#i mean she did send thousands of bodies rio's way... what a way to show your love girl! romance!

[lonelyzarquon]

A thousand bodies piled up I never thought would be enough To show you just what I've been thinking

[jade-marie]

Top 10 books fics I read in 2020

Tagged by @sothischickshe

I don’t read books. I’m trash. So have my top 10 fics. These aren’t in any real order, btw.

Finally got round to adding some content to each one. Send word to my family, I died doing this. All the fluffy goodness is hitting me right in the feels😭😭😭

Do not collect $200 by @mrslackles

My OG favourite series. I will talk about this till the cows come home, I will read it over and over again until the day I die. So fucking good. The plot, the characterisation, the angst, the fluff, it just has everything and I fucking love it.

Favourite snippet:

Her touch is so light that Rio shivers and his tongue darts out for a second, meeting two of her fingers, and it makes their eyes meet.

And the look she finds there, god, it’s indescribable – no words, there are no words. Yet she knows what it means. Nobody’s ever told me I’m a good kisser and nobody’s ever touched you like this.

She doesn’t say it aloud but it doesn’t matter, not really. They both know it.

And Beth doesn't know when she falls asleep, only that it's with her palm on his throat and her fingers splayed over his lips.

Lush life by @hereliesbb

Lush life is basically my comfort blanket. I have a bad day, I read it and I’m smiling again. Every time. Without fail. The fluffiest fucking shit I’ve ever read in my life, even the angst is fluffy. I love it so much, I cannot find the words. 

Favourite snippet:

“What?” she asked when she saw he was staring. She looked back in the mirror to make sure she didn’t have anything in her teeth.

“You’re beautiful,” he said and then huffed like he was making fun of himself. Beth felt her face flush and about a hundred thousand butterflies take flight inside of her.

Warm water by @inyoursheets

Angst, yearning, friends to lovers, slow burn AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES. Such a good read omg 😫

Favourite snippet:

She kisses him.

Elizabeth. Elizabeth kisses him.

He can’t move—can’t think, not with her up close, her scent overwhelming him, her soft body pressed into him—when she’s already pulling back, jerking to a halt.

And just like that, he’s done. Finished. Can no longer find it in him to keep it up, his carefully crafted indifference, the control he tried to grasp so eagerly. No point guarding it from her any longer, not with those wild, wide eyes peering up at him like he can give her something, here, now.

Good sport by fireinsideforfun

Again, phenominal characterisation. I love the way she portrays their vulnerability. It’s just so so so beautifully written. 

Also, the image of Rio drowning in a pair of ginormous pyjamas makes me feel some shit🤣

 Favourite snippet:

“You’re not going to go rotten on me, are you darlin’?” he quietly asks her.

The question takes her aback, because although his voice is gentle his eyes are speaking volumes, something dark and desolate brewing.

“No. Never,” she says to him and means it.

He scoffs. “How can you know?”

“Because we’ve already been there before,” she says, and she can tell he knows what she’s referring to. “I already tried to get rid of the king and I couldn’t do it. We’ve been through those motions together. It’s done.”

Milkshakes by @emilykolburn

Dad Rio vibes, Rio and babies. Milkshake meetcute. I cannot. Literally so adorable.

Favourite snippet:

Rio was looking her up and down, slowly taking in every inch of her that he could, and she noted that he had that twinkle in his eyes again. When his eyes eventually found hers, he tilted his head to the side a little, tongue running slowly across his bottom lip. The intensity in the eye contact alone made her want to shrink away. She wasn’t used to it, she realised, but the longer they looked into each other’s eyes, and the way the corner of his mouth slowly twitched up into a smirk, she found she liked it.

Irresistible by @wakeupflawless

Highschool au. Enemies to lovers. I eat that shit UP.

Before anyone could say anything, she grabbed the front of his shirt, yanking him down to her for a very public, very dirty kiss.

“Oh, shit,” She heard Pedro say.

For once in his life Rio must have been stunned, because he was frozen against her for a moment. He grabbed her hips, pulling her closer to him and deepening the kiss. The bystanders erupted, she heard hoots and hollers coming from the guys and exclamations of “Oh my God!” from the girls.

“Hey! That’s enough” Called the Vice Principal, “Everyone get to class!”

Beth broke their kiss, panting slightly and grinning ear to ear.

