#i started it because i wanted to make people that can't afford commission's a chance to get a drawing of their things for free

[0deltakhan0]

I have four more the last two are siblings you can draw them together. The first one is Pumpkin Spice Cookie. The next one is Pure Rosebud Cookie. The last two are Black Rose Cookie and White Rose Cookie you can tell who is who.

Hmmm... Fine (;-_-)ノ but I'm only doing those in October when it's over I'm not doing more requests until next October

[sanctus-ingenium]

we need to talk about Inprnt.com

Following a really good post with more screenshots and evidence by @dynasoar5 i'm going to talk about my own experiences with @inprnt and why I am about to put my shop on indefinite hiatus from Monday the 14th of August.

First of all I'll say that since starting my print shop last year it has been a significant help to me financially - I was able to not worry about affording car insurance or motor tax (together commonly over a thousand euro) when I bought my first car, for example. I am immeasurably grateful to anyone who chose to buy one and I treasure all the pictures I've been sent of my prints hanging up on people's walls. Right now they are displayed in a real (if small) art exhibition in my home town.

(top right print is not from inprnt though)

They're great prints. Never had any complaints about them. But here's what's going on behind the scenes.

Earlier this year, around March or April, Inprnt sales started increasing in regularity. I'd made as much as $600 a week during previous sales when I made proper promo posts here, but with this increase in regularity, I felt that I couldn't make promo posts every single week. And then one day, I'm not sure when tbh, the sale just never ended. It just didn't stop having that "Ending soon! 15% off your order" banner at the top of the site. Right now it says "Final Hours: $5 Worldwide shipping and save up to 35% off your order!" and not even for a second do I believe in this final hours bullshit. It's been 'final hours' for weeks now. Months, even.

Why is this a problem? Well, how tf am I meant to make a promo post for a sale that is always "ending soon!!" and then never ends. One week it'll say "this weekend only!!" and then when the weekend is over, the sale banner just changes its wording and the sale doesn't end. I can't promo this, it makes me look like a liar and a skeevy salesman by association! It makes the site look like it's 1 week from crashing and burning, and the site owners are just scrabbling to suck as much money from artists as possible before they drown.

And they are sucking money from us. To peel back the curtain, Inprnt money can only be transferred to my paypal account 30 days after the sale is made, just in case the order is cancelled and refunded. This means I used to make one withdrawal every couple of months, when there was enough build-up of money to make it worthwhile. It also forbids withdrawing any sum under $50 btw. I would make a withdrawal request and then, after a 10 business day wait, it would reach my Paypal account.

Not anymore! The past few withdrawals have taken over a month to complete. They are straight up keeping my earnings from me for longer the agreed period. This was my last fulfilled withdrawal:

Note the date.

Almost two months.

And here is the latest withdrawal request that still has not been fulfilled.

It's coming up on 1 month and if the pattern continues, it could literally be November or December by the time I fully clear all sales.

So what's going to happen to my print shop? Because my art is currently being exhibited with a QR code linking to the shop, I can't close the shop this week. Instead I will close it on Monday the 14th of August, next week. That means that on the 14th of September, I can withdraw all of the remaining money without having any left over. My account balance will go to 0 and stay there. Although I'll de-list my prints I will leave my account there, because at the end of the day I don't want to leave Inprnt. It still offers the best artist margins and as I'm now unemployed after graduating, the additional support is such a load off my mind. So this is a chance to wait and see - if they improve their services, I'll happily re-open.

It's a big deal to me because selling prints is sort of my ideal life as an artist. I never had the attention span or self-discipline for commission work and I found that it left me creatively stagnant. I always want to try new things, new concepts and ideas, and being able to think "yeah, people will like this as a print" while I experiment is honestly very reassuring. And I know that in going on hiatus, it'll break a lot of "buy a print" links in my circulating posts. Oh well lmao. If you want to buy a print right now - go ahead, it might be your last opportunity. Another way to support me would be to check out my ko-fi for once-off donations or some nice sketchbooks/comics/book samples you can buy, or subscribing to my Patreon.

As of right now, Inprnt owes me $381 (the unfulfilled request submitted above for $186.60 and my current standing balance of $194.80 which takes 30 days from each transaction to clear).

[millenniumdueled]

hey I know there's already so many posts going around d asking for help so I feel really disgusting doing this again, I feel like I don't deserve it when other people are suffering too but im

drowning

I had to call in to work Wednesday and call our emoloyee help line because I was feeling so suicidal over financial stress and now I'm once again unable to stop crying. I just got the paycheck that I was leeching off of during my time off and

I can't afford to pay my rent. I'm $200 short even after taking my savings down to the minimum of $300 I have to maintain to not get charged a fee. I have less than $2 in my emergency checking.

