#i still need to finish the outline but! im sure i can do that in 10 days!

[burntb4bydoll]

Tom Kaulitz x inexperienced!fem!reader

Warnings: a bit of scratching, hair pulling, slight size kink, PRAISE KINK, readers lowkey bratty and a crybaby💀, very soft dom Tom🤭 like fr tho hes WHIPPED.

“Please Tom! I just wanna try. You’re so mean!” You pout, furrowing your eyebrows at Tom. He sighs and grabs your chin with his thumb and pointer finger,

“Baby, thats enough. You’re not ready yet. You have no idea what you’re doing. We gotta work up to it.” That only made you pout harder. Whining, you climb on top of him to straddle his waist. You two were already undressed because you had already been messing around before you started to throw a little tantrum. You lean down to kiss him, moving your hips to grind your body into his. Toms breath hitched as he felt your wetness spreading over his length. (Im sorry physically can not type any other word for it. They all sound so gross)

“Look, Tommy. I can make you feel good,” you sigh, “Just please let me fuck you! Ill be such a good girl!” You sit back up, inspecting his facial expressions. He grabs your hips and sits up against the headboard so that you are sitting in his lap.

“Fuck. Ok fine, but I’m gonna help you. And thats not an option. Its not gonna be easy, sweetheart. Especially for someone who has no idea what to do.” You rolled your eyes at him. What could be so difficult about it? Hes over exaggerating. Tom sees your eye roll and gently grabs you by your hair, which was so gentle that he was basically just holding you by the back of your head. “what did I say about that attitude? You wont get fucked at all if you keep it up. You know I don’t wanna do that to you, baby.” Toms voice was soft as he looked at you with pure love in his eyes. You knew he wouldn’t actually do that, you’ve got him wrapped around your finger. But you decide to play along anyways.

“Sorry, Tommy. I’ll be good, promise.” You both know thats probably a lie, but he accepts it anyways. He lifts up your hips to position himself at your entrance, watching you the whole time to make sure you were okay. You slowly sink down on him, moaning at the new feeling. You didn’t think it was possible to feel him this deep inside of you. “Tom-! Oh my god, you’re so deep!” He shushes you, moving your hair out of the way so he had access to your neck. As he trailed kisses across your jaw, you had finally got him all the way inside.

“Good job, princess. Just sit still for a minute. That was a lot, huh?” He pulls away and smiles as he plays with your hair.

“Mhm… fuck. Ive never felt like this before. It’s weird.” You moan, looking down to see the outline of his dick (💀) showing on your lower stomach. He moves his hand down to press in it, making you whine and jolt from the pressure.

“God, you are so pretty. Look at this. You can actually see how deep I go.” Tom was absolutely mesmerized. He only looked away when you started to lightly bounce on him. Groaning, he holds your hips tightly. You started moving a little faster, grabbing him by his hair to steady yourself. His nails dug into your skin, leaving crescent shapes on your hips.

“There you go. Good girl~ you’re doing such a good job.” Tom coos. Your eyes feel heavy and tears of pleasure start to form in your eyes. Toms praising always gets you so worked up. After riding him for a while your legs start to burn. After your failed attempt to continue fucking your boyfriend, you collapsed onto his shoulder.

“I wanna keep going- its just…my legs hurt. Can you help me? Please, Tom. I need you to help me..” Your words are breathy and desperate, basically crying for him. Tom silences your pleas by kissing you. While you kiss he starts to thrust up into you, moving your hips for you to match his thrusts. He moans loudly at the change of pace, feeling himself grow closer to finishing. One of his hands leaves your hip to toy with your clit, causing you to whimper and shake.

“Come on, baby. Cum with me…I wanna feel that pretty cunt cum for me.” Both of you gasp as you reach your highs, hands gripping on to each other desperately. He makes sure to continue his movements on your clit so that you could ride out your orgasm for as long as possible. “Good girl, such a good girl. You take me so well” Tom mumbles as his movements come to a stop. A silence fell over the room as you calmed down, but it was quickly ruined by your giggles

“I told you I could do it! And most of it was by myself!” You state proudly, making him laugh at you.

[cowboydisaster]

Sleepless Nights

repost, originally posted on 13 march 2023

pairing: Dutch van der Linde x fem!reader (+jealous arthur? check notes)

word count: 3k

summary: Dutch helps to keep you toasty on a freezing Colter night. This was written to an anon request "I can think of a few ways to keep warm"

a/n: idk how but this turned into a dutch smut + a snippet of jealous Arthur at the end? Not sure, but I like the finished product!

warning: nsfw, 18+, minors dni

taglist: @margofiore@mrsarthurmorgan7@woman-with-no-name@luvliewriting@tillith@pine4pple-b0i@photo1030@dudsparrow (sorry for tagging you twice, I'm done, I promise lol.)

Your teeth chatter and click together in the overwhelmingly cold cabin. You hate Colter, you hate this storm and you hate the Pinkertons. The only thing keeping you sane right now is Dutch at your back. It’s dark in your section of the little cabin, and it's freezing cold. Dutch lines your back on the small bed, spooning you as close as he can possibly get without crushing you. His warmth doesn’t help much in the storm, but it's better than nothing. Arthur and Hosea are in the other rooms in the little cabin, and by the sounds of their snores through the thin wall, they’re not suffering nearly as much as you are. 

“My dear, this is killing me. What can I do?” Dutch says, beside himself from the way you’re shaking down to your bones. Your skin is like ice, and even as he rubs up and down your arms, you don't warm up.

“Nothing, it's okay but I-Im, god, I'm so c-cold.” Is the only reply you can muster. Dutch pulls your back closer to his chest, thinking. 

You coil around yourself, smiling as Dutch begins to pepper open mouthed kisses along your neck and jaw. He nips the skin of your pulsepoint, gently toying it with his teeth before running his tongue over the red spot.

“You know…” Dutch begins, and the hand that was snaked around your waist moves downward to reach up the bottom of your chemise. You shudder, but not from the cold, as Dutch’s featherlight touch trails up your thigh, past your abdomen and to your breasts. 

“I can think of a few ways to keep warm…” Dutch whispers, breath hot against your neck. He kisses the underside of your jaw, running his thumb overtop your hardened nipple before circling it a few times. 

Your breath hitches in your throat, and the little gasp that leaves your lips causes Dutch’s jeans to grow tighter around his groin. His thumb flicks over your nipple a few times, and his lips kiss and suck at your ear lobe. 

“Dutch, wait- Hosea and Arthur are sleeping and the walls are thin-” You protest lightly, not wanting to get caught in the act. But the warmth that starts to cover your body from Dutch’s touch and the wetness that begins to pool between your thighs begs him to continue.

“Guess we’ll have to be quiet then, hmm?” Dutch pinches your nipple lightly, trying to restrain from grinding his hips against your ass as he whispers against your ear, “Can you do that for me, princess?”

You whimper, pushing yourself back against Dutch. It elicits a deep groan from the man, and you can feel the outline of his hard cock against your lower back. 

“Mhm.” You nod, needing Dutch to keep touching you. 

He obliges of course, squeezing your breast and groaning before sliding his hand down towards your lower stomach. Once he reaches your thighs, he urges them apart. 

“Can you spread these pretty thighs for me? Hmm, my dear?” Dutch asks, and his voice alone does you in. You lift your leg up a bit, still in a spooning position to grant his hands access. He brings his hand in between your thighs from the back, and runs his fingers over your slick folds. 

“You’re so… God- You’re so wet for me.” Dutch whispers, and his cock is pressing so hard against the inside of his jeans that it hurts. But he’ll take care of you first, he always does. 

His fingers trace a familiar pattern over your clit, the same one that you use to get yourself off. He knows you like the back of his hand, knows everything you want, everything you need. Being with Dutch is as easy as breathing, and you need him like the oxygen that flows to and from your lungs. His large hands ground you, touching you in a manner that doesn’t allow the chill of the room to grasp onto you. Your body burns with his touch, racing ever faster towards a cliff's edge. 

It doesn't take long. His voice combined with the way he’s touching you are the perfect concoction that has you whimpering and gasping. You turn your head into the pillow, and every exhale hits you with a wave of building pleasure. It's the kind of orgasm that peaks slowly, his fingers know exactly what you need, responding to your moans to bring you to a toe curling, whimpering mess. Even with your face lodged into the pillow, your gasping breaths and moans can be heard, albeit muffled. You rock against Dutch’s fingers, elongating your orgasm while clamping your thighs down over his arm and hand. 

“Yeah, just like that… let me work you through it, easy.” Dutch coos, rubbing against your clit until it's too much and you have to pull away from oversensitivity. 

“Fuck, Dutch–” You whimper, and the sweat on your forehead speaks for your better temperature. 

He presses a kiss to the back of your head, shushing you and reminding you that Hosea and Arthur are just on the other side of the wall. Really you don’t care, you can’t even form a coherent thought as you push your ass against Dutch's groin, grinding against his unfreed cock until he groans. He pulls his zipper down far too slow for what you need. 

“Please, Dutch, I need-” You whine, cunt throbbing with need. 

“Just a second, my dear. Patience.” Dutch chuckles, finally releasing his thick shaft from the confines of his jeans. He lifts your thigh up again, running the rosy head of his cock along your entrance to use your slick. 

“You ready, my love?” Dutch whispers, kissing your shoulder, his facial hair causing goosebumps to shiver down your body. You nod, begging him to just take you already. 

As soon as he has your consent, he slides in, pushing into you slowly. Your walls are tight around him, even with all the slick and the foreplay. You moan, tossing your head back against Dutch’s chest as he slowly fucks you from behind, still spooning.  The position gives him a perfect angle to bump right into your G-spot, and you’re moaning and whimpering after only a few moments of his slow thrusts. His hand steadies himself on your hip, and you reach to your side to grasp onto it, nails digging into his hand. 

“God- you’re so tight.” Dutch groans as he thrusts into you. The head of his cock bumps right into that sweet spot, and you feel the first tingling of an approaching orgasm, even without the external stimulation.

"Oh Dutch faster please-" You moan, needing to feel more of him, quicker and harder. 

"As you wish, my love." Dutch groans before picking up his pace and ramming into you so hard that the bed rocks side to side with his rhythm. The creaking bed is loud, but not nearly as loud or vulgar as his hips slapping against your ass, or the moans that fall from your lips as you pinch your nipple. 

"Fuck! Oh- Dutch I'm so close!" You practically scream, gripping onto the side of the bed that rocks like a ship mid-storm. You can feel every ridge, every vein and every twitch of Dutch inside you as he mercilessly takes you. 

"Cum for me, my dear, let me feel it-" Dutch groans in your ear, holding himself back until you've been properly satisfied. It's difficult, considering those pretty noises you're making, and the way his name falls so effortlessly from your lips. 

As soon as he says the words, you allow yourself release. Your walls clamp down around Dutch as you rock back against him, waves of tight, hot pleasure falling over you. Dutch tries to continue his pace to ensure your maximum pleasure, but you're squeezing him so tightly, and god- the sounds you make. You moan, crying out and gasping for air as "Oh!" and "Dutch!"  are repeated over and over. 

You can feel him begin to twitch, he groans louder, fucks you erratically. You've said the words before you've even considered them, before you've even thought of the consequences. 

