#i mean ofc you're entitled to your own opinion and you have every right to it etc

[kizzyedgelll]

someone reblogged my carol post saying they didn't like the movie bc it's too "shallow". like. lmao who asked?

[forgotten-daydreamer]

i was going to comment on one of your recent fics (which i kinda liked) until i saw the abrasive author's note berating people for bookmarking without commenting. you don't know why people bookmark things - for many people, it's equivalent to a recs list. just like fic readers aren't entitled to receive fics, fic authors aren't entitled to receive feedback. i'm saying this as both a fic writer and a reader (both long-term, so i have plenty of experience dealing with a lack of feedback). there are many many reasons why readers choose to leave comments (or not), and as a writer you'll be much more content if you can make peace with the fact that there's very little you can do to change that, and instead encourage the commenters that you do get. it sucks, but it is what it is. desperate and abusive author's notes, however, do turn people off. ps: i asked if you read others' fics because i find it hard to believe that you yourself leave a comment on every single fic you read and fanart you reblog. i'd be happy to be proven wrong, but my point still stands - i understand the desire for more comments, but you're going about it the wrong way.

I love when people completely miss the point <3

So, I'm not writing all of this again so go give it a read and come back later. I specified multiple times that ofc saving fics for later without commenting is fine (wouldn't make sense to comment before reading it). And yes, I do comment on every fic I read, multiple times too (I can't guarantee for fics I bookmarked ages ago, but I'm 99.9% sure I always left at least one comment). I don't do it with fanarts because I reblog them compulsively, what I do instead is leave anon messages in the artists' inbox. Although I also leave comments sometimes!

"Abusive" is a strong term, I'm just getting creative because you people are exhausting, as simple as that. As I said in the post I linked (again, read it, thanks) you're all so used to tiktok and such that you think it's okay if people who give you stuff you like for free never get to know your opinion. Wrong. We're humans. We deserve to know what you think. It's the bare minimum.

I'm tired of all that "OMG that fic broke me, I wish I had someome to talk about it with" because we authors are right fucking there.

We are entitled to receive feedback. I've been posting fics for nine fucking years - on an Italian website first, then on AO3 with a different acc that I then deleted, and then with my current one - and reading them for just as long. So excuse me for wanting feedback, excuse me for noticing how the readers' attitute towards giving feedback has shifted now that you're all on tiktok/insta 24/7 constantly bombarded with content that only takes you 10 secs to consume and makes you think "Yeah okay, I can't leave a comment on each and every thing I consume, it'd take longer to leave the comment than to consume the content." (and it's true, like, I know it is)

And trust me, this "if you read without bookmarking you're a jerk" thing is new, check my other fics (I posted over 100 works, but as you can see I only have 40-something now because I delete them compulsively, sorry, orphaning fics isn't for me) and even if you go check the oldest ones (I think the fist fics I posted with my current ao3 acc are from late 2019?) I never said anything. But I'm tired and annoyed. I talked to multiple people here who told me that they'd never thought about this thing until I (and others) shared our honest opinion on it, so, I guess you're kinds on your own in this holy crusade of yours against common decency. Feel free to never read my works again, I'll live.

And I'm not saying you're just finding excuses, but huh, I just checked and the first note regarding this issue is on day 5 (/10 I've written so far) and that one just says "be decent" before I escalated so huh. Yeah. Holy crusade against common decency.

Be fucking for real. Should I put a tw for strong language next time? Is "piece of caca" upsetting? "Meanie"? The only mean one is "cunt" actually. Like I'd be offended too. But the rest? Be for real.

FYI these are all the instances - I didn't add anything to the notes of the other works because I was running out of space. And again, sorry you totally missed the point. Sorry my notes shocked you to the point that you couldn't even comment :o

Peace.