I don't really expect anyone to help. it's my own fault for using time off work as an excuse to go to the bar one night and to eat out twice and I knew damn well I had no business doing either of them I just got caught up wanting to go out since my mental health has been really, really bad and I've been really, painfully unhappy every single day. I hadn't gone out since emo night in February and I don't know how to make irl friends without going places that cost money. I'm so lonely and depressed I just really wanted a chance to make a friend and get to spend time with someone in person again. and I did, I had a great night and played pool and made a friend and we're planning to meet up again but

it feels so much like it wasn't worth it and I knew I didn't deserve to go out and have that fun and I did it anyway

I'm rambling but owning my own mistakes and actions is important to me. I want to be honest that I didn't get fucked over with bills, I did something stupid and selfish and ungrateful and spent almost $100 during a week off work just for funsies. it's why I hate hate hate HATE myself for having to ask for help. I should have to suffer the consequences of my actions so I don't do it again

I have a hair appointment this month I'm already going to have to cancel because I can't afford it. and that's fine, even though it means risking being blacklisted by the only hair salon I've ever not been disappointed or traumatized by

but with student loan repayment starting up again very soon, I can't. empty my savings. I can't lose my entire next paycheck transferring it early to pay my rent.

I can't take any commissions. I have one big one I've been putting off since January bc I'm scared of starting it and it never being good enough. I've been working on another "simple" commission for a month. I don't want to make promises that I can't keep. maybe in the future I can take some more, but I'm not even entertaining the option until I finish what I started.

my pay pal is @MRheuble and venmo is @jupitertrash, or I have tips set up on my personal blog

[theoldaeroplane]

jouwnaling

had a really, really nice day yesterday, was just in a lovely mood all day. I think it may have been related to the fact I did not get high the night before, so I'm going to try to test that theory and dial my usage down. I really enjoy weed and think it has a lot of benefits, especially for neurodivergent folk, but I'm recognizing that I used it as a way to cope with my situations last year. I'd like to wean myself off it a bit and be more present now that my life is starting to not suck. Still gonna keep it around for fun and really bad ruminating though. Weed makes it so much easier for me to hang out with people in person for a long time, and to go into overstimulating spaces.

Been having tons of fun rotating my version of Link in my brain for Antebellum (the WIP name of my LoZ fic). He has so many problems. He is a dumb motherfucker. I'm also consciously putting a lot of things I've been struggling with into this story, both to process them for myself and to give the fic, you know, that extra layer of authenticity, relatability? It's nice, I'm excited to be excited again. I'm gonna fuck up that elf boy so bad.

Had my second yoga class last night, it was nice. I'm not sure if I can afford to keep going but I'm going to try to. In a way it feels silly to pay for something I could technically do for free at home with a YouTube video, but I think the atmosphere makes a significant enough difference to be worth paying for.

Finally made a vet appointment for the dog. She needs her shots and I can't put off the fact she needs dental surgery any longer.

I really, really need to reopen commissions, but I still feel burned out on art. I'm trying to make some adoptables and YCHs as a middle ground. Haven't had a lot of success there yet. That said, I've been putting a lot of my energy into cleaning up my house and taking care of myself. The house is coming along really well, and hopefully soon I'll have it leveled out enough to make it a nicer space for my creative endeavors.

I applied for another job this week, one totally out of my field and experience: house cleaning. It's not something I'd ever considered, but I found the listing by chance and it occurred to me that a job where I just clean and listen to podcasts sounds like heaven. Especially for my autistic ass. No constant stream of customers. No dress shirts. No repeatedly explaining terms and price sheets. Just show up and clean. I'm sure such a job has its own frustrations (hard on the body, exceptionally gross houses, telling people when something is not in my job description, driving a lot), but, like. My current job---while I genuinely like a lot of the work, and I really love my boss and coworkers---the customer service aspect is killing me, the dress code brings back bad memories, and even though I'm working full time (over full time, even, I'm there 8:30-5 because I take a thirty minute lunch break) I'm not making enough to fully support myself. I keep getting sent home early because there's nothing for me to do, and my boss is only a regional manager and has been very forthcoming with the fact I am already at the absolute highest end of the payscale for my position without taking on more responsibilities.

The fact that I can be working full time and still have to rely on a side hustle, and even THEN can't put anything aside for savings, is awful. I can't do more hours, I can't take on more responsibilities, and I can't get a second job. Any of those things would seriously compromise my mental health and I have to take care of myself. I've always dreaded it when I'm asked to take on more responsibilities at my jobs. I don't want advancement, I don't want to manage anyone (I can barely manage myself!), I don't give a shit what my title is. I want to do my work really well, get paid, and go home.

And the cleaning job, at the absolute lowest end, still pays about 5k more per year than my current position.