"No, dont pull out please- I wanna feel you, I wanna take it!" You yell out, surely you've woken up Arthur and Hosea by now. Surely they can hear everything happening through the thin walls, but you don't care, not right now anyway. 

As soon as he has permission,  he thrusts into you one last, slow and hard time, filling you up completely. He sputters and groans as he does. 

"So good for me- so good." Dutch mumbles, an aborted thrust of his hips paints your walls with the last bit of his spend. 

You bring your thigh back down, wincing from overstimulation. Dutch doesn't pull out of you, still in to the hilt as he wraps his arms around you again. You're breathing heavily, recuperating from the best orgasm you've ever had in your life. 

"Thank you…" You whisper, craning your head to catch his lips in a kiss. It starts out slow, your lips meet his own in a small, sweet show of love. But as it grows longer, and his pecks become little bites to your bottom lip, you feel heat pooling in your belly again.

"You know, I have to be up early Mr. van der Linde." You chastise, looking into his eyes before trailing back down to his lips. 

"Hmmm, I do. But there's less productive, albeit more interesting ways we could spend our time rather than sleeping… I do have an obligation to keep you warm. Isn't that right miss?" He whispers, trailing kisses from the underside of your jawline down to your neck, and licking a trail up to your earlobe before nipping it with his teeth. 

"We really shouldn't, Dutch. We have to rob the train tomorrow." You counter, but the way you giggle, and your breath picking up tells Dutch that you don't want him to stop.

"I have an idea." Dutch says, kissing your temple before pulling out of you, slowly. 

"Y'know, I have a special talent.." Dutch jokes, sitting up in the bed beside you and urging you to lay on your back. 

"Oh, you do?" You play, knowing exactly where this is going and loving every second of it. 

You spread your legs for Dutch, pulling your chemise up enough to expose yourself to him. 

"Oh, I do. And luckily for you, it is a talent that you're quite familiar with." Dutch jokes before ducking under the blankets. You laugh out loud, because he is ridiculous. 

He settles himself in between your legs, under the blankets before you feel his mustache against your inner thighs, bucking your hips to chase after the feeling of his mouth on your most sensitive bits.

—

Arthur wakes up in a cold sweat from a dream. A dream about you. It's a dream that plagues him on lonely nights. One of your body under his own, slotting together with him. One where you call out his name, gripping onto him like he's everything while he touches every inch of your body, memorizing you. 

He wakes up, and sees the tent that has formed under the blanket from his dirty mind. 

"Goddamnit-" Arthur sighs, angry with himself for being such a creep. Because he will never have you. You are with Dutch- you don't want him. And as he lies awake thinking about you, or sleeps and dreams of you at night, he is only a fleeting thought in your mind. When he sees you in camp, smiling bright with flowers in your hair, your clothes wrapped tightly around your body it drives him mad. He could show you what love can be, he could love you better than Dutch. But he will never have that chance. 

So he does what he does everytime you linger on his mind for too long… 

Arthur reaches down, under the blankets to free his erect cock from his long johns. As soon as his hard shaft springs free from the material, his eyes slip closed, and he recalls his dream. 

You're underneath his body, gasping for breath and moaning as he thrusts into you hard and slow. He starts to stroke himself lightly, toying with himself. He thinks of you in his tent, stepping out of your clothes, of you sitting in his lap, taking what you need and rocking yourself against him. With every stroke of his hand on his cock, he imagines that it's you. He pumps himself into his closed fist, running his thumb over his head just wishing that it was your mouth, your lips on him, your tight walls, taking him like his girl. He whispers your name under his breath, bucking his hips up into his hand.

… And then he hears it. A whimper, coming from the otherside of the wall directly to his left. The wall that separates his room from yours and Dutch's.

Arthur's hand stops abruptly when he hears it. His eyes shoot open, and he glances to the wall, separating you from him by just a few feet. 

"Fuck, Dutch-" You moan, gasping and whimpering from the other side of the wall. At first, it takes the breath away from Arthur. That bastard is touching you right here, for everyone to hear. Like he's showing you off, letting Arthur know what he will never have. Arthur wants to quit, wants to shove his hard length back into his pants and be swallowed up by the floor. 

But then your moans continue, and as Arthur's eyes slip closed again, you whimper, and his cock twitches with need. Arthur sighs, feeling like a total pervert as he starts to slowly pump his fist up and down his shaft again. Arthur pretends that it's him making you moan like that. It's him on top of you, fucking into that sweet little cunt and kissing those perfect rosy lips. He imagines his lips, kissing and licking at those perfect breasts, taking you and giving you everything you need. 

"Please Dutch, I need-" You whine, begging

Dutch to fuck you, and Arthur decides in this moment that he hates Dutch. Arthur hates that Dutch is having you like this, while he pathetically fucks his fist. Because Arthur loves you. He loves you, and you're with Dutch.

Then Arthur hears the unmistakable sounds of sex. He hears Dutch thrusting into you, the slap of you taking him to the hilt, and how you moan with every goddamn rock. Arthur bucks his hips up, fucking his hand hard and fast, wishing it were you. He times his hand with your moans, just wishing that it were him making you moan like that.

"God, you're so tight…" Dutch growls, and Arthur wants nothing more than to go in there and kill the sonofabitch. It should be him in there, not Dutch. 

Arthur tightens his fist around his shaft, only being able to imagine how it must feel to have you around him.

The younger outlaw holds his groans in, not wanting to be caught. You on the other hand are crying out, whimpering and moaning Dutch's name. Arthur hates it, and green envy colors him with want. It only makes his movements harder, faster. 

"Fuck! Oh- Dutch I'm so close!" You yell through the slightly muffled wall. 

Arthur has always wondered what you sound like, how you moan when you cum. And tonight is no different. He is waiting for your release, begging you in his mind to just fucking cum already so that he can put this goddamn fantasy that's never going to happen to rest and get some sleep. 

After a few moments he hears the release. Your breaths get heavy, loud and quick. They turn to gasps, that turn to moans until the whole cabin reverberates with your sweet, beautiful cries of pleasure. You're calling out Dutch's name, but Arthur ignores it. He pumps his fist in time with your moans, climaxing with you. With a low, quiet groan, Arthur cums, sending warm strings of his spend up over his own stomach. For a moment, Arthur just lays there, listening to your whimpers continue. Your orgasm is drawn out, as you moan and gasp for a while until they quiet down. 

He feels enraged as you beg Dutch to finish inside you. Of course you do. Arthur hates Dutch and he hates whatever cruel higher power is forcing him to endure this purgatory. He hears your whimpers and moans, knowing that it's something he will never elicit from you. Dutch groans, and Arthur is actually relieved, knowing it's finally fucking over. 

Arthur wipes himself off, feeling like an asshole. His heart shatters when he hears the little kisses that you two share, the aftercare that Arthur wants nothing more than to give you. After a few moments of quiet, and some giggles, it starts all over again. You start to moan, start to whimper and groan. 

"Christ alive…" Arthur whispers, shoving a pillow over his ear. He does actually want to get some sleep, and he feels like a complete perv, listening in like that.

Much to Arthur's growing insanity, you don't stop. No, not for the rest of the night. The two of you go at it like rabbits, and Dutch brings you over the edge again and again, until Arthur stomps out of the cabin and spends the rest of the night in the barn. 

No one gets much sleep.

[shehatescoffee]

Do you have any other drafts you plan on publishing? If yes what’s the plot of those shortly

do i have other drafts....YES! TOO MANY!! thanks for asking bc i love to yap about them!

now, no promises that these will get published anytime soon or at all, since i still have multiple published WIPs to finish, but i'll list out some of the ones im sort of confident will see the light of day. a lot are more just ideas/brief outlines, but cest la vie!

itfs hunger games au: self explanatory 🤭 megumi as katniss, yuuji as peta, you know the deal 😏 would probably diverge a bit from the movie/book plots at some point

stsg groundhog day fix it fic: satoru relives the year between the plasma star vessel mission and suguru's defection over and over until he can find a way to save suguru

itfs dr. jeykll & mr. hyde au: yuuji as dr. jeykull and sukuna as mr. hyde, megumi as the lawyer friend checking up on yuuji

itfs as stucky au: yuuji as steve rogers and megumi as bucky barnes. yeah.

itfs middle school au: possible oneshot/twoshot about delinquent megumi and popular/prep yuuji

yet another itfs college au: childhood friends itfs lose contact and reconnect in college, but they've both changed quite a bit and they aren't sure if their friendship can ever be like it was. lots of pining and miscommunication and other scrumptious things like that

dadjo and megumi character/relationship study: oneshot examining inherited trauma, breaking cycles, etcetc

itfs model x pro athlete au: oneshot about model megumi and his boyfriend, pro-baseball or basketball player yuuji

jjk/stsg ohshc: satoru as tamaki, suguru as haruhi, need i say more?

itfs canonverse post-cursed womb must die arc: angsty oneshot about megumi trying to process yuuji's death. maybe a hint of dadjo

itfs hercules au: yuuji as hercules, megumi as megara, gojo as zeus, sukuna as hades, etcetcetc

itfs sorcerer killer megumi: megumi if toji didnt die and didnt abandon him, and instead raised him to be a hitman. then toji is killed by gojo, and megumi makes it his life mission to kill gojo, who feels guilty for fighting a kid whos dad he murdered but also said kid is trying to kill him so. somehow yuuji fits in here somewhere idk this is a new idea!

sorry that's a lot but that's pretty much everything in my drafts at the moment. prob isnt smart to put them out there when they are so infantile, but tbh who cares right? in all likelihood, i will simply post more and more college aus or things like that, since idk when i'll have the time for some of these more intense ideas and i just LOVE college itfs its my drug of choice. after i wrap up Dive In, im hoping to post some oneshots before diving in (lol) to another longfic.

im literally always bouncing around ideas inside my hollow skull, and it is VERY easy to get me interested in an idea, so this list is always getting longer which makes it less likely ill ever post them, but who knows!

and dont cancel me but i also REALLY wanna write an a/b/o itfs fic because i dont think this fandom has enough but idk if people would want that 😔 call me a freak i guess 😔😔😔

anyway, im happy to talk more about any of these ideas, or what im currently working on, or about things other people would like to see me write! im always always open to suggestions/ideas so feel free to send me some if you so desire. and anyone feel free to let me know if any of these ideas speak to you :) maybe it will motivate me to actually write them!

thank you for the ask, anon!! 🥰

[starlightmeissa]

out of curiosity, do you have any notes on your discontinued stories?

i don't! pretty much all of my discontinued fics were done prior to me using outlines, so what you see on ao3 is literally all i wrote for the fic. that's why they're all discontinued! i didn't think about those fics much outside of the current chapter i was working on, which made it harder to return to them when my interest waned.

all of my currently active fics have outlines and hefty notes sections, especially in regards to cheek to the wall and fluffy clouds. thats part of how i know i won't drop those fics, bc i just have so much stuff to look at if i need inspo in the future.

