#i mean he's already dropped the cake once lmfao

[satorisoup]

EEEK HAI FRIENDS !! im back (for now) i missed all of yous soso much !!

if anyone who is up to date about my work crush/work in general & wants to know the new crazy stuff that’s happened, keep reading (ITS GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE) !! (ˊᵒ̴̶̷̤ ꇴ ᵒ̴̶̷̤ˋ)

okay !! so here is a debrief before we start :3

℘ i have a crush on my coworker, i’ve liked him for about a year now !! he also coincidentally has the same birthday as kirishima… is this fate ?? who knows !!

℘ i have never celebrated a holiday/birthday due to how i was raised growing up & i work on halloween night (relevant to the story)

℘ wont be name dropping but i will call him “crush” so you know who im referring to !!

℘ i usually have trouble with my managers and believe(d) they don’t like me (also relevant)

so we’ll start on last wednesday, im hosting and my crush is doing to-goes. i get to work, on my way to clock in, and my manager + crush & a couple coworkers are sitting at an empty table next to the to go room. my manager calls me over enthusiastically :0 so i walk over and say hello all that.

she says “ so are you going to wear a costume to work on halloween ??” and i was a bit hesitant to answer because ?? i didn’t know we could do that !! and i thought they were joking around. she proceeded to tell me “you gotta wear one !! just sneak one in your bag so your mom doesn’t see !!” and i was like ahhh !! okay !! i’ll try haha !! and crush was watching this whole situation lol >//<

me being me, i still thought they were messing around… so later on, i go up to crush and ask “ are you sure they’re not messing around” and he reassured me “i promise they aren’t lying” AND THEN. he says…

“ you need to wear one… hm… if you don’t wear one, then i won’t talk to you for the whole day !! and you’re gonna be like “why is he ignoring me” and that’ll be why !! so make sure you wear one…” JWIWISJJWJS

and i said “awe man… you got me there, it looks like i do have to wear one :3

fast forward to the end of the night, im waiting for my mom to come pick me up and im clocked off. im in the back near the kitchen and bathrooms sitting on the steps by the huge wine cooler, and crush rounds the corner !!!!!!!!!!!! and starts giggling “what are you doing??”

i told him “i always wait here !! its my little spot”

and HE SAYS “you know you could always come to 7-4, theres no one sitting there…”

7-4 is the table right next to the to-go room where he was working. needless to say i got up and followed him over, and sat my happy butt DOWN ^_^

fast forward a bit more, he randomly comes in to the table and sits right down across from me, leans forward, and just starts having a whole conversation with me ??? like do u want to have children with me ?? just kidding but !!

somehow we got into the topic of my birthday, and he already knows ive never celebrated it… (my birthday is on a thursday, which means i work), when i tell you what this man. this GORGEOUS MAN. says to me…

“im gonna make your birthday extra special… im gonna get you a cake… AND a cupcake… im gonna get you both” oh lord. i might faint… is this flirting ?? anyway

so then he said a couple more things and i left a blushing mess.

following day, a thursday, i work with him again. here’s where it gets good.

so basically he’s sitting at the table we were at yet again, he’s clocked off doing his college homework ?? at work ?? i guess… anyway, its the end of the night. my manager says “you need to tell crush to get a costume… he doesn’t even have one yet!!” emphasis on the YOU ?? like okay !! i guess i have to !!

so i go up to him, tell him goodnight, ending it off with a “you need to get a costume… but i dont have anything to threaten you with (reference to the playful threat he made of not talking to me)… hm…”

WHEN I TELL YOU. HE LOOKS ME DEAD IN MY FACE. NAJAJSJSJSJWJEJDJJS HE SAYS

“what do i get if i do wear a costume ?” IWJWJWJEIXIKWJSJSJWJWJSJSJSJWJSJJSJSJSS I ALMOST DIED

me being pure shy me i blurted out “uh— a hug?” lmfao someone kill me. wow 🫨 genuinely someone sedate me WHO SAYS THAT

his response ?????? “looks like i’ll definitely have to wear one then.” HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO DO YOU WANT ME I WANT YOU HELEPWSOSOOSOSSO

also all of my managers have been extremely nice to me lately… not cutting me early… and like… kind of giving me chances to help crush with things… like hm… do ya’ll know something i dont ?? :3

SO THATS THAT !! am i being delusional i swear… i cant tell when people flirt w me… anyways. hes gorgeous.

today is now wednesday and i work with him again… tomorrow is halloween. if i hug him i will update… BYE !! ^_^

[woosohn-archived]

everyone’s stressed out on the chat in eric’s bday live lmfaooo

[jean-kayak]

Chapter 5

Summary: A relaxing summer at home after your second year of college sounds nice, until someone comes back and makes it anything but

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x black!fem!reader

Warnings: smut (18+!!), unprotected sex, reader being a tease, major sexual tension, grinding, multiple orgasms

A/N: Alrighty people, this is the moment you all been waiting for lmao, hope you like it. Here’s y’all food 🤣

Word Count: 3101

P.S.: If you listen to Body by Summer Walker, it'll make it better, I'll say when to play it and I've been dying to put this song in an Eren fic bc every time I listen to it, I only think of him lmfao

Tags: @her-majesty-kiara, @germfart3, @styxtm, @iwascrybaby, @bigdaddyzawa​, @erensblackgirlfriend​

Chapter Summary: You finally give in to him, with a little teasing of course

You cross your arms as you shake your head. "Ymir, I've already told you, I don't want a birthday party," you oppose, and she throws her hands up.

"Why not? Everyone wants a birthday party!" she argues, and you give her a look.

"Twenty's not even that big of a milestone. And my parents aren't gonna be home on the actual day, so I thought I could just relax, you know? I have a lot of shows to catch up on."

Ymir scoffs as she turns to Jean. "Please convince her that this is a good idea," she tries, and you look at Jean who shrugs.

"Why not? I mean you're only twenty once, right?" Your mouth drops open when you hear that he's siding with her, and Ymir cheers in triumph. "Come on, it's a party. It'll be fun."

"What's this about a party?" You feel your face go hot when Eren walks into the living room, and Ymir tilts her body so that she can look at Eren.

"We're throwing a party for, Y/N." You move to stand in front of her, blocking her view.

"No, you are not. I said I don't want a party. Why can't I just spend it with my two best friends and some terribly painful cliche movies?" you counter, and she gives you a bored look.

"What's wrong with a party?" Eren speaks up, and everyone turns around, putting him into the conversation. "I had one," he comments, and you roll your eyes, knowing it's not going to help your case.

"Exactly! So, did I when I turned twenty," she continues. "And turning twenty is a big milestone. It's your twenty's," she emphasizes, and you smile as you shake your head.

"Ymir, no."

"Y/N, yes!"

You both go back and forth until you're subconsciously talking. "No," Eren cuts off you, and you don't even realize it, not even turning to him as you say yes.

"Alright!" Ymir cheers and your mouth opens at what just happened. You turn to Eren who just gives you a wink, and you glare at him.

"Fine," you give in, "but no alcohol, Ymir."

