#i still have our messages from ur old account i had to scroll for a while

[chronicallyday]

Saturday Sneak Peek of Life Was a Storm Chapter Two

you may read the first chapter of this modern au/2000s au in the link above. I am absolutely showing my age by referring to VampireFreaks as a social media site lol also the name drop of a band whose founding members went on to create my fave band (PTV)

Here’s a snippet from Chapter Two below:

It was completely accidental. Serendipitous.

Finn had not gone looking for Annie Cresta. She had fallen into his lap. Or more specifically, his inbox.

He didn’t post selfies, despite everyone else posting them. Finn had mostly started using VampireFreaks as a recommendation from a guy he had smoked with outside of a show to post some of his poems on a forum. He wasn’t even goth, but the alt scene had appreciated some of his work that he couldn’t share with Rio.

Finn hadn’t expected someone to message him about a photo he posted to his account. It was a stupid photo he took at Point Pinos. He hadn’t expected someone to comment on the post.

But he almost had a heart attack when he saw the username HeartThiefOfTheSea. That stupid song kept playing his head.

The message wasn’t anything special. They had only sent a less than carrot symbol plus the number three to make a heart emoticon. But Finn clicked on the account anyway and his heart almost stopped again in less than a minute when he scrolled through the photo gallery for the account.

Some punky-bohemian chick that looked like she could be Stevie Nicks’ edgier daughter had sent the comment. The blue and purple streaks in her dark hair had thrown him off for a second, but he would know those green eyes anywhere. They had only been haunting him since he was two months shy of fifteen.

He didn’t have to respond. It was just appreciation for the photo.

But he responded anyway. And that led to them private messaging each other.

“Someone’s up early,” Finn muttered as his desktop pinged with a new email notification for a private message from Annie.

HeartThiefOfTheSea: guess who’s in trouble

FindingEmo: clearly not u if ur messaging me. what did u do?

HeartThiefOfTheSea: snuck out, trespassed to go swimming, but my greatest offense was calling my brother to come get me at 3am from the side of the road cuz I was too lazy to walk LOL

Finn laughed under his breath. As the eldest of his siblings, he was sure there could be a day that he would be getting those calls. For now, he was glad that his sisters were eight years old. The most trouble they got into was eating the sweets and pastries meant for the BnB guests.

HeartThiefOfTheSea: so…what are you doing up? It’s getting late over there isn’t it?

FindingEmo: ur joking right?? I’m not the one that is up at 3am

HeartThiefOfTheSea: yeah but you’re only 3 hrs behind right?

FindingEmo: yeah. so why r u messaging me at 3am

Serendipitous. They had been messaging each other since May and the messages had been mostly small talk about bands they liked until Annie took the plunge and started asking him for some advice and then they got more personal while being cautious of what they shared with an Internet Stranger.

Although Annie could have been more wary. Not that Finn was one to talk. He was sure his parents had considered putting an ankle monitor on him at some point in his mid teens.

Finn had lots of fun turning her into a fan of a band from San Diego called Before Today. He really hoped their plans to tour the East Coast came to fruition so Annie could go to one of their shows.

He really liked one of the lines in one of their songs Pierce The Veil.

We’ll try, still strong in our chains.

Something about the line reminded him of that dream version of himself. Finn still didn’t have the full picture about that Finnick, and while sometimes he couldn’t say he liked that version of himself, there were more days that he felt for him.

HeartThiefOfTheSea: my ex ambushed me while I was hanging out w/my friends. I ran away lol he tried to tell me he wanted to be “friends”

Finn frowned. He hadn’t liked Annie’s boyfriend when she was dating him and his dislike for him only grew after she dumped him.

Nothing rankled Finn more than guys that wouldn’t take no for an answer and tried to guilt their girlfriends into sleeping with them by using their love against them.

Finn had told Annie that she didn’t need to love the guy to have sex with him. If she wanted to have sex just because she wanted to, that was reason enough to take the plunge. But if she was hesitating because she wasn’t ready or because she didn’t feel that kind of attraction to him that she needed to do what was right for her.

Annie had confessed that she had been using the fact that she was Straight Edge as one of the reasons to ward him off. She had to explain to her ex what that even was, but Finn had snorted as soon as Annie told him that she was actually in fact Straight Edge.

Finn and Annie couldn’t be anymore different.

[ can’t say I wanna wait for marriage but idk it feels preferable than losing my virginity to a HS bf that my friends had to convince me to date ]

FindingEmo: pls tell me u kicked him in the balls

HeartThiefOfTheSea: lol no I didn’t do that but I should have. he yanked my arm pretty hard when I was underwater and it kind of scared me. I dipped as soon as possible and I just know my friends are gonna give shit for just leaving

FindingEmo: if u had to bounce u had to bounce…but next time kick him in the balls

HeartThiefOfTheSea: aye aye captain! now why are YOU up late?

FindingEmo: date

HeartThiefOfTheSea: like a date date or a “date” lol

FindingEmo: the latter

HeartThiefOfTheSea: heartbreaker lol

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[seoraksan]

hello! i hope ur having the best n most magical day <3

oh my gosh, hi! how’re you? i already know who this is just by the way you’re writing. hi tokki!! my magical friend❤️ i’ve missed you so very much! i’m sorry that i haven’t been talking to you or answering your messages. i went through a rough patch a few years ago, and i still haven’t completely gone back to my old social self. i have messages that i haven’t answered in 3 years and i feel so bad about it..

i have the habit of going silent when i’m going through a hard time. i don’t like throwing my emotions onto other people when i’m sad. so that’s one of the reasons why i haven’t been doing good when it comes to talking to people, and trying to be active on social media. i never want to be the reason for someone’s bad day.

