#i need to get out of this onk brainrot it's been consuming my energy

[redge]

Kana, Aqua, and Akane

This post was sparked by what I read from yuseirra's post:

Just reading through the highlighted texts made me emotionally exhausted because since chapter 17 that showed "the face of a maiden that fell in love with the main character", it really has been like that the whole time.

It's a push and pull of feelings between Kana and Aqua. Like we see Kana and Aqua playing catch ball happily like delinquent teenagers skipping class in chapter 30 and then we see Aqua kissing Akane on the same chapter. We see Kana and Aqua do that "smart" errands in chapter 73, Aqua choosing color white for his luggage same as Kana's glow stick color, Aqua making a restaurant reservation in advance, telling her that those things are normal if he wants to make his partner happy, advanced booking her a ride home. Then few chapters later, we see Aqua and Akane kissing again in chapter 78. Kana was so careful threading through those things that happened in chapter 73. She even had the courage to ask about Akane, probably had a glimmer of hope when Aqua responded that they talked about it and will probably get an answer the next time they meet. When Kana realized that she likes Aqua, she asked Aqua if he had a girlfriend during the Sweet Today after party in chapter 18. This girl was considering to make a move on her feelings for Aqua but on the same chapter, Aqua was offered the reality dating show. Kana still haven't had the opportunity to confess her feelings to Aqua because how could she when he's dating for publicity that time? And when it was made clear that Aqua was just dating for work, she thought she could actually move ahead on her feelings but then Akane tells her in chapter 80 that "it's not a dating show anymore." I seriously felt Kana's shudder on that chapter. And as if that's not enough, Aqua tells her in chapter 81 that "I decided to go out with Akane for real." Kana was trying to sort out her feelings for Aqua who is dating for real now but she can't help but feel hurt when Aqua distanced himself to her. She tells Mem in chapter 81 that she knows Aqua is not doing anything wrong but him avoiding her just really hurts. Before she liked Aqua, he was someone whom she was happy to know that is still on the same industry as her. He is one of the few people she's familiar with in this industry and then he decided to avoid her.

*I realized that Honest Feeling I was playing in the background send help*

Then there's Aqua. When Aqua decided to distance himself from Kana, it was Mem who tried to talk it out to Aqua.

(looking back, it was a smart move to actually put a character in her 20s to deal with these characters in their teens so there's someone a little mature watching over them. Memcho deserve all the love *waves yellow glowstick*)

There was an argument in the fandom that chapter 83 did not really prove that Aqua has feelings for Kana because it was not love, it was an obsession but my take on this chapter were Aqua's thought processes. He tells Mem

Aqua: Do you think I didn't know that Arima would get hurt when I suddenly tried to avoid her?

Keyword is tried because though he tried to avoid her, he still watches her closely despite his busy schedule. He tells Miyako in chapter 103 that Arima never skipped practice. How would you know that when you're too busy avoiding her, locking yourself in your room when Kana is in the agency office? Keyword is tried because even though Aqua considered dating Akane for real, in chapter 87, Akane still saw through him and realized that "Aqua-kun is attracted to Kana-chan". Everyone knows, everyone sees it but Kana and Aqua are two broken tsundere individuals who can't admit their feelings to each other oh these two dummies T_T

Aqua: If an idol has a boyfriend, her fans will get mad.

When he told Mem that he started to think of the future earnestly, being a boyfriend to someone was one of the considerations, but then he was snapped back to reality that Kana is an idol and though Kana told him in chapter 73 that "the freedom of love is a basic human right", it's not always the case for idols.

And then we got chapter 107. These two are too tsundere of a character they won't admit to whatever they're feeling for each other.

Aqua: What should I have said then, "you'd better keep your distance before you fall in love with me"?

Kana: Who would fall for a gloomy narcissist like you, anyway?!

***

Kana: For your information, I've never thought of you as a love interest and I never will.

Aqua: Is that so?

***

Kana: You're my precious friend.

Aqua: friend...

***

Kana: By all means, I won't fall for a guy who has a girlfriend.

Aqua: I broke up with Akane already.

