#i need like a fully labeled version of this video pointing out every single character so i can fully appreciate it

[oflgtfol]

i keep rewatching this video and catching more details GIRL !! I am losing it

[uncurlinglikeflowers]

Queer Trauma, Coming Out, & the Long Road to Self-Love and Healing

As I’ve reflected on my past, I’ve discovered that my adolescence may be one of, if not THE most traumatic time of my life thus far as a queer person. The last few months with my incredible therapist have made me realize that the years of anxiety, panic, fear, self-loathing, confusion, and depression have scarred me deeper than I had previously thought. She also made me realize that this is at least partially because I have never really talked about it openly and in depth in a healthy and productive way before, which is what inspired me to start this blog to share my experiences with others that are currently struggling with their identity, or to allow those that are also currently healing from the trauma of their previously closeted life feel a little more seen.

I knew from a VERY young age that I was different, but didn’t know how or what it meant. I was a lonely kid for a lot of my childhood without many friends. I didn’t want to play football with the boys during recess. I sought companionship at lunch with a table full of girls more often than not, which in itself also made me feel incredibly self conscious at the time as well. 

I asked, (with incredible shame) for the “girl’s toy” from the backseat in the McDonald’s drive-thru because I loved to play with the mini-Barbies and craft entire storylines for them. They were easier to hide in my room than regular sized Barbies. I spent most summers off school alone playing video games and reading book and book after book. I didn’t really click with the boys down the street. I was obsessed with Britney Spears and the color purple. I was lonely without really knowing what it meant.

I feel as though that fear I felt in my childhood and adolescence held me back from SO much. Middle school in particular was absolute hell. I hated it. I always felt constantly insecure and uncomfortable. I had absolutely zero confidence or self love. I hated my body and how I looked. 

While other kids experienced their first relationships and first feelings of romantic love, I was convinced that it was just not a possibility for me. On top of being deeply closeted, scared, confused, lonely, and in deep denial, girls didn’t go for me anyway. I was the awkward chunky guy struggling with his identity feeling like he had to make up for it by working extra hard to get perfect grades and give himself 100% to other people. I tried not to think about it too much, but hearing about relationships, seeing people kiss in the hallways between classes, and girls talking about what they liked in boys which was the complete opposite of me... it was hell.

To make my self consciousness worse, I felt supremely uncomfortable in gym class and the boys’ locker room in particular. I was ashamed of my body and also self conscious for wanting to look at the other boys; terrified that they would catch on and beat me senseless. Hearing them consistently call each other f*g in a very VERY negative context drove me deep into the closet as the identity I already felt shame for was directly correlated with being a ridiculed outcast, and something that was inherently, disgustingly wrong and unacceptable. The worst insult teenage boys could deliver to each other in the safety of an unchaperoned locker room in a hick town often not kind to queer people or those that were different. I SO desperately wanted to fit in with the other boys instead of being any version of who I actually was.

Part of that façade of blending in with my hetero peers involved having a girlfriend for two months in 8th grade. We didn’t even kiss, let alone approach any sexual situations. I’m sure she had her suspicions. I was utterly obsessed with the concept of blending in by having a girlfriend like the other boys and just having someone special in my life, even if we really didn’t even do any couple things. 

Upon reflection, I don’t think the concept of ever being sexual with her ever crossed my mind in the slightest. Even the idea of kissing her scared the hell out of me, and not just from first kiss nerves. Deep down I knew it wasn’t right for me. Don’t EVER tell a kid they’re too young to know. Fast forward to modern times, my first kiss with a girl was with a close friend YEARS after I came out. Go figure. 

The idea of caring about and loving myself was non-existent at that time. It’s a very VERY new and ongoing journey for me. I didn’t really care about myself at all. I hadn’t learned how to. Mom was in and out of cancer treatments, and would later pass during my senior year of college and kick off my coming out process, but that’s a whole other post for another day. Spending pretty much my entire childhood watching mom deal with being sick, I didn’t want to cause my family any more discomfort. I was full of self loathing, fear, and confusion, but it seemed irrelevant and unimportant because I didn’t want to be a hindrance. 

Instead, I tried so desperately to be the perfect kid and son by befriending my teachers, being a model student, and joining band and a bunch of organizations to stay as busy as possible to stay distracted and impress everyone else.I didn’t love myself because I didn’t think I was allowed to or deserved to in my own head. While I did finally make more meaningful friends in high school, I continued to go through the motions to make my family proud to make up for the scared closeted kid who thought he had to make up for his queerness as though it were a shameful weakness, and it seemed to be the only thing that could possibly matter at the time.

Non-surprisingly, I never really knew any openly queer boys in grade school. It probably legitimately wasn’t all that safe to come out in that environment. I’ll never forget the two boys I saw holding hands in a Wal-Mart that absolutely shook up my entirely reality, because I had never seen romantic same-sex affection in person before. 

There was a lesbian couple at my school, but people said awful, degrading things about them behind their backs constantly and acted like they were the biggest freaks. Another boy in my grade in high school hadn’t come out yet officially but was very flamboyant, and thus was treated just as awful as the lesbian couple, if not worse. Other kids just regularly said despicable things about him without even knowing him at all. I even heard parents make blatantly homophobic jokes about him. 

His life had to have been hell, and as a fully out queer adult, I still regret not being able to stand up for him more. That definitely forced me deeper into the closet. He wasn’t even out but got talked about like he was some disgusting abomination. How could I ever assume that I could ever come out, let alone kiss, date, and love another boy? I HATED the idea of any attention being placed on me, so I just wanted to survive school at that point.

I had multiple people throughout high school ask me if I were gay just as though it were the most casual question rather than a triggering inquiry that sent me into a mental frenzy every damn time it was presented. Having one of the jock boys ask me such a deeply personal question in passing on the way to my seat in Algebra class was traumatizing. I of course always said no, as at the time I was still convinced it was a passing phase and that I couldn’t actually be gay. 

At home, in the days of Myspace, I got anonymous messages telling me they were pretty sure I was gay. The anonymity was arguably worse in some ways. 

At a young age, I became hyper aware of how I carried myself, talked, and acted. I loathed hearing my voice or seeing myself in pictures, for fear of sounding too feminine or standing or emoting too gay. I obsessed over the concept that boys and girls carried their books a certain way, or the boys would be labelled as queer. I was paranoid about where I shopped for clothes, the colors I wore, and the length and fit of my shorts. 

In middle school, I got a lilac colored trapper keeper for school that I ultimately had my parents take back to the store for a different one because I felt so self conscious about it all day. At home I played with my little Barbies, but didn’t dare tell the kids at school for fear of rejection and isolation. Overall, I felt grossly incompetent, irrelevant, and unimportant in my own mind. Unworthy of love and of course, deeply ashamed for my attraction to the other boys.

I never had anyone whatsoever to help guide me through the coming out process, because I didn’t know a single queer person who could. I’ve now dedicated a good amount of my energy trying to be that person I desperately could have used then for anyone else that needs that role to be filled, and for someone to tell them that someone is incredibly proud of them. An obscene amount of queer people don’t ever hear “I’m so proud of you!” when they really need it the most. 

I also didn’t have any good queer representation on TV or in movies, so I really did feel completely alone at times. Most queer characters in media existedly solely to be made fun of and mocked, ratcher than celebrated, properly represented, or God forbid, given a legitimate love story, and the public’s reaction was so frequently one of such repugnance and disapproval. 

This was also probably about the time that a close family member told me that he had punched a gay guy for hitting on him when he was younger, a story he again felt the need to share with a now ex-boyfriend and I when we were dating, as though that’s not a horrifying thing for an already scared and closeted queer to hear from their own family. 

I think during middle school in particular is when my anxiety and depression issues started, but I assumed either that I was being a baby and that my feelings were invalid, or that it was just teenage angst. The idea that boys and men should mask their emotions and feelings and feel shame rather than expressing them was, (and seemingly appears to continue to be) a very real thing in small towns and society in general. 

It didn’t occur to me at the time that I was experiencing varying levels of almost daily trauma that would fuck me up well into adulthood. If you take anything at all from this post, let it be that the conversation around mental health, (and men in particular in this instance) NEEDS to change.

Another particularly noteworthy event in my queer adolescence was when two of my friends, (both girls, shocker) discovered gay porn on my computer. While they pestered me about if it were mine while they laughed, I of course lied. I felt a deep shame and utter humiliation. On reflection, fucking IMAGINE if they had been able to be gentle and understanding with me and told me they loved me and still would even if I were gay. From then on I was terrified that they would bring that day up to our other friends as a joke. Perhaps they did a time or two, I don’t recall. These same friends made jokes about the queer kid I mentioned earlier, and both parents of one of the girls regularly gossiped and made homophobic jokes about him when I was at their house 

By the time school dances rolled around, I knew I would never be able to go with anyone but friends. Even if I weren’t still deeply closeted, I’m pretty sure my school still had pretty strict rules against bringing same-sex dates to Prom. While I definitely had fun with my friends at the dances we went to, I so desperately longed for a world where I could dance with a boy who loved me like everyone else was able to.

The loneliness and isolation I felt at the end of those nights could be unbearable because it didn’t seem possible for me, even as I looked into the future. I was fully convinced I would live a very lonely life without anyone to love me the way I craved. I didn’t belong in that world, and wouldn’t ever be set up for that kind of happiness, joy, and feeling of content. I would live for everyone else but myself because that’s just the way the world worked for us queers.

I wish I had had just one single person then who gave me full permission to be my authentic queer self on any level. Someone who could hug me and tell me life after high school and college could and would be vastly different. Someone to tell me I wasn’t an unlovable disgusting freak, but rather a kind-hearted boy who deserved a deep love someday because I was a valid and gentle soul who deserved the world. I certainly deserved more than the shame and pain that constantly haunted me. 

Maybe then I wouldn’t have thought about death before 30 so much and obsessed over it well into my college career. I might have realized that I needed to learn to be gentle with myself and take care of and prioritize me and my own happiness. So many people let me down and convinced me that I was a filthy sinner and an over-emotional kid with invalid perspectives and feelings. As most of my closest friends, (that I cannot stress enough have been the ones to save my life and encourage the authenticity that I present so proudly today) came into my life after I had already come out fully, they weren’t around during those dark early struggles. 

Sometimes as an adult I still wonder what it would have felt like and how profoundly different my life could be if someone had held me close and sincerely told me they’re proud of me for what I survived and overcame, and told me that they can’t wait to see my eyes light up with the love I’ve always dreamed of in a boy, and that I still continue to seek. 

Young, baby gay Travis would be in absolute awe if he knew what life had in store for him back then. To see a future version of himself painting his nails, wearing whatever he wanted, dancing with strangers at pride festivals, having the time of his life at drag shows with his queer family and falling in love with boys? Proudly holding a boyfriend’s hand walking downtown in a busy city? Openly telling his dad about the cute boy he’s going on a date with? Going Facebook official with a boy? Being a super vocal advocate and inspiration and mentor to not only queer family, but to people he hardly talks to but manages to influence and inspire just by unashamedly being himself? Genuinely looking forward to kissing his new husband in front of family and friends on his wedding day, knowing it’ll be one of the happiest days of his entire life? 

Holy. Actual. Fuck.

Travis of six or seven years ago wouldn’t have even dared to dream this big, let alone baby gay Travis. He probably would have been utterly mortified but SO comforted to see that future life when he didn’t believe it to be any level of possible.

I’m so fucking proud of myself for this journey, and no one will ever take that away from me or water down my trauma or the grueling work I’ve put in. Genuinely, this is the one thing in my life that makes me absolutely burst with pride. 

I think I want to learn how to keep baby Travis in mind with this pride without having to revisit the trauma in the process. Look back at him with open arms, excited to see him learn and blossom into his actual self someday. Even if he could have desperately used someone like the me I am today, he survived then, and continues to persevere today. 

He’s queer as fuck, and proud to shout it from the rooftops. He’s a voice and an advocate for the voiceless. A shining light and beacon of hope for those still navigating their terrifying escape from their closeted life. He’s going to meet a man someday and love him so deeply in the way baby Travis always dreamed of. Above all, he’s going to continue to make that little guy so incredibly proud because he knows now the importance of loving himself in the process. 

