#i mean. i got 25k done in around a week since i got a little headstart there
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thousand-winters ¡ 2 years ago
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Girls who may or not have gotten sick due to the stress of trying to get the Dadrius week prompts done in time: I could so do NaNoWriMo...
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phoenixyfriend ¡ 4 years ago
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Auntie ‘Soka and Little Leia (and Rex)
The counterpart to Uncle Ben and Little Luke (Original Post, Chrono)
Listen. You all knew this was coming.
This got... very long and detailed and I’m going to have to clean it up and post to AO3. As in, this was supposed to be 2-3k and is literally ten times that long. It crossed 25k. And the initial section actually glosses over a bunch, actual fic-style writing starts at “That, of course, is when things get interesting.”
Warnings: discussion of various canon traumas (most relating to being child soldiers), general PTSD, several scenes featuring dissociation or panic attacks upon being triggered, and canon-typical violence.
Rated T, gen.
I still want there to be de-aging nonsense involved so Ahsoka is physically a late teenager despite having a solid two decades of field experience behind her (we’re pulling her from Malachor).
Leia, much like Luke, is now six. She just came from being a rebellion general. She is not happy about being a child. She was already short, this is just mean.  She’s a human espresso.
UNLIKE BEN, Ahsoka is not happy about this turn of events. Being seventeen-ish is not helpful in the outer rim. She’s a female togruta, young and healthy, and in the Outer Rim, caring for a small human child. Sure, she has her lightsabers and plenty of combat experience, and she can keep them safe, but she’s just one person, and a major target for those looking to make some quick cash. It doesn’t matter how good she is; she needs sleep at some point.
It makes my heart happy to treat Ahsoka and Rex as two halves of the same black ops specialist so you know what, he’s there too! He’s physically like... 10-12 in natborn, maybe. They’re not sure, because clones age weird. He’s moderately more useful than Leia (who is very competent but also physically six, and short for that age), but he’s still... very small.
Reminder that none of them have been born yet.
Ahsoka has a harder time explaining WHY she has children with her, since she's barely more than a kid herself, and clearly unrelated by species. She sometimes just says “Oh, my adoptive brother’s kids” since it’s kind of the truth for Leia and she’s not touching the actual truth about Rex with a ten foot pole.
Ahsoka definitely knows about Leia being a Skywalker, or at least has suspicions that Bail never outright confirmed but was conspicuously quiet about. She does tell Leia about it, but it’s not like that means anything, right? Just, you know, your dad was my teacher! I don’t have to tell you he became Va--oh shit, you already knew that part. Well, fuck. What do you mean he had a son? OH SHIT, PADME HAD TWINS.
Alt take for explaining why she’s got kids: She’s my foundling, I know her name as my child (Leia shut up!!!)
(Ahsoka can fake Mandalore. Sometimes.)
That said, there is... significantly less gambling and significantly more theft to get to Coruscant.
As previously stated, Ahsoka is a black ops kinda gal, and more importantly, she looks like a fairly attractive young woman in the Outer Rim, with two children in good health. She’s a target, and also not the kind of person one generally gambles with. If she does gamble, people get upset when she doesn’t lose, in ways they don’t get upset about Ben doing the same, because she’s, again, a cute teenage girl. It’s exhausting.
As things go, she largely ends up stealing from people who deserve it and/or smuggling herself and her charges into someone else’s ship. They’re small, they can hide. Sometimes she can get them all passage by working as a mechanic, she’s good at that.
Once they’ve got a handle on when they are, they have to decide on Names. None of them have been born yet, so technically they could use their own names without anyone Knowing. Rex and Leia might not even be born, depending on how successful they are at, you know, stopping the war and everything. Ahsoka, though, she’s going be born in two years, and there’s no reason to prevent it, so... she doesn’t want to steal baby-her’s name. That would be mean.
Leia is already calling her “Auntie ‘Soka” when she can for reasons like “selling the bit” and “manipulating adults” and “making us both feel better after we had a mutual breakdown about Anakin being Vader.” Ergo, she decides that whatever new name she picks better include that in some way, and decides on “Sokari” because it sounds pretty.
Overall, they don’t... they don’t actually make it very far before there’s an Incident. Again, teenager with small children. They spend a lot of time hiding out in space ports looking for an opportunity.
That, of course, is when things get interesting.
Specifically, Ahsoka spots a Mandalorian.
She doesn’t recognize the armor. She does recognize the sigil, and thinks ‘well, they’re more likely to help than some,’ because from what she’s heard, the Haat Mando’ade are Decent People Overall. Her view is a little biased, mostly on account of the sheer level of grudge she has against Kyr’tsad. It’s fine! The True Mandalorians have the same grudge, right? And Mandalorians like kids and Ahsoka hasn’t slept in five days and it’s fine. It’s fine! IT’S FINE.
“Oh shit,” Rex whispers, before she can suggest anything. “Oh fuck.”
“Stop cursing,” Leia hisses, elbowing him. “People are going to notice.”
“That’s the Prime,” Rex panics, mostly quiet. Ahsoka’s heart drops, because fuck is right. “That’s Fett.”
Leia isn’t impressed. Ahsoka just angles herself between Fett and Rex and hopes that he doesn’t see them. That’s just asking for trouble.
Unfortunately, Ahsoka is in fact running on none sleep with left trauma, and doesn’t notice Fett walking up and dropping into a seat across from them until he’s actually done so, removing his helmet to glare a little more efficiently.
“Wanna explain why your kid has my face?”
Ahsoka later tells herself that he’s killed Jedi and that’s why he can sneak up on her, and that she can be forgiven some slip-ups with the exhaustion being what it is, and that she’s obviously going to be dealing with some emotional instability in light of the sudden return of teenage hormones and new forms of anxiety that are markedly different from those she was dealing with a few weeks ago.
What Ahsoka wants to say is “that’s kind of a long story,” or “maybe he’s a cousin,” or “kriff off, I don’t know you,” or maybe even “he’s a clone.”
What Ahsoka actually does is burst into tears, which is embarrassing for her, for Fett, for the kids, and for the entire rest of the bar.
It really is the straw that broke the eopie’s back. Even when she was actually this age, she didn’t exactly cry much. Objectively, Fett quasi-aggressively asking a valid question shouldn’t send her into a panic. She’s been through torture and worse. She shouldn’t be crying.
But she is, sobbing her eyes out with no control, and he’s just sitting across from her and looking uncomfortable while Rex wraps his little arms--oh Force he’s so small--around her, and both ‘children’ glare at Fett.
“So, I’m going to take it she didn’t kidnap you from a loving family or do something illicit with a blood sample,” Fett says, after it becomes obvious that Ahsoka’s not going to be ready to talk any time soon.
“She didn’t,” Rex says stiffly, with just the right emphasis for Fett to catch what’s implied. Ahsoka just keeps her head down, eyes pressed against the heels of her palms, trying to get her body to stop rebelling against her.
Fett’s eyes dart to Leia, who folds her arms and draws herself up, every bit the unimpressed princess. “My father claimed her as a sister, so she’s my Auntie ‘Soka.”
The man dithers a bit, the conversation clearly not going where he’d expected. “Right,” he says. “You--you’re all kids. I thought she was a little older, at least, but I didn’t have a good look at her face before.”
She is older, but actually admitting that is only going to make this worse, both for her pride and for her chances of making it out alive.
“Where are you staying?”
“What?” Leia bites out.
“You’re kids, you’re alone, and you’re clearly not okay if you were trying to hide the one with my face as blatantly as you did, and then... whatever this is, when I confronted you,” Fett explains. Ahsoka lifts her head to glare at him, but it’s probably not doing much with the way her eyes are rimmed with red and still wet. “Don’t give me that look, ad’ika, your kids looked as confused and horrified by that as the bartender did. They obviously didn’t think it was normal either.”
Well, kriff you too, Ahsoka thinks.
“And what do you mean by ‘blatantly,’ here?” Leia challenges. It’s adorable, but Ahsoka watched this tiny girl shoot a man last week, and wonders when people are going to start taking that seriously.
“There’s a lot of people in this galaxy, and I don’t exactly have the clearest memory of what I looked like at that age,” Fett says, slow and careful like he thinks they’re dumb. Ahsoka decides to chalk it up as being because Leia’s visibly six. “I would have thought it was just a coincidence if you hadn’t put in effort to hide him.”
Leia huffs, and Rex glares harder. Fett just sighs, like they’re all going to give him grey hairs.
“You can explain whatever the hell’s going on,” Fett says. “I’ll let you stay on my ship, there’s a spare bunk and you’re small.”
“For free?” Rex demands.
“A night on a bunk in exchange for information,” Fett clarifies. “We can negotiate from there.”
Ahsoka takes a few moments, notes that both of the others are waiting on her for the decision, and cringes. She doesn’t feel steady enough to carry that. She has to anyway.
“Rex?” she asks, voice rasping after the breakdown of the past few minutes.
“Yeah?”
“How much?”
He looks up at her, eyes calculating, and grimaces. “We don’t want Order 66. A warning is better, even if we... share information.”
She nods, and turns to Leia. “Any premonitions, princess?”
Leia glowers, cute and furious. “No.”
“No, don’t tell, or no, you aren’t getting any vibes about sharing info one way or the other?”
“The latter,” Leia clarifies, huffy to the last.
“Right,” Ahsoka says, and then just... hesitates. “Fett...”
“You’ve got conditions,” he guesses.
She bares her teeth in what could have, through a squint and perhaps a few drinks, been called an apologetic smile. “Just one, really.”
“Yeah?”
“No hurting, killing, or turning us in for bounties,” she says. “Any of us.”
“You’re children, I wouldn’t.”
She blinks at him, slow and careful. She hesitates. She reaches down, out of sight, sees him stiffen.
She unclips her sabers from her belt and puts them on the table.
His eyes are fixed on the weapons the second they enter his line of sight, and don’t move as he clearly realizes why she made the condition she did.
“I left years ago, because I couldn’t stay without it ruining me,” she says. Still slow. Still careful. She’s so tired. “But if I want to keep Leia safe, I have to get back to Coruscant.”
His eyes finally lift from the sabers, expression blank. “Just her?”
“Rex doesn’t have the same monsters coming after him,” she says. “If it were just me and him, I’d worry less. Leia’s a different kind of target.”
“You’re putting a lot of faith on the table by telling me that,” Fett says, voice flat and toneless. “Considering my occupation.”
“She’s a child,” Ahsoka says, feeling heavy and boneless. “Even with what I was and will be, even with what money you would get from the right buyer, you wouldn’t.”
“There are other risks.”
“There are.”
They stare at each other for too long, probably, and then Fett jerks as Rex kicks him under the table. The boys glare for a moment, and then Rex says, “If she weren’t good, I’d still be a slave to those who grew me.”
Fett blinks, and then nearly growls the word, “What?”
“She freed me,” Rex reiterates. “While I was trying to shoot her.”
Ahsoka lifts a hand and puts it on his far shoulder, pulling him into her side. She doesn’t meet Fett’s eyes again, because part of her is back on Mandalore, dodging her own soldiers and crying out as her family dies across the galaxy.
Fett breathes in. Breathes out. He puts a hand to his head, visibly frustrated. “Fine. A good Jedi kid, and two smaller kids, one of which is apparently in some way mine.”
Rex makes a face, which is fair, but also not helping.
“To the ship,” Ahsoka says, putting her sabers back on her belt and sliding out of the seat. “I’m... I’m Sokari.”
“You already know my name.”
“I do.”
---------------------------
Fett watches her like she’s a predator, which has the benefit of being accurate and slightly flattering. She lets other two take care of most of talking, and then Fett tells her to sleep first, and talk in the morning.
“You’re dead on your feet, jetii,” he snorts. “And that crying jag didn’t do you any favors. Sleep.”
So she does, and Fett doesn’t even wake her. He just lets her sleep. He watches her in the way of a guard. She sees him when she gets up to use the ‘fresher in the middle of the night, but he doesn’t even comment when she collapses right back into the mediocre cot she’s borrowed for the cycle.
Rex and Leia are safe, her hindbrain tells her, even in the depths of sleep. Her mind curls around theirs in the Force, and she trusts that they are here. They are not happy, but they are alive and unharmed, and that has to be enough.
When she stumbles her way to true wakefulness, groggy and loose-limbed, Fett greets her with caf.
“The kids wouldn’t let me near you,” he tells her.
“They’re good,” she says, cupping her hands around the mug. She feels wobbly, in every sense. Her body, her mind, her emotions, her connection to the Force. Nothing is on-kilter right now. “Did they tell you anything?”
“They waited for you,” he says. “But the little miss needed a nap of her own. They’re down in the other bunk.”
“I didn’t notice,” she admits. She should have. She’s Fulcrum. She’s a veteran of the Clone Wars. She’s... she’s supposed to be better than this.
“How long?” he asks, and then when she squints up at him, he clarifies. “How long did you fight?”
“My last fight--”
“No, whatever war you came out of,” he says. Her chest twists cold. “I don’t know if the Jedi sent you into it or if you waded in yourself once you left, but you move like a soldier.”
“I was,” she confirms. “But... but I don’t want to talk about the details. Not until the other two are here.”
He frowns at her. “Is there anything you can talk about?”
She shrugs and looks away, trying to take solace in the warmth of the caff she holds above the table, as if it can hide her, guard her, from the disgraced Mand’alor across the table.
“Jedi?”
“I’m not officially a Jedi,” she says, voice quiet. “Not anymore.”
“Then what do I call you?” he asks. “We’re not exactly close enough for names.”
“Torrent,” she says. “It’s not--I can’t claim my family name anymore. But I can claim Torrent, so I will. And if you want a title, I was a commander.”
“Bit young for that.”
“I got the rank when I was fourteen,” she says, and watches his face do something complicated and unpleasant. “Don’t. I know your own culture puts children on the field that young.”
“Not in command.”
She shrugs. “Yeah, well... the soldiers were technically younger. Adults, but...”
Ahsoka can see the way he casts about to figure out what species grows at that rate. He guesses a few, and she shoots all of it down.
She won’t tell him. Not until Rex is awake.
This part of the story is his.
--------------------------
When Leia tries to sit alone, a foot away on the bench like a proper adult, Ahsoka refuses to let it happen. She pulls the younger girl to her side and quells protests with a glance. It’s a decent skill, but she’s not sure how long it’s going to work on her niece-in-spirit.
“Your body needs the chemical release of skinship,” she says, and Leia glares at her. “I spent way too much time with the boys to not know about this. Deal.”
Rex sits close enough to knock their knees together under the table, and his warmth is the old comfort she needs.
“Do you want the story you’ll believe, or the truth?” Ahsoka asks.
“What’s the difference?”
“One of them involves something so impossible that even most Jedi wouldn’t believe it,” she tells him.
Fett folds his arms and leans forward to rest them on the table, challenging but oddly open. “Try me.”
“Time travel.”
He blinks, just once, fully controlled. “That’s a tough one.”
“There were only three Jedi left alive when I died,” she says. “Or... whatever it is that happened to me. I think I died. All I know is that one moment, I was thirty-two and dying, and the next, I was... seventeen again, and had these two with me. All of us younger than we were. None of us have even been born yet.”
She refuses to look him in the eye. “They both outlived me by... six years, maybe. Got caught up while traveling instead of dying. Leia was twenty-two. Rex was thirty-five. I’m not technically the oldest anymore. I mean, physically I am, but that doesn’t mean anything, and it’s not exactly doing us any good, and--”
Rex bumps his shoulder to her arm. “I dunno, Commander. I’ve spent a long time looking older than I should. Nice to look younger for once.”
She shoots him a small, pained grin. “Could be worse, yeah.”
“Let’s say I believe you.”
Her attention snaps back to Fett, who’s looking damnably blank, and is showing even less in the Force.
He waits a second for her to relax back into her seat.
“Let’s say I believe you,” he repeats. “How’s ‘Rex’ connected to me? What’s so special about Leia there? And what war did you fight in that has you acting like a veteran?”
“Three years in the clone wars,” she whispers, glancing to Rex and forcing herself to not go for her sabers to defend against an attack that her paranoia says is coming and the Force says is not. “Then almost all the Jedi were wiped out at once, and I spent a year... drifting. Then black ops for the next fifteen.”
“Black ops,” he repeats, still damnably flat.
“There was a Sith Empire,” she says, and she can hear her own tone growing somehow emptier. “Glassing planets. Enslaving entire species. Committing genocides all over. Of course, there was a rebellion, and of course I joined it. I was one of the only people left with Jedi training. For all that I’d left the Order, I still had a duty to the universe.”
His eyes flit to Leia, who shrugs and tries to look prim. “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”
“That why you’re special?”
Leia smiles, thin and patronizing. It doesn’t fit on her little face. “I’m special because my biological father was one of the most powerful Force users in history, and his Fall to the dark side and choice to become a Sith is why the Emperor’s rise was nearly uncontested. I do not like power, but it’s in my veins and I can’t change that. Force users are... a lucrative trade, and I’m still the size of a child, so I can’t fight back. I’ll be safer in the Jedi Temple, even if I don’t want to be a Jedi.”
Fett looks to Ahsoka, makes to ask a question, and then shakes his head. Not the time, maybe.
“So, that’s all... very complicated and I don’t know how much of it I believe, but it doesn’t explain...” he trails off, and sighs. “My kid, or whatever you are. I heard you mention clones.”
Rex grins. It is not a kind expression.
“Let me tell you about Kamino.”
---------------------------
Ahsoka has no idea if Fett believes them. Either he thinks they’re telling the truth, or he thinks their delusional kids. Whatever the case, he offers to take them closer to the Core. Ahsoka quietly offers to take a look at his engine in return, and then pretends not to notice when Fett awkwardly drifts to and away from Rex.
“They put chips in our brains to make us kill the Jedi we respected, cared for, even loved. I tried to shoot ‘Soka, Fett. She was seventeen and risked her life to get that chip out of my head while I was trying to kill her. I have never hated myself more than when I woke up and realized what I’d almost done, and I was one of the few that were able to fight it. I heard the stories of dozens of brothers who woke with their chips having degraded and chose to eat their blaster rather than live with the guilt of the orders they’d followed without question because of a thrice-damned Sith slave chip in their head.”
“So no, I won’t call you father or acknowledge you as clan until you do something to prove you’re worth it, shared blood or not.”
What Ahsoka does get out of the arrangement, for all that Fett’s route mostly takes them on a meandering path that isn’t faster than their previous system, is sleep. She gets to rest. She gets to trust that Fett won’t kill Rex, out of guilt for something he hasn’t done, that he won’t kill Leia out of a worry that she’s just a delusional child, a real child, that he won’t kill ‘Sokari’ because it would ruin any chance of gaining Rex’s favor, ever.
She’s not safe, won’t believe she can be until she’s in the Temple and Sidious is dead dead dead, but she’s safer than she’s been in a long time.
Every night, Ahsoka wakes up and stumbles to the little galley, deaths and torture sparkling behind her eyes with the energy of a thousand lost Jedi, ten thousand mourned brothers and sisters.
She is not the only one of their little group to be a survivor of a near-total genocide, but Rex could not feel his brothers die in the Force, even if his nightmares featured what they heard of suicide missions by the emperor’s favored shock troopers, and Leia had... Alderaan had more off-world survivors than there had been Jedi at all.
It’s not worth comparing their pain. It’s stupid to even think it. Part of her can’t help but do it anyway.
“Caf?”
She feels a lek twitch in response to the voice of the only other person on board who can reach the top shelf. “I probably shouldn’t.”
“Whiskey?”
“That’s a definitely shouldn’t.”
“Hoth chocolate?”
“...please.”
She doesn’t lift her head from her arms until the mug clicks down in front of her, ceramic on plastisteel.
“Do I ask what it was this time?”
She shrugs. “It’s hard to explain to non-sensitives.”
“Try me anyway.”
Ahsoka twists the Hoth chocolate in her hands, takes a sip as she thinks. “The Force isn’t just one thing. It’s... energy and philosophy and spirit, a sense of being that ties the entire universe together. Sentient and inanimate and living and dead, empty space and lush forests and stifled cities. For those of us who are sensitive to it, it’s possible to feel the life of everyone around you, theoretically possible to feel entire systems. If you have a Force bond, like a master and padawan, that can stretch across planets, even systems if one or both are particularly powerful.
“So just... just imagine, for a moment, what it’s like to feel the screaming of all those Jedi in the Force as their trusted men shot them down.
“Some of them were close enough that I could feel them die,” she manages. “I... it’s horrible. It’s horrific. It’s not something I can ever forget, and I want to. I want to forget what that moment was like. Not that it happened, but...”
She can feel the tears. Fuck..
“You want to dull the edges.”
“Don’t we all?” she asks, scrubbing the back of her hand across her eyes. “Leia lost her entire planet, billions of people, and she was forced to watch. Rex... Force, I can barely imagine, and I was there for most of it.”
Fett watches her, measuring. “From what he said, they were as much your brothers as his, by the end.”
“No,” she immediately denies. “They could have been, maybe, but the ones I was closest to died earlier, and then I left, and by the time the Empire rose, all but a handful were... no. Rex, I will claim as a brother in all the ways that matter, but I don’t get to do that with the rest. I don’t have the right.”
“You’re hard on yourself.”
“Fate of the galaxy, my good bitch. Guess who’s got it on her shoulders.”
He snorts at her, and nods at the mug. “Drink your Hoth chocolate. We’re landing in eight hours, and you’ve got kids to look out for.”
---------------------------
There’s a twitch in the Force when they land, something pulling at her in a way she barely feels. She’s had her shields up so fully for so long that it’s natural to hide away what she is to the point where she can hardly tell what anyone else is, either. It takes more than a moment to remember how to let herself spread out across the world.
“Auntie ‘Soka? Why’d you stop?”
She doesn’t have an answer to Leia’s prodding question. “I don’t know.”
It’s almost familiar. Old and half-forgotten, not the same as what she remembers, but--
“This way,” she says, and wanders off into the crowd. Leia and Rex follow without question. Fett curses and rushes through the rest of his transaction with the docking attendant. The sound of him jogging after them is almost funny, with the armor, but she can’t focus on that.
Ahsoka slips between people with the ease of a career built on such a habit, children trailing like ducklings. She knows this feeling, she knows this person, what is she missi--
“Oh,” she breathes, going stock still. She knows that face. She knows those braids. She even knows the presence.
Younger than Ahsoka had ever seen her, but unmistakably Master Billaba.
“Torrent, what the hell?” Fett demands, finally catching up. “You can’t just run off like that!”
“It’s Depa,” she says, eyes still fixed on the woman parsing through a datapad with an irritated vendor. She has a padawan braid. It doesn’t feel like Master Windu is on-planet, so this might be a solo mission, a... oh. Senior Padawan, Knight Elect. This is the kind of mission taken to test if she’s ready to be promoted.
Ahsoka feels light-headed.
Fett waits for her to elaborate, but she can’t. This was Kanan’s master. This was a member of the High Council. This was a woman who died and--
“You need to sit down,” Fett says, not a touch gruff. He puts a hand on her shoulder and guides her off the main walkway. “I’m... going to talk to the woman in the Jedi robes. You three just stay there and don’t get kidnapped.”
Ahsoka nods, feeling like she’s not quite inhabiting her own body.
It’s Depa.
Her eyes track Fett without conscious control, and her montrals pick up the sound.
Depa looks up when the armor comes close enough, free hand tensed in a way that says she’s preventing herself from reaching for a saber in reaction to the heavily-armored individual standing several feet away.
“Mando,” the woman says. “May I help you?”
“Are you Depa?”
Depa doesn’t do anything so dramatic as gape or step back, but she does blink rapidly for a moment. She then folds her hands down in front of her, drawing her spine up ramrod straight. “I am Jedi Padawan Depa Billaba, yes. May I ask why it is that you need to know?”
Ahsoka imagines Fett grimacing, or rolling his eyes, or maybe dithering. She can’t tell from this angle, and he has a helmet on besides. It turns his awkward silences into judgmental ones.
“I’ve had some Jedi kids on my ship, hitching a ride,” he says at length. “One of them recognized you and then just... froze.”
“You have our younglings in your care,” Depa says, carefully not accusatory, but close enough to be a warning.
“Not quite,” he says. “The one that actually came from the temple is seventeen. One of ‘em isn’t Force Sensitive, and the last one is but hasn’t been to Coruscant before. They’re trying to get the little one to the Temple for her own safety.”
Depa considers that, and then passes the datapad to the vendor. “Lead on.”
It’s surprisingly simple, really. Fett did all the talking.
And then Depa is standing right in front of her.
“Like I said,” Fett sighs. “She froze up.”
“Hello,” Depa says, hands laced together inside her sleeves. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”
Ahsoka shakes her head. “I know of you. I’ve seen you spar. You’ve never spoken to me.”
All true. A little misleading, but it’s fine, it’s all fine.
Depa waits a moment, and then says, “You seem to have me at a disadvantage. You know my name, but I don’t know yours.”
“Sokari T-Torrent,” she manages. The words feel clunky in her mouth, the sound abrasive for all that it’s just her own voice, no different from usual. A little shaky, maybe. She can feel a cool breeze on her upper arms. Shouldn’t she have armor? She should have armor. “It... it’s been a long time since I’ve seen another Jedi. I’m having a hard time believing you’re real.”
“I see,” Depa says. “Perhaps we should take this somewhere more private? You seem a little unsteady.”
Ahsoka lets herself be led back to the ship, in the company of Mand’alor Jango Fett, Jedi Padawan Depa Billaba, Princess-General Leia Organa, and good old Captain Rex.
It’s like the start of a sick joke.
---------------------------
Fett and Depa talk where she can hear, but they rarely address her directly. Both seem to realize that she’s not particularly useful right now. Leia and Rex are pressing up against her at the little table in the galley, and Ahsoka lets them.
This is real. She can feel Depa in the Force, recognizes her energy even if it’s not quite what it will-was-could-have-been. This is happening.
It’s a textbook Traumatic Stress Response case, one of them says.
Fett has his helmet off. Ahsoka’s sure that’s wrong for some reason. She thinks he might already be on wanted lists. Should she worry about Depa trying to arrest him?
Depa asks about Rex at one point. Fett tells her that someone cloned him without his knowing, but the kid is more comfortable with Ahsoka so they’re still working on what that means for him.
It’s more or less true. Rex squeezes her hand the one time someone suggests separating them. She’s not letting that happen unless Rex wants to leave for whatever reason. They’ve worked apart before. They can do it again.
“Auntie Soka? You’re shivering.”
Is she?
Leia cuddles in closer, and Ahsoka runs a hand over her hair. It’s an absentminded motion, and for all that she knows Leia’s hair is fine as silk, it feels like plastic in the moment.
“I don’t think I’m okay,” Ahsoka announces. The words hang in the air like lead balloons, and she can feel Depa staring at her. “I haven’t been for a very long time.”
“Yeah, we noticed,” Fett says. “Do you need to lay down, Torrent?”
Does she?
“No,” she says. “I... I don’t know what I need.”
“The spicy drink,” Rex tells them. “It’s grounding.”
Right. That.
Fett goes to grab it, and Depa continues to watch.
“How long ago did you leave your master?” Depa asks. “Or... did he die?”
Ahsoka closes her eyes and shakes her head. She can feel the shivers now, tremors in her biceps and a shudder she can’t control in the height of her ribcage. Her teeth grind together, jaw like stone.
“You don’t have to answer that,” Depa assures her. “I’m... going to recommend you see a mind healer on Coruscant.”
That was a forgone conclusion.
A cup clinks onto the table. Fett’s back. “Drink.”
She does.
Depa and Fett continue discussing it as “the adults” at the table. She’s older than both of them. Rex is older than all of them. Ahsoka follows about half of what they say. She agrees with most of it. Rex bullies his way into speaking when she doesn’t, without her even asking, because he knows her mind as well as she does. Fett rolls with it. Depa lets him.
She’s going to reach out to the Temple and see about getting them a ride back to Imperial Center Coruscant.
Fett makes Soka go to bed, taking Leia with her.
---------------------------
She feels more like a person come morning.
Depa’s sitting at the table, datapad in her hands and caff on the table in front of her.
“Good morning,” Ahsoka says, rough and croaking, and Depa’s eyes flick up to meet hers. She nods a shallow hello.
“Feeling better?”
“Much,” Ahsoka says, and goes about gathering a breakfast. There’s definitely some dried meat in here. She can get something fresh when they stop by the market later.
“I was hoping to speak with you about your options,” Depa tells her, once she’s sat at the table. “Fett and your friend Rex took care of most of the negotiation, and I feel like I have an idea of what would work best for you.”
Ahsoka nods slowly. “Okay.”
“There is a Master-Padawan pair a few planets away,” Depa says. “The Council informed me when I spoke with them about you and your wards. They’d be headed back to the Temple in a few days anyway, and the Council has agreed to extend an offer to Fett to handle the transportation. The presence of a Jedi Master on board will allow for him to get in and out of the Core unmolested, and we’d like for you and yours to have a Jedi escort, given what happened yesterday afternoon.”
Her complete spiral into nonbeing?
“I understand,” she says instead. “I suppose Fett agreed because he’s still trying to get Rex to like him?”
Depa shrugs. “That part isn’t my business.”
Of course it isn’t.
“Rex can stay with me for a while, right?” Ahsoka finally asks. “I know it’s not exactly protocol, but I’m...”
“In need of a support system until you’ve seen a mind healer, and against all odds, the child is part of it,” Depa summarizes. “Yes, I recognized as much. I think the Council will be able to allow some leeway there. I don’t know if he’ll enjoy it, given that all the others his age are Initiates, but we can adjust as necessary. On that note... Do you know Leia’s midichlorian count?”
“No,” Ahsoka says, and hesitantly adds, “But her biological father was my Jedi Master, and I’m told his count broke records even as a child. Given what Leia’s shown so far... it’s why I’ve been in a hurry to get her to the Temple.”
Depa frowns at her, clearly working through the implications of a Jedi having a daughter and still teaching... and then visibly dismisses the situation, eyes closing to breathe in the steam of her caff.
Biological father certainly implies a child that was raised by her mother or adopted out so the Jedi father could remain in their chosen career without a conflict of interest or duty.
She’ll tell the council the truth, or... at least Master Koon. Master Kenobi is still a padawan, but she can tell Master Koon.
She already told Jango Fett, of all people.
“Padawan Torrent?”
Her head snaps up. She hasn’t been a padawan in over fifteen years. It’s weird to hear. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I asked if you wanted some time to think it over before I presented the offer to Fett,” Depa says.
Ahsoka gets the distinct feeling that Depa is planning a report to the Council that has ‘needs a mind healer’ underlined at least three times.
“No, I’m--I’m fine. That sounds like a good plan.”
“I’ll speak with him, then. Would you like to come with?”
"No, thank you.”
---------------------------
Fett agrees. Ahsoka’s pretty sure it’s all to do with Rex and maybe Leia. It’s probably nothing to do with ‘Sokari.’ She’s a Jedi, an adult in mind and in body, or at least close enough to count. She’s a damn sight more ‘enemy’ to Fett than the other two are. Not as much as Depa, maybe, but Fett’s been playing nice with her for Leia’s sake.
He plays nice with Ahsoka for Rex’s. That’s all.
They’re only a few planets over from the meeting point, and they have a few days to hang around before the escort meets them. Depa hadn’t given them a name--apparently it could have compromised the opsec for the Jedi team--but Ahsoka’s pretty sure she’ll be able to identify almost anyone. She gets the feeling that the Force is going to send her a familiar face, just as it did Master Padawan Billaba.
Ahsoka lets herself feel the world around her. It’s dark and dreary, in the sense that the beaten-down port is full of petty crimes and less petty horrors, but it’s still lighter than most of the Empire had been. She sneaks away from the ship at night, ignoring Fett at her back, and performs a bit of vigilante justice while she can. She’ll be banned from doing so as soon as she’s reinstated as a Jedi, probably, but for now... for now, she can look at the drug cartels and ‘they’re not slaves, really’ workers and do something to help.
She doesn’t use her sabers. She doesn’t need to. It’s been a long time since she has, for small fry like these.
“What are you doing?” Fett asks her, landing heavily behind her back.
“Chip removal,” she says, hand pressed to the slave’s leg. Her eyes are closed, but she can hear him shifting. “Let me concentrate, I don’t have a meddroid for this.”
He’s silent until she finishes, and waits until the people she’s helped are on their way to the planet’s freedom routes. He doesn’t ask what she did with the owners.
“You’ve done this before.”
“Regularly,” she confirms. “You?”
He doesn’t answer that, just ambles over to the the chains and stares down at them.
“Fett?”
“You go through this like it’s as easy as breathing,” he says. “It’s... impressive.”
“I guess?” she hesitates to continue. “I’m... I don’t think of it that way. This is the easy stuff. A time-waster that helps people. If I wanted to help for real, I’d been going after Jabba or Sidious or--”
“How old were you?” he asks, turning on his heel to face her dead-on. The vocoder of his helmet pulls the emotion from his voice. “When did this... these missions, the slavery battles, when did that start for you?”
“Fourteen,” she says. She’s not entirely sure, really, what counted as a mission for ending slavery and what counted as just a part of war, but she can round down. “Maybe fifteen. It’s a bit of a blur.”
“And you just kept doing it.”
“Of course,” she says. “If I have the time and the energy, if I need to do something and there’s nothing official on my hands, why not?”
He doesn’t answer her.
---------------------------
Rex greets them before she does.
Ahsoka, in her defense, is asleep at the time. It’s a restless sleep, but it’s enough that she doesn’t sense the nearing Force signatures until they’re almost at the ship.
She recognizes one of them.
“Auntie ‘Soka?” Leia questions, when she lurches to her feet and starts pulling on her boots with all the energy of a zombie. “Where are you going?”
“Jedi,” Ahsoka grunts. “Here.”
“I see.”
Leia dresses to follow her, in a little coat that’ll withstand the chill of the outside air, and Ahsoka makes it to the cargo hold just in time to hear Rex saying, “I’m not shaking your hand until you put your gloves on, Vos.”
She laughs to herself, breathless with the knowledge of what she’s about to find. She jumps the railing of the upper walkway, drops down just in front of the Master-Padawan team, and keeps her back to Fett and Rex. “Hello, there.”
One human, one Kiffar. She knows the latter.
“Would you be Sokari Torrent?” the Master asks.
“I am,” she says, with a slight bow. She can tell there’s a bit of judgement for how she’s dressed, but they’re covering it well. A Shadow and his trainee know the value of armor better than most Jedi bother with. “I’m afraid Padawan Billaba didn’t inform me of your names before we met.”
“And yet your friend knew my padawan,” the Master says.
“By reputation,” she says, as smoothly as she can. “I’ve encountered Quinlan Vos before, though I doubt he remembers--”
“I’d remember someone like you,” Quinlan interrupts, with a grin she’s sure is meant to be charming and rogueish.
He’s... very young for her, and not her type. Mostly, she wants to pat him on the head, but that probably wouldn’t go over very well. She still looks like she’s younger than him.
“Anyway,” she says, turning back to the master, “I’m afraid I still don’t know who you are, Master.”
“I am Tholme,” he says, with the bow that a Master gives a Padawan. She feels a little slighted, but it’s fine. She looks the right age, it’s fine.
It’s not like they know.
“It’s nice to meet you, Master Tholme,” she says. “My charges are Rex Torrent, the young man behind me, and currently coming down the ladder is Leia Antilles. I’m sure you’re aware of Jango Fett.”
“The Mand’alor,” Quinlan volunteers, and Ahsoka can almost hear Fett’s teeth grinding.
“Don’t call me that,” he says. She’s sure he’s got a hand drifting for his blaster.
“There isn’t a whole lot of room on the ship,” she says before the men can get into whatever weird contest she’s sure someone might start. Her bet’s on Fett. “But Leia and Rex are small enough to share with me, so I’m sure we can make it work.”
“There’s spare rolls for anyone comfortable with sleeping in the hold,” Fett grunts. “Or on the floor in the passenger room.”
“Well, I guess I could ask for a little help fi--”
“Vos,” Ahsoka snaps, letting her voice take on the kind of ‘obey me or get fresher duty’ irritation that she’d perfected back when the rebellion still had her managing people, before they’d realized she was more use in the field. “Do not.”
There’s a moment’s pause, and Tholme looks unimpressed with that raised eyebrow, but the kind of unimpressed that’s split between his own padawan and the stranger before him.
“Um,” Quinlan says. “I just--”
“No,” she cuts him off. “No flirting.”
It’s weird and uncomfortable and she’d have maybe been okay with it if she was actually the seventeen-or-eighteen-ish(?) that she looked, but she’s not. She’s in her thirties and Vos is... what, twenty? Twenty-one? No.
He stares at her, and she wonders momentarily if she’d gone too far in the direction of judging his intentions in the Force and preempted actual flirtations.
“I’m sorry?” He offers, looking confused, but ashamed. “I, uh, I’ll keep that in mind.”
She definitely preempted the actual flirtation.
Fuck.
Ahsoka closes her eyes and breathes in. Breathes out. Opens her eyes. “Right. That was... I’m not sure how much Padawan Billaba told you about me.”
“Enough,” Tholme says. He moves forward and puts a hand on Quinlan’s shoulder. Ahsoka has no idea if it’s to comfort him or hold him back. “I didn’t share most of it with my padawan, but I have a general understanding of what’s going on.”
Quinlan darts a look at his teacher, but Ahsoka doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s fine. Everything is fine.
“Thank you for your understanding,” she says, and bows, and stiffly turns away to walk to the galley.
---------------------------
Leia squirms into the bench seat, shoving her way under Ahsoka’s arm like a particularly wriggly tooka.
“What was that?” Leia demands, the authority of a rebellion general rather useless in the squeaky voice of a child.
“What was what?”
“The whole thing with Padawan Vos,” Leia says. “You blew up at him before he even did anything.”
That’s pretty true.
“I felt the flirtation coming before it happened and reacted inappropriately because I panicked. I’m significantly older than him, but I can’t tell him that, so it’s just awkward and uncomfortable and... I’m not okay, Princess. I haven’t been for a long time.”
“Yeah, we can tell.”
“Leia.”
“What? I need therapy too! Captain Rex needs therapy! I’m pretty sure Fett needs therapy! You, Fulcrum, you really need therapy. None of us are okay.” She huffs, wiggling impossibly closer. “I don’t like it, but it’s true.”
“I know,” Ahsoka groans. “I just... I just need to hold out until the Temple.”
“Will you be able to hold it together if you see someone you actually care about?” Leia demands. “What are you going to do when you see Kenobi?”
“Stop.”
“I’m serious, you--”
“Leia, that’s enough,” she snaps. “I was fighting that war before you were even born, and I’ve dealt with the consequences since. I know the risks and I’ll thank you to remember who taught you to control your own mind.”
Leia stiffens, sucking in a sharp breath. “That was uncalled for.”
“You’re not the child you appear to be,” Ahsoka reminds her, not a little sharply. “You want to dish it out, be ready to take it. What will you do when we see Bail Organa? When we see the toddler that is Anakin Skywalker?”
“I get it.”
“I’m not sure you do,” Ahsoka mutters. She isn’t surprised when Leia ducks out of the embrace and leaves the galley. She lets the girl go, guilt warring with the memory of how Master Kenobi had more than once spoken that way to Anakin at the height of the war. The fact that she’s an adult in the body of a child isn’t an excuse for poking at Ahsoka’s open wounds. It was cruel and unnecessary, and unbecoming of a... not a Jedi. A princess. A politician.
She rests her head on her arms and zones out. She should meditate, but that seems like... too much effort.
She can feel Vos and Tholme setting up in the room they’ve been assigned. Neither seems particularly angry. Most likely, Tholme’s given the absolute shortest explanation of ‘child soldier, dead master, highly traumatized and emotionally unstable’ to Vos to smooth over the incident in the cargo hold. Rex is with Leia; he’s agitated, but less so than Leia herself. Fett’s annoyed, in the cockpit, but he seems annoyed as often as not. There’s a shudder at lift-off, and a few minutes later, they’re in hyperspace, headed for the Core.
Fett finds her, falls into the other bench in full armor, and drops his elbows onto the table. The helmet clunks down a moment later.
She doesn’t lift her head. “What do you want?”
“Do I need to keep Vos away from you?”
“What?”
“Vos. He made you uncomfortable. Was that him being someone that hurt you in the future, or just the interaction being awkward?”
She lifts her head. She stares at him. “What?”
He leans back and crosses his arms. “Do you need me to tell Vos to stay the hell away from you?”
She’s gaping. “You realize I’m thirty-two, right? I can handle my own battles.”
“You’re also traumatized as hell and everyone can see it,” Fett argues back. “If Vos himself is a trigger, I can handle it.”
“He’s not,” she tells him. This is strange. Fett’s being strange. “He was actually a friend of my grandmaster’s. I’m just uncomfortable with the flirting because I’m a lot older than he realizes, and I can’t tell him that.”
He nods sharply, and then looks away. The silence sits.
“Thanks for asking?” Ahsoka says, well aware of how her confusion over the offer turns it into a question. “I mean, thank you for... caring.”
I guess, she finishes in the privacy of her own head. Or at least pretending to.
Fett makes a face, still not facing her. He eyes the galley instead. She can guess where his thoughts are going. The galley is... not very big, especially with six people on board instead of one, but she’s sure they’ve stocked up enough. On the off chance they do go through more than expected, because of how many growing bodies are in residence, they can stop off and buy more. They have those resources now.
Jango never does ask what she did with the slavers.
“Who’s going to cry if I spice things properly?” he asks.
“Probably Leia,” she says immediately. “Vos will try to power through it even though he’s going to be overwhelmed. No idea about Tholme, but I think he’ll keep a straight face whether he likes it or not. Rex and I are fine, ‘hot’ was pretty much the only flavor of seasoning the GAR had.”
“GAR?”
“Grand Army of the Republic.”
He finally looks at her.
“You already knew I was a child soldier, Fett; don’t act surprised.”
“That doesn’t mean I like hearing about it.”
“I was fourteen. That’s old enough by Mando standards, Fett. Just think back, when did you get on the battlefield?”
“I take your point,” he says, lip curling unpleasantly. “It just hits different now that I’m old enough to look back and think of how damned young fourteen really is.”
Ahsoka shrugs. “Yeah, well--”
“You said the clones were ten.”
There’s the rub, isn’t it?
Of course it was about the clones.
“...closer to seven, by the end. Kamino was just making speedies at that point. Triple growth on the average instead of double, but averages in that case meant they’d been growing at double rates for six years and then got forced through four growth cycles in a single year to beef up the army when we kept losing men.” She looks down at the table, picking at a scratch in the plastipaint with her nail. “Rex and the rest of the ones from the beginning were basically twenty in mind and body, even if they’d only been decanted ten years earlier. The speedies... I always wondered. They’d gone from functionally twelve to functionally twenty in a year. That’s not... even in Kamino, that can’t have been normal. They didn’t act like adults, not the way the originals did.”
Fett rubs at his face, groaning. He swears under his breath in three different languages.
She pities him, if only because he hasn’t actually done any of this yet. He’s paying for the crimes of a man he likely won’t ever become.
She kicks him under the table. “Wanna make tiingilar and see how long it takes Vos to start crying while he insists it’s fine?”
---------------------------
Dinner is when the questions start. Some are relatively easy. Others, not so much.
“My Master was Leia’s biological father,” is an easy truth to share. “She inherited his power, so I need to get her to the temple for her own safety, because home no longer is.”
“Yes, her adoptive parents were unfortunately killed rather recently. We’d prefer not to talk about it.”
“Rex is with me. Where he goes, I go, and vice versa.”
That one gets her an odd look.
“I thought...” Quinlan trails off, gesturing between Rex and Fett.
Fett keeps his face impassive, but his discomfort and guilt leak into the Force. “I didn’t know Rex existed until I ran into these three in a spaceport cantina a few weeks ago.”
Quinlan blinks at him, looks at Rex again, and then turns back to Fett with a grin that might have been described as ‘saucy’ if he were less smug about it. “Wild oats, huh?”
“Are you shitting me right now,” Leia whispers, and Ahsoka elbows her.
“That was inappropriate, padawan.”
Quinlan’s grin fades as Fett just continues to eye him.
“Um, so--”
“How old is the kid?” Fett interrupts.
Darting eyes answer him, as Quinlan tries to gauge Rex. “Ten? Maybe twelve?”
“And how old am I?”
“...early thirties?”
“I’m twenty-seven.”
Quinlan’s grin fades further as he does the math.
“I’d have been between fifteen and seventeen when he was born,” Fett says, tone flat. “Between fourteen and sixteen at conception. I know damn well I wasn’t doing anything that could have resulted in a kid at that age.”
Quinlan rallies. “So, brothers?”
Tholme sighs loudly, hand over his eyes.
“I’m a clone,” Rex says, and Ahsoka can feel the amusement he gets out of Quinlan’s confused shock. They’d both had plenty of respect for Master Vos, but Padawan Vos was nothing but trouble. “Harvested genetic material, grown in a tube, inconsistent aging meaning I don’t even know how old I am for sure.”
“I broke him out,” Ahsoka adds, which is half true.
“There was a chip in my head,” Rex adds, with a bright smile. Quinlan’s discomfort grows. “She got it out. Also, lots of brothers. None of them are... around anymore. The creators were trying to make an army.”
Vos and Tholme have no response. Fett looks like he’s been carved out of stone. Leia’s just ignoring them and picking at her food.
Ahsoka lifts a hand and, without looking, Rex high-fives her.
---------------------------
“Drop your elbow.”
Ahsoka tries to cover her smile at the dirty look that Leia shoots Fett. Fett remains unimpressed by the glare of royalty, just gestures for the girl to do as he said.
“I know how to fight,” Leia grumbles. “I took lessons. I was good at them.”
“And I’m better,” Fett says, leaving no room for argument. “You want the Torrents to take over?”
The Torrents. Rex and Soka. She likes being referred to that way. Like they’re a team that never got split up.
Force, she wished they’d never gotten split up.
“Again,” Fett orders, and Leia moves through the Mandalorian kata with ill grace in her emotions and all grace in her sweeping limbs.
Well, as much grace as an undersized six-year-old can, at any rate.
“Think he’ll ask me to spar her again?” Rex asks, dropping down into the seat next to Ahsoka and passing her a drink.
“Maybe,” she acknowledges. “I think he’s wondering if it’s worth asking Vos to spar with her, so she gets more experience with size differences.”
“Hm?”
“She flinched at his face again,” she tells him. “The whole... thing with Boba, I guess. She still won’t tell me why Fett triggers her sometimes, but he’s not pressing her to spar with him, and there’s only so much she can get out of fighting me. Asking Tholme would be presumptuous, but Vos is just a padawan. I think it’d work out.”
“And you?”
She looks at him, already feeling a cresting wave of bullshit she doesn’t want to deal with. “What about me?”
“Are you going to spar with the Jedi?”
She should. She hasn’t sparred with a saber since she got tossed back into a body only half-familiar to her. She’s let Leia borrow the shorter one to learn some basic blocking moves, Shii-Cho and then, with hesitance, the first Soresu form. Another time, she loaned it to Rex to practice some attacks; they both know that the next time he picks up her saber in battle, having lost his weapons or she her grip, it will be neither the first or last time he wields a sword of light. None of that, however, is... sparring.
None of that is against someone who knows what they’re doing.
How long has it been since she sparred with anyone other than Kanan and Ezra?
How long has it been since she sparred without the looming specter of Darth Vader in the back of her mind, without fear of the Inquisitors, without the knowledge that any saber held by someone other than her two friends would be red as blood and twice as drenched.
Would she be able to hold back as she fought?
“I should,” she acknowledges, eyes on where Fett is nudging Leia’s feet into position for some kind of leveraging flip. She’s so small. “It would probably be a good idea to spar against a master at some point.”
“Do you think you can?” Rex asks.
“I never knew him,” she says. “And he isn’t Dark. It should be fine.”
Rex nods, taking her word for it. They watch as Leia stumbles on a final move, and Fett gestures for her to sit down and get a drink.
“That man is a terror,” she informs them.
(She’d once described him as a slave-driver. She had not made that mistake twice.)
“Least it’s not Kamino!” Rex tells her cheerfully. When Leia refuses to look impressed, he laughs at her.
Ahsoka has a half-second’s warning before heavy boots thud to the ground next to her. “What’s Kamino?”
“Hello, Vos, it’s nice to see you too,” she drawls. “I’m good, thanks for asking, and yourself?”
The boy-not-quite-man rolls his eyes. “Hi, Torrents; hi, tiny one.”
Leia glares at him next.
“So, Kamino?”
“Planet by Rishi,” Rex says.
“Why were you there?”
“They specialize in cloning.”
Ahsoka covers her mouth as the conversation drops into the same awkward gap that always happens when Quinlan stumbles into a subject he didn’t know to avoid.
“Like... you were made there, or you were researching how it works for your own--”
Ahsoka slaps a hand over his mouth. “Now’s a great time to stop talking.”
He licks her palm.
She bares her teeth and arches her fingers just enough to press nails into his cheek.
He bites at her palm, and she yanks her hand away.
“You’re all children,” Leia accuses, conveniently forgetting that Ahsoka and Rex are both over a decade older than her.
“I can throw you the length of a swimming pool,” Ahsoka tells her. “One of the fancy competition-ready ones that would make a Tatooinian cry. You are absolutely the child here.”
“Using the Force is cheating, sir,” Rex informs her.
“Only if there’s a competition,” Ahsoka shoots back. “And proving that a certain princess is a small child is not a competition. It’s a declarative fact.”
“I’m going to rip open the seams on all your tops except the ugliest one,” Leia decides.
“Try me,” Ahsoka challenges. “Adi’ka.”
A low, rough cough interrupts them. “Are you done?”
Fett has his arms crossed, and an eyebrow raised. He knows they’re all adults here, and is entirely unamused. As the silence drags, the eyebrow climbs a little higher.
“Done with what?” Quinlan finally asks, thereby volunteering himself to spar in hand-to-hand with Jango Fett, as one does.
“Poor, poor Vos,” Rex laughs, watching as Fett barks out orders at Quinlan every five seconds to fix his footwork, to stop dropping his guard, to stop wasting energy on flips instead of just dodging the easy way.
“Throw him!” Ahsoka calls. To her delight, Fett obliges.
The thing is, Quinlan isn’t bad at brawling. He’s got training, endurance, skill. The man knows what he’s doing, objectively. He’s just not a match for Fett, and is used enough to relying on his saber that his hand-to-hand skills are rusty. They are perhaps less rusty than those Jedi who don’t take questionable jobs in the Mid-Outer Rim, and Ahsoka’s got a suspicion that Vos regularly gets into bar fights in his downtime, but none of that is enough for him to actually do more than survive against Fett without his saber.
Even the saber wouldn’t help, if Fett had his armor.
“Whose idea was this?”
Ahsoka cranes her head back and smiles. “Hello, Master Tholme. Vos... volunteered.”
“Did he know he was volunteering?”
“No comment.”
Tholme snorts, crossing his arms and eyeing the spar in front of him. “I thought Fett hated Jedi. Giving us a ride for the sake of you three is one thing, but why is he teaching my padawan?”
Ahsoka shrugs. “Constructive bullying?”
There’s a small twitch of a smile, quickly gone. “He said something wrong, I’m guessing?”
“There was no way he could have known,” she dismisses. “We’re just, like, ninety-percent tragic backstories.”
“You’d think the Force would warn him,” Rex notes.
“That’s not how the Force works,” Leia chides.
“No, no, he’s right,” Ahsoka corrects. “The Force does sometimes step in to stop a person from saying something stupid. However, Padawan Vos is at an age where people think they are very rational while being more irrational than they likely ever will be again.”
“Do I want to ask what you were doing at that age?” Tholme asks.
“Running bla...” she trails off, then whips around to gape at him.
He smiles, bland and unassuming. “Does Fett know?”
“Know... what?” Ahsoka asks.
“That you’re significantly older than you look,” he says, voice just low enough that the sparring duo can’t hear him. “All three of you.”
Ahsoka turns back to the spar, only catching Tholme out of the corner of her eye. “He knows.”
“Mm. Were you planning on telling the Council?”
“Yes.” That part was never in question. “How did you figure it out?”
“I am a good investigator,” he says. “And you rely a little too heavily on your physical forms to obfuscate. Were it just one of you, that wouldn’t be a problem, but the pattern repeated across three is a little easier to discern.”
“I hoped the whole ‘child soldiers’ thing would be a bigger distraction,” Ahsoka mutters. She glances at Leia and Rex. Both of them are used to being in charge to some degree, giving orders and making contingency plans, but in this... in this, Ahsoka is in charge. They’d decided that at the very start. It didn’t matter that Rex had lived longer and had more experience, or that Leia had held the highest Rebellion rank of the three of them. Ahsoka had been agreed as leader, and they were relying on her.
They’re waiting on her orders. Stiff and unhappy, in Leia’s case, but they trust her.
“Will you be telling Vos?” She asks.
“No,” Tholme says. “Your secrets remain your own unless they endanger us, and I’ve a feeling they won’t be.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Rex jokes, smile not reaching his eyes. “I’ve been working with this family for too long to trust that trouble won’t find them around the next corner.”
“This family?” Tholme repeats.
“Sokari was telling the truth about her master being Leia’s biological father,” Rex says. He shrugs. “I worked with him, with his wife, with both of his kids, with his master and his padawan. All of them, to a one, are trouble magnets.”
“Ah, but that’s not the secret that’s putting us in danger,” Tholme points out. “Simply existence as a Jedi.”
Rex shrugs. “Fair enough. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.”
Ahsoka lurches to her feet, turning with a smile and dancing backward into the the stretch of empty cargo hold they used for such things. “A spar, Master Tholme?”
He looks past her, to Quinlan, and raises a brow. “Would you not prefer to spar with someone a little closer to your level first?”
She barks out a laugh. “Master Tholme, I’m afraid I’ve spent more of my life fighting to survive than having normal friendly spars. My style is more lethal than the average, and you’ve already seen what war’s done to my mind. I ask to spar with you because, if I lose control, if I slip in time or react on an instinct that isn’t appropriate, I trust that you’ll be more able to stop me than a senior padawan.”
He smiles. “Yes, I gathered as much. Still, better to ask. Shall we wait for them to finish up?”
Ahsoka shrugs, turns, and yells. “Clear the deck!”
Rex snorts behind her, and lowly mutters, “Sir, yes, sir.”
She smirks at him over her shoulder. “At ease, Captain.”
“That’s ‘Commander’ to you, I got promoted,” he sniffs, chin held high.
Heavy steps herald Fett’s arrival at their little group. “The hells are you doing?”
“I’m going to have a spar with a Jedi Master, and I want you and Vos to not get stabbed.”
“I’m not that easy to injure in an actual fight, let alone by accident,” Fett grouses. He looks up and over at Vos, who is already significantly taller, if a fair shot less built. “This one, on the other hand...”
“Hey!”
Ahsoka laughs and backs into the center of the cargo hold, drawing her sabers. “Don’t worry, Vos, I won’t play dirty. You’ll probably get your master back in one piece.”
He wrinkles his nose at her. “Getting a bit ahead of yourself there, aren’t you? He’s a Jedi Master and former Watchman. You’re... what, eighteen?”
Ahsoka raises a brow and activates her sabers, tapping the blades together and watching as more than one person winces. “Wanna bet on how long I last?”
“No,” he says immediately, stepping back to join Rex on the bench. “You’ve already blindsided me enough. I’m not dumb enough to fall for whatever you’ve got up your sleeve.”
“I don’t have sleeves.”
“Armwarmers-slash-greaves, then.”
“Greaves go on the legs, these are vambraces.”
He throws his hands up in the air. “I’m just going to stop talking now!”
“Good plan,” Leia snarks, and then literally hisses when Rex ruffles her hair.
Tholme lights his saber and sinks into an opening stance.
Ahsoka mirrors him.
---------------------------
She wins, but barely. She's had a few weeks to practice her forms, has sparred hands-only with Rex and Fett, but this is her first real try at using her sabers against a person, instead of a blaster or thin air, since she arrived in the past. She’s only mostly adjusted to her body.
But Tholme is a healer and a watchman, not a duelist. Ahsoka held her own against Ventress, against Grievous, against Maul when she was this age. Still adjusting to her body or not, her lineage is one of battle, and it bled true.
“You’re terrifying,” Quinlan tells her after they’re done, smiling like the sun as he hands her a towel. “Please never turn that on me.”
She laughs at him. “Would you believe that I’m out of practice?”
“Out of practice with what?” he asks, horrified and fascinated. “Fighting Sith Lords?”
“Among other things,” she says, and smirks when he chokes on his drink. “Multiple darkside users who claimed to be Sith, at least. One being a full Lord, one that was disowned by his master, and one that was apprenticed to a Banite apprentice, so she wasn’t technically allowed to be a Darth because of the rule of two.”
Tholme meets her eyes past Quinlan’s shoulder, head tilted and eyes half-shut in consideration. He’s taking her seriously. He knows what she’s not saying.
“How...” Quinlan trails off and shakes his head. “You know what, no. Asking you people questions never ends well.”
“Good plan,” Ahsoka says, clapping a hand down on his shoulder. “Also, you need to spar with Fett more. Your footwork is shit.”
“It is not,” Quinlan gripes. “You’re all just scary good at this stuff.”
“You mean surviving?” Leia pipes up, and smiles innocently when Quinlan turns to pout at her.
“You’re getting bullied by a six-year-old,” Rex informs him.
“Yeah,” Quinlan sighs. “I know.”
Ahsoka laughs, and it’s fine. It’s all fine. For a week, everything is honestly great. She trains, she laughs, she works through the nightmares.
Then fucking Denon happens.
---------------------------
Denon is a city-planet on the intersection of two major hyperlanes. It’s the kind of place where they stop for two things:
Fuel.
Paperwork.
Technically, there’s a whole mess of paperwork they have to fill out to continue along this specific hyperlane, since they aren’t official Republic ships, and don’t have the licenses to just pass along like ships that are pre-registered to the Trade Federation or the like. They could sneak past--literally all of them know smuggler’s routes--but it’s honestly less of a pain to do things legally. They have a Jedi Master. They have cash. Some of that cash wasn’t quite legally acquired, but nobody needs to know that.
It’s supposed to be a pit stop. That’s all.
It’s just a pit stop.
But no, the galaxy isn’t that kind and Ahsoka’s luck is currently being compounded with a Skywalker, two Fetts, and Vos, which means that of course they run into trouble. Of course they do. There was never any other option, was there?
“Motherfucker,” Ahsoka snaps, lifting her head up and slamming her drink on the table.
The glass is empty. That’s good. They’re in a restaurant right now, a little splurging after weeks with only each others’ company, and spilling the sugary child-friendly juice with that move would have drawn way too much attention from the servers.
