#i never thought i'd be able to say ''girlfriend'' and i soak it in every time i get to type/say it. i'm so warm.

[merrilark]

Went to a flower festival with my girlfriend tonight. It was over Discord because we're long distance, but they showed me all the flowers and we sat on a bench and admired the lake. They told me about the bees and what the air smelled like, and showed me the little arts and crafts shops and ducks and cool flowerbed arrangements. We imagined what it would be like if we could sit there together, holding hands, and soaking up each other's company.

It was sooo nice. One day I hope that it won't be over Discord and there won't be any need to imagine it because we're there together.

[xoxoavenger]

How You Get The Girl

pairing: Pope Heyward x Fem!Reader

summary: Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait for ever and ever And that's how it works That's how you get the girl

word count: 1752

warnings: none

1989 masterlist main masterlist

"Are you insane?" She asks, blinking at him. He's shaking, freezing from having run to her house in the rain. But this couldn't wait. He risked getting grounded forever for sneaking out just to see her.

Y/N cannot believe Pope Hayward is at her door.

"Can I come in?" He asks. Besides the fact that it's freezing, he also knows he needs to talk to her before the police release the actual story of where he was, or even before the town gets word of the Pouges being back. He knows it'll be worse if she finds out he's back before he can see her.

"Where the fuck did you go?" She yells. Instead of letting him in, she walks out and pushes him. He stumbles back a few steps, and she follows. She's starting to get wet from the rain, but by the look on her face he guesses she can't tell. They're standing so close; every nerve in his body can feel her proximity.

"I didn't mean to leave, I swear, especially after everything that happened," He tells her quickly, but she's already talking over him.

"Everything that happened? Really? You mean how you finally asked me to be your girlfriend after months of dates and cuddles and kisses and me waiting for you to make a move, just to fuck off to God knows where without telling me?" She's rightfully pissed, and now they're both getting soaked from the rain that will not let up. There must be a hurricane incoming.

"I know, I should have said something before I left, but I didn't think I'd be gone that long. But we got stuck on an island, and then kidnapped, and I swear I would have been here earlier except my parents are freaking out and didn't want me to leave." She's shocked into silence as he talks, because she had never thought that Pope was actually stuck on an island while he was gone. "But I wanted to tell you that I'm back. Before word gets around." They're silent for a moment, both staring at each other and blinking the rain away.

"What the fuck?" She finally says, and before Pope could defend himself any further she walks forward and hugs him tightly. He's confused, because a second ago he was sure she was going to slap him, but he wraps his arms around her and takes it in.

"I missed you." He whispers, pulling her as close as he can. Their bodies are wet and they're both colder than shit, but it feels too good to be with each other.

"I missed you too." She says, pulling back. She's glad for the water running down her face, making the tears blend in. "But I can't be with you."

Her words break Pope's heart.

He watches wordlessly as she walks away, back into her house without looking over her shoulder.

~

"What are you doing here?" She asks as she opens the door to Pope only a day later. It's not raining today, just gloomy and humid. It made his hair more frizzy than usual, sticking out widely.

Pope is glued to the spot, only able to blink at her.

"Hello? Pope, are you okay?" She asks, waving a hand in front of his face. He shakes his head before focusing.

"I'm not just giving up on us." He blurts out, causing Y/N's eyes to widen.

"I thought I made it pretty clear yesterday that I couldn't do that again." She frowns, because it hurts her too. She doesn't want to end things with him, but she doesn't have much of a choice. He doesn't know what she had to go through, how worried her friends were when she stayed home from everything, even school for a couple days. She had been so worried about Pope, until someone brought to her attention that they probably ran away.

And it broke her heart.

"I also wanted to bring you this picture. I framed it." He passes a picture of them at the beach, one Y/N took on the day he had officially asked her to be his girlfriend. She had taken it from a high angle, Pope's arms around her waist visible, his lips pressed to her cheek. She had her hand holding his chin, her face frozen between a smile and a laugh.

It was the picture she had cried over, the one stuck on her phone while it was pressed to her chest. It was the first one she deleted when she had the thought that he had to of run away. And here it was, in Pope's hands, framed.

She didn't know what to say.

"I just, I wanted to explain myself." He tells her, and she finally looks up at him.

"I thought you did that yesterday." Her heart is racing. She wants it to stop, wants him to stop, because she can't take this anymore.

"I did, but I wanted to give you the full story." She turns to let him into her house, trying to take a deep breath when his arm brushes past her.

"This doesn't mean that we're getting back together." She says as she shuts the door, not looking at him. In the back of her mind, she can feel the doubt, but she can't bring herself to question it too hard. She doesn't want to know what it means if she doesn't fully believe herself, the same way she doesn't want to think about what it would mean for her and Pope if she kept her word.

"That's okay." He says, and her heart flies a little higher because he sounds like he's actually okay with it, despite saying that he wasn't going to give up on them. Maybe, for him, the two aren't mutually exclusive.

~

After a couple weeks of Pope coming over, Y/N knows she's losing the battle with herself.

Pope hasn't even confessed to anything. He hasn't said anything about them being together since he came over with the picture, hasn't asked her how she would feel about the two of them getting back together. They've simply just been themselves, a pair of feelings that stay in the dark. It all comes to a head when Pope spends the night accidentally and she wakes up in his arms, head on his chest and feeling the most relaxed she's felt since the day on the beach when they fell asleep in the sun, warm and at peace.

She can't take it, the feeling she knows all too well that makes her heart race. She rolls over and pretends that it didn't happen, hoping that Pope isn't awake. He doesn't even have the decency to pretend like he was asleep when she leaves his arms, instead sitting up on an elbow. It's quiet as she ignores him, eyes squeezed shut in a silent prayer that he'll think she rolled over in her sleep.

"I can't do this." He says it softly, as if by not yelling it the words won't break her heart. It's enough to get her to turn back and look at him.

"What are you talking about?" She asks, her voice in an equal whisper. She knows what he's saying, but can't bring herself to let him go.

"You told me you didn't want to be with me, and I respect that. But I can't do this; I can't hold you in my arms and then watch you turn away. I know you're afraid of getting hurt again, and I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but I promise I will never leave again. I would never put you through that again." He sounds so sincere, she can't even begin to think about how much it took him to get the words out.

He knows about what she went though when he left. During a late night, she had confessed how much she had struggled, how much she had hurt when she learned he was missing. He apologized endlessly, and she knew by the look on his face she had broken his heart.

"Pope," She doesn't know what to say, which is fine because she's pretty sure she would cry if she did try to get anything out.

"I want you, Y/N. And not just in a friend way. I want to be the one you fall asleep with at night, the one you wake up to. I want to put your heart back together and hold it so tight that no one will ever be able to break it again." He can see her face, see the hesitancy, so he continues before she can cut him off. "I'll wait. If you don't want to jump into anything, I'll wait. I'll be here as long as it takes. But if you give me the word, if you could just tell me that you want me too, or will want me in the future," He doesn't know how to read her now, and he's worried he's gone too far.

It scares her, what he's saying. It scares her to fall for him again, to somehow fall even deeper this time. She doesn't know if her heart is capable of it, doesn't know how she can trust him.

But then she thinks back to the beach day, thinks back to the feeling of being in the clouds when he had finally asked her to be his. She thinks back to him recounting his days on the island, how he told her that he had thought of her so often the Pouges banned him from saying her name. How hard it was to fall asleep, how he would pretend he was with her just to get through the night. And sure, she could reject these words. She could say she doesn't care, that she thinks he's lying. But she knows he's not. She knows he's telling the truth. And she does care. She cares about him so much it hurts.

"Okay," It's so quiet that she thinks Pope may have missed it, but the way his eyes widen makes her smile so big she's sure her jaw will be sore. "I want you too, Pope." The words aren't even out of her mouth before he's tackling her, squishing her against the bed as their laughs create a perfect harmony in the air.

And then he's kissing her, and she wonders why she had ever doubted him in the first place when he kisses her like she's the only thing in the whole world that matters. 

