#i need to design a default casual outfit for them or a different office outfit for chev

[miutonium]

It took me this long to make a ship chart thing for this two but I finally did it lmaooo I know like most people here doesnt seem to favor this ship of mine (like I always feel that people prefer Utonium and Chloe) but shhh I don't think I cover this ship enough because 1) I forgor and 2) i don't think about them often despite drawing them quite a lot recently so hopefully making this helps me out with ideas on what they really are

This post is longggg so headcanons undercut hhhh

For this AU, since I did mention this being a Modern AU, it's not related to canon at all. So no monsters fucking around, no Aku fucking around, no time travel to the future bullshit, we are giving Jack the rest that he deserves lol so just think of this AU like me just putting Jack in a slice of life situation. I don't want to think of anything heavy plot wise because I am not a very creative person and I can't handle too much angst, I want him to be happy. As usual, I don't think of this through, my rough idea is that Jack is an immigrant that moves to another country just to support his family back home but also I have another idea that Jack is actually stinking rich because of his family but he lives frugally and he loves having a simple job and life where he lives comfortably just like regular people. Another dumbfuck idea of mine is that he is actually the son of the owner of the company that Chev works for and he got placed in the overseas branch and work as a low level staff for 2 years to gain experience and trust from his dad and he has to keep a low profile in the company so people didn't find out about it and use him. Again, idk I haven't think of a permanent idea hhh Jack has always been mysterious to people so his background will remain an open idea for now hsksjslqkalql (but i really love the son of the owner idea cough cough)

Another mystery here would be Jack's last name. Idk his last name and even in canon we dk his last name and I actually think that's fun? I wanted to make Jack look like a mysterious person to Chev because he rarely disclose anything about his background and that includes his actual last name so it's nice that I can omit his last name here.

As I stated before, they are not dating. I honestly still can't see them dating yet BUT I do see them having a mutual feelings towards each other and I also see them being in a "friends with benefit" situation but minus the sleeping around? Idk I haven't decide thoroughly on this either but I imagine that they do cuddle occassionally (cuddle buddy? Is that a thing? Idk) but never more than that, they both liked each other but both seems to either try to restrain their feelings or keep it a secret while still act like they are besties lol. Perhaps one day I will think of how they would eventually date or when I feel comfortable enough to change the status to romantic f/o lol

With that being said, since they are technically close friends, Jack occasionally do sleep over at Chev's apartment so that's the closest thing either both of them experience living with domesticity. Jack leaves some of his items there including his pjs and personal hygiene stuff like razors and toothbrush since he sleeps there almost every weekend if Chev's not busy. He also does his laundry at her apartment since he has no washing machine in his own apartment and Chev did tell him to visit her whenever he wants to clean his clothes. Both of them also don't go out often since Chev prefers staying at home and rest during the weekends but on occassion they do go out and go cafe hopping around town trying to look for the best bagel and sushi that doesn't cost them 3 easy payments of $195.95 + your first born

Jack also seems to be an ambivert to me. He can be complacent with silence and company all by himself and he can also sit down talking excitedly with a stranger he just met because they wear the same shirt at the bar. Chev in the other hand is suprisingly reclusive. She actually doesn't really enjoy small talks and prefers being left alone to her own thought. She also actually have a hard time befriending people due to how she seems to look offhandish most of the time when in reality she is just tired and she also unfortunately has the curse of RBF hhhh she still thinks it funny that she ended up befriending Jack since how the polar opposite they can be personality-wise.