I’m so proud of that scared little boy. I just wish he could have known then how proud he would make himself one day.   

As you talk with the queer people in your life, please keep in mind that just about all of us have incredible trauma directly tied to our identities. Talk to them with love, compassion, and understanding. Tell them how proud of them you are for pursuing their own happiness in the face of oppression and rejection. 

Demand better from elected officials. Advocate for us. Shut down homophobic ideals, even if you think it’ll make your family and friends uncomfortable to hear. Support queer content, artists and creators. Be a proud ally, but don’t ever allow yourself to take the spotlight away from actual queer people or our queer spaces. Mourn, love, and celebrate with us. 

Understand why pride is SO fucking important to us, and why you never have to worry about needing your own pride events. Listen to us and love us for exactly who we are, and were always meant to be. Love is the most incredible, beautiful, and often rare human experience we’re able to experience during our short time on this planet, and it should always be celebrated.

Happy Pride!

[marvella15]

Astaire & Rogers Rewatch Part 7: Shall We Dance

• Something I didn’t consciously realize about this film until reading Hannah Hyam’s book is that Astaire and Rogers don’t dance together until nearly an hour in. That hasn’t happened since Gay Divorcee. What was anyone thinking??

• Shall We Dance suffers from a lot of extra crap that it didn’t need, such as extraneous characters, far too many interruptions in the Astaire and Rogers relationship, and a bunch of weirdness like life-sized dolls, life-like masks, and backbending ballerinas. The film also has a lot of wasted potential, including a great score and songs by George and Ira Gershwin. 

The Gershwins were already well acquainted with Astaire and Rogers. The duo had first met when she was starring in the brothers’ show, Girl Crazy, and Astaire was brought in to help with choreography. Rogers was close friends with George and even dated him. Astaire had known the brothers prior, having starred in a few of their shows with his sister, Adele. 

• Our characters/actors: Peter “Petrov” Peters (Fred Astaire), Linda Keene (Ginger Rogers), Jeffrey Baird (Edward Everett Horton), Arthur Miller (Jerome Cowan)

• Around the time I was first really into classic Hollywood films, including these ones, my family and I adopted a new dog. I annoyed my parents to no end by suggesting we name him Peter P. Peters. Don’t know why I latched onto that name but I did. 

• Even in the massive portrait of Petrov, you can see Astaire has his fingers curled in rather than fully extended.

• Astaire’s ballet attire lets us once again see just how skinny he is. 

• Always loved how Peter does a little tap at the rhythmic sound of his name and birthplace: Pete Peters, Philadelphia PA.

• Rogers’ cardigan with all of its baubles is truly awful looking. It will only be out done by a terrible floral dress she wears later. 

• I do however like that she shoves her handsy stage partner into a fountain. Why are men constantly the worst?

• “And why must there always be a kiss at the second-act curtain?” is YET ANOTHER example of these films trolling us. Not once up until this point has any act of an Astaire/Rogers outing included a kiss between them. 

• Linda’s disinterest in even meeting Petrov is based on the assumption that he’s a “simpering toe dancer.” While that’s incorrect, she’s not wrong that he is indeed another man who has seen a picture of her and wants to tell her he can’t live without her. So she gets partial credit. 

• If Peter wasn’t totally smitten before, Linda’s jab, “It’s just a game little American boys play” gets him. 

• As a mixed race number, “Slap That Bass” is incredibly unusual for the era. Astaire was a great admirer of African-American dancers and was strongly influenced by Bill Robinson and John W. Bubbles. I love the blend of all of the voices in this song. 

• The dance portion of “Slap That Bass” gives Astaire a chance to show off more of his innovative mind and choreography. He dances in time with the sounds of the ship’s engine and compels the camera to follow him across and up the vast set. The dance is also special in that we have behind the scenes footage of Astaire rehearsing, thanks to a home video shot by George Gershwin. 

• Peter making Jeffrey believe the boat is rocking may seem a bit unbelievable but having been on a large ship myself, sometimes you don’t realize it’s rocking until you see other passengers weaving or a giant chandelier swaying. 

• I usually skip most if not all of Jeffrey and Arthur’s scenes together. They slow down this film soooo much.

• Like in all of their films, songs are sometimes heard in the background before the actual musical number they appear in. But because this film is scored by the Gershwins, there’s an array of shorter pieces of music that are all their own, such as the whimsical score heard while Rogers and then Rogers with Astaire are walking her dog.

• The dog Peter borrows to give himself an excuse to talk to Linda hits his bark cue perfectly and looks extremely happy about it. 

• I would love to know what exactly Astaire and Rogers are talking about while walking her dog. Maybe they were given lines that were then not recorded or maybe it’s improv. But it seems very natural. 

Rogers did say that Astaire was a wonderful conversationalist and was adept at talking while dancing, something she noted most men couldn’t manage. 

• Wow do I love it when Rogers gets to be extra sassy

Peter: “Isn’t it wonderful being here tonight like this? Still on the same boat together.”

Linda: “Oh, I seldom change boats in mid-ocean.”

• “Beginner’s Luck” is such a charming, fast song that Astaire delivers wonderfully. He hardly seems to take a breath. 

A jazzed up version of “Beginner’s Luck” is the song Peter tried to dance to in Paris but the record kept getting stuck. 

• Something this movie fails at is letting Linda and Peter’s relationship continue to progress before throwing more obstacles in their way. We know from the gossip of the ship’s staff that they have been spending a lot of time together. When we see them, they are having a relaxing evening that’s incredibly domestic: sitting side by side on the deck while she knits and he smokes. Wouldn’t it have been nice to see more of this part of their relationship? 

• Why on earth did Peter think sending Jeffrey to fix the false baby rumors was the right decision? Jeffrey can’t handle a single thing. 

• Infuriated at the rumors that she’s married to Peter and pregnant with their baby, Linda tries to call him. “Operator! Get me Mr. Petrov. What? Don’t you dare congratulate me!”

• The theme of this movie is supposed to be the blend of dancing and music styles. Peter’s ballet and Linda’s jazz styles are one example, George Gershwin’s varied score, which switches from jazz to waltz to foxtrot to classical, etc, is another. But it’s a fairly weak concept that doesn’t quite land and reportedly, neither Astaire or Ira Gershwin was wild about it. 

• I love the new version of “Slap That Bass” that plays as Peter and Jeffrey enter the rooftop club. 

• When Rogers sings “They All Laughed,” she is singing to an off-screen Cary Grant, her friend and sometimes date who was visiting the set at the time. 

She is also wearing a dress with a horrible pattern. It’s supposed to be floral but it always makes me think of amoebas. Maybe it looked better in color?

• Astaire clearly has fun during the part where Peter hams it up a bit with his ballet next to Linda’s tapping. 

• In some ways, “They All Laughed” is reminiscent of “Isn’t it a Lovely Day.” They’re testing each other, trading glancing as they see whether the other can keep up with the increasingly complex steps. Until now, Linda didn’t know Peter could dance this way so her surprise and amusement unfolds slowly as the routine progresses. But he has been grinning since the start because he’s hoping to win her back through this dance.

• This is another duet where it takes a long time before they touch. The first physical contact is just her executing a series of spins with the help of his fingers. And it’s during this part that Rogers finally breaks into a wide smile.  

• When he spins her up onto the piano the first time, she happily waits for him to retrieve her. And when he spins her into a seated position and upright again a few times don’t miss how he looks at her with a wry, slightly mischievous smile. 

• The Linda doll is so creepy and not lifelike. Who was fooled by this?

Also, Arthur is terrible. Jeffrey is terrible too but he’s an idiot so I’m more willing to let it slide. 

• Peter walking out of Linda’s bedroom in the morning in his robe right in front of her fiancé while she is in her negligee is pretty funny. 

• Peter and Linda’s nice day out is just further proof that this movie should’ve spent more time on the two of them together rather than breaking them up every few minutes. 

• “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” is a fun song, though Astaire gets most of the good words imo. However, Rogers does do an extra affectation to some of her lyrics and that makes them funnier. 

At one point when she’s singing, he turns to her and for just a moment his face goes soft in that way it does sometimes when he looks at her. 

• Some film historians have labeled this dance as not that great when compared to other Astaire and Rogers numbers. But I’ve always found it very enjoyable and innovative. While Gene Kelly probably takes the gold medal for dancing on skates in It’s Always Fair Weather, Astaire and Rogers did it first, did it well, and deserve some extra credit for a duet on skates rather than a solo. 

Rogers also deserves some extra credit since the idea to dance on skates was supposedly hers. And probably deserves even more credit for doing this dance on skates while also in heels. 

• For some reason I really enjoy that they perform this number in their hats and street clothes. It’s so informal and feels like something you do on a fun date. 

• Throughout this dance, Peter continues to be the playful one, as he’s been in their interactions in the film, and Linda is the more serious one who needs to be coaxed into having fun. Maybe this is why Astaire frequently glances at her and even spends long seconds watching her at different parts as they move into the next series of steps. Rogers is more reserved in her expressions but whenever they are face to face, she appears happiest. 

A few times she looks triumphant, leading me to wonder if they or she had finally nailed a section that was giving them or her trouble. 

• Can’t say for certain but I swear she almost falls when they do the backwards steps. She just baaaarely snags his hand in time. 

They had to film this dance something like 150 times so I imagine there was more than one time where at least one of them did indeed fall. 

• The circular dance they do leading up to the end is based on a dance Astaire and his sister made famous in their time on the stage. 

• Apparently the grassy bank they tumble onto wasn’t padded so those fake grimaces of pain aren’t that fake. Their exchange after the tumble feels very much like married banter to me:

Peter: “Yes, it was my idea.”

Linda: “Have you any more of them?”

Peter, exaggerating: “No.”

• They’re such a good match:

Linda: “Peter, you’ve got to marry me.”

Peter: “Why, Linda, this is so sudden.”

• Oh 1930s Hays Code humor. The cop who overhears their conversation thinks she’s pregnant and pressuring the father of the baby into marrying her. Hurr hurr hurr.

• Heh:

Linda: “I beg your pardon but what are grounds for divorce in this state?”

Clerk: “Marriage.”

• It will never make sense to me that a dance was not planned in this film for “They Can’t Take That Away From Me.” It’s a truly lovely song. I know Astaire and Rogers will dance to it more than ten years later in The Barkleys of Broadway but it’s just not the same. 

It’s also a good reminder in the film that Peter has legitimate feelings for Linda and she does for him but they’re far more conflicted. Though he must sense he’s hooked her in a bit since he becomes very aloof once they return to the hotel in the stupid hope of making her want him more? Idk, men are dumb. 

• “They Can’t Take That Away From Me” carries special poignancy because it became a form of consolation to Ira Gershwin after his brother suddenly died two months after this film was released. 

• Oh Linda’s face when she walks in to see Peter with the loathsome Lady Tarrington is so sad and crestfallen. Ever thought you and your crush were finally on the same page only to find them canoodling with someone else? 

Although, she could’ve knocked first instead of just walking straight into his room…

• The ballet portion of the finale is weird and unappealing in every way. Harriet Hoctor was known for the backbend dance she does in this film. Maybe it was something spectacular in 1937?? but it doesn’t hold up. 

One thing I’ll say about Astaire’s duet with Hoctor, it’s a great chance to see him in a romantic duet with someone other than Rogers and notice how different he acts. No secret smile, no lingering looks, no whispered words, no soft expressions. 

• “Shall We Dance” is another upbeat song that deserves more than being featured in the remaining few minutes of the film. Their dance is far too short but wonderful all the same. Her delight when he finds her always makes me smile. She also executes some impressive full length lunges that I couldn’t do at this moment much less in a dress and heels in the middle of a dance number. 

For a few seconds, his fingers press into the exposed dip of her spine in yet another example of Victorian hotness. 

• And so we finish film number 7. Shall We Dance underperformed at the box office and wasn’t a critical darling. Everyone, the actors included, started to feel the magic was coming to an end. Coming up next is a film I pretty much never rewatch: Carefree. 