“Language,” Tholme says, voice idly unconcerned.
“Sir?” Rex asks, kicking Ahsoka under the table. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wr--that jackass,” she hisses, getting to her feet. “Rex, grab a blaster, I’ve got shebs to kick.”
“Okay,” Rex says, grabbing one out of Fett’s holster and scooting out of the booth before anyone can tell him not to. “Whose?”
“I didn’t even know that he was... osik, I don’t have jurisdiction,” she realizes. “I don’t have any record of wrongdoing. I can’t arrest him since we don’t have evidence of criminal wrongdoing...”
“Are you two going to explain what’s going on?” Vos asks. “Or sit down, maybe?”
Ahsoka makes her decision. She eyes the window--the restaurant in question is a little dingy, but it’s also several dozen stories in the air. “Rex, remember the thing we did on Geonosis that you hated?”
He pauses, and then sighs heavily. “Yes, sir. I remember the... yeeting.”
Hah. That slang doesn’t even exist yet.
“Great. With me!”
It’s a good thing the windows are forcefields instead of transparisteel. A bit of a twist to the energy and they’re gone.
She only hears a little screaming before the wind tears all noises away while they plummet.
They land lightly--of course--and Ahsoka wraps them both in a don’t notice me aura. Nobody even notices that they’ve just come from above. It’s great that she can just Do These Things again, and get brushed off as Weird Jedi Shit, instead of worrying about the Empire. She’s missed being able to jump out of windows without fear.
Rex follows her as she starts running through the city. They don’t have comms, and he’s still so small, which means he can’t keep up with her even if she runs at normal speeds without Force enhancement.
“Should you carry me?” he asks, before she can figure out if it’s worth suggesting. She did it a few times before they joined up with Jango.
“It’s not... urgent, I think,” she says. She hesitates to speak, even as she keeps jogging with Rex at her heels. “Honestly, I’m trying to figure out if there’s anything I can ding him for so we can attack him. It’s all well and good that I can beat him right now, but all the crimes I know about haven’t happened yet, so it wouldn’t be legal...”
“Commander?”
“Hm?”
“I have no idea who you’re talking about.”
She scrolls the conversation back mentally, considers, and says, “Oh.”
“Who’s getting steamrolled?”
“Uh, Maul’s here,” Ahsoka admits.
“Ah,” Rex says. He makes a face. “I understand the desire to jump out a window, now. I don’t agree with it, but I understand.”
Ahsoka laughs. “I mean, I just... every time I’ve seen him for almost twenty years, it’s been like... on sight, you know? We’ve never not attacked each other, except when I needed him to cause problems on Mandalore. But I always knew I was in the right, then.”
“So... what do we arrest him for?” Rex prompts.
“Um... carrying a lightsaber without a license?” she hazards. “We’ll need Tholme there. Hopefully I can just shout at him and he’ll attack me, but I think he only went full nutjob after Master Kenobi cut his legs off. He might be too controlled to try to kill me just for yelling at him.”
“...do we have to stalk him?” Rex asks, sounding like he’d most likely sigh if he weren’t mid-run.
She scoops him up and swings him around onto her back before she answers. “I think we have to stalk him, Rex’ika.”
“Don’t call me that.”
---------------------------
Maul is... exceptionally sneaky, actually. Either that, or he hasn’t done anything wrong yet. Ahsoka’s betting on the former, because she’s seen this particular skocha kung take over a planet before anyone realized he was the most dangerous person around.
Or maybe he’s just not committing crimes, and is in fact just here to buy groceries.
He’s examining a papaya.
She fantasizes about jumping across the market and greeting him with a heel to the cheekbone.
“Are you imagining a flying kick, Sir?”
“Yeah...”
“He’s examining a papaya, Sir.”
“I know...”
“Does he know we’re here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? Do you think I should go hit him?”
“No.”
“Should I hit on him?”
“No, Sir. I would not advise that.”
“He’s looking at the neloms.”
“I can see that.”
“Why does he have to be so bo--did he just fucking bite a nelom?”
“It appears so, Sir.”
“Like... like rind and all. Just bit the little fucker.”
“Seems it.”
A scuff of metal. “What the fuck are you two doing?”
Ahsoka tips her head around to peer through the grate. “We’re spying, Fett, what does it look like we’re doing?”
Rex cranes his head. “We’re hanging upside-down from a fire escape to get a look at a suspected Sith Apprentice that is currently shopping for various fruits, Mand’alor.”
Ahsoka waves. “Hi, Master Tholme.”
“Sokari,” the master greets. “This seems a very conspicuous way to spy.”
She shrugs as well as she can from this angle. “Yes, but you see, this way’s more fun.”
“Is it now.”
Rex shifted. “He’s on the move!”
“To kill someone?!”
“No, to the deli meats.”
“Kriff.”
---------------------------
Apparently, Tholme and Fett had told Quinlan to take care of Leia, as Leia had wanted to finish her juice and refused to get involved in the Torrents’ nonsense. According to her, if they couldn’t be bothered to explain the nonsense, they didn’t need her.
This was true and accurate.
Quinlan shows up while they’re still stalking Maul, having moved to a low rooftop for a decent vantage point with less likelihood of being spotted. He’s giving Leia an eopie-back ride, and the pout on her face at needing it is adorable. She pouts harder when she sees them.
“Are you even trying to hide?” Leia scoffs.
“Not really,” Ahsoka admits. She’s got Fett’s binoculars out. “I’m not sure he’s caught wind of the fact that we’re here yet.”
“Or he has and he’s just biding his time to escape while we’re distracted,” Tholme points out.
“Meh,” Ahsoka says, avidly devouring the visual that is a teenage Maul glaring at leafy vegetables. “I just want him to do something so I have an excuse to beat his ass.”
“Do I get to know who?” Quinlan asks, setting Leia down on the roof. “Or are we going to keep being completely unwilling to share information?”
“Baby Sith Lord,” Ahsoka says. “He’s fifteen. A child.”
“A baby,” Rex agrees.
“You’re... that’s... ugh,” Quinlan groans as loudly and as dramatically as he dares, flopping down to the rooftop. “Master Tholme, please tell me this isn’t a real Sith.”
“He’s Dark,” Tholme confirms. “Sith is... up for debate until we have evidence.”
“He’s a bitch is what he is,” Ahsoka mutters. She observes the teenager in question stop to poke at some pink tomatoes. “E chu ta, break the law, already!”
“Does he have a lightsaber?” Quinlan asks. “If he has a lightsaber and no Jedi ID or specialty license, we can probably arrest him.”
“Auntie Soka doesn’t have a license or ID,” Leia points out.
“She’s got a Jedi escort,” Tholme says. “And if our supposed Sith is polite and plays nice, we can probably escort him to the Temple as well.”
Rex snorts derisively.
“Do you know why he’s on Denon?” Fett asks.
“No clue,” Ahsoka admits. “Evil reasons, probably.”
“You’re useless,” Leia tells her.
“Thanks, princess, how’s that attempt to open the jam jar by yourself coming?”
Leia says something very inappropriate for a princess, for a child, and for a lady. It’s fairly appropriate for a soldier, which is admittedly what she’s been for a few years now. Ahsoka sticks her tongue out at the girl like the mature operative she is.
“I wish we could still get him to lose his osik by just showing up and insulting him,” Rex mutters, low enough that Quinlan probably can’t hear.
“I wanna punch him in the face,” Ahsoka confesses. “I want him to try to punch me in the face, and fail.”
“Don’t bully the baby Sith,” Rex admonishes.
“He’s a Sith.”
“He’s fifteen, it’s tacky.”
“But it’s Maul.”
“I know, but you’re tw--significantly older than him.”
“But... but it’s the motherfucker himself.”
“...you can bully him a little, but only because he’s a Sith.”
Fett steals the binoculars. “You can borrow them again when you stop acting like children.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Rex says, dry as Ryloth. “I’m ten.”
“Pretty tall for your age,” Ahsoka mutters, and then giggles.
“Don’t steal my jokes,” Rex says. He elbows her, hard.
“You know,” Quinlan says, slow and tired. “Master Tholme and I are trained investigators.”
Ahsoka and Rex look at each other, and then up at him.
“Okay?”
“...do you want me to find actual evidence of this guy doing something criminal?”
“Oh, yes please.”
---------------------------
Quinlan, as it turns out, is not overselling his skills. He does catch Maul doing something illegal later that day. It’s a little more ‘stealing corporate secrets in the dead of night’ and less ‘torturing people for kicks,’ but it’s still enough to legally arrest him. Quinlan attempts to do so.
Quinlan does not succeed, and is forced to jump out a window to avoid getting cut in half. Maul follows, steals a passing speeder by throwing out the driver, and takes off. Someone--looks like Tholme--drops back to save the driver, but the rest of them give chase. Ahsoka gleefully takes point on that, of course. She’s the best pilot.
(Rex looks bored, but someone is likely to puke by the end of the night. She hopes it’s not Leia, who insisted on coming for some fucking reason.)
“How the kriff is a teenager that good?!” Quinlan yells, clinging to the edge of the speeder to avoid getting tipped out as Ahsoka swerves around a corner with a wild laugh.
“He’s a Sith!” Leia shouts over the wind. “What do you think?”
Quinlan is not impressed by the claim of Sith.
Ahsoka screeches as she drifts across four lanes of traffic and into an alleyway to pursue Maul. He’s pretty good at dodging cross-building walkways, but she’s better. She bares her teeth, hissing, and tries to pick a plan.
“Vos, how’s your aim with Force throws?” She calls to the backseat.
“Uh, decent?”
“Great! Fett’s the projectile!”
Vos takes a second longer to process that than Jango does.
“I’m wh--”
He cuts off, screaming, and is flung forward by Quinlan to crash headfirst into a teenage Sith.
“Take the wheel!” Ahsoka commands, not waiting to see who follows the order, because Fett and Maul are both getting to their feet, the other speeder is about to crash, and she’s not sure who’s going to win that fight.
She jumps from the speeder they’ve been violently dragging around Denon, and lands feet-first on Maul’s... shoulder.
Hm.
That definitely dislocated something.
“You should wear armor!” she chirps at him, drawing both sabers and grinning as he whirls to face her, eyes wide with hate.
He’s utterly silent.
That’s disturbing. Expected, but disturbing.
“Did you just throw me?” Fett demands, higher pitched than she’d normally expect.
“No, Vos threw you.”
“Because you told him to!”
“Yeah, it’s a good strategy!”
“It is not!”
“Why not? Throwing people was standard practice in the GAR.”
She can’t see his face, but she’s pretty sure he’s about ready to strangle her.
Ahsoka cannot, at that point, continue snarking with the father of her best friend, because there’s a red lightsaber coming for her throat, and she should probably worry about that. Maul’s very good at killing people and she’d like to avoid becoming part of that statistic.
As she is quickly reminded, he is... fifteen. And shorter than she’s used to. And already injured.
It’s really, really easy to take him out, actually.
At some point, the other speeder was safely recovered before it caused property damage, and their own is landing a few meters away with Vos and the kids.
“You have Force-negating cuffs, right?” Ahsoka asks.
“No, Master Tholme has them.”
“Oh,” she says, and grimaces. “I guess I’ll just... keep sitting on him then.”
Maul snarls, and she raps him on the skull. “Stop that, it’s uncivilized.”
Rex snorts.
Jango makes a noise that is incredibly frustrated with the lot of them, and turns on Rex. “Was she telling the truth?”
“About?”
“Throwing people being standard practice for the GAR.”
Rex’s face goes pained. “It was in the five-oh-first. And a few others.”
“What’s the GAR?” Quinlan asks.
“None of your damn business,” Fett snaps.
Quinlan throws his hands up in the air again. “Come on! I just proved I know what I’m doing!”
“And their tragic backstory is none of your business, prudii!”
Quinlan blinks at him, and then glances at Ahsoka. “Um.”
“He called you a shadow since your training, um, seems to be pointing in that direction,” she says as carefully as she can. “We were theorizing.”
“Wh... you actually paid attention?” Quinlan asks, looking horribly confused. “I thought I was just annoying you.”
Ahsoka laughs at him. “Oh, Vos... I’ve been running black ops for... much longer than most would guess. Trust me, I know another spy when I see them.”
She smiles as kindly as she can, because she hadn’t actually meant to make him feel left out or unwanted or... well, she’d been pretty patronizing, especially for someone seemingly younger than him. The smile does not work. Quinlan just looks kind of horrified about how young she just implied she started spy work.
Granted, she’d been sixteen for Zygerria...
Deciding to ignore him for a bit, she shifts on Maul’s back and pats him on the cheek. “Don’t worry, Baby Sith. We’re going to get you lots of nice therapy. Mind healers, no Sith tortures, all that fun stuff. Maybe some plushies.”
“You’re also getting therapy, right?” Quinlan asks. “Please say you are. I’m required for the specifics of my training and if anything you’ve said is true, I feel like you really need it and I’m scared of what’ll happen if you don’t.”
Ahsoka laughs, knowing exactly how empty it sounds. “Oh hell, if I didn’t get therapy, I imagine Kix would rise from the grave to force me into it.”
The name means nothing to anyone except Rex, and... ah, yeah, she told Fett about Kix a few weeks ago.
“No more throwing me without warning,” Fett grumbles, dropping to sit on the ground next to her. “Especially not at baby Sith Lords.”
“I am not a child!” Maul spits.
“He speaks!” Ahsoka cheers. “Aw, I knew you could do it.”
“’Soka, I told you not to bully him,” Rex complains. “It’s tacky. You’re being tacky.”
“I’m allowed to be tacky,” Ahsoka declares. “I’ve died twice, that’s, like, permission from the universe.”
“You’ve died twice?” Quinlan asks, back in ‘fascinated horror’ territory. “Wait, no, I shouldn’t ask--”
“Too late! The first time was on a planet that doesn’t exist and my Master lost his mind, killed a god, and used the good favor of another god to have me brought back to life at her expense. Not in that order.”
“I--what? No, that’s--what?”
Ahsoka smiles brightly. “You asked.”
Tholme finally shows up with the cuffs.
---------------------------
“You should eat something.”
He glares at her.
“Baby Sith Lords need to eat.”
He keeps glaring at her.
“Maul, you’ll never get big and strong and ready to kill if you don’t eat your vegetables.”
He bares his teeth.
“No, I don’t eat my veggies, but I’m a Togruta, so if I eat too many vegetables I throw up.”
Rex kicks her thigh, right on the faulds. “What did I say about bullying the Sith Lord?”
“Not to.”
“And what are you doing?”
“Making him eat his vegetables.”
“Soka.”
“Rex’ika.”
He kicks at her again. “Get up, we’re swapping out the watch.”
“But I wanted to hang out with my favorite little criminal mastermind.”
Rex drops to the floor and presses his forehead to her shoulder. “How the hell is being around this guy the first thing to make you cheer up in weeks?”
“I’m allowed to be mean to him.”
“He’s going to bite you.”
“I’ll bite back.”
Rex jabs a finger into her ribs, and she squeaks. “Go get something to eat, Commander.”
“Fine,” she huffs, rolling to her feet and moseying along to the galley. She walks in on Tholme and Fett having an argument about the ways in which Jedi and Mandalorians differ. Quinlan’s on the side, watching with wide eyes, and little Leia’s drinking a juice box at his side, tucked up under his arm and occasionally saying things to fan the flames. Ahsoka assumes she’s enjoying herself.
She opens the cooling unit, looks over the contents, and pulls out a raw leg of eopie mutton. She leans against the counter, bites into the chilled-but-not-frozen meat, and uses the back of one hand to wipe the blood off her chin. The ‘real adults’ don’t notice.
“I’m like ninety percent sure you’re doing this to mess with me but also...” Quinlan trails off, staring at her with horror. “Why?”
“A girl’s gotta eat.”
“Yeah, but all the obligate carnivores I know are like... generally holding to basic rules of courtesy when it comes to not grossing people out,” Quinlan says. “Like, I don’t chew with my mouth open. You don’t... eat in the most intimidating--did you just crack the bone with your teeth?!”
Ahsoka smirks at him, using her free hand to take away the shard of bone so she can suck out the marrow without eating the bones themselves. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this isn’t polite society. We’re in a galley on a bounty hunter’s ship, and I’ve been living on the run or in an army for most of my life. Table manners are optional.”
“No, they’re not,” Leia orders. “Fett, it’s your ship, tell her to--”
“--and another thing!” Fett snaps at Tholme, clearly paying less than no attention to the food argument.
Ahsoka keeps on eating, trying to catch wind of where the discussion’s at. Mostly, it seems to be at ‘talking past each other.’ Neither of them seems to have fully grasped more than the absolute most basic parts of the other culture, and that’s only enough to insult each other, not actually have a constructive conversation. She’d have expected more out of Tholme, at least. He’s not exactly young.
“Hey, quick question,” she says, in a moment where both of them have paused for breath and the opportunity to seethe. “Fett, when’s the last time you worked with a Jedi, or any member of a Force-based religion, before I popped into your life?”
His nose scrunches up as he makes a face.
“And Tholme, when’s the last time you worked with anyone from the Mandalorian system?”
Tholme’s reaction isn’t any more gracious than Fett’s.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she says. “Vos, were either of them actually interested in that conversation, or just looking for an excuse to yell?”
“Now listen here, jetiika--”
“Fett,” she snaps. “I am not a child.”
“And neither am I,” he growls right back. “This is my ship, and I damn well don’t need you treating me like a misbehaving youngling. You’ve got a problem, you bring it to my face, not get all smug about people’s tempers blowing over.”
Well, then.
She smiles thinly. “Of course.”
He stands with his arms crossed, in full armor save for the helmet. She puts aside the eopie meat and wipes her hands, smiling until she can put her hands on her hips and let it drop to a challenge.
“You know, I’m just--I’m just gonna go,” Quinlan mutters, pulling Leia out with him, the girl hanging from under one of his arms. “This, uh, this looks like a problem for... you folks. Um. Yeah.”
He sidles out.
Tholme doesn’t.
Fett rubs at the bridge of his nose, and then gestures at the table. “Sit.”
“I’d prefer not to.”
He drops his hand and glares at her. “We have another week on this ship together. We are going to have this conversation. Sit.”
She sits, right on the warm spot left behind by Quinlan and Leia. She crosses her arms, lifts a brow, and waits.
Fett takes the seat across from her. Tholme leans against the counter.
“We all know you’re older than you look,” Fett says. “I heard Tholme mention it, I know that much has been shared. You’re acting like an actual teenager, and I’ve... I’ve put up with a lot. I am trying to keep things civil, particularly with you. I’ve tried to be friendly. You’ve been fucked up since we met, fine, everyone’s got trauma. The thing where you’ve started talking shit to our faces for what seems like your own amusement? That has to stop. You’re older than me, Torrent. Fucking act like it.”
She blinks at him, slow and not exactly happy, and turns to Tholme.
The man shrugs. “I was planning to put up with it until we arrived to the temple and handed you over to some mind healers. Fett doesn’t have that kind of time.”
There’s a curdle in her stomach, defensive and angry and guilty.
“You’ve been... a bitch,” Fett finally says. “You know that. I’m not going to mince words. You’ve been holier-than-thou and rude and condescending, and aiming that at Antilles is one thing, when you’ve apparently known her since she was a toddler and taught her things. Aiming at the rest of us isn’t going to fly. We’re all adults trying to share a space. Stop acting like... just like you have been.”
There is no defense to be made that they aren’t both already aware of.
She closes her eyes and tries to strangle the burst of irrational rage.
Their accusations aren’t unfounded.
They deserve an apology.
She is in the wrong.
She’s felt freer than she had in years, and in that freedom allowed herself too much rein, let herself lace her words with barbed wires and poison instead of sparks and spices, comments that were cruel instead of just joking. Too familiar. Too comfortable.
“My behavior’s been inappropriate,” she finally says, the words clumsy and too big in her mouth. “You’re right about that. I’m sorry, and I’ll endeavor to keep a tighter rein on my less pleasant behaviors in the future.”
At least she only lashes out with words. It could be worse.
She opens her eyes, fixes her gaze on the wall behind Fett, wrestles her expression into stiff neutrality. “Am I dismissed?”
“...uh, no, not after that,” Fett says, sounding just a little horrified. “What the hell was that?”
Tholme hisses out a breath. “Let her go.”
“No, this needs to be discussed, that’s not a healthy rea--”
“Fett, let her go,” Tholme insists, low and heavy.
Fett looks between the two for a moment, seems to come to a realization he doesn’t like, and then gestures almost violently towards the door. “Fine. Go.”
She walks out, doesn’t sprint. She’s stiff. She’s controlled. She’s the one that fucked up, so it’s fine if she doesn’t feel great right now. Getting called out on one’s own failings as a person isn’t something to get upset about if the failings are real. The feelings are real and normal, but this was her fault, and so it’s up to her to fix it, and she can’t let them know it hurt her, because this was her mistake.
She goes to the cargo hold.
---------------------------
Ahsoka works out her frustrations on Fett’s punching bag. She does not augment herself with the Force, just uses raw strength and technique, ignoring the tears that press at her eyes.
She’s fine.
It’s not weird. It’s not odd. It’s not strange to not notice she’s been kind of a bitch since her mood came up with the whole Depa thing, and then Maul. She’s been mean, mostly to Vos and Fett, and nobody’s confronted her about it until now. They let her have room for her trauma, and she hadn’t reined it in. She’s just gotten worse.
‘Snippy’ she’d always been, but age apparently hadn’t fucking tempered it.
“Um.”
She catches the punching bag, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. She hasn’t worked out all the twitchy, nervous energy yet.
“Vos,” she greets, once she’s caught herself enough that her voice won’t waver. He’s on the other side of the bag, but she knows his voice. “Do you need something?”
“You’re kind of... projecting,” he tells her, drifting to where she can actually see him. “Not self-loathing, but, um, recrimination? You just don’t feel very good and I was hoping to help”
Why in all the Sith hells does he have to be nice.
“I got called out on my behavior and wasn’t ready to face the fact that I’d kriffed up,” she tells him. “I’ll be fine. And I’m... sorry. I haven’t been fair to you and was using you as an easy target for some of my ruder comments.”
“I mean, I kind of figured,” he admits, coming closer. “I’ve been tutored by Shadows before, and a lot of them act like you. I just assumed it was more of that.”
“I still shouldn’t have let myself run loose like that,” she says. “I’m... it wasn’t appropriate. I shouldn’t have let it happen.”
He shrugs, not meeting her eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” she says. “Not with... not with you. Or anyone other than Rex and a mind healer, really. Most of it is...”
She trails off, distantly noticing that her eyes are tearing up enough to blur her vision, and her nails are digging into the bag in a way Fett won’t appreciate.
There’s so much that beat her down, never quite breaking her, that she doesn’t even know what made her act the way she does.
“Want to spar?”
She looks over at him, wonders what he sees that makes him want to fight her when she’s visibly unstable.
He smiles, kind and easy, and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It’s genuine in intent, if not in energy. He wants to help. “You all keep saying I could work on my hand-to-hand. Just take off the armor so I don’t break a finger, maybe.”
“You’re serious.”
“No, I’m Quinlan.”
She’s going to wipe the floor with this boy. “You sure you wanna fight me?”
“You won’t be able to meditate until you do,” he says. He’s right, damn him. “The other option is that I go get your... vod, I think? I go get Rex and you two can talk it out since you trust him with more. I don’t want to do that, though, he’s still a kid.”
She eyes him, lips pressed together and mind awhirl with emotions and thoughts she’d tried to beat out of her head and into the bag. “Ever fought someone without the Force?”
“...yes?”
“Was it cuffs?”
“Oh, you meant me not having the Force,” he realizes. “Er, no. Is... is that something you’ve done a lot?”
She smiles at him. “You’re planning on Shadow work. That means getting captured and stripped of everything you are at some point, Force included. Unfortunately, the cuffs are in use on a very annoying Dathomirian right now, so we’ll have to make do with you shielding like your mind’s a Kessel Spice Mine.”
“...do I want to know how often you’ve been captured?”
“No, you don’t.”
When he comes at her, it’s easy to dodge. It’s easy to tap him on target points, little pokes that show she could take him out, but isn’t going to until he’s learned something. He stays grinning throughout, letting her take the lead, and he treats her like... like a knight. Like a teacher. He’s stepped back and gone from trying to impress her as a fellow padawan, to proving himself to a full knight.
She’s not sure when that change happened, or why or how, but it makes things much smoother. She wants to think that it would have even if she hadn’t gotten a wakeup call from Fett.
So she treats him the way she treated Ezra, for the year she’d spent traveling with Kanan. She treats him as a student that’s willing to learn, good but not yet great, competent but not yet ready to survive. She draws him into the kind of chest-heaving exhaustion that tells a fighter just how much energy they waste.
(Ahsoka may have had her own style, but her grandmaster had been the pinnacle of a Soresu user. She’d spent years on the frontlines of a war. She knew the worth of conserving energy, and she’d teach it to any who stepped in to challenge her.)
“Who taught you to fight like this?” He asks, when they’ve taken a handful of moments to circle each other. His steps are heavy, sure, planted. Her own are light and ready.
“Soldiers,” she says. It’s true enough.
“Not your Master?” he asks, just as he tries to kick for her upper arm. It’s a safe question. For anyone else, it would be a safe question.
But for Ahsoka, it’s another chink in the armor, after a maelstrom of emotion, a storm of self-loathing, a dervish of instability.
She doesn’t break right away.
She spirals. She fights Quinlan, but doesn’t quite see him. Her strikes get sloppy, her feet stumble. She can’t make herself meet Quinlan’s eyes, not when the scrape of his heel against the metal sounds like the rasp of a breathing machine. Her shields get fuzzy, she knows, and she leaks what she feels into the air, making it sour and thick. She doesn’t notice, because all she can see, all she can--all she can hear and feel and--
She drops to her knees and grabs at her head, trying to stop it.
“Sokari?”
She breathes. In and out, harsh and jagged but natural in a way that the damned respirator wasn’t.
Her master her teacher her brother the traitor the hound the executioner
Her face is hot. Something prickles. It might be tears.
She tries to say something, tries to say a name or a request, tries to make anything come out of her mouth that isn’t the broken wail of a woman who hasn’t let herself think about how she died.
She feels herself pulled into someone’s arms, and she can’t quite tell who, but they’re bigger than she is, and feel warm and worried. They care. They don’t understand, they’re scared, but they care.
Her hands shake, clutched to her chest and she can’t breathe she can’t make herself take in enough air to do a Force-damned thing the empire is going to feel her her shields are down and broken and her emotions are spilling and the empire is going to find HER ANAKIN IS GOING TO FIND HER AND--
“COMMANDER!”
Rex.
Rex is here.
Her breath is coming so fast that she’s hiccupping more than she’s actually inhaling. She feels small hands in gloves on either side of her face, and then her forehead presses to something warm.
Rex. A Keldabe kiss. Her brother, her partner, her other half. He’s here. He’s calm. If he’s calm, then things are fine.
“What happened?” Light voice, high voice, small and distant. Leia. Little Leia little princess Leia she’s in danger she’s in trouble Anakin will--
“Commander.”
No. Here and now. She needs to focus on here and now. Her throat feels cold. She breathes too fast, still. She can’t stop it.
“I don’t know.” That’s Vos. He was... they were doing something. He was here. Talking to her. “We were sparring, and she just--”
Right, sparring.
“I don’t know if I said something?” He offers, voice pitching up, unsure and worried. Is he the one holding her? He’s the one holding her. That’s embarrassing.
“Commander?” Rex prompts. “Commander, can you open your eyes?”
She tries. She can’t. She shakes her head.
“Soka?” he asks, voice quiet. “Where are you?”
“F-F-Fett,” she manages. It’s enough.
“And where were you?”
His voice is so soft. So worried. She held him the same way after Mandalore, after Order 66, after all his brothers, all her friends...
“Soka.”
Her mind is spinning, and suddenly all she can hear is Anakin Skywalker is dead. I destroyed him.
Her breath hitches, and she wails.
“Commander,” Rex tries again, but her head is a vortex of Then you will die and Perhaps this child and not the Jedi way.
Our long awaited meeting.
I destroyed him.
Then you will die.
She can’t breathe she can’t breathe she can only see that yellow eye that’s too familiar but belongs to a stranger can only hear a voice that shouldn’t exist can only mourn and break and--
“Soka?”
“Malachor,” she manages. “I--h-he--I died.”
“What did you say?” someone asks. A vod. It’s the right voice, almost, rough and business-like, not accusing anyone yet, and... and... no. No. Not one of her boys. It’s Fett.
“Um, right at the end? I asked her who taught her to fight like this,” Quinlan says, nervous. “And she said it was soldiers. And I joked, I asked that it wasn’t her Master, and she didn’t answer that. A couple minutes later, she just started...”
“Oh, Soka,” Rex whispers, pulling her closer. “Commander, just breathe with me.”
“H-h-he, he just--R-Rex, he j-just--and I c-c-couldn’t--”
“I know,” her captain whispers. “I know, just breathe with me.”
“He k-k-k-killed me,” she sobs, falling out of the Keldabe and into too-small arms. “I l-loved--he was my broth-ther and--and he just--he killed me, he didn’t even stop.”
“I know,” Rex whispers. “Soka, I know.”
Of course he does.
---------------------------
“It was just bad timing,” Rex says, once they’re in the room she’s been sharing with her little family, curled up under a blanket and watching the floor like it has all the secrets to how she lost her world three times over.
“Is there anything we need to keep in mind?” Fett asks, gruff and uncomfortable. She wonders if he’s angry that she took his necessary confrontation and turned it into this mess.
“Don’t bring up her Jedi Master,” Rex says, and pulls her in when she shivers. Her eyes squeeze shut before she can stop them, tears beading up again. “Just... don’t. It’s too soon.”
“He’s--”
“He Fell,” Ahsoka interrupts. “I thought he died, but he became a Sith. And fifteen years later, we ran into each other, and I refused to join him in the Dark, so he tried to kill me.”
Fett swears, low and muffled. She thinks he has a hand over his mouth.
Quin and Leia aren’t there. She thinks they’re keeping an eye on their Baby Sith prisoner. That’s good.
“Soka,” Rex whispers, and she buries her face in his shoulder. She’s too old to be this kind of mess. She’s thirty-two. She’s Fulcrum. She’s...
She’s in need of a lot of therapy.
“We can avoid the subject unless you bring it up,” Tholme promises. “Definitely until the Temple. Is there anything else we shouldn’t talk about?”
Ahsoka can practically feel Rex’s deadpan look. “Sir, we’re a trio of child soldiers ripped from everything we know. Every other sentence is a risk. We’re just... working our way through.”
There’s a knock at the door. Oh. Quin and Leia.
“Just figured we’d drop this off before we went down to visit Mr. Grumpy-Face,” Quinlan whispers. He still thinks Leia’s a child. He’s trying to make things less terrible for her. That’s nice. “We decided he’ll be less angry if he tries Hoth chocolate, and made some for everyone.”
They definitely made it for Ahsoka herself, and Maul was an afterthought. Still. It’s sweet.
“Commander?” Rex prompts, jostling her a little to try and get her to sit up.
“Gimme a sec,” she manages. It takes longer than it should to push herself away from him, to accept the mug that Leia gives her, too-serious worry in the furrow of her brow and the twist of her soul.
She doesn’t look six. She doesn’t even look twenty-two. This girl was always too old for her skin, forced to grow up in the hostile fear of the Empire.
“Thank you, Princess.”
She sips.
She can barely taste it beyond the ashes she imagines coating her tongue.
I destroyed him, her memory echoes. His slightest hesitation before he made the final move, it haunts her. She almost reached him. If only she’d tried harder, yelled louder, been better...
She shivers.
“Do you need help falling asleep?” Tholme asks. “I’m a regular healer, not a mind healer, but...”
She probably should.
She takes another sip of her drink, willing herself to taste it. It’s good. She likes it. She knows she does.
“Can you make it dreamless?” she whispers.
“It doesn’t always work, but I can try,” he tells her.
She nods. “When I finish the chocolate.”
“Of course.”
---------------------------
Everyone’s careful around her for days. The whole decision to be nicer doesn’t mean anything when she’s walking about in a daze of too few emotions, drained of everything she could feel in favor of a grey cloud of fluff in everything she does.
She does forms. Single saber and Jar’kai. Ataru and Djem so and Soresu. Reverse grip, regular grip, partial reverse on either side.
Again. Again. Again.
She loses herself in the motions, not meditating so much as just empty.
Rex worries. Fett worries. Vos worries.
Leia and Tholme keep their shields locked up tight, and she doesn’t know how they feel. She thinks Leia might be judging her. She think Tholme might be pitying.
Maul simply hates. It’s an old and familiar sensation to walk into, and she takes unthinking comfort in his rage. She’s silent instead of snippy, when she plays the role of guard, and they stare at each other in silence. His eyes burn, and she wonders how much he’s heard of her nightmares.
“You need to talk,” Rex tells her, when he finds her with a cold cup of caff, eyes fixed somewhere beyond it all. She lifts her head. “Soka.”
She just stares at him.
He sighs and pulls her into a hug. “Commander, please.”
She can’t.
Ahsoka stares at the wall behind him, resting her chin on his head. Her neck itches under the lek at the back of her head, a little tingle of a feeling that she can’t bring herself to do anything about. The pale light of the galley is sharp against the chipped paint of the metal that surrounds them. It hurts her eyes to look, but it’s not the deep and dark lit only by red--
Then you will die, her memory growls.
She flinches.
“Breathe,” Rex tells her, too-small hands clinging at her back. “Just breathe, ‘Soka.”
She curls in tighter and tries to just breathe.
---------------------------
“Tell me something good.”
Ahsoka blinks. She looks at Leia. She doesn’t have the energy to parse that.
Leia chances a look at Rex, who isn’t leaving Ahsoka’s side any more than he has to, and Fett on the other side. Tholme’s asleep and Quin’s on Baby Sith duty. It’s just people who know, right now.
The little girl across the table, the child senator, the spy, purses her lips and huffs in irritation. “You knew my biological father before he became one of the worst people in the galaxy. Both of you did. Tell me something good about him.”
Good things.
About Anakin.
“You fought a war as a Jedi,” Leia prompts. “Surely you must have done some good things with him, or at least thought you were.”
Did they?
Every mission ended in tragedy or was just a ploy of Palpatine’s. Every saved life was just...
Wait.
“He built Threepio,” she finally says. “Your father wi--I mean, Bail wiped Threepio’s memory after the Empire rose, for your safety, but Anakin was the one who built him.”
Leia sits up, eyes brighter. “I didn’t know that. I... was Artoo involved? Did he build R2D2, or...”
“No,” Rex says, “But Artoo was his favorite astromech, and they always pushed each other into stupid stunts. We risked a hell of a lot to save that droid, more than once, and I didn’t find out until you started working with the Rebellion full-time, but Artoo and Threepio were the witnesses for your bio-parents’ wedding.”
Leia gapes at him. So does Ahsoka. (Fett doesn’t know enough to care.)
Rex grins, and if it looks a little forced, that’s fine. “He had a holo recording. I was one of the few people left that knew about the marriage that might have wanted to see, so Artoo offered. It was... sweet.”
He waits, probably for Ahsoka to add something herself, but she has nothing.
“I think that’s when they swapped droids, since Threepio was more useful to a politician and Artoo did his best work when we set him loose on the enemy.”
“He never changed,” Leia muses. “Did he always swear that much?”
“Yes,” Ahsoka answers, as Rex laughs. “Always. All the binary I learned started with the best swears.”
She tries to think of another good memory, something else that Leia might appreciate. Her mind ticks back to saving Stinky, which is just a terrible option, because that mission started with Hutts and ended with the Battle of Teth. That massive loss of life, all for the son of the creature that had put Leia in chains.
She wonders if she has anything in her memory that doesn’t end in blood and graves.
“Soka.” Rex.
“Hm?”
“Remember that time Fives and Echo got lost in the undercity their first time on leave, and we had to get the General to help us find them?”
She does.
He’s right, that’s a good story.
“Okay, so what you have to understand,” Ahsoka says, already digging the faint details out and dusting them off, “is that these boys were ARC troopers, top-notch, terrifyingly competent once they got through specialty training, and loyal as hell. Echo had memorized the reg manuals front to back, and Fives was... well, Fives ended up being the only person to figure out the chips before they went into action. Point is, the Domino twins were good... eventually. Just like everyone else, though, they started out shiny.”
---------------------------
“Tholme’s hiding something.”
Ahsoka wonders if Leia will just leave if she ignores her enough. Probably not. This was the girl that got kicked out of boarding school for leading a sit-in at age seven. She’s got patience.
“His job requires him to hide a lot of things,” Ahsoka says instead. “Not as many as Vos will have to, eventually, but a lot.”
“He’s hiding something from us,” Leia insists, visibly frustrated that Ahsoka isn’t as upset about this as she is. “Something important.”
The way she says ‘important’ is clumsy and impacted by the missing baby tooth. She can’t say the r. It comes out as ‘im-poh-ten,’ which is adorable, and if Ahsoka comments on it, she’s probably going to get punched by a six-year-old.
“The Force doesn’t care,” Ahsoka says. “I trust his intentions, if not him as a person.”
“If you don’t trust him, then why trust his intentions?”
“Leia, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I trust one and a half people in the galaxy,” Ahsoka points out. “Me not trusting a person isn’t a sign of anything except my paranoia. The only person I trust fully and without reservation is Rex. Even you, I only mostly trust, because my brain starts screaming if I think too hard. That’s why you’re the half.”
“Okay, whatever, paranoia aside,” Leia barrels on, “He should tell us. Whatever it is that he’s hiding, we deserve to know. We’re not children that he can just hide things from for our own good.”
Ahsoka presses her lips together. “Leia. Princess. I know you’re used to holding all the cards--”
“This isn’t about me being a control freak!”
“It is, though,” Ahsoka soothes, and smiles. “Your mother--the bio one--was the same way. You spent years as one of the leaders of the Rebellion, so obviously you’re used to having all the information, and people reporting to you... but Tholme is a Jedi Master. He reports to the Council and the Republic. Do you know how many people I kept secrets from while I was a padawan? We’re an unknown, Leia. They have no proof that we’re on their side, especially since we’re traveling with Fett.”
Leia crosses her arms and glares as hard as she can.
“I’m not going to bother him,” Ahsoka says. “I’ve already had, like, five unrelated mental breakdowns. I’m putting this on hold until we get to the Temple and I can trust that there’s a healer on hand to sedate me or something.”
“You... want to be sedated?”
“Leia, this... really should be obvious, but a Force-Sensitive losing their osik the way I have been isn’t actually safe. I know I broke a weapons rack last week.” Ahsoka gestures vaguely. “If the Jedi Master isn’t telling me something for reasons that might relate to my clear and obvious mental instability, I’m going to assume he’s got a point.”
“So he should tell me or Rex.”
“We’ll be on Coruscant in four days,” Ahsoka soothes. “Just... let it be. They won’t hurt us.”
“You don’t know that.”
Ahsoka shrugs. “I don’t have to. The Force leads me in all things, including this.”
Leia isn’t impressed by that, but Leia isn’t impressed by much in the first place.
She strides off in a fit that is, perhaps, more influenced by her six-year-old emotional control than she’d like to admit. Ahsoka lets her. It’s not worth the argument.
It’s only a few minutes later that Fett strides in, takes the seat Leia was just in, and asks, “What would it take for you to teach me how to use a jetii’kad?”
She blinks at him. “You want to learn how to use a lightsaber?”
“Yes.”
“...why?”
“Viszla.”
“I see.”
She does.
Ahsoka taps her fingers against the table, eyeing him with the kind of interest she copied from Master Kenobi, years ago. Fett doesn’t fidget, but she thinks he might want to. He just looks back, waiting for her judgement.
“You’ll need to justify it,” she finally says. “It’s a significant difference from what you actually did, so I need to know your reasoning for doing it, and your plans for once it’s done.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s step one,” she corrects. She tilts her head, considering. “My standards for you aren’t built in a vacuum, and you know that. Explain to me what you plan to do and how you plan to do it, and if I approve...”
“You’ll help me achieve it.”
“Maybe,” she allows. “A lot of that depends on Rex.”
“I expected as much,” Fett says. “He is... an admittedly large part of the reason.”
“He would be,” she says. She gives the silence a few more seconds to sit awkwardly between them, and then stands up. “I’d guess you’ve been brainstorming already. Do you have it written down or is it mostly just in your head so far?”
“I’m still... debating options, so to speak.”
She grins, and the shape of the predator’s smile, the baring of teeth... that almost makes him step back. She can see it in the twitch of his muscles. Smart man.
“Follow me,” she says, and doesn’t wait for him to stand. She strides out with tooka-light steps, hears the heavy beskar tread behind her, and goes to the cargo hold. Fett’s confusion grows tangibly behind her, especially when she tosses him a wooden quarterstaff. She picks up the other and spins it in one hand.
“You’re going to fight me,” she tells him, stretching and letting the staff help with the process. “And while we fight, you’re going to tell me what your plans for Mandalore are.”
He mimics her, but there’s a frown on his face. “And why staffs?”
“You and I, we’ve only sparred bare-handed,” she says. “I need a feel for how you fight with a weapon anyway. These are a good start.”
“Not the beskad?”
She grins, and the twitch is back. “No. That can wait. We start with the staffs.”
He takes a stance, and she mirrors him. She lets him strike first with a weapon, but she’s the one that asks all the questions.
(He is the only one on the ship that can fight her one-on-one right now, and he can win. Still, she makes him work for every inch, and what she doesn’t win in bruises, she wins in words.)
(Fett might yet be a proper Mand’alor, but Ahsoka learned war from her brothers, negotiation at the knee of a general and in the shadow of a prince, and government at the side of duchesses and queens.)
(If he wants her help uniting his people, he needs to prove that he can hold them together once she’s gone.)
---------------------------
Ahsoka’s interrogation of Jango’s plans is thorough, and she’s not the only one involved. She brings Leia in, and has her join in on the grilling. She maybe laughs as the twenty-seven-year-old survivor of Galidraan, the Mand’alor, a man who has killed Master Jedi with his bare hands, gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly.
Still, Leia knows this better than any of the rest of them do. The girl might have grown up heir to a monarchy, but she got a classical education and was drilled on democracy and all associated forms of government. Where Ahsoka knows military protocol and law enforcement, intersystem relations and defensive measures, Leia knows agricultural subsidies and welfare programs, infrastructure and education.
Ahsoka may know how to find out if someone’s breaking a zoning law, but Leia knows why it exists in the first place.
“And I grew up in a cult,” Rex says, when an argument on that topic breaks out. Everyone that hasn’t heard the joke-that-isn’t-a-joke stares at him. “The Jedi grew up in a religious meritocracy; Leia grew up in a monarchy; and I grew up in a cult.”
Ahsoka elbows him. He’s not wrong, but still.
Unfortunately, Ahsoka is about forty-seven percent sure that Leia will put her foot in her mouth when it comes to Mandalorian culture, blunt as the girl is. That prefrontal cortex isn’t anywhere near as developed as it should be, either, so impulse control for the princess isn’t great. Ahsoka refuses to let Leia and Fett talk about ways to mend the breaks between tradition and the pacifism of the New Mandalorians without either Rex or Ahsoka herself as a mediating presence. Tholme sits in a few times, but while he knows that Leia isn’t really six--though not about the time-travel, yet--Quinlan doesn’t.
They admittedly end up doing this while he’s on Maul-sitting duty.
“It’s like he doesn’t even care about making nice with the people that, at this point, make up the majority of his people!” Leia grumbles one night, as Ahsoka kicks over a step stool so the girl can brush her teeth. “He may not like the New Mandalorians, but from what I understand, it’s still early enough to prevent the majority of the cultural bleaching you brought up. If he stays this stubborn--”
“Leia,” Ahsoka says, and the girl’s mouth snaps shut. “I’m aware of your reasons for not trusting his intentions. But if I may say? Chill.”
“He’s not even trying!”
“He’s trying a hell of a lot harder than he did in the original timeline,” Ahsoka reminds her. “Brush your teeth.”
“I’m not a--”
“Teeth.”
It’s a little worrying, how the child’s brain affects Leia, but... well. That’ll pass in time, hopefully. Until then, Ahsoka gets to be the aunt she should have been. This includes tucking Leia in, which the girl grumbles about despite the fond waves of comfort that enter the Force around her. Ahsoka doesn’t call her out on it, just brushes back wisps of hair to plant a kiss on Leia’s forehead, and then does the same once Rex stumbles in, grumbling about the limitations of a cadet’s body, but far more ready to follow the protocol that is bedtime.
Rex doesn’t pretend to not like getting tucked in, for all that he’s sharing with a grumbly, already-asleep princess. He smiles up at Ahsoka, lets her hug him, and pretends they can be a normal family for five seconds.
Quinlan’s making a late night snack for himself in the galley. Tholme is guarding the Baby Sith. Fett...
Ahsoka goes to the cockpit, takes the copilot’s seat, and watches hyperspace pass them by.
It takes long minutes before either of them say anything.
“Do Jedi believe in souls?”
His shields are up, locked up tighter than the innermost chambers of the Imperial Palace. She has no idea where he’s taking this question. She has to cast about for an answer.
“That depends on how you define a soul,” she finally says. “Leia told me about Force Ghosts. A Jedi Master who underwent the right meditations and training could pass into the Force upon their death without losing their sense of self. They could remain themselves, to an extent, and interact with force-sensitive individuals. I don’t know if they could last that way indefinitely, but depending on your definition, I could argue those ghosts were evidence of a form of soul.”
“So you believe that the dead pass into the Force, but that what passes could be a soul. Something must exist for a sense of self to disappear at death in a way that impacts the Force as you understand it, and many would use the word ‘soul’ for that something.”
“Mm,” Ahsoka considers it. “I’d say that’s pretty accurate. You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”
“What about those not yet born?”
Her fingers feel cold, and she finds herself no longer able to watch the passage of hyperspace as passively as she had, and her eyes catch on streaks and motes of what is not dust, her vision unable to keep any more still than her heart.
“Oh,” she hears herself say. “The clones.”
It’s a long time before he answers, but the walls come down. He carries a confused sort of grief with him, guilty and a mite resentful. His questions have been building for longer than she’d thought. His voice is rough. “I’ve taken plenty of lives, but I’ve never known the name of someone I erased from existence before they were even born.”
“The stories we told Leia about the brothers.”
There’s a grunt of agreement from Fett, so those dots at least connect.
“I take it my answer wasn’t helpful,” she manages to say.
“Will they still exist?” Fett asks. “Will they be born elsewhere? Or is... is a soul something that only comes into existence after the body does?”
“I have no idea,” Ahsoka admits. “I want... I want to think that I’d be able to find them eventually, to recognize them, if their souls are still born into this world elsewhere.”
“And if your Sith finds someone else to build his army out of?”
Ahsoka looks at him, sharp and pointed. “You wouldn’t.”
“They’ll be doing it anyway, if their plans are as ironclad as you say.”
“You’re already associating with Jedi,” Ahsoka says, fighting the urge to break his nose. “They wouldn’t approach you, not now. They can’t leverage your anger against you. They won’t know everything, but they’ll know that you have friends among the Jedi.”
“You think they can’t come up with better lies?”
He has a point. He has more than one point and she hate hate hates it.
A Jedi does not hate.
I am no Jedi.
“You’re going to have to convince me,” she says. “Especially if you want to somehow balance this with the darksaber thing. I won’t teach you how to fight with it if you’re not planning to retake Mandalore.”
“That’s how they’d sell it,” he says. “Retaking Mandalore. An army ostensibly for the Jedi, and ultimately...”
“You’d build an army of slaves.”
“No, I’d be the inside man for when they build that army anyway.”
She holds his gaze. She looks away first.
“Torrent?”
“I’m thinking.”
He lets her.
“I’ll need to talk to Rex. Probably Leia.”
“Understandable.”
“I don’t like this.”
“I’m only just considering it. It’s an idea, not a plan.”
“That’s the only reason I haven’t ripped your throat out with my teeth.”
“Hyperbole doesn’t suit you.”
She glares at him, and leaves, her mind chopping up and laying out every possible angle on Fett volunteering to do the exact same thing as last time, but somehow worse.
Great. Just what she needed.
---------------------------
Ahsoka isn’t there for the shouting match between Rex and Fett, but she doesn’t have to be. She can hear it form clear across the ship, and Rex comes to her afterwars. He’s been crying, which isn’t as surprising as it could be. These bodies are still prone to such things, and will be for years. She doesn’t comment.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
“We need to take out Sidious before he starts anything on Kamino.”
“Agreed,” she says. “It’ll be hard, though.”
“I don’t care.”
“What did Fett say?”
“That if it wasn’t going to be my brothers, it would be someone else’s. Either we stopped the cloning from happening at all, or we mitigated damage by being there.”
“I don’t think Sidious is going to tap him for it,” Ahsoka admits. “Not unless you’re willing to stage that kind of fight publicly enough for Fett to claim the Jedi poisoned you, family, against him. It could work, but it’s a gamble.”
He knows all of this.
“I miss them,” he says, and she cards her fingers though the curls he’s managed to grow in the past weeks. “I just... even at the end, I had Wolffe. I knew Boba was out there; I wouldn’t be surprised if the beskar let him survive a Sarlacc. I had brothers. Not as many as I used to, but there was always someone. I miss them all, so much it hurts.”
“It wouldn’t be them,” she reminds him. She pulls him closer, puts her cheek to his head. “It would be the same process, the same faces, the same training, even, but the boys themselves...”
He clings to her and shudders.
“Rex?”
“I can’t force them to grow up the way I did. I want them back. Sidious is going to make the army no matter what. Someone’s going to suffer, and I don’t want it to be my brothers, but they won’t exist otherwise, and...”
“And it’s an impossible choice,” she summarizes. “And it sucks.”
“It’s sucks Gungan balls, ‘Soka.”
She laughs, and feels him smile against her shoulder. Good. He needs to smile more.
“He’s still trying to get me to like him,” Rex says. "He’s still making an effort, and he never did that for anyone except Boba, and it’s weird. I don’t know what to do with any of that.”
“Gain a brother,” Ahsoka whispers, and she feels him jerk against her. “If that’s what you want.”
“He’s not vod.”
“Same blood as all the rest, and you’re older than him, so he’s not really in a position to be a parent to you like he was to Boba,” she says carefully. “You don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want to, but... I think he’s trying. I think this means a lot to him, and that he isn’t any more sure of what to do than you are. You don’t have to forgive him for what he did in the future, you don’t have to accept when he reaches out, you don’t have to ever talk to him again after we reach Coruscant if you don’t want, but I think... I think it’s worth at least considering what you have to gain. I think it’s worth looking at what he’s trying to give you.”
Rex huffs. “Why couldn’t he just be the shabuir I knew in training?”
“Something happened between now and then?” she offers. “I don’t know. I never met him in the original timeline. I just know the guy that keeps trying to get on my good side so you’ll like him.”
He outright scoffs. “Soka, that’s not the only reason he’s trying to get on your good side.”
“...I’m a former Jedi who talks trash to his face,” she says slowly. “And I cried on him. There is no reason for him to be nice to me, other than you.”
“He thinks you’re cool and a good person and wants you to be his friend.”
“Bantha poodoo.”
Rex grins in a way that goes straight to smirking. “Soka, I’m not joking. Jango Fett wants you to be his friend.”
“Kriffing why?” she asks, more than a little horrified. “I’m a mess, look like I’m ten years younger than him, have gleefully kicked his ass in front of an audience; I even told Vos to throw him at a baby Sith Lord. Putting up with me is one thing, but I’m... I’m only barely not a Jedi. I’m a historical enemy of Mandalore, and part of the community he hates more than anything, and--”
“And his reaction to you kicking his ass was pure Mando,” Rex says. “In that he now thinks you’re a badass, and thus worth being friends with.”
“I can’t believe that. I physically cannot.”
“Soka, just accept it. The Mand’alor wants to be friends with you.” He scratches at his scalp. “I mean, he met you while you were protecting what appeared to be children, and it’s apparently still early enough for him to care about that.”
She leans back in her seat, eyes on the wall ahead of her and back against the cool metal of the other side. Rex falls back with her. She wonders if Rex changed the subject so they didn’t have to talk about deciding how many of his brothers get to exist, and whether or not he can swallow the bitterness of his history to have a connection with at least one member of his blood. She doesn’t ask. If he wants to change the subject, that’s his right.
“I don’t... no.” She denies it as well as she can, and then the implications dig a little deeper. “Is this me accidentally signing up to be the Jedi Order’s official liaison to the Mand’alor?”
“I mean, this point in time... they’ve got Kenobi for the Duchess, yeah?” Rex shrugs. “Good relations with the system are probably a good thing, and you’ve got a stronger connection than Tholme and Vos.”
“Ugh,” she says. She rubs a hand against her head, and then lurches to her feet. “Fine! Fine. If it’ll get him to retake Mandalore before the Sith decide to bribe him with an army he doesn’t get to keep, I’ll teach him how to fight for the kriffin’ Darksaber.”
“That’s what makes the decision for you?”
“Well something had to!”
They only get one lesson in before Coruscant, but the lesson lasts a full day, and Ahsoka’s got his comm number. Fett’s a quick learner anyway, and Tholme was there to give pointers where Ahsoka couldn’t.
He won’t measure up to a Jedi in saber-to-saber combat, but he doesn’t need to. He just needs to learn enough to turn all those skills with a beskad to something that works with a jetii’kad.
(The balance of a saber is wrong to those used to a physical weapon. The inertia doesn’t work the way anyone expects. There’s no need to worry about damaging the blade.)
(Fett is good. Ahsoka is better. And, bless his heart, he knows it.)
(She will mold him into the shape of someone who not only can, but should rule a system with a history like that, and he damn well knows that too.)
---------------------------
“Dropping out of hyperspace in T-minus twenty seconds.”
The Slave I is not, in fact, a Venator-class starship, or anything else near the size and smoothness of the ships that Ahsoka grew up on. This is a bounty hunter’s vessel, and the drop to real space jolts like nothing else. Ahsoka’s in the copilot seat for the return, but Tholme’s going to swap with her as soon as they’ve got confirmation that there were no problems with exiting hyperspace, and nobody’s shooting at them.
“We’re not going to get shot at,” Tholme had assured her.
“I always get shot at,” she’d told him.
“I have our clearance,” he reminded her, seeming more amused than frustrated. “There’s no need to worry about getting shot at.”
“I also always get shot at,” Jango had thrown in.
“Okay,” Tholme had allowed, after several minutes of his trust in the Temple warring against Ahsoka and Jango’s learned paranoia. The looks Quinlan had darted around the room when Leia and Rex also claimed ‘chronic getting-shot-at disease’ had been a treat. The paranoia of a Watchman and a future Shadow was great, but the paranoia of three revolutionaries and a galaxy-wide criminal was greater. “You can take us in close enough to get in radio contact, but the second we have to ask for clearance and a vector, I’m in the seat.”
She’d agreed, of course. She was paranoid, not inexperienced.
“We’re much less likely to get shot down by ground control if you tell them we’re with you,” she’d said, to his hilariously apparent metaphysical exhaustion. “Obviously.”
“Good enough,” he’d sighed.
What that means is mostly just that Ahsoka gets to watch the distant star at the center of Coruscant’s system grow rapidly brighter. She can pick out the constellations she’d grown up with, the stars the creche had projected on the ceiling every night, the ones that she may not have seen from the surface, but had greeted her and then sent her on her way every time she left on yet another campaign that lost her men their lives for a Sith Lord's wretched plans. These were the shapes and stories she’d never seen again as Fulcrum, a woman so hunted that to come within a dozen subsectors of the planet was to court her death.
For sixteen years, she hadn’t ventured closer than Alderaan, save for a single trip to Chandrila.
And now, maybe twenty minutes away at this speed, was the Temple. It was home.
A home that didn’t know her, that had sentenced her to death, that had hosted the rampage of her former master... but home nonetheless.
“Stable?” Fett grunts.
“Thrusters are good,” she confirms.
“I meant you.”
Ah. “I’m... fine. As good as I could be, anyway.”
She hesitates, but manages to speak before he does. “You?”
“I’m not the one walking into an entire building of triggers.”
“Only because you’re not entering it,” she says. “It’s the home of your ancestral enemies who, bad info or no, killed off a whole lot of your friends.”
“I get to leave,” he says. “You don’t.”
She plans to needle him a bit more, maybe on something a little less based in both their traumas. She needs to talk, if only to fill up the silence and keep herself from reaching out to all the lights in the Force. It’ll be too much, she knows.
Tholme enters the cockpit. “Change of plans.”
“Better be a good reason,” Jango says, voice flat.
“Leia’s crying.”
Ahsoka’s unbuckling herself before she can process the words fully. “What?”
Leia doesn’t cry for no reason. Her emotional control is as difficult as the body makes it, but she doesn’t just cry. There’s always a cause.
“I don’t know. Rex said to get you,” Tholme explains. “She was saying a name. He seemed to recognize it.”
Not good not good not good. If Leia was feeling the Emper--No. She cuts the thought off there. No catastrophizing. Information first.
“What name.”
“Luke. Mean anything to--and she’s gone.”
Ahsoka ignores him, just sprints to where she knows the ‘young ones’ are. They’re all in Maul’s room, because nobody wants to be alone with him now, but it’s the worst time to leave him without supervision. It’s not the worst option; he mostly refuses to talk, still.
This holds true, because he definitely isn’t talking when she bursts in. He’s sitting on the bench, in a corner, hugging his knees and watching Quinlan try to calm Leia down.
“Captain, sitrep.”
“Vos and Tholme attempted to show Leia how to reach out to feel the Temple from a distance. They felt that it would be a good use of the time, and an interesting exercise at this distance. She attempted to do so, struggled for several minutes, and then reacted with shock. She has repeated the name ‘Luke’ several times since then, and we’ve been unable to fully calm her down. I asked Tholme to get you, as you are the only Force-Sensitive on board that understands the situation in full.”
“Understood.” She nods to him, and then goes to nudge at Quinlan. “Vos, move.”
“Torre--”
“You can sit behind her, hold her in your lap like you did when we had lunch the other day, but I need to get in her face.” She waits for him to comply, and then drops to her knees and takes Leia’s hands in her own. She radiates calm and assurance, even though she knows Quinlan’s probably been doing the same since this started. She dips her head enough to get in the girl’s line of sight, waits for her to meet eyes.
“Princess,” she says, and meets Leia’s eyes. “What did you feel?”
“Luke.”
From this distance... they’ve got half the system to go, at least, and Leia’s training shouldn’t reach that far for anything more than the fact that the Temple is there. Ahsoka could feel unshielded individuals from here, if she focused, but she’s also been doing this much, much longer. The twins theory holds more water than ever.
