#i mean if a bunch of fucked up traumatized weirdos are gonna start making fiction it's not gonna be cuddly

[seeminglyseph]

"Aren't you tired of grim dystopia stories about queer people struggling?"

I mean. Kinda, but also I am a queer person living in a dystopia, it feels like. And I got a bunch of stories I feel like telling. And it feels gross, dishonest, and disingenuous to file all my rough edges off because it's more palatable, you know?

[arcanesupern0va]

RITW Series Oneshot: The Never Ending Why

Summary: Rick's gonna tell you why, in his own words, he left. fuck you very much for asking by the way.

A/N: I wrote this as if Rick was literally telling you, so he’s a little mean about it. idea courtesy @oh-no-a-whovian

CW: P*do mention, not in that way, but Rick vehemently denying it. I know some people are sensitive to that kind of thing, so I just wanted to be very clear. It is mentioned, but to say explain that was exactly what was NOT happening.  Pairing: Rick Sanchez/Reader Word Count: 2295

My ao3

Masterlist

~Rick In The Water~

So you wanna know why I left? It’s a story for the ages, sure. If ages were long and boring and generally tedious, maybe it would be. Tales for the ages, hah. Put it like this. Grumpy old man has a daughter. Daughter has a friend. Grumpy old man leaves. See? Some story, huh?

God, you really wanna know, don’t you? Jesus fucking christ.

Look- Full disclosure, this tale will not be filled with some of my finest moments. Not that judgment from insignificant pricks like you really bother me, but I don’t need you running around saying that I’m some sick freak or that I’m some weirdo who shouldn’t be allowed two hundred feet close to a school. I left, okay? I knew how I felt was wrong. I took proactive measures against it. She should be allowed to grow up and lead a normal life, free from any weird old men that see the universe simplified whenever I looked into her eyes.

See, I sound like a hapless sap.

The first time Beth brought that shy ten-year-old girl around the house, I tried to make sure she would end up terrified of me. It was a favorite game of ours, trying to terrify the poor innocent kids Beth brought around. The little psycho that she was, she would tip me off before she brought a friend around the house for the first time and her little game would let her know which ones were, in her words, “cry-baby bitches”. I was ready by two-thirty, lumbering out of the garage in my favorite get-up, an old Ghostface robe from Halloween with an alien mask in search of children to traumatize.

“WHO GOES THERE?” I bellowed, turning sharply to face whatever poor soul Beth had unleashed me upon. There she stood, trembling in fear but rooted to the spot, staring up at me stubbornly. This was the first time I experienced the feeling of peace that she exuded for me.

Now I want to clarify something right now, this never started as a “romance” thing. An overwhelming urge to protect her, sure. An intense desire to give her anything she wanted, absolutely. Every Rick with a Nova experiences this. I-It’s like how Morty hides my brainwaves. It wasn’t even until I saw her after almost 20 years that I found myself attracted to her so you can go ahead and get that idea right the fuck out of your head. I am a lot of things, and I am a LOT of things but I am not some creepy child predator. 

Beth seemed satisfied with the girl’s lack of fear, something that, as we would learn later, stemmed from her abusive household. She spent more days at our house than her own, huddled up in Beth’s room talking about boys and whatever middle school drama was going on. Her parents never even bothered to check up on her, never thought to call and check-in with the parents of the girl their own flesh and blood was spending all of her time with.

Nova. Her nickname. She hated her name, she hated it so much. Beth had gone on a kick when she was about eleven, wanting to ingest as much classic science fiction as possible. What can I say? She was a weird fucking kid. I indulged her, renting movie after movie from the local video store to feed her obsession but the one she really seemed to latch on to was the Planet of the Apes series. Every trip to the video store we would get four movies and one had to be good ol’ Charles Heston fighting the good fight against a bunch of damn dirty apes. I ended up buying the VHS and when she wore it out, I got her another one. And another and another…

One night, Beth started up another marathon and rather than peel myself off of the couch and slink back to my makeshift lab, I resigned to stick around for at least the first one. Beth sat in front of the TV, mouthing along with the characters as Nova and I sat on opposite ends of the couch with our elbows firmly planted on the armrest and our heads firmly supported.

“Seriously Beth?” she groaned, “Can’t we just watch the movie?”

“No one will listen to me,” Beth recited, turning around to face her with a mischievous glint in her eye. “Only you. You. Nova. You Nova.”

“Yeah, yeah, I Nova,” she rolled her eyes, sinking back into the couch.

And as weird as it was, it just kind of stuck. It didn’t have some stupid meaning, it was just something Beth teased her with for a little while until we were all doing it. Sometimes I forget her “real” name, to me she’s always just been Nova.

Ugh, this sappy shit is going to make me fucking hurl.

Moving on.

So what do you want to know? You’re here to find out why I left, right? Why can’t it just be as simple as me telling you I had to? I saw something in her I wanted to protect from the world. It was fine at first, I mean, who doesn’t want to help protect the poor little abused girl? She needed a place to stay when her parents got to be too much? I moved out into the garage and made her a room out of my lab. She liked watching me experiment in the garage? Sure, just stay out of my way. The last time she ever went home she came back with a black eye and busted lip? Guess it’s time to fuck her parents up-

No, I didn’t. But I almost did. And that’s what did it. Before I created my portal gun, I had never truly thought about how I would kill someone. I never thought it would be something I would do on a regular basis with sadistic glee as a shadow of the man I once was. So, the vicious rage I was consumed by when that girl came hom- came over to our house bruised and bloodied freaked my naive ass out. I started camping out in my garage, rarely emerging for anything other than food or more alcohol. Weeks after the cuts had healed and the bruises had faded, I was still fighting the urge to destroy them for even daring to lay a finger on her. It was the beginning of the end of my tenure on Earth. When I had finally talked my ass down from double homicide I started working on what would end up being my portal gun.