~

Of course, Ymir planned to have the party in Jean's backyard, saying his had the nicest appeal, your close friends were all coming along with a few others, and you ended up celebrating your birthday with your parents the day before because they were leaving for a business trip on the day of your birthday.

Ymir thought a pool party was a good idea, but all Jean had was about a forty-two foot wide, five-foot deep pool in his backyard, but he filled it up anyway, and it was hot, so Ymir thought that was a good enough excuse for everyone to wear swimsuits.

Ymir was waiting for you to get changed, and her eyes widen when you come out in yours, a two-piece yellow suit. "What? Is there something wrong with it?" you ask, checking yourself in the mirror, wondering if maybe it was a bit too revealing.

"Absolutely not. You look smoking hot. I would sleep with you," she says, and you laugh loudly as you slip a huge t-shirt over yourself and you turn around to see Ymir walking up to you. "I'm serious. You might even get some birthday dick."

You guffaw as you shake your head and put your shoes on. "Yeah, right. Don't plan on that happening at all tonight."

You raise an eyebrow when you see a tiara and a sash in her hands. "Here, put these on," she tells you, and you scoff.

"Why? Everyone already knows it's my birthday," you answer, and she shrugs, pushing the items closer to you.

"It's for dramatic effect." You roll your eyes before slipping the slash on, looking in the mirror to put on the tiara.

You follow her downstairs, and she asks you to grab the ice cream and the waffle cones while she finishes setting up outside. You see Eren when you walk in, the only thing covering his body are the swim trunks that definitely are too small, the outline of his muscles clear as day.

Neither of you exchanges a word as you grab the stuff from the ice cream from the deep freezer before moving to grab the cones. There on the top shelf, so you have to reach up to get them, practically feeling his eyes burning into your ass, which is now partially exposed, and you jump slightly when you feel hands around your waist.

"Need some help?" he whispers in your ear, and you refuse to let him get you flustered again, so you grab the cones, before looking at him over your shoulder.

"No, I got it," you say before pushing your ass back against him, and you feel his breath hitch. "Thanks though," you say, smirking before walking away, looking back and chuckling slightly at his shocked expression.

Ymir takes the stuff from you and makes you wait in the house, wanting to announce you when you come out, and you shake your head fondly, but following anyway, and when she calls your name, you're walking out, the backyard is filled with whoops and hollers, and you find yourself smiling and laughing. Maybe this wasn't a bad idea after all.

Everyone surrounds you at the table as they sing happy birthday, and you blow out the candles, everyone clapping before Ymir starts to cut the cake. Everyone comes to you individually when they can during the party, wishing you a happy birthday and giving you a hug.

You got into the pool pretty early, about seven people being able to get in without it being crowded, and also because it was a lot hotter than you thought it would be, so people are coming in and out of the house to escape the heat. You're slipping your shoes off when you make eye contact with Eren across the yard, who's watching you, and you make a show of slowly stripping off your shirt, tossing it in a chair next to you before turning around and bending over, sticking your arm in the water, pretending that you're testing the temperature, knowing that this swimsuit was a little bit more revealing than your other ones, knowing that your ass was nearly exposed.

You look over your shoulder to see that his eyes are glued to your ass, and you can help but chuckle before you get in, feeling proud of yourself because two can play at this game. You sort of just wade in the water, talking to your friends. You don't go underwater since you just got twists, which Ymir paid for, even though you insisted that she didn't have to, but she said she was treating you since it was your birthday.

You share your slice of cake with Jean, opting for eating ice cream instead, and you make eye contact with Eren for a second time, and another idea forms in your head. He's watching you intently this time, a look in his eye you can't really pinpoint, but you check to make sure no one's looking your way before licking at your ice cream in the filthiest way, and you can see his fist clench, making you smile widely.

You dip a finger into it before raising it to your mouth, making a lewd show of licking your finger clean before popping it out of your mouth, sending him a wink, and you see him breathe out heavily before he looks away, and you laugh softly before Ymir's pulling you away saying that you have to take pictures for the occasion.

There's some alcohol because it's Ymir, but not enough for you to be overly concerned, taking a couple of shots until Ymir insists that you have a few more because you're close to being legal now, and you have to stop her when she tries to take more than you. The party's pretty much died down, the only people left are some of your close friends, and you're walking into the house to put the ice cream in the freezer when you hear footsteps behind you.

You turn around to see Eren, hiding your smirk as you close the freezer. "Happy birthday," he says as his eyes trail down your body, your suit still wet from the water, so it's clinging to your skin.

"Thanks," you respond easily, noticing that there's an edge to his voice. To Eren right now, you're basically naked, and he's pretty sure you know that. He couldn't help the envious burn in his chest at the sight of Jean hugging you, his hand resting on the exposed skin between your top and your bottoms, and he wanted to walk over there and take you in front of everybody.

His eyes were on you the entire time, never leaving you, and it's not like he wanted to, and he already knew that he was going to have you after your first little stunt, but you kept going, kept pushing him. He knew you knew that he was watching you, having to quickly stop his mouth from falling open after seeing how little your swimsuit was.

He didn't expect you to be such a fucking tease, nearly having to go somewhere to take care of his hard-on that you caused after your third stunt, and that's when he lost it. "Aren't you glad you had the party?" he asks you, and you smile softly before nodding.

"Yeah, I did. Ymir did a really good job," you admit, and he nods, his eyes catching a drop of water run down your chest into the valley of your breasts, and he feels his dick stir again. He steps closer to you until the freezer is digging into your ass.

"You think you're cute, don't you?" he asks, and you shrug as you tilt your head.

(play the music here hehe)

"Maybe. Did you like it?" you ask teasingly, and he smirks at you as he rests his hands on either side of you on top of the freezer. "Thought it would be nice for you to get a taste of your own medicine." You don't know where all of this confidence is coming from, but you don't let it ruin the moment.

"Yeah?" he says, leaning closer to your lips.

"Yeah," you echo, watching his eyes glance down at your lips before he licks his.

He watches you smirk, the lustful look in your eyes matching his, both of you more than feeling the tension in the room. You turn around, moving just enough so that he doesn't have to move his arm, and his eyes instantly fall to your ass, and his hands grip the edge of the freezer when you bend over, and he moves back to give you room, your backside flush against his dick, and he sighs heavily.

The music from outside is still clear as day, so you roll your hips against him to the rhythm of the music as his hands grip your hips. You go from moving your hips side to side, up and down, rolling them around in a circle until Eren feels like he might cum from the stimulation and the sight of your almost naked ass grinding against him.

And you can't help but admit that this is affecting you too. You're pretty sure that if your swimsuit wasn't wet, then the huge wet spot from your arousal that you know is there would show through. You gasp suddenly when he pulls you up flush against his chest but your shoulder, his hands rubbing all over your body as you continue moving your hips.

"So," you start, not even realizing that you're practically breathless from just grinding against him. "How's it taste?"

He brings a hand up to your neck, guiding you to face him, and he leans down but pulls away when you try to close in, and he smirks seeing the hunger in your eyes that matches his. "If you're gonna fuck me, Jaeger, then fuck me."

