#i must to say luke is super sweet boy and i am kinda liking him more

[softforcal]

What about like ravenclaw!reader gets asked by a professor to tutor slytherin!michael since he’s failing and Mike is 100% sure that like the reader is a stick in the mud but then he learns that they pulled like an amazing prank on Filch and suddenly he’s very intrigued by them since they have a goody goody exterior?

SLYTHERIN MICHAEL X RAVENCLAW READER

-okay, so Michael has noticed you because you are a complete teachers pet

-we’re talking Teachers straight up call you by your first name and are always calling on you in class and telling you how they ‘adored your last essay’ or how ‘your potion is absolutely perfect’

-he has a bit of resentment because of that

-and when a prof tells him that he needs a tutor he fucking knows who his tutor is going to be

-he trudges into the library and finds you sitting there and just collapses into the seat next to you like “lets get this fucking over with.”

-meanwhile you’re kinda like fuck the profs for sticking me with this dumb ass

-like. it feels like they’re punishing you and you’re kinda ticked off about it

-i mean, the Slytherin is cute but he’s always dicking around and distracted in classes so you’re not surprised he isn’t doing well

-and his hair changes colour with mood but part of you has always guessed that thats a complete lie and he can change it at will

-its a dull, bored grey as you begin explaining the homework

-he groans and rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest like such a little brat and you’re just like fuck my life

-”can you not make your hair grey right now. like, do you have the capacity to even pretend to want to pass this class?” you snap

-his eyes meet yours, “i can’t control my hair colour.” he states.

-now it’s your turn to roll your eyes, “we both know that’s not true Clifford. now. since i’m being so kind as to tutor you, i’m thinking maybe a nice royal blue colour to go with my robes. or do you want to fail this test?”

-he’s kinda shook because you’re already being more sassy than he expected

-tbh he kind of thought he’d just show up and annoy you into forcing the teachers to let you not tutor him

-he groans as his hair flares a nice blue, “fine. happy Princess?”

-”yes.” you snap back.

-an hour in you’re only half way done the questions and you sigh, looking at the time, “i’ll be right back. don’t move.”

-he watches you leave and decides to follow you because if there’s one thing Michael can pick up on it’s mischief and he’s getting weird mischief vibes from you which makes zero sense but his mischief-dar has never been off

-you go to a janitor closet in the library and whisper a spell under your breath that Michael can’t hear from where he’s standing behind a book shelf

-when turn around it looks like you’re going back to the study table so Michael rushes back so he’s there when you return

-you have a bottle of water in your hands and as you’re walking you trip a little and the water gets all over the ground, “shit, i gotta get Filch.” you say, leaving again only to return with Filch who is being a complete ass to you

-Michael is watching the whole thing and not knowing what’s happening

-you sit down and Filch comes back with the mop

-he sets it in the water to mop it up but all it seems to be doing is moving the water around

-in fact, it looks like there’s more water than when he began mopping

-Filch is sputtering and cursing as he continues to try to mop up the ever growing spill

-Michael looks at Filch then to you as you try to hide your grin by looking down at your text book

-it clicks. you enchanted the mop. and Filch has no idea.

-Michael stiffles a laugh as Filch gives up and leaves

-”what did the guy do to deserve that?” Michael asks

-”i have no idea what you’re talking about. but if i did. i would say it might have something to do with him being an ass to first years.” you answer, flipping through your text book

-after that, Michael pays more attention to what you’re saying

-he ends up actually learning something? he’s shook

-he gets so into the work that he doesn’t even notice the two of you have been there for like three hours

-you finally sigh and close your book, “i have to go, but if you need more help i’ll be here the same time tomorrow.”

-”okay.” he says as you leave

-you don’t expect him to come the next day

-so when you show up and he’s there waiting, a book already open, you’re shocked

-he looks up when you approach and his hair flairs blue as he grins, “ready to study?”

-he can focus pretty well when he sets his mind to something and you finish all your homework super fast

-”why don’t you just pay attention in class? you’re not bad at this stuff.” you point out

-he shrugs, “teachers aren’t interesting.”

-”oh, but i am?” you laugh

-”after your stunt with Filch, fuck yeah.” he laughs

-you stand to go and as you’re leaving he calls “thank you!”

-you just smile and keep walking

-going to your class the next day and when class ends the teacher pulls you aside and is like “i don’t know what sort of potion you slipped to Mr. Clifford but whatever you’re doing is working.”

-practically every teacher pulls you aside and is just like what the fuck, some of them are actually concerned that you’ve bewitched him or something because the homework is in his writing and he definitely wrote it but… what the fuck

-showing up to the library and sitting down and just being like “the teachers think i bewitched you. you must have been a really shit student before they forced you to get a tutor.” and he just laughs cuz “you have no fucking idea.”

-so far it’s really only been you interacting with the Slytherin boy which you are more than fine with because Slytherins have bad reputations but Michael is actually decent

-he laughs and giggles so much part of you is like, why the fuck isnt this squish boy in Hufflepuff

-but then at the same time, he’s a mischievous little shit so you assume thats the main reason

-showing up to the library after class and almost bumping into Slytherin!Luke, “you’re Y/N right?” he asks, “you’re Michael’s tutor.”

-so this is a development. the fact that other Slytherins know who you are in relation to Michael is a bit unwanted but whatever

-”yeah. and?” you ask

-the tall blonde laughs, “just wanted to see if you’re as cute as he says.” your heart drops and Luke’s snakey grin widens, “you’re definitely Mikey’s type i’ll give you that much. well, if you ever decide to take that Ravenclaw stick out of your bum and do something about it, don’t hurt the guy alright?”

-”uh. okay.”

-he turns and leaves and you are standing there shook

-did a Slytherin seriously just come and, first: throw his best friend under the bus for being into you, and second: threaten you not to hurt him?

-so weird

-you go sit down and begin to study and Michael shows up later, he looks a little agitated as he sits across from you, fingers fussing with some of the bracelets he’s wearing, “hey uh… did Luke come talk to you?”

-”yup.” you answer, continuing to read your notes

-Michael’s fingers tap against the table, “uh… did he say anything weird?”

-you look up at the fidgety Slytherin boy and realize how anxious the little muffin is and your heart softens. his hair is a dark black colour and part of you wonders if when he’s really stressed he really can’t control it

-you think about what Luke said about pulling that stick out of your bum

-Michael is sweet. and you two have a good time together which is something you never thought you’d be saying about a Slytherin. and he’s super cute

-you close your book

-Michael watches, biting at his lip anxiously

-”he was a bit weird but that’s okay. i don’t have much homework today, want to go walk down to Honeydukes and maybe grab some sweets?” you ask.

-this lil squish is shook for a moment but grins and agrees, his hair turning blue again, as it always does when he’s around you

-”so what did Luke say… exactly?” Michael asks as the two of you are walking down

-you realize that he really is just a small anxious nugget and you have to tell him

-”he pretty much said that you like me and if I date you and hurt you, he’s going to be mad.” you answer.

-Michael stops walking, “he didn’t.” “he did.” “what the fuck.” “yeah, aren’t Slytherins supposed to be loyal to each other or something?” you laugh

-”when i see that fucker next time i swear i’m going to prank him so bad-”

-”you know, i think he was just looking out for you. plus, we’re here now.” you point out, lacing your fingers with his

-Michael laughs, looking down at your interlocked fingers “it’s funny, i’m the Slytherin here but you’re the one with all the power.”

-”is there something wrong with that?” you ask, becoming on guard for any sort of toxic masculinity red flags

-”not one bit.” he grins, using your hand to tug you to his chest as his arms wrap around you and he presses his lips to yours

-his tongue dances across your lips and his hand slides down to your ass, making you moan

-he grins into the kiss and when he finally pulls away you let out a laugh to collect yourself, “there’s the Slytherin i know.”

-his grin widens at your acceptance of his House and puts his arm over your shoulders as the two of you continue to walk to Honeydukes

-”you know, i think you shouldn’t be mad at Luke.” you point out, “he’s a Slytherin, he must have planned for this to work out.” “are you saying Luke actually successfully wing-manned me? that’s a first.”

-so you go get Honeydukes candy and walk around and talk and he’s super cute but still does little mischievous things like try to touch your bum or but his hand in your pocket which you’re cool with until you’re in places other people can see it

-walking back up to the castle

-”so we have that test next week we need to study for.” you state

-”okay Ms. L/N.” he grins cheekily

-you roll your eyes but say goodnight

-the air leaves your lungs as he presses you against a wall and kisses you, one hand on your hip and one in your hair

-when he pulls away and says goodnight he winks before leaving and you’re kinda shook

-next day in classes is normal, he sits in the back, you sit in the front

-you go to the library to study and he comes in and is somehow playing the song ‘Hot for teacher’ and proceeds to serenade you in the back of the library

-you’re his tutor but the thought is funny

-forcing him to settle down and study

-he refuses to study without a kiss

-rolling your eyes but accepting as his fingers tangle in your hair

-thanking god that your study area is in the back of the library where no one ever goes to

-his hand goes to your thigh and you realize you’re really starting to see the full force of what him being a Slytherin actually means

-it means he’s a horny kinky little shit is what it means

-he still manages to focus on homework which is pretty chill

-but he whines and pouts until you give him kisses when he finishes each question

-he’s just the cutest

-imagine him in a snap back too, like this boy is so gorgeous

-i don’t know where that came from and it’s not even connected to the HC. just. Michael in backwards snap backs and that eye brow piercing

-he’s a happy little bub

-but he’s getting so good at the classwork that you two are done pretty quick

-”you know we can hang out and go on dates that don’t include studying right?” you laugh. long pause, then: “riiiiiight.”