“Can you show me?” Ahsoka asks, instead of asking for more clarification. She squeezes Leia’s hands and smiles. “In the Force?”
Leia nods, and closes her eyes. It’s not the first time they’ve done this, but it’s the first time in a while that Leia’s needed Ahsoka to guide her through.
Luke’s light, for all that it’s unfamiliar to Ahsoka, is brilliant among the rest of the signatures in Coruscant. Like Anakin and Leia, he’s a star in his own right, but he’s brighter. He doesn’t have Anakin’s bitterness or Leia’s righteous anger, just... light. Ahsoka had asked Leia to show her instead of looking for herself because she’d expected to not recognize the boy, but she needn’t have. He’s unmistakable.
He’s so bright that she almost misses the other signature that she does recognize. She shies away, knowing that it would be there, but... but it’s almost twinned with another nearby. Not identical, but different in a way that comes with age, with trauma, with... death.
Leia hadn’t arrived alone, after all.
Why would Luke?
Her eyes snap open, her hand coming up not-quite-fast enough to clap over her mouth as she gasps. She feels a shudder, one that starts in her shoulders and reaches deep into her ribcage, finds a home in her chest and doesn’t stop.
“Oh fuck,” Quinlan whispers. “Torrent? Um, Sokari?”
Rex steps closer. “Commander?”
“That shabuir faked his death again,” she manages. “Three times, Rex!”
He blinks at her. “...I know way too many people who fit that description, Soka.”
“Master Ke--” she cuts herself off. He might have changed his name, just like she had. There’s already an Obi-Wan here. Rex seems to be figuring it out, but she needs to give him another hint.
“He pulled a Hardeen,” she stresses, and Rex’s eyes snap shut with a tired groan.
“Who?” Leia asks, her own tumult of emotion paused in the wake of Ahsoka’s shock. There’s a hope and relief to her, and Ahsoka belatedly realizes that her main worry had been that she’d misidentified what was going on, that she’d given herself a false hope. Ahsoka’s internal reaction, her approval and awe at Luke’s presence, had trickled over enough to give Leia the reassurance she’d needed.
Unintentional as it was, Ahsoka was glad that she’d succeeded in helping her charge.
“Er...” she trails off. “I don’t know what name he’s going by, right now. We’ve spent so long in hiding...”
“The man Luke knew as Crazy Old Ben,” Rex says, and Leia’s eyes light up.
“Oh,” she breathes. “General O--no, names. The High General, then.”
“Yeah,” Ahsoka says, not a little soft. “Yeah, I guess death didn’t stop him any more than it stopped me.”
“I could have told you that,” Leia says, smiling far too widely. She squirms where she still sits on Quinlan’s lap. “He was... he taught you, right?”
“As much my master as the official one,” Ahsoka says. She glances as Quinlan, feels Maul’s gaze on the back of her head. “Your f... my official master was very young when I was assigned to him. He wasn’t ready to teach, wasn’t even ready to be a knight, entirely, so my training was split between him and his master.”
Quinlan pops in at that moment, “Your grandmaster was military, too?”
We all were, she thinks. Even you, in your own way.
“I landed in their care mid-battle,” she says carefully. “It was a complicated situation.”
He nods, and she vaguely notes that he’s got his arms wrapped around Leia, and his chin tucked on top of her head. She isn’t sure if Leia’s noticed, but Quinlan’s picked up ‘baby’-sitting duty so often recently that she’s fairly certain he’s all but declared her ‘little-sister shaped.’ It doesn’t matter that Leia’s older--she’s still taking the juice boxes and gummy snacks that Quinlan shoves at her every single snacktime.
“Do you think...” Rex trails off, something uncomfortable twisting in the Force, even though his face keeps it mostly hidden. “My brothers. If the General survived and... and made it back...”
“I didn’t feel any,” Ahsoka says, because she knows she’d have noticed if it was anyone she’d met, and likely any clone at all. They all felt different in the Force, but they all held a spark that made her know it was one of them. “I’m sorry, Rex’ika.”
“A long shot,” he says, that dash of hope shriveling up. He must see something in her face, because there’s a curl of warmth in him, even if his smile is brittle. “It’s fine, really. I have you, ‘Soka.”
Rex and Ahsoka. Two halves of one whole.
She can’t wait to hear the lectures on attachment, the way people who haven’t seen her wars try to criticize her for clinging to any chance at still having a will to live. She can’t wait to see them justify telling her that it’s selfish to hold her sanity in her hands and refuse to let the grief take it away. She can’t wait to stare someone down for asking her to ‘learn to let go’ after she’s lost her family, her life, her universe three times over.
Most of the Jedi are more sensible than that, are reasonable enough to see those shades of grey and how to approach rules in the spirit they are meant instead of the rigid letter, but there will be some.
There will be more than enough telling her she is wrong to hold her oldest, closest, best friend as dear as she can.
Attachment, they’ll say.
What they’ll mean is ‘codepedence.’
They won’t be entirely wrong.
She reaches out for him, lets him fall into her side and stay there, closes her eyes and reaches out for the man she’d long called father, when they’d still been in each other’s lives.
This time, past the deafening flare of surprise-love-hope of the little star next to him, she can feel him reach back.
---------------------------
The second the ship has landed, even before Tholme and Fett are done with the checks, Ahsoka’s waiting at the exit. She strains her hearing so she’ll know the second the system will let her open the massive door of the cargo hold.
Leia clings to her side, and the boys stand to her back.
Quinlan’s stressed enough that she can feel it like a cloud. She is very much not trying to feel that stress. Quinlan’s stress levels, back where he’s got Maul so he can keep an eye on Ahsoka and the Baby Sith at the same time, are so low on her priorities list that it’s a a little sad.
It doesn’t take long for her to be able to punch the button and open the damn door.
It opens slowly. She bounces on her toes, because there’s a beacon of light and a steady, familiar glow on the other side, and she’s so, so close. She can’t see through the crack yet, because it’s day in this part of Coruscant, and the sunlight is blinding against the dark of the hold. So close. She’s so close.
“The hell’s wrong with you?”
Fett? Fett. He’s already here to get off? This door’s slow.
She doesn’t answer him, because the door is finally open enough to let her out, and she leaps through the gap.
She lands on a pourstone floor, feels pebbles and grit compress under her boots, frantically looks around as her eyes adjust to light and--
The High General, the Negotiator, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, looking just as he did when she first met him, if a little less armored and a little more fed. The hair, the beard, the crinkle in the corner of his eyes. His spirit is a little older, his smile a little more strained, his posture a little more tired, but it’s him.
He spreads his arms, low enough that she could have dismissed it if she’d cared less for hugs, except she’s almost as small as she was when they met.
And every other hug she’d given back then had been, functionally, her being a living missile aiming her montrals for someone’s organs.
She’s a little more aware of how to avoid stabbing her friends in the intestine now.
“Master!”
She sprints for him, collides and sobs, feels him stumble back and then sink to his knees on the too-hard floor, and can feel the tears pouring out of her already. Her breath hitches, and she wails like a child, and that last part of her that couldn’t even grasp at safety shreds itself. His arms are tight around her, warm and strong and Master Kenobi don’t you dare leave again.
It doesn’t matter that Sidious is out there, that the Republic’s been building towards war for a century, that even now someone’s kicking up the Trade Federation. Her dad is here.
“I’ve missed you too, my dear,” he says, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, the bristles of his beard scratching along the skin of her forehead. Off to the side, the binary suns that are Luke and Leia grow brighter in proximity, so bright she can barely bear it.
(“Fett, why the kriff are you reaching for your blaster?!”)
(“Torrent said her master tried to kill her.”)
(“Different guy, that was a different guy, put the blaster away.”)
(“You could have just warned me.”)
(“I didn’t expect you to go for a shot on sight!”)
(”Calm down, Jetiika, if I was going to shoot on sight, we’d already be in a firefight.”)
She ignores everything.
“If you fake your death one more time, I swear I’m going to kill you myself.”
He tries to pull away to talk to her more directly. She does not let him. He apparently resigns himself to this, because he just adjusts how he’s sitting and pulls her in closer.
“In my defense, I was far from the only one presumed dead that took advantage of that status, by the end,” he says, letting her slump into his lap and cry herself dry. “I’m proud of you. You know that, I hope.”
She nods against his chest, smearing tears and snot across the linen and wool. She doesn’t care that they’ll need a thorough washing. She can have her public breakdown and it’s fine because Master Kenobi is here.
He doesn’t even know what she’s spent the past fifteen years doing. Luke wouldn’t have known. He doesn’t know she’s thirty-two and broken, beyond a shadow and cut down by her own master. There’s so much he doesn’t know but the Force rings with the truth of it: he’s proud of her anyway.
“I’m going by Ben, now,” he mutters against her montral. “There’s already an Obi-Wan here, after all. Still, I remain a Kenobi.”
She can’t make the words come out of her mouth. She’s overwhelmed, so much so that speech is a mite bit beyond her.
Sokari Torrent, she presses along the frayed bond that’s knitting itself back to life with every breath they take. Leia was already calling me Auntie Soka, and Rex and I both took Torrent, for...
“For the men you lost,” he mutters. “Yes, that’s fitting.”
He smells like sapir tea and a spiced beard oil.
There’s a whirl of activity about her, greetings and ‘a Sith apprentice?’ and introductions. She distantly notes when Fett almost shoots Dooku before Rex shuts that down and advises the Master to leave the area before things spiral out of control. She feels Ben stand, and she stands with him, clings to his side like a child and trusts that whatever happens, whatever needs to happen, he’ll take care of it until she can stand on her own two feet without swaying.
Rex grabs her free hand, and she feels herself settle back into her skin, bit by bit.
She’s back at the Temple. The twins are safe. Her grandmaster is here. She has her other half.
They can save the galaxy this time.
She’s alive she’s home she’s okay.
She’s okay.
Everything’s going to be okay.
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1x7 - A Little Knowledge
Original air date: May 7, 1997
Hello there, friends. How are we holding up during these “unprecedented times?” I am currently holding up by pretty much being high 18/7, not sleeping and obsessing over a show that pretty much nobody talks about because I am that bored.
Really, I do want to thank anyone who takes the time to read this blog and/or drop a like. I started this blog because I enjoyed reading reviews of Lizzie McGuire and Boy Meets World. And then I thought of how not that many black sitcoms are pretty much ever really discussed. I watched Smart Guy so much when I was a kid but didn’t realize how important it was to even be watching it because we had so many other black television shows during my childhood, the complete opposite of how it is now. I always thought about even making a YouTube channel reviewing that black ass nostalgia that I love so much, but since I’m in the ugly phase of growing my starter locs, I figured I’d blog for now. 
Alright! There’s my intro. I really did mean it, but I had no idea how else to segue into the opening for this episode. By the way, if anyone is a super meticulous asshole and thinks the numbering of the episodes is off, I was honestly confused because Disney omitted a whole ass episode of the show, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the numbering of the episodes is different here but nowhere else on the web. The first season is already less than 10 episodes, so whatever.
Okay, so we open to Floyd about to do his books but he needs the little precocious calculator to help him out. This triggers me because I still have not done my taxes even though the deadline was extended. Luckily, it doesn’t appear that the Hendersons have any timely bills due but they are broke. After TJ adds up all the numbers, Floyd sees he is definitely not in the black. 
Because the episode is about money, naturally, both of Floyd’s grown children need pricey things all of a sudden. Yvette comes down and asks for a coat to replace this...thing that she’s wearing because it’s clearly ill-fitting. Floyd says he can buy her a new coat, as long as she’s not particular as to which winter she gets it in.
Up next is our Marcus, asking for something totally egregious. At least Yvette was asking for weather appropriate clothing. Marcus is asking Floyd for a $1500 bike. And now I’m confused. Why the hell would Marcus of all people need a bike? If he’s really trying his damndest to get the girls, I thought the band alone served that purpose. Regardless, Marcus needs it and he’s a teenager so the world is going to end tomorrow if he doesn’t get this deathcycle of his. He even tries to manipulate his dad by showing him a photo of Floyd on his bike. I actually think it’s cute how Floyd lights up at the sight of younger him. Maybe he met his deceased wife during these years? 
Floyd breaks out of memory lane and reminds Marcus that he, a human parent, wants the finer things also, including the chance to see his old friends at his high school reunion but that doesn’t seem to have a snowball’s chance in hell of happening. Yeah, because Floyd has to put food on the table for a woman and three guys (yes, I’m including Mo and guys eat a lot and I don’t wanna hear shit about how girls eat a lot too because guys just eat more and that’s a fact) and school all of his children. No room for the finer things.
He then says that Yvette and Marcus can buy what they want but simply have to get jobs. Marcus balks at the idea and says he wouldn’t want work to interrupt his studies. Yvette and TJ have a nice little kii over this since hahaha “Marcus is dumb,” hahaha.
We cut to TJ in his room attempting to strategize ways for the Henderson clan to save money while watching a bootleg version of Jeopardy!. Marcus comes in on the phone with Craig, the guy selling the bike, and convinces him to not sell it, even though Marcus only has 4.2% of the funds. Yvette barges in and is pissed at her annoying little brothers for not unlocking her door when they’re done with the bathroom. See, they share a bathroom in this episode. In another episode, Yvette gets her own bathroom built...somewhere because she’s tired of sharing with them. This bathroom is never mentioned again. In another episode, Marcus temporarily moves to the attic. I just wonder exactly how the Henderson house is built because it seems like there’s so much space yet so little space? 
The boys aren’t listening to Yvette however, because she stank. She credits this funk to the job she just got at the Cluck Bucket, “yanking the gushy stuff out of chickens,” as Marcus eloquently puts it. She brags, saying she makes $100 a week, which is obviously $1000 a week in 90s money. 
After TJ proposes that Yvette cut Marcus’s hair, Marcus realizes TJ is attempting to optimize their family’s finances. TJ really is doing a lot for a 10 year old here. Normally, he’s being extremely rude to them, but in this episode, he’s trying to use his intelligence to fix a problem that he has no business worrying about. Clearly, this intelligence is a gift and a curse. I’m about to be 29 and I worry all the time about things I can’t even control along with the things I can. Imagine being 10, gifted AF and stressing only about adult things you can’t control.
Marcus actually delivers good advice this episode, most likely unbeknownst to him. He commands TJ to turn off his brain and stop worrying because this is something he can’t fix. And Marcus is right. A 10 year old has zero reasons to be trying to balance the family checkbook. It would have been better if he threw a Gameboy at him and told him that’s his homework instead.
But this is TJ and he is the determinator AKA hard-headed. Bootleg Jeopardy! is about to end but the host announces a junior version of the show. TJ checks all the boxes. Youngster? Check. Living in the D.C. area? Check. In desperate need of $25k? Double check!
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TJ and Marcus are back home and go over how they’re going to break the news to Floyd since obviously he wouldn’t have given TJ permission to audition if they asked. Floyd seems pissed at first when they tell him but Marcus makes sure to place emphasis on how TJ kicked ass. Floyd is proud now, even though a few moments ago, he was about to go full Papa Bear.
The next day, Piedmont is buzzing about TJ’s television debut but he’s confused because he only told his fam. We then cut to Marcus blabbing to some girl about how he can get her a seat next to him so she can give him a handjob on the sly. (Of course, we don’t even see said girl at the show.) TJ tells Marcus he didn’t want everyone to know because, understandably, now there’s more pressure on him. Marcus responds to this by putting even more pressure on him, telling Craig that TJ is going to win him the bike. Then he puts a damn anvil on it by telling Craig to raise the price to $1700 and he’ll just take the bike now. This will end well.
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TJ, under immense pressure because the show is filming in 6 hours at this point (film/TV people, if you’re reading, feel free to say if this is even normal for it to move this quickly especially for an underage guest?), is up late at night studying his ass off and high off legal coke. He’s awoken Marcus who is wondering why on earth TJ would be up this early studying for a quiz television show that has a large monetary prize and they’re broke. He wants TJ to get some sleep by he’s in the zone because he had 20 cups of coffee. After a drug fueled rant, he just passes out. 
6 hours later and TJ is still high. Floyd chalks it up to nerves before TJ starts sprinting around the set. Marcus shows up, announcing he just chained up his new bike to a dumpster. This will end well. He checks in on TJ who is still coked up and not coming down anytime soon. His dad calls him over to meet the other contestants which include Dylan Roof and Yung Sharpay.
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After the kids are ushered onto set, Floyd goes to the other hoity toity parents, bragging about their kids’ accomplishments. He dismisses them and says TJ actually has a life. Floyd, you dick! Afterwards, the show begins. The host is opening and says he believes that children are our future. Floyd and Marcus are backstage and in true black parent fashion, once TJ is announced, they lose their shit!
The game is now underway and Yung Sharpay and TJ are caught up. Dylan Roof is pretty much just there because he’s so far behind that it doesn’t even matter. Amy loudly tells TJ that he has a broken leg and they’re loading the shotgun because she just caught up to him. Of course, nobody heard this even though she was loud as hell. Also, racial implications much?
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Yvette comes late in her work uniform and is hurriedly trying to tell Marcus a bit of info he’ll want to act fast on, but naturally, he shushes her to listen to the game that TJ is about to possibly lose. Yvette is also a petty asshole, so she doesn’t even try to tell him again. They cut to break and Yvette announces then that Marcus’s bike is gone. Turns out, locking it to a dumpster isn’t the best idea because some guy in a garbage truck stole it dragged the dumpster away. Marcus is pissed and lets slip that he paid $1700 for it which gets him in trouble because he just told Floyd that he was taking it on a test drive. Then the rest of the truth spews out. Marcus says he wanted something from the money TJ was going to win and oh mama is Floyd pissed because he naturally expects the worst from Marcus always and thinks he forced TJ to be in the competition which wasn’t even the case. Floyd tells Marcus he’s going to talk to TJ and warns him to “brace himself” for when he gets back. Yvette gleefully says she’s going to get chalk for his body outline. What did Marcus do to everyone to make them hate him so much? TJ does way shittier things than him and he’s still held in high regard. Hmm.
Floyd comes over to TJ to check in and lets him know that he’s aware of what’s going on. TJ, who has only consumed coffee and chocolate for the past few hours, is now dizzy. Floyd has to remind TJ that he has plenty of time to worry about rent and bills and student loans and credit card debt and finding a therapist and the pressure to have it “together” by the time you’re 30 which is crazy unrealistic. Good lesson and one of the few times I don’t wanna strangle TJ. Understandably, with the pressure off, TJ wants to dipset. The host, while seeing TJ and Floyd leaving, says they signed a contract so somebody needs to fill in for TJ. Cut to one of the funniest scenes in the show, hands down.
The question is how much did Thomas Jefferson, another TJ, pay for the Louisiana Purchase? This is word for word what Marcus-as-TJ says.
“Well uh, let’s see. In DC, the most you can take out of the ATM is $300 and you would wanna hold back a $20 in case something comes up, so I’m gonna say $280, Hugh.”
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Yvette’s reaction says it all.
In the end, we see Yvette at the Cluck Bucket, putting on her functional gray pea coat that she probably got from Contempo Casuals or something. Marcus is the janitor now because he has to work off his debt to Craig and because remember, Marcus is a dark-skinned buffoon and couldn’t get the same job as Yvette for some reason. Whatever. I wonder what Yung Sharpay did with her prize money.
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Stuff I Noticed:
- Yvette’s jacket. What is this?
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- Marcus’s face for Lil’ Dylan and Yung Sharpay versus TJ. I love black families.
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White lady on the left does not approve.
- No Mo this episode! :(
11 notes ¡ View notes
getalittleclosey ¡ 5 years ago
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under 50k larry fic rec
hi! i’m becca and i read...so much fic. these rec lists are an accumulation of fic that i’ve read or reread and extra loved from 2016-now. there’s a wide range of stuff here and i think there’s definitely something for everyone!! i divided them up by length so you can check out all those categories below!
please make sure to read tags and warnings on all these fics!! the only things i think i can guarantee is that these are all larry, there’s no non-con, no age play, no eating disorders, no mentions of bg, they end happy, and they’re mostly aus. oh and they’re all on ao3 and some are locked so you’ll need an account! anyway i hope y’all enjoy!!!
under 5k
under 10k
under 25k
under 100k
100k+
☆ the beginning of everything by thedeathchamber 31k
“How do you take it?” Harry asked, pouring tea into a cup.
“Just a dash of milk, please,” Louis cast a look over the small table, filled to capacity. “They’re very fond of you.”
Harry ducked his head, grinning. “They’re trying to impress you.”
Louis smiled, shaking his head. “Why would they want to do that?” he asked as he took the cup Harry passed to him, their fingers brushing for an instant.
“Empathy,” Harry said under his breath.
--
A Belle Époque AU set (mostly) in Paris in which Harry is a struggling artist, in more ways than one, and Louis is a successful theatre critic and a failed writer, more or less.
☆ to kill the mess we’ve made by misandrogyny 43k
And when he's finally standing, Liam fussing over him, rubbing his hand at the red mark blooming on Harry's forehead, does Harry learn two things:
One, he wasn't actually hit that hard, and Tommo--or Louis, rather--is just as pretty when Harry is staring at him head-on and,
Two, Louis is the Adidas model he's going to be working with on today's photo shoot.
(or: AU where Harry and Louis are both models, and they decide being friends-with-benefits is a great idea. It isn't.)
☆ heart open, bloodstain on my sleeve by silkbombs (mulberrygrey) 36k
“I couldn’t help myself,” Harry admits, one hand coming to rub the back of his neck, “I stared at you for a good while before I finally got the guts to come up to you. You looked so pretty sitting there, with your little ankles and your pencil in your mouth, so enthralling… art in front of art.”
Louis’ not sure what to say, so he just kind of sits there, eyes bugging out as he stares at Harry.
“I mean, like you’re not an object!” Harry rushes out, babbling.
“I just, there’s something about you that’s so captivating, and maybe it’s the way your eyes are like a watercolor painting of the sea, or how delicate your hands look when you draw, but I just wanted to get to know you. It’s not like I pick up random boys at art museums usually, I swear. Not that I’m trying to pick you up! Unless you want to be…God, fuck I’m sorry this is so awkward now. I can go, um, if you want."
--- Or, the one where Harry's the long limbed, gangly, sweetheart who just happens be a high profile art thief who conducts heists for a living and Louis' the loud, pushy art student who just happens to steal his heart.
☆ a king beside you by stylinsoncity 26k
When the aliens invade, the last thing Louis expects is to fall in love.
☆ the boys of summer by afirethatcannotdie 45k
“I mean…we’re gonna have to sneak around anyway, yeah? Like, with that whole rules thing that I guess we’ve decided to ignore. Might make it a little more fun this way.”
AU. In which Louis is a reluctant sports coach, Harry's a fellow counselor who wears tiny yellow shorts, and camp rules say they're forbidden to date.
☆ don’t let the tide come and take me by kiwikero 29k
The aquarium in the lobby has been there as long as Louis can remember, and so has the merman inside. That is, until the day Louis loses his job and decides to set the creature free.
They set off on a road trip to the sea, learning to communicate more and more each day. Their destination is LA, but the closer they get and the more Louis gets to know the merman, the more he dreads having to say goodbye.
Or, the one where Louis decides to set a merman free and ends up finding his own freedom along the way.
☆ introduction to dynamics by juliusschmidt 29k
Louis Tomlinson is the outspoken omega in the 'Introduction to Dynamics' course Harry wishes he didn't have to take. He's nearly certain to present as a beta, after all. Things will be simple for him.
☆ saved tonight by objectlesson 31k
Harry is the world's most persistent seduction-baker, a questionable dog-sitter, and Louis's biggest fan. Louis hasn't written in years, is trying to pass loneliness off as cynicism, and absolutely hates his fans. It's probably destiny.
☆ once upon a dream by objectlesson 27k
“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”
Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.
--
Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.
☆ rivers ‘til i reach you by embodied 29k
Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).
☆ life was a song, you came along by rainbowninja167 38k
It's embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them. It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.
Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend's career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan's newest album. A modern retelling of Singin' in the Rain.
☆ learning to eat by photo41 29k
Celebrity chef Louis Tomlinson has a problem. He’s opening his first restaurant in 9 weeks, and he has yet to hire a pastry chef- apparently people think he’s ‘standoffish’ and ‘rude’ and ‘quick to temper’. Whatever. He ends up saddled with an annoying, happy-go lucky rookie who also happens to be obnoxiously good looking. His tv presenter and pop star best friends only add to the drama, and for fucks sake would everyone please stop quoting Julia Child?!
Kitchen AU where Harry helps Louis re-learn how to eat. (METAPHORICALLY)
note: just to clarify this is NOT an eating disorder fic don’t worry
☆ runner on third by kikikryslee 40k
As Harry stood there, the other man turned around, and he knew he was correct in who he thought it was. “Louis?” he asked, still not quite believing it. Louis blinked. “Harry? Wh– what are you doing here?” “I work here,” Harry said. “What are you doing here?” “Um, I’m picking up my brother. The nurse called and said he was sick.” Harry felt like he was going to be sick. “Wait, Ernest is your brother? Since when do you have a brother?” “Since about seven years ago, I guess. Wait, how do you know Ernest?” “I’m his teacher.” “You’re his what?” Louis exclaimed. Harry gulped. This was going to be a long year. --- Or, the AU where Louis and Harry were best friends growing up, but lost touch after Harry moved away. Ten years later, Harry has moved back to town, but he and Louis don't pick up where they left off.
note: there are four fics in this series that total to 60k
☆ roots by cherrystreet 43k
There aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous. He’s spent the past couple of years on and off various stages, filled with screaming fans, all chanting his name, loud and adoring. He’s done countless interviews, some even on live, national television, never faltering over his words, answers meticulously planned out, smooth and steady. He’s signed countless autographs, taken just as many photos, and even when he sat in his label’s studio, waiting to see how high up on the charts his single made it, he didn’t feel uneasy or uncomfortable. It’s all been unbelievably fun. No, there aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous.
Enter Louis Tomlinson.
☆ once upon a dream by thedeathchamber 33k
Louis is psychic and gets caught in the middle of a murder investigation led by FBI Special Agent Harry Styles.
aka. the Medium/Criminal Minds-inspired AU no one ever asked for.
note: there’s a 24k sequel for this!
☆ the melody you never heard by bananasandboots 30k
It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.
Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.
Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.
☆ born to make you happy by objectlesson 26k
Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.
note: i literally had to take a break and reread this cause i love it so much
☆ close to nowhere by angelichl 35k
“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.
“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”
“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”
Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.
☆ adrenaline by reveries_passions 38k 
“Harry Styles,” Nameless Boy who now has a name says. Louis is too busy having an internal crisis to realize the boy has just introduced himself as Harry Styles. Harry Styles, only son of Des Styles, PhD, Dean of Harvard Medical School. Harry Styles, known by everyone and their grandmother. Harry Styles, star rower. Harry Styles, youngest enrolled student in graduate school at Harvard University. Oh my god, Louis thinks, mortified. I just slept with Harry Styles. As he reaches out tentatively to shake the boy’s hand, another thought hits him. Oh my god. Harry Styles is gay.
~
louis tomlinson, college dropout, up and coming dj, and gay activist, is the notorious owner of exclusive underground gay club, adrenaline.
harry styles, med student by day, partier by night, child prodigy and seemingly heterosexual son of harvard professors, is the youngest and arguably the smartest student at harvard medical school.
or: a one night stand wasn't supposed to become the greatest love story of the 21st century.
☆ bloodsport by tofiveohfive 40k
“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—”
Louis stops when he hears a chuckle.
He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation.
“‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”
☆ the haunting of louis tomlinson helloamhere 31k
“I'm not afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.
Every single magnet unstuck itself from the fridge and fell to the floor in a clattering cascade.
“I'm only a little afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.
*** OR: Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!
☆ can i not like you for a while? by larryshares 43k
louis tomlinson is awful. harry is just as difficult, and they're both terrible to each other. it makes being in the same acapella group together quite complicated.
☆ delight in masques by kassio 28k
Popstar Louis Tomlinson has been pulling one over on the mortals for years. In the five years since he put on a human illusion and tried out for the X Factor, none of them have realised that he’s one of the Fair Folk – a cat shapeshifter, to be precise – and he’d like to keep it that way.
When he returns to the X Factor as a guest judge, the last thing he expects is for some half-Siren fool to use magic on the judges. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Harry Styles does. Now Louis has to track down some rogue changeling before he exposes them all. Even worse? Apparently, Harry doesn’t even know what he is.
(An urban fantasy adventure, set in the world of - but not crossing over with - the October Daye book series. No need to be familiar with those books; I just want to give credit where it's due on a lot of the worldbuilding.)
☆ no love like your love by rearviewdreamer 43k
When it comes to saving the world from itself and convincing rich CEOs of environmentally harmful companies to go green, there's nobody better than Harry Styles. That is, until Louis Tomlinson, his ex and former Alpha, is involved.  
note: i love vegan harry styles
☆ for neither never nor ever by fairytalelights 29k
Then Harry looked down. A newspaper was on the steps in front of him, looking new, like it had only just gotten delivered but no one had bothered to carry it inside yet. That, in itself, wasn't unusual. The unusual thing was the headline, Chernobyl - Half a Year Later, and the date in the corner. 5th November 1986. He looked up to stare at the girl in the doorway one last time, before he did the only logical thing his body knew how to do in this situation. He bolted.
or, the one where Harry travels through time and has to come to terms with losing everything he's ever known. Louis might be the only thing that feels real.
☆ worth dying for by whoknows 45k
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.
“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.
Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”
☆ listen to your heart by lovelarry10 35k
Are you kidding me right now?
I… No? Louis frowned, feeling angry now. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help his feelings. It felt like this had been brewing for weeks, and this was it. Give it a rest, Harry.
Why are you such a brat? Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?
You think I want to hear about you kissing James? Really, H? There’s things I just don’t need to know, okay? I’m your best mate, not your fucking relationship advisor…
*****
Louis has always been comfortable being Harry’s one and only. When Harry starts to branch out, Louis has a hard time letting him go.
Harry is very lucky to have someone who listens to what he has to say, despite the fact that he’s deaf. He’s finally feeling like he’s coming into himself, but Louis seems bothered by his newfound confidence.
☆ another day gettin’ into trouble by whoknows 26k
Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.
In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up?
Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that.
Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.
☆ all the right moves by cherrystreet 32k
This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back.
There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.
It’s seriously obnoxious.
☆ play the odds by alivingfire 26k
Harry and Louis are best friends since childhood who, after a night of drinking, find themselves locked in a bet: first one to kiss the other a thousand times wins. Wins what? They don't know. Glory, Harry supposes. Bragging rights, though those don't do much in this economy. All Harry knows is that this is one bet he can finally win. What he doesn't expect, though, is what happens when he starts kissing his best friend on a daily basis.
Namely, he doesn't expect falling head over heels in love with his best friend.
Now all he has to do is make sure the bet never ends, so he never has to stop kissing Louis.
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drizzitwrites ¡ 4 years ago
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New Fic: “Must Have Done Something Right” Opening Scene (Draft) -- Dragon Age: Inquisition
Hi all,
Switching fandoms (back to my OG fandom, Dragon Age) since I’ve finally broken down and begun playing Inquisition (which I bought on the release day and then promptly got hipster angry at for 6 years). I still wasn’t sold at first and I DEFINITELY don’t love the companions as much as I did in any of the other games. UNTIL........ I met Dorian Pavus. Who I love. Deeply.
So... one day I was playing and I made an offhand comment quoting a song lyric because Dorian set my m!Lavellan Inquisitor up for a combo and then Jonas said “we should not!fic a thing where they’re on a university sports team” and then my brain grabbed hold of it and needed to almost obsessively think about it over the next two weeks.
Aaaaand, now I’ve actually started writing. This should be interesting, because I can SEE the scenes so clearly in my mind, so I may either fly through this and write it in a month in a frenzied fit of pique OR I may agonise over it because the words aren’t bringing out the picture in my head right. Either way, this one’s going to be long (and considering I’m someone who usually says “I think I can get that done in 5k” and then it takes 25k, this almost certainly means we’re going to hit novel length at least) and I have VERY LITTLE TIME, so don’t expect the finished product any time soon. I might release it chapter by chapter, but I generally don’t in case something comes up in a later chapter that affects the early chapters, because you never know when you need to re-order something or change details or add in something and I don’t want to have to deal with telling people I re-posted and having them go back to read it.
But! For anyone who might want to read it piece-by-piece with the understanding that what I’m posting here is edited and postable (by my standards) but is very much subject to change as the fic writing unfolds, I’ll post some to all of the scenes here. Read or don’t. At your leisure.
Also... I’m using this as an informal beta reading session, since Jonas is really good with big picture concept stuff, but terrible at anything having to do with emotions or the conveyance thereof AND is absolutely not here for even thinking about anything that’s higher than teen rated, and because I’ve been out of the fandom for so long that most to all of my former Dragon Age beta readers have left fandom and my new beta readers aren’t at all in the fandom. So... comments, thoughts, wording changes, spelling and grammar corrections, etc. welcome.
So, without any further ado, I present to you:
Dragon Age: Inquisition - Must Have Done Something Right Dorian Pavus/M!Lavellan Modern Day University AU Chapter 1, Scene 1
As Dorian lay sprawled on his backside on a New Jersey street corner, he couldn't help but wonder which of the monumentally stupid decisions he'd made over the past year and a half had led him to this moment. It could, he allowed, be all of them. In fact, it was very probably all of them. He would have dwelled on this longer, digging deep and trying to pinpoint the exact moment everything in his life had gone to shit, but right now he had more pressing matters to focus on, such as the bruise he could already feel forming on his backside, the frigid water seeping in through the legs of his trousers and down the sides of his shoes, and how the fuck, exactly, he was supposed to get home.
The skies had been clear and blue, with no signs of an impending storm when he'd headed to work that morning. Around mid-afternoon, clients had begun to rush through the door, blowing on their hands, brushing a few stray snowflakes from their shoulders, and commenting on the turn the weather had taken. By the time Dorian finished his shift at seven p.m. he'd stepped through the door into a full on New England blizzard.
He wasn't dressed for it, of course. He'd grabbed an overcoat and gloves on the way out the door, but hadn’t given a second thought to his footwear. Even he wasn't vain enough to wear his second best pair of oxfords if he was expecting snow. For one thing, they didn't deserve to be subjected to the thorough dousing of salt water they were certain to receive. For another, the smooth leather outsoles gave him approximately negative amounts of traction when trying to walk on ice.
Which brought him to here. He'd attempted the drive home on his Vespa, figuring it would be better than attempting to walk home. And it had been, he supposed, until he'd come over the crest of a hill, his back wheel had hit a patch of ice, and the entire bike had tried to kick out from under him. He'd saved it, just, and managed to navigate to the bottom of the hill where a wide expanse of sidewalk allowed him to pull off the road and park. He'd eased the bike as far out of the way as he could, put it in park, and dismounted.
And promptly fell on his ass.
He'd attempted to right himself, which had only led to an embarrassing scramble of feet against ice, legs kicking every which way, until he conceded that, for now, the ground had squarely defeated him, and let himself slide down to rest against the side of his bike.
“Need a hand?” A soft voice asked from above.
Dorian opened his eyes to see a man standing there, one gloved hand extended in his direction. As he stared up through the snow and the floodlights from the nearby building, Dorian couldn't make out any of the man’s facial features beyond impeccably combed dark hair, which glinted with red in the light. The man was well-dressed, however, albeit more sensibly than Dorian given the weather conditions, with a wool muffler tucked neatly into the collar of a knee-length overcoat, his feet clad in ankle-high fleece-lined boots.
The man said nothing, but remained there, arm outstretched, until Dorian managed a quick nod of thanks, took the proffered hand, and tried to lever himself to his feet while the other man pulled. He was surprisingly strong, Dorian noted, especially given his stature, which was good, because he ended up doing most of the work in the exchange while Dorian attempted to use the seat of his bike for leverage, his feet continuing to scrabble for purchase on the ground with every movement.
“Thank you,” Dorian said, dropping his free left hand down to grip the right handlebar of his scooter for balance.
“Don't thank me too much,” the man said. “I did stand by and watch the whole thing happen until I saw you give up and slump down in the snow. Decided I better intervene rather than leaving you out here all night.” He shifted his grip to twist it around into a tight handshake. “Name's Krem, by the way.”
“Dorian. And now I suppose I should thank you double for deciding not to leave me here.”
Not that I have a lot of reason for getting up and going about my life, he didn’t add.
Krem nodded, one corner of his mouth flicking up into the hint of a half smile. “You gonna be alright if I let go now?”
“What?” Dorian asked, then tracked Krem’s gaze to their still joined hands. “Oh… yes. Or… probably, it’s all relative, isn’t it? I mean, I’m not entirely sure how I'm getting home from here, and I hate to leave my bike parked out all night, especially in the snow, but… at least I’m standing. For now.”
“Never know. Snow might stop soon. I'm meeting a friend at a café just down the street. You're welcome to join me. It's warm and dry. Usually. You can buy me a coffee as a thank you. You look like you could use one.”
As a rule, Dorian despised coffee that wasn't prepared to his exacting standards with the proper equipment and techniques, but he was willing to concede that ‘usually warm and dry’ was a better option than laying in the snow on a street corner thinking of all the good reasons he had for staying there and freezing to death. Probably.
“In truth, I could use something a good deal stronger than coffee,” Dorian replied with a wry laugh. “Several somethings, in fact. Possibly a whole bottle of somethings. But alright. Coffee it is. Lead the way.”
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dfcfanfics ¡ 5 years ago
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Stuff I did and do and gonna have done
It’s been so long since I posted a catch-all post to Tumblr that even I’m having trouble scrolling down that far.  So, since it’s probably been a couple of years now since that one, I’ll do some Shameless Self Promotion and throw together a catalog.
Shall we, behind the cut?
Longfics:
Someone To Watch Over Me: Adrien is having massive problems at home... and Akumas are headed his way.  Marinette notices that he’s not himself, and sets out to help -- in both her identities.  A Ladrienette triangle develops, with both of our young heroes hanging on for the ride... and that’s just how it begins.  Complete, 24 chapters, 225k words.  Original inspiration by @buggachat.
The Marinette Project: The school year ends, and Adrien notices that Marinette seems really down about that.  As Chat Noir, he sets out to bring her spirits back up over the summer... and quickly finds himself in way over his head.  Mostly Marichat.  Complete, 14 chapters, 90k words.
Tyger, Tyger, Burning Bright: A new villain’s attack targets Marinette by chance, and knocks Tikki out of commission indefinitely.  Chat Noir gets an opportunity to choose a temporary partner -- and three guesses whose balcony he lands on.  But his choice of Miraculous isn’t quite as predictable... and a devilish Tiger Kwami has way too much fun helping Marinette rediscover herself.  Marichat-ish.  Complete, 9 chapters, 68k words.  Comic-ization in progress via @brittsarts!
Let’s Take It From The Top: A reboot AU in which Gabriel brings home the Cat and Moth from Tibet, not the Peacock and Moth... and an overheard conversation sends his son on a path towards disaster, romance, new identities for familiar faces, reworked canon scenes, and perhaps the destruction of all of France.  But mostly the romance and disaster parts.  Complete, 21 chapters, 125k words.
Mid-length Multi-parters:
Two Hearts That Wax And Wane: Adrien isn’t sure what he said in the car with Marinette, on their way home from the wax museum... but he knows that he screwed up.  Badly.  His good friend stumbled out of the car almost before it stopped moving.  Now he’s retracing his words and steps and trying to figure out what set Marinette off, which will lead him through both of his identities -- and both of hers.  Puppeteer 2 response fic.  Complete, 4 chapters (one for each Square side), 14k words.
Full Stamen Ahead: It’s Carnation Day at Francoise Dupont, where students can send each other floral tokens of their affection and appreciation.  Marinette wants to send one to Adrien, but gets cold feet about sending a red one... which does not go unnoticed.  A prank by Chloe, a misstep by Alya and suspicious friends lead to a cavalcade of misunderstandings, romantic drama and surprises. Marvel at my absolute mangling of the French educational system.  Complete, 5 chapters, 16k words.
Once in a Lifetime: A concussive villain blasts Ladybug’s earrings right off her ears -- and Marinette into a hospital bed.  Her injuries are minor; her loss of her Miraculous is not.  While she tries to keep her identity safe, someone she knows finds herself with what she realizes is the most precious jewelry in Paris.  Who will be Ladybug during this crisis... and how will the balance be restored?  Complete, 4 chapters, 25k words.
Reservations For Two... More May Be Coming: Adrien finally figures out that he’s the one boy Ladybug gets flustered around.  He gets up the nerve to ask her out... and she accepts.  So how are they going to make this couple thing work, anyway... and will Paris be the same after their first fancy-restaurant date?  Complete, 6 chapters, 35k words.
Throw Me Around Like One Of Your French Girls: Marinette reflects on her unpleasant encounter with Felix, and realizes... what might’ve happened if he’d tried to force a kiss on her, rather than Ladybug?  She does know a handsome classmate studying martial arts, though, so perhaps she should see if he’ll teach her some things...  WIP, 5 chapters so far, 25k words.
It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time...: After Season 3′s finales, Adrien makes a go of it with Kagami... but makes a well-meaning-but-big mistake.  A weary and despondent Marinette finds a heartbroken Kagami on her doorstep, looking for advice... and one spur-of-the-moment decision on her part sends everything into chaos.  NOT an Adrien Salt fic, I promise you!  WIP, 13 chapters so far, 53k words.  
Serious One-Shots:
Summer Break: My first fanfic.  Marinette fractures her leg in a bicycle accident, and has to spend several weeks with a light cast.  Chat Noir begins visiting her to cheer her up... and lots of unexpected bonding surprises them both.  6k words.
Forget-Me-Not: “Alternative episode.”  A mind-sapping villain makes Ladybug and Chat Noir forget that their super-selves exist... leaving Marinette and Adrien wondering why they’re out together in Halloween costumes.in September.  What happens if they don’t get their true memories back -- and what happens if they do?  6k words.
Locked and Loaded: “Alternative episode.”  Marinette goes for a walk with Adrien over one of the “love lock” bridges in Paris -- which she hopes will put him in a romantic mood.  But a heartbroken woman they encounter becomes corrupted by Hawkmoth, the locks become her weapons, and Our Heroes must face down an army of enslaved romantics.  6k words.
A Little Promise I’d Made Myself: It’s New Year’s Eve at Rose’s house, and a party is in progress.  Adrien is having a good time, but something seems missing... until he notices a pretty classmate sitting by herself on a couch.  Are midnight fireworks inevitable?  3k words.
After The Storm Breaks: After the Season 3 finales, Kagami and Adrien are dating, and Marinette and Luka are an item... but there’s something awkward in the air.  Adrien and Kagami notice that Marinette has grown uncomfortable around them, and Adrien reaches out... and a lot of important things are said for the first time.  5k words.
Just One More Minute...: A tricky Akuma sends Ladybug and Chat Noir on a wild battle all over Paris, spanning several hours.  They’ve won, and Paris is safe once more... but the two of them have collapsed onto a rooftop, exhausted beyond belief and barely able to move.  Both Miraculous are beeping... so what are they to do?  2.5k words.  Inspired by @ladybeug artwork.
Playing a Familiar Chord:  After Puppeteer 2′s events, Luka is sitting quietly at home when his phone rings.  Someone special to him just underwent an emotional ordeal... and she needs a friendly ear and some male advice.  A gentle conversation ensues, with Luka wondering which way this might lead...  3.7k words.
Options Include Like, Comment, Share, Bookmark and Agonize:  Adrien posts to Instagram, marveling over his good friends’ relationship... and wistfully wishing for one of his own.  Marinette sees his post and wonders what she can do... 1.4k words.
MiracuCrack:
Trouble...Made?: Troublemaker response.  Marinette decides that the only thing to do about her crush being revealed is to confess... but there’s something that she should really have known first.  
It Wasn’t Plan “A”: A terrible new Akuma has sealed off all of the Kwamis’ powers.  With a groan and a sense of dread in his soul, Master Fu leads Marinette and Adrien to a box containing mystic totems best left untouched... the Ridiculous.
The Logical Conclusion: After careful study, Ladybug thinks she’s worked out who Hawkmoth must be, and presents her evidence to Chat Noir.  But for some odd reason, she doesn’t seem very happy about the conclusion she’s reached...
Getting Things Backwards: Adrien Agreste sits quietly on the train, rereading what Marinette had handed him for the tenth time.  It... looked like a prescription for constipation medication.  But inspiration strikes him and he considers it as a metaphor... might it be a love letter after all?  Backwarder response.
First Times Are Always Awkward: Ladybug’s first time out against Stoneheart didn’t go quite as she’d planned it, but no one got hurt and everything went pretty well.  Didn’t it?  But when Alya pulls her aside the next morning, a little oversight of Tikki’s proves troublesome to our heroes’ dignity.
Communication Breakdown: With an Akuma rampaging through Paris, Ladybug came up with a desperate plan... requiring both Adrien and Chat Noir for it to work.  Thinking fast, Adrien passes the ring off to one person he could trust with it.  Now, Plagg explains how it works as quickly as he can -- but there’s just one problem...
“Busted,” Said the Kwami: Chat Noir found himself very impressed by Multimouse’s debut as a heroine of Paris.  So much so that, later that night, he finds himself having the strangest dream...  Kwami Buster response.
Nooroo Uses a Swear Word: He absolutely, positively does.  But he has a good reason for it, so... let’s hear him out, shall we?
Leave Some Stones Unturned: Wayzz leads Marinette through Master Fu’s abandoned studio, both to make sure everything is as he left it and to walk her through some of the many intriguing items he’d left behind.  But some locks are there for a reason, and some secrets are best left hidden...
Reservoir Kwamis: A completely silly Miraculous/Reservoir Dogs mashup.  Will only make sense if you know the movie.
What do you think, sirs?  (And madams?  And whoever else is out there?)
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fortheheavenssake ¡ 4 years ago
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💟💟 PG MM Anon(II) 💟💟 Interpretation Collection -12
74. July 29
Kids I want to let you know this riddle is not as funny as some of the other ones because a subject matter is just so serious💜😊PG😊💜
MM Anon
MM ANON …… colourful Cam !!…………… Fast Far-raar-ri blast. …………” let your daughter breathe “…………… A niece wedding …………… Inappropriate funds??………… Bush tragedy ……………… inappropriately shamed royal ………… a pricey disinfect ………… “ you’re a spot on gun Man Sydney!!”………… “ a privilege sir” ……… “ how’s the shoulder?” ……… “ I’ll recover sir “……… “ it’s stopped bleeding “ ……… “ just a flesh wound sir “ ……… “ next week Sydney? ……… “ I hear the Gillie comes highly recommend sir”……… “Ahh, spiffing!! “
Entertainment purposes
💜💜💜💜😂😂🤣🤣🤣Thank you MM Anon🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜💜. Just so you know I put the laughing faces in there because of the the vignettes with the Prince Philip and Sydney are just hilarious!
July 29/2020
Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer wed this day in 1981 at St. Paul’s Cathedral. I was like 13 or 14 or so and remember it like yesterday!!
Riddle #74
colourful Cam !!……………
OK I looked and looked and looked and I’m looking at this and I could colourful is self-explanatory cam I’m pretty sure means Cambridge and two!‘s so that usually means to people who stuck stuck nothing I can find fits this. I’m gonna leave it for now and come back.
I don’t think MM Anon is meaning colourful in the term of red white blue green purple orange etc. . I think she means colourful as in telling a funny story you know that is all that’s a colourful story and funny all that kind of thing.Prince William revealed how he made his bodyguard pose as a sniper to scare off a rival football player when he was a schoolboy because ‘everyone wanted to break my legs’.
The Duke of Cambridge, then Prince William, asked his a RPO, to shine a laser’s red dot at the boy pretending to be a sniper. He told this colourful story revelation on an episode of the BBC Radio Five Live’s That Peter Crouch Podcast. The future king’s candid comments came as he shared embarrassing stories over a pint. During the chat at Kensington Palace, they had a curry delivered. I think I wanna find this podcast because I think it probably was absolutely hilarious. Imagine a young boy sneaking over that ha ha Ha ha ha that’s awesome! Good on you William good on you!
Fast Far-raar-ri blast. …………”
We’re talking about a Ferrari hear the Italian car. This kids is again another example of how frightening fake things can be seen as real we see it on Instagram we see CGI and almost every movie that people actors don’t even have to act anymore it’s it’s all fake everything is fake now. Except us we are all real! There is a video that fooled and tricked aka lied to millions. The viral footage of a Ferrari driver ‘escaping from police by driving underneath a truck’ was fake says its creator. He revealed how he did it. The Original video was posted online last Friday and gained 3.1million views. It showed a Ferrari F430 escaping from police car by driving through gap between truck’s wheels. Graphics artist Dionisis Sakas demonstrated in new video how he made footage.He used CGI, a computer-generated image of a Ferrari, truck and police car over bus dashcam footage of road. DISGUSTING! Get a job, volunteer , do something useful in this world instead of spreading more lies like this, that’s sick!
“ let your daughter breathe “……………
This is a sugar is bringing race into it! Black Lives Matter!Both Eric Garner, several years ago in NYC and George Floyd were saying l can’t breathe l can’t breathe lcan’t breathe as a police officer had his knees on his neck! They are equating that incident with what’s going on here! That my friends is a level of mentality we are dealing with! The level of insanity that the sugars possess! I am convinced that when things happen in handcuffs involved charges are laid whatever is going to happen they will be having some sort of physical manifestation, they Well riots gather together range on Twitter for meetings throw stones who knows what it every British Embassy in the United States. I say that because she’s American and I do believe most of the sugars are although she has them all over the world. This is very very very serious verbiage! Wow I am shocked and I don’t get shocked easily wow wow is all I can say! Leave Madam alone! Duchess’s fans aka sugars, rage as dad Thomas Markle hits out ‘Let your daughter breathe’! Well we need a time that since Madame and I’ve been going crazy on her PR we knew it was just a matter time before daddy market would march into the rescue or not to the rescue this time this time is criticizing! I finally caught up on my sleep so let’s give me a minute here to backtrack the daily mail reported that this is now Wednesday morning Monday Monday they reported done he had been interviewed I think on good morning Britain or something there was an article about him anyways criticizing the book and attack criticizing that they were attacking the royal family etc. etc. etc. etc. Madam’s fans/ SUGARS took to Twitter to shield the Madam, from her father’s latest attack. Her estranged father, who lives in Rosarito, Mexico, spoke to the press in the wake of new revelations about the dramatic events leading up to the gathering of unhappy people in May 2018. My my my my my what are those sugars gonna do when it hits the fan and things are really come out and charge to start to come then I’ll my goodness. All these young women what are they gonna do join antifa and form their own gang and try and destroy British Embassy is around the United States or wherever they all live I would imagine most of them live in the United States because she’s American but she probably has sugar is all over the world oh it’s going to be an interesting interesting interesting slideshow to continue to watch that slideshow side show not slide shows sideshow there you go where are you got a good job software good job good job software! Oh you’re typing your compliment twice well good for you you’ve been working hard I’m putting you to the test yes I am talking to my iPad because I think it’s a little sensitive because if I get if it doesn’t like what I’m saying it’ll beep and stop working so I’m whispering as quietly hopefully it doesn’t hear me because I don’t want to hurt it’s sensitive feelings!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂
A niece wedding ……………
How marvellous oh the three Spencer girls oh they’re so beautiful remember them at William and Catherine’s wedding oh they’re so beautiful all. So lady Amelia and lady allies are twins but their paternal twins they don’t look like they’re not identical twins at all but they’re both gorgeous. And all three of these girls and their brother grew up in South Africa. And lady Amelia has been attending Cape Town University where she met her beau, Who she met at the University,Greg Mallet, an estate agent, who is equally well-connected and wealthy. They’ve been together for 10 years and he finally proposed and the picture I have seen are beautiful. She has gorgeous looks kind of like an oval but I think I I think it might be a circle diamond and looks to be surrounded by hail or smaller diamonds it looks beautiful but I’m hoping to see a really clear picture of it that’s why I have not really seen one. Congratulations to them. 🥂
inappropriate
Some people crochet, some people knit,some people do scrapbooking, some people garden,some people take music lessons,there’s all kinds of hobbies in this world! However I have never heard of one quite like this and words fail me.😁DM slightly edited by moi😁 GM allegedly took photos of topless young girls as a ‘hobby’, shocking unearthed court documents reveal. The 58-year-old kept them in a photo album at pedophile JE’s Florida mansion, his former butler Juan Alessi claimed.A judge last week ordered the unsealing of documents related to M and E from a defamation case brought by victim VRG in 2015. The documents could include details about GM’s sex life and among the original files unsealed in 2018 was the eye witness account of Alessi. Alessi told VRG’s lawyers in a sworn deposition that GM had an album full of photos of young girls, including some who were topless. GM shared her alleged hobby for nude 'art’ with JE who had photos of naked girls and women - including GM- plastered all over his mansion.Alessi also claimed in his deposition that he discovered sex toys including,😮😮😮😮😮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮l edited, in the massage room of JE’s Palm Beach mansion. The then-maintenance man also claims he saw a 'shiny black costume’ in GM’s closet that he believed was used for sex. Was he the butler the maintenance man those are two diametrically opposed positions, I don’t understand. What was he doing in her closet if you do the maintenance man? People are all I feel like I need to be sprayed down disinfected maybe this is the price he disinfect clue disinfect oh gross!DM😁additions and slightly edited by moi.
funds??…………
The pressure grows on millionaire farmer Ben Goldsmith, as it emerges he benefited from £25,000 in EU subsidies last year! Ben Goldsmith, brother of environment minister Zac, claimed £25k in EU cash.The 39-year-old millionaire farmer is also a non-executive director of Defra.He has been accused of releasing red deer and wild boar on his land in Somerset.The release of such animals is contrary to current Defra rules and regulations. You know kids, it seems that at every level they’re playing the game! Money changing hands over fist, forget morals,forget ethics, forget everything and anything, just money money money money money makes me think of that song I think it’s by Dire Straits money money money oh!
There is also the bigger issue the money from the Sussex fund and all of that missing money allegedly that a certain Madam may have had now spent or had possession of. I’m not gonna go into that because I don’t think that’s the clue right now.