BUT! i can give a rough synopsis of thoughts i vaguely had for a few of my discontinued fics. whether or not i remember everything is up to fate though. also disclaimer that i wrote Every Single One of these fics while i was still in high school/same year i graduated so i include my feelings on how i would write them differently now that im like. an adult.

magneto:

(this is probably why you're asking, most people only really want to hear about magneto when they ask about my discontinued stuff. so i'll put magneto first!)

kenzo was going to enter a confrontation with her father and utterly destroy him. he would have said he's proud of her when she almost kills him.

all for one would have tried to take kenzo's quirk

in the future kenzo would have been one of the top ten heroes, maybe not first but very close.

really not much to say. the only future thoughts i had were literally having kenzo beat the shit out of her dad with his own baseball bat and with her own hands

something something daddy issues something something you're just like your father and it makes you want to rip yourself open and take every part of him out of you

feinting on your blind side:

jane would have lived happily ever after with bull. no sadness. honestly i consider my au of the chargers dying to be my internal canon, if only because it's actually finished. in a case where the chargers Don't Die, jane is just there along for the ride

really not sure if i love the age gap i wrote for these two. probably would have made her older now, even if part of their dynamic was jane's fear and inexperience with the world around her, that doesn't require her to be 21-23(? i don't remember)

characterization wise i don't think it's correct to assume bull would enter a serious relationship with someone younger than dorian. i think hook ups are different, but the sheer level of inexperience jane has would probably make him push her towards people closer to her age, like krem. for sure he could be fond of her, but he is old enough to be her father. like. her proper, normally aged father.

solas dynamic was crazy in this fic i literally think jane's anxiety about him gave me major anxiety while writing. i don't think i understood dai's companions as well when i wrote the fic, but i do think if i wrote it now i would flesh out solas and jane's dynamic much more.

also side note jane should not have gotten away with smart mouthing vivienne in this fic idk what i was on. i love you vivienne but you have never suffered fools and worse suffered a SERVANT talking back to your face and saying the circles are evil

one of the few justified moments of jane's anxiety was fearing viv's retribution cause girl i would be scared too

artists and dragons:

tera was being influenced by hermeus mora. her insatiable pursuit for knowledge was for his benefit

i wish i had written her as older, because i felt like there was the chance for a more interesting dynamic with brynjolf. i think i was just too young when i was writing artists and dragons to consider more serious topics like sexual relationships and SA (both very lightly touched on in fic due to their sensitive nature and my being a teenager with no idea how to even approach that)

honestly there is a non-zero chance i rewrite this fic with an older tera and more outlining in the future, because i still like the concept. my skill level has increased and i dislike the fast pacing of the fic. (ie tera and her companions all sharing a bed after knowing each other a month max in fic. so weird. it had been 5 months of writing so it had felt longer to me)

brynjolf would have figured out tera was under daedric influence after becoming a nightingale, due to a inherent Sense for when someone else is a daedric worshiper etc etc

the dragonborn would have used tera's information to find information she otherwise wouldn't have had access to

les etrangers:

reavv and i discontinued it because the scope was too wide and Every SIOC We Wrote was based on a real person we knew

which really complicated being able to develop those characters and feel comfortable with killing any of them off etc

the company would have supported a revolution in Orlais, maybe a reinstatement of the Dales. general revolutionary thoughts, general mayhem.

love this fic because it got me and reavv to become friends and realize our writing style's meshed very well.

qui vivra vera:

maria would have won her games at great personal loss. the entire 11-12 alliance would have maintained itself as long as it could. 12's boy would die first, then 11's girl, then at the end of the game it would have been 11's boy and maria.

11's boy would be injured critically and maria would have held him until he died.

maria probably would have had a kill count of 3(?), all careers. augustus (the original winner of the games) would have died by her hands. really impressive considering he is jacked as shit

maria would become the youngest winner ever, swiftly dethroning finnick after like 2 years(?) of him breaking the last record (jesus why did i write her like that thats so fucking horrifying)

you can imagine how poorly that goes for her in extremely unsavory ways. due to her willingness to offer herself to save a stranger she didn't know very well it would be very easy for president snow to keep her in line.

this fic would have been much darker in tone if i wrote it now and much less obnoxious about underage drinking. i was in highschool when i wrote it and had never drank or been drunk before, as you can probably tell.

the dumpster fire situation:

genuinely have no idea where i was going with this one. i was a junior in high school and just depressed tony stark died

came home crying in the car like "I CANNOT ALLOW THIS" and then started a fic so early in the timeline it was literally impossible to get where i wanted to be

i decided to give jay access to her phone so she could get social media fame from the ordeal (losing literally her whole family and being stuck in a warzone) and also because i was fascinated by how people would react to a person who is like. earnestly saying they are in the mcu-verse and no this isn't cgi. im serious. its bad guys can someone send me a link to the wiki

extremely funny idea i don't know if id rewrite it, but by god imagine a tiktok live and it's just a fucking dusty teenager swearing on her life she's just experienced the battle of new york

no real plans for this fic. i think she was going to get herself access to tony but i have no idea how. they dont really let random teenagers have access to tony stark billionaire playboy philanthropist. actually it would be really fucking weird if tony agreed to meet this random teenage girl without like Viable Proof she needs his help for saving the world reasons. and even then she may just end up dealing with sheild instead.

AND THATS ALL! i have other discontinued dragon age fics, but those are all short. if you care about those just comment and i'll talk about them. but other than that, thanks for the ask!

[bullet-prooflove]

Future Building - Michael 'Riz' Ariza x Reader

Tagging: @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @anime-weeb-4-life @danzer8705 @mysoulisasunflower @msjava1972 @adaydreamaway08 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @wakeama @librarian1002 @briefpersonenemy @creativitybeware @mortal--soul @buddinglinguist @purrrrfect

Riz builds you a house. It’s situated on the edge of his land, near the pond that the two of you skinny dip in during the summer months.

It started as a joke, something Taza mentioned whilst Riz was recovering from his injury after the motorcycle accident. You’d been running around after him playing nursemaid, keeping him fed, watered and medicated. He hated that you had to do it, but you had shushed him, your fingertips brushing the hair away from his face as you kissed him and told him not to worry.

“You should marry her.” Taza had said after you’d disappeared off into the bathroom for a shower. He sets the coffee down in front of Riz before taking the seat across from him at the kitchen table. His leg is stretched out in front of him because of the knee brace. He has a fracture and a torn ligament, he’s already been told off by Stitches for not looking after himself, for trying to be too mobile.

“Technically she is still married.” Riz tells Taza, bringing the cup to his lips. “After what happened with her ex… she decided it wasn't worth the fight, trying to divorce him.”

The club had a part to play in that. Your ex was a sheriff and could do alot of damage of you'd continued to push for it.

He trails off shaking his head. Your marriage had been messy, fraught. You’d felt trapped the entire time you were married, stifled by the man who had intentionally knocked you up and then smacked you around when you’d told him you’d gotten an abortion.

“She’s been a Godsend since the accident.” Riz says, his thumb chasing up the side of the mug. “I wanna take the next step, show her I’m invested in our future. I just don’t know what that is.”

“You could build her a house.” Taza says half seriously. “You’ve got all that land just sitting there, we’re in a quiet spell at the minute. I’m sure Gilly would be glad for the work.”

“I can’t just build a house.” Riz laughs before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Why not?” Taza says with a shrug. “The two of you love it out there, it’s quiet, you can see the stars, you can make as much music as you want without the neighbours complaining. You can rent this place out, have some passive income.”

Riz pauses for a second, his mug still clasped in his hand as he considers Taza’s words. The things is the more the other man says, the more Riz is starting to like the idea. You’ve never had a place of your own, a space that’s just for you. He could build a little studio just off the house, somewhere you could go to play and create. He likes that idea; he likes it a lot. He can afford it, the two of you live conservatively, and the money he’s earned from his illicit activities he puts aside, he’s never really realised what for until now.

When he pulls up outside the finished product, it’s better than he could have imagined. It’s a beautiful three-bedroom bungalow, with cream masonry and dark wood outlining the exterior windows and doors. The yard still needs a little work, Neron and Bottles are laying down flags while Lila digs out the flowerbeds along the edges of the space.

Gilly steps out through the open front door, using a rag to clean his hands as he stands on the porch.

“So what do you think?” He says gesturing at the house.

Riz grins as he puts his hands on his hips.

“She’s gonna love it.”

Love Riz? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[formula-fun]

Fic Writer Interview (thank you @chandelier-s-notebook for the tag my dear!!)

I'll use a cut as well!

How many works do you have on ao3?

On this account, 6! In total its something like 50 I think!

What’s your total word count?

you will probably not believe this but it's 1,021,939. most of it is on different accounts or on anon. i promise you a lot of the early ones are....not really worth reading

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

fire + sound (you guys are freaks ily)

i'd sing you a morning golden and new

Of Shadow

remember me love, when i'm reborn

something for band of brothers from 10 years ago that's anonymous

Do you respond to comments? Why/ why not?

Yes, i try to respond to all of them! it means a lot to me when people take the time to comment, so i try to always take the time to give a response

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely this one. I used to have a no sad endings policy and this is the first thing i've ever written that's broken that!

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

if i had words has a pretty happy ending! once the sequel is done it will have a VERY happy ending

Do you write crossovers?

Not in the sense of crossovers with two characters from two different fandoms. i love a good au though!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don't think so. Occasionally I get comments that come off as a little rude, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they didn't mean it like that

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hahahah do i ever!! and now i have friends who enable me so its only getting worse from here im afraid!!!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, i've floated ideas online and had them stolen before but i've never been plagiarized

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A couple of my older fics. It's one of the biggest compliments imo

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I cowrote a crack fic a few years ago and i'm gonna be cowriting another soon! we're still in the brainstorm stage right now

What's your all-time favourite ship?

oof ok canonically i think stucky is kind of boring but some of the fics really went off

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

................we will have GTA6 before we get the pacrim au...............

What are your writing strengths?

Hmm probably setting descriptions? i get a lot of compliments for the capri scenes in if i had words. sometimes i write decent smut but i dont consider it to be reliably something im good at, it can be hit or miss

What are your writing weaknesses?

planning, outlining, anything like that. there are many cases of me writing 90% of a fic and then taking a million years to post the final chapter because i'm not quite sure how everything is tied together at the end. usually i write 20%, stop and make an outline and then write the rest, but the outline for the ending is always so vague that it just doesn't really work out and it takes way more brain power than it needs to. i am aware of this. unfortunately i will probably never change.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

this is such a good question okok so it depends a little? say its charles' pov and theyre speaking french. i usually just put it in english but indicate theyre speaking french because the reader knows as much as the pov does. but if someones speaking dutch i usually just say "x said something in dutch" because he doesnt understand it so neither does the reader. sometimes i put the actual dutch if doing it the other way would break the flow of it, but i dont provide translations unless its something that charles would understand

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

band of brothers i think!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

actually i dont know if there are any!! maybe piarles? yukierre? honestly though i'm pretty happy where i am <3

What's your favourite fic you've written?

if i had words is my baby <33 i dont know if i have a favorite out of the two parts though. i love them both in different ways. i maybe have a slight preference for charles', though!

going to tag @talkingismylifewrites @wedriftlikelonelyplanets @mvpanda1 @samu-writes

[eshtaresht]

6 , 10 , 14 , 15 , 17 , 18 , 22 , 28 , 29 !!!!!!!!

I am biting you. with tongue.