-he begins to tell you about all the pranks or mischievous things he has planned

-you point out small flaws in his plans or things he could do to make the prank better

-he melts over you

-”who would have known you have such a wild side.” he grins, nuzzling his face against you cheek while his arm goes around your shoulders

-he begins to implement your suggestions and its like the whole has a prank epidemic on their hands

-you two are a fucking menace

-but no one knows you’re together yet so people have no idea whats happening because all of the sudden the pranks are hard core and they’re like “this can’t be from Michael, he’s never gone this far before” because you and Mike are a pranking dream team

-about two weeks into you and him ‘dating’ he sits next to you in one of your classes, “i figure if i actually take notes in class, we can spend more time together not having to study.” he states

-and then. this boy. actually fucking takes notes.

-teachers are shook

-a few are even like, “Mr. Clifford you can return to your seat now that class is starting.” and he actually says “i think if i sit in the front i can take better notes.” and the teachers are blown away

-another full day of classes where teachers are pulling you aside like ‘what the fuck have you done to Michael’

-but he’s a determined Slytherin and his goal is time with you and the cute look of pride you get when he actually excels in school so it makes sense that he’s being this way

-Slughorn is the first teacher to piece it together. as a Slytherin himself he sees through you and Michael. he mentions it in the staff room and all the other teachers are shook that they didn’t figure it out first

-but then, they wish they didn’t fucking know, because suddenly they pay a lot of attention to where Michael’s hands are when he’s sitting next to you in class.

-so you two are being pretty low key about it

-and Michael is an announcer at the Quidditch games which is funny

-until one day you’re sitting with your housemates and a Slytherin starts to hit on you and Michael straight up, through the mic in front of everyone is like “Parker, that’s my girlfriend you prick! back the fuck off!”

-meanwhile, Slytherin Luke, Cal and Ashton show up and drag the guy away from you

-so they all knew.

-and now. every single person in Hogwarts knows too

-Michael gets suspended from being the mic guy at games for two weeks

-but #worth

-Michael grumbles and comes to sit with you in the stands for the remainder of the game and all of your Ravenclaw house mates are shook

-but the way you lean in against him, his arm over your shoulders, is cute as fuck

-being more open about your relationship is a blessing

-Michael’s Slytherin house mate who hit on you comes and apologizes and you suspect Michael and his posse had something to do with it

-Michael sitting with you in every single shared class

-his Slytherin friends crashing your study dates sometimes

-because ‘they need school help and if you helped Mike you can help anyone.’

-but also because they want to know you better because they’re a brotherhood and Michael is important to them

-they all have their own way of telling you not to hurt Michael and it’s hilarious

-”if you hurt him… i’ll be very angry with you.” “yeah that definitely scared the shit out of her Cal, nice one.”

-and Michael with his Ravenclaw hair is adorable and people think it’s the fucking cutest

-like how can your Ravenclaw house mates be pissed when he’s such a lil squish who loves the shit out of you

-everyone realizing that the new prankster fucking everyone over is a joint effort between the two of you

-study sessions getting dirty as fuck

-kisses aren’t the only reward for getting a question right ;)

-”Michael, this doesn’t make any sense, you’re the one answering correctly, why am i the one getting rewarded?” you ask after orgasm number three

-”because you’re my tutor so my correct answers are because of you babe.” he smirks from between your legs

-you two would totally come up with a code by his hair colour

-like, if he’s in a kinky mood he makes his hair dark, with different levels of darkness meaning different things.

-grey is like a semi dom thing whereas black means call him daddy or sir

-yellow hair means soft, lazy, giggly sex

-so the two of you meet up and you look at his hair and if you don’t agree with his mood you shake your head and he changes it and quirks an eye brow at you until you’re in silent, coded agreement on exactly what kind of sex ya’ll be having

-Calum figuring it out because every time you and Michael sneak by and his hair is black the two of you are extra loud and kinky

-one day you show up and Michael’s hair is yellow and Calum lets out a shaky breath, “thank fuck it’s a soft sex day, don’t know if i could deal with another loud one.”

-everyone looking at him and it clicks with all of them and they all flip their shit because you and Michael totally non-verbally communicate about sex in front of them ALL THE TIME IN CODE

-like what the fuck

-i am living for this what the actual fuck.

-Luke takes full credit for the whole thing happening

-people actually keep track of when you and Michael have exams or tests and days that you get your marks back because on these days the two of you are 100% boning the shit out of each other

-everyone knows when you both pass your tests because ya’ll LOUD

-he’s just such a teasy, cocky Slytherin

-Slytherin Michael is into over stim fam. he just is.

-the first month of dating being wild because he’s figuring out exactly what you like and becoming a fucking pro at it

-he’s a pleaser

-he’s smug as fuck about being with you

-this is my OTP. what have you done.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #213

"there's a voice in my head, says i'm better off dead, but if i sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song, i'll be all right."

Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? No. Ice cream? No. Is there a lamp in your bedroom? Well, two heat lamps for Kaiju and Venus. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Yikes, it's been a long time... Can you name 2 books of the Bible? Uhhh Luke and Revelations? Do people usually think your brother is handsome? I don't know, I haven't lived with him since I was a kid, and he doesn't live in my state. So we don't know the same people. Have you ever crawled thru a vent? Not to my memory. Are there toothpicks in your kitchen? They're in the bathroom. How many living grandparents do you have? One. Do you eat more than 3 meals a day? No; I don't even always have three. Do you know how old your house is? I believe it was made in the '70s. Do you think you have great potential for success? Meh. Have you applied any lipstick, chapstick, gloss, etc to your lips today? No. Would you rather have tan or pale skin color? Pale. Sometimes I hate it, but I like it more overall. Especially when you're a goth at heart know what I'm sayin'. Last time you entered a high school? Probably my sister's graduation. Last time you rode a bike? It's been years, dude. Probably not since high school. Do you drink your water from the tap? You couldn't pay me to. Our water is technically clean, we've had it tested, but dead serious, the hot water smells like rotten eggs. I'm pretty sure Mom said it's something about the salt content in the pipes. But nevertheless, mind over matter would nooot work. Is there any kind of design on your socks? I'm not wearing socks. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, I'm not a fan. Do you use dryer sheets? Yes. Do you like Subway? Yeah. What was your worst mistake in your life? Letting a guy become god, the entire universe, and more to me. Is this year the best year of your life? Oh, hunny- Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? I don't think so. Did you sleep well last night? I never do. I always wake up at least once. What’s the last song you heard? "Happy Song" by Bring Me The Horizon is on repeat. What is your favorite line from a TV show? I don't have a clue. Any current family issues? No. Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? Summer and I talked for a while at my niece's b-day party a few days back. What do you think of your mother? Your father? Your siblings (if there are any)? I love them. There's one sister I don't know so can't really say anything on her, then I do have another sister who, if I can assume via Facebook interactions, can't be too fond of me. But I could be mistaken with my habit of said assuming... Who/What is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life? Who: Jason. What: my mental health. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? How isolated I am and void of purpose I feel. What is one band that you find yourself going back to again and again? You mean like, stop liking but then get back into? None, I think. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Idk. Can you see your purse right now? Yes. Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? No. Are there products in your hair? No. Have you ever eaten cat food? I don't think so, though I wouldn't be surprised as a kid. How many pets do you have? Six. Do you actually like them? All but my sister's dog. I can't stand him. Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? My girlfriend. Do you wear skirts a lot? I never do. I hate my legs. Do you basically live in jeans? I have zero jeans. Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Not really; if I'm not in pjs, I'm usually in dance or yoga pants. How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Zero. Do you like hoodies? Yeah. Big ones or the form fitting kind? Bigger ones. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think I did. Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I go back and forth, lol. But no, I have regrets. Do you love your computer? It's got a few issues, but yeah. Do friends or family come first? Family of the heart, anyway. Us sharing blood doesn't mean shit to me, honestly. What’s your lucky number? I don't believe in "lucky" numbers. Who were the last 5 people you spoke to? I'll include via technology because otherwise I have no clue. Mom, Sara, Emma, and two women interested in adopting Kaiju. Do you have the same password for everything? No. Do you get shy around the person you like? Sometimes. What color is your phone? Dark navy. Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pencils. Do you like peanut butter? Yes. If you could live forever, would you? Hell no. Do you talk in your sleep? A lot. What was the last thing you regretted? Probably depression binge-eating something. Are you any good at cutting hair? Never tried. Do you like your yearbook picture this year? N/A What was the last YouTube video to make you laugh? Ummm there was something last night, but idr what. Do you like tomatoes? No. Do you have a pool? I wish. How would you describe your style? Too poor and lazy to be a goth so dresses in whatever is at the top of my drawer tbh lmao. Do you still talk to any of your exes? One. Have you ever been arrested? No. What was the last thing you watched on TV? I don't watch TV by my own volition anymore and there's not even a TV in my room, so... I really don't know. Do you have a tan? Even the Irish are ashamed of me. What was your most embarrassing moment? Who knows. I'm so easily humiliated and affected by it that I can remember times I've been even remotely embarrassed as far back as pre-k. Do you fall for people fast? No. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Are you quick to judge? Depends. Not generally. When was the last time you crawled through a window? I have zero clue. Are you scared of spiders? Most, yes. What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Have a full-blown panic attack despite that being physically impossible. Do you plan on moving within the next year? It'd be nice, but I estimate it'll be around two more years. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Hm. A few, since the parking area behind the house is decently-sized. Are you taller than your mom? No. Are you a cuddler? Yes. Sleep on your back or stomach? My stomach/upper torso kinda to the side. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? I don't remember. Though I know I was mad recently. How long has it been since you had sex? Almost four years. Who was the last person to call you babe? Sara. Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a car wreck. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been maaaany months. What facial cleanser do you use? Biore. Do you use a blowdryer? No. If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? Dogs and cats lmao. Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No. For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Still rather be a woman. Favorite underwear brand? Idk. Last thing you bought at the mall? A book. Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. What if an ex asked to be back in your life? Aaron: We've never had issues, we just drifted apart. It'd be weird for him to ask that, but I mean, sure? Juan: I don't know. Probably not. Jason: I REALLY don't know. We could probably be friends at a distance. Tyler: No, I think. Girt: He's still in my life. If you’re on a laptop, how much charge does it have right now? It's charging and only tells me the minutes until it's at full charge. Last gift you received? I don't know. Lesson you recently learned? I absolutely cannot work in a busy environment. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What is a field of study that is of your interest? Zoology. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Thinking too hard on what the appropriate amount of eye contact is. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah. What time of day do you feel mostly at peace? Morning. How has the weather been treating you lately? It's way too fucking hot and humid. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? We've had numerous cats be hit by cars. It was always sad, but I mean, I got through it. Especially as I was just a kid and didn't quite fathom how serious death was, nor did any cats I was SUPER attached to die that way. What can you go a day without doing? Going outside. What can’t you go a day without doing? Using some form of technology. Talking to Sara. Who do you spend most of your time with? No one. I'm usually alone. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? A caring heart. Have you ever eaten a zucchini? A fried one that was sliced into chips. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Dark art or fandom-related stuff. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Oreos omggggg. What fruit is too sweet to you? None, I think? How much money did your last vacation cost? I don't even remember my last vacation. Have you ever taken a physics class? Yeah. What are your thoughts on celebrity idolization and ‘fangirling/fanboying?’ Oh boy, I can't talk shit here for obvious reasons lmao. What is the messiest area in your home? I'm not sure... I haven't been in my sister's old room in forever, and I can't remember if it's empty or not. If it is empty - hell, even if it isn't -, the answer's probably the laundry room. Who was the last person you called? My mom. What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror is my favorite game genre period. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Well, Mom had mixed feelings about Juan, but so did I. She didn't not like him, though. Do you take public transportation to work? N/A. Public transport doesn't even come here. What extracurricular activities did you do when you were growing up? Soccer for one season (I hated it), softball, basketball, briefly cheerleading, and dance. Has anything unusual happened to you recently? Idk. I don't think so. Do you like chicken korma? I have no clue what that is. What was the last type of tea you drank? I never drink tea; I hate it. Have you ever been severely mentally ill? Yes. Where is the most interesting place you could go that’s within day-trip distance from your house? Stealing previous answer: Washington D.C. Do you ever rearrange your furniture? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? Lol I'm still financially dependent on them. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I am an extremely fast eater. I'm not messy or anything, I just, eat how I feel is normal? Just chew until you've done so enough to swallow. What room(s) of your house did you last vacuum? Mine. How old were you when you had your first relationship? My first "real" relationship started at 15. I had a middle school bf for just like... a month or so, but that was all puppy-dog love. Why did your last relationship end? I verified that I didn't like him romantically, and I also found I was just too guarded. In our four months of dating, I got no closer to him than I was from the start. I wasn't ready to date a guy again. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? No idea. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Do you live in a high cost-of-living area? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I fucking hate my body and I'm sure anyone else would too. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster. Do you follow your head or your heart? Both, I guess. It depends. How do you act under pressure? Did somebody say PANIC?!?!?!?! Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? No. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? No. It'd probably depress me. Have you ever ran from the police? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yeah, back as a kid... Are you double jointed? No. Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? My first stuffed meerkat I named after Zaphod from MM. Or my moose Brownie. Do you have any trophies? Somewhere. Do you work out? No. What grade are you in? I’m not in school. Do you like screamo music? No. Let me hear words, please. If I learn the lyrics, I can /sometimes/ enjoy the song, though. What does your wallet look like? It's rectangular with a Harley Quinn design. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is weed a drug? *Technically*, by definition, yes Who’s the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on? Mom or Sara. Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, that's fucking stupid. If you got pregnant right now, would you keep the baby? If I was, God forbid, raped, I don't think I could. If I had unprotected sex willingly, I truly think pregnancy would traumatize me, but I'd probably go through with it and put it up for adoption. I'd want to take responsibility for my actions. Does your family have a secret? No. Are you prejudice against any groups of people? No. If someone gave you a houseplant, would you keep it? Yeah, to be nice. That fella wouldn't live long, though. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car. Are there any exercises that you do regularly? I'm trying to get in the habit of planking every day since it works out your whole body. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? HELL YES!!!! If you had a son right now, what would you name him? Probably Damien. Who names their son after a Markiplier character? Me. But real talk, I like the name. Do you own a desktop or a laptop? A laptop. Have you kissed more than three guys this year? I haven't kissed any guys. Who’s with you? Mom's on the couch outside my door. Can you use chopsticks? I highly doubt it, especially because I have tremors. When did you last go to an amusement park? Oh, wow. I actually think this was shortly before Jason and I broke up. So 2015. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Don't you fucking dare joke about rape, retardation, suicide, or self-harm. What would you do if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both females. We can't. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? I don't have any of my exes' numbers, so I'd answer it and say "hello?". Are any of your texts in your inbox locked? A couple from Sara. If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type? Yes; I don't look at the keyboard when I type. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Twice now. Do you currently have a scar? I have a lot. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a petrol station. What do you buy? I mean, it depends on what I'm up for. Usually Reese's or something sour. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? Probably a dolphin. What do you order most off the internet? Clothes. Describe the last time you were injured? So I have this awful habit of tearing my fingernails when they get long, and I peeled it way too short. Rock concert or symphony? Y'all know I'm picking rock. What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone? Mark and Chica, and my home screen is Sara and me. Most recent movie you’ve watched at the cinema? Detective Pikachu. Name an actor/actress you’ve had the hots for? Jason Momoa. My straight side is certainly still there, friends. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Have you ever done ballet? No. Do you listen to classical music? No. Do you watch Spongebob? I don't watch TV period. Do people consider you intelligent? Those in my life seem stuck on high school me, when I was really smart. I don't think I am anymore. What curse word do you use the most? "Fuck," oops. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Well yeah, I'm probably gonna BE that person one day, lmao. What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? It's impossible to mispronounce my name... The only thing that sometimes happens is my name is misspelled.

[ladyloveandjustice]

PLVAA P4- Ace Attorney Baking AU

God Nick’s “Hold it”s sound especially weird with this voice actor. I wasn’t wild about the DD and SOJ VA, as I said before, but his voice was a lot closer to the original “objection” and “hold it” voice clips than this one. This one’s voice seems to just kinda...choke on the “hold it?” it’s hard to describe why it sounds weird. 

ANYWAY. We’ve got Olivia SO cornered that she’s taken out a huge-ass tuna to chop up now. It’s about the size of HER.

Nicks confident-hands-on-hips pose is different in this game, as is his normal pose. When he’s just being normal, he has his right hand on his hip- when he’s confidently smiling, he just switches and puts his left hand on his hip, rather than doing both hands like in other games. I wonder why they changed it. 

Olivia may be hot, but she’s a jewel thief (WHICH HONESTLY KINDA MAKES HER HOTTER). She freaked out so hard when we proved it that she tried to whack the tuna with her knife, but it dodged and attacked HER instead, knocking her clean over. Now she has an impression of the tail on her face which is pretty funny.

