#i mean we SEE him interacting with naomi for like 90% of the story it's hard not to draw Some conclusions

[applestorms]

trying to break down beyond more so here's some random thoughts:

he's very particular about the ways in which he's unhinged/insane, and oddly conscious about every weird thing he does. everything is meant to one-up L: excess sugar (jam + coffee sludge), uncomfortable body movements, presenting as a Genius Detective to hide his own crimes, etc. his weirdness is unnatural and, at least in the ways he specifically tries to replicate L, not innate to him specifically. there's a version of beyond, perhaps pre-L, who is weird in his own unique way.

for a serial killer, he has very little interest in the killings themselves. despite executing all these violent murders, even one of a 13 year old girl, every one of his victims is killed only after they're drugged to unconscious and the mutilation of their bodies is all post-death, for the sake of his puzzles alone. seemingly the only reason why he bothers with murder is because that is what L focuses on, and because his eyes make him so intimate w/ death.

his motives are clearly focused around L, perhaps both as a reaction to L and as an attempt at initiating some kind of interaction? iirc mello claims near the end of the story that his sole purpose is to give L some kind of unsolvable case, but clearly some of his behaviors must be done to antagonize L specifically, since almost nobody else (other than the meta audience) knows who he's presenting himself as/clowning on.

ultimately, it's his ego that gets him. he underestimates naomi's abilities often throughout the story, feeding her clues to ensure that his own puzzles get solved-- perhaps out of a lack of respect for her intelligence, but also to present himself as even more capable? to brag as much as he can?

the congenital shinigami eyes is honestly one of the most fascinating ideas any death note side story has ever presented. there are so so so many questions you can ask here-- is beyond genetically part shinigami? is he or his birth family somehow connected to a death note? how can he read the lifespans? mello describes beyond's shinigami eyes as follows:

Killing people was, for him, normal. Killing people who were fated to die anyway was no effort at all. Mmm, I guess I should explain the idea of the eyes of a shinigami. The phrase is only too familiar to me, but if I don't explain it, some of you will cry foul. The eyes of a shinigami. These eyes could be given out by any shinigami in return for half the recipient's remaining life. Normally contact with a shinigami was a prerequisite for acquisition, but Beyond Birthday had traded nothing--he had seen the world through those eyes since before he could remember. He knew your name before you said it. He knew the time of death of every person he met. ...I hardly need to explain just what effect this would have one his personality. You might think they would hardly be useful without a Death Note, but that is simply not the case. The ability to see someone's remaining life is the ability to see death. Death, death, death. Beyond Birthday lived his life unceasingly reminded that all humans would eventually die. From the time he was born he knew the day his father would be attacked by a thug and die, knew the day his mother would die in a train crash. He had these eyes before he was born, which is why he called himself Beyond Birthday. Which is why a child as strange as him was taking in by our home, sweet home--Wammy's House. (pg. 94-95)

it's unclear exactly how much of this story mello heard from L and how much is him interpreting/theorizing w/ his own ideas. the potentially biased narration is a fantastic layer in this story.

he is the second known wammy's kid to overtly attempt suicide, though his attempt is of course incomplete. we have no idea about the circumstances surrounding A's suicide, though i find it notable that A is mentioned at all as their presence makes this a pattern. this also seems important in conjunction w/ mello's infamous opening line: "I am your narrator, your navigator, your storyteller. For anyone else but [Near and Kira], my identity may be of no interest, but I am the old world's runner-up, the best dresser that died like a dog, Mihael Keehl. I once called myself Mello and was addressed by that name, but that was a long time ago. Good memories and nightmares." (pg. 12)

sidenote: love his use of "the old world," in that quote, i wonder what the original japanese is... fits well w/ the whole idea of L as the god of the old world. anyway,

his relationship with naomi is also Fascinating to me, particularly since it really doesn't seem like either of them have a speck of respect for the other. lmfao. i should really fic write for those two sometime... i really just need to do a proper character study on both of those bitches. lol.

edit: almost immediately upon posting this i open back the damn book back up to this quote:

If he attacked her with intent to kill, he would absolutely fail. He knew that he would. Ensuring his path of escape was far more critical. Naomi Misora was nothing more than L's servant, and if she died there would be dozens of replacements-- from the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA-- even Secret Service. So he had only been testing her. Seeing if Naomi Misora was capable of being L's substitute. "Hmmm...mmmm...hmmm...Huh huh huh huh...no, hee hee hee? I could go with ho ho ho ho, but that's a little too jolly...anyway. Oh, Naomi Misora-- you are pretty good. A shame to waste someone like you in the FBI." She had passed the test, so far. (pg. 95-96)

so. shit, idk. i guess he does still have some respect for her, albeit tempered by that classic death note sexism. shrug.

the beyond vs. KIRA comparison has a lot to consider, particularly when it comes to their egos and how they choose to cover up their crimes. L's reaction to either of them is also intriguing-- as much as i like to point out L's lack of respect for beyond he does admittedly take on the case even when it doesn't quite fit his usual standards (10+ deaths and/or 1 million dollars). he's at least somewhat aware of what his legacy is setting up, though how much he actually gives a shit about any of those kids is somewhat debatable...