[arthurhwalker]

Moving your Tabletop RPG Online: First Steps

Trapped behind a fortress of toilet paper, but still want to play Tabletop RPGs with your friends? This is my quick and dirty guide to getting started running and playing your games online. Toward the bottom, I'll have links to as many digital resources to help run games as I can find. I will update whenever I find new things, so check back, and comment on what you're looking for.

Requirements

You and your RPG table folks will each need a computer, tablet, or smartphone capable of running Discord, and accessing Roll20 via a browser. Discord can run in a browser as well, but I recommend using the desktop app on your computer, or mobile app on your tablet or smartphone. Also, I strongly recommend a headset or earbuds with a mic.

Every participant will need a Roll20 dot net and Discord App account.

https://discordapp.com/ https://roll20.net/

Discord will primarily provide video and voice chat for your table. It has lots of other potential for community building, but for right now we're just going to use it so you and your fellow gamers can see and hear each other.

Roll20 is where you'll host the game itself. It is where you and your RPG crew will roll digital dice, manage character sheets, look at maps, move tokens on the battlefield, and similar. It takes some setup, but not a lot to get started.

The more preparation the person running the game puts into Roll20, the nicer and more streamlined the experience. This can be done over time, between games. I wouldn't delay play to have everything perfect, just get enough set up to get started and go.

Discord for Gamemasters

Don't worry about setting up or joining a server just yet. You don't really need one, and it often just confuses folks that are new to Discord. At minimum, the person running the game should have all the players added as friends. Go to the Friends Tab, click "Add Friends", and put in their handle, pound sign, and number. Your handle and number will be displayed somewhere in the app depending on whether you have the mobile, browser, or desktop version of the app.

Once the person running the game has everyone added as a friend, they can add them to a Group DM. The New Group DM button looks like a speech bubble with a + sign by it, and should be visible in the Friends Tab. Once everyone has been added to the Group DM, the game runner can hit either the start voice or video call button, prompting everyone else to join.

That Group DM will persist in the Friends Tab, regardless of whether anyone is actually online or in the call. People that drop from connectivity issues can pop back in by just selecting that group DM when a call is ongoing. If people are having connectivity issues, they can send text messages to the Group DM, add files, send GIFs, and similar.

The person running the Game can post news and game schedules to the Group DM, and people can chat about the game off camera/mic in between games.

Yes, you can set up your own dedicated servers, forums, and communities using Discord, but you don't need to. In my experience, Discord is just arcane enough to confuse people the first few times they run it. The desktop version of Discord will continue running in the tray, by default, even if you close the main window.

Make sure you either go into settings and turn this feature off, or shut Discord down from the tray, and/or that you've left the call when you're done. Otherwise, you'll continue to broadcast as you talk to yourself, while browsing the Internet (to the amusement of your friends still in the Group DM.)

Roll20 for Gamemasters

Like Discord, Roll20 dot net is just arcane enough to baffle people. It has a lot of functions and features, and you do not need to make use of them all to get started. Don't delay play while you figure out how to get dynamic lighting to work, or build every map for the campaign.

Just get rolling with it, hands properly dirty.

Once you're logged in, you'll need to create your first game. Once you're logged in, there should be a shiny pink button labeled, "Create New Game". Click that, and head to the next screen. Give your game a name, and don't worry about tags (if you're just playing with friends). Pick the character sheet from the drop down menu that most closely fits the game you're going to run.

This will save you a bunch of time later. Don't worry, you can change it after you've created the game if you don't like this feature.

Once you've created your game, hit the menu button, and go back to Home. Click on your game, scroll down to invite players. You can send direct invitations to the email address they used to sign up for Roll20 with, or copy and paste a link, dropping it into your Discord Group DM text chat.

After your players have accepted the invitation, have them launch the game, at least once, so the Roll20 servers fully recognize that they are participants. This will allow you to assign them control of characters, and access to handouts later. This merely saves you the time of having to make those assignments at the first game.

While your players are in the game, have them go to the "My Settings" tab, by clicking the Gear Icon in the upper right corner. Have them scroll down and set Player Avatar Size to "Names only", and Chat Tech to "None" (no video/audio). You're using Discord (which is way better), so you won't need these features.

On your game's landing page, there is a place for Game Discussion where you, or any player, can post topics, people can reply, and so forth. For important game things, you can flag posts to hang around at the top of the Discussion Feed. This is a good place to put house rules, leaderboards, game schedules, and more.

There is also a place to indicate when the next game will be, the time adjusted from your timezone, to whatever everyone else has, depending on where they live. Handy!

When you launch the game to work on it, I recommend having the Roll20 Wiki up in another browser tab. I'm going to run through some of the basics, and give a tour, but there's too much to detail in a single blog post. I'll be focusing on what you'll need to just get started.

https://wiki.roll20.net/Main_Page

The game view has three visible points of user interface. The vertical bar of icons on the left, the horizontal bar of icons at the top of the chat log on the right, and the game board itself. The first thing in the Chat Log should be a "Welcome" message with some helpful chat window commands. At the bottom of the Chat Log is a toggle letting you change your role from yourself, to NPCs, monsters, and even player characters (should they find themselves charmed by a dryad).

Also, note the little blue Page Toolbar button at the top in the middle. This is what you'll use to navigate between different maps, and change what players are able to see on their screens. Your view doesn't have to follow what the players are seeing.

The learning curve with the Roll20 interface is going to feel very steep at first, for you and your players. If you're already anxious about running games, this can feel overwhelming. However, once you learn even a little of how it works, Roll20 is a very powerful tool. I use it to run my local games now with a big screen TV.

It's that good. Trust me, hang in there.

Okay, you're logged into Roll20, click on the games tab, mouse over it, and click the tutorial. Watching a YouTube video is a fine way to learn, but this gets you accustomed to the tools, where things are located, and so forth. Breaking through this initial learning curve, understanding where your game assets are stored, and how to control what your players see and hear takes a minute.

If you've ever used Photoshop or any image editing tool, even Microsoft Word or OneNote, a lot of the user interface will feel familiar, functions and features much the same.

Okay, some general tips that should streamline things for you.

Make a character called "Dungeon Master", "Game Master", or similar.  In the Attributes & Abilities tab create several that are going to automatically roll for yourself via /gmroll, or for players using /roll, the most commonly used things. Passive Detection, Surprise, Random Encounters, Treasure, Initiative, and anything else you roll for multiple times per game.

Then, click the "Show in macro bar" box so they are on screen for you whenever you need them.

When uploading assets, give the file names that are searchable in an intuitive way. You can make folders and to organize your art library, but it isn't really necessary. The search feature is robust enough it'll pick through the pile very quickly, provided your file names reflect what the asset is.

Asset0023.png <- No GoblinShaman.png <- Yes

Finally, in the settings for your game, add any applicable compendiums for your game, and click the box that makes them available for players. There are compendiums for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Ed, Pathfinder 2nd Ed, Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition, Dungeon World, Fate, Kids on Bikes, Pathfinder 1st Ed, Starfinder, Burn Bryte, DramaSystem, and Dialext.

A lot of these are paid upgrades, but worth the investment if you plan to stay on and use Roll20 for any particular duration. You'll find the full list on Roll20 dot net, under the Tools Menu Tab, in Compendiums.

Roll20 & Discord For Players

In the beginnning your goal should be to have fun, and understand how Roll20 works enough that you aren't slowing the game down for anyone else. Worry about macros and navigating the game as you play. Definitely watch YouTube videos, read the Wiki, and do whatever else you need to feel comfortable.

But, first, make sure you are using best application available to you for accessing the game.

There are these options for Android and iPad. (Keep reading, don't just grab one of these yet.)

Android iPad

As far as I'm aware, these are horrible, 1-2 star applications with problems, and lacking in support. Only resort to these options if you've tried every browser (Firefox, Chrome, Safari) available for your platform, and  can't get it on your desktop or tablet.

Likewise, do this for Discord.

Make sure you are accessing the Discord App using the best option for your platform. I have yet to find a platform where Discord isn't pretty great. Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, and Linux, all awesome with a dedicated app, or in the browser.

Figure out how to mute yourself, and be courteous to other people participating. No one wants to hear you eating chips or yelling at your kids. ;-D Also, perform and audio test with your computer and headset. Have a friend or the game master meet you online and make sure everything is working properly.

This is, literally, 75% of the battle for a game master running their first online game. Just getting people online with the right software, hardware configured properly, with a modicum of understanding of how it all works. The absolute best thing a player can do is be responsible for learning and helping others learn Discord and Roll20.

Preparing games for Roll20 takes more effort for the dungeon master than normal. You can help this along by writing background stories, doing illustrations of your character, or just making a wish list of magical items your character hopes to encounter. Taking some of the guesswork out of making the game fun for you, will greatly streamline the process for the game master.

Likewise, organizing games online is time consuming and stressful as compared to just meeting at the local game or board game cafe. Make sure you communicate with the game master your availability, and be on time for games. This sets a standard for other players. Supporting the table with your reliable presence makes it nicer for you, and everyone else.

Build some custom emote macros for your character in the Attributes & Abilities tab or your character sheet in the Journal tab above the chat log. Whenever my Warlock uses one of his class abilities at my 5e table, I click a macro button that executes one of these commands.

/em holds a rod aloft, summoning hellish fortitude! (Using his Rod of the Pact Keeper)

/em grasps a shard amulet around his neck, closes his eyes, and reaches across into the hellscape it came from. (Using his Dark Shard Amulet)

/em gains terrible fortitude following the slaying of an enemy. (Dark One's Blessing Class Ability)

/em produces a shadowy tome, bound in the hide of an otherworldly beast, flames leaping up from the script inside. (Book of Shadows Class Ability)

/em reaches back into the void, altering his fate. (Dark One's Own Luck Class Ability) /roll 1D10 [Add To Current Saving Throw]

This accomplishes three things.

It lets the game master know you're using a class ability without breaking the flow by babbling about game mechanics.

It marks the use of that class ability in the chat log for tracking purposes.

It enhances the game for other players, giving them a more vivid picture of what your character is doing.

Resources

As of writing this, Roll20 has a ton of things in the marketplace for free, tokens, maps, and modules. It is part of the response to people being stuck at home. I've included links to some notable items, but definitely cruise through all the things.

The Master's Vault, D&D 5e (Free as of writing this) Quick-Start Rules Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition The Lightless Beacon - Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition The Strange: Starter Pack - Pathfinder Playtest Flip-Mat Multi-Pack

Lone Wolf's Hero Lab things provide for Online Character Creation, Campaign Management, and regular old Classic Character Creation. It looks like they primarily provide online support for Pathfinder 2e, Starfinder, and Shadowrun 6th Generation, and classic support for Pathfinder 1e, D&D 5e SRD, and Savage Worlds.

For 5th Edition Shadowrun, there is a keen Character Chummer on Github. Also, this tool for figuring out your Priorities before you start writing things down.

For Star Trek Adventures, there is a Character & Starships tool here. Also, this fan site looks like a keen source for ideas and things.

@Tartle_Games on Twitter turned me onto a service called Astral. I haven't checked it out in detail yet, but folks that play Call of Cthulhu, Pathfinder, Vampire: The Masquerade, Shadow of the Demon Lord, Exalted, Forbidden Lands, or Fantasy Age should probably head there and see what they've got. It looks like those games are specifically supported for playing online, and Astral appears to be free? https://www.astraltabletop.com/

Even More Resources

PCGen

"Compatible with Pathfinder 1e, Pathfinder 2e (coming), d20 Modern, Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 Edition, Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition, Starfinder, and many more..."

This service went into archive mode December 17, 2019. Take advantage of it while you can.

Fast Character

"Need a few quick pre-gens for a game convention or organized play group at your local game store?

Your cousin from out of town wants to sit in and join this week's game?

The party insists on hiring that NPC to join them for the adventure?

That failed stealth check got half the party killed and now the fallen are playing back-up reinforcements?

You don't have time to min/max your way through a character build but want to try something new?"

Support for D&D 5e, and Cypher System (Numenera, The Strange, etc)

Also, don't forget about ye old' Google Search for free assets and dungeon maps.

[thornsickle]

What is the end game for Rey and Kylo Ren, and how does it connect to the ultimate fate of the Force in the sequel trilogy?