[servicetopkaradanvers]

I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to say this, but I don't know if there is. And you're a smart person and critical thinker who has talked about this before. If this is totally weird, you can just delete it ofc. I've never properly watched Supergirl but I started reading fanfic around the time my mental health got real bad so it was a comfort thing I didn't bring too much thought to. I really identify with Lena and in the past, part of me has understood her actions-

and I know that they're wrong. The anti-alien rhetoric is obviously an allegory for racism or homophobia. She's violated people's basic human rights. And I'm scared that I'm a bad person because sometimes, I kind of get it. Which is insane because i'm a lesbian enby of color, i mean i get targeted by most of the -ist/ism actions. And I'm also too tired to think about things critically all the time. Supercorp was my comfort fic, content thing-

I knew it was problematic (the whole James thing makes me sick to my stomach, scared and sad) but I didn't know that Lena as a character was written that way. The metaphors never really clicked in my head because I never thought about it, but now I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I like and identify with Lena. I'm not really sure how to move on from here- I'm just tired. I wish there could be just one thing, one piece of media that wasn't prejudiced (granted sg is not the place to go if you want decent rep and the like) and all of those things I said earlier. Its just me somehow trying to justify how I felt and empathized with something I shouldn't have. So yeah, sorry that was really long. I hope you have a lovely day- sorry for the spam

FIRST of all, you’re fine, babe! Both in sending me this and in enjoying The Bad Media. That’s my thesis here: You’re fine. With this in mind, let’s unpack this big ol suitcase:

We’re living in a fandom moment where more than ever before, we’re thinking about the ideas we consume in fiction and how they may or may not affect us. This is a net positive! Fiction is not reality, but it undeniably impacts it, so for this and many other reasons, we should always think critically about what resonates with us and why. Does this mean dissecting every facet of something to find all the ways it might fall in line with oppressive power structures? Absolutely not.

You, as an individual, do not owe anyone an explanation for why you enjoy anything. Period. How you relate to a given character or why you like them is nobody's business but your own.

Supergirl, as a piece of media, is singularly awful in its lackluster lipservice to progressivism while simultaneously refusing to deliver any progressive themes. Socially and politically, it is a useless liberal wet dream. Kara is an immigrant from a dead culture working as the muscle for a secret FBI offshoot with zero accountability for all of the other aliens in diaspora she has rounded up and dumped into a cell without trial. Alex is allegedly a lesbian, but the key points of her endgame relationship are constantly deemed not important enough to get screen time, which is made even more absurd when examined from the angle that this series is marketed directly toward LGBT people. An embarrassing percentage of villains on this show are women of color, which is particularly loud when there are only 2 women in the main cast who aren't white. And "main" is extremely generous, given that Kelly is just there to Give Advice Good and everything M'gann says and does is as dry as toast.

My point here is that the whole show is rotted to its roots, and whatever quietly libertarian or even fascism-enabling bullshit they push onto Lena in a given week is par for the crusty, shitty course. Kara deciding that she's ok with the alien detection device because "there are bad aliens" is a lovely (read: awful) microcosm of why this show sucks so fucking hard. "People are entitled to their opinions" is for debates on whether pineapple goes on pizza, not for whether we should casually out, endanger, and disenfranchise our [insert minority metaphor here] because some of them are mean.

But what I would love for this fandom to wrap its head around, and what I hope you understand, anon, is that just because it happens on the show, doesn't mean we have to give a rat's ass about it. What the hell is The Canon, anyway? Especially in the case for Supergirl, which can't even get its own continuity right. Especially for an IP that has been rebooted dozens of times before and will be rebooted again in the future. We can just decide that Lena realized the horrible injustices she enabled through her position of power. We can even decide that they just didn't happen at all! This is all fake. It's not set in stone. Who came up with it, anyway? A network with a list of buzzwords they want included and a couple of D-tier showrunners cranking down caffeine to meet an absurdly tight deadline. It's not special. I can guarantee that you care about it infinitely more than they do, and you haven't even watched the damn show.

On a more personal level, people who are hurt, depressed, or traumatized have always and will always look for themselves in fiction. Myself included! And despite what lofty platitudes there may be on the matter, suffering does not make us kind. It does not make us better. Sometimes it's just suffering. Often it pulls us further from who we are meant to be. Often it just makes us "worse."

