#i mean hell in a literal present day conflict that's happening right now in the real world

[navree]

people who got angry at the writers of 2x03 for talking about how rhaenyra didn't put any thought into her meeting with alicent and can't be surprised at the outcome because "rhaenyra shouldn't have to offer any concessions" are baffling and probably lacking in brain cells because that's literally spot on. rhaenyra went into an attempt at peace talks without any attempt to conciliate the opposing side and was surprised when the peace talks devolved and ultimately failed. it's bad decision making on her part, it's bad leadership and governance insofar as she has the ability to govern, and given that we're meant to see her as a legitimate claimant to be the sovereign, it's entirely reasonable to judge her on those standards.

because rhaenyra should have thought of concessions. she's making a big ask here, and it's entirely fair that she make offers that could actually appeal to the opposing side other than "War Bad :(" because the other side knows that, like in every conflict ever, they've just decided that the potential outcomes of winning the war matter more than the lack of war in its entirety. it is doubly important that rhaenyra offer concessions because she is also no longer the only wounded party. any peace talk to avoid the dance would need to hinge on both sides acknowledging that there has been serious wrong done to each part. on rhaenyra's end, the man whose rule is law proclaimed her heir but that was taken from her, and her son was killed unexpectedly during the negotiation phase. on aegon's end, he has the precedent of centuries of westerosi legal custom, and his six year old was murdered for absolutely no reason through no fault of his own or even aegon's. these are major grievances that both need to be dealt with fairly and with the understanding that restitution on both sides needs to be made. i mean, hell, rhaenyra only gives a passing mention to the fact that she did not, in fact, order two assassins to force their way into helaena's bedroom and make her choose which child to die. not even offering to allow daemon to face any sort of legal justice at aegon's hands is a gigantic fucking blunder on her part.

rhaenyra is no longer in the position where she can make unilateral demands because she is no longer the only person who has suffered or dealt with material consequences. hostilities are now as much motivated by personal desires for revenge as they are for legitimate succession reasons, and rhaenyra knows that because the entire reason she meets with alicent is to try and break the cycle that started with luke and then moved to jaehaerys and then the cargylle twins afterwards. i mean, hell, look at what alicent says at the end of the conversation when she tells rhaenyra it's too late. she mentions that the equivalent to armed forces have been mobilized, that one of the most personally powerful military men is actively marching to engage in warfare, and that aemond, someone who is not only ruthless but, as far rhaenyra knows, has a vested personal interest in doing things like avenging his beheaded nephew, is going to be involved. rhaenyra's thoughts, were she a competent leader/administrator, should be "what can i do to get them to at least press pause on this so we can negotiate further". the fact that it wasn't is a failure on her part, the fact that she did just think she could come in and go "let's stop fighting" when there are issues that she needs to address on her side now is a failure. it's entirely acceptable to call her out on this.

and i would have given this same criticism if a peace talk was initiated by alicent with that same mindset. if alicent had tried to negotiate with rhaenyra and been the one pushing for it, she should have had some restitution to offer her for what happened to luke, and for sending ser arryk to murder her in her bed. that would be a reasonable thing for rhaenyra to accept, since those are grievances that the greens need to address in any peace talk with her in turn. but the difference is that alicent is aware of the fact that she'd need to do that, because she already did it. she's the one who says they need to send terms to dragonstone after aegon's coronation that rhaenyra can find acceptable and agree to without feeling humiliated or losing face amongst her own supporters. she sends otto with those terms with clear messages to be conciliating, and even leverages her and rhaenyra's former emotional investment in each other to drive home that these are peace messages (in contrast to rhaenyra starting out with 'if i wanna i could murder you' which is a very bad way to start a peace talk, and rhaenyra knows that because immediately when called on it she acknowledges that it's a fuck up on her part).

there's a section of this fandom that believes rhaenyra is the rightful ruler, but then actually refuses to judge her on her merits as a ruler. she wants to be the sovereign, fantastic, but that means she's going to be held to a higher standard by both other characters and the audience, because she's now the key decision maker and also responsible for literally everything that happens on her end (i don't know if some of y'all were just too dumb to qualify for apush but i am smart so i took it and i remember when we talked about the truman presidency in that class and "the buck stops here"). it's not the writers being shitty to rhaenyra to point out that this plan was flawed from the getgo because there were serious issues in her thinking that meant it could never succeed. it's just the simple truth of the situation.

[onewholivesinloops]

Just finished reading the new chapter and there’s so much emphasis on how Satoko is enjoying being in control which y'know that's fine. This was present in Gou/Sotsu. But it’s very boring when it's the only thing going on.

Like say whatever you want about Gou/Sotsu but it allowed Satoko to be angry and resentful. It felt very powerful and real.

It was definitely messy but literally everything Satoko did within the loops tied into her motivations and feelings, because the loops are just her venting her frustrations. It’s an allegory for imagining yourself taking out your frustrations on others and the Hou+ all cast review session make as much clear for a reason. I like how Gou/Sotsu's loops are just Satoko venting her negative feelings in the worst way possible after being granted unlimited power at vulnerable point of her life because she's hurt and lashing out. I also think Meguri seemingly eliminating Satoko's love-hate gay feelings for Rika is a little lame too. Putting aside how much I find it icky that Meguri might be trying to soften Satoko’s edges and excise her flaws, I thought Gou/Sotsu trying to re-examine some of Rika's flaws from the original that didn't get the chance to be addressed was interesting.

Like I just don’t think I care if this is building up to Satoko pretty much acknowledging she isn't human anymore by the end of the arc, and how she enjoys causing tragedies more than the peaceful times with the club, then deciding she wants to break Rika so she sees things her way too (which sets up the shift in motives for Nekodamashi), because I simply don't think there's anything to be invested in at that point? We're into this story because it's about our Satoko, not the “witch” (and the witch isn't a separate character anyway so trying to make a clear divide between them the way Meguri seems to be doing by making the motivations lack anything personal is just boring).

Gou/Sotsu, messy though it be, was trying to say something about Satoko as a character because the story is predicated on her making horrible decisions because of her flaws after being driven into a corner and there's an emotional conflict between her and Rika that happens because they're both a codependent mess with the witch stuff being secondary to all this, but I’ve been confused about Meguri’s intent since this arc started?

Also like the repetitions in Gou/Sotsu make perfect sense, because it's Satoko deliberately setting up the loops the same way as before and incorporating the subversions to mess with Rika's expectations, because she's trying to retraumatize her until she gives in and accepts to stay in Hinamizawa after going along with her dream twice where she just got abandoned and relived her childhood trauma (second time happening after she talked out her issues) and giving her an ultimatum didn't work. I’m simplifying things a little but you get my point.

The pseudo remake aspect may not be handled as well as it could've been, but it does work, because it ties into the culprit's (Satoko’s) motivations. The fact that Rika was only arbitrarily dragged into this in Meguri (and because Satoko is gay as hell!) makes this very ??? right now. Like Meguri is heavily implying that Satoko is on a power trip and is relishing in the control this gives her (fair) but I don't feel like it's as good of a justification for the structure? Like sure she wants to relive June of 1983 (I think this is also present in Gou/Sotsu tbh so it's nothing new even if it's more in the background) and I get why she causes tragedies but I don't see why she injects, say, Rena in an Onikakushi-like fragment for example? In the anime it’s a strategic choice because Rika is expecting another Onikakushi but she’s just playing around here.

It feels like Meguri took some aspects of Gou/Sotsu and made them more explicit (Satoko being on a power trip and wanting to relive the good old days with the club) which is by no means a bad thing but it ended up neglecting some other important stuff for some reason because Idk Tomato just doesn't like them I guess? This arc could’ve done a lot of interesting things by having Satoko forcing herself to re-live her trauma backfiring and retraumatizing her, as well as bringing back all the unpleasant feelings, which may still be on the table because she had to force herself to remember Teppei’s abuse to convincingly act the breakdown, but I’m not sure anymore with how this chapter doubles down on Satoko feeling only joy and happiness from all of this and nothing coming from any of the previous moments.

The manga has Satoko fantasizing about being killed by Rika and Eua wonders what Satoko's true motivations are for dragging Rika into this (she assumes it’s because the others can’t handle the looping but that’s definitely not Satoko’s intent), so it's possible it's Tomato setting up something with this (or maybe he just didn't know how to excuse Rika's inclusion because he needed to keep the Gou/Sotsu structure which would be funny).

The manga can definitely do something with this though and I'm still holding on to the hope that the deception thematic in Meguri is gonna play into Satoko's characterization - it's possible we're also being deceived by Satoko's current “villainous” act as much as Eua, which would be an interesting angle and might even justify the loops setup in a more concrete way.

Whenever I'm down on Meguri it's honestly from a place of love for Gou/Sotsu and what it could've been, which is why I enjoyed the St. Lucia parts of Meguri Satokowashi and was open-minded about a lot of the changes, but I feel like the direction has been really questionable this arc.

I appreciate little things like the L5 victims' being handled more logically and especially how Tomato doesn't portray them as caricatures going "IT'S SO ITCHY" all the time. Ooishi is good in this chapter and I think there’s genuine care put into his spiral downwards with how he’s manipulated by Satoko. But I’m going to be real I’m not into this for these things. I’m primarily into this for Satoko so if she’s not handled satisfyingly the whole thing falls apart to me so as much as I want to see the little things handled well they’re not enough on their own?

But if Satoko's behavior until this point has been a big cope because she wants to detach herself from her pain and suffering and something is going to happen that will undo all of this detachment and show that there’s so much more beyond the surface then we can talk.

There’s also the fact that Teppei's corpse is so grotesque (his neck and arms are twisted and his intestines are pulled out and he’s really beaten up) and we don't even see Satoko bashing it like in the anime, which is so fucking lame such a missed opportunity when we could've gotten a scene similar to the one in the anime except with internal monologue. The fact that it's skipped with all the doubling down on Smugtoko just makes me think the intent is that she's cruel because witches are cruel and not because of any personal feelings playing into it? Like Satoko killing Teppei in Sotsu is one of the anime's best moments, because you can see all the pent-up rage and fury and detachment from herself and the idea of any part of her world being real because even with Teppei changing for her she's still the sum of experiences she had to go through because of his abuse so she rejects him. She's in a dissociative haze during it as indicated by the lights flickering and how she only notices how soaked in blood she is at the very end (which makes sense because anime Satoko copes with emotionless dissociation and this one moment parallels Keiichi killing him in the original which is neat).

They just skipped this in Meguri while including stupid fanservice. Because Tomato has his priorities straight. And don’t get me started on how this arc took a very horny turn. It’s not out of nowhere because Tomato has always sexualized the characters, but the two panels of Satoko in this arc are just going too far. Idk even if Meguri’s writing blows me away in the next chapters this will always leave a bad taste in my mouth. I despise how unapologetically horny Tomato is for Satoko especially. It makes me sick to my stomach. The original is definitely questionable and has moments where it sexualizes the kids, but there's a difference between occassional weirdness that mostly happens in the non-serious scenes (which Satoko is mostly excluded from), and the new Meguri chapter. Ryukishi always drops this bullshit when shit gets real because Higurashi is about understanding and sympathizing with these girls, not fetishizing and exploiting their trauma and pain. Like I’m honestly so tired of this. I don’t care when Mei does it but I don’t want to see it in something like this. I just want to enjoy the codependent girlfriends in peace.

...Anyway I'd like to be optimistic and I really hope there will be a recontextualizing twist that will tie everything together and justify this but it’s a little difficult at the moment to think positively.

I desperately want to be wrong about most of this because I want to be able to enjoy it but I’m just not sure right now. There’s a good chance I’ll find out the next update in a couple of weeks or so. Anyway props if you read through my entire rant I just wanted to vent a little.

[lenaperseveranceoxton]

I have more incoherent, stream-of-thought complaining to do about the current Overwatch 2 timeline.

I already mentioned how Winston's official biography says that he and Lena were alone for a little over a year before Mei made it to Watchpoint: Gibraltar. Then, his official biography immediately jumps into the Paris invasion, no time skip mentioned.

This morning, I was doing the usual (absolutely neurotypical) scroll through the lore codex, of sorts, and I noticed another thing. Mei's biography also doesn't imply that she was with Lena and Winston for another two years. It gets right into the Paris invasion just like Winston's.

Then, I got to Mondatta's entry...

He was assassinated A FEW YEARS before the return of Null Sector? Again, it should've definitely only been a little over a year. It's not like Zero Hour happened, and our heroes did nothing for two years. Hell, even in the timeline, it says "Present Day: Null Sector resurfaces, attacking first Paris, and then the rest of the world."

When Lúcio asks where everyone is, Brigitte responds "Um... we're it!" before being interrupted by Cassidy. We know that Cassidy recruited the New Blood team within weeks, and the MEKA team was watching Overwatch deal with the Paris invasion on the news.

Now, I'm already more upset than I should be over the two years that seemingly went unaccounted for. I know. But it seems especially stupid for the plot to have Mondatta dead for three years now? His assassination was, presumably, meant to cause civil unrest and stir up conflict. That's Talon's entire shtick! It would be weird to have the omnics of the Underworld just... stand around for three years? Especially with how quick they were to blame Lena for not taking the bullet for Mondatta, I mean! We had a short moment of political unrest where Lady literally DIED, and nothing ever came of it? No one was eager to find out who the shooter was and bring them to justice? Good for Lizzy and Iggy for throwing a concert for the people of King's Row after the Underworld mission, I guess, but REALLY???

Don't get me wrong! I really love the three story missions, and I'm dying for more! I just feel like there is so much wasted potential already, and I have to gaslight myself into believing my perception of the story is canon.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Okay, I think I have finally found a cleaning strategy that is compatible with my fucking MYRIAD MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES while also not being so hard on my body that it causes an autoimmune flare up so buckle up lets go.

First things first, I have taken to using Grove for all of my cleaning supplies. Are they bougie as hell? Yes. Could I pay less for the literal same products (down to the volume and brand) somewhere else? Usually yes. Does the environmental footprint of the delivery of these supply boxes every month probably outweigh the environmental friendliness of their packaging? Almost certainly. BUT!!!!!!

My brain doesn't do the feel-good biochemicals real good (or really any of the biochemicals) so getting a delivery of pretty, autoimmune safe household goods every month triggers that lovely little hit of dopamine so without fucking fail every time one arrives, within a day I have carefully unpacked all my little goodies (they even send me a surprise** present with every box???? What more could a depressed burnt out bitch with no executive functioning want???), and within a week I have gone on a cleaning binge where I hyper fixate on my apartment one room at a time until the whole goddamn thing looks like it could be coming straight out of a designer tiny house catalog because I'm just???? So excited???? To smell all my nice scented cleaning supplies and play with my pretty new organizer items????

**the best part is that the surprise gift isn't actually a surprise because you get to pick it yourself from one of three options during the order process, but because I have extremely limited working memory and recall, I never remember which one I picked and can somehow have both the experience of a specifically chosen by me tailored extra gift AND a special surprise present I didn't expect at the same goddamn time.

So. A+ marketing strategy honestly, hits me right in the neurotransmitters every time, and given how long I can go without lifting a fucking spray bottle normally, I'm calling it an accessibility tax.

Anyway, horrifically this is only step one of my new cleaning process, and, honestly the rest of it is probably A) personal, and B) gross as hell so I'm gonna put this under a cut and you can feel free to skip it. But all my comrades out there who can't for the life of them keep a cleaning schedule because the dopamine don't work good, get you a cleaning product subscription (Grove isn't the only one but they're all about the same) because that bad boi will get ya every time, tricking you into thinking cleaning is fun by making it feel new and jazzy.

