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unabashegirl · 5 months ago

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Different 14 — college hs

Harry's quiet, routine-driven life changes one weekend when he meets Y/N through a mutual friend at her party. She comes from a superficial, materialistic world with absent parents who believe money solves everything. Despite their differences, something clicks that night, and Y/N can't stop thinking about him.

Author's note: Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. I just got two things to say.

I just posted Different 34 on Patreon!

I'm still trying to gather the money to continue my journey to medical school in January. I've only gotten 1% of my goal. I'll leave the link here in case you would like or are able to help me. Please I am desperate! 🥺 https://ko-fi.com/mariabernal8706

--> different masterlist <--

check out my patreon (starting at $2) and get full access to the rest of the chapters, various one shots and much more :)

Harry had multiple questions that he needed to ask her, but how could he? There were surrounded by people and in a public space. He also had no intention of ruining the night. Their worlds had finally collided, and he could tell that Y/N looked so happy. Harry wasn’t planning on destroying her happiness.

“So, Sarah” James started a conversation with her. He wasn’t blind. He could see Sarah’s natural beauty. She wasn’t like most of the girls that he spent time together with, who always tried too hard to be noticed. He never cared for those types of girls. Sure, he had fun with them, but he never considered them for anything beyond that. He had gone crazy in his freshman and sophomore years which had granted him his current reputation as a fuckboy.

James had always carried himself with much confidence. He wasn’t just good-looking, but he was also smart. Most people perceived to be a jock since he spent most of his time at the gym and on the field. James’s father was the owner of a big company just like Y/N’s. His future had always been predestined. He was expected to fulfill his father’s spot after college. He was scared, excited, and nervous. James's father was the CEO and had hundredths of men working for him. James would eventually have to care for them too just like his father had done for so long. They were all his family, so the pressure was defiantly on.

“Tell us a little bit about yourself” He pushed his hands into the pockets of his sweater and leaned forward intrigued about what she had to say. She had been far too quiet, and he wanted to hear her.

“What do you want to know” She giggled and smiled, hating the attention that she was getting from Y/N’s handsome friends. Sarah had always flown below the radar especially when it involved boys. She wasn’t interesting enough; they would usually say, and she had accepted it. She didn’t take it to heart. Sarah knew that if that is what it took for her to have a respectable job after she graduated, she was willing to risk it all. Plus, all the men that said so, would eventually be working under her.

“Anything. I am all ears.” James was starting to understand Y/N’s fascination with Harry. He liked that she wasn’t throwing herself at him or speaking none stop about herself. She was acting a bit hard to get. It was refreshing.

“Why are you suddenly so interested?” Sarah clapped back wanting to know his intention. Sebastian chuckled and laid an arm over his friend’s shoulder. He was actually surprised that she hadn’t fallen for his charm, yet.

“Because you aren’t like the others” Harry was starting to feel a bit awkward about the whole interaction. It was weird having two men deliberately flirting with whom he considered his best friend.

On the other hand, Mitch was not having a good time. He was actually very annoyed with both men. He had always liked Sarah. She was like the sun to him. Every time he got close enough to her, she would burn him and turn him away. Mitch couldn’t stand away either. He needed her around just like Earth needs the sun to survive. Now, he had more competition. He felt like the chances of finally being with the girl of his dreams were slipping away.

“That was really good” Y/N breathed as she finished eating her last taco. Harry smiled and reached out to her from under the table. She knew that she had a lot of explaining to do. The last thing, she needed or wanted was for things to turn messier. She just prayed and hoped that Brian would stay miles away from her. Y/N just wanted to enjoy her senior year.

“Alright. Let’s go” Sebastian smiled as he abruptly stood up from the table.

“Where?” Sarah asked, confused at his sudden outburst of energy.

“To do something fun!” He teased, “Come on!”

“Where are we going?!” Y/N asked again as she loaded her bag in the back of Jeff’s car. Sebastian always had half of his body. in the car as he laughed heavily. “My car is back on the main campus!”

“Everyone get in. We’ll take you and then you’ll have to follow us!”

“There is no way we are all going to fit in!” Sarah exclaimed as she watched Y/N and Harry get on.

“Here,” Y/N said as she slid on top of Harry’s lap. “Now you can fit” Mitch allowed Sarah to get in the middle seat and then he squeezed himself in. Harry wrapped his arms around Y/N’s waist as soon as James hit the gas. They drove like maniacs and Y/N was already used to it.

“We are going to die” Sarah whispered to Mitch, “We should be back in the dorm and studying from where we had felt of.”

“It’s your senior year, Sarah! You are meant to be having fun” James said as he looked at her through the rearview mirror. Sebastian chuckled along with Y/N, who was too entertained preventing her head from smashing against the roof of the car. “Will you follow us?”

“Only if you tell us where we are going,” Y/N said as they dropped her off by her car.

“Absolutely not” James puffed, “Where is your sense of adventure? You know you are not going to be in your twenties, in college with your boyfriend and your best friends forever”. Y/N pursed her lips and shook her head with a smile.

“Fine!” He had gotten her. James had the ability to convince everyone to do the craziest things ever.

Y/N decided to take everyone in her car. She promised to drop each of them off after their little rendezvous. “Where the fuck are they going?” She mumbled as she drove down the unrecognizable back roads. She was leaning forward, and quitting her eyes trying to figure out where they were taking them.

“You seriously don’t know?” Harry asked as he looked at the time on his phone.

“No” she giggled noticing the backlights of James's car flashing. He pulled in the middle of the road. Y/N turned off the engine of the car as the boys got out of their car.

“Where are we?” Sarah asked as she looked around. It was a deserted street, surrounded by woods. It looked like a back road with no houses close by.

“Come” James opened Y/N's car door as he turned on the flashlight on his phone and led the way into the woods. “Don’t be scared” he reassured them as they walked into the dark woods in a straight line. James and Sebastian had found the place on one of their daily jogs. They had never taken anyone before, which explained their over-excitement.

“Do you know where you are going? Y/N asked as she trailed behind Harry. Their hands were intertwined as he held his phone with his other hand, illuminating the ground and making sure that Y/N didn’t trip over a rock or branch.

“Stop asking so many questions!” Sarah and Y/N giggled while Mitch was too quiet trying his best not to fall on his face. The cars seemed to be getting smaller as they walked further away from the road. mitch ran his hands across his face, realizing that he was getting too paranoid. No one could blame him. It was chilly, dark, and very windy which made it seem like the trees could talk.

“Harry!” Mitch yelled and ran up to the couple. He walked beside them not wanting to be the last.

“Are you scared?” Harry chuckled at his friend's uneasiness.

“Yes” He immediately confessed, “Don’t leave me” he whispered. It was quiet for a bit except for the sound of their steps until they finally detected the sound of water and saw the mood high in the sky. The trees finally ended, revealing the lake and a ridiculously small, secluded beach.

“How did you find this place?”

“On one of those morning runs that you hate so much” Y/N playfully slapped Sebastian on his abdomen.

“Runs?”

“The boys take these ridiculously long runs through the woods during the weekends” Y/N explained to Sarah.

“They aren’t ridiculous” Sebastian protested as they walked closer to the water. “They are healthy!”.

“Did I forget to mention that they start a five in the morning?” Y/N added as she wrapped her arms around Harry’s torso in search of body heat.

“Do you see this?” James raised his hoodie and shirt, showing his sculptured abdomen to everyone. “It makes it all worth it” He winked and took them both off. “Are you guys coming?” James asked as he stripped down to his underwear with Sebastian.

“It’s way too cold” Y/N pointed out as she cuddled closer to Harry.

“Oh please! That never stopped you before!” Sebastian yelled back. They do night dips on Lake Michigan during the summer too. They would alternate houses and spend the sizzling summer days by their pools, riding their bikes and getting ice cream shakes from Dairy Queen, but only if they weren’t traveling.

Sarah ran towards them. She always second-guessed herself and wanted to change it. She was one of those girls that always said no to everything, and tonight was the perfect night to change it. She wanted to be more adventurous and now it was a good start.

Mitch went right after her not wanting to be the odd one out.

“Do you want to go?” Y/N asked as she nuzzled her face in the crook of Harry’s neck. “We don’t have to. We can stay up here and cuddle.”

“That sounds way better than getting pneumonia” Harry chuckled as he ran his hands up her back.

“We are staying!” She yelled back at her friends. “Can we build a fire here?!”

“No! But neither can we swim at eight at night!” Sebastian yelled back so she started building it. She knew that they were going to freeze their asses as soon as they stepped out of the water. Y/N was very confident that Sebastian wouldn’t stop complaining because he was a big crybaby.

So, Harry and Y/N scouted for sticks and piled them on the ground.

“How are we lighting up this shit?” Harry said with a frown, finding an obstacle in her master plan.

“Oh, I got it” She ran up to where James had left his pants. She quickly found a lighter in the front pocket of his pants. She proudly bent down and lit up the fire.

“This is nice,” Y/N said as she sat between his legs and allowed him to wrap his arms around her as they enjoyed the warmth that the bonfire was emitting.

“It is” They could hear their friends laughing and the water being splashed around while they held each other tightly. “Are we ever going to talk about what happened today?” Harry finally asked, feeling a huge weight fall off his shoulders.

“We are” She just had no clue where to start. “I just think today isn’t the best day to do so”.

“When then?” His voice was stern and rough. It was unrecognizable to Y/N. He didn’t understand why she kept dismissing the subject. He could also feel how tense her body had gotten as soon as he touched the subject. Perhaps she was lying to him — he wondered.

“Tomorrow,” She said, “After class. I’ll pick you up” She heart had accelerated like it was about to burst out of her chest. Harry dropped the subject right away. The thought of Harry leaving and giving up on them mortified her for the rest of the night. They huddled around the fire and shared humorous stories and anecdotes about one another. But the laughs and jokes weren’t enough to take her mind away from the scenarios she kept making up in her mind. The thought of Harry leaving stayed in the back of her mind, tormenting her, all through the night.

--> chapter 15

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cyncerity · 9 months ago

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Holy fucking shit the Dad’s Troubles AU story?? That i’ve been teasing since January??? It’s finally done??????

this took so fucking long that i’m debating posting an alternate and an extended unedited version that’s how many times i’ve written and re-written this thing.

anyway without further ado, the posts you’ll need for the context of this story are here and here, and the art teaser is here (if you’ve been keeping up with the Dad’s Troubles AU since 2022 you probably don’t need the context lol, but it has been a while so they’re there for whoever needs a refresher)

@quotethemenevervore (sorry if that’s the wrong account to tag btw) you seemed very excited for this story so i figured i’d tag you lol

tw: soft, safe vore, panic attack ig???

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea.” “I know, but, c’mon…we have to tell him eventually.”

Charlie sat on Schlatt’s living room table, the human leaning his head on his palm to be at a closer level to the borrower he was talking to. This was the same conversation they’d been having on and off for months now: should Ted be let in on the secret that Charlie wasn’t human. Obviously, there was a clear answer for them: eventually. Now, when ‘eventually’ actually was…that was a different problem.

“Do I need to remind you what happened the first and only time you met him in person?” Schlatt asked, to which Charlie just groaned. “You have to bring up the fish thing every time, don’t you? Cause yeah, I remember almost drowning, thank you very much.” “It’s more so the principle that he would throw you out a fuckin window, but you get my point. He clearly doesn’t see you as a person.” As much as Schlatt always hated to think about that, it was something him and Ted could never agree on. Ted was of the opinion that borrowers were basically just bipedal rats, and nothing Schlatt had done to convince him otherwise had worked. “But what if I changed that?” Charlie challenged, standing to pace the space in front of Schlatt. “He knows me, he’s known me for years. We’re friends, fuck, I’d say the three of us are best friends! There’s no way he’d just forget all of that the second he sees what height I am, right?” He finished, looking up at Schlatt with something akin to fear. Like he wanted Schlatt to tell him he was right, that it would all work out. But he couldn’t, because didn’t have an answer to what Ted would do. Schlatt sighed. “Honestly, I don’t kn-“

The doorknob to the apartment shook. It was locked, Schlatt always locked it when it was just him in the apartment. Schlatt and Charlie froze. Was Quackity trying to get in? Cause he wasn’t supposed to be home for a good few more hours, hence the door being locked. They were both absolutely silent, waiting for any confirmation that it was their mutual friend, until they heard a few utterances of cursing from behind the locked door.

“God fucking damnit, where are the keys Schlatt gave me-“

Ted.

~~~

Shit, shit. Schlatt had totally forgotten he gave Ted a space pair of keys for when he was visiting. Fuck, fuck, what the fuck should he do with Charlie?

He heard the key turn in the lock.

All of the borrower tunnels were too far away for the remaining few seconds he had till Ted walked in. There’d be no disguising that he was talking to Charlie. Charlie, who was part of a species that Ted believed couldn’t talk. He wouldn’t be able to explain himself.

He heard a creak as the door started to open.

Did he have a pocket? Shit, no, he had a crew neck and the pockets on his jeans were too tight and small for Charlie to fit in. There was only one other option he could think of. Fuck. Charlie, like him, had been frozen from shock this whole time. That would probably make this easier. He quickly lowered himself down and tried to grab Charlie to shove him in his mouth.

“Schlatt!” He heard Ted shout, and suddenly, without warning, Charlie moved.

Frantically, almost blindly running at him with no warning and accidentally falling past his hand and into his mouth, and everything went to shit.

~~~

Oh no. Speak of the devil. Ted. God dammit, why did he have to show up right when he and Schlatt were talking about him. And why did Schlatt even give him a spare key?

He heard the key turn in the lock.

Ok, fuck, how the fuck was he supposed to get out of this one? He didn’t have time to run, he wasn’t naïve enough to believe that. And contrary to how often he joked about the window and the almost-getting-eaten-by-a-fish thing, it was actually a pretty horrifying experience that he would not like to relive, thank you very much.

He heard a creak as the door started to open.

Shit, what should he do? What could he do?! He was out in the open, nowhere to run and nowhere to hide unless Schlatt had pockets or- wait. Schlatt. Schlatt…himself could be a place to hide. He’d seen Tubbo do it, that had been a long fuckin conversation after walking in on that, but it was safe. Probably a hell of a lot safer than being anywhere near Ted. But was he really willing to end up down his best friends throat?

“Schlatt!” He heard Ted shout and, apparently, he was.

He broke free from his panicked state and immediately sprinted towards Schlatt, planning to climb his shirt to his mouth and just hoping to god Schlatt would get the hint. However, he apparently hadn’t noticed that Schlatt had the same idea as him.

“Schlatt?” Ted asked.

Charlie ran full speed into something jarringly warm and wet. The change in…well, everything environmentally made him yell, as any and all light was suddenly stripped from him.

The door clicked closed, Ted was in the room with them. Thank god they’d been facing away from the door.

Charlie felt himself be thrown backward in the dark space, losing his balance as one of his arms caught in something that started to pull him down.

Oh fuck, that was weird, but it was fine. He wanted this, he decided to do this, he…he was getting eaten. It’s fine. This is fine, it’s Schlatt for fucks sake. And yet, the part of his brain that hadn’t quite registered that the “getting eaten” thing was actually his plan, told him to fight, to try and free his arm from the throat that threatened to drag him deeper into the giant.

“Are you ok, man?” Charlie heard Ted ask from beyond the closed teeth around him. He was getting closer.

The darkest split a bit, and something else entered the mouth with him for a moment. He couldn’t see well enough through his spit covered glasses and small amount of light what they were, but he guessed pretty immediately when they got a grip of his torso and started to shove him down the esophagus. Fingers. Schlatt pinned Charlie’s free arm at his sides and shoved more of him down.

The fingers retracted from the mouth when only his legs remained out of the throat. He felt the environment around him change and realized what was happening. His struggling increased tenfold, kicking desperately at the teeth and gums around him to no avail, as the giant swallowed one last time and sent him fully into the throat.

~~~~~

“Schlatt!” Ted yelled, running over to see Schlatt holding his throat, unable to breathe. Ted went to wrap his arms around him to perform the heimlich, but Schlatt was thankfully aware enough to push him away at the last second. Unfortunately, that move made him send himself crashing onto the floor. Ted rushed over again, worry plastered on his face as Schlatt held up a hand, signaling to stop. So, Ted did just that, running off to do god knows what. Schlatt, meanwhile, could feel Charlie get stuck just a short way before he stopped blocking his windpipe. Schlatt pushed at his throat, swallowing frantically, pounding at his chest, anything to get Charlie down faster. He didn’t realize just how much…bigger Charlie was than his son. Charlie was a grown man, and tall by borrower standards, too. Compare that to Tubbo who was short by all standards and Schlatt realized he may have bitten off more than he could chew. Charlie seemed to be helping it go faster somewhat by squirming his way down, though he doubted it was on purpose. Though maybe this was a thought he could have later since at the moment he was very focused on not choking and dying on his best friend.

It was when Schlatt was starting to black out that Ted came back with a glass of water, not even giving Schlatt time to process it before forcefully opening his mouth and pouring it down his throat, giving Schlatt the ability to swallow Charlie down farther and finally unblock him from his windpipe. Schlatt fell to the ground again with a gasp, trying to drag as much air into his lungs as humanely possible. He placed a hand on his chest as he finally, fucking finally, felt Charlie make his way closer towards the stomach. He dissolved into a coughing fit on the floor, Ted slowly lowering himself to sit next to him. Schlatt wasn’t even gonna try to explain anything to Ted yet, though. Not until Charlie ended up where he needed to be and he could stop worrying.

He did his best to keep a poker face while he felt a much heavier weight than usual drop into his stomach. He really hadn’t thought about how much bigger Charlie was than Tubbo, but it was more noticeable now than ever.

Immediately he felt a flurry of movement from his stomach, limbs flailing and Charlie trying to get accustomed to whatever it was like in there. Schlatt squeezed his stomach in so Charlie wouldn’t trigger something audible that he’d have to make an excuse over, but quickly found that the borrower’s whole frame was shaking.

Schlatt only had time to worry for a second before he was snapped out of his shock with a hand clap onto his shoulder, snapping his attention back to what was happening on the outside. “Schlatt, you with me, man?” “..Yeah! Yeah, I’m, uh, I’m fine.” Right, he had an act to put on for Ted. “What the fuck were you choking on?” “Oh nothing, so, what brings you here?” Schlatt asked, trying to redirect the conversation. He didn’t know what excuse he would use for that shit show if he needed one, but he doubted he’d be able to convincingly lie to Ted about it with Charlie right there listening. But it wasn’t like he could say the truth. ‘Sorry about that Ted, I was choking on our third podcast member because he’s scared you’ll hurt him but don’t worry, he’s in my stomach now so he’s safe from, again, exclusively you.’

Yeah, no.

“Well, I came over to surprise you. Didn’t think you’d almost die or something.” Ted said, and Schlatt chuckled a bit in response. “Yeah, well, I didn’t expect anyone to break into my apartment.” Schlatt stood, silently thankful for Ted helping him up as he adjusted to the added weight in his middle. He felt Charlie sway a bit as he stood, though there was significantly less fighting back on Charlie’s end at the movement. Thank fuck. “You down here for any reason other than to scare me half to death?” Schlatt said, pacing over to his fridge under the guise of grabbing food while he silently felt for any signal from Charlie now that his back was turned to Ted. “Yeah, actually.” Ted said, leaning against the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen.

Schlatt hummed to pretend he was paying attention while pressing into his stomach a few quick times. Short short long. Long long long, long short long. ‘U-O-K-?’ He knew Charlie could translate it, he was the one that taught Schlatt Morse code. He was waiting for two taps back; their signal for yes. Hell, he’d even take one tap for no, something. Hopefully, Charlie would get the hint that he was ok.

“…Schlatt?” Ted questioned, again snapping Schlatt out of his worries again. Right. The act. “Sorry, must’ve zoned out, what were you saying?” “I was saying I’m here for a reason. You’re not the only one of my friends in the area, but surprise! I’m staying down here for a few months to do content!” Ted looked to Schlatt expectantly, and Schlatt did his best to be happy for Ted, but he was sure his smile looked forced. He didn’t know if it was his worry for Charlie or just the direction the conversation was headed in, but he had a sinking feeling in his gut that he knew wasn’t Charlie’s fault. He did his best to ignore it. “That’s great, man! Sounds like it’ll be fun.” “That’s the goal.” Ted answered. “Do a couple collab videos, some vlogs, it’ll be sick-” “Mhm.” Schlatt responded while Ted continued talking, tapping out the morse again. And again. And again for good measure. If this wouldn’t get Charlie to do something, anything, then something was wrong. He waited a few seconds before beginning the pattern again with more force, starting to wonder if Charlie had just passed out at that point, until-

Something. An arm or leg or something kicking out where he’d been pressing in, hard, and he recoiled his hand away immediately with a wince of pain. Charlie packed way more of a punch than Tubbo or Tommy did, that’s for damn sure. He wanted to try communication again, though he was smart enough to realize that his physical gestures were not appreciated in the slightest. So he did nothing and waited. He waited a few seconds, maybe even a few minutes, until, finally…he felt two weak taps back.