[thebluesideofthemoon]

The Wall #45: COLLATERAL BEAUTY

Okay, I did say that the Zootopia re-review was going to be next, but this is something I need to get out of the way right now. Yes, I saw this movie, Collateral Beauty, a while back actually - it was the last movie I saw last year (I saw it in vacation), and my family are all big Will Smith fans, and I do love me some Will Smith, so this could have been a real treat, right?

HOOOOOOOO BOY. THIS is a BAD movie. This is the kind of bad movie that becomes legendary by its sheer shittiness.

So this movie’s plot is that Will Smith dealing with the grief of having lost his daughter to a horrible accident and is coping with it by sending these letters to the concepts of Death, Time, and Love, only for those concepts to then become personified and help him deal with his trauma.

Now, I know this sounds like a weepy, kind of corny, melodramatic movie that comes out around this time of year to try to tug at your heartstrings and maybe attempt to nab an Oscar or two. I’m not the biggest fan of these kind of movies because I find they just do nothing but try to be as emotionally manipulative as possible while giving you a cornball script and pretty shallow execution- it only succeeds because the themes in and of themselves are sad, and they only play them with the one note of sadness. This isn’t always the case, as a movie like Son of Saul works wonderfully by giving us far other emotions than just sadness- it also has fear, hope, suspense, it actually gets you to connect with the characters, so it’s not just sad for sake of being sad, there’s a lot more to it that allows it become more than “just another Holocaust movie”.

It may sound like I’m going off on a tangent, but I need to make this clear for a reason- I know these kind of movies exist, but if they don’t have much more going for them there’s no reason for me to see them, but at the very least they have the dignity to know what they are, and get in and get out. I thought this was going to be one of those. I thought I would just say that “yeah, I know some people will find this sort of thing sad, but it’s not for me. 4/10” and that’s where the story would normally end.

… unfortunately, not for this. To give the movie the very little credit it deserves it absolutely surprised me, blindsided me, you could even say it shocked me because it turned out to be absolutely NOT what I was expecting. What this movie DID turn out to be was one of the biggest, most pretentious, absolutely vile, mean-spirited piles of shit I have ever seen in my life.

For one, the plot of the movie that you see in the trailers (as I detailed above) is A BIG LIE! Yes, Will Smith does have to cope with the grief of losing his daughter, but two things: 1. He’s actually not the main character of the movie, it’s actually Edward Norton, Michael Pena, and Kate Winslet, his friends. 2. The plot involves them GASLIGHTING Will Smith. Eeeeeyup. What actually happens is that they all work for an ad agency where Norton and Smith are partner owners, and now that Smith is depressed they’re losing their clients because Ed Norton is pretty useless at dealing with them. So he, and two other co-workers, Pena and Winselt, all form a plan to sell the company under Will Smith’s nose- thanks to an offer they were given to have the company bought out by $17 per share (which is easy to remember when the movie only mentions it a measly twenty or thirty times throughout the movie’s run time)- by making him look crazy by hiring actors to play the abstract concepts of Death, Time, and Love (played by Helen Mirren, Jacob Latimore, and Keira Knightley, respectively) so they can get Will Smith fired. All while these actors all tie into in a “metaphorical way” to these three characters because one of them is dying, one of them has a daughter who hates them, and the other one works too much to the point where they ignore having kids, even though these people are some of the most cruel assholes in New York City history.

That sure does sound like a fun movie, doesn’t it?! Where… the fuck… do I begin?

The story is by far what gets on my nerves the most. For one it’s a movie that it’s basically built on conveniences for 90% of the time; the tension of the movie hinges on nobody, aside from Will Smith, being able to see that these actors are there. So everyone else around them just pretends that these actors aren’t there to keep the illusion that they are visions that Will Smith is seeing to prove that he’s gone crazy. One of the most egregious examples of this happens when we see through a digital camera Will Smith talking with Helen Mirren but she’s somehow removed from the footage even though EVERYONE ELSE AROUND THEM KNEW THAT SHE WAS ACTUALLY THERE, because apparently these concepts can decide to interact with other people just because they can. In NEW YORK CITY. Because Will Smith just accepts that these concepts are real, and not once bothers to find out if this is true, even though this is a plan that could have easily backfired. So did these three scumbags also hire everyone else in New York to act as if they can’t see Death, Time, and Love because that would ruin the illusion? No explanation given on that at all! The movie also has two particularly awful twist endings, which I’ll get to once I go through the rest of things wrong with this abomination of a movie.

Not since Movie 43 have I seen so many good actors completely wasted on such awful material. Most of the actors are directed like they were on a middle school play, and this is one of those movies where it was clearly only given the direction of “act sad. No, sadder. No, REALLY sad, because we need to wring out every single piece of emotional manipulation out of this wretched piece of trite”.