So, currently, yeah, housecleaning sounds like a dream job. Show up. Clean. Leave. Repeat. The company in question also has glowing employee reviews on Glassdoor, with the worst things being "could pay better" and "sometimes there's favoritism." I don't have any qualms about """being a maid""" on like a social level or whatever. I like the idea that I would be making a tangible difference for individuals, instead of printing out hundreds of advertising mailers that are going to go directly into the trash. I finding cleaning very satisfying. I like the idea of not sitting around bored because there's no customers and nothing to do and I'm not allowed to have my phone out, and then getting sent home early so I miss out on half my pay for that day. And so much less masking! My god! It sounds like paradise!

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but sometimes that's because it really is better grass.

So. Hoping to hear back about that soon. I filled out a questionnaire thing for them yesterday that seemed like it was basically checking to see if I was a narcissistic sociopath or not. I have a weekend without any Special Events happening for the first time in like a month, just my tabletop games and my volunteer work. My clothes and bedding are all washed, I got most of the dog piss smell out of the carpet from when I was too exhausted to take her out often enough, and I cut my hair. I have a writing project again. I've been making new friends and reconnecting with old ones. I adore going out to the barn every saturday. My therapist says I'm doing really, really well. Everything's coming up Corgi, for now. Fingers crossed :)

[for-the-love-of-javert]

Hello, not to seem rude, but I feel like your posting of AI generated "art" could be incredibly offensive to actual artists who worked for their skills. I understand that you wish to see those pictures and are unable to draw them but maybe next time you could commission an artist? I'm sorry if this seems disrespectful but I feel most artists dislike AI because it removes the realness behind the art and while it's easier to get what you want it's like cheating. I did see that you said your art skills aren't the best which is why you don't draw the images yourself but maybe you could practice more if you have time and post any pictures you make then on here instead of using AI. <33

I don't post a lot of ai pics not like I used to and when I did it was because I'd nly just started using it. At the moment I'm literally posting one a day and not even every day. As I said previously I will get practice in with my own drawing as and when I have the time and am in the right frame of mind to do it.

It is so I'm told possible to filter out tags on tumblr so you could try that. I'm not trying to take away any other artists work but those pics are posted for fun and I also post one or two ai pics in the fanfics I write. I do intend once my own drawing improves (I do work and look after my elderly mother, have a house to clean and meals to cook etc) to use my own art but in the mean time I use ai images.

Not every pic or even most of the pics I post on my blog are AI. I post a lot of screenshots too. I do also post my drawings but I'm currently not happy enough to use them for my fanfics. I do struggle drawing people.

Just to clarify since you did suggest commissioning an artist to create illustrations for me, doesn't commissioning an artist mean paying the artist to do the work? If so that is something I can't afford to do.

Also the Valvert pics I'm posting almost daily atm are specifically for pride month. I don't usually ship Valvert thought I have written and published one chapter of what will be a two chapter valvert story which again was done because it's pride month.

However back to the matter at hand, try filtering out the tags. I currently use the tags, 'ai generated javert images' and also the 'ai generated valvert pics' tags.

You will see les of the ai pics on my blog when pride month is over probably until halloween unless my drawing skills improve before then. I can't currenly think of any kind of month being marked for any reason (like pride month) after June that I'll be making ai pics of so they will be solely for my fanfics after this months is over.

Now I have watched a few adaptations of Les Mis and got screenshots I will try and use some screenshots as well if I can find any suitable. But I do like creating ai pics for situations that aren't canon and that could be fun situations like the one I posted today.

I am working on my own drawing skills so please be patient with me. I hadn't done any drawing for many years until a month (or two) ago so I was way out of practice and still need to find the style that works best for me. But the ai generated pics will be temporary and not for the long term. I don't use ai with the intention of making anyone uncomfortable or taking anything away from other artists and would like to apologise to anyone who takes issue with it. There's every chance I will find something different to ai to try out and thus I'll get bored with the ai generator. Every so often my brain gets bored with certain things (I'm the same with certain foods) and moves onto a new novelty.

[meowcifer-nails]

Commission prices & changes going forward

During the last six months or so, I've been trying to find a job after losing my previous one. It has been a struggle, also because I don't own a car, and it seems most employers here just don't want to even bother considering someone if they can't drive.

My plan was to work a few months to save up money for school expenses, as I am going to start a professional school in a few months (the initial cost was already paid for, with the help of my family) , and then focus on only doing commissions, and items for Etsy, both for a little extra income and as a hobby.

Unfortunately, I am coming to the conclusion that I am very unlikely to find a job before September. For it to be even worth it, I would have to start immediately or almost immediately, since I'd have to leave it in September in order to attend school. I don't want to give up on school, since it is my chance to get a qualification for the type of career I want to pursue. It is a school that gives a valid a qualification to be able to work in salons, as a nail tech (and also other related professions). For now I am almost self-taught, hence why I only work on press-on nails.

The fact I have to almost surely give up on finding a job means, aside from previous savings, the only money I can rely on is what I get from commissions and online sales.