~~~

Falling headfirst into the pitch black stomach of his best friend was about as pleasant as Charlie expected it would be.

Immediately almost all of his senses were absolutely fucked, the wetness and humidity of the air around him clinging to his skin and fogging his glasses. The spongey walls around him gave way far too easily for him to properly get his balance, and he kept face planting into the bottom of the organ every time he tried to right himself. There was also liquid up to his waist (water, spit, he didn’t know, nor did he care to at the moment) which he kept almost fucking drowning himself in since he couldn’t stay upright long enough or see enough to figure out which way was up, down, forwards, backwards-

The walls suddenly pressed in on him, making Charlie squeak in fear almost inaudibly, pinning him in place thankfully right side up and out of the water, and he realized he was shaking. Why was he shaking? He was fine, he knew that, he knew that, why was he scared? He trusted Schlatt, this wasn’t even the human’s idea, it was his, he chose this.

The walls slowly began to release their hold on him as his thoughts started to suffocate him more than the stomach could ever.

Why, why the fuck was this so awful for him? He was safe, safe, he knew it was safe, he’d seen this happen a hundred times.

The walls began to press in periodically.

He’d willingly hung out with Schlatt and Quackity both when he knew that they had Tubbo inside. Tubbo was fine then, so he’s fine now. Science. Logic. He was safe. He wasn’t food. He wasn’t food.

short short long

Schlatt cared, cared enough about his safety to let him use his body as a barrier between him and someone who could hurt him. Would hurt him. His body. His giant, dangerous body that had been able to swallow him. His body that could kill him at any moment.

long long long

But he wouldn’t. Schlatt cared. He wasn’t food. He was safe. He was safe. Safe within his human friend. Safe from his human friend. Guarded inside a creature that could kill him from a creature that could kill him.

long short long

But his human friend wouldn’t kill him. But his human friend would, almost did, kill him.

The walls were still closing in on him.

Fuck. No, wrong human, Schlatt wants to protect him. Schlatt is his friend. Ted is his friend, their friend.

The walls are closing in periodically. Again and again.

He’s suffocating.

Ted would, almost did, kill him. He almost drowned, was almost swallowed, if it hadn’t been for Schlatt. He was almost swallowed. He was almost swallowed. He was swallowed. He was swallowed, he had been swallowed-

Something pressed in on the stomach again hard enough to force the wall to make contact with him, and in his hysterics Charlie kicked it as hard as he could manage, hearing a sharp hiss of pain be sucked into the lungs above him. Fuck. No, fuck, what is he doing? This is Schlatt. Schlatt. Schlatt, who’s never been anything but good to him, who’s treated him with nothing but respect despite what he was, who raised a borrower child and did a damn good job of it, too. Why…why was he acting like this? He trusts Schlatt, he’s literally thrown his life into Schlatt’s hands more times than he can count, why…why was this so much more difficult?

Fuck, focus on the task at hand. Deep breaths. 4, 7, 8. Again, 4, 7, 8. Charlie forced himself to think of the things around him. Liquid, heat, the weird spongey walls that had been caving in. There’s a good place to start. With the fog of his hysteria clearing, Charlie tried to remember what the pattern of the walls pressing in was. Short short long…long long long…long short long. Charlie let out a breathy, humorless laugh. “You ok?” Schlatt had been asking. He suddenly felt a little bit dumb for his panicked state earlier.

Struggling to push himself to what he was now sure was the front of the stomach with his legs still weak from fear, he settled himself against the wall to better hear exactly what was going on outside. Finally, he answered Schlatt’s question by tapping back twice, letting the human know he was ok, even if the shaking hadn’t quite let up yet. He laughed to himself again, this time more genuinely, as he heard the immediate sigh of relief from above him.

