#i say the last two phases but it's the climb that i'm struggling with. i don't know why lmao

[edeer]

i've been replaying hollow knight lately mostly because i wanted to finally beat pantheon 5 and man. absolute radiance. boss fight of all time.

[flrlgreen]

jealousy, jealousy (toji fushiguro x reader) + twt prn link

a/n: thank you for the support on my last two posts! i appreciate it so much! here’s some filthy toji action tho. i apologize again for any mistakes i'm always tired.

cw:  age gap, sex toys, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, reader has a vagina, name-calling, recording, use of the names slut, whore, princess, and baby girl, possessiveness, size kink, teasing.

link

Having a much older boyfriend wasn’t for the faint of heart. Being a sophomore in college and dating a man who was in his late 30s proved to be challenging at times. Although he took care of your every single need and made sure you never went without. There were times when you couldn’t stand him. 

He knew that dating a young woman in college would be hard. After all, you know what they say about college life. Toji was a possessive man and would do anything to show that you were his. Never mind the age gap between you two. When he found out that Gojo Satoru, a classmate that you were supposed to work on a project with, had asked you out it took every ounce of his being not to tear that man apart. 

It didn’t help that you kept telling him that it didn’t mean anything and that his constant possessive behavior made you want to break up. It just ignited something in him. 

Right now your boyfriend was towering over your smaller frame. It made you rub your thighs together. “So, you wanna break up do you?” He said in a low register. All you could get out was a meek ‘yes’. He laughed when he heard your response and his thumb found your chin. He forced your gaze to meet his.

It felt like he was burning holes in you with his eyes. You couldn’t even manage to make eye contact. “Look at me Doll.” A small tinge of anger was laced with his words. “No.” You knew he wouldn’t like your reply, but getting him frustrated was a part of the fun. “No?” He says and before you could even process what he had said he grabs your waist and hoists you over his shoulder. 

“Toji! Put me down!” You banged your fists on his broad and strong back and it didn’t phase him one bit. He threw your smaller body on the bed and flipped you over. He wasted no time getting on top of you. You felt his hard cock on your ass. “I’m gonna give you one more chance to change that attitude.” He leans in and says next to your ear. “Fuck off.” You spit. Toji’s hand finds your ass and gives it a harsh pinch. “Stay right here, and don’t fucking move.” 

At this point, you’re leaking, and despite wanting to get under Toji’s skin for irritating you, you know better than to move. You feel his body leave the bed and you hear some shuffling before he climbs back into bed and gets behind you. You look up and into the mirror in front of you. “Arch, now.” He demands and you oblige. “Good girl.” He smiles and grabs the dildo he had in hand. You watch as he reaches over your arched body and suctions the dildo to the mirror. “Suck it now.” “R-right now?” You stutter. “Did I stutter, Sweetie?” 

Your lips press against the tip of the dildo and Toji watches as he palms himself with one hand and holds your phone in the other. “Don’t be shy now Princess. Show the camera how well you can suck cock.” Knowing you were on camera made you feel like jelly. 

Your tongue swirls around the soft tip of the sex toy before you begin to move your mouth down the toy inch by inch. As every inch slides down your throat, slurping sounds fill the room as you struggle to take the thick length. “Poor Princess, I know you can take more. You take my huge cock every night.” He teases and rubs your ass, still recording. 

Your throat relaxes around the inches before you take the remaining inches down your warm throat. “That’s a good girl.” Toji groans while pulling his boxers down. You make eye contact with your boyfriend in the mirror while you gag and choke on the fake cock. “Show Gojo how well you can suck cock.” That’s when you realize. Toji is recording this to send to him. The thought alone makes you want to pass out in embarrassment but also makes you hot.

 

Knowing this was going to your flirty classmate, you had to put on a show. You bob your head up and down the length while looking directly into the phone’s camera. Drool ran down your chin and fell onto the bed sheets. Your throat bulged and your eyes rolled to the back of your head every time you went down to the base. “So good at choking on cock. What a slut.” Your boyfriend mutters and pulls your skirt and panties down in one tug. 

“Take it all, and stay there.” Toji uses his free hand to give his thick cock a few experimental pumps before lining it up with your dripping cunt. He shifts the focus of the camera down to where you two are about to be connected. “So fucking wet, all for me. No one else.” He hisses and shoves his entire cock in all at the same time. “God damn,” He groans. No words can escape your mouth that don’t sound muffled.