Bush tragedy ………………
I can hardly cope, l can’t imagine how her parents are managing and her family. I don’t know, I’ve been I prayed for this little girl since the day she went missing she would be found alive. Madeleine McCann investigators resume digging at German allotment patch owned by chief suspect Christian Brueckner as his apartment just three miles away is revealed. And if you look where they’re digging if you see the pictures there’s trees all around so at least in Canada we would call that the bush. Investigators have begun their second day of searching an allotment in Germany three miles from an apartment where suspect Christian Brueckner once lived. Up to 100 officers using small diggers and sniffer dogs continued to excavate the vegetable garden outside Hannover, where Brueckner lived after the three-year-old vanished in 2007.A tent has been erected on the plot concealing the exact nature of the search, and a wide cordon with wire netting has set been up around the allotment.Two small tents have been set up in a field opposite the main dig site, while a fleet of German police vehicles lined the side of the small country road while commuter traffic drove past.An apartment block in Hannover has been identified as Brueckner’s last known address in the city, and German media says he may have lived on the allotment itself - possibly in his trailer.Detectives have been bagging up pieces of evidence and yesterday discovered a cellar underneath a long-demolished gazebo as they scour for clues that could link Brueckner to Madeleine’s disappearance. If you’re so inclined please say a prayer for this family but they finally get some answers and that they find little Madeleine so they can bring her home.🥺🥺🥺🥺🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
inappropriately shamed royal …………
CARAS, some places I’ve read say it’s a Spanish magazine some have said Portuguese either way that’s the name of the magazine. CARAS comes under fire for calling Queen Maxima’s daughter and heir to the Dutch throne , Princess Amalia, 16, as 'plus-size’ on its front cover as critics claim it’s 'dangerous’ and 'disrespectful’! I have said to you kids before, this is the last thing that it’s OK to make fun of people who are overweight and I know personal experience!! It just, it it never ends ,whether iit’s in school whether to University, no matter how beautiful you are , a high functioning and intelligent and whatever, it’s it’s still OK to do mock overweight people!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬And it goes to stop so far as to people getting hired for jobs or not etc. etc. etc. it’s all it’s so disgusting! She is a beautiful girl oh man what is it gonna do to her psyche she’s 16 oh 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻hell me!The trashy gossip magazine Caras has been slammed by Argentine media outlets. Princess Catharina-Amalia and Queen Maxima were chosen for mag’s July cover.The magazine described the teenage heir to the Dutch throne as 'plus-size’ woman! She is 16 she is a young lady she is not a woman! Subsequently I do believe they have issued an apology an apology but the damage is done the damage is done it’s an in with the damage is done there’s no undoing this absolutely know I’m doing this for her personally! My heart just aches for her she is so beautiful so beautiful oh my heart just aches for that girl oh my! Kids think back to when you were 16 so insecure and so you know trying to fit in and all that other garbage. Do you think high school the most important thing in the world. And she’s going to be the Queen she is going to be the Queen! Oh man my heart aches for her.☹️☹️☹️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜 I am sending lots of love and prayers to Princess Amalia !
a pricey disinfect …………
The first thing that came into my mind when I read this with the money that her Majesty offered Madam to leave before The gathering of unhappy people. This is my gut and this is what I’m going to go with. This may not be the correct answer that you were looking for MM Anon but it is what I feel applies most importantly here. This fight has been in the works for years and years at the highest level on the planet, funded by the highest level on the planet. It has been a plot to take down 1000 year old monarchy and totally destroy the country that voted to exit the EU! Brexit would’ve brought about a whole bunch of changes and it will yet hopefully. And her Majesty the Queen is God’s representative on the throne she’s been holy ordained. She is the head of the church of England. I truly believe that there is a worldwide organization of people who serve the dark master. If one believes in God one has to believe in Satan there’s no one with the old the other there’s good and there’s bad. There are many many many who serve the Darkside in the evil of the ways. That is what we have been watching. I firmly believe the first line attack was through JE towards prince Andrew. Prince Andrew was naïve in in a sense of being a royal very much detachment from the ordinary person. There’s no way he could have ever imagined or fortold that anything like this would happen. I do not believe he has any interest in young girls. Does he have a healthy sexual appetite did he absolutely he was a young healthy fit handsome man yes of course, what was going to judge him for that? Do you honestly can’t believe that he and Sarah his wife could’ve raised to such sound wonderful young women as the princess Beatrice and princess Eugenie without being sound themselves? I believe this started in earnest at that point and they had no success. So they had to continue and plot to find a way in and there was Prince Harry, lost in an emotional wasteland trying to find some direction is life after leaving the military. That’s begin the process of finding a female willing to do the deeds, the first one they found changed her mind. But then as evil does, it finds its perfect mate and that was Madam and the whole collection of “family” that she has. A group of cons and grifters at their finest or worst however you look at it. She is a female who’s willing to do anything and everything and has done anything and everything! FOR MONEY! She is narcissistic to the point of pathology. Please I’ve read a few people say she has schizophrenia or is “schizophrenic”. I have worked with dozens and dozens of people with schizophrenia, they do not possess narcissistic traits. Most of them are shy and embarrassed of their symptoms and most of them are young men who who just develop it in their early teens are in their 20s. I am not saying that women don’t develop schizophrenia they certainly do. But the majority of people that I worked with have developed our young men that have developed it in their late teens and 20s often as a result of the use of marijuana a lot of marijuana. They use marijuana to quiet the voices in their head. And it does work for some of them they say it does help. People with schizophrenia do not behave like this they’re thinking is disorganized, they live in an alternate reality even though they can often quite communicate or are mute. They are not capable of being this way and this plot to this degree. I’m not saying they’re not capable, they can be employed and they’re wonderful people just like anybody else with diabetes or whatever. I truly wish that that Stigma and that those thoughts about schizophrenia would change. I really encourage you, if you if your care, if you care, just to do a little bit of reading even though Wikipedia reading of what schizophrenia is it’ll help you understand what millions of people struggle with on a daily basis. Back to Madam psychiatric diagnosis would be Axis ll narcissistic personality disorder or NPD. I do also believe she possesses some Axis lll issues as well, by this time referring to her variety of
hobbies be there a liquid or powder or any of the above. So we have gone through years now of the monarchy being dragged through this sea hags filth and worse yet our beloved prince Harry, through a young man’s foolish to date on a booty call, which I mean let’s face that millions of people do every day even famous people do every day. And the plans, she was, she was ready to the point where she was wearing Diana‘s favourite perfume. Olfactory memory is the strongest memory humans possess. It is so powerful it triggers so much emotion. So when he walked in and sat down at the table to have a drink with her and smelled her perfume just imagine the flood of endorphins and things that he may not even have been consciously aware of that were triggered and his brain just imagine just sit yourself down there and imagine. And then as things progressed you know the story. And the filth has permeated the planet, it has permeated race relations, it has permeated in the resulting or sugars it has permeated in the Black Lives Matter fascist group That is being well funded by the people that plotted, the backers. They have just been laying in wait waiting for the right moment. Do you think all these people just happen to gather together and had weapons and stuff just at the drop of a hat?How would they know to go where to go, what to do, where to meet? Cities are huge and yet they all seem to go on the in the exact same area. Do you think that’s a coincidence? Do you think that’s a coincidence that it’s happening all over the United States and all over the UK and all over the world in different places? Do you think that’s OK? Do you think that’s a coincidence? I myself do not believe in coincidences. Go back to your high school or university physics Newtons law of physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Nothing happens by coincidence, everything we do whether it’s in thought act or deed that is put out into the universe it affects something somebody or somehow. This was all planned. Her Majesty the Queen was wise enough to know this, as well as British intelligence, to be monitoring all these things to let her know and the government know. She was wise enough to call Lord Geidt back into service. Thank God he was agreeable! He immediately, I am certain recognized the severity of what the situation was. They have planned and they have played the long game, all while keeping calm and carrying on and looking beautiful. And due to the scale the Crown never fails! And what we see now are the results of them playing the long game. Madam imploding upon herself due to her own behaviour and her own narcissism. I do believe we’re near the end I do believe any day now as I said yesterday imminently, we will receive some announcement of some sort. Her Majesty is safely ensconced at Balmoral for three months usually her usual 12 weeks. I’m sure more security than she’s ever had there before and there’s more security around all the royal family members that we’ve ever ever had before. We will never see that security. We will never notice them. They are that good. They could be the seventy year old lady on the street, still able to be just as dangerous as any criminal. We are coming to a close Madam,is all that done. And the backers?? I’m not sure where things are at, but London scoop said this will involve the world but mostly the UK the United States and Australia. The United States is on fire with these antifa riots. The democratic cities mayors and governors of certain states are refusing to take action I’m naming Oregon and Washington in particular I feel so sorry for those people who have businesses and who live in those areas that are being rioted night after night after night especially in Portland I’m thinking of Portland Oregon. There’s a presidential election in November this year. One would never know it usually all you see on the news are debates and candidates and all that. But we’re not seeing that we’re seeing coronavirus and riots. And what I’ve seen of the democratic nominee, and the party as a whole has
me very very concerned. He has yet, I don’t think he has had a press conference.? I am not aware and when I have seen is a gentleman who is quite elderly who oh, I don’t want to insult anybody who is democratic here,but who is buying into these far left wing fascist agenda who seems to at times doesn’t know what city he’s in. And there was a video that I saw he was standing with a few couples who were with their children and I don’t know what awards he was giving out, but he was massaging the shoulders and pulled her close to him tightly with his arm around her, little girl next to him and you could could Around her shoulders and you could see the look on her face that she was so uncomfortable and she tried to pull closer to her parents who were holding another child and he pulled her back in. I’m telling you I don’t know where that was taken but it was so, it was so hard for me to watch, oh you know something I said I pray for that little girl I pray for that child. I’m not saying he’s he’s a paedophile anything don’t get me wrong but I’m just talking about boundaries just boundaries. Anyhow say what you will about President Trump many people do regularly! I’m gonna get myself in trouble here but I do believeI do believe if he does not win the reelection I fear the collapse of the United States. I don’t know how they’re even going to be able to have an election in the midst of this coronavirus, how do you know how long the quested are to vote to take their long long long long. Oh kids this is the expensive disinfecting and we all are paying a price and continue to and will continue to.
“ you’re a spot on gun Man Sydney!!”………… “ a privilege sir” ……… “ how’s the shoulder?” ……… “ I’ll recover sir “……… “ it’s stopped bleeding “ ……… “ just a flesh wound sir “ ……… “ next week Sydney? ……… “ I hear the Gillie comes highly recommend sir”……… “Ahh, spiffing!! “
Well we return to the beautiful vista that is Balmoral castle and it’s I will be 15,000acres acres in beautiful at the Aberdeenshire. I spent my share of time not at Balmoral but in Aberdeen Aberdeen sure all the first the Firth of Forth!! Oh my it’s so beautiful I’ve taken so many pictures and hanging on my living room wall I have a black-and-white photo l took, I think it’s like 11 x 18 or something it’s so beautiful oh so beautiful the river there’s a bridge going over the river and the time I took the picture was an autumn so the leaves were all so gorgeous oh man it’s so beautiful. One of the first things that hit me the very first time I tasted tapwater in Scotland and I happen to be in her and I are just outside Aberdeen where I was staying with my friends and I have never had water that taste is so beautiful it was pure it was cold it was fresh it was free from chemicals no chlorine Teays know anything and there was no water filter on the top of their they did not have a reverse osmosis filter like everybody here has now it was so good oh and I just kept remarking on and everybody kept laughing at me how good the water was. Then we went out for lunch at all man I stupid Canadiana CanadianaWe are ordering lunch and came to my turn to order lunch should I order lunch and I want to more of that water and she looked at me and she said would you like flat or still and I I just like what what and I looked at my restaurant we want to find especially that I had came there to see and he was like she’ll have still ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. And then after I said what what is that and he says oh Blondie never mind ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha I’ll never forget that oh man that was so funny. anyhow back to Balmoral, sounds like the hunting trip had a bit of a Dick Cheney moment. If you don’t know who took Dick Cheney, he was an American politician and he accidentally shot another politician that he was hunting with a severe it was this it wasn’t severe but all man oh man. so himself is complementing Sydney on how well he is spotting him with the gun and making sure it’s ready and loaded and everything and just what a successful hunting day they had. And Sydney ever the dutiful a butler said yes he concurs it was just just smashing and then himself ask him how his shoulder is and he’s ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I can’t continue ha ha ha ha still funny way too funny ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.I shall continue I can come compose myself myself and continue. Himself ask Sydney how his shoulder is Sydney says it all recover all recover sir I am I shall recover, it stopped bleeding it stop bleeding and I shall recover in just a flesh room so just just a flesh room can you not hear the accent so can you hear the accent just a flesh wound sir! Capital , Sydney, Capital! Then planning for next weeks outing, Himself asks Sydney, are you ready for next weeks outing and he replies oh yes sir , I hear the Gilly comes high they recommended sir. Himself says sniffing smashing , wonderful , marvellous , looking forward to it and Sydney is just shivering in this boots. MM Anon, you have no idea how I can picture these things in my head and I was just all man’s took me forever to do because I was laughing so hard!
GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
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75. July 29
MM ANON………… Peter,Crouch with William ………… 🎼Son in Law🎼…………Facebook , Apple, google …………… 5 friends , Shhhhhh !!!……………… very upset islands………… MM is leaking 🤣🤣………… Refund , Shmeefund.…………Heath-row row!!……… “Why is ones arm in a sling Sydney ??…………… “ I slipped exiting the LR ma’am………” where was Philip ?………… “ sitting in the back ma’am”……” hello old thing, what’ho Sydney “ ……… good afternoon sir”……” Sydney had a hiatus Philip “……… “ O dear, looks sore Sydney “ ……” yes sir”…… “VERY!!”
Entertainment purposes
💜💜💜💜😊😊😊😊🌈🌈🌈🌈Thank you MM Anon🌈🌈🌈🌈😊😊😊😊💜💜💜💜
July 29/2020. Riddle#75
Peter,Crouch with William …………
Peter Crouch has a podcast on the BBC. Yesterday Prince William was on there with him and some other chaps I can’t remember their names. The purpose was Williams continuing goal to bring awareness to the issues regarding mental health. They had a good talk over a pint and they ordered some curry. The topic of mental health continues to be of importance however there were some very very funny stories that came out of the meeting. One was a prince William gave Catherine, remember they were not married yet they were still dating, he gave her a set of binoculars oh dear for a gift one time. The funniest story he told that when he was young and the other boys were picking on him and one especially wanted to break his legs and kept threatening to. William got the idea to get his RPO to take a laser and shine it on the guys forehead so there would be a red dot 🔴 on his forehead and William told him that there was a sniper if you did anything bad.🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂 Can you kids just imagine oh man I’ve laughed so hard about that and I’m still laughing I’m still laughing!
🎼Son in Law🎼…………
I thank the website beyondthejoke.co.uk for this information. It was very hard to find,very very hard but I am like Inspector gadget or the RCMP we always get our man and I always get some sort of answer for each clue. They’re not always right but they’re often funny if they’re wrong ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha by the way it’s on the way it’s a win-win situation right it’s a win-win plus it’s free! I should be charging you kids me and Eminem MM Anon and could make a fortune not Eminem no no no.A new video depicting Donald Trump performing a song in praise of his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, is today revealed as being the work of The Simpsons and Spinal Tap star Harry Shearer. Son in Law is the first track to be released from Shearer’s forthcoming album, The Many Moods of Donald Trump, a cycle of satirical songs inspired by the last four years of US politics and in particular the often mercurial behaviour of the current occupant of The White House.The video of the track uses ground-breaking motion-capture animation to portray the US President lionizing his senior advisor and husband of his daughter Ivanka. At one point it shows the spookily real Trump with his hand casually hovering over the nuclear button on his desk in The Oval Office, whilst extolling the virtues of his daughter’s curves.Harry Shearer says, “You can’t fire family, but you can sing about them.”Written by Shearer, the old-style New Orleans R&B song has The Simpsons star on vocals in an eerily accurate impersonation of the President of The United States. He is joined by a band of top New Orleans musicians who include David Torkanowsky of The Astral Project and Stanton Moore Trio on piano and organ, The Metres star George Porter, Jr. on bass, Raymond Weber of Dumpstaphunk on drums, leading saxophonist Brad Walker, Scott Frock of Delfeayo Marsalis’ Uptown Jazz Orchestra, on trumpet, and one of New Orleans’ top trombonists Jon Ramm. The track is mixed by long-time Harry Shearer musical collaborator C J Vanston at The Treehouse North Hollywood and produced by David Torkanowsky. It was recorded in New Orleans and Los Angeles. I will provide the link if you are so inclined to take a peek. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtptN8bfl3M
Some of you may find it offensive and some of you may get a good laugh out of it and a bit of both. I will leave it up to you to decide. I lasted about 30 seconds and that was enough for me. I’m not trying to influence you in anyway you you do you kids you do you as the kids say now!
Facebook , Apple, google ……………
The U.S. Congress is to grill Bezos, Cook, Zuckerberg, and Pichai: CEOs of Amazon, Google, Apple and Facebook whose firms are worth a combined $5.5trillion agree to appear TOGETHER before House antitrust panel!Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Tim Cook and Sundar Pichai will testify in late July. They will appear before House Judiciary Committee’s antitrust panel.FYI😁Antitrust refers to relating to legislation preventing or controlling trusts or other monopolies, with the intention of promoting competition in business.FYI😁The panel has been investigating tech firms’ alleged anti-competitive practices.Amazon, Facebook, Apple, and Google are accused of stifling competition. Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, was initially reluctant to testify before lawmakers.Lawmakers reportedly threatened Bezos, world’s richest man, with subpoena.Apple CEO Cook, was also hesitant, prompting lawmakers to consider subpoena.But they eventually relented on condition that all four CEOs appear jointly. Well isn’t that special! It’s like a meeting of the three heads of the biggest mafia families, sorry no insult meant to the mafia. Have you ever seen Mark Zuckerberg testify? Have you ever seen Star Trek the next generation? There’s a character on there his name is Data, he’s an android but he’s very human. Every time I see Mark Zuckerberg, I see Data, pardon the pun aka data🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂! Last time he testified there was no affect on his face and he gave, he must be related to Madam,because all he gave us a bunch of word salad nonsense that made no sense. It was far above the technical level of any of the people asking questions. This time I hope they have people who have done their research who actually know about these industries to actually ask the important questions!
5 friends , Shhhhhh !!!………………
Oh Madam’s legal team were in court today, ahead of court tomorrow. They put in a what’s it called….. It is not the deposition I mean use the word request until I can find the proper legal word. 😁FOUND IT😁Her legal team applied for an order to keep the identities of the 5 women confidential and not name them publicly. Funniest thing a member of her legal team said the last name of one of the women in court! Imagine that they’re wanting something kept quiet and the attorney cannot even keep quiet wowza, I wouldn’t want that attorney! The judge instructed that that name be removed from the record. Basically what they did is they want the court to keep schtüm and not publicly reveal the names of the “” five friends” who spoke to people magazine about Madam. Madam has denied having given permission or even having any for knowledge about this issue. Court will be interesting tomorrow I can hardly wait wait! Given her success and I’m using that very sarcastically, with the book that she allegedly had no part in, but everything came from her mouth, and should be very very very interesting and that’s putting it mildly!I just took a wee wander over to the daily mail and there’s a new article they’re saying that she has lost a part of the bed and she has to pay £67,000 in AND legal bills ha ha Ha ha ha I think that’s hilarious ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha that’s hilarious hilarious justice hitting her right where it hurts most money her pocketbook awesome!
very upset islands…..
You kids remember the show with Ricardo Montalban called fantasy Island. I remember Ricardo Montalban doing a car commercial and in his accent,he would say, this is made with fine Corinthian leather ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! He also played Kahn in the Star Trek movies, one Captain Kirk yelled Kahn re member that all you Star Trek friend Kahn!🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂OK OK I’m gonna do the riddle now pardon me for adding some humour in this!I’m going back in the 80s it’s on one of the cable channels I get I watch it every now and then is so cheesy it is just so beyond the pale of it’s hilarious and at that time we thought it was like the greatest thing I remember the love boat came on and then fantasy Island that was Saturday night TV love boat and then fantasy Island wow what a wild child hood I lived eh?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂. Ibiza, Mallorca and Canary Islands’ tourism chiefs have launched desperate bid to open ‘safe air corridors’ with the UK to save their summer seasons after the two-week quarantine was announced. Canary & Balearic Islands officials hoping to establish ‘safe air corridors’ with UK. This comes after the U.K. government ordered British tourists to self-isolate on returning from Spain.Spain has been taken off of the safe travel list after a spike in coronavirus cases.The decision was described as a ‘hammer blow’ by hotel bosses in Benidorm.Town mayor Toni Perez insisted he would still encourage holidaymakers to com.
From the BBC, I shall attempt to say this in my best old fashioned BBC British accent.😁 The UK’s biggest tour operator, Tui, has cancelled all mainland Spanish holidays until 9 August.The move comes after the government imposed a 14-day quarantine on people arriving in the UK from Spain.The firm said all those going to the Balearic and Canary Islands could still travel as planned from Monday.The airline industry has reacted with dismay to the decision to impose the quarantine, calling it a big blow.The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) is advising against all but essential travel to mainland Spain. Quarantine measures apply to those returning from mainland Spain, the Canary Islands and the Balearic Islands, such as Majorca and Ibiza.British Airways is still operating flights, but said the move was “throwing thousands of Britons’ travel plans into chaos”.Budget airline easyJet is also maintaining a full schedule, as is Jet2. That’s all from the BBC for now good night. You can always go to BBC.co.uk with other information!😁😁😁 how did I do did you hear my old fashioned British accent and NOT RECEIVED PRONUNCIATION☺️😁😁😁?Do you think I could work for the BBC in 1950? Can I go on Doctor Who and get him somehow to take me back in time so, but I wasn’t born then yet oh that’s a little spanner in the mix is it not,have to have a think on that.
MM is leaking 🤣🤣…………
MM is leaking. Are you OK MM Anon? Do you have drafty windows and a maybe a hole in the roof and the waters coming in? When it rains?Or maybe you’re just like Madam you just want somebody to ask you are you OK ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! After what you went through last week my goodness was it the week before you are more than OK my friend thank God! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you scroll way on back and you’ll you’ll read all about it!! OK I’ll get serious now this is regarding my least favourite person on the planet Madam, she’s leaking in every way possible she’s bleeding money she’s bleeding whatever was left of her public image and today she got an alarm and I love it she has to pay £67,000 in legal fees for the ANL ha ha ha ha ha ha oh ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha oh God has a funny sense of humour does He not, oh thank you Lord! Her legal team went to court in attempt to stifle the release of the name of the five women who went to people magazine, totally unknown ,unaware she was totally not involved didn’t give approval didn’t know it was gonna happen. Right then, remember the other day I said there was a bridge in the Sahara desert? Well it’s still for sale and anyone who believes that just come on over and I’ll give you a tour and I’ll give you a real good price on that Desert bridge! After all they’re making air bridges now so so what’s wrong with a desert bridge ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.The funniest thing and I said it before but the funniest thing about the whole thing is they’re just wanting to keep that confidential and one of her legal team mentioned the surname of one of the women would one question the competency of the members of her legal team? I think I might I’m not an attorney I’m not even a paralegal like like Madam was on like TV, and like like she thinks like, she’s a paralegal for real like, now and knows all about the UK laws and everything like totally! That was my doing my best California speak every other word is like like this OK like that OK well like that’s cool like like this for like a walk and we can like take the dog and we can like go for coffee and then we can go for like a movie and then we can like maybe rent a movie actually and then we can like go home and like make dinner and like and like and like and like that’s how they speak! Hope I’m not insulting anything maybe that’s just cliché but that’s what I seen on TV it is so annoying. It’s just like people who are constantly using foul language like on the regular,like not like when there’s a serious incident like it’s just it just blows my mind. There are so many words in the English dictionary there’s no need on the regular to be using foul language. I’m not saying I have never uttered some, you want some when I was still driving that when somebody cut me off or whatever I uttered my share but not on the regular never! OK back to the riddle now😁😁😁So the judge ordered that name to be stricken from the record! It’s going to be really really interesting to see what happens in court tomorrow I can hardly wait! I’m like a dog dog, Pavlov‘s dog just celebrating celebrating celebrating oh golly I have got to hand typed that SALIVATING!! If you don’t know about Pavlov‘s dogs just go to google please thank you.
Refund , Shmeefund.…………
What a non-summer it’s been eh? No fairs no carnivals, no music concerts outdoors, no outdoor team sports it’s just been a right off!The ones from the UK that would like you to go on holiday and have a lovely time were shocked to learn that all there’s a snap decision and when you return you have to for quarantine for 14 days! Those people who do have jobs will have to miss 14 days! How this coronavirus it’s just it it’s just it’s like the Friday the 13th movies’ Jason in the mask, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂I didn’t mean a pun by Jason in the mask ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha mask get it?? Bad puns l know but the best ones are the accidental ones like this one! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha sorry I’m laughing and when I’m laughing it types ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh I’m so sorry! But we need a wee bit of humour in this do we not! It just keeps coming and coming and coming and going and accelerating and spreading in affecting in and infecting it is unbelievable! Holidaymakers struggle to get refunds With holidaymakers still owed millions of pounds for cancelled holidays and flights, many will be reluctant to rebook if their trip is cancelled. Some major travel companies are still refusing to issue refunds as required by law, insisting customers rebook their trip or accept vouchers instead. We approached the UK’s 10 biggest package holiday providers and 10 largest airlines at the end of April, and found none were consistently meeting their legal requirements to refund consumers within the statutory timeframe. Companies including TUI, Love Holidays, Virgin Holidays and Ryanair are issuing credit notes for cancelled bookings in the first instance, even when customers have asked for cash refunds. Following months of pressure from Which?, the government has finally confirmed that credit notes issued for air-based packages have the same financial protection as the holidays they replace, so if a travel company collapses, customers will be refunded by the travel industry Atol scheme. However, vouchers issued for scheduled flights booked separately aren’t covered by the Atol scheme and have no financial protection. Clients still have a legal right to a cash refund instead of a credit note or voucher, if that’s their preference. Some customers have resorted to asking their debit or credit card provider to help get their money back, while those still paying deposit instalments on holidays for this summer are wondering what to do.So far the lockdown and stuff since February and March is not bad enough, they finally get a vacation or holiday whatever you want to call it and then they find out they have got to quarantine or they have it booked and the country is on the list of do not travel or the air bridge is closed which has been closing to many countries now they are tickets are invalid! Try getting your money from airlines who are weeping money at this point they are just weeping money it’s just leaking from every nook and cranny.
Heath-row row!!……… “
DM😁Revolt of the airline chiefs: Travel bosses urge Boris Johnson to drop blanket restrictions on whole countries amid row over quarantine.47 companies called on Johnson to introduce virus tests for arrivals to the UK. British Airways, Easy Jet and Jet2 have demanded a more 'nuanced’ policy. Signatories also include chief executives of Heathrow and Gatwick airports.Heathrow blames social-distancing 'chaos’ on holidaymakers arriving too EARLY as passengers complain of 'no staff managing massive queues’. Footage shows people close to one another at airport’s Terminal 2.The Passenger who filmed video questioned: 'Where are your staff managing this?' Other social media users have posted pictures of crowded scenes at Heathrow. Heathrow Airport said it is 'aware’ of passengers arriving several hours in advance of flights.British Airways pulls staff out of its £200million headquarters for six months - as just half of City bankers return to offices.BA joins the likes of Google, KPMG and RBS by keeping staff at home until 2021.Around 22,000 staff are on furlough, with 12,000 workers set for redundancy.Large companies are facing growing calls to bring employees back to the office. Travel chiefs want virus checks for UK arrivals and an end to blanket restrictions on whole countries… so how COULD Britain test its way out of travel trouble? Giving travellers coronavirus tests on arrival could curtail the quarantine period.Heathrow has said the airport could have testing sites ready ‘within weeks’.Scientists say testing people arriving in the UK can help curb the pandemic.DM😁 hey if they wrote it perfectly and I give them the credit I think that’s pretty darn fair right! Anybody who disagrees with me can you raise your hand please nobody raise their hand oh thanks kids I love you! 💜🙏🏻😊PG😊🙏🏻💜
“Why is ones arm in a sling Sydney ??…………… “ I slipped exiting the LR ma’am………” where was Philip ?………… “ sitting in the back ma’am”……” hello old thing, what’ho Sydney “ ……… good afternoon sir”……” Sydney had a hiatus Philip “……… “ O dear, looks sore Sydney “ ……” yes sir”…… “VERY!!”
Well we return to the placid Balmoral Castle in Beautiful Aberdeenshire! Oh every time I say that my heart skips a beat oh I had such special times there. Oh my my heart is so full of 🥰.If l could only tell your kids all of what my experiences there, but alas I cannot because you don’t share that online. Suffice it to say my heart is still there. Now back to our story kids commercials over,🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂Himself and Sydney have returned from a very successful hunt. Not hunch Hunt not hunch Hunt Hunt! Thank you thank you very much! Yes I am talking to my audio software it seems to work better and it’s a little bit sensitive. I’ve said before it doesn’t always want to write the word that I say. Sometimes when it gets really mad at me it beeps and it just shuts off and will not continue. So like I said yesterday sometimes I really have to whisper when I tell you guys things like that because I don’t want it to hear and I don’t want to see it’s feelings to get hurt.I don’t want it to get any more sensitive than it already is so, let’s all stay calm and hope and pray it will behave throughout this riddle!😁😁😁🤣🤣🤣😁😁😁😁 now back to our story!Her Majesty sees Sydney and she enquires,why is your arm in a sling Sydney? And he says oh my I just slipped slipped while I was getting out of the Lone Ranger a.k.a. the range rover. Naturally naturally she inquires where was Himself? And of course he’s been told your Majesty. ma’am,he was safely in the backseat! I think we all know the reason why himself is in the backseat or on the passenger side and not in the driver seat!And then in walks Himself,all proud, like a cock on a walk, as the old saying goes when the rooster struts across the farmyard and try to. impress all the hens or impress the prettiest hen. He would strut his stuff very confidently!Oh hello, saying he says his wife probably gives her a kiss or maybe a wave! Hello Sydney what ho? As if nothing had happened no no there was no no shots that went awry no injuries nothing like that nothing to see here folks nothing nothing at all! Her Majesty says to himself well Sydneys had a bit of a break hiatus. And Sydney greets him a good afternoon sir! Noticing his arm,oh that looks very sore.😆😆🤭🤭🤣🤣🤣 Sydney concurs that very very very veryVERY sore!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂Can you kids imagine what they’ve all gotten up to in the last word 50 or 60 years that he’s been his butler? Oh my goodness this is just too funny I just love this part of the riddle it’s just all I can just visualize it totally!
GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
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76. July 31
MM ANON …… Kate being scilly ……… ……… Borix nails down the caughin ………… roving explorer …………… phew! What a scorcher …………… Lions Arm-y…………… climate is a changing …………… ( get well mr, skippy 🌈) ……………beaches,stay away 😱😱………………Peer- pressure ‘ O brother!! …………… tick tick bite!! ……………”doctor, what’s growing on my arm.” …………… Williams conservs film
Friday July 31/20. Riddle #76
💜💜💜💜😊😊😊😊😊🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈Thank you MM Anon🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈😊😊😊😊😊💜💜💜💜
July 31/2020 28 years ago this evening, l lost my mum☹️, seems like yesterday. I am so glad and thankful I have my Tumblr community and these riddles that challenge me and give me something to look forward to. I am ever so grateful and in all of your debt for you of all been so kind to me and will welcome me thank you💜🙏🏻😊🙏🏻PG💜🙏🏻😊🙏🏻💜
Kate being scilly ……… ………
Well the Cambridges are on holiday at the Isles of Scilly. I think it’s quite funny because a lot of people online are ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha ha ha thinking that is Sicily and that they went to Italy ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Why on earth would they take their family to Italy with Covid oh that’s hilarious LOL anyways. They were seen riding bikes and having just a nice family time.Isn’t it nice that they demonstrate without preaching they just live their life and somehow, somehow they always get it right. Local tourism at its finest and don’t tell me they didn’t have a marvellous time or that they aren’t having a marvellous time. The only thing I wish is that people hadn’t made it public if they could stay private but I guess I mean that is a lot to wish for.
Borix nails down the caughin …………
I believe he use the phrase putting the pedal on the brakes. Shocking lockdown arrangements orders whatever has been passed down. And a great many Muslims are going to celebrate Eid and now things are just thrown I’ll say it again like a spanner in the mix. A coffin for dead people is spelt the way it just appeared. Caughin Chaldean number 6 in numerology. But KOFN is the urban dictionary kind of describes exactly this. I will let you look up what that means and you can decide if you want to or not that’s up to you but I’m i’m not gonna put it here a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ! I am certain man is citizens feel exactly the way that that acronym the way that feels. Borix is a tool for editing. However I think it’s just a joking way of saying the name of the tool that is those of you know that’s flying from back in the day when you called somebody was being like a jerk, all that is a real tool! And so I think Borix is referring to Boris Johnson!
roving explorer ……………
Roving means roaming or wandering. not assigned or restricted to any particular location, area, topic, etc.: a roving editor. not assigned to any particular diplomatic post but having a special mission: a roving ambassador. Explorer means a person who explores an unfamiliar area; an adventurer.
I know William and Harry, when they were young, they were taken on holiday to the isles of Scilly. I’m not sure if Catherine has been there.I know that their children definitely haven’t been so this might apply to them as well.
I know that Beatrice and Edo have taken a car trip for their honeymoon there driving all around Frantz. Just you know touring around just like a regular old couple with you are young couple. I don’t know that’s what this is roving then it was the explorers.
phew! What a scorcher ……………
I read it was 31°C in the UK today. And in speaking with a friend the last couple days have been quite warm. But I watch the BBC weather and it says it supposed to cool down a little bit so that’s good but it is the middle of summer right so you want the nice!! The other major scorcher that I am thinking of is the unsealing of documents in the GM case currently before the judge in New York City. I made a PDF And it’s currently sitting in my iBooks waiting for me to read it. Which I will at some point I’m just not in the mood for that today but yeah I will read it. So lots of hot stuff all around lots and lots! If you’re out please remember to use sunscreen and drink a lot of fluid! And don’t forget your for babies they get hot with their fur, kids know that I don’t need to tell you that right right!
Lions Arm-y……………
A tourist had part of his arm ripped off by a lion as he slept in a tent alongside his wife during an exclusive African safari organised by a British travel firm. The snarling beast ripped part of Patrick Fourgeaud’s left arm off during the horrifying mauling in the Ruaha National Park, in Tanzania.His wife, Brigitte Fourgeaud, 63, said: ‘I will never forget that moment when I woke up to see the lion there.‘I thought we were both going to die. The attack will stay with me for the rest of my life.'🥺🥺🥺🥺😮😮😮😮😮😬DM. OK what the heck? This happened in 2015! Why is this news today in the daily mail? What on earth I did that short story? Stories stories stories? Thank you got it! I’m talking to the software, I have truly lost my marbles! A few marbles I did have left rolling around in my head talking to this software and then talking through the software and then talking to the software oh my stars and garters!! This article even has photos which I will not include! sometimes I think they just put things in there just for sensationalize ation you spell sensationalize ation that’s not how you spell it sensationalize ation know that’s not how you spell it let me do it let me do it stop shut off shut off, sensationalization! Hair that’s how you spell it no I didn’t say here I said there that’s how you spell it! Whooooo it is in a mood today kids oh my gosh it’s been like this all day and I hope it doesn’t hear me. I hope it doesn’t hear me because it is very difficult selling very difficult today not selling or selling may be difficult to get spelling spelling has been very difficult today for this software and you know it’s OK tomorrow will be a better day right ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂.Oh I’m trying to give your kids a laugh I hope it’s working!
climate is a changing ……………
I think we’ve all heard about climate change and experienced it hotter summers or for us here is much milder winters with more snow. Talking about with the weather here. I think that she’s talking about the climate in terms of the mill you of how people are relating to one another in the last six months. The COVID-19 lockdown has left a lot of people out of money and with very short fuse is temporary and as we all know the Black Lives Matter movement has been all over the place and antifa has been involved in the UK branch of black live matter is very much a fascist organization. Now with the cancellation of Eid at the last minute and some stupid comments made by some MP that I will repeat his name but he basically said that he believes that it was people in the BAME population who were the most non-compliant with the facemask and all the social distancing. If the pedal on the brakes for the PM was not enough those comments by that MP, Sitting on fire all with Kinley nicely laid out and another piece of the wood that you use that to get with a call to start a fire it’s like pouring fuel on there and then hucking a match in there. You bet the climate do the relationships amongst different people in the world different populations different cultures you that there is changing and they are changing fast and violently. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 let’s pray let us pray really hard that it does not get worse.
( get well mr, skippy 🌈) ……………
There have been so many prayers said for you Mr.🐼. I cannot tell you how pleased I am that you were home and that you are in normal sinus rhythm!! I want to thank you for sharing Skippy 🐼 with me and the whole world! That is a gift unlike any other! I wish you many many many many years of good health!💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊PG😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜
beaches,stay away 😱😱………………😁Me Shark attack in Maine!! It’s a chap on TV right now he’s talking about how they were trying to save certain fish and they changed some of the environment laws which now means a great rise in the Apex predator. And there is no bigger Apex predator except the killer whale then the great white shark! Oh my goodness! He’s saying don’t wear black and don’t go in range of their hunting territory ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha well I think their hunting territory is water so it’s pretty much stay the heck out of the water ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha how brilliant advice from a scientist! Wonder how many years he had to study to learn to stay out of the water when you see great white sharks wow that is brilliant I would’ve never thought of that!! Now we’re back to serious. 😁livescience.commA fatal great white shark attack occurred in Maine on Monday (July 27) was only the state’s second recorded shark attack ever. But white sharks have long been in the waters of the Gulf of Maine. The second was this Monday’s attack, with a far more tragic outcome. Julie Dimperio Holowach, 63, of New York City, was swimming with her daughter when she was attacked and killed. A tooth fragment left behind indicated that the attacker was a great white shark.It’s likely that the shark mistook Holowach, who was wearing a wetsuit, for a seal, said Bob Hueter, a senior scientist at Mote Marine Laboratory and also chief scientist for the marine research organization OCEARCH. Seals are common along the coastline of the Gulf of Maine, he told Live Science.😁
😁HURRICANE CENTRAL.Hurricane Warning Issued for Florida As Isaias Spins in the Bahamas; Weekend of Strong Winds, Heavy Rain For SE Coast. Hurricane Isaias (ees-ah-EE-ahs) is expected to strengthen as it tracks through the Bahamas into Saturday and then will move near Florida this weekend, before tracking up the East Coast as far north as New England next week.A hurricane warning has been issued for a portion of Florida’s East Coast, from Boca Raton to the Volusia/Brevard County Line.A hurricane watch has been expanded, now in effect for portions of Florida from north of the Volusia-Brevard County line to the Flagler/Volusia County Line, and for South Florida from Boca Raton to Hallendale County. A hurricane watch is typically issued 48 hours before the anticipated first occurrence of tropical-storm-force wind, conditions that make outside preparations difficult or dangerous. From Weather.com.😁Me now. I thought that was a very unique name for hurricane I’ve actually never heard that name before at all, Isaias! Oh I feel for people when it’s hurricane season. I’ve been so many bad ones and climate change is such a real thing such a real thing and we all know it. Pray for those people that are in the path of the storm. When I watched the weather earlier today, let me backtrack, when they forecast hurricanes or that’s not the right word but when they tell about a hurricane that there’s usually four or five models that they use to determine the track of the hurricane. The chap that was doing the weather, he said basically all the the the types of formulations that they use are basically all showing that same track that for the hurricane to go so that’s a really good thing there’s sometimes a really wide.😁Me
Peer- pressure ‘ O brother!! ……………
Well the PM handed out Peerages today.. His brother got one and a couple other chaps also. The article I read the title was cronyism at its finest I think. I am so happy that John Bercow has a Peerage! I really do I mean he served for years love him or hate him,he sure added a lot of colour to Parliament! I’m telling you I enjoyed watching him order!!order!! order!! all I can do I’ll hear that till my dying day! Sometimes I just go to YouTube to watch him! But I digress here is some information from the daily mail. 😁DM Cronyism row as Boris makes his own brother a peer alongside anti-Brexit ex-Tory chancellors Ken Clarke and Philip Hammond and Ian Botham - while Theresa May’s husband Philip gets a knighthood. Government publishes list of 36 new peers who will join the House of Lords.Boris Johnson is at the centre of a 'cronyism’ row after his brother was named. List is also headlined by England cricketing legend and Brexiteer Sir Ian Botham.Ruth Davidson, Philip Hammond Ken Clarke also set to join the upper chamber.Meanwhile, Theresa May’s husband Philip is set to be handed a knighthood. 😁End DM
tick tick bite!! ……………”
Oh I saw this in the paper today oh that tick in someone’s belly button gross! and then when I looked closer I realized it wasn’t belly button it was actually a hole in the skin was just absolutely terrible. OK here is I found it I found the article and here it is😁DM Two people in England are hospitalised after being diagnosed with rare infections spread by TICK bites.PHE confirmed case of babesiosis caused by parasite that infects red blood cells.Another patient has tick-borne encephalitis affecting the central nervous system.It’s the first UK-acquired babesiosis case and second of tick-borne encephalitis.😁End DM. So whether you’re in the UK or not chicks are no joke well chicks are no joke but if I said text I said chicks there we all text TICKS excellent! We finally got it kicks are no joke oh no it’s got kicks I think you all know we’re talking about ticks and the software is this software has been in a bad mood today. Anyways it is no joke! You need to remove them you could move remove them with a lit match or you can put alcohol around there or you can use tweezers to pull them but make sure you get the whole thing out of there. Check your clothes check everything and then give your scalp a feel to see if there’s anything in there if you’ve been out walking her out walking through the trees. If you have children you must do the same. If you have fur babies you absolutely must do the same. You must check them all the time give them a while you’re giving them cuddles just check for any ticks.Because you do not want to get Lyme disease or an infection. And if perhaps you miss it and you notice of a red mark kind of like a target about the size of a quarter and I don’t know in other countries if you have a quarter but you can look it up online you need to go to the doctor for antibiotics like pronto this and I am being serious here!
“doctor, what’s growing on my arm.” ……………
I almost posted this on my blog but I I was too embarrassed! But there’s a gentleman in the UK who had a bad infection in his perineum which is his personal area down to his anal area. He developed necrosis with his penis and it fell off. This is not a joke. But the doctors, after however many years of of him being deformed, have with his skin flaps on his arm they manage to fashion a sort of a penis. But for four years,this gentleman has had this appendage on his arm and at least the article I read there was no date of when that would be removed and then implanted In his genital area. Oh kids I don’t know, he said concealing it was a real challenge who can you imagine? Really but it’s amazing with medical science can do! I just hope sooner rather than later they can get that removed and put it where it belongs. They said in order for it to function in a sexual way he would need implants for that. But wow wow wow that’s quite the story and I almost put that on my blog but I didn’t.
Williams conservs film
Prince William to appear in new documentary about his conservation work. The Duke of Cambridge is expected to appear in a new documentary about his conversation work.
He has been filmed over two years for the ITV programme, which has been announced as part of the broadcaster’s new autumn schedule.Well if it’s anywhere near as good as the documentary they did for Princess Anne’s 70th birthday it will be amazing. I don’t know what that documentary or a picture of them is still on YouTube I saw them with you right away when it was posted so I would highly recommend that if you get a chance to see that I would highly recommend it! Now back to Prince William.In the documentary, he describes how his mission to give nature a voice has felt even more personal since he became a father. ITV has said about the documentary: “The Duke of Cambridge reveals that young people hold the key to a more positive future relationship with the environment, and that their determined drive to tackle climate change has made him an optimist. “He explains how his mission to give nature a voice has felt even more personal since he became a father and that he wants to leave behind a better world for future generations. Working together to protect the planet, he believes that local communities have the power to protect and repair the natural world on which we all depend.”William has attempted to tackle the illegal wildlife trade through his umbrella body United For Wildlife.For more than five years the organisation’s Transport Taskforce has been working to facilitate collaborations between the transport sector and law enforcement agencies to prevent wildlife trafficking. Information from standard.co.uk
GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
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77. Aug 1
MM ANON ……… Archificial German tabloid …………… tic toc trumps Trump ………… arrested!! Conservatives shiver …………… Wills they score …………pubs or schools ……………Harry emojis only……………MMs big mistake ………… no room in the office …………… hands , face , pace ,????…………………Belgium 😱😱😱😱…………… GM dirty secrets …………… SAS 😱😱😱………. …… 🎼a- Louis Louis ‘ O’no You gotta go 🎼
Entertainment purposes
💜💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🌈🌈🌈🌈Thank you MM Anon🌈🌈🌈🌈😊😊😊😊💜💜💜💜
August1/2020
Riddle #77 CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!!?
Archificial German tabloid……………
Well she did it! It may not have been a British or a main stream tabloid as in North American. But she did it! She proved that the paparazzi were really in the drones are the drones we’re paparazzi.! Photos were taken secretly of Archficial! Photos of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s baby in their private garden were published by a magazine a week before the couple sued the paparazzi, Newsweek has learned. Well the usual German gossip rag manage to print manage to print these photos.Bunte, a German mass-market celebrity gossip weekly, ran the photo of Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland pushing 14-month-old Archie Mountbatten-Windsor on a plastic toy car.His face is clearly visible under a beige hat in the image, which appeared on the cover of the July 16 edition.This is the photo or these are the photos that we have discredited here on the blog Here is being photo shopped. There’s all kinds a question about those pictures that part of her arm is receiving and the angle and the especially in one picture of the black line around the bottom of the little Philly cop that the child is wearing is evident on one picture but not on the other. I’m just speaking from memory I haven’t looked at those pictures right now. The surrounding text asks: “How powerful is her mother?”
Inside, a similar photo was accompanied by a caption describing how Archie and his grandmother were playing in front of Tyler Perry’s villa, where Meghan and Harry have been
staying. Do you know Tyler Perry has been getting a whole lot of publicity for free. However when you were dealing with Madame, there is nothing that comes for free. Whether it’s money, your reputation or your very soul nothing is free there’s always a price and it’s usually a high high price! I thought for sure this magazine was called Das Bünde. Either way just as an aside it’s rather quite funny come on ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. That’s what we used to call the cows cows that had a really colourful pattern, what causes always get names I mean that was a thing on the farm But not that I lived on the farm, but you know I knew about that….. Cows give better milk if they have a name. Goats respond to names to their very smart. Anyhow I just think it’s funny that magazine is called the same thing that causes to be called Bünte! In other words it’s very colourful flashy magazine! Or maybe it’s just drops a lot of cow patties terms of information ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha funny that’s funny? Can you believe it with all the emojis there is no cow emoji that’s just wrong moo moo ha ha ha ha ha! OK now the cows are going to start marching in the street saying cows lives matter ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha.
tic toc trumps Trump …………
Wow if this really happens there will be a revolt given the popularity of that platform wow!President Donald Trump said Friday night that he will ban the popular short-form video app TikTok from operating in the United States, rejecting a potential deal for Microsoft to buy the app from its Chinese-owned parent company. 😁Me.I think we must realize we are way past realizing the impact that China is having on all of us who live in a “free society“. And that’s just not all the cheap things we buy there when we go to the dollar store it’s a whole lot more than that. Huawei has been accused of using software or technological theft. As spoken many times of there that the owners daughter is being held here in Canada impressed in jail on a warrant from the United States. She’s working on fighting extradition. I would encourage anybody who has a Huawei phone to change it. There’s been all sorts of national security service concerns aboutSoftware service. You can read up for yourself about that but I would encourage you to educate yourself about that. There’s a reason why the president is standing firm in his stance against China. China owns most of Western Canada. They bought so much real estate in Vancouver at it it’s unbelievable. And we are just allowing this to happen. The horror that has and is happened in Hong Kong After the handover from the UK to China it was supposed to be one country two governments. It didn’t take but a year for them to renege on that and invade and they’ve they’ve abolish the constitution and arrested many people and so on and so on. End me.😁“As far as TikTok is concerned, we’re banning them from the United States,” Trump said to reporters while aboard Air Force One.Trump said he could use emergency economic powers or an executive order. It was not immediately clear what such an order would look like and what legal challenges it might face.”Well, I have that authority,” he said. Earlier on Friday, people working on the issue within the Trump administration expected the President to sign an order to force ByteDance, the Chinese company that owns the social media platform, to sell the US operations of TikTok, according to a person familiar with the matter. The move was aimed at resolving concerns by the policy makers, ( me😁and the rest of the free world!)that the foreign-owned TikTok may be a national security risk. I also think it’s an international security risk. (😁And who is who who are the ones that it’s most popular with young people. That’s the way to integrate into a society and start with the young.😁)The US government is conducting a national security review of TikTok and is preparing to make a policy recommendation to Trump, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin told reporters this week at the White House.
arrested!! Conservatives shiver ……………
Senior Tory aka Consertaive, MP is arrested on suspicion of rape: Ex-minister is held in police custody after being accused of sex attacks on a Commons researcher in her twenties.A Tory MP was arrested last night on suspicion of raping a Commons researcher.The former Minister was being held in custody in an East London police station.His accuser, a woman in her 20s, was interviewed by Scotland Yard officer. Odd, in the whole article I’m reading, I can’t see the name of the MP. It is likely to increase pressure on Tory Chief Whip Mark Spencer, who failed to take action against the MP, who cannot be named for legal reasons, when he was told about the allegations a month ago. Why would you not have taken action? Why was he have sat idly by and done nothing? The former researcher, who cannot be identified, says she was assaulted four times between July 2019 and January this year, including claims of a rape necessitating hospital treatment. The Mail on Sunday was unable to contact the MP for his response to the allegations. As of last night, he had not been charged. More in the DM article if you want to read more about it. Do you know standing by and doing nothing when you possess such knowledge is almost a worse crime than the initial crime. He should be charged with oh what would it be, aiding and abetting? withholding of information? Withholding of criminal information? I think there’s a whole load of things he could’ve done and should’ve done! I hope he is fired! Post haste! Whether the MPis guilty or not that’s for the courts to decide but for him to sit idle on that information and do absolutely nothing that requires instant termination zero tolerance!
Wills they score …………Prince William reveals how he jumped on the sofa screaming with his children looking on in horror after Aston Villa were saved from relegation.Prince William watched Aston Villa being saved from Premier League relegation.He says his children had looked at him in horror as he was jumping off the sofa.The Duke said he wants clubs to ‘aspire to be much better’ around mental health. 😁Can you kids just imagine the scene Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha? they are all sitting and watching this on the TV and their father is all tense and they can see that. And then they’re saved from relegation and a huge like, you kids all know how men are when they get really excited and jumping and screaming and who knows what all else, he was doing carrying on so. Here is their usually calm, disciplined dad just going off the rails! He was having a Tom Cruise jumping on the sofas of the Oprah show! You kids remember that with Tom Cruise was crazy, well he still is,but when he went crazy in love with the oh Holmes oh what’s her name that girl that he ended up marrying and then having a child with. I forget her name, used to be on Dawsons creek, Katie was at Katie Holmes. Tom Cruise was jumping up and down on the sofa like a maniac and Oprah was interviewing him, it was just nuts. Anyway I am envisioning a scene kind a like that hilarious!!Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.
pubs or schools ……………DM: SAGE ( 😁Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies I added that in here because I always have to look up what does Sage meet again I always forget so I figured if I forget you guys do so I think it might help you if I put that in there😁)expert warns pubs could have to shut in trade-off to let schools reopen next month - as it’s revealed police have warned the ARMY might have to be called in to quell social unrest over local lock-downs.(😁does anyone else fear martial law? I am still coming in some of those cities in America where they’re rioting like Portland question! I don’t know what to quellsome of these antifa/BLM, I hate to use the word right again because they’re not riots they’re their attacks is what they are there their terrorist attacks!)Professor Graham Medley said watering holes (😁aka your local/pubs/bars/saloons, whatever you call it where you live) may need to close in order to get children back to classes.Boris Johnson yesterday warned coronavirus case numbers are ‘creeping up’ and he is ‘squeezing brake pedal’.He announced lockdown loosening planned for August 1 is being pushed back to August 15 'at the earliest’.That means reopening of casinos and bowling alleys is delayed while wedding receptions must also wait.PM also announced extension of face covering rules to include museums, galleries and places of worship. Professor Chris Whitty warned the UK has potentially reached a limit for how much of society can be opened up.This comes after partial lockdown reimposed on Greater Manchester and parts of Lancashire and West Yorkshire. Residents banned from meeting people they don’t live with in homes or gardens - but can still go to the pub.
Harry emojis only……………
And comes a time to add more insults to Prince Harry. Let’s drag him further through the mad shall we? Why not I’ve spent the last four 4 ½ years ripping him apart and every single possible way criticizing hurting every adjective under the sun so let’s just add some more.😁Prince Harry’s Dorky Texting Habits Were Revealed in a New Book.A new book has made some ‘stories’ about Prince Harry and Seahags time as senior royals, However Prince Harry still remains a senior royal, which is the article that I am greatly editing on does not acknowledge, including the report that Madam was reprimanded by palace officials over a necklace she wore early in their relationship. Beyond the insight into the Sussexes’ apparent frustrations over some of the media coverage over their relationship, however, the book also shares some interesting insight into Prince Harry’s supposed texting habits. Lies representatives truth in a in a down together thing with the cover in a bag with papers inside some cats on the colour book but I’m not calling it a book! allegedly allegedly allegedly,Prince Harry often sent Madam a perplexing emoji in the early days of their courtship.🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥”His messages were often short and full of emojis, in particular the ghost emoji, which he often used instead of a smiley face,“ write the authors. “For what reason? Nobody knows. But Madam found his texting etiquette funny and adorable, just like the Prince."🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥Oh yet another dig and reason to laugh at him oh she’s disgusting absolutely disgusting!Who knew Prince Harry was an emoji man? Well you certainly don’t because your book is full of lies as madam is! You have no idea what he does on social media!. You have no idea how he texts or his interactions with his family and friends via his mobile phone! It’s all lies lies lies lies!🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥As the ‘book’s’, Ike sorry but I cannot dignify this piece of garbage by calling it a book! Nor can I call them authors!authors say, “nobody knows” why he thought the ghost emoji was a substitute for a smiley, but luckily for him, Madam was clearly charmed.Charmed?? Are you kidding me charmed? She lowered him and it was all a big plan there was absolutely no no charm involved!
MMs big mistake …………
She has made many mistakes due to her arrogance and her narcissism! However the biggest mistake was thinking that she could write this book anonymously and then deny being involved with it. She was thinking she would get the big sob story, I didn’t and she would be famouser, that’s the way I think she would say it I’m like I want to be famouser🤣🤣🤣���😂😂😂😂🤣🤣. The book would be a best seller, make a lot of money and everybody would switch over and feel sorry for her. Well the opposite happened even some of the sugars are turning against her which I find hilarious. Her reputation is worse than it ever has been. She’s lost one part of the court case where she’s had to pay £67,000 in legal fees. The mail on Sunday lawsuit, another huge mistake on her part. But this, this “book“ was the biggest mistake hands down. She just does not think beyond the moment she does not think long term. in fact sometimes I question if she thinks at all I think she just acts reactively. Back to newtons law of physics every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Now she’s trying to bring princess Charlotte into it in the papers or it’s just disgusting. The book hasn’t even been officially released yet ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha exclamation! Well OK I’ll leave exclamation in there that’s that’s OK! Oh my my my my my. Most definitely her ego got in the way is it so often does. She’s so narcissistic she was just so convinced that, you know,telling her story from her side of the fence so to speak everyone would just fold over and just bow down to how horrible she’s been treated by that mean Queen and that mean royal family aren’t they just awful to her and Catherine didn’t give her a ride to the store she had to walk on no, oh poor girl. Well when she hired a photographer to take pictures of her a few years ago walking up and down in big rubber boots in her wellies in up and down to Kensington Palace gate so she was trying to enter at the exit she was so dumb she didn’t even know that. She most certainly didn’t seem to remind you that walking!! I think she’s done all city walking on streets or street walking or maybe standing on streets maybe threecorners I don’t know?🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂Oh what a gong show her life is oh my. Oh just wait the MOS is not going to settle this lawsuit they are not going to back down. And whatever comes out of GM and her case ,oh this is just the very beginning kids. We can even just start shopping for popcorn now, go get the best gourmet popcorn you can find and whatever toppings you like. I like your pickle topping if somebody wants to pick some of that up for me. I love dill pickles oh I love the pickles all they’re so good oh if you ever had just a dill pickle sandwich oh kids oh and a nice fresh grain bun ha ha Ha that’s so good anyways I digress there on ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Ha ha ha ha sorry about the kids I did digress I do digress oh my anyways. Yeah she’s she’s just I don’t I can’t imagine what kind of state she’s in right now I just can’t imagine. There was a song or a record years ago called sympathy for the devil well I have no sympathy for the devil and I have no sympathy for her.. She’s a big girl she made all the decisions all of her own throughout her whole life and she’s got herself where she is because she chose to be there!
no room in the office …………… This reminds me of the Bible verse no room in the Inn at Bethlehem and all the songs that came out of that. So who’s not wanted in the office that they are not willing to make room for? Workers will need to BOOK their place on the office lift to stop overcrowding at work.Chief executive Marc Benioff warned this is a 'new type’ of working environment.Employees will also be required to book a slot in order to travel between floors.Company employs 2,000 staff in the UK, mostly at London’s Heron Tower.All I can find our articles about how people working from home during the lockdown will continue for many people and officers will be empty. And that they will have trouble filling the officers with workers because of that. And the domino effect if that’s going to have another industry is like the shops around there and the coffee shops etc. so no room in the office you stumped me here no room in the office. I can think of Madam them not wanting her anywhere near the offices when she was in London or the UK. I can think of Prince Harry not having room in her offices now. Then of course it’s always the office television show which is always good for a laugh. You have stumped me MM anon I said uncle,I say uncle, I have spent about an hour and a half researching that I cannot find anything you stumped me!
hands , face , pace ,????…………………Evening Express😁Boris Johnson urges people to remember ‘hands, face, space’ slogan. The Government’s Sage (Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies) committee discussed data on July 2 which suggested “a gradual decline in self-reported hand-washing frequency over the course of the epidemic” and said it is “worth revisiting behavioural interventions to increase uptake”. It comes after the Government was accused of creating confusion around new rules issued late on Thursday for parts of northern England.At a press conference on Friday, Mr Johnson said: “The only real utensil we have (in) controlling the spread of this new virus is human behaviour, and the only way we can encourage people to behave in one way or the other is through advice.”And so you’re totally right, we need to keep it as simple as we possibly can and that’s why, to sum it up in a nutshell, is: hands, face, space. “Wash your hands, cover your face in the settings that we had mentioned and keep your distance from other people where you don’t know them, you’re coming into contact with them for the first time, and of course get a test and self-isolate if you have symptoms.“I hope that was pretty… you know, that was pretty punchy I think – hands, face, space, and get a test.”I think everybody can more or less remember that.” I think there’s a lot of people pacing up and down right now just trying to cope with everything. And I’m sure there’s many in the government that are pacing trying to cope with the demands. A lot of sleepless nights for a lot of people and pacing up and down the hallway. 'Hands, face, space… knees and toes’: Boris Johnson unveils new government coronavirus slogan - but is accused of making it up as it’s compared to a children’s song.
Belgium 😱😱😱😱……………
Covid-19 infections in Belgium are 12 times higher than reported!
Almost 800,000 people in Belgium have been infected with the coronavirus SARS-CoV-2 since the start of the global pandemic – 12 times more than reported in official figures, according to a study carried out by the university of Antwerp.At the same time, another study reveals that health care personnel are 3.5 times more likely to become infected than the population as a whole. The study examined blood samples collected since the end of March and concluded that if the results are extrapolated to the entire population, 7% of people or a total of 782,000 have been infected.
“Our analysis may even be an underestimate,” said epidemiologist Professor Pierre Van Damme, who led the study with Dr Heidi Theeten.By comparison, the official figures produced by the health institute Sciensano count a total of 68,000 infections since the disease appeared. According to the study, the discrepancy shows the number of people who are carrying the virus without knowing it.”Clearly we are missing a lot of cases of infection,” Prof. Van Damme said. “We searched globally and randomly for antibodies in our research, but in Belgium’s infection hot-spots, the figures may exceed the 7% that we discovered.”In another study, published in The Lancet, (😁mewhich is a well regarded medical magazine or publication!)researchers examined information supplied by users of a smartphone app in the UK and the US, and concluded that health care professional were 3.4 times more likely to become infected than users in general.The incidence of infection among health care workers was 2,747 per 100,000, compared with 242 for the general population of users. However when the numbers are adjusted for factors such as access to tests, the researchers arrived at a figure for the professionals of 823.And in fact, the increased risk was even greater in ethnic minority, black and Asian users, regardless of their medical history. Among the general population, the increased likelihood was 2.5 times greater, while among minority healthcare workers the difference was 1.8 times greater. “Our results confirm the structural inequalities in the face of Covid-19,” the authors said. “Minority caregivers were more likely to work in riskier clinical environments, with suspected or confirmed Covid patients, and had less access to adequate protective equipment.”Alan Hope,The Brussels Times
GM dirty secrets …………… The Telegraph Epstein’s former housekeeper tells Helen Kirwan-Taylor gives a glimpse into the exclusive world of Manhattan elite circles😁I was in Ghislaine Maxwell’s little black book - and know the dark secrets of her New York life. I’ve been using that face to differentiate between the information I find online and me my comments. I hope that’s helpful. Also I should know that we share that I was not the one saying I was in a little Black book.😁
As a New Yorker who married a Brit, I learned how someone with the money could enter the elite circle of the Epstein-linked socialite. I must have received half a dozen excited phone calls. “I hear you’re on the list?!” they said, hardly able to contain their excitement. The list, as most people now know, is Jeffrey Epstein’s ‘little black book’, curated for him by socialite Ghislaine Maxwell and containing the names and addresses of who’s who in both London and New York. It first emerged in 2012 (when Epstein’s former housekeeper was arrested by the FBI while trying to to sell it) and was published on Gawker.com a few years later, along with the flight logs for his private jet, nicknamed the ‘Lolita…😁Well apparently that’s all the information that’s a telegraph will allow me to read and copy without paying. So c’est la vie!😁NY POST A trove of documents related to Ghislaine Maxwell’s sex life and her alleged crimes that were scheduled to be released Monday will be kept secret for the time being, an appeals court ruled Friday.The Second Circuit Court of appeals granted a stay filed by Maxwell’s attorneys, who have fought tooth-and-nail to keep the files that relate to her deposition in a now settled-defamation case from the public.The documents will be kept secret until at least Sept. 22, when the circuit will hear Maxwell’s appeal.The documents were ordered unsealed by Judge Loretta Preska last week, but she granted Maxwell’s attorneys a week to file an appeal to block their release.