Yeah, he was sure he was safe.

~~~

Charlie was ok. Holy fuck, Schlatt could have cried with relief. He didn’t hurt his best friend, that was a weight off his shoulders. “I did want to talk with you about something though, just to get your opinion on it.” “Sure, what’s up man?” Schlatt said, attention fully on Ted for the first time in this whole conversation. “It’s about Charlie.”

Schlatt froze, and he could feel Charlie tense up. “Uh…what about him?” “I just, i don’t know…it’s hard to explain.” Ted frustratedly motioned with his hands and tried to explain more before sighing. “Did i do something wrong?” Ted said, a genuine look of confusion and hurt in his eyes. “Everytime we talk, it’s fine. We’re friends, and we have been for a while, and I know he’s on the same page as me. But any time I ask him anything vaguely personal, even if it’s just shit like his hair color or mcdonald’s order or fucking anything, it’s like we’re back to being strangers. Like I don’t have the right as his friend to know shit like that. The only thing I know about him is his first name and honestly? It wouldn’t even bother me if he wasn’t so close with you.” Schlatt hadn’t expected that, and from what he could tell of Charlie relaxing and pressing closer into the front wall of his stomach to hear more, he hadn’t expected it either. “Ted, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…well, for one, Charlie has known me for a lot longer than he’s known you. Of course he’s more comfortable with me. But it’s not that he doesn’t trust you or anything. I promise he considers you one of his best friends. Even when it’s just us talking, he’s never said anything about you that would imply anything else.” “It’s not that I don’t believe that, but I just…sorry, maybe I’m being selfish here. If he doesn’t want to meet me it’s not my business to pry, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently.” Ted finished, staring down at his hands. Schlatt…wasn’t sure where to go from there. He felt horrible for keeping such a massive secret from one of his oldest friends, especially about something that’d clearly been causing so much inner turmoil, but he couldn’t betray Charlie like that.

“Schlatt, can you hear me?” Charlie suddenly interjected. Schlatt discreetly tapped his stomach twice for confirmation and Charlie continued. “Ok, then i’m gonna need you to repeat after me, got it?” Schlatt tried not to let the confusion he felt read on his face for Ted to see, but he tapped twice again anyway. He sat in silence for a few seconds before Charlie took a deep breath and started talking.

“But, y’know, Charlie and I were talking about doing something with the podcast soon. We were gonna bring it up to you later, but since you’re in town we could move it up.” Schlatt repeated, and Ted looked up, puzzled. “What were you thinking?” Charlie paused again breathing deeply, though Schlatt could feel his tail swaying in anxiety. However, when he finally spoke up, his voice read nothing but confidence. “We were thinking we could do a few in person recordings.”

Schlatt froze. Had Charlie said what he thought he said? No way in hell was he serious. “Repeat it, Schlatt. I’ve thought it through, i mean it.” Holy shit he was serious. And so, he repeated. God, he wished that Charlie had been able to see the look of utter shock on Ted’s face. “You’re joking.” He said, and Schlatt shook his head while waiting for the next prompt. “Charlie wants to meet you, he’s just…afraid he won’t live up to your expectations.” Schlatt repeated, and Ted scoffed. “Please, that’s the least he should be concerned about. At this point the guy could be a serial killer and I’d still be thrilled to meet him.” Schlatt could tell when the truth hit him fully, because Ted’s expression brightened tenfold. He looked like he’d just won the lottery. “I just, I can’t believe it! Holy shit, I’m gonna meet the Charlie Slimecicle!” “Yeah, me either.” Charlie sighed and Schlatt repeated, though he said it for both of them.

After some more casual conversation about Ted’s plans and ideas for the newly decided live podcast recording, Ted finally said goodbye, promising to let Charlie know how excited he was. Schlatt let out a breath of relief he didn’t even know he was holding when Ted shut the door behind him. He locked it immediately and turned to lean back against the door. “Holy shit that was stressful.” “You’re telling me.”

Schlatt facepalmed as the weight of what he’d just signed on to doing hit him, sliding his way down the door into a sitting position. Charlie felt his stomach drop at the action as well. “Sooo…” Charlie started, lightly kicking at the wall in front of him. “This is weird.” “Very.”

Silence.

“Are you ok?” “Huh?” “Are you ok.” Schlatt repeated. “…yes.” Charlie answered,not exactly confidently, but surely. “I am now, at least. I just…panicked. It’s fucking weird in here and I just- it just took me a bit to handle it, I think. To get over myself cause I know it’s safe and I trust you. It’s just that the idea of getting eaten has been drilled into my head as ‘horrifying and deadly’ for so long that I just lost it for a bit. Fun part of being raised by a traditional colony, am I right? Sorry for kicking you, by the way.” “Don’t worry about that, man.” Schlatt responded, lightly pressing in on his stomach as if asking Charlie if he was ok with contact now. When he didn’t get a negative response from Charlie, he pressed a bit harder and began rubbing where he felt his friend. “I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling like right now. I mean, getting swallowed whole? By a creature over ten times bigger than you? That sounds downright fuckin terrifying. That’s some hollywood horror movie bullshit. I don’t even want to imagine what me choking on you felt like from your point of view. I have the easy job, you got eaten alive, you have every right to have panicked. But…I am glad you trust me that much.” “Thanks, cause I do. And for the record; i’m feeling wet. Very wet and sticky and I can just tell that my fucking glasses are fogged up even though it’s dark enough that i shouldn’t care, but i do.” Charlie complained, making Schlatt laugh.

More awkward silence.

“Why the fuck did you do that??” Schlatt asked suddenly, and Charlie groaned, pushing his glasses into his face with the heels of his palms. Despite the lack of clarification, he knew exactly what Schlatt was asking about. “I don’t know, dude, I panicked! I just…” Charlie sighed, dropping his hands. “He deserves to know. And no better time than the present, I guess. Besides, I have actually been thinking about it. Maybe if he takes it well, we can make it public and some fans will be able to see that we borrowers aren’t what they think we are.” “And if he doesn’t?” “I…I don’t know.” Charlie admitted. “I want to think that he’ll try to change how he thinks of me for the sake of our friendship, but I truly just don’t know.”

“Well, I’m behind you, whatever happens.” Schlatt said. Charlie smiled. “I know.” he answered, confident and happy in knowing that he truly did believe that.

#OH MY GOD ITS DONE #YIPPEE #THIS IS MAYBE THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME IVE HAD WRITING ANYTHING #i’m so glad this is done lol #cyncerity #mcyt gt #mcyt g/t #dad’s troubles au #cynwrites #tiny!charlie #tiny!slimecicle #giant!schlatt #giant!ted #soft vore #safe vore #g/t vore #tw vore

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drawnaghht · 2 years ago

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more thoughts on ship names (leosagi, sliderbunny, yuileo etc) - more is not bad

So I'd like to suggest a thought - multiple ship tags and names are not actually bad - it's more like a way of detecting what flavor the ship and resulting fanworks will be. let me explain more below. if this sounds a bit dated, that's because I wrote this back in january-march but noticed I hadn't archived it properly and that it needed a bit more writing to finish some thoughts so I'm posting this now, lest I forget it lol. maybe i have also already posted it before but... i cannot find this old version, so i guess not ^^;;

If you like the Yuichi x Leo ship, are annoyed at Leosagi being used as an umbrella term or are just curious abt another fan's thoughts on ship names, here-a we go. Some thoughts on the leosagi and leochi/leoichi ship names in general ^^

Some things are a bit more outdated: namely, transfem!12yuinardo has now been steadfastly used as a ship tag for transfem Yuichi x 12Leo, so kudos to that person! Thank you for making this unique tag more common!

resources used:

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Pairing_Name https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiosyncraticShipNaming

Anyway, more under cut.

so, being in the rottmnt fandom for a bit longer this time (or being longer in a tmnt phase this time) and browsing the leosagi and leochi tags since august last year... has made me realize again that I really enjoy/prefer genfic most times? i like writing romance, but I enjoy writing action a lot more + exploring character writing in general, so that’s probably what my own crossover works will try to feature more too now.

being in tmnt fandom longer this time around, I thought that it was nice ppl still remembered leosagi, but I didn't expect a "new" version of it. Now, seeing thru the history of it (the RabNerd video on Leosagi felt like a nice refresher on TMNT fandom history in general and it’s nice to listen to) and going thru the tumblr tag (that and ao3 being sorta the only reliable archives on fanwork, with the exception of authors deleting their own work and tumblrtags not working as expected at times/finding hidden stuff), I think it's good we have multiple tags. Now about the tag I made up in september, "yuinardo" (I believe I already made two tagging-related posts thinking abt this tag/name way back in autumn 2022)

this YuiNardo ship name was mostly made as a portmanteau to make tagging and finding easier - for the ship Yuichi x Rise!Leo bc I wanted to differentiate it from Leochi/Leoichi but also the old Leosagi ship, because to me that was a bit different. at first I thought people would use the numbering system (03 leosagi etc per tmnt series airing year), but I started to notice that there was a lot more fanon with the ship this time than before. So when Netflix suggested the show to me one august evening after seeing the Rise movie, I started watching the series proper out of curiosity. as I’ve written before in a few places publicly (i think), the series was a bit slow and boring for me at first. But as I kept watching, I suddenly saw where the writing was going and what interesting things about its characters it was telling us. I got invested in the series for it’s strong family themes and how it handled its characters and story arcs, but also the music was something holding it all together for me emotionally. So I became a genuine fan and started reading more of the original Usagi Yojimbo comic too

one commonality I saw in many fanworks is that Yuichi is often changed a lot to fit a fan's own idea of who he should be as a character in relation to Leo or the fan's own setting/AU. This is fairly normal in fandom in general, esp for smth like TMNT. After all, why not play around in the sandbox given by canon? I also noticed fanworks often ignore the canon or worldbuilding set in his own show, and even the other prominent SRTUC characters get ignored/rewritten more than not. Or people make their own new versions with the same name. Which is fine, fanon!Yuichi and other fanversions are interesting. I usually like seeing redesigns in other fandoms and here they are interesting too, but I actually like the character as he is! He's funny to see fail but also fun/funny to watch/listen in general, especially interacting with other characters, whether main cast or one-off characters. He's a blorbo for me now who has taken up permanent root in my fandom/artist brain. I felt like he'd be fun to write in a shipfic or genfic with Rise!Leo bc their personalities are both so similar and so different. They feel like a strangely matching set, despite the shows never having a crossover (and despite Yuichi technically being a whole new original character for the show from the crew to avoid messing up the og Usagi cast too much). I want to write some genfic and Chizu and Kitsune centric fic one day too if I got the time.

Now after becoming a fan though, it’s honestly a bit sad to see people eschew his personality and writing completely - it feels fine that other fans are making AU and fandesign versions based on him, but this just means that when I open the Yuichi Usagi tags or search - I only find these fan interpretations but no versions where another fan is also a fan of the series. Which isn’t to say, that there aren’t other fans posting fanart, but that it’s just a lot less common that people tagging him as “TMNT usagi” or “Rise Usagi” etc. Some fans have said this is disrespectful to Sakai and the Samurai Rabbit crew - some even go on to hate the character (???) which like - it’s a cartoon. why are you angry at it. And these are often the older fans who are around my age (30+) or older, who are fed up with the younger parts of fandom - which I kinda get. I’ve even seen people make stuff up about the series, but I’m not really interested in pursuing that further because you know what. People have grievances about fandom stuff all the time. It’s pointless and a little mindless sometimes. There are so many bigger problems going on in the world. Fandom is something we are all supposed to enjoy. So to argue with another fan - I don’t have the energy to do that anymore. I might correct factual errors here and there, because that feels like it can be a courtesy sometimes. But I’m not interested in laying down blame or building some sort of longer discussion around things that should be fun, if they’re not fun anymore. Honestly, it would be nice if for once, the older and younger parts of TMNT fandoms could respect each other and get along. Like I’m not feeling hopeless about that but it’s just annoying to come back every 5-8 years and see people fighting and arguing about similar things. But that’s another topic entirely.

I don't honestly quite get the dislike of the character either, but I guess when I was younger, I would have been annoyed by a character like this too. (Foster’s Home comes to mind...where I hated Bloo because of his personality sdfsdfs but I was a very picky child with cartoons in generally) Personally, to me it seems ppl ignore the show and its writing bc of various aspects: besides simple dislike, it's easy to look at a newer cartoon show in a surface-level way; many still have this stance on cartoons that a "dumb kids show" can't be interesting or have substance; the show falls into many concessions to fit what netflix ordered of the crew. + audience tastes have changed over time - and no, not even talking abt just spiderverse, tho thankfully that has changed what more "general" audiences expect of both an 3D, animated film and a superhero/action flick. (cinemas here even listed it as a 2D animated film a while ago lol. it's a complex bag of factors but audiences + specifically distributors/studios are becoming slowly more receptive to 2D animation again. slightly.)

What may have been fun to see 10+ years ago for a 3D tv cartoon then, would not fly for viewers now. Even if we ignore internet-posting fans who do like it (who seem to be primarily teens and young adults up to age 24), and how popular the show was at it's premiere (3rd in the UK among kids?), there might be those in the target audience itself as well who do not like it for various reasons. Additionally, viewers are fickle about cartoons in general. So there are probably many more reasons people have to dislike the character and show that are related to other things. Again, this is just how fandom sometimes works. I’ve been in a lot of other fandoms before where I’m the only one who likes canon or likes writing canon-adjacent, exploring theories in canon etc and this to me started to feel like a similar situation. So I understand when people say the SRTUC fandom is kind of non-existant, if so much of the “fan content” relies on a ship. But saying as someone whose seen sort of “worse” at least there are other people at all and the tags mostly have fanart/fic and not other kinds of stuff, like spam or worse.

Whatever us fans' view might be however, he is still a valid character in the Usagi-verse, AU or not. I've read and listened to interviews with both Stan Sakai and the show crew, and seen artist portfolios with work from the show. The overall experience on the creators' side seems to have been positive. That, and I primarily view the show as a sort of transmedia storytelling venue... almost. It never takes away from the og comic and it adds an interesting alternative future to it, similar to Space Usagi, but as a fun cartoon. It becomes a sort of "gateway tent" for Usagi media and kids who watch this might be inclined to open up the comics, rifle through their parents old books and discover the world of Usagi Yojimbo proper. Like the comic, it also becomes a vehicle for learning for those willing to look things up later after the show, i.e. the yokai lore, customs in modern japan etc. So to me, the show is a net positive and Yuichi Usagi an interesting take on a Usagi descendant. The show is also interesting for me for it's casting (all asian-american cast. hello???) and staff choices as it seemed that everyone was on board with anything Stan Sakai wanted +they tried to put Miyamoto Usagi into the series as much as they could despite Netflix giving them a full limit (or almost a no?) at first - but the series writers and artists included him in an interesting way. So to me the series is good and as a fan, I can see it have interesting crossovers (a lot of the crew also seemed to be big TMNT fans and big UY fans at the same time)

Yuichi is headstrong, openly friendly and impulsive, but also the only one who notices things "outside of the box" more often than the rest of his team. He relies almost entirely on his trained sword skills and complete chance to get out of almost any situations. Leo is sorta painted as a "team clown" and "team faceman", (s1) always trying to make things more lighthearted in stressful situations, which starts to contrast his more strategic nature as we go on in the series. He wonders why he's not trusted (s2) but the thing is, most times he does not tell them his plans, even if they work, so he's seen as impulsive. Together in any shipping or genfic scenarios, I feel like they would feed off each other's lighthearted natures and impulsive instincts, but also work well together bc of how many things they notice, but also, rabbit brain empty, and Leo would be more cautious. That was what I initially kind of imagined for them when I first watched through Samurai Rabbit.

I had a big "mega-crossover" fic idea back in august which would also feature the 03 ship Leosagi, where I could both have a tmnt crossover, write fun action-adventure with the TMNT + Usagi kids and write some sort of neat continuation to what 03 Leo and Usagi might have been going through in a 13-year timeskip. But for that, I thought the tagging would be easier with og tags vs just trying to number leosagi again. Since Rise started in 2018, we often tag it as TMNT 2018, but Usagi Chronicles aired in 2022, (even if production started in 2020) so any attempt to tag it as "2020s leosagi" has just left me more confused. So a unique tag was needed for my own tagging use. I’ve helped make some smoosh names before and this just seemed like a fun thing to do in a fandom I was sort of new to (the ship and SRTUC fandom)

Oh also, I read thru the fanlore article linked above on pairing name conventions and I had totally forgotten some of the ways to make ship names bc I've become so accustomed to portmanteaus and "_shipping" rather than x (used both in general ship names as well as slash pairings) + (preslash or platonic) or even / (slashfic) just bc those sort of conventional ways to tag are harder to find on tumblr bc of its tagging system (special characters make tagging unorganizable or harder to use)

+ I've been more active in modern fandom spaces for only 13+ years, while stuff like ff.net was maybe confusing to use as a young teen. So again, some pairing naming conventions have sorta escaped me over time lol. So it would be interesting to see what else people start to use for this newer ship of Yuichi x Rise!Leo

Different kinds of names for one pairing are fairly common in any kind of fandom. Pokemon and YGO fandoms have put these on vote for example (thinking of doing this out of curiosity) but that would have to mean a more unified fandom I suppose? Having both a smoosh name (leosagi) and _shipping name (katanashipping) have stuck with the old ship and imo that should be respected because the ship conventions were there way before this newer ship or these newer series came about. I’ve seen many posts now where ppl complain about the tagging, especially the character tagging and the leosagi tag itself, because technically again, totally new ship. So to be a bit upset at that imo is totally understandable. imagine your favourite old ship you’ve been tagging the same is suddenly overtaken by a new, only vaguely related one? I also like the online shipping-related analogy: if you’re looking for a specific game in the store, why would a pair of shoes be tagged? or a different game? you’re only at the store for that one game, but now other stuff is being suggested to you because of other users’ tagging.

Considering those slash-ship naming conventions, I suppose I made the ship name to be more Yuichi-centric a bit - starts with his name, tho again, this was just one way to "flavor" the ship for me - but also specifically for the Yuichi we have on the show, because I enjoy the show and understand why Usagi is written the way he is on it. Mainly that he is given "annoying teen" traits to contrast the changes he goes through in the short time of the 2 seasons + he seems be written with intentional ADHD-coding. + I wanted something more lighthearted and funnier-sounding, so Nardo was added bc that is Leo's nickname on the Rise show that his family uses teasingly, mainly by Donnie. I thought that would make it unique. (And, this is more subtle, but I also thought it was more funny that Nardo sorta sounded like "Naruto" and that Usagi Chronicles has a few Naruto influences in its art and design, so, slightly matching in coincidence.)

But also Yuinardo just sounds fun and easy to pronounce + I cannot find any other tags that it overlaps with. Main use for tags after all - easy to find and unique - which I think is why the og Leosagi tag prevailed among the other names that popped up back then when the Leosagi 2003 ship first became popular online. I have no idea however if there was a ship for this before this, since I never went looking really (and there weren't much leosagi fic on ff.net then to get any impression of previous fandom activity)

If you want to continue to use Leochi or Leoichi as a tag, that's still fine bc its a big tag and more popular for this ship. But if you also like the Samurai Rabbit show, feel free to use the Yuinardo tag as well, depending on the the use ^^

Going through the fanlore article, I also realized that hey, actually having multiple tags/names is normal in fandoms! It's to make searching/naming for different flavours of pairings easier. I forgor. Let me explain.

the Leosagi as well as the Leochi/Leoichi tags sorta blew up in august after the ROTTMNT movie bc of new or returning fans rediscovering an old ship that's been a constant since the 03 fandom. and ppl posted fanart of the two versions in the tags before this too, but there was a notable uptick in those new fans after august 2022. I think when Samurai Rabbit aired, ppl posted fanart then too.

The SliderBunny tag existed already for people's own teen!Miyamoto Usagi x Rise!Leo versions and honestly, this could continue as an umbrella tag for any Rise!Leo x Usagi ships going forward, as "Rise Leosagi" has built up more as a tag. or "2018 Leosagi" whichever do you prefer

For 2003 Leosagi, Katanashipping exists bc it's unique to them (the katana-gifting scene in the 03 show) + it is a more specific name and tag, which helps to find it easier or make it more specific. + it just adds the extra flavor of knowing what went on between the two in the show. That was their last canon interaction as far as we know.

I want to also add here that the 03 version of Miyamoto Usagi is specifically very different. I remember reading an article somewhere which mentioned that Stan Sakai had been a bit upset w the 03 team that they made Usagi so young and different from his comics. I'll repost/add the link another time, but the main point is that the 03 pairing/friendship is quite different from both the existing canon comics and the 12!tmnt iteration of their friendship.

someone pointed out that the yuinardo tag could be for the ship Yuichi Usagi x 12!Leonardo but I do not see it that way for the above reasons. But what could be the name for that then? That's for the shippers of that ship to decide. I've heard some variations of smashing the names together for this like Luichi and YuiLeo (I kinda like that 2nd one myself), but they both sound a bit too much like real names to be tags/ship names.

I do not know the Yuichi x 12Leo name, but I suppose it could follow common convention of adding 12 in front, since that has been done before for people's own versions of 12leosagi as well, so thir's world and see what happens! so it'll be interesting takes off more. There is potential for both angst and comedy in this one. 🤔 what people will start tagging this onnce coed be 12leochi or 12yuinardo maybe even. I do not see it honestly, but I also did not continue watching much of tmnt12 after season 3 bc it was hard to see Leo go through Stuff(tm) again and I did not like how the show approached writing its female characters. So I don't quite get the appeal, but I think if fans see opportunities to write it in interesting/fun ways, why not. I headcanon 12!Leo as a transfem lesbian, and Yuichi reads slightly transmasc for me, so maybe that's why I don't quite see it bc my fanon ideas are a bit different for them ^^; + it feels like they are from different times from a "when it was made" perspective, the shows' vibes are different (12 is more horror-genre scifi a lot of times while SRTUC does not lean into its horror thematics as much as it could be the name for that then? That's for the shippers of that ship to decide.