6. What characters captured your heart?

well you know me I've loved the polygun quartet since day one (circa february 2023).... this year I wrote fics about some other trigun characters as well, but there's been what, 4 entire fics in Milly's pov???? your honor i LOVE her dearly!!!! but at the same time, vash is still just like me fr fr (derogatory) and I think I understand him even better neow not that I tortured him some more :}

10. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? (already answered, copying here)

oh If We Live for sure!! it's only 7 chapters but it took sooooooo long to finish.... and it's only an interlude to a grand post-canon ww lives idea I have that I hope to write..... some day.............. I'm not a fast writer alright but I'm really glad I finally finished that one and thus was freed. for now.................

14. What were your go-to writing songs?

TECHDOG by Patricia Taxxon. yes, all 12,6 hours of it. there's a good match for a wide range of emotion so I just listen to whatever part is fitting at the moment!!! not a song, but another great band for writing trimax trigun specifically is Disparition. can't explain it, they just Get It

15. What was the hardest fic to title?

honestly, none??? idk titles just come to me cause im their most special little fishe

17. Share your favorite opening line

How much can you fit under your skin? takes the 1st place with:

The bullet has made a home beside Wolfwood’s lower rib. Nice and snug in the meat of his side. Deep. Clearly, on the way to the exit it decided it felt just right as is. Bitch better be cozy, Wolfwood thinks maliciously.

18. Share your favorite ending line

this one was much harder to pick as i'm a sucker for a good ending line.... but I chose this one from Schrödinger's Lazarus as it carries so much punch:

It feels like more of a reminder to self, but he listens, even pulls my flesh hand closer to his chest in such a sentimental gesture it makes my heart ache. It strikes me that fate cheated me into seeing two things I wasn’t supposed to today: my death and his reaction. I bite the inside of my cheek and hold my lips tight so that no promises I can’t keep may slip through.

22. What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

I use Scrivener mostly! find it really handy both for outlining my big fic ideas and for writing oneshots. also I occasionaly use gdocs if i want to go the text by some friend before posting. i don't write by hand cause it just doesn't hit the same spot... also it's much slower and I'll need to transfer all that to typed text anyway so liek. doesn't work for me

28. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

all the beautiful beautiful people who comment on my fics I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER <3!!!!! !!<3!1!!!1<3!!<3!!!! also special shoutout to my bestie @hudshem who's been and continues to be my personal yes-man

29. What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

I wanted to write and post a oneshot about ww and livio rebuilding the orphanage that would link If We Live with that au's later parts..... but unforch i barely started it....... here's to hoping I can finish it before spring

thank you frand!!!!!!! this was very fun

[og ask game link]

[ladytauria]

💖 and 🧠 from the ask game <33

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

my writing voice! i used to hate re-reading my own writing but now i can do so comfortably, even when i pick up on mistakes i missed or things i would change <3

i'm also fairly proud of my imagery, lol. that was something i worked hard to develop, and while i DO forget to like... describe things still when im writing, when i do remember/go back to add that in i feel more confident in my results lol

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

i have SO MANY of these

okay. i counted up the ones i have fleshed out outlines for, since there's more to talk about, and then i rolled a die <3

so! it's a jaytim fic inspired by the lyric, "why do you make me want to leave the world behind?" from the song stardust by new politics. the rest of the song doesn't actually fit, & i'll probs end up not using that line as the title, lol.

my outline for it is almost more of a not-fic than an outline, so... i'll just paste that in here, ig. pls excuse my brackets <3

why do you make me want to leave the world behind?

Jason couldn’t tell you what the final straw was. Maybe it was the last argument he got into with Bruce. Maybe it was hearing Joker’s laugh, again, echoing through the streets of Gotham. Maybe it was the gunshot he took to the shoulder, a few weeks ago. It— The point is, it could have been any number of things. Whatever the final straw, one thing is clear: he can’t do this any more.

And it’s not that he wants to abandon Crime Alley, or his people, it’s just—

He’s tired. He’s been tearing himself apart for the mission since he was twelve. He died, even—only to come back and keep doing it. And now… He’s just… done. He wants to live, and he can’t do that when the mission controls his life. He needs out.

Thing is…

He can’t leave Tim.

Tim is… somewhere along the way, Tim has become his rock. They’ve moved in together. When Jason suits up, Tim is at his side. When Tim needs stitches, it’s Jason holding the needle. When Jason comes home, knuckles bruised and lip split, it’s Tim there with the ice pack. And when they’re finished tending each other’s wounds, large and small, they fall into bed together—sore but together.

Jason doesn’t want to give that up.

He knows Tim won’t leave Gotham. Knows that Tim views Robin/Red Robin as the most important thing he’s ever done, the thing that gives him purpose, makes him feel real. He can’t ask him to leave it. He can’t.

But he’s not sure he can stay, either.

It’s a big, tangled mess, and Jason is no closer to figuring out what to do when Tim approaches him one evening. He sits down with him, holding his tablet, looking like he’s got something on his mind. He doesn’t bother with much preamble.

“My parents bought a place in [idk, some nice coastal or country area] a long time ago. A small vacation home, I think. It was one of those things we didn’t lose when Dad went bankrupt. I think… It looks like a nice place to retire, don’t you think so?”

Jason can hardly believe what he’s hearing, even as he agrees with feeling. He has to pinch himself once or twice, as they start making plans. They’re as methodical about it as they are everything else, hashing out all the details. It doesn’t feel real; not even when they inform the others, not when they start packing. Not even when they finally make the move, or unpack, or settle into the house.

It’s not until the second morning that it starts to sink in. This is real. It’s happening.

They grow roots. Befriend the neighbors. Tim gets back into photography, dragging Jason out with him on long walks to capture the scenery. He gets a job, too, working on cars, and talks Jason into pursuing a degree, the way he always wanted.

They gets visits and calls from the bats, and their friends—some more than others—and they usually even remember to leave business out of it. It’s… everything Jason wanted, honestly���though it’s not always easy. There are still nightmares, restless nights, and times when neither of them can watch or read the news without the urge be out there. Especially when there’s a crisis.

The worst of it, though, is the itching, nagging feeling in Jason’s chest. The thing that tells him it’s too easy. Too simple. Eventually something has to break—and each nightmare, each restless night makes Jason more and more certain it’s going to be Tim. One day, he’s going to wake up and decide that a quiet life with Jason isn’t what he wants after all.

He’ll leave.

Jason keeps his worries to himself. Just—tries to bottle up the good days, tucking them close under his heart, to keep him warm when he’s alone.

Before he knows it, though, a year passes. Tim still hasn’t left. Jason wakes up first, like he always does, and puts on the coffee before starting breakfast. Tim stumbles out of their bedroom just after Jason finishes the pancake batter. Even with a regular sleep schedule, he’s still not a morning person.

He goes for Jason first; winding his arms around his waist and sneaking a kiss before he pours his coffee. He slips out of the way, leaning against the wall to sip his coffee and watch Jason. And somewhere between the first batch of pancakes and the fourth, he glances over, and—he sees it.

Tim is smiling at him over the rim of his cup, still a little hazy from sleep. His eyes are no longer laden with bags. His skin is clear, a little tan. He’s got freckles, just a few, dotting his face. There’s a light, a glow to him that once Jason only saw in glimpses.

He’s happy.

Here.

With Jason.

It knocks the breath from him. He doesn’t know what his face is doing—only that Tim is at his side in an instant, coffee forgotten on the counter. Wrapped in Tim’s arms, Jason finds himself spilling everything, every thought and fear that’s plagued him for the last year. When he’s done, Tim smiles sadly, his hold turning into something like a cradle, despite their size difference.

“Robin was the most important thing in my life for a long time. First because watching you both, knowing what I knew… made me feel part of something bigger. Something amazing. And then because it gave me purpose. I was doing something that mattered, and so that made me feel like I mattered. And being good at it… It made me feel like I belonged, like I was wanted.” He strokes Jason’s cheek. “But… It always felt like it could be taken away. There were times when I thought it had been. And then… us. Jason, I don’t need Robin anymore. You make me feel like I matter—and I don’t… I don’t have to… to be perfect, or prove myself. I can just be here, with you, and that’s enough. I’m enough. And that… It means everything, Jay.”

Jason is tearing up. Supposedly, he’s the one who’s good with words—and Tim has pages of love poetry and sweet letters tucked away that can attest to that—but right now? He has none. All he can do is kiss him, and hope that everything he wants to say comes through.

The gratitude. The awe. The agreement. Tim does matter, and he doesn’t have to do anything to earn it, because Jason loves him. And fuck—the reason Jason stayed, the reason he couldn’t just leave on his own was because with Tim…

Tim has always taken him as he is. He doesn’t ask Jason to be anything more than he is, and because of that… Jason wants to be. He feels like the best version of himself when they’re together, and to hear that he gives Tim that same feeling—

It’s everything.

Tim’s coffee grows cold. Breakfast burns.

Neither of them care.

[ fic writer ask game ]

[elekinetic]

user elekinetic do you have any tips to spare for outlining fics 😭 i feel like I word vomit any of the concept that I have in my head, and dialogue ,and build off that adding paragraphs as I go and I go so slow bc of it. But ive been trying hard lately to write a list of “scenes” and bullet point the story but yeah.

do you know anything that could help me have an idea of where to go start to finish instead of starting at the random spot I’ve come up with first? I waste so much writing time because I haven’t built a backstory for characters and things like that so i don’t always know how they start the story off, only the situation they’re in. Is that something that could help? Making a list for each character or something? Would love to hear your thoughts thank you! <3

hi! first of all i’m so flattered you asked! to be clear, i am a very slow writer too lmao and i’m relatively new to prose writing, and though in very confident in my understanding of what makes a good story (W screenwriting), i am still figuring out my outlining process. but hey! let’s learn together.

sorry in advance for how long this is. i love talking.

so i basically figure everything out in the outline and write after i feel very good about it. if you have a strong foundation, everything gets a hell of a lot easier. t kind of sounds like your process might be similar to mine, so i’m just gonna explain what i'm doing for my current project.

my key document is my “bible.” i split it up into a couple different sections using page breaks (page breaks my best friend ily page breaks):

pitch/word vomit summary

scene ideas

outline

notes

ok so wtf does that mean.