I already mentioned this before but in case people missed it (and I sure ppl do hhh) Chev is an old OC that I revived because I'm too lazy to create a new one so I still keep some of her old personality and mannerism and that also includes her sexuality. She likes women and men and have dated 2 girls previously. She always leans on women though so when she starts to catch feelings on Jack she feels a bit conflicted and I imagine that she always denies her feelings towards him to the point she tries to avoid him at one point which kinda hurt him and hhh I think thats the conflict I want to put in their relationship lol

I actually don't want to write Jack's sexuality initially because he probably doesn't know it or care about it and then it clicked on me: He doesn't care about preferences at all, he loves everyone hdjdjskskal no no listen shhhh he always seem to be open minded to me and I can see that he also doesn't really care or mind about who he's attracted to. If he happens to like the cute receptionist guy at the counter so be it, he is going to like him. If he likes the florist he greets and passes by everyday to work he is going to like them, he really didn't care about anyone's gender, he sees everyone as equal to him just like in canon when he encounters various creatures and species and he sees them all as people he needs to help.

Most of the ideas for this AU is still in progress and I change the story a lot unlike my headcanons for Chloe and Utonium so I hope you guys would bare with me and my indecisiveness 🥲 I also hope you guys would like this ship too because I know they are pretty boring compare to others because I am not as creative as other people but it means a lot to me of people like them 🤧🤧🥲🥲🥲💕💕💕

[rebel666]

Mass Effect Andromeda 10 Hour Review (Spoiler Free[mostly])

Firstly, I’m basing this off of playing via PC. I have a mega processor that can handle it but my graphics card is at the minimum requirements and was comfortable with medium but I was able to play on high (didn’t try ultra but will once it comes out and I have more time to tweak my settings). I cannot speak for those playing on consoles or those playing with other settings on their PCs. I also don’t have a fancy or expensive keyboard or mouse. My keyboard is an old beat up Logitech basic keyboard (with most of the keys worn away) and mouse is an Azza weight controlled gaming mouse.

As for my knowledge on Mass Effect games, I have been playing Mass Effect (pretty much nonstop) since it first came out in 2007 so I have spent almost 10 years being in the fandom. The only other fandom that has kept me around this long is Pokemon. I played them all on the 360 and PC. I didn’t move to playing them on PC until after ME2 was released. Mass Effect 1 will always have my heart (because of the Mako) but Mass Effect 2 gave me the one character I wanted to romance (Garrus) and Mass Effect 3 finally allowed me to kiss said romance. I will admit that I played ME2 the most based solely on the story and character interactions. I will also mention that I played over 400 documented hours of ME3 MP and was on the team who was the second worldwide to defeat Platinum. In case any of you wanted to test my validity.

 10 Hour Rough Allocations:

Character Creation: 0:25 (I designed my Ryder and kept my sibling default) First Zone: 1:45 Nexus: 1:30 Space Exploration: 0:30 Second Zone: 4:45 Multiplayer: 1:00

 Pros:

Holy moly the planets! They are so vast and beautifully wonderful! I spent hours wandering around (even to places I shouldn’t have been yet and nearly dying every time from hazards) and upon reaching the top most location I just had to take a moment to look around. The details to the landscapes definitely precede all previous games. Not to mention how many systems we will be able to explore. You get just a glimpse at the galaxy map and it is massive! It’s huge! Like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy definition of space HUGE. You see all the speckled dots of systems and planets waiting to be revealed. It’s such a tease! There’s definitely going to be so much to explore. Probably more than all of the previous games combined!

Space travel is VERY different than before. It cannot be compared to the previous games. It is very immersive, brings you right into feeling like you are there on the bridge traveling between planets. It’s really unique. It’s a little more time consuming but you get used to it. When it comes to scanning, it’s not like ME1 or ME3 where you just tap the planet for items and not like ME2 where you’re probing every little thing you can. Instead of constantly probing like in ME2, your science officer will tell you if there is or isn’t anything to scan for (which helps so much) or if you should just skip to the next. You can even scan the entire system you traveled to for anomalies!

I really enjoyed the layout of the Tempest. It’s easy to get around and I really love the view from the bridge. From what I’ve seen, certain characters have their spots they tend to be in but they do move around and all the areas are easy to access with ladders that connect the levels. There are no elevators that you have to select levels on and wait to load anymore. It definitely feels like home. And to be honest, there are areas that remind me a bit of the layout of Serenity from Firefly.