you’ve always been on my mind, but i’ve been constantly thinking of you these past few weeks. i tried to find you on kakaotalk a while back, but i couldn’t log into my old account. i ended up messaging you on snapchat, and i was hoping that you still used it, even though i know you haven’t posted in a while. i didn’t want to lose contact with you, you mean too much to me. it’s so crazy how fate is! i’m so happy that you reached out, i thought i lost you❤️ i really appreciate you more then words can ever say. you’ve always been a very treasured person in my life. i’m beyond grateful for the fact that you still think of me, even when i’ve been terrible at communicating.

i know people probably look at the changes in my blog and think that i no longer love those 7 beautiful angels, but that’s not true. i’ve never stopped loving and supporting bts. actually, my love for them has only grown stronger over the years. i had to back away from the fandom because it wasn’t the best for my mental health. there were a lot of controlling people on here that started showing their true colors, and i had to take a step back. i saw so much of,” he’s mine’ or “he needs to do this with his body” so many people were starting to post really personal things about them. photographs that shouldn’t have been posted anywhere, privacy invasion, etc. i started to see people talking about the new houses they were buying, what district the homes are in, and even going as far as telling the address. it was crazy stuff that was making me feel uncomfortable. they are humans and they deserve privacy and respect. even if you know where they live, you shouldn’t be waving it around, because there are a lot of people out there that might want to do them harm, and if you love them, you should always want them to be protected. i can’t even imagine something bad like that happening to them. it makes my heart hurt with even the thought. and then you had the people who felt like they owned them just because they bought some albums and merchandise. ‘fans’ always being so concerned about their personal lives and what they were doing with their time. it became really gross. just because you gave every dollar in your back account to purchase their merch and see them live, that does not mean that you have claim on them. people couldn’t comprehend it. and this was doing a time when i would follow mostly bts blogs, so i would see it quite constantly. not everyone was like that, but it was hard to find the good apples when you’re digging in a barrel of a lot of bad ones. it was difficult to sit back and not say anything, so i would try and speak up as much as possible. i saw a few bigger blogs showing this behavior, and it scared me because they have a bigger platform to spew such things out to a willing audience that sometimes seemed really naive and would listen to anything these blogs were posting. when i would try and talk to them about the way that they were acting, they got defensive and tried to act like what they were doing was okay, and that it shouldn’t bother me that much because, “they’re public figures and they should be used to such treatment” it was just too stressful, so i bowed out of the fandom on tumblr. i still showed my love and support for bts, but i couldn’t do the fandom. i couldn’t argue with people all day long about the way that they were acting. especially at a time when i was already stressed and miserable. i know a lot of ex army would talk about how some people in the fandom made them stop being as active with bts, and in the end they stopped caring for them. i wasn’t going to allow people to take away the love and joy that i feel towards bts, so i had to make the decision to stop being as active on tumblr.

i love army so much. they’re so dedicated to the boys, and it’s a beautiful thing. army is kind, supportive of others, and compassionate. they respect boundaries. army knows that to love bts, you have to respect them. how can you say you love them if you aren’t respecting them? it doesn’t matter if you’ve been a fan for 8 years or 8 minutes, it’s all about the love and respect that you have for them. it’s about love, not about the merch, or how many of their concerts you’ve been to, it’s about love.

the boys have been one of the few things that i’ve had to keep me sane these past few years. so much has happened, and if it wasn’t for them and the love i feel for them, i don’t really think i could’ve made it. even when it came to simple things like finding the motivation to get out of bed, all i had to do was scroll through twitter and see them, and i would feel so much happiness. times when i felt like i didn’t have much to wake up for anymore, they were there to make me smile and feel loved. i get strength just knowing that they’re alive and well.

but i do really miss gushing about the boys, so i might make another blog. i’ve been saying that for a while, but i might actually do it. talking about them brings me such happiness, and i miss being apart of the community 🖤

only downside to leaving was that i missed out on a lot of my friends. like you, meariie, S(@seokjinshearts ), and a few others who hold a special place in my heart. i feel so terrible because i feel like i’ve neglected our friendship and let it wither by not feeding it. but please know that i’ve never once ceased to pour my love into it. i’ve always cared for our friendship and held it close to my heart. i wish i could’ve shown it more to you. i hope that there’s still time to make it up to you. to show you how much you mean to me, because you really are one of the best people to ever step foot into my life, and it would devastate me to see you walk away. i will try harder, i promise.

i pray that you’re doing well and staying safe!! i believe the last time we talked was before the pandemic. are you doing well? staying safe? drinking water and eating? have you been resting? and taking time for yourself? all the important things that i hope that you’ve been doing since the last time we’ve had a chance to talk. how’s your family? is everyone well? are you doing good mentally? there’s so much to catch up on🥺

i’m sorry for the novel that i just wrote. it’s hard for me to write in small paragraphs when i have so much in my heart that i want to get out. honestly, i could keep going on, but i don’t want you to have to sit here reading it for 3 hours. my inbox is always open, and if you want to talk on another social website, like kakaotalk or whatever, i’m so willing to do that. i want to have you in my life, tokki. my world is much more magnificent with you in it ❤️ my adoration for you goes beyond words, my magical friend. i hope that we can allow our friendship to blossom again and touch the heavens with its blooms.

sending you a basket full of love and adoration, always🥰

@tick-tokki

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) ok so this may sound so dramatic but; let me paint you a picture: i’m responding to your latest message, sitting on the edge of the sofa. i type in “lovely anon” into the search and see this longgg post come up and i’m like uhhh... i scroll down and see the people you tagged and literally. when i saw @ lovely anon. i . cried . like full on tears. my brother goes “what are you doing” “she tagged meeeee” and he continued what he was doing and didn’t care LMAOO but i was so emotional? i love and appreciate you too and aAH IM CRYING!! you’re just really sweet and i didn’t expect it at all and it was really lovely to be a part of something :’)

the kermit pic sent meee but yes yes yes!! when you start uni let me know, lol i’m so excited for you!! let me know how it goes cuz i’m literally hype hahah & yes we will be in our sad corners of the world, missing england but you’re right it’ll be sooooo worth it in the end!!! and oH i’m glad you talk to them lol i truly thought you like haven’t seen them/haven’t spoken to them this whole time😭 that would’ve been awful!