1. pitch/word vomit summary — explain your concept. bc i've got a film/tv background, im starting off with my logline. (e.g. "after robin learns will is gay, they have a heart to heart in an abandoned video store about insecurity and feeling alone. they learn they're not." sometimes i'll follow that up with a note to myself like, "this fic isn't robin finding out, this is what happens after. starts with her already knowing. will pov, focus on his perception of robin changing. subtly reference toward feelings about mike, dont come out (haha) and say it") then, i write as MUCH of the concept down as i can, like i'm explaining it to a friend. (sometimes i copy and paste rants from dms directly into the document). it can be totally out of order, non-sensical, contradictory. just get as many of your ideas down as possible. you want to be able to come back to this and be like, oh i totally forgot about that. vague chapter summaries, personal notes about themes, whatever you want. i have a list of beats that you find in romantic dramas for inspiration and a paragraph abt ways i want to parallel/subvert s3 of st. just. go ham. 2. scene ideas — this is pretty self explanatory. i take some of the stuff i have in the p/s and flesh it out, or put down new ideas. this is where i'm writing out dialogue in bullet points, or what i want them to be Really Saying. (e.g. "mike: [panics bc he feels seen, tries to flip it back on (redacted) and fails] ") this is for when i can see stuff more clearly or i get out of the shower with a whole exchange in my head. gonna be out of order, a little all over the place. 3. outline — so. this is where you start piecing it together. put the bullet points in order. figure out objective of each scene and what needs to happen to accomplish that goal. figure out pacing, what needs to happen when. this step is where im looking at dialogue and thinking "why does mike say that? why does he feel that way? what needs to happen to get him to this point emotionally?" or looking at scenes and thinking "these are two scenes with people arguing back to back. lets make sure they feel different and give the characters different tactics to get what they want (byler argument where mike is avoiding will vs max argument where max is avoiding lucas. i could use this to highlight similarities and differences in the relationships, but having two scenes with the same tactics back to back might feel repetitive. maybe i move the scenes farther apart or change circumstances. maybe mike and will are having a veiled argument while theyre with a group of friends in a public space and max and lucas' argument is outside max's house.) also asking if conflicts are resolved too quickly, if the miscommunications feel too convenient, if characters disappear or are only around as plot devices. write. troubleshoot. repeat. 4. random notes — everything else that doesnt fit. for me this is literally just taylor swift lyrics (writing the fic vaguely off of a Specific Song that SHOULD BE STREAMED MORE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE anyway) and links to posts i use as character reference to make sure im staying true to the characters. (remembering will said "i was being a total jerk to el, i deserved it," AND "you're ruining everything, and for what!"/"i wasn't moping!")

i want it to be clear im doing all of this at the same time. im jumping around and pulling new ideas and rearranging as stuff changes. i think the thing that's really hard is that i want to be able to sit down, write the outline, and then move on. but for us scatterbrained writers, you're gonna have to re-outline and readjust like. a thousand times. and that's okay. that's good! it feels tedious as hell but the story is so much better for it.

take your time. let yourself be slow. keep finding holes in your story and fill the world in as you fix them.

here are some more questions i ask myself to make the story better:

What are you trying to accomplish over the course of the story? What is it about? (for the will&robin fic, it was something about feeling seen for the first time.) When you get lost in your story or aren't sure why a scene feels stale, come back to this. is the scene furthering that goal?

What is changing internally for each of your main characters? (yes theyre dating by the end but like. what do they learn.)

Are the side characters people or props? (will pov scene of a party-wide picnic where everyone's talking but will is focused on mike's hands.... where is max's head at in the scene? you don't have to have a super long backstory and she doesn't have to be a big part of the plot, but if she's saying something, figure out why she's saying it. if will is having a heart to heart with el, understand why el is responding the way she is. the scene's goal may be to get will through a breakthrough, but el's circumstances will change in the scene too. figure out how this conversation lands with her. oh, and remember the adults are people too!)

Why is this character saying this/why are they responding this way? (this should answer your "where do i start?" question. start in that random spot and figure out A) why they are there and B) why they are reacting the way they do (see last bullet point).

side note: some of the best advice i ever got was "enter the scene late, exit early." skip the prologue. try starting from that random spot. if it feels like something's missing, figure out exactly what that something is, and go from there

Do the stakes feel high enough?

What do i need to set up to make sure this scene/beat is satisfying as possible? (are will and mike going to have a big argument? oh, so we have to show tension before.... BAM you have another scene to write and your outline is fuller)

i could go on a lot longer but. basically.

i edit while i write. i'm someone who needs a very fucking strong outline and a very fucking clear idea of the story before i can start writing it. i'm putting probably 70-80% of the leg work in at the start so i can focus on making the prose (or script, most of the time) the best it can be.

THAT BEING SAID, this is just the way i do it and i have like. a fic and a half published. im taking my sweet time bc im creatively burned out and this is for fun first and foremost. like i said. i am a Very Slow Writer.

i highly, highly recommend hitting up the ask boxes of writers like @/strangeswift, @/wiseatom, @/astrobei, or @/andiwriteordie. no guarantees on responses bc they are busy ppl with busy lives but i really do think theyre some of the best writers out here right now, and im not just saying that bc they're my friends. abby (strangeswift) and i have been each other's sounding board through a lot of projects and she's almost done with one of her first Big Fics, so its worth asking her about that.

i hope this helps! ah!!

[imagineitdearies]

Hello! Just finished PS. I cannot praise you enough. Its easily the best thing ive read this year, and my resolution was to read multiple books a month. You surpass ALL OF THEM!

Saw ur authors note at the end abt an original queer vamp novel- is there anymore info yet? Im sure you've got ppl begging already but id truly love to beta when the time comes- or be first in line to preorder.

I feel like i read this at exactly the right time of my life.

The story was so painful yet rewarding bc i see so much of myself in Tyrus. Astarion and Tyrus truly feel like two different exstensions of my healing self. I wont go into it, but im a survivor to. Like tyrus, it happened when i was a young. Seeing his transformation throughout his decade of enslavement, his hatred towards himslef and the world, all bc of one man hit home. I kept telling myself that if it didnt have a happy ending id have to burn my phone or smthn lol. Seeing Astarion amd Tyrus not just defeat Cazador, but do it together, do it solely through their love of one another, broke me. The power of love, hope, and goodness. I havent cried over a fanfic since middle school. Im in my 20s now. I adored the final 2 chapters of the aftermath- im so grateful we got to meet his sister! And with Halsin, no less!

Im so thrilled you'll be adding oneshots and other stories to the universe. Tyrus is so real, so alive, id hate to see him contained in one story.

I love how Tyrus, ultimately, changeed. He didnt change into a monster like he feared, but what happened to him did changed him. Thats not a bad thing, tho. He's still Tyrus, simply a new version. And im still me, simply a new version.

I dont know if ill ever be able to reread, even skimming over the rougher parts was hard, but im so grateful i was able to see Tyrus and Astarion's journey. All of their triumphs felt like mine, all of their failures. Their never wavering love and trust in one another, that they understood it was Cazador that made them do those bad things. Ur right, pain and love must be intertwined, which is why this fic was so amazing. The highs would have never felt so spectaular without the lowest of lows.

Im rambling, i apologize. I do hope you read this, even if you dont respond. I hope my thanks and praise can give u something in return for what you've given me.

If you've made it this far, have you made any content on ur process? Ur planning? The flow was amazing, ur description, the flashbacks- did you go to school for writing? As a writer myself im almsot jealous at ur talent- but mostly curious :) id love to know anything you're willing to share.

Again, thank you. This was a gift, you know. I wont forget it.

Hi turtleurtle!! Great to see you over here, thank you so much for your kind words 🩵🩵 it means a lot any time I hear people enjoyed PS as much/more than published fiction!!

Speaking of, yes, since you ask I do have a little more to say now on my original story. I took a small writing break for a week or so but have now jumped back into the saddle for the next adventure! Lots of plotting, character creation, worldbuilding, and research happening right now.

Reuben, our first main POV, is almost fully fleshed out as a character and I’m so excited for you all to meet him (he’s an eloquence bard, for starters)!! The first book/part is almost fully outlined and I’ve written the first few pages. I’m really starting to get inspired by where the storyline is going.

Back to PS though—I’m so glad you felt seen with Tyrus’s character. He did inevitably change, but by the end he is (mostly) at peace with that and can still forge a good life and happy relationships. Meeting Cynda again was that last little piece of hope he needed to believe it 🥹

Haha the light does always seem brighter when you’re stuck in pitch darkness! On the other hand, it’s something Tyrus only thinks once, but I would argue love is not intertwined with pain more than anything else. Pain is just an inevitability. No matter what you do, you will experience discomfort, sorrow, loss, physical suffering (see Cazador, with absolutely zero love in his life). While love is not inevitable, it’s a choice. Love is a gift we choose to give and to receive in the midst of inevitable suffering and that is why it is so precious. Having that perspective has really helped me heal and have more hope for the future 🩵

Haha never apologize for rambling about PS! This thing has consumed my soul for the last 8 months so I love the chance to hear from/converse with people especially now that the full story is posted and all is revealed. Honestly wish I could sit down with you all and just discuss everything!! But seriously thank you for this message.

As for my writing, here’s a few writing advice asks I've answered, but i haven’t gotten too in-depth on my chaotic process yet. I will say long walks talking to myself, bullet lists, and brackets are my personal recipe for success (besides just writing for years and years) 😂 I did take a lot of classes in school too! If people have specific questions, I’m happy to give my best go at an answer.

Thanks so much 🥰

[narwhalandchill]

Hello! I saw you mention Childe in labyrinth warriors (hope that’s the right name) when talking about the 4.6 appearance, can I ask you about your thoughts on him there? I didn’t get to play that event- so what I know about it is spotty at best. Just that it’s in Inazuma, had Xinyan I think? And that Childe was there. And the little paper dude. I’m genuinely curious about what insights you gained from the event into his character- and I’d love to hear you talk about Childe more.

(can you believe. when i say. now that im finishing this up. that it got out of hand anon??? uhhhhhhhhhhhh. i mean. at this point this should be expected)

hi!!!! sorry this took a bit, ive been somewhat sick all week and also just now absorbed by the nuzlocke im doing but Anyway. am here now thank you sm for the ask and enabling childe thoughts!!!!!

. readmore bc this Actually got just. unbearably long otherwise JIWDJDWJKDJKWWJDK 😭😭😭😭

so the outline is basically as u said, but like. to summarize it w some particular details mentioned since they Do matter (sorry it got giga fucking long bc i think the full context is helpful for discussing childes parts too lmao). but here goes:

so a mysterious domain has appeared out of thin air on narukami island with monsters spewing out from within into the countryside. now this is an Issue (TM) bc timeline-wise this is still v much the immediate aftermath of the inazuma AQ and the civil war - the nation & esp the tenryo commission rly isnt in ideal shape resource and manpower wise to deal w another crisis like this and it has sara rightfully tense after the initial waves of the monsters were finally forced back. she kinda cant afford to send her men to scout inside the domain (it also kinda. opens and closes and reopens at random which is another issue for potential scouts) but if nothing is done to stop the monsters she must commit to a full on assault to destroy the domain to remove the threat & shes more or less on a timer with that. making it quite the precarious situation for her politically too and not just security wise. (keep this in mind)

how we end up being asked to investigate the place has to do w the. im ngl p convoluted xinyan b plot basically she was invited to a music festival as a performer but it was cancelled so now she lacks the travel permits she needs and getting new ones is Not fast without some inside help. we agree to look for sara so she could argue xinyans case, run into her dilemma w the domain and she agrees to expedit the process if we investigate the place in her forces' stead. (xinyan the civilian tags along for some reason too)

first time u go in, u find the paper dude (kind of an enchanted paper familiar of sorts) aka shiki taishou outside who has lost his memory yet is undoubtedly connected to the domain which is obviously a bit suspicious given the whole. monster spewing into the neighborhood deal. but idk she passes xinyans music vibe check so she argues we should help him recover his memories and in turn discover the truth of the domain along the way.

once we get inside the domain we obviously run into mr. worldwide himself including but not limited to a closeup of his crotch during his introduction for some reason. yeah its been nearly 3 years these things you cant unsee. that and the sending us sausage in his bday mail. like bruh

now childes (as he eventually divulges) in inazuma to look for traces of scara who ran off w the gnosis and happened to stumble into this strange domain with weird vibes. he thought it might be something relevant and waltzed in, proceeded to get locked inside (as the domain shifted) and beat the shit out of all the monsters there all the while having the time of his life bc hes simply built different. bc turns out the place is basically just a full-on sparring simulator for warriors that seems to be running by itself w no one overseeing it ever since the domain resurfaced cue the "pratice targets" aka monsters running wild

dont wanna recap the entire thing in detail but basically. firstly childe kinda improvs another new identity as an adventurer noticing xinyans liyuen attire bc Osial Incident and picking up the awkward energy we have at the realization of. this might be messy if we tell her. and xinyan buys it and nicknames him "red" w/e. so thats why the harbinger thing doesnt become a bigger conflict

he then informs us that all the monsters within the domain turn into torn paper charms when destroyed and that there are "replicas" of shiki taishou strewn about the domain that should restore his power and hopefully memories over time.