Trauma has made Lena emotionally brittle. A lifetime of manipulation and abuse has taught her to compartmentalize herself and lock her feelings behind a maze of doors. When she does let love in, she accepts it so wild and vulnerable that she can't see the red flags behind the rosy lenses. She latches so hard onto people she deems virtuous that she holds them to a standard none could fulfill. Her pain has to go somewhere, so it oozes out of her, into Non Nocere, into the post-reveal rift. She's a powder keg, and Kara spent 4 years shoveling more gunpowder onto the pile while holding the match between her teeth.

And despite these fatal flaws that make perfect sense through the eyes of Lena's trauma, she is so full of love. Like Kara, her suffering did not make her kind. She is kind in spite of her suffering. These are the characters we are drawn to when we're hurting. Lena’s trauma is an inextricable part of her, but it is not all of her, and neither are her mistakes.

There truly is not and never will be a piece of media that is absolutely innocent of the harmful structures thrust upon us by society, because we ourselves also participate in that society whether we are critical of it or not, whether we strive to change it or not. I'm flawed. You're flawed. Bettering ourselves is not a journey toward an ultimate destination of perfection. It is a garden we nurture in an endless labor of love because the joy that comes from seeing it flourish and change vastly outweighs the work we put into it and the weeds popping up around its unkempt edges. This is a lesson Lena herself could probably stand to internalize. Probably with lots and lots of therapy. Lots. And lots.

So, to circle back to the start of this? You're fine. You recognized the logic in a traumatized character's mistakes because our own gravest errors more often than not stem from the ways we have been harmed in the past. It's what makes Lena (or, at the very least, the many adaptations of Lena that exist in this fandom) a good character. She is, to her core, characterized proof that a crumbling foundation and poisonous soil do not define us. Which is why watching her heal and grow and learn a healthier kind of love is so, so wonderful.

In closing, I think it's worth mentioning that being critical of media does not mean that we stop enjoying the parts of it we like. There is a lot of gold to be pulled from the steaming pile of shit that is CW Supergirl, and that's why we're all here in the first place. So I really hope you can continue to enjoy it in whatever way makes you smile <3

[utterlyinevitable]

okay ofc i need to know YOUR thoughts + thots on s2 asap please!!! i already rambled so much under the ask you sent me so please dont hold back hsjsjddkdk gimme ALL your opinions 🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼

hello hello helloooo

i am going to simultaneously read your response + ramble my own thoughts ++ inform you that i read the books after s1 came out and The Viscount Who Loved Me is tied for my favorite of the series. The enemies-to-lovers was absolutely delicious (i do have words on how this was handled in the series 😠)

i wanted the entire season in one sitting so i will do my best not to spoil the ending, but it all blends together. sorry in advance!

ok first and foremost i am OBSESSED with how they made the sheffield nee sharma's of indian descent. so much better than the book because of the heritage and no need for kate's traumatic backstory similar to anthonys anymore. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

all of your thots are correct. i concur. johnny b done did us proud. all of the gifs of him looking at kate and smelling her has me swooning STILL. ugh i cannot wait to see his character growth in the next two seasons. i want to say more but will refrain until after you watch the last episode. let us put a pin in this thot 📌

SHE PLAYED THIS CHARACTER SO WELL. Kate is an absolute entitled bitch in the book and series kate? just a woman wanting the best for her sister and not putting up with societys bullshit. Yes yes. her face and eyes and just HER 🔥🔥 Can we talk about her little lilac lingerie in the garden scene? I want.

actually let us talk more about that garden sex scene because HOLY HELL. Anthony Bridgerton in the book would NEVER. Never ever make their first (and few after) all about Kate. The Anthony of the book was very set in his 'wed bed bred' ways and not falling in love with his wife. In the books the bee scene is ICONIC. It came too soon in the series because in the books Ant actually freaks the fuck out and tries to suck the sting out of Kate's tit and Violet and Mary catch them. So she's compromised and they have a swift wedding. The rest of the book is him is being grumpy and gold to his viscountess and not falling in love with her.