That's all it takes before he's crashing his lips down on yours, the kiss taking your breath away as he tightens his hands around your waist. He pulls away too quickly for your liking, but the next thing you know he's pulling you upstairs so fast that you're glad you took your shoes off because you're sure that you would've tripped. He's leading you to his old room, quickly opening the door and closing it behind him, the door barely clicking closed before he has you on the bed, his hands touching every part of your body that's exposed.

His lips are on yours again, and kissing him is nothing like you've ever imagined, which to your embarrassment is way too many times to count. It's sloppy, but it feels so good, like finally receiving something that you've been deprived of for so long. He unravels the string on your swim top, his lips never leaving yours as he throws the clothing to the side.

The kisses are nothing but tongue, but it's full of hunger, the sounds of your lips smacking together echoing in the room, and he moves down, sucking every mark into your neck until it's covered in love bites as his hands cup your boobs, groping them roughly, whining softly when he pulls at the hard buds.

"Come on, Eren," you plead, bucking your hips up, brushing against his raging erection, and he groans into your neck before lifting himself up to get rid of his trunks while you get rid of your bottoms. You can't help but gape at his dick, looking at how big it is, and you start to worry if it'll actually fit.

"It'll fit," Eren states, reading your mind, sitting up on his knees, looking down at you. "You're gonna take all of it, cause I'm not playing games anymore."

Your mouth opens to say something, but you go quiet when he starts stroking himself, and you realize that you haven't actually looked at him. And, God, he's so hot, your mouth watering subconsciously. This is way better than what you've fantasized, and you fight the urge to pinch yourself to make sure you're not dreaming.

You lean forward to rub down his abs which definitely feel like they could cut glass before you brush over his length on the way down, making his jaw clench. You're about to replace his hand, but he moves yours away, and you're being pushed back down onto the bed as he lines himself up.

You gulp in anticipation, but your mouth falls open when you feel the tip start to stretch you out, and you moan at the feeling. He braces himself on his elbows as he slides in further, and you feel your eyes roll back as you feel the stretch burn throughout your whole body rendering you nearly speechless.

"God," he pants, his voice breaking as he rests his forehead against yours. "You feel so fucking good, even better than I fucking imagined," he sighs once he bottoms out, and you feel so full, your nerve endings on a thousand.

"Move," you manage, and he wastes no time in pulling out, and you go from feeling completely empty to full in an instant, your scream bouncing off the walls as he thrusts into you mercilessly, his chain smacking your chin with every roll of his hips.

"Eren!" you scream when he hits those bundle of nerves inside of you, and his hips falter when you clench around him.

"Shit, say my name again, baby girl. Scream it," he demands, picking up the pace to brutalize that spot, and your nails dig into his back as you say his name over and over again like a mantra.

"Ngh, I'm close." You can barely get the words out, every cant of his hips feels like he's reaching deeper inside of you every time.

"Shit, me too. Cum, baby, please cum," he begs, running a hand down your side to thumb at your clit. You cum as soon as he makes contact, and he puts his lips on yours to muffle your scream of his name as you cum so hard you see stars. "Fuck," he whispers, his hips seeming to pick up speed, and then his body's tensing as he shoots into you.

You don't even have the chance to catch your breath because he's slipping out of you and flipping you over. You already feel the soreness starting to form, and he rubs soothing circles down your back as he props you up on your knees. "You got one more in you for me, I know you do, baby," he says, easing back inside of you, and you feel your eyes rolling at the stretch.

"Move, Eren, come on," you rush, moving your hips back against him, and he grips your hips hard before he starts moving, and your hands keep a tight grip on the sheets as you bite into the pillow, muffling the sounds that spill out of your mouth that you have no control over.

He's ramming into that spot inside of you, and your body is shaking with overstimulation, the only way you're staying upright is because he's holding you. "Too--oh fuck," you cry out, trying to tell him that it's too much, your body feeling like it's going to explode, your brain numb with pleasure.

"You can take it, you're my good girl, yeah?" He releases a broken moan when you clamp around him, and he leans over you, his grunts and suppressed moans are breathing right in your ear, and you let out a broken whine as you buck back into him as you seem to move away from him at the same time.

His head falls on your shoulder. "God, Y/N, you feel so good, I'm so fucking close," he praises, and the wrecked sound of your name is the last straw, dropping your head down to cover the loud scream that rips from your chest, your body going rigid as your eyes roll back in your head.

"Shit, shit," he swears, and he's cumming right after you, releasing another load inside of you. You both stay in the same position, your ragged breaths barely filling your ears, wincing when he pulls out, and as soon as he lets go, you're falling limp on the bed.

You barely move, every shift of your legs sends an overstimulated jolt through your body, and you feel him flop down on the bed next to you.

"Happy Birthday, Y/N."

|Chapter 4|Masterlist|Chapter 6|

[capricornsun-queen]

Goofy Ass

Erik Killmonger x Reader

AN: This one's for my shy, awkward and weird bitches. In the fics I read all the girls is always this super sexy, confident goddess. And even tho I agree with the concept a bitch can't really relate LMFAO! Like I'm so awkward and shy I don't have the confidence to be doing all that sexy freaky shit, I get embarrassed just writing smut sometimes. So I decided to pair Erik with a bitch like me, the mc is basically me y'all. Soo hopefully y'all enjoy this, cause I liked writing it a lot.

Warnings: Cursing and shit!!! Most likely typos

You untwisted your last bantu knot and ran your fingers through the curl to unravel it the way you wanted to.  Once satisfied, you dropped your heavy arms to your sides and let out a sigh of relief. Taking those out always took so fucking long. But you had to admit, your hair looked great, I guess all those long hours you stayed in your mom's hair salon watching her work her magic on all the ladies in the neighborhood heads paid off well.  You left the bathroom and shuffled reluctantly into your bedroom. Makeup: check. Hair: check. The last thing to do was get dressed. You groaned as you stared at the box laying on the bed. You rolled your eyes and flung the lid off and on to the fur rug that lay across the floor. You stared down at the black lace lingerie you ordered about a week ago.