On Thursday, a separate batch of documents in the case were released. They included graphic details about Maxwell’s alleged sex-obsessed life with pedophile Jeffrey Epstein before her arrest earlier this month.😁me now. Oh dearie me, I can only imagine what is in those files if they’re fighting tooth and nail. Actually you know something I probably can’t even imagine the whore of what’s in there but a whore ha ha actually I what l said was the horror, the horror that’s in there. I’m gonna leave that mistake in software typing there because that’s actually quite true about this woman. It’s just is so evil, it’s just so evil it’s and comes from such a dark dark dark source. This use of children and recruiting children is just beyond the pale. There’s a scripture verse that says,Suffer the little children to come unto me for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. And I do believe that sins against children, but the Bible says all sins they are the same in the sight of God what a sin is a sin is a sin. I firmly believe that sins against the innocent like children or people who have mental disorders or animals or anybody who’s vulnerable those those are worse,those those are worse. They are the worst of the worst!
SAS 😱😱😱………. ……
Secret court papers claim ‘rogue SAS Afghanistan execution squad’ carried out a series of night-time killings in Afghanistan. Documents in British court show concerning allegations about an SAS unit.Elite soldiers involved in killings of 33 people in night raids on Afghan homes.Circumstances of the incidents where captured Afghan men have attacked with grenades and AK47s ‘against impossible odds’ have been called suspicious.Evidence was withheld from earlier proceedings by the government. Extreme allegations that a 'rogue’ SAS unit carried out night missions in which they executed civilians in villages in Afghanistan have come to light in court documents.The trove of secret files was previously withheld from an ongoing High Court legal case by the government, causing a judge to demand an explanation from SecDef ie Secretary of Defense, Ben Wallace. The Communications from within high ranks of the special forces reveal a huge concern for the killings of over 33 Afghan people in 11 different night raids on homes by the same unit.This is absolutely terrible news. One wonders with all the circumstances where and who ordered this must’ve come up from very high high command for an order like this. They must’ve had suspicion is they were certain actors are that they were after. Funny how that word actor has changed from Hollywood used to using that word instead of terrorists or criminal or whatever they call calling them now a bad actor. I am referring to the person who does bad acts. I don’t know when that first came into common usage. But it’s been at least two years maybe even longer that even using that phrase. At least here in North America I am not sure how it is in the UK but definitely here that’s been the common use.
🎼a- Louis Louis ‘ O’no You gotta go 🎼
This is a song in 1955 by Richard Berry. But it was a huge hit in 1963 by the Kingsmen. This is a standard song or any social or dance whatever we are used to be I said that used to be ha ha Ha ha ha oh boy when I was young ha ha ha ha. Louis and the song is actually spelled LOUIE.. So it seems to be to me rather that this would be about Prince Louis.OK when someone says you gotta go that means you have to go see Mrs. Murphy, we used to say that at work when we have to go to the bathroom, I have to go check on Mrs. Murphy. well he might be about the age of potty training but I can’t imagine that that would be in the news. I know that they were on holiday. of interest,
Louie Louie (The Song) … The FBI was asked to investigate whether or not those involved with the song violated laws against the interstate transportation of obscene material. The limited investigation lasted from February to May 1964 and discovered no evidence of obscenity.
Let’s go back to Prince Louis. I wonder if this doesn’t refer to him starting nursery school or some sort of whatever it’s called there because I was doing some research and this is what I came up with. I wonder if that’s not what does this.What age is preschool in UK?Preschool (US and UK) from 2 to 5 years old- held in a Nursery School; readiness has to do with whether the child is developmentally appropriate, potty training is a big factor, so a child can start as early as 2 years old. All they’re all growing up so fast and they all Time goes so fast!
GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
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78. Aug 2
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The photo goes with the clue a bigger splash!
💜🙏🏻😊🌈😊🙏🏻💜PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON💜🙏🏻😊🌈😊🙏🏻💜
MM Anon
MM ANON …… Victoriiahhhhhhh………. Over 50’ what!!!………………return to the office??…………Drop Shipping ……………… mixed messages 😱😱……………90 minute wonder………………Dragged away’ She’s dyingm!! …………A bigger splash……………… No suspension …a major incident …………… HMTQ ‘ no comment.
Aug 02/20
💜💜💜💜🌈🌈🌈😊😊😊😊Thank you MM Anon😊😊😊😊🌈🌈🌈💜💜💜💜
August 2/2020. Riddle #78
Victoriiahhhhhhh……….
This reminds me of the movie, A Streetcar Named Desire. The character played by Marlon Brando, stands at the bottom of the stairs and yells Stella! Stella! This is not the usual spelling of Victoria it has two eyes and 7H’s. Victoria is a rule doesn’t have an H in it and it doesn’t have two eyes. Charlotte Tilbury named a lipstick after her, very Victoria, l have it. Her husband David has spent tens and tens of millions bailing out her “ fashion“ business. No the classy woman that she is, she’s trying a new venture. Victoria Beckham denies plans to ‘sell sex toys’ as she prepares to rival Gwyneth Paltrow’s $250m Goop empire with new lifestyle brand. Boy I was just waiting for a new business like this to come out. I was all that we’ve been dealing with and 2020 this is exactly what we need right sex toys yeah right give me a break! People out of work no money to buy sex toys this is disgusting!! A report had alleged the fashion mogul, 46, was looking to match the 47-year-old actress’ company in ‘every way’ and had trademarked the initials 'VB’ for her exciting venture.Hitting back at the reports, a source close to the business exclusively told MailOnline: 'This is absolutely not true! There are no plans to sell sex toys!' Even tell you the things that Gwyneth Paltrow is selling good gracious. You can research it for yourself if you want to know. On her new brand, a source told The Sun earlier this month: 'The Beckhams are huge in the States. Victoria’s products are likely to be lapped up and provide her with a lucrative leap into the international market.'Victoria already boasts a host of beauty products to her name, after launching an eponymous brand to complement her fashion label. On Thursday, it was reported that Victoria had to axe 20 staff at her loss-making fashion label to 'future-proof’ it after the pandemic - just months after reversing plans to furlough employees.
Over 50’ what!!!………………
Madam’s birthday is on 4 August. I do believe her true age is over 50! And someone has just found that out and they’re absolutely shocked! I wonder if some thing public will come tomorrow on her birthday to reveal her true age! Wouldn’t that be something , just the perfect birthday present!!ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha oh kids would that not be just the perfect wonderful birthday present FOR ALL OF US,with it oh my! 🎁 I was going to put 50 candles here but I’m not sure how many more than 50 it would take! maybe someone will hire an airplane and it will carry a banner behind it say happy 55th birthday 🎁 🍰 🎂 Madam!
return to the office??…………
Oh this is like the clue that drove me nuts yesterday in the riddle, that after 90 minutes researching, I never did solve, no room in the office. However, this is the big battle, are people going to stay working from home or are they going to return to the offices. As I said before office building sit empty and the lost revenue to power services through lights and electricity. The lost revenue to businesses in the area. Lost revenue to restaurants in the area. Lost revenue to mass transit. It’s a domino effect, it’s not just a matter of all,you know what will work from home and it’s safer and it’s cheaper and all that so it’s a whole huge cog wheel that turns. It is like a mobile, if you take off one piece, not a mobile phone kids, a mobile that hangs over babies beds. Got all these things hanging from it that are of interest to the baby. But they can be decorative too. It’s like taking off one piece of that it doesn’t hang properly it doesn’t move properly and it needs all the pieces in order to function properly. So the government is wanting people to go, ordering people to go back to work some are refusing and some companies are refusing to comply with that. They would rather have people working from home, there’s less sick time and it seemed to work fine. It’s funny, it seems like when when things don’t work like usual and then people kind of like it that way, the government just has a fit. I think back to the early 90s where the government was cutting nursing money. So what they did is they gave us every Friday off and where I was working at the time I had a Monday to Friday job which is very rare in nursing. And so we got a long weekend every weekend. It was, you know, the first feel like that’s like a loss of 20% of our income but then it got to be pretty nice. Your mental health was better, an extra day off, you have a long weekend and you could do stuff with friends and family. Then they started to realize people were liking this and they took that away but then we still have to lose a day but it couldn’t be so it would be of benefit to us. They were just plug it in anywhere in the middle of our schedule and we wouldn’t necessarily know until the day before. So that that’s how government operates in my experience.
Drop Shipping ……………… 📦
Drones will be used to deliver coronavirus tests and medical supplies to remote regions under plans that allow for safe 'air corridors’ to be set up for them to fly in.Operators are currently banned from flying drones outside their sight line.The Civil Aviation Authority will relax measures to ensure contactless deliveries.Drones will be used to deliver medical supplies and PPE to hospitals.In remote regions, this will speed up the transport of essential goods.
mixed messages 😱😱……………MM Anon Every riddle there is one clue that I just can’t solve , well at LEAST one but always one that sticks out exceptionally!!and it drives me Squirrley! Madam’s 'proud to be feminist’ biography statement and references to her charity work as a child are DELETED from the Royal Family’s website - and replaced with details of her move to US with Prince Harry. So if she will or isn’t she? Is she part of the family or isn’t she? These are mixed messages definitely! Her whole biography is removed! I’m not complaining but these are mixed messages is she or isn’t she is she or isn’t she?The Royal Family’s official website have deleted large chunks of The Duchess of Sussex’s biography, The Sun reports.The page, which details senior members of the royal family’s background and duties, no longer contains large parts of Madam’s history!References to women’s empowerment and her work in a soup kitchen from the age of 13-17 have been deleted! Second line of the 'About The Duchess of Sussex’ section now references her move to America with Prince Harry, 35, stating: 'As announced in January, The Duke and Duchess have stepped back as senior members of The Royal Family’!! She is slowly being erased bit by bit by bit by bit. It won’t be hard to Photoshop her out of Prince Louis’ christening photos, just she’s on the corner there and the other family picture taken outdoors, I forget what that occasion was, it won’t be hard at all to get her photo shopped out of there. Yes they are giving us mixed messages,but if we read the clues and we pay attention, there’s no mixed signal, they’re telling us exactly what’s happening without coming out and saying it.
90 minute wonder………………
MM Anon did you put this here to tease me because I spent 90 minutes 🕰🕰yesterday on that clue no room in the office and still couldn’t find a proper answer? Did you did you did you???😁😁😁🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
What a musician or singer has one to one song that successful in their career nothing else to call them a one hit wonder. This is a 90 minute wonder. This Has to be Madam for her performance in A Woman For All Treasons, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂instead of A Man For All Seasons! 😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 hey we have to laugh or we would go mad this is all such a terrible situation! ViacomCBS-backed U.K. broadcaster aired a 90-minute documentary on madam’s father. Thomas Markle.Madam and her husband???, is he still her husband?,Prince Harry sparked a global media frenzy with their decision not to continue as senior members of the British Royal Family. Buckingham Palace announced that the couple are to lose their royal titles of “His Royal Highness” and “Her Royal Highness”.Harry broke his silence revealing that the couple had “no other option.” He didn’t say this is what I wanna do he didn’t say I had this is the one thing that will make me happy this is not the thing that my heart is calling me to do. He said there’s no other option. Now if that doesn’t sound like a special ops comment I don’t know what does! you take your list of options of how to get it out of the situation and you choose the path of least resistance!Produced by Alaska TV, Channel 5’s “Thomas Markle: My Story” had access to Markle over six days at his home in Mexico in October 2019, and returned there to film his reaction to his daughter and son-in-law’s decision to step back from Royal duties. So daddy Markle is a 90 minute Wonder, wow he puts his head up every now and then again to let it let us know he still got his fingers in the pie.OR THIS FROM THE DM.New 'lifesaving’ tests to transform the war on coronavirus: 90-minute checks will be rolled out for the NHS next week - and then used to routinely screen Britons with no symptoms.Two new coronavirus tests will be offered to millions of Britons from next week. The tests, which give results in 90 minutes, will first be introduced to the NHS.Health Secretary Matt Hancock described the move as 'lifesaving’ on Sunday. One is so simple it could soon be deployed in airports, offices, schools, pubs and restaurants – bringing testing to the bulk of the population.
The companies involved would not reveal the cost but claim it is similar or cheaper to current tests – which are around £18 privately but less to the NHS.Health Secretary Matt Hancock last night described the move as 'lifesaving’ as the Government looks to avert a second wave of the disease, prevent the need for draconian lockdowns and restart the stalled economy.
The two tests will initially be introduced in the NHS and care homes before being made available more widely over the next few months.
Unlike current tests given mainly to patients who already think they have the virus, the new methods will be used to routinely screen members of the public who show no symptoms.
Officials hope they will flag up local outbreaks before they take hold, avoiding the need for local lockdowns such as that imposed in the North West last week.
Dragged away’ She’s dyingm!! ……. 🏥 🥼 👮 👮 🚔
I saw this and read this yesterday and then again I almost posted this on my blog but it was too agonizing. This poor little girl is laying in her bed, fighting for her life, near dying and her parents have been fighting for her to continue to be treated. Her father is a doctor, a well-known respiratory specialist and his wife is a former doctor so they’re not, they are no dummies. They know exactly they know what doctors do in the medical profession. I forget the chronic illness their daughter has, but they’ve been fighting to keep her getting treatment and they want her to have steroid treatment. The doctors have been wanting to stop all treatment several times but they have continued at the behest of the family. But this week they had a meeting and they said they Basically told the parents that they were not going to continue to comply with her wishes to treat their daughter. I guess at that point,understandably,the parents would be upset and allegedly the father shoved the doctor that told him this.I forget the quote, I mean it put the article in here after I finish, but he said something rude to the father like get over it man or get real or something like that. Anyways long the short of it the parents are back to the daughters bed and within a few moments police officers arrive. In the video and the photos are agonizing of them handcuffed,dragging them both,mother and father,away from the child bedside. While they’re doing this, father of the child has a massive heart attack and has to be taken to emergency and had to have an angioplasty the next day. Just horrific just absolutely horrific! here is just one link there’s many many many links you can choose to read but this is one for you to read.
https://news.sky.com/story/couple-to-take-legal-action-after-father-was-removed-from-dying-daughters-bedside-12041332
A bigger splash……………… 🌊 🦈
You thought the shark attack in Maine was bad and that was a big shark. Wow just wait to read this. A man in his 20s was attacked by a massive four-metre great white shark at a popular surfing spot - before his board is brought to shore with a massive chunk bitten out of it.Emergency services were called to Bunker Bay in south-west WA around 2.15pm.The surfer was airlifted to Royal Perth Hospital after the shark bit him in the leg.A shocking image showed how the man’s board was bitten in half in the attack. 'Three guys that were close to him they started to paddle towards him… he was already off his board trying to push the board into the shark.
'Those three guys got him onto the beach… everyone came together, there were guys off calling triple-0 on their phones straight away,’ one man explained. A helicopter was sent to the popular beach and the surfer was airlifted to Royal Perth Hospital.The extent of the man’s injuries are not yet known. ‘He’s just sitting on his board and the next thing you know we just heard someone go 'shark’. This is a picture of what’s left of his surfboard whole that is frightening.! OR THIS FROM THE DM. Tragedy as hero father dies after saving his three children when they got caught in a rip-tide off Welsh beach and 18-year-old is found dead in river at beauty spot.Man in his 30s died after being flown to Ysbyty Gwynedd, Bangor this afternoon.Witnesses reported children in difficulty in water and a man swam to their aid.Two of the children were taken to hospital for treatment after Barmouth incident.A hero father in his 30s has died 'after rescuing his three children when they got caught in a rip tide’ on the Welsh coast and in a separate incident an 18-year-old was found dead in a river at a beauty spot in North Yorkshire.North Wales Police confirmed the man, said to be on holiday in the area, died after being pulled from the water and flown to Ysbyty Gwynedd, Bangor on Sunday. Witnesses said three children had got into difficulty in the water near Barmouth and a man understood to be their father had jumped into the water to bring them ashore.
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No suspension … ⚖️ ⚖️
This is referring to the MP who has been accused of rape by a young woman. His name is not been named. He has not lost his job he has not been suspended. I’m all for innocence before proven guilty before a trial but a suspension at the very least.Local Tory party gives senior MP arrested on suspicion of rape its '100% support’ – as pressure grows to suspend the former minister.A Tory MP was arrested last night on suspicion of raping a Commons researcher.The former Minister was being held in custody in an East London police station.His accuser, a woman in her 20s, was interviewed by Scotland Yard officers. Labour MP Jess Phillips has criticised Tories for failing to suspend the whip. The Conservatives were under mounting pressure yesterday after refusing to suspend the ex-minister who is alleged to have assaulted a former parliamentary aide and forced her to have sex.
She claims that she was left so traumatised by their relationship last year that she ended up in hospital.
A major incident…..Government will start testing sewage to track coronavirus and could ban domestic travel to try and stop local outbreaks. Would you kids want that job? Testing sewage? Oh dearie me!🥺 Infected people shed Covid material in their faeces soon after symptoms appear. Trials at 44 sites showed technique was successful and it will now be rolled out. Came as Number 10 considered banning travel in and out of lockdown areas. I could make a joke about what kind of job this is but it would be a bit crude.
Environment Secretary George Eustice said the measure would give officials a 'head start’ on tackling further outbreaks. A wave of localised flare-ups across England has prompted the PM to discuss radical proposals to shake up its crisis response. This could include banning travel in and out of areas with high infections as part of a 'flexible’ strategy to avoid another national lockdown that would derail the economic recovery. The notion of locking down London was touted in March when the capital bore the brunt of cases. It could be resurrected again in the event of a second wave, with the lockdown area defined by the M25.DM
HMTQ ‘ no comment. 👑
What can and can’t the Queen do under lockdown at Balmoral? We all know that her Majesty, the Queen,regularly loves to attend chapel every Sunday. This is no different when she’s at Balmoral.Here are some of the guidelines she will have to follow and she has made no comments about because she wouldn’t she keeps calm and carries on. The Queen’s visit to Balmoral Castle this summer is likely to be different from normal due to the coronavirus restrictions in place.A Buckingham Palace spokesman said arrangements for the visit in early August “will be in line with the relevant guidelines and advice”.Visitors from two other households will be able to meet her at a time at Balmoral, under current Scottish Government rules, with a recommendation for a maximum of eight people at a time when inside. This is only possible with social distancing and “strict hygiene measures”.Guidance indicates four other households will be able to meet the Queen at a time when outside – but with no more than 15 people in total in the group. For both indoors and outdoors, a cap of four households a day has been put in place. Crathie Kirk – a regular place of worship of the royal family when they are in residence at the estate – is among the places of worship subject to rules allowing communal prayer for a maximum of 50 people, with two-metre distancing in place.The Queen will not be able to enjoy the Braemar Gathering as she traditionally does, as coronavirus forced the Highland games to be called off for the first time since 1945. It is also unlikely the monarch will be able to host her annual Ghillies Ball, which takes place in the estate’s grand ballroom.The event is a dance for her neighbours, estate and castle staff during her summer stay at Balmoral but would contravene the current rules on gatherings.The Scottish Government is set to review lockdown measures next Thursday but First Minister Nicola Sturgeon warned at her briefing on Wednesday not to expect the easing of many more restrictions.Currently, face coverings are mandatory across Scotland in circumstances where physical distancing is not easy to maintain.PA MEDIA/UK NEWS. I guess if the Buckingham Palace spokesman made a statement, that would be on behalf of her Majesty.Her Majesty the Queen, has made no public statement regarding Madam or Prince Harry before her holiday to Balmoral. We all know something imminently is going to happen. We also know that she is the one that is in charge. So when the time comes, we will know and if she feels like she needs to speak to us or make a statement she will. I wish her an excellent vacation good health and good happiness and good hunting and good fishing!!GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
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79. Aug 3
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This photo goes with the Prince Louis Louis Clue
MM Anon
MM ANON …… HOW old !!🤣🤣🤣……………… eat out to ( put on pounds)……………GO BACK TO work……………🎼PRINCE ‘ Louis Louis 🎼…………… a result in 90 mins. …………… very HUME-an………… MM , mendacious,cheat, grifter yacht puta ,, plagiarist, druggy, petulant, dubious ,provenance!!………… “ never returning BP” ……………Hackers🐻🐻🐻…………………Windsor home!!
Entertainment purposes
💜🙏🏻😊🌈✝️🌈😊🙏🏻💜Thank you so much dear MM Anon💜🙏🏻😊🌈✝️🌈😊🙏🏻💜
August 3/2020
Riddle #79 can you believe that at 79 already? Wowza! Wowza!
HOW old !!🤣🤣🤣………………
Well the old SEAHAG is having a birthday tomorrow. Apparently she’s throwing herself at $200,000 birthday party, well isn’t that special Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!I remember very clearly August 4, 1982 was the day that Prince William was christened. I was waiting,I collected everything and I was waiting for the papers and the pictures and I still have them in my scrapbook. I’m a little offended that this woman has the nerve to have a birthday in the same month as me! 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐Somehow that’s just wrong so so so very wrong in so many ways!🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 however with her as you know she never tells the truth about anything. Her age fluctuates, kind a like the weather it’s just up-and-down up-and-down and up-and-down. Just like her Wikipedia page that changes too ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, but isn’t it awesome that her part on the royal family’s official website has been very! very!very! very! well edited! NO MORE HRH😁😁😁😁😁😁 Do you know something? I’ve got it now!😁I got it!😁I’ve got it!😁That is her 🎁 present for her birthday from her Majesty and Lord Geidt! That was an awesome gift! I only wish I had thought of something that clever🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂! Maybe they’ll even give her another gift and they’ll edit her out of Prince Louis’ christening photo! That would be the icing on the 🎂 cake! 🕯 I hope it’s going to be a big cake because they’re going to need a lot of candles! For my cake 🎂, to all of you have already started baking it, I’m going to need 54 candles😁😁😁😁. We used to always have a spice cake for our birthday that mum made and then we would have, what was called birthday icing.It’s a seven minute icing, where you boil brown sugar and butter and you beat up egg whites and then you mix it together. But if it’s a very humid day, it doesn’t turn out well before that’s a lovely combination ….great memories, 😢☺️😊💜💜💜great memories! And my mum used to wrap coins in wax paper. Quarters, nickels, dimes and pennies,we still had pennies are that time. She would put it in the cake in the batter around all around. As it baked, the coins would stay in the bottom of the cake and that way when everybody would get near to the end of eating their piece, they would get a surprise. It would be a penny a dime a nickel or quarter. For kids today, that would be nothing. I’m thinking that Madam might be around the same age as me! Although my skin is much nicer, way, way, way nicer! Firstly because I actually wash my face like with soap and water! I know that’s a new concept! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣I use Prai neck and décolletage or neck and deck as they call it sometimes. I use Korres olive oil line, FANTASTIC! I use L’Occitane either almond oil or verbena is my new favourite shower gel! Hey if I can afford the things she certainly can! I would find it extremely hilarious if tomorrow and all of the papers her actual age was revealed! That would be a birthday gift for all of us ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
eat out to ( put on pounds)……………
Oh I saw the pictures today in the daily mail!! About the amount of food you can get!
Dinner’s on Rishi! Crowds of customers turn streets into outdoor diners as packed restaurants overflow into the road on the first night of the Chancellor’s 50% discount deal.72,000 restaurants, pubs and cafes across Britain are offering half-price meals to diners from today.The offer is only available between Mondays and Wednesdays when eating in and is capped at £10.McDonald’s, Nando’s, Pizza Express and Costa Coffee are involved in scheme backed by taxpayers.Thousands of independent venues including 40 Michelin-starred restaurants are also taking part.The Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been losing weight and he along with the medical profession have been encouraging people, especially over 50, to lose weight. It decreases their Covid risk or let me rephrase that it decreases its severity of their course of illness if they do get COVID-19. With this Cheap food, you’ve got the free food basically it’s unbelievable how much you can get. There are some pictures on there it’s just you just go take a look it’s unbelievable!Restaurants were tonight heaving with customers dining out on discounts after the government launched its half-price meals scheme to breathe life back into the beleaguered hospitality industry. Rishi Sunak’s Eat Out To Help Out programme, which gives people £10 per head off their bill, drew crowds to both high-end venues and fast-food outlets alike.More than 90 chains including McDonald’s, Nando’s, Pizza Express and Costa Coffee are among the 72,000 eateries taking part in the scheme, which allows them claim back the lost money from the Treasury.
GO BACK TO work……………
OK why are those first three words all capitals and then work is an all lowercase. Lots of people have found working at home is working much better for the life as a whole and don’t want to return to the normal 9 to 5 so to speak office environments. It saves and having to buy work clothes fighting with the public transportation and the risk of catching Covid and just the commuting time. yet again you’ve done it I just I don’t I cannot figure out why those three words are in. Given everything in the daily mail today with everything like en Fuego aka on fire 🔥 with Covid-19,it doesn’t look like there’s going to be any government mandates for people to go back to work anytime soon! It is almost as if you are you’re saying to somebody go back to where you came from and you’re really angry about it and then you cannot finish the sentence so you say, work. Daily Mail So much for Britain’s back-to-work day! Nearly five in six office employees will stay at home today despite official drive to get staff back at their desks, survey reveals.An audit of 30 of the UK’s biggest firms found 17 per cent would travel to work.Boris Johnson heralded today as first day the ‘work from home'guidance ends.Britons can go back to the workplace at the ‘discretion’ of their employers. Almost five in six office employees will stay at home today despite the Government’s drive to get staff to return to their workplaces.A Mail audit of 30 of Britain’s biggest firms, representing 320,000 employees, found that just 17 per cent of office-based staff would travel to work this week.
Boris Johnson heralded the first Monday in August – as the day ‘work from home’ guidance ends and Britain should return to the office.
The Guardian.Few workers heed Boris Johnson’s plea to get back to offices.Places in Birmingham and Canary Wharf in London deserted despite call to return after Covid lockdown.
Boris Johnson’s plea that people “should be going back to work” in offices across England from Monday appeared to have gone unheeded in central Birmingham.
In the Colmore business district, which normally has 35,000 workers, most office blocks were largely deserted and at the city’s train stations at rush hour only a handful of people sauntered out, mostly heading to work in shops or hospitals rather than to office-based jobs.Johnson had said it was “important people should be going back to work now”, but even he seemed to struggle to lead by example. The prime minister left his office in Downing Street after lunchtime and spent most of the day working from his country residence at Chequers.Among the roughly two dozen people the Guardian spoke to in Birmingham on Monday morning, only two were on the way back to office work for the first time since the coronavirus lockdown.Radha Heera said she was “excited but very nervous” about heading back to her desk at West Midlands police headquarters after almost five months at home. It was not only her first day back at work but the first time she had left her house in Wolverhampton because she had been shielding for medical reasons.
🎼PRINCE ‘ Louis Louis 🎼……………
I did the spiel about the song oh yesterday or the day before you can flip over back there and read it if you like. The most adorable new photo of Prince Louis today was in the cards,the thank you cards that were sent to people who had wished him a happy birthday. He is all over the Middleton, my goodness he is pulling strong for the Middleton side of the family. He is a handsome little boy wow not the George is not, but he certainly is very very well representing the Middletons! I want to try and add that picture in like I did yesterday with the surfboard picture.I’m going to see if it will add. It will probably be at the top of the riddle but then there will be a big blank space here, but at least you’ll get to see it. 😁Now from the daily mail. Oh, brother! Prince Louis, two, looks just like Prince George in new photo released to thank royal fans for their birthday well-wishes.The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge released an unseen photo of Prince Louis. They shared the photo to thank royal fans for their well-wishes on his second birthday. The photo, , taken by his mum, shows Louis grinning at the camera.It was taken at the same time as photos released to mark the occasion in April.
a result in 90 mins. ……………
New ‘lifesaving’ tests to transform the war on coronavirus: 90-minute checks will be rolled out for the NHS next week - and then used to routinely screen Britons with no symptoms.Two new coronavirus tests will be offered to millions of Britons from next week. The tests, which give results in 90 minutes, will first be introduced to the NHS.Health Secretary Matt Hancock described the move as ‘lifesaving’ on Sunday. One is so simple it could soon be deployed in airports, offices, schools, pubs and restaurants – bringing testing to the bulk of the population.
The companies involved would not reveal the cost but claim it is similar or cheaper to current tests – which are around £18 privately but less to the NHS.Health Secretary Matt Hancock described the move as 'lifesaving’ as the Government looks to avert a second wave of the disease, prevent the need for draconian lockdowns and restart the stalled economy.
The two tests will initially be introduced in the NHS and care homes before being made available more widely over the next few months.
Unlike current tests given mainly to patients who already think they have the virus, the new methods will be used to routinely screen members of the public who show no symptoms.
Officials hope they will flag up local outbreaks before they take hold, avoiding the need for local lockdowns such as that imposed in the North West last week.
very HUME-an…………
This reminds me of the 90s song I’m only human but I can’t think of the band, I’m only human, of flesh and blood l am made. Anyone who knows who sang that song can you put it in the comments for me please,it’s going to drive me nuts.
John Hume, a Northern Irish Catholic leader and Nobel Peace laureate, dies at 83. The veteran civil rights campaigner was credited with kick-starting peace negotiations.John Hume, a key Roman Catholic architect of Northern Ireland’s 1998 Good Friday peace agreement who won the Nobel Peace Prize for his role in ending 30 years of sectarian violence, died on Monday at the age of 83, his SDLP party said.Hume, a veteran civil rights campaigner credited with kick-starting peace negotiations in a British region convulsed by bloodshed in the early 1990s, shared the Peace Prize with Northern Ireland’s then-first minister, David Trimble of the Protestant Ulster Unionist Party. He died in a care home in his native Londonderry, also called Derry, in the early hours of Monday morning, his family said.😁CBC
MM , mendacious,cheat, grifter yacht puta ,, plagiarist, druggy, petulant, dubious ,provenance!!…………
Well MM ANON, do you feel better getting this off your chest? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Should be a very very specific , probably bespoke birthday card,to include all of her characteristics that she possesses. Yes this is the top 10 isn’t it? One must celebrate something on her birthday, she is all those things and more and much much more! There’s a saying what goes around comes around. Karma. I do believe she has Markled herself, with this ‘book’. I also believe that she has marketed herself repeatedly in places all over the world at any price anything! anything! and everything!This word, puta, reminds me of a TV show called Everybody Loves Raymond. Well they went to Italy to visit relatives.and they came back. And there was a girl that one of the guys met there she came back too and she was working in the local Pizza parlour. She was beautiful and oh this guy was dating somebody at the time and his mother, if you ever watch that show, she was very controlling to put it mildly. And that the girls nickname was a pizza parlour Putana 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂which was a not very flattering and you can guess what that means. It means exactly what Madam is and you don’t have to imagine very hard! I like to think that everybody has some good in them. However the people the backers the people that I hang around with JE and GM, that sort of people, they are and have been serving a dark master. And they have ensnared themselves and allied with evil. Only God can save them. So we leave them to God!
“ never returning BP” ……………
There are currently renovations and refurbishing going on Buckingham Palace. Due to the ongoing nature of COVID-19, the reality is that her Majesty the Queen will not be returning there. She will continue likely doing zoom meetings and things from a distance, like Sir Tom’s Knighthood. The days of walkabouts, shaking hands, being amongst the public in the crowds, all those things that she has done for decades and loves so much, those days are gone. For her own safety and health. This must be so heartbreaking to her and my heart goes out to her.
Hackers🐻🐻🐻…………………Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear are both linked to Russian intelligence agencies. Cozy Bear accused Cozy Bear cyber spies of trying to steal coronavirus vaccine information from the U.S., Britain, and Canada. Russia denies the allegations. Security officials have accused Russian hackers of trying to steal information about coronavirus vaccine research in the U.S., Canada and the U.K.The U.S. Department for Homeland Security, the Cybersecurity Infrastructure Security Agency, the National Security Agency, Canada’s Communications Security Establishment and the U.K.’s National Cyber Security Centre joined forces Thursday in accusing Russia of the hacking campaign.“It is completely unacceptable that the Russian Intelligence Services are targeting those working to combat the coronavirus pandemic,” U.K. Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab said in a statement. “While others pursue their selfish interests with reckless behaviour, the U.K. and its allies are getting on with the hard work of finding a vaccine and protecting global health.” Raab also said that he was almost certain that Russians sought to interfere in the U.K.’s general election in 2019 but he didn’t point the figure at any specific group. Russia denied both of the allegations. Who are Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear?Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear are thought to be hacking groups within separate Russian intelligence agencies.APT29 - mean advanced persistent threat - or Cozy Bear is believed to be working for SVR, Russia’s foreign intelligence organisation.According to the NCSC, an arm of GCHQ, Cozy Bear “almost certainly operates as part of Russian intelligence services”. Fancy Bear, or APT28, is believed to be part of GRU, Russia’s military intelligence agency.standard.co.uk and CNBC.😁I have looked and looked and looked and looked and I can find nothing about a third bear or third bear hacking group. I have never heard about the hacking organizations fancy bear and cosy bear! Thank you, MM Anon! I have learned something major that I should’ve known absolutely! Might this be bear number three? Secret UK trade documents used by then Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to attack the Government were stolen by Russian hackers from the email account of former international trade secretary Liam Fox, it was reported today.
The Department of International Trade documents on post-Brexit trade talks with the US were brandished by the hard Left MP at a press conference in November, days before he led his party to a catastrophic vote defeat at the hands of Boris Johnson. The Reuters news agency today cited sources who said they were taken from the email of Dr Fox, who had been removed from his post by Boris Johnson the previous July. They declined to name which Russian group or organisation they believed was responsible, but said the attack bore the hallmarks of a state-backed operation. This might be the third bear who has yet to be named.
Windsor home!!
Windsor Castle will be HMTQ’s new home base. I just think it’s marvellous HMTQ and Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh,have had all this time together. They are both looking so well! I was so happy to see them at Beatrice’s wedding how beautiful HMTQ looked and how hale and hearty Himself looked. I think this is, I have said this before, but I think this is probably the most time they’ve had together in their entire marriage and it will continue to be right think it’s just absolutely marvellous! If there’s anything good come out of that just Covid-19,that is it!
GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
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80. Aug 5
MM ANON …… An ageing Puta , con grifter!! ……… The Royal families take the p*ss ( happy birthday)………… 50 dead , 2,700 injured ……………an Emu and a duck. …………… US open ( closing)………………McCartney/Lennon 😱…………… a rare sowing machine ………… K&W expect……… ………… another boundary??………… “ it’s a birthday Jim, but not as she knows it”🤣🤣🤣
Entertainment purposes
Aug 4/20
August 5/2020 Riddle was from yesterday sorry kids and I wasn’t here yesterday. I’m not feeling well and I just came on today to take a peek and l,did Miss a Riddle but I don’t think I missed a Balmoral. so I’m gonna get this want to go and see how see how it goes OK. Don’t mind my scratchy voice and stuffy nose OK Ha Hah Hah Hah Hah Hah Hah Hah oh man I sound like a smoker when I’m laughing right now home and I’m not a smoker but you know how that sound right?
August 5/2020. Riddle #80!!!
An ageing Puta , con grifter!! ……… The Royal families take the p*ss ( happy birthday)…………
Well Puta in Spanish and putana in Italian are same thing. A woman of the streets, a common street corner prostitute, a woman of very uncouth behavior! Those all fit Madam except she found other ways and places to apply her trade shall we say.. As with all of us she is ageing and she thought she would pull off the con of her life pulling one over on the royal family Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha stupid woman! She had no idea who she was dealing with and she still doesn’t she still is flagging that PR out there. And it’s worse is what’s worse is there’s people that are helping her those people are even more pathetic than she is! And there was all this will the royal family say happy birthday well they won’t will they will they won’t they won’t they will they will they will take. Well we all knew they would. We all knew they would they take the highroad as I said the other riddle her Majesty was on her way to Scotland and she took the high road. I hope you get the part of the song I’ll take the road and you get to take the low road and I’ll be in Scotland before you all know that song right? well her Majesty took the highroad and I love the photo that was posted on man it was 80% her majesty and 90 no no no 80 and 90 does not give 100% 20% Madam let’s say that way underneath oh, kids my brain is so stuffed up you’re gonna have to spare with me spare with me bear with me oh my all this is gonna be this is going to be the day oh my? as ever per decorum they extended lovely birthday greetings to Madame. Nothing more and certainly nothing less!
50 dead , 2,700 injured ……………
This is pretty bad. I mean horrific explosion in downtown Baghdad Baghdad all Lord help me to Beirut oh kids this is going to be off anyway Beirut not bag that there may have been a bombing in Baghdad I don’t know but this one is referring to Beirut! The stupidest thing was entirely preventable, this was entirely preventable!. Do you remember the bombing in Oklahoma City? I remember it like it was yesterday here’s a little little catch-up for those who may not know. The Oklahoma City bombing was a domestic terrorist truck bombingof the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building[1] in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, United States, on April 19, 1995. Perpetrated by American terrorists Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols, the bombing happened at 9:02 am and killed at least 168 people, including many children. Anyhow they used fertilizer bombs in the amount of damage and carnage is just unbelievable. Know what you have here in Beirut was illegal storage in a warehouse. I am so angry about this I cannot even tell you it’s just so senseless! Here’s something from the DM. Lebanese port officials are put under house arrest over Russian businessman’s abandoned ammonium nitrate which blew up Beirut: String of warnings were made over chemicals impounded six years ago as astonishing images show it stored at the dock’s hangar 12.Lebanon’s cabinet has placed all officials responsible for Beirut port security since 2014 under house arrest. Comes after fire at a warehouse sparked a massive explosion that devastated the city, killing at least 135.Customs officers insisted authorities were repeatedly warned about the danger, but refused to take action.Explosive chemicals belonged to Russian businessman Igor Grechushkin before being impounded in port. Does it make you wonder why Russia is involved yet again? Yet again? Makes me wonder how many other warehouses there are like this all over the world where they are illegally storing ammonia nitrate and other things other lethal things! So so so unnecessary!
an Emu and a duck. ……………
Oh MM Anon, What is this is one of the obscure things that only English people know? Which is so much of your riddles.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂Well I know one swims and is smaller and one is huge! and is featured in a current ad campaign for some company. It is funny how TV commercials you see the ad but, if you remember the ad, you have no idea what they were advertising. And there’s a bunch of commercials right now that are running with a guy in the yellow shirt and his partner is an emu and I have no idea maybe it’s an ostrich I’m not sure they’re both big birds anyway not THE big bird, THE big bird is from Sesame Street.😁😁🤣🤣🤣🤣😂 I am always the DM leaps in to the rescue.Orville and Emu are at centre of battle between Keith Harris and Rod Hull’s widows and toy-maker who ‘borrowed’ iconic puppets only to put them up for £10,000 sale at Bonhams.The birds had been put up for sale by merchandiser Roger Shaw with Bonhams.They were expected to make up to £20,000 for the pair at leading auctioneers.But it was scrapped after uproar from Harris’ widow Sarah and Hull’s widow Cher.The women are ‘determined to have the birds returned to their rightful owners’.I hate that when people try and make money off of cherished things like that. You see that so often with celebrity memorabilia or stuff like that like real actors I’m talking like Olivia de Haviland who recently passed away that kind of acted when their stuff get sold it’s just it just feels so wrong to me!
US open ( closing)………………
Ashleigh Barty pulls out of US Open amid concern over Covid-19.
World No 1 Ashleigh Barty has withdrawn from the US Open in a massive blow to the New York grand slam.
Not comfortable about travelling during the coronavirus pandemic, Barty is the biggest name yet to opt out of the major because of the global health crisis. My team and I have decided that we won’t be travelling to the US and Western and Southern Open and the US Open this year,” Barty said in a statement issued by her manager.Barty is still weighing up whether to resume her season in Europe and ultimately try to defend her French Open crown in Paris. o includes events for senior, junior, and wheelchair players. Since 1978, the tournament has been played on acrylic hard courts at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center in Flushing Meadows–Corona Park, Queens, New York City. Given the location of where were the U.S. Open is normally played right smack in the centre of Queens New York. Queens a borough of New York. With New York currently having us a lawn enforcement teams at every entrance and exit to the city, to the entire city! I cannot see how this could possibly continue there’s just no way. I know it’s gonna happen. Even if all the players came there’s no way it would happen!
McCartney/Lennon 😱……………
There has been a long time rumours of Paul McCartney and John Lennon having had a fling. And when I say fling I think you can infer what I’m saying. I know Paul McCartney had done an interview in 2018 with you GQ magazine I’ll put the link here. l don’t know if he’s declared that openly. I know many Beatles fans and party fans don’t want to know about this or to believe it or whatever but there’s so much stuff online about it you can research and I’m not gonna do that for you but I will do is put the link to the 2018 interview here. https://www.gq.com/story/the-untold-stories-of-paul-mccartney
a rare sowing machine …………
I have a old singer treadle sewing machine are you are meeting with MM Anon? My mum made a point of going to auction sales until she had one for each of us children. Mine still works like a charm just got to keep it greased up and it works perfectly!But seriously in the United States there’s an election for a new president in November. Who would’ve thought it with all the other news going on!? There has been a lot of talk in the last week or so about absentee ballots and voter mail in ballots. Some people don’t know the difference and some people do. I am not American so I will not attempt to explain that but suffice it to say there are two, aw heck I’ll explain it or try to. An absentee ballot is like if you’re not able to vote, you’re in the military outside the country or you’re in the hospital or your work has you in such a place where you cannot vote. A mail in ballot is something that you can request the form for and is simply if you just are not able to do or do not want to wait in the queue to vote, you can request a mail in ballot it will be sent you you can vote your things and then mail it back in. I’ve even seen interviewers and people talking about just just forgetting the whole, waiting in the queue for this election due to Covid, just rather just send open ballot voting like mail ballots to every household and then people can just mail back in the votes. Well the problem with that is there’s a lot of people who would be missed by that and there’s a lot of reasons why they would be missed and I’m not gonna go into right now that’s a whole bigger issue. However there are active workers sowing seeds of doubt in the validity of the coming election. It’s been happening for quite some time, actually been happening since President Trump was elected. The day after he was sworn in, they were already protesting and planning to get him out of office. They were already planning how to destabilize the government and sow doubt in his validity as president. And that has continued every single day of his presidency there has been a huge effort from the left, in the far left fascist left,and even further left than that Anarchy,to discredit him discredit his presidency and discredit everything that the Republican Party stands for. And that even includes many former Republicans which I I just I just can’t believe. You’re going to join with the left is fascist because you don’t agree with with some of the policy or you don’t like the person? Isn’t it party before person? Doesn’t the party set do the voting like I’m pretty sure I’m pretty sure like every senator or whatever member of Congress they each vote so yeah there is party before vote! OK enough of me here’s some research to kind of back up what I’m saying. article after article after article that I’m finding uses the word SOW. And most of those articles are from the left. I’m so hesitant to link any here because I don’t want to further their agenda. In fact I’m not going to link anything here because everything I found is from the left it’s even in the headline Trump sows blah blah blah…. you could find it, it is easy to find on Google. Easy easy easy to fine because Google is a left-wing owned company. Recommend it to me another search engine the other day and that’s amazing whatever found on there never appeared on Google so I they won’t mind, and I hope maybe you guys will know what I don’t know but it’s a website called DuckDuckGo and it’s a search engine and it’s amazing what you can all find in there. So keep your mind open kids and do your research. Dont just stick to watch one search engine especially with something that’s important. Because your election, and I’m speaking American friends now, your election is vitally important. I live in the country that is your biggest border and your closest neighbour well other than Mexico of course but you know what I mean. And what happens in your country greatly has affected will affect and will continue to check my country in the entire world.
K&W expect……… …………
MM Anon l am not falling for this again!🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂! My heart broken too many times. I think with Catherine and William are likely expecting is the return of their children either to school or homeschool routine, regular schedule or something like that. They also are expecting a change in what little public appearances they have been able to do I hate use the word appearance because that’s not the right word but it are use that for the sake of not thinking being able to think of another word right now but ha ha ha ha ha ha. DMCatherine and William have fun at Gavin & Stacey amusement arcade: Royal couple visit Barry Island attraction from BBC comedy as they try to provide boost to Britain’s Covid-hit tourism industry. They carried out two engagements in South Wales on Wednesday. Paid visit to iconic 'Nessa’s’ arcade in Barry Island and heard about impact of Covid-19 on tourism sector.Couple travelled to Shire Hall Care Home in Cardiff where they spoke to staff, residents and family members. The mother-of-three cut a stylish figure in a £1,635 designer dress by Emelia Wickstead and tan wedges. She sure loves her some wedges doesn’t she!?!😊😁😁😁🤣🤣🤣It comes just one day after royal donned a face mask for first time and visited a baby bank in Sheffield. I find it very interesting that the visit to the baby bank there those pictures appeared on the blog the other day and someone was questioning where those pictures were from. So either someone snuck out some pictures and then had them printed on the blog or the paper followed up on those pictures either way I think it’s interesting how Skippy yet again sets the pace set the information out there! They are trying to increase tourism but with all the new lockdowns, and more coming oh my goodness on lockdown now is Aberdeen! The Queen just drove through there yesterday! If it had been close yesterday they would’ve had to take a helicopter to Balmoral!
another boundary??…………
Lock down lockdown some more lockdowns in the greater Manchester area people are they have been on lockdown and some people that I’ve included included in that boundary are really quite upset because they not feel they have never been included in that jurisdiction that they are Cheshire just like the Cheshire cat! So it’s not a whole lot of people into lockdown that wouldn’t necessarily have been and I think a lot of people want to know why all of a sudden their postcards are being included in the greater Manchester postcards! Plus it’s also going to affect his face if your home is the greatest investment and that’s going to affect cash value of your home as well!!Aberdeen is on lockdown! New York City in New York City they are now having at every entrance and exit point I don’t know if every police or state police or watt that you it’ll be like going into another country you’ll have to declare yourself and they can turn you away or not and then you have to go into isolation! It is it is if anybody thinks Covid is going away it is not it is it is expanding at a rate that is frightening! All this quick to unlock down oh there’s my word again that I need to unlock down oh my will there ever be normal again sometimes I wonder if you know normal will be wearing facemasks that we live in bubbles like the it’s quite concerning. And talks of London going back in to lockdown. OK kids you should see this poor software trying to understand my stuffy nose oh my this is almost too funny!
“ it’s a birthday Jim, but not as she knows it”🤣🤣🤣
Again dearest M and M and M Eminem Eminem you’re a rapper no MM Anon. The favourite Star Trek reference that covers everything in life that has changed to such a drastic degree! Yes Madam had a birthday yesterday but it was likely a very unusual one like she’s never ever had. And next year’s birthday is likely to be equally as unusual. She was on her PR ! been saying she was going to throw a $200,000 birthday party for herself and usually when she mentions money in her PR, that means how much she wants how much money she wants from somebody for something.. I especially loved the birthday greeting that she wrote to her self pretending to be Harry, signing it love H! Oh that was just a kicker to me oh she’s a silly woman! I put it mildly!
GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
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thedeviousdo ¡ 5 years ago
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💌🍓 get to know your mutuals! when you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better! 🍓💌
Oooh thank you for the ask, I swear I'm not too full of surprises but I'm a rather random person (true aquarius) so idk these may come as a surprise lol
1- My favorite place I've ever lived was Turkey. I lived there for a few years when I was very young but it was one of the most amazing places. The food was the best, but the people there were always kind and welcoming. We spent weekends venturing through old castles or out in the fields harvesting different foods. Living there so young helped me understand the world is full of different people and no matter what they looked like they were still human.
2- I was a fencer in high school, my nickname was Jedi. My main sword was the sabre and most of the guys didn't like to go against me bc I was quick and rather ruthless. I was also able to do a move that you never really saw with that type of sword (how I got the nickname). Made it to Jr Olympics for the Sabre and Epee but sadly couldn't go bc it was like 8,000 usd to go.
3- I can talk without moving my lips. It's not something a lot of people know I can do and even my best friend that I've known since i was 13 had no clue i could do this till last year.
4- I'm so pale that I'm a little transparent. My doctor thinks it's awesome he can see certain blood vessels bc I'm so pale. Yes, I've tried tanning but I just burn and go back to this paleness that is me.
5- I write fics (and sad poems), i just finished my 2nd fic for a chanbaek fic fest, and now "patiently" waiting for it to be posted on AO3. I used to write when I was younger and fell out of it until I became and exo fan and well now have a few too many fics (yes most are smut what can I say). This last year has been a struggle for my writing, I used to knock out a 3k one shot in a few hours and now not so much. This last fic idk how I did it but was able to write around 25k in just a few weeks to finish on time.
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glasgowkisschelseasmile ¡ 6 years ago
Text
Scandal
Pairing: Brian X Reader - Taken from @glamrockmonarch - fantastic AU concept - Thank you for letting me finish a half finished story and take a little bit of artistic license over your world! Although, it is an older Brain in the AU,I have written it that you can put him younger or older.
Word Count- 25K
Reformatted because the tumblr app wouldn’t open anything but the first and last couple of paragraphs. 
Still not working? Try this link
Please let me know what you think, feedback and comments are more than welcome! I decided not to break it up as it didn’t seem to flow as chapters or parts. Thank you to my buds who have encouraged and listened to me say for about six weeks tell them that it was nearly finished! @diamondxclawedxglove @disasterdeacy
Smut & Angst under the cut!
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Infidelity. One tiny word that had caused hours of heartache for y/n. An act she didn’t commit, yet it followed her around with every step. Everything was tainted from that one moment and everything was wrong since that newspaper flew from her hands and bounced off her husband’s chest, the second he walked through the door from the school run, as screams erupted from her mouth. Four simply words had ripped her world apart.  ’Brian May Affair Exclusive’
Y/n tried to read the article through tear soaked eyes as the words seemed to float and jump along the page in her shaking hands.
