#i should apologize for the swearing but honestly i cant tell if im more angry that he'd back up a semi or that he tHEN DROVE OFF???

[sndwave]

what the ACTUAL fuck!!!!

today on the weirdest possible fucking car accident possible, i got backed into by a semi at a red light

yes, backed into. its behind, my front. at a red light. i was stopped for at least thirty seconds and gave it several feet of clearance because it was like 15 feet into the intersection, the light was green at the time, but it’s at the merge into one lane for construction, so he’s pulled ahead in order to get in before the light turned and failed, and the light goes yellow then red, and he’s... backing up? just a little, then he stops. okay, not too weird because trucks do that back up a bit when they stop thing or whatever. then he just... keeps... backing up

i started on the horn when it got way too close and didn’t let up long enough the car behind us, according to john, was like actually concerned. and nope the semi truck is still backing up just fine???? YOU DON’T BACK UP A FUCKING SEMI LIKE THAT??????? EVER?????????

crunch

i get the park on and the hazards and go talk to the guy cause red light means thankfully the other cars arent going and he’s like “something wrong?” “yeah you backed into my car” “oh” then because im a fucking idiot that cant understand words when it’s NOT loud as hell and im like 2 second away from either flipping my lid or having a panic attack, we’re not sure yet, i cant understand what he says next despite asking like six times, all  iget is something about “stage” and him pointing ahead. okay, i dont know, there’s a right turn lane we can take that’s like 50 ft away past the light, i guess were going there so we’re not literally blocking the soon-to-be-only lane in a construction zone??? okay, makes sense

i go to my car, light goes green as i do that, and truck moves. i can finally see front of my car--no damage, okay, yay, maybe well get to go a whole year without this poor car getting a fender bender technically speaking. i get in the car and.... the truck has driven off. not to the right turn lane, or any place you can stop, but well into the one-lane-only construction zone with no indication of stopping (even if he did plan on it, he’s only in a worse spot than we started)

what the fuck????

before i even got out of the car john and i got pictures since the license plate is Literally In Our Face, but the number on the mudflaps (the only one i saw cause im an idiot that didnt get pictures of the cab and also forgot the exact street and “the one on southbound 59 where the construction merge is” wont cut it so i need to take care of that later fuck) is for the actual trailer’s rental place, not whatever company the driver’s for, plus they’re closed sundays, so i guess i get to call them tomorrow and be like “hey, i need to be directed to the reporting number for whatever company had this trailer yesterday” and that’s gonna go so well ugh

BUT WHO THE FUCK BACKS UP A SEMI TRUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFIC??? JUST STRAIGHT UP REVERSE ON IT???? SEMIS HAVE LITERALLLY ZERO VISIBILITY FOR LIKE 50 FEET BEHIND THEM AND YOU’RE BACKING UP 15 FEET AT A RED LIGHT WITH TRAFFIC EVERYWHERE??????????????

AND THEN YOU DRIVE THE FUCK OFF?????????????????

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 3

a/n: uwuwuwuwu this is an au since yanno,,,, they didnt really make it to nationals :(

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

GUESS WHOS BACK! BACK AGAIN!

anon:

may i request a scenario where seijoh made it to nationals and atsumu flirts with reader🥺

CAN WE BLS STOP THIS SANGWOO/ATSUMU TYPA BEAT BC I HONESTLY DONT VIBE W IT AND IT LOWKEY SCARES ME A LITTLE :o

OMLOMLOML YALL MADE IT TO NATIONALS

to be honest, it was,,, unexpected

you were sitting there, on the bench and gripping it in anticipation as seijoh and shiratorizawa were once again at a match point thanks to kyotani’s angry spike

going past 31, they were now 31-30 with seijoh in the lead

you could tell ushijima was getting antsy despite him covering it up and encouraging his team with a one-liner

your own team was buzzing with both nervousness and hope and iwaizumi was clenching and unclenching his fists in anticipation for the last toss

when the ball went up, oikawa’s eyes flashed, arms moving to set and the red-haired spiky guy was now watching which spiker he was going to give it to

however

he tossed it to no one

instead, oikawa’s hand flicked and he dumped the ball

it was like in slow motion and as shiratorizawa’s players scrambled to the floor, 

it was too late

the ball bounced on yellow polished floor before rolling away, completely unaware of what just happened and the lives it just changed

your mouth hung open, eyes trailing after the rubber ball like every single people in the gym

then it finally hit you

‘YOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

a scream from iwaizumi lit the candle of happiness and you didnt even care, running out to the court to jump on your captain, tears flowing down his face and his arms squeezing you tightly against his chest

‘AKLDFJJSHKFEOIOWIHFSKESIFOEWIHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

it was all a jumbled noise from everyone, your team, your coaches, the fans in the stand, and even from that orange boy and his team

the boys were hugging each other and crying and sobbing but oikawa’s hold remained on you, your own tears mixing with his sweat and coating his neck

‘you did it, oikawa-san. you did it’

you whimpered and he laughed and you felt him nodding

‘we’re going to tokyo. nationals!’

he choked out 

‘OIKAWA!’

the entire gym rumbled and you basked in the joy that the entire team radiated before having to stand with the coaches so they could shake hands with shiratorizawa for a good game

the locker room was loud, even much louder than the gym, with kindaichi’s loud sobbing and mattsuhana’s loud celebratory singing and iwaizumi’s joking shouts and eventually joining in

iwaizumi held his arms out for you and you giggled, crashing straight into him

you wiped his sweat filled face and he sat down on the bench, with you standing between his legs and his large hands gripping your waist

‘it’s not a dream, right?’

he whispered, eyes closed at the gentle feeling of you caressing his face

‘no, iwa-san. nationals is ours’

you soothed and he let out another loud laugh before pulling you close and burying his face in your stomach, probably crying again but this time, out of joy

for years theyve tried

and now, they succeeded

well,,, nationals should be a good thing, right?

hmm,,, maybe the honor of going

but the other players??

oh god

it was obvious when miyagi’s representative entered through those doors and eyes immediately went to their manager

it wasnt like you were the only female manager but you were an unfamiliar team so you have never been seen before

uwu youre so pretty like bow down to the goddess

oikawa’s hold on your hand was tight and his eyes flitted to everyone who looked at them, as if signalling them to back off and you were his

‘wahh, oikawa-san! kageyama told me that the best of the best are in here! he told me to look for fukurodani and nekoma!’

seijoh’s eye twitched at the mention of your new-found friend who you’ve been texting back and forth and him secretly teaching you everything about volleyball since your own team has been too busy preparing for nationals

they watched you try and stand in your tippy toes to find the apparent red and black jerseys and the black, white and gold jerseys

hmm,,,, it seems everyone had the same colors

‘ne, y/n-chan, you trust our team, don’t you? if anything, we’re part of the best of the best! you got the best setter right here!’

oikawa grinned but you nodded distractedly

‘come on, we got to go unpack and train’

iwaizumi nudged so you had to stop looking and you followed your captain, who still held your hand

but this is a typical fanfiction ladies and gents

as you were walking towards the locker room, there was a team that wore maroon colored jackets and were walking towards you

again, this is seijoh’s very first nationals so nobody really knew of them

they were more familiar of the white and purple jackets of shiratorizawa rather than the mint green and white of seijoh

however, oikawa seemed to know them

‘ah’

he whispered out, making you look up at him but his sights were straight towards them, a hard and cold look

‘ara? fresh blood?’

you cringed at the weird analogy and the guy with the black tips, who you infered to be the captain, elbowed him

 ‘excuse us’

he nodded in greeting and you noticed the guy with the bleach hair and you did a double-take, blinking rapidly

‘oh sangwoo?’