With ‘The Last Jedi’ only a month away (a month guys!), I thought I would dive into something which might be viewed as a little too far-fetched to be discussing right now, but I think it’s crucial to put this out there before we have all seen ‘The Last Jedi’. Mainly because this could very easily be torn to pieces by the end of episode VIII (which I will embrace wholeheartedly either way, as I am sure that a compelling story awaits us all). So if you think this is all just moot to be talking about at this stage, or you’d rather not think about what will be the conclusion to the sequel trilogy concerning Kylo and Rey, then by all means skip this post. For those still here, I hope you read on and let me know what you think. Oh, and be warned, this is going to be a long post.

What will happen ultimately to Rey and Kylo Ren? At this point, given what has happened these past few months, I think ‘Reylo’, in the broadest of terms, is going to happen. Heck, it’s already started in TFA.

For me the more important question now is not if ‘Reylo’ is going to happen but rather, what is to become of their futures? Will they be together or won’t they? Right now we don’t know, and I don’t presume to know either, but I would like to talk about what could happen on a hypothetical level, given what we know about what type of story this is, and the narrative line, both on a symbolic and spiritual level.

Because to answer the question of how this trilogy will end, we have to ask what it is indeed about. And in order to answer that question, we have to ask what the sequel trilogy has to do in order to further the story of ‘Star Wars’.

The sequel trilogy is, in the end, about the Force.

But you see, I think the Force is going to have a much bigger role to play now, because the lore surrounding Star Wars needs to be expanded upon. We know this is coming because Luke has been trying to find out more about this mysterious Force which the entire saga revolves around, and I think we will get a lot more backstory on it in TLJ, judging by Luke’s books and the Force Tree we saw in the trailer. Heck, he’s on Achto, the original temple of the Jedi; if that doesn’t scream history and hoards of information just waiting to be found, I don’t know what does.

There’s a reason why episode VII was called ‘The Force Awakens’.

But how exactly will they expand upon the Force and how does this connect to the fates of Kylo Ren and Rey?

“Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.” 

A simple, single line, which appears in the first scene of TFA. An old saying, which finds it’s roots in the original trilogy.

‘The mission’ if you like, for this sequel trilogy, will be to deconstruct this notion, and by the end of episode IX we should be able to see that what Lor San Tekka states here is, in fact, incorrect.

‘Dust’ and ‘the Force’

The similarities between ‘His Dark Materials’ and the notions of ‘the Force’ are not surprising. Both are inspired by religious sources; for Pullman it was Paradise Lost, for George Lucas it was more general, taking inspiration from all forms of religion, but this greatly informs their ideas of their respective sources of power in their worlds. ‘Dust/the Force’, the idea of power, for both these creatives, resides primarily in the idea of faith and more importantly, ‘the consciousness‘. Why is this so?

The fantasy genre for me exists, first and foremost, because we want to tackle the morally problematic issue that is ‘power’. Magic, lightsabers, rings, wands, time travel, super powers, you name it, these are all simply vehicles used to represent the idea of power. However, what makes both George Lucas and Phillip Pullman so interesting, is that their philosophy surrounding power goes beyond that of the classic, cautionary tale about the misuse of power (Harry Potter - ‘horcruxes & Voldemort’, Lord of the Rings - ‘the One Ring’) or how one becomes ‘worthy’ of power.

The biggest similarity between ‘Dust’ and ‘the Force’ is their nebulousness and anonymity within their respective stories. The characters in both worlds have very different ideas about ‘Dust/the Force’, both on it’s purpose and what should be done about it. They are forms of power which ultimately do not belong to either the ‘good’ or ‘evil’. If I was to describe how ideas of ‘the Force’ are to change, I would say that Philip Pullman’s description of ‘Dust’ gives a pretty good idea of where I think this sequel trilogy is heading.

“Dust is a mysterious force of which the powerful people in the story seem to be afraid.”

This quote was taken directly from an interview with Philip Pullman, but what is so fascinating is that he might as well be talking about ‘the Force’ as we know it in Star Wars. In fact, this could be seen as the premise for the entire saga.

Here is the link to said video. From 1:26

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N6vzZuPy1s

In the prequels, Palpatine’s main goal was to take over the Galactic Senate and ultimately rule over the galaxy. However, he did so in a very politically strategic way; by instilling fear in the public and, by extension, fear of the Jedi. He distanced the public from ‘the force’ and shrouded it in mystery, instilling ignorance in those he ruled over. He went so far as to hide his own identity as a force user in order to do this. By taking this power away from the people, he was able to easily manipulate those around him. This is why he was able to take over and create his Empire as smoothly as he did, “with thunderous applause”. His true power was his perceptiveness; he could see into people’s weaknesses and understood how ‘power’ could be both utilized and suppressed.

Palpatine was intelligent in the sense that he knew ‘the Force’ was a powerful thing, however, as Pullman says in his quote, he ultimately feared it. We know this because, quite simply, he tried to control it; first by extinguishing the Jedi, and second, by manipulating Anakin Skywalker, the greatest force user at that time, into becoming his puppet.

In His Dark Materials, ‘the Magistrate’ exerts its power through similar means; their basic goal is to remain in power by making sure the public never learn of ‘dust’ and its various capabilities. They are responsible for the public’s general ignorance over what ‘Dust’ actually is, they only know it as something corrupt and to be feared. The Magistrate successfully created in this way a distorted image of ‘Dust’, labeling it as something ‘evil’ and ‘corrupt’ (if you like ‘original sin’). This is exactly what Palpatine did to the Jedi; you might as well exchange the ‘Magisterium’ for the ‘Empire’ and you probably wouldn’t see much difference. 

On the other side, the Jedi during the prequels had grown ignorant over the true purpose of ‘the force’ and what ‘balance in the force’ really meant. This is why they ultimately failed Anakin Skywalker during his training to become a Jedi. George Lucas highlights the flaws within the council and we are therefore able to understand why the Republic fell. The Jedi only used one side of the Force, and believed the ‘Dark Side’ to be completely corrupt and therefore not to be embraced. They speak of ‘fear being the path to the dark side’ but ironically, it is that very avoidance of it, that ends up instilling fear of the ‘Dark side’ in force users and therefore sends either themselves or those around them down that path, becoming the very thing they swore to destroy. Philip Pullman also shows this in his trilogy but more on that later.

“Dust is a mysterious force of which the powerful people in the story seem to be afraid.” 

Once again, we return to his statement. At first it may not seem this way, but the Jedi too, in their own way, feared ‘the Force’ and it’s capabilities. Like ‘the Magistrate’, they created an order, a set of rules, a moral code, in order to restrain force users and stop them from being ‘corrupted’. Someone like Anakin Skywalker, who found extreme conflict regarding this concept, was exactly the sort of person who the Jedi feared most of all.

Like ‘the Magistrate’, they grew increasingly frustrated because of their growing lack of connection to ‘the Force’. This is shown most prominently when Yoda states “impossible to see, the future is.” And yet, Anakin sees, with painful clarity, the future and the fate of the one he loves, because unlike Yoda, he does not fully reject ‘the dark side’ and therefore it does not cloud his vision. His connection to ‘the Force’ is very much like Lyra’s ability to read the alethiometer; she sees nothing but the truth, something no one else seems to be able to do. Rey in the sequel trilogy also holds this ability; her version of this comes in the form of ‘visions’.

The Jedi do not fully trust ‘the chosen one’, which means that they do not in fact trust ‘the Force’. Like ‘the Force’, Anakin Skywalker was someone who could not be controlled and yet, this is precisely why he was ‘the chosen one’. TLJ continues these ideas, with Luke fearing not only ‘Kylo Ren’ but ‘Rey’ as well, and I would guess this is because he does not understand ‘what’ either of them truly are, whether they are ‘good’ or ‘bad’, symbols of ‘the Force’ or, if you like for the purposes of this post, ‘Dust’.

It is important to note that one speaks of ‘the Force’ or ‘Dust’, we are talking about it as a whole. The Jedi may have embraced the Force as they knew it, but they didn’t in fact do so fully. Like the Emperor, they feared what might happen if ‘the Force’ was free and unrestricted. This is why we have seen through the saga the fall of both the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ side.

In ‘His Dark Materials’, ‘intercision’ is for me the equivalent of what happens to every Force user in the saga, may they be on the ‘light’ side or ‘dark’ side.

In Philip Pullman’s books, this is of course much more extreme; essentially ‘intercision’ is a form of lobotomy. In literature, lobotomy is often used as a symbol for the loss of freedom and individual thought – just look at Tennessee Williams’ ‘Suddenly Last Summer’ as the most blatant example of this. ‘Intercision’ is essentially the Magistrate’s way of preventing children from embracing ‘Dust’ as they turn of age, stopping from maturing. Instead they transform into vegetative states, with no free will of their own. The separation of the soul and body can also be linked to the concept of dementors in the Harry Potter series. 

Snoke’s manipulation of Kylo is reminiscent of this. He is trying to stomp out the very humanity out of Ben Solo – hence Lor San Tekka’s line “something far worse as happened to you”, alluding to Kylo’s almost Frankenstein-like appearance which harkens back to Darth Vader and his journey. For Kylo however, his ‘intercision’ is not yet complete.

Looking at it from a certain point of view, both the Sith and Jedi prevented their students from developing the complete use of the Force, by allowing them to only use one half of it and, one can argue, only one half of themselves. Although each respective faction states they do this because the other side is ‘corrupt’, it is clear something is incorrect about their analysis, because the Force is in constant flux throughout the saga, unable to settle, perhaps because of it’s misuse by both sides. In ‘His Dark Materials’, this is exactly what is happening with ‘Dust’. At the end of ‘The Northern Lights’ Lord Asriel is able to travel from one world to another, but only by killing Lyra’s best friend Rodger in the process. This causes Lyra to reevaluate both her image of her father, but also of Dust. Unlike Lucas, Pullman shows us from the very first book, that ‘Dust’ is not only being misunderstood by the ‘Magisterium’ but also by those we see as the ‘good guys’.

If the latest trailer for ‘The Last Jedi’ is any indication, Luke may have caught on a little, as it seems he has discovered the Jedi were ultimately wrong about their teachings and beliefs concerning ‘the Force’. Hence his line, “it is time for the Jedi to end.” In Pullman’s books, the adults have a clear misunderstanding when it comes to ‘Dust’, largely because they know so little about it, and more importantly, because they are unable to control it. This is essentially what I think Luke has discovered or will discover in ‘The Last Jedi’.

 “Lyra, who has been told all her life that dust is bad, has seen the adults around her doing terrible things in the name of getting rid of Dust as they think. She undergoes a moral crisis, and thinks ‘if these people have been doing these wicked things and they say that Dust is bad, then maybe Dust is good’.

This is exactly what I think will happen to Rey in ‘The Last Jedi’.

It leads her to connect with Kylo Ren because she witnesses what she sees as the misuse of ‘the Force’. In the original trilogy, the Death Star is the ultimate symbol of misuse of power. George Lucas even rubs this in by making the source of it’s power kyber crystals, which are in themselves symbols of the Force itself. This is heavily implied in Rogue One. This is just speculation at this point, but I believe the Resistance have been mining for some form of kyber crystals on Crait, and were perhaps building a sort of Death Star of their own. I’m not sure though if Lucasfilm is gutsy enough for that, but it would make a heck of a storyline.

With Rey, she sees that the light side of the Force is not entirely what she expected, and finding herself even more lost, wonders that perhaps ‘the dark side’ is not as corrupt as she is being led to think.

Yes, these are two completely different materials, but essentially, they are tackling the same themes. In Rey’s mind at present, there is ‘the Force’, but she is not yet aware that previous force users saw different ways it could be misused. Like Anakin before her, she will discover that her use of ‘the Force’ would have been seen as ‘corrupt’ by the Jedi, firstly because, on a practical level, she has not been trained and has little control over it, and secondly, because she utilizes both the Dark and Light sides of the Force. The several examples of this during TFA (see links below for examples). 

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/147314934255/im-calling-it-rey-is-going-to-turn-to-the-dark

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/152902112780/so-heres-yet-another-theory-of-mine-about-how

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/154378487925/reys-introduction-to-the-force-in-tfa-and-the

My opinion remains open, but these just give you observations on Rey’s use of the force.