“What was that?” Rio asked, raising his eyebrows.

“So everyone knows I’m hittin’ it,” Beth replied, smirking, “And also to say sorry,”

Love despite by @itsbriology

Dad Rio strikes again. If Lindsay throws in one more big-hand-small-baby-ratio reference... i’m pretty sure my ovaries will explode inside of my body and I’ll die of internal bleeding 🙃🙃🙃

Favourite snippet:

The hiccups lasted longer than he thought, almost to the point he wondered if there wasn’t something else he could do for her. But they eventually slowed and so did her tears, and then he stopped and looked down at her little head full of soft brown hair that had landed on his chest and watched her eyes drift shut again from the pure exhaustion of the near traumatizing event.

“There ya go, sleepy head. See, I told ya.” He laughed down at her as he continued holding her and pushing the cart down the aisle. A little old lady stopped and took in the sight of them.

“Someone’s a good daddy,” She smiled up at him with Jane cozy in his arms and he stopped. The lady looked to be about eighty and probably weighed seventy pounds.

“Uhh, no… this ain’t…” He tried telling her but she interrupted.

“What an adorable little girl you’ve got there.”

The lady looked up at them grinning.“Thank you.” He smiled back, not knowing what else to say in that moment.

Criminology 101 by @sdktrs12

College au. Cars being destroyed. Fluffy shit. Idiots being idiots. LOVE ITTTTT

He moves one hand up to brush her hair out of her face. “Do you trust me?”

I do that’s the whole problem, she wants to scream. She finds herself nodding quietly instead.

“That’s good.” He leans down, presses his lips against her temple in a soft kiss that makes her heart skip a beat.

Beth closes her eyes as she leans into him, giving in and letting herself fall into the dark abyss that is his touch, his smell, his voice.

Shit.

She’s in so much trouble.

Both sides of the law by @joeyjoeylee

Slow burn. Y E A R N I N G. But they don’t even know they’re yearning. Taking the constant oneupmanship and translating it into a law school setting - genius. So so good.

Favourite snippet:

“Shouldn’t you be at the bar?” She really needed to let Gretchen know some of the staff had a distinct professionalism problem. If, or when, she was in charge of throwing the party next year, she’d have to make sure they did a better job of recruiting the help.

“Was just there, actually.” He wiggled his hand to show her the beer bottle he was holding. “But Gretch got on me ‘bout not having my nametag.”

She was confused and a little scandalized. Was he really drinking on the job? And…”Gretch”? He had to mean Gretchen? Granted, Beth barely knew her, but Gretchen hadn’t seemed like someone who would be on a first name basis with the staff. And why would he have a nametag? Nametags were for the students, and he was just a bartender…

Oh.

Oh no.

Everything seemed suddenly to be moving very slowly and she seemed to be watching it all unfold from outside her own body.

She watched him lean closer again to reach behind her and pick up the last nametag from the table.

She watched him pluck the Sharpie from her hand and use it to cross out “Christopher” then write “Rio” in big block letters that still managed to look messy.

Then she watched as he made a production of pinning the nametag just so to his lapel, mirroring her, exact and mocking, grinning down at her all the while.

Oh no.

A time to kill @sothischickshe

JUSTICE FOR MICK. And his shirt. Poor bby did not sign up for dealing with these two dumbasses and their dumbassery. Grumpy Rio pov is always a winner in my book. It’s comedy gold.

Favourite snippet:

Jesus, her hair is past lank. He sniffs. “You’re ripe. Go shower, man.”

Elizabeth grumbles incessantly until he agrees she can have coffee first, but he draws a line under a single cup, demanding she hurry.

Rio opens the windows wide as they allow. There’s a distinct scent of manure in the air, but it honestly might be preferable.

“That shirt needs washing too!” he yells from a safe nasal distance.

She literally punts the shirt at him from the bathroom, before slamming then locking the door. The handle vibrates for ages after.

He debates sourcing some tongs to handle the offending item with. When he can’t find any, considers setting fire to it instead. Surely Elizabeth can make herself a dress outta all the hair she incessantly moults over every inch or some shit.

Eventually he chucks it in for a wash with some other bits, holding his nose closed.

Elizabeth’s in the bathroom for fucking ages. He assumes it’s payback for pointing out she stunk, or whatever. But it ain’t cute.