KSLDFJKDLFJSLDK KILL ME ALREADY

watari coughed, knowing exactly what you meant and it seems nobody else did except for the sangwoo look-a-like

and he raised an eyebrow in interest

‘hm? you called?’

another guy with gray hair, who looked exactly like him, rolled his eyes and he pulled him forward to walk after their captain

but he didnt let off yet

as he passed you by, he leaned close, breath fanning your ear

‘but its miya atsumu, baby girl’

ON GOD I WANT TO COMMIT WITH HOW GROSS HE IS LIKE BLS

kyo, who was behind you, growled at him and pulled you behind himself

‘she has name, fcker’

atsumu faked a surprise and backed away with his hands up

‘alrighty, then. didnt know you had a bodyguard, girlie. but maybe,, later on, we could get to know each other. alone’

YALL THIS IS GOING TO GET BETTER LATER I PROMISE HES NOT A WEIRDO PERVERT AS HE SOUNDS

osamu was annoyed and dragged him away, leaving you with your team, who were also extremely pissed off, especially oikawa

‘heh, the best setter in the country and yet he acts like a horny dog’

oikawa seethed, a pointy smile etched on his face

‘eh? best setter?’

you wondered but not given an answer because your captain would be damned if that atsumu decided to show up again

the locker room was actually the same back home

but kindaichi was sobbing again

‘t-this room! the best of the best! i cant-too much-’

you were busy hugging him and wiping his tears to notice the third years huddling over by the corner

oikawa was sitting on the bench while iwaizumi was changing into his practice jersey and the other two were flanked beside the captain

‘of course theyve got their eye on her now’

oikawa mumbled, fingers laced together and touching his lips

‘what can you expect? y/n-chan is an extremely pretty girl’

mattsun shrugged

‘but ugh, if i see that cheese face again,, i will fight’

iwa threatened, angrily slipping his arms through the holes

‘he reeked nasty! gross!’

makki agreed

‘so we’re agreeing to keep her in our sights right?’

they agreed to oikawa’s question and were going to stick by that word

but,,,,

what can you expect from star-struck players?

maybe its because theyve worked for so long to reach this point that the fact that they’re even standing in the tokyo stadium felt like a dream

‘guys, i need to go and fill the bottles really quick’

they mumbled distracted agreements so you sighed and lugged the crate of bottles

thank god there was a fountain nearby and as you were capping the last one, a familiar voice rang from behind you

‘oh? baby girl?’

you flinched at the weird nickname and thought that if you stayed quiet, hed leave

‘chibi? hey?’

he asked and made his way to your side, you closing your eyes and looking off to the side

atsumu thought you were interesting, not like every girl who would spread their legs at him and press up to him

the fact that you even AVOIDED looking at him was so foreign to him and your dismissive attitude made him so drawn to you

‘look, im sorry if i made ya uncomfortable earlier’

he,,, apologized?

but you didnt know who he was so you didnt know how out of character it was for him to even say ‘sorry’

'miya-san, hello’

you mumbled, eyes now opened but still focused on the bottle you gripped

he cracked a smile and was he,,,, nervous?

usually, hed say something dumb or sarcastic to cut the tension, but it was like he was even,,, careful,,, with what he wanted to say next

‘how-um-you like it ‘ere?’

if osamu was to see him now, he’d think his brother was kidnapped by those aliens oikawa swore up and down were real and was replaced by some opposite dimension version of atsumu

you gulped, mustering up a small smile before turning to look at him

‘miya-san, dont take offense to this, but just know i have a very loud voice and i can lift 80 pounds. and im the first one to ever beat iwa-san in an arm-wrestling match’

you puffed your cheeks in intimidation with your eyebrows furrowed but accidentally looking more cute rather than scary

were you,,, threatening him?

atsumu paused for a second to assess the situation and really understand the underlying meaning of your words

then he laughed

a real hearty laugh that made him go for a whole minute

‘-ahahaha!! whew, chibi-chan, ya’r a rare one’

wait i dont know how to type you’re with an accent !!!!!

he let out a few more chuckles then wiped a tear that fell

you just stood there 🧍‍♀️ 

‘you think its funny, miya-san? yahaba-kun and i also have a supernatural telepathy phenomenon-’

‘chibi-chan, i swear i wont hurt ya’

he promised but you backed your face away, an eyebrow raised

‘thats what they all say. if anything, youre scaring me more so i’ll-’

‘wait’

he held out a hand out but he quickly curled it, pulling it back to his chest

‘i,,,, listen i know how basic this may sound but,,,, youre the first to ever be like this to me’

you rolled your eyes

‘you think i havent heard that before? i have oikawa-san in my team, for god’s sake! ‘youre one of a kind’ ‘youre not like other girls’ yadda yadda’ try harder, miya-san’

you tilted your head with a crooked smile 

were you,,, playing hard to get?!

atsumu’s eyes shined, wanting to finally do the chasing rather than being chased

‘well, first off, chibi-chan, i need to know your name’

he leaned forward with his hands buried deep inside his maroon jacket pocket

‘my name? what good will that do? you already call me something else dont you? a name is meant to help people call each other and youve been calling me ‘chibi’ so what’s the point of giving you my birth name?’

even with a straight face, atsumu right away knew of your teasing as your eyes were shining brightly and had a hint of amusement in them

oh my god hes in love with you

he was in disbelief of your attitude towards him so he nodded slowly and laughed again

‘what can i do to earn that name then, chibi-chan?’

ehehehe kuroo,,,,, im in danger

you crossed your arms and pouted, leaning forward

‘ehh? why do you want it so bad? do you call others ‘chibi’ too?’

your expression of suspicion was so adorable that he couldnt stop himself from lunging forward and squeezing your cheeks between his fingers

‘so cute. youre my only chibi, chibi-chan’

you hummed, swiftly wiping his touch away from you

‘doubt it. ive only met you today and you’re already acting like this. what makes you think i think youre genuinely interested in me, miya-san?’