I think one of the reasons why she will struggle with Luke, is because she will find his teachings restrictive. Luke’s ‘fear’ of Rey is completely justified, because, as we have established, the ‘adults’ in the fantasy genre often fear the young because they represent what is to come – the future of power. They fear this ‘force’ because they do not understand it. This is why, as Pullman shows, power is not just abused by the ‘bad guys’ but by the majority of the characters in his stories because they seek to exert control over ‘power’ itself (in his case ‘Dust’). This is what ‘His Dark Materials’ has most in common with the philosophy of Star Wars because all the force users in Star Wars also seek to control ‘the Force’, one way or another (which turns out to be their biggest mistake).

“Everything that is consciousness – human thought, imagination, love, affection, kindness, good things, curiosity, intellectual curiosity.”

 This is Pullman’s description of ‘Dust’ and interestingly, there are many elements there which refer to both the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides of the Force. ‘Curiosity’, for example, is something which Yoda in fact tries to suppress in Luke – “there is no why”. Luke’s natural curiosity in the world around him, the possibilities that he sees, is in fact his greatest quality and the reason why he was able to save his father and help him fulfill the prophecy of ‘The Chosen One’. So, what does that say about Yoda and what would have happened if Luke had suppressed his true self?

For Rey and Kylo Ren, they will discover, as Lyra did, that power is being misused by pretty much everybody (hence all the characters in the promotion in TLJ being soaked in red). This is unsurprising, as far as ‘His Dark Materials’ go, because most of the characters in Pullman’s books are not necessarily ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Mrs Coulter and Lord Asriel are very good examples of this. Lyra herself is wild and has an almost untameable sort of quality about her, similar, I think, to both Kylo and Rey.

 The power struggle between the old and new ways of thinking is not necessarily something new. In the original trilogy, Luke defies his masters because he does not agree with them. Once again, I think this will be repeated in the sequel trilogy. After all, fairy-tales in the end are about parents and children, and how children ultimately must move on and evolve, separating from their parents. The future must prevail, and progress cannot be stopped. Change inevitably happens, and therefore, the freedom of independent thought is essential. In Pullman’s trilogy, he shows this in the most powerful way possible, and this is where we delve into what I think will be Rey and Kylo’s ultimate fate. 

Their fate will depend greatly on what happens to ‘the Force’ at the end of this trilogy which is why I’ve been barking on and on about its evolution and meaning in this post. So far, the Force has remained unstable, despite the fact that Anakin Skywalker restored ‘balance’ when he destroyed the Emperor. This is actually a very important thing to remember because it indicates that perhaps ‘balance’ is not necessarily the answer.

The Force as we know it must change and take on a different form. The sequel trilogy in many ways is about wiping the slate clean. I believe this trilogy will bring an end to ‘force users’ as we currently recognize them. Like ‘Dust’, one could argue that if ‘the Force’ had been left alone to thrive naturally and was not manipulated by man, then perhaps none of the events of the saga would have happened at all.

This idea of ‘the Force’ being free, the end of both the Jedi and the Sith, can only be demonstrated effectively enough through our two ‘protagonists’. This has been done before of course, and yes, ‘His Dark Materials’ is one example. This is only a suggestion but I think it’s entirely possible that Rey and Kylo will, in essence, let ‘the Force’ be free and no longer let others control it. It returns to how it was before force users were about. And so, ‘the Force’ as we know it, disappears and yet remains. Like Lyra and Will, Rey and Kylo lose their powers, and therefore, so does Snoke. This is how they ultimately defeat him. Like Noah, they must start anew, letting go of the old world in order to create a new one. However, in order to truly demonstrate the relinquishing of power, they must do one other thing.

 At the end of ‘His Dark Materials’, Lyra and Will are forced to part ways – they cannot stay together. By relinquishing power, they also realize that because ‘said power’ can no longer be controlled, they cannot control their fate either. It is often the case that characters must sacrifice so that they can restore peace and balance, returning ‘power’ back into the world, so that people can embrace it in it’s purest form.

If you want an example of this, look no further than that of Chirrut in ‘Rogue One’. He presents an alternative way of embracing ‘the Force’. Pullman has said that ‘Dust’ needs people as much as people need ‘Dust’. One cannot exist without the other. Which is why that famous line in ‘Rogue One’ makes so much sense…

“And the Force is with me”.

This idea of returning ‘power’ back to the ‘world’ is a very universal idea and can be seen in many different forms. The film ‘Princess Mononoke’ ends with Ashitaka and San returning to their respective worlds after releasing the power back to nature. The forest is no longer as it once was and each must respectively follow their own path but remain connected to one another, even when they are apart. Lyra and Will clearly embody this; they are from two separate parallel worlds but both sit on the same bench each year, aware that the other is close by but still so far away. ‘Spirited Away’ ends with Chihiro returning to the human world; Haku says that he is ‘free’ but they still must part because they have come to the end of their journey together. That film is very much about these ‘two protagonists’ regaining their sense of identity. Sound familiar?

But why must Kylo and Rey part? You may ask.

Aren’t they supposed to meet in the middle and connect to create a new group of force users?

Perhaps. But it would go against everything that I have just said up until now. We cannot forget that while they will connect to each other, they represent opposites sides of a coin, like Ashitaka and San (’man’ and ‘nature’), Haku and Chihiro (‘spirit’ and ‘consciousness’). Ying and Yang, and while both connect to both sides of the Force, they will, in the end, embrace one side a little more than the other. They are two separate beings, and by finding their true ‘identities’ at the conclusion of this trilogy, they remember the past and realize they must do better than those who have come before them.

I do not believe Kylo and Rey will begin creating a new group of force users because they will finally understand the true nature of the Force. It is not something which can be taught; it must be felt and developed naturally, like ‘consciousness’ itself, allowed to expand and mature overtime. We don’t grow up when we begin to listen and do what we are told to do; we grow up when we start to make conscious decisions for ourselves and understand the consequences that come with that. Only then do we begin to know ourselves and therefore become in touch with who we inherently are. This is something which no one can teach you; ultimately you discover this for yourself and in fact, that is the ‘true’ source of power, the true power of ‘the Force’.

Self-discovery, which is what the fantasy genre is all about.

Here’s another reason behind why I think Rey and Kylo will part at the end of Episode IX.

‘Casablanca’.

True, this is not a fantasy film, but it is a story about taking initiative and trying to make the world a better place (famously it was released during WW2 when America was already involved, and this film hailed the idea of ‘responsibility’ and ‘commitment’ during a time when the world was literally falling apart).

 It is a story about ‘redemption’ and I believe that is what the sequel trilogy will be about. The return of ‘the Force’ in its purest form through the redemption of those who use it, and that applies to everyone, not just Kylo Ren.

There are, however, clear parallels between the character of ‘Rick’ and ‘Kylo Ren’, which is not surprising as Humphrey Bogart embodied many traits which harken back to the idea of the Byronic hero, or ‘anti-hero’. As Palminteri said about Bogart, “he was able to wear a white hat and a black hat. He was the killer you sort of sympathised with.” Han Solo IS Rick in Casablanca you could argue, at first passive towards the political climate, hypocritical in the sense that he says he doesn’t care, when really he does.

Naturally, his son embodies this attitude as well and by the end of Casablanca, Rick has transformed his world view after reuniting with the love of his life, who is aptly part of the ‘French Resistance’. Is it only when he pushes her away, that he becomes truly selfless and he finally recovers his true sense of agenda and identity.

This is the key when it comes to Kylo Ren. The only way I believe to truly complete his transformation is for him to do the noble thing and protect the one he loves in the most selfless way possible. This is important because it becomes an integral part of his story arc. This does not however mean that he will die. That would be easy, but the harder thing to do, would be to live with the decisions he has made. This is one of the primary reasons why JK Rowling did not kill Harry Potter at the end of her series. Of course, another reason is because it has been done before, and unlike Darth Vader, Kylo’s story is tightly interlocked with that of Rey, more so than Luke’s ever was with his father.

Ebert describes Bogart thus; “he can play that hurt, that vulnerability, that guy who will never be able to bounce back and at the same time, you see inside of him that idealism. He has this cynicism that says ‘I’ll stick my neck out for nobody’ but at the same time he sticks his neck way out and it was that transition that Bogart was so good at.”

 I have a hunch that Adam Driver is good at this too, and this is precisely why Kennedy cast him as Kylo Ren. I don’t think it’s a mere coincidence that very specific expressionist cinematography was used during Kylo’s scenes in TFA; the use of film noirish side lighting to highlight his inner conflict and split-self, just as Rick is depicted in Casablanca.

Kylo and Rey will part ways but remain connected, coexisting. Ben’s love for Rey will echo the use of the Force by force-users, and therefore both must be relinquished in order to bring true peace to the galaxy. The bright side is it will leave the trilogy open-ended enough so that their story can continue and there is a possibility of them coming together once more, but I also think it makes for the most cohesive ending.

The Force does not need to be balanced, it needs to be set free.

‘Star-crossed lovers’, Rey and Kylo indeed literally will become I think. 

But what do you think? Let me know in the comments and don’t forget to like and reblog so we can get a conversation going. Sorry for the extremely long post :D

[acetokens]

My (post game) opinions on the ndrv3 cast

Alright, before the game came out I made this post where I basically vomited out my opinions on how I felt about the newly revealed ndrv3 cast onto a post and it was 50% jokes, 50% venting at fangirls. But now I've actually played the game, delved into the fandom and looked at the changes between the Japanese and English versions, I feel I can make a more genuine list of how I feel about all these good kids that deserved better. I realize my opinions are just that, and I’m probably yelling into the void here. But I felt I had to do a followup to the last post because MY GOD WAS I WRONG ABOUT (MOST) THINGS. I've listed every character in ‘favorite to least favorite’ order for convenience sake. Also this post will contain Spoilers. You have been warned.

Placed under a break for your skipping convenience. Ya’ll are welcome.

1. Himiko Yumeno - I absolutely adore everything about Himiko. Her design, her lazy attitude, her voice (NYEH), her development across the game to become a more driven and energetic person...I found her really funny, really cute and oddly relatable. Himiko is probably in my top 5 DR characters of all time. Which is even crazier when I remember she’s one of the few survivors. I've never had a favorite character who survives a killing game before. So unlike past Dangan Ronpa games where my interest sorta dies off by Chapter 6, Himiko kept me fully invested in everything until the end. She’s a special bean and I love her.

2. Gonta Gokuhara - Continuing the DR trend of a Big Guy who’s a Big Friend, Gonta was so good and so pure and so friendly and deserved so much better. He was always trying to do his best and protect everyone until the very end. R.I.P Gonta. You were a true gentleman. Chapter 4 can suck my ass.

3. Tenko Chabashira - I literally D E S P I S E D Tenko when she was first revealed. I hated her stupid, sexist guts. But come Ndrv3′s release and Tenko turned out to be a dorky, kind, protective and strong willed girl who was skilled enough to be admirable but pathetic enough to be pitiable at the same time. I loved her undying adoration of Himiko (even if it was a bit creepy at times) and the two make a really cute ship. I was expecting some kind of tragic backstory in her FTE’s to explain why she hates men (I believe she mentions a drunken father at one point, and I really wish they went more into that), and the lack of a reasonable explanation for such a strong hatred is what prevents her from sharing (or even taking) the top spot in my book. But misandry aside, Tenko is a Great Gal and I wanna hug her. Although she’d probably bodyslam me.

4. Kirumi Tojou - Kirumi was my favorite when all the characters were revealed at first. I made multiple posts about how I’d die for her and how she was beautiful and whatnot and I was confident about two things when the game came out: 1) She’d be my favorite. And 2) She’d die - following in the footsteps of all previous ‘best girls’ before her. And well, I did really like her. Just...not as much as I thought I would. Kirumi is efficient, brave, elegant, caring and has a really cool design. But her talent occupies most of who she is as a person, and she isn't too dissimilar to most maid characters in anime or manga. So it made her quite predictable at times and I feel they could’ve done so much more with her..ah well. Kirumi is still a super awesome maid and a great Mom. Even if she hates being called that.