also i totallyyy get what your saying about the english speaking thing. and idk why you’re insecure (well i *knowww* bc it’s not your first language and you’re studying it in college so yuh) but your english is great :)))

lol yeah that makes sense.. my mom took french in college and she remembers NOTHING HDJSHSJ (the fact that you wanna learn MORE languages i- ahh i so admire you.. you literally know so many languages🥺) yea i mean you know a bunch of languages bc you know the base of words lol, but i wonder if because you know latin it’ll be easier for you to learn french? oh- oh wait you said it’ll be easier HAHHAHA

THERES SO MUCH EXCITING STUFF TO TALK ABOUT HDGSJSJSL it’s so wild to me that you can’t watch chaos walking :( i’m a professional hacker tho so i’ll try and find a way for you LMAO (by professional hacker i mean i literally have gotten multiple free trials and i’m pretty sure the hulu police are after me bUT ITS THEIR FAULT BC WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE???) i mean the movie was good? and cute? and funny? but yea don’t think it’s gonna be the most fantastic thing haha AND THE DOGGO AWWW (i saw it again today- or my today lol, saturday, aND THESE OLD PEOPLE CAME AND SAT IN FRONT OF ME AND MY FRIEND LIKE ITS A LONG STORY LMK IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT)

SHARK FILMS?!?!! PLEASE READING THIS I HAD NO IDEA YOU WOULD LIKE SHARK MOVIES TOO FHSKSHSHDJDJGAJAYSJS ok so i haven’t seen any of the classics (i’m working on it) but i would probably watch jaws to laugh at it? not like that lmao but like comparing it. OKAY BUT HONESTLY I BARELY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES SHARK FILMS AHHH OKAY im adding “the shallows” to my watchlist bc it sounds super good AND SAME AHSJD ANY BODY OF WATER IN A MOVIE I JUST KNOW ITS COMING LMAO watch me not go in the water anymore after seeing that picture HHDJSJ

WHEN I READ THIS I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT THE MEG AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE SHARKKK JUMPEDDDD AND ATE THE OTHER ONEEEE AND THEN JONAS HAD TO DO- bro i cannot (i think that one is my favorite because i love me a bit of romance and the subtle romance hAD ME) 47 meters down PHEW could you imagine?? i try not to think too hard about it i’m like “don’t be dumb catherine, don’t put yourself in a dumb situation” (not autocorrect having “dumb bitch” ready i am not lying) and i literally understand... there is no other way to explain 47 meters down

i CANNOT watch horror movies, can’t can’t can’t, i literally hate them i cannot do it!!! the thrill is tempting and it’s cool in the moment but i cant lmao. i don’t have nightmares about scary things (for the majority of the time) but going to sleep i’m like oooohhhhhh shit 🥲 literally what you explained

music !!!! music !!!! music !!!! (u ever write a word and now it looks weird lmao) MY BROTHER DOESNT LIKE MUSIC AND ITS SHIT IM LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU- anyway, my music taste is all over the place i mean......... it’s crazy. earlier today i was listening to meghan trainor’s album “title” oUT OF NOWHERE, but just a few minutes ago i was listening to fall in love with me by earth wind and fire soooo lol .. megan is *chefs kiss*, i’m not familiar with stormzy🙈, harry styles.... IM SORRY IM THAT PERSON but i don’t listen to his solo music EEK i only listen to adore you... and not that frequently... the music video freaked me out... i like niall’s solo music a lot more, which i listen to a lot more. now. one direction. favorite. please & thank you. i have a playlist called “boy bands” and it consists of one direction and the vamps (obsessed with cherry blossom btw) but as you can see my taste is all over the place!! fr fr if i sent you what apple music has as my “favorites” it went from ariana grande to carrie underwood to glee (OBSESSED DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT IT) i mean please if you let me i will nonstop (hamilton HDJSH) talk about music all day😩 & NOOO UR MUSIC IS GREAT HAHSK IM NOT A BIG RAP PERSON BUT DOJA CAT IS MY FAVORITE!!

okay good, i’m glad :) i was just nervous that you did feel that way <3 and GOT IT HAHAJ healthy pressure is always good :’) my friend got me these pens cuz i love stationary and school supplies lol and was like “now you have to write something” soooo yea i feel that! and i saw you posted the ficcccccc literally so proud of you 🥺🥺 i’m trying to decide if i read it tomorrow or tonight..... sleep or a literal beautiful creation made by the sweetest person and is v v nice smut and college!peter and 4.7k...... sleep aint really calling no more.

GIRL ALL OF MY SENTENCES ARE TOO LONG HAHAHAH IN FACT THIS IS TOO LONG SOOO (also why am i 3 days late..😑) anywho it’s 1 in the morning so <33 lovely anon