My goodness I want to strangle these two. If/when they end up together, I want them to return to this moment and go "if you liked me why did you tell me before that you won't fall for me?! And then tell me that I'm your precious friend?! You know how I felt that time?!" "How would I know?! You suddenly avoided me! I didn't even know that you and Akane already broke up! And have you ever told me that you like me too?!"

But still, more than a hundred chapters later, Kana didn't get the opportunity to tell her feelings to Aqua. It's been a long time since she realized she likes Aqua. So many things happened. So many times when her heart's been broken and she still thinks of him. Her thoughts on chapter 150 saying

Kana: I bet you don't understand it. What about you? Are you looking at me earnestly? Even though the intensity might not be the same, do you look at me with a certain amount of interest?

And then concluding that she is seriously in love? After everything? Heartache after heartache and you are still in love?! Oh Arima Kana.

And you know what's interesting? On times we see Aqua the most decisive, it seems that it always starts with Kana. She is his motivation. And that one time I saw Aqua confused and lost track of what to do, was when he accidentally hurt Kana. When Kana offered Aqua a role in Sweet Today, he agreed when he heard Kaburagi's name- knowing it would lead him closer to Ai's previous relationship/s. In chapter 16, we got a glimpse of Kana's life past her child actor era.

Kana: I couldn't get a job at all. I thought of quitting again and again. However, someone has finally acknowledged my skills! It's been tough but I'm glad I kept going!

Kana was so hopeful, but then Aqua found out that it was not that someone acknowledged her acting ability; Kaburagi was simply using her name. What happened next? Aqua decided to take on the scene seriously, setting the stage for Kana, so that Kana can show her acting ability.

In chapter 50, when Kindaichi required him to bring out more emotions into his acting, it was Kana who told him why it's difficult for him to do emotional acting.

Kana: Aqua, you haven't done emotional acting before, right? Acting gives away your personality. Since you normally don't show emotion, we can't feel any emotion in your acting either. You're just trying to reenact some samples that you saw somewhere. That's your nature, Aqua.

This is Kana wielding her weapon of a sharp tongue because inside her head...

Kana: I might have gone too far but if I didn't say it, no one would.

And what happened next? Aqua (in his head again because these two are so bad at communicating things to each other I really want to strangle them both) agreed to everything Kana said and because he really wanted to do good on his role, he asked what he could do to improve. Sadly, it also triggered his trauma, but despite that, he wants to act his role properly. Which is why though he hates showing his previous roles to anybody, he agreed to show it to Akane in chapter 52 because he knows Akane could help him improve his acting ability.

In chapter 61, Kana's habit of putting others in the spotlight pissed him off, and made him decide to push Kana into the spotlight. Even Kana was surprised when Aqua did the ad-libs. Aqua did all these to set the stage for Kana, so she could show what she's capable of.

When Kana was caught in a scandal, Aqua met the reporter and exchanged information that would help save Kana though it would hurt Ruby and would reveal Ai's secret that they've all been keeping.

On chapter 146, when shooting the movie was almost over, Kana saw how his role affected Aqua.

Aqua: I just want to die like this.

Kana: For your information, I won't be sad even if you die. I'll slap your corpse, curse at it like I always do, and forget about you in no time. If you don't like it, promise me, you'll never say anything about dying again, even as a joke.

Aqua: ...

Kana: Promise me!

Aqua: Fine. I promise.

I feel that in the earlier chapters, Aqua had already made the decision to die in the process of his revenge. He even mentioned earlier on that he already died once so it's no big deal if he dies again. But on chapter 146, when Kana told him to promise not to say anything about dying, he agreed. And I want to trust Aqua that this is not an empty promise because in chapter 151,

Kana: What are you going to do in the future?

Aqua was surprised with this question because he stopped considering his future. When Ruby got mad at him in chapter 106, his thoughts were "this is necessary so you can live in this world...even after I'm gone." Then Kana go on asking him about his future- a future he thought of giving up. Did he deny that future? No. He had an answer.

Aqua: For now, I'm planning on applying to medical school. It was my dream to become a heart surgeon.

It was because of this future and dreams that we get a head start on the last arc of the story. Aqua knows he needs to settle his revenge so he, and everyone else, could move forward into the future.