the transfem sapphic version I know one person calls Blue Sapphics, which is cute, but idk if there's a common name that every shipper uses? let me know in the reblogs or comments.

anyway, larger point also; it's not so bad to have multiple tags (as long as you use them according to what's in the post) and multiple names - so that one tag (leosagi) doesn't have to do all the heavy-lifting and that fans who only want one flavor, can have that. tagging is more like a courtesy but it helps to make finding fanart/other fans of the same thing easier, but they often also follow what becomes commonly discussed and used among a fandom.

Sorry if this is super-duper long, I haven't been able to write normally since discovering the internet and that I could post on it and things just happen to get this long when I finally finish a writing ^^;

crunches my brain a lil as I make this post bc i have other stuff cooking in my brain

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iivocom · 3 months ago

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Is It Just Me, or Did January Last Five Minutes?

You blink, and suddenly it's February. Weren't we all just clinking glasses and making grand plans for the new year? Time's doing that thing again where it slips through our fingers like sand. I promised myself I'd up my blogging game from a modest once a month to every Sunday. Inspired by a surprisingly productive Q4 last year, I was all set to flood your screens with wit, wisdom, and maybe a meme or two. Yet here I am, staring at the blinking cursor, searching for that elusive spark.

Sleepless in... Everywhere

Lately, sleep and I have been like acquaintances who pass each other on the street with a nod. Did you know that lack of sleep can mimic the effects of alcohol intoxication? Fun times, except without the karaoke bravery. Thomas Edison infamously believed sleep was a waste of time—a leftover from our cave-dwelling days. He might've invented the lightbulb, but I'm starting to think he left us in the dark about the joys of a good night's rest.

Stuck in a Rut? Let's Dig Out Together

Ever find yourself in a creative rut so deep you consider setting up camp? Maybe roasting some marshmallows over the embers of your dwindling motivation? You're not alone. The average person experiences a slump every now and then. The trick is to embrace it—acknowledge that sometimes our brains just need a break. Albert Einstein would play the violin to relax his mind when he hit a dead end. Perhaps it's time I dust off that old guitar.

Productivity Hacks I Might Actually Try

I've been flirting with the idea of adopting some productivity hacks. Maybe the Pomodoro Technique, where you work in focused bursts with short breaks. Or perhaps bullet journaling to organize the chaos. Leonardo da Vinci kept a notebook with him at all times to jot down ideas—everything from inventions to grocery lists. If it's good enough for the Renaissance man, it's worth a shot, right?

Pinterest: My Latest Rabbit Hole

On a lighter note, Pinterest has become my digital playground. It's amazing how pinning a few recipes can spiral into curating a dream home complete with a garden you'd need a team of landscapers to maintain. Did you know Pinterest has over 400 million active users? That's a lot of vision boards! If you're as addicted as I am, feel free to check out my boards. Fair warning: it's a eclectic mix of fitness routines I'll attempt (eventually), recipes that make my mouth water, and DIY projects that may or may not end in glue-gun disasters.

Keeping It Evergreen

There's plenty happening in the world—topics that ignite fiery debates and news that age about as well as avocado toast. I've steered clear of politics and fleeting headlines, aiming instead for content that stands the test of time. Evergreen articles are like the little black dress of blogging—always in style, always appropriate.

Embracing the Art of Nothing

So here we are, chatting about everything and nothing. And you know what? That's okay. Life isn't always about big revelations or profound insights. Sometimes, it's about these simple moments—acknowledging where we are and sharing a virtual cup of coffee. Perhaps I'll take a page out of Jane Austen's book: “To sit in the shade on a fine day, and look upon verdure, is the most perfect refreshment.”

Netflix, Here I Come

I think it's time to indulge in a bit of screen time. With a plethora of new movies and series released, there's no shortage of storytelling to dive into. Who knows? Maybe my next post will be a review or a reflection sparked by a compelling narrative. Storytelling has a way of reigniting that creative flame.

Until Next Time

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that creativity isn't a faucet you can turn on at will. It's more like a cat—you think it's lost interest, and then it curls up in your lap out of nowhere. So here's to embracing the ebb and flow, to taking breaks when we need them, and to finding inspiration in unexpected places. In the meantime, if you have any tips on conquering sleep deprivation or escaping ruts, drop them in the comments. Let's navigate this journey together.

And if you're scrolling through Pinterest at 2 a.m. like me, don't hesitate to say hi.

#thoughts #monthly #procastination

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2cmtall · 2 years ago

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what they admire about you

Context: as the title suggests, this is about one aspect that the characters admire about you.

A/n: I made a goal for myself this month at school to write a certain amount by the end of January and this is one of a few that I have completed. Thank you to those that have reblogged and liked my last post. Although it wasn't genshin related, it was well received by those who did like that other fandom.

Characters: Kaeya, Diluc ( I might have made Diluc's a bit longer than Kaeya's by accident but I hope people enjoy either way)

================================================

Kaeya:

Your sense of empathy and non-judgment.

▪ For someone who is considered shady and non-trusting by some, even by fellow colleagues, it's refreshing to know that you don't hold those same misconceptions.

▪ he was skeptical of you at first. You being a newcomer in mondstadt, kaeya naturally wanted to know if you were a friend or foe, but after a few chats and hidden observations, he concluded that although you withheld some info about yourself, you seemed far from a possible threat and he soon forgot about you.

▪ that was until he happened to see you near good hunter, and decided he would come to chat with you for a while to see what you were up to these days. He greeted you in his charismatic nature, and you answered politely, laughing quietly at his slight antics. As he kept chatting with you, he couldn't help but notice the difference in how you speak to him. No matter the teasing comments he made to you, you seemed to laugh genuinely and sometimes even answer back with a quick remark, your eyes full of mirth. Your smile seemed to get wider the more he asked about you, and you were especially interested to ask him about his day. He didn't realize it at the moment, but the way you talk to him always seemed kind and genuine.

▪ eventually he had to say goodbye and he turned to leave, but he suddenly stopped crept back to a corner at which he turned when he caught the voice of Amber, one of his dear colleagues. He already knew for sure what Amber could possibly want to talk to you about, especially right after he left, and usually he would let her little rumors slide, but this time he seemed intrigued despite himself to hear your response. Will your views about him change? Will you start looking at him with scepticism and maybe even despise from here on out? No matter what, he wanted to know.

▪ despite his worries, when Amber started berating you with warnings about kaeya, whom you just had a pleasant conversation with, that seemed to irk you and you felt the need to defend him.

▪ "y/n, I don't know why he keeps talking to you but you got to be careful. Kaeya can be somewhat. . . Shady. It's best if you avoid talking to him, for your safety of course." This is the part where Kaeya loses a potential ally. A friendly acquaintance. But when he peeked around the corner just slightly, what he saw pleasantly surprised him. Your brows were now furrowed and he can see that your mood has substantially shifted by the way your eyes settle in a silent rbf. And in a monotone manner you replied, "I understand that you have good intentions in warning me about potential dangers, but I'll have to ask you to stop. I agree that Kaeya may be something other then what he shows in public, and I'm confident he has secrets he keeps secrets under lock and key, but I don't believe you should look at him that way. From my perspective and interactions with him, Kaeya is someone I genuinely enjoy talking to, and will continue to talk with him if he so wishes as well. Thank you again for the warnings, outrider amber, but I dont believe I'll need it." By the end of your grand speech, you were smiling, your face filled with polite kindness. Amber seemed to pause for a good moment, stuck staring at you as she scrambled for a parting response. Seeing the whole ordeal and witnessing your proud face as his fellow colleague scrambles away, he could feel the curve of his lips as it formed into a smile. A smile that stayed on even after he returned to his office, passing by knights, not caring for their questioning glances. Maybe you were someone worth chatting with more. . .

▪ some other traits he finds he admires about you later on is your acts of service and honesty.

Diluc:

Your plentiful rants about your passions

▪ most of us know by now that Diluc is not one to enjoy an idle chat, preferring to get straight to the point. You can't blame him, he is a rather busy man. For some reason though, people can sometimes see you yapping away (or talking in general) while diluc will quietly listen, sometimes also focused on his work (bartending, reviewing papers, etc), but he would also voice small comments to encourage you more and show that he's listening. There are even special moments where the both of you would be having the conversation because it's something you are both interested in. I believe some good topics to have with him are the art of mixing drinks and different tastes you like, chess, etc. Maybe talking about his business is something he would rather not have often because he wants to learn more about you (unless you were generally interested in business and the inner workings).

▪ I believe the reason you first met was because you happened upon him near the dawn winery when you first visited mondstadt. When you noticed the grand building and picturesque atmosphere, with the grape vines and crystal flies and the grand mansion at the very top (not to mention it was around sunset, the perfect splash of warm colors) you couldn't help but stay and be amazed. Eventually, when diluc had to leave his home to take care of something, he noticed you with an impressed sparkle in your eyes. Upon introducing each other and seeing how you looked genuinely interested, he offered to give you a special tour around the place after he was done with his duties. You thanked him and agreed to meet with him later. Even now, even if you were shy (unless you're not), he can already tell you had a friendly personality and appreciated how you held yourself.

▪ while giving you the tour, you couldn't help but ask him questions and with those answers, your rants would transform. You were always switching topics and giving comments about the things that spoke to you. You liked to speak of the existing knowledge you had and ask him for confirmation or further explanation. At first, he felt a bit. . . Apprehensive of the constant talking. He was used to short and quick answers, and usually upon introduction, he would say that he quite disliked chatter, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to say that to you. It's something in the way that your smile widens at every little thing that excites you, the giggles that escape when you're in the middle of telling a story, and the way that your eyes positively sparkle. Even if you're the type of person to be more reserved, he can still see your general excitement. And he enjoys that. Maybe he doesn't like idle chatter, but for you, he believes he can make an exception, especially when you give interesting stories, insights, and/or questions that reach a deeper level of interest than what he is commonly used to.

▪ for you, you continued to talk to him, updating on everything and nothing at once, ranting about the things you have seen or heard while diluc tended to his work. It took you a while to understand that he was listening you as you might be the type of person that enjoys the full attention from the recipient, unsure if diluc was even listening to you, but when you stop suddenly that's when diluc would ask "why'd you stop? What happened after. . . " and then you would happily continue on. This whole time you never knew about his general dislike for idle chit chat until one day you overhear a conversation between two strangers, their topic being about you and how you were seemingly the only one who can have full conversations with the stoic businessman. Curious you listened on. "Its crazy how y/n can rant on for HOURS with diluc, and he hasn't once told them to shut up." The other stranger pitched, "yeah! Especially when everyone here knows he hates that sort of thing. It's a wonder how he tolerates them for even a second. Honestly I'm quite jealous. . ." By then you zoned out of their conversation because of what they said. Diluc hates chatting? How come he never told you about it? Ugh and the fact that you were just ranting on and on. . . You were convinced he must secretly despise you were for always coming in the tavern or his study and talked. Inside you were in total turmoil mentally hating your past selves for not being considerate. Form now on you decided to be more mindful, and you wouldn't bother him when he was working (which was admittedly alt he time) and to only greet him in passing.

▪ and that's what you did for a while, deciding not to visit him at his work and only greeting him in passing, always leaving diluc perplexed as to why you were suddenly acting so differently. He tried to ignore it for a time, but he couldnt help but wonder if he did something wrong when you would look at him with an apologetic face and leave shortly after a quick catch up.

▪ eventually he decided to confront you about it when your actions felt too forced, as if you were trying so hard to not speak to him (in a way you were. You would still say hi, but you were actively not speaking about your day, lest you start going on a tangent). He missed listening about your day and noticing the little nuances of your speech and body language, happy that someone (you) wished to share their day in detail to him. Before meeting you, he was fine with the silence, since he could focus much better with no noise, but now he felt the silence to be too distracting in a way, too different. It constantly creaked at the back of his mind that something was missing, and that something was your voice.

▪ when he confronted you, asking if he'd done something wrong, you were a bit confused. Wasnt the peace and silence what he wanted? And you said as much, "but I overheard from some strangers that you were widely known to dislike idle chatter and that I was the only person that kept ranting on and on to you. I wanted to be more considerate about your preferences and I decided to limit me talking. Dont worry, you didnt do anything wrong and I'm sorry i didnt think how the sudden disappearance would affect you." You felt just as guilty as you felt when you overheard the strangers, and you couldnt help but look away from his eyes sheepishly. That was until he spoke again. "Y/n, did I by any chance say I didnt like chatter directly to you?" You stared blankly at him for a moment, trying to remember a moment where he mentioned it to you but couldn't think of a time, "I. . . I dont believe you did. Why not?"

▪ he simply huffed, a small smile forming as he spoke, "well, because I quite enjoy your 'ranting' as you called them. Admittedly, you're right. I dont usually enjoy the concept of meaningless pleasantries and conversations, but the way you speak with interest and feeling makes me forget about my usual dislike. For you, I would like to listen to your stories more, no matter how silly or irrelevant it is. Promise you wont keep avoiding me?" He chuckled lightly, making a joke to snap you out of the blank daze you seem to be in. Shaking your head, you smiled greatly, "Haha, I promise! And thank you for allowing me to tell you these stories. Speaking of which, would you like to hear this crazy thing I saw someone do yesterday?!?" "Of course, but why dont we go to the dawn winery. I can have the maids prepare us a dinner and you can tell me all about it."

▪ he might also like someone with a sense of justice (even if you dont usually act on standing up for things and making changes, I think he would still appreciate some form of initiative)

#kaeya x gender neutral reader #kaeya x reader #kaeya x y/n #kaeya x you #kaeya fluff #kaeya imagines #kaeya scenarios #genshin kaeya #diluc x gender neutral reader #diluc x reader #diluc x y/n #diluc x you #diluc fluff #diluc imagines #diluc genshin impact #genshin impact #What they admire about you #kaeya alberich #diluc ragnvindr

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jingweitrash · 3 years ago

Text

Miss You (Promise us that you will return)

Word count: 2,015 Pairing: Kiana Kaslana | K-423 & Bronya Zaychik, Kiana Kaslana/Raiden Mei (mentioned) Characters: Kiana Kaslana, Raiden Mei, Fu Hua, Bronya Zaychik, Seele Vollerei, Theresa Apocalypse, Captain Hyperion Summary: You see your dear friend, right before you. You haven't seen her in 8 years. ...Or it's HoF!Kiana and Silverwing!Bronya interacting in the dorm because I want to see them interact.

A/N: :')) i got silverwing bronya but at what cost my sanity and my wallet

Posted on Ao3 back on January.

***

This place brings back old memories.

Bronya sits on the couch, swinging her legs off the edge. It’s been a few years since she saw this dormitory. The Captain had asked her to visit one time, and now she’s here, observing younger versions of the people she knows of.

And herself, she guesses. Looking at her younger self makes her want to curl up in the corner and scream internally.

“Ah. You’re new?”

Bronya looks up to see Kiana, looking at her with a smile. Her heart ached at the sight of her, silently wishing that Mei was right here with her so that she could see Kiana, at least one more time, even though it is a younger version of her. Bronya nods, answering Kiana’s question.

Kiana hums, and sits beside her. “Well, welcome. I didn’t know the Captain recruited somebody else.”

Kiana doesn’t recognize her, but that’s okay. Bronya is more than content with the fact that she can talk to her right now. “I just arrived yesterday.”

“Understandable.” Kiana chuckles. “I’m beginning to like you already.” Bronya just looks down with a small smile on her face.

How long has it been since she last saw her friend? 8 years, almost a decade. All of them had gone through a hard time, and somehow, Bronya is lucky enough to see her again, even in this small dormitory space.

“Anyways!” Kiana crosses her legs. “Tell me about yourself.”

Bronya freezes at that. She doesn’t know what to tell Kiana. Should she say that she’s technically from the future? That she knows what’s going to happen? She doesn’t want Kiana to be conflicted, and she also doesn’t want to jeopardize the future.

“Well, I’m a game designer.” She settles with that statement. Kiana’s eyes suddenly sparkle with curiosity and glee. Bronya smiles at that.

Some things never change, even when they mature and grow up.

“Game designer?” Kiana asks her excitedly. “Tell me, what kind of games? How do you design the characters?” Kiana stops herself, and barks out a laugh. “I’m sorry. When it comes to gaming, I tend to get out of control.”

Don’t be sorry, please. This is really refreshing to see . But Bronya doesn’t voice that out. Instead, she just chuckles, and shakes her head.

“It’s alright. I understand.” She waves it off. “Trust me, I don’t mind.”

“Ah,” Kiana snaps her fingers, “so you’re used to this? Are you famous?”

Oh God. Bronya buries her head onto her hands, as she hears Kiana laughing to her delight. Kiana, for goodness sake, give me a break.

“So?” Kiana’s teasing voice rings in Bronya’s head. “Are you famous?”

“Not yet-” Bronya blurts out. She realizes what she says, and screams into her hands. Kiana laughs harder at her answer and at her predicament.

“I’m joking.” Kiana says to her, and she turns serious for a moment. “Bronya, I’m joking.”

Bronya freezes at that, and slowly looks up to Kiana. “You…know?”

“Of course!” Kiana says, as if offended by her hidden assumption. “Let me guess, the younger me didn’t recognize you.”

“Sort of.” Bronya recalls the moment she first stepped into this dorm. Kiana’s younger self, the time when they were all still studying in St. Freya didn't recognize her. But Bronya isn’t offended. She understands that she looks different now. She even acts differently. It is really understandable that she won’t recognize her.

But this Kiana recognizes her. And she doesn’t know why.

“You’re from the future, huh?” Kiana smiles at her. But Bronya looks away. Because the future they are living in is safe and bright is mainly because of the person right beside her right now. She doesn’t have the heart to tell her what happened, she can’t.

Bronya wishes for the nth time that Mei is here. It will do her good to see Kiana again.

“...How is everyone?” Kiana asks. Bronya takes a deep breath.

“...We’re all alright, Kiana.” Bronya smiles reassuringly. “We are all alright.”

“Ah.” Kiana lets out a weak laugh. “So the plan worked.”

Bronya blinks, and in a spur of the moment, she grabs Kiana’s collar, and pulls her closer forcefully, gritting her teeth. “What do you fucking mean by that?” She asks angrily, shaking her. But her grip on her loosens when she just sees Kiana smile in resignation. She speaks the next words quietly. “Why did you…”

“Bronya.” Kiana places a hand on Bronya’s. “I…I have planned to do this since before we battled Otto.”

Bronya doesn’t let go of Kiana, she just looks down, and heaves a breath. So Kiana continues, knowing Bronya needs to hear this. They both need to hear this. It's for closure, for both of them. “I knew what we needed to do.” She speaks softly, as if she is speaking to a child. But that’s what Bronya feels at the moment. She feels like she is a child, helpless and vulnerable.

“And…I did it willingly.” Kiana says. “Or…in my case,” she chuckles, as if trying to lift Bronya’s mood. It doesn’t work, but it is worth a try, “I will do it willingly when the time comes.”

“But…Mei.” Bronya mutters. Kiana’s breath hitches at that. Gotcha.

Mei will always be Kiana’s weak spot.

“Well, I assume that she is as strong as ever.” Kiana says, her voice shaking. Both of them don’t pay it heed. If they do, both of them will break down in this dormitory. “Because I’m sure all of you are closer than ever.”

Bronya wants to tell her everything that happened. How Mei struggled to find a new purpose other than fighting. How Mei will call her each night, telling her that she misses Kiana, that she doesn’t know what to do.

Bronya answers her calls with the same thing.

She misses Kiana.

The calls increased when Mei and her squad were investigating St. Fountain.

(Bronya stretches her arms, and rubs her eyes. It’s already 3 am, and she is not closer to finishing work.

“God,” Bronya stands up from her chair, and walks to her shelf, picking out a book, “what an ungodly hour to be awake.”

Her phone rings from her desk, and she internally groans. She snatches the phone from her desk, and looks at the contact.

Mei.

Bronya stops at that, and answers the call. Because she will always have time for Mei, she will always have time for the people she cares for.

Even if it's 3 am, and she still has work to do.

“Mei.” Bronya answers. “What’s up?”

“Bronya.” Mei’s voice rings in her ears. She could practically imagine Mei’s relieved smile while talking to her. “I’m glad you answered.”

“Always.” Bronya says in a light tone. Mei barks out a laugh, which makes Bronya smile.

Happiness. Mei needs to smile more.

“Did you know of the disturbances in St. Fountain?” Mei asks her. Bronya pauses at that.

She does know. She vaguely remembers Overseer Theresa calling her and telling her about the situation. The Overseer also wants Bronya to come back to the battlefield as the new acting squad leader.

But Bronya isn’t too sure. She left the battlefield for a reason; and that’s because she had been in it all her life.

Did she have a childhood? All they all did was fight the Honkai, kill.

Aim precisely and shoot. Do not miss a target-

Bronya shakes her head to get rid of that thought. She hasn’t given Theresa a concrete answer yet, and she still doesn’t know what her answer is. “Yes.” She finally answers Mei.

Mei sighs at that. “...I don’t know what to do.”

Bronya keeps quiet about that. Because she also doesn’t know. What are they supposed to do? Well, fight of course. But it gets tiring. It wears them out, to the point of collapsing. It does a lot to their mental health and stability.

At the end of the day, they’re still humans; former herrscher or not. They have limits.

“...What do you want to do?” Bronya answers her with a question instead. She hears Mei breathe shakily at that. “Be honest with me. What do you want to do?”

“To fight.” Mei answers her as confidently as she could. Bronya could still hear the shakiness in her voice. “Because, like she said, fight for all that is beautiful in this world.”

“...yeah.” Bronya gives out a shaky laugh. “Yeah, that’s a good answer.”