The sudden feeling of being filled to the brim with Toji’s cock was otherworldly. You cry around the sex toy that’s stuffed down your throat while Toji starts moving. His brutal thrusts make your lower half flash with pleasure every time he hits that sweet spot inside you. “My baby has the tightest little pussy, doesn’t she?” He says all while not slowing down one bit. “Oh wait, your mouth is full isn’t it?” He laughs. “Only I can make you feel this good.” His tone was so deep and laced with so much jealousy like you had never heard before.

The gagging and smacking sounds continued and it was all becoming too much. Toji would occasionally angle the camera downwards so Gojo could of course get a full view of his assault on your pussy, and make direct eye contact with you in the mirror while he made you gag and cry. 

He noticed your body was beginning to show signs of giving out. “Aw, baby. Is it too much?” You nodded with your throat full. “You wanna cum don’t you Princess?” A muffled ‘yes’ was all that came out of your mouth while his tip kissed your cervix with each deep thrust. “God, I’m gonna cum to. Cum for me whore.” That was all you needed. Your knees shook and gave out while your orgasm washed over you and your boyfriend’s thrusts became sloppier. The now-soaking toy slipped from your throat as you melted into the bed. 

“Fuck, I came so fucking much,” Toji says and pans the camera down to the mess he made all over your pussy and ends the video.

Send.

[halloweenbitch2764]

i love your blog !! i'm new to reading slasher fics, but i've been loving the hcs people have been coming up with. i'm a sucker for fluffy headcanons about thomas, vincent, and brahms if you're willing 💜

and if you fr do ahs too, kit has always been a fave! and kai... lord have mercy. i'll be happy with whatever tho, i love your writing!

- 🔪💕

Ahhh thank you so much! I can definitely give you some fluff :D So, I started writing this months ago and am just getting back to it. I'm gonna skip the AHS boys on this (just for now) because I really want to focus on the Slashers. Sorry!

Slashers x Reader Fluff

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas had had a long day working, and you had had a long day of doing your own chores. Your joints ached, and you thanked the stars that it was becoming fall. The almost unbearable heat from the summer nights was moving out, and it was becoming nicer.

You dressed into your nightgown and climbed into bed. Thomas wasn't far behind, undressing down to his boxers and climbing in after you. He had even gotten comfortable enough to remove his mask. The bags under your eyes felt like they weighed a ton as your eyes struggled to stay open.

You looked over to Thomas, who was already staring at you as he admired your features. He still couldn't fathom why someone as pretty as you would fall for someone like him. You never chastised him like Hoyt did.

You felt your cheeks start burning and averted your eyes, which caused him to chuckle. He pulled you closer to him, and you couldn't help the giggle that left you. You pressed a kiss to his cheek, and he grinned. Despite being married (at least in the eyes of the family) you two acted like you had yet to leave the honeymoon phase. Of course you had the occasional argument. It was nothing that couldn't be solved though.

Your sleepiness hit you in the face and you felt yourself starting to drift off. Thomas had started his nightly habit of rubbing your back. It seemed as soothing to him as it was to you. You gave him one last sleepy smile before drifting off. He drifted off as well.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent had been working in the basement (as per usual), and you knew he needed to quit for the night. The sun was nearly setting, and he had worked through the day from nearly sun up. You had brought him food and drinks throughout the day to make sure he didn't get too engrossed in his work. You had also made dinner, which was why you wanted him to stop for the night.

You made your way to the basement, knocking to announce your arrival so you wouldn't surprise Vincent. You opened the door and stepped in, smiling at Vincent, who had looked up to see who was at the door. From the way his mask shifted, you could tell he was smiling.

He wiped his hands off on his apron, and you practically skipped up to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his masked cheek. Vincent hugged you to him before releasing you after a moment. "I think it's time for a break, my love." You say and smile at him. He stands still for a moment as if thinking over what you said before agreeing with you. "It's becoming night anyway." He nodded, and you two headed back to the house.

It didn't take long for you to arrive, and you got plates out from the kitchen, setting the little kitchen table. Silverware came next, and then you plated the food, setting it on the table. Vincent waited for you to sit down before removing his mask to eat. Vincent wasn't scared to take his mask off around you anymore. He just preferred to have it on.

You two ate happily, making small talk about your current projects and such. After dinner was finished, being ate and cleaned up, you headed for the bedroom. Neither of you were ready for bed, but you knew it likely wouldn't be long before you got tired. You yawned and changed into your pajamas before climbing into bed. Vincent changed out of his wax stained clothes and did the same, changing into his own pajamas and climbing into bed with you.