He jiggles the handle, knocks on the door. There’s no response.

“Oi!” Rio shouts. “Hurry up, I gotta piss!” It’s not, strictly speaking, true. But. It could be. Hogging the bathroom’s just rude.

“Go away!” she squawks. Then, “Go outside!”

He keeps it up, and she mostly ignores him. Though when he insinuates she’s taking the world’s longest shit, she does straight up tell him to fuck off.

Tagging @purplemagic @wakeupflawless @00gangfriend00 @joeyjoeylee

[rpchive]

103rd Encounter-- One of the Deadly

okay so I wanna start this off with a suicide warning. it’s near the end of the log; it involves poison; and once it comes up, it’s talked about off and on until the log’s over, so if you don’t wanna read that then Skip This

Seras walks into the console room and stops by the door. "Uh, hi again." Nydins: Oh, you're...together again! Seras, right? What's up? Seras: Right. Well, we were thinking it's about time we go back to Sabraith. Nydins: Are you sure you're ready? Seras: I'm- We're pretty sure. We just don't wanna let too much time go by while that weird... fog kleivenn is still loose to do whatever. Nydins: ...Alright, I'll take us back to Sabraith, then.

She swivels her chair back around to the console and changes the coordinates, sending it off.

After a little while, the IT lands back at Sabraith's home in the desert, where she is currently rolling a barrel into her house. Seras walks out of the IT and waves over to her as they approach. "Hey again. We interrupting something?" Stopping to pull the barrel upright, Sabraith turns to face Seras. "So you're here again. I take it you're gonna go looking for that kleivenn...you guys seriously don't waste any time when something hits you hard, huh?"

Seras: Look, if it weren't for that thing, Zenith's mom wouldn't have even been like that...we owe it to him to stop this thing.

Sabraith: ...They're responsible for the entire war, and everything that happened after it. Even if they're dying, underestimating them could get you hurt or killed too...I'm only gonna ask this once; are you absolutely sure you think you can handle this as is? Seras: I'm not sure what else we could really do. Our powers mix in weird ways like this, but they're still our powers. If there's anything new we can do combined, we haven't figured it out yet. Sabraith: Suit yourself...yourselves? Uhh...so be it, then... She retrieves the emblem from her pocket and presents it to Seras. "Just...try to be careful." Seras carefully takes the emblem from her hand. "Thank you. We will, promise. There's no way we're letting them take anything or anyone else from us." With a quiet nod, Sabraith closes the door to her home.

Seras: ...So, where should we open the gate, anyway? And should we get anyone else involved? Collin: {Y'know, talking out loud probably isn't gonna work out in the long run. You can hear me like this, right?} alienrabitt: {Huh? Of course I can. But I guess that make sense...} Collin: {Okay, cool. To answer your question, I'm... Well, I can't really lie to you like this, can I? I'm not sure going alone is a good idea, but I'm equally terrified of taking other people with us.} alienrabitt: {I know. I don't know what this kleivenn is capable of around other people; especially since everyone they ran into in the past wound up mass-slaughtering others...I don't want to go alone, but I feel like a big crowd's a bad idea too...} Collin: {Well, Fawkes is probably a safe bet since he's, y'know, not organic.} alienrabitt: {So what, just Fawkes? I doubt Rio or XL could help much...} Collin: {Oh, I think I still have that amulet Firefly gave me a long time ago when I went to go deal with Charmant. We could give that to someone and it'd probably keep them from being affected.} alienrabitt: {Yeah, but who?} Collin: {I'm... not sure. Do you think kleivenn would be a better bet against this thing? Maybe Demo?} alienrabitt: {Demo's gonna have to come either way; I can't open a gate without her.}

weeeeeellllll, yes and no?