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187  @one-sweet-gubler

[cherrycheridarling]

happier | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: swearing and sad. fluff if you squint

summary: you wish tom the best with his new relationship in your new song. {listen to happier by olivia rodrigo (if you want)}

wc: 3.6k

'We broke up a month ago,'

"I've been thinking," your heart sunk at his words, "I'm always working." he grabbed both of your hands.

You locked your gaze in his. Sat in the living room of his shared flat. Inches apart yet you could already feel the separation between the two of you growing.

He avoided your eye contact, "I-I can't be in a relationship unless I can give one hundred percent of myself to the other person. A-and I know I haven't been doing that to you, which is c-completely unfair." he wiped away a tear from your cheek that you didn't know had fell, "You've been so, so good to me. I'm sorry I wasn't better, but I can't keep putting you through this." his voice was barely audible.

You finally tore your eyes away from his face. His tear soaked face. Choosing to stare at a spot over his shoulder instead. You took three deep breaths. In and out. Something about his words made you confused, but your pain overpowered it.

"Please say something. Anything." he whispered against your knuckles. Holding your hands to his lips.

You gently removed your hands from his grip, "Thank you for being mature and honest with me." you started with a sniffle, "Thank you for all of our memories and for showing me what love is," you cupped his face, "Thank you for everything, loser." your light laugh lacked any humour, but it still brought a slight smile to his face.

He held your hand that was resting on his jaw, "I love you more than life itself, darling." he kissed your palm and you felt your heart shatter. "Never hesitate to call, dummy."

You nodded with a sad smile. "I love you, too." You stood up and made your way out of the door. A year and a half down the drain within ten minutes.

'Your friends are mine, you know I know you moved on. Found someone new.'

"Do you guys wanna do something on Saturday? I don't have work. Maybe karaoke?" you asked the group without looking up from your phone.

Harrison made a confused noise, "Did you forget? We have Nadia's birthday par—" you heard a loud smack, "—Ow! What? Oh, shit."

You looked up to see Zendaya, Jacob, Harry, Sam and Tuwaine all glaring at Harrison.

"Absolute div." Tuwaine muttered.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Who's Nadia?" you looked at all of them as they avoided eye contact. "Daya?"

She let out a long sigh before clearing her throat, "Um, Nadia is- Well she's kind of- you know, um—"

"—Tom's new girlfriend." Sam finished for her.

Your mouth formed an 'o' shape as you processed the information. His new girlfriend. It'd been a month and four days since he ended your relationship. And he had a new girlfriend.

It took him a month to move on. A month to be able to give a hundred percent of himself to someone.

You couldn't tell if you were more angry or sad. Maybe a mixture of both. Angry that your friends were hiding information from you, but at the same time you understood their intentions. Sad and upset because the boy who told you he wasn't ready to give a hundred percent of himself was already with someone new.

You slowly nodded, "Oh, okay. Well, I hope you guys have fun." you gave a tight lipped smile before looking back at your phone.

Everyone glanced at each other worriedly before allowing their gazes to fall on you again.

"How do you feel?" Jacob asked cautiously.

You locked your phone and set it on your lap, "I'm fine." you faked a smile, "I think I'm gonna head home, though. It's getting late and I have an early studio session. Bye." you quickly grabbed your purse and left with a small wave.

"Y/N! Wait—" the slamming of the front door cut Tuwaine off.

It was three p.m. and you weren't supposed to be in the studio until noon.

'One more girl who brings out the better in you,'

"Y/N/N. You need to talk about it sooner or later." Zendaya reminded you as she sat at the end of your bed with Harrison beside her.

You removed the covers from your face, revealing your tear stained cheeks, "Does she make him happy?"

There was silence from your two friends before they hesitantly nodded. Both weren't completely sure, but they assumed she did.

"Does she bring out the best version of him? Does she stroke his hair while they cuddle? Does she cook with him? Does she walk Tessa with him?"

Harrison sighed, "Y/N/N, we—"

"—Because that's what I did. I brought out the best side of him. I stroked his hair while we cuddled. I cooked with him. I walked Tessa with him. I did it all. Every single thing." your voice broke towards the end as you let the sobs rack through your body.

Harrison and Zendaya went to either side of you and held you. They just held you. Because even they didn't know what to do.

'And I thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past,'

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Zendaya asked as you walked towards Tom's front door.

You nodded and smoothed down your sundress, "Yeah. We ended on good terms. It's been two months or so. We're friends. Plus, I miss hanging out with all of us." you assured her.

She sighed before knocking on the door, "Alright."

A few moments later the door swung open revealing Tom. Dressed in black jeans and a white button-up. Sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Curls dangling over his forehead. A sweet smile on his lips.

You felt your stomach lurch. Air leaving your lungs involuntarily. Heart rate quickening. You could smell his cologne and every single memory with him clouded your mind.

"Hey! It's great to see you guys—"

"—Sorry. I-I think I left something in the car. One second." you rushed out the words before turning on your heel.

Zendaya let out a long sigh, "Fuck."

Tom frowned, "Did I do something wrong?"

'But she's so sweet, she's so pretty. Does she mean you forgot about me?'

"Y/N!" an unfamiliar voice called out to you from somewhere in the boys' backyard.

It was Harrison's annual barbecue get together. Nearly three months since your break up with Tom.

You turned towards the source of the noise and found a girl walking towards you. Brunette. Tight black dress with black heels. Body and face of a model.

"I've been dying to meet you! I'm such a huge fan. I basically live off of your music." she giggled as she hugged you.

You smiled, "Aw! Thank you! That means so much to me. You look amazing, by the way."

She laughed, "Thank you! But you're absolutely gorgeous! Sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself. I'm Nadia, Tom's girlfriend."

Of fucking course.

You raised your eyebrows, but managed to keep a smile on your face, "Oh! I've heard so much about you! Well, Tom's one lucky guy," you chuckled, "I'd love to chat some more, but I need to use the washroom. Excuse me. It was a pleasure meeting you." you gave her a hoaxed smile before quickly walking away.

You were two feet away from the washroom when Zendaya grabbed your arm, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

Your breaths were coming out in short puffs, "I just met Nadia?"

Her eyes widened before she dragged you towards Tuwaine's room, "Okay. Let's sit down."

'Oh, I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know. I can't let you go,'

"You should move in here." Tom mumbled against your shirt.

You let out a small laugh, "You already have four roommates, love. One more might turn this into a barn."

He lifted his head off of your chest, "I'm serious. Driving from Manchester to Kingston all the time is such a hassle for you. We have recording studios here and it would make me the happiest man in the world if I could wake up to your gorgeousness everyday." he planted kisses on your forehead, nose and lips.

You chuckled at his boyish grin, "It's only a three hour drive and I'm sure the boys don't want me imposing on your time with them."

He quickly shook his head, "I already talked to them about it and they want you here, too."

You raised your eyebrows, "Well, if you're sure it'll make you the happiest man in the world, I'll think about it."

"You already make me the happiest man in the world, but I needed something to convince you." he rested his head on your chest again as you laughed.

'So find someone great, but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.'

"Are we ordering pizza?" Harrison yawned from beside you on the couch.

"Sushi?" you grinned hopefully.

Tuwaine shook his head, "We had sushi last night."

"Tom and I are making dinner for you guys!" Nadia reminded you from the kitchen.

Her arms wrapped around Tom's waist as he stirred whatever was in the pan he had on the stove.

You really hated their open floor layout at that moment since there wasn't a wall to block them from your view.

"Oh, yeah. What're you making?" Sam asked.

"Salmon with rice and steamed veggies." Tom answered without looking up from the pan.

Everyone made noises of realization as you turned to Harry, "Aliens or a tiger. Which do you think you could beat in a fight?" he asked.

You laughed before replying, "Hmm, depends. Are the aliens small or—"

"Tommy!" you heard a girly giggle and turned to see Tom with Nadia over his shoulder as they laughed and ran around the kitchen.

You quickly diverted your gaze to the coffee table. Forgetting about Harry's absurd question. All eyes were on you.