Okay, so your cleaning supplies arrived this week and have been burning a seasonally scented hole in the back of your fucking brain for the last 4 days, and you finally have an entire 24 hour period with zero time specific obligations, which means the cleaning fest can begin as soon as you convince your executive functioning to allow you to put down your phone, stand up, and walk into the other goddamn room.

This takes approximately.....six hours. Mostly because that's how long it takes for your wife to take the dogs to the park for the afternoon and the day has some serious "may not be perceived in your natural habitat" vibes, so that's how long it takes for the house to be empty of every living thing that cannot help but be up in your business. The cats don't go anywhere but that's okay because the second they see you go for the cleaning supplies the retreat to their dens and refuse to come out until at least 24 hours have passed. There is no danger of the cats perceiving you until this whole farce has ended, so the cats can stay.

Now your brain is on some unmedicated OCD, autism, ADHD, CPTSD, and suicidal depression shit and has been since at least 1997, so there's a lot of conflicting motivations/needs happening up in your grey matter meats right now and here's how you're going to rank them for the duration of your cleaning binge:

You skipped your last couple of cleaning deliveries because you were broke and miserable and that means it's been about 2 months since the last time you cleaned anything which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that 2 people, 2 dogs, and 2 cats live in this 550sqft apartment and these 6 living creatures somehow seem to secrete filth like a weird protective outer layer, which means that for the past 2 weeks at minimum you have been Carefully Never Thinking about what might be on the surfaces that you're touching and the only thing allowing you to still set your bare foot down on your hardwood floor is the layer of dirty laundry that develops over everything when you've forgotten to do laundry for a month, and if you have to really think about what you're cleaning you're going to cry, vomit, and then bite something, only possibly in that order

This is true in all 3 total rooms of the house, which means some of what you might have to clean is definitively more triggering than others, but also the dogs DO have a tendency to destroy anything they can fit in their unhinged maws directly on top of your sheets and pillows on the bed and this means that while technically the content is less upsetting, the experience is So Unfathomably Much Worse, but you only ever have one room's worth of cleaning in you per 24 hour period and anyway your wife will be back with the dogs in a max of 2 hrs so some Decisions TM will need to be made

Once the momentum stops so does the cleaning and god help you if you're halfway done because neither your wife nor your trained service animal nor g-d them fucking selves will be able to stop the meltdown that happens every time you have to walk in that room until you manage to finish the job

So you decide to clean in the following order:

Bathroom

Bedroom

Galley kitchen/front entry combo

Pros to this decision:

If your wife brings the dogs back before you're done cleaning the bathroom is the only room where you can close yourself in long enough to finish cleaning.

Tiniest room in the house

Clean tub (don't think about the implications here or you will spend the rest of day in paralyzed hysterics)

Clean toilet (if you even begin to consider the implications of this, drop 50mg of THC tincture immediately or wifey will find you flat on the floor screaming so hard you don't make any noise)

This is where most of your preferred clothes end up when they turn into laundry so the basket of clothes you collect is an absolute guarantee of having the Good Clothes back in rotation if you can also schlep down 3 flights of stairs to the basement at least 3 times to do some washing.

Bathroom is very pretty when clean, and will stand out really fucking hard from the rest of the house after your done which will increase the chances of the OCD making you clean the other two rooms on future 24 hour periods of zero obligation, which will help you roll the cleaning motivation from your delivery over until next weekend because you will need 2-3 weeks to actually clean every room (there is only 24 hr period of zero obligation guaranteed per week)

When you're done cleaning you can take a bath and it'll feel really fucking good as long as you rinse down the shower enough not to have a dermatological reaction to your cleaning products from soaking in tainted water

Now that you have crossed the first hurdle you will need the following supplies in order to complete your mission (supply list backfilled after writing out your entire process because like fuck will you ever remember every item you need in order to clean a room literally ever):

Multi purpose cleaner (with secret ingredient dish soap)

Tub and tile cleaner

Paper towels

Microfiber cleaning clothes (at least 3)

A pair of those shitty dish washing gloves from the dollar tree

Broom and dustpan

Trash bags

Trash bins

Sponge/scrub brush

Phone (for music and also missing all of your wife's text messages and phone calls about the dogs because your brain literally cannot comprehend external existence while cleaning)

Your oldest pair of ER scrub pants and a sports bra built for a fucking linebacker's worth of titty (mine's made of terrycloth because I love myself and would rather die than feel sweat on my skin)

Empty laundry hamper

Now that you collected all of your shit (definitely prior to starting and not by scampering in and out of the bathroom the entire cleaning process like a deranged chicken looking for the Good Foraged Seeds) you're going to hunker down and get to work. You put on your most boogying playlist and get to work.

Step 1) pick up all the textiles on the floor and add them to the hamper (step 1a is to shake them out before throwing them in but you have to walk the line of thinking about this just enough to remember to do it but not so much that you notice all the fuckingggggggg debris????? that falls out of your clothes.

Step 2) pick up any objects off the floor that you will not be throwing away and set them in the bathtub, you'll come back to this later

Step 3) grab that broom and sweep up your floors into a big pile on the floor. Best if you sing and dance and really get all hyped up about your music while this one happens or you will be forced to reckon with how many times your skin has made contact with your floor seasonings.

Step 4) take your new trash pile and scoop that shit into one of your trash bags you don't need to be meticulous here because you'll be doing another pass on the floors later, but you need to get the big stuff up and outta your way.

Step 5) take all the stuff off your sink and add it to the bathtub pile

Step 6) empty the bathroom trash and then pop the bin into the bathtub with everything else

Step 7) spray down every goddamn surface (except the bathtub and its contents) with your multi purpose cleaner. Mine's in an orange bottle and smells like grapefruit because I'm not allowed to eat grapefruit anymore or I'll die, but fuck man I just love grapefruit?????? Floors are included as a surface in this spraydown.

Step 8) use your paper towels to do a first pass of "wiping up" on your surfaces. This will be upsetting. Keep the toilet lid up for emergency vomiting, vut try to head it off by breathing in through your nose for a 4 count and out through your mouth for a 6 count.

Step 9) now that your surfaces are sanitary, spray down another layer of multi purpose cleaner. Floors are included as a surface in this spraydown.

Step 10) use your microfiber cloth to scrub your surfaces and really clean up any of the stuff underneath the stuff. This will be the first time you feel capable of acknowledging the reality of what you are cleaning because at least now it doesn't look like a fucking yeti tracked hair, mud, and plant matter through every inch of your home

Step 11) shake your microfiber cloth out in a trash bag, and then drop it into the laundry hamper

Step 12) remove any items from the tub pile that shouldn't get wet and wipe them down with wet wipes or a damp paper towel before putting them In Their Spot

Step 13) fill the tub with about 2 inches of the hottest water you can manage and toss any rim-of-tub items into your remaining tub pile

Step 14) start washing, drying, and putting away each of the items in the tub pile one at a time until the tub pile is gone. Rim of tub items go in the sink temporarily.

Step 15) spray down the tub with tub and tile cleaner on the outside, inside, and rim

Step 16) use your sponge to scrub the tub with the cleaner and wipe the leavings down onto the floor of the tub.

Step 17) use paper towels to wipe up the leavings on the floor of the tub until it's nearly dry and all debris is removed

Step 18) rinse tub, but no need to get meticulous

Step 18) spray down the tub, the walls of the shower, and the lower half of the shower curtain with multi purpose cleaner

Step 19) use a cleaning cloth to wipe down the entire tub, walls, and curtain

Step 20) thoroughly rinse the tub, walls, and curtain with water and wipe down the outside with damp paper towels

Step 21) spray some multi purpose cleaner directly onto a clean cloth and use it to wipe down baseboards, heaters/radiators, walls, etc.

Step 22) put the rim-of-tub items back on the tub rim now that it's mostly dry

Step 23) spray scented disinfectant in the room including two spritzes directly into the trash can and two spritzes directly into the toilet bowl

Step 24) restock the toilet paper and top off the soap dispenser, etc

Step 25) add a bleach tablet to the toilet tank which you thankfully HAVE been remembering to do regularly because it means you don't have to scrub your toilet bowl literally ever and honestly that's a small mercy because you used to just end every bathroom cleaning day vomiting into the bowl as you cleaned it, so life hack those consequences!

Optional step 26 is to excitedly tell your wife as soon as she and the dogs roll up that you just cleaned the bathroom and she should go see it when she has a minute and she looks at you and says "i take it that's why I couldn't reach you?" And you go "oh shit, we did talk about this didn't we?" And she goes "it wasn't an emergency, but I am glad you're alive" and you go "I'm really sorry I'll figure something out for next time but also it really does look super clean and pretty and I am still waiting on the last little bit of dopamine that comes from external validation and praise?" And she says "fine" and goes to look and then gives you a forehead kiss and says "it looks really good baby, thank you" and you say "!!!!!!!" and then you go collapse in bed for at least an hour while your body catches up with the fucking stunt you just pulled.

Your bathroom does look fucking spectacular tho, so at least there's that.

[prince-tulip]

Im so sorry for what I've done...im trying to be a better person, its just hard when all I want to do is fix everything ive ever broken. Trying to grow and understand these horrible illnesses, impairments or injuries, whatever life may throw at me. Its a journey im trying to bring to an end..i want a beautiful life..

The bitterness is something i still struggle with, maybe it plays into my life, more than i wanna admit, the guilt and shame i feel in those situations alone makes me want to die. The unrelenting feeling of emptiness topped with a conflicting sense of invalidation. God, it is so ugly to feel..disgusting completely. I am disgusted with myself. I have a need for filling roles for people that i feel obligated to fill, its about that shame. Its about not knowing how to let go what needs to be let go because you dont understand what letting go is. Its about not giving into nostalgia. Not seeking validation in something that can no longer give you that, not falling in to bad habits or abusing drugs, abusing alchohol, abusing, sex, porn, anger, depression, hate, impulsiveness, just things that hurt you..im trying to be clean..im trying to break free..theres a big picture im trying to paint, im focused on me and trying to just be good to others.

I can be alone, i can be who i need to be right now to find who i will be later. Im strong and steadfast. I love you, all of you, anyone who ever was there or will be. Past, present and future. Im coming to terms, one day.

The pain was real, its real. The realization of my wrongs are real, the achingly painful emptiness is real. I need to feel it and face it. Face the realization. The realization that i mirror othed people. That i don't give people boundaries or myself.

The realization of it all...how was i so detached, so careless...i can blame it on all i can but it doesn't mean i didn't do anything..doesn't take away from the false reality i was living in, that i didn't understand that it literally tore me apart, changed me to hurt loved ones, its as if i wanted to get to a point to where i was so crazy and so fucked up. Split personality, split reality, split fucking brain, filled with contradictions and fears, making any kind of decision is aweful, it makes me change as a person, like i will die or the worst possible event will happen, it is unrelenting. Theres so many ways that i didnt know how to function without living in destruction. Was it my bpd? Was it my autism? Was it my anxiety? Was it the cognitive distortion? Or was it whatever defense mechanisms i made up in my head?...why wasn't i a better person to people i truly love? Or am i just not a capable of living normally with normal relationships?

Im in deep pain and i can only try to be a better person from here..thats all i can do, there's not much time left. I could die tomorrow. Which i act scared in that regard but i also have always had a weird feeling of relief in the thought of dying instantly, anywhere or anyway, whatever time or place.

Selfish, i know. Its too easy right? If i always thought about how i deserve nothing but punishment then why would i wish to die? For that would just bring peace.

My brain almost undoubtedly would go "oh thank goodness now i don't have to make that phone call now" and laugh with a hint of irony. Nervous in way of course as well. For why shouldn't i be? For if there was a heaven or hell, I do not in the slightest know where i would go. Probably somewhere in between if i had to guess.

[fortemelody]

growing up a child of divorce and neglect meant a lot of traumatic moments obviously- but for the sake of this post we’re throwing most of that aspect away to talk about a smaller issue that i’ve come to realize holds a lot more weight than i ever thought it would.

my dream as a kid was always to have all of the stuff i collected in one space. dvds, cds, video game consoles, toys, plushies, figures, you name it. and until i was about 13 or 14, the room of the house i was neglected at (dads) felt so absolutely barren becus i didn’t have the chance to really go outside and buy stuff for it, and bringing stuff back and forth (unless it was my fav stuffed animal) felt like such a hassle. hell, i barely even had any clothes there and i wasn’t taught how to do laundry for awhile which made it worse.

what does this have to do with the present day you may ask? well, as of january 15 of this year, i officially gained some courage and moved out of my dads house. however i didn’t start moving any of my things till months later. i got a couple essential items here and there but now that it’s summer i’ve officially started getting more things in bulk from there and moving it over. it’s literally a 5 minute walk so it’s not hard to do at all. but i can’t help but have conflicting emotions from it all. for one, my dream of all my stuff being in a single room/house is finally coming true, and i can collectively look at what i all have together. i didn’t think this would happen till i got a new apartment or house of my own after college (so like… around 22 years old compared to being 17). but on the other hand, i can’t help but feel a bit sad. the layout of each room was unique how it was, and i managed to cultivate a safe space at my dads out of really shitty circumstances. in the span of the 3 years where i gained friends and a sense of direction, i could finally obtain merch and other items that made me happy and put them in my dads house, so it wasn’t some barren wasteland that i dreaded. seeing as though that’s where i spent all my time at that house, it only seemed right for it to look good. slowly stripping this room apart makes me really sad that i was destroying the work i put in to make a good environment for myself. but then comes an even bigger problem. i also have become in those three years a MASSIVE hoarder. and the only way that everything fit was having two spaces. and now i will only have one. i quickly went from a kid who wanted so many new products and toys to help me escape my reality, to an almost adult who bought too many things in an attempt to salvage their inner child. it’s quite the heartbreaking thing to see becus many of the items i have now (unless they’re from a specific person i cherish or already have sentimental value ) don’t really have much meaning on their own anymore and it sucks. i would say that money can buy happiness, but only for a limited amount of time. i deep cleaned out my closet to make room for at least some of the stuff from my dads, and i did manage to get three full garbage bags of things im going to donate to goodwill, so i’m glad that i am giving back in some way. but i’m still astonished that -even after that- how much stuff can pile up and eventually just come to be decoration after thinking it would be the key to your life. yes, i’m still going to collect, especially items you can actually use (physical media), but man it really hits different when you can visualize how many items you actually own. it’s a bit terrifying honestly. nevertheless, i do love the act of actually organizing so that aspect will be fun, and i don’t think it’s all completely bad becus there are a few gems that i’m really proud of owning.

a side story to top this all off- i made the mistake of carrying four huge bags full of clothes yesterday as i walked home in a path where i would see a lot of people. i could’ve waited like a half an hour until my dad was ready to load his car with my stuff, but i was so stubborn and wanted to leave his house ASAP. i had it in my mind the whole time that i probably looked like a homeless child (seeing as though me and my mom see this one homeless guy with 20 bags constantly throughout our neighborhood). shameful needless embarrassment aside, it’s really sad that my own stubbornness is what made me look like an “outcast” by society. my family is not exactly financially stable ourselves, but i obviously have a house as stated. it made me think about how many homeless people really only have their items to keep themselves sane. you come to appreciate what you *do* have becus of that. i really hope i come to a point in my life where i can stop buying things i don’t need so i can give back to others that cherish and need their items so much more. or possibly find a balance of my money- with helping others as my main priority while just buying myself things at certain times of the year. and referring to the root of this story, i hope i can also get to a point where i’m not so fucking stubborn and holding that strong of a grudge that i can tolerate my dad for an extra half an hour. but that’s a whole other story 😭

[todoscript]

Can I request headcanons Separate for Bakugou Shinsou and Kaminari where It's their birthday and they run into their crush who didn't know and they feel bad they would have gotten them a present and they're like, name your price anything you want within reason! So they just take advantage of their offer for a gift of their choice and kiss them being all smug like, happy birthday to me

A/N | I tried getting this out on Shinsou’s birthday since Kaminari’s was also like 2 days before his, but not gonna lie, I took a fat nap that day. So happy belated birthday to Shinsou, Kaminari, and Bakugou.

Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou runs into you during the night, where the day has now wrung dry and he’s about to head off to bed, early as always regardless of how special a day is.

No one really made a commotion about his birthday that day except the Bakusquad, and even they couldn’t get the boy to budge and celebrate with a party or even the candlelit of a cake.

After all, he’s the kind of guy to not give a crap about things like that, saying it’s just another day that marks him a year older, or whatever.

So when he sees you hovering around the door to his room, he’s more than confused.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

You turn to him with a fidgety demeanor, pressing the pads of your fingers together before answering.

“Well, I heard from Mina that today was your birthday…”

“Alright, and?” He doesn’t mean for his voice to come out that harsh.

Bakugou doesn’t want you to make a fuss about it, trying to hurry you along, but it’s also because his heart is palpitating at an abnormal rate with you so close.

You’re the girl of his affections and right now you’re here at the foot of his dorm. 

On his birthday.

Whatever happened for these particular events to align, he’s not sure if he’s grateful for or conflicted.

“I feel kind of bad not knowing about it so I was wondering if there’s anything you wanted, y’know before the day’s over.”

He’s taken aback by your offer at first.

You’d think he’d just outright tell you to give it a rest but he’s actually hesitant, contemplating even.

“Come on, name your price. I can get you food or anything else as long as it’s in my budget!” you tell him.

“Anything?” Bakugou grunts.

He’s never acted on any of his feelings before, opting to just admire you through bristled looks and occasionally treating you a tad bit differently in comparison to everyone else.

That’s when a brazen idea crosses his mind.

You nod, “Mhm! Just name your—”

Your words are suddenly taken right out of your mouth.

Quite literally as Bakugou closes the distance between you with his lips on yours and his hands gripping your arms to keep you still within that moment.

When you two part, you’re left with a searing sensation on your lips, your cheeks flourishing a blush.

You stare at Bakugou who looks back with a smirk yet an equally flushed appearance, hands grasping your wrist to tug you toward him so he can whisper in that gruff voice of his in your ear.

“Happy birthday to me.”

Kaminari Denki

It only seems fitting that a party is thrown to celebrate the birth of Kaminari Denki.

The class arranges a get together at the end of the day, with the common room decorated with streamers, balloons, and large colorful letters hung up reading Happy Birthday Kaminari!

Though everyone is all cheers and fun, you’re still bothered by the fact you never knew it was the boy’s special day today, not hearing about it until the girls told you everyone was decorating the dorms later to surprise him.

So even after the class successfully surprises Kaminari and lights the candles on his delicious cake (courtesy of Satou), you’re grumbling off by yourself on the couch with a slice of the confection in front of you.

The birthday boy sees this and, of course, he does not condone watching the girl he likes be so distraught on his special day.

“Hey, c’mon Y/n, why the long face? It’s my birthday you should be celebrating!” He plants himself right next to you, his arm smoothly hanging above your proximity on the couch

“Oh, sorry, Kaminari. It’s just I can’t believe I was the only one that didn’t know it was your birthday today,” you gripe as your fork trifles around the plate.

“Nah, Y/n, it’s no big deal! There were plenty of people that didn’t know, trust me.”

“Still... I wasn’t able to get you anything.”

You start chewing a piece of cake in your mouth. That’s when something daring strikes Kaminari in the back of the head.

He leans in close, leveling the juxtaposition between you two. “Y’know... there is one thing you could still get me for my birthday.”

“What?” you ask after swallowing the cake. When you look up, your thoughts are rattled by Kaminari settling his lips on yours.

All you do is widen your eyes and let the heat on your cheeks take over. He indulges in the sweet flavor abiding your lips thanks to the sugary icing of the cake, eventually separating to witness the near deer-in-the-headlights look on your face.

What breaks you out of your daze is the way his thumb brushes past and swipes off a bit of frosting he missed from the corner of your lips, bringing it to his mouth to lick off.

“Hm, sweet as I thought,” he teases.

“K-Kaminari!”

You lightly punch his arm before hiding your face in his shoulder. Your skin sears what feels like an abashed steam while the birthday boy chuckles a thanks for the “present.”

Shinsou Hitoshi

Shinsou is the newly admitted student in the hero course and now a resident of Class 2-A.

Being that he’s new around here, no one in the class knows that today is his birthday.

Well, except you.

How you came to get a hold of this information was earlier that morning, when you notice Shinsou’s former classmates from the general education department approach him in the hallways right before he entered the classroom.

They uttered their quick Happy Birthdays to him just as you walked past, much to Shinsou’s chagrin.

He didn’t want the class to dawdle about his birthday, since he’s not very familiar with the other students yet. But having the girl he’s crushed on since last year’s sports festival know this fact gave him mixed feelings.

Especially when you confronted the boy later that afternoon during lunch.

“Shinsou! How come you never told anyone it was your birthday today?” you ask, nudging his arm.

He figures you’d admonish him about it. You were too cheerful of a girl to run past a birthday, no matter how much he didn’t want you to hassle over him.

“I didn’t want anyone fussing about it, is all.” Shinsou asserts it’s better not to rile everyone up about a celebration, notably in front of party animals like Kaminari and Ashido.

“OK… but I still think you should do something, y’know, to make the day special,” you muse off, “Oh hey, I’ll just treat you! Yeah, anything you want is on me!”

Shinsou tightens his lips and hears the red-winged devil whispering from his shoulder.

You’re the girl he likes after all, and with an offer like that, he’s edging into temptation.

“You sure anything?”

“Well... yeah! I mean as long as it’s in my price range.”

“Alright, come here.” Shinsou wiggles his finger to beckon you closer. You comply, leaning in, awaiting his wish into your ear.

However, instead he cups your chin and tilts you forward to connect you to a brief graze of each other’s lips. His other hand brushes a strand of hair hanging by your cheek that he uses as an excuse to hold your face to him.

When you two finally lean away, your fingers touch over your lips, now mildly warm and growing hotter after the exchange.

You try to glance at Shinsou, but he immediately flicks your forehead to avert your eyes from the budding blush on his face.

“Thanks for the birthday present, Y/n.”

[violetnotez]

hi! may i pls make a request for bokugo, todoroki and midoriya hcs on what they would do if they had to vs their secret crush in the 1v1 ua sports festival arc? i hope you have a great day!!🥺

Hi babe! Im so sorry it took so long to make these, but I literally couldn’t stop thinking about this idea cause it was so fricking cuttteeeeeeeee

I did headcannons as well as a short one shot right after, I hope thats alright! <3

Music Genre: Pop | BNHA

Characters: Bakugo, Shoto, Izuku

Warnings: cussing

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Bakugo

This dude right here ^^^

Sorry but-hes not gonna be too kind

Bakugo most deifnitely is denying every single damn sign that he has a crush on you

He deifnitely doesn’t stare at you for way too long during class, or doesn’t smirk to himself when you got past this first round, and his heart didn’t drop to the floor when he realized he would have to fight against you

Nope, deifnitley not

😑😑😑 Bakugo stop being a shit and admit you have feelings

Kirishima was the one who first recognized his crush on you, and you know damn well he noticed Bakugo’s demeanor instantly changed when he saw your face flash against his in the versus round

When Bakugo saw that on the screen, his shoulders instantly stiffened, his eyes steeled, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets so no one could see how tightly his hands were balled up

Only Kirishima noticed the change in his best friend as his freinds cheered at the line up

“Hey-you okay dude?” He asked, his voice full of concern as he tried to place a hand on his shoulder

Of course, Bakugo being the little shit he is, shoved his hand away with his shoulder, standing up quickly

“I’m gonna go get ready for the 2nd round,” he grumbled, giving his friend a side eyed look and he turned his back on the stadium and going to the hallways to chill

Now, even though he was rudeeeeeeeee af, this dude is freaking the hell out internally

He wants to win so badly, but-at what cost? Something was different with you-he was okay with putting his all into each and every fight

If he had to hurt himself, or hurt his opponent to come out on top-that’s all that mattered right? But for some reason, the thought of hurting you made his body feel queasy and made him feel like shit-

this never happened to him, this possessive want to protect someone and keep them safe-this was such a foreign feeling that it kind of scared him

Was he getting soft? Was he not tough anymore?

He didn’t know what to do-go easy on you and potentially let you win, making him look weak? Or go all out, making sure he wins to the point that he hurts you-which would make him feel like shit after. Would you hate him after? Could he handle that idea of you despising him for hurting you?

These thoughts were making him so conflicted to the point of rage , and Bakugo being Bakugo, he was just fuming internally,

his digits were tugging at his strands, his fist colliding with the table as a curse slipped through his lips

He didn’t know what to do and it was fucking annoying to him

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ ✧･ﾟ:* ✧

“So I guess we’re paired together huh?” your voice echoed through the deathly silent room, the sound sending a cold shiver down Bakugo’s back.

He quickly looked up, his chest tightening at the mere sight of you leaning against the door frame.

“This is my fucking room-get out,” he grumbled, his crimson red eyes squinting at you at an attempt to look intimidating.

You simply rolled your eyes, a small smirk playing on your lips.

You had known Bakugo for too long and too well to get scared at his harsh words anymore.

“I don’t see your name on the door,” you quipped back with a grin, “and besides, it might be good Im in here. You’re so loud somebody’s gonna think you’re talking to yourself.”

Shit-was he really starting to talk to himself now?

Bakugo swallowed a clump of saliva, a pit growing in his stomach. If he was talking to himself-did you hear everything he had said? Did you know he was actually thinking of going soft on you?

You noticed how he stiffened at your words, a gruff exhalation of breath leaving his lips.

“Don’t worry, I was just joking around-“, You simply chuckled, shaking your head as you sat down next to him. “-but you still are really loud though.”

“And you’re still fucking annoying, as always.”

“Ouch!” You smiled, scrunching up your nose in mock hurt.

Bakugo pursed his lips, hating how cute he found you when you made that expression.

You didn’t seem to notice the way Bakugo was affected by your movement, taking a deep breath.

Something in your expression had changed-you no longer looked so carefree and relaxed. You gave him a concerned look, your teeth gnawing at the side your cheek.

“So is something on your mind? You’re usually always cussing someone out, but cussing at the air isn’t usually your thing.”

His feet shuffled under the table, his hands way more clammy than they usually were. So he really was being too loud- he needed to think of soemthing to tell you. And something realllllll fucking quick.

But he couldn’t-he felt like his was gasping for air, just staring at your waiting face. God, why did he have to actually like you like that? Now as he’s looking at you, something in his heart hurt-he couldn’t hurt you. He just-couldnt. He’d feel like a dick after and he’s never be able to forgive himself if he laid even a scratch on you.

Why was this so fucking hard?

You sighed, your tongue swiping your bottom lip as you look down at your hands.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine,” you looked up, your eyes piercing to him and making his lungs feel shut off. “But-dont let it affect you. I want you to come at me with all you got-“

You gave him a devilish grin, your eyes sparkling.

“-I wanna rub it in your face that I actualy beat you in front of a whole ass crowd. Might be good for you ego too,” you gave out a laugh at the last sentence, Bakugo’s shoulder softening slightly.

“Tch-,” he grunted out, his crimson eyes rolling in their sockets, “-like you could ever fucking beat me.”

You gave him one final look, your eyes quitting at him with a mischievous glint.

“We’ll see about that,” you gave him one last smile, standing up from your chair.

“I’ll see ya later.”

Bakugo heard your feet walk out the room, that tell tale click of the door closing softly reverberating in the room. He let out a sigh, something about your words making him feel like a huge weight just left his shoulders.

If you wanted him to go all out-then he’d do it.

Izuku

Dude, this poor baby

He’s actually freaking out. Like HARD.

Izuku wants to win pretty badly to prove it to himself, his family, his mentor/role model...but at what cost? Hurting you?

Hahah well that’s funny cause that ain’t happening

He’s legit thinking of just going easy on you-what’s the harm in that? Sure he might lose, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt-

This dude is not very good at hiding his feelings for you, so of course Iida and Ochaco already know of this infactuation obsession Izuku has for you

They kinda have to explain to him that’d it be really really stupid to just let you beat himjust because he didn’t want to hurt you

Iida basically explained that it’d hurt the “pride and prestige quality of the games” if he didn’t “fight to his fullest” and “y/n’s honor would be incredibly diminished” as the fight “wouldn’t be fair nor honest”

Which basically translated to just fight her Midoriya

Uraraka told him that you could hold your own, and you wouldn’t ever get mad at him cause like-it’s the point for everyone to fight their all to win

So Izuku kinda took a chill pill

Until he stepped into that arena

Cause ohohoohohoh it is wayyyyy different from talking about fighting to actually doing it

He’s kinda nervous at first-cause it’s happening. He has to actually fight you like this. In front of everybody.

Damn fate really did not like him right now did it?

You come at him full force-and holy CRAP did it throw him off

But it kind of woke him up to the situation-if your going to try your best, then he felt a little bit better forcing himself to do his best as well

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t wanna scream “Sorry!” And run over to you everytime he blasts ya with OFA, but it’s all good

Your fight was a little bit longer than the others, but in the end, you lost to Izuku

You two were seriously burnt out though-you got cuts and bruises everywhere from falling (and a big ass headache), and Izuku’s arms looked like burnt fried chicken

Deku felt pride in himself, cause damn you were really strong and he actually fought you off but-he hurt you AND made you lose

Looking at your face, he feels like shit-cause of course you look really beat down knowing you won’t be advancing to the next round

His foot stumbled forward, wanting to go see if you were okay

But the teachers quickly usher you two to go see the nurses, so he just had to give you an apologetic look until he could actually talk to you

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ ✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Izuku sat on the make shift bed, every movement he made setting off a plethora of crinkling noises from the paper overlay.

Everything seemed to be okay with him-he was actually surprised to hear he wasn’t as beat up as he thought he really was. Over course, Recovery Girl scolded him for taking such a risk on his body with his quirk, but with a big smooch on his cheek he was ready to go.

He heard a click of a door opening, expecting to see Recovery Girl come hobbling over to check his vitals one last time-until he looked up and his heart stopped on his chest.

There you were, banged up and bruise, your stance favoring your right side.

You seemed to be pretty surprised to see him too-your eyes widened in shock, and your shoulders stiffened at the sight of him.

Izuku’s head was going on overdrive-how were you feeling? Where you okay? Did he hurt you that badly? did you hate him? Was he invading your space just being present?

The thoughts were coming a mile a minute, his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish as he kept watching you with a stunned, blank expression.

To his relief, your shocked expression turned into a small smile and your eyes softened as you looked at Izuku’s shy gaze.

“Hey,” you simply said, breaking the awkward silence of the room.

Izuku quickly cleared his throat, repeating a “hey” back to you as he watched you sit down, his toes scrunching in his battered red shoes.

Guilt was bubbling in his stomach, his brows knitted in pain as you tred to sit down on a hospital bed. You were practically limping your way to sit down, the unmissable look of pain knitted in your brows.

God, he did that? To you-out of all the people in the world, you were one of the last people he would ever want to land a finger on. Of course, you had messed him up pretty badly, but it just felt strange to know he had caused you this discomfort.