so we end up going thru the place helping shiki taishou gather his power and uncover the nature of the place. he kind of has an identity crisis happening bc all the monsters the place is generating seem to imply he was created for some nefarious purpose as a weapon of some sorts (childe says some Very Interesting Things in response as an attempt at pep talk. will get to it).

but TLDR what we do discover is actually that the shikigami/paper magic and the domains functions were basically a system invented after the domains creator harunosuke studied similar adeptal techniques in liyue in order to create the shikigami as these battle partners for samurai fighting against monsters from the cataclysm. these paper dolls could then record and replicate the monsters it and its partner fought in order to train others inside the domain so that inazumas protectors would always be ready to face such a threat if it ever came to be. shiki taishou was created as the "overseer" of this domain and its functions as a training facicility. by regaining his memories and finding clarity in his purpose shiki taishou gains control over the place again and is able to shut down its rogue functions so that it no longer poses a threat. he then promises to improve upon its workings by taking it to dormancy again. sara is relieved that the crisis could be averted without costing her manpower or further resources she doesnt have. yippee

So. yeah that took way too long mb jdwhjwdjdwadwaj but. Childe.

so there are a particular standouts in here in my opinion.

for one that is less like. a characterization aspect but more of a "gotcha" confirmation thats very nice to have is that he explicitly confirms that wherever in the abyss he spent those 3 months at 14, it DID involve places tied to the irminsul and its roots.

fissures between great tree roots u say?????? Inch resting ajax. tell me more abt the trees king.

also this monologue is literally so fucking sexy in general i love his single-minded pursuit of something as like. quintessentially simple as just. Improvement. but bc he has literally 0 fucking chill in his boundless hunger for that one singular ambition it alone is enough to disrupt the gravity of the world around him....... (but we will get to that)

Anyway. another Very good fucking moment from him character-wise is during the 2nd act. where weve spoken w sara about the tense situation after the 1st day of investigation ended w all of us minus childe (who got "trapped" inside the same way a child gets "trapped" inside a free-for-all candy store with all amenities included. he had a blast) getting thrown out and the domain rearranging itself again. and like we go back in once the entrance opens and are even more eager and restless to start figuring things out bc again. sara is on a timer.

and then .

guys im pretty sure theres a twitch emote for this???? something starting with C and ending with AUGHT?

LMAOOOOOO

he reads the shit out of us trying to all "subtly" push for the investigation to proceed so the crisis we are actually tasked to investigate can be solved. like this is literally just Actual 5d chess situational awareness and picking up cues from people around him and honing onto exactly whats stirring up in the undercurrent from childe. basically. he just lays onto us like. ah right. this is probably a big problem for that tenryo commission right? such a problem that theyd even ask an outsider to cover their duties... when thatd never happen during regular times right? a conundrum that could get even more problematic if theres a harbinger publicly around... right? oh my bad my bad haha just thinking out loud bestie lets get back to investigating shall we? hahaha

he is such a smart fucking Bastard oh my godddddd bro is out there smelling the traces of societal unrest and any and all weaknesses in a given governing structure like hes a shark tasting like 0,00000001% blood in the water . professional & supernaturally efficient problem causer everyone. this is what he was hired for . i love him

like. hes SMART guys. and hoyo Knows how to work his intelligence into the writing too its soooo scrumptious man .

and like bro hes being such a fucking menace in here too bc. he couldve kept this observation to himself too. but nooooo he just had to shove it in ur face that we are Not being as slick w keeping him in the dark as we would like to think💀💀 smug ass.

it makes me think abt how many things he actually Notices among the harbingers and all their power plays and schemes among one another but that childe simply keeps to himself bc he has nothing to gain from disproving the assumption of himself as this. gullible and simple-minded loyal warrior harbinger and the person-shaped time bomb we toss at wherever the flames of discord need some help sparking alight. after all, we saw this in arles quest too - how not only did he use our pathetic distraction attempts as an opportunity to fish relevant information on both arlecchino and pulcinella for himself (which i already commented on) but also. the fact that he Very clearly noticed our attempt at distracting her and intentionally helped us out without even knowing anything abt the matter at hand. to the point where even arle makes that Highly pointed comment about it and all but spells out that childe was assisting us on purpose the entire time.

like he is just. incredibly perceptive and so fucking intelligent like especially back in 2.2 where even Bigger of a portion of the fandom (if thats even possible) than today just thought of him as this. stupid fucking baby infant meow meow idiot brainwashed by the tsaritsa and completely owned by zhongli and signora XDDDDDD . seeing this unfold made me so fucking happy abt the way like. yeah HOYO knows what his character is all abt. the fandom can ruin him all the want but the games story isnt going to bend to their will.

Speaking of Which.

The weapon thing.

so as ive already alluded to prior . the entirety of labyrinth warriors despite it highlighting childes intelligence, attitude, priorities and ambitions in a way thats like. genuinely so fucking good and comes off as natural with no forced sounding exposition or backstory dump . mostly got a fan reception more in the way of . waa waa my baby boy is depressed with sigma PTSD 3.0 with DLC because calling yourself a weapon is self dehumanization and it signals he is suicidal and has no self worth 🥺🥺🥺🥺 he got TRAPPED in the EVIL DOMAIN consisting EXCLUSIVELY of all his favorite activities nonstop he must be feeling so scared i need to hug him my babygirl!!!!!!!!!11!1!1

when its like. ah yes. i have never heard of a motif ever before.

bc like as much as i do genuinely consider it something that more or less can be taken at face value as an Aspect of who childe is (not necessarily the whole of it, just another mask true to a part of his self) . it should still be acknowledge that part of the reason why his dialogue (and the event in general) fixates on the notion of being a "weapon" has to do with shiki taishous character arc.

because thats what he is. and is trying to discover what kind of purpose a discarded (bc harunosuke left the domain abandoned at the end) weapon and tool like himself can even have anymore. and childes lines taking that repeated emphasis of. whats so bad about being a WeaponTM (& expanding on what that means for Him) specifically . are as much about himself as they are just an attempt to communicate his worldview to shiki taishou as a way of pushing him towards solving this identity crisis he has . that paper boy literally Needs to solve in order for the domain to stop malfunctioning.

and like. okay even if we just look at it w/o paper boy. so say childe considers himself a weapon . but what does that mean to him?

[incoming top 5 dialogue lines that genuinely fucking challenge my sexuality this is so fucking hot. no one talk to me]

"Only those that wish for an end will find one."????????

"My limits vanish behind the horizon with every step I take"??????

FUCK OFF OH MY GODDDD

like people think of childe as this fatalistic if not actively suicidal then at least like passively reckless and uncaring towards his own wellbeing blood knight w low self esteem barreling towards his death and here he is. using his own fucking words. saying that the mere CONCEPT of an END. is not in his fucking VOCABULARY. because it does not serve his ambition to let such confusions ever obstruct his sights.

people think his purpose and ambition is soooo tied to his family tied to the tsaritsa that if those are ever taken away he will just freefall into the depths of directionless confusion and depression and whatever. when.

Here he is. giving a fucking pep talk to a DISCARDED WEAPON THAT HAS LOST HIS PURPOSE. EXCEPT HE KINDA JUST SAYS ITS A SKILL ISSUE TO EVEN NEED TO CONSIDER AN END TO YOUR PATH (hes silly like that). AS AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF NATURE. A WEAPON THAT CUTS ANYTHING.

oh hey thats funny now where have i heard that before. bonjour my baguettes any fontainian cults or god kings out there interested in the world and fate altering power of unstoppable weapons that can cut into anything even ego and destiny itself and whatever that may mean?????? O____o

i swear to fucking god if the entire time this entire weapon allegory from labyrinth warriors was all about all cleverly n loosely associating him with themes relating to descenders and wills that rival the world all the way back in 2.2. and yet on release all people wanted was to weep for how sad it was he thought himself a weapon. man why is it always like this . i weep for THAT.

like. idk i dont have anything poetic to say abt it other than childes drive as an individual is just fucking breathtaking to me??? its literally Scary how utterly consumed he is by that ambition yet at the same theres this . crystalline clarity he has towards viewing it and himself ?? this weird ass self awareness that coexists with the all-consuming pursuit and ambition of it all??? this isnt sad this is both ridiculously attractive AND batshit insane like dudeeee . and like . the way he talks about it too like this is just a matter of fact everyday thing to him 💀💀 bc thats his abyss shrimp color vision this is how he rolls . its nothing grandiose its just how he is . this is normal to him its unbearable i hate him

like somewhat unrelated here (sorry) but sometimes i see ppl go against the possibility of childe having sth to do w the 3rd descender (which like yes is a crack theory for now and its not sth i can fully align myself with either as of rn Due To Those Thematic Clashes it just lives rent free Because of how conflictingly insane it is while also having some Strangely compelling evidence in its favor) or even just. Any higher predestined significance assigned to him in the grand scheme of things with the sole argument of like . but then everything about Him is worthless bc it wasnt His ambition and His drive to overthrow the world he wasnt Just A Guy (and. sigh. as the op. of that ancient thing. stop taking that old ass hastily typed post too far and too literally thx. its abt the vibe the attitude the subversion. having a destined purpose if the story handles it well does not conflict w being the quintessential just a guy thanks xx). he was just special all along so it all means Nothing and its like. dude. he told a recently-amnesiac paper boy having an identity crisis that its a fucking skill issue to ever falter in the face of some greater purpose haunting in your past or defining your origins. that a True weapon cuts himself free of even that without even a sliver of hesitation . ppl think that if indeed some soul of the 3rd descender is resurrected in story and idk tries taking over his body with past lives and memories or whatever. you think he isnt ripping the essence and existence of that poor fucking dude apart and devouring him alive into the crushing depths of the black hole of an unquechable ambition that beats a steady pulse at His core just to reclaim HIS place as the ultimate weapon to cut through everything???????

aww thats so cute. you guys think even the hypothetical of theories akin to these being legit on some level is automatically going to ruin his arc and character bc hes gonna be taking it lying down!!!!! you think hes going to look at a Grand destiny Assigned to him by someone Outside and Above and not spit in its face!!!

just like his narwhal looked at the destined cosmic end of All life to fall to ruin and immediately devoted its entire existence to denying the universe that very outcome isnt that curious why are they the sam---------------SORRY SORRY where was i at

like. i see how it is for yall. well. myself on the other hand. i have some fucking faith in him lmao

partially . indeed Because. i read the goddamn text of labyrinth warriors. where they let him Talk about what these things mean to him. and how he Truly isnt about to stop. Ever. hes not looking for an end and if presented with one he sure isnt about to respect it. hes just. built different its absolutely amazing

and yeah my bad i got. sidetracked very badly there. you asked me abt labyrinth warriors but bc its childe this is just what tends to happen like my brain fucking spirals. but like . no im not saying that the weapon theme being such a prevalent aspect in the story is like 100% a descender and sword of narzissenkreuz thematic parallel and intentional reference i just think its Quite interesting in hindsight . that This is the angle they drilled in on .

