#i still listen to its soundtrack. mandy's voice is like an angel

[linusbenjamin]

Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it. A Walk To Remember 2002, dir. Adam Shankman

[ladyfawkes]

New Dream/Angelic Dream - New Dream Appreciation Week - Day 4 | Hurt/Comfort

While I don’t have a specific Eugene/Rapunzel New Dream story, this one is still very New Dream-centric in its own way. Some may have seen it before but most have not. It’s very personal and dear to me and I kind of considered it appropriate, considering we’re coming upon a certain anniversary in just three days.....

“When Eugene called Rapunzel Sunshine, I felt that…”

Confession: I feel this each and every time Eugene says this. Especially since Sunshine is an actual nickname of mine. My heart skips a beat because….it’s what my fiancé used to call me. And I say “used to” because he passed away before we could get married. It’s high time I explained to everybody the reason why I glommed onto Tangled the Series for dear life…since I’ve been putting it off for the past 4 months. Got less than a week left til the series finale….. and this series came along right when I needed it.

When I began getting deeper into Tangled fandom, it wasn’t until around later October 2019. I was feeling a real hankering for more of Eugene Fitzherbert’s singing voice. Confession 2: Until Autumn 2019, I had NO IDEA that Zachary Levi had voiced Flynn Rider, both speaking AND singing!! At the time, the main thing that drew me to Flynn was his singing voice. I never forgot that. Like so many others, I fell in love with Tangled’s soundtrack and specially with “I See the Light” and “I’ve Got a Dream”, etc.

Confession 3: I’ve had a crush on Zachary Levi ever since the first episode of Chuck. Even though Chuck’s social and emotional insecurities are a rather enormously huge humorous part of the plot, the way Zac portrayed that anxiety and other types of raw emotions were real. He possesses a markedly rare ability to elicit laughter and tears within the same scene, and sometimes within the very same moment of a scene. While it’s an exceptional gift to exhibit that ability, it nearly always means that underneath it all, the reason why you can perceive this type of emotion so plainly from any given actor is because they’ve experienced those feelings on a personal level in their private lives. Nobody ever told me this, it’s something I learned through observation. It’s true of writers too…and composers. The best way to telegraph emotion through a given medium to someone else is often by having initially having experienced those emotions for yourself. It wouldn’t be until years after Chuck began that Zac would feel comfortable enough to share his mental health history with his fans…and we’d begin to learn just how deep he truly is.

With all of this in mind, I was perusing YouTube with the intent of finding more of “Flynn Rider’s singing voice” and imagine my shock & delight when a whole bunch of Tangled the Series and Tangled Before Ever After songs showed up in my search!!! Then I Looked up the fan wikia only to discover that it was none other than our dear Zachary Levi who had voiced Eugene Fitzherbert!!! I got positively thrilled and was already on Cloud Nine before I’d even begun watching it. Despite Disney’s, uh, thorny history with spinoffs, I couldn’t help but be excited as I learned most of the original cast had returned as well!!

I queued up Tangled Before Ever After and was instantly transported, instantly fell in love. I truly did not expect to be as drawn to Eugene as I was….in the film version, I wasn’t so sure about him….but I gravitated toward him immediately in the series. At first, I really didn’t know why. The feeling seemed familiar somehow and again….I didn’t know why. I couldn’t figure it out.

As I watched the first few episodes, I was constantly live-gushing (that’s akin to live-tweeting, only over Messenger instead) about the show with my friend Samara as I watched; Sammeh is also a Tangled superfan. I was continually talking about how it was the Disney’s best spinoff I had ever seen, how I was shocked that they cast SO MANY original cast members, original songwriters, etc. I can unequivocally state I haven’t loved an animated series this much in my life, even as a child. Then I was describing how much I could not get over the healthy, loving relationship portrayed between Eugene and Rapunzel. As I sat describing it, I suddenly said, “Oh my gosh. Sammeh…..”  And it caused me to freeze. Even though Sam had known my former fiancé just as long as we’d known each other, I didn’t know if Sam would think I was nuts for suggesting that certain aspects of Eugene’s personality reminded me of Anthony. After a long pause, I typed as much to her, “I don’t know if I should say this to you…..” yet I needn’t have worried, because Sam completed my thought for me: “You’re gonna say he’s like Anthony.” I was so surprised I said, “YES!!! How did you know I was gonna say that?!”

”Easy. Because I’ve seen it too.”

In spite of myself, I wept after she said that. So I wasn’t just imaging it. I’m getting teary-eyed now just thinking about it.

The love between Eugene and Rapunzel reminds me of the love I had with my Anthony. Anthony was not intimidated by my inner strength, we took turns rescuing each other, he was willing to listen to me talk for hours and hours and hours and I did the same with him, we took turns forever teasing one another, we couldn’t ever stay angry with each other, we always talked things out. He was forever encouraging my talents and dreams. We hung out with an unlikely, rag-tag group of friends. And especially the way Eugene caresses Rapunzel’s face, kisses her forehead….and spontaneously says _the most heart-melting romantic things….._that was just like my Anthony. And of course, he called me “The light in my life….My Sunshine.”

Now….while Anthony didn’t die while rescuing me from an enemy, his was a sacrifice of a different kind….for shortly before he passed, he was experiencing far too much mental strife….never once did he self-disclose this, though….and unfortunately, we didn’t learn until after the fact. It became apparent he felt his only way out was to take his own life.

Needless to say, I crawled into a very dark place after he died. I tried very hard not to….but over the prior 18 months I’d already lost so very much. I’d lost a job, loss of place to live, for months, I was being literally starved by my abusive-prior-ex-boyfriend ….I just shriveled up inside due to self-doubt, self-hatred, and I couldn’t speak about anything.