Anthony never proposed to Edwina in the book either. That wedding arc was TOO MUCH. I hated it. Book Kate and Edwina have SUCH a strong relationship that Edwina actually was steering the Kathony ship even when he was still set on courting Edwina. Yelling at Kate and being angry was waaay too ooc for our diamond.

the series robbed us of even more BEAUTIFUL build up and hate sex and trying not to love the sex with them sex and the 'i don't need no one' sex and kathony being absolute SLUTS for one another.

THEIR CHEMISTRY IS SO SO GOOD IN THE SHOW. Brilliant. Wonderful. Would watch another season dedicated to them.

I honestly cried every time they talked about Edmund. My poor traumatized Ant bby. (and violet. i cannot imagine that heartbreak esp whilst pregnant. never wanna go through that)

LOATHING ANTHONY IS THE POINT!!!!!!! He's the character you're meant to hate and omfg he does it so well. literally shaving off those mutton chops makes the man at least 70% more lovable. Make the man 6'5, piercing blue eyes, and a pixel with a passion for medicine and i mean --- Anthony is a boy that had to grow to a man at 19, responsible for that big ol' loving family. Poor kid.

Your rant is not long enough and I am expecting even more after you've finished the series!! rapid fire responses:

agreed, tho simon would have stolen the show and all i'd like to see is the pull out duke™'s butt

danbury is the best and i am so happy she is an actual character of chaos / plot driver in the series instead of a side whatever in the books (really only an important character to hyacinths story)

wish there was more mary. her standing up for herself and her daughters at dinner was an iconic moment. also for not slut shaming kate. mother of the universe award right here.

i feel bad for the actress who played edwina. she played the lot she was given well, but obvi getting engaged and being the runaway bride has left a sour taste for everyone. the 'half sister' HURT SO BAD. book edwina would never. they're full sisters and soulmates and you can't tell these two otherwise.

i have a TYPE irl. i am painfully aware of. Benedict is my type and ohhhhh boy s3 here we come

spoiler alert: in the books marina walks into a lake and drowns because her post partem was so bad. so i was watching this scene insert like 👀👀👀 gurl r u ok??

my heart BREAKS for pen and eloise. that relationship was always so strong and idek what is going on anymore.

THANK YOU. WHYYY did they push portia and her lord(?) to have a thing? what was the point of that? did portia have an enlightenment and is gonna stop being snakey in the next few seasons? doubt it.

orchestral versions of pop songs is my love language.

ok.. if we're going by the books then s3 is about benedict and his 'cinderella' story. also sets up fran's season and getting married. and setting up colin making things right with penelope. and idk what is going on with eloise and pen becuase shonda has gone ROGUE.

ahhhh thank you for indulging me mal <33

[mediawhorefics]

I'm so torn about the question of queer art being represented by non-out people. I feel like when you create something (write a story, paint, etc.) then ok it's self expression. But when you take on a role, you're taking on a job position, a job position that out actors, who have taken the risk of being with in all its consequences, should be considered as an absolute priority. You can tell the stories who you choose to embody those stories and give a job to? Go for those who are out.

i totally get that point of view and i think it’s absolutely valid. i’m just not sure i fully agree yk? like.. yes absolutely give out actors lgbt roles, i think it’s super important, but it’s such a slippery slope, esp. in an industry like this where we know so many people are closeted. and there isn’t necessarily something inherently ‘physical’ to gayness that needs to be ‘preserved’ by casting a queer actor vs deaf actors and deaf roles, or trans actors and trans roles, or any ethnic minorities, where casting outside that actual group is a massive issue. like... ofc an lgbt actor could bring depth to an lgbt role the way a straight actor couldn’t, but research exist for a reason yk? it’s what actors do to put themselves in the shoes of people who live different lives than they do. idk, i guess it’s more important to me to have people behind the camera telling those queer stories than in front of it. but it’s a super complicated thing and people are allowed to have all types of different feelings about it. i’m not saying i’m necessarily right feeling this way, it’s just how i feel yk ? 

