#i read it months ago and i remembered 'kuma will always be on your side' like last night randomly and immediately started crying

[cosmicrhetoric]

i cant wait for the rest of egghead to be animated bc the climax of the arc quickly became one of my fave moments in the entire series (which is like really really saying something in an 1100 chapter manga) but the kuma backstory is so long and spans so many decades and touches on so many really important moments in time that i know theyre going to spend 20 episodes on it and im going to be crying literally the full 20 weeks

[cavariously]

[Trying my hand at a fan fiction.

I love to write but I have never done anything like this before, so all feedback would be extremely appreciated (Grammer, Plot, Characters etc.).

I love Tokyo Ghoul so I really hope I don't fuck this up 😅. A big thank you to anyone who reads this ❤️]

Caution: Agressive Swearing, Offensive Language, Graphic Violence.

Notes: Takes place post end of TG:re, Reapers = Marshall version of Doves.

1. Crow - 24

City lights and the rushing motions of the landscape turn the 24th ward into a blinding and blaring circus. Humans. They crawl through this city with the assurance that they will be here tomorrow. They will be here a year from now. They will be here forever. They are the only lifeform with this assurance. All other creatures in this world live with the knowledge that their making it to the next moment is a fifty fifty

It is certainly a miracle that they last, noticing absolutely nothing at all. They don't see the effects that the fumes of their veichles have on the planet that they grip so tightly to. They can't begin to recognise that they are being continually watched and targeted by devices that could wipe them from the face of said Earth in less than zero. They don't even notice the apex predictor observing them from less than a mile above.

Humans simply move from one spot to another, only stopping to cause irrevocable disaster and reduce their surroundings to less than ash, and then move on to the next target. Someone said that humans are Parasites, and although it may be naive to believe this was wholly correct, it would be complete ignorance to dismiss it entirely. Ghouls do not indulge in such ignorance. Parasite is an apt description for a human, from the perspective of a ghoul, that and food.

The figure stands tall, wind rushing rapidly through their tied up hair. They can smell the putrescence of man-kind as they go about their sweaty and arrogant business. They would laugh if it wasn't so tragic. What do humans amount to? They are greedy and bloody bags of meat that fight and hate more than any other being, yet they are allowed to multiply and just be. It could be argued that ghouls are the same as humans in this aspect, but most abide by the one meal a month agreement, even though this arrangement can be hell for some. Unlike humans, who see violence as their God given right, when ghouls fight, it is rarely for anything other than survival. Perhaps this view doesn't take all ghouls into account, but all humans gorge themselves on everything, and fight for any fucking reason they want.

Twenty years ago, a disaster was meant to end this disparity. For the first time ever, ghouls and humans fought together to save the world they shared from the monster that had been designated 'DRAGON'. The defeating of this enemy was meant to end in equality, where ghouls and humans shared the world equally. Scientific leaps had been made. Synthetic meats that ghouls could eat, so they wouldn't have to harm humans. The corpse of Dragon even lead to dramatic advancements in the medical field. Humans were now benefiting from ghoul DNA, as it allowed them to combat most illnesses and increase their lifespan somewhat. After all that ghouls had done for them, weren't humans grateful? No. Ten years, then ghouls were back to being vile creatures to be hunted, and were forced back to living in the sewers. The deaths of so many perfectly good and innocent ghouls, just so that humanity could screw them all over again. What a funny tragedy.

Another figure appeared from the shadows, stepping in line with their comrade. Neither looking at the other, they both silently watched the ferris-wheel turn round and round. A world that they saw as rightfully theirs. They were hungry for it and they would have it. No matter the cost. In fact, the more human casualties... the better.

"Are you ready to go?" the newcomer asked, never taking their attention away from everything below.

"Yeah. Any longer and I might have to eat you."

"Like you could" came the cold, arrogant response.

"Just because you got five inches on me now, doesn't mean I can't still beat your ass Da..."

"Don't fucking call me that. While we're out here you call me Kuma and I call you... Blindfold, or Eyeless. Something like that." Even though his response had been quick and sharp, neither his tone nor his concentration had wavered.