"What?" you asked when you finally looked up at your friends.

"Are you okay?" Harrison frowned from beside you before resting his head on your shoulder.

You let out a dry, quiet laugh, "Of course. As long as he's happy."

The looks of pity you received were almost as painful as the scene you witnessed moments ago.

'And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean,'

"Premiere day!" Zendaya walked into your shared hotel room with a bright smile, Nadia following behind her.

You faked a smile as you applied another coat of mascara, "You girls look gorgeous."

Zendaya was in a red and black sequin gown. Hair down and heels on. Nadia was dressed in a maroon silk dress with a slit on the side. Black heels dawning her feet. Both had makeup and accessories on matching their attire.

You were in an emerald green gown with a slit running down your left leg. Silver heels and silver jewellery to match.

"So do you!" Nadia exclaimed as she sat on Zendaya's bed.

"Are the boys coming soo—" Zendaya got cut off by three loud knocks on the door.

"I'll get it!" Nadia jumped up and opened the door.

Tom was stood before her in a maroon suit. Matching her dress. Black dress shoes. Matching her heels. Glasses on and a bright smile.

You watched as Tom ran his eyes down Nadia's outfit, "Well, aren't you just the most beautiful girl in the world?" he planted a kiss on her lips as you witnessed with envy.

"Aw, Tommy. I love you."

"I love you more, darling." he grinned before looking behind her.

Heart wrenching pain struck you again.

You watched as his mouth fell open by the slightest bit. Eyes growing wider.

He quickly snapped out of his daze, placing a pearly white smile on, "You two look absolutely stunning."

You acknowledged his compliment with a curt nod.

Zendaya let out a laugh, "Yup. About to out do you at your own premiere."

'Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me?'

"Green or white?" you held up both dresses against your body.

Tom looked up from his phone, "Both of them will look amazing on you, love."

You sighed, "I appreciate the compliment, but I am meeting Sebastian Stan tonight. Now is not the time for indecisiveness. One of them will make me look bad and I need to know which one."

The Infinity War premiere was in two hours and your anxiety was growing by the minute.

"C'mere." he motioned you towards him with a 'come hither' gesture as he sat on the edge of the hotel bed. You made your way towards him. Standing in between his legs as he wrapped his arms around your waist, "You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Absolutely gorgeous. You could make the ugliest dress look like something from a fairytale."

Your smile grew as he kissed your stomach, "Thank you, mi amor." you bent down and placed a peck on his forehead, leaning your head against his, you whispered, "Now, green or white?"

He chuckled and pecked your lips, "White."

You smiled before making your way to put on the white dress, "I love you."

"I love you more, darling."

'And now I'm picking her apart. Like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart. But she's beautiful, she looks kind. She probably gives you butterflies.'

"I don't like her." you murmured.

Zendaya chuckled, "Nadia? You barely know the girl."

You nodded, "And I don't like her. I don't like her giggles and her nickname for him. I don't like her hair."

You knew you were looking for things to dislike, but there weren't any. She was a fan of your music, she complimented you all the time. She was genuinely a great person.

She sighed, "No, you don't like the fact that she's dating Tom. If she wasn't, you wouldn't be saying any of this."

You rolled your eyes and glared at her, "Can you let me be angry?"

She laid herself down on your mattress, "Nope. If you wanna be angry, be angry at Tom. Nadia hasn't done anything to you. You're better than this."

"God, I hate your optimistic side sometimes." you threw a pillow at her.

She laughed, "One of us needs to be the optimist."

You sighed, "Do you think he misses me?"

"Yes." she replied without hesitation.

You sat up and furrowed your eyebrows, "What makes you say that?"

She let out a long breath, "You need to talk to him about that."

'I hope you're happy. I wish you all the best, really. Say you love her, baby. Just not like you loved me. And think of me fondly when your hands are on her. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.'

"And you're dead." you dropped the controller on your lap as you defeated Harrison in Super Smash Bros again.

He huffed like a child, "Unfair. I taught you how to play, how'd you get better than me?"

"Actually, I taught her how to play. And I am ten times better than you." Tuwaine corrected him.

Harrison scoffed, "Whatever. Sweaty nerds, the both of you."

Nadia spoke up from Tom's lap, "Can I try?"

You nodded, "Who do you wanna go against?"

She chuckled, "I think I'll verse Harrison. Seeing as how Y/N just kicked your ass, I wanna at least have a chance."

Her comment made you laugh as you handed her the controller and watched them pick their characters. You watched as Tom set his phone down and focused on the screen where his girlfriend chose Pichu.

"Choose Kirby." Tom told her.

She furrowed her eyebrows, "Why? Pichu is so cute."

"Y/N always plays as Kirby and she always wins. With that stupid power absorbing ability." he chuckled as his eyes landed on you.

You felt your heart skip a beat at the small detail he remembered before you played it off with a light laugh, "Not my fault you thought Luigi could beat Kirby everytime we played."

'Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo,'

You pressed on the keys of the piano in the boys' home. Singing your heart out. You still had your spare key and Harrison told you no one was home.

You were waiting for them to return from golfing so you could have your Sunday night dinners. It's been nearly four months since your breakup with Tom. Your album was due to be released on May twenty-first and you were letting the still evident pain fuel your lyrics.

"I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know. I can't let you go. So find someone great, but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier." you faded out the piano and pressed stop on the recording on your phone.

Writing down small notes about the song and things to tweak, your thoughts were quickly interrupted.

"I'm not."

Your head snapped up. Tom was leaning against the doorframe behind you. Tears escaping his eyes.

"T-Tom. I'm sorry. Haz told me the house was empty and I just started playing and- Wait. What did you say?" realization dawned on you.

He stepped closer and sat beside you on the piano bench, "I'm not happier. Hell, I'm not even happy." he gave a pathetic attempt at a laugh, staring straight at the black and white keys.

Your mind was trying to catch up with everything happening, trying to register his words, the state he was in. Grey sweats, black tee. Messy hair and red eyes.

"Why?"

He released a heavy sigh, "There's so many things you could be asking 'why' about. Why did I break up with you? Why am I with Nadia? Why am I not happy? Why the hell am I crying? Which one is it, Y/L/N?"

You blinked a few times, "All of them."

He sniffled and rubbed his face, "I felt like I was holding you back." he started, catching a glimpse of your confused expression, he continued, "You hadn't released any music in over year. There were so many articles saying that I was the reason that the biggest pop star in the world was quitting music. I didn't want to be the reason for that."

"You weren't and you aren't." you assured him.

He shrugged, "I just felt like you would do a lot better without me. And you are. Look at you, your fifth album is coming out next month." he nudged you with his shoulder, "I'm proud of you," he smiled.

"T-thank you."

He nodded, "Anyways, why am I with Nadia? Um, a few days after we broke up, I went to a friend's place to distract myself, as one does. She was there. She was a distraction. I never meant for it to get this far. You know, she actually asked me to be her boyfriend." he chuckled dryly to himself as you listened intently. "I guess, I thought it'd be easier to move on if I had something else to pour my love into?"

You nodded slowly, "Okay, I somewhat get that. So you really do love her?"

He quickly shook his head, "No, no, I don't. I mean, I can't. No one can truly love two people at once. And I think that answers the question of why I'm not happy." he paused and faced you completely, "I'm crying because hearing that song and hearing how evident your pain in it is, that will make anyone cry. I'm crying because I miss you and I miss us. I-I miss what we had and what we were. I miss your kisses and your stupid jokes that only you laugh at. I miss going on walks with you and Tess. I just miss you."

There was a long period of silence after his confession. You were trying to process all the information he was giving. He was cursing himself for being so straightforward. The longer it went without a response from you, the more anxious he got. He grabbed your hands, holding them to his lips.

"Please say something. Anything."

Déjà vu.