Seems like she did genuinely think Espella hit her over the head though, so she wasn’t lying about that. Now she thinks someone else must have been lurking in the room and done it. PROBABLY A WITCH. At least Olivia’s crime isn’t murder so she’s not gonna get the death penalty- still will be available to date once she gets out of prison.

TRIAL OVER. Ms. Darklaw isn’t acting super happy we got Espella off the hook but she thanks us anyway. Espella leaves her book behind and of course Maya immediately grabs it and starts snooping, ignoring Nick’s half-hearted protests. THEN NICK AND MAYA GET SUCKED IN THE BOOK.  Their karmic punishment. Will this teach Maya to not take things that don’t belong to her? PROBABLY NOT.

Now it’s Layton time again. Looks like Ms. Darkaw’s in the book with us and she has a sweet-ass cloak on. The book took us to Labrynthia, which is Middle Ages type town.

Gotta solve some puzzles. Headed to the bakery immediately, bc according to the pics on the back of the game we’ll find Nick and Maya there, but sadly, it is closed. GOTTA DO OTHER STUFF FIRST I GUESS. More puzzles, and then we go to a parade. Apparently a “storyteller” controls this town and writes stuff that affects people’s lives- looks like Ms. Darklaw and some sexy knight guy work with him. He releases a story to the people saying two young people will be burned by witches (that’s...the opposite of how it usually works) causing everyone to freak out. Luke and Layton are like “chill guys it’s just a story” (only more politely GOD THEY’RE SO POLITE WE GET IT YOU’RE ENGLISH GENTLEMEN) and everyone freaks out at them. 

Espella comes to rescue them and says she’s been holed up at a bakery. FINALLY NICK AND MAYA TIME.

There he is. There’s my boy. Nick is A SUPER ENTHUSIASTIC SALESPERSON why am I not surprised. He slams the counter and everything, bringing up a cloud of flour i can tell Layton Is Overwhelmed.

“OUR BAKERY USES THE FINEST INGREDIENTS. UPPER CRUST GOODS FOR NOT MUCH DOUGH!” he shouts while pointing dramatically. oh my god. Nick this is not how customer service works you’re going to scare away all potential buyers. Now Nick is pounding the shit out of that dough CALM DOWN NICK.

Maya comes out and introduces Nick as her “assistant baker”. “How come I’m the assistant!”

They look so cute:

Layton: Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey...somehow not quite the kind of names I’d expect to hear around here.

Did they not change this line at all from the original Japanese, because it makes more sense if he’s talking about Japanese names. I mean, Maya and Phoenix’s names are mildly unusual, but they’d be no more unusual in an English town than anywhere else.

It’d actually be way more interesting to see how this went down in the original version actually, since in the og version our lawyer squad would be dealing with way more culture shock going from Japan to this weird England-y place. How was Naruhodo even talking to the English lawyers? Is he good at English or did he have trouble? How good is Mayoi at English? I NEED THESE ANSWERS. (if Miles/Mitsurugi lived in America for his teen years in the OG version he must be pretty good at English, so I’m gonna headcanon Nick/Naruhodo begged him to tutor him before he came over). 

Maya claims they’ve been working here five years- is she lying or did their memories get altered when they came in the book? Or does time pass differently here? THAT WOULD BE WEIRD ON THEM PSYCHOLOGICALLY IF TREATED REALISTICALLY. Them coming out and being like “omg Edgeworth, Pearly, we haven’t seen you in five years!” “...what?”

Nick yells TAKE THAT when handing over the bread and Maya’s all like “NICK I KEEP TELLING YOU IT’’S “CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER”

“Oh yeah...I don’t know why but...I just get the urge to point and shout like that sometimes....”

Okay, so if he doesn’t remember being a lawyer someone definitely messed with his head. WHY DOESN’T HE QUESTION THE FACT HE’S WEARING A SUIT AS A BAKER.

The Baker lady comes back and seems nice, but Maya and Phoenix immediately piss her off my unintentionally talking smack about bread, those poor hapless souls. 

awww Espella has a kitty! but they did it’s sprite in a way that it looks human sized, which is mildly unsettling.

Looks like Espella’s memories had been messed with too. She, Luke and Layton decide to go out and solve the mystery of the town. UGH WE’RE STILL NOT HANGING OUT WITH PHOENIX AND MAYA I’M SUFFERING. 

Anyway, best break here.

[rogue-rook]

many many highlights from The Crystal Kingdom from a first-time TAZ listener

featuring some bits from the Lunar Interlude II: Internal Affairs

travis: “it was streaming on witch. that’s like magical twitch!”

SWEET ANGO HAS RETURNED!

i cannot believe griffin went to the EFFORT of making a fantasy costco jingle

the lockpicking garden gnome called the Nitpicker that insults the damn party is a beyond brilliant object for sale at the fantasy costco

I really want to lodge a complaint with the HR department of the bureau of balance on sweet angus macdonald’s behalf bc these grown men are FULL ON BULLYING THIS TEN YEAR OLD BOY GENIUS

so is this new shitty scientist consultant lucas a bigger annoyance than shitty train butler wizard jenkins or does jenkins still retain that title

travis: "anything this touches turns to crystal?" griffin: "yeah, pink tourmaline" travis: "yeah, I'm not gonna say that, because I'm an adult"

CAREY FANGBATTLE is like on par with Jess the Beheader in terms of Cool Names

griffin: “so the three of you are currently sitting in a gondola, which is another word for a little boat” travis, singing: “the more you knoooowww”

“so it’s made of crystal, right?” “yes, everything is crystal” x1000000

the crystal kingdom song is beautiful

griffin: “you see a sign that says The Magical World Of Elevators” justin: “griffin's really stickin it to the people who say he's not allowed to have elevators in this game”

today in failed brand marketing: “Upsy, your lifting friend”

this arc is ACTUALLY set up like a video game level puzzle, when griffin says “ah, you’ve solved my crystal puzzle” it will actually apply

clint: “I rolled a 4 but I get another roll...a 5″ travis: “wow, you're really bad at dnd”

merle: “I'm gonna use Banishment on the cockroach” griffin: “okay, you're just gonna yell GET OUT OF HERE COCKROACH, I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

magnus is being fucking mean to lucas, the genius inventor, and he’s been a TOTAL DICK to sweet boy genius detective angus macdonald, and i feel like pointing out that he was WAYYY nicer to shitty evil wizard train butler jenkins who beheaded a guy with a teleportation door

griffin: “one of the signs is labeled Radiation Ventilation Maintenance Chamber, and the other is labeled Lil Genius BuddyBot R&D" travis: "I feel like this is a trick” clint: “I feel like griffin has been playing Fallout”

I LOVE HODGE PODGE THE LIL GENIUS BUDDYBOT!!! EVEN IF HE TURNS OUT TO BE EVIL, THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE MADE ME LOVE HIM PRETTY INSTANTLY AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT

hodge podge: “magnus! merle! take-o” goddamnit griffin

justin: “can we just put the stone of far speech in front of the robit and griffin, you can just talk to yourself?”

hodge podge is exactly the kind of unsettling demon robit with a mostly-adorable voice, except for when he goes demon-y, that I expected from griffy

justin: “my character taako has innate skills in: investigation, nature, history, religion, arcana, and religion” so is he double good at religion then

taako: “okay, I got a question for you: who....do we work for?”

lucas: “hey, are you just mean to everyone?” THANK GOD SOMEONE VOICED THIS LEGITIMATE FUCKING CONCERN, THE GRUBBY GRIFTERS ARE MONSTERS

clint: “I look up what scrumbled means” griffin: “justin said that in a Monster Factory once and I’ve been using it like it’s a real word” justin: “I am the lewis carroll of my generation”

noel the friendly medic robit’s voice started at vaguely-angus like and then became straight up country southern and i really hope somebody calls griffin on it

i really think griffin introduced the nitpicker so he could have a way of introducing his own critiques of his dad and brothers’ dnd skills

the little compact mirror has some shit in it that i think must be important

there’s a rift in space and time and pink tourmaline is coming out of it and the damn song is super ominous and making me MEGA NERVOUS and honestly i don’t know what the flying goddamn fuck is happening but i am SO INTO IT

lucas: “you’re just yelling hugbears at me” magnus: “BUG! HEARS!” “what” “what”

so is lucas just like holding these poor bugbears in fucking slavery

the grubby grifters discover the tourmalined body of boyland and magnus asked if he can DESECRATE THE GODDAMN BODY OF HIS TRAGICALLY DECEASED COWORKER

griffin: “these two figures are just taking these ice robits to Fool School”

awww they’re gonna fight one of my favorite little creepy crawlies! human sized tardigrades that will absolutely fuck their shit up!!! so cute

griffin: “you’re so loosey-goosey with your possessions! ‘hi scuddle-buddy! bye scuddle-buddy! go get on that train to hell!’”