You had been planning this for a while. Erik's birthday. You knew you wanted to do something special for him, and this was the thing you knew he'd want the most. You. With your face beat, hair did, and in something extremely sexy. This might not seem like a grand gesture to most girls but the thing was you were the biggest tomboy ever. Oversized hoodies and ripped jeans were more your suit and you usually just would wash your hair and rock it natural or wrap it up in a scarf. The sexiest thing you've ever worn were his boxers and t-shirt in bed. You didn't mind makeup at all but you only wore it every now and then, especially because that shit was expensive.  And Erik loved that about you, you didn't try to hard to look like these Instagram models. But he did complain that he'd like to see a little more of your sexy side. And you hated to admit it but he was kinda right. You were lacking in the sexy department. It wasn't like you didn't wanna be more sexy with him, it was just the fact that you were so fucking awkward. You grew up with a twin brother who taught you how to fight and skateboard. He taught you how to play Jimmy Hendrix's song on his guitar and showed you how to properly roll a blunt. You loved your mom but would rather die than ask her advice on shit like this. So you just never learned. But you loved Erik and knew that he deserved a little more effort from you. And it was his birthday after all. So you set your pride aside for a moment and slipped out of your sweatpants. You removed your t-shirt and hesitantly reached for the lingerie. You heald it up in front of you, it was soft and silky and felt nice in your hands but you worried you wouldn't pull it off properly. You tried not to think about it as you slipped it on. You did you best to avoid the mirror, not even wanting to see your reflection, you thought that if you saw yourself you'd chicken out. There was one last thing you needed. Heels, you weren't gonna put those on until the last minute cause you knew you couldn't walk very well in them, they were just for show. You slipped them on, they were only 3in heels but it took you a minute to get used to them. You looked at the time. SHIT! Erik would be home any minute now. You marched into the kitchen, wobbling as you go, and took the cake out the fridge. It was strawberry shortcake, you and Erik's favorite. You got out candles and lit them before dimming the lights, just in time to hear Erik's car pull up the driveway. Your heart rate spiked as you instinctively started biting your lip, stopping abruptly when you remembered you were wearing lipstick, you cursed under your breath and prayed none got on your teeth. You licked them just to be safe. You heard the front door close and seconds later he was calling your name. "Babe, you home? Why all the lights out, I know I just paid Con Edison." He almost walked past the kitchen before he noticed the small light coming from the candles on the cake, and backpedaled. You started singing happy birthday slow and smoothly as he walked up to you, an ear-splitting grin on his face. "Make a wish baby," you said once you were done singing. He leaned down and closed his eyes, it was quiet for a few seconds before he finally blew out the candles, leaving you in darkness, he flicked the kitchen lights on, knowing exactly where the switch was and you squinted your eyes as they adjusted to the brightness. You set the cake down and gave him a kiss. You felt his arms sling around your waist as he pulled you closer. You breathed in his scent and savored the taste of his lips before you parted from them, you opened your eyes to find him staring at you in surprise. "What's wrong?" He takes your hand and spins you around. "Look at you ma!" You completely forgot you were all done up. Blood rushed to your cheeks and heated them as he twirled you around, his eyes never leaving your body. "Happy birthday!" You said, bringing your lips back to his in a passionate kiss. "Want some cake?" before he even answered you went into your silverware drawer and grabbed a knife, cutting into the cake. "You want the middle piece or the end?" You looked up at him, but his eyes were already on you. "Fuck the cake, I want a piece of you shawty." He walked up to you slowly, his soft brown eyes darkened with lust. You dropped the knife, letting it clatter on the table. He wasted no time bringing his lips to your neck, sucking and biting along your throat up to your jawline. As amazing as his lips felt against your skin you had other plans for the night. You regretfully pulled away. "Not yet, I've got another surprise for you, follow me." He quirked a curious eyebrow at you as an amused grin spread across his full lips. He followed you out of the kitchen without a word as you led him into your bedroom. You couldn't stop the giddiness filling you up as you entered your room. He watched you, his smile mirroring yours. "Sit." You said as you pointed to the edge of the bed. He shot you another curious look but obeyed your request. "Bossy, I like it." He said with a mischievous smirk. You rolled your eyes and grabbed your phone, connecting it to the Bluetooth speakers. Soon 'Pony' by Ginuwine spilled from the speakers. Erik released a hearty laugh once he realized what was happening. You started dancing sensually or at least doing your best to look as seductive and sexy as possible. You caressed your thighs as you swayed your hips to the beat. Erik gave a nod of approval, boosting your confidence. You had no idea what you were doing, you were just going with the flow of the song and trying to do what felt right, though none of this felt natural to you. In the middle of your sexy dance, you decided to spin around, showing yourself off once more for him, but you spun a little to fast and ended up losing balance in your heels, you fell on the rug, thankful for it softening your fall. "Oh babe!" Erik said through laughter. "I don't mean to laugh but shit!" He said chuckling. "You alright?" You couldn't help but laugh with him. You nodded Even though you just busted your ass you were having a lot of fun. He beamed at you. "You know you're too much, bring your goofy ass over here." You kicked off the stupid heels and got to your knees. slowly crawling slowly over to Erik. Once you were in between his legs you looked up at him through your lashes. Grabbing his thighs, you used them to push you up and on to his lap. He grabbed your waist and you leaned down, bringing your lips to his. He pulled you closer and deepened the kiss, moving his tongue against yours. You moaned against his lip as you grabbed a fist full of his dreads. "How'd you like your little surprise?" You whispered to him one you finally separated. He smiled against your lips. "I never thought I'd see you like this" He ran his hands across your lingerie. "You know I love you just the way you are, but shit, a nigga could get used to this." You rolled your eyes and playfully slapped his arms. "Well don't!" You laughed. "This is for special occasions. I'm not busting my ass again." He laughed again. "Yeah, you hit the floor pretty hard." You rolled your eyes but grinned. "I love your goofy ass, you know that? Thank you for real, you stepped out of your comfort zone for me, that means a lot." He said, his tone a little more serious. You nodded. "I love your crazy ass too. Happy birthday Erik." He smiled and kissed you again, and again, and again.

[twtrv]

an accurate guide about red velvet

So since so many people are getting into Red Velvet recently, I decided to make a guide to help them out. You know, give yall some slack because learning five names is super hard. A guide accompanied by my half-assed jokes, interesting. 

PSA: If you’re only here to stan the girls because of their recent comebacks like Peek-A-Boo and Bad Boy and are going to drop them as soon as they release tracks similar to Dumb Dumb and Ice Cream Cake, leave because we don’t want you here.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get straight to business (TO DEFEAT THE HUNS WHY DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHTERS WHEN I ASKED FOR SONS)

Basic Facts

Red Velvet is a South Korean girl group formed by SM Entertainment in 2014.

There are five members (OT4 stans can choke).

They debuted on August 1st in 2014 with a single called “Happiness”.

Fandom name is Reveluv. Since “rêve” means “dream” in French, the meaning behind the fandom name is that us, Reveluvs, make their dreams come true and Red Velvet gives us their immense love in return, thus the “luv” part. Sometimes they also call us “Luvies”.

Official fandom colour is pastel coral and not red because l o g i c

The fact that they were formed by SM Entertainment doesn’t mean they got a free ride to the top so sit your entitled asses down, thanks.

Now, you see, they weren’t actually supposed to debut in 2014. I bet you must be confused but don’t worry, it is I, your trusty homie, that is gonna help you realize how many similarities every student has with SM lmao plus the reason for their early debut.

2014 was a rough year for our buddy Lee Soo Man. Jessica left Girl’s Generation; Sulli left f(x); Kris, Tao and Luhan left EXO... This, of course, caused a goddamn World War III amongst the fans of the respective groups. They were about to go in front of the official SM building with torches and pitchforks to demand SM to step up their game. To calm the situation down, our amigo SM must have thought: “Welp I sure fucked up. How the hell do I fix this? Wait, I have an idea! Let’s debut another girl group to cover up all the shit that has been piling up for years now!” 

And your boi gone and did it. He basically debuted another group despite the number of problems he had to deal with already. This is every student ever, just make another problem to cover up the first one.