You swallowed, "You want honesty?" he nodded, "Okay, I was so mad at you. I-I was infuriated. Y-you told me you weren't ready to give a hundred percent of yourself and that you couldn't be in a relationship until you could give all of yourself to that person. Then a month later, you're with her. Making me feel like you just couldn't give yourself to me." you paused and shook your head, "You could've told me the truth. You should've told me the truth. We could've talked about it. We could've avoided months of awkward run ins and no communication." he nodded, still holding your hands in his, "I'm not gonna lie and say I don't miss you because I do, I miss you more than anything, but we shouldn't be doing this or saying these things while you're with her." you removed your hands from his.

He spent a moment looking down at his fingers. Releasing short breaths. "I don't want to be with her."

"But you are. And I don't want you to break up with her for me. Because that's not how things work, Tom. But you shouldn't stay with her either. Especially if this is how you're feeling. That's just unfair to her." you shook your head and felt your mind clear.

He nodded and met your gaze, "This is the end of us, huh?"

You shook your head, "I don't think there will ever be an end to us." you laughed dryly.

He agreed with a smile, "For forever and a day, remember?"

You nodded, "For forever and a day."

[twiceblackvelvet]

I'd like to request an Irene scenario where she comes home after tour and shows her girlfriend just how much she missed her. Smut and fluff :)

A/N; I think everyone at some point realizes they’re weak for Irene and just accepts it. There’s no avoiding it. Enjoy!

You’ve never been known for your patience. It’s a quality that you severely lack no matter the circumstances. If someone is late by even five seconds, you’ll mentally plan how to tell them they’re inconsiderate and rude. However, some situations force you into being patient, no matter how excruciatingly difficult you find it. Sometimes you simply have no choice but to wait. This is one of those situations.

For the last two months, your girlfriend Joohyun has been touring with her group Red Velvet. They’ve been to so many different countries that you’ve lost track of the number of different time-zones you’ve had to work with just to see her through your phone screen for sometimes a mere five minutes. It would be safe to say you’re beyond frustrated with receiving the bare minimum after growing used to constant love and affection before this tour came between the both of you.

It’s not that you’re upset with her for putting her career before you, as you’re well aware that she loves performing for her fans around the world. It’s more to do with the fact that she has placed you under very strict rules whilst she’s away. Rules that you’ve struggled to obey when she’s called you after a performance still in her stage outfits, sweaty from dancing and looking so effortlessly gorgeous. Joohyun is naturally an alluring woman but there’s a certain glow to her when she’s just stepped off stage that makes you weak in the knees.

Your mind instantly drifts to thoughts of just how she’s going to perform for you once she’s home and you have to quickly put a stop to it before it escalates further. Just three more days and she’ll be home and all of your pent up sexual energy from the last two months will be put to good use.

The day before Joohyun is due to arrive home, you decide to prepare some things for her return. The three different sets of lace lingerie you ordered a few days have finally been delivered. The refrigerator is fully stocked with some of her favorite foods in hopes that it’s a while before the two of you have to leave the house again. You’ve even gone to the extent of making sure your bed is sporting her favorite sheets and covered in the latest scent she’s fallen in love with. The only thing left to do now is waiting for her to walk through the door and reward you for your patience and obedience.

It’s around 4 AM when you hear the front door unlock. You decided to sleep on the couch rather than disturb the freshly made bed that you prepared for your girlfriend. Without even thinking your legs are moving at record speed towards the kitchen where you can hear Joohyun place her keys down onto the table. The lights to your apartment are all switched off so it’s difficult to make out where you’re stepping and you almost run straight into the kitchen door. Once through the door correctly rather than running straight through it you finally lay eyes on your very own goddess.

Her hair is longer than you remember as it flows down her slender back. Her eyes are wide with surprise at your appearance but they hold so much love and need. Her frame seems smaller and you think it’s likely due to the constant exercise of performing every night. You must remember to feed her well once the more important activities are complete.

You run into her arms making her body stumble backward slightly but she immediately wraps her arms around your waist in a tight hold to steady herself.

“Wow… I’ve missed you too.” Her voice sounds hoarse and in need of rest, however, that will have to wait until tomorrow. “As much as I love this death grip thing you have going on here, you’re not exactly making it easy for me to breathe.”

“Well, that’s exactly how I’ve felt since you left. Next time you guys go on tour, I’m coming with you.” You finally loosen your hold on Joohyun’s body and pull apart slightly allowing her to take in your appearance.

It’s probably a good thing you decided to put on one of those new lingerie sets before dozing off with just a satin nightgown to cover you. Her eyes darken significantly as her tongue swipes across her bottom lip seemingly contemplating something. Before you know it, she’s grabbing onto your waist and pushing your body back towards the door you moments before burst through.

When your back collides with the cold wood of the door, her mouth immediately gets to work pressing rough kisses against your neck. Her hands roam wildly over every crevice of your upper body, tangling in your hair and pulling at the one piece of clothing restricting her from feeling your smooth, soft skin. She forcefully grabs hold of one of your breasts as she bites your earlobe, the low whine you let out only encourages her to continue.

“Have you been good whilst I was away?” You nod furiously as low, desperate moans escape your mouth. “You didn’t touch what’s mine?” Her hands lower to lift the hem of your nightgown to find your already soaked underwear. “You’re dripping already baby and I haven’t even started yet.”

Joohyun slowly lowers her body as she raises one of your thighs and lets her tongue run across the inside of it. She drapes your leg across her shoulder as she removes your underwear, not even bothering to admire the fact she’s never seen it before. She’s much too pre-occupied with teasing you with kisses against your thigh and pelvis. Her thumb slowly begins to rub circles around your clit as you throw your head back against the door and arch your back.

You’d usually be a lot less sensitive to her touches and teasing but your body is more than ready to be consumed by Joohyun. Her tongue finally finds the place you need her most as she swipes along your folds, her entire face disappearing from view. Your hand naturally grabs the back of her head as she begins to swirl around your hardened clit.

“Do you want to cum baby?” Her words are taunting and full of lust as she pulls away long enough to speak, however, she returns to her prior position of eating you out like you’re a full course meal before you can even think of stringing a full sentence together. Instead, you let her continue her work.

Your orgasm slowly building as you feel your body getting closer and closer to the edge. Joohyun must also be able to sense this as she quickly inserts two of her fingers deep inside of you without warning. The sensation of her tongue giving your clit a full work out whilst her fingers pulsate back and forth at record speed causes easily the most ungodly groans to fill your entire apartment.

It’s not long before your legs begin to shake and the thigh placed on Joohyun’s shoulder impulsively tightens to wrap around behind her neck forcing her head even closer to your core than it already was. Your body slumps slightly and she helps you ride out your high by keeping her fingers in place until you’re completely spent.

“You still taste so good.” She removes her fingers and places them inside her mouth to clean them and slurp up any of your juices her tongue couldn’t catch.

Once your breathing begins to slow and return to normal, your eyes lock onto Joohyun’s as you notice she’s staring intensely at the prize she’s just rewarded herself with. There’s something so possessive within her that would make anyone else intimidated. You love every side of her but this version that just wants to explore your entire body and claim it all for herself is by far your favorite.

A small smirk graces her lips as she finally looks into your eyes deeply, there are so many unspoken words within the moment that your heart starts to pound against your chest rapidly.

“Go to the bedroom, make sure you’re out of this gown and wait for me, I’m not finished with you yet.”

And with that, you know that you’re in for a long night with Joohyun showing you she’s missed you just as much as you have missed her.

[letmyselfcare]

“Stop what you’re doing, turn around and come meet me in Miami. Right now. There are women here, and the sun is shining… It’s a much better idea than what you are about to do.”

The tires of my rental car blew past the welcome to Georgia sign as the sun was beginning to rise within the tree line. I thought back on Lexi’s words, knowing that much like other times before in my life… she was right. I should have turned back around that morning and made my way to her— things would have been easier than they were now. My home was not the same as it was before, but how could I expect it to be? Truthfully I wondered what I had expected at all when coming back to Mystic Falls. There was no clear answer, only far and few meaningless ideas in between. However, there was one thing I was sure of now… I could never return again.

