#i should probably also tag maya hunter but nah she's maya hart forever in my hart (badum tsssss)

[leaughrilke]

HI IM HERE FOR REVENGE 15 + rilaya pls

15.  things you said with too many miles between us

find it on:ao3ff.net

It’s one in the morning, Riley’s in London, and Maya can’t sleep.  Can’t shut her brain down enough to stop thinking that she shouldn’t have let her leave the way she did, shouldn’t have left things how they were.

It was stupid to pick a fight, to guilt Riley the way she did just before she was supposed to leave, but—god, Maya doesn’t even know.  Doesn’t have a reason for what she did beyond the hurt that radiates out from her chest when she thinks about how much she missed Riley.  How much she misses her still.

Georgia seemed to get further and further away the longer the year went on; freshman year was hell and her heart was back in New York.  It made sense for Maya to transfer.  It made sense for her to keep it quiet until she knew it was a sure thing.  It made sense for Riley, unaware of these plans, to start planning her own sophomore year.  

Which meant London.  Which meant more time apart, furthered by the internship Riley picked up at Eric’s office in D.C. and the TA position Maya snagged at a private summer school in the city.  Which meant that Maya uprooted what little life she had in Savannah and packed all her shit on her own just to go through the same awful, heart wrenching routine she and Riley managed during the academic year all over again.

It came to a head, finally; it was ugly and messy and Maya regretted everything she said as she said it, but there was no stopping it.  She and Riley’d seen each other for what maybe averaged out to a week and then Riley was going to be gone for a semester, maybe two depending on how it worked out and Maya was tired.  Scared that maybe they weren’t actually different from every other high school couple.  Scared that maybe forever meant something different after spending a year apart.

Mostly, Maya missed Riley.  Missed her so much it felt like she couldn’t breathe, missed her doubly thinking back, to all the nights she spent wishing she could touch her, and forward, to all the time she thought they’d get together.

They left things on a bad note, an uncertain one.  Maya had told Riley to leave; Riley left.  She texted a little later, but Maya was still too raw to respond softly, so she’d left it unread.

She didn’t go to the airport with the Matthews to see Riley off and—

well.  Now she’s in their city, heartsick at how awful she’s been.  It was selfish to pick a fight, to expect Riley to have been as miserable as Maya had been.  Even more selfish to be upset that she hadn’t been.

Maya checks the time.  It’s a little after six in London and Riley will probably be awake.  Just because she didn’t want it to happen doesn’t mean Maya didn’t prepare, didn’t memorize Riley’s schedule and add London’s time zone to her phone.

They haven’t really spoken since Riley left.  They’ve texted here and there, managed a couple short phone calls.  Maya’s been able to pretend things are fine thanks to the stress of move in, been able to displace her anxiety, reassign it temporarily.  But now it’s been two weeks.  She’s been moved into her dorm for four days; Riley’s been for eleven.

She misses holding her hand, how it felt when Riley would play with her hair.  Misses the easy way they fit together.  But mostly, Maya misses her voice.  Misses hearing her mumble sleepily love you, Peaches.  Misses the way her name sounds when Riley says it.

God, she’s a mess.

Riley picks up after three rings.  “Maya?”  Her voice is pitched low, raspy from sleep.  Maya can practically picture her, hair falling out of the bun she’s taken to putting it in before bed, rubbing her eyes blearily in the weak London sunrise.

“Shit,” Maya sighs, rolling onto her back.  “Did I wake you?”

“No, no,” Riley says.  “My alarm went off right before you called.  Kind of perfect timing, actually.”

She nods, then, feeling stupid because Riley can’t see her— “Good, good.” 

They lapse into silence.  If it were any other time, any other phone call, they’d already be talking over each other, filling the gaps of their time apart with details about cool dogs they’d seen or weird professors.  Any other time, and this would be so easy.

“Maya.”  Riley’s voice is clearer now, but she’s speaking softly.  Like she’s figured it out.  Like she knows exactly why Maya’s calling.  

“I—,” she starts, struggling to string the perfect words together to make this right, to make it better.  “Honey, I—I don’t—.”

“Peaches, I know.  It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, Riley.  I—god, I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry I hurt you.”  Maya takes a shuddering breath, squeezes her eyes shut.  Groans when she feels tears slip out of the corners of her eyes, slipping down to her temples, her hair.  

“Hey, no, baby,” she coos, proving again that Riley knows her too well.  “Don’t cry.  We were both upset, we both messed up.  I know you didn’t mean any of it.”

“I still said it.  I still tried to get you to stay and I was so out of line to do that.  I just—.”

“I know.”  A sigh, a choked off sound that makes Maya feel like she’s going to die.  “I miss you too,” Riley says thickly.

“You can’t start crying too!”

Riley laughs, the sound muffled by sleep and distance, but it’s still warm and bright and sounds like home.  Maya can’t help it, finds herself saying, “I wish I could see you.”  

“Okay,” she hums.  “Let’s Skype.”

“Don’t you need to get ready?”

“It’s orientation, I can be late.  Besides,” Riley says softly, “I miss your face.”

“But—.”

“Just until you fall asleep.”

“Riley.”

“Maya.  Don’t punish yourself over this.  I want to see you, too.”

She makes a compelling argument.  Maya huffs out a laugh that sounds hollow in the otherwise empty dorm room—her roommate isn’t due in for another day or two and the silence is starting to get to her.

“Let me grab my laptop.”

It takes a fair few minutes of fumbling in the dark to find her computer, another five before the connection to the school Wi-Fi is strong enough.  Riley stays on the phone with her the whole time, her soft early morning sounds muted, faint over the static.  There just the same.

When it connects, Riley’s pixelated for a beat, but then her smile is clear as day and brighter than the sun.  “Hey Peaches,” she grins, pressing her face as close to the camera as she can.  “You look like hell.”

It startles a laugh out of Maya.  “No shit,” she says, a smile inching onto her face.  “I haven’t exactly been sleeping well.  Apparently being an asshole to your girlfriend will do that to you.”

Riley frowns, but doesn’t argue the point.  Maya must really look awful if she’s letting that slide, not pushing back the way she normally would.  Instead, her expression softens, her mouth quirking up.  “Well, I can bore you to sleep with an in-depth explanation of the London underground,” she offers.  “Or maybe a titillating play-by-play of how admin messed up my meal plan and shorted me thirty pounds.”

“Mm,” Maya yawns, laying back down.  She sets her laptop on the other side of the bed, tucked between her pillow and the wall.  “Topanga gave them hell, I’m sure.”

“No!  I did!”  The video freezes for a second, leaves the image of Riley’s beaming face front and center for a moment even as she says, “Oh, babe, you would have died.  That woman thought I was possessed or something.”

“Did you get your thirty pounds?” Maya manages, her words running together.

“More than.  You’re sounding pretty tired, baby.”

“’m not tired.”

“Okay,” Riley says, sounding entirely like she doesn’t believe her in the slightest.  “Did I tell you I ended up across the city?  I’ll tell you again, if I did…”

…

When Maya wakes up, the call is still running.  Riley’s reading, curled up in her bed and the angle of her camera makes it feel like she’s just on the other side of the bed.  For a moment, the distance between them doesn’t feel quite so vast.  

Maya smiles, readjusts.  Falls back asleep feeling warm.