You let out a sigh and rubbed your eyes. Vincent smiled at you, and you could tell he was worn out. You smiled back at him snuggled against him. He blushed but didn't object, wrapping his arm around your waist. You played with a strand of his hair and kissed him sweetly, which he returned. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, apparently more tired than he had realized.

Brahms Heelshire

A soft yawn escaped you as you stood in the kitchen, making the two of you dinner. The majority of the rules had been completed, which left you at dinner. Brahms had disappeared into the walls before you started cooking as he usually did.

You hummed softly as you diced the vegetables that would be used in the dish. Soon enough the dish went into the oven to cook. You let yourself drift into your own little world as you cleaned up the cabinets and cutting board. So far into your own little world that you didn't notice Brahms standing behind you.

The feeling of eyes on you pulled you out and you turned, jumping almost instantly at the sight of Brahms in your peripheral. A soft huff left you as you hung the towel up you had used to dry your hands. "Why didn't you say something?"

He shrugged before picking you up by your thighs and setting you on the counter. A surprised squeak left you as you grabbed onto him for support. A childish giggle left him. He seemed proud of himself. Before you could say anything he shoved his face into your chest, wrapping his arms around your waist.

Your chest had easily become his favorite pillow (next to your thighs). When you read to him, he would lay with his head on your chest. If he could find the opportunity to do it, he likely would. You wrapped your arms around his head loosely and set your head on top of his.

Though you couldn't see his face, you knew he was grinning. His body language alone portrayed how he was feeling. You let your fingers run through his hair, gently working out any knots. He nearly purred. And so you two stayed in relatively the same position until the meal finished cooking.

[lawqual1ty]

Burn out... (FEM! Trafalgar Law x FEM! Reader)

Pov: College can sure take a toll on anyone, especially when exams come around the corner. Your roommate however tries her best to be your biggest supporter even though she's quite dense on how to do so...

I wrote this on a whim while trying to get my stress levels down a bit due to my exams so... Expect a lot of errors--

Warning: Curse words, Lesbians, burn out and stress symptoms (reader), mild flashbacks (Law), College scenario, fluuuuff I need female Law to comfort me okay??, A bit of Ooc Law? I'm not sure. Law calls you a raccoon--

College is the most magical chapter of your life, they said... Enjoy every part of it while it lasts, they said...

Those words resounded in your brain like some sort of non-breakable chant as you read and re-read the PDF the teacher had sent you over to study... It was long and filled with intricate words that you struggled to understand... It made your whole entire system feel dizzy as you stared at the screen of your tiny laptop, almost dumbfounded.

"I'm hungry..." You muttered in annoyance.

"Ugh God dammit!" You let out a loud groan as you roughly held onto your hair, luckily you were sitting on your bed of your tiny rented room so your fall backwards was rather safe, your hair fell backwards as you groaned in annoyance... Did you really have to wait until the last minute to study...? Did you really have to be so persistent on getting a better grade than last time...? Why did everyone define this as the best phase of your life...? If this was the best part you didn't even want to begin to imagine what the rest of your life would be like. You were tired, too sleepy to process another equation but too stressed to take at least a single wink of sleep, not that you could either way since, well... Tomorrow morning you would have to go to class all over again and sleeping would only make time pass faster. You bury your face into your hands, lifting your glasses up a bit, a soft groan escaping your lips before silence surrounded your room...

Before you knew it you had stood up from your bed and walked out of your room and over to the kitchen.

The small house you lived in was rather cozy; your room was located in the basement which gave you a clear access to the kitchen, you only had to climb up a pair of stairs and you were greeted by a small living room to your right and the kitchen to your left, it was perfect for long nights such as these in which you only needed to serve yourself a small cup of coffee and some pancakes (since they had been your basic night diet for the past week or two...), especially considering the fact that since you were so close you wouldn't have to wake up either of your roommates.

Their rooms were upstairs, far away from you and your annoyed at the world and your decisions ass. You rented a room with two other girls; One you had only passed by a couple of instances since she mostly hung out with her friends and even sometimes went to sleep over to their house, if you were to describe her you would say she was like a hurricane of sunlight in some way... She was cheerful and energetic and always had that characteristic strawhat that made her stand out just with a single glance, you had only interacted with her a few times but when you did you couldn't help but smile dropping an occasional laugh or two. She was cheerful and you could appreciate that occasionally. You turned to look up at where her room was only to realize her light was turned off... A soft sigh escaped your lips, a wave of relief washing over you as you realized that she won't be stealing any of your food this time around.