clint/merle’s immediate panic when they decide the only option here is to CHOP HIS GODDAMN ARM OFF

killian, after picking lucas up: “THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST SHITTIEST DAY EVER, WE ARE TWO PEOPLE DOWN, YOUR LAB SUCKS!!” #relatable, I feel u killian

during this arc the mcelboys keep talking about how they don’t remember shit from the beginning of the show bc that was two years ago and im like what? what? that was three days ago, friends!! its bc ive binged this shit in under a WEEK

merle basically has a plant fetish okay, that’s the only reason this soul-wood shit worked

griffin: “it actually curls up and gives you a thumbs up as if to say 'hey! I'm your arm now!’”

so like this planar system shit is probably important, right

this parseltongue motherfucker that’s like fucking haunting the grubby grifters needs to start explaining what their whole, like, DEAL is

this Red Robe dude is having a FREAKOUT over the damn umbrella and im like mmmmm maybe taako shouldn’t have just taken the damn umbrella, no questions asked

killian’s scanner is having a major freakout over a lich being present and im like, yeah, its the fucking umbrella, yall

oh, real quick, the mcelboys gotta pause the action to whine at each other about character voices

killian: “I am going to ABSOLUTELY murder that man” yeah, killian remains the most goddamn relatable npc in this fucking world

i sure hope The Adventure Zone Zone doesn’t have any super important info in it, bc im not gonna listen to the mcelboys talk about the maxfun drive from two fucking years ago

the crystal golem just called the grubby grifters bounties, and said it was time for noelle the friendly medic robit and the grubby grifters to all go back to the astral plane and im like WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? GRIFFIN! WHAT?

OH FUCK ITS BEEN KRAVITZ THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME!!!!! KRAVITZ!!!!!

griffin: “a D6 is like a dice-ass-dice! that's like some monopoly shit!!”

kravitz: “i don’t even know how that even worked, like with physics”

taako: “luke! use the fork!” merle: “the fork will be with you, always”

magnus: “I want to roll an investigation check on noelle...I rolled a 2″ griffin: “okay well you know noelle is a robot”

YALL!! SHITTY TRAIN BUTLER WIZARD JENKINS AND MAGIC BRIAN THE GERMAN MORON BOTH CAME BACK!!

magic brian the german dumbass: “i had an invitation to my wedding for you, and instead of RSVP-ing, you murdered me!”

travis: “when you say they evaporate, do they go back to heaven or hell or the after plane, or whatever, or are they GONE?” griffin: “it kinda seems like you obliterated their soul. kinda seems like you just kinda ERASED them” travis: “you know, at the end of day, I punch people, but dad unmakes their existence, who's the real monster?”

the fact that noelle died in phandolin when the grubby grifters and gundren rockseeker turned the whole town to glass is so goddamn fucking tragic, THANKS GRIFFIN!!!!

lucas miller: yet more proof that dickin around with science and magic and mad scientist shit is always gonna end badly for everyone

kravitz: “taako, you’ve died eight times”...[...]..”magnus, you’ve died 19 times”...[...]...”merle highchurch, the richest bounty i have ever hunted, you have died 57 times” WHAT?? WHAT? WHAT???? WHAT???? GRIFFIN!!??? WHAT????

THIS STORYLINE IS LIT

griffin: “a legion of ghosts” justin: “great”

i think both griffin and I have forgotten that carey fangbattle and killian are in this scene. also merle has had a soul-bond wood arm this whole time

the grubby grifters beat a goddamn LEGION of ghost robits, or ghrobits, and then kravitz slides back into the scene all like “uh, hey, assholes, thanks for saving me, I’ll make up some legal loophole bullshit to thank you” that’s not a direct quote, that’s me editorializing. i fucking love kravitz

taako: "they found new bodies, just because they're mechanical doesn't mean the life is any less valid - battlestar galactica"

oh fuck magnus got a cheating deck of cards in like episode goddamn THREE and he just whips em out in episode fucking 39 against kravitz

kravitz, massively misunderstanding the assholes he’s talking to: “the rules of nature are there for a reason, so lets just stop running afoul of them, as if this all just funsy-fun make-believe!”

magnus: “kravitz! tell julia I love her” TRAVIS!!!! TRAVIS MCELROY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO MY HEART!!!

lucas: “you'll never see me again, but if you do, i'll be doing good, and please don't kill me instantly”

justin: “i give angus a thumbs down” motherfuckers

killian: “hell yes! I love this plan! me and carey, and a robot ghost with a gun arm! sounds like a plan!” magnus: “sounds like a spinoff!” killian: “that’s sounds like some torchwood shit!”

davenport the goddamn pokemon

on one hand, I’m really goddamn suspicious that the director isn’t actually destroying the relics but is collecting them for her own gain. but on the other hand, if this turns out to not be true, I will feel bad for suspecting her so hard

taako: “director, here’s the truth. what did you have for lunch on Dec 3 2015? you don’t remember right? that’s when you told us not to talk to the Red Robes. what’s I’m saying is WE FORGOT!”

YOOO THIS EPILOGUE PROPHECY IS SOOOOOOO COOOOOL GRIFFIN!!! WHAT IS THIS!!!! ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!

this was a wild wild wild wild ride and whatever griffin is doing with this story is LIT

[therewatcher-blog]

Best Underrated Scene: Gilmore Girls - 1x07 Kiss and Tell

Rory’s first kiss! How fun. This episode is overall pretty tight, I’d say. We have a fun, monumental moment and the hurt feelings from Lorelai when she learns Rory didn’t tell her about it, followed by Lorelai actually being an Embarrassing Parent and inviting Dean over to watch a movie. I do think that is a bit out of character, but I don’t know...like Lorelai should realize how stupid it is to invite Dean over when Rory hasn’t even gone on a proper date with him herself? But I guess Lorelai is trying SO hard to not be a “Mom,” that she overdoes it and is super Mom-y. While I enjoy the episode overall, I did find it difficult to find a scene that popped out as underrated and special. There’s something to be said for the Lorelai/Dean serious talk, but it is to be expected. Also, it will always disturb me how much more chemistry they have together than Rory and Dean. It must be impossible to be in a room with Lauren Graham and not be turned on.

So with that it came to a toss up between Lorelai and Luke at the grocery store and the very brief scene I ultimately chose. I am a diehard Lorelai/Luke shipper, so it’s easy to always go to these moments as stand outs. As such, I’m going to try and restrain unless it is really called for. I liked this scene a lot because it show cases their back and forth wit and joking with each other, while also showing how Lorelai is starting to share personal aspects of her life with him in small, intimate ways and how receptive Luke is to these moments. He is also a good listener with decent advice (albeit rather short and to-the-point, as we should expect from him). But I went instead with:

Lorelai Finds Out About The Kiss From Mrs. Kim:

Mrs. Kim is a tricky character. She teeters between a racist caricature and a sincere portrayal of a strict Christian Korean mom. It’s not a culture I am super familiar with, so I won’t pretend to be. I do know that Mrs. Kim and Lane are based on real people and the lived experience of Helen Pai -- friend of ASP and a producer on the show. So with that in mind, we can assume there might be slight elements of exaggeration, but the basic core of the character is based in reality (which is true for a lot of Gilmore Girls’ characters and townies). Emily Kuroda does a great job of toeing this line, especially as the seasons progress and we get more depth and understanding of her character. Something I realized on this rewatch, is that this scene ends up being a subtle hint at the complexity of this character.

It starts innocuously enough with Mrs. Kim jumping up from behind one of her many pieces of furniture and frightening Lorelai. It’s kinda a funny gag, but maybe by now in my rewatching of the show, the “Kim’s Antiques” set has lost it’s comedic sensibility. I get really bored with all the “Marco Polo” games played in the house to locate each other. BUT, moving on. Lorelai bought a rocker a “couple weeks ago,” and is there to pick it up. “Six weeks ago,” Mrs. Kim corrects her, scolding her simultaneously. Mrs. Kim often acts as a foil to Lorelai in a similar way as Emily does. She is a strict mother, with very traditional views on the roles the parents and children play in the family. She is often icy and a little scary. We can tell that Lorelai herself is scared of her. Lorelai is obviously very responsible in a lot of ways, but she doesn’t see the harm in leaving her stuff around to be picked up later and she certainly isn’t particularly worried about the difference between two and six weeks when it comes to a chair she bought seemingly on a whim (as she remarks later, she remembers it being smaller). Mrs. Kim, on the other hand, runs a tight ship. And while her house may look a bit haphazard, this is simply due to the nature of her business and it would be best if one didn’t forget that. I imagine she has a flawless mental record of everything that comes in and goes out of her store.

She finds the chair easily in the mess as she remarks that her store isn’t a holding facility, it is a furniture store --“Except when Lorelai Gilmore buys, then furniture stays here for six weeks.” Lorelai offers to pay extra to keep the items there, but Mrs. Kim will not stand for this. That’s not what she wants. She may be stubborn, but damn if we can’t admire her for this quality sometimes. It is always a bit admirable to see people who don’t bend to the entitled Lorelai Gilmores of the world. Lorelai makes her comment that she remembers the chair was smaller and we get a bit of the dry humor that Mrs. Kim occasionally displays, “It’s been six weeks, maybe it grew.” Everyone in an ASP show has to be a little funny at times.

