#i should make a tag for all of my proper posts that aren't me bullshitting and balling

[aroacewxs]

Black Hole Fantasy - Rui's Acceptance Towards Change (Character & Lyric Analysis)

Hello! This came to me in a vision. I'm either factually correct or just deranged to the point where every single song reads as Rui to me, but oh well!! I love the Crane Wives, I love this song, this album so so much. And I like Rui. So this is your sign to listen to Beyond, Beyond, Beyond in its entirety from beginning to end as intended. For me. (Please. It's also for your own good.)

Note: This is more of a middle school/main story Rui analysis but it applies to so many more of his focuses as well : ) I just didn't want to include everything or else it would end up too messy and long!

Aren't you tired of going through the motions? Is the daily grind meant to dull the mind? I sense a window somewhere closing Somewhere in the world that I just have to find

We start off by looking through the window of a depressed teenager, roughly fourteen or fifteen, slowly wearing his heart and mind away. Every day is the exact same: he wakes up, goes to school (whether he actually sits through class is a whole other story), he keeps his head down, his presence small and tiny. He melts into the background and becomes nothing more but an idea, a rumour. There is no place for him here; all he can do is watch from a safe enough distance.

And Rui knows, he knows that happiness exists. He knows it's there, but it's not here. Not for him. Maybe, in another pocket of the universe where he didn't have to eat lunch alone, but rewriting his story this way, well, that just wouldn't be his story anymore, would it?

The days blur together I watch the ceiling buckle, the walls are closing in There's a black hole in the living-room floor I keep trying to ignore, but it's growing

And even though he can try all he wants, remaining apathetic to the life he was given, he can't ignore how much it eats away at him. It's leaving holes in his chest, holes much too big for a simple fix. He'll take them with him wherever he goes, even as he leaves the rooftop, graduates, leaves the school, leaves the next one.

Even after he cuts his hair, transfers to Kamiyama, and carries on with his guerilla gigs like usual, he doesn't feel whole.

Why? Why won't it go away?

If love is just a chemical reaction Is there a pill to take? Something to quell this ache? Is this the real thing or a distraction? Is it worth the risk? My life would detonate

My knuckles hesitate an inch away from the door What happens when it opens?

It doesn't go away when Tsukasa approaches him with a generous invite, either. He's honoured, of course, but it brings him more fear and dread if anything. There's no way, he tells himself. Life has taught him that no matter how much love he has to give to the world, the world is simply not as loving. He can't take this chance, not again.

And even if it was good enough to be true, just enough good for someone like him, there's no way it would last. It's only a matter of time before they look at him like everybody else did, and all that would be left for Rui is to watch the world from above like he always did, revelling in the fact that he was proven right once more.

Even in my fantasy, I can't commit to believing That I'll get what I want, I'm afraid of what I want Even in my fantasy, I keep the car running In case I need to take off

The months blur together I watch the ceiling buckle, I wonder when it's caving in There's a black hole in the living-room floor I keep standing on the edge and looking in

After all, it's better this way! It's better this way: barely within arm's reach, always a few feet from the door, bags packed from the very beginning, ready to leave when it becomes clear to him that he is probably not welcome anymore.

All Rui needs is complete and utter freedom to make the shows he wants to make. He's convinced himself that he doesn't need other people. People are people, I am me. It's as simple as that, and there is no use in hoping for anything more.

But, deep deep down, he knows it's not true. He's known forever now that something was missing, something he can't place a finger on. This wasn't enough, it will never be enough, but he can't spit those words out himself. Admitting to the truth means accepting that you are unhappy, not like this, not forever, who are you trying to fool, you need more, YOU NEED MORE. However, for someone like Rui who has been taught to believe that he is a selfish person, a cruel, heartless thing who would do whatever it takes to get what he wants, it was easier settling with the little he had.

This is how it should be, Rui tells himself and to nobody else.

But a small, small part of him, something he left years ago in an empty room, cried for someone else to be there with him too.

And on the other side is another life A version of me with a spark in her eyes That I don't have And now she's laughing And it's killing me that I cannot see What's making her laugh From where I'm standing And I have to know So, I'm going in I'm going in

I don't exactly have a perfect way to segue this into the last verse but I just really love the imagery of a younger, sadder Rui, watching his future self from a distance, and he's laughing, smiling, and he's so full of life. Who did he meet that he could let loose and just simply be? Who is making his face crinkle up into the smile he can't even muster anymore? Who is putting the shine in his eyes, the love in his heart? He wants to turn away, it's not real, it's not true. There's nothing like that for him. Not in this life. But the more he watches the more he hurts and the more he hurts the more he feels until all he can do is take that first step forward, reach his hand towards the light, and pray that something catches him.