Consequently, I cannot keep my prices as low as I have so far. I will try not to raise them dramatically, but up until now my starting prices for press-on nails and/or charms and miniature portraits have been as low as €20 for the most basic options.

To be entirely transparent with you, that's basically just enough to cover for materials. It was fine as long as it was supposed to be a side thing/almost more of a hobby, as that meant I'd get the funds to keep it up, charging more for my more complicated commissions but still keeping the prices as low as possible.

Now, knowing I need this income to pay for as much of my expenses as possible since my savings won't last forever, "just enough to cover for materials" isn't gonna cut it. I am sorry if this means my work will be less affordable and less people may be able to access it, I would like to be able to not worry about profit at all, but that is simply impossible at the moment.

This is why, in the next days, you'll likely see me update my commission sheets and change them to reflect the new prices. I'll also probably change the sheets up a bit just because when I first made them it was my first experience with this sort of commissions, and I think I can make them a bit more efficient and hopefully clearer.

[weathered-canvas]

All of this and more. I ubered and was ubered up to like, mid Dreams, for the chance to hang out with my friends to make the grind enjoyable. Little shitposty in-character comments, the "wait what realm's next I gotta change ro match!", and etc.

The afk system ruined that. Also, a lot of people are on older phones - in the summer my poor android galaxy s7 just can't run sky longer than 20min or so! Which means if I want more than 5 candles... I have to plot out 3-5 sky sessions throughout my day. As a person raising juvenile livestock that's nearly impossible. I had to give up after getting the first ult for Remembrance, and I've managed none of the quests because my phone overheated before it was time.

I don't want to have to segment my day around a game that I already took one hiatus from (SoTLP). The game really truly only holds my interest for the first few weeks of a season and then it's gone again - I've been here since Enchantment and outside of idle sightseeing of my favorite places (I like to revisit the ark, windpaths, and sunny forest) there's... nothing I want to do anymore.

Speaking of seasons - I won't have a pass this upcoming season because my friend who supplies lost their job. Skyblr is flooded with pass commissions and trades at the start of seasons because of the number of F2P people (and I am amongst them). The pass system is, to me, bullshit. Everything but the ults comes back - why not just make it so F2P get the 6 candles a day rate passholders can get and the ults available to anyone who can afford everything to get the hearts? Yes, this means more grinding, but at least we'd have the chance without relying on others.

I also truly hate the wedge system. My brain stops being inclined to continue to grind at around 7 candles because it remembers it's a long haul going forward. I want the old system back, where you could get candles simply as fast as you can find wax, and you can probably get 35 candles in a true/100% run these days.

TGC has set up sky to wither until only the financially comfortable whales bother playing.

decided to refine a previous post on why exactly I believe sky children of light is a failed MMO. 

In this, let’s think of time as money; in a way, you’re making an investment choice when you choose to play the game, let alone when you choose to actively buy things from it. You could be playing xyz other games, or doing other things.

And in that case… what is there even to invest in? 

The gameplay loop is very grindy, and it’s not exactly fun in any way. Most MMOs have games (think a kiddy website) or a raiding aspect (think WoW) that they focus on to varying degrees, even if it’s just a way of earning in game currency/items. 

Sky doesn’t really… have that. Calling the quests a game is stretching it; it’s just “go to locations A, B, C, and D” most of the time, which isn’t exactly fun. Each season, the season-based quests are interesting, but again not very engaging as far as gameplay/challenge goes outside of Prophecy, and add roughly 30 minutes of content every 2ish months. 

The game is well crafted for a person to spend a month-ish on it, exploring and doing all the main quests, doing Eden once or twice, and then being done with it. What is there to stay for? The primary answer is your friends, but the ways of socializing in this game are extremely limited, primarily due to the aforementioned lack of engaging content (minigames/raids/etc). 

I personally realized at some point when I was considering letting a bot grind candles for me and not play otherwise that maybe playing this game just wasn’t fun. The cosmetics are just cosmetics, and often ridiculous prices, and the seasonal stuff comes back anyways for the most part, which really lowers incentive to buy it. I bought stuff for exclusive items and to give some money to TGC, but those items stopped being exclusive (you’re basically paying $10 for just the end items and to get them early if you’re a long term player) and the money doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, what with the small and clunky design of the new seasonal areas (30-60 mins of content + some clunky design choices that leads to areas never being visited again except for lights, such as lack of wax in Abyss and why isn’t the stage a passive wax area???). 

I think when you’re a new player, Sky is really fun. It’s a very beautiful and impressive game, and giving it a playthrough like Journey is just perfect. But as an MMO, as something you hypothetically could dump a lot of time into over months, years? I think it’s a failure; there’s not enough there. I only stayed because I wanted it to eventually be good, because it became habit… but a majority of people will trickle off just as I have. 

tl;dr/conclusion: Sky doesn’t really have anything that makes it worth staying, let alone buying, and I believe this lack of engaging content will lead to it dying a slow death. 