Red Velvet debuted with four members; Irene, Seulgi, Wendy and Joy. The “Happiness” music video got 2 million views in a day and was the most viewed kpop music video for the month of August in 2014. See, the queens already breaking records.

However, the original version of “Happiness” was full of controversial topics such as 9/11 being the most prominent one. This caused such hate to the girls that everyone started calling them “flops”. Lmao Red Velvet stays unbothered as the kpop act with the most Billboard charted albums bYE.

Some of you still may be wondering what the hell happened with Yeri. Well, because their debut was rushed and due to her age, Yeri, unfortunately, couldn’t debut with them. When Red Velvet debuted, Yeri was 15 years old so basically a child. 

“bUt jiSUnG fROM ncT DreAM dEBuTed wHeN hE WAs onlY FoUrteEn”

Before, there was a law which stated that kids under the age of 16 couldn’t debut.

No need to worry fellow Yeri stans! Red Velvet only released another single called “Be Natural” before Yeri was officially added. The single featured NCT’s Taeyong on it too so if you are one of those fangirls, better go and check it out because your oppar is there + it is an underrated bop.

Yeri was added to the group during Ice Cream Cake era! Of course, many people hated her, acting as if Red Velvet released so many songs and solved world hunger without Yeri. Um, bitch they had two songs take a seat.

Discography and music in general lol

IT IS GOLD!1!!!!111!!

Okay listen, every single song of theirs makes me thot-drop in the middle of the goddamn school. Jesus Christ sunbaenim is shaking.

Albums:  Ice Cream Cake, The Red, The Velvet, Russian Roulette, Rookie, The Red Summer, Perfect Velvet, The Perfect Red Velvet.

Queens of naming their albums don’t even @ me.

Listen to every single song if you want to cure your depression, clear your skin, feed your children and harvest your crops. Seriously, all of their b-sides are so amazing and such bops they are worth a listen and you, as a person who chose to stan Red Velvet, deserve to have your ears cleansed.

Another topic that I want to bring up is “the red concept” and “the velvet concept”. It is not complicated. Basically what it means is that they split their concepts into two. The red concepts are more upbeat, catchy and poppy songs such as Dumb Dumb, Rookie, Russian Roulette etc. However, the velvet concept is where they show their mature, more serious ballads. Songs that represent the velvet side are Automatic, One of These Nights, Peek-A-Boo etc.

They filmed 13 music videos so you are going to get attacked by visuals 13 times, good luck.

The members 

The most interesting and fun part of this guide to be honest. So yeah, five members and five completely different personalities. Trust me, you’re gonna love every single one of these girls because they all have such amazing personalities and are extremely funny. Get abroad the homo express!

- Stage name: Irene

- Real name: Bae Joohyun

- Colour: Pink

- Position: Leader, Visual, Main Rapper, Lead Dancer, Vocal

- She really is a bae tho we love a powerful woman

- Born on March 29th, 1991; the eldest

- She literally looks five what the fuck

- tiny

- Takes pictures of everyone and everything so that she can stare at them while she does the laundry because she is such a mom

- “Shut the fuck up I am not a mom”

- A GODDESS PLUS TOP VISUAL OF THIS GENERATION NO PRINTER JUST FAX

- loves pussy

- Drinks men tears to stay hydrated

- Forgets names of her kids aka the rest of Red Velvet

- Snorts laundry detergent

- Talk shit get hit

- Silent but plotting world domination with her at the top

- Speaking of tops, she doms bYE

- She survived the World War II and was Stalin's deskmate when they were in the third grade

- xXButtLoverXx

- Likes winning. Who got to the finish line first? Her. Who travelled to space first? Her. Who found the cure for world hunger? Her.

- Actually very talented in everything she does and is a blessing to humanity

- Stage name: Seulgi

- Real name: Kang Seulgi

- Colour: Orange

- Position: Main Dancer, Lead Vocal

- Either as fluffy as a teddy bear or a fucking sex God there is no in between

- Born on February 10th, 1994; second eldest

- hER EYES MAKE ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY

- She, in general, makes me question my sexuality

- also tiny

- “Hello I am the 71st prettiest face in the world”

- First half of the “DD” also known as “Dumbass Duo”

- Someone help her she is lost in time and space

- The type of person to put a red sock to wash with the whites

- Is not capable of doing the splits because she dumb lmao

- How the fuck is one this confused???

- Gets bullied by her members a lot

- A sunshine in human form. You know that sun from the Teletubbies? That be Seulgi

- Her abs make me feel like Kylie Jenner, y’know... pregnant

- “If there’s no food I’m going home”

- THE number one fan of Beyonce™

- Pringles advocate

- She didn’t train for 7 years to have people shit talking her because she is multitalented and leaves people all around the world shooketh

- Stage name: Wendy

- Real name: Son Seungwan

- Colour: Blue

- Position: Main Vocal, English speaker

- Is also a HELLA good rapper

- Born on February 21st, 1994; third eldest

- Used to live in Toronto when she was younger, her English proceeds to give everyone a boner

- the tiniest out of all

- The kpop singer with the widest vocal range (this is an actual fact)

- “S H I N E  O N  M E”

- So caring it makes me bawl. She literally cooks for everyone and is so supportive it is truly beautiful

- Is actually the one behind the iconic “PARK SOOYOUNG! WHEN YOU SMILE I SMILE TOO”

- If she ever covers your song, you can say goodbye to it because it’s hers now

- A soccer mom

- Also that famous Kris Jenner “You’re doing amazing sweetie” meme

- Rescue her scalp someone pls

- Probably used “WHOMST” once in her lifetime unironically

- The gayest out of all the gays

- She is a boob person and also has a very nice butt Irene knows

- Once stacked a gazillion hats on top of her head because why the fuck not

- Is also a sexy pornstar ... no wait, I meant a “saxophonist”

- Is so beautiful and deserves all the love in this entire world but the world doesn’t deserve her at all 

- Stage name: Joy

- Real name: Park Sooyoung

- Colour: Green

- Position: Lead Rapper, Lead Vocal, Mood-maker

- + an actress

- Born on September 3rd, 1996: fourth eldest

- Invented “cute” and “sexy” don’t fight me on this

- TALL (for a Red Velvet member lmfao)

- Has the prettiest profile, God took extra time in crafting such a masterpiece

- Speaking of God... God is real and in a form of Park Sooyoung

- Likes finer things in life such as herself

- If the song “Me Too” was a human, it would be her

- Ruthless

- When she gets scared her soul deadass leaves her body and it is hilarious

- A dramatic bitch

- HAS THE BEST BODY SORRY YALL CAN’T COMPETE

- Can get very angery

- Probably was kinkshamed by someone once

- Is having a mental breakdown at every waking moment

- “Can you stop I’m very sensitive”

- Tom to Yeri’s Jerry

- Just the most amazing human being, an all-rounder and a happy virus

- Stage name: Yeri

- Real name: Kim Yerim

- Colour: Purple

- Position: Maknae, Lead Rapper, Sub Dancer, Vocal, Songwriter

- Is being an absolute savage a talent?