Fuck, there’s something I’m forgetting. Let me think. Beth’s shy friend, how she ended up being with us, how she got her nickname and why I ultimately left. I feel like I’m forgetting something. Something that reeks of failure and the lingering doubt in my head when I think about the future and whether or not Nova will be in it. What could it be…?

Oh, right, her.

Diane. 

Look, there’s not much I can say about her that isn’t going to irritate the fuck out of me. We were never particularly close, she was a doctor while I worked in my garage so suffice to say she and I bonded over our love of science. It’s also what ended up driving us apart. 

I already told you after narrowly avoiding prison time that I ended up spending all of my time in the garage. I ate in the garage, I passed out drunk in the garage, and when I woke back up I went right back to work on some kind of escape, something to get me away from what that small girl was turning me into. 

Boy, I’m a real fucking genius, aren’t I?

This caused the rapid deterioration of my marriage. As I said, we weren’t really all that close and she would constantly nag me into spending time with her. When I started working on my portal gun, I told her enough was enough. I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t stand the goddamn sight of her. Looking back now, I can’t blame her for what she did. She was starved for attention and I was in no place to take care of her needs. I came home one afternoon to find her parked in the driveway, cheeks stained with tears and lips locked with a male nurse. The sight stilled me to my core but I pushed all that pain aside and used it to work even harder on my portal gun. That moment of seeing her with someone else assured me that things would be better for everyone if I just fucked off.

I didn’t say anything out of the ordinary; that’s a minor regret I have looking back. I gave Beth a kiss on the head and hugged Nova before I disappeared back into my garage to run some final tests. First I tossed an apple through, then a lab rat. Both came out the other side unharmed. It was ready.

And, so yeah. I left. Big deal. Everyone seemed to turn out okay in the end. Sure, Beth ended up getting pregnant at seventeen and never became a doctor like her mom. And yeah, maybe Nova did go on to get herself locked into an abusive marriage but they’re okay now, aren’t they?

They would have been worse off if I stuck around, anyway.

So I spent the better part of twenty years adventuring around the cosmos. I got into fights I shouldn’t have survived and met people I wish I hadn’t. It wasn’t all bad, I guess. I met my best friends Birdperson and Squanchy, dated an entire fucking hivemind, and met enough versions of me to become convinced I really was a complete and total ass hole. But in those dark moments, in those three sheets to alcohol poisoning or overdose moments, I would think about her. I would think about those wide eyes that offered a sense of peace that I couldn’t replicate with any amount of drugs, alcohol, or faceless aliens. I had long since learned about the inevitability of our relationship, hell, I knew Scar’s Nova personally but I still couldn’t bring myself to go back. I couldn’t face her, not after walking out like she never mattered.

Jesus fucking christ, here I go again with the sappy ass bullshit.

Whatever, let’s just get this over with so I can get back to what I was doing.

So Unity dumped me, wanting to “settle down” and “take over a nice planet.” Apparently, she couldn’t see that in her future if I was in it. Ugh, whatever, it hurt and I was spiraling, I didn’t know what to do or where to go so I just went home with the tickling thought of a peace that could take the pain away in the back of my mind. Shouting preceded Beth answering the door but all of the frustration muddling her features melted off of her face at the sight of me standing sheepishly in front of her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her level and squeezing tightly as she wept. She broke the embrace, staring at me in amazement before detaching herself.

“J-Just wait here,” she pleaded, disappearing around the side of the garage. She returned, dragging that same frightened girl across the yard. She froze at the edge of the driveway, breaking out of Beth’s grasp wearing that same astounded look I’d dreamt about almost every night. Even just the sight of her offered a taste of that feeling of peace I’d been desperate for. I steeled myself, keeping my features as neutral as possible as she continued to stare at me in teary-eyed wonder.

“Oh, hey Nova,” I greeted her amicably enough, a small smile pulling at my cheek despite myself. She inched toward me hesitantly, unsure of how to proceed. Her mind was made up, however, when a deep voice broke her gaze and sent her searching for the source in horror.

“Honey… who is this?” a calculating man asked coolly, emerging from around the side of the garage. Nova stiffened immediately as he came to rest by her side, pulling her into him possessively. She explained to him who I was, twisting her hands over as her eyes darted between Ryan and me. His shoulders relaxed as a smirk covered his face as he introduced himself. He shook my hand, clearly trying to assert his dominance as he gripped my hand tighter than necessary and held my gaze with that smug smirk.

It didn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to see what was this was. The way Nova had distanced herself from me when our eyes met, how she cowered as he turned to speak to her under his breath. She bid us farewell, seemingly at his quiet insistence.

“Dad, are you back? T-T-To stay?” Beth asked, my gaze breaking from the sight of Ryan leading Nova back to their house with a firm grasp her forearm.

“Wh-What?” I asked, trying to steady myself before I stormed across the yard and pulled Nova out of that house.

“A-Are you staying? You could stay here with us,” she offered desperately.

“Y-Yeah, Beth. I came home to stay if you’ll have me.”

So I stayed. I really don’t know what else to tell you. I told you it wasn’t that interesting of a story. A-And if any of it doesn’t make sense to you, well, you can go fuck yourself. I don’t have time to come up with a perfectly streamlined story. Now if you don’t mind, I have shit to do. 

Rick oooooooooouuuuuuuuuut.