“We will not give up, right?” Mei asks her in a small voice. “We will not give up. Because she didn’t.”

“...You’re right.” Bronya lets out a wet chuckle. “We will not.”

Now she knows her answer.

She calls Theresa in the morning, and says yes to her offer.)

“That doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be there with us!” Bronya exclaims. They are making a scene, they know it, but they don't really care at this point. They need to do this for themselves. “We want you there too!”

“I want to be there with all of you!” Kiana shouts at her, silencing her. Kiana heaves a breath. “I also want to live, to be happy, to be able to be with you guys!” Bronya lets go of her collar, and Kiana voices out everything tearfully. “I want to see your success, I want to see Mei smile, I want to see and hug Aunt Theresa, and I want to see Fu Hua doing what she wants.” She chuckles wetly, rubbing at her eyes. “...I want to be happy too.”

“But why?” Bronya asks her, clenching her fists. “Why then?”

“Because I love all of you.” Kiana finally says to her. “I don’t want all of you to suffer again; I don’t want to see children, like us, being thrown to the battlefield only to be forced to grow up quickly because of everything that is happening.” She looks at Bronya, and smiles sadly. “I don’t want anyone else to experience what happened to us.”

“But we could have done it together.” Bronya says. She thinks of how Mei and the others will react to this. What would Mei and the others think if they hear everything that Kiana is telling her right now?

What would Mei feel?

What would Theresa feel?

What would Fu Hua feel?

Bronya especially wonders about Fu Hua. They haven’t heard from her for some months or so. She is traveling, for once, doing what she wants. And Bronya is happy for her.

But she wonders, how did Fu Hua cope?

They all coped badly at first. That is understandable. But they learn how to adapt, how to live with it.

But that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t hurt.

“But,” Kiana cuts off her thoughts, and reaches out to ruffle Bronya’s hair, “I am sure of one thing.” Bronya leans on her touch, and Kiana smiles at her. “I will return. Remember that.”

“...I…” Bronya sighs, and closes her eyes. “I will remember that.”

We will all remember that.

“And besides, I have to propose to Mei-senpai. Oh, and I want to see you and Seele be happy.” Kiana says in a joking tone, lifting the mood. But Bronya knows that she is serious. She turns red at the implication. Oh, she is serious indeed. “I want to see your game too.”

“...Of course, Kiana.” Bronya smiles at her. “Kiana idiotka.”

“Oi.” Kiana laughs. “I’m not an idiot anymore.”

“You’re our idiot.” Bronya says, and suddenly lays her on the couch, eliciting a surprised noise from Kiana. “Shush.”

“Fucking lay on my lap, you.” Bronya obeys, and Kiana laughs in delight. “I wonder what the others will say when they see us like this.”

“Unbelievable! Being civil for once?” Bronya teases her, and they both laugh in delight. They both turn quiet for a moment, until Bronya speaks out in a small voice. “Let’s stay like this for a while.”

“Yeah.” Kiana relaxes against the couch. She runs her fingers through Bronya’s hair, and Bronya closes her eyes at the touch. “Let’s."

“I will return. Remember that.”

Bronya smiles.

***

#honkai impact 3rd #kiana kaslana #bronya zaychik #seele vollerei #fu hua #raiden mei #honkai impact

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cheri-translates · 4 years ago

Text

[CN] Lucien’s Theatre Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 剧场之约, which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

[ Released on 20 January 2021 ]

Winter sunlight streams in through the French windows, illuminating the entire rehearsal room.

After a short week of filming, I seem to have returned to my life in university, being surrounded by an atmosphere of youthful enthusiasm daily.

Raising the camera in my hands, I record the beautiful and authentic scenes before me, little by little.

All of a sudden, a voice drifts from the front.

Female Student: Everyone, please gather in the middle~

Out of habit, I follow the voice, turning the camera towards the middle of the rehearsal room. But after a few seconds, the female student in the viewfinder walks straight towards me.

Female Student: Miss MC, could I trouble you and Professor Lucien to join us?

Surprised, I set down the camera. After exchanging a short glance with Lucien, we walk to the middle of the rehearsal room together and sit down.

Female Student: Firstly, there’s a piece of good news! Our performance timing has finally been set, and we’ll be having our first official rehearsal tomorrow!

Once the words are spoken, deafening cheers resound in the rehearsal room. I can’t help but lean towards Lucien’s ear.

MC: They can finally perform officially. That’s great!

Lucien: Only through perseverance can there be a future. This result isn’t unexpected.

MC: Who knows - they might become outstanding stage actors in the future!

The corners of my lips lift upwards uncontrollably, and images of them standing on stage surface in my mind.

Lucien seems to sense how I’m feeling, and he pinches the palm of my hand in response.

Female Student: Next, I represent everyone here to thank Producer MC and Professor Lucien! Without their help and advice, we probably wouldn’t know how much longer we’d have to prepare!

Warm applause resounds once again, and I chuckle in slight embarrassment.

MC: Actually, you should be thanking yourselves. We’re just recording the moments we see. Professor Lucien and I are very happy that we’re able to help everyone, and it feels very fulfilling.

Female Student: Miss MC, we actually have a tiny request… We wish to invite you and Professor Lucien to be our hosts. All our performers want to hear their own names being announced. I wonder if the both of you would be willing to participate in the official rehearsal with us tomorrow?

Right now, Lucien and I are brisk walking on the street.

Faced with the sincere and enthusiastic gazes from the students a few hours later, we agreed to this invitation.

In order not to hold up their rehearsal time, Lucien and I suggested that we’d settle our attire.

Following the directions of the navigation system, we’ve arrived at the entrance of a shop. The numerous formal attire exhibited in the display window adds a touch of uniqueness to this small, ordinary street.

MC: Looks like we didn’t end up at the wrong place!

Lucien chuckles, tidying my slightly messy hair which has been blown by the wind.

Lucien: Mm, let’s go in.

Pushing the doors, a long corridor appears in our line of sight. Colourful stage costumes hang at the sides.

Staff: Could I help you?

MC: Hello, we need two sets of formal evening wear.

The staff nods in understanding, lifting her hand and beckoning us to the deepest part of the corridor.

Very quickly, we make our way to the section as directed. Before us are grandiose formal wear, giving me the mistaken impression that we’ve come to the wedding section...

MC: Lucien, I don't think these clothes suit us.

Lucien lowers his eyes. As though he thought of something, the corners of his lips lift gently.

Lucien: The designs here aren’t as good-looking as the set we wore during the shoot at the wisteria garden the other time.

Lucien’s soft sentence makes my face heat up in an instant.

MC: [blushing] Why did you suddenly bring that up...

The mischievous glint in Lucien’s eyes grows deeper. Before he can speak, I hurriedly pull him to the men’s section.

MC: Well... there are too many choices for women’s wear. Let’s pick a set for you first!

The large sea of black, white, and grey greatly lower my troubles of selecting a colour.

After sieving through the differences in styles for various shirts, I quickly pick a standard collar, and a white shirt with a concealed placket.

Holding up a vest without lapels and a matching tie with a solid colour, I walk to Lucien.

MC: You’ll definitely look good in these two pieces. Even though the style doesn’t differ much from what you usually wear, but...

Lucien: But you picked these two for me.

Lucien completes my sentence, his eyes crinkled into a smile. Taking the clothes, he walks towards the dressing room.

Only after a while do I realise that there’s something odd. I respond, raising my voice without realising it.

MC: ...that’s not what I meant. I was going to say that even though it doesn’t differ much, it still suits you, so you could give it a try!

Lucien pauses in his steps and turns around, giving me a gentle look.

Lucien: But that’s what I meant.

Saying this softly, he turns and walks into the dressing room.

The faint rustling of clothes drifts from the dressing room. Not long after, Lucien steps out from within it.

The tailoring of the shirt displays his silhouette completely. Just as I’m about to nod in satisfaction, my gaze suddenly stops on his collar.

MC: It seems like... it could use a collar pin!

I hastily walk to the section displaying collar pins, then select an exquisite yet not too gaudy pin, placing it against him.

MC: Lucien, how’s this collar pin? Do you like it?

Lucien: I like it.

Seeing how Lucien said that he liked it without hesitance, I suddenly decide to be playful.

MC: You like it unconditionally because I picked it, right?

Placing my hands behind me, I lift my chin slightly, pretending to be difficult on purpose.

Lucien pinches my nose gently, his eyes filled with tenderness and flittering light.

Lucien: Of course it isn’t unconditional liking. It’s because MC understands me very well, and knows what suits me. That’s why I can unhesitatingly say that I like it.

In the next second, Lucien brings the hands that were behind me to the front, and lowers his head slightly.

Lucien: Now, could I ask Miss MC to put it on for me?

Seeing the pair of gentle eyes in front of me, my heart skips a beat.

Steadying my breathing, I take one step forward, lifting the collar pin in my hand.

MC: [blushing] Stand properly... don’t move.

A soft chuckle drifts from before me, the breath following along with it dispersing at the tip of my nose.

Lucien: In that case, before I can’t move at all, could I lift my chin? Otherwise, I’m afraid it won’t be convenient...

His warm breath travels to me, and the tips of my ears heat up.

Lifting my head slightly, a clear Adam’s apple and lower jawline enter my line of sight, and I soon meet his eyes.

I hurriedly lower my eyes, doing my best to focus my attention on my hands, carefully adjusting the position of the collar pin.

MC: Mm, that’s more like it!

Lucien turns his head and faces the mirror for a while. Then, he reaches out and laces our fingers together.

Lucien: Thank you. Everything before me - I like them very much.

MC: Next, it’s Professor Lucien’s turn to help me pick an outfit.

Lucien: If I’m able to pick an outfit that MC is satisfied with, I’ll naturally be very willing to help.

MC: Let’s go then!

Taking his arm naturally, we had towards the women’s wear section. Faced with hundreds and thousands of dresses, Lucien and I exchange a glance of tacit understanding, deciding to split ways to operate.

Innumerable extravagant dresses brush past my fingers, and my heart grows increasingly heavy.

MC: Lucien, should we go to another shop?

While speaking, I turn around, but can’t find a trace of Lucien.

Just when I'm prepared to continue walking, a familiar profile overtakes my vision.

Lucien is holding a refreshing white dress as he walks towards me.

The dress is as light as silk, and isn’t embellished with overly gaudy designs. The extremely simple tailoring style makes it just right.

Seeing the dress in front of me, my gaze is soon deeply drawn to it.

MC: Did you... find this?

Lucien: The staff here is very professional. According to the style I described, she found a similar outfit. Want to give it a try?

Nodding, I take the white dress from him, walking into the dressing room to change into it. The buttons at the back enable me to adjust the tightness of the dress, enabling the size to be just right.

After changing into the outfit, I take a deep breath and push the door open.

MC: Lucien, what... do you think?

The unconcealed anticipation in my heart seems to make even my gait feel lively.

Tugging the skirt upwards, I stop in front of him, lifting my eyes to meet his, which are as tender as water.

Lucien: It looks very nice. I like it too.

Lucien: It’s as though the countless images I envisioned in my mind are far from rivalling the you in front of me.

The next day, Lucien and I bring the rented outfits to the theatre.

Perhaps due to this being the first time everyone is participating in a rehearsal and have absolutely no experience on stage, there are many unpredictable occurrences on the scene--

A disjunct between where the light falls and where the actors are standing, the sound effects becoming louder and softer abruptly, not having sufficient time to change outfits before needing to appear on stage...

All sorts of incidences causes the scene on stage to be especially messy, and everyone suggests rewatching the rehearsal process recorded on the camera.

As the students sit around the camera, their expressions gradually turn solemn...

Female Student A: Some people’s volumes are too soft. The stage here is much larger than the rehearsal room. Our voices need to be louder!

Male Student B: While raising your volumes, don’t just focus on your own lines. I’ve watched the rhythm of many people become a mess...

Male Student C: People who know what we’re doing will think we’re performing a stage play. Those who don’t know what we’re doing will think we’re performing acrobatics...

Seeing this scene before my eyes, my lips move as I prepare to say something.

As though noticing my hesitance, Lucien leans to my ear.

Lucien: Go on. I think what they really need right now is advice from a “bystander”.

Nodding my head, I walk towards the students. After taking a deep breath, I speak gently.

MC: Let’s not lose heart. These problems aren’t that difficult to resolve. They didn’t arise just because you lack experience. These issues also crop up for a mature stage acting groups.

I try to employ a more relaxed tone, and the heavy atmosphere seems to disperse bit by bit.

Female Student A: In that case, how do those professional groups resolve them?

MC: Actually, there aren’t special methods. It’s just that the accumulation of experience over time and channeling their emotions into it enables them their convictions to become especially strong. Toss aside all the distracting throughs, believe in your own role, believe in this stage, and then enjoy it.

Female Student B: I once watched an online lesson where the acting teacher mentioned that actors need strong convictions. But knowing it and applying it are two different things...

I nod thoughtfully. Just as I prepare to speak, a familiar voice pipes up.

Lucien: Why don’t we toss aside the “troublesome” things in front of us, and play a small game.

I turn my head in astonishment, watching as Lucien smiles and blinks at me.

Even though I don’t know what he intends to do, the familiar gaze always enables me to feel at ease during such moments.

Lucien: Students who are interested can first close their eyes, and feel their bodies.

Although the students have puzzled expressions on their faces, they still close their eyes in succession.

Lucien: Now, lift up your arms, and bring them to the same level as your shoulders. Right now, you’re feeling that your left arm is very heavy. It’s as though a large stone is hanging from it, and it keeps sinking downwards.

The surroundings are very quiet, and it seems everyone is tranquil in Lucien's voice.

Lucien: All right, please open your eyes slowly. Right now, you’ll see that your left arm is much lower than your right arm.

Right after his words are spoken, surprised gasps can be heard all around.

Just as Lucien said, the left arms of everyone are indeed lower than their right arms.

Lucien: The small game is over. Everyone can put their hands down.

Female Student A: What is this...?

Male Student B: I didn’t even control my left hand but it went down on its own!

In an instant, lively chatter commences on stage. The students are curious and pleasantly surprised as they turn to Lucien.

Lucien: This is just a small game with psychological suggestion involved. It’s similar to the “conviction” MC mentioned earlier. Perhaps using such a method, everyone can have a more direct experience of the meaning within it. After our brain accepts certain hints, our body will involuntarily perform a corresponding action. This small game can also be used in performances. Why not try believing everything in front of you? This way, your body will also respond with more authenticity.

Male Student A: But how can one perpetually believe in everything that happens on stage? It feels too difficult.

Lucien chuckles, nodding thoughtfully.

Lucien: I don’t think conviction can be reached in one step, nor is it achieved permanently. Instead, it’s been hidden in your hearts since a long time ago, but you just haven’t noticed it. Actually, MC and I already felt your conviction in the rehearsal room since early on.

Lucien looks at the boy who asked the question, giving him a response.

Lucien: If I didn’t recall wrongly, you’d mull over your lines softly even before it’s your time to appear on stage.

Soon after, Lucien looks at another female student.

Lucien: When you’re making the props, you’d follow the plot of the script and include appropriate details. I think the courage of chasing your dreams can defeat self-doubt and regret. That’s when conviction exists.

Lucien quietly mentions the actions everyone does typically. Those wordless and plain day-to-day actions seem to be given a certain strength at this moment.

Everyone lowers their heads, and the air becomes still.

All of a sudden, a female student pats herself roughly on the cheeks. Everyone else lifts their heads, walking to their positions.

Female Student A: Let’s do it again!

Male Student B: Professor Lucien is right. Our conviction is our dream, and it’s something we can’t lack!

Watching as everyone gets ready, I shoot Lucien a thumbs up.

MC: “Professor Lucien, you’re amazing!”

Lucien seems to understand the words I’m mouthing, and his eyes curve into crescent moons.

Very soon, under everyone’s self-initiated organisation, we go through rehearsal after rehearsal.

Apart from the host’s announcement before the program, I’m not left idle during the remaining time.

I adjust the angle of the camera, trying my best to record everyone so it’d be more convenient for them to rewatch their states.

By the time the rehearsal is completely over, the sky has already gotten dark. The students have packed their costumes and props, waving and bidding us farewell.

MC: Huff... after a few more rehearsals, it’d be the actual performance.

Lucien: Are you feeling nervous?

Looking at the script in my hands, I involuntarily tighten my grip on it.

MC: Instead of being nervous, it’s more of looking forward to their performance. I wish for everyone’s names to be clearly conveyed to the audience on that day.

The corners of Lucien’s lips tug upwards gently, and he supports his chin, as though thinking of something.

Lucien: In that case, why don’t we practise again on our own a few more times? After all, the rehearsal time was used completely on the program, and the time for the “hosts” was largely reduced.

Before I can react, Lucien takes my hand and walks towards the stage.

Lucien: Now, this is a rehearsal time belonging only to the both of us.

Hearing this, my gait subconsciously becomes lighter. We stop one-third on the stage.

Holding the script in my hand, I recite the lines eloquently. However, the occasional trip-ups makes the nervousness hidden in the depths of my heart slip out furtively.

Just as I plan to start over from the beginning, I notice at the corner of my eye that Lucien seems to be looking at me.

MC: Lucien, what is it?

A flittering light flashes across Lucien’s eyes. I can vaguely guess what he’s secretly “plotting”.

Lucien: I suddenly remembered that even hosts need some “conviction”. Would MC be willing to mutually assist each other?

MC: Sure. What must I do?

Lucien: Before reciting from the script, you could say some things from the heart at that moment, which could strengthen our sense of conviction. It could enable us to believe that the us of right now exists for this moment.

Watching Lucien saying this “dead seriously”, I can’t help but chuckle.

MC: For instance?

Lucien: For instance, when I see you busying yourself in the rehearsal room, I feel very happy. When I’m standing on stage with you, I also feel very happy. Right now, as I face MC and express the words from my heart, I’m very happy.

His gentle voice is at my ear, sending ripples across my heart.

Just as what Lucien said, his eyes and lips generously express his happiness.

It’s as though my emotions have been influenced by his, and the anxiousness buried in the depths of my heart are swept away, replaced with brimming warmth.

MC: Me too! Lucien, I'm very happy that I can make you feel happy.

The happiness in Lucien’s eyes grows even deeper. He lifts his head, tousling my hair gently.

Lucien: [chuckles] MC.

Lucien: Believe in them, believe in yourself, and believe in us.

Student A: There’s one hour left till the actual performance. Everyone, do one more check! If there aren’t any problems, get ready backstage.

Right after the words are spoken, the makeup room once again boils with excitement.

Female Student A: Deep breaths... deep breaths...

Male Student B: We’ll succeed. Today, we’ll be the brightest ones on stage!

Just as everyone leaves the makeup room, I tug on Lucien’s sleeve lightly.

MC: Lucien, hold on. I want to prepare a little something for them.

Under Lucien’s puzzled gaze, I retrieve post-it notes and a pen from my bag, walking towards the table which has hot beverages on it.

MC: I don’t think they need any advice at this point. So... I just wish to give them a most ordinary encouragement and my well-wishes.

Lucien: I believe they’ll sense your regards.

Lucien takes the post-its that I’ve written, carefully pasting them on every bottle.

Very soon, there’s a pale yellow outer coat pasted on every hot beverage on the table.

MC: Done. Let’s hurry and gather backstage!

Carrying our bags, we head towards the backstage. When making a turn, something seems to get caught on my clothes, causing me to halt in my footsteps.

Turning around carefully, I hear the sound of something falling onto the floor.

What follows closely after is my dress being tugged downwards...

MC: Oh...

Before I can exclaim in alarm, Lucien pulls me behind a curtain at a corner, hiding us from view in an instant.

Scorching warmth is at my waist, causing the tips of my ears to become scaldingly hot.

MC: [blushing] D-don’t let go, the dress is about to slide off...

A soft chuckle drifts from behind me, and the breathing that comes along with it brushes my shoulders gently.

Lucien: Don’t worry, I won’t loosen my grip.

Just as I lower my head in search of the button, a voice sounds from behind the curtain.

??: Professor Lucien, Miss MC, are the two of you there? The performance is about to begin.

My heart immediately tightens. The curtain trembles lightly, as though someone is almost about to pull it...

In the next second, Lucien doesn’t let go, turning his body to the side, covering more than half of myself.

Before I can say anything, Lucien presses lightly on my waist with his finger pads, as though hinting that I shouldn’t make a sound.

The soft touch travels from the small of my back to my entire body, and waves of heat continuously stream to the back of my ears.

Lucien: Student, I’m discussing some private matters with her. Thank you for your reminder. We’ll head to the backstage very soon. Please head over there first.

While Lucien speaks, he gently tightens the cloth at my back, and I can’t help but take a breath, staring fixedly at the tips of my shoes.

The sound of footsteps behind the curtain gradually grows softer, but the beating of my heart quickens uncontrollably.

MC: [blushing] Lucien, let’s hurry and find the button to seam the dress...

Lucien: Don’t worry, I happen to have an idea which could resolve this issue.

While speaking, Lucien retrieves a black coloured felt box from his pocket, opening it to reveal an exquisite butterfly brooch.

Lucien: During the rehearsal, I kept feeling as though something was lacking on the chest area of this dress... Which is why I picked a brooch I thought was appropriate. But from the looks of it now, using it at the waist isn’t a bad choice.

As he speaks, he removes the brooch from the box.

Lucien: Don’t move. I’ll put it on for you.

I nod, both hands tugging on the curtain. The beating of my heart, akin to drums, grows faster and faster...

Perhaps due to the narrowness of the space, Lucien’s hands indistinctly brush against my lower back, and my face grows scorchingly hot.

Lucien: Hold on for a while longer. It’d be done soon.

I seem to have lost my ability to speak, and can only nod wordlessly.

Lucien: All right, see if the tightness is suitable?

I lower my head and move my lower body. The tightness of the clothes is just right.

MC: [blushing] Mm... it’s just right. Let’s hurry over. It’s almost time for the audience to enter the venue.

With a red face and a leaping heart, I tug my skirt upwards and quickly step out of the curtain at the corner. Hearing a soft chuckle from behind, my pace quickens, as though I’m fleeing.

With a turn, I reach the backstage. Just when I’m about to distribute the beverages, I find that everyone’s gazes are filled with disappointment.

I have no idea what happened, and can only look around in confusion.

It’s only when I notice the audience seats that my heart suddenly tightens--

Even though it’s already time for the audience to enter the venue, the audience seats aren’t filled to the brim as expected. Only a few dozens of audience members are scattered around.

Furrowing my brows, I’m slightly frantic as I lean towards Lucien, lowering my voice.

MC: What should we do? At this rate, I’m afraid there won’t be many people even when the performance begins...