‘fate?’

this time, you chuckled, head leaning down

and as you looked back up, your heart stopped

by the distance, there was a familiar-looking haired boy with golden eyes and an also familiar black hair and steel blue eyes

oh dear

your emotions went sour but you saw the black and white-haired male laugh and the steel eyed male shake his head in disapproval but had the hint of the smallest smile

they,, were now happy

‘fate, you say’

you mumbled distractedly

‘fate instilled magnets in us so i just cant help but be drawn to ya’

atsumu grinned but you averted your eyes to look at him, a soft and genuinely happy look

‘would those magnets be strong enough to draw us together, even if we were in another life? if we were fated, would we meet again?’

you looked up at him, your eyes still glistening but this time, with the slightest bit of hope

atsumu sent you a confused glance but he still shrugged

‘i guess so, if i’m so drawn to you right now. maybe in our past life we were,,, together?’

he tested out, expecting you to roll your eyes and walk away but you laughed

‘well, i just witnessed it happening so maybe its possible?’

you wondered out loud

atsumu blinked again, getting more and more interested in you

‘chibi-chan?’

he asked you and you jumped slightly to look at him with a smile

‘say, miya-san, what if i told you that i remember my past life? and what would you say if i told you that you were in it?’

you grinned but atsumu scrunched his face together before smiling

‘hmm, i dont know what youre sayin but it proves my point!’

he exclaimed but you cocked an eyebrow, a sad smile resting on your lips

‘now what would you say if i told you that you were my nurse?’

a/n: omg i actually hate how this turned out like bls blast me on this

a/n pt 2: during my break, i actually re-read ‘in another life’ and i wrote this up after i finished it again and can i just say? I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CREDITS TO LITTLELUXRAY ON AO3

a/n pt 3: hewwo im back again and since no one replied with a link, i can,,, guess??,,, that the book is gone??? or taken down?? but anyways, i just really wanted to post something and tbh, stuff like this cant be helped but i really do hope that it’s gone and if its not, dkasjdfkslf again send me the link