🥰

oh my god the fact that you cried nearly made me cry too😭😭🥺🥺 (also, your brother LMAO), i wasn‘t even sure if you‘d see it but i immediately thought of you so of COURSE i included you <333

the hulu police lsjsjaiaik, girl i was ready to get a hulu membership when i wanted to watch big time adolescence and i couldn‘t find it anywhereee, and when i got to the payment it said i need a bank account that‘s based in the US or whatever. like bro i was about to pay you!! but i was forced to find it somewhere (and i did, on levidia,— not that i‘ve ever used it because it‘s illegal 😤 i would never!!! i‘d rather support billion dollar companies and spend my money on watching films that i can find for free 🥰🥰🥰 not

i‘ve found chaos walking online so i‘ll watch it som time this week!! also YES TELL ME THE STORY

okay so idk if you watched/are planning on watching falcon and winter soldier but i watched the first episode the other day and they were speaking french (just a few seconds) and I UNDERSTOOD SOME WORDS DLDJDJ and i was so proud of myself. i‘ve only ever learned french with duolingo lol (i only do like 5 mins a day and that‘s why i was so surprised that i understood some of it!!). and yeah apart from latin i feel like italian, german, french and english are all similar in a sense.. i mean obviously they‘re completely different languages but for example there are some grammatical constructions in french that i think i wouldn‘t understand if i only spoke english? so when i translate those things into english you can‘t directly translate them bc you say things differently, but when i translate them into german then it makes more sense to me. idk that‘s something i noticed so i feel like if you already know multiple languages it‘s easier to learn another language compared to if you only know one language and are trying to learn a second one. even if the languages aren‘t similar then i think you get the hang of it easier.

ikd slsjsjs also i don‘t want you to think that i‘m a linguistic genius or anything lmfao, like i‘m only fluent in english and german and i‘m just a wannabe (ew that word) polyglot sksj (yes i had to google polyglot— i do think learning ancient greek would be super cool tho? like imagine studying latin AND ancient greek, whew). and honestly i don‘t think i‘ll ever be fluent in another language bc i don‘t plan on living anywhere other than germany or possibly england and i‘m not dedicated enough to properly learn any other languages esp if i don‘t have anyone to speak the language with. but i still try my best and i just love language/languages as a whole so yeah i‘m happy & just learning as much as i can dkdjh🥰

(I guess language/linguistics are/is my passion (which sounds sooo lame lmaoooo) and the word passion comes from the latin word pati (i think💀) which means to suffer, and in german passion is called Leidenschaft which basically means suffering too, idk why i‘m telling you this maybe you know it already. but ok dumb fun fact, in german you can make compound words with as many words as you like, and the longest official german word is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz which is a law for the monitoring of labels on beef... this is such a dumb fact but i think about that word like once a day idk why dodjsjsj so... 👁👄👁)

but i‘ll stop boring you with my linguistics talk because truly i don‘t know much about languages but i am interested omg i‘m gonna shut up now.

now water + sharks. (so in non-covid times i always go to croatia with my dad during the summer, and even before ever watching a shark film i was always kind of scared in water.. but after watching so many shark films wldjdj HELP Like you know when you go deeper into the ocean and you can‘t see or feel the ground/floor? anymore.. then i just start imagining sharks. like i can‘t help it i just imagine a shark sneaking up on me or feeling something graze my foot ABD I JUST START FREAKING OUT SSKJSHSJ. idk. anyway kdkdh i do love the ocean/swimming though but the older i get the more i realise how fucking scary the ocean is ( even if we’re gonna disregard sharks)

your brother... what‘s wrong with him? HOw CAN YOU NOT LIKE MUSIC LIKE WHAT THE FAWK

OKAY BUT SAME ABOUT THE ADORE YOU MUSIC VIDEO DLDKDJSJSKSLSLKSKSJSHSH and yeah i have to say harry’s style (styles lol) as a solo artist isn‘t reaaally my cup of tea, and i only like the popular songs from his second album and the first album is only good when i‘m in the right mood (haven‘t actually listened to it in a while though, but kiwi is one of my all time favourites along with only angel but i hate the start, like it takes 40 seconds to actually begin properly). i like mgk and because of him i watched the dirt which is a film about motley crue, and now one of my favourite songs ever is same ol situation and i‘m into rock now lol. +++ justin bieber. I had a justin bieber cardboard cutout thingy😭 i was the biggest Belieber on earth when i was 13-16, but i didn‘t like his last album and tbh he‘s become a bit weird lately, BUT OH MY GOD. i Listened to his new album yesterday and i‘m in LOVE with the song hold on

i really like niall‘s music toooo!!!! And doja cat 😌😌😌😌 And THE VAMPS OG MY GOD. i got to see them live bc they were the opening/support act for little mix and ajdsjskslslsjsjsj. (Also i love concerts, some of the best memories of my life are concerts, i‘ve seen nicki minaj live 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and justin twice and my heart fills every time i think about how excited i was, it was my first concert ever (16th of September 2016 😌) and i was the happiest person alive seeing justin drew fucking bieber (even if i‘m not tooo sure about justin nowadays)

i have a confession? Idk what hamilton is. I mean I‘ve heard about it and i keep googling it but i‘ve never watched it (is it even a film???? or like a proper musical? also pls tell me you grew up with high school musical. i have a few friends who didn‘t and it makes me so sad 😭😭😭 hsm is the best thing to happen to my childhood , the sooooongs— i still listen to some of them every week or month lool they make me so happy)

(Okay wait i was about to recommend some stormzy songs but you said you‘re not that into rap so i won‘t dksksjl)

What you said about my fic AHSLSLSJB (i wasn‘t sure if you sent an ask about it earlier? idk that might have been someone else, so if it was (and you‘ve read it already) i hope you liked it sksjsj i was...... unsure about it. and i have this reeaaallly long peter fic that i started writing in december and that‘s the only peter thing i currently want to write but also i can‘t because idk how to continue kddjj.) but I’m definitely getting back into writing i have a few blurbs that i want to write so 🥰🥰🥰

Oh and pls as soon as you read this let me know: violet or yellow? (it‘s just a tiny thing for my new theme slsksj)

[goodnightallwhites]

Just some Vanilla Black Bull Breeding By BlackingPacking

Just some Vanilla Black Bull Breeding 

By BlackingPacking 

Submitted: January 1, 2020 Updated: January 1, 2020 

You and your wife have a fertility problem. And she has a solution. 

What are you gonna do about it? 

Contains: Interracial BBC, Cuckolding/NTR, impregnation 

Provided by Hentai Foundry. 