You looked around once more, your eyes falling into your other roommates room... Oh yes, you couldn't forget about the other one, although, she was even more rare to see than the prior. You had definitely interacted with her more but it was still on certain occasions, heck you could even count them with your fingers and it would fit. She was the first one to get here, even before you, and her tired gaze and demeanor made you realize immediately that she was not someone you wanted to get in the way of... She was cold, sharp and analytical; although there were occasions in which that all came crashing down and you have managed to witness that more than once much to your luck...

As you stared up into her turned on light you wondered what would go down if she came down to the kitchen with you inside it... Would she argue with you about how much longer she's been up than you? Or will she just ask why are you still awake and head off once you made her a mug of your characteristically strong coffee? You let out a soft amused huff before shaking those thoughts away, only she knew if she would come down... It all depended on how drowned out in studying she was: it wasn't up to you.

Since she was a medicine student it was rather obvious she had the most stress out of the three, you being a criminology student was in the middle, you had ran into her in your occasional ransacks into the kitchen looking for something to keep you awake and functional as you tried to Speedrun all your investigation papers, since your work groups had rarely managed to do shit right in the first place. Occasionally, you would chat about meaningless things; starting out with a quick "hey..." And following it up with a "why are you still awake...?" Making the conversations evolve from that point onward. She introduced herself as Trafalgar Law but told you you could just call her Law if you'd like to which you agreed since well... you found it a tad bit rude to call someone by their full name, even if you had just met 'em. You would catch glimpses of her softer side, noticing just why she had decided to study medicine in the first place, she was a sweet gal' underneath that cold exterior; that however didn't take off her snarky remarks nor her anger when she talked about some incompetent classmate in her class, to which you usually reluctantly agreed sometimes due to your own experiences. Your relationship with Law was... Unique to say the least, although you two got along you would sometimes get into banter out of who cleaned up or your grades even though you were completely different majors, it resulted in some rather tense yet fun moments between you two, although, mostly there were more calm moments than heated ones.

You walked into the kitchen and opened your cupboard to take out your coffee. You took a few spoonfuls and placed them into the filter of the coffee machine, the soft scent of the coffee grind already helping you to wake up a bit. You hummed softly as you walked up to the sink to get some water into the machine.

Unbeknownst to you, on the upper side of the house a black haired girl let out a tired yawn as her gaze was fixed on her computer. The accumulated sleepiness of several days with a wink of rest was finally catching up to her as she tried to read the document on the screen of her laptop. She squinted her eyes, her vision getting blurry due to how sleep deprived she was; frustration made her let out a groan as she leaned back on her chair, her hands ran through her hair making it even more of a mess than what it was already... She couldn't concentrate at all.

"four cups should do..." You muttered to yourself as you poured the needed water into the machine, clearly oblivious to your surroundings.

Her brows perked up as she realized she wasn't the only one awake. It was around 12:12 pm when she headed out of her room and noticed the kitchen light on together with the light to your room in the basement reflecting onto the small living room, You were also awake, the faintest scent of coffee coming from the kitchen confirming her suspicions. Unbeknownst to her, a small smile crept its way to her lips as she headed down the stairs... Almost as if the sweet scent of your coffee mixed with your characteristic humming pulled her into the kitchen, a magnetism only you had on her.

"Fuck..." She cursed under her breath, both out of respect for you and your other roommate and out of tiredness, she didn't have the strength to even yell out but if she slept she definitely wasn't going to pass, why did she decide to study this again...? She looked up at the ceiling, the slightest glimpse of her family coming back to her... Her lips parted slightly before smiling gently to herself.

"I better wake up..." She muttered under her breath as she slowly got up from her chair and onto the main hallway.

You were so focused on your duty at hand that you didn't realize a tall dark haired girl was leaning against the door frame, staring at you... Pondering on how long exactly it would take you to realize she was there. Sooner rather than later you quickly turned around and almost yelled out when you saw her, she had to hold back a laugh at how scared you seemed just by her unexpected presence alone.

"HOLY-- LAW!" A soft snort could be heard from her.

"Hey..." Her half husky yet sweet voice greeted you in a very nonchalant way, almost as if she didn't regret how she had scared you even one bit. A pout could be visible in your pursed lips.

"A warning would have been nice..." You mumbled under your breath as you turned around to turn on the coffee machine, the familiar sound of a beep showing you it was already on and ready to make the coffee you two very much needed. She let out a low chuckle, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared at you.

"Even if I had warned you, you were too focused on your own shit to actually take it seriously..." Her playful words only made you pout as you turned around to face her.

"Shut up!" You exclaimed almost in a yelp which was rather amusing to Law "Warn me still! Or did you want to scare me that badly...?"