- Born on March 5th, 1999; the youngest

- The other half of the “Dumbass Duo”

- So much sass is contained in this tiny human being

- Plans to take over SM soon one day

- HAS THE MOST CONTAGIOUS LAUGH IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND IT IS SO GENUINE I LOVE IT

- Likes pineapple on pizza cancelled

- The OG Sone

- A mess

-  (ง •̀_•́)ง

- Not a big spoon nor a little spoon, she a knife

- Tries her best

- Knows everyone and everything; what a social butterfly it warms my heart

- Likes to read smut so all of you smut fanfiction writers, watch out, she is lurking

- SPEAKING OF LURKING

- She lowkey had a fan account that was all about Girl’s Generation

- A woman we all aspire to be

- Is an actual cinnamon roll that yes, could kill you but everyone loves her because she really improved a lot. WE WATCHED HER GROW UP INTO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SHE IS NOW B L E S S

Popular ships, let’s play a game where you guess which two people are paired up (not like it is completely obvious)

SEULRENE 

WENRENE

WENSEUL

JOYRI

YERENE

JOYGI

JOYDY

WENRI

SEULRI

Ending note

On a more serious note, Red Velvet is an amazing girl group that deserves so much more. I hope this at least got you to check them out. If not, your loss lol.

I could use a fuckton adjectives to describe their perfection but trust me, that ain’t enough.

Anyways, OT4 stans can fuck off, don’t comment on this post.

Just love all the girls and don’t point out their insecurities in a rude way mmkay?

This is all from me and I hope you enjoyed and that this helped you and maybe made you chuckle (maybe?)

If there is another question that you want me to answer, ask me because I would love to.

P.S. It doesn’t have to be Red Velvet related because I am trash that stans more groups than the number of bad jokes I made in this post.

Follow for more quality top-notch content.

[cerealmonster15]

yo fam i read ur grifnut/rvbnut tags,,like just make a post, i want to reblog this

OOH u mean my tags on this post yea? i’ll just make it THIS POST 8))) i was just gonna screencap all them juicy tags but since rvbnut [best term ever thank u for that] is otp, i will retype for better readability + i thought of some extra things to throw in, so here we go:

as mentioned already, there’s donut’s super secret diary where donut describes"gazing silently into each other’s visors” and feeling a connection, as well has having sat in grif’s lap”. i very much believe donut had a crush on grif at some point

there’s some PSA or something that for the life of me I can’t remember the name of, and it might just be a dvd extra cause I found it on youtube not through the rvb channel, where the reds are getting on motorcycles to go somewhere and grif has to share w/donut, and hes Very Hesitant and i dont remember what exactly donut was saying but it was Very Suggestive how he was telling grif to get behind him and hold on tight or w/e, and when grif didnt wanna get on it with him he was like “whats wrong ;(?? dont be shy~”

ive pulled out my book now and donut describes the play they put on for tucker as being about “the band of handsome male survivors braving the elements together” so, donut thinks he + the other BGC members are handsome

“The first thing the doctor did when we got him back over to our base was pin Sarge against the wall with the Warthog. I always thought if anyone was going to ram Sarge up to the wall, it would be me, seeing as how I’ve been angling for a promotion lately” -another entry in donut’s diary. i honest to god have no idea how this could be taken as an innuendo, bc it straight up sounds like donut wants to fuck his way to the top

also in the book, simmons’ self insert fanfiction “Hero In Maroon” has… a special scene with “Donut the Enchanter,” who is “spreading his temptation magic through scandalous dancing.” This is SIMMONS writing this, and simmons has himself say “Tell me what you know about Sarge, else I will have to run you through with my long sword” and, sure, he has donut speak in innuendos and reply to that line with “I like where this is gong. Maybe I’ll keep you here… FOREVER!” but like, simmons literally wrote himself throwing an innuendo to donut. then you have the next few lines “DONUT USES OFFICER HOT PANTS HANDCUFF ATTACK” “”Oh no!” Simmons exclaims. A bed appears behind him. His hands are cuffed to it.” And while the next line is just donut laughing and saying “Now you must watch my rendition of the musical CATS” so while donut wasnt gonna do anything creepy, this really sounds like simmons writing a self insert fic that includes a provocative donut flirting with him while talking about musicals…. simmons dont repress ur crush on donut

^not to mention the officer hot pants comes from donut having dressed up and jumped out of a cake for sarge’s birthday……..

at the finale scene of s13, donut says “I love you, too, Lopez”

Donut lived offscreen with Doc in valhalla, and then was dropped back off there to continue living in valhalla with doc (and lopez’s head) (i could talk for 60 years about them but anyone who’s followed me long enough has heard it all before and i’m tryin to keep the points b r i e f lol)

church has said “I like donut. He’s pretty harmless, man. I-I don’t think he’d hurt a fly.” and upon finding out donut got crushed by a spaceship, he paused his snarking to say “Oh, wait, the pink guy? Oh, I actually liked him!” to which grif replies “Seriously, what’s with all these feelings for donut?” 

tucker, thinking donut was a girl bc pink armor, asked donut if he “wanted to date one of us” and then called donut a “tease” when he said he wasn’t a girl

donut polished tucker’s codpiece 3 times when he and caboose were helping tucker get the black gunk off his armor, saying something along the lines of “a 3-coat waxing is just my way of saying I Care :)”

epsilon!tucker, while not canon to actual tucker, is implied to have jacked off to donut bc he thought he was a girl 

seems to be implied that tucker and donut were both assigned to the same desert location when everyone got split up, and donut passed out from thirst/exhaustion trying to get tucker’s distress call to the others

in The Best Red vs Blue DVD Ever of All Time, there’s a scene where tucker and donut are introducing “best couple.” Donut goes on about romance, while tucker says couple doesn’t necessarily mean romance, and  that “you[donut] think everything is romance! last week you called it romance when i accidentally took a bite of your sandwich” “was it really an accident tucker? was it?” “YES!” “time will tell” “ugh, whatever-” dudes, donut totally had a crush on tucker at least once

i dont have a good source but i remember seeing in a post a while back that there was a scrapped plotline that was gonna be a love triangle between donut, a “confused caboose”, and an unknown third party

i’m willing to bet the confused caboose bit is because caboose seems to have thought (and maybe still does? who knows) that donut was a girl, likely because of the armor. in caboose’s mind, donut’s a girl who says things like “I love caboose, and yet, I’m still afraid of him, he’s so scary :)” [cause he seems to think of himself as intimidating to the red team lol], and then in Head Canon, caboose!donut says something like “i like [something] almost as i like to paint my nails and not talk to boys. i would never talk to boys, especially not caboose for some reason!” which… is hard to make sense of tbh lol, but since everyone in caboose’s mind is how caboose perceives them, it maybe seems like caboose doesnt get as much of donut’s attention as he’d like?? lmfao, it sounds like “not caboose for some reason” means caboose doesn’t really understand either. 

