#i probably sound insane and cringe but I've been dying to infodump

[ciciciron]

I’d like to hear about your Pokémon au

Okay so basically 💞💞

Multiverse, I took a cheap way out and made it so every plotline I can think of could realistically happen in the context of this au because of the line 'every single star is it's own little universe' which explains the title (that being Every Single Star) but also that's just a fact in canon to it, when a universe is destroyed, a Jirachi falls to a distant beach

But there's a few other facts about it that are sort of integral to the plot

The first universe, because the multiverse wasn't created naturally, exists without stars and without Giratina, who will be important later

It's also the home universe of every legendary/mythical pokemon- human hybrid, also known as God's, who have a role only they themselves can fill. Most were humans blessed by one of the Arceus' (there are 1 for every type), some who have more specific origins maintain those origins, some were created as gods and others only fused with the gods to save their lives (so to say, Hoopa willingly gave it's life to save that of a human it was attached to)

I won't go deep into the plot here but basically here's more lore on the Arceus'; currently only 4 exist: Normal, Psychic, Dark, and Flying, each of them represent something and the next arceus is only spawned in when the previous one fully understands what it is they represent. They aren't humans, but instead beings made entirely of stardust and light that typically manifest in the form of a person- they can't die but they can still feel pain, and all that

Onto the last thing I'll he addressing here- demons. Demons are basically pokemon-human hybrids who used to be alive but died with unfinished business who sold their souls to Giratina in order to finish said business, they look just like they did when they were alive but forced to take on certain traits of whatever pokemon I decided they were fitting as and also horns, most take pity on them, others are disgusted, they were only created after the multiverse split and because Giratina is banned from the first universe, people from said universe cannot become them

To put it simply

Multiverse/hybrid au mixed together

I use it as an excuse to make fun designs for all of my favourite characters 💞💞 I need to finish the refs for half of them

[carolinanadeau]

Embarrassing, ridiculous TMI under the readmore (not gross! just way too personal!)

I do not have PTSD and I don't want to be a part of the "flippantly using the word 'trigger'" problem at all, but I think I finally found a proper name for this harmful behavior I've wrestled with since at least high school, and it's called self-triggering.

Again, I don't have trauma... well, everybody has some trauma, but that's not the thing I'm triggering myself about here. And if I explained what I had actually been doing to myself (which may be obvious to someone who's reading between the lines but I don't want to talk about it for reasons I've stated before), it would sound laughably, mockably trivial. But the results are still an acute increase in depression and obsessive negative/angry thinking and distress and alienation from something that usually gives me joy... so it's still harmful to me, no matter how stupid and frivolous it sounds. Perhaps it's an OCD/depression self-triggering instead of a PTSD self-triggering.

I reiterate, what I'm discussing is not trauma, not EVER claiming it is, but:

In a similar vein, one set of case studies (De Young, 1984) conceptualized approaching situations reminiscent of the trauma as “counterphobic behavior” (i.e., an attempt to master anxiety by repeatedly approaching its source, resulting in a greater sense of control).  

I understand this, the "maybe if I keep looking I'll become desensitized", and "I need more information so I can better avoid this thing and people associated!" Or even "well maybe it wasn't really that bad, maybe I'm remembering it as worse than it was" (I'm not, if anything I've forgotten just how bad it was!)

Likewise, if trauma survivors perceive reexperiencing symptoms as inevitable, they may wish to decide the time and place of their occurrence, affording them a sense of control.

...is that the irrational "gotta get it over with" compulsion??  

Alarmingly, many users also report being unable to stop this behavior once they have begun despite the dysregulation and distress that it causes.

This is how it goes: I will read or even just skim through something that causes me serious emotional distress, whether that is a fanfiction with something horrible happening to characters I find comfort in, or a really nasty article full of harsh, baseless criticisms of something I love so much. (Again, these things sound laughable but to the way my mind works, it is not. Though I also do something similar with actual bad memories from my life [I think everyone does], well, you can't "reread" or refresh those. And I also have the power to delete/destroy any physical records I have of those.)

So, I will vow to never ever let this wretched thing enter my eyeballs again. I will ruminate about it and quietly seethe about the fact that it exists, and that some people even like/agree with it! I won't be able to get certain upsetting phrases out of my head and I will obsess and it will ruin my enjoyment of related things whenever I get reminded of it.

Maybe I will find ways to block or blacklist to lower my chances of seeing it. And I will be very vigilant about this for a long time and will successfully avoid it, even if I see reminders here and there that make me mad. Slowly, I'll only remember a few specific sentences from the thing, and even those may be unclear.

And then I'll suddenly develop the belief that I "have to" look at it again for some reason, and my heart will start pounding as I start bracing myself for this "inevitability".  And eventually the irrational, self-destructive side will win out and I'll do it, believing that it's like ripping a bandaid off for the greater good. Gotta get it over with, you see. I'll only glance over it, of course, because this time I already know how bad it is - I'll just read a few sentences here and there on my way to do something "sensible" like block the url or check who liked it so I know it wasn't my friends - but it will be enough to make me feel like absolute shit for days again, and now I have these fresh memories in my head to contend with and the cycle of trying to forget these bad bad thoughts and be able to freely enjoy the thing I love starts all over again.

and that's what you missed on Glee!