I wanted to make it a home for myself once more; live within the boarding house and fill some hole in my heart that craved a taste of humanity that I long since let go of. All ideas of it slipped through my fingertips when I pulled that family out from the crash. I didn't realize it then, but fate made sure to grip itself onto my life and take it farther into hell that I thought possible. Elena Gilbert was not the blessing in disguise that I hoped for when seeing her face that day— instead a reminder of heartbreak. A sign from the heavens reminding me that I was an eternal monster, someone who only brought pain and suffering everywhere I went.

It was easy at times to point the blame of said monster onto my brother, Damon. His actions and hatred for my very existence was no one's fault but my own, a truth that lingered in the darkest corners of my mind. I wish I could have turned back time— to undo the pain I caused him— but it was never going to be that simple. Time could not heal all wounds, instead rip them back open every chance they could. Damon was not the monster of Mystic Falls this time around, once more it was myself to brought pain and suffering onto the townspeople. They looked for vampires and hoped to find a dark heart like my brother; instead all that remained was a man wishing to undo the past.

The crippling pain brought on by my eternal misery was something I could not put onto someone else ever again. Truthfully I was a fool to let myself grow close to a human, especially someone like Elena. Her heart was too golden, touched by too many suns, to realize the danger in what living someone like me could do. She did not know what she was signing her soul away to— and for once in my life I couldn't be selfish enough to let her blood of innocence soak my life. Walking away from her was the easiest decision my inhuman heart had ever made.

“You don't have to push me away, I can do this.” Her voice rang out in my memory as I continued on down the highway, leaving Mystic Falls further behind in my rear view mirror.

“I can't,” My truthful confession weilding a knife straight into my backside, straight through my rib cage and into my still beat heart. “I have to leave, Elena. Too many people have died— too much has happened.” It was a truth placed upon miles of other truths. An undeniable hill of things I did not want to face in the beginning because a childlike hope inside of me wanted a different outcome. Yet, here I was turning my back on the innocence I held thinking I could beat the odds with this girl. I had already lived out this scenario with someone else much like her— I knew how it ended.

I couldn't save everyone, I knew that to be true, but I could save Elena from meeting an ill fate much like the others in previous weeks. If I turned my back on Mystic Falls, it wouldn't be long before my brother found no purpose staying there either. No matter what turn of life I traveled, he would follow my lead in bringing an eternity of misery. As long as Elena wore her necklace and traveled with vervain at her side, she could keep herself and those she loved safe. A normal human life was what her parents would have wanted for her, that much I could have been sure of when I saved her that day. Vampires? A Gilbert family girl didn't need that in her life.

I turned my back on Elena that night and planned to never look back. I said my goodbyes to my brother and packed what little belongings I found of importance and headed south. I drifted towards the one place and the one person I knew would be able to make sense of all of this; the one person that could help me find light at the end of this never ending tunnel of pain and suffering: Lexi. She was the light just as I was the darkness. When all else failed in my life, I knew there was one person that could bring back the good in my world.

I didn't bother to find the cellular phone device in my pocket— calling her would have been some sort of waste. What could I have said anyhow? “Hey, you were right. I shouldn't have gone home. I found someone who looked like my long lost girlfriend and let's just say it didn't end well. Oh, and Damon showed up.” Yes, that would have gone over great with her. The truth would come out in time, but for now, the only thing I wanted to do was go to Miami and find peace with what had happened in Mystic Falls.

It was the last time I'd ever step foot there again.

There were many things in my one hundred and sixty two years of existence that I thought I could never move past. Certain imprints of time that marked itself on my heart in such significant ways, the pain would knock me back onto my feet. Each and every time I was faced with one of those moments, I was reminded of just how strong my humanity could be. When the pain struck, it would have been easy to turn off the parts of myself that cared. When I left Elena that night, I was tempted to do so… to turn off my humanity. I thought of what that would mean; what it would look like in this day and age.

It had been a long time coming since I looked in the mirror and saw a Ripper staring back at me. Lusted by blood and the desire to kill all that was within range. I looked into the rear view mirror above me and caught a glimpse of my own reflection. No, I didn't want to become that monster again. I couldn't bring myself to look and see his face and the bodies he had killed. This version of myself was the one I enjoyed the most: the monster in control of his own actions. I didn't have to hurt anyone— I didn't have to kill. I was in my own power of my own life.

It was easy at times to forget what that meant, especially after being alive this long. So many years felt like going through the motions, living an existence that felt meaningless. Yet to be in control held a meaning of its own. I didn't have to give leverage to anyone other than myself. I could look at myself just as I would the rising sun and know I was the hero of my own story if I wanted to be.

It was at least another twelve hours before I reached Miami. Twelve hours of bottomless thoughts that could have drowned out the mind of a mad man— but I was in control of it all. I had the will to say goodbye to a girl I knew I could have loved deeply and fearlessly for the safety of her own life. I turned my back on my brother before I allowed him to drag me to the deepest parts of hell I had ever gone. I had the world in my hands and I walked away for the benefit of others— what would a ripper have said to that? I chuckled to myself, and reached out to turn the radio on.

The brief laughter turned into a smile at the sound of 80’s rock radio. It was fitting in its own way for where I was going— to a city of party and paradise with my best friend. Behind me were the memories of what could have been and a reality I would never know. Tomorrow was a new day and I welcomed it much with the new life ahead. Miami was my new start in life: a promise for a better future.

[bowieemeddow]

TRINITY. (Queen Fanfiction)

Part 2 // PJ’s.

Summary: Margaret McCullugh comes to the realisation that her life is a total mess. After an argument she realises she’s had enough; she grabs her bags and runs away.

If you missed part 1 click here

Sunday // May 1970

I've been driving for hours now.

I don't know the time.

I don't even know where the fuck I am?!

I don't know where I'm going but I like that, I can go anywhere, anything can happen that can lead me into any direction, any place in the world.

While thinking this in my head I think god got the wrong idea about "anything happening" and deciding that a deer should show up out of no where leading me to crash into a fucking tree.

___

A shooting pain ran up my neck as I saw stars all over the place as I opened my eyes. I tried to move my leg but I groaned in pain, I must've broke it or something.

Glass was stuck in my hair and had left cuts down my arm and in my cheek, I didn't want to touch it incase it went too deep but my arm was covered in little drops of blood.

I clicked my seatbelt off and got out the car limping my way to the back of the car.

The back of the car was a little flame slowly but surely getting bigger, I smelled gas from the from of the car.

"SHIT!" I shouted as I quickly got my suitcase out the car and dragged it away from the car. Groaning every time I put weight on my foot.

I wasn't able to get far enough away from the car when it exploded.

The blow making me fall onto the ground, I luckily fell onto my back with my suitcase covering my face so no flying bits of glass could hit my face or upper body.

Thank god I'm in the middle of nowhere or else I'd be in deep trouble.

I just stayed there for several minutes, on the cold ground; I didn't know if I had energy to get myself up. But one good thing out of it; the rain put the car fire out.

I took it slowly, I firstly moved my suitcase from my face and onto the ground next to me. I then sat up and looked at my mum's cat burning away.

Just as I thought things couldn't get worse; it starts to rain, and I mean rain like I've never seen before.

I crawled over to where a newspaper was sitting; sure it was soaking wet but maybe it would give me a hint of where the fuck I am. I bent down to pick up the news paper which was in the middle of this random isolated street.

It was a London Newspaper. I'm in London.

Fuck fuck I'm in London. I'm in the middle of nowhere, in London, in the pouring rain.

Eventually, I decided enough was enough and that I had to get some shelter before I died of pneumonia or some shit.

It took another good hour and half of walking, before I found shelter.

A small bar in the city of Kensington called PJ's.

By the time I made it near the entrance of the bar I was close to complete exhaustion, I was sore from all the cuts and the rain water wasn't helping, my foot was in complete agony. I couldn't walk another step without collapsing.

_____________

Roger P.O.V

"Freddie that was amazing!" Mary cheered as she made her way over to Freddie.