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: can we chat? Rio: 'Course we can Indie: you still mad tho? Rio: No Rio: Serious Indie: me either Indie: my heart b heavy but not w that Rio: What's wrong, babe? Indie: all things Indie: its bad here Rio: How bad? Indie: dred like i dont wanna drag you back in but i cant cope w it Rio: Don't worry about me Rio: I'll have to sort some stuff here but how soon do you need me back Rio: and what can I do 'til then, like Indie: let me be w you i wont 2s mckenna or no thing Indie: but i gotta be out Indie: theres too many fucking situations Rio: alright Rio: of course Rio: i'll sort the uber now, where am I sending it Rio: is it the things i know or has something else, or multiple something else's happened? Indie: [sends random ass location because honestly where the fuck she wanna be rn] Indie: theres more and worse Indie: how you want it? Rio: First tell me you're safe Rio: then tell me however's easiest for you Indie: I'm proper high rn are they gonna let me come to london? Rio: Yeah, obviously don't bring anything but if it's gone it's gone Rio: You'll be fine Indie: safe Indie: i got none left to bring Indie: it been like that Rio: Damn Rio: Say no more, but do Indie: i get why my ma werent trying to do nothing but this Indie: cept its there still when you come thru Rio: That's the problem Indie: cant keep it goin innit cant keep no thing goin Indie: cant keep drew from wildin acting like a younger bringin feds to my door and my boy on my back cos hes fave target Indie: neither chatting to me like i done this Indie: did i? idk Rio: Nah, you didn't Rio: I can't even expand on it because just no, how could it be you Indie: thats how the boy treating me like i livin for the drama Indie: but the feds want drew in the pen & thats how he want it cos theres nothing left for him to fuck up in these ends Indie: i cant stop it none Rio: That ain't you though Rio: and who would be about this shit, it's the worst Rio: As for Drew Rio: I'm sorry Rio: We've been here before, there's no talking to him when he's in that space Rio: and that isn't on you Indie: every day we on this he be spitting angry at me throwing shit around but acting like im the one creating Indie: its too hard Indie: and yeah then theres drew back on his bullshit Indie: w the only apology yours to hold cos he aint offering Indie: i want him gone & i put that out into the universe so mayb i did it Indie: this is proper gone tho & that baby gonna be born soon Rio: Oh babe Rio: He don't know you like that, he shouldn't be treating you like that, standard Rio: even if you were the biggest drama queen in the world but you ain't and he got you so fucked up on that Rio: Nah, he's doing it all himself, even if you thought you wanted it or still do if not this way Rio: you can't make him do the dirt he do, or make him not Rio: The baby will be good, it'll have it's Ma and Bea is staying with her still and everyone else, you know it'll be okay Rio: what about you though baby Indie: how i let him chat to me that way? who am i rn? wtf Indie: i just want our yard back and you back and things to be what they were Indie: but its not Indie: cos even if we there what kinda ma she trying to be for real? im spinning out but like where in the universe is she @ Indie: & none of this is gonna hurt you most Indie: thats the last thing i aint chatted Rio: We've all put up with shit we shouldn't have Rio: 'cos we thought it'd pay off Rio: You ain't alone in that, nor does it make you less you even if it makes you feel less altogether Rio: I can try to talk to Drew, about the flat, idk if I can make that happen but if he goes jail he loses his lease, he only kept it in the past 'cos his boss' would pay it if he dealt inside, like but he ain't got the clout he used to have Rio: accept it or nah, no doubt we could chat about me taking it on if it comes to that but i ain't making promises Rio: I know but, you gotta trust we will all be there for damage control Rio: we're all alright ish, yeah? Rio: Go ahead, babe, I can handle it Indie: i got caught up cos i wanted someone to be for me & about me one time & everyone else has somewhere to lean Indie: you and mckenna being goals in my face Indie: everything else was a mess but i just added Indie: and now she has Indie: cos what i gotta tell you is bills told me edie be gone Indie: hardcore packed up and run out Rio: i know there's nothing i can say to make you feel less shit about it but i swear to you babe, we've all been there Rio: you know i have Rio: it doesn't make it better for you but it ain't your fuckup, it's one we all go through to grow through, yeah? no bullshit Rio: she did talk to buster but Rio: i didn't think it'd be anything more than normal Rio: i'll tell ma Indie: i reckoned bills was gonna cry she was carrying that much worry Indie: i aint no what to tell her Rio: I'll talk to her too Rio: I don't know what I'll say but Rio: it'll be alright, we can sort this Indie: i been swerving dem all hard as you Indie: more than she got detention for how hard she was trying to hit me up she said Indie: doing everyone the dirtiest ever why i gotta leave Rio: I can't blame you Rio: This shit is hard Rio: and painful Rio: I'm sorry I left you alone Indie: he aint try and fuck me i got no excuses Indie: [sends selfie] am I 😢 I can't feel it so what you seeing? Indie: not trying to be out here in the wild 💔😭 Rio: Baby calm down okay, you're good Rio: Your flight is booked and the uber is en-route Rio: I sent all your deets to you, all you gotta do is get here Rio: we're gonna sort all this okay and the shit we can't we gonna make bearable at least Indie: i dont have anything tho cant b living in mckennas garms after the last Indie: he gon b mad enough im rolling up likely Rio: No he won't Rio: I got plenty of shit you can borrow don't stress on that Rio: Nance has got a mental wardrobe here too Indie: o yeah other mckenna Indie: always sleeping on her living there too Indie: she aint but she do Rio: Exactly, I've had to borrow her bed loads of times before and you know they living that en-suite life Rio: you can stay for as long as you need Indie: innit what school gon do put drew in prison? 😂 Rio: Tbh Rio: In the grand scheme of things, that doesn't matter rn, soz teachers Indie: ill screenshot them words like my ma says Rio: I missed you Indie: safe cos imma be in your face soon Rio: wish it was under better circumstances, like Rio: but we'll get there Indie: @ the age to have a breakdown once a wk soz bout it 😂 Rio: that i can handle Rio: nothing that a pint of ben & jerry's and some chill time can't Indie: warn mckenna to lock up his squad & we all good Rio: 😏 Will do Rio: he's not really rolling with them rn so temptation should be outta the way Indie: 😍💍 be like Indie: i feel it Rio: Erm I ain't that hoe 😣😂 Indie: theres how you say & how you do bitch 😏💘😂 Indie: 👀 you from the front row in a few Rio: 🙄😔 am I really that bad Indie: nah nah Indie: mckenna be amp as Indie: its a good link Rio: Yeah but I mean Rio: do you feel like I've been ignoring you Rio: pre you know, that bullshit Indie: allow it babe Indie: you never done nobody that way Rio: Promise Rio: 'cos that ever what I was trying to be Indie: you always on the clock & your game Indie: trust Rio: Alright, 'nuff about me Rio: is there anything else you need, either now or for when you get here? Indie: gon need to grab my shit while 👻ing this boy Indie: standard juggle Indie: if hes been holding that long & not dashed it out ill break in Rio: You're gonna take some mates with you, yeah? Indie: bitch please i dont need the lads knoing my business that hard Rio: is it a good idea tho, even if he got his own van u kno they all got each other's backs, like Rio: be careful, all i'm saying Indie: they aint gonna call the feds on me man Indie: ill leave it til im back need a clearer head than this for a lock pick Rio: Yeah, don't worry 'bout it now Rio: anything replaceable we can sort now Indie: im not tryin to lose my head over things rn Indie: if imma be in london i got what i need Rio: That's the main thing Rio: and I ain't gonna come at you with 20 questions either, like Rio: space can include from me, just lemme know what you're feeling Indie: i been had enough space from you girl Indie: i miss you Rio: was hoping you'd say that Indie: i love you more than Indie: thats the mood Rio: i love you too Rio: no outs Indie: dont lets lose each other again Indie: 💖💖 Rio: never 🧡 Indie: how long this uber tryna be im 😫😫😫 Indie: imma b sleepin on this wall like i kicking it nursery rhyme vibes Rio: it's saying it's nearly there on the app Rio: if you gonna crash at the airport make sure you near the gate tho Indie: safe Indie: o sick idea Indie: the plane not trying to be up long enough for that shit tho innit Rio: legit its as quick as the bus into town like Rio: be here in no time Indie: its a madness Rio: yeah, see, it's not that far really Indie: feels like Indie: but mayb thats just how i want it so i can 👻 this town harder than afore Rio: it's far enough for that Rio: ain't letting drew out the country are they Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: not less they start deporting crooks old school like when 🐨 country just one big pen Rio: He wishes Rio: always got his top off like we living that life here Indie: fr like he needs a tan to appear more peng nah nah Rio: if we wanna get a new wifey Rio: least if she out there we unlikely to be related to her so go off Indie: true true Indie: unless he tryna head to spain for my nan we all good Rio: 😬 Rio: yikes, not a mental image we need Indie: idk i hear she keeps things tight & fresh Indie: hes done worse Rio: Stop 😩 Rio: 'less you gonna bring me one of them sick bags Indie: get you a straw donkey when he drag me out there for the 💒 Indie: i got you Rio: when u don't wanna be nan but u down to be ma Indie: least she too old to put a 👶 in Indie: & it aint like being down to be ma is top of his list for how he want his wifeys Indie: that ones just for you like Indie: ro not trying to mother me no mind the one she growing rn Rio: Fair Rio: Willing to put up with his shit and mother him is clearly more vital Rio: 'low it with the mommy issues like he's the only one going without Rio: twat Indie: o snap Indie: just cos yours aint want you boy dont mean you gotta kill mine tho Rio: o snapped too soon Rio: but he ain't get snapped on enough for that Indie: when he offering you dem same goodies ☠ Indie: thanks dad Indie: you a real one Rio: waste Rio: he's so fucked Indie: i was 👍 Indie: down & out Indie: what that make me? Rio: you a kid Rio: not chatting down to you, but you allowed to be is what I mean Rio: he's grown and he caused your shit, he should know and do better so you could Rio: literally his job Indie: idc now if he show up for astrid thatd do man Indie: grown past him still Rio: Yeah Rio: we'll have to wait n see if he can be arsed to prove himself Rio: idk if he's been allowed near since you know Indie: not from what ive 👂 Indie: coulda changed since he stopped chatting at me tho Indie: or he coulda just been chattin it so it dont look his fault he swervin Rio: wouldn't blame them from keeping him away rn, your hormones are fucked and she's never had much sense when it came to him Rio: but i don't know if it's a forever deal or what Indie: i can see her lawin it cos he burned her so hard w this Indie: proper owned Indie: she aint tryin to let you come thru & you fam so Rio: well you know Indie: cant call her out that hard when it aint that different from how my ma tryin to be when Indie: they all 🤡 for him Rio: yeah Rio: i don't get it Rio: whatever, he's good looking Indie: so your da he aint a wasteman w it Rio: it's easier to be treated like shit sometimes though than accept the love init Indie: call out 🔫 at me bitch Rio: not what i was going for Rio: just saying he ain't special with it, we all do it Indie: 👀 you Rio: 😏 shh Indie: 😂 Rio: neway Rio: he's out, yeah? Indie: innit Rio: 👍 Indie: how you livin Indie: gimme dat 411 Rio: yeah good tbh, the place where i work is cool Rio: i'm just doing promo stuff 'cos i don't wanna get too into anything obvs but it's fun, not dry like the angel was getting Indie: sick! they gonna let me in or ⛔ Rio: see what i can do Rio: sure we get u made up no one gonna be too amp Indie: dont 🤡 me Indie: keep it 💋 Rio: oi don't be doubting my skillz Rio: you ever seen me out like that 😂 rude Indie: doubtin my ability to carry all that Indie: you ever seen me in 👠 bitch Rio: you don't need 'em when you out with me Rio: only just be touching your height in mine so Indie: 😂😂😂 Rio: 😣 be looking stupid short 'round here Indie: you will stand w mckenna Rio: what i'm sayin Indie: 😍 gotta travel far 💖💖 baby Indie: good thing he extra too Rio: 😂 Indie: hows the love Rio: I don't wanna be extra about it at you Rio: but it is good Rio: and no one totally flipped shit on it so Indie: im not that 💔💔💔 you cant speak on it Indie: boy dont get to do me dirty and keep me pining long Rio: That's my girl Rio: 💪 Indie: throw shit @ me again he gon catch these hands Rio: serious, what a cunt Rio: he ain't gonna have the chance Indie: do me a solid & dont tell the fam yeah? your ma only just calmin after wanting to merk drew Rio: 'course Rio: you got it handled Rio: they don't need to know every little thing Indie: i did nearly run there the other thinkin i was gonna be baby'd up same time as my step ma near Indie: but nah 🍀 Rio: remind me to take you drs yeah Rio: 😰 Indie: its chill i not letting any lads near me in the 24 or out of Rio: still, with your memory, i don't think the pill is the one we'll get you the implant maybe Rio: or the coil, they last time Indie: sexy Indie: he was wrapped but it got fucked up idk was wild Indie: get them posho london drs to sort me 😂😂😂 Rio: nah you wanna be the one in control of that shit babe trust Indie: 👑👑👑 Indie: i feel that Rio: boys be mad dumb that shit could be old or ripped there's no telling Indie: fr 😒😒🙄🙄 Indie: he only got a year on me too idc how many girls he tryna chat he been w he dont kno that much Rio: You can defs take off at least 20% of whatever he chatting Rio: Trust Indie: serious? Rio: Probably Rio: or think about how many of them were like Rio: 5 minute fumbles at parties and shit Rio: doesn't really do much for your game even if its a numbers booster Indie: tell me mckennas i wont say shit to him swear down Rio: 😂 i would but idk Rio: i ain't asked Indie: girl WHAT Indie: bitch imma do it for you Indie: we taking off like 90% for him 'cause how he like to chat or nah? Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: I can imagine like, I don't need confirmation Rio: Poor baby 😂 Indie: do he kno your numbers? Rio: Nope Rio: 'less he tryna keep track like that which I doubt lmao Indie: its jam we can keep em on 🔒 Rio: Idc I'd tell you Rio: but he ain't wanna know trust Indie: boy too jel Indie: how they all be Rio: you know Indie: drew be tellin me how to do w my body like he something to me so we can let mckenna stand Rio: yeah that's a whole nother thing Rio: that ain't cute or wanted Indie: he aint 😂😂😂 Rio: truth hurts 😂 Indie: innit tho Rio: ur uber says its there so pull up Indie: i be waving to someone Indie: gotta b Rio: kinda excited even though it's cos everything is shit Indie: it me you gotta be hype 💖💖💖 Rio: That's alright then 😘 Indie: what mckenna say bout it? Rio: He's cool, gonna talk to his Dad so we don't have to Rio: getting food too to show he can, like Indie: trying to flex o boy Rio: ever since you dissed him Rio: gotta get good Indie: he need be told 👌 Indie: bring 🍔 🍕🍟 any of Indie: it aint hard if you smart Rio: idk if he taking orders but i'll let him know 😏 Indie: hit him w a screenshot and add 🥊 or 💪 Indie: 💍💍💍 life be like Rio: You have no idea babe Rio: getting it from both of yous again now 😜 Indie: is it? he wearin the 👖 thats how you 😍😍 Indie: i been knew Indie: 💘💘💘 Rio: Shut up 😩 Rio: That just how it be in the bedroom don't get it twisted Indie: 😏😏 when he such a daddy you let him wear the 👑 out 😏😏😏 Rio: yeah you lucky you still a flight away Rio: 🥊 'fore 💋 forreal Indie: 😂😂😂😂