“Are you-you feeling alright?” He asked quietly, his voice meek and hesitant.

You gave him another strained smile, using the table next to you to support your weight.

You weren’t going to deny it-Izuku really did a number on you. In the fight, your adrenaline was kicking in so much that the pain was barely even noticeable to you. But now that you were calm and collected, the throbbing pain that seemed to be everywhere was coming out in full force.

“Yeah, I’m doing okay-I guess,” you gave a small chuckle, trying to hide the grimace as a zap of pain pierced your bruised rib cage.

Izuku immediately noticed that look on your face, his feet touching the cold linoleum floor.

You felt hands gingerly circle around your sides, the pressure reassuring yet light, heat from another person radiating onto your back.

Midoriya was supporting your battered body, leading you to the closest bed and setting you down gingerly.

To say the feeling of Izuku holding you was making you flustered was an understatement-you were freaking the hell out. But something about him holding you was so comforting-even with him beaten up, and him being the reason you were in this portion- he still somehow was able to make you feel safe and protected.

“ ‘Zuku,” you asked, your heart thumping a mile a minute, “what are you-you doing?”

He set you down gingerly, his hands light and feathery against your skin.

“I-Uh,” He have you a sheepish grin, his cheeks red and his voice a stuttering mess from that nickname. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-to offend you, you just seemed like you were hurting...”

You tilted your head with a grin, your hand wrapping around his wrist for support.

“Don’t worry-you didn’t,”

His face light up, a warm relieved grin on his lips.

“Oh good! I was worried, cause after the whole match and everything, and you looked so hurt, I just, I don’t know, I was worried maybe you wouldnt want me around but I just didn’t want to-“

For some reason, that relief that you didn’t hate him had released the stuttering of poor Izuku, his brain going once again at a pace much to fast to comprehend.

You could barely catch a word, but you were able to stitch his thoughts together, a giggle escaping your lips.

He couldn’t be more adorable, could he?

Your heart pounded in your chest as your digits wrapping around his freckled cheeks. The sensation of your skin so close to his made his mouth stop in its tracks, his emerald eyes wide with shock.

“You really think I’d hate you ‘Zuku?”

God-he love that nickname. Your voice sent a shockwave if electricity through his body, his mind helplessly numb and in control by you.

Even with you cradling his cheeks, he couldn’t bring himself to look at you.

“I-Uh-Uh....maybe?”

Izuku heard you sigh, your teeth gnawing at your bottom lip.

He know it would look strange to anyone walking in, with him standing in between your legs and your hands wrapped against his cheeks. He knew he should move, just in case of the off chance somebody could walk in, but-he didn’t want to. He was in love with the feeling of your body so close to his, finally able to drink in every beautiful feature of your face, put every perfect sensation into his memory....it was nerve wracking yet soothing and he never wanted this moment to end.

“Deku, I could never hate you,” you smiled gingerly, your mind fighting your digits from tracing each adorable freckle decorating his face.

He looked at you with wide, confused eyes, his bruised lips parted and mind blank.

You said-you didn’t hate him?

He felt a rush of relief completely envelope his body, feeling on top of the world. You didn’t hate him for fighting you-and you even said you could never hate him. Was he really that lucky to have such a sweet crush like you?

He felt so happy he just had the undeniable want to just kiss you-you we’re close enough after all, he could just lean in to you....

“Oh-uh,” he quickly stuttered our, terrified he would actually act on what he was thinking, “Thats-thats great, thank you,”

You chuckled at his flustered ness, his cheeks a raging red from his thoughts-he definitely wouldn’t ever stop being a nervous wreck around you.

Shoto

Honestly, you would never know Shoto had a crush on you

hes just SO HARD TO READ

Also this boy would be the last person to realize he had a crush in the first place

very very oblivious poor baby

anyways, because of this oblivious part of him, he’d probably figure out he had a crush right then and there

Like, as he sees your face flash against his, and theres a big VS symbol in between you two

He gets this terrible, sinking feeling

like OH SHIT I have to fight them 

He knew something was different this time around, because with everyone else he was fighting agains,t he could give two shits about them

but with you, the person he was actually fighting against felt important now

He just didn't want to fight you

So that through him off- big time

*queue a shoto todoroki internal monologue

this guy is really having an epiphany rn

Like dang- all those times I would stare at them, or get angry when somebody hurt them, or my face would get really hot when they told me “hi” meant I liked them!?

This pooor thingggggggggggggggg

Now,

 Shoto isnt egotisitical-

 hes just practical

So he knows that he would probably win this match-

 he saw you as a great fighter, yet his quirk was alot more flashy and powerful than yours

So he had either two options:

one) was to just go all out and try to finish the match ASAP, or

two) prolong it, so you could get some exposure to the heroes watching

(spoiler alert- he goes with number two)

But what he doesn't realized is how FLUSTERED he gets when hes fighting you

He’s never been close to you like this before, even if you are fighting-and damn he didn't realize he had been craving this 

He was making more mistakes than he usually would make in a match like this, so it was harder for him to keep the upper hand like he thought he would

But, of course- this is Shoto Todoroki we’re talking about

He finally zaps out of this love sick puppy phase and he starts to fight you for real now- 

anddddddd he manages to push you off the stage boundaries

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ 

Shoto took a deep breath, his lungs feeling icy from his quirk and his body heavy with fatigue.

Damn- that was a hard ass fight.

The sound of a roaring crowd was piercing his ears, Present Mic’s booming voice echoing the results of the matchup.

“Todoroki” seemed to be echoing throughout the stadium, his last name a mantra in the speakers.  He won the match after all- he’d be advancing.

Shoto licked his lips, the tang of blood sparking in his mouth. Shoto didnt really feel much in these moments, as he could never really appreciate the achievements he had under his belt at such a young age.

But right now, something different was bubbling in his stomach- Shoto turned to look at you, your knees digging into the gravel and your fists balled into the dirt, your head laying low.

It wasnt rocket science to tell you were feeling down about loosing the match, and Shoto could see you were frustrated by the circumstances- he won, and you didnt.

Watching you struggling to get up from the icy ground he had made, your body beaten and bruised....he felt-guilty.

Suddenly, he felt his feet walking towards you, his heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.

His head was swarming with nerves as he held out his digits, his palm stretched out in a peace offering.

“Here,” his voice was smooth and deep, sending a shiver down your spine as you looked up at his outstretched digits.

You gave him a quizzical look, almost as if to say “what are you doing?”

Shoto bit his bottom lip, looking at the side as his cheeks flushed red.

“Take my hand-you’re injured.”

His tone was placid and calm, his bi colored eyes boaring into yours. It was just so confusing....he won the match, so why did he want to help you?

“Why?” you asked, your voice groggy and thick.

“Because-you’re hurt, and I’m certain my old man wouldn’t want me to be doing this. So I want to do it.”

I small laugh escaped your lips, the sound so sweet that it made Shoto’s face even more red and his heart beat faster in his chest.

“Shoto Todoroki being a rebel-“ you joked, shaking your head as you laughed, “I wouldn’t expect that from you.”

You looked up at the Todoroki son, a smile on your lips as you took his hand.

Ah crap-Shoto was really over heating at this point, his mind going haywire as he tried to figure out why it was so hard to keep his right side at bat as he pulled you up from the floor.

He found something so endearing about how small your palm was compared to his-it fit almost perfectly in his, the skin soft and warm against his.

Shoto cleared his throat, his eyes dancing nervously, trying his best to get his nerves in check.

“Is that-a bad thing?” He asked, feeling slightly sad that you had taken your hand out of his to dust off your tattered PE pants.

“Nope,” you said, popping the “p” in the sentence, “I think it’s a good thing-I like it.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[teruthecreator]

okay. thoughts on the grad finale

gonna slap it under a readmore bc i’m Sure i’m gonna ramble. 

uh spoiler warning for the finale of taz graduation, as well as spoilers for the season in general.

also, these are my own thoughts of how the season went, what the themes were, etc! if you don’t agree with me, that’s fine! but i don’t wanna have a convo w you in the replies about it i’ll be honest. if you want to share your opinion so badly, make your own post, alright? that good? we cool?

aight. so. finale thoughts.

to make it short: i think the finale was a satisfying end of a very good arc. 

to expand upon that, let me share what i think the themes of graduation were and why the finale satisfies those themes. 

i made a post about this a while back (here it is if you want) but my honest belief was that the theme of graduation was self-reliance: the concept that you don’t allow yourself to be governed by forces that go against your own beliefs. this concept was coined by essayist ralph waldo emerson to talk about how the american people shouldn’t allow the government to create laws that go against the will of the people. now, understandably, this feels very anti-capitalist which is what i think a lot of fans believed was reflected through the season. 

but, in reality, self-reliance has more to do with being active in your government and making sure you’re being represented the way you want to be by your representatives. that’s sort of the vibe emerson was going for in his essay, and i think. in a sense? that translates to graduation. but i took self-reliance in the more metaphorical about breaking away from those things that are controlling you. which, in graduation, was A Lot Of Things. 

the way i saw it, there were two major groups that inflicted order upon the world and the thundermen--conveniently separated as order and chaos (not the deities though, just the concepts). 

the order half of control existed mostly through the school and the HOG. the HOG created the economic reliance on the heroes and villains system, which removed all literal meaning from those terms and turned them into bureaucratic titles. society existed under these very strict checks and balances; heroes and villains supplied money to the kingdom in terms of entertainment, which then boosted that kingdom’s creditability and allowed them to contribute more to nua’s economy, which then led heroes and villains to have a higher demand, thus perpetuating the cycle. it’s important to note that this term does not represent the sort of morality we expect for heroes and villains--hell, even the term “evil” turned into an arbitrary term used to show those heroes and villains who failed the system. this is the more prominent representation of control that the thundermen break away from in achieving their own self-reliance. they don’t see the value in a system that holds no real moral code (fitzroy Especially, but i’ll get into that in a bit), and can’t help the public when there’s actually a serious situation. as we saw with althea in the beginning, the HOG had no way to help the thundermen when they were dealing with the whole Demon Prince situation (as he had already placed some of his own people in there, proving these kind of systems are easily corruptible). so this wasn’t a system meant to Actually create heroes and villains--it was just a way of boosting the economy. 

the chaos half of control existed primarily through grey and Chaos. grey represented how chaos could be controlled, through various means. he planted that tree for the centaurs to fight over because he knew it would constantly create conflict, which he enjoyed. he kept the school under a watchful eye to prevent anyone from stepping out of line with his grand ideas, and used several manipulation tactics to try and get his way (most notably, his own admittance of grooming fitzroy into joining his side, which didn’t work). grey was the perfect example of how chaos does not automatically mean a lack of control. he was very controlling in how he did things because he had an endgoal: find hieronymous and have a war. but he didn’t even realize he was contributing to a greater idea, that being Chaos’s insistence on causing general disarray. as we realize now, Chaos’s plan was both for them and Order, but i’m leaving Order out for a second because they only really rear their head in towards the end. for the most part, audiences were led to assume that Chaos was the Big Bad(TM); they were the one pulling the strings, allowing things to happen to cause general chaos and disarray. them supplying random mortals with their endless power was a way to plant chaos into the world of nua; but it was a chaos they controlled. fitzroy resisting them was not simply a refusal to bend to Chaos, but it was resisting the control put on him through his magic. 

these systems were constricting the thundermen on both sides. when they thought they’d find help in one side, they were disappointed to find that there was nothing anyone could do. the only people who could fix their problems were...them. so they forged a new path, set new ideas, and became self-reliant. that’s what i think is the most important aspect of graduation; not the anti-capitalist implications of turning over the economic and political systems in place, but the idea that if nothing that is supposed to help you is actually helping that you can just...do your own thing! 

and i think that’s what the finale really shows, at the end of the day. that these forms of control were not doing anything helpful, and were in fact ruining the fabric of space-time! that’s where i think Order comes in because Order is really...the ultimate culmination of control. they are aware that Everything being done will benefit their cause. the HOG? well, they make sure everybody’s so incompetent that they can do their work. grey? well, he’ll contribute to the plan without even realizing it. they even manipulated Chaos and enacted their own form of control over Chaos to make sure that they had no reason to believe that this plan couldn’t go wrong. but Order knew. Order always knew there was a chance for error, and that chance was very great. but they didn’t care! so long as they had control of things, they could try a hundred times to get it right. they had no care for mortals, unlike Chaos. 

the thundermen showing Chaos the truth is the final jenga piece that collapses this tower of control. which is why the finale is so great. 

travis does a phenomenal job of incorporating chaos (general chaos) into the battle mechanics. it may be stupid and slightly arbitrary, but having them change forms randomly and having to adapt to those new circumstances really does exemplify the season!!! the thundermen were constantly forced into new situations (being sidekicks/henches, fitzroy becoming a villain, being let in on the heiro dog situation, the unbroken chain trial, joining forces w grey, etc.), and in all of them they simply found a way to adapt and keep working their way. which made the finale generally interesting and also thematically interesting! 

i think my favorite part of the entire fight scene is right at the end, when argo chucks the shark’s tooth necklace at Order. and time stops. and they’re given a choice. 

the fact that they leave it to a coin toss?? oh my god...how fucking FITTING!! like, that’s disorderly. that’s going your own way. it’s new, it’s terrifying, it has DIRE UNKNOWNS ON EITHER SIDE, but it’s what they do! and...it ends up working out! i think it would’ve worked out either way, but the fact that they left it up to chance really shows how they aren’t allowing anything to control their actions. 