Let's try this again I'm on my way to your house, guided by the stars I'm pulling in the driveway, I'm turning off the car I'm running to your porch, I'm sprinting up the stairs The door swings open and you're standing there You're beaming down at me, you're reaching out for me And pull me in your arms, and I feel your heart pounding I take a step back to catch my breath And we look at each other and double over and laugh, and laugh, and laugh

And years later, it hits him. That smile, that laugh he saw, was truly only possible due to the fact HE took that first step. It was Rui who "turned off the car," he's not running away anymore, he's moving forward. It was Rui who kept his arm outstretched, Rui who carried the courage to change, Rui who decided to grow closer with Wonderlands x Showtime, his classmates, and ultimately, with true friends outside of his troupe. Had he kept his heart closed away, cold from the wind on the school rooftop, everything would have stayed the same. Rui accepted change with himself first. Rui's change started with Rui.

And, by god, how good does it feel! How amazing is that breath of fresh air, the ache in his ribs from laughing too hard, the sores in his face from smiling too wide? How astonishing is the realization that oh, this is still you! It's still you! Despite everything, all the hurt, the loss, every sliver of joy in your life, it's still you! Maybe not quite anymore, but every part of you, at least a remnant, a memory, lives on in you alone. The Rui smiling with his friends today is the same Rui who believed that there was nothing in this world left for him. He's the same Rui as the Rui three, five, ten years ago, in the smallest of ways. And he carries every single part of him wherever he goes, close to his heart. And that really means something to me.

[ryin-silverfish]

LMK and the Problem of Li Jing

If my browsing in the Nezha tag is any indication, I'm not the only one who has...opinions about the interesting writing choice in S5.

Namely, it's awkward, completely out of left field, and forced.

I am also gonna try and calmly dissect my feelings on the matter, so that it doesn't become a "me sassing Li Jing for ten pages straight" post.

See, my biggest problem isn't "Li Jing is a good/sympathetic dad instead of his more mythos-accurate portrayal".

There are adaptations that make him a good father (Nezha 2019), or at the very least, a flawed but still sympathetic figure (Legends of Nezha cartoon).

And even though FSYY and JTTW's Nezha both have their Attempted Patricide Arc as part of their backstory, when JTTW's Nezha showed up in the novel proper, he was overall more obedient towards Li Jing, so it's not completely without basis (tho crucially, JTTW's Li Jing is also terrified of him picking up the "Patricide" hobby again).

The key, however, is Show Not Tell.

See, the adaptations above are all Nezha-centered works that have plenty of screentime to show where they diverge from the original mythos, and build their takes on the father-son relationship off that new foundation.

LMK, however, doesn't have that. We don't know if either version of the Patricide Arc is true for the show, or even given Nezha's particular backstory for this setting.

We don't know if we should just assume that Nezha's backstory in either JTTW or FSYY went down the same way, or given clues as to where it differs.

All we have are the on-screen interactions, and these consist mostly of Li Jing being his typical Lawful Stupid self.

Sure, there are weak attempts at making him more sympathetic: we are told, through Nezha, that he had been "working sooooo hard" to keep everything running after taking over as basically regent of the Celestial Realm, but again, we aren't shown that properly.

All I see is this guy who...I dunno, went out to get Starbucks or something when JE was kill, then showed up after everything was over to play the loyal minister and prosecute SWK and the gang for bullshit reasons.

(Which is coincidentally very accurate to his overall role in FSYY. Except FSYY's Li Jing was anything but the most sympathetic father figure.)

And because we are given no context for their relationship, their confrontation and reconcillation also feel rushed, falling completely flat when it comes to emotional impact.

Like, if we are to assume their backstory are mythos-accurate, then the whole thing makes no sense——neither "returning your flesh and blood" or attempted patricide can be shrugged off that easily.

If we are to assume it differ from the mythos...HOW and WHERE? Does the birth from a flesh ball happen? Is Nezha destined to be the Vanguard of the Zhou Army, or just a supernaturally powerful kid who can wreck the dragon king's crystal palace three days after his birth?

If he did kill Ao Bing and not just some random dragon, was it an accident, completely justified, or FSYY-accurate? Is his suicide forced or a willing sacrifice, done to save his parents? Did Li Jing destroy his temple? If the Attempted Patricide Arc happened, how was it resolved?

Change one of these, and it will have completely different implications on the Li Jing-Nezha relationship, yet we don't get a single answer to any of these questions.

As a result, the show's version of their relationship and conflict also feels very shallow and generic, your standard "The obedient son must finally stand up and find the courage to voice his opinion to his harsh but loving father——no real anger involved, of course!"

Which is a narrative divergent enough from the mythos as to require proper explanation, instead of being left up to the audiences' imagination, and also, in my opinion, far less interesting than it could have been.

