#i mean i would land on something similar sonner or later let's not joke ourselves

[thirstyforred]

innitial idea for Roderick de Wetter fic/sad backstory/whatever and slightly dead dove-y continuation I got today after dissociating for 6 hours at work

so after Emhyr rejected all noble daughters in favor of fake Ciri and basically made all the guys in the Conspiracy go 'ok bitch, you're dead now', for reasons aep Daddy married Joachim's de Wett daughter, aka Rod's older sister. let's name her Mary for now (bc I find it funny that all of the Flaming Rose have germanic/teutonic sounding names, and even Joachim fits with them more than with order nilf nobles, who went into a more welsh direction ig)

anyway, aep Dahy, a good husband that he is, throws a big wedding party and is like, whatever you ask, my dear wife, I will gift it to you now. so Mary asks for a tournament, bc remember? Roderick is actually a sportsman

fast forwards, and in the same box watching challenges are: newlywed aep Dahy and Mary, Joachim looking like he ate a lemon, aep Dahy's adult daughter Eilan, Voorhis with his small son Morvan (who's just a sweet and excited little kid that loves horses, yes I won't forget that he's actually younger than Ciri), and van Moorlehems (they're not princes like everyone else in the box, they're there just as a treat for me)

and you know, they all talk shit, about Emhyr, about the cintrian girl, and eventually, instigated by Joachim, about Roderick and how Mary just played them all to put some spotlight on her awful brother with this whole tournament. Mary neither confirms nor denies

Joachim is in general being a bitch because Roderick is so far winning the challenges, so someone asks what then would make prince de Wett happy and Joachim says "if Rod didn't win this tournament"

and now, despite Mary's horrified expression and pleas to not joke like that, the whole conversation turns into: what can we do so Rod will drop out of the challenges for good? someone proposes breaking his arm or just dislocating it, but that won't work because as Joachim notes himself "the slut is ambidextrous" (yes, it's both a metaphor for his bisexuality, but also he happens to actually be ambidextrous)

so Philippe van Moorlehem goes "I will do one better, no need for any elaborate and complicated plans, I'll just go to his tent and break his femur and dislocated his other shoulder. and give him temporal anemia"

and that's precisely what happens, you know anti-Emhyr Conspiration in action, working together towards the single goal ����

Rod is, of course, bummed that he can't compete, partially because he could have won that thing, and because ouch it hurts a lot. but on the other, non-broken, hand, Fifi gave him railing of the lifetime, so it's all sort of balancing each other out

anyway, Rod, with daddies money, gets the priest to fix his arms (fuck/thanx trpg for making it real), and keeps getting nightly visits from Fifi, which: hot, even though they leave him anemic.

unfortunately, it all halts to stop when Rod finally realizes that the whole "put a collar on you and keep you in my basement" is not just bedroom talk, but an actual thing. one that van Moorlehems can in theory do, because apparently Joachim now likes them more than his own son, after they actually made his wish come true :/

and Rod knows that he's now in deep shit and VMs are packing their things to leave the capital and return to Rowan (where I placed them in my award-winning fic The Devourer of Suns, found at your local library) and he can't go to Mary, because she also can't do shit about it (I think aep Daddy is like willing to give her things, whatever she asks, just to see how crafty she is, but there're limits (because young Emhyr already abused that "trust"), and also he despises Rod)

(speaking just about aep Daddy for a moment, I think that between Emhyr and Villem's grooming undertones, Ardal likes them young and cunning, and willing to learn from him - which makes Rod the exact opposite of his type, my stupid arrogant weasel <3)

so Rod just goes straight to Joachim, his last option but the only one that has any chances of actually working

and the thing about Joachim is - you know Willy from Dungeons and Daddies? he's like that. pretty charismatic piece of shit that always gets exactly what he wants and will kill you if you deez nut him

so Joachim is just being mean and not really thinking about what he says. it's the perfect opportunity to have Rod out of his sight forever and likely killed when in a few months VMs get bored of him

he tells Rod to get on his knees and beg, like only he can, the undignified slut that he is (or something like that, the wording is really unfortunate and degrading) to prove whatever worth he may have

and Joachim expects to just have a laugh, but the thing about Rod, that Joachim doesn't truly realize (and that exists solely because I like my blorbos fucked up beyond repair), is that Rod will do many, bad and fucked up things, to make the people he wants attention from, look at him

and so Rod gets on his knees and does everything to make his dad look. and Joachim instead of stopping it, him, had this fucked up moment of "wow, he's actually doing this! what a nutcase :D" and just watches, a trainwreck of his own creation, wondering how far can he actually push Roderick

and then the fallout of all that also isn't nice. Rod gets to stay in the capital, but Joachim tells van Moorlehems exactly how Rod convinced him. obviously, he lies about the details, not to implicit himself in anything, but the rumor remains

and that's the final proof for the Conspiracy why Rod can't be their candidate for Emperor, because yeah he will do anything, but his reputation is in now shit

so that's also why Rod remains in Nilfgaard during the 2nd war, just to be the half of continent away from Joachim, and then second he hears that the armies are returning, but before he knows about the beheading, he boards the ship to Novigrad

(and there immediately gets drafted into the worst start-up the North has seen since Alzur 🔥🌹)