5. Kaede Akamatsu - Ahh...I remember when I was wishing someone else would be our protagonist when she was first announced...I think I cursed it. Because Kaede was just *incredible*. She was headstrong, perceptive, kind and left such a big impact on me after Chapter 1. You know that ‘Do It For Her’ meme? Yeah, that about summarizes the rest of Ndrv3 for me. Also Kaede is a huge gay and all the Ndrv3 girls are her girlfriends, pass it on.

6. Ryouma Hoshi - Congratulations to Ryouma for being the only non-standard design character not to be terrible. Far from it, in fact. Ryouma is a badass! A lil’ badass with such a depressing backstory and death that when they showed his motive video, I let out a single manly tear. Or several. Or many. I just...I just want this man to be happy...

7. Miu Iruma - Miu has zipped up and down my lists more than any other character. I had her ranked highly pre-game, lowly during the game, and mid/high post-game. Her design and talent are really cool and she makes several neat inventions over the course of the game, but her personality was so damn prickly and vulgar that I found her really offputting while she was alive. It was only after finishing her FTE’s and seeing her Love Hotel scene that I realized holy shit this girl has some serious trust and abandonment issues. It put all of her behavior in perspective and I began to feel really sorry for her all of a sudden. The hurt/comfort potential here is just WAITING to be uncovered but, alas, most Miu fanfics I've come across are just smut or crackfics. Out of all the Ndrv3 girls, Miu deserves the most headpats. Lots and lots of headpats.

8. Kaito Momota - A good, supportive friend and an effective comic relief. His optimism was a bit grating for me now and again (I never like it when DR plays the ‘’Oh we should just believe in him/her because s/he’s our friend :)’’ card because of how biased it always is. Like, DR will sometimes bend over backwards and completely 180 its own rules to make sure certain characters survive. In a game where finding the truth by objective evidence and fact is key, the times where it just says ‘’nah fuck the truth who needs proof just b e l i e v e’’ just feel so...stupid). But criticisms of the series aside, Kaito is a bro and he’s great. Who doesn’t love the luminary of the stars?

9. Kokichi Ouma - I realise putting the most popular character at 9th is going to make hoards of fangirls despise me but!!!! I don’t dislike Kokichi. In fact I like him a lot. His character is probably the most enjoyable to analyze out of everyone, his interactions are hilarious but also disturbing, the Kokichi memes are funny, and I too think the changes they made to his dialogue in the English translation was utter bullshit (almost as greater character assassination as Mukuro in the DR3 anime). But, I really love most of the characters in the game which leaves characters I’m torn on (like Kokichi or Kiyo) hovering at a position which makes it seem like I dislike them when actually I enjoy them immensely. Just...not as consistently as some of the others. Also Chapter 4 was an kick to the nads that I can’t get over. Sorry Kokichi.

10. Korekiyo Shinguuji - I was prepared to LOVE this guy so much. Seriously. I was ready for the moment where it would turn out creepy noodle man would be turn out to be a Wholesome noodle man. But uh, I think I’m with the rest of the fandom when I say that Korekiyo’s reveal as the SHSL incestuous serial killer made me drop him faster than Kirumi dropped in her execution (sorry). So, now I've establish Kork is the *real* Worst Boy...why did I put him at 10th? Why not 15th? Especially considering he killed Tenko? Truthfully, it’s the memes. Just...the Kork memes. And the fact he’s such an awful person and so obviously a murderer that it becomes genuinely hilarious to me. And his design is my favorite out of all of them. I’m so split on him. So, so split...

11. K1-B0 - Keebo made me laugh a bunch of times, and I enjoyed him more than I thought I would initially. Also his upgrades in Chapter 6 were badass as fuck. But I just don’t really feel the same affection for him like I do other characters. I’m afraid cute robot girls will always be my weakspot. Cute robot boys...not so much. (Although I’m all for Agender! Keebo that’s my jam).

12. Shuichi Saihara - This is the point in my list where I finally reach true neutral. I have no feelings on Shuichi either way. He’s deeper and has a more interesting plot arc than Makoto, which makes him a more effective protagonist in my opinion. But Hinata will always be the best protagonist in my book. And I just keep picturing what it would’ve been like if Kaede survived instead...

13. Rantaro Amami - I never understood why he was uber popular before the game came out and I don’t think I understand why he’s so popular now either. I have no negative feelings on the guy; he’s mysterious and has a ‘big brother’ attitude that I like. But the poor dude just died too quickly for me to feel anything for him. 

14. Maki Harukawa - I only dislike three characters in this game. Maki is one of them. I knew *exactly* what kind of character she was going to be and I knew I wouldn’t like her much and I knew she was going to survive. I didn’t guess she was going to be an assassin! But outside of that, There isn’t much going for me for me. The tsundere is never an archetype I like and the fact the deaths in Chapters 2 and 5 are partly her fault and no one calls her out on it is kinda frustrating also. 

15. Angie Yonaga - Angie’s creepiness is her most appealing trait to me. That should explain how low the bar is set here. Its difficult to write what I feel about her without coming across as a salty atheist (because most of her problems revolve around her use of her god to manipulate people) so I’m just going to leave it there.

16. Tsumugi Shirogane - Y’know I distinctly remember labelling Tsumugi as ‘’Hifumi but likable’’ on my previous Ndrv3 opinion post. I was wrong. She was hovering around mid/low level for me while I played the game, and I often forgot she existed (kinda funny considering her self admitted plainness) and her references were quite obscure a lot of the time so I didn’t find her funny either. I didn’t dislike her, I just forgot her. Then Chapter 6 happened and everyone knows the rest. It’d be difficult to truly ‘like’ Tsumugi after her reveal as the mastermind, after all. Although she was certainly entertaining when she started cosplaying as all the previous characters and I did like how her eyes glowed when she went all DanganRonpa crazy. I did actually consider putting her above Angie for those reasons, but if I dropped Kokichi’s placement because he killed Gonta then I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t slamdunk Tsumugi into last place for technically being responsible for everyones’ deaths as well (well, responsible as part of Team DanganRonpa. I understand it wasn’t *entirely* her behind it all). You know there’s a problem when *Hifumi* looks pure in comparison...

If you read through all of this, then congratulations? I don’t know how to end long ass posts like this...just pretend I said something witty. 

I need sleep.

[beigeloaf-blog]

Album Review: CTRL

SZA’s CTRL isn’t just a debut album, it’s the climax of an essential chapter in her journey towards self-realization in love, self-worth, and purpose. With tracks penned for Rihanna and Beyoncé, we knew SZA had the writing chops and with CTRL there is no doubt that she is a force to be reckoned with. 14-tracks deep, this project is rich with potent lyricism, multilayered production, and pushes a powerful theme that creates a space for open exploration in defining our womanhood through concepts of control.

CTRL opens with “Supermodel.” Driven by a poignant guitar riff, this song is an open letter depicting revenge, insecurities, and a deep thirst for the thing that both destroys and completes her being. Pharrell tops off the track with rhythmic whispers and the seemingly hollow production lays an open foundation for the intricate and varied aural skeleton that frames this album’s soundscape.

Next is, “Love Galore.” Assisted by Travis Scott, this track offers listeners a little bounce. The visual, directed by Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.

With a guest appearance from fellow TDE-mate Kendrick Lamar, “Doves In The Wind” is a tale of pussy power. Kendrick snaps on his verse delivering each line with his signature texture of pocketed rhythm and melody, “Niggas’ll lose they mind for it / Wine for it, dine for it (pussy) / Spend time for it, see no colored line for it (pussy).” Followed by lead single “Drew Berrymore” and “Prom,” “Doves In The Wind” is a brief reprieve from finding answers by grappling with control in the sense of what a man does to women and rather articulates the blinding power a woman can have over men.

The sixth track, “The Weekend,” is definitely a stand out. But more importantly, it’s a side chick anthem… After listening to the song I felt the strong desire to join in on the fun and shout from the depths of my soul, “These niggas for everybody!” SZA doesn’t deliver a modest or defeated explanation for side chick-ism. She re-appropriates the concept, empowering women to not get caught up in the mess of a man, but to simply get what we each need and keep it pushing. The hook reads, “My man is my man is your man / Heard that’s her man too / Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday / I just keep him satisfied through the weekend / You’re like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend / Make him lose his mind every weekend.”

During an appearance on the Breakfast Club SZA explained the next track “Go Gina,” as being somewhat in the vein of character Gina from the classic 90s series Martin. “Gina was always like the semi-corporate, kind of stuck up, but also really beautiful and had a sense of humor, but she looked like if she lived like Pam she might have more fun.” SZA caps everything off with the idea of just living your life and not being afraid to be crazy.

Soothingly bright, “Garden (Say It Like Dat)” departs a bit from the more vibey tone of the project, but stays on the mark with the overall theme, showcasing a desire to be wanted and reassured by a lover. This track delivers the line that just might get the most Insta-caption/Twitter play, “Lie to me and say my booty getting’ bigger even if it ain’t.”

“Broken Clocks,“ released on June 2nd is a vibe for sure. If I had to pick a song that showcases the muscle of SZA’s vocals and syncopation, this would be the one. The next track “Anything,” backed by a fluttering, technology-esque beat, reminiscent of the album cover, also highlights her ability to create a trance with her raspy, yet buttery, vocals and her rhythmic flows.

If James Fauntleroy is on an album, you know it’s good. He pops up on the album’s interlude, “Wavy.” SZA mentioned on Twitter that a full version of the track exists, thus prompting us all to desperately salivate until it’s dropped. Tracks “Normal Girl” and “Pretty Little Birds,” the latter featuring another TDE artist Isaiah Rashad, prepare us for the final song of CTRL… “20 Something.” This track seamlessly puts a face to the angst that is so central to the experience of living, growing, and finding yourself as a 20-something year old. “How could it be? / 20 something, all alone still / Not a thing in my name / Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love / Only know fear / That’s me, Ms. 20 Something.” I’ve been extra thirsty for this song since hearing a preview at the beginning of the short behind the scenes/documentary piece, “SZA — Where Have You Been: Road to CTRL,” released back in February. It’s the perfect conclusion to CTRL and offers a point of relief for young 20-somethings wondering if we’re in this alone.

Prior to the CTRL rollout, it wasn’t clear where SZA was going to take her career. After tweeting “I Quit,” and tagging Punch, The president of her label/management company, TDE, fans speculated that she was having issues with the TDE team. She recently mentioned during an interview, with Nessa of Hot 97, that the tweet was more about quitting music all together, but triggered by a conversation with Punch. “I am very dramatic, and I’m like easily angered and I was having an exorbitantly bad day, completely unconnected to music, on some family shit. And then I got into an argument about some music with Punch and it just took me over the edge. And I was like wow this is a hobby I don’t want to continue anymore.”

Thankfully, after four years of hoping and waiting, CTRL is out and this project is crucial for, not just urban music culture, but music culture as a whole. It’s one of those projects that are hard to box in with the, sometimes limiting, label of a genre and it’s one that could become a definitive marker or soundtrack for an entire generation. As her official debut album, CTRL, hits hard and solidifies the foundation for SZA’s freshman chapter in music, setting her up to become one of the greats.