"Eyeless" they conceded.

"Fine, Eyeless it is. Just don't go shouting our real names out in public. You're enough of a liability as it is without giving our fucking identities away."

Eyeless finally turned to look at their brother. They couldn't help feeling a pang of nostalgia. He had been so small once, constantly hanging onto their shoulders and making paper birds that he place all over their home. Those memories hurt, especially when they remembered what came after. He used to smile so much and now he's a moody little shit. They'd never been like that at fourteen, they thought smugly.

"Fine. Let's go KUMA before I rip your snarky head off." With that final retort, Eyeless turned and stepped off of the roof.

Kuma watched them drop six stories, landing with grace and poise. Why were they always so aggravating? Maybe he was jealous of their natural ability, or perhaps they were just a pain in the ass to be related to. With a sigh and a wandering look to the night sky, he followed suit.

* * *

The Marshalls finished up disposing of the ghoul. Bikakus are a pain in the ass Haruto thought, but it's better than a Ukaku. Haruto loved the fact that he was an intimidating figure. The ghoul had basically shat itself as soon as it had seen his large muscular frame, and cruel bearded face. The black trench coat they wore, that often announced the end for ghouls, probably didn't hurt either. He nudged the face of the corpse with his foot. He reckoned it wouldn't even be worth removing his Kakahou to get a new quinque. Taking into account the short amount of time it had taken him and Kenji to bypass his defences and cut him through the middle, he was a B rated ghoul maximum.

"Right, time we get back" Haruto sighed.

"Mhm" Kenji agreed. He never said much.

"Did you bring the body bag? You never know, you might be able to upgrade that piece of shit you call a quinque." Haruto laughed loudly. He loved taking the piss out of Kenji, especially when he knew his only retort woukd be 'mhm'.

As expected, Kenji responded with a grumbling "Mhm", and moved towards the body.

Haruto, turned to walk away, lighting a cigarette and beginning to inhale deeply. That Kenji was going to marry his sister. What's he gonna say when the priest asks him if he takes her to be his lawfully wedded wife? Mhm. Haruto chuckled to himself. All in all Kenji was a good guy, and one hell of a Marshall. He could use that crappy Ukaku quinque pretty damn well, even if it did come from a C rated ghoul. Kenji also took Haruto's kids to the beach when he and Mrs Haruto wanted a quiet weekend. He might be an ugly fucker with next to no hair, and a face that made you want to split him down the middle, but he was clean and sometimes smelt nice. Yeah, Kenji could marry his sister if he wanted. She could do a hell of a lot worse.

A loud splatter sounded out behind Haruto. He spun on his heels, instincts flaring immediately into action. Where the fuck was Kenji? Where his partner had been attempting to fit the ghoul into the black bag, there was now the cut in half corpse of his future brother in law, fallen to the sides with a blindfolded figure standing in the middle. His entire being twitched in anticipation of this thing making a move to kill him, but all it did was leasurly bend down and scoop something up from the gore beneath. As the creature straightened up, he saw that it was simply sucking on one of Kenji's bloody fingers. To others, this might signify a psychotic animal, but to a seasoned Marshall, this was a confident and calculating killer plain and simple. A powerful one at that. Their clothes were indistinctive; clad in thin black leather and fabric, however, their mask was a completely different story. Almost the entirety of its face was covered. Its mouth had a tight black fabric wrapped over it, with a skeletal smile that would open, revealing the snaking pink tongue underneath. The huge back leather collar surrounding it could be zipped up to hide all but the eyes from the world. Not that the eyes could be seen either. A bone white blindfold shut them off from view. Foreign symbols were drawn in deep black on either side, with the a closed eye taking centre stage. Although it was just a drawing, that closed eye was unearving, as if the lack of sight heightened its ability to see, instead of impeding it.

Now this was a ghoul. Just by its sheer presence Haruto could tell this one was rated A, or more likely >S. Haruto couldn't deny to himself that he was intimidated, but he was a senior Marshall, and always backed himself in a one on one. He looked down at his fallen partner and gulped. First things first, get into this guys head. Haruto scanned the ghoul, looking for weaknesses that he could exploit verbally. If he was lucky, the reaction could lead to him obtaining an edge. He noticed that this ghoul was slight in stature, maybe five foot five all told.