[burn-this-world]

The apology I never sent:

To: Her

From: Me

Subject: Don’t freak out. This is a good this, I swear!

(Im sending this with the assumption the email address will go to spam like you had it set before. If it hasn’t; or your reading this because you looked in the folder, then I’m sorry this is long...

I hope you can smile by the end of it. Please read it before you decide what to do. I know it’s a breach of the dvo, and there is nothing that will follow this. Please don’t take offence.)

Hi, Dana,

It’s been a while, a long long while, don’t freak out please. I have the best intentions.

One sentence tldr: I am doing great, I’m not that person anymore, and I have moved on as a much better person because of it, and just needed to apologise for the pain I caused when I broke down, to feel at peace with my growth and like a good person again.

Look, I know this is probably too soon, and what you do with the email is completely up to you. Im really hoping enough time has passed that this will be okay... I know you have a whole different life now, and so do I, and I will continue to respect your space and this distance. I’m not here to disrupt your new path, cause any fear, or change your mind, hear me out.

These last few month have been some of the best of my life. I feel like a happy, healthy, well-regulated person for the first time in my life. I hadn’t thought about you in months.

After I read your affidavit at court that day, it made me see how toxic I was and how not okay my actions toward you were. It made me so ashamed that it forced me to take accountability for fixing myself and my life.

I feel like I’ve made so much progress to being the best me possible and loving myself for the first time ever. The final item to cross off the list and truly close that chapter, is to apologise to you for what I did. That is all really. I have also written the entire story behind it as to hopefully fully explain my thinking of taking this stupid stupid stupid risk of sending this apology. So here goes;

I hope you’re happy, I truly, honestly do. There is no jealousy or hate in my words. When I hit rock bottom, reading your affidavit was a painful truth. Ever since then, i became determined to bounce back, better and stronger than before, and never ever be that manipulative, unstable, abusive, dependant asshole again. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in keeping that word to myself.

Im not trying to be apart of your life with this, that is not the point of what I’m trying to say. It’s to say I’ve come so far healing, that if I re-lived the breakup as strong as I am now, I would high five you whenever you had had decided to tell me about that night, like the friend I said I’d be would have done. And I suppose that’s the point of this, it is not to you my ex-girlfriend, it is to you my ex-best friend.

I would have been more supportive of your decision and not the jealous, emotional and abusive way I was. I am honestly happy for you, whatever you’re up to. I’m sure you’re doing big things, and I wish nothing but the best for your future, I know you’ll kill it.

You breaking things off was the best decision for both of our sakes, and I’m thankful you were storing enough to do it. I mean, sure... it does suck a little that I ruined us being able to be friends... but from it I learned to be a better person, so it wasn’t for nothing. I’m better focused on the whole picture of my life, and so driven to succeed at it, with happiness. I’ve stopped letting a small moment that everyone goes through(and better than I did) hold me back.