For me, the story drew me in pretty quickly. So many things happen. The game throws you right in and I had to slowly gather my bearings much like the Pathfinder did in the game. It doesn’t start all sugar and rainbows and you being the badass like Shepard. However, it gives you a sense of progression the more you proceed and that gave me a sense of accomplishment. As well as a sense as to how dire your role is in this new galaxy.

The lead enemy guy is a very curious character. I’ll leave it at that. His body language reveal so much in the brief moment he was on screen. I would share in full detail but that would be too many spoilers. (You can contact me if you want to know my thoughts on him.)

This “animation failure” everyone had I only experienced once on one character – Addison. There was also one instance where the lips didn’t match up but that could have been caused by multiple things. Everyone else didn’t have issues at all or was so minimal that it hardly bothered me. In fact, there was an extreme attention to detail on the motions/animations of your direct crew (which I’m going to be spending the most time with anyway). I could watch Vetra move around for hours. She’s so fluid. I can definitely see more attention being given to the aliens than the humans in game but it really doesn’t ruin my gameplay.

The whole crew is very loveable. I seriously cannot hate any of them. They are all unique and bring their personalities to the table. You get to talk to everyone on your small crew and they all have their reasons for being in Andromeda. Feeling so different than any of the Normandy crew but still making you feel right at home in the Mass Effect universe. Even the starting human squadmates are enjoyable. Picking one of them to romance is honestly going to be one of the hardest decisions of all the BioWare games ever. I mean it. I don’t know who to pick! (And I usually know ahead of time after reading lots of spoilers and teasers.)

One thing that already makes this different is the amount of female characters. Female aliens especially. Previously it felt like every character was male but now it feels more balanced!

There is a lot of dialogue and even BioWare themselves confirmed that this has the most dialogue than any of the previous game by a mile. Which I really prefer. This is a RPG and I want to talk to everyone. There’s so many conservations happening and the banter on the operations deck is one of the best (the only thing I’ll say here is Girl Scout cookies).

The combat is well polished. Like nearly flawless. The fighting felt fluid and definitely had its challenging moments. I went for a more tech based route to start (since I usually play as Engineer/Soldier). There are a lot of new skills to try and the skill tree is very reminiscent of ME1 (which was my favorite of the three) mixed with ME3. There are a lot of weapons you’ll remember from before and some new ones. One thing I will suggest is combining jet pack and melee. That is a ton of fun. Try it once… you’ll see.

The Nomad. Now I’m a hardcore Mako lover. Anyone who knows me knows I’m obsessed with that vehicle. However, I do really enjoy the Nomad. It took a few minutes to get my bearings with it but once I did I was able to climb over virtually anything! It even got me to the top of the map where I thought it would have issues. With it being able to hop from terrain mode to speed mode, it made traveling a lot more user friendly. I will admit though… I do miss shooting things.

The music is fantastic and I could listen to for hours (and I most likely will).

Within the 10 hours I played, there were already two characters from the previous games being mentioned. I won’t name who or go into much detail but it’s nice to hear some familiar voices and meet some of the family.

Overall it all feels like you’re coming back home to Mass Effect… just in a different galaxy.

 Cons/Bugs:

Multiplayer has the most issues… which is shitty for me because I love ME MP. On PC, everyone’s mic is automatically on (unless you mute it) and it took multiple tries to silence people. I don’t think people even realize it but it’s annoying when their game is blaring into your ears while you’re trying to play. And then the lag… it was really difficult to play with so many lag issues. I would jump and return right to the original area, a bunch of running in place instances, and such. It was tough to bear through but I managed 3 matches (only 1 with extraction). But to be honest I had multiple issues with ME3 MP when it first came out. Hell, I was one of the few with the rare Black Hole glitch. (Trust me that sucked.) Andromeda MP has a lot of potential and is definitely challenging. Just needs a bit of fixing. (This could also explain why the beta for MP was never released.) Once it is fixed, it’ll be fun.