it’s just really frustrating to me how quickly people are ready to go on a witchhunt the second someone ‘seemingly straight’ touch any lgbt story/lgbt art. 

like... at the end of the day, if we stick to ‘ownvoices’ only, it’s just an excuse for every ciswhitehet to write/participate in projects only including ciswhitehet experiences and wash their hands off the whole thing because well.... that’s their own experience and they can’t create outside of that...... tho i guess that applies more to stuff like writing than acting. but yk what i’m trying to say ??? it’s a difficult balance to find...... 

and on the flip side, does it mean lgbt actors can’t/shouldn’t take on straight roles ?? should they be typecasted within the limits of their own sexuality ?? do they even want that ?? like... where do we draw the line? not that i’m saying that’s what you’re saying, i’m just asking those questions in general yk. obvs the issue is more complicated than that and the point is for marginalized folks to get the roles that belong to them when there are so little of them to begin with..... but still. 

basically, it’s very complicated and people are entitled to their various opinions about it. i just get really angry/defensive because this myth that being out is the pinnacle of lgbt experience and what everyone should aspire to can be really harmful in my opinion. the idea that the closet is automatically associated with shame & self-hatred or that people in the closet are not fully ~formed lgbt folks yet or whatever..... idk the narratives surrounding coming out make me kind of uncomfortable sometimes. being in the closet doesn’t necessarily mean being dishonest or not living your truth or being ashamed or whatever else. it can of course and coming out can be a wonderfully liberating experience. but there are millions of reasons why people don’t. and i think as a community we could do more to support that. so yeah, i get a bit protective mama bear lol. but i get what you’re saying <3 

[kane-and-griffin]

Hey! So I know that you're the most famous person of the kabby fandom (and I love you btw) so there's something I need to tell you. I've seen a lot of people from the kabby fandom (which I am a part of it) getting mad whenever someone on twitter doesn't like Kane or Abby, saying that it's because they are ageist which I think is really annoying (like they start going off on them almost every time ) 1/2

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if they don’t like a character it’s not necessarily bc they’re ageist. I think that this is the reason a lot of people don’t like us so (if you agree with me ofc) could you maybe pass the word? I love you btw you’re an amazing person and your ff are the best 😘 2/2             

Okay.  So.  

There’s a lot to unpack here.

I have a lot of thoughts, some of which may notbe the thoughts you were hoping that I would have.  I do want to thank you for your very sweet words, but I also want to address a few things about this askI find extremely frustrating, not with the intent of making you feel bad butbecause I think there are some big conversations here worth having in a broadercontext.

First and foremost, and this is something most ofyou have heard me reiterate many times, I am a strong advocate of peopleaddressing their problems with each other directly.  If you saw someone on Twitter accuse someoneof being ageist and you disagree, that’s fair to say!  Social media is a free and open exchange ofideas.  Also, if you’re a member of theKabby fandom, and you witness another member of the Kabby fandom engaging inbad internet behavior, call them out!  It’salways better for communities to go collect their own people when they crossthe line rather than expecting others to do it. If your fellow fan tweets something mean, call it out.  We all need to do our part to shut that stuffdown and make the fandom a better place. But the right forum for that is to bring it up with the person whoactually said or did the thing you’re upset about, and not to bring it to acompletely unrelated party.

Which brings me to my second point: I’m extremelyuncomfortable being addressed as though I speak for the entirety of the Kabbyfandom.  I don’t.  No one person does.  Fandoms are communities made of individualpeople who have shared interests, but there’s no hierarchy. I don’t want to bethe Bad Fandom Behavior Police. This is especially frustrating when I getasks where one member of the fandom comes to Kabby Mom about something anothermember of the fandom did … especially when it’s something I wasn’t part ofand didn’t witness.  

And that, my dear Anon, is the big problem that I’mhaving with this request.  I don’t haveany idea what incident you’re referring to, what was said, by whom, to whom, orwhat the context was.  You’re asking meto agree with you that somebody was out of line, and that, quote, “that’s whypeople don’t like us.”  But I can’t grantthat premise without knowing what you’re talking about.  