Collin: {Right, forgot about that... Well, the amulet should keep her safe anyway, I think. Unless we're dealing with something /completely/ out there. Do you think we'll need anyone else?} alienrabitt: {I have no idea. I don't know what this kleivenn's capable of...} Collin: {Yeah, it's... not exactly exciting, huh? Do you think you're gonna be okay? You got a little weird when they showed up last time...} alienrabitt: {...I wasn't expecting to see her again...} Collin: {I understand, but... You know that was never really her, right? That was just that thing trying to get to you.} alienrabitt: {I know /now/...I don't understand what happened; thinking back on it still messes with me. By all accounts, I oughtta know that thing wasn't my mom, but even conceptually, I just...it feels like it /was/...I don't know what this kleivenn can do; but if it wants to convince you of something, I think you'll listen, even if you know it's not right...} Collin: {Well that's... terrifying. God I wish we didn't have to do this...} alienrabitt: {...We should make our choices...} Collin: {... Right. Well, we've got Fawkes and Demo at this point. Do you think we need anyone else?} alienrabitt: {Not unless you think we could use one more...} Collin: {I... think we might be good. I think you're right about keeping this group small...} alienrabitt: {Then let's go get 'em.} Seras heads back into the IT to assemble their team. Fawkes and Demo join up with Seras upon request outside of the IT.

Demo: So, assuming things go absolutely belly-up, you guys...do have a way back to the IT planned, right? Seras: Uh... We hadn't quite gotten that far. We could set up an emergency portal here or in the IT so we could fall back. Demo: Sounds like a good idea. Better than getting stranded in some weird place with no way out and no way to contact the IT. Seras snaps their fingers and opens a golden portal on the side of the IT. "That oughta do it. Anything else we're missing?" Demo: Not that I can think of. You ready? Seras: As we'll ever be... Summoning forth the Candy Cane; Demo helps Jay open a gate to the smokey kleivenn's location, where it lies in wait, shrouded in smog as it watches them from across a large, dark, empty room of a building that has long since been abandoned and weathered. The remnants of shattered lights; smashed desks; ceiling tiles; and even parts of the wall litter the floor, and water can be heard running somewhere nearby. In a gravelly, rasping voice, the kleivenn speaks out to the group:

"...I thought you'd never find me..." Seras: Hell of a place you've got here. Could use a little sprucing up though, if we're being honest. ???: Haha...it looks like you've come prepared for something...were you expecting a fight? Seras: I mean, we're here to stop you, unless you want to give up now and surrender nicely, in which case we're not complaining. The kleivenn shakes their head. "No, I never had any intention of fighting any of you in this state...after all;" The smog surrounding the kleivenn clears away, revealing the skeletal structure of a dragon-like kleivenn stained a deep purple; rotted remains of its true form desperately attempting to reform around it in vain as its magic burns out into the smoke that had previously surrounded it, leaving little more than the black and blue glow of its ruined form. "...I've got nothing left to lose..."

she uhh

yeah she doesn’t look great

Visibly tensing up, Demo takes a shaky step backwards. "Wh...what the hell is that thing?!" Fawkes: Something very bad, by the looks of it. I've never seen a kleivenn in such a state... ???: In the window where humans were starting to forget that we existed; and where cooperation between our kinds was minimal; as a cruel joke, you humans gave me a title similar to our own gods. But you hated me; you feared me; your narrow-minded ways led me to this...the curse you've placed upon us as a whole...my name is Avarice. Fawkes: Avarice.... Well, at least we have a name now.

Seras: Wait, are you saying you're like the kleivenn gods? Avarice: I would argue that humanity considered me to only be similar to one of the gods... Seras: Which one would that be? Demo: Xentrilis...I can feel it. You were one of his...

Avarice: And, like all the rest, I was forsaken.... Seras: I guess that answers a few questions, but that doesn't change why we're here. Avarice: Do what you'd like. I won't be able to defend myself like this. I did all that I could; and I have no regrets.

Seras: ...Why aren't you trying to do anything? You're just gonna let us stop you?

Avarice: ...What could I possibly do like this? I don't even have the power to maintain a physical form...not like you'll be much different. Your arm was like this...my entire body is like your arm...even if you lose the arm, it won't stop what you've already put in motion...you will become me, with or without me.

Demo: Sh-shut up! You don't know what the hell you're talking about! How would you even know what would happen when there's only ever been one kleivenn like you?!

Avarice: There are thousands of kleivenn like me. The only difference between me, and a typical shalvenn, is that I've sacrificed my body, not my mind. You will be no different; I can tell... Seras: That's enough! We'll find some way to fix this; there's no way in hell we're letting that happen! Avarice: Hahaha...if you could even prove that there's a single human out there that wouldn't kill us all; I'd finally have something to live for... Seras: Well you're... sorta looking at him. Letting out a tired laugh, Avarice shrouds themself in their smoke again, taking the form of Jay this time. "Demo; are you sure your marble's safe? If this thing was with Xentrilis, do you think it could reach your Anubis?"