As for single player, there are little things that were buggy. Like I could not change the color of my Pathfinder’s armor. No matter what I did and how many times I tried, it reverted back to the black/red combo. (I was trying for a white/orange/black aka Cerberus colors). It was extremely annoying. I tried it multiple times and even reloaded the game but still had this issue. It allowed me to change my casual outfit with no issues though!

The only other major problem I had was when my game got stuck on the map screen and wouldn’t let me escape no matter what. I had to shut it down and restart. I had another instance where I was stuck on the menu screen and it blacked out and crashed.

I had a few other bugs but reloading it fixed them. These bugs included minor things like the omni-scanner having issues staying on.

The interface on the PC is a little weird. There are two. One that holds the main journal/skills/saves/etc and one that opens up for loading saved games. It's a little weird and I wished they kept it as the original style.

Now as for that “walking” bug people experienced, as another friend put it, “I actually had to go out of my way to get the weird walking animations, I ended up sprinting at a staircase and erratically moving the joystick back and forth to get that odd walking animation for like ten seconds. But I had to purposefully do it to get that animation weirdness." Two others and I also had to purposefully do it to get that odd walk. So don’t believe everything you see/hear.

 Final notes:

There are a lot of reviews out there that range from blindingly negative to absolutely positive. Some say the animations are game breaking while others haven’t seen it in their playthrough. Some even complained there is too much dialogue… in an RPG… yeah, I’ve seen those complaints. I suggest you take all of the reviews with a grain of salt, including mine. Why? Everyone will have different playthroughs. Some will experience zero issues while others will have loads of issues. Many have praising results while others have critical opinions. One thing is certain though, 10 hours is hardly scratching the surface of this game. I would suggest you try it for yourself (rent it if you have to) before you succumb to others opinions. If you like it, if you don’t like it, at least you experienced it for yourself. And also don’t attack others for having a different opinion.

As for me, I feel right at home. I feel like if you loved the exploration, the story, and the romances in the original trilogy then you’ll really love Andromeda. I am really looking forward to how vast this game is going to be and know I’m going to be putting in easily over 100 hours in the single player (and another 400 hours into multiplayer once it’s fixed). One thing I am going to do differently this time around is take my time. I will admit that I rushed through ME3 (mostly to get to the Garrus romance scenes asap) and felt like I missed so much that I had no choice but to play a second time to really absorb it. But this… this I really want to enjoy. I want to take it all in. The one thing it does do is make you feel like you are right back in the Mass Effect world. I’m ready to return. I’m ready to continue my adventures as the Pathfinder. I’m ready for Andromeda. (And I’m going to secretly hope for that one Volus to roll out of cyro.)

[beltbuy-blog]

Far more than a simple methods of ensuring you're not captured with your trousers down, a belt has the ability to murmur quietly concerning your assured feeling of style or yell noisally concerning your unforgivable lack of judgement.

Choosing the ideal waist cincher is not a simple matter of usefulness or perhaps reputable design policies, however of good taste, too. Appropriate, they can connect your whole clothing with each other. If you're trying a T-shirt or tee shirt tuck this summer (which you definitely should), after that your belt can be the actual centrepiece of your Riviera look. Similarly, the enhancement of a woven belt can save almost any kind of smart-casual outfit from the arms of mediocrity.

On the other hand, a dissimilar belt will certainly draw the eye for all the wrong factors. If it's the wrong size, it'll throw your proportions out. As well as if it's obtained a 'fun' buckle, after that technically talking it's not actually a belt in all, but a shocking criminal offense versus menswear.

poster To ensure you do not buckle under the stress, we've assembled an overview to everything you might possibly require to recognize to come to be a black belt in this essential accessory, with the help of a few clued-up market specialists.

Just how To Choose A Belt Belts are just one of those rare items of menswear that you don't have to invest a ton of money on to get high quality. So waist not want not. You don't need a lots of them rolled up in your closet, simply a few option staples to get you with every scenario. Adhere to these regulations to score an additional sartorial notch with your purchase.