For example: instead of learning to speak his mind (like he'd ever be afraid of doing that), the high point of their conflict is Nezha realizing that he has legitimate reasons to express his anger towards Li Jing for his short-sighted, unsound and overall Lawful Stupid decisions in the here and now, without it being a continuation of their old grievances or exploding into Patricide Arc 2: Electric Boogaloo.

And for someone whose limited characterization has been nothing but an unbroken chain of putting laws and loyalty above reason and common sense, it should take something a lot harsher and undeniable than "They aren't bad guys, dad!" to convince Li Jing.

Lastly, instead of the very cliched "I'm sorry, there's so much left unsaid, I'm proud of you" line, I'd prefer something that was less blatant and, though still awkward, more in line with the rewritten conflict above: sth like "You are right to be angry at me, and I won't mind if you never stop being so."

[nottakingresponsibility]

(Alright, alright. Hi. This whole thing is going to be OOC, and it's going to be attached to my pinned post from a link that goes to this post. To put it simply!) Let's lay out some proper rules for me and Jimmy here, cause apparently I overestimated people and their basic understanding of human decency! (I would REALLY prefer you read this.)

First off, if I say I don't want to roleplay something, don't go against me for that. It's my choice, and I have my own reasons for it. I own the blog, I get to decide what's canon to it and what isn't as well. Currently? It's kind of a mess. So if I ever feel the need to clean that up, don't get upset about it.

Be respectful in general, please! That should be a basic thing. I also, as I have stated, am not good at communicating. Please be patient with me. Me and Jimmy are two different people. I get it, he's an asshole. You can hate him all you want, don't take it to the mod. I just want to explore him as a character, we all have our own shit to deal with.

I am as human as you likely are. I'm not just a character from a game, I'm a real person. I have my boundaries, I have things I'm comfortable with doing, and things I'm not. It's hard to speak up about that, and I automatically assume people are assholes at first insult, keep that in mind. I WILL block you if you deserve it in my eyes, I block freely, and that's that. No second chances.

My mental health is a priority, I am a priority, this is my blog and I'm doing this for fun.

Now then! Onto actual roleplaying rules, sorry.

Don't control Jimmy for me, or at least not too often, alright? It kind of takes the fun out of it if I feel like I have to do a set thing. We all have fun here, yeah, and most of the time I'll let whatever happens, happen. But I do have my limits when it comes to getting annoyed.

I need everyone to know I roleplay in a specific way. I make Jimmy talk with "Speaking!" and when he does actions, it's just; He does an action! Wow! And that's that. I get why that could be confusing. Whatever happens in his thoughts, stays in there. People aren't just mind readers now, are they? When I talk out of character, it'll have () on both sides of the text. That's me, not Jimmy. Don't be an asshole or I'll think it's deliberately to me, and I'll block you. I feel like I really have to emphasize that.

The whole point of him is that he has secrets, yeah. He's a manipulative bastard, what a shock. It's not a huge problem, especially considering a lot of the anons are probably just voices in his head or whatever, and it will be assumed as such if you just know everything about him. Like Doubt for example! (Positive by the way, you're cool Doubt mod :])

Anything Jimmy does is not endorsed by the mod, I know roleplay is in character, it's fine if you're an asshole to him. Though, sometimes I wish the insane bullshit would die down a bit. Cause, between you and me? I don't know how to roleplay him getting killed twenty fucking times over. I never EVER want to be limiting on what you can do!! I'm just getting kind of tired of nothing on this blog making sense. :(

No death is canon by the way, ever. Unless it is decided by me AND the mod of whoever else is roleplaying. Or, if it's just me writing Jimmy in a stand alone post. In which, most of the time are free to interact with, do as you wish. A lot of the things he receives as 'gifts' I'm not even going to remember, I have a bad memory. Speaking of deaths and killing!

Please, if you're gonna kill Jimmy and even slightly THINK of making it canon, make it make sense. And, also, ask me first. It can be in the tags, you don't have to DM me, I always read tags. In fact, I'd probably prefer to not get DMED anyway.

Please understand there's several Jimmys in several different places. He may be terribly injured one place, and completely fine in another for the convenience of asks and other roleplays. Of course, that's always open. You want to roleplay with an upset, stressed and or injured Jimmy? Go ahead. You want to roleplay with normal Jimmy? Sure.

I can delete asks freely. Especially if I just don't know how to answer them, or really don't feel like putting that on the blog. If I stop roleplaying with you, again, it's NOT personal! I just don't fucking know how to respond or I got tired of the way things were going, I may or may not be on the neurodivergent spectrum bear with me. Or I just. You know, took a break, took care of myself, perhaps took a nap. I have a life I fear.