Seras: Wh-what the--!? I'm right here!!

Demo: Of course they can't; I'm the only one any Anubis will listen to; I...kinda was Xentrilis for a little while, after all...

She summons forth the Anubis with her oracle. "See? It's perfectly fine." Looking back from the oracle, Demo realizes that 'Jay' has disappeared. "...Wh--...?" Seras: Demo, no! Put that thing back now! Frantically, Demo sends the Anubis away, however a spray of black sand is sent flying in all directions as the Anubis is struck before it can fully vanish. Both Demo and her oracle hit the floor upon impact, Demo immediately rolling onto her side to look at her oracle, which has cracked cleanly open into a V shape on one side, preventing it from rolling away. "Nnh...! G-get away from me!!"

wakka wakka

Seras summons a rain of golden spears down from the ceiling that fall in Avarice's direction while Fawkes charges forward and activates his barrier, planting it between Demo and Avarice. The wreckage of the room only adds clouds of dust and debris on top of the fog created by Avarice in the onslaught, making it difficult to see anything on the floor as the spears rain down. When the dust settles, Avarice is nowhere to be seen. Seras: Shit, where did they go?! Seras: Did we kill them? There's no oracle...just Demo's...

Demo: W-we need to get out of here...my Anubis aren't fast enough... Fawkes: Retreat portal, now!

Seras opens up the other portal next to Fawkes and Demo. Fawkes grabs Demo and retracts his barrier as he follows through the portal, and Seras drops in behind them. Seras: Ugh...I hope we got it...Demo, are you okay?

Demo: My oracle's fractured, but...I think I'm alright... Seras seals the portal shut while everyone unwinds for a second before Fawkes speaks up. "I'm still concerned that Avarice just...vanished. Surely they didn't just run away after everything they did that led up to this..." Demo: I don't care where the hell they went...that thing busted my oracle like a fucking pecan; I'm lucky I wasn't shattered. Seras: No joke. I'm sorry we couldn't stop them sooner. It just happened so fast... Demo: It's...fine. I'm alive; that's what matters.

Seras: ...If Avarice got away, how are we supposed to find them? They looked like they were about to die of natural causes; are they really a threat...? Fawkes: Maybe not, but we still don't know what to do about your arm... Seras: ...Didn't really look like they knew what to do either.

Demo: All we really know is that it's caused by being a shalvenn, yeah? So just...don't work against your wish until we can figure something out...

Seras: Look, there's so many other little details that could've caused this that I genuinely have no idea if it was just because of the shalvenn thing...

Demo: Can we please get out of the desert before you start arguing with me? I'm getting sand in my scarf... Seras: Alright, alright, let's get back inside for now. Nydins: Well, that went fast. Is everything alright?

Demo: Bastard chipped my oracle, but otherwise, yeah, I think so... Seras: They pulled some weird vanishing trick though, so we didn't actually stop them... Nydins: So you think they might still be somewhere? Seras: Yeah, but where is the real question. Nydins: Unfortunately, I can't answer that. Despite all the grief that they've caused, without a name, I can't really look for them. Even then, I wasn't the one to see them, so I can't find them myself. Fawkes: Their name was Avarice, but unfortunately I wasn't really thinking of taking pictures at the time, so I can't help with the second issue. Nydins: Well, you saw them yourself, right? All you'd have to do is ask the grief house doors to show you Avarice; if they're still alive, you'd know exactly where they are and what they're doing. Seras: Seems easy enough. Mind making one for us, then? Nydins creates a grief door on one of the walls of the IT. "Feel free." Seras: Alright, we'll be back in a few.

They step through the grief door and approach one of the doors inside the house. The grief house remains clean, yet as empty and unoccupied as ever. Seras: Yeesh, it's kinda weird being in here alone. Well, alone. Anyway, uh... Show me where Avarice is? The doors produce their projection screen, however it quickly flickers out.