Go Hell For Natural Leather " When it pertains to the high quality of belts, both the product used as well as the manufacturing procedure are important," states Luca Faloni, creator of the eponymous high-end Italian brand name. "Natural leather needs to age well, be immune and also not stretch: that's why full-grain natural leather is the best material for classic belts.

" Likewise seek nubuck natural leather on the internal face, which is smooth to the touch and also resilient: interest to detail does not constantly have to show up."

Twist up for this year's most elegant midsection administration Picture: Luca Faloni BY LUKE SAMPSON Far more than a straightforward ways of ensuring you're not captured with your trousers down, a belt has the capability to murmur silently regarding your assured sense of design or shriek loudly regarding your unforgivable lack of judgement.

Selecting the appropriate waistline cincher is not a simple matter of practicality or even well-established design guidelines, yet of taste, also. Appropriate, they can connect your whole clothing together. If you're attempting a Tee shirts or t-shirt put this summer season (which you most definitely need to), then your belt can be the actual centrepiece of your Riviera appearance. Likewise, the addition of a woven belt can save virtually any type of smart-casual attire from the tentacles of mediocrity.

On the other hand, a dissimilar belt will certainly attract the eye for all the incorrect factors. If it's the wrong size, it'll toss your proportions out. As well as if it's obtained a 'enjoyable' fastening, then technically speaking it's not in fact a belt in any way, however a stunning crime versus menswear.

poster To ensure you do not buckle under the pressure, we have actually compiled a guide to whatever you might perhaps require to know to become a black belt in this vital accessory, with the help of a couple of clued-up sector specialists.

Just how To Choose A Belt Belts are just one of those uncommon items of menswear that you do not have to invest a fortune on to get high quality. So waistline not want not. You do not require a lots of them rolled up in your wardrobe, just a couple of choice staples to get you with every scenario. Follow these guidelines to rack up an extra sartorial notch with your acquisition.

Go Heck For Leather " When it pertains to the top quality of belts, both the material made use of and also the manufacturing process are essential," says Luca Faloni, creator of the eponymous deluxe Italian brand name. "Natural leather ought to mature well, be immune and not stretch: that's why full-grain leather is the very best material for classic belts.

" Also search for nubuck leather on the inner face, which is silky to the touch and also resilient: focus to information doesn't always need to show up."

Take a look at Your Feet Come on, this is menswear 101: your accessories need to match. When choosing a belt, match the colour to footwear you understand you'll wear a lot, after that make sure your belt's surface (matte, license, suede) is also on the same page as your favorite kicks.

Take An Elevation Dimension Skinny belts aside, the elevation of your belt need to constantly be in between one and one and also a half inches. This dimension will work well with nearly any kind of design of trouser and also make certain that your belt isn't comically vast. You're not Batman.

Match Your Steels While silver, gold and brass tones are all acceptable surfaces for a belt clasp, attempt to choose a material that matches any other heavy metal you're wearing, such as a watch or cufflinks.

Work With What You've Obtained No solitary belt will suit every celebration, so consider what type of clothing make up your sartorial collection prior to buying. A formal belt works for those who spend their days worn, while woven or laid-back designs will, literally, hold up a lot more unwinded looks.

Produce Some Alternatives Natural leather might be the default belt product, yet it's not the only alternative to circumnavigate your waist. Don't disregard twill cotton or woven fabric belts which can supply a much more laid-back, personalised spin, particularly with informal summer season clothing.

Dimension It Up For the perfect fit, the belt's pointer should expand comfortably previous your very first belt loophole, yet quit halfway on its journey to the next one. No self-respecting guy should obtain the kitchen area scissors bent on puncture his own openings.