I know a lot happened that is probably unforgivable, and I know I made your life harder than it should have ever been, and I regret that a lot... I said and did some shameful things, but please know that is not who I am any more. I am somebody to be proud of. And, as jealous and mad as I was towards Kurt, I am happy you guys found each other and have lasted, honestly. Congratulations on one year.

As much as my friends say it shouldn’t be any of your business where I’m at, a bit of me still kind’ve thinks you might care that I’m doing well too, and that I am doing so much better with my mental health. You always cared through everything, even as I was horrible.

I need you to know I’m not that scary person anymore, and I really really don’t want you to remember me like that. I’ve never been able to say this before in my life, but I am finally honestly happy and proud of where I am. I’m a new person, one at peace, one who will not try and talk to you if see me, or try and get your attention with stupid shit. One who has truly moved on, free of my mental instability.

I took responsibility for learning to be better from my actions, and I’m now ready to move out on my very own, and cant still buy a new car. I religiously go to the gym, and play golf every weekend. I even quit smoking and gambling, as well as drugs, and cut down alcohol, I even started playing music again! It took a year of therapy, and several books, and month of work. But I did get better.

I’m proud of my progress, and I hope you can be to. I feel better than I ever have, I feel unstoppable. I learnt to love myself, and understand my mind, before trying to love anyone else, and I think I’ve finally found happiness with that. I’m ready to be a part of the world again; and this is me stepping into it again.

I expected me to take longer to get to this point, but here I am, and the last step to my “bounce back” plan is to say thank you:

Thank you for everything you did for me. Like when you went looking for me and stayed with me at hospital, and thank you for always worrying about my feelings and wanting the best for me. I never showed it at the time, but I really do appreciate everything you did for me. All the care you showed me. I am so sorry for how I treated you and for how I took advantage of your caring nature and pushed you as far as I did. I was so toxic and abusive, and I wish I could change that. I wish I was never the reason you shed a tear, or made you fear an order was the only way to feel safe. That was not fair to you at, and I’m so sorry. I will never put another woman through that again.

I let myself get out of control and emotionally unstable, and let myself give up, and nothing I did was at all okay, but...living through it has made me learn so much about stopping myself ever being like that again, so it wasn’t for nothing in the endZ

In hindsight, I am so grateful for everything you did for me, you truly are one of the kindest caring people I’ve ever met, and I’m thankful to have met you.

Not that it matters now but, I really didn’t know you couldn’t block my email address. That’s my mistake.

—————

I’m really really hoping there has been enough time and space to make this okay. There’s honestly no pressure for you to reply, it’s all good, but I really hope you could find it to trust that there is nothing more coming, and not tell the police. I really don’t want to breach my probation, which this is, and I really want them to let me go to America this year. I fully intend to follow the dv rules from here on out, i just needed you to have the apology you deserve.

I hope you are at a happy place now too and can appreciate this apology, and hopefully smile at the fact. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

I wish you all the best, and if you tell Kurt about this, please also tell him I’m sorry for trying to punch him that time. From what I’ve been told he’s a really nice guy, and I really am glad you found someone that makes you happy. Also, I’m sorry you got hurt in the crossfire of that punch. I would never intentionally hit you, and even accidentally doing so makes me sick to the stomach with disgust. I regret that night so much. I wish you both nothing but good luck and happiness, honestly. I have nothing but support for you guys.

I’m going back to not thinking about you now, don’t worry about that. All I needed was make it right, and this was it. You don’t need to respond, that is not the point. I will not be following this up with anything else, you have my word. I haven’t in 12 months, I can do it again.

(I know I’ve said things like this before, but this time is different. I hope I conveyed this in exactly the right way to make sure my good intention isn’t misconstrued.)

Best of luck with everything in your future, Dana. I hope you find what you’re looking for, whatever that is. I hope you kill it at life.

Peacefully, with kind regards,

An older, wiser, not-so-crazy-anymore old-friend.

“Please, God, may she smile from this.” - wrth

————————————————————————

P.S

I make a lot of money now, I’m a business development manager for Telstra now, and I have that money I said I’d pay you back set aside waiting. If you ever need it, someone can tell me where to transfer it and it’s done.

I hope you saw Eden. It was awesome.

Don’t forget, new Buzzfeed Unsolved was released this weekend.

Katie let slip you spoke to her, also. I don’t care, but I don’t want the same thing to happen as what has with her. When she saw me she was so scared that I was going to hit someone or get angry, even saying “that’s not my boyfriend” out of nowhere. It absolutely broke my heart to see what I did to her. I don’t want you to be like that if you see me. Please just know; if you see me, I will run away,. I’m not going to go anywhere near you, and I’m certainly not gonna start a fight. I am not threat.

I do hope some day you might be able to unblock me, or catch up for smashed avo and coffee at wheelhouse, no talk about what happened. That would be nice. It would be nice to see how far you’ve come, how things are, whats been achieved. Hopefully when there’s been enough time, we can laugh about it all.

Sorry for writing so much. I have written this apology 100 different times in the last week, trying to keep it short with the perfect words as to stay out of legal trouble. You know how I try and over explain things...

I tried religion eventually, like you suggested. I even prayed a few times. It wasn’t for for me, but I hope he’s on my side tonight that this works out as I’ve explained above. Not with any problems.

Apologies to all those caught in my line of fire. I don’t hate any of you, and I don’t have any bad feelings about it, so don’t worry about me if you run into me, I’ll just blend into the background.

[ilygsd]

110918

the only reason i even like this ugly fkn cunt is because we’re so similar. or at least were, he’s grown a bit more than me so i obviously appreciate his help and experience and knowlege or whatever.

but fuck him in the fucking asshole, not only is he a white man, not only does he get triggered by ”i hate whites/men” and ”ppl listen to u cus ur a white man” and takes it SUPER PERSONALLY and accuse me of fucking attacking him and shit. hes acting like a fucking dick when we’re fighting and the thing is……. HE REFUSES to admit when i say we’re similar in the way we fight??? he’s like ”no, im not” and im like YES BITCH YOU ARE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD

he’s so fucking aggressive, manipulative, guilt tripping and just…. COLD. i swear what the fuck is wrong with him? i’ve met him 3 times, and we’ve fought 2 times. ive known him for like 2 weeks and we’ve already had 2 major fights??