Even from 1800 miles away at the time, Anthony managed to be the one person to draw it all out of me. (I was estranged from most family at the time – with good reason) and I told him everything….and he listened to all of it, never interrupting, never judging, never being anything but his amazing self. Somehow, after two years of friendship and listening to one another, Anthony had fallen in love with me….even though all of the garbage I told him. To this day, I do not know what he saw in me. But something inside knew that if I could just strive to put good things surrounding that fateful date, its anniversary would lose its sting and I could heal and live the way Anthony would’ve wanted me to live. Although I’d described some of the lowlights, I’ve definitely had moments in my life that have filled me with much love and light.

I’ve been so very scared to type all of this out, put it all out there, for fear of being…..judged. Ridiculed. You know how the internet can be……naturally there’s a lot more to this story that I would like to share with you yet this has already become prohibitively lengthy.

The whole point is to say that it’s been nearly 14 long years since I last heard Anthony’s light sweet southern drawl. And through the magical medium of Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure, this show effectively allowed me the heartwarming and bittersweet chance to feel a small part of his love within my life again. I don’t know quite how it happened….but happen it did….right when I needed it. Anthony and I were very flirty and silly and ridiculous as a couple, just the way you would expect two twitter-pated people to be….the way Eugene calls Rapunzel “Sunshine” and caresses her cheek….the way he looks at her ….with his heart is full of so much love that it touches his warm brown eyes….those things remind me most of Anthony. Hopefully you can see why it’s been so difficult to, ah, self-disclose this information about myself.

So…..thank you for that from the bottom of my heart, Disney, Chris Sonnenburg, Shane Prigmore, Tara Nicole Whitaker, Tom Caulfield, Stephen Sandoval, Zachary Levi, Mandy Moore, Eden Espinoza, James Iglehart, Jeremy Jordan, Kevin Kleisch, Alan Menken, Glenn Slater, Anna Lencioni, and anybody else whom I’ve missed…..

[adgiggles]

It's not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done.

- Mitch Albom

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. - C.S. Lewis

Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain. - Bob Dylan

Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them. - Mandy Hale

Every time the heart breaks it is shaping into the heart it’s going to become. It’s up to you if it is going to be art or just a stone, sculptor. - Lidia Longorio

You keep storing up all that anger and grief. Eventually it spills over. Or you drown in it. - Leigh Bardugo

To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueller than I've been to me. - Alanis Morissette

I forgot that you existed and I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't. And it was so nice, so peaceful and quiet, I forgot that you existed. It isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference. - Taylor Swift

Getting over a painful expereince is much like crossing the monkey bars.

You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. - C.C. Lewis

The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. - Joss Whedon

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before - more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle. - Charles Dickens

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. - Henry David Thoreau

If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. - Paulo Coelho

Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you. But time makes you bolder even children get older. And I'm getting older, too. - Stevie Nicks

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.

- Aristotle

I still remember the person I once was and I really miss me. - Michael Faudet

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

God whispered, "You endured a lot. For that I am truly sorry, but grateful. I needed you to struggle to help so many. Through that process you would grow into who you have now become. Didn't you know that I gave all my struggles to my favorite children? One only needs to look at the struggles given to your older brother Jesus to know how important you have been to me. - Shannon L. Alder

My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present. - Steve Goodier

And here you are living despite it all. - Rupi Kaur

And gradually his memory slipped a little, as memories do, even those with so much love attached to them; as if there is an unconscious healing process within the mind which mends up in spite of our desperate determination never to forget. - Colleen McCullough

Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been. - Sylvester McHutt

Perhaps someday I’ll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of sorrow. - Sylvia Plath

It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here. - James Baldwin

It won't be like this forever.

One day, someone's going to want your voice as the soundtrack to the rest of their life.

- Maxwell Diawuoh

…at some point in a woman’s life, she just gets tired of being ashamed all the time. After that, she is free to become whoever she truly is. - Elizabeth Gilbert

At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can. - Frida Kahlo

I was infatuated once with a foolish, besotted affection, that clung to him in spite of his unworthiness, but it is fairly gone now - wholly crushed and withered away; and he has none but himself and his vices to thank for it.

- Anne Brontë

Sometimes you have to lose all you have to find out who you truly are. - Roy T. Bennett

And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. - Sylvia Plath

What brings us to tears, will lead us to grace. Our pain is never wasted. - Bob Goff

And so I wait. I wait for time to heal the pain and raise me to me feet once again - so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again. - Jack Canfield

You don't need another human being to make your life complete. But let's be honest, having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world. - Emery Allen

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it. - Paulo Coelho

The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. - Maya Angelou

But pain's like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface. - Katie Kacvinsky

Even when muddy your wings sparkle bright wonders that heal broken worlds. - Aberjhani

It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here. - James Baldwin

Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it, but also the father who wipes away the tears. ― Criss Jami

I think that little by little I'll be able to solve my problems and survive. - Frida Kahlo

We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full. - Marcel Proust

The human heart has a way of making itself large again even after it's been broken into a million pieces. - Robert James Waller

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either,

for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

- Louise Erdrich

'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster. - Dalai Lama XIV

No one around me knows who I am, what I'm on, who I've hurt and where they've gone. I know that I've done some wrong but I'm trying to make it right. - Halsey

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. - Ernest Hemingway

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. - Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end. - Robin Sharma

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. - Socrates

We have to be whole people to find whole love. - Cheryl Strayed

Everybody’s damaged. It’s just a question of how badly, and whether you’re healing or still bleeding. - Angela N. Blount