‘Despite a wife and two teenage sons at home, it appears the Queen guitarist has been up to his old tricks. It has been reported he was seen leaving a hotel with a female television producer, who’s most recent work was on a documentary featuring the rocker. May was well known to have repeatedly cheated on his first wife but had seemed to calm down in recent years since marring Y/N Y/L/N- May, a popular writer and presenter some years his junior. The pair had kept their family life incredibly private and only confirmed their relationship once she had double barrelled her surname, despite reports they’d wed months before and begun dating when she was only in her early twenties. It is unknown currently how long the affair has been going on behind his wife’s back.  However, friends have commented that the scarlet woman in question had made it well known of her intentions towards the musician as she’d been previously linked to a handful of rockstar men including but, not limited to…’ “How could you!? You fucking bastard!?” She cried out as the newspaper landed open with its slanderous story on full display at his feet. Before, y/n never even contemplated she could feel pain that this; so intense and everlasting. Hours passed, weeks and then months yet those bouts of crippling agony and anger still sat within her. ”It was a mistake one night. I was feeling so bloody terrible. I’d gone just for a night to clear my head and you couldn’t come. I- I’d had a couple of drinks and she came onto me- I did not encourage this in anyway. She just happened to be there and, fuck, yes, we went back to her hotel room but, darling, it did not mean anything. I didn’t even cu-“ The slap across his cheek had burnt for hours after y/n had packed her bag and taken their two very upset teenage boys from their house that night. She was broken but they were inconsolable and furious. Harry and Fred always had been her priority and it really didn’t matter if they missed the last two days of their school term after all the photographers were trying to follow them. They hadn’t known until lunchtime when they’d bunked off school to buy lunch and the newspaper was on full display in the off license for all their peers to see. They’d ask school to call their Mum as soon as the first click of a camera could be heard. “Don’t leave.” Brian teared up at the door as y/n hunted for the dog’s car restraint. It was more autopilot than genuine thought as she walked through various rooms. “We can work this out.” “You’ve broken our family. You and you alone. Those boys have been hounded all day because I could barely get out of my home with those vultures circling to get them. They’re just kids, they aren’t equipped to deal with this. Truthfully, neither am I. Goodbye Brian.” The front door shut with a heavy thud that seemed to shake the old house as y/n listened out for anything that may indicate if it was her husband or someone else. The worst thought was the fleeting one that maybe anyone else would cause less of a sinking feeling of dread in her stomach. She heard the dog give a few barks as she jumped off the couch and then happy jumps of paws on the hard wood as she greeted her owner, unaware of the mess around her. Y/n could hear her husband cooing over their ball of fur before asking quietly where his wife was. “Where’s your mum? Hey? Where’s y/n?” Footsteps neared as his shoes where discarded. Y/n just waited to see if he’d just dropped in or really, she’d lost her precious night alone. “Hello?” Brian’s smooth voice rang through the hallways looking for his wife, but her eyes focused on the TV in-front as-if nothing was wrong. However, her nervous tick of bouncing her knee easily shone through to someone who knew her. “Babe?” Y/n was silently debating if she should answer or if she could somehow escape to take the much wanted night apart to hide. She just wanted to be alone and wallow in self-pity and sadness without worrying about upsetting their children and, truthfully, Brian further despite wanting him to know pain like she felt. She wanted him to feel his soul burn every time their eyes met, or someone patronisingly asked how they were doing. “There you are, my love.” “Hi.” Y/n caught his reflection in the mirror, a gentle smile played on his lips. Just the sight of his wife close by and in their home once more by made his heart flutter still. The three of them hadn’t been gone long but it still felt almost impossible to eat his breakfast or do anything but sob in self-pity in his bed. Just even seeing any of them in the house made his soul seem to glow and swell in adoration and happiness. “Where are the boys?” “Rog was already taking Max so offered to take them all. Harry, Fred and Max are all meeting some friends at the gig and then they asked to stay out the night. I said they could… I hope you don’t mind.” “No, why would I mind. I’m happy the boys are having a good time.” Truthfully, she was; those two had been through so much in the past few months and they deserved to have some fun rather than being self-appointed protectors of the family now. Their lives had changed the same as hers had with the whispering behind their backs and constant advice from other members of their family that hadn’t been asked for. She had watched her sons slowly harden as if the perfect bubble they thought they’d lived in had popped. Brian padded into the room with a tense brow as he lingered around, transferring his weight between his feet, until y/n forced herself to speak. ”What are you doing now with a free night of not being a taxi?” Although Y/n was desperate to get their marriage back on track, it seemed almost impossible. They’d fought for months, attended counselling and yet all y/n could hear was his voice muttering some other woman’s name. Despite how many times her husband had argued it was a stupid one time error of judgement when he was feeling so low. It didn’t take away her pain. The house was somewhere she had once felt so safe and secure. She could crumble within its walls and not need to keep up appearances but now, it felt so cold and lonely. Once where memories of her boys playing or her husband chasing her around in their early years of marriage now replaced in her mind with created visions of whispered conversations behind her back or stolen kisses not pressed to her lips. “I don’t know…” Brian scratched lightly at the back of his neck. “I was hoping to spend some time with you; without work or kids as distractions.” Hazel eyes flitted down to her knee that was jumping at twice the speed now with her lip caught between her teeth. She must really hate him to be this uncomfortable with him alone, Brian thought, and that seeping feeling of self-hatred ran around his body. “I’ve asked Rog to us three rings when they’re all home so, if the phone rings, it’s just that. I know you worry.” Brian tried to raise a smile, but he could see his wife’s gaze shifting to anywhere in the room but him. “Our therapist said we are meant to-“ “-I know what she said, Brian. I was there too.” This was one change that couldn’t seem to dissipate; her mood swings. One minute she could be laughing with her friends and then two minutes later be a crying mess with any passing thought of him or his infidelity. The tears just made the feelings of humiliation even worse; she wondered who saw, who knew what her husband had done? Did they pity her or think she was stupid, blame her even? Did her family, friends or, worse, the boys think she was doormat for coming back. Y/n tried her best not to care and push away those thoughts, but it was impossible not to. Even worse, she wondered why she was the one in tears when Brian seemed to be doing so much better. She currently just felt so alone in the world. Her family weren’t much better than the press when it came to the matter. Her mother and sister constantly reminding her they ’knew this would happen’ and ’well if he got caught once… You’ll have to bet your arse it has happened a thousand times you didn’t see.’ It depleted her energy and shattered her already broken heart into pieces.   However, when face to face with Brian, she was just livid and hurt; she couldn’t let it go that her lovely husband could hurt her so deeply and try to use stupid phrases from the therapist? She wanted to slap the shit out of him and scream in his face. They’d been told to say non accusatory words to not fan argumentative fires, but it was hard to think of it as ‘their affair’ when it was Brian who fucked up. “Can I sit with you? I just want to read a book quietly or watch something together. I just want to spend some time with my wife.” Brian’s soft and calm voice broke her thoughts as her face softened and as quickly as the anger came, it ebbed away to the amount she always carried. Y/n could see how much he was trying to be normal with her and hold himself back from pushing any situation. She’d watched his hands hover her shoulders before he left, watched their boys kiss her cheek goodbye but never pushed as he whispered a declaration of love. “I don’t mind. I’ll go if you want me to but I’d adore to just sit next to you if you allow me.” Y/n gave a slow nod, pulling her legs into her body to make herself as small as possible and adjusted the cushions to build them up around her. It was just every barrier she could possibly make, she did. In bed, once Brian was finally allowed back in that was, y/n had bought the same type of long body pillow, she’d used when pregnant with the twins, as a barrier between the two. Brian knew full well why, they were sharing a bed purely so the boys didn’t know how apart emotionally they’d become. The kids started to forgive him slowly only once they thought their mother had. “I love you.” Brian almost whispered. “I know.” Y/n just couldn’t always bring herself to tell him in the moment even though she felt it so deeply. It hadn’t helped everyone’s judgement. She could feel eyes on her in the supermarket and those hideous TV shows debated if she was stupid for staying.  The feelings of despair and sadness creeping once more into her mind as she scanned his profile; seeing his hands turn over each other with his face pained in thought. How did this happen to them? “Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat if you want.” “You need to eat too. I’m worried about you.” A hand came to rest on her ankle, thumb rubbing the bone as it had done thousands of times before. “Your running on empty. The boys-“ “Do you want a glass of wine instead?” Abruptly, y/n stood up, almost running from the room before Brian could get into any real conversation. “Y/N…” Brian rubbed his eyes in exacerbation. He truly didn’t know how much longer he could go on being rebuffed; just wanting to feel the warmth of skin on his or feel comfort from his wife’s touch. He had no right but mostly he wanted to hold her in these moments of intense suffering and be that sanctuary he used to be. “We’ve got white already open; hope you don’t mind.” Brian was still perched on the edge of the couch. His hands where clasped together and covering his mouth with elbows on his bony knees but offered a tight-lipped smile as the glass was handed to him. Y/n circled her husband almost nervously before forcing herself to sit next to him like their therapist had suggested she needed to slowly begin to let it get better. However, as Brian remained on the cushion edges, she pushed herself as deeply as possible into the fabric. This time last year she’d have probably thrown herself into his arms by leaping off the back of the couch and giggling as she almost knocked Brian off balance in their playfulness at the excitement of a full night unexpectedly to themselves. “I- I do love you, Bri…” Y/n stuttered out, surprising herself at the boldness and the relief that seemed to fizzle in her stomach. “I know.” He sighed, that tight smile still playing on his lips that meant he wasn’t really okay, and his mind was captured in painful thoughts. Long fingers swung his wedding finger around, he’d only taken to wearing it full time since everything had happened as it got caught on his guitar too often on tour and Brian had always maintained he was nervous of losing something so sentimental, of course his wife had since wondered otherwise. With another sigh he turned to y/n pulling her view from his hands to his eyes. “We’re not getting through this, are we?” Once the words where cast he had to turn back around because he simply couldn’t look at y/n anymore when the pain was this sever. Instantly y/n felt shame take over her whole body. It may have been him that had fucked up, but it was her who wouldn’t allow her mind to forget. Anytime it started to lessen, she’d force herself to remember that pain or her anxiety would flood her in droves of ‘what ifs’ and shouting that they couldn’t go through this again. Brian had tried everything; allowing her space, then coming back to trying to be affectionate physically, trying to plan a romantic weekend away, he’d even slept for three nights on the floor when y/n was convinced she could smell another woman on him suddenly but didn’t want to worry the boys with their fights. He’d even held her hand, hanging off the edge of the bed, as her tears flowed quietly. He’d cried with her but never did anything other than silently comfort his wife how she’d asked him too. “We’re trying…” y/n voice broke as she heard her husband trying to sniff back his tears. A delicate hand rested in the centre of his back, rubbing calming circles that made it even harder to speak. “How much longer can we try for?” He turned, looking his wife in the eye once more, both glossy and pained. “I’ll forgive you because I can blame myself because I know you and I know this is not how you act. However, in all seriousness, how much longer can you try for? You’re not eating, not sleeping, you’re not even writing. I know you and I know you haven’t written a single word in months.” Y/n’s eyes gazed into his hazel ones that glistened with tears finally breaking that he quickly wiped away. “I honestly think if we can’t get past this our family would be better in half than walking on eggshells. The boys have never been in trouble before this and Fred’s in and out of detention every other day and Harry? At least Fred’s angry all the time, Harry just has these huge outbursts; sometimes he can barely look at me when he’s not plastered to your side. Then he has no problem staring me down every chance he gets.” “I don’t think he’s exactly to blame for his little pops at you. I’ve always said you weren’t laid back enough with them-“ “-I just want them to do well. I push them because they’re clever lads. Don’t tell me how to parent my boys when you know it’s not about me being strict with them. I want the best for them… which is why, I don’t know if this situation is the best for them. And I’ve done this before, I know how much it rips your soul in two to not wake your kids up for school every morning. I love doing that. I treasure being a dad so much but, we- we need to face facts that it’s not good for them and it’s not good for you… I just want what’s best for you and I want you to be happy and I will just have to accept that it’s not me anymore.” “We’re all really trying, Brian. It’s a hard age for them regardless of what’s going on between us and all their friends know what’s happening. They haven’t really got anyone to talk to; they won’t talk to me at all about their feelings anymore… I don’t like how they’re getting so tall; I can’t hug them like I used to… It’s starting to feel like hugging you when you were all bony and skinny with your ridiculously long limbs…” The circles getting stronger into the tense muscles of his back before slipping under his shirt. Her tears too not quite holding back now. She missed his warmth so deeply but couldn’t bring herself to accept tainted skin against hers anymore. ”You do make me happy. The times we’re good, we’re great. Even since everything. I know how much you try, and I will keep working for you. They don’t want to be split up from you. I know how hurt they felt when we went straight after it happened. I know because they told me. They wanted you there… even I wanted you there sometimes.” Y/n and Brian somehow found the strength to pull themselves together with tears being wiped away. She wasn’t lying, y/n had realised when she’d instinctively turned to roll her eyes at their boy’s antics of trying to wrestle in the surf. Y/n wanted to see her husband smiling at them all, then having to makeshift some clothes for the drive home when they were freezing and wet. That was the night she knew their relationship was worth saving. She’d packed their bags at midnight and driven into the early hours to get home and found her husband, sporting a scruffy peppered beard, crying quietly looking at the array of family photos in the living room. The boys hadn’t ever let anyone, not even admitted to each other, know of the relief of watching from the stairs as their parents sobbed into each other’s arms and a thousand apologies whispered into each other’s shoulders. “I wanted to be with you.” Her fingers found a tight knot at the base of his spine and her thumb began to press harder until she felt it start to come apart. It was natural, something she’d done so often but with being so touch starved it made Brian close his eyes with a gulping sigh of contentment spreading throughout his body, but it just seemed so wrong after all he’d said; he felt unworthy. She dried her cheeks again, even though the tears ceased they still seemed to be pulling at her face still. “Why don’t you take them out for a day? I’ll stay here so it’s just you three. Buy their love and affection if you must, spoil them a little bit. They’re good boys and they deserve some time with just you. They won’t worry so much then. Do whatever weird man things you boys do when I have to stand in a music shop for hours whilst you get hassled, the bit before I give up and look at book shops or anything but people telling you how great you are.” Y/n rolled her eyes in jest but Brian could reel off a handful of occasions that had happened to them both. “You mean the bit where the boys somehow load up a basket of everything they want to try and somehow it goes onto my credit card?” “Yes, the bit when they take advantage of you being forgetful and telling them your pin codes or ability to forge your signature.” They both chuckled as their souls seemed to warm up just a little more. That was part of the reason both Brian and y/n tried so hard to keep things together. Duct tape the cracks till it looked seamless to anyone but them. It was just since that time they’re relationship had become so volatile, both could be prone to the odd flair up or picking a fight but it seemed out of control some days and on the flip side, they could be happy and jovial over dinner until he’d tried to initiate any romantic or such alike. “They’re little buggers sometimes.” He took another sip of his wine and placed the glass on the table. Brian gave a feeble laugh, looking over his shoulder at his wife who was scrunching her nose in that way that was purely her. He winked at her as he spoke. “They get that from you.” “And they get their obsession with collecting from you… I’ve been thinking…” y/n tapped her foot nervously again and picked some nonexistence fluff from her yoga pants. “Maybe we should go away like you’d suggested. A change of scenery might do us some good; just us. R/W/N or my parents would probably look after the kids and the dog.” “I’d love that.” Brian spoke as another wave of relief washed over him as he dared to place his hand over hers on her thigh. He gently squeezed in sincerity as his smile opened for the first time in days. “I’d really love that. You love Paris or is that too cliched?” “I wouldn’t be mad at a weekend in Paris or Florence or even somewhere completely new. Anywhere with you will be lovely.” Desperately they were both trying to have some sort of semblance of normalcy. They’d frequently slip in and out of the state, but it did seem to be getting slightly more often and longer periods. It was okay when life was busy, work, calls and two kids to rush around meant they could at least pretend everything was normal for small periods of time. It was the nights that things got more complicated; when they were forced to be alone together. Y/N would sporadically still touch Brian, but he could feel how forced it was. She’d even occasionally grimace, and they hadn’t had a proper cuddle in bed since that night before the news had broken. Memories of that night sometimes where all that kept him going. The thoughts of soothing touches and kisses had ran around his body as she softly whispered sweet nothings and positivity in his ear all night. When he showed no signs of being able to sleep, even in the small morning hours creeping around them,  she’d taken him between her lips and into her hand and blown him until he was a quaking, sweaty mess under her. y/n realised now Brian’s initial reluctance to do anything physical since that weekend was his overpowering guilt but that night he’d clung to her desperately as he tried to find some hope and solace. He’d rocked his hips into her as one hand roamed his body with soft hums and Brian’s hands tangled in her hair as he whispered, as loud as he dared, about how loved she was. It all seemed so cheap mere hours later. They’d done all the therapist exercises, Brian admitting that it was his fault and his alone, validating her feelings of pain and betrayal and trying to picture a future together. The book said to picture grandkids and enjoying retirement, but all y/n could see was an empty house and loneliness. When she’d told the therapist, she’d simply said to think of next Christmas, what did that look like? Truthfully, y/n had no idea. She wanted to see him, and their boys surrounded by her stepchildren and growing number of grandchildren throughout the years but any time she felt like they were moving forward, another wave of sadness hit her and knocked her down again. Brian shuffled back, relaxing into the cushions with his hand on her thigh still. It was just instinctive impulse that caused her to close the gap and press her lips softly against his temple. “I miss you. I miss your touch. I miss your lips.” He muttered as his eyes fluttered shut but felt his wife edging away from him. “Babe, I’m so-“ “Shush. I know.” He watched her glass be placed next to his before leaning back and tugging a dumbstruck Brian back to her. His back against her chest and her hand holding his and the other coming to pull his forehead back to her lips. “I know. I just… I just look at you and I see- it’s so stupid- but I see marks on your skin. I look at these lips and I see horrible lipstick stains. I look at your beautiful eyes and wonder if you even want to see me or are you imagining someone else. Do you even want me physically anymore or are you here to save face? I see the boys and I think about how you didn’t want more children and I did, so we had them. What if you blame me for trapping you? Are you here because you think you have a duty to us or something silly like that? Do you want to be with someone else? Do you want her?” In one minute she’d said more to Brian than in months. Let him know her worries and concerns and Brian could feel the quick heave of her chest as her leg started bouncing again. This time, however, he reached forward and took her ankle in his hand before pulling it into his lap and wrapping her body around his before turning to look deeply into her eyes. “You are my world with my children; every single one of them. Never, ever doubt that you didn’t give me one of the greatest gifts you ever could. I fell in love a thousand times deeper and more intensely when those little nuggets were placed in my arms. I didn’t even know I could love someone any more than I already loved you. I’m not here because we have children. I woke up one day in how ever many years and made a mistake. I wake up every morning and remind myself what a fucking idiot I was, and I try my damnedest to try and fix the pain I caused you and the kids.” Brian  sighed as he tried to hold himself together and squeezed her calf muscle to centre himself. “I love you. I always have and I always will. Only you will ever be my wife, I promised you that on our wedding day and I hate myself that I broke a vow because I didn’t ever think I would. I was so low, and you were so busy, and I fucked up. The same way you feel like I don’t want you physically; that’s how I felt… fuck, how I feel.” “How could you even think that?” Her brows knitted together in confusion, until the affair she’d always been very affectionate to him. Always peppering kisses and nuzzling into his body when they’d curl up together. “Because look at you and look at me. Maybe when you were in your twenties and I had some semblance of a rockstar-“ y/n quickly cutting off her husband before he went down a rabbit hole. “Hey, I didn’t meet a rockstar though. I met a lovely guy who wanted to talk about animal rights and the night sky, and you duped me with this rock god bollocks.” “I duped you?” He shook his head away from her as he tried to discreetly wipe away the stray tear that fell. “Yes. I didn’t want some rockstar wanker. I wanted some nice absentminded man who knew about interplanetary dust and ate far too many pastries but had no idea where his wallet was and left his house keys on my kitchen table even though I’d reminded him quite literally the second before to take them. I loved that about you when we met. I loved you coming back and convincing you to stay again or the way you’d tell me a million theories by people I had never even heard of; about things I never knew existed. I loved you for you.” That last statement hurt. He’d spent far too many nights with women that wanted him to be who they thought he was and didn’t care how he felt or were willing to spend any time on anything other than just fucking a pop star. Even from their very early relationship, y/n had always taken care of him. He doubted any of his onetime bed partners would even know his middle name or favourite book. ”What a stupid fool you’ve been…” Brian thought to himself. “That’s still me but I’m older to say the least, my hairs turning colour and my body aches in the morning. I’ve seen the way other men look at you; I’ve quite literally been pushed aside by men to talk to you before. How can I compete with guys your age? Look at me.” For the first time in months, she did. Brian carried a little more weight than when they met but he looked healthier to y/n now, not so thin or eating that dreadful diet of whatever someone had left in the fridge or he could get delivered.  He had more wrinkles but so did she, the lack of sleep wasn’t helping either of them and, yes his hair had changed colour multiple times till it faded to grey but his eyes. His eyes were the same hazel with tiny flecks is green that shone in the light or whenever he was excitedly talking about a subject. They still turned deep and self-reflective when he was saddened by something. Whatever had changed physically it hadn’t changed a single thing about how she felt about him. He was still utterly handsome and when he’d wield himself around on stage, he was still sexy to her. How could he not recognise her utter admiration to every part of him? “You’re so very handsome, Bri. How could you even begin to think I didn’t find you attractive or interesting anymore…” Y/n was taken aback as she replayed so many times, she’d brushed him off even before the mistake. The new book had taken nearly all her time and energy and the nights she’d creep off to write in the darkness or when Brian would softly ask her to take a break or just that he was down, and she’d not been there for him. That weekend y/n had blamed Brian for disappearing off but she’d also remembered how the boys had shut their doors and battled each other with loud music and she had sat downstairs with headphones on to drown them out; no wonder he felt his only option was to get some peace and quiet and that bitch had prayed on him. He’d fucked up but the pain and regret was evident in everything he’d done since. She should have marched upstairs and pulled the cables to the twins’ speakers or made Brian stay and take the dog for a walk into the town and have lunch together. He should have stayed, and they should have talked this out months before any issues had arisen. Maybe some of the guilt she felt was internalised, if she’d had taken that Sunday afternoon on Friday, if she’d have baked his favourite treats and wrapped her body around his in the hazy sunlight, maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did. Y/n fingers ghosted his cheek, Brian’s eyes locked to hers moving around his face and body. She leaned forward, lips pushing into his ever so softly it almost felt like smoke dancing along his skin soon to slip away. He knew not to push, to relax with a soft hum of appreciation. Her heart seemed to reform slightly as she felt his shoulders relax but could feel his lips just holding back from what he really wanted. With passion and force, their kiss grew. Maybe the words couldn’t express how she needed to be back with him but hopefully some romantic attention could. Y/n caressed his sharp jaw with her thumb and Brian reciprocated. His long and delicate fingertip ran over her pulse point, feeling the strong thud when his hand splayed around her neck with a tender and gentle touch. Brian’s hands relaxed their grip when he reminded himself to slow down. He’d gladly accept anything his wife offered no matter how short. Savouring what he believed to be the last fleeting moments with her lips on his. Y/n’s weight seemed to shift around him, her leg pushing further across his lap and Brian gave a surprised whimper when he felt his wife wrap her arms around his neck and lower herself into his lap. “This okay?” She asked as his hands remained in mid-air but their lips never truly parting. “I just wasn’t prepared.” “Why aren’t you touching me?” She mumbled against his lips as their noses rubbed together in a change of sides. “I didn’t know I was allowed to.” He admitted before taking her hips with a squeeze. The thin T-shirt had ridden up and exposed her lower back which gave Brian an opportunity to touch her skin. She was almost so warm and soft; exactly how home felt. One hand fell lower daring to press under the thin material of her yoga pants and give her ass a playful grasp. She allowed his hands to roam her body feeling wanted and safe in his tight hold. It felt so wonderful to be here once more. They both melted into their lover, moaning into each other as her tongue slipped across his bottom lip to deepen the kiss even further. Her hand draped around his shoulder and into his open shirt to feel the intimate skin of his chest. She’d missed him so dreadfully and it finally felt like they were reclaiming their marriage together. “You really do have a fantastic arse.” And that simple statement of praise and Brian’s attempt to make her feel attractive instantly caused a sink in her gut. Had he said that to someone else? Was he comparing the two women? Had he felt that bitch up like he touched his wife? Then she could feel it; that cheap red lipstick staining her lips from his. A powerful shove from her palms to Brian’s shoulders knocked him back into the cushions. He was shell shocked; how could everything flip so drastically? Change so quickly? He watched his wife begin to pace around the room with wide eyes as she shook her head and once again avoided looking to him directly. “Darling, what’s wrong? You’re worrying me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, but I can see how much I have.” He jumped up and tried to place a hand on her chest and back and rub calming circles like before, but it just made it worse. She screamed at him to not touch her and Brian just stood dejected and feeling as if he was taking up far too much space in her world. It was back. The red hotspots as she was calling them. Sometimes when she looked at her husband, she could almost see glowing patches of skin where he’d been unfaithful. Holding someone else’s hand, had she kissed his chest like y/n did, tickled her tongue along his stomach until he squirmed or bit his neck in pleasure as she held his strong hips. “No, no, no, please no.” She crumbled as her knees started to give way and her hands come to wipe the flowing tears. That’s when y/n saw it. The bright red glow on her own skin, could feel the heat they generated, every place his hands or mouth had laid where suddenly burning with memories and created visions of his betrayal. She wiped her lips with the back of her hand as if that would somehow help but her head was spinning. No other thoughts could process in her mind other than Brian’s unfaithfulness and how his skin and soul had been polluted by another. All she could think was how he was transferring everything to her; making her unclean and defiled too. “Why did you do this!? Why did you allow yourself to be tainted like this?! How could you do this to our marriage, Brian?!” “Darling, you’re having a panic attack. Look at me.” Brian was kneeling down next to his wife, eyes of pure concern as her chest shook with deep sobs. He tried to hand her a drink, but she couldn’t bear to place it to her lips. “I just can’t stop thinking about you… doing that- something so personal and private with someone else… with her…” Another fresh set of tears broke down her cheeks as her body screamed for air turning her voice weak. ”You left our home to be with another woman, Brian! Not on tour, not away in the world. You left me… for her.” The guilt was already steadily tightening a knot in his gut. His poor wife was broken, she’d been his greatest support and champion and he’d repaid her by doing this. “I’m so sorry.” Brian sniffled with his cuff pressed to his nose, knowing he had no right to cry and swallowed down his own tears. “I truly am. If I could take this back, I would. If I could do anything to take away your pain, I promise you, darling; I’d do anything. Keep breathing. Place your hands to your face and deep breaths.” Y/n did as he instructed and thankfully the actual attack was relatively short-lived from what she’d been experiencing recently. She hadn’t had anxiety attack’s regularly since she was nineteen. Before this had awful mess had happened, Brian was always there for her. He’d place a hand over the centre of her back and chest and shush her until she felt less claustrophobic and then he’d pull y/n’s body gently to his chest and enclose her in their own little bubble. Brian was y/n’s security blanket, a protector against the world and whatever scared her, but never did she think it would be his actions that could terrify her to the core. “I will never, ever fuck up so fucking badly again. I’ll spent every waking second of my life trying to make this right if you want me too. If you want me, that is. I worship the ground you and our boys walk on already and that will never change. Regardless of your decision. You’d never have to worry about money or anything such as that either. I’d make sure you got what you deserved. I’ll stand aside if you want me to.” Y/n hadn’t seen her husband cry over the situation much since she’d come home, he’d tried to be strong, but she could so often hear small sobs from behind closed doors or see how red his eyes were in the middle of the night. However, as he spoke those words he never imagined having to, he looked like some poor and broken man whose clothes didn’t fit and emotional pain physically manifested in his lithe frame. “Nothing can ever change how much I love you, y/n. You’ll be okay always; I promise you’ll get back to being happy soon.” “Just hold me.” Y/n was still so pained and emotionally raw but just maybe the attack had subsided as soon as Brian was close and calm. The ice-cold burn in her lungs subsiding slowly as her chest still felt like fire to touch. She needed him, as much as she wanted to deny it. Her thoughts from the last hour all swirled in her mind as she tried to focus on Brian in front of her with his soft voice of pure sincerity. Y/n reached out, taking his hand in her own and placing it over her heart. Without having to be asked, he started to rub soothing circles. Brian’s other hand moved to gently encourage her head against his own chest as he peppered kisses to her hair . It could have been minutes or hours, neither would be able to guess a time as Brian continued to whisper comforting words to her. “I want to take a shower… I can still feel everything on me. I just need to be fresh right now. If we’re having that conversation. I need to feel okay at least.” Y/n said as Brian groaned standing up, hissing in pain. “Just my knees. Don’t worry.” “I told you not to kneel so much on the cold floor. You’re too bony for that…” “Don’t worry about me. Y/n… I want to schedule another therapist appointment for us. Set of appointments really. I want to get back to however normal we can become.” “I do too. It’s just this feeling of-“ Y/n began at scratch at her arms to show what she felt. Brian just waved an understanding hand. “I know. Go shower and I’ll see you soon.” Almost on autopilot she went upstairs but began to strip off her clothes in the hallway to rid herself of one layer of bad feelings at a time. Brian sat back down completely unnerved at how bad it had truly gotten. How could he have missed such a thing? Every step forward felt like three back. He’d been so overjoyed just have her and the twins back in the house that everything else just seemed to pass him by. He gave a long sigh that racked his body with exhaustion and began to absentmindedly play with the ring on his finger again. When they’d gotten married it had meant too much to have something on his hand, something so small to show the world that he wasn’t such a mess anymore. Show the world he wasn’t walking alone anymore. Wherever and whoever he was that day, somewhere in the world someone was waiting for him, thinking about him and caring about his despite the distance between them. Gradually they both took their rings off for a plethora of reasons. It caught on his strings or the diamond band flashed the camera strangely when she was presenting a segment. At first, they’d both been unwilling, Brian would slip his on another finger for the tour and y/n would swirl the band around but slowly they both became accustomed to not having that little bit of precious metal on their person more and more. Plodding with leaden steps, he pottered into the kitchen; letting the dog out and then setting on making her a snack, still concerned about the lack of care his wife was taking of herself and it was all his fault. Upstairs y/n was doing almost the same thing as Brian, contemplative and alone in the shower, but eyeing the diamond wedding band sat neatly on the shelf as she washed the shampoo from her hair. She only wore her rings when she went out now, just to not allow any news outlets to try to drag out the already well worked affair. bur Brian had not taken his off for a moment during the recent months, but y/n was still so deep in denial of her feelings that it only served as a reminder of what had happened. When they’d gotten married it seemed so serious and grown up to walk around with a wedding band holding down her engagement ring, she’d play with it all the time and if she was deep in thought she’d tap one ring against the other until her husband would wordlessly press his hand over hers when it had sufficiently irritated him. There was a knock at the ensuite door, shaking her from her thoughts as Brian spoke. “I’ve brought you some toast and a drink up. By the bed. This is fresh out of the dyer.” A pristine towel was unceremoniously dropped through the gap. “I’ll sleep in the guest room.” “It’s not very late, Bri.” She said with a frown hearing the depletion in his voice but getting no response as the bedroom door closed with a small thud of frustration. Brian was stood outside looking at the wall of family pictures and achievements that lined the hallway. The kid’s certificates and his gold discs with their degrees in between previously captured memories. He smiled as he looked between his favourites, only putting them back up when she agreed to come home, their memories far too painful for the month without his wife and younger children especially when his older ones could barely bring themselves to acknowledge that he may be pained too. Lovingly, he stroked his most treasured one; himself, y/n and all five of his children at a after show party. They all looked so happy, Harry just over taking their sisters in height then whereas now the twins where both eye to eye with Brian. His girls had their arms around his wife and Brian pulled both his youngest and eldest son close with Fred kneeling with a cheesy smile plastered across his face and his mother’s hands on his shoulders. If only Brian could go back and tell himself to savour every second and never take them for granted. “What the fuck did you do?” He muttered and turned to go to the guest room far away from the bedroom he wasn’t sure he could still consider his own. Y/n watched as the suds ran over her body, removing all the marks left on her skin from Brian and anyone else. Regardless of how irrational she knew the feelings where they just couldn’t always be shaken away. She knew that nothing of that night would remain anywhere but his mind however, she wasn’t thinking rationally in those moments of utter pain. When they’d first started dating, it seemed a privilege to have Brian’s touch or something of his on her. He’d left his watch on her bedside table and she’d kept it safe on her wrist for two days before he’d come back to retrieve it. She liked being able to see a little reminder of her then boyfriend. Times had changed but still a large collection of random tour hoodies and his vintage T-shirt’s where still her favourite thing to lounge around in and when he was away on tour she’d press her face into the old fabric and breath in that scent that was just him. It wasn’t, however, the same as being able to lay on his chest or nuzzle into his neck from behind whilst he played guitar. That hadn’t happened for months though, hadn’t allowed herself to wrap him in an embrace wholeheartedly but Brian had desperately tried to comfort her or just have that intimacy. He’d try putting his hand on her knee in the car or trying to hook his little finger around hers like they used to when they sat somewhat near each other on the sofa once. Y/n wasn’t to blame for what Brian did, but she also had to saddle the responsibility of getting her marriage back on track if she indeed wanted things to get better. When the therapist had asked about their sex life since, Brian had brushed it off as ‘Fine, all things considering.’ However, she had sat silent; how could see tell the man she loved his touch made her skin crawl because she somehow thought he was covered with his mistress. They’d gone over every detail; she knew what and how it happened but the doubts where still there even after his unbridled honesty. It was now or never. She had to do something before he gave up trying, and y/n feared he was tittering on the edge of the precipice. It was apparently normal to be turned off from sex, but y/n made every effort to avoid even gentle touch and love but when she did accept it. It made everything melt away for those precious few moments before the memories hit like a tidal wave. ”Sometimes it’s just like he’s tainted. I can’t touch him without feeling that way too. I feel dirty and unclean. I instantly want to wash it off.” Y/n said as she sat quietly tucked away with Rogers/w/n in a small wine bar weeks ago, both their eyes scanning the street or bar for cameras or people listening in. “Do you feel he can wash it off? Realistically nothing left now, I know he’s not lying when he said about it being a onetime accident. Roger would know if it happened on tour with him and you know everyone on his solo tours and their families. I don’t think you wouldn’t know if something else had gone off…” “They’re on his payroll. Of course, they’d lie because he’s putting food on their tables. I wouldn’t blame them.” “But if you still see these…. these things… Have you heard of revenge sex? Claiming what’s yours. Make him yours again. I know it’s difficult, but I’ve seen how broken he is, admittedly I’m not talking to him or pitying him in anyway, but I know what he’s telling Rog and he’s devastated. You both need each other to go forward.” “You’re starting to sound like my therapist.” Y/n rolled her eyes as she swirled the wine in her glass. “She thinks that revenge or claiming sex isn’t good to start with, but she thinks I need to make more of an effort, I can tell that’s what she means. We’re going out and when we talk, it’s great, I know he’s honest and I don’t really question his loyalty to the family but the moment he wants to kiss. I just think about the fact he’s kissed someone else. He’s done even bloody more than just a kiss. It wasn’t even like he was on tour and it just happened. He left our house to be with her. He could have said no. A few glasses of wine? Like that’s an excuse, he knows I’d have picked him up if he’d have called.” Y/n’s friend had just sat there and pouted in thought, letting her friend speak. She hadn’t gotten y/n to really open up at all, only flashes of emotion before someone or something would take their attention. “I want to be able to accept him back like before, but I- I just can’t…” She took a large gulp of her drink, avoiding her friends’ sympathetic eyes in a bid to not cry again. “The therapist suggested a spa treatment or showering together because it’s personal and private… relaxing but I don’t know.” “Because you were obviously not freaky before.” R/w/n teased and rolled her eyes which raised a small laugh before her friend covered her hand with her own. “You’re paying a small fortune, try what she’s suggesting if you can. Don’t even say about the boys, you know I’ll have them any time.” Y/n took a deep breath as she stepped out the shower and wrapped the still warm towel around herself. Purposely she walked to the other side of the bathroom. She took her wedding and engagement rings and pushed them onto her finger to where they are meant to sit. It warmed her soul, she’d admit, to feel them again on her own terms. Tenderly she brought them to her lips, kissing them with a thousand resealed promises. “Brian?!” She called for him as she scanned the bedroom and into the hallway but only the dog gave a brief bark from one of the boys’ rooms. Briefly she glimpsed their wedding photos even more determined to somehow make this fade into the distance. Her steps where brisk as she caught the sound of the main shower running and the open guest room door. “Hi.” Y/n breathed into the steamy room, breaking Brian from his thoughts and pulling his head away from the tiles but keeping the soaped wash scrubber in his hand. “Are you okay?” He asked concerned to why she’d come to him. “Is something wrong, love?” Y/n gave a gentle shake of her head, a hint of a smile on her lips. “I love you.” She spoke definitely and honestly. “Can I join you?” Brian was understandably taken aback, he’d only really gotten in the shower as a way to waste some time before the inevitable time he’d have to retire to a bed that wasn’t his own and fight his body’s natural want to be awake but the pain of sitting alone in his home was too great on his heart to bare. “Yeah…” Unashamedly her towel was dropped and kicked to the side of the room with a confidence rooted more in ‘fake it till you make it’ than anything else. However, her husband was wide eyed and breathless as she slipped around the shower screen and pulled him into a chaste kiss. “I want to make this work. I really, really want to get through this rough patch.” “Me too.” He whispered as y/n draped her arms around his neck and pressed their bodies together under the streams of hot water. Brian instantly pushed his face into her shoulder, kissing any wet skin his lips could land on as his arms circled around her waist so tightly. “I love you so much.” Hazel eyes were forced open, gazing at the curves of her hips and dimples on her back; he tried to memorise every dip and sweep of her flesh that he’d taken for granted just in case he didn’t get the chance to do so again. “I know you do… Stay with me tonight.” Y/n turned her face, pressing a long overdue kiss to his jaw. “Stay in our bed. Please?” The thud of her heart was noticeable between their chests as her nerves grew. What if he said no? Brian smiled tight lipped, almost like a nervous teenager, nodding as his cheeks grew pink with a blush of happy energy radiating through his body even though he’d claim it was just the hot water. With a deep breath she reached behind her back, taking his hand and the shower mitt before bringing it up to his face and brushing the soap over his mouth, cheeks and jaw line. The red marks weren’t there but she pictured them fading away like the exercise had said, each one of them being soaped away with each pass of her hand over his neck. Y/n watched the red turn pink and then be washed away as he tilted his head under the water, his usually wild curls somewhat subdued. “Is there a good reason you’re trying to water board me?” Brian teased y/n before she rolled her eyes with a simple nod. She forced her hand lower; looking over his scared stomach before her hands travelled back up his lithe chest. The mixture of soap and water made his skin slick so y/n’s hands could easily spread around and rub at whatever area she wanted to be hers again. “You are mine, aren’t you? Only mine?” Brian nodded; they didn’t need more than necessary words in this situation. His chest was next, running over every bump of his ribs from his sternum to his waist and feeling the rise and fall of his breath from underneath. “Yes. Only yours, my love.” She needed one reassurance and only alone. His stomach was so badly marked from being young, she couldn’t even contemplate having to watch him go through so many seriously illnesses back to back. Y/n always admired his emotional strength and drive to get better in such dire circumstances. Circling his hips before dropping lower to massage the soap around his long legs, kneeling before him as Brian kept much of the water from hitting y/n. Even though his legs carried almost no muscle, he always had these perfect curves and soft lines of definition. Y/n had to say, the blessing of that first hot summer together had caused her so many distractions when they’d laid out in Brian’s garden to escape the heat of the city. It was so perfectly private for their burning passions for each other. They’d barely worn clothes for those days and anything inside seemed an impossible task. He hummed as fingers pressed into and massaged his calves. “That feels really quite nice.”   A gentle kiss fell to his knee, still red from kneeling so long downstairs. She moved to his thighs, looking up at him through wet lashes to see his eyes half closed and his lips holding a smile. Brian took the soap in his palm, sweeping it over her shoulders with so much care and attention. Neither of them had to speak as his slender fingers massaged into her shoulders till, she moaned out and closed her eyes, thumbs digging into his thighs with a gasp. They never felt pressured to always be talking, many years of love and kinship meant they could communicate on so many levels together. Cautiously sweeping quickly over his crotch as she stood, focusing on his reaction, but his soft moans and bite to his lip awaked something almost forgotten within her. The wash cloth was released from her grip as she allowed her hand to dance along the hot skin of his hip bones causing his breath to catch and his eyes to close as the back of her hand brushed against his length before slipping it fully between her palm and instantly feeling pulses of excitement start to throb. “Don’t-“ He pushed her hand away just slightly as his pent-up sexual want bubbled at his surface and fogged his mind. “Kiss me.” It came out as a small, desperate whisper but Brian needed no explanation or further instructions as he dipped his head to connect his lips to his wife’s. The pressure was strong and consistent, but it wasn’t meant to be sexual, any emotion or connection he tried to pour into kissing her and ignore the ghosting touch to his twitching cock. It was y/n who opened her mouth slightly causing a gasp to vibrate through her lips before a long groan. They picked up where they left off downstairs with little gasps and moans and his hands squeezed her hips but as he went to use the path of the water to slide down her to her bum, he remembered and instead just rubbed a small path up to her waist. “No. Touch me.” She murmured before kissing him deeply again as a thousand locked away feelings flooded their minds so almost nothing could come.  “I want you to touch me. Can I touch you?” She asked but Brian just gave a long groan and nodded before kissing her again. Her soaped palm glided over his sensitive weights before taking his semi hard shaft and teasing it with a light and slow jerk of her hand. “Oh god…” Y/n waist was possibly Brian’s favourite part of her body. Hourglass curves where definitely his new weakness for y/n. Brian kissed her again but pulled away, looking deeply into her eyes as his hands stayed situated and hers continued to tease his hardening cock. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” Y/n whispered, pushing onto her tip toes to kiss Brian’s cheek. It just felt so sensual and perfect to have her husband back without the pressure. She needed to go forward and remember why they fell in love, why this all happened and how badly she needed him. His eyes trailed her body, barely speaking as he gave her a gentle squeeze. “You’re so beautiful and, gosh, I love this waist; you’re so perfect. I love being able to hold you by it when we’re out at parties or just getting coffee so everyone knows your mine.” “I’ve always been yours and you’re mine. You are mine regardless of anything else.” Brian kissed her cheeks in return as the emotion almost broke her voice. “When else… I miss your voice. I miss you.” His usually agile mind was clouded and fogged with intense desire. “When I make love to you…” Brian almost blurted out with a long moan but earned himself a reassuring kiss to his jaw. “or when you wrap your body around mine and you make love with me,“ he kissed the shell of her ear. "so I know you’re mine or even when we can’t wait, and I fuck you hard and fast. I’ll lock my hands onto your waist and pull you into me, so you know you’re mine.” Y/n gasped at Brian’s words, so teasing and tempting and yet almost alien from anything she’d heard in the last few months. All she knew was her mind was screaming for everything in that description. She wanted to be around his body as they melted into each other and the rest of the world and the utter bullshit it contained drifted into insignificance. “Make me yours. Remind me who’s I am. I want to be yours again.” Brian’s lips were attacking his wife’s before she’d even finished speaking, his knees dipping to her level. “Come be mine. I want you back.” “You’ve already got me. You’ve got me always.” His mouth left hers with his hands coming to her cheeks and forcing their eyes to lock. “I love you. You know that, don’t you? Forever and a day.” Y/n nodded, pressing three short kisses to his lips as tears threatened to bite at her eyes. ‘Forever and a day’ such a simple statement but to them it held so much. He’d said it when he proposed, when they got married but he’d first said it after a fight shortly after they’d gotten serious. Brian was worried about their age gap and the intense public scrutiny of y/n and their relationship and y/n had taken it so personally about herself because she didn’t see an older man when she looked at Brian. She saw someone on her level. However, to him, in that moment he was trying to save them both time and his heartache when the novelty wore off, pressure became too much, or her parents decided they hated him and eventually she went home with a sob story. “Forever and a day.” He repeated, holding her jaw as if it was delicate glass that could snap at any point and leave his fingers cut to ribbons. Until she too whispered the words just loudly enough to hear over the muffle of the shower water bouncing off the tiles. They were desperate kisses and she willed her mind to keep her focus on her husband not allow anything but excitement to creep into her thoughts. The fear that it would all end with anxiety still weighting at the back of her mind. She prayed to anything or anyone who would listen that the advice would work. Y/n took a hold of her husbands’ thick forearms moving his hands along her waist and hips to her thighs before dragging his palms to her chest.   Brian too had his own nerves about pushing his wife or the ever-creeping doubt she simply didn’t find him attractive anymore. He was so incredibly apprehensive to just be touching his lover as he’d been rejected too many times to the point it felt almost like she hated him. Their old life felt like a distant memory of happier times and burning flames of excitement. “Brian please…” She whined. Calloused hands cupped her breasts with his thumb just brushing her left nipple as y/n squeezed his bicep with a small moan. “This okay?” He muttered against her cheek as his wife’s hands slid up onto his shoulders and pressed them even closer together. “Oh, fuck yes.” A soft mouth attached to hers before moving along her jaw and down her neck. She melted whenever his lips were working the column with soft nips and the effect had most certainly not died. His thumb worked her nipple into a stiff peak as his fingers got involved in pinching and mildly rolling it between his rough fingertips. Her eyes closing involuntarily from the combination of her husband attention and craving to get out of her own mind. Brian’s tongue stiffened and licked along her collar bone before moving down the centre of her chest with a drawn-out gasp of his name. He moved to kiss and lick the underside of her ignored breast with his hand sweeping down her side to gauge her reaction to touching her full arse, Brian’s mouth attached around her nipple with a deep groan that vibrated through his lips. “More.” Y/n gasped as her back arched and pushed her tits out even more. Finally, the apprehension was starting to fade as they fell into step with each other. His fingers knew exactly how to draw on her skin as hers knew the pressure points on his neck to squeeze whenever he hit a perfect spot. Time seemed to slow down as they’re touches sped up with Brian’s mouth crossing to take her other bud between his teeth until his wife was wrapping her thigh around his hips in need some friction with moans that reverberated around the tiles. “Why don’t we take this to bed?” He said, voice deep and dripping with honey.   Without an answer, her mind too full to form words, shaking legs backed her body out of the shower before wrapping herself in the forgotten towel and picking up the warming fresh one from rail before holding out for her husband to step into. For the first time in a while she wanted to take care of him like before, there wasn’t any edge of pain or sadness as he chuckled roughly with the towel stroking over his face and ridding the droplets of water that had fell from his hair. It felt like a dream, like it could all crumble in a second for Brian and into a nightmare. It had done before. Whenever he felt like he was finally getting the light back into her eyes, something would change and then the world would collapse in on her; just leaving two people stood with broken hearts and no way to console each other without further pain. So easily could this feeling of jubilation from just her touching his chin fly into reminders of what he’d done. He let y/n lead the way down the hall and pulling him into their bedroom. She turned to him with a wicked smirk, as she flicked the bedside lamp on, her confidence evidently growing as she threw the last thing covering her naked body to the side. Brian’s jaw dropped once more causing a warming sensation of pride to run through her chest and cheeks. Lips connected back together with smirks and gasps as hands began to roam skin that was untouched for so long. Y/n ran a finger down the centre of his chest to the deep scars on his stomach feeling the muscles of his abdomen tense and shiver under her barely there touch. Nerves and anticipation grew in both their stomachs as a sensual kiss deepened into something far more passionate. Almost silent gasps and moans ran between the two. They could both write a book on the other; for example, all she had to do to get Brian in the mood was softly moan as she kissed his neck and chest whilst he read a book in bed and y/n knees would go weak if Brian pulled her leg around his hip and ran just fingertips along her sensitive inner thigh until a shiver ran down her spine or if his teeth nipped her bottom lip if he’d give her a pseudo innocent kiss and her a teasing slap to her behind; especially effective if it was a routine task she was doing or a seemingly bad time. Namely, either them had to leave the house shortly and she still had about twenty thousand things to do that afternoon. But she loved it, being taken over the sofa or wherever they were in the house, both their clothes just moved up or down enough to get access to their lover. She craved that wanting back; wanting him to take her again and just wanting to be taken. Brian the same, he’d take just being back in the bed for now, but he wanted to complain when he read and reread the same page over and over until he gave in and felt her triumphant smirk all over his body. Y/n gave her husband a gentle and encouraging push towards their bed. They’re lips continued to move together as he pulled y/n with him as he sat on the edge of the bed with his partner falling into his lap with a muffled giggle. Trying to force his back into the sheets, her husband gave a slight shake of his head before roughly yet playfully flipping her onto her back. “Oh, that’s how this is going to go, eh, Mr May?” Y/n was trying to sound teasing, but it just came out as an aching whine when her chest heaved for breath from wild mental overload of the last hour. “I believe I was starting something in the shower and I’d quite like to finish that, Mrs May.” Fingers danced along her ticklish sides as she squirmed under his touch as his mouth dragged and the connected to her hip. He licked, sucked and bit all over her lower stomach and sharp hip bones over her mound and along her thighs. Every minuscule movement caused either a gasp or expletive to leave her lips as her fingers tangled into the sheets to not distract Brian from what he was doing. It wouldn’t have mattered anyways; he was far too lost in teasing her. He needed to feel those little spasms of her muscles or pushing her most private area off the bed as he continued to get closer to actually having his mouth there before kissing back to her neck. Y/n instantly started to try and push his shoulders back down, groaning in his ear quietly about how much she needed her partners touch. Just as her back arched and tried to grind herself against his thigh Brian, shifted to lay next to her and his hand ghosted down her stomach. Long fingers parted her sensitive lips as he groaned and felt the wetness already pooling at her entrance. Holding her apart with his index and ring finger his middle dipped at her entrance and dragged the fluid upwards to gently stroke over the hidden shaft of her clitoris. Brian watched his wife’s eyes close tightly, her back arching at the barely their touch as she pulled his face to hers and began to moan against his lips as her hips rutted and moved his finger along herself. “Don’t tease me. I can’t take it.” Y/n all but whined causing a low rumble with a hint of laugher to rise from Brian. She always was so needy, another day, when they’d reconnected fully, he’d tease her, tie her to the bed and really make it tortuous. “I said I wanted to be yours. Make me yours like you promised. I want it. I need it, Bri.” The smallest and softest kiss was pressed to her lips, barely even any pressure before he was sliding off the bed and onto his knees on the discarded towel. Brian yanked y/n with a surprised squeal towards him with. Strong hands pushed her thighs over his shoulders and massaged the tension he found. “As you wish, my love.” He peppered kisses and soft licks to her inner thigh and y/n pushed onto her elbows to take in the scene before her. He looked absolutely fantastic with his wet hair and eyes blown with lust as he teased his lover. A playful tongue flicked along the tendons were her legs melted into intimate skin before dropping more kisses anywhere but where she craved him. A gasp ran through her throat as she breathlessly begged for more. “Please. Please. Please, baby, please. Baby more.” Brian let the words float for a moment, hearing her almost pathetically mewling for him. He’d craved this for so long and now he wanted to savour every second; memorise every line or movement and taste against his lips. A long stripe was licked along her lips with a flattened tongue, instantly rewarded with a hiss and squeeze of her legs. Y/n looked down to her partner with a moan as she brushed a drying curl out of his eyes. Using a smile of bliss, she gave him a confirmation which made butterflies erupt in his stomach, as their eyes remained locked his tongue pointed and opened her before pushing his face between her legs with a satisfied hum. Hot and wet, his tongue began to tease circles around her pulsing bud. Y/n was in absolute heaven her mind was clear of everything but their little sanctuary and neither her hand nor vibrator had come close to getting her this aroused as he could. She could feel the slickness ever growing and mixing with his saliva as he closed his eyes and head shook as he licked her like the best thing he’d ever tasted. His hand had her locked down across her stomach, gripping her hip so hard it would almost certainly leave bruises as she entangled her fingers into his hair to keep that much needed stimulation. Y/n’s eyes fluttered shut as his tongue hit a partially sensitive spot, but she caught her own scream with her teeth digging into her lower lip. Brian’s keen ears heard the change of tone and he looked up to such a beautiful sight but god he needed to hear her moan his name again. His hand left her hips allowing them to instantly be bucking to his mouth more and pulled her lip free. “I want to hear you. Be as loud as you want, my darling.” He smirked, before pressing back to suck and kiss her clit feverishly. “Inside me. I- I want- holy fuck- your fingers inside me.” Without thought he pulled back earning a long groan of annoyance before he sucked his finger into his mouth and sat back on his heels to see her entrance dripping for him. “Babe?” Y/n asked as she saw his jaw go slack and doubts filled her suddenly. “You’re so unbelievably wet.” Two fingers went between her sensitive inner folds as his fingers coated themselves with the thick arousal and his wife moaned at seeing her husband so deeply engaged with her body. “So wet for me. Your little clitoris is throbbing, darling. Can I put these in you now?” Frantically she nodded with the heel of her foot digging into his back with wordless pleas. Y/n dropped herself back fully into the downy sheets, no longer able to hold her body up with the tension ripping her muscles.   Both of Brian’s fingers circled her hole and his arm slipped back around her hips to hold her in place as the moans grew in volume. He had the best fingers, as if they were made just for y/n. They were slender but so long and his touch could flip from gentle and sweet with whispers of love and admiration falling from his lips to roughly finger fucking her with unmentionable fantasies being grunted in her ear. The two digits began to push inside of y/n each knuckle being squeezed, and his movements held until her opening relaxed around him to take a little more. “Just fuck me.” She groaned trying to flick her hips under his strength. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re extremely tight… again.” He smirked at the last element to his statement. It did all feel strangely familiar yet new and exciting just as it did when they first met. “I can hear you being a smug bastar-“ Her voice cut off as Brian’s thumb reached out and began to flick her clit when he was fully taken in. “Smug, you say?” He laughed and received a small kick of pleasure or playful annoyance; he wasn’t going to question either way. His mouth connected back to replace his thumb. Y/n instantly began to arch off the bed, her legs tightening around Brian’s still damp hair and locking her ankles in the centre of his shoulders to aid her rocking herself against his tongue. “Fuck! Brian!” Her moans were so loud as she arched for him and his feet shook slightly in pleasure against his back. It didn’t take much of his fingers curling into her tight heat to have her shaking on the edge and with loud moans. Y/n reached one hand above her head to grab the sheets and the other to force her fingers between Brian’s on her hip. Her knuckles where white as his thumb lovingly stroked hers in contrast to the hard and precise flicks of his tongue as he wrote a thousand promises against his wife. He promised to be true, dedicate every moment of his life to her and be on his knees for only her; whatever her needs. “Keep going. I’m close.” Brian’s efforts ramped up. His fingers moving as fast as possible as his chin was cupped in his palm and feeling the deep groans through his jaw as she started to clamp down to almost pain on his fingers. “I’m going to cum… I’m- fuck- I’m-“ A long moan left her mouth as her orgasm took over. Y/n had Brian clamped by her thighs and her nails were surely digging into his hand enough to leave imprints as he tried to keep enough contact to work her through her high and draw it out as much as possible. Long fingers continued to curl inside of her, rubbing the rough area of her gspot, as she spasmed around them and his tongue sucking and licking any bit of wetness he could. “Fuck! Sensitive.” She muttered with her eyes still tightly closed and her lip pouting out as she pushed his mouth away from her. Brian was panting just as hard, not that he realised how he was struggling to breath, until he wiped his face; making his wife cum was far more important than air tonight. He hadn’t had a release yet but his mind had equally blanked on anything except for how her body writhed in ecstasy, how her rib cage exposed itself as she gasped or the pornographic moans falling from those beautiful lips mixed with the sweet taste against his tongue and steady pooling of her down his fingers and into his palm. “Hard one?” He asked, kissing her inner thigh and his fingers softly pumping in and out of her perfectly pink centre. Y/n could only just about muster a nod. “Been a while, hasn’t it, darling?” “Too long.” Y/n said, she didn’t really have much to say for pillow or dirty talk, but she loved to listen to his soft voice asking or saying the most perverse things. “Do you feel like mine again, my love?” A sharp nip to the tender skin making her whimper. “Yes.” She whimpered. “If I could, I’d spend every evening between your legs. You taste so beautiful and feel so incredible. I just love devouring you. I’ve missed doing this to you so badly. I crave you like no other, my love. I love you so much, but no one physically has ever had me like you. You do understand that it’s you for me. Always.” “Forever…” y/n squeezed his hand, their wedding rings knocking together almost symbolically in the moment with no other sound. “I know. I know. I don’t doubt you.” Brian kissed his way back up her body but keeping his fingers inside of her in a want to be one with his wife in every possible way. However, she gently pulled away his wrist and moved further onto the bed, both of them on their knees as they kissed and held each other’s hips. She could taste herself on his lips, but she wasn’t ashamed to moan out. He was finally hers, covered in his wife and no one else. The red spots didn’t concern her anymore because they didn’t exist anymore. He smelt like home; his aftershave, her perfume and fresh country air. The past needed to be put to bed for both of them; they needed each other more than ever before. Y/n let out a small yelp as she pressed her hips into his and felt an already raging erection. “And what would this be?” She grinned, stroking his length ever so slowly. Brian instantly groaned, his lip between his teeth until her index finger pulled it loose. “Ah ah ah. I want to hear you.” Y/n dropped onto her elbows in front of him, moving her body to be across his, allowing him access to spank or touch her, as she took the already red and leaking tip of his cock between her full lips. He tasted as he always did, the sweetest she’d had but easily the biggest, meaning she could never take him close to fully. With innocent eyes she looked up, seeing his expression already tense as she slapped the head of his cock against her tongue before pushing as much as she could between her lips and wantonly moaning. The sadness may have momentarily passed but the situation still felt different to how it once did. Brian’s hands didn’t immediately come down on her or sweep her hair away to up his visual. She wondered how he felt in the moment; he was trying so hard to reassure y/n but it wasn’t lost on either of them the last bit of sexual contact they’d had she’d dragged his orgasm out whilst encouraging him to use her mouth for his own pleasure. Brian’s guilt was ever consuming him to the point he couldn’t allow himself to be sheathed inside of y/n knowing how he’d betrayed her. In her mind, she would do anything and everything she possibly could to help him be happy. She was his wife after all and although she would never describe it as her duty to pleasure him, if she could fuck him into some relief and sleep, she would. “So good… baby, so perfect…” “Bri?” His eyes opened as he helped his wife back to her knees and their arms wrapping around each other. “Yes, my love?” He asked, brushing her now dry waves with creeping concern at his wife’s sudden demeanour change. “What’s wrong?” “I just need you to promise that you mean this? You mean tonight. I know it’s silly, but I just need to hear it.” Her eyes reflected conflict and pain in them both only his where blown dark with arousal. “I love you. I want you. I need you. You’re my wife. You’ll always be the love of my life. It’ll be work but I will do whatever you need… Shall we cuddle for a while?” He was already motioning to lay down but the words of her friend and therapist rang in her ears. “I’d love to cuddle up with you, my darling.” ’Claim him’  “I can just ride you for a while?” Brian didn’t know what to say, his jaw loose as he somehow murmured a confirmation. He didn’t need any help, but she still jerked his cock a few times to take it back to its full hardness. He’d always felt incredible in her hand and the power to make this tall, handsome and strong man crumble to whimpers was joyous. Y/n sat astride her husband’s thin thighs as she moved her hips to brush along his length caused an unbridled hiss from Brian when he felt the first bit of heat. Her confidence was one again starting to reform. Her hands fell onto his chest as the head hit her still sensitive clit. “We don’t have to-“ he whispered, brushing back stray hairs as he watched her face intently. “Yes, we do.” “I’m more than satisfied making you do that. I don’t need-“ “I do. I need to do this. I need to make you…” Slowly y/n sank down onto his length with a long moan. “Inside me. I need you to…” It felt like when they first started dating or he’d go away on tour; that familiar stretch of how well-endowed he really was. “Fuck.” It took all his willpower not to flip the positions and fuck her with every fibre of strength he could find but the tightness, the wetness and the emotions combined. His mind was drowning in overstimulation and he knew he couldn’t possibly last long. Rough hands where like magnets to her waist now, encouraging the slow grind as he focused all of his being into her. “Just like that.” Brian whispered as his wife’s hands clawed lightly at his chest. “You feel so perfect, y/n.” At the utterance of her name, her cunt gave a sharp squeeze to his cock. That’s what was missing, she feared somewhere well-hidden it wasn’t her he pictured when he closed his eyes. Her hips sped up just a little bit, longer strokes as she rode him. “Promise you love me?” Her manicured nails dragged across his chest leaving pink lines on his pale skin as her hips rocked fully at speed now. It broke his heart to have to tell her something she should indefinitely know. “I promise… This is how I love seeing you, y/n. What keeps me going on the road and those dirty videos you send obviously help.” Y/n gave a small smile but closed her eyes in pleasure starting to build again. “I’ve missed you around me so much. You have no idea how wonderful it feels for the one person you love to have you literally inside of them. We’re one, you and I, y/n.