"Well thank you darling." Freddie smiled gathering her up in a tight hug and kissing her.

"Well done love." heard Veronica say quietly to John as she sat down at the opened back of the van next to him.

"I still feel like we're missing something though?" Freddie added; nothing was ever good enough for Fred.

"I think I'm missing something too." I mumbled as I watched a hot girl walk by.

"Hey?" She stopped and looked at me with blushed cheeks, I winked at her before she walked away giggling to herself.

"Get your head out the gutter eh?" Brian suggested nudging my shoulder with his.

I wasn't listening to their conversation after that but instead lit a cigarette while watching a lady appear from the darkness completely soaking form the rain. She  limped along towards the building before throwing her suitcase down almost falling in top of it.

She was mostly in shadow so I couldn't see her properly; but from her cut legs I could tell she was in need of some help.

"What the bloody hell are you looking at now darling?" Freddie asked.

"The girl." Mary said as she looked in the direction I was.

"is it just me or does she look injured?"

"Oh shit she does?" Freddie gasped.

I put down my beer and walked over to her.

Margaret P.O.V

"I will not cry. I refuse to cry. Don't be such a weakling Margaret." I kept saying in my head to myself so maybe my watery eyes would calm down before I caused even more of a scene than what I've already done.

At least I looked calm keeping a straight face looking ahead. Maybe if I was by myself then I'd have a breakdown but we are near people so I keep quiet.

My head was splitting and my neck felt locked, glass started falling from my hair as I scratched my head.

"Hello?" I heard a voice say. I looked up to see 4 boys and 2 girls looking down at me.

I probably looked a mess. My mascara has likely ran down my cheeks due to a mix of rain and tears. I look like I went for a swim due to how bad the rain was; it's stopped now luckily enough.

"Honey what happened?" One of the girls said as she kneeled down next to me.

She was quite tall yet petite looking with a soft smile and a soft reassuring voice.

I clung onto her wrist just to make sure she was  real; that this was all real and I wasn't dreaming back a couple miles in my mothers car.

Realising that this was all real was enough for me to burst out in a mix of anger, frustration and fear.

"M-my car crashed into a tree. A-a deer c-came out of nowhere. I don't know where i am. I don't know anyone in Kensington."i could barely speak due to my shakiness from the shock of crashing into a tree and the fact that it's fucking freezing and I'm soaking wet.

"Hey, hey calm down love." Another boy said; another soft and reassuring voice.

He kneeled down beside me and put his hand on my knee; something Greg would do under the dining table.

"No don't do that!" I snapped at him trying to pull my skirt down as low as I could.

"Darling I know what it's like arriving to a scary place without knowing anyone. But you can trust us because we won't hurt you we want to help you and take you somewhere safe." Another man said as he came down and sat in front of me with a respectable distance between me and him. None of our limbs were touching. This boy looked different from the rest, had weird looking teeth and a weird fashion sense; like flamboyant.

I like it.

I was too caught up in admiring the boys jewellery that I never noticed that one of the boys must've ran to his van to grab a fur coat.

"Can I put this around you?” The boy asked, this boy had brown hair but lighter than any of the rest of them, he had some sort of attitude to him like he was stuck up his own arse.

"I'm Freddie Darling. This is Mary, my love. And these 3 boys are John, Brian and Roger. This is Veronica who's Johns girlfriend. Now that we're not strangers how about we go into the bar into the heat and try to warm you up huh?"

____________

We've been in the bar for about an hour now. No one here but us; the bartender wasn't even there surely it should be closed by now.

"Roger I don't need crutches. It's just a little bump I'll be fine if I keep walking on it." I argued  as I hopped back to the booth everyone was currently sitting at.

Except John, Mary and Veronica; they were away finding crutches for me; Mary said she saw a pair in storage at the back of the Pub.

"You May have broke your foot Margaret. We might need to take a trip to the hospital-"

"No! No hospitals I don't do hospitals." I snapped cutting off Brian's suggestions.

"Right okay. I'm just gonna drop the subject because I have a slight feeling that you will take a swing for me if I mutter the word hospital again." Brian's sitting back down with his hands raised slightly in defeat.

"I think that's a good idea Brian." I said back as I finally gave up and crawled back down on the floor to sit.

What the fuck am I doing? I've fucked everything up like usual; jumping into situations before looking at the whole picture.

I have to get my mums toasted car to Fisk before anyone finds it and contacts her. That's the first thing to do.

"Right I've got them." John said as he came back into the main hall holding a pair of crutches. Veronica and Mary following closely behind following closely behind.

"Can you help me up?" I asked Mary and Veronica took each hand and pulled me up.

"I do not need crutches John I am completely fine." I smiled with my head held high, both my feet on the ground.

"Margaret take the bloody crutches for god sake!" Roger complained as he snatched the crutches from John and held them out to me.

"Make me." I sassed back.

"For fuck sake you'll make your foot worse. Then we'll have no choice but to take you to the hospital."

"Please stop acting like my carer. I only met you an hour ago." I snapped as started to attempt to walk on my foot.

It hurt like an absolute bitch but I'm too arrogant to admit it; to admit he's right.

"Right now we are since we found you so I suggest you quit with this arrogance and just listen to me. Marg- MARGARET STOP FUCKING WALKING ON YOUR FOOT AND TAKE THE FUCKING CRUTCHES." Roger shouted over at me as I slowly but surely made my way around the hall. I ignored him and continued walking.

"Then since I'm so arrogant I guess I'll just leave then huh."

"Darling you go outside we'll carry you back in and tie you to a chair." Freddie Warner as he saw me limping towards the long corridor that lead to the main door.

"Ha, I like the sound of that!" I laughed, the long stretch of corridor made my voice echo around the empty bar.

The walls of the corridor was completely covered with thousands of band posters that date all the way back to 1955.

I stop and admire the biggest poster out of the lot.

"SMILE."

"Smile?" I breathe to myself; why does that ring a bell?

My thoughts left my head the minute I felt myself get lifted up and thrown over someone's shoulder.

I got the fright of my life until i caught a whiff of tobacco and cheap perfume; it's Roger.

"Roger! Put me down I swear to god I'll start kicking and screaming!" I warned as I found myself back in the main hall again.

"He won't let you down until you promise to listen to us. You are using they crutches even if I have to sew your bloody hands onto them dear." Freddie warned. He came over to me  with a big grin on his face, he was amused by all this.

"But I have to find somewhere to stay-"

"You're staying with us dear."

"But I have to get rid of the car before someone finds it. I'll get skinned alive if my parents find out where I am." I complained.

"We'll get rid of it in the morning. I know I guy who can do it cheap." Roger said. I felt my anger levels raise from a concerning 70% to 100% as I felt Rogers head move slightly; his breath ticking the back of my thigh.

That's when I realised what I was wearing; I skirt, a short skirt.

"I swear to GOD ROGER IF YOUR LOOKING UP MY SKIRT IM GONNA FUCKING KICK YOUR ARSE." I shouted kicking him hard in the chest frantically.

"Hm you're a feisty one." Roger chuckled to mask his groans of paints I continued to kick.

Roger let me down from his shoulder and stood back up with a smirk on his face.

"It's taking all my strength not to rip Your balls sack off." I said surprisingly calmly.

"What's stopping your sweetheart-"

"Right enough you two! Please Margaret just take them please." Veronica pleaded as she passed both the crutches over. To which I rolled my eyes and placed them under neath my armpit.

I made my way over to my suitcase that was currently lying on the stage on top of a raggedy old discoloured towel. Luckily my suitcase ( or more my mums stolen suitcase) is waterproof so everything inside should be completely dry; although it's probably not nice and folded the way I done it when I was packing since a little over an hour ago I was lying on top of it taking a mental breakdown.

I opened it up and grabbed my camera from its case and put its strap around neck before slowly but surely making my way back to the entrance.

"Where are you going?" John asked as he caught up to me almost instantly; damn him and his long legs.