Chapter 1 - Her proposal 2 

Chapter 2 - Their texts 5 

1 - Her proposal 

You and your wife had to have a talk 

That’s what she told you, at least, when you woke up, before you both went to work. Thankfully, she was easy to talk to. She had a silky, adult voice that was always accompanied with a smile. And boy did her smile make it easy to look at her. She had perfect lips, neither too thick or too thin, that were always prettily pink. Her smile covered her bottom teeth, so her big upper pearly whites were visible, while her mouth as a whole made her entire face sparkle happily. Her eyes, most adorably, didn’t become squinty when she smiled either. Her bright blue-green eyes were always round and bright, and remained just as doll like even when the bottoms were pushed up with her smile. 

You thought about it all day during work, but that was normal. With her long, smooth, subtly curvy legs and perky pair of jiggly tits, not to mention her lithe arms, neck, and belly, you usually spent days thinking about her. You’d been married for 2 whole years, and were both almost 30 now, and you still had these thoughts. She said it was adorable how you thought about her. She never mentioned how she was out of your league. 

When you got to your quaint little suburban one-story, she jumped off the couch and hopped over to you to greet you with a big, sloppy kiss, kicking up one bare foot like she did every day. What an adorable little kitten. 

Today was slightly different though, and you just couldn’t place it. Her smile was a bit wider, and her hops were a bit bouncier. Her heart was beating faster. Still, she spoke just as titillatingly as always. 

“Lemme get into something more comfortable, hun. I’ve got a really good idea for you!” 

You agreed, playfully picking her up and bridal carrying her into your bedroom. She giggled at your playfulness, making you both feel younger. You couldn’t wait to hear her idea, and she seemed like she couldn’t either. When you put her down, she almost fell over she was so excited to get into the closet. 

God, she was too cute. 

You took off your coat and belt, laying them over the chair, before sitting down on the bed. Not long after, your wide-eyed wife bunny hopped from the closet with her sexiest tan lacy nightgown. Hyper, she hopped onto the springy bed with a laugh before poking you on the nose. Under the lace, you could see how she wore nothing but a lavender pair of lingerie panties. The mid size ovals of her tits hung free under her gown. 

Your dick was already getting hard. 

“Alright honey,” she said, lounging right next to you on the bed. She tossed a pillow onto the ground. That amber-brown hair of her spread out over the comforter while she nibbled on her finger. Yeah. The one with her wedding ring. “So, this might be a hard conversation for us. Well, for you. But, it’s 

important, right? We have to tell each other things.” 

You tell her you agree, that you think you should be totally open about everything, and all that. 

“Oh good. God, you’re the best. Alright,” she shifted her weight nervously, “So, you know how we’ve been married for like 2 years. Shit, close to 3 now! And whenever we go meet my family or your family or whatever,” she sighed, “they’re always like ‘you’re so happy! You’re so perfect! You need to start a family! When are you gonna have kids!” she waved her hand. 

You nod along, noting you two’s troubles with having the kids she wanted so badly. 

“So yeah. I wanna talk about kids. Fertility and all that. Now I know we went to the clinics recently, and both of us technically can have kids, but it still isn’t working out. And you know I really want babies, and I know we’ve been talking about adoption, but I don’t want that. I want us to get pregnant, you know?” 

You keep agreeing with her, keep encouraging her. 

“So, uhm,” she looked at the ceiling with a nervous laugh, “I talked about this with my aunt. You know, my mom’s younger sister? And she actually had a solution. You know what she did, right?” Your wife blushed a little. 

You were confused. You thought her aunt adopted her kids. 

“You don’t know? Oh, alright. Well, they, uh, don’t like to advertise, but what they did is supposed to really work! And I looked it up online, and a lot of people do it, and the couples are all really happy with it. It’s a little out there, but they say it’s being normalized, so it can��t be bad, right?” 

You tell her you’re willing to do it. 

“Alright- it’s really exciting! So, um, what it all is. Well,” she bit her lip with a closed-lip smile, “So, to get me pregnant, what I’d do is fuck a black guy.” 

She blinks, nervous, but you don’t disapprove. “You’re good with that, right? Like, it’s why tons of white girls today are getting together with more black guys. Trust me, it’s a really good idea. Black guys are found to be more fertile than, you know, white guys like you. And they’re um... Like, not to hurt your feelings, but they’re almost always bigger. You’ve heard that, right? How their dicks are way bigger. The whole BBC thing? And apparently, since they’re so much bigger, they make the girls orgasm more, which makes them suck their cum deeper into their wombs, making them more likely to get pregnant!” 

“And...” she kept going. She had clearly researched this. “Yeah. I’m going to fuck a black guy.” 

What the hell... your wife? Just said she wanted to get Blacked? 

“With your permission, of course!” she added, “But... if you wanna ask my opinion, like, I’d really love to,” she pinched her legs together, put her hands between her thighs and rolled a little, “The idea of a big, black cock getting all up in my insides gets me soooo wet,” she licked her lips, “No offense though! Like, you’re white of course yours is gonna be, like, y’know...” she pinched her fingers, showing you 

about the size of your meager dick, “I mean, it works. It’s a perfectly fine dick, but, just, a little, a little paltry, sorta small. It’s not like you or any white guys can help it! So please don’t blame yourself. I mean, your things made me cum before, but it doesn’t like, fill me up the way I wanna be filled.I just want something bigger, y’know." 

You did know. And you knew what you had to do. You felt ashamed, but your little cock was rock hard for your wife. 

You told her you’d let a black bull knock her up. 

“Really, babe? Omygod, thank you!” she smiled catily, bouncing the bed happily as she leaned over to kiss you. All you could think of is how those lips of your wife would soon be wrapped around a big black cock. Or a even kissing the man who’d get her pregnant. Whose baby you would raise. “Mmm, honey,” your wife said, feeling your stiffy. "Did you get turned on, thinking about me being bred by a black mans huuuuge cock?" 