Seras: Looks like there's not enough of Avarice left to find... Collin: {So what, they just... attacked Demo and then died?} alienrabitt: {Well, they /tried/ to attack her. I'm not sure if they got further than cracking her oracle...} Collin: {There's something wrong about all this, but I can't figure out what...} alienrabitt: {I know. Something's not totally adding up...but I don't think she'd be able to hide from the concept of grief itself...seems like a little much for just a simple kleivenn to do.} Collin: {Especially one that's done everything that this one has... Should we go talk the others about this? Maybe they'll have an idea.} alienrabitt: {I don't know. We could check on Demo...I mean, don't you think that it's weird she didn't act confused about anything when a big chunk of her oracle got snapped out?} Collin: {That's... a good point. I was too busy focusing on Avarice to really think about it, I guess. Let's go, then.} Seras sets out to look for Demo only to find that her bedroom door has gone missing. Seras: Uhh... That's... not good. Seras: What the hell do we do about that?! Seras: Okay, just calm down, uh... The grief door, maybe we can use that to find Demo instead. Seras: H-hopefully...!

Seras quickly backtracks to the grief house. Seras: Okay, uh, show us where Demo is. The projection flickers again, though this time, it manages to remain stable for a moment. Demo appears to be in her room, though it looks like all of its contents have vanished. Lying on the floor, Demo struggles to breathe as she stares up at the ceiling, her oracle lying on the floor beside her. "...I knew you'd try something...I knew you'd try to hurt him...so I let you take me...it's one thing if someone hurts Collin, or Jay; they're so much more important; but me...? Haha...you're a damn idiot..."

Demo?: "I don't understand...why would you have that?!"

Demo: "...Normally, I wouldn't; but when Jay was holed up in the bathroom, I heard him close the cabinet behind the bathroom mirror when Collin showed up, so I went and checked it after they left...nobody on the IT would keep speedwell on their person...now you and I both know why that was in there...I didn't have the heart to tell anybody else; but whatever. I never had one to begin with; now I never will...so shut up and rot like you were supposed to...we can both go to hell for this..."

A cocktail of guilt, shame, and fear rises up from Jay as he realizes he can't hide this any longer. "...W-we have to...wh-what do we do? How can we...? This is all..." Jay feels a swell of questions, confusion, and anger swell up from Collin in turn. Before anything can solidly bleed over to him, a frigid sense of urgency freezes it in its tracks. {... We have to get to Demo and stop this. There's got to be a way to counteract the poison, right?} Jay physically chokes up, anxiety tightening in Seras' chest. {I-I don't know, I didn't even know it existed until Asra used it on me...Karumet might know something, but without a way into Demo's room...} Seras: You make gates, I make portals; we can probably make a way in there. First we've got to get to Karumet, okay? Seras: We need to hurry. A swirling cloud of air swirls at their feet, and they dash back out of the grief house and barrel down the hallway to Karumet's door, practically slamming into it when they reach it. Karumet hurriedly pulls her door open. "What's happening?! Is something the matter?"

Seras: D-Demo drank speedwell poison, we have to help her!! Karumet: She did what?! ...I...we need to work fast; pay attention; tell Firefly to get hibiscus; bluebonnet; sunflower; and lemon; mix it all up and juice the stuff; it's the only thing that will help. You don't need to ferment it; the things alone will do, now hurry!

the antidote is all my favorite flowers (+ lemon); the poison is a reference to Taggerung

Seras moves so quickly to Firefly's door that they practically blink there. They frantically knock on the door and call out to her. Firefly comes running to her door as well. "What's wrong?!" Seras: Demo drank speedwell and we need an antidote. We need hibiscus, bluebonnets, sunflowers, and lemon mixed up and juiced together. Firefly: ...Okay, I'm on it! I'll meet you where she is; just make sure she's safe until I get there! Seras: On it.

Stepping inside Firefly's room, they turn and snap their fingers while looking at a bare section of the wall. A golden doorway-shaped portal opens up on the wall while another is created inside the remains of Demo's room. They waste no time making their way inside to see if Demo is still alive. Demo's clothes seem to be sticking to her body as her breathing remains slow and strained;  her oracle reduced to little more than an eggshell in terms of size and thickness as the speedwell continues to corrode her. Unable to look at who's entered, she simply speaks out assumingly. "Jay, I'm--...I'm sorry. I'm sorry anybody ever hurt you this...much. Back when you killed me, I...hoped that you wouldn't have to feel something like this someday...but it looks like I couldn't help you...after all...not-- really...but maybe in doing this...I'm finally doing the right thing. I...made a promise, after all; right? I told...Fawkes...I wouldn't let anybody...get the best of me again, so...so I had to do this...sorry to let you down again..."