"I wanna look at the posters near the entrance. I'm not gonna run away I swear!" I snapped at him; this was all too claustrophobic I couldn't move an inch without people asking if I was okay or asking where I was going.

"I was just going to ask if you if you wanted to take my bed tonight, you need your sleep since you've been through a lot today and you're gone going to get it on the couch. I'm gonna stay at Veronica's." He said sweetly, it made my eyes water slightly; a lovely boy just gave up his bed to make sure i get a good nights sleep and I just nearly snapped his head off.

I stayed silent deciding I've done enough bitching and simply nodded my head.

"Come with me." I pleaded to him grabbing onto his arm before he had the chance to walk away from me.

He stayed silent too and nodded.

Stayed behind me making sure I didn't fall as I made my way back to the long stretch of corridor. I wasn't great on these things.

"So are you a photographer?" Johns asked as he watched me looking around intently for a good cluster of posters to take a picture of.

"Not professionally no."

"Are you a murderer that's going to kill my friends tonight as they sleep?" He asked surprisingly calmly.

"Because if you are. Take Rog first cause he can be a right bastard sometime." I burst out laughing at his comment; sometime I've not done for quite a while to be honest.

Just simply laugh without the worry of being sarcastic, without it being fake. Just a genuine, carefree laugh; it felt good.

"See I got you to smile." He said pointing at me.

"Right right you got me there. I'm not a Killer John. Just a runaway."

"What exactly are you running away from Margaret?"

"You'll find out soon."

[comebackwhen]

ASGZC , #7 "I almost lost you" , I'd like to see Cloud hurt. I love near death fics, they are my fucking jam. step on my heart :D

(cont.) same anon who requested #7 - being more specific, I really want to see how the boys handled almost losing Cloud in that explosion, all nitty gritty, painful details of their desperate waiting game - imagining the most horrible 'what if' scenarios.

Here you go, nonnie! Better late than never, right? No idea if you’re even hanging around anymore, but...  Hopefully this is what you were hoping for?

So little time to write these days. Work gets busy over summer and I’m trying to get promoted again. I pretty much work, drive and sleep. Still working on the prompts waiting in my box when I have the time, not to mention other stuff that I’ve been poking at for ages. My google drive is a hoooot mess. 

Anyway, this is set before Marry Me and references things in that story, but you don’t really need to read one to understand the other.

Also on AO3, if you prefer.

“I’m just saying, slum patrols seem irrelevant.” Connor muttered kicking a can into a pile of rubble, “The people who live down here don’t need our help unless something crazy happens and even then, Shinra calls out the Soldiers.”Beside him, Sawyer snorted, “You’re complaining about that? Personally, I’m glad that we don’t usually end up in the thick of the crazy. I like all my limbs right where they’re at, thanks.”Cloud rolled his eyes as his squadmates bickered. This was the third time this month that he had heard this same argument. He was glad that slum patrols had been so quiet. If there was any real trouble waiting for them in Sector Five, it would have heard Connor and Sawyer a mile away.Privately, he longed for the day he would make it into Soldier. Zack, Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth talked like it would happen any day, even though Cloud knew he was not eligible for consideration for at least four more months and that did not guarantee that he would be selected. As annoyed as he was to hear Connor’s familiar whining, the man was not wrong. Their missions were little more than a show of power. Of course, venting his frustration on a whole eater always helped. If they would shut up, Cloud was sure he could find one.