Even before Lucien responds, voices from the surroundings gradually drift to my ears.

Male Student A: Looks like we’ve still got a long way to go before we can fulfil our dream.

Female Student B: But I’m already very happy that people came!

Even though the students before me are smiling, I can still capture tinges of disappointment in their eyes.

The scene before me gives me a sense of familiarity...

I seem to have felt this way when I first took over “Miracle Finder”.

Viewership which was too appalling to look at, the constant losing of old viewers, and the program almost being called off...

I subconsciously turn my head towards Lucien, and my train of thought pulls me back to the day we first met--

I had invited Lucien to be an advisor for the final episode of the program, and that day was also our beginning.

Dreams don’t just rely on perseverance. It also requires seizing every opportunity.

Thinking about this, I inhale deeply, taking the hot beverages in Lucien’s hand and distributing them to every “actor” backstage.

MC: No matter how many people are in the audience seats, today is simply your beginning. All the best, and let’s shine on stage together.

When the final bottle of hot beverage is sent into the hands of the students, I finally let out a slow breath.

The lights below the stage gradually dim, and the performance is about to begin.

Lucien: MC, were you thinking about how you used to be earlier?

In the dimness, a question floats to my ears softly.

I turn my head, meeting Lucien’s eyes. It seems my thoughts can never evade his eyes.

MC: Mm, I even thought about you...

A ray of radiance inadvertently flashes across Lucien’s eyes, before they are filled with a brimming smile.

Lucien: Looks like... when we didn’t even notice it, we thought about how we were at the very beginning. But the us of right now seems to differ in quite a number of ways from how we were before.

MC: For example?

Lucien: Being with MC enables me to see that many beautiful things exist. Just like the conviction we talked about earlier. From the first time we met, I already felt it from you. But with the gradual movement of time, I seem to understand you more and more. And I believe you’re just like me.

MC: Lucien... I also believe that the way we feel about each other won’t remain in place.

Right after I finish speaking, the stage is illuminated, as though hinting that we’re about to make an appearance.

He bends down slightly, offering me his hand.

Lucien: MC, let’s go.

Breathing in deeply, I take his hand, making my way onto the stage slowly. The glaring light falls on us, and I’m unable to see the audience clearly.

But right now, I feel even more emotional than every rehearsal we had before.

I take a deep breath, lifting the microphone as I smile brilliantly.

MC: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s performance has been prepared by a group of university students who are enthusiasts of traditional performing arts. Right now, let’s welcome the first play, “King Lear”, the performers...

Through the microphone, every word and sentence clearly spreads to every corner of the theatre.

I know that I’m not speaking for myself, but also for the dreams carried in the hearts of every student backstage.

And I’m not alone, because...

I met Lucien.

🎭 MOMENTS 🎭

Lucien’s Post: On an unseen stage, everyone plays different roles.

MC: What role are you playing then?

Lucien: I may have played many roles, but it’s only when I’m in MC’s world can I feel especially relaxed.

Lucien’s Post: On an unseen stage, everyone plays different roles.

MC: What role am I playing then?

Lucien: No matter what it is, it’d probably... be a role that I like.

Lucien’s Post: On an unseen stage, everyone plays different roles.

MC: No matter what role I play, I won’t forget my original heart.

Lucien: No matter what role the Little Stray Cat plays, I can find the most genuine you from within.

🎭 Phone calls: First ll Second

🎭 Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc lucien

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chayscribbles-archive · 4 years ago

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chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ january / february 2021

hello bonjour hi so i’m trying a new thing where i post a general writing update at the end of every month! i’m gonna cover two months for this first update because i have things to say about january too.

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: 25 339 in January; 14 528 in February

projects worked on: Andromeda Rogue (20 534 words); Muddy Roads & Foxgloves/FinnPetra Fluff February (19 246 words)

proudest accomplishment: wrote 22 cheesy-ass drabbles for like three weeks straight like some kind of maniac

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

first off: having a billion spreadsheets to track my goals and make graphs is weirdly satisfying to my nerd brain, and getting to fill them out is incredibly motivating to get me to write kjsdkjdf

another thing that has been helping me is giving myself smaller, short-term goals (like, 10K in 2 weeks, or 5K in 1 week) and then letting myself take a break for a few days where i’ll edit, worldbuild, outline, or let myself do other non-writing things like making graphics. my next goal is to hit 30K total for this draft of andromeda in the first two weeks of march.

also, instead of outlining the entire thing right away, i only outline a couple of chapters at a time, with only a general sense of where i’m trying to go, and then continue outlining as i write. this way it’s a lot easier to be flexible when i inevitably go off-track while writing haha.

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE.

i started this draft on on january first and i’m pleasantly surprised at how well it’s been going compared to other drafting attempts in the past few years! for something that was supposed to be a silly AU that came to me in a dream i’m suddenly a bit over 20K in two months which might not seem like a lot but is. WILD.

it is unfortunately becoming increasingly clear that i cannot fit the sprawling story that this thing has become into a single novel. so. it’s starting to look like a trilogy 😔

it’s been really fun rediscovering my characters in this setting. for one, space!Azami is The most unhinged of all the versions of her so far. and space!Finn doing Space Crime is SO amusing to write.

however i did end up giving the siblings a new Tragique Backstory. space!Petra starts off as incredibly Lawful, probably TOO Lawful, but that just means she has more room to grow, right?

space!Val on the other hand. someone give them a hug.

☆ COMMENTS: MUDDY ROADS & FOXGLOVES.

so over the first 3-ish weeks of february i posted a shitton of cute fluffy self-indulgent drabbles, right? which was fun and shit, right?

yes. it was. it really was. but it also led me to two sobering realizations:

1) i ended up having to take a short break from writeblr before i could even finish the challenge because consistently churning out content and then watching as the notes dwindled was incredibly disheartening. and i can’t blame anyone, i can’t expect people to always have the energy to read all my posts all the time. but coming back to refresh the activity page all the time for Validation was beginning to get unhealthy. and for that, i think, in the future, i’ll probably be on here a lot less.

2) i don’t think i wanna write muddy roads & foxgloves anymore. no, put the tissues away, i’m not shelving this wip. i just don’t wanna write this story, at least, not in the way a novel or series is usually written. writing shorter drabbles without caring for plot (which is something i have STRUGGLED a lot with in the last few months, and not finding a plot is why i’ve abandoned like 80% of my wip ideas lately) was really refreshing. and quite frankly, i don’t think this wip in particular needs a plot. it’s VERY character- and vibes-centric. so once this wave of space AU dies a little and i want to come back to my simple road trip setting, i think i might just write this story as a series of shorter moments. it’ll be my cute fluffy road trip AU when my big heavy space AU feels too much and i need a break.

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

OKAY that was a lot of rambling so here’s the part you’ve all been scrolling for: THE WRITING!

i’ve been tweaking a lot with the first chapter of andromeda rogue recently. here’s space!Petra being an anxious bean.

“Petra Lacroye,” Dr. Derosy said. “Thank you for meeting with me today.”

Not knowing what to say, and afraid her dry throat would make her voice come out as an embarrassing croak, Petra pushed her thick, round glasses up the bridge of her nose and nodded again.

Petra’s nervousness must have been written all over her face, because Dr. Derosy laughed. “Oh, don’t be so scared. You’re not in trouble.”

"This… this isn't about the whole 'talking to plants' thing?" Petra squeaked.

"What?" Dr. Derosy chuckled again. "Of course not."

if you read this whole thing that’s very girlboss (gender neutral) of you and ily 😚 now let’s see how long these updates last before i completely forget about them

☆ GENERAL TAGLIST. let me know if you want to be added/removed.

@metanoiamorii @unleashing-screamingtemporaldoom @radiomacbeth @unholieds @stardustspiral @summere21 @dutifullyloudmilkshake @spencers-tomes @avi-burton-writing @pulitzers-world @jadeywrites @hopeeternia @piyawrites @dgwriteblr @extra-magichours @cilly-the-writer @yuekki @catgirlnya @the-orangeauthor @cecilsstorycorner @savonigo @little-boats-on-a-lake @athensthebandit @quilloftheclouds

#chayscribbles monthly writing update #wip andromeda rogue #wip mrf

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pentanguine · 4 years ago

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Favorite books of 2020

So....about five months ago now, I drafted a list of my favorite books of 2020, and then I, uh, didn’t finish it. It languished in a draft gathering dust and I forgot that it existed.

But now it’s done! It’s hideously late and also out of date, because I’d change many of the rankings now (see below), but I decided to keep them in the original order to reflect how I felt when I actually meant to post this.

Gideon the Ninth- What can I say about this book that hasn’t already been said? It’s like nothing else I’ve read before, in the most unabashed, off-the-walls, grandiose way possible. It’s incredibly complex, well-written, goth, and full of memes. There are, indeed, lesbian necromancers in space.

Harrow the Ninth- I read this 500+ page book in one day and didn’t notice an earthquake while doing so, if you consider that an endorsement. There’s so much going on here it almost feels like it shouldn’t work, and yet it does, brilliantly—it’s so intricately plotted you’ll want to reread it immediately because there’s no way to pick up on everything your first time through.

The Starless Sea- This is just a magical delight of a story, with prose that flows like honey: slow, sweet, and delicious. The story unfolds like a series of wonders nested one inside the other, with each section adding another layer of whimsy and metafiction. It’s half a dream, and half a maze.

Young Miles (The Warrior’s Apprentice/The Vor Game)- The Miles books (the early ones, especially) are wild and unrepentant romps through outer space, and reading them was one of the highlights of 2020 for me. When I finished the Young Miles omnibus, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken such pure delight in a book. Even the heavier, more thoughtful moments were part of a well-told, enjoyable story.

The Stone Sky- Speaking of heavy and thoughtful books…The Broken Earth Trilogy is definitely not a light undertaking, but it’s just a masterpiece of world- and character-building. The Stone Sky is the final installment, and it does not pull a single punch in delivering what the previous books have been building towards.

This Is How You Lose the Time War- I keep instinctively wanting to call this a novel in verse, although I think it’s technically an epistolary novel with prose-poem tendencies. In any case, the writing is lovely—lush, vivid, sensual, romantic. I recommend reading this one with your poetry glasses on.

Cordelia’s Honor (Shards of Honor/Barrayar)- I tried to limit myself to one book per author on this list, but I didn’t succeed here. I loved the Vorkosigan saga too much, and I had to include the omnibus about Miles’s mother, Cordelia, whose life and personality could easily be the focus of another half-dozen volumes. (And if you’re looking for a well-developed m/f romance, you’ve found it here)

An Unkindness of Ghosts- I think this is the book that kicked off my sudden interest in sci-fi last year. It’s dark and beautiful, definitely character-driven, and everyone is truly strange in ways that protagonists rarely get to be. It’s also got one of the loveliest, most satisfying endings I can imagine.

Code Name Verity- An incredibly intense YA book that delves deep into one of my favorite fictional themes, Morality. It’s a rollicking spy adventure novel that focuses on a close friendship rather than romance (although you can read it as sapphic if you want), with descriptions of flying over England at sunset that made my heart ache.

The Raven Tower- I enjoyed this story for reasons probably particular to me—I like long digressions into abstract questions like “How do we exert power over the world?” and “Where does the meaning of words exist?”, and entire sections of The Raven Tower are devoted to the inner meditations of a very contemplative rock. It’s also a retelling of Hamlet, if that’s more your speed.

Network Effect (and Murderbot novellas)- I’m going to quote my immediately-after-finishing review: “Murderbot always gives me feels. I would love to give a more literary summary, but I’m still overwhelmed by the tentative vulnerability of two bots being best friends and watching TV together after [redacted].” The first Murderbot novel definitely did not disappoint.

The Monster of Elendhaven- Decadent, blood-soaked, and morally depraved, it’s kind of like The Picture of Dorian Gray by way of Hannibal (NBC), with probable influences from a dozen other macabre works and no restraint whatsoever. Reading it felt very self-indulgently delightful.

Before Mars- A deliciously unsettling sci-fi thriller with a refreshingly blunt, unsentimental female protagonist. Also definitely an …interesting book to read at the end of March 2020, but explaining why would definitely be a spoiler. Suffice it to say that the book goes dark places not advertised on the tin, and it made me cry.

Orange World- Karen Russell is one of those writers who make you wonder “how did they come up with this?” Every one of her stories is a totally original marriage between two wildly different concepts (like a Bog Maiden and high school romance, or new motherhood and the devil), and they’re a nice blend of literary and fantasy that I love.

Something That May Shock and Discredit You- It’s so hard to rank this one, because its two primary concerns are Christianity and transness, one of which means very little to me and one of which is breathtakingly important. I couldn’t justify putting it any lower, because it made me feel an ungodly number of feelings, but I couldn’t really justify putting it higher when a solid third of the book went right over my head.

The Ten Thousand Doors of January- A truly wondrous novel, one that fully immerses you in the delight of storytelling and imagination, and the power of escaping to other worlds. It’s very much in the tradition of “books that pay tribute to the love of books,” and an homage to a hundred portal fantasies before it.

Braiding Sweetgrass- I’ve got such a fondness for nature writing that doesn’t even try to be scientifically detached, and instead leaves you with the feeling that the trees and fields around you are bustling with (nonhuman) people.* Kimmerer’s writing is steeped in indigenous ways of knowing, and emphasizes the respect and reciprocity we can hold for the natural world. It’s lovely writing, and I can’t recommend the book highly enough.

Call Down the Hawk- Full of all the ingredients you expect from a Maggie Stiefvater book: fast cars, ancient magic, questions of art and truth, and borderline overuse of the word “cunning.” Every time I read one of her books I want to start taking notes, because she’s got such a signature style that’s both poetic and readable.

The Unspoken Name- For some reason I wasn’t much into epic fantasy last year, but I’m glad I gave this one a try. I love morally grey characters, of which there are plenty, and the plot took a number of refreshing twists and turns.

A Memory Called Empire- Not a fast-moving read, but perfect if you like your sci-fi novels poetic, complex, and intellectual. The worldbuilding is incredibly immersive, in a way that reminded me a bit of Ursula K. Le Guin, and I remember this stuck with me for weeks after I finished it.

*Let me be a nerdy weirdo for a second: Most of the time Kimmerer is writing about New England, an area I’m not really familiar with, but “The Sound of Silverbells” is set on a mountain somewhere in the South, and I adored it. Suddenly she was writing about dogwoods and redbuds and poplars, and I was sitting there going “!!! Those are my friends! My friends are in a book!”

Changes I’d make now:

Bump The Starless Sea down a couple pegs, maybe to #6

Swap out Cordelia’s Honor and Young Miles

Bump The Raven Tower way down to #16 and bump A Memory Called Empire a few spots higher, maybe to #17

Braiding Sweetgrass can go up where The Raven Tower was

#an inexhaustable source of magic #personal #yes i know none of them have the author's name #sorry about that #it you're reading this it's because i noticed i forgot the authors right after i queued it and then went 'oh well' and cleaned my bathroom #and subsequently did not remember and/or find the time #if you're not reading this then i found the time

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thecat-isblogging-blog · 4 years ago

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Introspective to Say the Least

Summary: Remus Lupin is late for class - his class actually. Matters don’t seem to become easier when the Potion Master, Severus Snape, hands him a riddle for him to decipher.

Author notes: I wrote this in January 2021 but I felt it needed one more look over. I absolutely love the in between moments that aren’t included in the books - but definitely hinted at. Fic was inspired by this GIF set. Hope you enjoy :)

T&Cs: Header image is not my own but used from Pottermore.

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Bugger

Lupin swore to himself as he turned the corner that led towards the Great Hall. He hastily sidestepped, avoiding a close collision with a group of Hufflepuff students.

‘Morning Professor.’

‘Morning, morning,’ He politely greeted back over his shoulder.

Lupin dared a glimpse down at the misty scratched surface of his wrist watch. Groaning to himself, he picked up the pace. Curse his greed for an extra hour of sleep this morning.

Entering the Great Hall at long last, Lupin pulled on his teaching cloak and adjusted his frayed collar over it. He approached the teacher's table and took his usual seat, nodding towards the last remaining professors who were sharing a quick word before class.

Lupin reached for a piece of toast that was still warm and placed it between his teeth before beginning to cut an apple into quarters. Glancing up at the nearly empty Great Hall, he turned his wrist to take another peek at the time. Breathing in sharply, and almost choking on the toast still lodged between his teeth, Lupin hurriedly tossed a liberal amount of marmalade on his half bitten slice.

As he did so, a looming figure had drawn beside him, blocking the beam of morning sun that had been pleasantly spilling onto him.

‘Lupin - late start to the week I see,’ Came the familiar slow drawl.

Lupin looked up smiling courteously. ‘Good morning Severus, yes afraid so.’

‘I trust you had a pleasant time off,’ Snape added, his tone offering no actual intention on wishing for it to have been pleasant at all.

‘As best I could, thank you. Did you need something from me?’ Lupin asked.

‘Yes, actually,’ Snape’s mouth curled into a sardonic smirk. ‘When I took over the extra work of teaching your class - I assigned some homework. But seeing as you are back, and looking refreshed,’ Lupin smiled at the effortless sarcasm, knowing full well what he looked like today. ‘Perhaps you could mark them yourself, it is your class after all Lupin.’

‘Yes of course Severus, I am very grateful,’ He nodded. ‘I can mark them today actually. I'm going to be giving the-’

'Wonderful,' Snape interrupted. ‘And dare I say Lupin, you might even find the essays… introspective.’

Snape strode off, leaving Lupin with one final glimpse of an ominous sneer. Transfixed, he watched as the black billowing cloak disappeared out the doors. The marmalade's sweetness turned tart on his tongue and the crunchy toast now sat unpleasantly soggy in his mouth. From his own experience, Snape never uttered the word 'wonderful' unless it meant the opposite for a foe.

Introspective

Nothing good could come of that.

A translucent veil came to stand between his view and Lupin slowly looked up at Nearly Headless Nick. Floating in the centre of a sausage tray, the Gryffindor ghost raised his eyebrows and tapped a ghostly finger to his wrist warningly.

Lupin turned his own wrist around.

Bugger it

Washing down what was left in his mouth with water - Lupin reached into his pocket and pulled out his cotton handkerchief. He folded the remains of toast and apple quarters into it before stuffing it back into his pocket.

As he ran up the stairs to where his class waited, his mind flew at possibilities waiting for him. A nasty image of howlers from disgusted parents made his stomach sink - and worse - Dumbledore, realising his mistake of hiring a werewolf, sacking him.

Lupin took in a breath and opened the door to his classroom.

‘Good morning everyone, I apologise for my tardiness,’ Lupin said quickly. He scanned over the many eyes that looked back at him, waiting for some sign of revulsion or fear. The lack of pitchforks were a good start, he figured.

‘Professor, you’re back!’

‘You’re alive!'

Lupin smiled meekly. 'Yes, Dean, quite alive.'

‘When we didn’t see you at breakfast, we were certain Snape would be back,’ Neville added placing his hand over his chest in clear relief.

‘Professor Snape, Neville,’ Lupin corrected and made his way towards his desk.

‘We thought he had snuffed you out,’ Ron added, a hint of warning in his voice that amused Lupin to no bounds. ‘He’s been after your job for years.’

‘Is that so?’ Lupin pulled off his teaching robes and draped them over his chair.

Hermione raised her hand. ‘Professor, I tried to tell him that we were still on chapter three - Barely Dangerous: Hexes and Curses - but he was quite adamant to skip ahead.’

‘Follows potion recipes for a living but can't follow a blimmin' syllabus, the git,’ Ron said under his breath.

Lupin opened his textbook. 'Wonderfully colourful, Ron, but I would prefer you save your creativity for lessons.'

‘Professor,' Hermione raised her hand again and was looking anxious. 'Does this mean the section on werewolves will be in this term’s tests - because I haven't added it to my studying schedule yet.’

Lupin tugged at his shirt collar, he suddenly felt as if a rather stubborn piece of toast had lodged itself in his throat.

The class had erupted into groans - some panicked that they hadn't even started a studying schedule yet.

‘I am sure professor Snape had his reasons everyone.’ He held up his hand to quieten the students down. He turned around setting the matter aside in his mind, there was a class to teach after all, and hitched up his sleeves. ‘Now, should we begin with the lesson?'

Waving his wand above him, Lupin covered his nose instinctively as the blackboard dropped down sending a great puff of chalk dust into the air.

He coughed, waving the dust away from him. 'For today's lesson, I thought we could discuss a recent story in the Daily Prophet.' He gently tapped the piece of chalk with the end of his wand. 'Anyone have any guesses?'

The chalk flew onto the blackboard waiting for Lupin to dictate.

‘Oh! Is it the Sphinx, Professor?’ Lavender asked excitedly. ‘I read a stray cat got into Gringotts and infected half the Sphinx guards with some kind of feline flu. The goblins were in an absolute panic.’

Lupin dragged his finger down the textbook. ‘I see you have been keeping track of the news Lavender, that is correct.' He looked up at her pleased. 'Now, before we get into the more enjoyable part of the lesson, please grant me your patience as we go through a brief history of the Sphinx on page 277.’

The reading of the chapter went by fairy quickly leaving plenty of time for what Lupin had in store for his class. He closed his textbook and tapped the blackboard which shot back up above him. He dusted off the chalk dust from his shoulders and turned around once more.

'With that, we have arrived to the practical side of the lesson - not to worry, I don't have one hiding in my desk,' He said seeing the nervous glances around. 'I shall be the Sphinx this time round, hypothetically of course. I will give you a riddle and the first person to come to me with the correct answer will receive the rest of the lesson to do as they please.'

The classroom erupted into instant excitement and chatter.

Lupin peered out the window. 'I myself would be quite partial to spending time enjoying the sunshine outside. As the Welsh say, to return to my trees. But-' He clasped his hands behind him. '-the choice will be yours.'

'Professor, what about those who can't figure it out?' Harry asked.

'I think it is punishment enough having a fellow student enjoy some free time while the rest continue work, is it not?' Lupin chuckled at the sounds of agreement from his class. ‘Now, as is custom with the Sphinx, you will only get one opportunity to hear the riddle. Please listen carefully:

He watched as his students rapidly wrote down the riddle, quills fluttering profusely.

You have me today,

Tomorrow you'll have more;

As your time passes,

I'm not easy to store;

I don't take up space,