Seras: Sh-shut your mouth, you idiot! I can't believe you did this...I...I never wanted you to--...

Demo: Save it...I don't want the last thing I see...to be you crying again...

Karumet and Firefly come rushing into the room, Karumet desperately pointing at Demo's oracle and shouting "Dump it, dump it, dump it!!" before Firefly quickly dumps a bowl full of Karumet's semi-pulpy plant mixture all over the remains of Demo's oracle, preventing it from breaking down any further. Seras: What's next? Anything? Does she need magic, or...? Karumet: Normally, yes; but with you synced, I wouldn't suggest it. I don't know if you'd pull anything from Jay, and there's no telling what would happen if you tried to grab it like this. But her oracle's so weak right now, she would need more magic than you probably have right now... Seras: We could split apart again, and Firefly's still got mana saved up, right? Or is /that/ not enough either? Karumet: That...might work. Seras splits apart in a flash of light, separating Collin and Jay. Collin hurries over to Demo's oracle and lifts it up within a small bubble of magic and then darts back through the golden portal to Firefly's mana tanks. He slaps his hand on the nearest tank and begins channeling mana from his hand into the bubble, where it flows into Demo's oracle. Demo's oracle slowly reforms back into its proper shape, and her room begins to take on its original appearance as a result. Relieved and exhausted, Jay takes a seat beside Demo on the floor. "You're gonna be okay..."

Demo: ...I don't understand...why'd you help me?

alienrabitt: Did you think we'd leave you to die?

Demo: ...I didn't think you'd want to save someone like me... Collin returns to the room with Demo's oracle after it turns back to normal. "We already lost one person, Demo. Like hell we're just going to let someone else die on us on top of that." Demo: Yeah, but Zenith wasn't...he didn't try to hurt you guys.

Firefly: You haven't either since you came back. You're not a villain now; quit acting like we should treat you like one...

Demo: I just...I didn't know what else to do... Collin: Literally anything aside from suicide would've been a better option. You could've told us what was happening. Demo: Listen, I needed to do something fast; that thing was eating me alive; I didn't think I was gonna be able to tell anyone what was happening, so I just...I did what I could! Collin: I get panicking, but... do you seriously think we'd be okay with just letting you die? Demo: ...I didn't really have any other options. It was a miracle Avarice even let me do that much. That's why the door disappeared; I couldn't even think straight by the time I got back to my room, so instead of closing it, I just...made it go away. I just needed to stop Avarice; I couldn't let them get to everyone else; I couldn't let them take me; I needed to do something fast, and I couldn't wait for help. For all I know, they could've run if I'd called out to somebody...maybe it wasn't the best option; but in the situation, it was all I could do...

this is the most selfless, overly loyal thing Demo has ever done, but it’s also reckless as shit

Collin: Well... God, we're just glad you're alive. So uh, what did happen to Avarice? You look a hell of a lot better now. Demo: They didn't have an oracle, and there wasn't much left of her to begin with. The speedwell killed them before it killed me. Collin: Good to know. At least we managed to actually stop her, even if the method was uh... questionable at best. Demo: Seriously...anyway, I'm kinda tired after all that, could you guys get out of my room? The door should be back now... Collin: Uh, sure, sorry. Oh, you'll probably need this though.   /He dismisses the bubble and catches Demo's oracle, then hands it over to her. Taking her oracle, Demo pushes herself up off the floor. "Thanks..." The portals linking Demo and Firefly's rooms close as Collin takes Jay's hand and leaves. They exit into the hall and Collin begins pointedly heading back to their room. As they enter the room, Jay sits down on the bed and stares down at the floor quietly.