You couldn't lie to her 

She giggled more as she stradled you. She lifted up her gown to show her wet panties as she rubbed them against you. "Wanna fuck me, babe? I'm fine if you knock me up, but I still wanna get railed by a black guy. Either way, you'd better fuck me while I can still feel you, hubby dearest." 

You two fucked. It was sweet, cute sex. Nothing like what some black man would do to her. 

After that, you ate dinner together. The subject of the conversation was what black man you wanted to breed her. 

This is where you come in- what kind of black guy would YOU want for your wife? Where would you want him to fuck her? What role would you play? 

Tell me here, or on any threads I'm in, or on discord, and soon I'll see what you want and then you get to see how your wife gets black bred! 

2 - Their texts 

A few nights later, while your wife was watching something on her friend’s Netflix account, you stole her phone away and looked at her texts. It was then you found out she had a tinder, which both aroused and humiliated you. You just wanted to stalk her phone, but you had to sneak into your bedroom and drop your pants to do so. 

With your needle length dick in your small fist, you read through her Tinder matches and messages. Her profile said ‘black guys only please!’ followed by a spade emoji. She had explained to you the other day what that meant. She tried not to laugh the entire time. 

As it turns out, she hadn’t gone on a single date with any of her tinder matches, all hot black guys. One was even 18! She had ghosted most of them, it looked like. Never gave out her phone number, and had even texted a few ‘sorry, I can’t do this.’ She was trying to be loyal, despite her love for BBC. God, you loved her. 

All those Tinder messages were old though. It looks like all her new texts where front and center on her messaging app. 

Your wife was the type of person who never made contact photos for her contacts on her phone. But now you could see three or for pictures of different muscular black men, all texting her. 

The most recent was a couple hours ago. While you were at work. She’d texted him back and forth and sent plenty of pictures. You looked at the name. 

Malik. You’d found him on Facebook, it turns out he was one of your wife’s coworkers’s exes. They ended on good terms, and so her friend recommended him as a black ‘breeder bull’, as she said. You’d never met him, but you trusted your wife’s friends, so you were happy with her choice. 

Your wife sure seemed happy with him. They texted a ton. You scrolled up to this morning’s chat, past some nude selfies from both of them, and read. 

>Hey babe how was ur night? 

<Great! Had a fun time with hubby 

>Lol >Did u fuck him? 

<yeah, and talked all about BBC, he’s really into it. I’ll talk to him about scheduling our get together tonight 

>lmao, how was that tiny white cock? 

<don’t be meannnn ?? he can’t help it 

>can’t help being white or can’t help having a clit dick? 

<what’s the difference ? 

>damn right bitch >you need somma this 

Attached was a live picture of his ungodly black meat. Based on your meager member, cocks like this shouldn’t exist. The ones in porn were all rubber or bloated or pumped up, right? But this made you do a double take at its double length. (Maybe triple? Don’t kid yourself. That monster was at least quadruple your size) It was dark, rich chocolate black and veiny, shining in the light of the flash and looking like it could make your wife cum like a pornstar and crush your dick in a single blow. 

You sometimes called your little package ‘your manhood,’ but this thing made you feel unworthy to refer to yourself like that. It was a real man’s cock. The next picture was it in his hands. His hands looked huge, since he had a watch that barely fit around his wrist, and even with two hands around his cock ? was still uncovered. The next was from between his legs. His cock was pointing straight to the sky but his weighty balls hung low. They totally covered his asshole. Your balls weren’t half that big and hefty, and they certainly didn't hang like that. 

<ahh fuck ?? that’s the best dick I’ve ever seen 

>how many have u seen? 

<why’s that matter? 

>just wondering lol >I know that’s not too impressive if all uv seen is ur hubby’s white clitty lmaoo 

<stoppp I told you to not be mean to him!! I already feel bad enough 

>why? He said he wanted you to get knocked up by a black guy 

<i know but still I don’t WANNA cheat on him we just want a baby, besides he probably already feels bad for not being able to get me pregnant 

>well it ain’t cheating if he knows about it 

<true. Still, I just wanna be happy with him 

>won’t he be happy if you both cum to me then? 

<yeah, but I’m not with him now 

Your eyes widened as you saw the picture your wife sent him. It was her, right on your bed, totally naked 

with legs spread wide. Her hair was a mess, her makeup was smudged, and her eyes wide and crying. Her mouth was limply open with drooling lips. Inside her soaking pussy was her entire fist. 

>holy shit >??? 

<I usually wait till we’re in bed but I just can’t help it. I called in sick for work and I’ve been fucking myself to black guys all day 

>porn or over text? 

He sent a video of him jerking his huge Dick off. You could see his shredded abs and the huge throbs of his cockhead. 

<guys I’ve texted. I don’t watch porn, since I only like the really professional stuff, and we don’t have enough money to pay 

>why don’t you make him 

<? because I’m not a bitch? 

>you’re a total bbc slut though 

<I know... 

She sent a video of herself crying as she fisted herself. 

>hurts? 

<lke a mothfcurker 

She typed like she wasn’t even looking at the screen, which she probably wasn’t 

>to hubby’s white dick or my big black cock 

<uknwo the asnawer aaahole 

>just wanna be sure you’re mine babe 

<not urs < u just gunna knock <me up 

>maybe I should fight your hubby to see who gets you 

<pls dpnt <u kno he’l llose 

<I wnt him to havr me 

That nearly made you cum. Your loving wife admitting that the hot black guy she was texting could easily beat you up. But she admitted she still wanted to be with you! She didn’t want to cheat. She just wanted a big, strong, baby. And this affirmed the best way to assure that was for him to be black. 

>aight babe, but he better not stop me from fuckin u 

<I won’t let im lmaoooo 

>good >:) 

He sent a picture of his naked, muscular body in the mirror. His cock hung down to his knees. 

