. Even my brothers, who haven't still watched Season 4, said that they read that The Duffers "forgot" Will's birthday and I was like "yeah, I don't really believe them" because I actually do not believe anything that comes out of The Duffers or Shawn Levy's mouths until I see it with my own eyes, lol.

Anyways, when Vol 2 premiered, I woke up at 4AM on July 1st, I think, to watch it and when we got to Will saying "Can I show you something?" to Mike, I actually paused my laptop, took a deep breath and started pacing in my room, haha. I was like "Sh*t, so early on the episode?" because I felt I was gonna have a heart attack. I was flabbergasted, shocked and a bit sad after the van scene, but found it so beautifully heartbreaking.

Now, I'm very objective and being the Libra that I am (not that I believe that much in Astrology, but there is a degree of certainty to it), I always see all sides of things and I do not consume media in a subjective way only. When Mike "confessed" to El on Surfer's Boy Pizza, I stood very quiet and watched the whole thing, but felt nothing, because it came across as very clichéd, lies were spouted by Mike and the whole situation happened in the middle of Max getting killed by Vecna and everyone was at the brink of death. It felt like an empty moment.

Then, towards the end of Vol 2, I was like "Well, Mike and Will seemed closer than ever at least".

I checked Tumblr and everyone was losing their minds. Me as well, but in a more subdued way. Then, the Byler hope was restored pretty much like Aang restored peace in Book 3 of The Last Airbender, I saved so many Byler blogs on my browser, visited them everyday, liked all their posts, learned more and more about the show, read even more theories about many things and a few weeks ago created a Tumblr specifically to indulge on my Byler hyper-fixation and here I am.

Byler Tumblr has made me more aware of symbolisms, plot devices and how to digest media more acutely. Thank you guys so so much.

Love that for me!

[vorchagirl]

i am so sorry this is so delayed, but here’s my fanfic asks for you - prepare yourself, my friend! ^•^

16 - 18 - 32 - 38 - 46 - 53 - 70 - 80

*80: what are some of your least favorite ships to read AND write?

16. Do you write by hand, on phone or on laptop?

I do the bulk of my writing on my laptop, but lately I've been writing more and more on my phone because I often find myself with spare time while I'm out and about. I do write by hand sometimes, but honestly, I find my phone more convenient now that I've mastered the art of phone writing, lol.

18. Do you enjoy research? Which fic of your required the most research?

I do not enjoy research, lol. But it's an important part of writing, so I do it when I need to. I think the fic that required the most research was Lights in the Sky - I had to do a lot of research for trauma (emotional and physical), different types of wounds, and I had to contact Spanish friends for some help with my Spanish for Vega, and I had to ask my Russian friends to do some transliteration for Rennah's Russian lines. I think Sweet Little Lies is a close second - I had to do a ton of research for that fic too.

32. Do you take fic requests? Why/why not?

Not really, though I hesitate to say definitely no because I never know when an idea will grab me. I'm always open to drabble requests and love when people send those in, but full fics? Not reaaaally.

I used to take full fic requests, and I had some bad experiences with people acting like they owned my work or getting very obsessive with me and my fics. Mind you, I also have had some great experiences. I'm writing Distance because of a fic request, and the lovely person who requested that fic has been nothing short of friendly even though the fic has become much more than intended!

38. What is your most self indulgent posted story?

Lol, this one is easy. My Mass Effect Andromeda x Harlequin Mills and Boon style romance fic 'The Charlatan's Seduction Plan'. This was a labor of love because I genuinely love trashy romances, and my great friend Kit did the art for it. It was so much fun to write, but totally self indulgent!

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life what would it be?

Probably mirror-verse fics where a good wholesome character becomes evil and obsessive. Like my Subject Zero Kaidan fic 'Through A Mirror Darkly'. I like when a good guy goes bad and gets obsessive.

53. What is the most used tag on yoru AO3?

'Romance' - which shocks me. I thought it would be 'shameless smut' XD

70. Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?

I'm subscribed to 15 or so writers - not as many as I should be, but I have a bad habit of following fics instead of authors. Though if you post a fic or chapter and I review rather quickly, it's probably because I follow you!

80. What are some of my least favourite ships to read and write?

Honestly, and this is not hateful at all because I love that some of my best friends are passionate about their ships and characters, but my least favourite is anything with a male Shepard or male Pathfinder Ryder, no matter what the pairing. I just don't especially gel with a male Shepard. I guess because there is such an overwhelming lack of female representation in media I gravitate towards strong female characters in fics.