Collin remains standing, covering his face with his hands for a second as he takes a deep breath. He drops his arms as he lets it out, and finally speaks a moment later. "I don't really know where to start but... why?" alienrabitt: ...I can't take it. Ever since you got connected to the pantheon, there's just been this massive...strain or something; my oracle is fine, but my tether's really pushing it. I was made to be your saa; and that's fine, but with all these other people suddenly attached to you, it's like you're bordering on both existing and not, and that's seriously messing with my wish... you're technically alive, so it can't kill me, but when you aren't just you, well...it starts to tear me apart.

okay so originally that wasn’t why Jay was holed up in the bathroom thinking of killing himself. there was some other big reason, but unfortunately I kinda forgot due to Our Jay

Collin: Babe, that's... I've been this way for a while. Why didn't you just say something sooner? If I'd known that this was so bad for you that it was literally driving you to suicide, I would've tried something to help you. Did you think that I wouldn't care?

alienrabitt: No! It's just...what could I say? They can't leave; you can't just...get rid of them; I don't want them to die again, especially not for something like this; so I mean...I just thought this was the better option. One life in exchange for several others; that's just how things go sometimes. Maybe it's not the happiest choice, but if they can finally live in peace... Collin's eyes tear up as he takes a few steps toward Jay. "No, there is no way in hell finding you dead in a bathroom would be the best option. How could I possibly accept that as the only way to help you? How could I ever be okay with losing you? We can find a way to fix this, or at the very least make it bearable for you. I don't care what it takes; I'll do whatever I need to if it means you won't feel like dying is a better option than living."

okay uhh so...we haven’t touched on this in canon; I mean, not exclusively? but with Zenith we kinda had a vague idea, and here and now, I’m gonna go on record and solidly say that kleivenn, especially saa, are born from wishes and concepts. those things don’t have physical forms; but an oracle legitimately gives them physical form and life. without the oracle, there’s no kleivenn. without the magic; there’s no oracle

if a kleivenn dies, since they’re entirely inorganic, they don’t leave behind bodies

if Jay’d killed himself, he would’ve just disappeared

alienrabitt: But what could we do? Nobody even really knows what you are now, let alone how your connection works; how would we be able to separate you, and would it be safe for them? I don't want to hurt anybody else... Collin: We can figure that out. I mean, we're talking about a bunch of literal gods; I'm pretty sure they've done some complicated things in their time. Maybe it won't be easy, but there has to be a way to split us apart. I'll make a way to do it if I have to. alienrabitt: But what will that do to you? Would you be the same? What if separating you--...? ...I...I really don't know if you should do this for me... Collin: I'm not letting anyone die because of this. It would defeat the entire point if anyone did. alienrabitt: But what if it just...reverts you? You'll be venerable again, and I won't be able to help you... Collin: Assuming it does, I'll still have some ability. I wasn't totally helpless before all of this. Shit, even if I lost all my power, I wouldn't care. I'd probably have to stop going out and find some other way to be helpful, but if it means that just being alive isn't agony for you, it's a small price to pay in my book. alienrabitt: ...I think you should take this up with them. Get an idea of what exactly you'd be getting yourself into... Collin: I'm planning to. I don't think I can do this without their help, frankly. alienrabitt: ...Alright. Let me know what you find out... Collin: I will. But I'll do that later.

He sits down on the bed next to Jay and pulls him into an almost uncomfortably tight hug. "I'm sorry, Jay. I didn't know how bad you were hurting..." alienrabitt: ...Between this and Zenith, I just...I didn't know what to do with myself, suddenly. I couldn't help anyone, I'd somehow managed to botch my entire existence, and now...I...I just don't know what to do anymore...

the entire point of this arc wasn’t just to offload a throwaway villain

the entire point of this arc was to show that Jay’s hurting severely; he’s doubting himself; he’s going against his wish

but we’ll talk about all this more at some other time, I guess. we’ve got several more cans of worms to fry before we circle back to Jay’s busted-ass arm

Collin lets go of Jay and takes a gentle hold of his face, looking straight into his eyes. "That's not true. You're not some helpless mistake. I literally would not be alive if it weren't for you. And Zenith... He gave up his life so that everyone else would be safe. That wasn't anyone's fault but Oz's for doing everything that he did. None of that was your fault, none of that was a mistake. As for what comes next, that's something we'll figure out together. That's what we've always done, right?" /ears well up in Jay's eyes as he chokes up trying to answer. Breathing strained, he responds: "...Okay...okay...we'll figure this out..." Collin pulls Jay back into a hug and holds him as tight as he can. "I love you so much, Jay..." A cocktail of emotions, Jay does not audibly respond beyond sobbing as he buries his face in Collin's shoulder and cries.

so I think we address this/fix this next log but still

oof

this is midkey centric around chronic pain; disability; and depression I guess? just...a lot of heavy shit