AND THEN WE GET TO THE EPILOGUE. MY GOD I LOVE THE EPILOGUE I’M GONNA GO OFF SO MUCH. 

first off, i loved hearing how Nua adapts to losing this very significant form of government/economic contributor and turns to more people-based work. citizens uniting together, fixing things, making amends, THAT’S SELF-RELIANCE BABEY!!! THAT’S THE WHOLE EMERSON SHIT! HAVING A SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT THAT ACTUALLY HAS THE INTERESTS OF THE PEOPLE AT LARGE!!! YEAHHHHHHHHH THAT’S THE WHOLE SELF-RELIANCE THING!

now, i’ll break it down by characters: 

fitzroy

GOD. LOVE IT. FIRST OFF, absolutely ADORED how his character arc involved him stripping himself of these self-assigned titles because he actually has an identity that is all his own and he doesn’t NEED arbitrary titles to prove his worth because HE HAS IT IN HIMSELF. not to self-plug or anything, but that’s ssoss!fitzroy’s WHOLE SHIT. I’VE ALREADY BEEN ON THIS TRAIN, BITCH, AND TO KNOW I GOT IT SO RIGHT...GOD. FEELS GOOD. 

but also, i just really enjoy how his ending went in general. the fact that he doesn’t really know what he wants to do, so he just...does stuff he likes to do? that’s so good! because, if you remember, fitzroy had a Very set schedule of life events when the campaign started. he was going to get his wiggenstaffs degree, go back knight school, get his knight school degree, and then go to goodcastle. but all of that was based on a very limited understanding of himself. 

fitzroy’s character arc has primarily focused finding himself, specifically in terms of identity. for someone who was bullied for his past, the present formation of himself was Extremely important to fitzroy. he thought that shutting out his past and taking on this grandiose title of knighthood would make him something more than himself. he would no longer be fitzroy; the poor, country kid trying to make it in a big world. he’d be Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt; respected, honored, revered, with a title to prove it. 

he explains to fauxronymous (pre-reveal grey) that the reason he wanted to be a knight was because he wanted to assist in doing good. morally good. fitzroy has Always had a very clear sense of his morality; this comes through when he refuses Chaos on the basis of many people having to die if he agreed. but being a knight also had the added of bonus of a very respectable title that no one would want to look beyond, which fitzroy felt he needed because...i don’t think he Saw anything beyond that. in himself. he wasn’t himself for a very long time, and i don’t know if he ever thought he would be again. he’d wear this new identity, start a new life, and be happier....he hoped. 

then, things changed! and he started to realize that arbitrary titles don’t do shit because plenty of people with Big Important Titles ended up being Awful People! so he started to value himself For Himself; his wit, his humor, his strength, his magical prowess. and, i think, he started to wonder what knighthood was Really about. was it about upholding a moral good? or was it just another bureaucracy filled with people who won’t do shit when things get bad. 

i think this is why him becoming a lawyer is fitting. especially because of the reasoning he gives sylvia nite. now for A LOT OF PEOPLE, i’m sure they hear lawyer and assume some corporate hotshot who doesn’t give a shit about people. but fitzroy is Not applying to be a corporate laywer. he SPECIFICALLY telsl sylvia that he wants to help people who cannot help themselves, and he wants to do good in that way. THAT kind of lawyer is more of the pro-bono, district lawyer. the ones that don’t make crazy amounts of cash, but help those who cannot afford lawyers and represent them when the government is fucking them over. those lawyers don’t rely on title, they rely on principle. 

that’s the perfect representation of fitzroy’s growth. holding his identity within himself, while still trying to do good by those who need it. 

firbolg (aka gary) 

i think the firbolg’s ending is so unique but so...right for him. his character arc has really been focused around finding his family. he had one, in the beginning, in his clan. but that didn’t end up, y’know...working out that much. so he had to go out into the world alone--something that firbolg’s are rarely--and try and navigate these foreign spaces all by himself. 

we see very early on how he latches onto the idea of groups. he likes being considered a part of the thundermen; he very much hoists himself upon the CFO title and wears it proudly. i think, where fitzroy needed to find identity within himself, the firbolg needed to find it within other people. which is completely okay! he’s still an individual, but you can tell he finds comfort in numbers because that’s what he is used to. 

him going back to his clan was, i believe, his finally severance with his identity as “firbolg”. he would never be welcomed back to his clan, and one of the few people in his life who supported him was now dead. but his father was proud of him; his father was happy he seemed to find his own clan, even if it wasn’t with other firbolgs. from that moment on, i think the firbolg begins to try finding himself within the thundermen. within his friends.

so his epilogue is neat! it definitely captures the loneliness he feels on his own, and how he feels lost with himself without others. i think it might seem silly to some that he would become a gary, but i think it’s fitting. the garys were always present in his time at school, and they were always helpful. they didn’t mind how long it took him to talk because the gary’s are stone gargoyles--what the fuck do they care about time? it was a group that the firbolg saw as familiar to him--always willing to help, slow, stony, and attuned to a larger group. 

and i think the way gary takes this idea of unity and family and puts it into financial assistance just...it just ties everything together! we saw how attached he got to the concept of finances, thanks to his very confusing accounting class. so he had all of this new knowledge--this knowledge that represented a separation from firbolgs--and this new clan. and he used it to help other clans and families!! i think the fact that the Garys financial advice works specifically with groups is what makes this so fitting. because gary wants families to feel stable within themselves; he understands how finances can create struggle and divides, and he wants to provide relief. 

giving financial advice to communities so they rely on themselves and not the government (aka inviting them to be controlled once more) is a VERY self-reliant concept. not that i think gary’s goal is to have no social networks to exist, but he wants to give communities the ability to rely on one another and foster that feeling of togetherness. so groups aren’t fighting over things, but are trusting and loving and relying. 

just like gary’s always wanted. and just like what he has with the thundermen.

argo 

argo’s ending is probably the funniest, but also the sweetest. i think that argo’s character arc revolved around finding his place. we see how argo’s early personality and motivations revolved around his past. he very much had a revenge story since the start; he wanted to enact revenge on the commodore for murdering his mother, no matter what it took. which made him very limited!! in terms of the self. he saw himself less for what he was now, and what he was then. and what he couldn’t do then. 

we see how much he finds comfort in being a part of the thundermen, but also how he feels...out of place. i think this is because a part of him is still attached to his past and doesn’t think he can do anything beyond his set plan. the unbroken chain certainly contributes to this, by not only separating him from the trio but also reinforcing his connection to his past through his mother’s involvement in the unbroken chain. 

the commodore also being a part of the unbroken chain is, i think, what causes the shift from past to present within argo. his life’s goal is standing right in front of him--attached to the group his mother once was a part of--with his friends at his side. letting the thundermen in on his history is the start of bridging these two halves of argo. and the fact that the thundermen are so willing to helps makes argo feel more a part of the team and more a part of this reality. 

when he kills the commodore, it isn’t intense. it isn’t overly dramatic (minus the fight prior, which was BADASS), it isn’t crazily staged. it is argo, staring down the commodore who lies prone on the ground. 

he kills himself unceremoniously and completes his life-long mission. 

what becomes of him in the epilogue is the culimination of both past and present. he takes what he knows and loves (the sea, the mariah, sailing) and blends it with what he’s come to love now (his friends, this adventure, and making people happy). there are SO many instances where argo uses performance to his advantage. this man is piloted by clint mcelroy, of COURSE he’s going to have a flair for the dramatic. 

so for him to open up a themed cruiseline, based on the stories of him and his friends? SO FITTING. and it isn’t forcing himself to leave his past behind or to completely ignore his present circumstances. because he’s found a place in the now, in the merging of these two sides. and by merging them, he paints a bright future for himself. a future that is partially known, partially not. partially old, partially new.

but it’s all his. 

after that, i think their final scene is just...sweet. a nice, jovial, joking send-off to a nice season. it proves these people have grown and will continue to grow, even when we no longer see their story. it does exactly what graduation does--shows you a struggle, a triumph, and a glimpse into the future. 

i’ll miss it so much, but there’s nothing more i could’ve asked of this ending. it was exactly what it needed to be; nothing more, nothing less. 

[ilcaeryx]

Cascade [Gojo Satoru/Reader]

Summary: Satoru picks you up after a wild night in Tokyo’s party districts. While he’s dying to be more than your close friend, he won’t act until he’s certain you want him, too.

Tags: Gojo Satoru/Reader, Cute, Fluff, Humor, Slight angst, Nightlife, Pining, Pre-relationship

Word Count: Almost 2k

Author’s Note: Feels good to complete something. I listened to The Rose’s cover of ILYSB while writing this.

---

Gojo Satoru’s 1AM drive to one of Tokyo’s nightlife district was strictly for serious business. While he would fit into the crowd of youthful people enjoying the neon stinging their eyes and body contact with at least four strangers at all times, he had zero intentions on partying. Indeed, his sole mission was to retrieve a package – that package being you.

Lulled into rumination by the car engines constant humming, Satoru pondered about your occupation of his mind. Even though his days were busy, he would associate the concept of you with quite literally anything. Bickering with the higher ups? He could envision himself cranking up the drama as he told you the story, smiling smugly inwards at you cooking him comfort food to soothe ‘his stressful day’. Whenever something hilarious or crazy happened, he would automatically think ‘I’ll tell Y/N this later’. One would expect it would annoy him but it was not the case; Satoru was entertained by his daily fantasies, very much enthralled by the walking-on-clouds-feeling his body would produce during his mental escapades. If one Y/N thought equalled one endorphin molecule, he was experiencing a cascade.

His first thought after awakening every morning was your face between his palms, his fingers frigid against your temples. If things between you two ever developed, one day your face would be his first experience that day, every day for the rest of his life. Right now, Satoru would pin your relationship as close friends. As much as he would overinterpret your behaviour towards him, he was quite certain you were not interested in discovering whatever else could unfold between the two of you. Not yet, his positive inner self protested. Maybe never, his negative inner self retorted.

Despite his conflicting emotions, he gathered himself up into a presentable version of himself while he walked to the nightclub your friend had mentioned. Your safety was his number one priority right now, regardless if you were into him romantically or not.

~~~

“Text me when you’re home!” you yelled over the pulsating music, bidding your friend farewell by blowing her a kiss. In a dramatic motion, she caught the invisible kiss in her palm and clutched it against her chest.

“I will! Stay safe, bitch!” she screeched back before submerging into the human current outside the club, her cursed energy swashing to and fro like a solar flare.

Even though his evening had been a cozy movie-night in his bedroom, Satoru’s limbs felt heavy from looking at you. With your shoulders drooping and hands massaging your left thigh, you were finally punished from dancing non-stop all evening. Indeed, your hair clung to your forehead, neck and upper arms, intermingling with the shining perspiration on your skin. Nevertheless, you seemed to relish in whatever banger was playing inside as you were gently swaying side to side.

“I know what you’re thinking,” you said, pre-emptively shushing him with your index finger in the air. “But I’ll take a shower once I’m home.”

“I was actually thinking that I should’ve brought a towel, considering that your sweat’ll soak the car seat,” he said and tucked some slick strands away from your face. Your mortified look cracked him up. “It’s fine, I’ll lend you my jacket.”

“Your expensive-ass jacket? Thanks, I’d rather freeze to death.”

He rolled back his shoulders as he slid his jacked halfway down his back, hands still in his pockets. A little disappointment tinged his tongue. “Are you sure? I warmed it up just for you.”

“Yeah, stop stripping and let’s get the hell out of here.” You smacked his back with an open hand, pushing him onwards. “God, I can’t wait until we get home. I’m so tired. Are we going to your place?”

Let’s not read into anything, Satoru thought. ‘Anything’ meant both your off-hand comment about his place and the fact that your hand remained steady on his back even after you two joined the crowd. Physical closeness wasn’t anything new between you but the context provided another layer of complexity to read into. Suddenly, being the completely sober adult in charge seemed like too heavy a responsibility for him...

Without meaning to, his back tensed up. “No, you weirdo. You can sleep off the alcohol in your own bed.”

You either weren’t bothered by his tenseness or you didn’t notice, as you shifted your hand around his waist. You carefully leaned against his arm. “Sounds boring. Don’t you want to talk all night?”

Like always, your presence burned his arm, enough that he was unable to feel the strangers he bumped into on his other side. This was a sign, right? Or were you flirting as a friend? In the past, he had people confess their ‘love’ for him and apparently they thought his teasing and touching meant he fancied them. Being extremely lovable wasn’t easy, especially not when any platonic affection could be re-constructed as romantic by the other part. You, too, were extremely lovable and affectionate… Had he been in your shoes, this proximity wouldn’t have had any romantic subtext. But unlike him, you had a good personality… This could be the night you two finally spoke about whatever was between you two.

Or the night where you lose a friend because of your stupidity, his negativity brought up.

It had a point. Yeah, you were a good person and a terrific friend – he’d be an idiot if he lost you. Compared to his co-workers and allies, you were awfully soft; he liked how you doted on him, even when he was a pain in the ass. If you rejected him now, your dynamic wouldn’t be the same and his life would be much harder for it.

“We can talk later today,” he said, his arm automatically shooting out to stop an accidental elbow-right-into-your-chest-accident. He settled his arm around your shoulder after giving the guy the evil guy through his glasses. Watch your limbs, man.!

“That was close,” you said, sighing. “Thank you, Satoru! I’m sorry about having to call you out this late, by the way. Did I wake up you?”

He both cursed and rejoiced on the inside now that you changed subject. “Couldn’t be helped that your friend had an emergency. Next time, try to wake me up later for an early breakfast instead.”

“Next time, you’re coming with us.”

His lips faltered slightly, smile not feeling as genuine. He adjusted the collar on his jacket to hide it. “To the nightclub?”

Your index finger jabbed into his side accusingly. “Anywhere! Last time we hung out was… uh…”

This was the first time in a few weeks you two had spoken in person by yourselves. As you both mostly met together with your friends, you tended to invite him whenever the gang planned something. He admitted to himself that he often declined because he only wanted your company, but you never offered to join him instead. Whenever he invited you out, you’d be perfectly alright with hanging out just the two of you, though.

“Two weeks ago?” He squinted into the lights of an incoming car. “It’s because of work but-“

“I’m not a hikikomori, you bastard – I’ve got a job too, but I’ll make time for you, you know?”

You’d make time for anyone, Satoru thought, somewhat discouraged.

The crowd thinned out as you entered the parking lot, though the place was jam-packed with cars. Both of you remained quiet as you passed by couples on the way to Satoru’s car. When you detached yourself from his side, he rustled your hair. You stood on your tippy-toes to return the favour, messing up his hair worse than he did yours. He liked seeing you struggle to reach his head, so he didn’t mind.

“I missed you, scarecrow,” you said, pinching his cheek. He elongated his smile to feel one knuckle touch his lips. “What is the gremlin and scarecrow duo without the scarecrow?”

~~~

Slumped against the window, you were peaceful the entire ride home. Every so often, Satoru would catch a glimpse of your sleepy face and his heart would clam up. He made the right decision in picking you up, even though he aged weeks in those twenty minutes you two had spoken. Your interactions followed a pattern: he’d look forward to meeting you, creating fantasies and expectations of what could be; when you were with him, he would attempt not to ruin your current friendship to the point where he’d feel sick; and whenever you two parted, he’d overindulge in his memories. In two days, he’d be prepared to undergo this rollercoaster once again.

He drove into your street and called your name.

You immediately woke up and looked outside. “What time is it?”

“Almost 2AM…” he exhaled deeply, hands falling into his lap. He still had to drive home, so he’d be in bed in 30 minutes.

“Everything hurts,” you said, bending forward to readjust your high heels. “My legs are killing me… I won’t be able to walk tomorrow. I’m not sure I can walk now.”

He understood what the lilting tone at the end of your sentence meant and with great effort he stepped out of the car. Your giddiness as he opened the car-door on your side was intoxicating, as was the feeling of seeing you stretch your arms towards his neck. He cradled one arm below your thighs and one behind your back.

“Watch your head,” you chided softly into his ear, covering the top of his head as he carried you out of the car.

“Gimme keys.” Satoru leaned slightly backwards to account for your weight as you handed him the key to your apartment. With your bare arms against his neck, he would be surprised if you didn’t notice how his pulse rose.

Your apartment door opened and he stepped into darkness, shutting it behind his back.

“Excuse me,” he mumbled, heading for your bedroom with his shoes on. Your teeny apartment had a teeny bedroom with a single sized bed.

“Say, Satoru,” you said, your cheek pressed below his ear, “are you sure you don’t want to stay and talk?”

“Just go to sleep, Y/N.” Satoru leaned over your bed to carefully lay you down. Your grip on his neck loosened and he thought you’d comply until you kissed his neck, his soul almost as soft as your lips.

“What about now?” you asked and released your arms, falling onto your bed. Your hair spilled around you, a gloria around your tired face. “I’ll let you sleep in my bed, if you want to.”

Honestly, he wanted this. Everything he’d thought of earlier this night could become true if he gave in, which was insane enough to send his head swimming. He’d endure this cramped bed for you, even with his feet being colder than hell and his back aching from sleeping on his side. Gojo Satoru was more than ready.

However, he did not want this to backfire. What if you were simply too horny, lonely, exhausted or intoxicated to consider the consequences right now?

You rolled towards the wall, leaning on your side. Your eyelids fluttered weakly, your exhaustion almost overtaking your body and yet you found enough strength to pat the empty space beside you. “See, there’s space. I’ll always leave space for you.”

Ah, fuck it.