"You wanna end up like this other piece of shit, you fucking dwarf."

This garnered absolutely nothing.

Haruto couldn't take it much longer. This creature continued to lapp at the guts of his dead partner, that were splattered over its fingers. It obviously didn't give a shit what it looked like to others. It reminded him of a cat, publically cleaning its fur and genitals with no concern for the world. It was fucking reveling in its feast, and it made Haruto's blood boil.

"You killed an innocent man. He was gonna have a family and you ripped him apart. You monsters have no fucking souls and you all belong in hell. That's where I'm gonna send you. I'm a fucking senior Marshall you stupid shit. You have no clue how badly you've fucked up."

Again, the ghoul made no sign of changing emotion, continuing to dip its fingers in Kenji and take its time eating. Haruto knew he needed something else to get into its head so he scanned again. 'Shit' he thought, as the ghost of a smile passed over his lips. The majority of its body was covered in black that mostly obscured its shape, however, his keen eyes saw that although its grey hair was tied up, it was probably quite long when undone. At its chest area, although it was probably bound, there was the hint of a slightly tented structure. The hardest one to spot was the hips. Despite them being covered by black leather shorts, those hips were a tad too wide to be a man's.

"Alright you sick fuck. I'M A COMMIN FOR YA!"

With one last drive to uncover more courage, Haruto raised his Kokaku quinque and lept towards the ghoul.

"I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP FOR KENJI... YOU BITCH!"

As Haruto closed the distance with extreme speed, to less than two meters, the shadow of another figure dropped from the sky, landing directly next to the first. Haruto skidded to a halt, taken aback by the new masked creature. This one was certainly taller, and its face was covered by a red, horned mask. It was only as his attention slipped completely that he realised his final mistake. For the first time, the blindfolded ghoul smiled widely, the skeletal mouth parting to reveal massive bloody teeth.

The next thing Haruto knew was that he was laying down on the ground, face to the sky. His neck was warm and dripping wet. He raised his hands to his throat as the oxygen escaped his body, feeling the deep gash that was releasing his blood. The ghouls started conversing.

"Which one you want?" the first asked the newcomer.

"I don't care. You killed 'em both so you choose" the other responded dispondantly.

"Well, you're the growing boy so you take the ghoul and the first Reaper."

"Damn, well fuck me if you ain't the best big sister" uttered the male ghoul sarcastically, as he casually walked over to Kenji and the dead ghoul. "Why you taking you're mask off you sicko? The guys not even dead yet."

"I like it when they watch me" the female ghoul giggled.

Haruto saw the shadow of something passing over his head. "Ken...Ke..ji" Haruto gasped.

Suddenly, from below him came a the same giggle. "Awww dude, I think these guys were close."

"Eyeless, eat the fucker and let's go" came the voice of the male.

"Hey buddy boy, look at me will you" said the female from his feet.

Haruto craned his neck, scared of what he might see, but thinking 'fuck it' to himself. What's did he have to be afraid of, he's already dead. When he finally focused on the face he was confused. She was chewing on a leg. His leg. When the fuck did she get her dirty hands on that? When she'd finished on his leg, licking the tips of her fingers with delight, she bent down and hovered over him. Eyeless? That's what the other one had called her, but that wasn't true at all. Now that her blindfold was off he could see the entirety of her murderous giddy face.

"You're very funny" she said. "Innocent man. Gonna have a family. Its really fucking funny."

The last thing Haruto would ever see would be a testimony to her names innacuracy. Staring at him excitedly was one grey eye, so remarkably human looking it was weird. The other eye was a pool of darkness... with a violent, blood red pupil that seemed to be trying to force its way out of its black prison. She snapped up the rest of him.

"Sicko..."