“ “I love you. I love you so much, Brian.” Her voice was desperate, broken as she chased her release and tried so hard to claim his body. Their hips rocked together with breathy moans and Brian brushing both their untamed locks from their faces. “God, I can’t wait to feel you cum on my cock. Can’t wait to pound into you and feel you tighten. You say my name prettier than anyone ever could.” Unexpectedly, she moved from his length, on all fours as she waited in the middle of the bed. “I want that. I want you to take me hard. Make me scream your name. Use all your body on mine.” Brian scrambled into his knees with his hands magnetised to her cheeks as he laid out a heavy slap. Her form jolted forward with a moan being dragged across her lips. It wasn’t their usual sex but the freedom to be loud was never something he wanted to let pass them by and in these situations, he couldn’t refrain from doing so. “Sorry.” He muttered, dropping an apologetic kiss on her back. “Don’t be. I liked it.” Lining his already wet cock with her entrance, Brian took a deep breath and reminded himself to take his time knowing how it was all be over far too quickly. He ran himself through her sensitive folds as little whimpers of approval cascaded from y/n. Her face was tightly scrunched and pushed into the duvet as her hips pushed back searching for more stimulation mixed with the incredible feeling of fullness that only Brian could bring her. Another harsh spank came down to her cheek, his fingers rubbed the area; he wanted both to cause it to redden but also caress and tease his lover. “Punish me.” Brian’s ears just about heard the weak murmur. “Why?” “I’ve not been a good wife.” “I’ll punish you for putting yourself down only.” He lent forward dropping a chaste kiss to her shoulder as his hand gave another burning slap to her hot skin which only made her hiss and groan further. Brian’s hard cock slipped back inside of y/n as she pushed herself onto him. He let out a deep groan as he indulged himself by holding her open and watching his glistening cock being bounced on as her lips and opening dragged around his shaft. ”You’re so perfect.” He whispered. “So perfect for me.” “Yeah?” Y/n mumbled and got onto her hands with closed eyes in hopes of freeing her mind again. “Hit me again.” His large hand covered most of her cheek as she groaned from the pain slowly turning into pleasure. “Fuckkkkk…” y/n collapsed forward again but reached her hand behind her, clicking her fingers until she felt his palm against hers. She moved her hair to one side and bit into cover underneath her in pure pleasure. “I love you. Only you.” It felt electric, their bodies crashing into each other’s as Brian didn’t give her a moment to adjust before he was slamming himself deep within her. Y/n could do nothing more than moan and rock in time with his set rhythm, but she could hear his low panting growl and knew he was just as into this as her. He crushed her hand in his and lent forward to use her shoulder as a holding point to use even more force in their desperation. “Feels so good.” She whimpered under her husband’s strong hands. “I want you to cum in me. Do you feel like I do?” “It’s about to feel even better. Come here.” He whispered, pulling y/n’s arm and shoulder until she had her back pressed against his chest whilst he peppered kisses to her shoulder and exposed neck. “I want to be with you. Make love with me, baby. I’ve missed you with me.” Brian’s left hand took a hold of her jutting hip bone and his right looped her body and turned her flushed face to his. He pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of his wife’s mouth. Her husband knew how much she enjoyed positions of this variant, always in the shower, or a quickie when they were on a time schedule. She loved how easily he’d stimulate her g-spot and how deeply his cock would press into her and the intimacy of his hands having the full play of her body. Brian couldn’t lie and say it was fantastic to have his wife whimpering under him as he toyed with her clitoris or breasts and could suck and bite into her neck and feel the incredible tightness around his shaft. Y/n couldn’t wait however, pushing his fingers towards her aching wetness. Brian mewled in her ear as he found his fingertips once again brushing between her soft lips and feeling the hardened nub twitch under his tight circles. “Fuck… just there.” She moaned as their hips met in perfect, rehearsed rhythm. The tightness around his cock was elevating and make it almost impossible for Brian to keep time as he bit into her neck with a groan. ”I’m going to cum… Fuck, Bri, ” she whimpered once again and grabbed onto his hair to pull their cheeks together. Hot breath fanned over her skin as she listened to get husband moan her name as he slammed into her and tried to hold back his own orgasm. Pressing a kiss to his cheek she whispered for only him. “Cum with me.” Both their efforts on each other amplified; her bouncing and arching her back and the sharp snap of Brian’s hips against her backside with his hands pulling her even to him. He groaned and grunted about how much he loved her, and she started to almost scream his name as the tight knots in both their stomachs began to grow and tighten. Y/n kept her head turned to kiss any part of his face she could and give him a show by squeezing her own nipple to intensify her bodies reaction to him. Y/n started to clench around Brian’s cock, seeming to beg for his orgasm. As much as he wanted to hold off, he simply couldn’t as he opened his eyes to the curve of his lovers body, her hand on her own breast and his between her legs with her hand squeezing his wrist and the other tugging deep in his mass of curls. “Yes! I’m so close… Cum with me please!” She moaned breathlessly as she felt his thrusts become erratic and the warmth of relief starting to spread from her centre. Her thighs tingled as her climax fully took over her body, hips spasmed as she loudly moaned. Orgasms halted any thoughts but of them reaching their peaks together. Her cunt claimed his release with every pulsating squeeze of her muscles as her hips took over the movement of sliding up and down his twitching length as Brian moaned quietly and kissed his wife’s neck as she tugged his hair with the last ebbs of her orgasm fleeting through her body. “Done. I’m done, babe.” y/n whispered, kissing his cheek as she pulled away his hand that hadn’t stopped the consistent circles on her clitoris. Usually he’d be far more in tune with her, but y/n could tell her husband was in the final grips of his own pleasure. Brian’s eyes were closed as he felt himself finally stop shooting inside of her walls. They’d both surely be painted by the load he’d fucked deep within her. Both stayed wrapped up and gasping for breath enjoying bathing in the afterglow after so long. Brian loved her how her body felt, all warm and pressed against his chest, her shampoo scent and the taste of her lips in his mouth , how he could feel his seed already dribbling down his shaft with her juices was downright unexplainably incredible. He nuzzled into her shoulder, his arms tightly around her waist with one of hers on his cheek and the other onto of his arms, as he laid gentle kisses anywhere, he could. Part of him never really knew if they’d ever experience this feeling together again. “That was amazing.” He muttered as he smiled softly at his wife’s kisses falling against his cheek bone and tilted his head around to deeply kiss her. “You know, you’re the only thing holding me up right now.” She gave a feeble laugh, but she wasn’t going to do anything to change it. “I feel like jelly.” “You just feel nice to hold.” Brian’s honesty and squeeze made her heart bloom, small, broken pieces gluing back together in her chest. It was slow but it felt like she had gathered each tiny bit in her chest to allow them to come back and each one still had his name stamped on them. “Let’s get cleaned up.” “I can’t stand Brian, let alone shower. That’s what you do to me.” He placed a few kisses to her exposed neck, whispering things she couldn’t make out. Y/n hissed slightly in overstimulation as he pulled himself out, his load already starting to fall as Brian moved away and helped her to lay on weak limbs. Y/n saw her husband open his bedside table, a mystery in recent months, and pull out a set of wipes and turned his body away from her view. Quietly he cleaned his fading erection and wiped down his thighs from her juices. Honestly, he wouldn’t have cared but he knew she would. “Can you just come cuddle with me already?” Y/n whined as her eyelids were already heavy with the want to be embraced and sleep soundly for the first time in months. “Just spread your legs first.” “Kinky.” Brian bit back a laugh with a roll of his own eyes when he went to push open her thighs and take a fresh wipe over her mound. The coolness made her gasp and then Brian couldn’t hold back the groan of watching his wife so exposed and her pussy swollen, pink and covered in him. He certainly did not want to take that little bit of himself from her body and neither did she. He was allowed to clean her ever so gently and lovingly. “That stopped your back chatting pretty quickly.” A hand moved to Brian’s stomach, pushing him away slightly but her thumb caressing along his hip bone. “I’m exhausted stop trying to get me going again. Come be a gentleman and cuddle.” Brian shifted his weight over his wife to ‘his’ side of the bed and yanked the covers out from her legs before draping them over both of their naked bodies. He flicked off the bedside light to blacken the room. “I don’t want to fall asleep yet…” y/n muttered already drowsy, her eyes closing and opening slowly. Fingertips held her chin as he slowly kissed every part of her face before pressing an affectionate kiss to her lips. “Go to sleep. You need your sleep, angel.” He knew neither of them had barely slept in months, so he passively allowed her to manoeuvre his body onto his back and one arm around looping her shoulders and the other clasping their hands together on his abdomen. Her head rested against his chest, occasionally kissing just above his heart as she fought to stay away until she felt Brian’s breathing turn slow and deep. The shrill ring of the telephone on her bedside woke y/n with a jolt. Brian groaned, squeezing his wife’s body currently being spooned against his. “Take it off the hook. It’s bloody late.” Angrily he muttered with a full rasp to his voice. “Hello?” Y/n pressed the phone to her ear without even opening her eyes fully. “Just in bed… Yeah it’s- Jesus- three am. Of course, we’re asleep… One second,” she knocked the phone into Brian’s shoulder. “Roger wants you.” “Seriously, what do you even want at this time?” Brian was certainly not a morning person. “Just letting you know all is well. Back home. Bought your kids a burger rather than that rabbit food you insist on feeding them.” Rogers voice was teasing as he put together the various scenarios in his mind. However, he couldn’t lie and say it wasn’t a weight of his mind for his friend’s happiness. “Thank you…” Brian yawned, rubbing his eyes but also hearing Rogers knowing smirk through the line. “I’ll pick them up tomorrow lunch time, I guess. I’ll do the taxi next time.” “Have fun… Sleep well.” Brian threw the receiver back onto the bedside table. With a long sigh, he wrapped his arms around his dozing wife, but he knew sleep wouldn’t claim him again. Yet he stayed huddled up under soft blankets with naked skin against his pressing a loving kiss to her ear. They lay in each other’s embrace with Brian’s watching the red numbers of the alarm clock change in hopes of falling asleep. “I can hear you not sleeping.” Y/n groaned and rubbed her face into the sheets. “Bloody hell…” “Can’t sleep now either?” “No… but I’m happy just laying here for a while…” Y/n rolled in his arms, her face instantly nuzzling into his slightly stubbled neck with a sigh. “I’ve got to get up.” Brian whispered as he kissed the top of her head but received a needy groan. “I’ll come back soon. Tea and then back to bed.” “Fine, you owe me breakfast in bed.” “Breakfast of champions.” Brian muttered cheekily just loud enough for her to be able to decipher what he meant after a few moments thought. He received back a slap to his shoulder with a giggle as y/n pressed herself deeper under the warm covers of Brian’s side. “Dickhead.” Brian slipped from under the covers, careful to make as little noise as possible until he had the bedroom door shut behind him. He grabbed his plaid pyjama pants and soft sweatshirt from a tour long gone by.  Standing on the landing, his fingers ticked over his chin with a huge grin breaking onto his face. Utter disbelief and over whelming happiness ran through his every fibre as an unusual spring in his step happened as he started to descend the stairs. He couldn’t, however, resist the urge to hop back up and peer into the room. His wife looked ethereal; hair covering their pillows as the sheets tucked around her body but kept her shoulders exposed and one small, purple bruise on display. “Stop watching me sleep, you weirdo.” A breathy laugh fell from his lips, drumming his fingers against the door. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to…” “I’m up now. I couldn’t go back to sleep anyways. Make me a tea to apologise still though?” “Sure thing.” Brian tapped the door one more before flitting to the bed and pressing his body over hers. Y/n’s arms circled her husband’s neck with a contented smile as she pulled him into a long, chaste kiss. Y/n stretched her body, pushing her hands into her now dry hair, delightfully rolling her body against his; he kissed along her now exposed neck as he moved away. “I’m just nipping to the bathroom to brush my teeth.” Y/n shook her head at her husband’s little quirks. Almost instantly when he was out of bed, he had a toothbrush in his mouth. She’d missed those little intricacies so incredibly much, but she hadn’t realised how deeply until now. “My hair is so tangled; do you have a hair tie? Even if you were definitely on my wall at university, I didn’t think I’d marry someone with hair to his shoulders.” “No bobbles in here. Try your dressing table and then try the bedside draw. Might be some kicking around in there.” Brian shouted as he tried to wrestle his own matted curls, before wandering back through the bedroom, throwing her silky grey robe to y/n as he strode confidently to the hallway. “Anyways, would you rather I’d gone bald?” “Oh, certainly not. You’d look so incredibly… weird. You’d look even more ridiculous!” Y/n grimaced at the thought as she heard Brian’s brisk footsteps down the stairs. Herself, she went to use the bathroom, to look around and rinse her mouth with mint mouthwash, she loved Brian but his ability to miss something clearly in front of his face was unprecedented. She had a quick scan around but nothing that would even begin to be able to be repurposed. Back in the bedroom, the nightstand top was fairly clear; his book barely read, the bedside lamp with a small covering of dust, alarm clock and random trinkets Brian played with before sleep that she barely understood what current obsession they were linked too. She pulled open the draw; pushing aside the wipes and could stop the small blush rising through her cheeks at the sight of a new bullet vibrator and small bottle of lubricant. “Well someone had hopeful plans…” y/n muttered to herself with a giggle. Then the box at the back of the draw caught her eyes. An open box of condoms with a strip of foils already hanging out. She clasped a hand to her mouth in shock as her body started to shake in adrenaline, annoyance and furious anger burning in her spine. Y/n yanked the dressing gown belt tight around her waist as she pulled out the box and ran downstairs. Brian was in the kitchen, already lent against the worktop as he waited for the tea to brew. He rubbed his tired eyes with a long yawn before the box flew into the centre of his chest. Brian, looking down at the purple packaging at his feet and then to his wife glaring at him across the kitchen table. “What the fuck are these?!? Why the fuck would you have condoms?! Do I repulse you that much?! You don’t even want to be against me? Are you fucking her still?!” Tears starting to streak down her face as he stood completely immobile. “Did you fuck her in our bed?” “No-“ “How many other people have you fucked whilst we’ve been together? Are you still messing around behind my back? Oh my God, I’m so stupid!” “No.” He sighed in desperation as y/n turned with a frustrated groan towards the door. “Get out.” “No!” In just three strides he was blocking her exit door with his body, hands holding her shoulder as he looked into her eyes. “I didn’t know if you’d want to use them. I was just prepared for every situation.” “Oh really?!? Where the fuck has the first strip gone, Brian? You cheating fucking cunt. Get out of my way.” He held her fast as she tried to squirm from his grip. “I have three sons. Two are teenagers. I watched my best friend waste away and die because he caught something, and I would have a million hideously awkward conversations to make sure they know that no one’s going to panic or berate them for having contraception. I asked their brother to just say that they were there, just in case.” “Where?” Y/n challenged him as the revelation shook her to the core. She couldn’t fully trust her husband yet, but she wanted to believe him but the horror of her babies becoming men was a thought she could not comprehend. “Boys bathroom cabinet. Behind all that crap they put in their hair.” Their eyes remained locked as she searched his for any hint of lies. “Go look if you don’t believe me.” Y/n knew she shouldn’t, it went against everything their therapist and friends would advise but she still found her legs moving her quickly up the stairs and into the bathroom. It was always disgusting with wet towels on every inch of floor but all her eyes, still shivering with anxious tears, could focus on was that horrible mirrored cupboard. In the left-hand lower corner was a jammed section of products all half covered in their contents in a vague attempt to hide the glinting purple behind them. He wasn’t lying. Y/n let out a heavy sigh from a caught breath as her eyes closed in humiliation to how stupid and quick to assume she’d become. Another fleet of autopilot had her legs walking back downstairs. “I couldn’t sit back and, they’re not by the way, but… if they did, god forbid, catch something or got some girl pregnant. I’d barely be able to live with myself. You always thought they were too young, so we just kept it between us four. I’m sorry. It was my mistake to lie by omission.” Y/n turned to see Brian lent against the door frame, his forehead was tense but he had that look in his eye when he was being open and truthful, even if it hurt. He didn’t speak about his son’s namesake, Freddie’s illness almost ever, and y/n trusted he’d never use his friends passing as an excuse. “I’m so sorry.” Y/n slammed her body into his with her arms instantly locking around his neck to keep their embrace. The force took them both back a step into the kitchen.  “I should have thought. I saw the other things in that draw and I put two and two together and got four million. I’m so stupid.” Brian stroked along her hair. It may not be what he’d thought would happen and far from perfect, but he still wanted to try and earn her trust. “No, you’re not, y/n.” His stubble scratched y/n’s forehead as she rocked on her tiptoes trying to be close to Brian’s height. “Shall we write this one down to experience and move on?” Y/n nodded as he squeezed her body with a comforting rock. “How can you be so calm and forgiving all the time, Bri?” “The same way you can; we love each other. I want to be with you.” “I will learn how to trust you again. Until that happens, if we can’t be normal for a while, we can, at least, be a stable relationship. Stability to start with. Build up.” She whispered. A statement made just as much for herself as her husband. Brian held her hand as they walked silently back into their kitchen as he tried to hold a routine domestic conversation about changing the colour of the dining room as they sipped their tea sitting next to each other at the kitchen table. “There’s another in the pot if you want it?” Brian refilled his own with the steaming cup between his fingers. “Finally going to send me to sleep, I hope. Might watch a bit of tv to try and bore myself to into napping until morning.” “Will you take me outside to look at the stars? Use your fancy space vocabulary and romance me like when we were young.” he could tell his wife wasn’t happy, the way her bare foot tapped on the titles with a small slap and the words she did say, rushed from her mouth. However, he’d still do anything to make her happy; if it was possible, he’d find a way to do it. Wordlessly, Brian stood up, holding out his hand for y/n to take. “You have no clue how happy you saying that has made me.” “Promise?” It was barely a whisper as she slipped her hand into his much larger one. “Promise.” He brought her fingers to his lips to seal that promise. Brian pushed his feet into those horrible clogged shoes he insisted on wearing that made him even taller. The next thing on her list was almost certainly to try and buy him some more trainers or something he could slip on and off that wasn’t those bloody awful shoes; god forbid anyone ever introduced him to gardening crocs. “Footwear?” Brian asked, stopping on the patio step as his wife made no attempt to cover her bare feet or grab anything warm. “Jumper? Trousers? Anything?” Y/n shook her head with a low snicker, grabbing two thick blankets and folding them over her arm instead. “You can keep me warm, hot stuff.”  Brian rolled his eyes as y/n pressed herself along his side. “Cheeky lady. One second,” Taking the blankets in one hand, tea in the other, he jogged as quickly as the fast shuffle of his feet would allow with his shoes dragging to place his tea down on the small table next to the hanging bench just on the start of the grass lawn. She didn’t know quite what he had in mind but the way his eyes lit up in the harsh light was utterly beautiful. He wore happiness the best of anyone she’d ever met. “Right, Mrs.” Brian pulled one of his wife’s arms around his neck and then bent his long limbs as one arm circled her torso and the other another the scooped her body from under her knees. Y/n couldn’t hold in her joy filled laughter as strong arms almost effortlessly lifted her bridal style towards the swing. “Was this what you had in mind?” Brian smirked as she attempted to pull the silky gown down in the breeze and his warm hands held tightly onto her thigh. “Not exactly. This is quite a lot better however.” “So, I shouldn’t just drop you then.” Y/n squealed as he threw her slightly in the air just enough to jolt her body and drag her nails across his neck. “Shouldn’t pretend drop you.” They continued with spirited screams and Brian tickling along her covered sides in complete control of his lover dragging every step out to take his time. Her laugh was his favourite record that was rediscovered years after he thought he lost it. “Okay- Okay- stopppppp!” Y/n wiped away a tear of laughter from her cheek.  They were acting like love dumb teenagers, but they took full and intense pleasure in every laugh, touch or jovial squeal. “Brian Harold May, put me down nicely!” Her husband was never one to follow instructions to the letter so instead sat down with his wife still in his lap with her exposed legs laying out against the cool wood. “I love you.” “I love you more.” His hand crept up her thigh but only to caress the soft skin lovingly as he gazed into the night sky and she into his eyes with a thousand tiny reflections of stars. “I am sorry about that whole thing in the kitchen… It was foolish to react like that.” Brian placed a hand over her knee, rubbing the tension away with his delicate touch before moving it silently to cover her hand. “It’s okay. It’s something we can work on. Be ridiculous to not imagine little blips along the way… I’m sorry that upstairs was rough. I didn’t want it to be like that. I just… I sort of had a vision of just worshipping you and it being incredibly romantic and loving; candles and massages. The whole nine yards. Possibly a little bit of forward planning in the way of ‘tonight is the night’. However, I’ve always loved your spontaneous streak and it’s a treasure when you finally let it out. I can’t say it wasn’t incredibly satisfying to be taken with you on that wave.” Brian raises his beverage to just below his lips, pressing into his chin. “I’m also sorry about the love bite on your neck.” Y/n slapped her husband’s chest as she saw his smirk barely hidden behind his cup. “You are not sorry. You loved doing that… However, I will admit I had purchased some lingerie I knew you’d love. When I got this robe actually. Reminded me of the old you bought me from Japan when we first dated. I loved how nice and fancy that felt on my skin. I wasn’t exactly very fancy when we met.” They both in unison allowed the silk seams to run through their fingertips. “So, your initial plan was to spend hours kissing my every inch and if that didn’t work lube and a vibrator?” “Not exactly…” Brian blushed. “I just wanted you to have a nice time and feel really good. I didn’t care how you got there, how involved I would be, so long as you wanted me close in those moments or just moving onto other activities.” He glanced down to y/n, with her pouting bottom lip at his thoughtfulness behind such a simple act. However, as soon as she saw that cheeky expression take over his face, she knew something more was coming. “There’s also an exquisite glass dildo in that draw that you missed. It’s meant to reflect rainbow prisms on your thighs when the light hits it just perfectly.” “Brian!” Y/n gasped, her cheeks instantly burning from the rising blush. “Honestly, the worlds opened up for me now you can get that variety of item delivered to the door.” “You’re so smug.” “I’m sorry but, are you complaining that I want to give you a thousand orgasms every which way I can?” With another roll of her eyes and hands gently cupping his cheek, she pressed their lips together in a lingering kiss. “Talk to me about the stars, horn dog.” “What do you want to know?” He replied and relaxed his neck onto the curve of the bench back and started to gently rock the swing with his leg. “What’s zodiacal dust? What star is the Big Dipper?” “Well it’s a constellation to start with…” Brian launched into his well-rehearsed speech about almost everything he knew about space dust, planets and the stars, pointing every so often to a particular cluster in the sky and naming whatever intricacies they held and only stopping to sip at his rapidly cooling beverage. She just loved to hear him talk about his passions even if she’d consider herself a rival in knowledge after all these years of hanging off his every word. Her painted nails would occasionally scratch his stubble or break his tempo with a stolen kiss. “Anything else you feel the pressing need to know?” Y/n giggled mischievously as a response jumped into her mind. “Ermmmm… have you ever had sex under the stars?” Brian’s lips fought the curl of a youthful smile as he gave a mocked ponderous sigh with the nape of his neck burning red under her gentle massage. “I believe you were present in that particular instance. God bless that hot summer.” He couldn’t help but bite into his lip as almost lost memories flooded his mind. “Apart from that, no, I have not partaken in such an activity.” Hazel eyes dared to meet his wife’s. “Have you?” “Once again, have never had the opportunity arise before to partake in such an activity. Nor anyone else I wanted to. I do remember it being very romantic though… Worshiped by your lover whist star gazing… If only I knew a sexy astronomer who could take me in his big and, incredibly private, garden which he loves because the lack of neighbours means lack of light so his views of the night sky are uninterrupted…Maybe one with a really, really big… knowledge of the universe.” Now it was Brian’s turn to roll his eyes. “You want to have sex in the garden?” He scoffed. “We’re meant to have grown up out of this behaviour.” “Well yeah, I didn’t bring two blankets out in hopes of one for me and one for you.” “I mean… why not?” Brian assumed this was just some silly game to tease him later. Either he’d agree and she’d mock him for entertaining such a ludicrous joke or call him a prude. “Take those bloody clogs off first though. Not a turn on, I’m afraid.” Dramatically, he flung the horrible, scuffed white footwear high into the air as they landed in two separate spots on the manicured lawn.   “Better?” Y/n pulled Brian into a kiss and almost instantly began to deepen it by sucking his lower lip and then softly biting with a moan when his fingers squeezed her flesh. Her fingers deftly working around the hem of his sweatshirt. “Were you not kidding about this?” She shook her head and began to work her lips over his jaw. “Oh…” Brian moaned as she nipped his pulse point with a large palm dancing up to cup her bum. It was messy and giggly as she pulled him to stand, their height difference amplified as Brian’s regal neck bent to chase her kisses when she moved to pull away. She walked backwards with a beckoning finger till she was further into their garden but nowhere near the thick coverage of trees. Y/n laid out the thickest blanket on the ground, it would keep the falling dew and creeping cold from her back at least. “Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? What if someone sees?” His wife gave no real or valid response instead dropping the silk robe down with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. It revealed the tops of her breasts, nipples slightly outlined from the evening chill and the neckline now sat halfway down her biceps. “Let them look?” She feigned pulling the robe apart.   “Okay your spontaneous streak is reverting back to about twenty-four.” Brian quickly wrapped his lover into an encompassing hug with a thinly veiled attempt to cover what should be for his eyes only. “Don’t remember you complaining last time or when we fucked across your studio desk.” She said teasingly. “Firstly, last time was one off. Secondly, that was indoors and a soundproofed room.” “It was three thirty in the afternoon and you recorded it.” Brian gave her his own proud but equally disgusted in himself smirk and flick of his eyebrows. “No one can see in. Come on… Make love to me.” Brian sighed, looking around nervously once more. He knew she was right; it had been his intention to make sure their home was fully private. Ensure it was somewhere they could be a normal family without press cameras pointing over hedges or people who wanted to peek over the fence expecting to be able to see some drug fuelled orgy. He lent down, kissing his wife with an elongated moan as large hands roamed the silk once. That was one of y/n favourite things about her husband; she loved his height and his big hands. Brian was quite soft and gentle in his speech and general demeanour, but he excluded a masculinity like no other man she met. One raise of his voice could shock her back down to earth and feeling the lithe muscles that held so much force and power ripple under her touch drove her wild. He’d protect her like no other, vicious in his attack. Yet, he was not one to hold his feelings or refuse admit his mistakes; it had saved his arse so many times, but it was his most endearing quality. “Oh!” Y/n gasped quickly as she brushed his shoulders before dipping her hand into the neck of his jumper. She left his lips and began to kiss along his neck as her other hand slipped under the hem of his sweatshirt. Brian’s adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he tried to hold in a moan when she nipped at the nape of his neck. Her hand was cold against the burning skin of his chest as she caused shivers to run down his spine. Brian cupped y/n’s face as he claimed her kisses once more, his body pressed harder to hers and took a dominant position with his feet either side of hers. “Brian…?” Y/n stepped slightly back from her husband as she broke their kisses. “Did you really think I’d fuck in the garden?” Y/n’s jaw dropped, and her eyes went playfully wide as she gave a hearty laugh. “You… I knew you were up to something! Right, that’s it!” Y/n knew what that meant and set off running along the damp grass with a jovial laugh following behind her. Brian too was chasing her but if he actually wanted to catch her it wouldn’t take much. She darted around, trying her best to elude him as fingertips would sometimes pass over his wife. “You’re such a cheeky little thing! You’re going to pay for this!” “No! I’m sorry! Truce!” She slipped on the damp grass, knees landing hard and with hands outstretched and a breathless laugh from the combination of spirting and laughing. “Truce! Please! Take mercy on your wife!” “Never!” His body crashed around hers somehow wrestling her squirming body onto his shoulder and back onto his feet. “Put me downnnnn!” y/n whined and banged her fists ever so softly against his lower back. The amount she’d missed even these physical moments was incredible. Had someone asked just twenty-four hours ago if they were a playful couple she would have answered with ‘only when we first got together. Admittedly children had slowed that down, but they’d always played around together. In the kitchen some lazy Sunday mornings whilst she was busy dancing to the radio and making pancakes, Brian would usually indulge himself by watching for a few minutes until she’d turn and bashfully pop one leg at the knee, hands locked together on her hip and grin. It would always end up with various sticky creams and jams over the surfaces, in their hair, and fingers covered from smearing across their lovers exposed skin. Brian’s wrists would soon be captured in her hands, the sweet tastes on each other’s lips as they’d whisper silly affectionate phrases. Brian sank to his knees on the blanket, throwing her carefully to her back, landing with splayed arms and a smirk on her lips. Y/n spread her legs around and across her husband’s thighs. “Truce?” She asked, holding out her hand for him to shake. “No.” A rapid shake of his head with a scrunch of his nose and even faster her fingers where digging tickles into his soft sides. Despite his body squirming from her sharp fingers, Brian managed to grab a hold of one of her wrists but her right repeatedly slipped through his hold, in part, due to the silky material. His thumb would surely leave a bruise on the captured wrist, but he’d gladly kiss it better and she could wear a small mark of normalcy; more than normalcy. A mark of happiness and hope. “I would like to accept your truce.” As the words left his mouth, Brian finally ceased her wrist and dragged the digits from his oblique muscle. “Ha-ha! Captured.” Brian’s weight shifted forward pushing her wrists to the ground. Biting into the side of his lower lip and shooting his eyebrows upwards a self-satisfied air fell around them. “So, quite the predicament you find yourself in, y/n…” Y/n shook her head at her husband, leaning up to kiss him but not quite reaching. He looks so perfect with his hair darkened in the night and aquiline features beautifully framed with the small pockets of light. “Not falling for your tricks again, Mrs.” “I mean it’s been a while. I had hope you’d want to kiss me just enough to get my own back.” Brian pushed his hips further onto y/n’s, essentially locking them to the ground as he adjusted each finger on her wrists and lent down to place the most chaste kiss on her lips he could. It was such a simple kiss, yet it left her breathless and chasing his mouth as soon as she felt the pressure float away. “Just kiss me again.” She whispered and wrapped her legs around his hips to hold him close with a gentle sway when they connected again. It just felt incredibly magical, like at any point a spell could lift. And yet here they were, making out like teenagers outdoors. Their kisses deepened but only with passionate and love. Brian released one of her wrists as his mind began to swim so cupped her cheek lovingly with a wanton moan. When he pulled away once more his eyes sparkling in adoration for his wife, perfectly mirroring the starlit sky above him. “I’m just so happy to be with you.” His smile was undeniably honest as he tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I’ve missed you more than I care to admit.” y/n whispered back in turn. “Promise you won’t suddenly hate me when you wake up?” He joked with a hazy smile that spread mainly from his caramel eyes and the small lines appearing around them. “Only if dream you does something unforgivable…” Y/n words hung stagnant between them and Brian’s eyes changed to slightly pained or nervous. She’d known him long enough to know it wasn’t a good sign, he’d could quickly get stuck in his own head and the prolonged emotional absence could last for days. “… like watch a series finale without me or something truly heinous. Don’t do that and you should be okay.” Brian rolled his eyes, his wife bringing him towards her with an encouraging pull on his neck for a kiss. It was slow and languid, matching the sway of their hips. The robe had managed to stay tied but much of her left breast was exposed, her nipple just uncovered as the fabric caressed the curve already stiff from the cool breeze. Brian’s eyes trailed over his wife’s chest bashfully; hope of saying something quick witted or sweet evaporating away as his head dropped and slender nose pushed away the covering silk. Warm lips enclosed around her hardened nipple; his eyes closed as his tongue flicked expertly over her. Y/n kept her eyes firmly on her husband, her face turning from satisfied and relaxed to an unbridled whimper within a split second. “Brian!” She gasped his name so sweetly as he hummed and sucked the bud deeper into his hot mouth and his tongue somehow stimulated her to be even harder. Y/n bucked her hips unexpectedly into his, only making Brian lower more of his body against hers and rub the smooth silk covering her other breast. “We shouldn’t. What if someone- oh god!” Her words turned into a needy whine when teeth scraped along the sensitive flesh and made her head fall back into the blanket as one hand tangled into Brian’s damp curls. “Jesus, Bri, what if someone sees?” No answer came just a gentle hum as he sucked her nipple and raised his head until the flesh fell away from his lips. “They won’t.” His voice deep and gravelly in these moments, just loud enough for her to hear. Kisses were pressed to her exposed sternum until he met the deep V of the neckline, slowly, Brian’s hips slid off hers, but his torso remained covering her stomach. Large hands cupped her waist through the silk and his thighs pushed under hers with his knees bent and folded under him. “What are you doing?” Y/n gasped as Brian lightly pushed her upwards and moved her still wet bud between his lips. The long index finger of his left hand slowly hooking between the gown and the knot keeping it secure. “Worshipping you.” He said quietly between wet kisses to her sensitive breasts. “Under the stars.” “Baby… we can’t… not outside…” her eyes tightened as Brian’s nose ran along the fabric and nuzzled his way under the silk at her stomach. His tongue played around her hip bone as her grip tightened, keeping him in place and betraying the words she spoke. “We’ve already done it… you’ve already- oh- made me…” Brian kissed the small marks his hands had left earlier. “I just want you to relax and know how much you mean to me.” “I know what I mean to you, you’re being silly.” Y/n cupped Brian’s cheek as he continued to gently kiss her stomach. “Physically though. That you do something different too me. I’ve missed your body, your whimpers, the way you say my name… I missed it… I need it. I just want to make love to you. Revisit the past a little in the garden…” A confident smirk came across his mouth, winking to try and cover his bared emotions. Y/n sat up with a smile and a roll of her eyes hooking a hand around the back of his neck and pulling him for a kiss. Brian’s hand swept under her buttocks and encouraged her into his lap as he crossed his long legs. Brian’s bottom lip popped out, perfect hazel eyes glistening with puppy dog energy. It was irresistible. Fingertips played over his jaw as Brian dared to steal another kiss. It wasn’t old time, but the passion still burned for them both, reigniting within them time after time in the last few hours. - shiver ran down her spine as the heat of Brian’s chest only made her back feel colder. “Told you to wear clothes.” Brian reached out for the blanket that was abandoned nearby before draping it around her shoulders. “Where were we?” Y/n rolled her eyes once more with a shake of her head, arms stretching back around his shoulders enveloping them both in the soft fleece. Brian’s mind swirled as he snuck multiple kisses from his wife; he knew he was addicted to her lips, but he had idea how much he truly was. A deft finger hooked behind the loosened knot and tugged it apart. “I’m just keeping you warm.” Brian pursed his lips, but his eyes were sparkling pools of caramel. “Just innocently helping my wife.” “If it was innocent, you’d have your top off. That’s how you share body heat.” Two hands slipped into the collar of Brian’s sweatshirt in pure mischief. “Maybe the house would be warmer than.” “Maybe you should try harder.” Y/n challenged Brian with her fingers tickling his shoulders. ”I’m content to be a little chilly if you make some effort.” “I feel like this is you trying to trick me again… or just use me for my body.” “No, tricks. Just us.” Soft kisses pressed to each other’s mouth, nuzzling and holding each other as the air around them finally seemed to start warming up. His hands moved to from her hips to encircle her in a hug, pressing them together. “You still have that fancy lingerie to show me.” He smiled mischievously “So, Sir, you’d like me go inside and put on clothing so you can take it off.” Brian pursued his lips and drummed the fingers of his left hand against her skin. “No, I don’t think I do. Can I place it on a rain check though?” “Save that for another day? I’ve already got it planned in my mind. Getting an empty house, massage oil and candles and really treating you after a long day.” She giggled as her hands moved down Brian’s chest to the hem of his sweatshirt. “Come on. Get naked with me…” Brian sighed, relenting as he tugged off the jersey but was instantaneously rewarded with his wife’s arms holding the black cover around them both and giggling kisses nuzzled into his neck. Y/n pushed herself harder into his lap, moaning in just the way that always made him melt and do exactly what she wanted. Brian, however, knew her tricks and though eventually she’d get whatever she wanted, he could have some fun teasing aswell and began to softly thumb her nipples once more. “Oh fuck…” y/n biting into his neck unexpectedly. “Maybe we should go inside…?” Y/n didn’t wait for an answer as she stood up, extending a hand out for her husband and leaving everything but themselves and the blanket around her shoulders outdoors. She practically threw herself through the patio doors and into the living room, the dressing soon gone and her back into the cushions of their couch with the blanket under her. Brian clicking the door locked and kicking his reading light to the dullest setting. He simply couldn’t miss the chance to have his wife in sight again. Pausing with a gasp, admiring her body on full display for his eyes only. “You’re beautiful, Y/n.” Chilled skin soon landed on top of her own with Brian between her legs, kisses against her lips as they continued as if nothing had changed. His fingers slid between y/n’s legs causing her breath to catch at the cool feeling at her burning heat. “Oh…!” She pushed her wetness against him with nails scraping along his exposed shoulders. “Your hands are cold.” “They’ll warm up.” he whispered as he slipped his middle and index inside and began to motion back and forth against her front wall. Her body instantly reacted with a loud moan and her toes curling into the muscles of his covered calf. “Too much?” Brian whispered as his wife bit into her lip with a shake of her head. Her fingers pushing into the elasticated band of his pants. “I want you inside me again.” Y/n moaned with a voice dipped in tantalising desire. “Please, Bri?” It was too much to bear and physical actions took the place of any words. Kisses became passionate. Brian shifted himself with her hands delicately pushing his clothing down just enough to pull his erection free as he worked them down his legs. Y/n jerked his already hard member just a few times before beginning to moan into his mouth as she ran the warm tip though her wet folds. It was incredible to feel their bodies completely together. His hand gently supporting her head as they kissed and y/n’s fingertips digging into his cheek with an encouragement for his cock throbbing at her entrance. The soft palm around his shaft slipped over his hip as he pressed slowly inside. Every small amount of him that was taken inside felt white hot and almost as if they were made singularly for each other. Brian didn’t give her much time to accommodate; his thrusts long and languid as he made love with his wife. Y/n tilting her hips in rhythm to take as much as she could. “I love you…” She moaned hotly against his mouth. “I love you too, y/n.” His hips were snapping into hers more and more. Bodies bouncing as they collided together. She clawed at his back, leaving pink lines in his creamy skin as she felt the ever-tightening knot suddenly begging to form in her stomach. They rarely used this position but tonight it was perfect. His pubic bone pressing her clit with every thrust as Brian’s mouth moved to bury himself in her neck. “Oh god… just there… don’t stop… Please don’t-“ She was silenced by a crashing kiss. Brian keened against her lips, moving his weight to his hands at either side of her body. “I’m with you…” They both came undone within moments. Neither could tell if her muscles spasming around him or his cock deeply buried inside her with twitches rubbing her clitoris caused their respective orgasms, but it was utterly perfect. They gripped each other throughout, moaning and gasping only loud enough for their lovers’ ears. Brian’s wiry arm shook as he held himself with hooded eyes over her whilst the last ebbs of his orgasm ran down his legs and up his spine. Y/n recovering quietly panting as she sat up to fully press their bodies together with her legs tangling around his. “Thank you…” she whispered, kissing Brian’s cheek before encouraging his body to lay with hers under him and allowing his softening cock to slip from her with both groaning at the loss. “You feel so strong and big around me like this.” Their skin was tacky as they kept themselves as pressed together as possible. His forehead slowly fell to rest on hers, the tip of his nose nudging her cheek as he licked his lips; dry from the cold outdoor air and his panting and whimpering throughout. “I love you, darling. I love you so much.” She knew he was vulnerable, knew how much they’d both gone through in recent hours and even months. Softly she stroked the scratched areas of his back. “We should get cleaned up and really for bed. Our bed. You and I, I want to have your arms around me all night.” Y/n rolled her body from underneath his. Brian rolled onto his back, one hand covering his eyes as his chest heaved, still having trouble with catching his breath. Quietly, y/n cleaned up in the bathroom downstairs, rinsing her mouth with her cool mint wash in there and trying to somehow calm her ‘just fucked’ hair. She hadn’t heard Brian move and could see his mane of curls. “C’mon, big guy. Bedtime.” Y/n lent over the back of the couch and tickled his sensitive sides until Brian groaned. Their eyes met and both softened as he wordlessly began to pull himself from the couch as y/n pulled on the silk of her dressing gown once more. Ever dutiful, Brian trailed behind his wife, locking the door and checking the front, just once more. “What?” He puzzled with a smile as he saw y/n stood midway up the staircase just watching him. “It’s just nice to have my husband back…” she spoke with a small, happy smile. “Locking up the house? That’s what does it for you?” Brian pulled the handle again as the door banged lightly against the frame, his eyebrows playfully wiggling. “Do the washing and you’ll find yourself irresistible.” He jogged the few steps to his wife’s side, her arm around his waist and his across her shoulders. They settled under the sheets of their bed, still crinkled from their earlier exploits. It felt strange to have someone dozing next to her and poor Brian could barely keep his exhausted eyes open as y/n softly kissed his chest and moved her body around his bit his hand held her close along her back. “Goodnight, handsome.” “Goodnight beautiful.” Brian pipped the horn of his car as he drove along Roger’s ostentatiously long driveway. The sun was bright, a burningly hot day, usually would mean the kids would all be lazing around outside as Roger and his wife would sip their coffee in the sun. Tucked in the boot of the car, y/n had already gotten Brian to buy the largest pop up pool the shop had in store for their boys’ summer parties after hearing all about the Taylor’s having their own pool. It wouldn’t be quite as good, but it would do, and they already had arranged for a hot tub to be installed next week. A treat to themselves but mainly Brian just wanting to give his wife the world. “I’ll go around the back. Are you staying?” Brian asked calmly. “Christ, no. Far too hot without the air con.” They let the dog free, the wild thing obviously already sensing the way to her favourite family members as a screech and a blasting splash came into ear. “I knew you were here. That bloody wild dog of yours. You know you shouldn’t adopt the ones they tell you can’t find a home.” Roger joked as he rounded the corner of the house but softened as he saw Brian’s arm draped around his wife for the first time in months. It wasn’t forced. They looked just like themselves, but he could see the happiness literally radiating from both of them. “I know but that’s the pity streak that kept you in the band of all those years.” Brian mocked back before hugging his best friends’ wife and thanking her quietly for sending him home last night.  “We owe you one.” Roger winked to y/n with a discreet nod. “You know it was the name that got me. Maggie May. It made sense at the time.” “Do you want to stay for lunch?” R/w/n asked. “No, Brian’s got a pool to assemble. Thank you though.” He rolled his eyes as Roger let out a chuckle. “How in the world did you get him to agree to that? He’s spent the last twenty years worrying about his bloody grass.” “Ha ha. Very funny.” He rolled his eyes, watching his teenage boys dragging their feet up the stone steps with Rogers own children following behind. “How was the concert?” He got no response but a series of mumbled grunts as they trailed wet bodies inside. Brian wouldn’t change it for the world. “That told me then.” “They do my bloody head in dripping on the floor. It’s fine but I’ve gone flying across the hallway more than once this week already. I don’t understand why they can’t just use towels!” “Mrs Taylor, you are getting grumpy in your old age.” Rogers voice gave a raspy chuckle as the still damp kids appeared with their backpacks and dry clothes. “See you again, micro Brian’s.” “Thanks for last night uncle Rog.” Freddie said, as he hugged his aunt. “Thanks for the chat.” “Go on bugger off, messing up the place with your long legs. Get outta here.” Roger kicking at Harry’s thigh to shove him into walking. The boys had a mini breakdown in the middle of the night when something had come on the radio about their parents, the whole Taylor family had instantly closed around them and comforted the twins as best they could. Harry and Freddie both admitting to each other how much they missed their parents. “Take your bloody wet dog with you! I’ll have to clean that pool now!” “So,” y/n turned in her front seat as the boys got in, damp dog on her cover between them. She started to speak as Brian threw the backpacks in the boot, keeping the pool and the various floats a surprise just for a few more minutes. “Me and daddy were thinking we should all head out to lunch. We’ve got a table outside so Maggie can come.” “Were not little kids. Can’t you just tell us at home if you’re getting a divorce.” Harry had unexpectedly exploded. Brian’s hazel pools flicking to meet his dumbstruck wife’s. “What’s brought this on…” Y/n just about managed to muster. “That’s what the radio said last night. You’d announced and Dad was moving out that night.” Freddie muttered. “That is categorically not true.” Brian spoke up when words had failed y/n. “We respect you far more than to pull a stunt like that.” “Baby boys. We’d never do that to you. Last night, we had a really good chat actually and worked out a lot of things. We wanted to treat you both today because you deserve it.” Harry looked for support from his twin, but Freddie’s own hazel eyes were locked on his clasped hands in his lap. “The corners turned. We’re getting back to normal. I love you both.” Brian hopped in his driver’s seat but turned on his knees to grip one of each of their shoulders. “I love her. We’re a family unit, seven, when you count the big ones.” “Eight.” Harry said just loud enough for everyone to hear. He was fed up of serious conversation after serious conversation. “Can’t leave out Maggie.” “Yeah, dad, why so cruel to Maggie.” “You’re impossible.” Brian gave a laugh, mock choking each of them in turn before driving away, his hand on his wife's knee absentmindedly before her own covered it, as the two boys looked between themselves. “Lunch or no? Your shout?” “Can we visit the music store? I need new strings.” “You’re trying to tell me in our entire house, Harry May, you cannot find one set of guitar strings.” Brian heard his wife chuckle as she rolled her eyes. “Go on then. What about you, Freddie? What’s your plan to milk me of?” “I was thinking about some trainers… I’ve seen these rainbow ones…” he gave a shaking sigh. “I’d like to wear them to pride.” “Can I get a matching pair?” Brian laughed, not quite registering that something more was happening, but the atmosphere thickened again. “I’m gay.” He stated but the words rushed from his mouth as Harry held his breath looking ahead to see their parents’ reactions. “Okay… That doesn’t answer if I can get matching trainers though.” Two sets of caramel eyes meeting in the rear-view mirror. “You don’t care?” Freddie wiped a tear of relief as he felt his mums’ hand over his cheek, fully turned in her seat. “No baby… We love you for you.” “I’ll go to pride with you…” Harry offered his support, working out his brother was gay had taken place months ago but neither had the guts to flat out tell the other. “Me too, if your old mum isn’t too uncool. What do you say? Can we have matching rainbow family trainers.” “I guess so…” Freddie smiled, overjoyed but rolling his eyes at the ludicrous nature of this all.
”I did say this would happen… We did name him Freddie.” Brian smiled with a wink to his family. Brian May looked happy yesterday as he and his wife, Y/n May, took a spot of retail therapy with their twin sons and rescue dog. The family are pictured with a guitar case and multiple bags from a trendy clothing store. Brian kept his wife close as the pair have seemingly put the past behind them as they were pictured together for the first time in months. Our sources said they looked comfortable and content as they shopped around and took in lunch. The rocker happily signed a couple of autographs for staff before they left.
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lawonderlandwriter ¡ 6 years ago
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Confession?
If anyone is interested...
I know I haven’t been posting much lately, especially since the finale. I was pretty down after finding out the leaks were true and some other shit in life made me go a little into existential crisis mode. Then again, I’m a millennial with a job that will only last a finite amount of time so I’m pretty much always very close to existential crisis mode anyway.
So, explanation:
I’ve mentioned before several times that I work as a nanny here in Hollywood. There are four kiddos I look after and two of them I’ve been teaching to drive, that’s how old they are. Needless to say, I am seeing the end of my job coming up very quickly. How quickly, I don’t know. I should ask but I’m too afraid too. I know I at least have my job likely until Thanksgiving. The family I work for, mum and dad are filmmakers and their new film wraps in November, they begin shooting this summer. So I’ll be working steadily until then. Possibly through to next summer because they’ll be in editing and post-production mode after filming is over.
So one year basically. Fingers fucking crossed it lasts at least one year. One year of work. One year of pay. One year of health insurance. One year before my life becomes a black hole of uncertainty. 
I cannot...CANNOT go back to teaching. I’d fucking die before putting myself through that literal hell again. But at the same time, I don’t exactly want to find another family to nanny for either. It’s not my life’s dream. It’s not something I’m super passionate about. I love my job now but it was always just kind of a hold-over. Something to get me out of the classroom so I could breathe for a little bit. 
But now the noose is tightening again. 
And I guess that’s as good a motivator as any.
I’ve been writing. Not posting, I know. But I have been writing. However, what I’ve been writing, is for me. I mean, it’s for other people, but it’s not writing of the fanfiction variety. 
I have plans to finish my two fics. I keep saying that, and I still mean it. I was working on both of them just the other day. It’s slow goes. But it’s progress of some kind.
And I do actually plan on posting the next chapters of both Go South, Get Warm and Across the Sea by July 30th (my 29th birthday {a YIKES in and of itself}). That’s the goal anyway.
But July 30th is another goal I have for myself as well. 
I have been working on a short story. A novella if you will, although saying novella just sounds weird. Anyway...
I’ve been working on a novella. And I have a handful of ideas for future ones after this one is finished. When I am done, it’s likely to stand at around 25k words. And when I am done and it’s been edited and I find a decent design to serve as the cover...I am going to publish it to Kindle. 
Do I feel a little skeezy saying that on here? Maybe. But it’s my blog and it’s my writing so I’m going to talk about it. If people are interested, I’ll link it just as I link my fanfiction. And whenever I post something to Kindle, I plan to post something to A03 as well (not the same story, obviously, but a new chapter to my jonerys fics or a one-shot of them). 
I even have two new ideas for two multi chapter Jonerys fics. One being a Season 8 fix-it and one being purely smut focused. I don’t know when I will write and post those though as my focus is finishing this novella.
For those interested, the novella is inspired by my Jonerys fic, Instinct. Same setting, similar characters, similar story. Just different and more. I had the idea for a story like this before I got involved in writing fanfiction so I don’t feel bad turning it into something I will eventually sell. It’s an AU after all. And my job is ending soon. I’m going to use what I’ve got to try to make my life work the way I want it to.
I’ve always wanted to write. I’ve got this 200k novel I’ve been sitting on for like, over ten years that I’ve never edited or published. I might, one day. It’s too big and intimidating a beast to look at right now. 
But writing has always been my ultimate goal in life, career-wise. It’s why I moved to LA actually, instead of teaching closer to my hometown. I wanted to come here to write. Maybe have my own show. I’ve got three pilot scripts I’m sitting on also, not sure what to do with them or how to get a ball rolling on them. Perhaps when my nanny job is over, my boss will help me. But I don't want to rely on that. I would hope my writing and ideas speak for themselves. 
So we’ll see. 
I don’t know what the future holds. Don’t know what a year from now will look like for me. But I hope I’m writing and am able to make a living off that. It’s what I’d like to do. 
As I said in a post a few weeks ago, I have no plans to quit the Jonerys fandom. It’s my drug right now, has been for the last two years. I love it. I’m not ready to give it up, so I won’t and I will continue to be here writing fanfiction and reblogging sexy gifs and maybe if we’re lucky, talking about the new book if it ever comes out. 
But I will also be talking about “my own” writing and posting about it here as well. If anyone is uncomfortable with that or not interested, feel free to unfollow or block the tag “Alex’s books” - that’s what I’ll be tagging all novella/short story/book posts about. 
And if people are interested in my non-Jonerys writing, well, hey. Thanks. I’ll be sure to keep you posted. 
For now, I’m going back to my writing. I’ve got a lot of work to do. 
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resbang-bookclub ¡ 5 years ago
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AMA Transcript: Marked in Constellation
For our final AMA of the season, @sojustifiable stopped in to answer questions about her Resbang, Marked in Constellation! Here’s some of what went down:
Q: What inspired this Resbang?
Amanda: Combination of going to Peru and living in a tent and my own experience camping, and then I think there was a movie that came out a while ago that was about someone doing a solo trip up the PCT [Pacific Crest Trail], which inspired the specific setting.
Q: Were any scenes or events within them directly inspired by your Peru or camping experience?
Amanda: I think mostly the little things about camping like hand washing clothes and having to deal with cleaning drinking water. I got a review saying that it felt well-researched which was definitely validating because of those pieces of personal experience.
Q: What kind of research went into the fic?
Amanda: Ohhh man. A lot of research on the trail specifically, marking off day by how far they could get and using elevation charts for and landmarks for describing what they were actually seeing. I used all real towns for when they would resupply and just basically wanted everything to be as true to the setting as possible.
Q: How much time would you say you spent in the planning/research phase of this versus the writing?
Amanda: I did the research mostly as I was writing, I had a window open that had like four or five tabs open, a couple for docs and outlines, and then a couple with maps and charts for the research so I could be constantly cross referencing as I was writing. I had an outline with basic check points but realized at a certain point I needed to adjust the literal pace to cover the distance needed. I did find a really useful tool actually that you could input different sections of trail and a relative pace and it would give recommendations for how many miles to put in each day.
Q: What were some things you added that you hadn't originally planned to write about?
Amanda: Butt mountain for sure. I think it was sig (@sigsegv) who saw that on the map and suggested it needed a place in the story. I think just the general focus on the little places they stopped and cameos of characters they would come across. Pretty much the only things initially planned were encountering a bear and some skinny dipping.
Q: What was your favorite scene to write? And if applicable, what was your favorite mood to write?
Amanda: I definitely enjoyed writing the ending the most, just getting the point of having emotional release/communication made it a lot more satisfying. There had been a little bit of smut earlier, but it wasn't nearly as fun to write because it still had so much emotional constipation, so it didn't end up being satisfying to write or for the characters, I think. Also writing the ending meant being done and that's always a good Resbang feel. [I liked writing] any emotionally charged bits where there's romantic tension and connection building between the characters.
Q: Did you find it hard or not bad at all to come back to Resbang after a writing break? Did you feel like things got smoother as you went along, or was it more or less fine from the get-go?
Amanda: It was definitely tough starting out getting motivated. I really wanted to get back into writing and write Resbang, but I hadn't really had a lot of writing inspiration the last couple years. It was definitely one of those stories that was 99% perspiration 1% inspiration, but I think once I got into a rhythm it was good to see that I could do good work just by internally motivating myself.
Q: Got any tips for internal motivation?
Amanda: Step 1 was setting pretty reasonable word count goals from early on so that I would never be forced to scramble right at the end. I gave myself designated days off or rewards for getting ahead of schedule. Step 2 was accepting that it didn't need to be perfect, especially not to begin with, and it was better to get words down and edit later. The last time I did Resbang, I ended up writing 10k in like 3 days right at the end and didn't want a repeat of that, so I imposed a schedule on myself early on and used the productivity channel to sprint A Lot. [Last Resbang] was horrible and that's when I was in college still too, so I had to do school stuff also and would go sit in this room with a bunch of taxidermy birds between classes to write as much as I could during the day. I think my usual goals [for this year] were 1k a day 5 days a week, and then if I got more then I could take 500 words off the goal for later on, like if I did 2k in one day then the next two days could be 500 words each. Definitely a slow and steady wins the race situation.
Q: Did you find that your word count estimates changed a lot as you went on, or was it pretty stable the whole time?
Amanda: Oh definitely, I expected I might have underestimated it, but I think I started out thinking it would be about 25k and then I want to say it ended up being like 40k. I really should know better at this point.
Q: Did the process of writing this get you in the mood to plan some hikes or camping trips?
Amanda: It did definitely make me want to go camping again. Not immediately, cuz Resbang season is bad weather season, but it did bring it to mind for sure.
Q: Was there any scene or part of it you struggled more to write?
Amanda: Uhh the first smut scene was definitely a struggle. Writing sex where there's emotion behind it but it isn't being expressed was a different challenge for me and I don't think it ended up being as good because of that. I wanted to project the insecurity and sense of performativity into that, but it was a lot of nuance to put into a smallish scene.
Q: Did you notice that your writing style changed at all after your break?
Amanda: Honestly, I haven't read anything old that I've written in a while so I'm not sure how it reads. It felt pretty similar, I just had to get over the feeling of it being less authentic because there wasn't as much pure inspiration behind it. I think it did give me a better sense of being able to write without needing as much inspiration, though, which would be a good skill to hold onto.
Q: Since you’re also an artist, did you do any sketches or paintings or anything to help you visualize stuff as you wrote?
Amanda: I didn't do any art for it. I've thought about doing some after the fact but I feel like the art that sig did really captured everything well. In general I don't think much about small visual details when I'm writing.
Q: What about music? Did you have a playlist you liked for it, or any songs that remind you of it?
Amanda: No, I actually have some problems with auditory processing so if there's certain kinds of music on I won't be able to focus or write. I pretty much listen to exclusively to some kind of white noise generator. If i listened to music that reminded me of anything while writing... I wouldn't get any writing done. Or I would end up typing out the lyrics or something because if there's music going on, that's all I'm going to pay attention to.
Q: Is there anything you'd do differently, or like... anything you regret not being able to get in?
Amanda: There isn't anything I wasn't able to get in. I think the main habit I would like to try to get out of is the compulsive need to write chronologically. I think it would've made the writing process easier if I had let myself do anything out of order. BUT because of the nature of the journey and research it would've been hard to do out of order, so idk. I think it would've been tough because partly I was keeping track of location in my outline like there was always a bolded Day: # and Location if I needed to reference any details about where they were.
Q: Do you have any other writing projects planned?
Amanda: I've been working a bit on some original stuff, but I have a couple thoughts for Resbang next year. One is a brand new idea I'm definitely excited about, tho I haven't done any planning and also it would be a bigger project so we'll see. I think I'm going to try to do a shorter thing this year, though... shorter is relative and doesn't tend to end up staying short. I think the one I'm thinking of could be around 15k tho, which realistically means 30k in Resbang conversion. … Or I could try doing the new idea, which I would start out estimating at 40k, which realistically means 70k.
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Thanks to Amanda and to all of our authors for some great AMAs this season! You can see the archived transcripts on the GrigoriWings forum here!
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gobigorgohome2016 ¡ 6 years ago
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All the Cliches
When I started writing this post in my head, I was going to title it something like Out of Hibernation, yet make it known that I wasn’t planning to bore you with a 1,300 word soliloquy comparing myself to a Bleeding Heart (which is apparently a Spring perennial and, you know, we’re all about cliches here) blooming through the last remnants of Winter frost.
Then I thought, no, do I really need an intro to tell everyone I’m back on my bullshit after a few steps forward and another step back?  
Then I realized...isn’t running really just the epitome of a giant cliche?  
TL;DR I had a big accomplishment in the fall and thought the momentum would carry over super easily into the Spring.  I ignored some symptoms, realized I was anemic, felt really sad, and now I’m starting to feel like myself again.  aka, the simple, common, cliched journey of every.single.runner.
Even though this experience is the embodiment of what it means to be an endurance athlete, why do we act surprised every single time?  Leading up to Philadelphia, after my year of mystery illness [which, it turns out, had another plot twist.  Remember how I was having a massive immune system reaction and pretty terrible quality of life?  Well, after we found mold in the house the problem went 90% away.  The remaining 10% was still driving me crazy.  Long story short, the installation of a whole-home water filter has returned me to a fully functioning human being.  Hello, my name is Anna and I’m just your local canary in the coal mine] I vowed I would do a better job about just letting life go with the flow and not try to fight the current every step of the way.  I guess I got too big for my britches because - lo and behold - I found myself avoiding what I pretty much knew all along.
After Philadelphia, I took 2 weeks off and really enjoyed my down time.  The highlight was a day trip to French Lick, where Dave and I hit the casino (I won $25), ate all the sweets, shopped, split an amazing kobe beef burger, got day drunk, and took the scenic drive home.  The next day I started running again and, much to my surprise, felt way better than I normally do after two weeks of zero exercise.  This felt like a big win. 
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December turned out to be extra crazy, then at the end of January I co-hosted a women’s running retreat, BAnna Camp.  Any fatigue I was feeling during December and January I just chalked up to stress and the typical things you do when you’re in that awkward in-between period from one race to another:  less sleep, less healthy food, less fitness.  
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^have to make sure this post never dies
The first day I was in Austin, Becki and I did a workout together.  It was my first “real” workout back (other than some fartleks and strides), and it wasn’t even supposed to be hard:  3 x 7 min @ 6:00 pace.  I STRUGGLED.  I couldn’t breathe, my quads were heavy, and the paces felt much more difficult than they seemed like they should.  But, there were plenty of excuses:  it’s windy, we were running a net uphill, I was dehydrated from travel, I was stressed about the upcoming camp, etc. etc.  Midway through that workout I had a very distinct thought of oh shit, this feels very anemic right now.  That night I texted my friend who would be joining us later in the week and asked her to bring some iron pills, since I had forgotten my supplement.  
The following week my workout didn’t feel great, but again, it was easy to make excuses.  I was on a treadmill.  I was still catching up on sleep from camp.  Maybe I’m more out of shape than I thought. 
Longer efforts didn’t feel great, but I was getting them done.  My paces felt quick, but, winter training never feels amazing.  Plus, it seemed like every workout I did was into a strong wind, so how can you really judge pace and effort?  
In early February, I had my first race of the season which was a 5 miler in downtown Indy.  I had told Dave I was going to hold 5:30 pace for as long as I could and see what happened.  My first mile was 5:54, and Dave said he could hear me breathing before he could see me.  I was 3rd that day in just under 30:00.  Again, there were plenty of excuses.  It was windy.  We had celebrated Valentine’s Day the night before, so maybe steak, lobster, buttered mashed potatoes, and wine wasn’t the best pre-race meal?  
During my sulking about the race I had an aha moment.  In December, prior to realizing we had an issue with our water, I was trying to figure out what was still causing skin rashes and GI issues.  The only thing I was taking every day was ferrous sulfate, which is an iron supplement that is gentle on your stomach but has some suspect ingredients (food colorings, sorbate, etc.).  I decided to switch my supplement (one that had worked for me for YEARS) to something that seemed “cleaner”:  ionic iron.  While I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what could be wrong, it occurred to me to check my iron dosage.  
I was taking ~10% of my normal ferrous sulfate dosage, and honestly don’t even know how absorbable ionic iron even is.  That day I made the switch back to ferrous sulfate, but knew that if my iron/ferritin was low, it would take about 6 weeks before I felt a difference.
If at this point you’re reading along and thinking to yourself, it’s not expensive to just go and get a blood test to find out whether your iron is low - you are absolutely correct.  I should have just scheduled an appointment to take a blood test and find out.  But, I’m stubborn.
Two weeks after my 5 mile race I flew to Atlanta for the Road to Gold, an 8 mile race on the 2020 Olympic Trials course.  This is a whole other post in and of itself, but I will say that the hype is real.  That course is going to be hard.  
While the experience was great, my time was not.  My goal had been to run 5:45 pace through the first 4 miles and then pick up the pace.  While I did go through the first 4 miles in 22:50, just under my goal, I went through the next 4 miles in 24:20ish, and again felt as though I couldn’t breathe.  I finally conceded it was time for a blood test. 
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The results were pretty much exactly what I thought they would be:  low ferritin, high CO2 in my blood, and borderline-low Vitamin D.  After weeks of agonizing over whether I was out of shape I finally had an answer (albeit one I should have just figured out sooner).  So, I upped my iron supplement and looked ahead.  
Nowhere to go but up, right?
In the following weeks I paid better attention to meal timing (i.e., if I was having a steak for dinner I wasn’t pairing it with red wine or other iron-inhibiting foods).  I cut out my second cup of coffee in the afternoon so that my body could have a better chance at iron absorption.  I focused more on sleep.  I got back on nutrient tracking to make sure I was getting everything I needed from my diet.  
and it paid off
6 weeks after my miserable 5 mile race where I could barely run faster than 5:58 pace for 5 miles, I ran 1:16:37 in the Carmel half marathon on a less-than-ideal day with rain and wind.  
During race week I cut out all caffeine and red wine to hopefully give my body the extra boost it needed to absorb iron.  I meal prepped early in the week so that I had nutrient-rich options readily available.  I said no to a couple work-related opportunities that popped up in favor of less stress, and I gave myself my best chance to succeed.  
In truth, sometimes setting yourself up for success is scary.  What if you do everything possible and you don’t succeed?  I have seen so many talented athletes give up because they went all in and it didn’t immediately pay off.  But, that’s probably another post for another day, too. 
Come race day we had 15 mph winds, pouring rain, and puddles on the course.  It will sound sarcastic when I say this, but that truly is my favorite racing weather.  Going into the race my A goal (not accounting for weather) was 75 min, B goal 76 min, and C goal 77 min.  My plan was to run the first 10 at 5:45 effort, then see how fast I could go the last 5k.  
Starting off, I was very pleased to find myself in a pack of men and through the first mile around 5:40.  I NEVER trust my GPS, so all splits I give will be those from the course.  I went through 4 miles in 22:50 - the exact same time I went through 4 miles in Atlanta, only this time I felt so much better.  I went through 6.55 (again, as marked on the course, not my GPS) in 37:26 and felt like I really had a chance at sub 75 still.  Through 10 miles I was right at 58 min.  I felt strong for the first time in a long time. 