donut tearily said to caboose way back in KITBFF: “ Mister Caboose, I just want you to know that even though we are on different teams, and we may never see each other again, whatever happens out there today, I’ll always remember the moments we shared together. You are now, and forever will be… my friend.” very emotional if i do say so myself

there’s this reconstruction deleted scene where i guess donut had gotten transferred to doing special agent stuff w/wash’s division or something (wash calls him Special Agent Donut so, i guess lol). Wash speaks in donut innuendos the whole time he’s talkin about donut [”He’s a back door expert” “if there’s an unsecured rear entrance, he’s your man” “legend has it he can get through even the tightest cracks-” lmfao and they address each other by name, so i like to think they’ve worked together and donut’s… mannerisms… have been Rubbing Off on wash ;p

^also in that deleted scene caboose goes “DONUT! :D” when donut appears and talks, so he’s clearly excited to see him!!!!!!!!! 

ahem. point being: the bgc needs to embrace the donut love and i firmly believe that if someone didnt have a crush on donut, donut had a crush on one of them at some point in time

[honeyedmilks]

the longest gtk me tag to ever exist 🍰

i was tagged by the lovely @meanyoongis (thank YOU!! <3) for this extravagant tag! she is so long, even without my rambling, that under a cut she must rest!

the last…

drink: water! please stay hydrated this summer my friends!  time you cried: literally at 5 am at some point early in the week

phone call: my mum

text message: it’s literally me messaging rezka this: “did u just tell me to find a sugar daddy?” we were discussing my shitty laptop and a peach phone cover i wanted to buy- don’t ask anymore questions about this please lmfao.

song you listened to: don’t stop by shinee :’( (i’m going to report choi minho for his rap in this as well as my love jonghyun for his vocals that nearly killed me)

 have you…

dated someone twice: but… i’ve not.. even dated someone.. once… 

kissed someone and regretted it: nope! 

been cheated on: nope!

lost someone special: not in terms of them passing away but i have lost many friends and relationships i still remember; i feel their loss sometimes

been depressed: dfhhdjd i be livin’ that mental illness life right now hskjxk

gotten drunk and thrown up: no, but during my very bad times, i thought about doing just that, a lot. 

list three favourite colours…

omg okay: browns, pinks, blues 

in the last year have you…

made new friends: yes! i love them!! shout out to my cute tumblr friends :’))) 

fallen out of love: hmm… i would say so… THANK GOD 

laughed until you cried: i wish lmfao but rezka and allie have made me laugh loads :’)) 

found out someone was talking about you: hmm yes, but it’s ok :(( 

met someone who changed you: i know some people now who have given me sound advice that i try to remember, but other than that i don’t think so

found out who your friends are: yes :(( though i would like to think the ones who didn’t check up on me had their reasons 

kissed someone on your facebook list: i’m literally the most un-sensual person ever?? can u tell?? no action up in dis bitch y’all!

general…

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i should’ve mentioned before that i’m not even on that… place… imagine having all my asian family members tryna peep me on ‘the facebooks’ as my dad calls it… a living nightmare… also it just looks far too complicated to use and not worth the energy getting used to it, i love the memes that i see from facebook here though lmfaoo they’re lit

do you have any pets: no! :(( i used to have a bunny called bubbles but he is no longer with us :(( rest in peace bubbles :(( but our family wants a new pet! hopefully we’ll get a cat or another rabbit when my littlest brother is a bit older! i’m so lonely… i want a dog.. my family is so incomplete… so cold…so devoid… I JUST WANT AN ANIMAL FRIEND!!! but i would also have to get over my weird fear of all living things, and the pain that comes with having them such as scratches etc 

do you want to change your name: actually no, i’m okay with my name right now :’) though i feel like i have two depending on how people pronounce it! its more commonly pronounced as sof-ee-a but it’s actually soft, like sof-ya! also here’s a fact! my name’s already been changed :D when i was younger i was actually named bariah (pronounced br-ee-ya) but it was changed because my parents and stuff thought it was causing me lots of bad luck… i also somehow got picked on in primary school for having my name changed?? people eventually ended up saying i had changed my name like three times (the real case is that white people fucked up how to pronounce bariah and when my mum corrected them, they all flipped shit lmfao ah my head hurts thinking about this- it got worse after it went from bariah to sofia)                               

what did you do for your last birthday: it was so miserable this was the worst year to ask me this question, lmfao i’ll try not to give you any miserable details but i ended up buying myself cake and trying not to make it my departing date too

what time did you wake up: near 1pm i think! 

what were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was either watching the princess’ man or making my posters for it! 

name something you can’t wait for: honestly don’t know lmfao i want to go to the beach though so here’s hoping i finally do that, or go swimming 

when was the last time you saw your mom: like an hour ago, she’s making dinner i think… i can smell it… all the way from my depression hole (bedroom)

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: so much? but mostly i would like my dad to get better and my mum to not have to do everything :(( and then go on more holidays and live life more :(( also mental illness be gone!!

what are you listening right now: fuckin artificial love by exo dropped on ma shuffle, i’m getting terrible flashbacks to the cane dance  

have you ever talked to a person named tom: aye i know a guy called tom, he got a part of his tooth chipped (It was a whole big wild thing and i don’t know the details but that’s all i remember of the dude) and he was in my english class once, but like, we don’t talk no more… i don’t even know if i’ve seen him around school when i used to go… 

something that is getting on your nerves: lots of things… my potato laptop… myself… no one in my gotdang family listening to me!!! the fact that it’s been two weeks and i still don’t have delicious cake… also the fact i end up hating everything i make on here- thank you guys for being so lovely in your tags tho :’(( 

most visited website: tbh tumblr, pinterest, pixlr and dramanice

about me…

mole/s: i don’t think i have any? maybe some small dark dots here and there on my legs and neck

mark/s: i have some burn scars and a bit of a scar thing on my elbow where i scraped it really badly as a kid, i also have stretch marks on my waist/hips etc and a blotchy mark in my inner left thigh

childhood dream: i think i was set on being an interior designer at one point? lmfao or a celebrity chef (i watched a lot of food network as a kid) 

hair colour: black

long or short hair: very very long, but i want to get it cut soon so it’s a bit shorter. 

do you have a crush on someone: i mean there’s this one boy in real life… but i don’t see him that much right now :(( i don’t think it’s full on infatuation though… but y’all also know i love jonghyun and changkyun 

what do you like about yourself: AKDNSKJDKJADDJ i broke out the caps for this!!! lemme think… i guess my eyebrows can be rather nice! and i can be funny sometimes i guess lmao… i like how i can be empathetic with people, though it’s not at all always fun being so sensitive

piercings: i have my ears pierced! just one in each lobe :) 

blood type: you trippin if you thought i would know this LMFAO 

nickname: binch i gots so many oh my god… my family, such as my aunt, call me brian (derived from my old name bariah- thank god i told you guys about that otherwise none of you would know why my nickname was fucking BRIAN), some people call me sofie/ sophie, and my mum calls my sofie pofie sometimes- my dad calls me sofar (so-fur) in the most desi way possible- he once accidentally called me sofa and it just stuck, it also explains my instagram user name (sofarsoogood) lmfao its a cute pun and i don’t know if this is a nickname but i get adressed as baji/baj by my younger brothers and sisters and cousins- its like the desi term for older sister 

relationship status: your local potato head (that’s me) is on her lonesome… she single as hell bitch!