End

[confessionsofalionholic]

To Everyone

First of all, we are going to get some things straight because I don't like shit being talked behind my back, and I'm not going to stand for it. You have a problem then you can come to me and talk about it, thanks! You people are nothing but rude and just like the people they explain on television who say things behind their screens because they're too cowardly to say it to someone's faces. But, I have no problem addressing this :)

1. First of all, me and Dallaschic are not the same person. She is my cousin, I have a side account, and admin have already gone into that so how about you get proof before accusing others of that kind of shit. Does it look like I want my account banned?

2. Second of all, I did not throw a fit in chat ever. I was a bit angry and let it out, but never did i threaten to kill myself. Sure, I was toying with quitting and did for a little bit, but I didn't threaten to kill myself so please don't say such lies thanks. And actually I did do some of the gifting, just not all, and I sen all users a small gift and message explaining to them why i couldn't give them the presents. I wanted to, but everyone faces life problems, and my life doesn't revolve around a freaking game.

3. Another thing, I was scammed out of a leopon, that's why I was upset. Because I put my trust into someone, and they scammed me. I did delete the thread, and there was nothing valuable in it. If someone valuable was sent then I repaid so get your facts straight.

4. And yes, I did make an offer with some triple rosette cubs, but I was in a hurry to sell, and I didn't have time to wait. I explain this to you and apologized and offer to find you another seeing as though a friend of mine breeds them.

5. I've never scammed another user throughout my entire time on this site. I have backed out on trades, yes, I have asked for prices to be lowered, yes again, but I have never scammed anyone, so this is a flat out lie thanks. 

6. Thanks for calling me shitty, but guess what I don't care. God made me the way I am, and I live by what he tells me to do and not what others think of me. This isn't high school anymore, so you need to grow up. 

7. Another thing, I don't remember ever sending that message. Rarely do i misspell thing and defiantly not so many times in one messages, so don't try to set me up.

8. And I am very busy and have short term memory. You easily could have asked me about an email if you wanted to rp with me, don't take advice from users on a blog who do this instead of getting a real life.

9. Me and Lex have talked, and we are fine. End of story. 

10. Okay, maybe I don't know what custom decors are worth? I'd been on the site, what 5 months? Get over it. 

11. Second, yes, I did try to breed you a sunset because I knew you would want one. My friends, Leanna and Selenium, both have a sunset stud, and I was using them..., but you didn't send me any GB so you weren't scammed or anything. 

12. Yes, I will admit in the past that I bought items for cheap and waited a couple of weeks before selling them for more, but isn't that what everyone does in the events? And besides that, I stopped that a long time ago.

13. I never scammed Kuma. I paid a young leopon and 100 GB for a sunset, resulting in paying 600 GB. So please don't say I paid 200 GB because that's a lie. Not to mention, that me and Kuma are friends now and have had several projects together.

I wanted to say thank you to all of the people that have thrown nice comments my way. Because point blank is that if you're nice to me than I will be nice to you in return. Treat others the way you would want to eb treated. And I am not dumb, I know people are going to continue to talk about me after they see this, but think about what kind of person that makes you. Talking about people behind their back makes you no better than they are. Yo act like high school kids, and you need to grow up. Life is too short to spend it like this. I admit, my actions in the past haven't always been admirable, but I changed long ago and have been a kind person and different. And while you talk about me, think about what other people could be saying about you. Because if you're saying this about me behidn my back, are you really as nice of a person as you think you are? The answer is no. I will no longer post on here or read it because I don't care what online people, who i;ve never met nor will i ever meet, think about me. I know that I've done wrong, and I know that I've fixed all of my wrongings, and that's why I've posted here.

You want the full and TRUE story on anything than feel free to pm me at (#101978) and you will get it because these blogs are nothing but viscous lies trying to put people down. And if I've ever done you wring than pm me. It's a new year, and I will do my bets to make amends, apologizing and everything. 

[murasaki-murasame]

Monogatari Series Rewatch Part 3: Bakemonogatari [Suruga Monkey]

I’m doing it, I’m finally continuing this. It’s not like it’s been that long, but I’m definitely gonna need to hurry up if I’m gonna want to catch up before Owari S2 starts. Oh well.

I’m gonna try and write this out in real time as I finish each part, and see if that feels better than watching the whole arc and then posting my thoughts on it.