(Also, by the way, I would urge you to let go ofspending too much time caring about whether other fandoms like us.  I can assure you, most of them honestly probablyaren’t thinking about us that much.)  

If I understand the situation correctly, and ifwe’re referring to a real incident and not a hypothetical, you’re saying that PersonA tweeted something negative about Kabby and Person B said “that’s ageist.”  You, Anon, believe that Person A was not being ageist, that Person B overreacted,and that B is the one whose behavior is the problem.  And that’s certainly one possibility.  But the other possibility is that maybePerson A was being ageist but neither Person A nor you have recognizedit.

And I cannot make that determination for you,because you haven’t told me anything concrete, and I wasn’t there.

I am also a thirty-six-year-old woman in a fandomfull of teenagers and if you are not thirty-six then it is entirely possiblethat you and I are seeing the concept of ageism from two very different andincompatible points of view in the first place.

That being said, if you want my opinion, here is my opinion.

First, there really is no excuse for being a jerk onthe internet, no matter what you disagree about.  There will always be people who love thingsyou hate and hate things you love and ship things you find incomprehensible andreject headcanons you treat as gospel, because we all fandom in our ownways.  So if you’re asking me, shouldKabby shippers get a pass on being jerks to non-Kabby shippers just because I,personally, ship Kabby, my answer to that is, “of course not, that is insane.”  Disagreement and discussion are always okay;Twitter is a public forum, and if someone voices an opinion, you get to haveyour own opinion about it.  But being ajerk is never okay.  

In general, I am a strong proponent of stayingin your lane. I’m a pretty ruthless curator of my Twitter and Tumblr feeds, soI don’t follow anyone who talks shit about Kane or Abby (I have a one-strikeblock policy with this), and I recommend this approach to everyone.  Make your social media feed your happy place.

Now, there are lots of people in the fandom who don’tlike, or simply don’t care for, Kane and/or Abby.  There are probably plenty of reasons forthis, and not, not every single one of these reasons is inherently ageist. HOWEVER!The fact that you did not see the comment in question as being ageist does not actually mean it was not ageistor that the person who called them out was wrong for doing so.  

Ageism is hardwired into the very fabric of oursociety – like misogny and heterosexism and racism – and just like with thoseother -isms, most of the time when we serenely think that we are guiltless ofit, we are lying to ourselves. And that goes for internalized prejudices,too.  This stuff is ingrained in us from birth. In general, the sameway I am inherently suspicious of white people saying “I AM ZERO PERCENTRACIST” and men saying “I AM THE MOST FEMINIST MAN TO EVER MAN”, I tend to takewith a grain of salt the words of people much younger than me talking about ageism in this fandom because I actually see it a lot.

And fam, we need to talk about the differencebetween fandom discourse about Abby and fandom discourse about Kane.

Now, your mileage may vary, but I will say thatin my personal experience, when I stumble upon someone who does like Abby but doesn’t likeKane, I agree that it frequently has its roots in reasons which are notinherently, automatically ageist.  Ittends to be rooted rather clearly in plot. More often than not, they’re still tripping up over something he did in aprevious season that they can’t get past. (We should probably save the conversation about our fandom’s selectiveforgiveness problem for another time.)  Theycan’t get past the Culling, or arresting/shocklashing/attempting to float Abby,or being too hard on Bellamy, or losing the election to Pike by choosing toally with the Grounders, or floating Aurora or Jake, or just in general being amega-dick in the pilot.  And that’sfine!  I mean I feel like you’re missingout by giving his four-season character development arc short shrift andignoring the way all the terrible things he’s done in the past shaped him intoa better person once he confronted them, but whatever!  The point is that, you’re right, thatreasoning is not, in and of itself, inherently ageist.  That’s not to say that there aren’t any fanswho straight-up just don’t like him because they think old guys are boring, forthe most part, when I see people dislike Kane, it’s a reaction to something that he did.

But we actually do need to talk about ageism andAbby in this fandom.  Because it is a big fucking problem. 