Your belt size? It is often suggested in inches or centimetres. This number represents the length of the trip of the strap-- determined from the clasp to the mid hole-- which is where it must be fastened, enabling somewhat higher or reduced waist pants as well as the natural variants in midsection area most of us experience, especially at Xmas:

Nonetheless, some brands select to size their belts similarly they do apparel (S, M, L, XL), which usually comes with a waist array, such as 34 ″ -36 ″:.

When To Use Each Kind Of Belt. Admittedly, there are times when your belt will certainly remain covered, so it's not the end of the globe if you have actually not provided much idea to what's circling your hips. For those times when your belt is front and also centre though, make sure that your waistline isn't bring in incredulous eyes.

Timothy Lord, a menswear stylist who counts Jude Regulation, Keith Richards as well as Michael Fassbender as clients, gives his judgment on how and also when different styles of males's belts need to be used.

Laid-back Leather Belt. Casual belts have an inherently dodgy ring to them, but we're not discussing buckles that belong in a line-dancing course, yet instead slick leather designs which are less scheduled than official belts.

" Laid-back natural leather belts are one of the most effective methods to break up a divides appearance," says Lord. "For the summertime, put on one with a tucked in Tees for a subtle nod to the eighties." Search for a matte or brass clasp or choose a soft suede instead of polished natural leather.

Leather Outfit Belt. Belts ought to never intentionally be overdressed, states Lord. "Directly, I'm not a believer in dress belts for gown occasions. Your formal pants should fit correctly, yet if they don't I 'd always choose dental braces instead as well as utilize a dress belt to groom more laid-back appearances." Like if you're putting on separates to a business-casual office.

Woven Belt. In contrast to common belief, being a pastel polo-wielding college child is not a prerequisite for possessing among these. "Woven belts are perfect for including a flash of texture to a pair of shorts throughout the summer season. They can likewise provide a very traditional spin when used with a linen match as well," claims Lord.

Fabric Belt. Similar to backpacks or duffle coats, material belts are too often filed under 'not appropriate for grownups'. We're calling bullshit. Lord claims: "With their small army feel, textile belts are perfect for using with [textured trousers or shorts] to layer texture on structure.".

Exactly How To Colour Match Your Belt. Similar to virtually every piece of menswear ever before developed, strong colour enhances the chance of going catastrophically off-piste. With a few choice exceptions, you must be adhering to a core coterie of belt colours which are flexible and also much less vulnerable to sending the remainder of your clothing right into total and also utter meltdown.

Take the recommendations of Phill Tarling, a menswear stylist that has collaborated with the similarity Tom Hardy as well as John Pain, to get colour matching down to an art.

Dark Brown Belt. " This is one of the most flexible belt colour and looks its ideal when used with cherry shoes. This global belt and also footwear combo can be put on with practically any colour of match, however it's finest worn with pants in a mid to dark tone." Navy and also grey tailoring or divides are ideal.

Black Belt. " When coupled with black footwear, a black belt is the second most versatile choice that you can grab. From light grey via to charcoal and also black, this style of belt functions best when worn with a monochrome colour scheme.".

Blue Belt. " A blue belt is a more difficult colour to master, but it's ideal for including a refined flash of colour to a look. Used with tonal blues or khaki trousers, a blue belt is excellent for including character to an off-duty ensemble.".

Tan Belt. " A tan belt functions best when used with tan shoes. The mix looks its finest worn with a navy suit, but this colour likewise enhances trousers in earthy tones such as khaki or brown.".

The Dos And also Do n'ts Of Acquiring A Belt. Do not choose a loud colour or tonal layouts if you're seeking versatility.

Do determine your waist dimension to make getting belts on-line easier.

Don't pick styles with large clasps or metallic describing. Ever.

Do select a belt with a surface or weave that matches the rest of your devices.

Do not stay with one belt colour for all events. Have a brown, black and also tan alternative to cover most scenarios as well as gown codes.

Do match the steel of your belt's buckle with your watch and cufflinks.