<sjdjdkfjd cummijbgfgg 

She sent a video of herself, right where you sat stroking yourself. She pulled her fist out of her pussy and let her hips involuntarily thrust, her cunt clench, and her hole squirt. She dropped the camera, squirting right over it. As she picked it up to end the video, she laughed. 

You didn’t even bother reading the texts after that. You just crawled over the bed and put your hand on the damp cover. She didn’t even clean up after she came. You leaned your head down to smell it. It was a stronger smell than you were used to. Probably because you rarely made her cum. 

But you just couldn’t help yourself but to bend over and lick the damp fabric. It tasted sweet. You’d never put much effort into really eating your wife out. Maybe if you did that she wouldn’t be turning to a black man for pleasure... 

You shook your head. She’s doing it to get a baby- because they’re more fertile. That’s all. Not more pleasing. That’s why she made it very clear to him that she still wanted to have you. Besides, she loves you. It’s not like rabbits are the best animal because they have high fertility, right? 

Then again, she also said she didn’t just want a baby, but a big and strong one. A black one. But- you could be as big or strong as any black guy, right? In theory. Then again... they did all seem bigger and stronger, just as a rule. They were tall. Well-built, even when not buff. They had a manly smell and huge hands. They were better at pretty much every sport you watched. Was she watching sports right now? 

You nervously came in your hand. Sticky cum got between your fingers, making your cock all grimy as the weak load dried. You hobbled to the bathroom to wash it all off with cold water. The cold made your cock shrink even more. 

As you walked back into the bedroom, your flaccid penis was at most an inch out of your crotch, with your balls a tight little sack without much impressive definition. You were horrifically embarrassed when you saw your fully clothed wife in there too. 

“Oh!” she giggled, prudishly putting her hand over her mouth as she looked at your less than perfect package, “I was just looking for my phone! Did you take it in here?” she teased. 

You said you did. 

“Oh- uh-” her big blue eyes looked worried, “did you look at it?” 

You told the truth like an obedient little hubby. 

“With the guy you picked out with me? How saw how much I like him, right? I’m sorry for not telling you about how my day went honestly.” 

You forgave her instantly. She still loved you, so what did it matter if she prefers a huge hung black stud to your underperforming little white thing. In your head you called it a peepee. That was a good word for it.“Thank you, baby,” she walked up to you and hug you, “Please don’t stop loving me.” 

You told her you never would. If she never touched even one of your four little inches ever again and humiliated you infront of everyone you knew with her black lovers and mixed babies you’d still love her, you thought. 

“I love you so much,” then she looked at you and smiled, “and I really wanna get blacked. Like, ASAP. I can’t wait. Did you see how fucking huge he was?” she giggled giddily. 

You agreed as your little penis got just a little bigger against her jeans. 

“Aww, I can see you like that down there,” she cooed. She bent over to be face to face with it, “how’s my favorite little dickie?” she patted it with one finger all lovey dovey, “aww, so cute! Are you excited to see me blacked, are you little guy?” she kissed the tip of it and stood up. 

You told her that, even though you just came, you were already close again. 

“Oh!” she apologized, “Sorry, didn’t mean to. I’ll suck you off if you want me to, babe.” 

What would a good white cuckold hubby do? 

You told her no. First, you wanted to schedule a meeting with Malik. 

“Ooh- I like the way you think babe!” she kissed you deeply as she cupped your pale balls, “C’mon, go get your phone, if we’re lucky I’ll have his black dick in me by Saturday!” 

Polls in the comments! 

[le-sejour]

Folly

Words: 1383

Pairing: some very slight Thomas Jefferson x Reader

World: Modern/College AU

Warning: cursing, mentions of furry porn, seductive turtle, Theatre Kid! Alexander, vague to no plotline: just actual stupidity w some romance if you squint

Prompt: Inspired by real chats and true events. One of my greatest friends seriously makes me think of a modern day Alexander Hamilton... Also, he’s a gold mine of hilarious fuck ups and I’m glad I’m there to witness it.

A/N: sweats I’M WORKING ON THE ORGY FIC, ASSUMPTIONS PT2 aND UNDER ARREST I SWEAR I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM and also to let u know i’m still alive LMAO

Enjoy~

MacNCheezy: Hey, doll

You: Yes, T?

MacNCheezy: You wanna make $10?

You: I’m not selling drugs for you, Thomas.

MacNCheezy is typing…

Pulling your [h/l] [h/c] hair into a low ponytail, you laughed as the chat window informed you that Thomas was writing and rewriting his response. It was amusing to see him flustered, even if you couldn’t actually see him. The thought of his indignant huffing and puffing was enough to brighten the already shitty day you’ve just had.

Thomas stared into his phone with disbelief. Here he was, genuinely trying to help a friend out (he’ll end up benefiting from this anyway, but, shh) and you were being impudent! The nerve of some people, honestly.

You: Oh, you would know a lot about the drug market, wouldn’t you, sweetheart?

He considers on sending the message then and there, but knew you would jump at the opportunity to Fight™ so he quickly types in his initial intentions.

But your connection to sketchy trades is not why I’m here. I have a commission for you.

ItsKittenBitch: Oh? Yknow I’d rather fuck a cactus than get into bed w you, baby boo.❤️ 

ItsKittenBitch: Besides, $10 is cheap, even for a corner street hooker. 

ItsKittenBitch: Up your game, Teej, and I’ll maybe consider holding ur hand. 😘

The mocaccino incarnate drags his hand over his face in irritation. Why was he asking you again? Oh, right, you were actually more tolerable than the squad you liked to hang around. And also Jemmy was still too sick to help him out.

You: Will you be serious for once, [F/Name]? I’m in a tight spot.

You rolled your eyes as your fluffy haired friend described the situation to you. He lamented over how he had to take care of James while he was swamped with papers for his major and his part-time gig at a local online publication.  