[petite-madame]

Hello! I hope you're having a good day and I'm not bothering you. You are an amazing artist and you always seem so nice and down to earth, so I hoped you might have a few words on my problem. I sometimes draw fanart and it's decent enough but I know that if I ever wanted to pursue art, I'd need to work hard on fundamentals. But I'm also struggling with depression and it's now bad enough that I can't imagine a future for myself at all, let alone set a goal to work towards. So I sometimes (1/3)

manage to draw for a day or two and then can’t bring myself to try for weeks, because it’s too difficult and it feels pointless. Everyone says ‘you can do it if you just practice’, and maybe it’s true, but practicing is extremely hard for me. I can’t afford a therapy right now either, so I can’t hope to try when I’m in better mental state. I’m already 30yo and behind everyone else, I worry wanting to do art is just a waste of time and I should focus on whatever job I can get instead (2/3)   of chasing impossible dreams. And if I draw just for myself, it feels like I’m wasting time. So of course it’s a personal issue and I understand if you won’t answer! I get how it’s a weird question! But I’m really at a loss, and need some objective opinion. If it’s even worth trying to become an illustrator, if the work is something possible to reach, when I know it would take me much longer than other people to even get on higher skill level? (3/3)    

Hi anon!

Sorry about the late reply, I wanted to take the time to answer you properly! Let’s go ^^

You always seem so niceand down to earth

Yeah, but that was before: Iwant things to change, so from now on, I want to be called “Your Majesty”. P-m 1of France. New strategy.

Ok, joke aside, forstarters, I want to tell you that the advice I’m going to give you will be the one of a random Joe on the Internet. I’m an illustrator yes, but I’m still a random Joe. In other words,I’m not a psychologist or someone who has any training with depression even ifI suffer from depression myself. I mean, it’s not because someone has a broken legthat they suddenly become an orthopedist and that they can truly help you withyour own condition. They know about the pain and the experience but they won’t be able toheal you properly. So, what I’m going to tell you is just my two cents on your problem from what Igathered from your asks.

Alright, I think thereare several things to unpack here.

I can’t imaginea future for myself at all, let alone set a goal to work towards

Depression. -____- I thought Iwas going to die before turning 32. I couldn’t believe it when I celebrated my 32th birthdayso like you, I didn’t have any goal because “I won’t exist in the futureanyway”

First, you have to understandthat to become an illustrator, age is somehow not a problem. I started when Iwas about 34 and I was working in a completely different field before that. In addition of having the skills, youhave to be ready financially and emotionally, that’s the most importantcriteria. It doesn’t matter if you had another job/career before becoming aprofessional artist, as you seemed to think that having a job not related to art willprevent you from becoming an illustrator in the future. Even if you work as anartist from the age of 40 to, let’s say 65, it’s already not so bad. I mean lookat Stallone. Back in the 1970s, Sylvester Stallone was a dirt-poor strugglingactor and screenwriter, who at one point couldn’t even afford rent and had tofind places where to sleep. But it all changed when Sylvester was THIRTY and hisscript for Rocky was picked up with him attached in the lead role.

Also, whereyou are lucky is that your dream of becoming an illustrator is more reachablethan let’s say, someone you want to become a K-pop star at 55 (no need to giveme THE example of the only exception on this planet who became a K-pop star at55, you know what I mean). TLDR: if you need to have a job right now, any job,do it. It’s not going to lessen your chances to reach your dream. It can giveyou the opportunity to save some money and give you some time to prepare toyour future life. BUT, let’s face it, there will be a time where you’ll have tofind the courage to take the leap.You can’t spend your life getting ready…to get ready. I KNOW it’s hard.

(…) I sometimes drawfanart and it’s decent enough

Hmmm. USUALLY, peoplewith depression tend not to have a real image of  their work. You’remaybe seeing it as decent but certainly, it’s MORE than good. Don’t underestimate your talent!

So I sometimesmanage to draw for a day or two and then can’t bring myself to try for weeks(…) Everyone says ‘you can do it if you just practice’, and maybe it’s true,but practicing is extremely hard for me.

From the way I see it,you need more motivation than you need practice. If you have zero motivationthat is to say zero things to fuel your inspiration_your world as an artist,this incredible inner landscape where you dig ideas_your practice will bemostly pointless. I’m saying “mostly” because any practice is good from a “gaining skills” point of view, it’s not awaste of time, but if the result of the practice makes you even more depressed, makes you lose confidence, it’s not healthy. 