Lorelai apologizes again about the chair and adds that she’s been really busy. “Maybe you should be less busy,” Mrs. Kim says, “then you can remember to pick up chairs...And then you could keep your daughter from running around kissing boys.” The significance for Mrs. Kim’s character in this moment is not that she tells Lorelai that Rory kissed a boy (of course she would say this and use it as a indication that Lorelai lacks the type of parenting skills that Mrs. Kim feels are required), it’s that in a scene earlier she obviously overheard Rory and Lane talking about the kiss and rather than say anything or banish Rory from the house or anything that we might expect, she pretended to buy Lane’s quick lie that Rory had been kissed by “the Lord.” I think this showcases a little bit of the softness that we eventually get with Mrs. Kim character as she eventually learns to accept her daughter’s rebellious nature and love her despite their differences. It’s a very small moment, but we can see that while she is annoyed at the influence she perceives Rory’s life having over Lane, she also allows for them to lie to her at times. Certainly she wants to control many aspects of Lane’s life, but in the end she knows she can’t control it all and that Lane (and Rory) are both decent kids.

Lorelai takes a little long to accept what Mrs. Kim tells her. She can’t believe that Rory wouldn’t tell her about the kiss. Eventually she accepts the truth since Mrs. Kim mentions the “boy in the grocery store” and Lorelai remembers from the incident in the pilot that this is the same boy who unwittingly almost convinced Rory to give up on Chilton. We see a host of emotions go through her face as she accepts this truth. Certainly she is worried about what it means for her daughter to be kissing boys, but ultimately she is more hurt than anything about the secrecy of it all. This is the reason for the events as they unfold in the rest of the episode. Lorelai turns to leave and process the information and Mrs. Kim yells after her again that she left her chair.

Again, the reason for my choosing this is the small hint at what Mrs. Kim as a character is and what she will become. She’s not a monster or a caricature of a uber-Christian, Korean mom. She is just a mom, doing what she thinks is best, and constantly battling with what is okay and what is not okay according to her own beliefs and upbringing. Not every mother-daughter relationship can be Lorelai and Rory, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t moments of softness in the other relationships we see with more strict parenting styles.

Also -

Shout out to this prescient line in the year 2000, pre-An Inconvenient Truth (2006):

Rory: Well what did you want to talk about?

Lorelai: I dunno...anything. [coyly trying to get Rory to tell her about the kiss]

Rory: Ok, did you read that article in the newspaper about the polar ice caps melting?

Lorelai: Yeah, yeah. Oo, big deal.

Yes, Lorelai. It IS a big deal. Ah, sweet innocent 2000.

[tumblunni]

#My life in a nutshell

Now its time to finish up Luke’s route in Red String of Fate, woo!

I missed screenshotting it, but there’s a bit of a Really Cliche Romance Novel Scene where protagonist faints from overwork and Luke catches her and stuff. i was surprised they didnt give us a big CG image of that, though!

Really fuckin creepy line that someone thought was romantic: 4

OH COME ON!! JESUS! Like she’s FINALLY realized that he loves her, and she’s been all ‘oh no i must resist feeling the same way’ and we’ve had like three scenes of ‘oh no just being within one metre of each other makes it hard not to kiss’ and just COME ON! STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE! Like, its not that she somehow owes him romance because he saved her from fainting or whatever, but its been clear for an hour now that she actually recipricates and is just like ‘but i would NEVER BE HAPPY WITH HIM because DESTINY SAID SO’ And now you’re having crazy freakouts of over the top romance drama because he HELD YOUR HAND WHILE YOU WERE SICK, like seriously just get it over with already this is like Fakeouts: The Story! It would have been fifty hours shorter if they just talked honestly with each other and GAVE UP THIS STUPID DESTINY THING. And yes I know its only like two hours long! i would have fuckin regained days of my life if they goddamn talked about their problems

Also its really repetitive how they keep having like.. one scene talking together, then almost date, then get embarassed and run away, then are angry at each other for a week, then they become friends again, then it repeats...

Also a minor continuity error cos she said earlier that she never knew her grandparents, when she met his grandma

AND THEN FINALLY JESUS CHRIST THEY START TALKING ABOUT THINGS Tho I’m kinda pissed that its STILL not her realizing her mistakes! Instead he confesses first and he explains why she’s wrong and then she’s like ‘oh no i cant believe you’ until he makes an impassioned speech about love and stuff. Like can you just apologise to him for being so weird and rude about destiny?? It sucks cos the protagonist clearly isnt meant to be a rude person and overall she isn’t, it just feels weirdly OOC whenever she suddenly has these rude moments that the story doesnt seem to recognise as rude...

Aww but man I still got the feels at the big confession scene, yo I feel bad I’m judging so much of this game so much!

AWWW COME ON Seriously Luke AAAA he’s so fucking understanding and nice here ‘lets try dating and if you still hate me because destiny then i’ll let you go’ I just feel super sad that he HAS to say this, it feels like he’s being a total doormat and he’s like.. had to make peace with the idea of horrible tragedy sadness, when he shouldnt have

YES, FINALLY, GEEZ, THANK YOU seriously I am SO relieved that like.. my criticisms of the plot were all INTENDED AUDIENCE REACTIONS by the writer! that it actually does criticize Destiny in the end, and she hooks up with a not soulmate! Even if it is a little bit funny that ultimately the red string didnt have any purpose in the plot except to be a barrier between her and a rather ordinary romance plot.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh come on why did that last line have to be there he doesnt need to prove anything! he wasnt the one who was in the wrong here!

awwwwwwwww I am still really happy at the happy ending, damn... Even if it was frustrating that she’s still doubting if they can be happy right until the end, I’m glad it cuts straight to six years later and them being FUCKIN HAPPY AS FUCK, YO Also i always love when a happy ending in a dating sim isn’t JUST them getting together, yknow? I love that it says that he became a successful poetry writer and she became a famous journalist writer and they are like the ultra writer couple of joy and talent. WOO!

And then the bad ending route is... a little odd? Like no matter if you pick all the wrong options and be a total jerk to him, the bad ending route is just ‘we’re just friends instead’. And even though they’re ‘just friends’ the plot plays out the same way, right down to her eventually realizing she’s in love with him and vice versa. Like they don’t actually get to be just friends, its just the same plot with her turning down his confession Because Destiny. Also its very odd that the entire plot branches at such a weird point! Two entirely separate routes for the two boys, separates off at the very first choice you ever have, which is a really random thing you wouldn’t expect would make you destined to end up with some dude. I didn’t go to Aaron’s party, thus I never saw aaron again???

But I do like that Luke takes it well and protagonist tries to let him down easily. I was worried there was gonna be a more cliche angry bad ending thing where turning down a guy means that you can’t ever be friends again. I like this! I can still feel sad for him without being expected to hate the protag for not loving him!

But its also super sad that in this ending protag never realizes she was wrong, just because she never finds a boyfriend. like, you couldnt still listen to your best friend’s big impassioned speech about screw destiny?? So its super depressing seeing her going on with her dumb plan to fly all across the world and try and find some stranger with the other end of her thread, who probably doesn’t even speak the same language and would think she’s a crazy stalker... And like if this ending still took six years?? She kept working herself to death for six years before she could afford that plane ticket??? But it was still very sweet that Luke decided to come with her and help her in her nonsense plan to find another man. Seriously I am SO glad to have a tsundere type shoujo love interest that DOESNT do any asshole jealous bastard behaviour that’s romanticized as if it’s true love... But still its a very sad ending even if there’s sweet best friend time. And it was a shame that we didnt get much else best friend stuff during the route, and it still played out as if she loved him no matter what choices you make, only changing the resolution.

[youremyonlyhope]

Attack of the Clones

Ok first of all, why must the poster be so dramatic? It looks like a romance novel but then there’s an explosion under them. Ok I mean I guess that’s a good representation of the movie, but still.

Now, this was the first Star Wars movie I saw in theaters, if I’m remembering correctly. Or at least I think it was... I don’t remember seeing it in theatres but I’m pretty sure I did... I honestly have less memory of this movie than Phantom Menace. And, made clear from my last post, I really only remembered random bits and pieces of Phantom Menace. But my only memory of Attack of the Clones is watching it in my living room like... 13+ years ago and it was some scene where they had a fight in an arena of some sort. Padme was wearing white and had a gun. That’s the only thing I know I definitely remember from this movie.

So I’m almost basically going into this with completely fresh eyes.