anyway hopefully this at least had Something to illustrate abt why i love labyrinth warriors for how it serves to establish how much of a madman childe ajax tartaglia my beloved truly is . and how to hoyo his outlook towards the world has very much been one of endless limitless hunger and never-sated ambition . and not whatever fanon wants to cook up. childes greatest enemy has always been stagnation and he has always looked towards the Future. of surpassing each and every limit and boundary on his path . like thats what makes him who he is.

also. last lil thing aka. Most Ignored Canon Line Spoken By This Man

which is a shame bc. its so fucking interesting??? i mean. i get that ppl dont know what to make of it bc everyones so fixated on picturing childe as this loyal puppy tsaritsa fanboy who couldnt even deign to imagine discarding allegiances to anyone yet here he is. saying exactly that.

like ive seen ppl be like oh hes trying to Convince himself of this!!!! hes putting up an act!!!!! and its like? no? i dont think this contradicts anything about his character. people just find it uncomfortable because it implies that the things he listed there are not something of any Inherent value to him. which adds up perfectly fine to me but what do i know.

like the way i have always seen this is that it really isnt. oh childe says he isnt actually a loyal person When it matters to him personally and isnt actually invested in fulfilling his duty (as of Right Now, mind you) which would yes seemingly contradict a lot of other things. but really its just that those concepts alone are void to him. you cant stop him from pursuing his ambition by saying its evil. if the tsaritsa ever truly loses his respect and leaves him completely disillusioned in the archon that once was a fellow honorable warrior in his eyes, the concept of "allegiance" will not be able to dissuade him from turning that burning ambition of toppling the heavens towards her throne too. personal respect maybe. a sense of honor. maybe even disdain so extreme that even investing that time into her now is a waste? sure. but like. you get what im trying at? he is way more ambivalent about these things than most people really Want him to be. bc they dont fulfill the hunger that burns at his core.

and it adds up. bc like. his ambition his drive towards battle and bettering himself and becoming a weapon completely unstoppable and irreplaceable that can conquer the world . is his north star. its the singularity that all else about him orbits around. of course silly little concepts like right and wrong will be secondary to that. we just really havent seen a moment where his ambition is in true conflict with the bonds and oaths he has sworn in his current life. but i have a feeling that if and when we do. this line will make a lot more sense lmao

anyway uhhhhhhh

yeah i liked labyrinth warriors!!! very underacknowledged and misrepresented event that had a ton of fun stuff abt childe. i am super normal about these hip and enjoyable aspects of his character as they are explored within this event as the length and contents of this post imply!!!!

omg anon i. really fucking hope u got at least Something u were looking for out of all this KWJKJKDWWJKDWJKDJKWDK i swearrr i just cannot. stop myself from completely fucking losing it on the asks of every innocent anon (and like non anon too why not) approaching my ask box 😭😭

but thank you again for sending this in!!!!!! have a nice day!!!! im very normal thanks for asking!!!!!

[truthwatcherblog]

my ao3 writing history goes like this

orphaned shattered realms fics which are genuinely painful for me to go back and reread which was why i orphaned them. i was bad at formatting, for one, and also bad at writing. oh god the first one i wrote was in april 2019 that’s horrific to think about. it was also the second fic in the fandom ever on ao3 so that’s something. actually in total 8/22 of the shattered realms fics on ao3 were me if i include the orphans. anyway this was my first fic writing era throughout 2019

next was the danger days era, which are all still up on my account. I went back through the nuclear spectrum (my mostly OC-based fic) and it actually had some good writing. i spent so much time planning out that fic, i had an outline and i used to hand write the chapters on lined paper and then type them up when i got home. this was also the era when i was writing unholier verse (google docs that give you psychic damage if you open them btw) but that never got published anywhere despite the amount of work we put in. anyway i kinda wish i had finished the nuclear spectrum because it was basically an original story with vague danger days elements. i also wrote a few danger days ficlets as requests on tumblr and cross posted them to ao3. this is why it’s the fandom i have the most works in. honestly the writings not bad, i think i improved a lot while working on unholier verse even if it should never see the light of day. this was my 2020 era

after that was the couple of atla fics i wrote. one was sokka/zuko, one was katara/mai (underrated ship to me. like zutara if it was sapphic and zuko was cooler) and the other was both of those pairings. there’s a single genshin impact fic (beidou/ningguang)thrown in there during that same time. i know for a fact that i also have beiguang smut in my google drive somewhere but again that’s also never seeing the light of day. this was 2021

in 2022 i went back to the shattered realms. the obsession had reawakened and i wrote a couple fics and started a modern au that i never finished. i had a good outline for that one too but only posted one chapter. however, one of my favorite fics i’ve written, “on loyalties”, was posted that year. ugh i love that one it’s literally just two characters talking and it’s great

ok then 2023 i had zero zilch nada. i don’t know what was going on that year. i think i was completely off ao3 because i only have one fic bookmarked, and it was a game of thrones sansa/margaery fic that i never read and its over 1 million words. maybe i should read that though because i know for sure im never reading the end of GOT

2024 had my magnum opus of shattered realms fics, Came in Close, which is a missing scenes/destin karn character study and ugh it’s so good, the sort of thing you can only write when you know the source material intimately. and boy do i know the shattered realms intimately (gestures to how it was the reason i started writing fanfic)

and then of course now, tail end of 2024-2025, is my Stormlight era. I think it will end up surpassing my other eras in terms of volume of work especially because i will need to fill the Stormlight void for like 7 years until book 6 comes out

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

I’d be interested in your answers to all of these fic writer asks! But sticking to just a few: 

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing?

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned?

🍜 Do you ever feel pressured to write?

Thank you!

Thank you for the asks!!!!

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing?

I cant. with Fluff/Romance. i just get too twitchy if i cant throw some super angsty shit in that plot. And also I. Am. REALLY. Bad. At. sticking to a genre. Like I never can hold to the beats of a romance or a comedy or a mystery/horror or action adventure. Its always several at once. I just genre-blend all over the place. (I also cant write a oneshot to save my life. im sure these flaws are related).

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned?

I abandoned like... 5 or 6 fics that I actually did more than write an outline for. lots of others dont get that far or they become something else later. Sometimes I just get the inspiration before I can grasp the real, full shape of it and so sometimes those ideas just need to be buried awhile before they sprout up again as something i like better.

I also have a graveyard of original story ideas that I just have no incentive to write because I know no one will ever read them. And like whats the point of storytelling if you can't make a connection with another human?

🍜 Do you ever feel pressured to write?

I have in the past and I hate itttttt.

I had a particularly bad time with this a few years ago - like a combination of stresses. Loneliness and isolation from the pandemic, a lot pressure and well meant but ill received update requests from readers and you know just feeling unmotivated to write (side note: really frustrating when you know youre just burnt out and you need to give yourself a break but your brain just continues to whisper that its you being lazy or selfish or stupid and generally notgoodenough. brains just suck like that).

I digess, the last time i felt pressure to write, it was all those things  just piled up and i felt horrid about myself anytime i couldn't get a chapter done. And of course when you feel horrible about yourself it makes it even harder to write anything. And since then I've tried hard to walk myself back from that mindset and like insulate myself from it.

I've turned off comments/notifications when this gets bad.

I've held off updates until fics are done.

I've intentionally banned myself from writing for certain stretches of time while i do things to rejuvenate my mood.

I still get like that sometimes. certain super busy months. certain stories. certain super old WIPs that i just cannot finish in any sort of timely fashion. but ive got that tool box of strategies now and Ive gotten better at freeing myself from that pressure before it gets bad.

[claudiajcregg]

Tell Other People About Your WIPs

make a list of all your WIPs with a brief description of each and then people can ask you questions about them and then tag other people.

Tagged by both @onekisstotakewithme and @miabicicletta 💜💜💜 Thank you, guys <3 I don't know who to tag that hasn't been tagged already. Interested? Tag, you're it! :) (Please do know that there are no set sections. Pick whatever you want. I went the deranged route.)

I have an outdated WIP list, and many others unaccounted for. This is just a selection of stuff I could see myself posting or editing/retooling to write something new. I love talking about my WIPs, about as much as I hate being perceived because they are not remotely interesting. (I also love knowing which ones people are interested in! I have an incentive to work on them!) (Instead of snippets, part of my feedback loop is sending actual rough drafts to get a sense of whether it's worth working on more.)

Multichapters, different levels of completion.

S5 Pregnancy AU. My main WIP. Can you believe I’ve had this idea for a year… almost to the day? I’ve been stuck since November bc I don’t know how I want this one to end, beyond a birth. (As I’ve mentioned in the past, I feel like this has legs to become a fluffy universe. I have ideas! Timelines!) Gist of it: CJ gets pregnant circa Zooey's kidnapping. How does it change S5? It's less angsty than you think.

Campaign bars, aka campaign conversations sometimes happened at bars in the 1998 campaign. Fun stuff. I need to pick it right back.

What Once Was Ours or the IM AU (2021), aka IM ends with a breakup. Not a WIP. Not a UFO. A secret third thing. (“Finished” but not edited, and I’m doubtful people would be interested. Probably bc of some bittersweet ~memories~ attached to it. I mean, I shared a third of it to discord and people couldn’t care less, at least after a while. Now, better IM AUs are being posted these days; I'm not in a rush.) 33 chapters. 150k words. I do reread it every once in a while, and I cannot put it down. But its 'age' takes me aback. If things had been different, I'd have posted this in H2 2021/Q1 2022 (or even the planned Q2-3 2021). But alas.

The “Almost Ready, question mark” Category

Another SVD prompt meme claim: what if CJ has the crush first. The thing is, I tend to write her as having a relatively obvious crush on him at first until something makes her wise up. So this is just some ridiculous, post-first-meeting thoughts. Most of it was written in one sitting! It kinda fits with something in the campaign bars fic, too.

Post birth, hospital story: A couple of hours after their bb girl is born. Pure fluff. Recently reworked it to make it less wordy. Still failed, but it’s better focused now.

Many ficlets – the few I did post on Tumblr that haven’t been posted to the story I’m collecting them in, plus a couple more. I'm thinking the ice skating one, Jan 22, a few post-eps I wrote last year, etc.

Ambitious Projects I don't think are happening right away (or ever), but probably have a detailed outline somewhere

(I put this up instead of last, because the next category has faves, but it's also a long one.)

Danny is back a bit earlier on s7. Toby leaks (or tries to leak? I always wavered) the shuttle to him, as he and CJ are getting closer.

Simon lives. How does his relationship with CJ evolve post-honeymoon phase? What is it like when Danny returns?

You’ve got mail AU. This outline had two ways the climax could go. I had fun.

Epistolary collab (?) fic. Probably an X + 1 fic. The only one with nothing written; don’t rule out writing it individually at some point.

And because this is so long already (but not as long as it could be)… A few more under the cut – more "I just want to make sure I like them" and "this meme reminded me I meant to pick those back up." And they are still not all. (How do you summarize seven years of writing?? I've only posted 20-something of them, lol.)