Composer Credits - 

1. Supermodel - Tyran Donaldson / Terrence Henderson / Greg Landfair, Jr. / Solana Rowe / Pharrell Williams

2. Love Galore (Feat. Travis Scott) - Cody Fayne / Terrence Henderson / Carter Lang / Solana Rowe / Jacques Webster

3. Doves In The Wind (Feat. Kendrick Lamar) -  Kendrick Duckworth / Solana Rowe / Trevor Smith / Cam O'Bi 

4. Drew Barrymore - Tyran Donaldson / Terrence Henderson / Carter Lang / Solana Rowe / Macie Stewart

5. Prom - Tyran Donaldson / Carter Lang / Solana Rowe

6. The Weekend - Cody Fayne / Timothy Mosley / Solana Rowe / Justin Timberlake

7. Go Gina - Tyran Donaldson / Adam Feeney / Carter Lang / Solana Rowe

8. Garden (Say It Like Dat) - Craig Balmoris / Solana Rowe / Daniel Tannenbaum

9. Broken Clocks - Cody Fayne / Adam Feeney / Thomas Paxton-Beesley / Solana Rowe / Angela Simmons

10. Anything - Pete Bellotte / Tyran Donaldson / Carter Lang / Giorgio Moroder / Solana Rowe

11. Wavy (Interlude) [Feat. James Fauntleroy] - James Fauntleroy / Cody Fayne / Lukasz Plas / Solana Rowe

12. Normal Girl - Tyran Donaldson / Terrence Henderson / Carter Lang / Solana Rowe

13. Pretty Little Birds (Feat. Isaiah Rashad) - Tyran Donaldson / Carter Lang / Josef Leimberg / Isaiah McClain / Solana Rowe

14. 20 Something - Tyran Donaldson / Carter Lang / Solana Rowe

[gyrlversion]

I Played “Fortnite” Once And Now I Need These 24 Things

We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

I’m a 25-year-old woman who hadn’t played video games since the Tony Hawk Pro Skater days of my youth — until recently. I played Fortnite once, and now it’s literally all I think about. Here are some items I absolutely need now that this game is my life’s singular passion:

1.

A Nintendo Switch, because I can’t *only* play The Beautiful Game when I’m at my friend Jim’s house in Detroit once every few months. Gotta make an investment if I’m gonna pwn noobs every single day.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $299 (available in two colors).

2.

Some socks that perfectly demonstrate my love of both a game I barely know how to play as well as my incredible communication skills.

Amazon

Get a three-pack from Amazon for $12.99.

3.

A T-shirt I plan on buying seven of, so I can wear it every day of the week. I have Fortnite Fever and the only cure is more Fortnite.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $13.95 (available in children’s sizes S–L and adult sizes S–3XL).

4.

A battle bus lamp that will bring me sweet dreams of falling through the air to a stormy island where I will fight for my life. *Rachel thanked the bus driver.*

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $25.99.

5.

A throw pillow so all those who enter my abode know: this is my gaming sanctuary now.

Hot Topic

Get it from Hot Topic for $18.83 (originally $26.90).

6.

Fortnite Monopoly that will probably teach me more about the characters than the actual video game tbh.

Amazon

Just like in traditional Monopoly, two to seven players battle each other to claim locations, but in this version, you aim to earn health point chips to dominate the game instead of money. Familiar locales such as “Tilted Towers” and “Dusty Divot” are of course up for grabs!

Get it from Amazon for $14.99 (originally $19.99).

7.

A book about how to draw Fortnite characters so I can spend my workdays shirking off responsibility in favor of doodling and daydreaming about getting home to my new Switch.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $8.77.

9.

A piñata plush to hug and squeeze until rare loot explodes from within (in my imagination, of course).

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $8.49.

10.

A chug jug water bottle so I’m never low on health, no matter how many times a robot hits me with a pickaxe.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $14.99.

11.

Or chug jug bottle labels so I can turn any and all bottles into life-giving resources. I need this green juice, cold brew, and pomegranate juice — they heal me.

12.

A Fortnite bedding set, because it is with deep regret that I tell you I currently sleep in a twin bed, so might as well lean in I guess.

Amazon

The set comes with the twin-full comforter, a fitted sheet, a flat sheet, two pillowcases, and two shams.

Get it from Amazon for $79.99.

13.

A pop socket so my life’s mission and passion is well-represented in every mirror selfie I take.

14.

A pair of socks for taking any normal, grown-up outfit and giving it a quarter-life-crisis twist.

Amazon

Get them from Amazon for $14.87.

15.

A Cuddle Team Leader Funko Pop! that I’m sure I would recognize if I had played the game more than one life-changing time.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $5.15 (originally $10.99).

16.

The Big Book of Fortnite — a hardcover textbook that will allow me to study up on the best techniques and strategies for taking the island by ~storm~. You know, like a cool person would.

Barnes & Noble

Chapters include “The Complete Weapons Guide” and “The Advanced Building Guide,” so yeah, you can call me Professor Fortnite.

Get it from Barnes & Noble for $19.95.

17.

A sticker set so I can deck out every smooth surface around me with sweet, sweet reminders of my Favorite Thing In The World.

Amazon

Get a 20-pack from Amazon for $9.99.

18.

A Fortnite journal for jotting down my progress and recording all of my hopes and dreams. “Dear diary, I hope one day I win Fortnite so I can dab with the vigor of a true winner.”

Hot Topic

Get it from Hot Topic for $11.89 (originally $16.99).

19.

A building set so I can practice my building skills irl before bringing them back to the game. As of now I am…painfully bad. Will report back after some test runs.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $24.99+ (available in two styles).

21.

A pair of leggings so I can pretend to play Fortnite in the real world. Don’t worry, for me that means standing in a bush pretending it’s a good disguise.

22.

A print that I fully expect to be ceremoniously presented with once I finally win, so in…five-ish years.

23.

A dart blaster so I can practice my aim on empty La Croix cans on the other side of my room. Maybe one day I won’t panic any time another player gets close to me, accidentally releasing seven balloons instead of taking aim.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $16.69.

24.

And a themed box to keep all of my priceless Fortnite merch safe and sound. The best part of the game is quietly collecting things anyway — this is my extremely exciting, fun, and correct take.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $11.99.

Searching for some great Amazon finds? Check out some of our favorite cheap things to buy on Amazon, some of the weirdest things on Amazon you might actually want, or read through all the rest of our incredible Amazon product recommendations.

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[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 7.2.2017 - 7.8.2017

capsule review-like entries about the things i saw or heard last week. in this post: lord steppington, the golden hour, the last man on earth, souled out, splasher, le jour se leve, creed, a 14 ans, 4:44, singles, heart beats

1) Lord Steppington, by The Step Brothers: I wrote a brief paean to Rhymesayers last week, and I do stand by it, I'm just not thinking about this album specifically when thinking about the label. It's a decent album, it's very Midwest in spirit what with the soul samples and whatnot, but it's also thoroughly whelming Midwest rap. And that's not a bad thing, not every album is destined to be the best album ever! And "this album is OK" isn't that great a criticism, like oh no, how dare something not instill a fire within me, and we didn't make it five sentences into this album before I wrote about writing. Tomorrow will come.

2) The Golden Hour, by Kimbra: So real talk, I sort of thought this album was gonna be the biggest waste of time of all the 2014 joints I added to the library. I only knew her from the Gotye song, she was described as "dream pop" which doesn't sound like anything which could capitavate me, I'm not 110% into the Gotye song if I'm being perfectly honest, it seemed like a bad time from the second I hit "add." But wouldn't you know it, while there was a lot of indie bullshit (man "90s music" is such a predictable bummer), there were actually two (2) disco-y tracks that went hard as hell and made me pay attention. I sort of expected this entire album to move at 3 MPH for 50 minutes, and while I recognize it's not fair to weigh an album against one's expectations (0/2! nailing it this week!), the dance tracks themselves were actually great, and knowing Kimbra was capable of doing more than whisper plaintively made me pay attention to the rest of the album, and there was some really cool stuff in there. Not my cup of tea, but not something I'd refuse if it was what a host had on offer.

3) The Last Man on Earth s3, cr. Will Forte: Definitely the best season so far. The episode where Tandy takes Kenneth Choi to his home in Seattle while Carol tries to get Gail to adopt her is so good, it feels like something the series had to do at some point, acknowledge that these characters had lives before the virus that they are thinking about all the time, and the Kirsten Wiig episode was gold, like, half that episode is just Kristen Wiig yelling at a dog, and that's the better half of the episode. I also really love the version of Tandy who expresses his self-centeredness by trying to be the nicest most helpful boy alive. The show is just so nice and so great and I'm so excited to see where they take s4 in however many months.

4) Souled Out, by Jhene Aiko: One day I'm going to admit to myself that I don't like this kind of music as much as I want to. Like, greatness transcends, I can hear Blood Orange or Solange or SZA and know what I'm listening to is a miracle, but stuff like this or Syd or Smino, like, I want to be where these albums are, but I just can't get to that place. And part of this is just the way I treat music, I know, I'm trying to get the full experience with just one listen on a bus ride home and that's not doing it right, but with albums like this, which are so very subtle and so very understated, what I would get out of the full experience isn't worth the effort it would take to sink into it. I'm sure it's very good, but I'm just never going to be this into mid-tier alt-R&B, and I'm okay with admitting that. Like, I'm about to rave about a colorful platformer video game where you play as a spiky-haired child who bounces off special paint, I'm not quiet R&B introspective jam person.

5) Splasher, dev. Romain Claude: I'm actually writing this like six levels deep into this game because I am absolutely in love. If there's one genre of game I love, it's indie platformer (I like VVVVVV and Runbow, I'm not an afficionado or anything), and this hits a thousand of my buttons. Like, I plunked money on an actual controller for this game, because I tried it for like ten minutes with my keyboard and was like "Nope, nope, this will never work" and set it down (did I write about my first ten minutes in here? Not sure I did. Ah, well!) and now I have a controller and my gosh the movement. This is a game that wants you to move through it quickly, but it never feels like you're out of control at any point, the little orange dude whose name probably doesn't matter is always responding to what you're telling him to do. Like, the air controls! He floats just enough that moving him around is still a skill to be mastered, but not so much so to make it tedious, they struck a really fine balance there. So the game hasn't felt unfair as of yet, all the (many) deaths I have suffered (many, many deaths) have been 100% my fault and have not felt frustrating in any way. And every level with the golden bouncy paint has been absolutely delightful. I'm not sure what later levels have in store for me, I'm sure I'm gonna hit a difficulty curve, but my gosh, what a wonderful little treat!

6) Le Jour Se Leve, dir. Marcel Carne: yes hello hi welcome to post i am reviewing a colorful video game about a bouncing parkour child an 80-year-old french film So I mean I don't have anything to say about this film, but it's just so nuts to consider that films used to look like this and feel like this. Like, the idea of this film wouldn't have been out of place in the dark anti-hero TV drama boom of the 21st century, but cinema had only progressed so far in the '30s, so it's a dark anti-hero drama being told with the cinematic language that had been developed to that point. You can see the first steps being taken to Breaking Bad, but it's several decades away from actually getting there. But the film is also telling its own story, it's not just a marker on the chart of evolutionary progression, it's absolutely worth watching on its own merit, but the entire time, I was just thinking, oh hey I've seen that executed more completely in recent years, that's cool to see the idea before it was fully developed.

7) Creed, dir. Ryan Coogler: The most impressive thing this film did was be a film that worked for someone that had never seen a Rocky movie. It does assume you know some moments from the Rocky series, but only the iconic ones you've seen parodied in other pop culture events. You hear the Rocky theme, you see the steps Rocky walked up, the main character is the son of the most famous adversary, it doesn't traffic in advanced Rocky esoterica, it is just a film that carries the Rocky branding. And I love the way it dealt with legacy. Every single character was trying to do something before life took the opportunity away, and it felt honest while still feeling sort of like meta-commentary, like Creed knew it was going to be judged against Rocky and wanted to prove it was Creed before people called it Rocky in the same way Adonis needed to prove he was Adonis before people started calling him Apollo's son. That's me reading way too much into the movie, though. It was dope. Hey guys did you know that movies a bunch of other people also have seen,,, are good? Sometimes things in the mainstream are OK, too! Anyway here's another French film.

8) A 14 ans, dir. Helene Zimmer: I don't think I've ever seen a film that allowed teenage girls to be the assholes they are in this film. Like, movies like Mean Girls or Easy A or what-have-you are about how teens can hurt each other, but the teens' assholishness is heightened for comedic effect, and the teens all learn lessons in the end. This presents an unvarnished look at how teen girls can absolutely fuck up everyone's lives, and I thought that was fairly admirable. Yet while it was doing that thing, it never lost sight of the fact that its characters were still developing as people, that they weren't necessarily aware they were doing monstrous things they were just kids who don't know any better who were fucking up in ways they might never be able to understand, so the film wasn't this dark look at The Dangers of Teening, it was a sympathetic portrayal of young women figuring out who they wanna be. It’s not a coming-of-age story, it’s a being-of-age story. This is an accurate descriptor of the portrait of young women being painted by this film, and also a joke about how nothing actually like happens in this movie, yeah hello hi it me I like songs that go everywhere and movies that go nowhere.