Oh no, people want to leave the Republic? I don’t remember this. Also lol Count Dooku. My family has an inside joke about him, and I can’t take him seriously at all. Ok cool, the CGI has gotten better in the last 3 years. That chrome ship is gorgeous. Still hasn’t aged well though. “I guess I was wrong, there was no danger at all” *EXPLOSION* OH MY GOD. NOT EXPECTING THAT. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS. See, I knew that that wasn’t Padme, but I didn’t realize she was supposed to be a Padme decoy (since she’s not an exact clone of Natalie the way Keira is). I just thought she was another high ranking Naboo person or something. So... I’m really glad we had the decoy... I mean... poor girl... but at least Padme’s safe... The Yoda CGI hasn’t aged as well as the ship’s CGI did. “Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.” That sentence wasn’t... “Yoda” enough... word order wise I mean. We should all listen to Padme more often. Ok. Why is Padme’s wig kinky textured with tiny braids? Is this the one time I have to complain about Padme’s wardrobe? Why must the Twi’lek senator have a robe with a low neckline and a cutout on her stomach? Obi-Wan has new hair. Well... anything’s better than the ponytail and the rattail. On that note: now Ani has the ponytail and the rattail. Why? Seriously costume designer: WHY!? Why did you do that to them? On THAT note: flustered nervous Ani is adorable. How did he go so wrong? Oh but Padme’s dress is so beautiful now that we get longer full body shots of her. “So have you. Grown more beautiful I mean.” Awww. Sweet kid. “She barely even recognized me, Jar Jar.” Dude, it’s been 10 years, and you hit puberty. She’s not supposed to recognize you right away. And she recognized you pretty quickly. And you really thought of her every day? That’s creepy. Was that Boba Fett? Also I remember the veil attached to the helmet vividly for some reason... why? I like that Ani’s already dressed in darker colors just because he’s dramatic. “I don’t think she liked me watching her.” Hey. Ani. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want the guy who’s been thinking about her everyday for 10 years to be watching her all the time on a camera when she can’t see him too. Maybe it’s because you’re a little creepy. Just maybe. ...I think I might remember these worm things... but also I might not... I feel scared so I guess that’s some feelings leftover from 6-year-old-me. You had one job, R2-D2. One job! “The Chancellor doesn’t appear to be corrupt.” Wow, you could not be more wrong with that statement. BOY. YOU JUST SWIPED YOUR LIGHTSABER AT THE WORMS ON PADME. IF SHE HAD WOKEN UP A HALF SECOND EARLIER WHEN YOU LANDED ON THE BED SHE MIGHT HAVE FLINCHED AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEHEADED HER. COME ON. This boy has a death wish diving down in the speeder like that. OH SO THIS IS THE SCENE WHERE HE JUST RANDOMLY JUMPS OUT OF THE SPEEDER. “If you’ll excuse me” THIS BOY LITERALLY WANTS TO DIE. Did... did her face just change to like... green-ish...? I rewinded and yeah her lips turned dark blue and her skin was green with... scales? Or was it just the lighting? Because... that was kind of terrifying... So she’s wearing a veil AND can change her face? That’s fun. “Use the force, think.” Ok, Ani can only do one of those things.  “Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” Ha. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA. *Sobs* Changeling? Cool. So I’m not going crazy, her face did change.

Dealer: You want to buy any death sticks? Obi-Wan: You don’t want to sell me any death sticks. Dealer: I don’t want to sell you any death sticks. Obi-Wan: You want to go home and rethink your life. Dealer: I want to go home and rethink my life.

That’s hilarious. I was just thinking “Does anyone lose any arms in this one? Someone has to eventually.” And sure enough, there goes her arm. Arm #7 I like that Yoda just floats in a chair next to them as they walk. I actually like that Jar Jar gets to be Naboo’s representative in the Senate though. Having a Gungar senator of Naboo just seems right if they live there too. AWWWWW. She has Leia-esque buns. “I’m ready for the trials, but he feels that I’m too unpredictable.” Gee. I wonder why he would think that Anakin “If-You’ll-Excuse-Me-While-I-Jump-Out-of-a-Speeder” Skywalker is unpredictable? Ok, the music that is playing. I gotta figure out which song it is later because this music is like... definitive Star Wars music for me. “Sorry m’lady.” OH GOD EW ANI I JUST CRINGED.

Padme: *Needs to travel with refugees and blend in* Padme: *Wears an intricate cloak and a giant headdress*

Perfect logic. Droid with a stereotypical waitress accent. I kinda love it. Ok seriously, the alien CGI has not aged well. The alien chef guy (Dex?) has a mustache. That is too much. “If an object does not appear in our records, it does not exist.” Ok. So does it actually not exist, or does it not exist in the records (but does in real life), or do you guys just deny its existence in general just because? Awwww... so you’re telling me that Obi-Wan kept one of those orbs all those years and trained Luke with one? And it’s just like how they used to train the children? Why do I have feels over this? “Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing.” I LOVE YODA. Only a Jedi can erase files? Really? OK. OK WHO PLAYS THE NEW QUEEN. BRB GONNA GO CHECK. She was in one episode of Doctor Who, Planet of the Ood. Ok cool. Anakin. Don’t interrupt Senator Amidala. Listen to her. Come on. What happened to the sweet boy from 10 years ago? THE SUPER TALL WHITE ALIEN WITH THE LONG NECK AND BIG EYES. I REMEMBER YOU. I REMEMBER YOU SO VIVIDLY. I JUST GASPED. “After all these years we were beginning to think you weren’t coming.” That’s not suspicious at all. Well. At least they’re not evil. They’re just taking orders from a mysterious evil dead Jedi. AHHHH ONE OF MY FAVE PADME OUTFITS!  Ok the sand line isn’t as stupid out of context, I’ll give them that. Still gonna make fun of it though. Creepily touching her back. The dress may expose her back skin, but that’s not an invitation to touch it, Ani. So many clone babies. I think I remember this. “Oh... we... keep him here.” YEAH. TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. Clone trooper reveal! This is a not a drill people! We just saw the clones in clone trooper armor! Oh, how I wish I could go back and be able to witness audience reactions to that shot. Ok. Ok. Yeah. That shot of all of them. In lines. In formation. I whispered “Oh my god” and covered my mouth just then. So did he want a clone of himself so he could be a father? Or was there some other reason... Another one of my fave Padme outfits! With Leia buns! “I like 2 or 3.” So, just Padme and Palpatine you mean.  “Sounds to me like a dictatorship.” “Well... if it works.” And here’s where Padme should have just run away screaming and never looked back. I thought those aliens were boulders until Ani rode one. Ok, it was so he could be a father to the clone. Cool. Kinda cute. Hmm... suspicious. I kinda hate that you can see the pear is clearly CGI for this entire scene. “I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me.” Ok. That’s a name of a song in Ani: the Musical isn’t it? I need to rewatch Ani: the Musical once I finish rewatching all the Star Wars movies. Because even though I understood Ani: the Musical enough to find it hilarious and genius, apparently it was even more genius than I thought and a lot of stuff went over my head. But of course, it’s StarKid, they’re always geniuses, so I shouldn’t be surprised. “You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do” Yeah. That’s for sure, Mr. Jump-Out-of-A-Moving-Speeder. BINARY SUNSET IS PLAYING AGAIN. GOD WHY DOES THAT SONG GIVE ME ALL THE FEELS. Also I took a moment to listen to Leia’s theme on YouTube, just to refresh my memory to keep an eye out for it, and through suggested videos I figured out that the music I keep hearing and saying defines Star Wars for me is Anakin and Padme’s Theme/Across the Stars. Obvious name. I should have guessed it. Anyway, yeah, that music is Star Wars to me. So even though I remember very little of this movie, this music definitely made an impact. DID... DID... HE JUST SAY “BOBA GET ON BOARD”???????? DID THEY SAY THE KID’S NAME WAS BOBA EARLIER? DID I MISS THAT? IT TOOK A SECOND IT WAS LIKE JANGO: “BOBA GET ON BOARD” ME: *3...2...1...* *GASP!!!!!* OH MY GOD. I REMEMBER LITERALLY NONE OF THIS. See, I had wondered about the Fett last name when it was mentioned earlier, but I literally was like “Jango Fett? Huh, I guess all bounty hunters just choose Fett as their last name lol what a funny coincidence” BUT NO. IT’S A FAMILY NAME. WOW. I AM STUPID. “Oh, not good.” There always needs to be an understatement of the movie. Last time it was Ani saying “This is tense!” and so far this time it’s this Obi-Wan line. I mean, yeah, it’s totally possible for Jango Fett to climb up a smooth curved metal surface with metal gloves in the rain. Totally possible. I mean yeah, a gold chariot while wearing a giant silver leopard (or snake?) print cloak isn’t gonna draw attention at all. FINALLY C-3PO. OWEN LARS. OWEN. AS IN UNCLE OWEN. FINALLY. You know, I always wondered just how Owen was Luke’s uncle if Ani didn’t have any siblings. But because it’d been so long since I saw this movie, I couldn’t remember. Ok but honestly, I should have realized we were gonna see Uncle Owen the moment what’s-his-face-Ani’s-old-owner (I refuse to learn his name) said “A moisture farmer”. Literally I thought to myself “Moisture farmer? Wow! That’s just like Luke’s uncle!” like wow I am slow today at catching on to this stuff. I might pause soon and go to bed since it’s almost 3am and obviously, my brain cannot function properly right now since usually I catch on to more of these little hints and stuff. On that note, the actor playing young Owen is kind of spot-on. “After I lost my leg” Have I been counting legs? Well, now I will. Leg #1. More Leia buns. More Binary Sunset! OK wait. If there are 2 suns, should they all have 2 shadows? I googled it, but it’s officially way too late at night for me to try to understand astronomy so I’ll try again in the morning to understand the explanations. Apparently the answer might be no. Oh fun, all the evil people coming together to build a huge army. Ok wait. Does Ani like... slaughter all the people who tortured his mom? Do I remember that correctly? Yeah that’s a yes. Beheading everyone. Great. I don’t blame him, but boy, this is how you end up succumbing to the dark side. A LITTLE HINT OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH. YES. BUT ALSO NO. “I told him to stay on Naboo” When has Ani ever listened to you though? Oh wow full on Imperial March now. Ok I’m gonna stop it here at the 1:28:10 mark for tonight because I’m sleepy. There’s a little under an hour left.