Your question only made her shrug, fueling your frustration up a notch... Although you couldn't quite exactly stay mad at her for long, you were too tired for that. A soft sigh escaped your lips, you leaned against the counter a reaction that caught Law's attention immediately; Sure, you could usually be a bit grumpy when you didn't sleep well but for you to go on and sigh... It was rather odd. If you looked close enough, you would notice the slightest glimpse of worry in her eyes, she didn't show it openly due to her little understanding of how far she could go with her emotions when it came about you, she just stared at you... Her body gently leaning forward a bit towards you as if she was pulled yet again by your presence.

"Rough night...?" Was all she could muster the courage to ask, a soft groan escaped your lips as you rubbed the bridge of your nose.

"Rough night..." You responded gently, not really wanting to act annoyed at her, after all, it wasn't her fault that you were in a foul mood... You were the one who forgot to study days before the exam and just now was catching up... Not her! So why would you burst in front of her?

As you were mentally struggling to keep yourself at bay Law stared at you with a hint of concern in her face, although you two had rarely interacted she knew something was off... Sure, she could blame it all on the lack of sleep, college could be a bitch and she totally understands that since well... She's in the same situation as you, but your uncharacteristic annoyance and groans were more than just having a bad sleep schedule. Law was so torn on what to do... How is she supposed to help you...? You had always been a great aid, unbeknownst to you, whenever you two had interacted during these long and stressful nights you had always managed to make her believe that things weren't as rough as she had believed so in the first place, it was like your mere existence was all that she needed to keep going... Almost as if you gave her the little spark she needed to keep going strong during this long and arduous journey that is studying medicine; But now that you needed her to aid you she froze... She had no clue on what to do or what to say to help, she had never been good with comforting even herself so how was she supposed to do it for you? It was frustrating...

The coffee machine pouring the four cups of coffee you had served was the only sound that surrounded the two of you, the mere dripping adding a soft sound of ambiance as both your minds filled the rest with loud thoughts.

You kept pondering and pondering on the things you've studied so far, remembering everything you could, getting frustrated by the second as you forgot some stuff... Your brain was filled with dark strings of thoughts, some threaded into your mind with knowledge and understanding of debates and investigation yet others just stepped into the edges of your patience with a negative poison that made your head hurt... It was getting overwhelming and you didn't even know how to stop it from getting as intense as it was... Your heart felt heavy and your mind became dull, a migraine threatening to start and ruin your study night... Just like before, you were so caught up in your own world that you didn't realize the movement that had happened just next to you.

You had fully expected for Law to have already left, after all the only thing she would have stayed for was a cup of your coffee... Or that's what you thought. Your mess of a mind was suddenly blank, all the dark threads of thought seemingly coming to a halt as you felt a pair of hands stop them... The unfamiliar warmth that covered you sent a shiver down your spine; What had happened...? You slowly glanced over your shoulder only to find a mass of black hair over the crook of your neck... Law was hugging you.

Your whole body froze; she had never been the type to give hugs heck, even the slightest glimpse of affection coming from her was like a rare achievement, so for her to now be hugging you was... Odd; Even Law herself was surprised, she wasn't one to be this open yet when she saw how your eyes had slowly drained out of that spark she loved, her mind went blank and her body moved on her own, Half out of her whim and half out of what she had learned from you aiding her.

A few minutes went by in this position, her rather strong arms holding onto you while you looked at the coffee machine, the sound of coffee dripping onto the container now feeling somewhat comforting... Your heart and mind were a mess, the latter now filled with thoughts about Law and Law only, almost as if her presence alone made your whole mind agree on what should be threading it. Before long, you raised your hands and gently placed them on top of her tattooed arms, making her flinch slightly. She fully believed you would make her pull away but you didn't, you chuckled slightly as you rubbed your thumb through her soft skin.

"Thank you..." You muttered gently, a soft hum was heard from Law as she held you tighter against her.

"No need..." She mumbled against the nape of your neck. "I just... Thought you might need one of these..."

A soft snort escaped your lips. "'One of these'...? Are hugs so alien to you you don't even know what they're called...?" Your teasing words made her blush a bright red, not that you could see.

"S-shut up, That's not--"

"Nah Nah, you said one of these!" You giggled before clearing your throat and speaking in a bit more of a formal tone just to mess with her. "Allow me to introduce you: Law, hugs; hugs, Law"

Your playful tone made her roll her eyes; sure, you were being annoying but it was better than that gloomy version of yours she saw a few minutes ago, so she would let it pass... For now.