You: So you’re basically asking me to be a ghostwriter for a ghostwriter? 👀 👀

MacNCheezy: Yes, [F/Name], that’s exactly what I’m asking you to do.

You: What do I get out of it?

MacNCheezy is typing...

You: I’m kidding, Thomas. Don’t get your hair curlers in a notch. 

You: I know I get $10 for 500 words. I’ll do it. 

You:  But I’m also expecting ice cream and mac and cheese for this.

MacNCheezy: If you wanted a date that badly, you should’ve just asked, sugar. 😏

You: e w, can you not with the emojis, old man? 😩 You trying to be cool is just... sad. 😔

MacNCheezy: Just give the article to me in 3 or so hours, or you’re not getting ice cream. 

MacNCheezy: I hear the parlor down the street is having two-scoop Tuesday and it would be a terrible shame for us to miss it.

You: I can get ice cream on my own, ya kno

MacNCheezy: I know for a fact you like being treated to free ice cream because you’re broke, [F/Name].

You: di s gu st i ng. You exploit my weakness for free food.

MacNCheezy: See you in 3 or so hours, sweetheart. 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 ☺️ 😊 😇 🙂 🙃 😉 😌 😍 😘 😗 😙 😚 😋 😜 😝 😛🤑 🤗  😎 🤡 🤠 😏 

You: s T O p 😫😤

It’s been two hours since you’ve been click-clacking away on your laptop, and after agreeing with yourself that you’ve written a decent first draft, you decided to take a break. Drawing one knee up to your chest, you pulled up your web browser and logged onto your Facebook.

Alenhamner Cameltoe: yo [N/Name]!

You: sup non stop kids bop

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I just thought of something

You: wooooah there slow down don’t hurt urself Alex

Alenhamner Cameltoe: Blatantly ignoring that comment fueled by self-hate

I realized why they changed the plot of Anastasia for the stage play.

You: Uh... they did?

Alenhamner Cameltoe: They did.

Rasputin isn't the villain. It's Ramin Karimloo as a violent Bolchevik.

You: huh. Why’d they do that?

Alenhamner Cameltoe: Because...

In the animation, and this was okay for the 90s, right?

Rasputin hates the Tzar over a power struggle so he casts some magic to make the people unhappy and revolt so they kill the Romanovs.

Basically the entire Russian Revolution is because a wizard got mad.

Not because of oppression. Not because of Imperialism..

But because a wizard got mad.

You stared at the screen in slight amusement. Looks like Alex was in his rant days. (You also suspected he was hopped up on several cups of coffee, but you’d let John worry about that.) You shook your head and clicked back to your word document to begin proofreading your piece. You’ll just let him continue to flood your inbox and read over it when he’s done.

After a few minutes of complete silence sans the clacking of your keyboard, you finally realized Alexander had finished telling his story. You read over your piece to make sure it was to your satisfaction before maneuvering back to Facebook.

Alenhamner Cameltoe: So it paints the Romanovs as the heroic victims of this story.

Nowhere does it mention why they were killed and what atrocities were comitted by the aristocracy on the Russian working class.

The plot actually won't hold up today.

Today's audiences wouldn't actually approve of a story like that.

... also you get awesome historical reference lyrics like this.

LINK

The original animation, if released today would be criticized for historical revisionism.

The link opened to another site. You didn’t bother checking the url because it was probably a lyric site or youtube, so you casually scrolled through your newsfeed while it loaded.

A couple of cat videos and a bunch of overused memes later, you found yourself switching to the fully loaded tab.

Boy, you wish you hadn’t because what the fuck.

On your screen sat an anthropomorphic t u r t l e in a very suggestive pose giving you very real, very unnerving bedroom eyes. Chills ran up and down your spine as you checked the url, horrified at learning it was a fucking furry site. 

What the fuck, Alexander.

Hastily, you clicked out of that website before going back to your chatbox. You rechecked the site he gave you, wondering if you somehow misclicked. But no, there the link was, bright as day. To a fucking porn site for furries.

You: WhaT thE fU c K, Ha  mi lt o n

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I KNOW RIGHT?! 

The play might be even better than the animation! 

Wait, what am I talking about? Of course the play is already better by comparison because it plays to a more historically accurate context.

You stared at the screen in confusion. Wait, so... he wasn’t pranking you...? Then that meant...

You: yo if yall wanna be furries das fine w me

Alenhamner Cameltoe: Huh?

You: but keep your porn away from me

Alenhamner Cameltoe: ???

!!!!!!!!!

WAIT NO

THAT’S FURRY PORN

REAL LINK

THIS IS ANASTASIA

You: yo I won’t judge ur weird sexual fetishes, boi. Just make sure it’s safe, sane, and consensual.

Alenhamner Cameltoe: NO!!!

NO THAT’S NOT MINE!

THAT’S A PRANK I PLAYED ON JOHN

GOD DAMN IT I RUINED MY HISTORICAL REVISIONISM RANT

You: L M A O

Greatest fails

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I was trying to gross him out for leaving his goddamned turtles out of the cage again.

You: congrats. you only played yourself. 😂 

Anyway I gotta go furry boi, Thomas owes me ice cream and mac and cheez

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I’M NOT A FURRY

THAT WAS FOR JOHN!

FOR JO H N !

Cackling madly, you logged off of Facebook. You pulled up your email account and forwarded your finished article to Thomas. Eh, you didn’t bother to proofread it a last time because you knew Thomas would be anal enough to go through it and edit it himself.

ItsKittenBitch: It is I, your savior, telling you that I have sent the feature to your email and demand compensation.

ItsKittenBitch: Now get off your ass and get ready for our date before I change my mind, old man. JemBuns will understand.

Thomas’ triumphant smirk melted into a fond smile as he pocketed his phone, handing James a fresh box of kleenex before getting ready.