[sharionpage]

Representing Yourself in Your Family Law Case

The Self Improvement Blog | Self Esteem | Self Confidence

Representing yourself in your family law case can be not only overwhelming but downright terrifying. For many, this will be the first time you have ever stepped into a courtroom, spoken to a judge, filled out court documents, or participated intimately with the legal system. A daunting task, while going through one of the most difficult and emotional times of your life. Here are some particular tips to help you get through the process. (NOTE: These tips are not legal advice and are not designed to replace legal advice.)

1.     Set your emotions aside and get your head in the game

I know easier said than done but this is important to do. It’s also one of the hardest things you will have to do. Divorce is hard. It’s an emotional roller coaster. It’s a challenge in life no one expected they would have to prepare for. It comes with an array of emotions, sadness, depression, relief, hatred, happiness, and regret but with all these emotions it’s hard to focus. Unfortunately, focus is exactly what is needed the most. The best thing one can do is set aside a full day, two if you can manage it, and pull together what is going to be needed for the dissolution.

To put it bluntly, go into robot work mode. Make a list of what needs to be done (if you need help with this list see other articles in my website or check out your local court website), gather your paperwork, documents, make proper phone calls, set up appointments, and get organized. Judges like people who are organized. Jot down a timeline of dates for the future and other notes that later you might forget. This will be helpful during the times when emotions are running high and you will not be able to think straight.

2.     Be organized! Be organized! Be organized!

And I will say it again, be organized! Find a place to put all your court documents, paperwork, and dissolution (divorce) or family law materials in one spot. The legal process is daunting. Judges like things a certain way, courts like things a certain way, the business office likes things a certain way, the Department of Child Services likes things a certain way and they all aren’t the same way. Catch my drift… Nothing worse than thinking you have a document and can’t find it.

3. Go check out your judge

Before your court date, go check out the judge that you have been assigned. It’s your prerogative to sit in your assigned judge’s courtroom unless he/she has a closed trial. Choose a time that matches your assigned day and time and watch cases that are similar to yours. As lawyers, we often do this when we are new to a courtroom so we get a feel for how the judge runs his/her courtroom.

Take a notepad, and jot down notes, how does she/he make rulings regarding issues that are similar in your case, does the judge allow speaking, has the judge given the impression they have read the pleadings before the hearing or do they rely on the testimony when making their decisions, how much time do they alight to each case? Not only does this give you a familiarity with the actual courtroom so there are no first-time jitters but some familiarity with your judge’s personality.

4. Dress snappy casual

Courtroom attire when you are self-representing should be respectful but not overdone. Remember this is not your job so you are not required to wear a suit and the judge understands this. In fact, it might backfire if you do. Likewise, don’t underdress to make a statement about how poor you are and that dirtbag ex-husband of yours should be paying you more support. That to will backfire! I always say PTA, closed toed shoe outfits. Turn off your cell phone.

5. Don’t involve your children!

As a practical matter, do not bring your children to court unless the Judge has specifically asked you to do so. Find Grandma, Grandpa, Daycare, babysitter, church, the teen down the street (kidding unless you know them well) but this is a sure way to get a Judge really mad at you. Judges believe that courtrooms are for adults and children should be nowhere near them, even outside in the halls. On a similar matter, Judges live in the dark ages and believe children (even old ones) should know nothing about what is happening to them during a divorce or custody battle.

This is changing somewhat with the Elkins laws in California but very slowly and depending on your Judge I wouldn’t risk it. So tread lightly when bringing up children in the courtroom and NEVER associate them with money. Obviously, if your case is about custody and the children’s well-being then this cannot be avoided. What can be avoided is the he said/ she said scenario. Remember you may be wrapped up in your own drama 24/7 but Judges hear how many of these cases a day? Be mature… In most cases, a Judge will default to the posed, non-emotional, no drama parent.