The problem with ageism and Abby is that moreoften than not, from what I’ve seen, when people dislike Abby, it’s a reactionto who and what she is.  It is absolutely impossible to separate itfrom internalized misogyny and the way older women are systematically devaluedby our culture in ways that sometimes we can’t even see as ageist, because they’rejust hardwired into us. 

Sure, every once in awhile you get an easy one,and someone whines on Twitter about “gross old person sex,” and then you canpoint to it very clearly, and nobody will dispute that we’re talking aboutageism here.  But it’s often so muchmurkier than that.  Ageism can look likea lot of different things, many of which you’ll believe are completelyunrelated.

Ageism can look like fans who show up in thecomments of the writers’ room Twitter and Instagram when they post pictures ofthe adults to say “nobody cares about them, post [whoever I personally stan themost] instead.”

Ageism can look like gifset after gifset featuring “leading ladies of The 100″ where they include Fox and Maya and Charlotte, but not Abby (who has second billing in the cast after Clarke).

Ageism can look like a blanket refusal, under inany situation where Clarke and Abby are at odds, to grant that Abby might havea point, even when the narrative is clearlytelling us that Clarke is the character at fault. The tendency within thisfandom for young girls who closely identify with Clarke to graft their own momfrustrations onto Abby is virtually never-ending, and it can be hard to sift throughthe the complex intersection of ageism and misogyny that makes it impossiblefor them not to see mothers as human beings who are interesting, who are wise,who are right, who know things their children do not, who are sexual, who areallowed to make mistakes, who deserve screen time and plot agency, who are justas vital to the story as the teenagers.

Ageism can look like giving Clarke sole creditfor establishing peace with the Grounders through Lexa, when in fact it wasKane who made the first contact with her and got her to offer the treaty in thefirst place, and it was Abby turning Lincoln from a Reaper back into himselfagain that cemented the alliance.

Ageism can look like shutting down Kabby shippersgleefully enjoying headcanons about bunker baby theory because Abby is “too oldto have a baby” – a misconception that has permeated so deeply into our culturethat we have all internalized the belief that no woman is supposed to have ababy over the age of 35 as though it is inarguable scientific fact, even thoughit may interest you to know thatis a myth.  (“What? How did I notknow that that was a myth?” BECAUSE OUR ENTIRE SOCIETY IS AGEIST TOWARDS WOMENAND THE STUDY THAT GAVE US 35 AS THE MAGIC STOP NUMBER IS FROM LIKE THE 1700’S,THAT’S HOW FEW FUCKS THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY GIVES ABOUT UP-TO-DATE RESEARCH ON THEHEALTH OF OLDER WOMEN)

Ageism can look like a fan who ships all thenon-canon ships … except Doctor Mechanic, because it’s “gross” and “Abby isbasically her mom.”  The inherentdesexualization of age-difference relationships is often rooted in ageism.  You don’t have to ship it!  But if you insist that no one should ship it, then there may be some ageism in the rootsof your ship-shaming.

My point here, dear Anon, is that if you arelooking for someone to tell you, “you’re right, Kabby shippers overreact aboutageism in this fandom,” you are barking up the wrong tree, because from where Istand, as a woman far closer to Abby’s age than Clarke’s, I’m going to venturethat we don’t talk about ageism enough.  And like many -isms in our society, if itdoesn’t appear to you to be that big a problem, that may be because it doesn’tapply to you.  (Yet.)

Now, to be clear – before someone sends me anangry rebuttal to this – not in a million years am I saying that it makes you inherently ageist if you don’t shipKabby.  Just like it doesn’t make you inherentlyhomophobic if you don’t like Lexa or inherently racist if you don’t like Bellamy or inherentlymisogynist if you don’t like Clarke.  Butall squares are rectangles, even if not all rectangles are squares.  By which I mean that, contained within thegroup of people who don’t ship Kabby, there is a lot of ageism, just as,contained within the group of people who hate Bellamy, there’s a lot ofproblematic racial shit, and it means we need to have a clearer understandingof where those lines are so that we recognize the ugly stuff when it shows upon our timeline and call it out when we see it.