To break this circle, whatyou could do, in my opinion, is trying to get involved for instance, inprojects like fandom challenges. It will give you the opportunity to draw the characters you love andcollaborate with someone. People outside the fandom are sometimes laughing atall these events, challenges, Big Bangs, prompt memes (on LJ) but you have to have acertain discipline to engage in something like this. If the thought of adeadline is too difficult for you, you could start working with a friend on acollaborative project and if even this eventuality is too hard for you, you cantry to work on a project alone, like for instance, thisart student that illuminated a copy of the Silmarillion.(ok maybe not THIS big but you got the idea). With your depression, if you try to seat at your desk and practice, practice,practice just for the sake of practicing, it’s gonna drive you mad andreinforce the idea that you’re not good enough to become an illustrator (oreven not good enough at anything). Finding the right project that can motivateyou will make you work and practice without even realizing it (if you don’t puttoo much pressure on your shoulders, of course, but yes, I know, easier saidthan done). And NO, unlike what you said_“And if I draw just for myself, itfeels like I’m wasting time”_it’s NOT a waste of time because it will be auseful practice for your future life as an illustrator. A USEFUL practice,something that will motivate you, “sparks joy” as Marie Kondo would say. You’llgain in focus, confidence, you’ll become progressively a bit prouder of yourself.Of course, you’ll always have self-doubt (like a lot of artists, we are “our harshercritics”, remember?) but at least, these doubts won’t be enough to paralyze youand prevent you from practicing, progressing, having less stress and contemplatewith more confidence your future as an illustrator…or even realizing that it’snot for you, after all, because there’s no shame in that realizing that what was yourdream was maybe not for you, not because you’re not solid or good enough for that butbecause it’s better if it stays a hobby.

However, as you wanted a “real talk”, let me tell you something. If you want to become an illustrator,you’ll have to be able to face the life of an illustrator, ALL OF IT, not onlyart. Managing your schedule, your clients, being able to stand for yourselfwhen confronted to a problem (people refusing to pay you, entitled customers,disease), having an irregular income (you’ll have a lot of money some months andnot a lot the next), going out of your comfort zone, knowing how to manage yourtaxes, etc…That’s the problem: being an illustrator is not only about art anddrawing, it’s about being your own artistic agent 24/7. What you can do to be SURE,it’s maybe in a few months from now, after you managed to motivate yourself abit more and that you did some progress without even realizing it because yourcollaboration with your friends kicked asses, is taking commissions and see howyou can handle it. It’s a good training. Check how it works when itcomes to taxes in your country beforehand, though. You’ll have a foretaste of what being anillustrator is and it will be a good practice for you.

Ok, so long story short:1) becoming an illustrator is not an unreachable dream, even to someone with depression and/or a constant fear of the future but it requires dedicationand preparation. It’s also not incompatible with having a job in a differentfield before or even starting at thirty-five -  2) You have to find a way to make your motivationand your inspiration come back by being involved in a project that you willlove. With friends, it’s even better. Motivation and inspiration are the key, before everything - 3) Built a support system (family, friends,even friends online) that will help you when you feel down.

Having someone to talk to is important

4) Taking baby steps: from fandom projects with a friend to fandom challenges with a deadline to commissions to a job as a professional illustrator. You can’t do the Indianapolis 500-Mile Raceright after obtaining your driving license. However, it doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to run it!

Voilà, it’s all I can tell you, sorry about all the grammar mistakes and the typos, I’m sure there are tons of them.

I hope you’ll get better and that you’ll manage to reach your dream or at least a life where you are happy, fulfilled, even if you don’t become a pro artist. I also hope you’ll manage to do something about your depression and that you’ll find in your area free resources (hot line, help) that will help you with this problem. Good luck to you, it’s not an unreachable dream!              

[darkanddirtyknb]

ACCOUNT INFORMATION

an update and a couple of questions...

Hey loves! I'm going to be throwing a lot at you so please bear with me but I have a lot of important things to note in this update and I'm going to need your help. First and foremost, to address what has been the number one question and concern I've been asked lately—that would of course be the recent news about Tumblr and what they're going to be doing with this blog. So far, I haven't received any messages or emails flagging my blog but with what some people are being flagged for, I'm far from convinced that this blog is safe. That being said, I'm not shutting it down and I'm going to hope that it's able to stay up. I have all of my stories backed up so nothing will be lost regardless. Now, for what I'd like from you guys. A lot of different avenues have been tossed around regarding where people are going from here. I've head a lot of people saying they're going to switch to Pillowfort and Dreamwidth. I'm a bit skeptical to go on A03 but I'll do it for you guys. However, I want to hear your suggestions—let me know which platform you'd like me to go to so you can still read my works. I might not post as much as I used to but I'll be damned if I give up now after I've worked so hard to keep going.