9) 4:44, by Jay-Z: Everything everyone is saying about this album is correct. I initially balked at the concept of a response album to Lemonade, but I never considered that the word "response" was being used as shorthand for "detail of Jay-Z's emotional response." It's not just that it's a rapper going through his life and loves and considering how he failed, it's that it's Jay-Z, who has spent the last five years rapping about how many yachts he owns. (And it's also just that any rapper this side of Rhymesayers is being this introspective. Like damnit man this is our thing, how dare you be better at this than us.) And just like Lemonade, this is a really fucking good album, and even if it deals with difficult topics, it doesn't handle them in a difficult way, this is an album I'm excited to return to.

10) Singles, by Future Islands: Maybe I'm just not remembering The Far Field well enough, but this man was doing some things with his voice I don't remember doing on The Far Field. There are moments where he dips into this soft growl that are so out-of-place in the middle of these dreamy synthpop tracks yet don't feel jarring, always sort of feel logical. (One would assume the band knows how to structure songs around the things the dude wants to do with his voice. It's weird how bands that are good know how to write songs!) And, gosh, the world has been saying this for a thousand years, but "Seasons (Waiting on You)" is just such an absolutely perfect song.

11) Heart Beat, by Dami Im: Let's go back to Souled Out for a little bit, because if I'm going to listen to something mid-tier, I'd rather listen to something overdramatic than understated. Something like this is what I can get into, All The Singing over the most trashy pop production, not vibing over droning electronic beats. This isn't to suggest that this album is better than Souled Out, Souled Out is probably better on an objective basis, just that this is the sort of thing which more easily draws me in. I am always going to be into a young woman singing joyously about how super a certain emotion (in this case, Love) is. This was a fun 35 minutes or so. I prefer having fun sometimes!

[rebellemedia-blog]

Album Review: CTRL (SZA)

SZA’s CTRL isn’t just a debut album, it’s the climax of an essential chapter in her journey towards self-realization in love, self-worth, and purpose. With tracks penned for Rihanna and Beyoncé, we knew SZA had the writing chops and with CTRL there is no doubt that she is a force to be reckoned with. 14-tracks deep, this project is rich with potent lyricism, multilayered production, and pushes a powerful theme that creates a space for open exploration in defining our womanhood through concepts of control.

CTRL opens with “Supermodel.” Driven by a poignant guitar riff, this song is an open letter depicting revenge, insecurities, and a deep thirst for the thing that both destroys and completes her being. Pharrell tops off the track with rhythmic whispers and the seemingly hollow production lays an open foundation for the intricate and varied aural skeleton that frames this album’s soundscape.

Next is, “Love Galore.” Assisted by Travis Scott, this track offers listeners a little bounce. The visual, directed by Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.

With a guest appearance from fellow TDE-mate Kendrick Lamar, “Doves In The Wind” is a tale of pussy power. Kendrick snaps on his verse delivering each line with his signature texture of pocketed rhythm and melody, “Niggas’ll lose they mind for it / Wine for it, dine for it (pussy) / Spend time for it, see no colored line for it (pussy).” Followed by lead single “Drew Barrymore” and “Prom,” “Doves In The Wind” is a brief reprieve from finding answers by grappling with control in the sense of what a man does to women and rather articulates the blinding power a woman can have over men.

The sixth track, “The Weekend,” is definitely a stand out. But more importantly, it’s a side chick anthem… After listening to the song I felt the strong desire to join in on the fun and shout from the depths of my soul, “These niggas for everybody!” — Shout out Juicy J. SZA doesn’t deliver a modest or defeated explanation for side chick-ism. She re-appropriates the concept, empowering women to not get caught up in the mess of a man, but to simply get what we each need and keep it pushing. The hook reads, “My man is my man is your man / Heard that’s her man too / Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday / I just keep him satisfied through the weekend / You’re like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend / Make him lose his mind every weekend.”

During an appearance on the Breakfast Club SZA explained the next track “Go Gina,” as being somewhat in the vein of character Gina from the classic 90s series Martin. “Gina was always like the semi-corporate, kind of stuck up, but also really beautiful and had a sense of humor, but she looked like if she lived like Pam she might have more fun.” SZA caps everything off with the idea of just living your life and not being afraid to be crazy.

Soothingly bright, “Garden (Say It Like Dat)” departs a bit from the more vibey tone of the project, but stays on the mark with the overall theme, showcasing a desire to be wanted and reassured by a lover. This track delivers the line that just might get the most Insta-caption/Twitter play, “Lie to me and say my booty getting’ bigger even if it ain’t.”

“Broken Clocks,“ released on June 2nd is a vibe for sure. If I had to pick a song that showcases the muscle of SZA’s vocals and syncopation, this would be the one. The next track “Anything,” backed by a fluttering, technology-esque beat, reminiscent of the album cover, also highlights her ability to create a trance with her raspy, yet buttery, vocals and her rhythmic flows.

If James Fauntleroy is on an album, you know it’s good. He pops up on the album’s interlude, “Wavy.” SZA mentioned on Twitter that a full version of the track exists, thus prompting us all to desperately salivate until it’s dropped. Tracks “Normal Girl” and “Pretty Little Birds,” the latter featuring another TDE artist Isaiah Rashad, prepare us for the final song of CTRL… “20 Something.” This track seamlessly puts a face to the angst that is so central to the experience of living, growing, and finding yourself as a 20-something year old. “How could it be? / 20 something, all alone still / Not a thing in my name / Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love / Only know fear / That’s me, Ms. 20 Something.” I’ve been extra thirsty for this song since hearing a preview at the beginning of the short behind the scenes/documentary piece, “SZA — Where Have You Been: Road to CTRL,” released back in February. It’s the perfect conclusion to CTRL and offers a point of relief for young 20-somethings wondering if we’re in this alone.

Prior to the CTRL rollout, it wasn’t clear where SZA was going to take her career. After tweeting “I Quit,” and tagging Punch, The president of her label/management company, TDE, fans speculated that she was having issues with the TDE team. She recently mentioned during an interview, with Nessa of Hot 97, that the tweet was more about quitting music all together, but triggered by a conversation with Punch. “I am very dramatic, and I’m like easily angered and I was having an exorbitantly bad day, completely unconnected to music, on some family shit. And then I got into an argument about some music with Punch and it just took me over the edge. And I was like wow this is a hobby I don’t want to continue anymore.”

Thankfully, after four years of hoping and waiting, CTRL is out and this project is crucial for, not just urban music culture, but music culture as a whole. It’s one of those projects that are hard to box in with the, sometimes limiting, label of a genre and it’s one that could become a definitive marker or soundtrack for an entire generation. As her official debut album, CTRL, hits hard and solidifies the foundation for SZA’s freshman chapter in music, setting her up to become one of the greats.

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ctrl/id1239976329

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/76290XdXVF9rPzGdNRWdCh

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Album Review: CTRL.

SZA’s CTRL isn’t just a debut album, it’s the climax of an essential chapter in her journey towards self-realization in love, self-worth, and purpose. With tracks penned for Rihanna and Beyoncé, we knew SZA had the writing chops and with CTRL there is no doubt that she is a force to be reckoned with. 14-tracks deep, this project is rich with potent lyricism, multilayered production, and pushes a powerful theme that creates a space for open exploration in defining our womanhood through concepts of control.

CTRL opens with “Supermodel.” Driven by a poignant guitar riff, this song is an open letter depicting revenge, insecurities, and a deep thirst for the thing that both destroys and completes her being. Pharrell tops off the track with rhythmic whispers and the seemingly hollow production lays an open foundation for the intricate and varied aural skeleton that frames this album’s soundscape.

Next is, “Love Galore.” Assisted by Travis Scott, this track offers listeners a little bounce. The visual, directed by Nabildo, supports the story of regrets in love. “Should’ve never let you hit it / I split it with you / I regret it / You gots a fetish / You gots a problem / Now It’s a problem.” In the end, SZA gets the laugh and finds a way to put self first, fully escaping her lovers control over her self-worth. The video ends with Travis Scott, love interest, savagely murdered.

With a guest appearance from fellow TDE-mate Kendrick Lamar, “Doves In The Wind” is a tale of pussy power. Kendrick snaps on his verse delivering each line with his signature texture of pocketed rhythm and melody, “Niggas’ll lose they mind for it / Wine for it, dine for it (pussy) / Spend time for it, see no colored line for it (pussy).” Followed by lead single “Drew Berrymore” and “Prom,” “Doves In The Wind” is a brief reprieve from finding answers by grappling with control in the sense of what a man does to women and rather articulates the blinding power a woman can have over men.

The sixth track, “The Weekend,” is definitely a stand out. But more importantly, it’s a side chick anthem… After listening to the song I felt the strong desire to join in on the fun and shout from the depths of my soul, “These niggas for everybody!” SZA doesn’t deliver a modest or defeated explanation for side chick-ism. She re-appropriates the concept, empowering women to not get caught up in the mess of a man, but to simply get what we each need and keep it pushing. The hook reads, “My man is my man is your man / Heard that’s her man too / Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday / I just keep him satisfied through the weekend / You’re like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend / Make him lose his mind every weekend.”

During an appearance on the Breakfast Club SZA explained the next track “Go Gina,” as being somewhat in the vein of character Gina from the classic 90s series Martin. “Gina was always like the semi-corporate, kind of stuck up, but also really beautiful and had a sense of humor, but she looked like if she lived like Pam she might have more fun.” SZA caps everything off with the idea of just living your life and not being afraid to be crazy.

Soothingly bright, “Garden (Say It Like Dat)” departs a bit from the more vibey tone of the project, but stays on the mark with the overall theme, showcasing a desire to be wanted and reassured by a lover. This track delivers the line that just might get the most Insta-caption/Twitter play, “Lie to me and say my booty getting’ bigger even if it ain’t.”

“Broken Clocks,“ released on June 2nd is a vibe for sure. If I had to pick a song that showcases the muscle of SZA’s vocals and syncopation, this would be the one. The next track “Anything,” backed by a fluttering, technology-esque beat, reminiscent of the album cover, also highlights her ability to create a trance with her raspy, yet buttery, vocals and her rhythmic flows.

If James Fauntleroy is on an album, you know it’s good. He pops up on the album’s interlude, “Wavy.” SZA mentioned on Twitter that a full version of the track exists, thus prompting us all to desperately salivate until it’s dropped. Tracks “Normal Girl” and “Pretty Little Birds,” the latter featuring another TDE artist Isaiah Rashad, prepare us for the final song of CTRL… “20 Something.” This track seamlessly puts a face to the angst that is so central to the experience of living, growing, and finding yourself as a 20-something year old. “How could it be? / 20 something, all alone still / Not a thing in my name / Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love / Only know fear / That’s me, Ms. 20 Something.” I’ve been extra thirsty for this song since hearing a preview at the beginning of the short behind the scenes/documentary piece, “SZA — Where Have You Been: Road to CTRL,” released back in February. It’s the perfect conclusion to CTRL and offers a point of relief for young 20-somethings wondering if we’re in this alone.

Prior to the CTRL rollout, it wasn’t clear where SZA was going to take her career. After tweeting “I Quit,” and tagging Punch, The president of her label/management company, TDE, fans speculated that she was having issues with the TDE team. She recently mentioned during an interview, with Nessa of Hot 97, that the tweet was more about quitting music all together, but triggered by a conversation with Punch. “I am very dramatic, and I’m like easily angered and I was having an exorbitantly bad day, completely unconnected to music, on some family shit. And then I got into an argument about some music with Punch and it just took me over the edge. And I was like wow this is a hobby I don’t want to continue anymore.”

Thankfully, after four years of hoping and waiting, CTRL is out and this project is crucial for, not just urban music culture, but music culture as a whole. It’s one of those projects that are hard to box in with the, sometimes limiting, label of a genre and it’s one that could become a definitive marker or soundtrack for an entire generation. As her official debut album, CTRL, hits hard and solidifies the foundation for SZA’s freshman chapter in music, setting her up to become one of the greats.