the only reason im not fucking murdering him on the spot is because 1. im not a fucking idiot. i know my limits. i CANT control him, i CANT manipulate him. i dont have any power over him and 2. i fucking like him?? if i dont apologize he’s going to go on for fucking ever and eternity??? i like him and im actually genuinely sorry that he’s hurt even if he’s a fucking pussy who got triggered over smth as petty

like excuse ME!! the way he fights is REALLY triggering for me??? the first time i was terrified. it was like flashbacks and shit i cried for a whole day and i hadn’t even met him back then. i was SO SCARED and SO SHOCKED. because IT IS I who usually have his position. it is I who usually put people in their places, NOT the other way around. i HATE being scolded, feeling like a worthless little piece of shit

i knew that i should’ve blocked his ass because that can really be SO damaging to me. also there’s a risk im goong to explode as well and we’re just gonna trigger each other and fight to death…. but i didnt because i was too god damn curious of what he had to offer. is it really possible for me to be happy as well? is it really possible for me to heal and grow like him? ERHM well obviously he’s not in his ”complete form” yet, fucking psycho when he get angry, but he’s pretty happy and kind and positive generally

i worried so much about me draining him with my anxiety and issues but he said he wouldnt let me drain him. he said he always put himself first and the he basically would leave if i try to pull anything on him. why the fuck did i even worry about him when he’s trying to manipulate and guilt trip me?? I AM SO PISSED. HE REALLY TRIED TO DO THAT THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

during our first fight it worked because i was SO SHOCKED, as i said. and i was SCARED. but fuck him in the asshole he really- he really tried to FUCKING DO THAT TO ME

he accuses me of being disrespectful of his limits when he goes fucking bananas, everythings happening so fast i cant even process what just happen, i dont even have the time to apologize cus hes all over and everywhere. and he’s so fucking threatening. he’s like ”if you dont…..” and he doesnt realize what the fuck he’s doing?? i apologize because 1. i hate these fights and 2. i like him i dont want to hurt him but he’s like ”i have nothing to apologize for”

STUPID FUCKING CUNTBAG YOUR UGLY TECHNIQUES ARE WAY OVER MY LIMITS, YOURE DISRESPECTING ME 101919X MORE THAN I EVER DISREPSEXTED U BY CALLING U A WHITE MAN.

(also can we talk abt how this motherfucker understabds that whites and men are privileged but he still doesnt get why reverse oppression isnt a thing and that it is GROUPS that are privileged and NOT individuals??? like he’s that fucking dumb)

that shit actually HURT!!!! i think he’s really immature during fights, i think he’s really fucking pathetic and i’m glad i’ve come to that conclusion rather than beating myself up. yes, i now understand that this is probably what it feels like for the counterpart when im fighting with them and im fuckig sorry that im acting like this psycho

BUT!!!!!! what really HURT was that he HONESTLY TRIED TO MANIPULATE ME. if i hadn’t called his ass out this time he would have gotten away with it AGAIN

bitch, he’s fucking 23 years old. he’s 4 years older than me. he also KNOWS!!!!!! i have a stupid crush on him and he STILL!!!!! TRIED TO GUILT TRIP ME, TRIED TO MAKE ME OBEY AND SUBMIT TO HIM, GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG

im so pissed and a part of me wish i would just have exploded but i couldnt because it was fucking 1 am and my family was asleep and i couldnt fucking shout at someone over the phone. also it actually made me feel a bit superior and mature when i was all calm and he still was upset (even though he wouldnt admit it, stupid proud brat. his voice changes distinctly). okay YES, i MAY have patronized him a little but also NOT!!! i was just really tired and sad and i still liked him so like….. i was just upset and trying to calm him down

its kind of hilarious how i had to tell him to stop sounding so aggressive and he was like ”im not” and i was like ”yes you are” and so he actually KIND OF stopped and it was easier to talk to him. wow i feel so powerful lmao. omg in really not any better than him am i? i know im not because no matter how much he denies it…….. im literally exactly the same when i fight 😔😔 i tell myself i wasnt like that because i didnt WANT to, because i want to be MATURE but a part of me honestly thinks its just me knowing my place. i like him more than the likes me, he can use that to his advantage, there was no reason or possibility for me to dominate him.

im still very pissed though and just because i like him i still REFUSE to follow him like a little puppy. ive been so worried ALL this time that i wouldnt be able to keep up with him intellectually, that he was too good for me, too smart and too kind. PFFFFFFFT!!! im sorry but i swear i was just idealizing him or smth. its his fucking voice and scent, its like a drug it makes me all calm and dizzy but objectively…. dont fucking let him manipulate you. if he ever makes you feel like yo should apologize and that tou did wrong, ask yourself WHY. an east escape is not the right answer. call him the fuck out. i think and hope he avtually would appreciate it as well……. even though he’s so fucking stubborn and proud OMG HES SO PROUD I CANT, I AM PROUD TOO BUT NOT TO HIM. or maybe a little since i now refuse to fucking message him, maybe a little bit manipulative but no, im still mad, the way he acted lady night was fucked up. why does he have to be so proud with ME???? is it because he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as i do? yeah probably

that stupid motherufcker…. when i told him ”instead of threatening me that you’re gonna hung up if i dont ’respect’ aka BEHAVE accordingly…. you could just say ’hey im not comfortable talking right now, i need to hung up’ AND HE WAS LIKE ”but we’re not that close-/but we’re not that emotionally-” or something like that and i was like……. is this dipshit clown really serious?? ”uhhh its more like COMMON SENSE AND RESPECT” and he was like ”yeah maybe…” YEAH MAYBE? NO YOU KNOW IM FUCKING RIGHT

god that piece of shit really thinks he has me wrapped around his finger or something. im attracted to him but what he doesnt understand is that he’s still a plain white man. he had NO IDEA how much im controlling myself by even letting myself fall for a white man. does he really think he can like…. i sont know?? i fucking asked him. because i said ”i dont demand or threaten you” and he was like yeah i know. and i was like woahhh…. wait a second….. ”do you think i dont because i like you? do you think i would just follow you whatever?” and he was like ”im not gonna answer that”

oh my god he really thought didnt he. stupid ass white boy really thought i would choose him over myself or any of my siblings of color. smh poor jack.

im going nuts. okay…. if he EVER pulls something like this again i wont be so sure i’ll be able to handle this on a mature level. the worst thing is though that i HAVE TO. because even when i DO, he’s so fucking ptronizing. like te WHITE MAN just jumped out???? if i were to lose my shit……. ITS SI FRUSTRATING AND ITS EXACTLY WHY I CANT BE WITH A WHITE MAN. i was avtually very fucking calm and he STILL managed to make me feel like i was the ”bad guy”.

ughhhh im fucking insane. this…… whatever the fuck our relationship is cus this boy is apprently only interested in me what the fuck that now even means?? okay so we can like hang out and be physical and cuddle and shit but we’re not a couple and its NOT limited to being exclusively us. apparebtly i should still feel flattered though?? cus he doesnt find anyone attractive and he needs some sort of chemistry??? im sorry boy but i am NOT flattered. you do you, i get it, it takes time for you to fall in love with someone but im obviously still much more emotionally invested. that not your fault. thats my problem. my abandonment and attatchment issues. honestly im so fucked i cant even differ my feelings. my feelings for him are strong but idk what they are. some days i feel like platonic friendship, other days an older brother, a romantic partner and sometimes even a dad/parental figure. like im that fucked up i just need a STRONG BOND i dont care what

i low key hate myself for how i ended the call yesterday. thanks to that, now i cant bring this up again. its too late. the fight is ”over”. i was like ”i still like u bye goodnight sweet dreams” but now im like ”i hate u ugly bitch”.