Satoru’s personality was bad; his attitude was self-indulgent; his morality was concrete grey; and his discipline when it came to you near non-existent. If you awoke tomorrow and found that you had fallen asleep with the love of your life – then great, you were both on the same page. If he had completely misunderstood your intentions, he would absolutely bullshit his way out of trouble, like he always did. Whatever, everything’d be alright someday.

---

If you enjoyed this, give me a like/follow/reblog/comment/scream into the void. I hope everyone had a good New Year and let’s hope that 2021 is kind.

Started this 22/11/2020, finished 10/01/2021.

[kennyomegasweave]

I watched episodes 7-12 of TharnType in one go. I love this show. I will hear no criticisms. It was straight up soap opera trash and I got my entire life.

NOT TYPE TELLING HIS DAD ALL THE BOYFRIEND STUFF THARN DOES FOR HIM. Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious.

Type needs so much therapy. Just so much. Baby. He just needs so much help. Out here whole ass dating a man and being homophobic af. My dear sweet child.

Champ wearing a shirt that says I Am Basic when he's turning Mai down. Damn the women just could not catch a break in this show. Just catching strays left and right.

"Do you seriously think I'd tell him we're together?" Oh baby. I get you have issues but that's just not a nice thing to say to your boyfriend. But also like this whole conflict, like Tharn baby you're right and valid but also you're dating a man so deep he's in Narnia, what did you think would happen?

Tharn baby. Just tell him you don't like raw food. Oh love.

NOT THIS SALESLADY BEING LIKE YOU NEED A DURABLE MATTRESS FOR TWO MEN.

Why the HELL is Thorn still hanging out with this guy that is like "I miss the 14 year old you I fucked at school." Thorn, you are not passing the literal bro code.

I would die for Techno. The boy just does not know how to be silent. Just out here saying everything in his mind. No situational awareness.

Not Type out here scalping his friends for dragging Tharn for being rich. That is His Boyfriend okay. Also not Type out here being so emotionally constipated he can't even say happy birthday to his boyfriend but he can get mad at his friends for indirectly dragging his man. Oh baby boy.

Not Type's present to Tharn being an entire gift box of condoms. Type really had sex with Tharn once and then straight up stayed gagging for it for the rest of his life. I like that about him.

Techno just be out here blabbing everyone's secrets. He is THE main character okay.

Tharn must really want to die though cause he knows Type is like a jealous ball of rage and he's like oh hey here's my ex let's let them meet. I know he didn't want to see San but still. Baby even calling like oh hey I can't go out anymore sorry would be better than that.

NOT TECHNO INVITING SAN ALONG. He really has no situation awareness at all. How does the boy even survive the day. Oh my GOD. No situational awareness whatsoever. He's so dumb. I would die for him.

Oh this man. I want to scalp him. I already wanted to scalp him for being 17 and fucking a 14 year old so badly he never bottoms again. But now I'm like oh you bitch. Why the hell do faulty ass people stay surrounding Tharn.

I'm sorry Type calling Tharn a shitty boyfriend cause he's like finally mad at Type's shitty behavior. The audacity of this boy. He is such a brat. I see why Tharn loves him.

Thorn really is like a bad brother I'm sorry. "You let me punch you so it's fine you fucked my 14 year old brother in a classroom." Thorn. No. Absolutely not.

Type baby. Kneeing Tharn in the dick is a self own. Now you're both not getting any. It hurt itself in it's confusion.

Type looking at Thanya like he's never seen a child before. Now he has to have dinner with the family. The poor boy is the having the most awkward dinner. I am dying.

Techno's shirt says "I'm a boy not a toy" and Techno is THE main character okay. Every time he's on my screen I am just so thrilled.

Oh the trife one has shown up. "Remember when your photo was posted all online calling you a homophobe." I see you villain!

I mean, y'all. Techno is right there! Y'all. But I get it. If my musician man said I was his most cherished instrument I'd jump his bones too. Also like Type baby you fucked your boyfriend in the same room as Techno. Of course he heard you. I love one horny dumbass.

Also okay wait Tharn was like "I wanna tell Lhong we're together but only if you're okay with it" but he invited him to their place with one bed. My dude. My guy. There's one bed.

Lhong really needs to be gone. This evil villainous music. You can tell this is a trife ass bitch.

Oh no baby, you don't go through your man's phone. That's never a good thing. Just ask baby.

I know this baby has trauma but I'm really like about to throw hands with a 13 year old. OH NO TYPE. You can pinpoint the exact minute his heart breaks. You can also pinpoint the moment he decides to make a bad decision out of anger. Oh this is gonna hurt.

I'm sorry it just hit me that Tharn was really fucking his bandmate's baby brother. Like way to go off code like a motherfucker dude. My god. Like that was a child and your bandmate's baby brother! A whole mess. Why is Tharn's life so messy. I know he's a gay slut by my god man.

Techno really is absolutely terrible at keeping a secret.

Type is now also on the "nearly threw hands with a 13 year old" train and I can't be mad at him for that one.

I do feel really bad for Tharn but I also like feel so bad for Type. Like he's homophobic af cause his trauma but then falls in love with a dude and now he is being played by a Master Manipulator in this trifling ass bitch.

Not shitfaced Type being furious about Tharn but still cuddling his face. And doing all that in front of Lhong's bitch ass. Seethe hoe.

"You're awful." I love you. As I said in my first 6 episodes thoughts. they are a Ludo song.

Oh I wanna punch Lhong in the face so badly. I AM ALSO GOING TO THROW HANDS WITH A 13 YEAR OLD. Okay I no longer want to punch the baby because logically I know he's a victim of the master scammer herself, but I still want to punch Lhong in the face. I CANNOT wait for him to get wrecked.

"But I didn't do anything." Oh Tharn baby. My baby boy. This whole scene. Damn. I know how it ends up but like my baby is begging on his knees and my other baby is ugly crying. I'm glad I know what happens because I would have been PISSED if I had no knowledge. Straight up pissed. He is just crying oh the ground. Like goddamn.

Lhong just went on his villainous monologue. Sis is crazy crazy. Which we already knew but that train has gone off the rails. Oh damn we had a whole breakdown of Tar and Tum and now we've cut back to Lhong still delusional monologuing to no one. I love this show. I love this show so much.

Okay at least Thorn is there for Tharn. I still side eye the shit out of him for staying friends with San, but I'll allow it.

Lhong can't even stop his talking aloud when he's in Tharn's house. This crazy train has gone fully off the rails baby. I can't decide if Thorn is picking up on the BATSHIT INSANE vibes Lhong is giving off and is like "let me be nice to this insane man before he kills us all" or if he's genuinely like "wow such a good friend." Because, let's be real, it's not like he knows about good friends.

Lhong really has gone and lost his damn mind. Punch him Tae! Kick his ass! Song baby you should have let him catch that fade.

Lhong has LOST HIS DAMN MIND. How can you be dickmatized if you never even got the dick? How sad.

Aww, Type really loves the hell out of Tharn cause he's like "he might not take me back, but then he'll go be happy with Tar" and that's love baby.

I absolutely adore the random piece of concrete just right there in the road. The drama of it all. This young man playing Lhong is kinda amazing though cause he is GIVING IT. He is straight up batshit insane delusional.

I'm sorry Type's face during Lhong's complete break with reality is like just amazing. He is just straight up disgusted.

Techno once again saving the day and getting everyone to leave while holding on to both Tharn and Type. That's the realest of the reals right there. That's my boy. Champ, you get a gold friendship card as well. Those are some real ass friends.

Like okay this is a nice scene with Lhong and his sister but like he had a 16 year old gang raped. I'm for letting him die. Straight up. I'm Pro Lhong Death.

They've been together for like a semester and a half and are like we will be together the rest of our lives. And I mean. They end up married so they were right. I love dramatic gays.

Lhong didn't need to show up for this I'm sorry no one heard or cared about. Sorry I'm not sorry, he deserved to get wrecked way more. I didn't need his emotional catharsis.

Tharn singing a whole ass love song about how he wants Type to be his last first kiss in a bar of their friends, so I'm guessing everyone knows now? I still go back to my initial "what was their thought process of getting a studio with one bed if they were a secret couple?" But I know I will never get answers.

Overall, I really liked it. Like. So much. Was it "problematic?" Yes. But I don't watch things for perfect fluff, I'd go to hallmark for that. I will hear nothing bad about this show and I can't wait until I have time for s2 even though everyone says it sucked. I know Type becomes a monk at some point??? What the fuck is this show even. I'd die for it.

[wannabe-fic-writer]

All Over Again - Chapter 9

Summary: What was lost can be found. 

Warning: 18+ Smut, Language, Violence. 

Ch. 8

* * * * * *

Each step against the pavement accompanies a quick exhale. The surrounding trees blur by, one single focus in mind. 

The compound comes back into view after the last turn. A group of agents, led by Steve, jogging by. 

The blonde man nods in passing, then quickly focusing back on the trainee group, and directing them down the path you’d just taken.

You stop just outside the compound doors, the glass giving clear view of the very reason you have been avoiding the compound for the past three days. 

New Years day had hit you hard in more ways than one. Saying goodbye to Lena always sucked, with the turn your relationship took though, it was even worse. While you knew it wasn’t goodbye forever, you still held her in your arms for as long as you could.

That sucky feeling amplified the moment you stepped foot back into the compound.

Spending half your time with Lena and the other half working meant little time to address what happened the night before Christmas Eve. Apparently though Natasha had had enough of your avoidance and waited up for you on New Years. 

Your ex-girlfriend was incredibly adamant on reassuring you that she had no idea that was going to happen and asked a hundred and one questions about how you felt and if you were okay and so on.

At the time you had no answer, then again, you don’t know if you have one now. Not that it matters, since Natasha notices you enter and part of what’s about to come is expected. 

She freezes for a split second and then eases out from her place between Bruce and the wall. The big green man frowns, smile slipping away as he eyes Natasha. Being trained as she is makes it easy for her to pull a mask of contentment and even easier to slip away from him and follow you down the hall with no questions asked.

“Y/n,” She calls. Light but quick footsteps sounding. 

Not looking back, you open your bedroom door and step in, knowing Natasha comes in behind you. A heavy sigh wracks your body,“ I still don’t have any answers for you Romanoff.”

She doesn’t miss a beat, quickly retorting,“ back to last names huh? Just a week ago you called me Tash?”

“Yeah well you weren’t engaged when I did that.” 

The comment is made without thought. Anger forming in an unexpected way. 

Conflicting emotions rise inside Natasha and present themselves as a frown. She’s glad it seems you’ve figured out how you feel. But also anxious beyond belief about this reaction. 

“So you do know how you feel.” 

You sigh, shoulder’s dropping,“ no I don’t and honestly I don’t know why it matters so much.”

She steps further in, green eyes damn near burning your profile,“ because I feel like this is going to make me lose you. . . again.”

“It won’t.”

Your words aren’t as convincing as you’d like them to be. It’s your way of brushing Natasha off and she knows it. 

Her hand falters as she reaches for your shoulder, then she pushes aside that hesitance, and rests it there,“ we both know that’s not true.” She squeezes a bit,“ there was a time when you promised me nothing but honesty.”

She watches as your head rises, gaze fixed outside the window as you gather your thoughts. You then shrug her hand away, and finally turn to face her,“ look Natasha,” her eyebrows raise as e/c meets green,“ I can’t tell you how this makes me feel because quite frankly there are far too many emotions for me to decipher right now. I mean I just- just, came to terms with you and Bruce dating. You can’t expect me to just be fine with this so soon.”

In a split second, a literal slip up, the redhead says something she wishes she hadn’t,“ if that’s the case don’t expect me to be fine with you all of a sudden dating Lena.”

Shocked, you resist the urge to back step, only because that would cause you to fall back on the bed. With a frown you reply,“ what are you talking about all of a sudden?”

Figuring there’s no turning back now, she says,“ I mean exactly that. You go away for like three days to play devil’s advocate for Stark Industries, and when you come back you’re all about Lena who you barely know.”

“For once Natasha you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about! Need I remind you, seeing as you didn’t know in the first place, I was in National City for two months. All of that time I spent with Lena, not to mention we kept in communication when I came back.” You are trying your damnedest to keep your upset in check but whatever this is she’s pulling, it’s pissing you off.

Her eyes roll and the single step back she takes makes you take a breath in,“ funny. It took you nearly seven years to even consider dating me.”

The look of absolute bewilderment on your face would be laughable under any other circumstance. Wide eyed, your hands raise to press against the sides of your head,“ wh- I- where the hell is all this coming from Natasha?! Genuinely what is the point of any of this! I’m sorry that I don’t have all the answers to your questions. I’m sorry that I can’t exactly come to terms with your engagement just yet but I would never do this to you.”

“Y/n I-”

“No Natasha I told you the first time you asked me that I just needed time and you haven’t given me that. And now you’re taking shots at my relationship.” With a heavy sigh, you push a hand up through your hair,“ I. Need. Time. And if I don’t get that then this friendship or whatever it is, won’t continue.”

Having said that, you brush past the redhead, and leave your own room. 

Thoughts speed through your mind like the goddamn Flash and it gives you the worst headache. 

Out of all the ways that little interaction could’ve gone that wasn’t what you were expecting. Honestly, you hated having to say that but you meant it. There’s only so much pushing you can take from her, especially on this topic. 

The fact that things had seemingly just fallen into place made this all the more sucky and you wish more than anything that you could either fix it all or get away. 

“Y/n! How was your-”

Wanda’s words are cut short when you throw your arms around her in a tight hug. 

The younger woman makes it a point to avoid reading your thoughts, or anyone else’s, without explicit consent. But your thoughts are so loud she hears them without even trying. She feels the waves of emotions crashing over you: confusion, anger, regret, hurt. All of it no doubt the reason you’re seeking comfort from her right now.

Carefully, she takes hold of your waist and turns you so that you’re both in the room, before closing the door, and reciprocating the hug. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay Y/n,” she squeezes you a little,“ even if it may not seem like it right now.”

A shaky breath fans across her neck and she prays to god you don’t start crying cause then she’ll start crying and usually when that starts it takes a minute to stop. 

Somehow, through immense frustration, you manage to withhold your tears. It’s not so subtle, as deep breaths and slight squeeze to Wanda’s shoulders clue her in to your restraint. But she just let’s what you’re doing play out, only moving when her legs start to grow tired. 

The witch eases you both on to the bed, maintaining her hold on you, and sporadically whispering a reassurance. 

Neither of you pay much attention to how long you’re there but being in the woman’s presence and on the receiving end of her comfort helps a lot. When you do move it’s cause you’d rather not be the reason Wanda’s entire left side goes numb. 

Luckily, since she’d heard your thoughts, that clear to you by the feeling of her presence in your mind, you don’t have to say anything about what happened. Nor do you have to express how you feel, but it comes anyway. 

Pushing yourself up, you rest against the headboard and look down at your fingers.

“Sorry for-”

“No.” Wanda’s hand quickly grabs yours and squeezes,“ don’t apologize. I’m always going to be here for you, no questions asked.”

You look at her for a moment, the younger woman smiling softly at you. Then you scoot down a bit to rest your head on her shoulder.“ Natasha won’t stop pressuring me. And then had the audacity, after I told her I needed time to get used to it, she started talking about my relationship with Lena. Like. . . things aren’t all of sudden. Right?” You find yourself frowning, a very miniscule bit of doubt rising in you. 

Wanda sighs,“ come on Y/n. Don’t let this disagreement make you question things. I’ve seen you with Lena, it’s real. Something like that doesn’t depend on time. I wouldn't've been surprised if you came back the first time saying you were dating.”

A soft chuckle falls from your lips at her words. 