For the second part of this I want to talk about something that I've been mulling over for a while. I don't have all of the details worked out yet but I wanted to get your thoughts and takes on it before I really hammered everything out. But before I get into the details, I want to fill you in on a couple of things first. As you know, I'm unable to work due to my health ailments as of right now and I am not on any kind of assistance so funds are really tight. The only income I have is the money I earn from commissions. With all of my medications and monthly living expenses I can't even say that I'm making it—I'm just dealing with whatever comes at me because I don't have a choice. My grandma willed me her car and it's just sitting in my parent's driveway because I can't afford to get the title transferred and I most definitely can't afford the monthly fee it'll take to keep it insured. I have to rely on my family to get me to all of my appointments and I hate that I have to burden them with it all the time but I've had to sell every car I've ever owned because I can't afford to maintain them. I spoke to someone today about seeing an autonomic specialist and somehow, by some miracle, they will see me—which is great news but I can't be seen until November 7th of next year. Obviously that won't help me right now. I had an appointment with my rheumatologist several days ago and she prescribed me two new medications. The one I can get over-the-counter for $30-$60 dollars. The other one, my insurance won't cover. It's a compound medication and the only one in its class so it's costly and it makes things really limited for me. You can't even get this medication at regular pharmacies. It has to be sent to your home. It's $100 for a 90-day prescription. I don't know how I'm supposed to afford that when I can't even make ends meet now—but my doctor seems to feel that it will really help me. If I do have some kind of autonomic disorder, depending on what it is, if I don't start treating it my time here could be limited. It doesn't have to be and I'm by no means saying that I'm dying but there is a chance that if things are more severe than what we currently know, it could lead to some really bad things for me. That being said, what I want to talk to you about is an idea that struck me the other day. I would still like to write commissions for anyone who wants one and most of what I do now wouldn't change. However, I would like to try and get three people to “sign up” for recurring commissions. What I mean by this is, I would write a 2k-3k story for you every month and you would pay $20-$30 each month at a designated time. We would work out the due dates for both parties and it would be kind of like a monthly subscription. I know some people are going to wonder why I'm not just setting up a Patreon but I would like to do this my own way without outside commitments. Of course, you could discuss changes with me at any time and opt-out if you no longer want to be a part of it. Like I said, I haven't drawn up any details yet but I wanted to know what kind of response I would get before I took the time out to do so. As stated previously, I would like to keep this particular option down to around three people to start so I'm still able to write for others. It would just make for more solid income for me. If you have any thoughts or ideas, or anything you'd like to suggest I do in regards to this, please reach out to me. If you'd be interested, I'd like to know. Nothing will be started now. This is just so I can get a feel for what options I have. If you have any questions, please message me!

As for the blog, please let me know what you want me to do. Whatever platform ends up being the most requested is probably where I'll go. If you want to follow me on Twitter so you can stay in touch with me I'm @burnintothewick. If you want to talk to me about commissions or you don't have a Twitter, my email is skinflowersandwolfteeth@gmail.com. I'm sorry if this has been all over the place but I'm trying to get everything out into this message before I forget what I want to say. Thanks for your love and support, as always. Love, Kai!

[vibc-png]

New Commission Prices

Hello! My name is Veronica, I'm an anime artist, and recently I have been running a bit low on money. I currently can't work because of some issues that I can't get into right now, and even if I could work, my scoliosis would bring me down.

I go to college and soon I may have to drive to college (we are currently online), though I still need to drive around to help my family with errands and that's worth a lot of gas money, especially with California's prices of $4-6 per gallon :(

I recently made my commissions half off because I realized maybe the prices I had them at were too high for the quality my work is at. So I'm starting small again, but not so small that it's not worth it and I'm overworking myself. I might even open up simpler commissions that will be cheaper.

Here is a link to my commission sheet!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1y1pl_ViADblJuBu76mFkdL-4Vy6OzupCeMTQ7yy4PQ8/edit?usp=drivesdk

If you don't have google docs on your device or it doesn't run smoothly, here are the new prices!

Full body: $50 (+$25 per additional character)

Half body: $40 (+$20 per additional character)

Bust up: $30 (+$15 per additional character)

Hopefully these prices are more affordable!

If you don't have money for a commission but want to help out, you can reblog this post or recommend me to people looking for commissions :)

I will not be lowering my prices any further. I don't want to rely on the financial aid I signed up for because there's always that chance it can be taken away for any reason at all. I also don't want to rely on my family because they have their own bills they have to worry about.

This is the only way I can make money so if you can help in ANY way, it's appreciated :)

[a-private-place]

So, it's been a really really long time since I last posted here. I just kind of... started saying a lot of the gloomy stuff on my main blog

I'm sure there's a good chance the few of you still around kind of forgot you were following this (not as in you forgot about me, as in just we tend to forget stuff when it goes of the radar for years). So no obligation to stick around or read all this, though you're welcome to if you want. Really in many ways this was always just a journal that had the advantage of maybe someone hearing it

As for what's been going on and why I'm back, I'll put most of it under a break, but here's the summary. Things are going much better for me, but I'm still suicidal and depressed because that's just probably how I always will be. It is better though