I’m debating whether or not I should try and write up actual reviews of each season/TV special as I finish them completely, to compose my thoughts in a more organized and precise way, but it might take too long and I care a bit more about catching up on this as fast as possible. We’ll see.

Anyway, this time on Monogatari, it’s that one time the story got super duper violent! More ramblings under the cut.

PART ONE:

-It’s still super amusing to me, for some reason, how stuff like Araragi’s really standard internal monologue about his perspective on Kanbaru as the basketball team ace is presented in such a dramatic, fast-paced, almost unnerving way, near the start of the episode. I dunno why, I just like it. Especially now that I’ve read the LN and know just how not at all dramatic or fast-paced these parts are.

-I really like how the start of the episode establishes that the whole Araragi/Hachikuji friendship dynamic is going to just be an ongoing thing now. It’s great. Their interactions are always hilarious [other than the sorta uncomfortable parts, I guess, but I just look past them]. I love that Araragi just takes it in stride that he’s now friends with this ten year old ghost girl that knows how to troll the hell out of him.

-Here she is! Kanbaru! My wonderful sporty monkey-armed anger management issue-ridden carefree lesbian daughter! Kanbaru’s so great. I’m so happy to see her again. I mean I just read this arc in LN form not that long ago but STILL. She really is one of my favourite characters in the series. If only because her interactions with Araragi are just so, so great to watch. Sadly they only have like one conversation in this specific episode, but still. I love how, after spending a while gushing about his witty responses, she immediately asks him for his opinion on Russian politics. She just kinda does her own thing and doesn’t really think about how Araragi feels. For the most part. In general she just knows how to completely throw him off balance when they talk and it’s the best thing ever.

-My memory of this arc is slightly fuzzy since it’s technically been like a month since I actually read it in LN form, but she’s following him around at this stage because she’s already aware that he might become the next victim of her monkey hand, right? And she wants to basically monitor him because of it? I forget. Either way I’m pretty sure it’s to do with her hand, and she’s being intentionally deflective about it and not explaining why she’s following him. It makes these early conversations slightly unnerving, when you know that she’s already dealing with these conflicting feelings and is worried she might hurt him. I think. Again, my memory about this is fuzzy.

-I really like getting this glimpse of Senjougahara’s sweet and thoughtful side, and her ‘I am literally willing and able to murder people in cold blood’ side, all in one conversation. She’s such an awkward person who doesn’t really know how to express her love. Though it’s interesting reading her ‘I’ll kill whoever kills you’ line, knowing that it’s actually really direct foreshadowing of how this arc resolves.

-It’s almost silly how much Araragi’s immediate response to new events in his life is ‘let’s call Hanekawa about it and get her to explain stuff to me’. I don’t dislike it or anything, it’s just kinda funny. I don’t know if I realized early on just how much he does it. From what I remember it’s particularly noticeable in the Koyomimonogatari season. I think. Also it’s kinda distressing to see her just wandering empty city streets at night, all by herself. It really helps set up the idea that she avoids being at her house at all costs. 

-It’s worth noting that I really, really relate to the whole thing Hanekawa talks about, in regards to the idea of people all having a sense of personal space, and that personal space becoming so rigidly fortified in people like Araragi and Senjougahara that it becomes something hostile. Yep I can definitely feel that pretty heavily. Not to mention the idea of specifically ‘making exceptions’ for people who can get closer to you. I’m definitely the sort of person who, like she said, feels uncomfortable just being around people. I think that’s how she said it. Either way, it’s one of the aspects where I can see myself in Araragi. It’s probably a big part of why I like him so much as a character.

-The fact that Senjougahara really did earn the money to repay her debt to Oshino is pretty interesting, and helps show that she can be a lot more true to her word than she lets on, even if she clearly dislikes him. Which I guess makes her commitment to keeping her promise even more admirable. And then the episode ends with her standing over Araragi when he’s lying there, covered in blood, near-dead, and she just hands him the envelope with the money in it because he forgot it. Lol.