Genuinely had your mind and heart not been so caught up on Natasha at the time you could see things between you and Lena happening faster. The woman is so incredible, which you knew from the very start.

Your best friend’s hand rises to your head and fingers run through your hair.“ You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah of course. Just, this sucks. It seemed like everything was perfect.” 

Refraining from scoffing, Wanda just shakes her head,“ well honey I hate to tell you but nothing’s perfect.”

A snort of a laugh leaves your lips at her term of endearment and she smiles brightly at being the cause of your partly lifted spirit. Why it caused you to laugh so hard you don’t know but it felt good to after everything that just happened. 

When you finally settle with a deep breath, Wanda raises her eyebrows,“ what’re you gonna do?”

You shrug.

“If you need a break I’m sure Lena would love to have you again.” She points out, nudging you with her elbow playfully.

With a sigh, you shake your head,“ as much as I would absolutely love to go see her, I can’t. One: she literally just left three hours ago and two: we have a mission to prep for. Cap said it’s priority so I can’t reassign.”

“Right.” She nods along, remembering. 

Silence creeps in and you both take it in. Wanda’s fingers continue to run through your hair and you absentmindedly pick at the fringe of her cardigan. This very position is where you stay for the next hour or two, conversation rising and falling about everything and nothing. Wanda ensures that she doesn’t mention Natasha or the situation at all. Which you’re grateful for. 

While the younger woman hates that you’re having to deal with this, she’s also glad to be spending some time with you. 

It’s not as though you’d neglected your friendship or anything, but with all your back and forth from NYC to NC, the amount of time you spent together was nearly cut in half. So when you end up turning the night into an impromptu sleepover there’s a smile all over her face. And it carried into the next morning where she gets to watch you make crepes for breakfast, the whole time spent joking around and singing Hamilton songs(yes she’s been learning the lyrics, especially to her favorites). 

The day is spent goofing off until you have to go train and then go over mission info. There was still a lot of information to be collected but that was for Bucky and Steve to worry about so after the meeting, alongside avoiding Natasha entirely, you go back to your room. 

Lying back on the bed, you pick up your phone to find the numerous messages from Lena and her friends, mainly Kara and Winn. 

An instant smile plays on your lips at the CEO’s text. In an instant you ask if she’s busy and the moment she says no you’re calling. 

“Hi.”

Just the sound of her voice alone makes you sigh.“ I miss you too much. I’m getting on a plane. I’ll be there tomorrow.” 

Her giggle sounds, racing straight from your ear to your heart, causing it to speed up in an all too familiar way. A way only Lena could make it race. 

“I’ll send the jet immediately.” She says in turn, both of you now laughing. Then ending with sighs, yours slightly heavier, which Lena picks up on. 

She could hear in your voice the second you spoke that something, whatever it was, wasn’t right. So she asks.“ Is everything okay love?” 

Another chuckle comes from you, this time humorless,“ am I that easy to read?” 

“No I just know you enough to tell when somethings the matter.” 

Little does she know her words make a new annoyance rise in you. Annoyance at Natasha for even having said what she did and annoyance at yourself for doubting for even a second. 

Your girlfriend gets more and more worried as the seconds pass. You can’t even see the way her hand rests gently against her desk as if she were resting it over your hand. She wants nothing more than to be there for you, physically. That isn’t an option though.

She settles for saying,“ Y/n you know you can tell me anything.” 

Which you do know is true. It’s why you tell her, at least a summary, of what happened with Natasha. Lena’s calm response is slightly surprising. Then again you have a much deeper reason to be upset at Natasha than you. 

“Well I imagine it must be pretty hard for both of you.”

Your eyebrows raise,“ uh- what?”

Lena chuckles softly,“ Y/n there’s a lot between the two of you, relationship and break up wise, stuff I’m sure you haven’t even told me. And I’m not excusing what she said by any means,” her tone takes just a bit of a hard tone when she says that then softens again,“ but neither of you should be expecting the other to be okay with everything.”

Taking a deep breath, you pause, and release loudly,“ is this what it’s like dating a genius.”

“Of course it is.” Her voice inflates a bit jokingly,“ Infinite wisdom is all I can provide.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. You have much more to offer Miss Luthor.” You’re quick to tell her, meaning it more than she could ever know. 

Quiet passes over for a moment, near silent breaths sounding before Lena speaks. Her words having not been heard since that first time on New Year's Eve. 

“I love you.”

A splitting grin hits your face and you feel overly childlike when you bury your face in the pillow beside you,“ I love you too Lena.”

Sadly your conversation can’t go on, both of you being pulled away, Lena by a meeting and you by Wanda. After two quick, softly spoken goodbyes, you hang up. 

The look on Wanda’s face as you both walk down the Compound’s hallways makes you raise a brow,“ what’s that look for Maximoff?”

She shrugs, looking off nonchalantly,“ I just like seeing how happy she makes you.”

“I-” heat rushes up your face,“ yeah. She does.” With a short chuckle you wrap an arm around her shoulders,“ you make me happy to Wan.”

“Oh I know.” She nods, smiling smugly.

Rolling your eyes, you both head to the common room for the usual team movie night. E/c lands on Bruce and Natasha cuddling and you look away, recalling Lena’s words and what happened earlier. 

This is going to be tough on both of you. How it ends you don’t know but thinking about it is too much, so for the time being you’re going to focus on what’s most important.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @username23345 @depressed-bi-bitch @fayhar @trikruismybitch @marvel-wlw @aznblossom​ @chicken-wang09​ @bitchtits15 @coxmicbabygirl​ @blackluthxr ​ @starlingelliot

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[writteninkat]

xii - overwhelmed

word count - 2,220

"if i love you was a promise, would you break it if you're honest?"

index

You walk towards the classroom with your palms sweating and your heart about to beat right out of your chest. You had just confessed to Katsuki thinking he also felt the same, but all he replied was a lousy 'you don't even know me'.

You furrow your brows, clenching your palms into fists in irritation. How am I so stupid? I came to Japan to prove myself and to that dumb father of mine that I can be a powerful hero! And yet here I am being swept off track by some lousy high school crush!

"Careful- if you stare any harder you're gonna melt holes through the walls." A tired and very familiar voice calls out feom behind you. You turn around, anger still clouding your head as your eyes fall on a violet-haired boy.

"Careful- if you don't do anything about your lack of sleep anytime soon you're gonna collapse." You spat back; suddenly everything around you vexes you. You send a mental message to everyone in school; today you're hot-headed, your patience is as thin as a hair strand and taking out your anger through physical violence seems like an amazing idea right about now.

"Jokes on you, I've been like this my whole life and I've never collapsed." He smirks, causing you to raise a brow. "Okay maybe I never collapsed from my lack of sleep."

"Look what the hell do you want?"

"Well- thought you looked pretty upset." He holds up two pastel yellow-colored papers. "And I just so happen to have two free ice cream passes for that new ice cream place right beside the campus." He takes a look at his watch, "We still have an hour and thirty minutes till the bell rings. What do you say?"

"And that idiot just says 'you barely even know me'" You wave your hands up, making a dumb face as well as a dumb voice to match, "like hello! I know I barely know you and that's why I feel so upset and conflicted right now! You get what I mean???" You huff back on your seat, shoving the small pink translucent teaspoon in your mouth.

Shinsou nods his head, eyes on his ice cream as he shoves a few scoops in his mouth. "Mmm- this banana flavor tastes amazing. You should try it." He offers his cup to you, making you frown.

"You're such a jerk! I thought you brought me here to let me vent out my anger." You frown, your eyebrows knitting together as you place your cup on the table, leaning back on your seat as you crossed your arms.

"I did. I listened as you vented out your anger to me and we're having ice cream but I never said we were going to talk about the situation." He points out, annoyingly unbothered expression resting on his face as he continues eating his own ice cream.

You look at him in irritation and silence for a few moments, trying to calm yourself before taking your little teaspoon and scooping a bit from his own cup. You shove the scoop inside your mouth, pouting. "The banana tastes amazing." You huff, expression still angry.

Shinsou chuckles lightly, the small smile actually lighting up his usually dark features. "It is, isn't it?" You've only ever met one person with a so-called 'contagious smile' and he was the funny boy you met at the park one day.

Ethan will have to share his spot in my list for 'contagious smiles'. You thought to yourself, letting a smile break your frown as you look down at your ice cream.

"Have you seen the new conjuring movie? It's pretty cool, a solid six out of ten." He shrugs. You shake your head, "I can't watch scary movies. I won't be able to sleep especially now that I live alone."

He raises a brow at you, "Oh come on. We can watch it together through video chat or something. I really wanna see you piss yourself while watching it." He chuckles, causing you to squint your eyes at him. "Is that a challenge?" You point your spoon accusingly at him.

"What if it is? You gonna back out? Loser?" He pushes jokingly, mirroring your squinted eyes. You bring your hand on the table in a fist, "Oh it's on."

Shinso walks you to your classroom just five minutes before the bell is about to ring. "How can I contact you?" He asks, doing the thing with his hand behind his nape as he looks away. "Here." You tug at his hand, writing down your discord account with a marker. "Call me after the sun sets. I'll be home by then."

He waves you good bye and you step in, almost completely forgetting about why you were annoyed so early in the morning. Your eyes fall on the blond boy, still looking angry as usual. His eyes meet yours for a fraction of a second before your looking towards your seat.

As you sit down, the bell rings and in comes Aizawa, tired as ever. "Today, you will all be choosing your hero names. This has a lot to do with the Pro-Hero draft picks and because you are only first years, any offers can be taken back before you graduate." He explains, pointing at a chart where Todoroki's, Katsuki's and your names are written at the top with thousands of heroes wanting to recruit you.

"You will all spend one week interning with the pro heroes you choose or those who chose you, depending on if you have multiple offers or just one." Aizawa continues to talk about the importance of hero names before Midnight walks in the classroom.

The class begins to cheer in excitement as they all are given boards and markers for their names. The cheering and yelling dies down in a few minutes but the excitement doesn't. You smile, feeling your heart throb at the innocent looks in your classmates' faces.

Each of you all are being called up to present your hero names and as your turn slowly comes closer, your palms begin to sweat and that feeling of not being able to stand properly hits you.

"L/n Y/n. It's your turn, come on up sweetie." Midnight calls for you, curling her fingers a few times. You stand from your seat, walking towards the front, keeping your eyes forward and looking anywhere but Katsuki's eyes.

You flip your board around. "I chose the name Tempest. It means a violent windy storm." Midnight claps her hands, "I love it! Basically telling the villains not to mess with the storm." She cheers, allowing you to walk back to your seat.

"So! Have you guys chosen an agency yet?" Mina asks, shoveling food in her mouth as Kirishima and Sero follow suit. You shrug your shoulders, "I'm having a difficult time choosing between Hawks' agency or Endeavor's agency. I want to work on my speed but then again, Endeavor's the number two. It'd be a waste to throw this chance away."

"And yet," Denki points his fork at you, "It's also a waste to throw away the chance of working with Hawks. I heard he's the youngest pro right now who has his own agency and is in the top ten."

As you were about to scold the blond for talking with his mouth full, Katsuki marches towards the table, setting his tray down before sitting down beside Kirishima. You look at the empty space beside you and your mood immediately turns sour.

Wow. Sure, he has the right to feel uncomfortable with my sudden confession but to not actually have some type of closure? You sigh, not bothering to finish your food before standing up. You slide your tray to Denki, earning a cheery mouthful 'thanks!' from him before you walk away.

You walk out the classroom upset, tired and hungry. Your mind races back to the tuna sandwhiches the cafe sold and your mouth immediately begins to water.

"Hey idiot."

All your food fantasies disappear the moment his gruff yet very warm and relaxing voice calls out to you. To make sure you weren't about to embarrass yourself, you look in front of you, searching for someone else only to be greeted by an empty hallway.

Slowly, you turn around, pressing your lips together as you look at Katsuki with the most nonchalant look you could pull, no matter how much you wanted to scowl at him.

"What's up?" You ask, mentally slapping yourself. What's up? What's up??? Who the fuck do you think you are to him, Kirishima??

He looks awaw, walking towards you. "They have new matcha cookies today. I checked before I got here."

You stand there, staring at him for a second, two seconds, five- ten- "Dumbass. Yo. Can you hear me?" Katsuki snaps his fingers in front of you, gaining your attention as he snaps you out of your daze- literally. "Well?"

As much as you want to say yes, accept his offer and just live a happy life, you didn't want to live a confusing one where you get hurt in the end. "I don't see why you have to do this, honestly." You look to your right, looking out the windows.

"We hang out, I feel like you're treating me differently than the others, I feel like I'm special to you, I recognize my feelings, and although I feel conflicted and upset I still confess my feelings to you." You grip onto your bag, "And you respond to me by what- telling me I barely know you?"

You look back at him, the corners of your lips pulled downwards sightly. "Katsuki I- I got the message, okay? Don't do whatever this is to me because from my point of view, you're leading me on cause you can't voice out or even figure out your own feelings." You motion your arms between the two of you. "If you liked hanging out with me, I'm sorry but I gotta keep some distance between the two of us before I go confessing to you again like an idiot."

You stand there, eyes dropped to the floor in silence.

Say something, you idiot! Fucking say something to me! Tell me how you feel- it doesn't matter if it'll hurt me, just say something!

"I'm sorry."

You look up at him, confused. His brows are knitted together in dejection as his shoulders sag momentarily.

You feel your eyes prickle with tears as you nod, pressing your lips together. "Okay." You click your tongue, turning away as you walked from the unnervingly quiet boy.

As you reach your apartment, the sun has already set, you're tired, your cheeks are stained and are still being stained with tears and your phone is blaring.

You answer it without another thought, Shinsou's tired and relaxed voice giving you a soft 'hey'. You can hold it in much longer as you break down into sobs.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Talk to me, Y/n." He sounds genuinely concerned. You sob for a few moments, letting out all the emotion you've pent up inside you as you walked back to your apartment.

"I-I just-"

Another call interrupts the two of you, making you furrow your brows. "Hold on-" You sob, your eyes scanning down your screen to see your mom calling you. You put your call with Shinsou on hold, answering your mom.

"Hey mom!" You cheer, trying to act as gleeful as possible. "Hey baby! So I heard you have a boyfriend, your aunt Miwa sent me a picture of the two of you in the paintball place? I just thought maybe you wanted to know about that boy's abrasive and violent past?"

He's not your boyfriend.

"What- you looked into him?" You yell.

"Well I had to! It's my first time my baby has a boyfriend. Anyway, I don't mean to be that mom but I don't think he's a good fit for you, honey. He's bullied countless students in middle school and after observing how he acted in the sports festival, I don't think that boy changed at all." Your mother does sound truly concerned for you but everything seemed to be too much for you today.

Before you can even think of the sentences you want to say, you hear a knock on your door. You sigh, pacing towards it as you pull it open, brows furrowing in anger at the sight of your father in front of you.

"Y/n I just want a second chance-"

You yell.

You yell out your frustrations, your sadness, your hesrtsches, everything. Every single emotion you felt today just came pouring out as you yelled from the top of your lungs.

Your body falls to the floor as your limbs begin feeling like jell-o and your head begins to spin. You hear your father ordering his guards around frantically, but his words are all muffled and unclear. You begin seeing double- seeing two of your father really isn't helping right now.

"Hey, Y/n, baby keep your eyes open for me. I'll bring you to the hospital just-"

"Can all of you just shut the fuck up for a moment?" You whisper weakly before darkness swallows you up once again.

It's cold. It's dark. You're alone.

You're always alone.