If we're talking specific ships which I struggle to write or read, I suppose my top 3 are probably Ash x Kaidan, Male Shep x Miranda, or fRyder x Jaal.

Having said that, I can usually read anything if people ask me to - and sometimes I love fics which I never expected to. So I'm always open to everything.

Thanks for the ask - sorry this was so long!

[theoseong]

The Runaway

Date: November 2017 and July 2021 Location: Rungung and Different City Characters: Theo Seong and Charles Seong (Robin and Ryder Astrea mentioned) Description: Theo leaves Rungung and goes back again. Triggers: death, grief and mentions of starvation.

November 2017 - Theo is 23 years old

Theo’s gaze shifted from the bus ticket in his hand to the packed bags and guitar in his bedroom, leaving his room the barest it’d ever been. It was now or never. His bus for Different City left tomorrow at seven in the morning, and he still hadn’t told his dad he was leaving. It got more and more tempting to just leave without saying goodbye. That way he wouldn’t have to face his dad’s disappointment. 

A bitter part of him thought his dad might deserve that. All his life, it felt like the damn diner meant more to him than Theo did. He never gave a shit what Theo wanted–never even bothered to ask. He just decided he was going to take over for him one day. Maybe, Theo should’ve told his dad the truth from the start, but it felt like his only real option was to just leave, because he was never going to accept the truth. His dad would have to now though, because Theo was going on that bus even if it broke his heart.

Sighing, Theo forced himself to stop stalling and left his bedroom, heading for the kitchen where his dad was sitting at the table, balancing the books. Without a word, he dropped the ticket directly on top of the book. His dad gave Theo a confused look and set down the pen, lifting the ticket to examine it closely. 

“Different City? You didn’t tell me you’re going on a trip…” He said slowly, and Theo could practically see the gears turning in his head.

“It’s not a trip, dad. I’m moving there. I know I should’ve said something earlier, but–”

“Hold on, son. Slow down. You’re moving there? What are you talking about?” His dad asked in rapid succession, pushing himself out of his seat to look at his son directly. He didn’t seem mad yet, just completely lost. Theo couldn’t blame him. He went about this all wrong.

“I’m twenty-three, I have all my certifications, and I have money saved from the diner. I’m leaving,” Theo listed off in a flat tone. For some reason, it felt like if he kept emotions out of this and just sprouted facts it would avoid the inevitable explosion, but he knew that wasn’t true. He could see it brewing in his father as his expression shifted from confused to betrayed.

“Leaving? What about the diner, Theo? I need you around here to help–to take over one day. This isn’t the plan.”

“Your plan, dad. This isn’t your plan,” Theo snapped, immediately losing all his sense of cool. “I hate the diner. The last thing I want is to spend the rest of my life flipping pancakes and mopping syrup off the floor. That’s your dream, not mine.” 

It was probably the worst thing he could ever say to his father, “I hate the diner,” but it was the truth. Theo held so much resentment for so many years that it festered into an ugly, hateful thing. His dad’s pride and joy felt like a prison to him, and he couldn’t stay here anymore or else he’d go crazy. 

Theo’s dad reeled back like he’d been slapped, his eyes narrowing into a glare. His cheeks started to flush red the angrier he became. He and his dad never fought, and he never saw him lose his temper, but he had a feeling that was about to change in a few seconds. 

“This is–this is ridiculous, Theo. You’re not making any sense. You never said any of this before. What’re you going to do in Different City? You barely passed your certifications,” his dad countered, his voice practically raising with every word.

“When was I supposed to tell you, dad? It’s all you fucking talk about! It’s all you care about. This stupid place is your entire life, and you just force it onto me. You didn’t even ask,” Theo yelled, his chest heaving as he got more worked up, “and I want to play music, by the way. You would’ve known that if you actually paid attention to me.” 

“Music!?” His dad shouted before letting out a humorless laugh. It stung more than Theo expected that he acted like the idea was a big joke, and it caused his shoulders to sink, but he refused to back down. He wasn’t giving up. 

“So, let me see if I understand this, Theo. You’re running away from home, abandoning all your responsibilities and your family, to play music? Do you know how many people actually make it as musicians? Do you know how much being a struggling artist pays? On top of rent, food, basic needs. You’ll starve.” 