-Speaking of Araragi being covered in blood and near-dead, we get our first glimpse at how violent this arc is going to get. I like how the animation in these scenes feels notably different in how it flows compared to everything else. It makes it really jarring and unnerving. It helps that the whole Rainy Devil design is really creepy.

PART TWO:

-I kinda love how Senjougahara is totally aware of how completely implausible Araragi’s story is, and is just like ‘whatever’, and just stands over his head to let him see her panties for a while so he’ll feel better. Man, these two are such dorks.

-I forgot to comment on it above, but I really love the OP of this arc. I don’t really have the time to do any actual analyses of any of these OPs in any depth, even though the version I’m watching even has subs for them, but this one’s still really nice. I still love the pastel colour scheme, and all the green/purple contrast. It’s unconventional, but it works well. I also still have to laugh at the really blunt lily symbolism. Something about it always cracks me up when it shows up in anime/manga as lesbian symbolism. I feel like I see it in a surprising amount of stuff, and I haven’t even touched Yuri Kuma Arashi yet, haha. I’m certainly not complaining or anything. Flowers are basically #aesthetic goals to me. As evidenced by me blog header.

-You kinda have to give props to Araragi for visiting Kanbaru and confronting her about the monkey’s paw so soon after that whole thing happened. I guess it speaks a lot to his personality that he wanted to figure things out, and didn’t necessarily consider the potential risk, at least not to the point of being swayed away by it. It’s a kinda interesting parallel to how he could have chosen to leave Senjougahara alone when she violently pushed him away, but he didn’t. Which has a fair bit of relevance to this whole scene.

-The whole aesthetic of Kanbaru’s house, and her room, is still really cool. It somehow feels hard to imagine her living in such a traditional Japanese house, though. The stacks of red books in her room are always neat to look at, especially in later story arcs. They’re a neat framing device. The fact that they’re read is meant to be a reference to how the JP light novels look when you take them out of the slip case, right? Since they’re all plain red as well.

-It’s still pretty fucked up that Kanbaru’s mother just left her daughter a goddamn monkey’s paw as part of the inheritance. Like, wow. I know that the end of the arc gives a fairly sympathetic explanation for it, but still. [Also, in hindsight, is it actually a monkey’s paw, technically? I forget. This series really likes to have twists about the nature of the oddities being different to how they first seem. I vaguely remember this arc in particular being kinda twist-y with how it keeps unveiling new sides to the scenario at hand.

-Also the whole live action hand animation going on when they were discussing the hand was creepy as hell. Basically all of the live action elements are kinda creepy. It’s pretty damn effective, though.

-I just remembered that the Vertical translation of the LN had Kanbaru continually refer to Araragi as ‘my senior’ in a way that I just never quite got used to. I know that even in the JP version she’s meant to in general sound like she’s being almost pushy with how respectful and idolizing she’s being when talking to him, but something about that translation feels like it comes across too strongly. I don’t quite know how to explain it. It’s probably mostly just that it’s not something people in high school say at all in English, even if they’re being polite. For the most part.

-I still love how completely blunt and casual and self-assured Kanbaru is in identifying as a lesbian. It’s such a nice change of pace from how Japanese media tends to be with this kinda thing. I guess I technically have some specific issues with how it’s handled in Kanbaru’s case, but that’d take too long to go over, and it’s stuff that I basically ignore and interpret in my own way anyway. Either way, I just really like this conversation, and what it says about Kanbaru as a person. I haven’t ever been in the exact position she was in with regards to Senjougahara, but I can understand her feelings, and how she acted in that scenario. I can completely understand her desire to back off for Senjougahara’s sake, only to later berate herself for her ego and hypocrisy when she ended up seeing her and Araragi happily together. And hoo boy can I understand all too well the feeling of shameful bitterness and jealousy toward couples like that, toward someone of the opposite sex interacting with and even dating your crush like it’s the most natural thing in the world, as you wonder why it couldn’t just be you in that position, even as you’re fully aware of how rude and selfish all of that is of you to feel. I really have to respect Kanbaru for being so open about this with Araragi. It takes a lot of effort to be open like that.