I know chapter 151 is not the first time Aqua thought about his future with being a surgeon as an option. He also mentioned this to Mem in chapter 83. He considered having a future when he thought that his revenge was over. Then in chapter 95, Ichigo told him that nothing's over yet. And in the same chapter, when Aqua was getting confused, drenched in the rain, clouded by his thoughts that he need to fulfill the revenge again, he unintentionally hurt Kana. What happens next? He was a complete mess. He didn't know what to do. The decisiveness he had when Kana was his motivation disappeared when he realized he hurt Kana. We may not have gotten a solid "I've always liked Kana" from Aqua like what we got from Kana but I would like to believe that Kana is an important person to Aqua whom he considers a lot when making his decisions and considering a future for himself.

Remember that before Akane knew Aqua, there was Kana. In chapter 59, during the fight between Tsurugi and Sayahime, Akane thought "I'm here because of you" as she looks at Kana. Akane as a child, admired the genius child actor. Though her parents suggested to her to start acting, she was hesitant, telling her parents that she can't do it because she's shy and timid. But what made her change her mind? It was when her father told her "you might even become friends with Kana-chan".

We haven't got an "I like Kana" solid confirmation from Aqua but not in the case of Kana. Kana probably realized she likes Aqua from chapter 17 but it was only in chapter 148 when it was explicitly confirmed that Kana had always liked Aqua and who did Kana reveal this truth? To Akane Kurokawa- to that person who, in chapter 87, realized that "Aqua is attracted to Kana-chan." I've always wondered why Akane was so surprised with Kana's revelation and I would like to interpret it as it suddenly hit her that Kana and Aqua, the two persons she cares for the most, actually likes each other. For me, Akane is like the Hanazawa Rui of Oshi no Ko. She is the character that has a strong attachment both to Kana and Aqua and their happiness would be her happiness.

Akane: If I become friends with Kana-chan, I could die happy.

Little Akane admired Little Kana so much that she tried to be like Kana in the most literal sense: Akane worked hard to become a child actor herself like Kana and she copied her style, from the haircut to the hat. It was so on point that the guy in chapter 60 confused Akane as Kana. On the same chapter, Akane finally met Kana. It was not a good encounter but it was very monumental to Akane.

Akane: That man was saying something weird. He said that they had decided for you on this audition. It must've been some kind of mistake. You never cheat.

Kana: What if I did?

***

Akane: Kana-chan, are you okay with that?

Kana: Of course I am. I'll get a job that way.

***

Kana: Who cares about acting anyway?!

Akane: No, that's not true. That's not what you really think, right? How can you not care about acting?!

This encounter left Akane puzzled. Why was Kana acting that way? She didn't know the answer so she studied. She immersed herself to understand her. Chapter 60 showed us the intensity of how Akane studied a lot to understand Kana. She got interested to a lot of Psychology books like Boyhood Psychology, Gentle Behavior Psychology, A Guide to Understanding a Person's Heart, Psychological Methods that can be used in daily life, An Introduction to Psychology for Children. When Akane thought "I'm here because of you", it's not just because she started acting because of Kana. Even her way of acting, that Raida described in chapter 42 as "the immersive type that gets into her role" was sparked by that encounter with Kana when they were little. It's so interesting how Akane acknowledges Kana as an actor. Having watched her since she was a genius child actor, she knows what Kana is capable of. She knows what little Kana went through. She knows about Kana matching other's pace, synchronizing with them, and she knows that Kana can do better. She picked all this up because she admired Kana for a long time. As she said in chapter 60,

Akane: Kana-chan, the actor I loved, was more selfish and overwhelming. It was something that shone brightly like the sun.

Which is why in chapter 87, when Aqua picked her up from the studio, she had this realization.

Akane: I'm aware of it. Aqua-kun is attracted to Kana-chan. I probably noticed it a long time ago.

Because Aqua also saw through Kana. The things Akane saw in Kana through the lens of a person who admired her for a long time, Aqua saw it too.