The stuff I'm about to post isn't exactly horrible stuff or anything, it's just things that are a little more honest about how I'm feeling than I want to share on my main blog. I just... as much as I'm myself there, I can't take letting the mask slip enough to say it, and I've decided here... fine, I need to say it so here will work

If I happen to discreetly mention this on my main blog, and you know me directly that's fine. I just can't bring myself to be totally open in that space, I'd be happy enough to have the people I know know this stuff

Anyway... man I suck at keeping it short, here comes the break though

Well, a few years ago with a lot of help from my dad financially (which if I'm honest I feel guilty about), I found this wonderful place 50 miles from anything in any direction, and because of that it was only $90k, which I could barely afford

It's this amazing former hotel in this town of like... 150 people, and it needs a lot of work but the worst of it tends to be like... the basement door is a mess, huge gap under it that's an insulation nightmare, and I've found a few mice that I have to take far a way to release that that's the number one suspect for where they get in

I don't really have any money, so fixing stuff is gonna fall on me, but... I don't know what I'm doing and it's hard to get started. I'm slowly working on it, but I'm nowhere near as productive as I'd like

I took up woodworking a bit before I got the house, I like it a lot. I actually have a huge commission (physically, like it's like 4 feet tall when most of the stuff I do is 8 inches) which has been done since the start of the year, but I've kind of felt too depressed and guilty about how much money I probably should ask for it given the time to took. The commissioner's been really cool though, ideal person to deal with and honestly really helped make the piece great

This isn't it, this is actually a pretty old piece from before I moved, but I don't have a picture of the commission on my desktop so here's an example

I ended up having to let my mom move in with me. I'm not exactly happy about it, but most of the time I manage to put the past out of my mind and then it mostly works. Managed to help her get disability so that's how the bills are covered now that my money all ran out (she spent the last of my money before that happened an my account got closed like $500 in the hole, so... yeah)

Got her horrible trailer totally emptied, still going through stuff here which is hard because... I'm bad at it. I'm good at emergency clean up, just stuff the total trash into a dumpster, and everything else you bag or box fast as can be to give another pass. Haven't been able to make myself do that second pass

It was a nightmare if I'm honest. I got photos, you probably don't want to see them. The place was so badly damaged we didn't get a dime, we got an agent kind enough to ask a contact who repairs stuff to take it as is for free, and that's it

Pandemic didn't effect me cause I never leave my house anyway and I'm in the middle of nowhere. I found out that I've been living like I'm in quarantine my whole like, so that part didn't bother me, but might tell you why I'm so messed up. I don't know

Had enough room that a friend of an acquaintance on here was kicked out during the pandemic and I offered them a place to stay. I won't say it was a bad move, because morally it was probably the right thing, but a year later they're still here. Turns out despite driving cross state their driver's license has been expired 8 years, they're almost more of a fuck up than I am, and... they still don't have a new ID to apply for housing assistance with cause... I don't know, it sucks

As for me, I'm still really depressed a lot of the time, suicidal most days like I used to be. Still can't make myself get a job, mostly cause of the insomnia, and I haven't made the commission end of the woodworking come together yet

I feel pretty horrible about not having an income, really worthless and like a leech, and honestly what I'm really wanting most days is to get this place cleaned up enough (and the person I let live here moved on), and invite this friend I really like who has kind of similar problems stay here. Then I want to get my hands on a gun and blow my brains out, leave the place to her and get my worthless self out of here like I feel would be best

It's fucked up probably, but that's how I feel most days. Oh, and before you say the obvious, I'd love a therapist, but I can't be driving 50 miles for one and all the online ones say I'm too depressed to work with. So uh... just know while that's not great it's stable and I'm still here after many days of feeling that

Worry that I'm feeling that way if you want, probably the wise call, but don't worry about me being in immediate danger

Anyway, bad as that all probably sounds, this is the best I've ever done in my life. Things are more stable than ever before, I have more friends online than I ever used to, I kind of almost have one singular skill for once. It's messed up and I often feel like I don't deserve it, but in some ways I'm one of the best off people in the US right now, which sucks that everyone else is on such shaky ground. Thing is though, I've got no mortgage, and because of that the disability just covers the utilities and groceries (though it's been tight covering my cat's chemo these past few months, it was pretty ok before that)

Well, if you read all this I hope you're doing ok yourself. Good chance we don't know each other really, only like one or two people from my main knew about this one, the rest of you were strangers more or less but I appreciated you

I'm... I'm tired a lot, like an unreasonable amount, but if you ever need to talk, just shoot me a message. Once I'm awake enough I'll be happy to respond. I'm not good at much, but I can listen

Really hope you're doing alright whoever you are. Probably more to come, though... I haven't slept all night and this took longer than I expected and I don't want to slap down some of the feelings that made me want to come back here. I need... I don't know, the right frame of mine

Oh yeah, also been doing Irish the past few years on duolingo. I'm not really able to speak like a child yet, but uh... know a few things in it

Take care