Something buried in the junk pile just in front of Sawyer caught Cloud’s attention. He reached out and signaled for Lucien to hold beside him and grabbed Sawyer by the back armor strap. Connor came to a stop next to Sawyer, “Strife what-”Cloud held up a hand for quiet, turning his head so he could focus on the sound that had originally made him pause. It sounded like a clicking that was fairly steady except for the odd off rhythm thunk. He realized what he was hearing a moment too late. He yanked Sawyer back by the armor strap, throwing him into Connor and Lucien and away from the bomb. The shrapnel burned as it bit into his leg, hip and shoulder. Cloud’s rifle dropped from numb fingers. His leg crumpled under him, unable to support his weight.“Shit, shit… Lucien-” Lucien was already shoving past Sawyer and Connor, materia glowing green in his bracer, “I got it. Sawyer, call for backup. Anton’s squad is in Sector Seven. They should be able to get here in a few minutes. Connor, get over here and brace Cloud.”Cloud grunted when Connor helped shift him onto his back. Connor was careful to not touch any of the areas where metal had been buried in his skin, but every part of his body screamed in pain. He could feel the blood welling up and spilling past the shrapnel, soaking into his ruined uniform. “Cloud, focus on me.” Lucien said, leaning forward until he was clearly in Cloud’s field of vision, “This is going to hurt, but we need to get the worst of it out so we can heal you up.”Cloud swallowed hard, trying to keep his eyes on Lucien instead of his own body. He had only been healed from a serious wound once, and the bullet had gone clear through his shoulder. The feeling of knitting flesh was horrible and painful. Watching it happen would be so much worse. Cloud reached up and gripped Connor’s wrist with his clean hand. His squadmate took that as a sign to hold him down.The healing was worse than the injury itself had been. Cloud thought he had been ready for the pain, but nothing could have prepared him for the searing agony that ripped through his shoulder, hip and calf. Cloud screamed, unable to bite it back. Connor had thrown all his weight down to keep Cloud from bucking him off, barely succeeding. Beside them Lucien started cursing viciously.“The fuck is going on over there Lucien!?” Sawyer yelled, hand covering the mouthpiece of his phone. “The materia they gave us is useless!” Lucien spat, “Probably just spawned. The skin’s all healed over the shrapnel instead of pushing it out. We need to get him back up topside before he goes into shock. We can’t wait for Anton to catch up.” Lucien and Connor started to rig a stretcher while Sawyer finished up the call. Cloud could not seem to catch his breath. He could feel sweat rolling down his skin but he felt colder than he could recall being in years. Even Nibelheim winters had never felt this cold. He could feel his hands start to tremble.“Tell me something, Cloud.” Lucien called over his shoulder as he lashed a blanket to a broken pipe.Cloud could not focus on his thoughts clearly, “I don’t… what-”Connor grinned at Cloud, even if it looked a little strained, “Tell us about that girlfriend of yours.”“I d-don’t have a girlfriend.” Cloud’s teeth began to chatter and he clenched his jaw to stop it.Sawyer joined them just in time to help shift Cloud onto the makeshift stretcher, “Your boyfriend, then. We know you’ve got someone you spend your downtime with.”Maybe it was the blood loss or the fact that he was not sure he would survive to make it back to HQ, but Cloud felt the his usual inhibitions slip, “Shows w-what you know. That’s boyfriends.” “I’m not surprised.” Connor’s laughter was tinged with panic, “As much of a pain in the ass as you are… it’d take more than one person to keep you in line.”The trip back above the plate was a haze of pain that Cloud barely recalled. He kept up a steady stream of words, prompted by his squad mates, about the men he loved. When asked about it later, he could not remember a single thing he had said. He had vague memories of being moved from the stretcher onto a bed in the infirmary and being treated with a potion made from dazers that was meant to numb the skin that had healed over his wounds. That did little to dull the pain of the shrapnel being removed. Unconsciousness was a blessed relief. When he awoke again, the chaos had subsided and he was alone with the beeping of the machinery that monitored him. He lifted the blanket and moved the collar of his shirt, surprised to see the wounds had been neatly stitched.“We thought it best to let the skin heal naturally for a day or two before we tried materia again.” Not as alone as he thought, Cloud looked up in surprise to see a woman checking the monitors and scribbling notes on a clipboard, “You were a mess once we got all the shrapnel out and the magic wasn’t taking very well. It happens sometimes if you’re healed too rapidly  in succession, especially with the way your body handles mako. We’ll patch you up before you leave in a day or two.”Cloud slumped back against the bed, “A day or two?”“Trust me, you’ll need it.” The nurse smiled at him, “You feel okay now, but you’ll be out again in no time. Your body needs the rest anyway.”Before he could say anything else, Cloud was distracted by some commotion out in the hallway. The nurse heard it, too, “I’m just going to see what’s going on and let the doctor know you’re awake. Hang tight.”As soon as she opened the door, Cloud could hear Zack’s voice, “-heard him in there! If he’s awake, I need to see him.” “Zack?”“Cloud!” He could hear the sound of a scuffle just outside of the door, “He’s asking for me. Let me-”“First Class Fair, control yourself or, Soldier or not, I will have you removed.” Cloud was not sure who was talking to Zack, but he was a little impressed in spite of himself. When Zack wanted something, he could be intimidating. It was easy to forget he was a Soldier when he turned on the charm.As the nurse slipped back in the room, Cloud saw a bit of spiky black hair behind her before the door was firmly closed, “Was that Zack?”“I don’t think he’s left since you were brought in.” She said, smoothing her scrubs and trying to regain her composure, “The commanders and General Sephiroth even came here to try and talk sense into him, but he wouldn’t go. The doctor will keep him-”“I want to see him.” She gave him a tired smile, “You  won’t be cleared for visitors until tomorrow at the earliest.”Cloud scoffed, “Let me rephrase that… either you let him in or I will go out to him.”“Strife-”Rolling his eyes, Cloud got an elbow underneath himself so he could push up and out of bed. It hurt like hellfire, but he was remarkably stubborn when he needed to be.The nurse yelped and gently pushed him back into the bed, “Okay! Okay. Just stop. I’ll let him in.”Zack was already opening the door before the nurse could get Cloud to settle down. She threw her hands up and left them alone. As soon as the door was closed, Zack cupped Cloud’s cheek. He looked Cloud over, eyes lingering longest on the bandages that remained. Cloud covered Zack’s hand with his own, “I’m okay.” “I’m glad one of us is.” Zack said, voice cracking a bit on the joke. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Cloud’s, “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life. Kunsel told me that you were being rushed to the infirmary when patrol went wrong, but no one would tell me anything else. Angeal, Sephiroth, Genesis, we all tried to get info on your recovery but they just kept telling us it wasn’t a Soldier matter and they could only give updates to family-”“Zack, breathe.” Cloud rubbed his nose against Zack’s.Zack chuckled and nuzzled Cloud, “Sorry. It’s been a rough couple of days.”“Days!” Cloud yelped, nearly headbutting Zack. He took a good look at his boyfriend as he straightened up to avoid Cloud’s flailing. His expression was pinched looking with dark smudges under his eyes that spoke of at least one sleepless night.“They knocked you out after the surgery so your body could rest.” Zack said pressing Cloud back down gently so he didn’t pop any stitches, “All they’d tell us is that you came through okay and that we could see you when you were released. It was Connor who finally told us what happened… and you might owe him a beer or two because Sephiroth and Genesis were a little-”“Intense?” Cloud tried and failed to bite back a smile.Zack nodded with a quirked eyebrow, “You know how they are when they get surprised and when he called us your boyfriends, well, it was a lot to take in all at once.”The smile dropped off Cloud’s face so fast that Zack could not help but laugh. Cloud punched him in the shoulder, “This isn’t funny, Zack! I- I-”“Outed us to your squadmates?” Zack suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. When he realized how upset Cloud was, he toned it down, “Cloud, it’s okay. It’s kind of been a relief, you know? We all talked about it after and, yeah, we could cover it up. I’m sure your squadmates could be persuaded to keep their mouths shut or we could play it off, but why bother?”Cloud swallowed hard, “I’m pretty sure we have a list somewhere.”  Zack cupped his cheek again, “I almost lost you. We almost lost you. Suddenly, there wasn’t a single reason on that stupid list that meant anything. I’m pretty sure Genesis lit it on fire, actually.” “Yeah?”Zack’s chuckle was a little watery sounding, “We said we’d wait for you. It’s your decision to make, too, but we’re tired of worrying about what anyone else thinks.”Cloud turned his head and nuzzled Zack’s calloused palm, “Can you call the others? I want to see them.” “I texted them when I heard the nurse talking to you.” Zack grinned when the door opened behind him, “Honestly, I can’t believe it took them this long.”“President Shinra tried to keep us from leaving a meeting.” Angeal growled. He, Genesis and Sephiroth quickly moved to join Zack at Cloud’s bedside. Genesis was quick to scoop up one of Cloud’s hands, bringing it to his lips, “Never again. You will be coming back to my apartment, where I am going to wrap you in some sort of protective bubble and keep you constantly in my sight.”“Considering our line of work, won’t that put me in danger a lot?” Cloud asked, teasingly. Sephiroth threaded his fingers through Cloud’s hair, “I think you’re at least a week from being able to make jokes about this.”“He’s being generous.” Angeal muttered, taking Cloud’s other hand, “I’m not sure this will ever be funny to me.”Cloud looked at the men he loved. If Zack looked worn, Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth looked worse. Genesis was always impeccable looking, but there was a dullness to his hair and skin that Cloud had never seen before, not even when he had spent weeks on missions. Angeal looked bone weary, the circles under his eyes far more pronounced than Zack’s. The less said about the unusual paleness of Sephiroth’s skin, the better“I’m sorry.”There was an immediate chorus of protests from all of them. Angeal squeezed his hand, “The way your squadmates tell it, you’re a hero.” “Sawyer practically swears you threw yourself on the bomb to save him.” Genesis eyed the bandages warily, “Knowing you like I do, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”Cloud snorted, “It wasn’t like that. I threw Sawyer into Connor and Lucien to get them out of the way. Just didn’t have time to get into cover myself, so I took the brunt of it.”“Well, be prepared. Their version has been getting around.” Zack patted him on the leg, “You’re going to get special treatment whether you like it or not.” “Official report said that a girl in the slums was trying to clear out a monster nest with some homemade explosives.” Angeal’s expression was the angriest Cloud had ever seen it, “When she couldn’t get it to detonate, she assumed it was a dud and left it in the junk pile where you found it.”Cloud wanted to be angry, but he could not summon up the energy. He let out a little sigh, “Better us than some kids or something, I guess. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the materia had been better. My skin healed over the shrapnel and they had to cut it out once I got back to HQ.”Everyone winced at the thought. Genesis’s eyes flashed with fury, probably at the idea of sending anyone into the field with underdeveloped equipment. He was known to be the premier materia specialist in the company and he took that title very seriously. Cloud wished he could be a fly on the wall when Genesis ripped into whoever was responsible for materia distribution for the Infantry. If nothing else, Cloud was glad it would never happen to anyone else.Sephiroth resumed running his fingers through Cloud’s hair, “There’s talk of a promotion, maybe even a recommendation to Soldier. Lazard wants to meet you once you’re on your feet again.”Cloud was not sure what to say. It was everything he had hoped for when he first came to Shinra. Having Genesis, Angeal, Sephiroth and Zack there to share it with him, made it better than he could have imagined. He swallowed hard against the prick of tears he could feel in his eyes. Genesis smiled down at him, “I think we’re wearing you out, sweetheart.” Zack leaned around Genesis and pressed a kiss to Cloud’s forehead. When he straightened again he gave Genesis a sharp grin, “Let’s go harass the doctors a little until they agree to let us take Cloud home tomorrow.”Genesis pressed one lingering kiss to Cloud’s knuckles before he let Zack lead him away, “You’re thinking small… Between the two of us, I bet we can convince them to let us take him tonight.”Angeal rolled his eyes and kissed Cloud goodbye quickly, “I’m going to make sure they don’t upset anyone. We’ll see you soon.”Finally, only Sephiroth remained. He stroked Cloud’s hair a little longer and Cloud felt his eyes growing heavy, even though he had only been awake a short time. Just before he fell asleep again, he heard Sephiroth murmur, “I thought I understood, that I had prepared myself to lose one of you if something ever went wrong. I was such a fool.”Cloud wanted to say something, but he could not win against the lure of sleep. Sephiroth kissed his forehead and Cloud could feel a smile on his lips, “I love you, my Cloud. We’ll be back soon to take you home.”