6. Listen to what the judge is asking you

Listen carefully to what the Judge is asking you. Judges are attorneys that have been trained to speak in a different language. They have used this language for a very long time. They have forgotten to speak in plain English. So what you think you hear them asking you might not be what they are really asking you so you must listen very carefully. Judges also have a very limited amount of time to get a vast amount of decisions made therefore they are direct in the questions they are asking. Often times they want a specific answer or a yes or no. Give it to them. Do not offer any more information unless it is absolutely relevant to the issue you are trying to persuade.

If they ask for a number, give them a number. Do not qualify your yes or no unless they really need to be. Do not speak to the other party only speak to the Judge. This is for practical reasons in that the court reporter can only hear one person at a time. Often times a Judge will allow a short time for you to state your argument and then give the other side to state theirs. Then he/she will ask direct questions to clarify so that her decision is cohesive with the law. There are times when the Judge has misunderstood or does not have knowledge of something important and you must speak up.

7. If a judge decides against you don’t throw a tantrum

Once a Judge has made his/her order, it’s an order and arguing with them will only make things worse. Judges take notes about you too. They have a special section in their file that only they see with other Judges. This is helpful to them to know what kind of person you are next time you are in front of them. The thing is other Judges can read them too. So say you’re having a bad day and scream at a Judge it just isn’t fair and ten months later you’re in front of a DCSS Judge and they have your file. Well now you’re pegged as being difficult. Not a reputation you want to start off with. Be a zealous defender of your rights. Protect the rights of your children. But when that hearing is over, it’s over. Take a breath and scream in the parking lot.

8. Stick around and pick up your minute order

After it’s all over, most people feel numb and in a daze. Some have even told me that don’t remember even driving home. When I ask them, “Did you remember what the Judge ordered?” They mumbled something like of course I got everything I wanted or it was the worst experience the Judge hated me but never any specifics. You can get a Minute Order after the hearing is over.

When you are finished talk to the bailiff and let him know you would like a minute order of the Judge’s orders from today’s proceedings. The clerk will copy one for you or direct you to where you can get one. In any case, do not leave the courthouse without one. The alternative is very expensive in that you must order transcripts of the hearing and/or hire someone to write an order up. Do not rely on memory. It’s not legal anyway.

 9. Follow through

A dissolution, custody battle, family law problem is exhausting and going through the process is like climbing a mountain. You’re not going to be able to do it in a day. It’s important to take time to set aside fun, relaxation time so that you’ll have the strength to get through. You know all those “friends” that tell you their divorces lasted 10 years, some of those were because of procrastination and others were because of high conflict. Either way, to get through this process you are going to have to do things in spurts. Finish a project (and for those procrastinators out there you must actually finish or it will take 10 years) then take a break away from it all. Enjoy your kids or you’ll miss out. Be able to compartmentalize. Know when to say “I don’t want to talk about this today” and then don’t.

 10. You know your story the best

Many of my clients start out as self-representing and turn to mediation because they become too overwhelmed with the whole legal process. Of course, I can go on and on about how I believe mediation is the best solution but that’s not for this article. What I will say, is that no matter what you eventually choose, mediation—an attorney or self-representation—YOU know your case better than anyone else. You have lived it. Someone else can tell you what the law is but that cannot tell you what you have experienced, what you have gone through, how you felt, what your children’s needs are, how they should be feeling, what their best interest are and how you should be dealing with all of this. You in every way are your best advocate and no one is going to work harder than you.

 About the Author

Candice Brenner is a certified family law mediator and child advocate with CMB Mediation. She has worked in the family law field for over 10 years. Her main focus is helping self-representing individuals navigate their way through the family law court system. She also has a passion and detailed focus on the security and well-being of children. Candice graduated from Chapman Law School with honors. She received 3 degrees at University of California, Los Angeles. She holds her teaching credentials with a specialization in writing and reading with title V participants. Additional credentials include a specialization in family law high conflict arbitration.

On a personal note, Candice lives in North County San Diego. She has raised 3 beautiful children as a single mom. Candice is a published author and sits on the board of the UCLA Parent/Alumni Council.

To contact Candice for speaking engagements or other inquiries email at: cmbmediation@yahoo.com

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