I don't exactly know how to cover everything here, but just think basic roleplaying rules. Don't be an asshole to the mod, and have fun, don't expect everything to be canon. They can be with the specific character he's roleplaying with, but don't always expect it to be canon throughout the whole blog! If you're somehow really that clueless, feel free to search up 'basic roleplaying rules' on Google or something. I can't explain things right when I'm not thinking straight. This is NOT up for debate, none of these rules are, I mean. And if you want to stay on this blog, I expect you to read them.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Idk who needs to hear this but uh... Criminals and organized crime aren't special back-woods exceptions of people out there who magically do not go online or have internet. I don't mean this in a "be wary" kind of way either. I intend it as general cultural and situational awareness.

Everyone currently getting away with massive fraud, running and making drugs, actual human trafficking, actual grave robbing and various high profile thefts, crimes against children, profiteering etc... are ALSO just some guy on the internet who's probably scrolling social media and seeing largely the same posts as you.

Same with many celebrities and rich people, btw...

I am starting to get the impression that the average internet user assumes these people exist in a fully separate world, so if I or anyone refers to these groups of people in a post in language that directly addresses them, it is assumed we are simply likening another group to them to be dramatic and make a strawman of them, instead of taking what we are saying the way it is meant, literally and at face value.

For example, if I go on a post by an Egyptologist, and agree with them about Egyptian curses, and then -for example- go on to say that anyone removing things from tombs disrespectfully or in a way that isn't meant to conserve culture [names and identities etc], ie; actual grave robbers, are the ones who have to worry about curses and should "put it back"... I do not know why the base assumption being made is that I am calling Egyptologists grave robbers, instead of say, addressing people actually taking artifacts from sites without proper clearance and cooperation from the relevant government and cultures. You know, actual grave robbers, who actually exist, are committing an actual crime, and do in fact use the internet and see posts because I don't think most criminals operating in international markets can afford to not be internet literate. You utter fucking tumbleweeds [and to such a degree I had to block about 100 people to get the anon bullshit out of my inbox].

The only reason I can come up with for this kind of misunderstanding happening on various topics, is to think the base assumption being made is that the groups I am actually referring to or turning to address directly for a moment, are being assumed to not actually exist or be present in order to be addressed... And that the person getting sensitive is also insecure about being lumped in with that group for some reason [possibly legitimate or not depending on the circumstances], to the point that their reading comprehension starts to fail.

I think it would help reading comprehension and social media literacy in general if more people were to understand that a certain percentage of a post or reply is phrased in a way that is also meant to be seen by the general public, and EVERYONE that public contains, including fringe individuals.

Similarly, even when you are replying to a friend over a topic, you are ALSO generally phrasing it as something that will be seen by a general audience, and specifically by other people who generally hold similar political views as them. Otherwise you'd just be DMing each other.

So taking every side note and incidental phrasing as if it is intended as a deeply personal accusation, attack or criticism, instead of something said to be really clear to a wider audience with a lot of potential viewpoints and sticking points... Is a little fucking weird.

When I am replying to someone in public, I am replying to them, but also generally for the benefit of the audience, unless it's very personal joking around, casual back and forth or said in notes and sometimes tags [before they became the accepted way to comment at all].

If I get into explaining weird caveats, it isn't because I assume THEY or OP needs me to, it is because SOMEONE in the audience, including said fringe or exceptional individuals, might benefit from the added information, or might be someone I am just taking the opening to address because a subject came up in a public place.

Every time I get into an argument online, it really seems like the other person is mad because they are taking absolutely everything I am saying as if it is personally directed at only them for only their benefit and just *happens* to be taking place in front of strangers.

And it is deeply weird to me that they view the interaction that way to begin with, when to me -dare I say to most- that is antithetical to sites like tumblr being a public forum instead of a network of DMs.

So I just wanted to check in, and make sure, that everyone actually realizes that EVERYONE in the general public, some representation of pretty much every group you can imagine, has access to the internet and uses it regularly as some random user. The internet is truly the MOST public and varied space you can imagine. You need to understand that a lot of people make and reply to posts as if their audience is potentially that general, because they ARE generally aware of this.

There are organ traffickers on your posts right now, there are government officials, there are people who have illegally bought or sold ivory or human bones, there are doctors, republicans, lawyers, people who just woke up and are on their 20th day of consecutive brain fog, mycology enthusiasts, sex workers, steel workers, school teachers and their worst nightmares, there might even be a cop or two, there are murders, house wives, and violent rapists, there are literal children and people ranging up to the human limits of age. There are geologists, people you went to school with and people from every other country in the world. There are people who buy and sell human fingernails. You probably shouldn't continue being this online if you cannot internalize that.

The internet can feel like a series of closed safe corners, but the thing is that the doors are perpetually open to everyone you can imagine. We are all of us tossed in together and arguing over pokemon types and whether or not some groups of humans are okay to dehumanize. When you address the room, you are addressing all of them. When you are addressing op or another user, you are also doing it at all of them. All of these people each get that post up on their dash and read it as intimately and often as personally as you do as if it was served up to them, because it was, it came up on their dash just like it came up on yours.

Hope that helps <3