Yes, I know that movies by nature are manipulative, but there is a way to have a movie tug at your heartstrings in a genuine way that is earned when the characters and conflict are that well fleshed out and allow you to get invested because you want to see these people succeed- a movie like Anomalisa pulls this off because even though the main character himself isn’t necessarily a completely good person, they flesh out his dilemma so well that you completely understand why he goes through what he does- you can feel the emotions, you can connect with him, you can relate to the situations because they managed to make them feel completely and absolutely real, and when those sort of real emotional situations get pulled off in the way that something like Anomalisa does it, it sticks with you, it weighs on your mind, it makes you feel a rollercoster of emotions and it really hits home!

That doesn’t happen when the main characters are all slimy scumbags who want to screw over their friend majorly (whom, by the way, is apparently depressed enough by his daughter’s death that he pretty much becomes a vegetable, yet still manages to keep himself fed, well-kept- sure he has a bit of grey in his hair, but he’s still WILL SMITH), not really caring about his well-being because they are in actuality really shitty people- not that the movie ever calls them out on it because it’s too busy being really fucking proud of itself on how clever it is, and how much it’s trying to get you to cry. It’s monotonous at best, and it feels really underhanded at worst because it’s a movie that is trying to get a rise out of its audience in the cheapest way possible. It’s the reason why I absolutely despised movies like Home and Remember Me so much because they tried to pull the card of trying to make you feel emotional investment on a movie that doesn’t really warrant it! But at least those movies only did them in bits and pieces, NOT THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!

And the dialogue! Oh God, is it terrible! Most of it is either talking about selling this building, it’s really stilted, or it means absolutely fucking nothing. They mention the phrase “collateral beauty” so much in this movie AND IT MEANS NOTHING! It’s a meaningless statement that wouldn’t get irritating if it wasn’t for the fact that they mention it SEVERAL IN TIMES IN THE MOVIE! It’s by far the worst title drop I’ve seen in any movies since, oh gee, THE LAST MOVIE I REVIEWED THAT STARRED WILL SMITH. “How could this movie get worse?” did you ask? I will tell you because this movie offers a very special deal: TWO shitty twists for the price of one, which I’m going to spoil because, fuck this movie.

The first twist is that the actors who played Death, Time, and Love… ACTUALLY ARE DEATH, TIME, AND LOVE! They were actually helping Michael Pena, Edward Norton, and Kate Winslet with THEIR problems instead of Will Smith… because that makes a lot of sense, it’s not like they’ve been fucking him over this entire movie. They also do end up taking their money ($20,000 each) for their services, which is admittedly the one genuinely funny thing about the movie (whether or not that was intentional is hard to tell because this movie fucking sucks).

The second, and by far WORSE, twist comes in the form of Howard (that’s Will Smith’s character) meeting this woman named Madeline (played by Naomi Harris, who appeared in Skyfall and Spectre, and another 2016 movie that I will talk about later, Moonlight) who works at this support group, to which Howard comes into and constantly interacts with her. Evidently she too lost a daughter in a tragic accident, and talks to him about how her ex-husband sends her notes that say “if only we could be strangers again”. However, it turns out that Will Smith IS her ex-husband, and she was talking about the same girl that they both lost the same way. At no point in the movie do you ever get a hint that these two used to be in a relationship of any way because they literally act like strangers around each other. Also, she’s completely okay with her ex-husband saying things like he just had a conversation with Death and Time.

DOES THIS MOVIE LOATHE ITSELF?! DO THEY GET OFF TO THIS?! IN WHAT PLANET DO THEY THINK THAT THIS IS HOW HUMANS INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER?! I DON’T GET IT! THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING INSANE!

Collateral Beauty is disgusting. This isn’t a movie like Anomalisa, or Son of Saul, or Her; those movies play with your heartstrings like a cellist with a perfectly smooth, fine-tuned bow. This movie plays the heartstrings like a lunatic ax murderer with a bloody, rusty hacksaw. This isn’t just bad, it’s offensive. It’s vile, it’s repulsive, and it may just very well be the worst holiday movie ever made. This is Oscar Bait done way, WAY wrong. (1,855 words. Music: Undertale- Battle Against a True Hero)

I hate this movie. I absolutely, thoroughly, and very, VERY vehemently hate this movie. If not for Yoga Hosers, then this might be the worst movie I've seen this year, though to give Yoga Hosers a bit of credit, at least that movie never pretended to be anything more than stupid, unfunny bad movie. I was a bit conflicted on what to rate this movie, but I think I've got it.

Though this is VERY close to being a 0, this movie can still kiss my ass. It is THAT awful. Maybe I wouldn't hate it so much if it wasn't so dishonest, but this movie can rightfully fuck off. Well, I sure hope you guys enjoy this review I sure didn't! And I'll talk to you all next time on The Wall!