Then we got chapter 149. If you followed through this post, I pointed out that Kana really tried to get a move on her feelings to Aqua, but she never got the opportunity. She thought that after Aqua confirmed that he and Akane had broken up, maybe she would give it a try again, for the nth time but then

Kana: You guys still love each other, don't you? It's best for you to get back together.

Akane: What are you talking about all of a sudden?

***

Kana: That's how it is afterall. I totally got the wrong idea when he started being friendly with me again. I guess that's my weak point.

The mental workout Kana does as a character like I can actually feel those tears and I would totally understand if Kana just declares "I don't want to do this anymore" but Kana is so persevering I love her so much but Aka-sensei come on, just conclude this already I'm not as persevering as Kana T_T

If we got a confirmation in chapter 148 that Kana has always liked Aqua, chapter 149 showed us the standpoint of Akane towards Aqua. Akane made it clear in chapter 149 that she and Aqua are over. She waa truthful when she says to Kana "I've already put my romantic feelings in order when we broke up" bold and loud. But Kana, even being presented by those facts, still thinks that she's no good. She has always recognized everyone's charms except her own.

Kana: If I were Aqua, I'd also choose you.

Akane: Why?

Kana: Because you're pretty. Everyone thinks you're beautiful and smart. You also have skills as an actor and your personality is kind.

Hearing this from the person you admired for a long time, oh Akane, you've come this far and I am very happy for you ♡

I love the next conversation of Akane and Kana because it's the usual, scolding banters that you do with your friends. And Akane have always wanted to be friends with Kana.

Akane: You don't even have the courage to confess to yourself right now. It just seems that you're running away!

Kana: You're wrong! That kind of thing needs perfect timing.

"Perfect Timing". The whole time, all Kana was really looking for is that perfect timing opportunity to tell Aqua her feelings that never presented itself on its own. But this time, it's different because Akane is there to set that timing and no other character should set it up except her. Why? Because the whole time Kana was trying to make a move on her feelings for Aqua, Akane is always between them but this is not Akane's fault. If you want to put a finger on anyone, put it on Aka-sensei. Kidding. I respect your writing, Aka-sensei!

Again, if you read through this long post, it's always the timing, the opportunity that Kana keeps on missing. And now that Akane confirmed in chapter 149 that

Akane: Aqua-kun and I don't have that relationship anymore. I'm not a woman who doesn't know when to let go of her ex-boyfriend! I'm still in touch with him knowing that we've had a clean break! Right now, I just want to wish for Aqua-kun's happiness. I already put my romantic feelings in order when we broke up!

The timing has been set. I take this confirmation from Akane with all sincerity. Denying this truth from Akane and still pushing her feelings romantically towards Aqua would be unfair for her character. If Aqua, for the rest of the story, would realize that he likes Akane for real, then that's a different scenario. But in the case of Akane, she made it clear in chapter 149 that her romantic feelings for Aqua is over. Again, in my opinion, Kurokawa Akane is the Hanazawa Rui (Hana Yori Dango) of this story. Even when Makino decided to go out with Rui, he knows deep down, that Makino likes Domyouji and Domyouji likes Makino. And Rui was there to make sure that these two set their feelings straight. Hanazawa Rui is that important character that wanted happiness for both Makino and Domyouji and Kurokawa Akane is in the same position as Rui, for Kana and Aqua.

A hundred plus chapters later, Kana finally gets the opportunity that she kept on missing. It was important that Kana was the one who initiated the first step towards whatever path their story would take because she has been trying to get a move on her feelings for Aqua since she realized that she likes him. It's not that Kana has been so dependent to Aqua that her entire character circles around him. It's just that she fell seriously in love with him. And it was not an instant love. It's a love that developed over time. It's that kind of love that regardless of hurt, heartache, and pain, it just grew stronger. And I admire Kana for holding on to these feelings of love.

All that's left is Aqua. In chapter 150

Gorou, talking to Aqua: Anyway...it's all up to you.

With the stage being set, it's now up to Aqua how he will go about it. His revenge, Kana's declaration, it's all up to him.

***

TL;DR

Akasaka-sensei is so good at messing with OnK readers' feelings I admire him and want to strangle him at the same time.