[incorrect-quotes-from-she-ra]

Morning! I hope you don't mind if i give you yet another She-Ra thought I'm too damn lazy to post on my own. Also, it's long again. I WILL find that character limit some day.

So, we know the way Shadow Weaver raised Adora resulted, among other issues, in her being selfless to the point of self-sacrifice, which came to a climax in the Heart's failsafe business.

And it's been suggested that this was basically intentional on Shadow Weaver's part. Basically, selflessness is a very beneficial quality for others to have. My theory is that <b>her plan for Adora had always been specifically for her to someday use the failsafe and release all magic</b>.

(i will admit i am also curious how formatting works in this app. thank you for your help with these experiments)

So, evidence. Let's start with her name. I know this is a remake and they were stuck with the existing names, but there's a scene where Scorpia complains about it ("yeah i GET it, everyone LOVES you"), which constitutes the writers acknowledging its meaning, which makes me think it's fair game to analyze.

First, I'm obviously assuming Shadow Weaver choose it, as part of her ongoing parenting plan. It's also possible it was her original First One-given name, we don't know. Neither quite works because either she or Light Hope should have had some issues knowing what the name was and they clearly knew automatically. Really the entire series is weird in that everyone communicates with everyone else way too easily, and i will definitely rant about that someday.

For now let it stand that Shadow Weaver is the parent figure, it makes the most sense for her to pick the name, both in-universe and narratively, so i shall assume so by default. I have two things to say about that choice.

First, as we all have noticed, most of the princesses have names ending in -a. All of them, if you count "Glimma". It's never said to be intentional, but it would make sense. And then IF such a tradition exists among Etheria's royalty, it's not unreasonable for Shadow Weaver, a notable and moderately respected member of the land of knowledge, to know about it.

And then if she knew, of course she would take it into consideration when looking for names. Admittedly it's a little weird with the anti-Princess propaganda that the Horde has, but she doesn't really need to explain or justify this. Hordak has a very [i]laissez-faire[/i] attitude, and everyone else she clearly doesn't care about.

And if she knew or suspected that the princesses' powers were related to the Heart of Etheria, which i will argue for later, then giving her a princessy name is also adequately ironic.

The second name bit is that Scorpia clearly knows some Latin, but not enough. True, <em>adorare</em> means to worship and/or to love, but Latin verbs are more complex than that. _Adora_ specifically is 3rd person singular present indicative active. The translation would be "she loves".

Names aside, i want to talk about how they (we) learned about the Heart of Etheria. Castaspella doesn't know what to do, Shadow Weaver suggests they take a road trip to research, which she's reticent about but concedes is probably the best use of her time, and they find success. We don't know how long it took them, but i had the distinct impression that it wasn't very long.

Naturally, I'm suggesting Shadow Weaver knew all along, and led Castaspella on the trip to have an excuse for the inevitable "how do you know?". Also tricked her into thinking it was /her/ discovery, and maybe even that she was succeeding where Shadow Weaver had failed before, if necessary.

That's why she's so excited to share their results with everybody, and Shadow Weaver cuts her off, apparently just to antagonize her for fun, but I'm suggesting it was also because for her this is the culmination of a decades-long plan, and she wants to Get On With It.

It's also interesting that there was a mural depicting the Spell of Obtainment in the hallway leading to the failsafe. It was a reminder of Shadow Weaver's past, and an opportunity for her to show she regrets her results but doesn't repent from her choices, which i quite like actually. But I'm also saying that, meta-textually, it was a signal that she'd been there before, literally.

And then there is the potential in-universe connection, since we don't know what exactly the spell was meant to be obtaining. Power, for sure, and from what happened we're probably meant to assume it's tapping into some sort of demonic entity or dimension.

Fair enough, except that it never comes up again. And it's kind of a big plot point that Etheria is isolated from the rest of the cosmos, which may or may not conflict with it having a contactable "hell". Meanwhile there's the Heart of Etheria Project collecting all that magic, which Mara's allies (and their descendants) would know something about, have access to at least one backdoor to, and may well have tried to tap into its power at some point.

And then what went wrong may well be one of the defense mechanisms of the Project, though I'm admittedly veering into unfounded speculation.

So, a rough timeline. Light Spinner was always motivated to excel and craved power. She was probably always envied the princesses, who command greater magic than most sorcerers with apparently none of the study and practice.

She took to researching everything she could that might lead to power, eventually discovering the chamber with the failsafe, and presumably other information left by Mara's Friends, either in other chambers or in documents she's since removed. She would have learned a lot of things from this.

As i suggested, i believe she knew there's some connection between the princesses at large and the Heart of Etheria. Incidentally, i don't know exactly what that connection is, and in particular whether princesses were created by the Project or an existing phenomenon that the First Ones co-opted. But it doesn't matter, exactly.

What's important is that there's clearly a connection, more specifically a control system for the princesses and their magic, which is presumably related to how Shadow Weaver was able to tap into the Black Garnet's power. With Hordak's help, obviously, since she clearly believed it when he claimed he could cut her off at will, but he's later shown to have basically no understanding of First Ones' tech, so the knowledge must have come from her.

For the record, i would guess she thinks princesses are artificial, empowered both magically and politically to keep the planet in check, and that they would be depowered once the failsafe was fired. I also think that may be true, actually, since it almost happened when Entrapta was messing with the system, and if i recall none of them were shown to use any magic after Adora did fire it, while she clearly used Perfuma's power. But anyways!

Back to what Shadow Weaver learned, she would know some of what the failsafe does, namely disrupt the system that's hoarding most of the planet's magic, thereby spreading magic to all (most notably her), and some of how to use it, and the fact that she couldn't do so and hope to live, and some of the criteria for who can. That part is important.

But first, she also learned the Spell of Obtainment, deemed it more likely but didn't think she could do it herself, despaired of getting help until she thought Hordak's rise to fame would give her #casus belli#, lost her patience when the Mystacor leadership disagreed, etc etc etc. Pretty uncontroversial in this part, i think.

After she'd joined the Horde, when Hordak showed up with baby Adora and wanted to lump her with the rest of the orphans they have, Shadow Weaver pleaded to have her get special treatment. She even said that she's special, and it couldn't have been her leadership skills or good heart, since she didn't have either yet. It's heavily implied she could recognize her as a First One, but it's not clear why she would care, since they were known for leaving behind advanced technology, which a baby also doesn't have. Unless, of course, she knew there are devices only a First One could use, and maybe has plans related to that.

So I'm pretty sure she learned the criteria that the failsafe requires, devised some spell or technique to check people for them that she pretty much used all the time, just in case, and was very surprised when a newborn tested positive. She was also surprised when Hordak made her personally responsible for the raising of the kid, but her reaction is pretty much "ok, that could work, i guess".

Also also, i suspect she can read First One script. Not perfectly like Adora, but better than Bow's parents probably. Mostly because when she puts Adora's hand on the crystal and says "i think you know the password", that seems like a very transparent attempt to pretend she knows it too when she doesn't. But that seems irresponsible at such a crucial moment, she and Castaspella should really have researched it earlier. Or at least her line there should have been "you can read this, right?" or somesuch.

So I'm thinking it's a double bluff, hoping everybody assumes she doesn't know so she doesn't have to reveal how and why she knows, again.

And that's all i have, i think? This is not nearly as well laid out as i would like. But then, nothing ever is, right?

Also it's not even close to morning anymore. Thank you if you even got this far, and have a good evening!

hi!!! this took me a while to answer, i'm so sorry about that <3

i'm very low on energy today so i cannot summon up the brain energy to respond properly to this, as much as i want to, i'm really sorry for that as well

i love this theory!! it actually fits in really well with canon and makes, like, a LOT of sense now that i think about it. i definitely wouldn't have thought of this on my own, so thank you for sharing this with me!! :D

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s Daughter (The Intense Years)

Tony Stark x daughter!reader

warnings:

a/n: y/n is 16-17, also ive really never written anything about team iron man so this was weird, someone needs to tell me i dont need every single movie detail in here

prompt: takes place from cacw and smhc

The Early Years (1) The Teenage Years (2) The Aftermath (4) Continued (5)

after the events in sokovia, you set up the relief fund for displaced sokovians and dealt with physical clean up while the avengers...

well, they had to deal with the press—and the governments of the world

getting to know your new suit AI, JOSHUA

briefly looking for bruce; no luck there

you ended up doing the MIT september foundation presentation with tony

and ending the presentation after pepper’s name popped up on the screen

“it’s probably best we get out of here”

you were his entire support system while he was going through his break with pepper

meeting charles spencer’s mother, who really gave your dad a piece of her mind

“my son died, but your daughter gets to live on. if you lost her, maybe you’d show some sympathy for murdering my child”

*awkward silence from you*

*awkward silence from tony otw to the compound*

HATING the sound of the sokovia accords, yet understanding why they’re being ratified

being torn between signing them or not and having a huge argument with the other avengers

“y/n, why dont you listen to your dad for once and sign the damn thing”

“uncle rhodey, you know why i dont want to sign. if they have us, they have access to our suits. you really think the UN should be telling us how to use them?”

“your defense doesn’t even make sense. i had the war machine or iron patriot or whatever the hell you want to call it, but the military was calling the shots”

“and look where you are now”

“right, well i wouldn’t expect a kid to understand”

“are you kidding me, rhodes? you’re gonna play the ‘im older than you’ card?”

comforting wanda while she feared being taken

and as soon as you heard about what happened in lagos

“think about it, maximoff. if you didnt do what you did, do you know how many more casualties there may have been?”

“but i killed innocents”

“no, rumlow killed innocents. you contained that blast better than anyone else could have and you prevented a whole bunch of deaths, give yourself some credit”

okay, so you weren’t the best at talking someone down while they were upset

staying in berlin with your father while the whole bucky thing began to get sorted out

but he sent you out to stay with nat while he had some “private time” with steve

tony keeping you close to him during the power outage at the base

until it turned out you brought your suit and tony did not!

everyone was looking at you to take down bucky, but it just seemed like a bad idea, you didn’t want to hurt him because you didn’t want to hurt steve

stalling to try and buy steve time to subdue his friend

“y/n, come on, for christ sake!”

“got it, dad! i know what im doing!”

“i dont think you do!”

feeling your stomach drop when bucky shot into your dad’s hand, if it wasn’t for his latest invention, he may have gotten seriously hurt

you had a slight change of heart after that, you couldn’t bare to lose your dad. not after all those close calls...

getting yelled at by secretary ross and the wonderful 36 hour ultimatum you, nat, and tony received

“i have a plan”

“don’t say the spider boy”

“fine, i wont say it”

a nice trip to queens :)

when this parker kid finally got home, tony left you to socialize with his aunt

small talk is sometimes unbearable

“so, what’s it like being tony stark’s daughter?”

“honestly? im always tired”

peter becoming a tagalong on your mission, which you didn’t really think was appropriate

“dad, i dont really think we should’ve brought the kid...”

“why? you’re about the same age as him, its not much different”

“um...no, i meant this isnt his battle. i don’t care how old he is”

face off between tony and cap where you literally just swallowed all your pride and apologized because you couldn’t handle the fact that the team was being ripped apart like this

team ups with Spider-Man

“so, uh, do you hate me or something?”

“hey, kid? we’re kind of in the middle of something, i’ll get back to you on that”

“it’s a yes or no question, y/n”

“pass”

so, things didn’t exactly go as planned...

your (former) teammates were taken to the RAFT and you couldn’t pull it together in front of them

they were pretty pissed at you

“im sorry, im so sorry, i should’ve done better”

they ignored you (up until scott lang)

“all you stark’s are the same”

“stay out of this, bugboy”

taking to the remote hydra base in another famous father/daughter teamup

“just like the old days, right kiddo?”

“i guess so”

“hey, cheer up, it’s not all that bad”

waltzing right in there to meet your friend and foe

seeing the video of your grandparents dying

*being killed

absolutely stunned by seeing such a gruesome thing

even after all you’ve seen, this really got to you

you were robbed of ever meeting them, which made you angry, but you couldn’t stay angry because there were so many things out of everyones control

realizing that this was a good time to hold tony back

“JOSHUA, lock down y/n’s suit. protocol: baby gate”

apparently your dad still had some old protocols in your suit that you hadn’t found yet

“JOSHUA? reboot! override protocol: baby gate”

“i’m sorry, miss y/n, but i cannot do that”

watching your father attempt to get revenge

and get critically injured

simultaneously working on opening the suit back up for a bad plan

finally getting the emergency release and stumbling out of your suit, rushing towards the conflict and throwing yourself in the middle of it

“please, dad. enough damage has been done.”

“y/n, get out of the way”

he saw you shaking and crying and he realized what he was doing

attacking the only family you guys really had

getting shoved out of the way so that they could end this fight once and for all

JOSHUA finally rebooting and bringing the suit over to shield you while you helplessly watched the end of this fight

when bucky and steve left, your suit disarmed and you crouched down beside your father

“come on, let’s just go home”

“im sorry”

“i know, it’s okay”

trying to comfort your dad after his defeat

you picked up cap’s shield and returned to your suit, it was time to go home

after a brief time of recovery (while you helped work on uncle rhodey’s prototype prosthetics), there was a slight change of plans for you

“okay, so for your punishment after what you pulled during my...divorce with cap, you’re going to babysit the spiderling so you gain some perspective”

“hold on, what?! what do you mean ‘perspective?’”

“i mean you dont know what it’s like to be in charge of the life of a teenager, so now you get to find out! congratulations on your promotion!”

it was not fun at all because peter kept blowing up your phone and you kept having to tell him there was nothing for him to do

Y/N: I’ll let you know when there’s a spider-level threat, kapeesh?

P. Parker: Yes, ma’am, sorry.

peter going behind your back to do some “superhero work”

and you having to swoop in to fix everything last second

“come on, you stole my thunder, y/n!”

“no, peter, i saved your life. next time you have a lead, call me first”

and then he didn’t 😌✨💕

“Y/N, incoming call from ‘big fat meanie’”

“put him through, JOSHIE...hey dad, how’s dubai?”

“taking care of a kid is harder than it looks, isn’t it?”

“don’t start with me”

damage control ahahah 🤡

“peter, why cant you just call me in? you don’t stop texting me for months but for this you go radio silent? you almost died. and you put a bunch of lives in danger! do you want me to have to go to your aunt and tell her you died?”

“im sorry! i just...i dont want to be a sidekick”

“kid, you’re gonna have a long time to make a name for yourself...but not if you’re dead!”

he started crying and you were very uncomfortable so you tried to hug him? it helped.

letting him off easy (just like your dad did to you growing up)

but apparently tony came back and took the suit anyways and you were pretty pissed about it

avengers moving day :) yes, part of your punishment was helping happy with moving day and hearing him gush about how you were “growing into such a responsible adult”

“happy i dont know if you noticed but ive basically been an adult since i was 12”

“keep telling yourself that, kiddo”

seeing an explosion and immediately knowing it was peter

“i’ll see you later, happy, love you!”

investigating the crash site and whaddaya know, there’s peter and his first bad guy, you were kind of proud

“peter, you okay?”

“nope!”

“okay, cool”

more damage control lmao (a/n: yall sick of damage control yet?)

a congratulatory call from your dad

“hey! you did pretty good, all things considered. why don’t you take the kid to the avengers compound for his special surprise?”

“aye aye, see you soon.”

“love you, kiddo”

“you too, dad”

quick fast forward to peter rejecting the position as an avenger while the press was outside, yes, you were surprised

but then your dad finally proposed to pepper, it was a pretty cool engagement announcement

“y/n, will you be my maid of honor?”

“duh!”

happily ever after (a/n: until the next part is up)