"Oh well nice to meet you I guess..." You laughed at her sudden approval of your teasing words.

Your laugh... It was beautiful, Law's mind became a mushy mess as she chuckled along with you. Sure, she had heard plenty of people laugh but for some reason the way you laughed with such genuine joy was... Something that always made her melt.

"You little raccoon..." She mumbled against the back of your head, making you giggle. It wasn't long before Law's instincts took place... She stared at the back of your head, your soft hair greeting her almost as if asking her to act as she had desired to for so long... A deep breath was all that she needed to get the courage to do so. Your eyes widened as you heard a faint smack sound coming from the back of your head, the gentle tickle of your hair mixed with Law's lips snapping you out to reality... Your pulse jumped up to your cheeks, tinting them a light pink as the realization of what had happened sank in... Your lips parted slightly.

"Did you... Kiss me...?" You didn't even understand why you asked... The answer was so obvious it made Law feel flustered about the fact that you were asking in the first place. A low chuckle was heard from her.

"What do you think little raccoon...?" Her words made your heart leap, she had kissed you... While holding tightly against her. Your silence made her a tad bit uneasy as she couldn't look at how brightly you were blushing confirming that you had indeed liked that small showcase of affection.

"You okay...?"

You perked up. "Y-yeah I'm fine!"

Your yelp caught her off guard, it was all the affirmation she needed... You liked it. She laughed, clearly amused by your reaction. She let out a soft sigh before hugging you against her body.

"Rough night then...?" She asked once more, the resounding of the same question from earlier making your heart flutter, the silent affirmation of that change lingering in the air like a mute prayer... Your lips curved up in a soft smile. You don't know where you got the courage but you laced your fingers with hers, the words 'DEATH' greeting you for an instant before they were quickly hidden by your lips, turning them a slight rosy pink as your companion felt a surge of warmth go through her entire body.

The coffee machine suddenly beeped, signaling the end of its coffee making process but neither of you cared for coffee anymore... You were too drowned out in the pleasure of being next to each other that you didn't listen, all you could hear was your heartbeat as you spoke in a soft whisper...

"Not anymore..."

[sibillascribbles08]

Okay! Finally got this done (focused on a lot of other things but I did not forget). This is the 9th prompt that @sehfi asked for (it is not letting me @ you love tumblr it's great)

Promise I'm still workin on these y'all just a bit slow going alskdjf

anyway have more dads

Raising an infant who was still relatively half turtle, maybe just a little less—approximately 43.7% according to Donnie—made it very different from raising a typical baby. Any advice they got was usually from Splinter, who raised four of these kids once, and anything Splinter couldn’t answer, Jason and Donnie would put their heads together to figure it out. 

For example, as Splinter warned them early on, the turtle gene kinda destroys the whole immobile to crawling to walking phases. Holly could crawl pretty much a day after she was born, and she got proficient at it. Jason sometimes felt bad that her “room” at present was a giant decked out tank. But given her size at the time—she fit in his palm for crying out loud—it became a necessity. Heaven knew where she’d end up if they let her wander free. 

But when she got bigger—at least big enough that Jason held her with two hands—she was allowed to scurry about the apartment with minimal supervision. And scurry she did. Any room that wasn’t closed was immediately explored. She crawled under furniture, into crevices, up a few shelves, and somehow onto the kitchen counter once. 

Jason asked Splinter if his boys ever did this. Despite the fur on his face, it was easy to imagine him sweating when he said yes. Just imagine keeping up with four of them in a sewer of all places. He assumes it's why his hair went grey so fast. 

And if she could get around like this on all fours, well, Jason dreaded what would happen when she figured out the whole bipedal thing and her hands were much more free. 

At a year and a half, Holly figured that out. Longer than usual for most babies but considering she could navigate so well on four legs, the transition to two wasn’t nearly as pressing. Evidently the motivator was trying to climb up to the table to get to the freshly fried shrimp Donnie or Jason would leave on the table. 

And, like Jason suspected, the trouble only increased.

If only he bothered to realize that her scampering around on two legs wasn’t the only concern when it came to her getting bigger. 

“Get back here!” Jason shouted after his daughter. 

Donnie laughed and encouraged Holly to run off with the big bag of fruit snacks. Damn his husband for not helping. The last thing they needed was her ripping into that package and eating herself sick, because that is something she did on the regular. And Jason would clean up the puke nine times out of ten because Donnie would get way to squeamish with it. 

Also those were his fruit snacks. 