Annnnnnd it’s 11:00pm at night the next day, I gotta be up at 7:30, so this is a perfect time to finish the movie! Logic!

Ok but Padme’s in the white outfit that I know she’s wearing as she wields a gun and gets her shirt all ripped up so, obviously, Anakin���s not gonna keep them out of trouble for much longer. So... Obi-Wan is too far from the Jedi council to send the message... but Anakin is close enough.... but they’re less than a parsec away from each other. Either Lucas got lazy, or Obi-Wan was literally just barely out of range. Oh wow, Padme being reckless and unpredictable for once? And here I was thinking it was going to be Anakin’s idea to go to Obi-Wan. No wonder he loves her. And I love her loopy bun. Oh wait, so Dooku isn’t bad? I was remembering him as bad, but he’s warning Obi-Wan about there being a Sith Lord leading the Republic. (Update: He’s bad, I’m stupid and too trusting and reverting back to being 6-years-old.) “Meesa suppose that the senate give powers to the supreme chancellor.” SITH LORD JAR JAR BINKS CONFIRMED. “I love democracy. I love the Republic.” Never heard anything less sincere in my life. That looked physically painful for him to say. God I love R2 and 3PO’s relationship. Even this early on. Ahhhhhhh Binary Sunset again. Can you tell it’s my favorite piece of Star Wars music? Seriously every time I hear it I squeal. Ok this whole sequence is so CGI happy. You didn’t need to use CGI for C-3PO, you didn’t need half of this to be CGI. Practical effects would have been better. But fine, the head switching thing was funny. HIS ARM IS ENCASED IN METAL. FORESHADOWING!!!!! Oh no, not his lightsaber. Now starts the only part of the movie I actually remember. And Obi-Wan’s just like “Of course.” as they are rolled by him. “Then we decided to come and rescue you.” “...Good job.” I ADORE OBI-WAN. All of these monsters are making me NOPE on so many levels, and I know most of that fear comes from 6-year-old-Hope.

Ani: What about Padme. Obi-Wan: She seems to be on top of things. Padme: *Freeing herself and climbing up a pole*

This is why Padme was my everything when I was little. Not gonna lie, up until this part I kinda forgot that they wanted Padme dead. I had a day long break from the movie, so give me a break. So yeah... Jango Fett has a flamethrower in his wrist? That’s not fair. Is this when we see Mace’s purple lightsaber for the first time? I don’t remember seeing it before this. But obviously, I have really bad memory so who knows. And Padme in that outfit shooting a gun is something I remember vividly from childhood. I JUST GASPED SO LOUDLY JUST NOW. MACE JUST STRAIGHT UP BEHEADED JANGO. OH MY GOD. AND LITTLE BOBA WATCHED. WELL. THAT’S HIS BACKSTORY EXPLAINED. OH MY GOD. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS AT ALL. MY JAW IS STILL DROPPED AS I TYPE THIS. *R2D2 just randomly rolls into the battle and straight to C-3PO* ok sure. *Yoda comes flying in with an army of Stormtroopers* YES. EPIC. AMAZING. I LOVE YODA SO MUCH. Um.... but you left R2D2 and C-3PO behind! THIS. KID. IS. HOLDING. HIS. DAD’S. SEVERED. HEAD. NO WONDER HE’S SO MESSED UP. Dooku’s master? I don’t remember him having a master. 6-year-old-Hope literally must not have paid attention to any scenes in this movie that didn’t involve Padme. “I will take the designs with me” *Puts up hologram of the Death Star* I love love love love LOVE all the reveals though. Like, say what you will about the prequels, but the reveals of and references to stuff the original trilogy are amazing. Main Star Wars theme coming in, I hear you. Ani, you gotta learn to control your emotions dude. “We’ll take him slowly. You take him from the left–” “NO I’M TAKING HIM NOW” “NO ANAKIN NO!” I mean, is there an exchange that describes Anakin better than that? How has Obi-Wan dealt with him for 10 years? And Count Dooku can lightningbend. I don’t remember this at all. Ok ok ok. Pausing for a second to see how old Christopher Lee was in this because I know he was like super old and yet here he is having a lightsaber duel. ...DUDE WAS 80 WHEN THE MOVIE CAME OUT. THIS. DUDE. WAS. 80. AND JUMPING AND DOING ALL THESE TRICKS AND STUFF. DUDE. DUDE. AMAZING. (If it was a stunt double I’m gonna feel real stupid) Aww for a second I thought he cut off Obi-Wan’s arm. I’m almost disappointed. I wanted to count another severed arm. Anakin’s weilding 2 lightsabers. I don’t remember this. But that is epic. NOW there goes another arm! Oh poor Ani. Arm #8. I’m gonna admit it. I’m not ashamed. Once I heard Yoda’s signature grumbling I gasped and went “Ah! Yoda!” out loud because I had completely forgotten about him dueling Count Dooku until just now. I DIDN’T KNOW YODA COULD LIGHTNINGBEND TOO! OR I GUESS IN THIS CASE REDIRECT LIGHTNING! YODA IS AMAZING. OH. HE JUST ABSORBED IT ALL. ZUKO COULDN’T DO THAT. WOW. PRINCE ZUKO, TAKE NOTES. I feel like the animator had the best day of his life animating Yoda in this duel since Yoda is being so extra. “Fought well, you have, my old padawan.” DOOKU WAS HIS PADAWAN? AND QUI-GON WAS DOOKU’S. AND OBI-WAN WAS QUI-GON’S. AND ANAKIN WAS OBI-WAN’S. SO ANAKIN IS YODA’S GREAT-GREAT-GRAND-PADAWAN. WOW. AND I GUESS LUKE IS ALSO? Dooku, that’s cheating. Ok what is this, some type of sail boat space ship? There’s no wind in space, what is the point of these molten metal sail things on Dooku’s ship then? Ooooh... first reveal that this Darth Sidious is the Emperor from the original series. And it kinda partially reveals that it’s Palpatine. And yeah up until this point I forgot that Dooku’s master was Sidious. Dooku telling Obi-Wan about Sidious really threw me off. Because as you can see earlier in the post, I was like “Ok but he’s telling them about the Sith Lord so is he really that bad?” and nope it was just reverse psychology or something and I really fell for it. The Imperial March playing as we see all the clones, I just went “ahhhhhhh” out loud, dropped my crocheting (because of course I’m crocheting while watching this, I’m always crocheting), and raised my arms up. Oh my god. And the music getting more intense as we look at Palpatine and the Senators! Yes! YES YES YES! Guys. I am not gonna lie. That whole sequence of “The Clone Wars have begun” and showing them with the Imperial March just made me get really really excited. Oh my god. Chills. I am jumping in my seat. I am flailing my arms. Oh my god. Aaaaaand Anakin and Padme are getting married. I literally just said “Uh oh” out loud. Ok also, how did R2D2 and C3PO get back? OK but her wedding dress is gorgeous. I just went “Ahhh” and cringed at Anakin’s metal hand. It’s so creepy. I do love Anakin and Padme’s Theme so much though.

Well. I enjoyed that. Yeah, I got sleepy about an hour and a half in, but it was 3am and I knew that since I tend to pause every 2 seconds to put something into this post, I wouldn’t finish the last hour of the movie until at least 5am (it’s 1am right now, I started watching the last hour at about 11pm, so yeah about 2 hours to watch the hour). So yeah. But I enjoyed it.

Why do people hate the prequels so much? Am I biased because they’re what I saw when I was little? Because obviously, I remembered NONE of this movie except for the big fight scene and Padme’s outfits. Literally nothing else. But I still enjoyed it. I wish the dialogue was better, if they could redo the prequels with better dialogue and better directing, they’d be amazing. But even with the bad dialogue and directing you still just feel happiness, like you’re at home, because this is still Star Wars. And you still love the universe and the story. So yeah. I liked it.