god my head

[westerberg]

i sad

ugh my period of “anger masking any sadness” has ended and i’m sad again.

honestly im just so tired of everybody. I have like, one friend and my sister who i feel actually care about me, like on a day to day basis. is my dad doing his best? possibly. do i care when he still he makes me feel like shit, daily? not really tbh. i know he loves me but he just does not show any concern for my emotions or anything. he always seems to put his own needs and wants over mine, which i guess is fine, but last time i had a single parent with my mom she cared about nothing more than my feeling, my interests, and my day. she was perfect and now i have an extremely imprefect dad who has called both me and my sister a bitch before (he called me it jokingly to be fair, but god, if mom were there to see that. he called my sister a bitch for real)

i hate to be that high school depressed kid but i honestly can’t relate to my friends very well anymore. i listen to every one of their boring dentist stories, stories about their cats and dogs that are THE SAME EVERY TIME, and listen to them shit talk stuff i love. and to top it off, they don’t seem to give a shit about my stories. i talk about stuff i love and they just wander off. i feel extremely taken for granted and i am very tempted to just abandon most of them.

honestly not really any of my friends have any knowledge on my interests and i can usually deal but just something about depression + everyone taking you for granted makes you really frustrated when you’re around a bunch of people who just want you to make some jokes and listen to their shit.  

none of them know anything about politics, pop culture, and our music tastes are super different, and also don’t do anything interesting. THOSE ARE THE ONLY THINGS I KNOW HOW TO HAVE GOOD CONVOS ABOUT. AND I DONT FEEL LIKE EXPLAINING THAT THE 2008 RECESSION EVEN HAPPEND OR WHO DICK CHENEY IS TO HAVE SOME GOOD CONVERSATIONS.

i have two friends on tumblr, and one doesnt go to our school anymore and i dont think she reads my posts so im not too worried about that. but if you are reading dont worry ur good. then the other one is my Good Friend who tells Interesting Stories and knows the First Thing about politics and pop culture. ur still a weeb but cha good.

friend #1: annoying lil trumpet player who loves picking fights and making me feel stupid. bitch, im so much smarter than you. i dont care if you understand finding non-real zeroes in a polynomial, you didnt understand la la land and and why the muslim ban is nonsense, whose the real idiot? i swear to god if i gotta listen to you talk about cuddling with your dog again while blatenly shrugging off stuff i wanna tell you i will beat ypu behind a dumpster. you rebuplican evangelical trumper. honestly you’re good for 1. pasing the time on jazz band bus rides and 2. stories about your crushes, even if your crush is just as big of a homophobe as you

friend #2: oh my god. OOOOOOOOHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDD. SHUT UP.  OH SO YOU DIDN’T UNDERSTAND LA LA LAND? OH YOUR CAT CUDDLED WITH YOU TODAY? OH YOU THINK I SHOULD DO THIS DIFFERENTLY? OH SO YPU THOUGHT THE OFFICE WAS STUPID??? OH SO YPU WANNA BE AN ACCOUNTANT WHEN YOU GROW UP? OH SO YOU DID YOUR NOTES REALLY NICELY? OH SO YOU HATE BAND? OH SO YOU THINK THE RED HPT CHILI PEPPERS ARE “super old”????OH SO YOU “just wanna go home and cuddle with your cat”???????? OH THATS REALLY INTERESTING. WANNA HEAR ABOUT WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND? OH NO OF COURSE YOU WOULDNT JUST BECAUSE I LISTENED TO YOU RAMBLE ON FOR 5 MINUTES EVERY HOUR DOESNT OWE ME YOU GIVING A SHIT ABOUT WHAT I DO TOO. OH YEAH THATS HOW FIRENDSHIP WORKS, ONE PERSON YAKKING TO THE OTHER, THE OTHE RPESON TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING AND THE EITHER GETTING A GRUNT OR A CRITISISM IN RESPONSE. YUP GRWAT THATS GREAT

friends #3+#4: same problem. they’re fun but cant take anything seriously. they just like anime and youtuber and when i try to tell them about my problems or my personal interests its obviuos they just want me to shut up and just be funny. im kinda really good friends with one of them but i s2g, they just make the same jokes every day, both tell me extremely similar dream stories which.... get boring after a while. except the one where she murdered her family, that one is interesting. one is interested in politics on some level, she watches john oliver but she still didnt know 1. who jon stewart is 2. THAT THE 2008 RECESSION HAPPEND. so. not great. the other one really doesnt know anything about anything except animation which gets. boring.so decent friends, but not really what im looking for rn.

friend #5. a weeb who is good and gay at heart. could stand to learn more about politics and pop cultures, but doing much much much better than her competition. A Good Bi

friend #6: we’re not super close but she kinda seems to just like me when i’m funny, but i guess thats how most of my friendships starts. guess that figures, but she’s nice. also did not know the 2008 recession happened

friends Rest Of Immediate Friend Group: i swear they think i’m dumb, i don’t know why but i do.  don’t know them super well, they’re cooler than the rest of my friends, but seem to hate fun about just as much. date questionable boys.

i have other friends but this is the Friend Group and don’t feel like going outside of this cause none of the rest of them make me especially angry.

my friends don’t seem to know the first thing about hardships. friend #2 didnt get to archery, go to pep band that night, or put up posters that night. now, i know its an asshole move to say this but, uh, 1. she lives in a real house 2. her mom is alive 2. she isn’t struggling in school at all 3. she didnt grow up with dad in the army who ended up doing drugs 4. she’s never been depressed, and i think i have been twice now, at the age of 16, so, uh, go fuck yourself. i��ve never felt more depressed and lonely in my life and i try to vent to people and they don’t give a shit, including you so ypu know what? suck it the fuck up

god, i hate depressed me. she’s such a bitch. sarcastic intellectual, better-than-you, vengence fueled lizzie. its not me, but i don’t wanna be me right now. im fine being angry and uppity cause it feels warrented. these people don’t show me in any way that they care about me and make me feel bad god, i cant listen to one more of my privileged friends complain about shit i don’t even think about anymore.

i know i’ve been a bitch to my friends lately and healthy lizzie apologizes deeply, and depressed lizzie says go fuck yourself and why dont you help out instead of sidelining me until i become more palateable to you sophmores you dont know the first thing about life, and who think youtubers are hilarious and the holy trinity of comedies suck (office, iasip, arrested development)

i know that last line doesnt fit but it just makes me angry