Theo faltered for a beat, swallowing roughly around the lump forming in his throat. He knew it was a risk, but he spent so much time planning this out, and it was one he was willing to take. He couldn’t just stay here forever, because he was afraid of failing. 

“I won’t,” he shook his head. “I’m good at this. Someone will sign me. And if they don’t–well, I’d rather be a starving artist than a diner owner.” 

Theo’s father never hit him before, but he looked like he might as he took a step forward like he was squaring up to him, and he braced himself for the potential impact, but it never came. Instead, he pointed a finger in his face, his voice dropping low.

“I’ve never been so disappointed in you in my life, Theo.”

Theo knew it was coming. It was why he waited so long to tell him. It didn’t soften the blow though. His dad was the only close family he had left, and Theo just destroyed that. If Theo left, he didn’t think they’d ever come back from it. As selfish as it was, that was a decision he made a long time ago, and he accepted it. 

“Yeah, well,” he began with a feigned nonchalant shrug. “You don’t have to like it, but it’s happening.” 

Falling silent, he reached around his dad and grabbed his ticket from the table and stalked towards his bedroom to grab his stuff. His bus wasn’t until the morning, but there was no way he was staying here tonight. He’d stay at a friend’s house or find a hotel. His dad called after him, but Theo steadily ignored him as he shrugged on his guitar case and picked up his duffle bag. 

Theo had to push past his dad as he left the bedroom, avoiding his gaze as he walked towards the front door. His dad shouted after him the entire time, until he slammed the door shut and muffled the sound. Theo didn’t pause once as he jogged down the steps, afraid if he did he’d turn back and change his mind. 

July 2021 - Theo is 26 years old 

Theo woke up to the sound of one of his four roommates banging around in the kitchen, prompting him to let out a groan and bury his face in his pillow. He was still hungover from the night before after his band celebrated their gig with many, many shots. They probably spent more on drinks than they were actually paid, but that was pretty typical for them. These bars barely paid anything.

Cracking an eye open, Theo reached for his phone and checked the time, grumbling to himself when he saw it was almost two in the afternoon. His stomach rumbled loudly, but he ignored it for now. All he had left in the pantry was a few packs of instant ramen, and he was trying to make it last. He tried to distract himself from the headache and hunger by scrolling idly through social media, stalking a few old friends and exes. His profile was under a fake name, so he could look into people from his past without being discovered. There was a post that was a few days old from Robin and Ryder’s birthday. He let his gaze linger on Robin for a second too long, murmuring “cute” to himself before he moved on. 

Theo paused when he landed on a post from The Sunrise Diner. Most of their posts were just aesthetically pleasing photos of breakfast food to promote the place, but this was a picture of his dad with a lot of text underneath. It took Theo to realize the words at the top said, “In memory of Charles Seong.” 

His entire body went numb suddenly, all the sound from the apartment drowning out to a dull roar. He read the rest of the post without really processing it. His gaze landed on the words “passed away,” “heart attack,” “will be missed.” Theo didn’t know how long he stared at his phone. It felt like time stopped and his body slowly shut down, everything coming to a complete standstill. 

His dad died. His dad died, and Theo just found out through a social media post. His dad died, and Theo just found out through a social media post, because he ran away from home, changed his number, and never spoke to his dad again. One of the last things Theo ever said to him was that he hated the diner and he’d rather be a starving owner than a diner owner. Which was exactly what he was now. 

Theo’s hands began to tremble so violently that his phone fell and landed with a “thud” on his bare chest. He had no idea what to do. He’d been so stupidly stubborn over the years. No matter how much rejection he faced, how little money he had, and how poor his living conditions were, he refused to go home. He refused to prove his dad right. His dad died being disappointed in Theo.

It all felt so fucking stupid now. 

Without fully processing what he was doing, Theo picked his phone back up and checked his bank balance. He only had enough for a one way bus ticket and nothing else. Taking a deep, trembling breath, he opened the transportation website and hastily paid for an overnight bus ride to Rungung.

Whether he was a failure or not, he had no choice but to go back home. There was nothing for him in Different City, and there hadn't been in a long time. No family, nothing that really meant anything--just a band that wouldn't go anywhere and a shitty apartment. He should've done this years ago, but he let his pride get the best of him, and now it was too late.

Theo's dad was gone, and the only thing he had left of him was that damn diner.