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Around mile 11 I started to get tired, and just focused on getting through 0.5 miles at a time.  T last couple miles were definitely the toughest, as they were mostly uphill/into the wind.  76:38 is my fourth fastest half [74:03, Houston, PERFECT weather; 75:20, ‘17 US championships, goal race full taper, 75:59, Columbus half, 4 weeks out from Philly], and this gives me a lot of encouragement considering some sub-par months of training.    
Now that I am feeling the effects of higher ferritin, I’m beginning to wonder if I wasn’t a little bit low during my Philly build up.  I have had some of my best long runs and workouts the past couple weeks - ones that would have blown away what I did leading up to Philly.  It also makes sense, given how I felt the last half of my Philly race, that my ferritin may have been low.  Moving forward, I’m going to schedule blood work much more regularly so that I don’t have preventable problems like this occur.  Definitely kicking myself, but, as with all failures in life it was a great opportunity to learn and grow.  
My next race is in 6 weeks and I’ll be at the 25k championships in Grand Rapids.  I’m looking forward to seeing what another 6 weeks of quality training and (hopefully) warmer weather can do for my fitness!  
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himluv ¡ 6 years ago
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I’m so excited to share this new layout with all of you! I really like this one. It’s crisp, super easy to navigate, and very professional looking. It also feels a bit more dynamic than last year’s. I’m not sure if that’s because of the contrasting aqua and purple (my favorite colors), or the widgets, or the site logo, but I do know I like it a lot.
Now, let’s get down to business and talk about what the heck happened in 2018!
In 2018 I said I wanted to:
Finish The Steel Armada
Finish Santa Sarita
Submit 2 short stories
Publish 52 blog posts
Read 65 books
Maintain my yoga practice
 How’d it go?
Finish The Steel Armada
…Yes! As far as I’m concerned, right now, this project is stamped ‘done’. It turned out nothing how I planned, and became almost a complete rewrite halfway through 2018. The Steel Armada became Exodus: Descent, a SolarPunk novella. I sent it to Tim the Agent™ back in August, but have not heard from him. I’m shelving it for now, though I have plans for future novellas set in the same world. So, final status of this project is: Done for now.
Finish Santa Sarita
No. I thought so, and then BAM, another sequel appeared. I bit off a lot with this one, and I’m a little worried about it. So, this will be a pretty high priority in 2019. I don’t want this project lingering over my head anymore. Project status: In Progress.
Submit 2 short stories
Heck yes! This was much easier to do than I thought when I made this goal. So much so that by the end of 2018 I had three stories out for submission.
Publish 52 blog posts
Yep. And then some. This was, hands-down, the best year the blog has ever had. 119 posts, an average of one comment per post, and over 5,000 hits this year has really blown my mind. Consistency really is key.
Read 65 books
Yes! I read 67 books this year! It wasn’t easy, by any means, but I had just enough time and graphic novels to really pad my Goodreads Challenge.
Maintain my yoga practice
Hahaha. No. I got bronchitis two weeks into 2018 and fell out of my practice. I’m contemplating trying again this year, but with two jobs and some lofty writing goals, I’m not sure if I can dedicate the time.
2018 Total Word Count: 149,331 
Honorable Mentions
2018 was an eventful year, both personally and in my working life. I received a scholarship to attend the Oregon Writer’s Colony Annual Conference in April, which really affirmed that I’m on the right track and making strides in this whole writing life thing. Right about that time I started submitting my short stories for the first time in over four years. That was a roller coaster all its own, and has been a great learning experience and growth opportunity for me.
June saw my traditional wave of summer depression. I coped by binge-playing Horizon Zero Dawn and eating way too many Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
But, July and August were some of my most productive months of the year, with the completion of Exodus and the rough draft of my newest short story, That Which Illuminates Heaven.
September was the least productive month of the year, and reasonably so because we spent 12 days in Germany! It was an amazing trip, the exact vacation we so desperately needed, and our first journey abroad together. We hope to spend more time in Munich someday, especially for Christmas. And of course, we have other travel dreams! Ireland, New Zealand, Italy, the UK! The world is a big place, and I want to see as much of it as we can.
October was spent readjusting to working two jobs and outlining and researching for my new novel. Writing was limited and that sucked, but it was all part of the plan. It worked out, because I met my word count goal for November, with a startling 25k words! That’s about a third of the planned manuscript, which is kind of crazy if I think about it too much.
December is a busy month in our house, what with my birthday and the holiday. Add in the mental recuperation from Nanowrimo and it meant I just didn’t expect much from myself that month. But I did finish my reading goal while I let my writing muscle relax!
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I read 16,300 pages across 67 titles in 2018!
I also flexed my editing muscle this year with The Audient Void. We released two issues this year, and are on the cusp of releasing a new chapbook of some of David Barker’s previously unpublished short stories, Half in Light, Half in Shadow.
2018’s word was FOCUS. It was my mantra, the thing I came back to when I felt out of control or like I was drowning in my workload. Based on how well my year went, I think it worked. So, I want to pick a new word for 2019:
INTENT.
I want to be purposeful in my writing, I want to take the time to better learn my craft and write with more intention. I don’t really know what that will mean for my writing just yet, but I bet I will by January 1, 2020.
What am I doing in 2019?
I am finishing the Tavi rough draft. I’m already a third of the way there. In an ideal world this rough draft will be done by the end of March/beginning of April. Realistically, this will take the first half of the year.
I will finish Santa Sarita. This is a big job still. I think, right now, I’m really stuck in my head about it. I need to sit down and start writing this story again and let it take the reins. I honestly think that’s the only way it’ll get done.
I will revise Cards. This is the project that comes after the Tavi rough draft. I wrote Cards back in 2014, and I’ve learned a lot since then. Much like The Steel Armada, I anticipate Cards will require extensive rewrites. But, I’m ready. I learned how to do that last year and I’m equipped with the skills and knowledge to do it again this year.
I will publish something! This is a tricky one. I don’t actually have much control over this goal. There are a lot of factors that go into getting a piece published and almost none of them are decided by me. But, I have three stories out right now. I want at least one of them to find a home.
I will publish two blog posts a week. I’ve got this into a rhythm now, so I’m confident I can do it again.
I will read 70 titles. I exceeded my reading goal this year, it only makes sense to increase it in 2019.
If time allows, I’d like to…
Make considerable progress (30k words) on From the Quorum. This novel is the first in a planned trilogy, and is my longest-lived idea. I first met these characters in 2009, and they are still around, patiently waiting for me to tell their story. I don’t know if I’ll make much progress on it this year, but  it will definitely be a priority in 2020.
Write a new short story! I have three out now that are performing well. It’s just a matter of time before one of them finds a home. It’d be nice to have one waiting in the wings and ready to go when that finally happens.
Submit Exodus to novella markets. I actually think this one is pretty likely to happen. But, with Tavi and Cards looming, this won’t be on my radar until the later half of the year.
There’s a lot to do in 2019. I probably bit off more than I can chew, especially since I’m working two jobs right now. There’s also always the reading and editing for Madhu and The Audient Void to consider.
So, in short, I’m a busy busy lady and nothing about that will change in 2019. I look forward to sharing that journey with all of you in the coming months.
I’ll be back later this week with the Monthly Recap!
Until then, Blogland.
  BZ
New Year’s, New Look – 2019 I'm so excited to share this new layout with all of you! I really like this one.
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peanutbutterjelly-pie ¡ 7 years ago
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Part 2/3 of my Masterlist, a compilation of AU stories - with special mentions of “High School”, “College”, “Coffee Shop”,etc.!!
Also watch out for the other two parts:
Canon!verse/Canon Divergence
Alternate Universe: Supernatural Elements
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE:
A Single Kiss by whelvenwings
>> So did you kiss him?
Cas read Anna’s text message with a sigh, standing next to his bed in his pyjamas, only just woken up. He should never, ever have allowed his sister even the slightest of glimpses into his meagre dating life.
(Words: 4k)
A Different Kind of Fairy Tale by lemonsorbae
The best part about Castiel’s day is going to work among the books.
That is, until the mechanic walks through the door.
(Words: 6k)
A Man May Change by Hekate1308
Sam wishes he didn't hate the person his brother has become. He really does.
(Words: 7k)
All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter by aileenrose
Sam's too busy to pick up Sarah's engagement ring from the jeweler's.
Enter Dean. He minds just a little, and then not at all.
(Words: 8k)
Every Dog Has Its Day by aileenrose
Dean's new to Sioux Falls. In between meeting the mysterious Cas Novak, and helping save a puppy whose name they can't agree on, he thinks this place can become something like home.
(Words: 12k)
After Midnight by Winglesss
"How can you know you don’t like guys if you never tried to sleep with one?"
Dean can't get Sam's words out of his head so he goes and picks up a guy. It doesn't take long before he realizes how extremely lucky he was to find someone like Castiel.
(Words: 13k)
Understanding That Reference by Carrieosity
Castiel loves working in the library, except for the boring parts. When a string of complicated and entertaining questions begin to flow into his email box, courtesy of the "Ask-A-Librarian" reference service, he finds his boredom vanishing and being replaced with an increasing curiosity to learn who's behind them.
(Words: 16k)
So Glad We Made It by Annie D (scaramouche)
At twelve years old, Dean makes a friend, who becomes his best friend, who will eventually become the love of his life.
(Words: 16k)
Only You by cylobaby27
After John's death, Dean moves out to Palo Alto to be closer to Sam, who is studying at Stanford. Despite their proximity, the brothers barely have time to see each other between Sam's studying and Dean's two jobs, leaving Dean feeling tired and lonely. However, when he meets a slightly awkward and completely serious graduate student named Castiel, all of that changes.
(Words: 17k)
Sharing the Rain Dog by almaasi
When some asshole hits a dog with his car and drives off, the first two people on the scene are Dean and Castiel. Castiel's an FBI agent with a plane to catch, and he doesn't have time to take the dog to the vet. Dean's a musician, and he doesn't have the money. An agreement is reached: Dean goes, Castiel pays, and they'll exchange details and meet again to work things out. But who gets the dog? Sooner or later they're going to realise that having shared custody of one pitbull isn't ideal. She needs one home, not two. One stable, loving home...
(Words: 20k)
Once Upon A Time in a Disney Store by noxsoulmate
When Castiel Novak gets sick and loses his voice for a few days, he comes up with a clever trick to explain his lost voice to the kids in the Disney Store he works at. One little Mary Winchester, however, takes his note too serious and promptly starts a quest for his prince. Will her charming uncle be able to break the curse and be his one true love?
(Words: 23k)
Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) by kototyph
Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.
(Words: 24k)
Wide Open Spaces by bellacatbee
Dean is supposed to drive Sam across country to his new job but, driving late at night, Dean runs them off the road onto farmland and straight into the side of a barn. Dean is arrested for dangerous driving and sentenced to community service, fixing what he broke at the farm.
At first, Dean just wants to finish and get the hell out of town, but to his surprise he finds himself drawn to Castiel Novak, the farm’s owner.
Castiel is unlike anyone else Dean has ever met. Dean begins to fall for him and for the quiet country life Castiel leads.
(Words: 23k)
Life In Pink by youaresunlight
At just 33 years old, Dean Winchester is one of the most sought-after wedding planners in the city. He’s chased his dream ever since he was a kid and is now on the brink of making partner at his firm. But the wedding that’ll make or break his promotion? Is his best friend Dr. Castiel Novak’s. It’s going to be the event of the season - unlimited budget, no expense spared - and it’s the kind of task that Dean has been waiting for… except he’s hopelessly in love with Cas.
(Words: 25k)
Back the Way You Came by tellthenight
Dean Winchester knows he has a lot going right in his life–good family, friends–but he can’t seem to let go of one nagging regret. He should have left while he had the chance. Instead, he’s stuck in place wishing for someone he’ll never see again.
Cas Novak never thought he’d end up here– back in his mother’s house, taking care of her medical decisions. He planned to take care of everything as quickly as possible and get back home–until he runs into a former classmate who insists that he should go to their 10-year reunion that weekend. Cas refuses the offer until he hears that Dean Winchester will be there.
(Words: 25k)
Cars, Cats & an Idiot by Serisia
Who would’ve thought that helping your brother buy a car could change your whole life? Certainly not Dean Winchester, but that’s exactly what happens, when he accidentally makes the blue-eyed car-salesman run away.
(Words: 26k)
Your Favorite Hello by jupiter_james
Accounts Manager Dean Winchester and CPA Castiel Novak have been working at the same large company for several months, only interacting through office IM. Then a typo on an expense report leads to an unexpected phone call that results in a simmering crush on both ends of the line, despite neither knowing what the other looks like. Office romances typically never work out, especially when one of them has a slightly bad (though undeserved) reputation, and the other has a slightly bad track record with lovers. But their first face-to-face meeting at the company Christmas party makes them both willing to give it a go. Through a whirlwind romance, Dean wonders if they're moving too fast, and Castiel worries that he's opening himself up for another devastating heartbreak. Together, it turns out that sometimes good things do happen.
(Words: 28k)
The Inescapable Dean Winchester by gefhrlich
Castiel has been infatuated with Dean Winchester since he was fifteen years old. And despite the years that pass, he just can’t shake the man. Then again, he isn’t sure he wants to.
(Words: 30k)
Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by Sparseparsley
Dean is a waiter in a strip club to put his kid brother through school. Castiel is dragged to the club as a part of his sister Anna's bachelorette party. Dean and Cas hit it off, but Dean thinks Cas is the one marrying Anna.
(Words: 31k)
Freebies and Oak Trees by violue
It’s just a joke. Dean adding Castiel Novak to his “Celebrity Freebie” list is just a joke. Dean has a girlfriend, and besides, it’s not like he’s ever going to meet Castiel, let alone sleep with him. Right?
(Words: 32k)
First Gentleman Wanted by youaresunlight
President of the United States Castiel Novak is popular, charismatic, and knee-deep in campaigning for a second term. He’d be the ideal candidate if it weren’t for the fact that he hasn’t dated once while in political office. With his opponent’s relentless PR team calling him incapable of emotional commitment, Castiel’s staff decides to remedy the situation by finding their boss a fake, picture-perfect boyfriend. And when Dean Winchester enters the scene, he and Cas become America’s new favorite couple, except they’ve got a whole lot of history between them and complicated feelings to resolve.
(Words: 32k)
Prosopagnosia by misseditallagain
“I could turn around right now and I wouldn’t be able to spot you out of a lineup. There is nothing remarkable about you I could identify and say: there, that is Dean.”
“So you mean I’m not just another pretty face?”
(Words: 33k)
Boys Will Be Boys by im_an_idjit
Since the age of ten, Dean Winchester has been the bane of Castiel's existence.
(Words: 37k)
Just for the Holidays by Fallen_Angel_Meg
After going through some tough times, Jess, Castiel's best friend, decides the best thing for him to do is to get away for Christmas. She secretly signs up their shared house on a home exchange website and it doesn't take long for them to get some interest. Castiel ends up trading houses with Sam Winchester, despite his hesitations to do so. So now Castiel has to spend his Christmas alone in Lawrence, Kansas. Which isn't so bad because Castiel is looking for some alone time right now, not wanting to get romantically involved with anyone. That is, until he meets Dean Winchester and things get complicated.
(Words: 42k)
Run Boy Run by DarcyDelaney
Cas likes to run. He likes that it’s something he can do alone whenever he wants, something to clear his head and decrease his anxiety. All that changes when his sister, Anna, volunteers him to be a guide for a blind runner who wants to participate in the Boston Marathon. Cas is completely, totally, 100% against this at first, but once he meets said runner, the snarky and (if Cas is being honest) ridiculously attractive Dean Winchester, he starts to have a change of heart. Maybe running with a partner won’t be so bad after all.
(Words: 42k)
Return to Sender by aileenrose
"He's going to let Cas do this thing for him--he's going to let Cas make him so fucking happy." In the first year after Dean loses his brother, Jess comes up with an idea. She wants to meet Cas Novak, the man who has Sam Winchester's heart in his chest.
(Words: 47k)
The Complete Works of Emmanuel Allen by violue
Dean Winchester, reluctant business owner, reluctant home owner, and reluctant cat owner, is striking up a very promising friendship with the author of his favorite book series.
And he has no idea.
(Words: 56k)
Strangers on a Bus by Terene
Castiel is flummoxed. This is a social situation he is not equipped to handle. What is the protocol when the stranger sitting next to you on a bus, whom you incidentally find very attractive, falls asleep with his head on your shoulder?
(Words: 60k)
Twenty First Century Blues by thepinupchemist
When John Winchester dies, Dean and Sam pack up their lives in Lawrence and make a new home in Sioux Falls. Despite a rough start, both brothers find love in unexpected places, and for once it feels like life might be going right for the Winchesters.
Then one of Sam's classmates turns up dead, and everything falls to pieces. The people of Sioux Falls start to suspect the new arrivals -- and as more bodies turn up, the suspicion only grows.
(Words: 62k)
Accidental First Date by Powerfulweak
Dean's date cancels on him at the last minute. Luckily, the stranger in the waiting area is willing to share a table with him.
(Words: 65k)
Forget-Me-Not Blues by noangelsinthegarrison
Sam and Jess are getting married and Dean couldn’t be any happier for them. Honestly, they’re kind of disgustingly perfect for each other and Dean’s pretty damn excited about staying with them the week before the wedding. He’s Sam’s best man, of course, and he doesn’t even mind that Jess has her own best man to share in all the organisational duties. The more the merrier, right?
Except Dean must have done something to epically piss off the universe because Jess’s best man just happens to be Castiel friggin’ Novak. He’s got even hotter since High School, but apparently no friendlier and if Cas wants to spend the week pretending like they’ve never met before? Fine. Two can play at that game.
(Words: 69k)
You're The Only Stranger I Need by lyndsie_l
When Castiel receives a text from a stranger, he finds himself engaging in conversations daily. He's drawn to the outgoing college student and longs to interact with the other man as often as he can. Slowly, he finds himself falling in love with the other and can't imagine ever meeting a more beautiful person.
The only problem?
He's never actually met this other man.
(Words: 70k)
Angel Cookies by noxsoulmate
“On Christmas Eve, if you eat Angel Cookies right before bed and then dream of your one true love, he will be your destiny.”
The Shurley clan sure believe their old family legend, but not Castiel James – not since he was a pudgy teenager, running down the church aisle on Christmas Day, trying to stop his very handsome and very straight teacher Dean Winchester from marrying someone else. He may be grown-up, well-toned, bestselling Young Adult’s book author “C. S. James” now, but Castiel will never forget that day. And he’ll never fall foolishly in love again, especially not for Dean Winchester.
But when the wish for a big family Christmas from his sick father brings him back home, Castiel has to confront his past. And not only that: a letter from a little fan from his home town is weighing heavy on his conscience. Reaching out to a troubled kid might endanger his secret identity. Adding to the problem is the shock of discovering that Dean is the little girl’s father – unattached and hotter than ever. Dean’s smile still makes Castiel melt, but Castiel knows that ship has sailed. The fact that Dean seems to be on board this time, however, doesn’t make it any easier for him.
(Words: 74k)
Never Not Fantastic by thestoryinsideme
When television star Dean Winchester makes a stop at the Rogue Wave Cafe, owner Castiel Novak initially takes notice - and exception to - the celebrity's presence in the all-but-forgotten beachside town where the age of the average resident is sixty-five.
(Words: 76k)
Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche)
Despite their age gap and differing social circles, Castiel has struck up a warm friendship with Mary Winchester, a wealthy widowed socialite. When Castiel needs a place to stay, Mary invites him into her house, where there’s loads of spare room. Castiel’s aware that they make an odd pair, but he doesn’t fully realize how things look to outsiders, especially to Mary’s eldest son. All Dean Winchester sees is that his mom has apparently hooked up with a hot young guy (who is totally Dean’s type) and that makes things… weird.
(Words: 78k)
Win A Date With Dean Winchester by FollowingButterflies
When Hollywood actor Dean Winchester gets caught up in a scandal that could threaten his career if exposed by the press his agent draws up a deal with the press. They won't expose the story if they can run a competition offering a date with Dean as the prize. Everything is fine until Dean meets the winner, Anna Milton, and her brother Castiel who Dean can't seem to stop staring at or thinking about despite the fact that Castiel clearly thinks Dean is a talentless moron.
(Words: 80k)
The Unwavering Heart of a Winchester by violue
There’s no point in mincing words. Sam is dead, and without him Dean is a drunken shell of who he used to be. When he finally pulls himself out of a growing pile of whiskey bottles, Dean finds it hard to go back to his life. With one flippant comment from a friend, Dean thinks he might finally have a way to make peace with the loss; Sam was an organ donor, and Dean’s going to find the recipients, talk to them, and see how their lives are better because of his little brother. For the first six stops on his road trip, things go mostly according to plan, and then he meets the man who has Sam’s heart. Dean had hoped he might find peace on this trip… he never expected to find love.
(Words: 87k)
The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia by violue
Dean doesn't expect to see his one night stand again, but then again he also doesn't expect to find out he has an STD. Sometimes life is hilarious like that.
(Words: 89k)
Imperfect Proposals by Fallen_Angel_Meg
Dean Winchester has a dream of being a successful architect- one that may or may not be out of his reach. So when he receives a promising job at Designs of Divinity, a reputable architectural firm, he is beyond happy. It's everything he could ask for. Sure, he may only be the assistant of Castiel Novak, a well known architect and project manager, but he doesn't even care. It's a start. It isn't until he starts working for Castiel that he realizes the guy isn't exactly who he thought he'd be, and his dream job turns into a living hell. Dean decides he's had enough when Castiel denies him time off to attend his brother's wedding. But just when Dean thinks it can't get any worse, he finds out that he's being forced to marry Castiel to keep him from being deported. Fan-friggin'-tastic.
(Words: 111k)
Clean Air by anactoria
Centuries after the surface of the earth was devastated by an unknown disaster, the remnants of humanity live in a series of vast underground silos, each unaware of the existence of the others.
For the inhabitants of Silo 34, the silo is the world, and the only world they know. Questions about the outside world are forbidden, and asking them is what got Dean Winchester's parents killed. He isn't even sure himself that they weren't crazy.
That all changes when he hears a voice on the radio -- a voice from another world.
(Words: 122k)
*  *  *  *
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: HIGH SCHOOL
Blackboard Painting in the Dead of Night by whelvenwings
Cas thinks that the school's latest idea of getting students to write their thoughts on a huge, public blackboard is... well, black-boring, until someone replies to his angry scribbling. Several bad puns and some Kant quotations later, Cas may finally meet the mysterious messenger who anonymously turned his life upside-down.
(Words: 4k)
Sometimes It Works Out by messtiels
Castiel Novak is your average teenager, with the exception of being casually brilliant. His longtime crush, Dean Winchester, is the attractive, charismatic, and overall popular guy in high school. As unexpected situations arise, Castiel is faced with the challenge of overcoming his self-doubt, and at the same time he is completely clueless.
(Words: 9k)
flour in your hair by cassiewrites
Dean and Cas are paired up for a project in Home Ec in which they have to take care of a "flour baby" for a week.
(Words: 10k)
It's Always the End of the World Somewhere by Annie D (scaramouche)
The status quo is this: Dean is the popular captain of the football team, and Castiel is the off-kilter nobody who doesn't so much as breathe the same air as Dean. Then senior year happens and the status quo is shot to smithereens.
(Words: 21k)
In This Secluded Spot I Respond As I Wouldn't Dare Elsewhere by RhymePhile
It's 1995, and Castiel's high school years are destined to be difficult: home-schooled until eighth grade, he is awkward, shy, and socially inept. The weird kid with the funny name would rather isolate himself and draw in his sketchbook than deal with the constant bullying he faces every day. Things only get worse in his junior year when he excels in home economics class, leading the captain of the baseball team, Alastair, to start taunting him for being gay.
Then new student Dean Winchester arrives at Flour Bluff High School, sharing many of Castiel's classes. Castiel has seen his type before -- handsome, athletic, arrogant, and sure to be the most popular kid in school. But Castiel eventually learns that he and Dean have more in common than he thought, and they form an unlikely friendship.
(Words: 34k)
Count On Me by swoopswoop
Castiel Novak is an unpopular kid at school, his brother’s reputation the only thing keeping him from a regular beating, but not the occasional shove. When one other person in the school helps him out, it inadvertently starts a marathon game of IOU.
(Words: 41k)
Exalted in the scene by zation
John decides that his boys needs some goddamn education and makes them settle down in a small town while he keeps on hunting. Dean is reluctant at first but then he meets school punching bag Castiel Novak and suddenly things are starting to look up.
Or,
The one where Dean tries desperately to save the one damsel in distress who turns out to be more than reluctant at the prospect of being saved.
(Words: 50k)
Look Right Through Me by darkforetold
It’s his senior year in high school and Dean cares about little else than what makes him feel good. When an unexpected tragedy strikes his family, it shatters his world. Heartache tears at him while guilt worms through the wounds—and only a second chance can set him on the road toward healing. As his world reshapes, Dean rediscovers the importance of family, transcends loss and chooses something he never expected to find: love.
(Words: 53k)
Suburban War by squeemonster
Moving to Lawrence with his family is the most significant event of Dean Winchester's life. It brings a stability he's never known, and the only thing to have more of a profound impact on him is Castiel Novak: the two boys become fast friends the day they meet. But as Dean grows older, he dreams for something beyond the monotony and constraints of suburbia, and he is haunted by the inexplicable feeling that he was born for something more than what this life offers. As he struggles to reconcile the person he yearns to be with what his family and friends expect of him, a fateful choice exposes just how fragile his life in the suburbs is, and possibly risks losing the best friend he's ever had.
(Words: 105k)
*  *  *  *
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: COLLEGE
Perfect Imperfections by youaresunlight
Castiel Novak is a graduate student teaching Intro to Calculus. He’s hard-working and awkward and shy, tends to avoid the gossip among his students, though he can’t help but pay attention when they bring up the assistant coach of the rugby team.
(Words: 3k)
Please Leave a Message by StarlightDragon
During his first semester of college, Dean Winchester slowly falls for a guy he’s never seen and never met, through a series of messages exchanged between the two of them on the whiteboard pinned to Castiel’s dorm room door.
(Words: 12k)
The Graveyard by amarillogrande
“Okay, look. You finish it, then you stick it up on top of the shelves. And then…well, the bottle is there to remind you. Hence the name—“ Dean spreads his arms, indicating the endless rows of glass. “The graveyard.”
Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are best friends, living together for the past two years and about to graduate in the spring. It might take a visit from Dean's little brother to get them to realize just exactly how they feel about each other.
(Words: 19k)
TutorMate by faeryn
Sam leaves Dean's laptop logged in to some app called "TutorMate" and Dean meets his brother's tutor. Cas helps him with his own work and they strike up a friendship. Before long Dean finds himself growing attached to the cute, clever Cas and flirtatiously suggests they go on a date if he applies himself to his college work. Cas agrees, but Dean discovers his online friend is not quite what he expected.
(Or, in which Dean thinks he's met a cute girl and finds out he's actually met a cute boy.)
(Words: 21k)
Inevitable Homoeroticism in Spanish Romantic Heroes by prosopopeya
Dean is a grad student studying for his MA in Spanish literature, and he’s pretty content with his sexuality as it is -- that is, fairly undefined and also secret. His attraction to Castiel, a professor to the undergrads, doesn't seem like a big deal until it becomes a very big deal, and Dean scrambles to keep his head above water.
(Words: 42k)
Your Call Cannot Be Completed As Dialed by eBob, K_K_TiBal
AU in which Castiel accidentally sends a text message to the wrong number and befriends the person at the other end of the line. However, accidents don’t just happen accidentally, and sometimes two completely different people are exactly what the other needs.
(Words: 65k)
Free to Be You and Me by same_space
Coffee Shop!AU and University!AU rolled into one. Castiel Novak is the introverted English Literature major at the University of Kansas. Dean Winchester is the elusive cool guy who happens to work in Castiel's favourite coffee shop. This is how they meet, and this is how Anna and Crowley play cupid.
(Words: 70k)
All the Way by cadignan, Guu
Castiel spends the first two weeks of college in much the same way he spent the previous years: alone with his books. He’s fine with it—he enrolled in college to learn, after all. Then in his first chemistry lab, he has the bad luck of being paired with snide, good-for-nothing Ruby, and the further misfortune of sitting behind Dean Winchester, the world’s most beautiful distraction. Ruby catches Castiel staring at Dean and makes him an offer.
(Words: 81k)
Hear You Me by through_shadows_falling
Castiel is a college graduate stuck in two dead-end, part-time jobs. Oh, and he's Deaf...which to his oldest brother Michael makes him something to constantly fret over. It's not Castiel's fault that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, right? Not like it's Michael's business anyways.
Enter Dean Winchester. A chance encounter with the man has the power to change Castiel's life - and in the end, maybe, just maybe, it will help him finally understand and accept who he is and what he's meant to do.
(Words: 84k)
*  *  *  * 
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: TEACHER
What is Love? by regardinglove
When Dean’s students ask him about what it means to be in love, he gets quite the awakening about his own feelings for a certain blue-eyed teacher.
(Words: 2k)
Chili Peppers by justanothersong
Dr. Winchester hears an off hand comment from one of his students and find himself browsing a website dedicated to rating university professors. He's not surprised by his rating -- but is a little miffed to see the department chair has an even better one. Clearly, something needs to be done about this.
(Words: 13k)
Before I Can Breathe Easy by ShastaFirecracker
Castiel Novak, anthropology professor and recent divorcee; a half-drunk hookup with the bartender from his brother's bachelor party; cue the morning after, with full attendant nudity, awkwardness, walking into doors, and running into one of his students at the worst possible time.
(Words: 14k)
Learning Curve by mtothedestiel
Dean is a pre-school teacher and Castiel Novak is his new student's intriguing guardian. They both know the sacrifices that come with caring for others, but, over time, they learn what it means to want something for themselves.
(Words: 38k)
Try-Something Tuesday by almaasi
Human AU. Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not?
Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...
(Words: 48k)
Easy Now, With My Heart by casfallsinlove
Dean Winchester is a kindergarten teacher. Castiel Milton is a writer slash works-in-a-coffee-shop. He also happens to be the extremely hot one-night stand that Dean never intended to see again other than in his own fantasies (he’s classy like that). But suddenly Cas is everywhere and Dean is convinced that Fate is out to get him. And maybe they do this thing backwards, but that doesn’t have to mean they can’t make it in the end, right?
(Words: 50k)
Crossroads State by Mercy
Castiel has a nice predictable structured life teaching high school, even if he happens to be overqualified for it. Then this guy moves in around the corner and literally knocks him on his ass.
(Words: 51k)
Like Real People by charvelle
Dean Winchester is a respected literature teacher at Lawrence's best private school, yet he feels like he's still a complete and utter travesty of a human being. Months after his father's death, he's yet to come to terms with the negative impact John Winchester had on his life. Though he's determined never to admit it, the only thing Dean's ever wanted was an Apple Pie Life: it's something that's been dangled in front of his face, though he's certain he could never deserve it.
While Dean struggles to come to terms with the isolated, lonely life he's made for himself, a disruption comes in the form of Castiel Novak, Lawrence Private's newest faculty member. Those blue eyes and raspy voice are things Dean can't ignore for long, and when he's forced to stop fighting his affections, Dean finds his lonely life turned upside down.
Is it possible he could deserve an Apple Pie Life after all?
(Words: 135k)
*  *  *  *
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: DOCTOR/NURSE
Recovery In Room 233 by eshcaine
Sam is in the hospital and a bored fidgety Dean means trouble for the nursing staff. Luckily, Balthazar has something that will keep Dean occupied.....
(Words: 11k)
Nothing to Moan About by Hippivickyx
Doctors Dean and Castiel don't get along, before tragedy forces mostly Castiel to reevaluate.
(Words: 12k)
Chasing Life by zerostumbleine33
Castiel is the perfusionist on call when a young college kid, Sam Winchester, is brought in with Acute Respiratory Distress and needs to be put on an emergent life support machine called ECMO. His brother Dean is there with him every day, and along the way he forms a surprising bond with Castiel.
Afraid of hospital rules and his own self doubts, Castiel keeps their relationship strictly in the friendship area, wary of losing his job as he falls hard for a patient’s family member, that he is pretty sure isn’t into men anyway. Either way, it’s against the rules and he’s not about to break them.
(Words: 18k)
It's Only Love We're Falling In by zeppx
Human AU. Castiel is a nurse. Dean isn’t a very pleasant person. Castiel and Dean don’t get along at first, then, naturally, like in most romantic comedies, things happen. Like unwillingly falling in love.
(Words: 19k)
Dean Goes to the Doctor by thatwriterlady
When Dean wakes up one morning feeling like he swallowed razor blades and his skin is on fire he figures he'd deal with it, but when he coughs up blood he makes the reluctant decision to head in to see his doctor, except his doctor has retired. The new doctor that has taken over his practice is the one and only Castiel Novak, and Dean finds the new doctor more interesting than he wants to, and somehow this doctor gets Dean to come in again. Shortly after meeting the new doctor he gets injured on the job and lands himself in the hospital in need of surgery. The handsome doctor comes to see him and sweet fluffiness ensues.
(Words: 21k)
The City Doctor by palominopup
Dr. Dean Winchester is on his way from LA to New York to start a new practice. He drives through a small town in Kansas and causes a traffic accident. The town sheriff serves him a citation and he has to appear in traffic court. The judge sentences him to six weeks of community service – helping the town’s elderly doctor. Culture shock ensues. Enter, Cas Novak, the town’s large animal vet.
(Words: 36k)
Preacher Comfort by almaasi
Dean Winchester works as a nurse at an after-hours medical clinic. He's a champion at what he does, but for him, professionalism has its pitfalls: good-looking patients make him flustered. Luckily, his fly-by-night infatuation evaporates within minutes, since most patients only swing by once. Castiel (fondly known as Bee Sting Guy around the clinic) is one of those iniquitously handsome fellows – and he keeps coming back. He's also a Catholic priest, 94% asexual, and in need of the tender love that happens to be Dean's speciality.
(Words: 43k)
What I Need by Jacqueline Albright-Beckett (xaandria)
A joking phrase commonly heard between a surgeon and his tech is "Give me what I need, not what I ask for." Dr. Novak and his tech Dean will soon learn the impact this phrase has on life outside the operating room.
(Words: 47k)
Your Very Own Doctor Sexy by words_reign_here
It's an easy and average life for Dean Winchester. He worked hard, helped Sam and Ruby through law school while helping Bobby expand his garage. There isn't much to want until a car crash changes Dean down to the very core of who he thought he was. Working closely with the Novak brothers, all doctors, changes his life in a way he can't account for.
(Words: 51k)
Vital Signs by emmy_award, hubrisandwax
The nurse grinned again and it did something odd to Castiel’s stomach. Too many Lucky Charms, he rationalized. Lucky Charms and pain meds don’t mix.
“I’m Dean. And I’ll be your nurse this evenin’.”
(Words: 67k)
Any Little Heartbreak by followthattardis
Dean Winchester knows everything there is to know about the human heart.
Well.
Anatomically speaking.
(Words: 77k)
Carried Away by charmedcas
Living in New York City, Dean Winchester's life consists of working as a pediatric nurse, leaving little room for free time. His best friend and roommate, Castiel Novak, happens to be a surgical resident at the same hospital that Dean works at. Even though they see a lot of each other, the two of them have learned to coexist with ease.
When the annual fundraising gala becomes the talk of the hospital, it only makes sense for both of them to pretend they're together to kill two birds with one stone. The gossip about them finally stops, and no one tries to set them up with a date for the gala. It's easy enough for Dean and Castiel to act like a couple at first. However, they each end up getting more than they signed up for as the line dividing what's fake and what's real between them blurs.
(Words: 82k)
Lead By Your Beating Heart by FollowingButterflies
After a night of celebrating (heavy drinking) with his brother surgical intern Dean Winchester discovers that his resident, talented Cardio surgeon Castiel Novak, is...well a huge douche bag...kind of hot but still a huge douche bag. A douche bag that he's stuck with for the rest of the year, that's if he survives the year without Castiel killing him and making it look like an accident. So why is it that an easy friendship forms between the two men that swiftly becomes something Dean never expected to find when he moved to Chicago.
(Words: 113k)
*  *  *  *
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: POLICE/FIREFIGHTER
Keep Calm by NuwandaSnicket
When Castiel's cat escapes up a tree, he has no choice but to call the fire department. Unfortunately for him, they send the sexiest fireman they have. Or is it fortunately?
(Words: 3k)
Burning Up for You, Baby by you_idjits
The Kansas City Police Department has always had a friendly rivalry with the Kansas City Fire Department, sure, but Castiel Novak has never been friendly. No, Castiel Novak is The Enemy.
“He has to be stopped,” Dean says, “and I have to be the one to do it.”
Or, the one where Dean is a policeman and Cas is a firefighter, and they get into a dangerous prank war.
(Words: 5k)
Follow You by youaresunlight
Detectives Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are assigned to a stakeout that’ll confine them to a hotel room for ninety-six hours. And as if it isn’t hard enough being cooped up together that long, Dean has to be head over heels for Cas and can’t stop thinking about kissing him.
(Words: 5k)
Muted Angels by geckoholic
There's nothing worse than a case involving dead kids, at least in the book of Detective Dean Winchester. It's just his luck that his partner is the lieutenant's favorite, and she chooses to give them the high-profile murder case of a dead girl from the suburbs. More deaths follow, and the two of them get sucked into the world of religious cults and ritualistic murders. In the face of that, Dean's feelings for aforementioned partner are the least of his problems.
(Words: 14k)
Secondhand Angel by cylobaby27
Castiel Novak owns a small used bookstore in Lawrence, Kansas. He is content with the peace and quiet of his current life, and can't imagine allowing anything to change that. Then Dean Winchester enters his shop.
(Words: 24k)
At First Sight by MayaAodhan
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Blinded in the line of duty as a decorated police officer, Castiel Novak now teaches classes at Washington State University as an Associate Professor.
Detective Dean Winchester comes to find Castiel to tell him that a violent criminal he once arrested is now getting out on parole. Instantly attracted to Castiel, Dean finds himself in a difficult position when he must protect the very man he is falling in love with.
(Words: 24k)
Bratishka: Little Brother by Valinde (Valyria)
Dean thinks he knows pretty much everything there is to know about his best friend Castiel Novak - he's a smart, gorgeous DA who probably lets Dean get away with more than he should to see the bad guy locked up - but it turns out Cas is hiding some dark family secrets.
(Words: 33k)
Show Me Your Badge, And I'll Show You My Gun by avidffreader
Dean had become an officer at Lawrence KS Police Department, with kid brother Sam as a lawyer at the federal level. The motto on criminals was simple: Dean takes them out, Sam puts them away.
Not even the addition of a socially awkward blue-eyed evidence technician puts a dent in Dean's system. It all works fine and dandy, until the Morning Star Corporation starts trouble.
(Words: 60k)
*  *  *  *
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: KIDS
When Life Takes An Unexpected Turn by thatwriterlady
Dean is a single dad to three year old Ava and it's them against the world. Dean hasn't had much success in relationships as people aren't thrilled by the fact that he has a child. When he enrolls Ava in a toddler ballet class at the suggestion of Charlie he finds someone that just might be answers to his prayers.
(Words: 14k)
To Find a Family by linasane
When Dean's little brother gets taken away, he's expecting the fight that ensues. He's expecting the stress that comes from separation, expecting to do all he can to get Sammy back from whatever awful foster family he's been placed with. He's not expecting Castiel Novak.
(Castiel, in turn, isn't expecting his first foster child - five years old and angry - to be the one that leads him to the family he's always wanted, but life has a funny way of working itself out).
(Words: 26k)
In Three Days: A Memoir by Castiel Shurley by glassclosetcastiel
Family and parenting advice writer Castiel Shurley is on the verge of syndication with his weekly column, Fix My Family. The problem? His husband is dead and he can barely handle their three daughters alone.
When the four take a trip to Castiel’s childhood home in Rhode Island to spend a long weekend with the entire Shurley family, Castiel meets an intriguing, incredible man who could change everything. But when Castiel finds out who Dean really is, the family drama just gets worse.
The only way to overcome will be for Castiel to own up to his mistakes and take his own advice- listen to his daughters- and admit that maybe it is possible to fall in love in just three days.
(Words: 33k)
Daddy Needs a Date by caswinchesterbaby
Castiel Novak loves his daughter, Grace, with all his heart. When their dark past threatens to catch up with them, the pair is forced to make an escape from Boston and move to rural Lawrence, Kansas. Grace is enrolled in Mr. Dean Winchester’s second grade class, and things go smoothly. But are there surprises ahead of them? Can Cas keep his small family together? He sure hopes so.
(Words: 85k)
Say Something by JhanaMay
No matter how difficult he can be, Dean loves his son. Raising him alone after his mother died hasn't been easy, but with the support of his family and friends, Dean has made it work. Now that Ben is starting kindergarten, Dean hopes that he can finally relax a little, but the challenges Ben faces at school make Dean realize that their struggles are just beginning. When Ben is assigned a new support teacher, Dean finds that Ben isn't the only Winchester who has a problem dealing with change.
(Words: 250k)
*  *  *  *
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: COFFEE SHOP/BAKERY
Afternoon Delights by snarkymonkey
Castiel has just moved to Lawrence, Kansas and the nearby cafÊ has the strangest sign out front.
(Words: 2k)
Benny Doesn't Partake In Audience Participation by Niitza
In which Benny owns a coffee shop and has a pie addict as well as a weirdo in a trench-coat among his regulars.
(Words: 2k)
Coffee & Donuts by betts
“It’s not competition, Sam. That place sells overpriced coffee and tea, and calls it something fancy to justify the price. And they probably serve shitty, gluten-free, vegan-happy pastries that taste like sod, too. We sell doughnuts. That’s all there is to it.”
But that wasn’t all there was to it.
***
Wherein Dean and Sam Winchester inherit their father's donut shop, some tattooed hipster named Cas opens up a coffee joint across the street, and chaos ensues in the form of too many pastry-related puns.
(Words: 10k)
I Like You (Like Me) by Carmexgirl
Dean’s the owner of his own pretty successful coffee shop, and he’s absolutely, totally not in love with the hot accountant guy who comes in every day. He’s way out of his league. Isn’t he?
(Words: 11k)
Sweet Tooth by DarcyDelaney
Dean had just expected to tag along to Sam and Jess’ cake tasting for their wedding and get free food. That’s it. The last thing that he’d been prepared for was to meet a ridiculously attractive blue-eyed baker with messy hair and rusty people skills who he’d almost immediately start falling for, but sometimes those things just happen.
(Words: 14k)
Pie in the Sky by PrinceMalice
Pie is more than something sweet. Pie is home.
(Words: 14k)
Cooking with Gas by WinJennster
Castiel Novak has it all. He's rich, famous, has a top rated cooking show and restaurant, drives an expensive car and wears Armani.
His producer throws a contest to spend a day with Chef Novak, cooking and learning techniques. Castiel wants no part of it, but Balthazar insists and Castiel will do as expected.
What Castiel wasn't expecting was to fall head over heels for the winner.
Dean Winchester hasn't had a successful relationship in his 34 years on Earth. He's got a past he'd like to keep hidden, and his life rotates around his family and his business.
Winning a contest to spend a day with his favorite TV chef is a shock, but a welcome diversion from his day to day life...until he meets the guy, and he turns out to be a big jerk. Dean figures he should have expected that.
What he wasn't expecting was that same gorgeous blue-eyed man to sweep in and shake up his entire world.
(Words: 89k)
A Little Slice Of Heaven by onamelancholyhill
Jim Morrison once said, “The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are.” That was Castiel Novak’s motto in life, and the reason why he accepted his grandmother's inheritance and took the responsibility it implied.
Dean Winchester, a remarkable accountant at Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc., however, had other priorities. He lived to serve, hidden in a mask that didn’t allow him to be honest with himself, but lonesome and boring.
When destiny made their paths cross, in a less than promising way, with Dean as the instigator and Castiel as his victim, Dean’s mind started wandering, in between pies and cakes, coffees and muffins... What if Mr. Morrison was right?
After all, as the guy used to say, "there can’t be any large-scale revolution, until there’s a personal revolution first."
(Words: 112k)
Kiss the Baker by Ltleflrt
Jo is pregnant and craving something a little bit unusual. When she sends Dean on a mission to find her some chocolate cake donuts with bacon sprinkles, he's sure that he'll fail. Luckily his partner Benny comes to his rescue and introduces him to a quirky little bakery that sells all kinds of weird (and delicious!) baked goods. And they do special orders!
Dean finds excuses to keep going back, and Castiel finds excuses to keep giving him special treats.
(Words: 113k)
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idonthaterunning ¡ 7 years ago
Text
Progress Report
So, my very kind and beautiful reader, tomorrow is May 18th. The semester is over at the university. Students have graduated and all is good. 
May 18th is my 4 month running anniversary! <3 I’ve been a runner for 1/3rd of the year. 
And yes, I did buy myself a gift. A new pair of Under Armour heat gear running leggings. I am also planning my June and July races! I already have August, September, October (2 races) and November planned. I’ve completed 3 out of my 10 races. I have currently clocked 9.3 race miles.
I have also run 75.97 training miles since is started running on January 18th. I just need to repeat that for the people in the back. I have run 75.97 miles, not including my race miles, since January 18th. Wow.
Those miles have done more than put callous on my feet and taught me the importance of a proper sports bra. I’ve lost 10 pounds and almost 5 inches off my waist since I started running.
Overall I’m pretty fucking proud of myself. 
Here is a recap of my races.
RACE 1 - March - The Irish Jig - weather: Really cold - 30 degrees in the morning, sunny but really cold.  official time: 36:51.17 (Currently Personal Best) Pace: 11:53 per mile Overall place: 2873 of 3893 Overall in Female 30 to 34 division: 244 of 318 Overall among all female runners: 1398 of 2165  Summary: This was a very strange event for me. It was my first 5k and I was completely unprepared for many components of it.  1. it was really cold. Like really cold and I was not prepared. I went out last minute and bought a Nike 3/4 zip to keep me warm for the run. I didn’t have the right socks, shoes, or leggings on to run in this weather. I had been running inside on a treadmill, or indoor track, or outside in Arizona. I wasn’t ready for the cold. During the run, my legs hurt so badly, i couldn’t tell if it was from running or from cold. the back of my arms hurt from the cold (Oddly, enough, this is where i get cold when running.) My Nike 3/4 Zip I bought did the trick and my chest was actually starting to overheat. When i was done running, my chest looked like it had sunburn.
2. I had no idea how runs would work. I didn’t know about water stations. I didn’t know about registration, or check in. I didn’t know about pacing groups or really anything. So i think that the Irish Jig was a really good first race. It was an easy track and my friends were with me and helped me get my shit together.
3. I was disappointed in my run. I slowed down twice and walked for about 30 seconds, which disappointed me. When i ran on the track i completed the 5k in 35:50 with no walking. I couldn’t hold it together to run the full time. Oddly, enough, this has been my fast time thus far.
4. The thing that was probably the least important but most annoying for me was the amount of little kid participating in this race. I know that should shitty to say but they would run ahead and then stop and wait for their parents. They wouldn’t look at where they were going or look behind them. They didn’t run in a straight line either. So it was like dodging children for 3 miles. It was very tiresome.
RACE 2 - April - Gazelle girl  weather: Cold -  low 40s when the race started, but it was very sunny official time: 41:06.53 (added 4:50ish to my time- my personal worst) Pace: 13:14 per mile Overall place:  492 of 1004 Overall in Female 30 to 34 division:   86 of 132 Overall among all female runners: 492 of 1004 (this was an all ladies event)
Summary: This race was a last minute add for me. I registered for it about 3 weeks before it when i was buying new running shoes. It was not what I was planning to do. I had backed off running for a few days and really had tuned down my training. I went from running 3+ times a week to 1 or 2 times a week. 
However, this last minute add also caused me to set my new goal of 10 5ks I really liked this race. However, it wasn’t my favorite. 
I was still cold. I was super slow. I didn’t sleep well the night before and I was feeling really out of it due to some things happening in my personal life. I was really disappointed in myself and the race was surprisingly hard! There was significantly more elevation changes in this race than I had ever experienced. The whole last quarter mile was uphill and it laid me out. I was beat. 
However, I ran the whole thing. I didn’t stop to walk at all which i thought was really impressive, until i got my time. I knew it wasn’t going to be better than my first race, but I picked up A LOT of time. 41:06 that is 5 minutes. That is enough time to drink a cup of coffee. I was so discouraged with myself. 
People always tell you to take walking breaks if you need them, and I needed one, i just didn’t listen to my body. My body made a lot of noise on this run. I could feel twitching and pinches in my knees and hips that reminded me I need to be doing more BEFORE i start to run.
I like the idea of Gazelle Girl, I had to deal with the moms and kids again, which was annoying. However, this race showed me that I could be running more miles. I watched women my mother’s age complete the 10k! 
I also liked that my name was annoyed as i ran over the finish line. I was bummed out because there was not a single race photo of me.
May - The Fifth Third Riverbank run - weather: Cold 42 degrees, rainy and cloudy, and windy. All around shitty weather. This seems to be the trendy when i run, the weather just has to suck. Official Time: 37:36.27 Pace: 12:06 per mile Overall place: 2045 of 2916 Overall in Female 30 to 34 division:   148 of 227 Overall among all female runners: 970 of 1601 Summary:
Overall, my favorite race so far was the riverbank run. It was the biggest with over 16,000 people running in one of the different races. I joined the university corporate team, and honestly, best idea ever. There was an indoor suite area we could go into and get coffee! 
The team was super unrated because I was never actually invited to any of the group trainings or the facebook group. I also didn’t see anyone else there wearing their University Healthy Living shirts. The ugliest shirts ever.
It was so insanely could and I could not for the life of me find my freaking running gloves. My hands were like ice the whole day. It didn’t help that I slipped beer on myself after the race and soaked my shirt.
I kt taped my knees because they had been bothering me. I didn’t feel great starting this race. However, it was a really good run. I felt focused and in the zone. I also liked that we used this app called RaceJoy, because people could send me cheers from home! It was really cool.
I took two small 30 second walking breaks on some of the highest points of elevation on the course.
I was so happy to finish this race strong. I felt good, but cold.
I did hang around to watch the 10k and the 25k races finish. It was amazing to watch the form of the elite 25k runners. I was so amazed that the first woman finished in like less then an hour and 30 minutes.  I also clapped and cheered for everyone who went buy. LITERALLY EVERYONE! Hand cycles, wheelchairs, 5k walkers. 25 k runners who looked at me like they were going to die and I just told them they were so close! 
This running journey has been so enlightening. I’ve learn a lot about myself both physically and mentally. I like that running lets me put my mental problems aside. I like focusing on my feet and my mechanics when I run. When my personal issues creep into my running space, i can’t stay focused. I have to take more breaks. I have to sort out my issues.
Honestly, I think i started running, because I’ve been dealing with issues I haven’t wanted to deal with. Running has actually made me focus on dealing with my issues.
One thing that has been on my mind for the last 14 months is, where I am going? I came to Grand Rapids because I made plans with someone who never showed. I took a job because it was a means to an end, that never came. I’ve met some really amazing friends here. I’ve been pushed creatively with my writing community and Nanowrimo. My friends from home have continued to be a constant.  I’ve been working on becoming who I want to be. Not just who I think I should be to be with someone.
I’m on my way. I’ve started this journey. I have 7 more races to complete before December 10th. 
Thanks for sticking with me so far. There is a lot more to come, I promise. 
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xennariel ¡ 7 years ago
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fanfic asks: all.
lol Thanks! This took me forever.
1. Do you have a word-count goal for 2018? - Not really, but another 100k would be nice to achieve.
2. Will you participate in any fandom exchanges or fic challenges, etc?- Hopefully Royai Week again and Royai Halloween week since I just was feeling crappy and was too busy to do it last year.
3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom in 2018? Which one? - Not really. I have been meaning to delve into WoW fanfiction for a few years now, so maybe that, but it’ll probably just be FMA and my own stuff again because I’m a loser. lol
4. Do you think you’ll stop writing for a fandom in 2018? Which one? - Who knows. It seems like my fics aren’t entertaining anymore or whatever, but I lost quite a few readers in 2017 so that may end up being a deciding factor in whether I continue FMA fanfiction or not. As of now, I don’t think I’ll stop writing for the series though.
5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet? - I would really really like to finish Through Eyes of Flame, but it still has a long way to go and, again, because of lack of readers, my motivation to write it is very very low. I’ve had the next chapter halfway completed since September and every time I look at it to try to write for it, I just give up and work on something else. I’ve been working on that fic for almost two years and I just want to finish it already. I think I posted a snippet before, but here’s a bit of the chapter that’s been halfway done for months now:
Red light crackled around Gluttony’s wounds, each bullet hole closing within seconds. No matter how many vital points Riza hit with deadly accuracy, it all proved futile. The hulking homunculus held her off the ground by her throat as she continued to struggle and fire bullet after bullet into its skull. She grit her teeth as Gluttony’s hold on her neck tightened and the click click click of her gun’s trigger indicated she was out of ammo. She dropped her hand to her side and the gun fell to the ground with a clatter.
This was it. This was how she was going to die. She would no longer be able to protect Roy. But at least he would live. He would not be incriminated for what they were doing here. He would go on, working toward their goal without her, and that was enough for her.
6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list? - I would love to start writing the Royai mermaid AU I’ve been thinking about a lot. Also perhaps my “Riza was an alchemist the whole time” au. I’ve had so many ideas for those that were stewing around all year, but I didn’t start them because I wanted to finish TEoF first.
7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers? - Definitely try to comment more. I comment every chance I get, but sometimes I still can’t figure out what to say or have a weird anxiety build up that makes me not want to comment, so I want to work on that and make sure every fic I read gets at least an “I liked this” or something. Also if I wasn’t so anxious I’d strike up conversations more often on here with other writers, but I feel like I just annoy people so I avoid talking to anyone unless they talk to me first. It’s stupid, I know, but I just feel like they’d message me if they wanted to talk to me, you know? I need to work on that.
8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is 2018 the year? - Ummmmm… I don’t think so? Well, scratch that, I have a lot of horror/tragedy/angsty ideas, but I can get very dark and I have found that I hold back quite a bit with fanfiction in that department. Like… I feel like people would avoid me and not read my stuff if it got that dark so I tend to just write fluff and minor angsty one shots. I even held back on my fic Hollow because I felt like it was getting too dark so I cut a lot of stuff out, rushed it, and lightened it up a bit. I realize people like angst and such, but I worry about scaring off readers. It’s weird. SO, with that said, I would like to write some kind of fic that’s super dark, but I don’t know if anyone would read it. That’s what my original novel is for. lol
9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January? - I would love to get the next chapter for Through Eyes of Flame finished and posted by my birthday (Jan. 31). Other than that, I have no plans, but that might change if people send me prompts or something. An anon keeps sending me the prompt “May wasn’t there on the Promised Day and Roy has to burn Riza’s wounds closed.” I like the idea, but I’m not confident enough to write it. I know nothing about the nitty gritty medical details that would go into that so I feel like my attempt would be bad and unrealistic and honestly the only outcome I could see would be Riza dying anyway because burning an artery and just that whole area is bad news and wouldn’t end well, especially because Roy would probably be nervous and have shaky hands and mess up.
10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year? - Probably not beyond posting them to FFNet and AO3. I never really thought about keeping a record of the stuff I write.
11. Would you like to try any new fanfic genres or tropes in 2018? - I think I answered this above, but more Angst and stuff in that vein.
12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite in 2018? - I want to get better at description and make my prose sound nicer. Right now, my writing is very straight forward and not flowery at all. I don’t necessarily like flowery writing as sometimes I have no idea what the author is trying to say if it gets too flowery and purple, but I feel like my writing is very lackluster and missing something. So I’d like to get better at showing and not telling more often.
13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic?- I’d love to get back into drawing far more often. I used to draw all the time in high school. I gave it up for so long after I graduated and I miss it. I only drew a few times last year, but I’d like to pick it up far more often. Like, maybe even do a monthly request type thing where I take requests once a month and draw for people instead of going for, like, five months and then being like “I feel like drawing, send in requests.” I’d just like to do it more often.
14. Have you ever lost large chunks of your work in the past, due to not backing up your work? Will you change your methods in 2018? - Oh yeah. I’ve lost so much stuff because my hard drives have crashed several times in the past, like, ten years. All my old original writing was lost to the void in high school when my Mac’s hard drive crashed for the first time. I did manage to print some of it off though, which I found recently, but it was only a fraction of what I had written in my high school years. It honestly wasn’t great anyway, but it’s still upsetting to lose stuff I worked on for years. It’s why I use Google Docs mostly now and I do have a thumb drive that I download stuff onto occasionally now.
15. Do you foresee any personal or professional obstacles in 2018, that would keep you from creating fanworks?- I really really want to finish my original novel, so fanfics might take a backseat to that if I feel like I’m not keeping up with it well enough. My dream is to be a published author, even if that means publishing myself. Also my dog isn’t doing so well recently and if his ailments progress as rapidly as they seem to be right now… Well I hope it doesn’t come to anything serious, but losing him might take a huge toll on me and I know I’ll probably fall into a serious depression for a long time. Which is why I want to finish my original novel as soon as possible, because I know if I lose him I’ll never finish my book, at least not for a few years.
16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted? - Nope, I always post stuff, even if it’s a WIP multichapter. I tend to be proud of stuff and want to get it out to share it asap. It’s why lack of hits/comments/shares upsets me a lot of the time. I wouldn’t share my work if I wasn’t proud of it, but lack of hits and response makes me feel like everything I do is shit.
17. Do you typically answer all comments/reviews individually? Do you plan to change the way you interact with your readers this year? - Yes, especially on AO3. It’s a little harder on FFNet since you have to PM the person and I didn’t even realize you could respond like that until recently. I definitely plan to thank and respond to people individually more often so they know just how much I appreciate their comments.
18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method?- Honestly, I really should write the whole damn thing and then post it, but I post each chapter as I go. My problem is that I have a difficult time staying motivated to write something without feedback from people. It’s why writing my original stuff can be so hard at times. I really would like to finish a thing before I begin posting though because that way if I lose motivation, I don’t disappoint people by either not updating for a long time or never updating again.
19. Would you consider non-fandom writing events, like NaNoWriMo or writing contests?- I did Camp Nano where I managed to write 25k words for my original novel. It’s what really helped me get going with that. I wanted to do the actual NaNo event, but was depressed and busy during that time. I would like to do both this year though and maybe finish my book then (though I’d like to be done with my book sooner than that.)
20. Any plans to work on original fiction this year? - Yep, as I said before, I want to finish my book this year. Even if no one reads it, it’s been my dream since middle school to finish and publish it and this is the time I’m going to actually do it. No more sitting on it wishing it would just magically be written for me. Even if people don’t like it, I’m going to finish it because I like it.
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