-I just relate to Kanbaru a lot [even though so many parts of her personality and mannerisms are kinda the opposite of my own, lol], and completely understand how her feelings of jealousy became such a big, violent thing. It’s a good thing that my own feelings never got to the point of me going around in a trance at night, violently assaulting people with my creepy monkey arm. Hahaha.

-I really like how openly sexual she is around him with what she talks about. It’s great. I just adore how much it completely throws Araragi off course and she just talks around him in circles. Even though the whole ‘I can be a replacement for Senjougahara if you want’ scene kinda . . . gets into some of my vague issues with how it reflects upon her. But that’s it’s own thing.

-Also, as a side note, this whole scene as they enter the abandoned cram school just reminds me how it’s always slightly mystified me why lesbians seem to so commonly explore and express their sexualities through stuff like BL, and gay romances/erotica in general. I’ve heard about it from enough queer women to know that it’s an actual thing, but even after having read about it, it’s still kinda baffling. But in a kind of fascinating way, I guess.

-It’s super weird seeing Shinobu just be this unmoving, unspeaking background feature. She doesn’t even have any proper lines until Nise, right? It’s really jarring after how much of a regular, talkative, reoccuring character she becomes after that point. I keep forgetting that she’s like this in Bake.

-OK yeah I was right, it’s not a monkey’s paw. I wasn’t sure for a second. I’ll probably hold off on talking about this in detail until it comes up in the third episode of the arc.

-By the way, the talk of devils and whatnot just got me remembering that Hanamonogatari exists. Man, I love that arc. I can’t wait to rewatch it. Even if it’ll take a while to get there. Ugh. [[On this general note, this is part of why I’m really happy that Vertical has made it clear that they’re going to license at least most of the series. There’s so many arcs later on, like Hana, that I really want to own physically in LN form. It helps that the JP cover of Hana is really beautiful, and it’s presumably what they’ll be using for the ENG release. There’s a lot of other covers in the series like Tsuki’s that I love, but that’s another topic for another post]]

PART THREE:

-Yep, here’s where we get more deeply into Kanbaru’s experience with the rainy devil. The whole idea of it’s always kinda terrified me. Especially in the LN when you have more time to take it all in at your own pace and really think about it. It’s pretty messed up. Still a pretty weird thing to leave behind for your only child, even if I understand the intention. Either way, there’s definitely something disturbing about the concept of Kanbaru basically becoming chained down by a vague and violently enforced wish like ‘I want to be faster than the others’, constantly fearing that any competitive running situation could lead to her unwittingly hurting someone.

-Aaaand here’s the part that gets into the real root of the situation at hand. The fact that Kanbaru’s desires to be faster, to be by Senjougahara’s side, also have an equally valid, important, and influential back side. That she wanted to kill the people in her school who were bullying and ostracizing her. That she wants to kill the person who took away the girl she loved. This sure is a thing, all right. I kinda mentioned it before, but this is another aspect of her character that I relate to a lot. Even though I’ve never actually lashed out at anyone in a physical way. It’s the sorta thing where this is just a more . . . extreme, yet still relatable, version of what a lot of people feel. Because it’s pretty normal to feel such things. To have issues with anger and jealousy. As this whole story makes clear, the issue is when you act upon those feelings, and give into them. But I do think it’s worth reiterating that Kanbaru really did want to become faster, and she really does love Senjougahara. There’s just always two sides to the coin, I suppose. I totally understand how a desire for something can become inherently tied to destructive urges. How you can desire something through destructive means. It can be pretty alluring, the prospect of taking out everything that stands between you and happiness. Of gaining happiness by getting rid of everything else, and removing the competition. And a lot of the time when you feel that way, especially when it’s in conjunction with more pure desires, it’s easy to look away from the parts of what you want that are too disturbing and shameful. But yeah, again, the issue is when you act upon any of that. The whole point with this is that it’s better to earnestly work toward a goal you want, than to try and gain something through violence. Like in a lot of these sorts of relatively fantastical, fictional stories, Kanbaru is there to show us what it looks like to go down that dark path. But thankfully she got intervention, one way or another, before it got to the point of absolutely no return. Even if she still shoulders the consequences of it, which we’ll get to later.