Holly giggled as she took off down the apartment hallway toward her room, the bag crinkling as she went. Jason began to catch up, only for an arm to catch him by the stomach.

“Donnie!” He immediately snapped and tried to thrash out of the turtle’s grip. “Let go.”

“No way, she deserves a head start.”

“She is going to eat those and get sick.”

“Relax.” Donnie pulled him closer. “Let her have some fun.” 

Jason didn’t stop trying to wiggle free. “You’re going to say that until she steals your snacks. Now let go.” 

Donnie lightly shook him back and forth, teasing. 

“Quit it.” Jason snapped. “Quit it or I’ll bite.”

“How do you know I won’t be into that?”

“I know for a fact you are not into that, Donnie.” 

Jason felt the breath on the back of his neck before Donnie’s sharp teeth gently brushed over the skin. “Bite me and I’ll bite you.” 

Jason quit struggling but turned his head to glare. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.” 

Donnie shrugged. “If you insist.” He sat on the floor, arm still tightly wrapped around Jase’s middle. 

Jason didn’t get a warning besides that when he felt Donnie nip at his ear. He jumped and fought to hold back his laugh. “Hey. Knock it off.” 

“Nah.” He bit his earlobe next, then trailed down his neck. They were all gentle, only enough to tickle, and that was possibly the worst part about it.

“Donnie!” Jason squeaked and tried to tug away. “You’re making me ticklish.” 

“A successful distraction.” 

“Oh yeah?” Jason managed to say despite another nip to his shoulder. He saw Holly leaning out of the door to her room. The fruit snacks were gone, but it was doubtful she’d eaten them. Perhaps she couldn’t open the bag. Or maybe Jason’s laughter caught her attention. Anytime she saw her dads having fun she just had to join in somehow. 

Donnie blew a raspberry against the back of Jason’s neck. He burst out laughing again. 

Holly scurried over—on all fours this time—her eyes wide and curious. 

“Ah, the criminal returns.” Jason held out a hand for her. “Where did your spoils go, ma’am?” 

Holly took his hand. Her four little fingers held onto his. She stared at it, then at her dads, then at his hand again. 

Then she giggled, opened her mouth wide, and bit him. 

The pain hit, hard, but thankfully it was still dulled enough by shock that Jason didn’t rip his hand away, which would have made everything worse. He just stared at his daughter, who still had her mouth on the part where his thumb meets his palm. 

“Uh,” Donnie said. “Is that—”

Jason saw the drop of red start to slide down his skin. Holly stared at him, clearly confused. Then her face twisted in disgust and she pulled back, smacking her now red lips. 

Oh, that was a lot of blood.

“Okay!” Donnie immediately scooped Jason up and carried him into the kitchen. Jason held his hand under the sink for a moment, letting water run over the injury and oh that made it sting twice as bad. As soon as he pulled it back Donnie pressed a spare dish towel over the injury. 

“Sit. Sit.” Donnie gave the demand before he simply picked Jason up again and plopped him into the kitchen chair. “I’m calling Leo.” 

“Donnie, I doubt it’s so bad—”

“Calling Leo.” He announced and walked out of the room. 

Jason pouted, but kept pressure on the injury. He heard Donnie speaking on the phone, and then Holly’s concerned whines. After a few minutes, his husband returned and carefully sat her on the counter as he worked on cleaning out her mouth. Holly protested at first, a few sharp whines and even a scream, but eventually relented. 

It was during this that Jason actually realized just how big her teeth had gotten. Not something you think about with how fast kids grow. 

Leo flashed into the apartment with a portal, a med kit tucked under his arm. 

“Man, where is it this time?” The slider already cracked a few jokes as he approached the table. “Is your daughter going to give you a scar to match the one Donnie gave you?”

“Not funny, Nardo.” Donnie snapped and picked Holly up. She clearly wanted down, waving her arms and reaching towards the floor and then towards Jase, but he didn’t loosen his grip. 

“Sorry, I’m going to make fun of that until we all die.” Leo kept grinning as he rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s see the damage.” 

Jason let Leo work, keeping his eyes on his daughter rather than the injury in question. He didn’t really want to know how deep it was. Seeing stuff like that would still remind him of that nasty injury he got on his leg years ago. Despite how much time had passed, anything that made him think he was back in that storage room made his breathing halt. 

“Thankfully not bad enough for stitches, but you’re gonna wanna keep this clean and avoid moving your hand too much or you’ll reopen it. Hope you don’t mind some tight bandages.” Leo said before stretching out some medical tape and getting to work. 