“Almost Ready (but I feel like I want to make changes to them) (might just redo them altogether)”

Haunted by the Notion, 2007 edition. My beta Ruth suggested this when she edited the other story, and I wrote it around then. It’s another Christmas dinner at Filomena, and, eight years later, things are different. I feel like it hits expected beats, and is just missing some oomph. Maybe. (As much as I do like it, half tempted to make it 2009. Or later.)

Heaven’s here…: A interrupted proposal. I’ve written many proposals over the years, and I love toying with different ideas and setups. Danny takes the lead here, but I’ve been intrigued by the idea of having CJ do the final twist.

5 to 6 am 'me' time. Another story inspired by last year’s rewatch that I wrote right at the start of it (so Jan 2023?). It has five short parts with five different years of what CJ describes in the pilot as her “me time.” This is one when I think one per year would be fun, but I don’t want to repeat myself.

One bed, “sexy” edition. An AU to a sort of AU (one of the drabbles from this summer) and… it's what it says on the tin. The world does not need to read my attempts at smut. If I didn’t put it in the previous category, it’s because I am not sure that I want to post it. (All the previous attempts are locked somewhere; unfortunately, someone loves this one and noticed when I tried to do that, lol.)

First baby kick: I remember writing this while in grad school (so, late 2017? First half of 2018) but I lost it, along other fic, when my laptop had to be reset because I used Bear to write back then, but didn’t have sync across devices. I rewrote it, and I feel like it's not the same, but still. It's sweet! Includes: Danny talking to the baby, domestic fluff, and… baby kicks!

“This meme reminded me they exist and I love them, so don't be surprised if they are posted before anything in a previous category”

(Lbr, if I added something about them in this post at all, it’s because they sparked some memory.)

Mosaic broken hearts: CJ, circa S4, jealousy. Prompted by a former fandom friend, back in my productive era (first half of 2021; before that friend just ghosted me.)

I can’t believe I captured your heart (pancake breakfast, three words and eight letters). For a while there, I edited it so much but then I fell off. iirc, it was part of some morning-related prompts I saw around that I tried to fulfill in 2018? 2019? And they had like internal progression. But this one was the best of the 3-4, and I kept tweaking it.

Green light of forgiveness (IM-ish) — there are many other IM/IM-Tomorrow snippets I’ve written over the years. I’m not sure if this one makes much sense, but I liked it enough.

Distance — I recall liking this one! Might have to bump it up. CJ is in Africa, Danny is at the Farm and sulking because they left off on some sort of argument. There is some Danny-Abbey friendship goodness here. I even have a second file that is “Distance - shorter version (it’s not)”

Danny writes fiction, shows it to CJ during her pregnancy and she’s into it. Technically written. I would probably try to take another stab at it. Third time might be the charm?

San Andreo phone call/fallout from ID. I just had the idea of CJ reaching out once things calm down. This is one of those fics I’ve written a version of every year or so, but I think there was one I liked quite a bit.

Terrible taste in men — a run-in with an OC ex of CJ. It was so dumb.

Fka Impatience - actually beta’d three years ago (by that fandom friend I've mentioned twice before… actually, three times) and “done”. I just think I’d change so much about it these days. It started being something else but ended up being a CJ-Toby friendship story in which they have lunch and catch up. But I would want to rewrite most of it now, and not just because it’s from like… 2019 (but finished in 2021).

I forgot this one initially! he's passing by, rare as the comet in my sky - 2? 3? times CJ thinks she sees Danny somewhere, and one time she does. (Which tried to work in the 'I remember shunning you' line.) I even wrote some sort of sequel later! Probably useless.

I said I would post a lightning round with fics that are either also done but not ready for me to mention them, or just… not done at all. The length of this post and how much I've spent on it is embarrassing. To give a general overview: in line with the nonsense I've been mentioning, includes phone calls at the end of S7, also a few friendship-focused fics around that time, too; present-day stuff; anniversaries; Hollis fundraisers; weddings; many ficlets, introspective thoughts, a “yes day” fic that's super sweet but needs better dares, the third memoir idea (the original one!!!!) that I had three years ago… And those are mostly the ones I had preselected, lol.

If you're interested, I can screenshoot this part in the notes app if you message me!

Anyway, this is embarrassing, and the worst part is that it's not all. fml.

[oracleofsecrets]

Zelda EOW cosplay log: circlet

After giving up on the staff, which was already another means for me to take a break from sewing, I got started drafting the circlet

I had some Eva foam from another cosplay ish project that didn’t go very well due to inexperience, so that seemed the most logical choice. I forgot how annoying it is cutting Eva foam though… the “headband” part was easy since I could use my rotary cutter, except the length I needed was longer than my ruler, so there’s a wobbly bit from where I had to scoot my ruler. Didn’t feel like cutting out another piece, so it’ll have to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Studied some screenshots and Sketched out the gem and metalwork bits on paper to get an idea of relative sizing between all the pieces. That damn pvc conduit ended up coming in handy here—I pressed down onto the foam and traced the indent for the gem. Cutting the crescents was realllly fiddly bc I was using scissors. But idk if I could’ve gotten those curves otherwise with an xacto knife

Only on the smaller bits did I think to transfer my sketch onto the foam instead of eyeballing it. My “transfer” method was poking pins along the outline into the foam, kinda like for pumpkin carving. Nice and clear and easy to follow with the scissors without having to worry about painting over anything

I thought I read somewhere that Eva foam can be sandpapered ? So I tried doing that to fix the uneven edges. Idr what grit level sandpaper I used. I mostly used a nail file board actually lol

Somehow I lost my circle gem piece, so I had to cut another one out and sand that :/ I don’t have proper primer so i figured I’d just spray a little modpodge on it to give me a workable surface to paint on. It didn’t occur to me that the pieces were so small that they’d fly off bc of the aerosol blast, so I had to find those in the dark ground bc I keep forgetting to tell the landlady that the outdoor lightbulb is out

I ended up mostly kinda mopping up the modpodge that was left on the parchment paper to get it nice and covered. Then I remembered I should grab a scrap to prime for when I test out paints. Was smart enough to hold the foam with a clothespin so no more glue would get on my hand. A day later It does kinda look like a nice subtle topcoat on my nails though :3 let it dry overnight so I could play some hades 2 and bc I didn’t want to fiddle with mixing paints at like 10pm

The next evening I tested out the paints. At the store I’d been between one metallic red shade and another, and I’d gotten the one that hadn’t seemed Too bright red. This was a mistake. It’s indeed a lovely garnet color, but that’s not quite light or red enough for this. Mixed with a little red looked pretty good. The gold metallic was perfect straight out of the bottle

Also tested whether to use black or white as a base coat. Going with white to keep things brighter

✨The next day ✨

Got my base coat of white on

(Using some weird Catholic local newspaper that some lady who lived here before me still has delivered to catch the mess lol)

First coat of gold. Probably should’ve made sure my sponge was fully dry before painting on the gold… I’m using makeup sponges since they’re denser than the sponge brushes I got for cheap a while ago. Repeating to myself Trust the Process Trust the Process so I don’t get neurotic about how sloppy it looks rn….

Okay yeah second coat is looking a lil better. Added a Little more red to the mix for the gem. I like how the shade looked overall, and especially layered over the other. I dont need another coat on the gem but def will for the gold stuff

Third coat, now we’re talkin. That’s good enough for the crescent pieces, but I think I’ll give the band another coat tomorrow. Testing my gloss sealant on the back of one of the smaller crescents after putting the first coat on the gem to see how that looks

Im planning on using satin modpodge finish though bc it’s an aerosol spray and bc I think that’d contrast nicely and subtly with the glossy. But the glossy is a normal spray bottle, and I wasn’t careful the first time I used it so it got clogged…I usually borrow the spray top from something else, but it’s not the same diameter as the bottleneck so I have to hold it weird :/ I should just buy a replacement nozzle fjsjdhd. But since the pieces are so small I’m just unscrewing the nozzle, taking it out and letting a few drops of sealer fall onto a plastic lid from something or another, then dabbing it on with a sponge

Now that I’m more like Live blogging and not posting about stuff I’ve already done I think I’ll end the post here lol

[carmenpeach]

sucks how long finishing my midwest sonic comic has taken since i was hopeful to get it done at the beginning of the year but sometimes things just dont go as planned. but ive been starting to get back into drawing and i do often think about how the next/ last chapter will go. i think one thing is that its been written in a way where something is gonna happen that i personally dont really want it to, so ive been stuck between "heres what i want these characters to do" vs "heres whats reasonably going to happen between these characters with the way its been laid out" vague on purpose for "spoiler" purposes but you know how it is. and a while ago i started outlining another sonic comic i wanna make but im not sure if i want to make such a serious story with them. ive taken a lot of detailed notes, but i think the idea is too big for what these characters can provide. i wanna make a story thats about shadow developing schizophrenia, moreso as a reflection on my experience growing up schizophrenic and the way it just increased over time. and i think i can reasonably depict episodes and delusions etc

"unreality" talk below i guess

but when i play with shadow as being schizophrenic i dont usually touch upon the like... i dont have a word for it, but the like "evil being dimension" is a concept i dont directly acknowledge to others. so ive realized i will never be able to get across the feeling of the psychosis related to that without making it a major factor of the story, and it feels too dangerous to be too upfront with it. i have some ocs that exist in a world where that is "real" and over the years whenever i tried working on it i would end up sending myself into an episode since its acknowledging it and that makes them aware of me aware of them and its just very risky. i can talk about it more now but... something feels wrong bringing it up so casually now, disrespectful in a way.

to say it like that i cant find the words. to talk about it as if its "fake" or with the idea of "its not real its just cause im insane" is so disingenuous. of "its real but its not but its real to me but not to others but its real cause i am aware of it and that makes me special in a way that is bad, but it cant get others without this special knowledge but its like a divine gift in a bad way, but its real but its not but it is but" etc etc but ive been almost enjoying talking more upfront about this concept, since i feel safer now. "but is being safe a good thing? why am i suddenly safe now? will it come back, will i feel it? just because that connection was taken, who has control?" god this is such a long winding thought that i think i could only articulate through a thick novel length of text. the way i am a different person without it, but i am still me, but "me" has always been just a fraction of myself, i am/ was more than one being, but what parts of those were myself and what parts were something else has become blurred etc. as if i was showed some horrible truth and then i am left with just the memory that slowly burns a hole in my brain and my heart. what im saying is that its a more complex thought then what im willing to do with shadow, since i never saw his schizophrenia as encompassing that idea, but more "surface level" in delusions/ hallucinations etc. so i still want to make a deeper comic story with him but it wont be able to touch upon that concept. i have some drafts drawn up of scenes and there just feels something bizarre in recreating episodes ive had but with him, since there are certain personal details that need to be taken out and that sort of takes away very important details to what makes the delusion/ hallucination so terrifying. i have a lot of thoughts on this that im not really sure how to articulate.

i think because maybe psychosis and this "dimension" concept are just too difficult to describe to others that dont understand it first hand. and i would like to be able to showcase this to others in a way that makes sense, which is unfortunately a challenge i dont think i can do properly. its not enough to just describe it, it has to be understood. i dont wanna give up on this endeavor, but i dont think shadow is the vessel that can do this, but it can be a start. i think i could do it better with my ocs i mentioned earlier, but the fantastical aspect of that story unfortunately hinders it to an extent. complex thoughts