But I'm only in one place;

I am what you saw,

But not what you see.

What am I?

‘Before you begin, please place professor Snape’s essays on your desk so I may collect them.’

Lupin walked up and down the rows of desks collecting parchment. Catching sight of the title, his stomach twisted unpleasantly: How to Recognise a Werewolf and Kill Them. It seemed subtilty wasn't a priority for Snape.

Holding the pile of parchments in his arms, Lupin felt weary as he walked back towards his desk. He sat down stretching out his legs, ignoring the click in his knee caps, and paged through his textbook. Lupin glanced over the werewolf skeleton diagram in front of him, the very same his own bones had broken into but three nights ago.

He dragged his fingers through his hair. How long until his students eventually placed the clues together? Because it really was a matter of when - not if. He glanced up and looked at Harry, he was muttering the riddle out to himself, brow furrowed.

Lupin looked away and reached for the first roll of parchment. He took in a deep breath as he read the first name.

Hermione Granger

If someone could follow breadcrumbs, this was the student.

Lupin read through the crammed handwriting and he had to admit, it was - as Snape had promised - introspective to say the least. Hermione had provided detailed visual aids, up to date information that would put any Ministry of Magic information pamphlet to shame. Turning over the page to a table titled 'pre and post-transfiguratio symptoms', Lupin felt cold wash through his veins. She might as well have been shadowing him the past week - it was all there.

Humans with the affliction may succumb to the skin condition eczema, often found on the hands, feet, knees and even neck. This is largely due to skin irritation caused by the rapid growth and contraction of fur during the transformation stages.

She had gone to this much research? Dragging his eyes from the words to his own hands, he saw the red and dry patches of irritated skin as clear as day, peeking out from under his sleeve. They were still raw and itched at the mere thought of them. He immediately pulled his hand away and placed it onto his lap out of sight.

This is what you get for forgetting your ointment you fool.

He had grown careless at his time back at Hogwarts, feeling self-assured under the safety of Dumbledore. Greedily, he had taken advantage and now had become negligent in hiding the evidence. With the clever minds and prying eyes around him, adding in his monthly absentness, he was at greater risk than he had ever been outside the school. Who was he kidding? As he played professor in front of his class, handing out riddles and dressing in teaching cloaks.

Clearly, Snape's ploy was not only cruel mockery, but also a necessary realisation.

Lupin took in a shaky breath as he felt his heart pick up pace. He circled Hermione’s full marks with another extra five points to Gryffindor for good measure.

Lupin knew his anxiety wasn't about to ease up as he reached for the next parchment.

Harry Potter

Feeling a quick ease in his shoulders at seeing that his, unlike Hermione’s, was single sided, double-spaced and had no tables. He could have kicked himself under the table, now wasn't the time to be celebrating Harry's lack of interest just because it suited him. If anything, he should tell Harry to put in a little more effort. Lupin was his teacher first and foremost, he had lost the privilege of being called anything other than that since he vanished from the boy's life.

Dangerous, uncontrollable, and deadly.

Lupin's mouth twisted - yes, those things is precisely what he was called.

It was then to Lupin's surprise, that the corners of his mouth began to tug in amusement. Harry, who must have eventually found the topic of werewolves quite tiresome, had drifted off from the textbook's description.

Werewolves have rather large teeth and could probably take a considerable chunk out of someone’s buttocks. They are known to howl at the moon, but I don’t think only werewolves do this, I once saw a Pomeranian howl. Come to think of it, that could have very much been a werewolf as it bit my aunt once on the nose and she got a nasty infection from it. Since then, she has become prone to chasing the neighbour’s cats. So, I would steer clear of Pomeranians as well.

Still smiling, Lupin felt a tingling of teacherly disappointment as Harry's solution on how to kill a werewolf was certainly not in the textbook.

I once saw a muggle movie where the guy killed a werewolf with silver bullets. I don’t know about most wizards, but I don’t normally walk around with a gun and silver bullets in my back pocket, so I guess if I ever met one I’ll just throw a couple of paperclips at the werewolf and hope that’s good enough.

Lupin let out a rather large and uncontrollable snort of laughter which he tried his best to cover up with a cough. Caught in the moment, he looked up and half expected to see James sitting there - it had to be. The impulse sent a wave of grief that settled in his chest where his heart beat miserably. It should be James here, reading his son's essays - not him.

Turning over the parchment, he circled Harry's barely passing mark.

James, you’d be in tears mate.

Reading over his favourite lines one more time, Lupin wondered whether it was frowned upon for a teacher to keep their student's essay. He would have quite liked to frame it actually.

‘Excuse me, professor.’

Lupin looked up. ‘Yes Ron? You figured it out already did you?’ He turned over his wrist to look at the time.

‘I think so, is it "memories"? Is that the answer?’ Ron rubbed the back of his neck unsure of himself.

Lupin grinned and nodded. ‘Yes it is, you may have the rest of the lesson off.’

The class erupted into disappointed groans as Ron turned around and gave Harry a thumbs up - which was returned enthusiastically.

‘I had it written down,' Seamus cried out banging his head onto his desk. 'And I crossed it out!’

Lupin, feeling lighter than he did at the start of his lesson, pulled out his handkerchief with the remnants of his breakfast. He reached for the next roll of parchment, an even shorter essay than Harry's. He read the name at the top:

Ronald Weasley

Tutting to himself, Lupin decided that perhaps he needed to have a little talk about the effort these two were putting into their substitute teacher's homework.

He leaned back, smiling as he picked up a browning piece of apple and ate it.

Introspective indeed Severus - much obliged.

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Read on A03

Fic was inspired by this GIF set

#Remus Lupin #Hogwarts #prisoner of azkaban #Canon fic #Professor Lupin #harry potter #werewolves #HP #Lupin fanfiction

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earisu1 · 4 years ago

Text

“Once Upon a Time” in Jennifer’s Own Words

Original date of the post: 12 of October, 2007.

Disclaimer: this ideas and theories do not belong to me but to PokerNemesis, if the owner wants me to take them down I will.

“This is the complete collection what Jennifer herself says (excluding what is written in documents) in the “Once Upon a Time” (January) chapter of Rule of Rose.

This collection includes five of Jennifer’s memories/comments that were omitted in the GameFAQs game-script faq written by TheSinnerChrono. I marked these with “####” to make them easier to find (for readers only interested in these).

This post does not contain commentaries by me (unless some of my descriptive comments count as being commentary).

If anyone finds anything I missed, or any mistakes I’ve made, please let me know in the comments. Thanks!

Filth Room:

–At the shelf:

“This letter looks familiar… Yes. it’s one of the secret letters that Wendy and I traded.” (reads letters) “Wendy… You were always so lonely. Poor, lonely Wendy… I wonder if my letters ever reached her.”

–At the central pillar:

“Tied to this pillar, unable to move, I was all alone. It took a while, but I finally freed myself. I was always the slow poke… But, that won’t happen again. I’ll never let myself be tied up again.”

–At the suitcase:

“When I came here, this suitcase was the only luggage I had… I lost everything in the accident. My mother, my father, all my possessions, and even my memories.”

–At the sunny window:

“I spent so much time in this room… Who knows how many times I woke up here? The nights were lonely and cold, but you’d always greet me in the morning… Only you greeted me warmly. Thank you so.

–At the rubbish bin:

“It’s the detested rubbish bin. No one ever suspected that something precious was hidden inside it. Nor did they know that it was the only place where I could keep my things safe.”

–At the empty corner (where Bucket Knight had been):

“It feels as if something very dear to me was here. Someone or something that always looked after me… helped me.”

Hallway:

–At the laundry shelves:

“Everyone would put their dirty laundry here, and it was my job to wash it. How ironic… The one they called “filthy” washing their filthy clothes. It all seems so silly now.”

2nd Floor Lavatory:

–At the toilet that has an eye drawn on the toilet lid:

“‘We’re watching you.’ That’s what the picture meant. But it was still scary.”

–At Bucket Knight (by the sinks and mirrors):

“Bucket Knight… A makeshift knight that Nicholas and Xavier used for sword practice. Though they may have forgotten about it, I’ve always remembered. For, I yearned for a loyal knight to come to my rescue.

Hallway (Front Stairway balcony):

–At the empty picture frame:

“There used to be a picture here, of everyone at the orphanage. It was a picture filled with hope, taken the day I was brought here. I was afraid someone would try to steal this precious memory from me…so I took the picture down and kept it safe.”

Sick Bay:

–At the drawers (these look like the same drawers as had the forbidden drawer in the “Unlucky Clover Field” chapter):

“Clara was a quiet person. To me, she looked like just another student at the orphanage…except when she spoke to Mr. Hoffman or Martha. Then, she looked scary. I wonder if I’ll be like Clara when I’m older… Will I enjoy those days?”

Sickroom:

–At the rabbit cage:

“Peter the rabbit… He was the pet that Wendy suddenly decided to take care of. It was the same time I started looking after Brown… I wonder if Wendy really loved Peter… Was she sad when she had to give him up?”

–At the lamp:

“This letter looks familiar. Yes it’s one of the secret letters that Wendy and I traded. ” (reads letters)

Balcony:

–At the birdcage:

“The red bird in the cage… The doll Eleanor treasured. ‘If only we could fly like birds and go wherever we wished,’ she whispered softly. Yet, no matter how much Eleanor wished, she’ll never be able to just fly away from this orphanage. Poor Eleanor… She was burdened by her own frozen heart.”

Play Area:

–By the chair and train-track circle:

“Thomas was always playing with his trains…They were his only friends. There were no final stops on his railroad, for that would be devastating to him. It’s rumored that this obsession had something to do with his birth, but Thomas never spoke about it with anyone.”

####By the blocks:

“No one really played with the toys here because they were all old. Only Thomas was the master of this room. ‘A new girl, a new girl!’ he exclaimed when we first met. He seemed to enjoy teasing me.

Library:

–By the white goat doll:

“It’s a stuffed goat… The white goat Mary. The black goat Sally. When Meg found her letter to Diana torn apart, she was deeply wounded and cried in Diana’s arms, even though she was the one that ripped it up… And, when Meg’s notebook was found all scattered about, Diana made fun of her, saying, ‘Mary and Sally must’ve ate it.’ Poor Meg… She was bound by the shackles of foolish devotion.”

–By the painting of the airship:

“The future that people dreamt of never came and was soon forgotten. From the blue skies of hope, it sank into the depths of oblivion. The new life born from it was an existence devoid of hope. It slowly wriggles its large body and stares at the sky with a remorseful look… That’s its only purpose.”

Sewing Room:

–At the sewing machine:

“Amanda was fond of using the sewing machine. When she got absorbed in something, she’d think of nothing else, especially sewing, which was always on her mind. If we ran out of cloth or thread, she’d just sew rags with an empty needle over and over again… And then she’d smile at the tattered rag with satisfaction.”

Hallway (2nd floor):

–At the graffiti on the floor near the Sewing Room door:

“There are doodles everywhere. No matter how many we cleaned, more would show up the next day.”

Dormitory:

–At one of the two central tables:

“The night was quiet dark and scary. Yet it was a mysterious time that aroused excitement. Some nights, we’d stay awake in secret, hiding from the teacher, and draw pictures by lamplight. It made us feel very much like adults–something not possible during the day.”

–At the other central table:

“A mermaid doll… What a proud and pure creature. Diana yearned to become a beautiful lady, like a mermaid, but as she grew older, she realized that she was straying further and further from her ideal self. Poor Diana… She was trapped by her own ideals.”

Front Stairway:

####At the ladder:

“That day when Thomas couldn’t get down from the tree, the ladder, which had been collecting dust, sure came in handy. Back then, Mr. Hoffman was a kind and admirable teacher.”

Main Hall (first floor):

–At the vase of flowers:

“There used to be beautiful roses here, picked by Wendy from the rose garden. …But, as with all things, they wilted away with the passage of time.”

–At the potted fern:

“Miss Martha used to scold Nicholas for forgetting to water the plants, and then she’d turn her wrath on me, snapping, ‘What are you laughing at, young lady!?’”

Hallway near Classroom door:

–At a bucket-headed construct:

“A silent scarecrow… It stands there quietly, not meddling in the affairs of others. It sways in the breeze, like me…a cowardly girl who was unable to assert her true feelings.”

Men’s Lavatory:

####At the blocked-off toilet stall:

“Once, Susan started a rumor about voices coming from this room at night… It turned out it was only the door creaking in the wind, but one night, sounds came from the room even with the windows shut. Susan jumped out of her bed and screamed. It was really just a prank by Nicholas and Xavier. From then on, the room was believed to be haunted and was considered off limits.”

Classroom:

–At the blackboard (which has written on it: “Hitlerism is a form of government controlled by one man’s will / Democracy is a form of government controlled / Hitlerism is a form of government controlled by one man’s will”):

“I learned many things at this orphanage…The alphabet… words… how to clean and do laundry… But the most important thing I learned… was the lesson I received in exchange for my dear friend’s life… I finally came to understand myself. My beliefs and the will to stand up for them… I don’t want to lose those ever again.”

–At the drawings on the wall (a map of Great Britain):

“The map of this country… That day we flew from England… Those memories were buried deep inside of me… The airship…and the accident… Thereafter, the story of my life became a tale of misfortune. Even when the others played ‘airship’ I couldn’t bear to join them, so I was left out.”

–At the schedule of classes on the wall:

“A brat, a know-it-all, an introvert, a crybaby, and an elitist… I know misfortune, because I tolerated them all. I thought I was the only grown up, but we were all just kids, myself included. But what does it really mean to be a grown-up? Will I ever become one?”

–At the furnace:

“On cold winter days, we all used to gather here and talk… I, of course, couldn’t join in, so I sat off to the side. Even so, it felt so warm.”

Bathroom:

–At the mirror (looking at her own reflection):

“Jennifer, are you happy now, considering how bad it was for you, back then? …That tragedy you wanted to forget. Now that you remember everything, how do you feel? Is the answer inside you? Think carefully Jennifer.”

Wash house:

–At the sinks:

“I came to this room every day to do laundry… The water was so cold, and the soap would sting my eyes, but I didn’t hate it, because clean laundry is so refreshing.”

Kitchen:

–At the table:

“If Miss Martha had disappeared, there would’ve been no one to cook… If Clara had disappeared, there would’ve been no one to tend our wounds… If Mr. Hoffman had disappeared, there would’ve been no one to teach us. You can’t live life eating snacks all day, with no exercise or studying. If you look at it that way, even the Aristocrat club needed adults around… Our world was so small.”

Martha’s room:

–On the bed:

“There are a couple of letters here. It’s a letter from the police… “(reads letter) “It’s a letter from Martha…”(reads letter) “The letter ends there… Perhaps if the matter had been addressed publicly, things wouldn’t have turned out as they did. Adults are so selfish.”

Cafeteria:

–At a fork on the table:

“Olivia, the one who cried all the time, stopped crying completely when all the adults were gone. With no teacher to give her attention and no cleaning lady to scold her, there was no point in crying anymore. …Poor Olivia.”

Inner Court:

–Site of Brown’s burial:

“It all started here, when I dug up the mound… I sensed that something precious to me was buried here… and I couldn’t stop myself… The old me… the one who didn’t understand herself… I lost my friend because of her. If… If I could go back… I’d try to save him… but what has happened can never be undone. I’ll never break a promise again.”

Cell of Remorse:

(nothing)

Cell of Pleasure:

(nothing) film projector

Cell of Repentance:

(nothing)

Cell of Solitude:

–At the central chair:

“One time, Diana was absorbed in deep thought here. She was the prettiest, the most mature of the Aristocrats. She wanted so much to be an adult… and yet she was also afraid of growing up too fast.”

Cell of Bliss:

–At the table:

“The spooky things… The scary creatures that everyone talked about… They’ll come and clean if you don’t, sweeping bad children away like dust… Well, they actually came and attacked me… I knew what they really were… but that wasn’t the problem. The real problem was my weak heart. My weakness was what drew them here.”

Closet Room:

–At the clothes hangers:

“On Halloween, we all dressed up in costumes… Everyone else wore bags over their heads, and stared at me through tiny holes… Their blank faces and muffled voices… It scared me like you wouldn’t believe… ‘Is it really you under there?’ I asked, fearing it was something else. But, no one would answer me.”

–At the mirror:

“Amanda was always more sensitive about her looks than anyone else. One day she was given a severe scolding by Miss Martha. That’s because Miss Martha’s lipstick had gone missing. The lipstick was never found, but I know Amanda took it. I’ve seen her applying it late at night.”

Hallway (ground floor, connecting Headmaster’s Room and Closet Room):

####At drawing on the floor of a big donut-shaped one-eyed person (near cabinet):

“This sloppy drawing must be Thomas’s. See what happens when you give him chalk? The walls, the floors… To him, it’s one big canvas.”

####At drawing on floor of spooky things (nearest the Headmaster’s Room):

“The spooky things… They swept away everything that’s dirty, including disobedient children. It was a scary story that started as a rumor and spread like wildfire.”

####At drawing of spooky things (nearest the Closet Room):

“The spooky things love to clean. That’s why they always carry mops and brooms. They’ll kidnap you if you don’t clean. At least, that’s what everyone says.”

Headmaster’s Room:

–At the PA system:

“Mr. Hoffman loved to broadcast over the PA system… while we were cleaning, while we were eating, and even after we were in bed. He always announced our names in the order of his favorites. We’d try our best to win his approval and be the first one to be called. But he never called my name, not once. I thought it was all rather silly, anyway.”

–At the desk:

“The book is open… ” (reads Hoffman’s diary entries). “At the time it seemed so frightening… Were those scary things that attacked me just figments of my imagination…?” (another entry) “..The diary continues, but the last page is particularly interesting… It’s Mr. Hoffman’s last entry before he disappeared.” (another entry) “…That’s the end of the diary. We never saw Mr. Hoffman again.”

–At the fish tank (a fish swims inside):

“I know you’re in a very stinky place, because that rag Diana put to my face smelled just awful. But, no matter how clever or fast you are, there’s no escaping. You’re like a mermaid in captivity… adapting to a new reality. Leaving your home behind…did you find happiness?”

Headmaster’s Closet:

–At the shelf that has shoes:

“That day, Mr. Hoffman disappeared, like he was running away from something. He had tried too hard to be someone he wasn’t. The expectations were too much for him… and he wanted to escape those restrictions. However, children and adults live in the same world, and we must both play by society’s rules.”

Reception Room:

–At the record player:

“The record player is brand new. Playing a record would fill the room with sweet music.”

–At the fireplace:

“It was a cold, winter night… I had been scolded as usual, and called into the headmaster’s room. I didn’t like being scolded, but I didn’t mind so much when it was in front of the fireplace, which was warm and cozy.”

–At the vase on the central table:

“All of us loved red roses. Even the name of the orphanage was befitting of an Aristocrat… It wasn’t until I swore the oath of the rose that I learned roses have thorns.”

–At the dish cupboard:

“This is Mr. Hoffman’s prized collection of fine dishes. We would sometimes sneak them out and play house with them in the attic, but that’s our little secret.”

–At the graffiti covered portrait:

“This is a picture of Mr. Hoffman when he was a young man. He was so proud when he showed it to us… He never caught the one who doodled on it though. But, I know who did it. I saw Thomas trying to move the ladder on the day it happened.”

Women’s Lavatory:

–Toilet stall with bird drawing:

“Red bird drawings. A red crayon and… a red broach… A red rose and… red blood… Red is the most beautiful color, yet it comes at a price. It is my most favorite color and my most hated color.”

Entrance-way:

–At the lockers:

“It’s a small locker, but it was just for me. My name was even on it. They made me feel welcome. I was so happy… I’d move my shoes in and out, over and over again.”

–At the umbrella stand:

“We never used umbrellas. On snowy days, we’d go out for snowball fights. On rainy days, we’d go out and play in the rain, and get soaking wet. Every time, Xavier would trip and get himself all muddy and we’d laugh. It was so much fun.”

–At the portrait of Hoffman:

“One day, Mr. Hoffman suddenly disappeared. Clara and Miss Martha soon followed, leaving me and the other orphans alone.”

Front gate:

–At the orphanage sign to the left of the gate:

“The Rose Garden Orphanage… That day, I was escorted from the scene by Officer Doolittle. At first, it was reported that there were no survivors… Then, word got out that, miraculously, I had escaped the tragedy… When rumor spread that I was also the sole survivor of a horrific airship accident in which the passengers were all presumed to be dead, the media went into a frenzy. and so, the tragic murder of the residents of a rural orphanage was instantly bumped from the front cover of the daily newspaper to an obscure corner… I’m sorry everyone. You don’t deserve to be forgotten… But I’ll remember you. Thank you all for the precious memories.”

Fork In The Path:

####At the sign:

“The sign has been broken ever since I came here. I guess it doesn’t matter: no one comes to visit anyway.”

Bus Stop:

–At the bus stop sign:

“That bus that brought me here… Should I try to take it the other way? …No, that’s not right. There are still things I have to do here. Wait for me, Brown.”

Outside the rickety shed:

–At the door:

“Please wait for me. I’ll be there.”

Inside the rickety shed:

(Spoken to Brown) “My dear friend… I never want to lose you again. I’ll protect you… forever and ever until I die.” (Writes on chalkboard: “everlasting/true love/ I am yours”) “I’ll protect you… forever until I die.”

Notes: some of this reposts are not showing in the tags sadly. Classic Tumblr.

#rule of rose #rule of rose mysteries #loooong post #cheers to the people that transcribed all this #it's a lot of work

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msjr0119 · 5 years ago

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Sneak Peek Sunday

Thanks for the tag @cordonianroyalty and @thecordoniandiaries 👍🏼, as many of you already know I’ve been on a semi hiatus but have a few things nearly ready to post. Below is just a few of those snippets 😊

*****

Cordonian Wags

Book: The Royal Romance A/U

Zooming into the photo her eyes widened. Amy Amaranth. The name rang a bell for some reason but she couldn’t pin point why. It had rattled her mind all night, upon her arrival - she noticed Olivier and suddenly a lightbulb struck.

“Hey....” Sounding panic stricken, Olivier looked her concerned.

“Bonjour belle. Que se passe-t-il?” Hello beautiful. What is the matter? Luckily Riley knew French, not fluently but enough to hold a conversation out.

“Amy Amaranth....” Riley didn’t require to say anything else, the look of horror was now painted across the Frenchman’s face.

“That’s a blast from the past...”

“Sneak away with me for a bit? I need you to refresh my memory, Olivier.”

*****

The American Adventure

Book: The Royal Romance (part canon with a few twists/ part A/U)

Warnings: Mention of abuse.

“I think that you and I need to talk young Walker... over the years, the injuries... they weren’t accidents either?” Remaining silent, Drake concentrated looking at the crack on the floor. As if he was hypnotised.

“Drake! Answer me! I promised your father that I would look after you. If you don’t tell me I can’t help you.”

“No they weren’t accidents, Bastien. I lied. I’m sorry.” Kneeling down, he looked into Drakes eyes- reassuring him that he would be there always. “Who did all of this to you, son. Tell me.” Drake removed his shirt, Bastien gasped as he could visibly see markings. “The Ki-the King did this....”

