#i need alone downtime and that fundamentally doesn't make sense to her
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my emoooootional issues and my physical iiiintimacy issuuuues
#chirps#two dogs playing tug of war in my mind. one is 'its ok to have issues around sex whether they have a cause or it's just how you are'#the other is 'yeah but you were a bad girlfriend though. you werent easy or simple and you behaved nonsensically'#it's easier to assign all the blame to myself for our incompatibility. but i don't think that's the most realistic way of looking at it#or the kindest.#still. 'isnt it a good thing if you know your girlfriend wants to have sex with you?' I WOULD THINK SO TOO#i just turn 'frigid' as they say. im demand avoidant.#'they expect something of me' is the true terror. makes me turtle up#in any case. i think me and her just think too differently. like we are just really cognitively different#i mull over stuff a LOT (i chew over things a long time in my head) while she's a lot more direct and straightforward#im also just a hashtag introvert while she's a hashtag extrovert#i need alone downtime and that fundamentally doesn't make sense to her#this breakup happened 2 years ago. but we took a two week road trip in september.#ok wait i just remembered smth that happened to me that may contribute to this. nvm
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