With everything properly wrapped up, Leo stowed his supplies away and stood. “There, let me know if anything weird happens with it. As for you.” He turned toward his niece and tapped her on the nose. “Watch your chompers.”

Her answer to that bit of advice was to open her mouth and try to nip at Leo’s finger.

“Hah, apparently not.” The slider kept smiling. “Cya Tuesday Donnie.” 

“Yeah, thanks Nardo.” Donnie called after his twin as he vanished through another portal.

Jason sighed and stood. He walked over to Holly and reached out for her, but she opened her mouth again and he retreated.

She really didn’t like that, her whine shifting into tears and a wail.

“Whoa, whoa.” Donnie shifted his grip so she was laying in the crook of his elbow instead. “What’s wrong?” 

Jason frowned as he watched her. He reached out again and the tears slowed, but once again when his hand got close enough she opened her mouth. He didn’t let go, but he moved his hand away, and once again she got frustrated.

“Wait,” Jason said. “She probably thinks it’s a game.”

Donnie blinked at him. “Huh?”

“You were playfully biting me and we were laughing. She probably thinks it’s a game but she doesn’t realize how hard she’s biting.”

“Oooooh.” Donnie carefully lifted her up so she was at eye level. “Holly. No no on the biting.” He snapped his teeth again. “Yes yes with this.” He gently smooched her head. 

Holly still didn’t completely get no and yes sometimes. She knew what the words meant, of course, but sometimes it was harder to explain specifically what about her actions were a no-no. 

Thankfully even at this age she was pretty good at mirroring, so sometimes it was just a matter of repeating a behavior until it stuck. In fact, Donnie repeated himself a few times, showing the actions again. Then he shifted her around so she faced Jason.

He reached out for his daughter again. He let her take his hand. But this time instead of opening her mouth she instead pressed the bottom half of her face against it. She didn’t exactly give him a kiss. More like she just pressed her lips together and blew out some air. 

Jason snorted, then laughed. 

Her face lit up and she repeated the motion a few times.

“Okay, okay.” He took her in her arms. “Don’t do that too much. It’s so cute I might throw up.” 

“No, no, keep going.” Donnie pulled out his phone. “I need a video.” 

Holly giggled, still repeating the motion over and over again. Who knew how long it would take for her to get tired for it. 

Oh well, he could tolerate it. Her delight made the lingering pain in his hand more than worth it.

[newtonian-tragedy]

I think I'm finally getting better.

I've been in a constant state of fight-or-flight for six months, and this is the first time I've actually felt a sense of peace in any capacity. I can't tell you how long I've been searching for the end to this nightmare. For the moment, at least, I can finally say that I feel safe.

I am free.

I feel like I've been climbing a mountain nonstop, and have at last reached a summit where I can rest. At least, for a while. No more shaking. No more crying. No more rumination. No more nightmares.

I think I would have recovered two months sooner if not for one particular crushing setback that I'm just now capable of putting behind me, but I feel it was a necessary learning experience. Hopefully for both parties involved.

If nothing else, this entire episode has forced me to face my deep-seated traumas and childhood wounds of neglect and abandonment. I think that my BPD may actually just be c-ptsd, and I definitely have a fearful avoidant attachment style. I understand what trauma bonding is and how it has caused so much undue suffering for myself and my ex partners. I am also now armed with the knowledge of how to detect and avoid the narcissistic abuser types who are apparently drawn to my particular personality.

The struggle to finally become clean of toxic psychoactive drugs that have done nothing for me for decades felt like more than I could bear at times, but I have no regrets. It was worth nearly killing myself over.

When I stopped to think about it, I realized with horror that the reason why my twenties flew by was because of all the days in hours I had lost just from oversleeping. I used to sleep a minimum of twelve hours—sometimes as long as seventeen! Now, I only need nine at most. My days are longer and more productive. More fulfilling.

I am also free of sexual dysfunction. Free of numbness, in both body and mind. I can feel so much. Maybe too much sometimes, but it's meant to be that way. I made a vow to myself that, no matter how unbearable it gets, it's still preferable to feeling nothing at all.

I've realized that most of my life I've been stuck in the nigredo phase of alchemy. The spirits seem to revel in my torment, as my dismembered black and necrotic essence melts and boils away in the crucible. Completely at their mercy, they permit me fewer breaks in-between the soul-crushing bouts of Dark Nights of the Soul as I am transmuted into what, I do not yet know.

But I am learning. I am growing. I am slowly recovering more and more of myself. Every breadcrumb on the trail is one more tantalizing clue, insight, or memory to the self I have lost and am desperately trying to recover.