Drake explained how every time he stood paralysed with fear, attempting for his body not to tremble as it would result in more abuse. “He was embarrassed.... that he had to take myself and Savannah in. Every time I avoided doing noble things he would shout at me, saying I was lucky that I had him ... asking why I was ungrateful. Why I couldn’t act noble like Sav?” Explaining all this felt like relief in some way. That he didn’t have to hide the abuse from everybody. The ‘sulky’ attitude that he had helped cover the true facts up. Describing how the King would have bloodshot eyes, as well as the thick saliva that formed around his mouth as he spat towards him. Once he was in this rage, Drake just responded with a gesture such as shaking or nodding his head or one worded answers- fearing what would occur if he said or did anything wrong.

“He threatened to put me up for adoption if I didn’t abide by his rules. There are blanks, half of the time I don’t remember things. But he just acts all normal as if nothing has happened. I want to leave Cordonia as soon as I can, Bast. But what would people think?”

“Don’t you worry about it. You have me. I will not allow him to hurt you again. Do you understand me? Go back with the others. I need to go and see someone.” Drake brushed past Bastien, knowing that he was about to re-enter the cabin and be questioned by everybody. Keep up with the fall lie. “Oh Drake, I think that Andy appreciates you for defending his daughter. But she can look after herself. Trust me. She’s stronger than she looks.”

“How do you know?”

“Instinct. Just like instinct tells me that you wouldn’t defend any girl. I know how young men’s minds work. That girl punched Nate back. I wouldn’t worry about him anymore, she’s got your back. See you later, son.”

*****

A Proposal

A/N: This has been in my drafts since January, I never posted it- just because I’ve been so busy with other things.

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Liam x Riley, Maxwell x Riley

Liam poured himself a scotch in his quarters, ever since his unexpected introduction with her- for some reason he couldn’t stop thinking about everything regarding the mystery lady. Inviting Drake and Maxwell over, he needed a distraction. A big one at that.

“Li? Are you okay?” Drake asked the moment he set foot in the room. Usually Liam wouldn’t send out an SOS, he would just get on with things. As a future king would do.

“Yes, I’m sorry for disturbing you both. The whole situation regarding Leo’s abdication- it’s just not fully sunk in yet. I don’t know if I will cope with the social season- I don’t want that.” Pausing, Drake chewed on the inside of his cheek- not really knowing how to respond. All of their life they had assumed that all the responsibility would revolve around Leo. The eldest prince. The rightful future monarch. “I met someone today......” Liam continued, both of his friends gazes focused onto him- both noticing the sudden sparkle surrounding his baby blues.

“A little birdie told me that you met Riley today...” Maxwell interrupted, whilst scoffing his face with a box of an unknown delicacy to the two men stood near him.

“Who?”

“Riley Brooks. Liam’s new ‘personal assistant’. She’s awesome. A bit boring when she’s at work, but she’s very motivated- she delivers her work to the highest standard. You’ll be fine with her by your side, you can trust her with anything.”

“And how do you know her, Beaumont?”

“She worked for us, but then we got into a bit of money trouble. Don’t ask. Bertrand will kill me if you both knew. Anyway.... I promised that I’d find her a new job as we had to let all of our staff go. I had to grovel with the King to give her a chance. That wasn’t a pretty sight, I’m surprised that I’m still walking to be honest- he looked as if he was going to kill me. Once your social season ends she will probably go back to New York. I will miss her.”

“Maxwell, tell me everything about her. I’d like to know.”

“Erm... what exactly do you want to know, Liam?”

****

Tags- if anybody wants to share their work as part of Sneak Peek or Six Sentence Sunday:

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @kingliam2019 @burnsoslow @kimmiedoo5 @lodberg @walker7519 @drakewalkerisreal @axwalker @bascmve01 @ladyangel70 @texaskitten30 @yukinagato2012 @indiacater @queenjilian @drakewalker04 @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @rainbowsinthestorm @desireepow-1986 @jared2612 @twinkle-320 @princessleac1 @custaroonie @princess-geek @bebepac @nikkis1983 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @seriouslybadchoices @furiousherringoperatortoad @shanzay44 @choices97 @gardeningourmet @sanchita012

#choices trr #theroyalromance #riley brooks #maxwell beaumont #liam rys #drake walker #bastien lykel #trr au the american adventure #trr au cordonian wags #tw abuse mention

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nehawriter16 · 4 years ago

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2020 / 24

There are only 2 things I can do on an airplane – dose up on sleeping meds and pass out, or order one too many cappuccinos, keep my exhausted brain awake, and will it to talk to paper. The flight from JFK was in the afternoon and in the chaos of leaving for the airport early in the morning, I forgot to pack my pills.

Two cappuccinos in, my hands were shaking and begging to be typing out the Mrs. Maisel speed monologue that constantly runs in my head. Even though there is a month left in this year, I decided to do my annual New Years Eve post. Over the last 3 days, I’ve been drilling it down to go from gibberish to slightly readable.

Here it is.

Like the rest of the world, in January, I was blissfully unaware of the shitstorm that would follow. I got into several colleges on the East Coast for a Master’s in Finance degree. Every day, I would race down the stairs with my laptop and show my parents: another admit, another scholarship! On the surface, I was making pro and con lists for each one. Deep down, my heart had already picked Fordham in New York. It was New York. Nothing else would cut it.

The day after I turned 24 in January, I also met my (now ex) boyfriend on the internet. Completely by accident, he saw my profile because a mutual friend followed my writing. Two days later, she texted me and said he would like to talk to me. Did I want to talk to some boy studying in Paris? I was single and bored and already had my year laid out for me, so why wouldn’t I?

It moved quickly. Three months later, we had been speaking every day and were exclusive. We had not hung out in person. It was stupid, but I had never come across anybody who liked me as much as he did. In every relationship I had been in before this, I always knew I was more emotionally involved. I fell in love with his devotion to me – he would stay home (who stays home in Paris!) and choose to spend virtual time with me over going to clubs with his friends. I watched myself become the epicenter of his life and thought – this is how much I’ve always wanted to mean to somebody.

In March when the pandemic hit and India shut down, my father sent a car to pick me up from my internship in Bombay, where I had moved two weeks ago. I didn’t pack so much as my toothbrush – the driver brought me home and I had no idea that it would be months before I’d get to leave again.

Morales stayed high in the beginning – we thought it would end in 21 days, then 2 months, then 5. It has taken over the whole year now, and despite us gridlocking it into “2020,” we all know the first half of 2021 will also be filled with masks and sanitizers and not hugging your friends. I wonder if I will ever settle into somebody’s arms without cringing again.

March melted into April, that melted into one long drawl until suddenly it was August and college was beginning the following week. I found myself refreshing the US consulate’s website absent mindedly one afternoon, and all appointments that had been suspended suddenly showed you a tiny little bar that read “reschedule.” I screamed and clicked.

I had thought I would be spending the year stuck at home, awake and attending classes at odd hours. While my classmates went to happy hours in dive bars in Manhattan, I would be in my bedroom, still chained to my parents’ curfews and ultimatums. But then suddenly, I was standing before a US immigration officer in Bombay, and he was telling me I had been granted my student visa.

All that was left to do was book a flight to New York, and break the news to my boyfriend, who was on his way to my abandoned apartment at this very moment for our first date, 7 months after we first began speaking. He had come home in March when France went into lockdown, and it was starting to feel like a throuple with long distance, the third and very present member in our relationship.

I packed up the belongings I had left there, and we sat across from each other on the double bed. I kissed him first. There were roadblocks, and our personalities and views clashed on so many important things, but I loved him. Two days later, I said: I have to leave for New York in 3 weeks. He didn’t take it well.

In September, I landed at JFK. When the wheels of the plane made contact with the runway, I was smiling behind a mask I’d had on for 16 hours. On the Air Train to Manhattan, I felt a sense of happiness wash over me and toyed with the possibility that maybe I wouldn’t mind if it was just me in this city. I would be okay alone.

I found an apartment, a roommate, signed a lease in a beautiful building in Hell’s Kitchen, walking distance from college. I met lots of people from my class and instantly picked out the ones I wanted to become good friends with. I dove straight into academics and extra curriculars at college – after 5 months of nothing happening, life was suddenly exciting again.

When New York lit up every night, it felt like anything was possible. I started eating better and walking a lot. My hair grew out from the bad haircut I’d gotten the year before. Coffee was no longer just coffee, it was finding a new café and walking through Central Park. Drinks were not just drinks, they were about accidentally stumbling onto a secret bar in the East Village, finding favorite spots in the neighborhood, letting a cute waiter recommend a cocktail to me even though I was perfectly capable of picking one myself.

The boyfriend and I were fighting more than usual. I was getting tired of it. We had discussed a life together, but it was slowly and surely becoming clear to me that I would resent myself for making big compromises for a person who still had a lot of growing up left to do. As New York got cold, I did too – without trying. When one particular argument got really bad, I asked for a break from the relationship. He didn’t like it.

A week later, I woke up to a girl sending me screenshots on Instagram of her conversation with him (pre me asking for a break) on a dating app, and without getting into details, I will tell you it was not a conversation anybody with a girlfriend should have been having. I should have been broken in half on the inside, but now I could finally say, without feeling guilty – this relationship was not working, nobody was happy, and you were so unhappy you thought talking to other women was okay. I spent all of one day drinking with a friend in Central Park and sobbing myself to sleep.

But mostly, what hit me after the initial shock had died down was a tsunami of relief. I felt lighter, freer. I try not to think too hard about the trauma that comes from finding out that the person you think is so devoted to you, and definitely loves you more than you love them (or so you think) is being unfaithful, because it hurts a part of me that is already very bruised from all the things that have happened to me before. So I don’t.

But it was New York. I was young and smart and there was a wine shop down the block that sold $14 bottles of Moscato. I didn’t need much else to know I would be okay. At 20, I would have jumped right back into going on dates every other night to distract myself from what had happened, then never called any of those men back. At 24, this emotional speed bump resulted in a lot of quiet introspection in my bedroom. I spent a lot of time alone, on the phone with friends, and walking around the city. I had learnt to like my own company enough to not fill a suddenly empty void with anybody else’s, even though there have been several tempting offers in this past month, and sometimes, I have succumbed to them, but mostly I am very strict with who deserves my company.

It was nice to spend that second month in New York by myself. I owed absolutely nobody a single minute of my time. No one asked me questions, or called me and expected me to share my day unless I wanted to, and once I had worked hard and cleared out the things from my to do list for the day, time stretched out before me and I had the autonomy to decide the smallest thing down to who to meet, what to eat, how much to sleep.

I didn’t let my academics and ambition suffer – no matter what happens, I never do and I never will. The grades stay up – it’s built into my system. I am back home now and just 2 days in, I find myself wishing I hadn’t left New York. I was starting to build a life I liked there, and the only price I had to pay for it was a 4 pm sunset. It would have been slightly lonely, but I like the time I spend by myself. I worked hard to become like that.

This month, I will see my friends here at home. I’ve missed them. I can’t believe I grew up in this city and I already feel so alienated from it just from 60 days of living away. Is that how badly I wanted to leave?

I might be dramatic and fly back on my 25th birthday, so that I can say, “I was on a flight,” and ignore the slowly expanding bubble of dread that comes with turning that old. I like the ambiguity of airports and I’m the sort of inherently sad person who would love to be alone and unreachable on my birthday.

I acknowledge that my problems this year have been so small in the face of those of us who have lost family members, contracted the virus, had to give up internships or had jobs taken from us, been torn away from family, or had to make it through this alone.

I feel almost guilty that good things have happened to me in a year that has predominantly been bad for almost everyone else. I feel apologetic, even though from 2017 to 2019, I was treated like life’s sick joke so I should deserve these good things that I worked hard for.

I definitely feel myself growing up, though. Emotionally I find I have a clearer idea of what I want from relationships and friendships, and I don’t second guess cutting off anybody who doesn’t serve that purpose or messes with my mental peace. I still have days when self-doubt comes over for a cup of tea, leaves me weak in the knees, but most days are free of it. I am also moving out of that chameleon phase where I mirrored what I thought a room full of new people would want from me, and I am unapologetically myself, irrespective of who’s watching.

Last year I remember wishing for something stupid, like “I wish there was somebody to kiss on New Years Eve,” because I’ve never had anybody to smack lips with when it’s midnight. This year, I don’t care. I’ll kiss myself in the mirror, for all I care. I love her. She’s my homie.

It’s been a weird year. I know who I was in 2019, and I remember wondering if I was proud of her. Things were still in purgatory then. But I steered my life and brought it back on track. This year, I am proud of myself without doubting it.

There’s no measuring scale for personal growth, but if there was, I feel at least a couple of inches taller in 2020.

#personal 2020 writing

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glowonu · 5 years ago

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feel special by twice

another little songfic~

There are some of those days Days when I suddenly feel all alone When I feel like I don’t belong anywhere And my head is hanging down

The idol life style is hard. The constant strain on your health, social capacity, appearance, and personality, sometimes makes you feel like you can’t just be yourself. It’s another one of those days where everything seems to crash down on top of you. Being the leader of quite a large group, your specific responsibilities and roles tend to make you feel alone and exhausted. The new year is near, it’s exciting but it also means that your schedule is packed full of end of year song festivals and MC roles and today you’re at your limit. You just want to collapse and release all of your bottled up emotions, but you’ve been notified for your next full length comeback in late January, and today is a recording day. You trudge from the car that dropped you off from your previous schedule to the studio. The wind is freezing, and each breath condenses into a puff of mist that disappears as soon as it came.

Whenever those days come, you tell me How precious I am All those words you say Everything’s alright From Nobody to Somebody I become a very special me

There is one person though, who knows your struggle. Choi Seungcheol, the leader of Seventeen is waiting in the foyer for you, just outside of the studio, waiting for you to finish up with the first day of recording. He knows you’ve been out of it, and he’s in the same boat as you. Everything seems to be weighing heavier this season and you can both understand why. Neither of you haven’t been as chatty with each other and your last text reads that it was sent and read a few days ago. While you both like to have your space, something needs to change, and Cheol decides to take matters into his own hands.

It's terribly late when you exit the studio, but you spot a cozy looking Seungcheol on the couch of the foyer, playing on his phone. He looks exhausted, you know he’s going through the same stuff as you, and it seems like your couple item for today is the dark circles under your eyes. He looks up as the door clicks shut behind you, and you give each other a soft, tired smile.

As if it were magic, you feel a little lighter, less alone. Cheol takes your hand and the both of you walk out of the company building to his car. He turns the heater up and plays your rnb playlist. The smooth vocals of Sam Kim and Crush fill the background as Cheol keeps his hand in yours. “You make this so much easier, you’re so incredibly precious to me baby,” he murmurs as he drives through the city, the traffic isn’t as bad as it usually is at this hour.

You smile sleepily at him, “I was just about to say the same thing,” The tone of the conversation is almost casual, but it means so much to you, “I’m glad we have each other, as much as it’s hard, sharing this with you makes everything alright,” Cheol’s grin widens.

You make me feel special No matter how the world brings me down Even when hurtful words stab me I smile again cuz you’re there That’s what you do

Seungcheol wipes a hand across his face tiredly. As much as he enjoys seeing the support from Carats, the hate comments are unavoidable. He should have put the phone down 20 minutes ago instead of scrolling through the comment section of his latest instagram post. He winces at a particularly nasty comment when suddenly his phone pings and a message from you appears at the top of his phone.

[20:00] wifey: hey peachy boy~ [20:00] wifey: can’t wait to see you at the song festival tomorrow, i miss you TT [20:01] wifey: also babe, like your stage presence is killer? your fancams? works of art

Seungcheol grins as soon as the messages arrive. Even if you don’t know what kind of mood he’s in, you always manage to cheer him up.

Again I feel special One moment I feel like I’m nothing at all Like no one would notice if I were gone But then when I hear you calling me I feel loved, I feel so special

Even though you saw him at work a few days ago, you can’t help missing your lovely boyfriend. You snuggle into your blankets and search up some of his fancams. You giggle at the duality between his soft concepts and his energetic and powerful concepts. You’re amazed by how strong his stage presence is, the way he hits every move with an energy and power that captivates you. You switch out of YouTube to messenger, sending him a couple of texts. The messages mark read almost instantly, and suddenly your phone lights up with an incoming facetime call. As you accept the call, Cheol’s smiling face fills the screen, and you can’t help mirroring his adoring smile.

I just wanted to hide Didn’t wanna face the world As if everything has lost meaning As if I have lost meaning I just sat there still

You love your fans, you really do, but you really wish you could have some space sometimes. You definitely do not look perfect today, and you’re doing all you can to hide it. Hopefully you can find some personal space in the caverns of the incredibly oversized hoodie you’re wearing. Your face is hidden by a pink mask and your round glasses. You particularly chose your reflective pair, avoiding the gaze of the camera lenses capturing your return to Seoul from your one day trip in Japan for a small CF event.

The small break you have on New Year’s day won’t come fast enough and you are so sick of existing in the public eye. You love what you do, and you love your fans, but you know extremely well that you are spread way too thin at the moment.

Then you appeared before me With a warm smile, you held out your hand Everything’s alright From Nobody to Somebody I become a very special me

You’re tired and clingy, and the short walk from arrivals to where your car is being picked up looks incredibly long. You wish Seungcheol was here, to hold his hand, to feel his warmth, a small anything to give you a little more energy. As if he could read your mind, your phone vibrates in your pocket, and a spam of messages come through.

[7:54] 🍑: I hope you had a safe flight babygirl~ [7:54] 🍑: I know you probably don’t wanna face the crowds at the moment,[7:54] 🍑: but it’ll be okay~ ill see you tonight !

You make me feel special No matter how the world brings me down Even when hurtful words stab me I smile again cuz you’re there That’s what you do Again I feel special One moment I feel like I’m nothing at all Like no one would notice if I were gone But then when I hear you calling me I feel loved, I feel special

“The media have already written articles on me being lazy and not keeping up the group’s concept while at the airport,” You groan throwing your phone to the side, “I’m sorry?? My concept is for the stage! Can I not be comfortable for an early morning flight? Sorry that my leggings and hoodie aren’t elegant enough for you!” You rant into the pillow that your holding on to as Seungcheol walks into the room.

He chuckles, “Baby, have you checked twitter? The international fans are fawning over your look,” Seungcheol sets down some snacks on the coffee table and pushes your legs off of it. You roll your eyes but you smile all the same, moving your legs to the other end of the couch and settling your head in his lap. “Besides, you look like a queen whatever your wearing, wherever you are. My queen specifically,” He says giggling, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheeks. You blush and smile into his shirt that you’ve pulled close to your face, flustered at Cheol’s typical cheesiness.

You make everything alright On a cloudy day without sunshine You are indeed my Shining light That’s what you do Even the darkest night turns to day I owe it to you Because you make me feel special

Finally it’s your day off, you’re on your way after a refreshing sleep in to pick Cheol up from the photo studio near your dorms. It’s a shame he has to work in the morning, but you secretly appreciate being able to sleep in. The sun is shining, and it’s a warm, wintery 9 degrees.

Yet, you know something is up when Cheol gets in the car. He looks more exhausted than usual, and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. You focus on exiting the carpark and getting onto the main road before reaching for his hand, you know he’ll talk about what’s on his mind when he’s ready. For now, he just needs you to be there for him.

You’re sitting at a secluded tea house on the outskirts of the city when he opens up. He lets out a sigh before grabbing your hand. “Sometimes I feel like, I’m not a great boyfriend.” He murmurs, avoiding your eyes. He continues on before you can say anything, “I’m so busy all the time, and I get stressed and I always have my mind on my job, I feel like I don’t support you enough…”

You tighten your grip on his hand and he looks up at you. “Seungcheol listen to me; we are busy people, that’s the nature of our job and I will never blame you for that. I will also never blame you for being stressed, or anxious, or down. You have more than enough responsibilities, you don’t need to carry my weight either.” You let out a breath before continuing, “Cheol, I get it, and I apologise for the same thing, but we do this together. You brighten my days, you give me the energy to get through things without even realising I need it. You are more than enough.”

He lets out a shaky breath, and smiles at you softly. “Thank you so much,” He starts, “You are more than enough for me too.” He presses a soft kiss to the back of your hand that is sitting in his.

You giggle at your incredible boyfriend, and lean towards him to press a sweet kiss to his lips, “I love you so much, you silly man,”

No matter how the world brings me down Even when hurtful words stab me I smile again cuz you’re there That’s what you do Again I feel special One moment I feel like I’m nothing at all Like no one would notice if I were gone But then when I hear you calling me I feel loved, I feel so special

You grin at each other, hands connected. You support each other, you love each other, and you’re there for each other, lifting each other up and through the pressures of your lifestyles. Together, everything will be alright.

#s coups #scoups #seungcheol #choi seungcheol #scoups fluff #scoups oneshot #scoups scenario #scoups blurb #seungcheol fluff #seungcheol oneshot #seungcheol scenario #seungcheol blurb #seventeen #svt #seventeen fluff #seventeen blurb #seventeen scenario #my writing

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