-The whole idea that Araragi has to win in a fight against the Rainy Devil to prove that he’s ‘unkillable by it’, thus voiding Kanbaru’s contract with it, is a really neat concept, while also being really distressing. Like, damn does this guy have low self-esteem and a huge hero complex, to relatively happily accept that sort of a proposition. Especially when the person he’s trying to save literally tried to murder him, and basically admitted to wishing, deep down, that he were dead. Wow. It’s kinda easy to forget the gravity of what Kanbaru nearly did, when he takes it in pretty good stride like this.

-Man it hurts to see Kanbaru more or less accept the idea of cutting her arm off as penance for her crimes, and to see her talk about not caring about any of it anymore, not even Senjougahara. I know that she’s obviously guilty of a lot of things, but still. Damn. Especially when you contrast it to the big fight scene where it becomes immediately obvious that some part of her still can’t feel that way, and still wants to kill Araragi in order to get what she wants. [[Also the entire ‘I don’t need an arm like this’ scene reminds me SO MUCH of that one part in Pandora Hearts that still gets me all emotional but that’s a whole other story altogether]]

-The entire fight scene, short as it is, is still one of the most memorable moments of Bake by far. I just love the visual presentation of it. It always manages to surprise me with how graphic it is in it’s gore, with the censorship mostly amounting to using neon and pastel colours and not realistic ones.

-But of course I also love how the fight ACTUALLY resolves, with Senjougahara coming in to dramatically save the day by berating Araragi for his unhealthily self-sacrificial nature, and by making it clear to Kanbaru and her Rainy Devil that she would genuinely murder her if she killed him. I guess that’s one way of forcing the devil to accept that killing him is impossible. The whole part where Kanbaru tearfully confesses her feelings to Senjougahara, gets shot down yet again, and then accepts the idea of continuing to stay by her side, one way or another, even if her feelings will never be returned, always makes me sad. I just feel so bad for her :C Especially when I realized how much the physical positioning going on there reminded me of that one part in Hana. Either way it hurt to watch. Though it’s distinctly amusing to see Araragi ultimately be sorta pointless, while it’s the girls who resolve the scene by actually talking to each other. It’s almost cruel how ultimately simple it was, that it all boiled down to them laying out the basics of how they feel about each other, and how much it’d horribly backfire on Kanbaru if she actually did anything to Araragi. I guess the lesson of the day is pretty much just that you should REALLY talk to people about your feelings, and not let them fester inside you until they fuel violent rampages. [[I get why scenes like this lead to the typical complaints of Araragi being a weak hero, but eh. It makes perfect sense that his toxic hero complex and his lack of self-regard isn’t really rewarded by the narrative. The story cares much more about the importance of people saving themselves]]

-It’s still nice to see that Kanbaru more or less ends up on good terms with them both by the end of the arc, though, and that they’re basically friends again. That’s nice. But MAN is it still really fucked up to contemplate the fact that she’s stuck living with that arm of hers for her entire life even if the devil in it is gone. I’m pretty sure that Hana makes it clear that even a year or so down the track, she still restrains her arm at night and obsessively reads newspapers each morning to see if she still ended up going on a rampage and hurting someone, so it really is still haunting her, if only as a purely psychological complex. Which is just disturbing and sad on so many levels. Especially since she even ended up giving up basketball due to it. That sure sucks. Thankfully she knows how to look on the bright side of things because she’s still the same old Kanbaru we know and love.

-As one final note, on the topic of the story caring mostly about people saving themselves, next time on Monogatari: the arc where Nadeko gets saved by somebody else, the root cause of her emotional problems is left unaddressed, and it leads, later down the track, to her becoming a completely psychotic snake goddess who very nearly murders a large portion of the main cast! YAY! This arc is going to be so fucking weird to rewatch. I haven’t even read it in LN form yet. So this is gonna be a trip. I’m still unsure if the trajectory of Nadeko’s arc was planned from the start, but it’s very possibly my favourite overall sub-plot in the show.