zodiac: aquarius (i’m sure i spelt that wrong, rezka once dragged me for spelling it as some other dumb shit before BUT OH WELL) 

pronouns: she/her!

favourite tv show (s): i don’t even know, parks and recreation is a good one though :’)) oooh and I LOVE CRIMINAL MINDS though i’ve not seen much of the new season :(( oh and an idiot abroad is fucking funny bye i need to rewatch that ooh also lots of cooking shows and the jane eyre bbc (2006) mini series 

tattoos: no, but i would like to get some more henna done this year :’D

right or left hand: right!

surgery: i don’t think so? but i did get some teeth taken out when i was younger so i don’t know if that counts lmfao 

hair dyed in different colour: no, but it would be nice to get it done one day!! i’ve been thinking about it… but i don’t know what colour would suit me and my mum doesn’t want me to lmfao 

sport: i like cycling (its been ages tho) and i like badminton, yoga and i really want to go swimming :(( but i don’t do any of that anymore. the most i do is long walking 

vacation: i’ve been to pakistan, england, stopped in dubai for a while, italy, france, turkey and egypt! it was all so long ago though! and i would like to go to so many more places!

pair of trainers: i have converse! though i much prefer sandals over converse

more general…

eating: these days i’m very into chips and cheese plus donner (don’t knock it till ya try it!) and my mum’s roti salan lmfao 

drinking: hmm water! or icy drinks! iced tea is fabulous but i also gotta start drinking green tea again! i miss her 

i’m about to: pass out from trying to answer all of these LMFAO JOKES i might get something to eat.. such as ice cream… or actual dinner… and then maybe watch more of the princess’ man or make some stuff! but who knows i might just fall asleep lmfao 

waiting for: a new laptop, my mental health TO GET BETTER SDHKSHKSDH and for just… i dunno what the heck i’m doing, i’m just winging my life right now and for my dad to get better so he can go on trains and buses with me so i can get used to them  

want: new bath bombs and clothes, my writing passion back, hugs, affection, allie to reunite with her chicken hat one day

get married: i most likely will when i’m older! though i’ve been told i’m already in a relationship with jp and bevy maco 

career: HONESTLY DON’T KNOW!!!!!! but if i filter all my shit out then i can say, i want to get into film, defos want to be a published writer, maybe go into graphic design… who knows tbh maybe counselling? 

which is better…

hugs or kisses: it depends on what kind of kiss/ where it is, but i often get in moods where i just need to be held :’(( so both i guess!

lips or eyes: both :’) but eyes over lips i guess unless we’re talking smiles :’) 

short or tall: i guess tall but if i’m in love it might not really matter              

older or younger: hmm, i would say the same age as me or a little older, but it really depends on the mentality of the person :) 

nice arms or nice stomach: arms are nice :’) 

sensitive or loud: hmm i don’t know… probably loud, just not obnoxious or annoying

hook up or relationship: relationship :’) 

troublemaker or hesitant: hmm i don’t know! the boys i’ve liked have ended up being some troublemakers, but i guess it depends on what kind of trouble! 

have you ever…

kissed a stranger: nope!

drank hard liquor: never 

lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t wear glasses or contact lenses but i have lost some sunglasses on holiday lmfao, it doesn’t even have to be a day before i lose something on holiday, or leave it behind

turned someone down: hmm i don’t think so! though one boy did try give me a valentine on valentine’s day but i was really having a terrible day and i didn’t take it from him, the encounter was a mess and i don’t know why he was tryna give it to me in the first place? i think he was just tryna get rid of it?? i don’t trust boys if they do stuff like that/ try ask me out tbh lmfao for many reasons

sex on the first date: oh no not my shy ass lmfao

broken someone’s heart: i don’t know :( most likely not! though there was one person i think i did hurt and let down  

had your heart broken: i’m not sure in the romantic sense, but i know it’s felt a lot 

been arrested: nope! i’m an angel ;)) LMFAO 

cried when someone died: hmm i can’t remember, i think i cried seeing my mum so upset when her mother passed away, i also have shed tears over michael jackson (i used to be a very heavy mj blog back in the day lmfao shout out to my mj mutuals who stuck around) 

fallen for a friend: i don’t think it was genuine, so i’m going to say no 

do you believe in…

yourself: pfff depends really, there are times when i don’t feel an overwhelming sense of insecurity and there are times i do                    

miracles: i guess so :)

love at first sight: i think you can be attracted to someone when you first see them or have a liking to them but real love is such a complex thing that i don’t really believe one can fall in love at first sight

santa claus: kjdcnjdcnjd who dat i only know dat cool guy in narnia who gave dem kids of old their death devices

kiss on the first date: hmm… depends… but in reality… probably no

angels: yes  

other…

current best friends name: rezka, allie, mhairi, (a mix of tumbly friends and irl) im such a loser bye but i love y’all, i honestly don’t talk to a lot of people these days :(( 

eye colour: so dark they look black and you can’t see my pupils sometimes

favourite movie(s): hmm… sabrina (1954), the mummy one and two, peter pan (2003), pride and prejudice (2005) and spy! i have lots more i’m so fond of!  

phew! time to tag some lovely people! : @youngjei , @allonsy-allie , @dansphil , @seokjinings , @junyeol-s , @bovrilcat , @alcenos , @astraelogy , @mahnoorjahan , @timrggins and @bonqhee! 💗

[keyofshadows]

@akingdomtheorist

So! Ridiculous conversation that’s gonna strike me as funny for the next week, probably. Which I could definitely use, but whatever. Thought I’d amuse you with it since your cupcake started it, lol.

keyofshadows Tomorrow's Eli's birthday. Confetti for all.

akingdomtheorist Adion will make him a cupcake

keyofshadows Awe. He'd be touched. And Adion would get a hug. Also one of those pointy birthday hats.

akingdomtheorist What if the cupcake was shaped like a pointy birthday hat

keyofshadows Pfffff he'd demand to know if the dragon was conspiring with his mom. She used to sew him a replica of Yen Sid's hat every few years and make him wear it on his birthday while she took pictures. From his literal 'I'm twenty minutes old' birthday until he was eighteen. IS THIS POINTY BIRTHDAY HAT CAKE A REFERENCE TO HIS HAT NEMESIS

sstingray yen sid knows about the hats

keyofshadows Is he amused or shaking his head because what is wrong with these people

sstingray secretly amused but won't show it is my wager

keyofshadows I wonder how much Eli was complaining under his breath about it during his lovely summer of responsibility training also I wonder how many dirty looks he was giving Yen Sid's hat while the man was wearing it because whoops

sstingray the master probably noticed it and said something to him eventually.

keyofshadows lmao. "It's not you Sir, honest! It's just...uh...nothing, actually, never mind, I'm supposed to be mopping or something, better get back to that." /slinks off because oh my god, explaining to Yen Sid about the Hat when he has no idea he already knows, pfff. Poor Eli.

sstingray not pictured: ray in the background trying really hard not to laugh

keyofshadows Oh sure, enjoy your amusement now, he'll get you back for it. Someday. Somehow. Maybe. She can babysit his eventual demonspawn, that'll do it. ...Which would be more of a punishment to the kids, actually.

sstingray and she'll get just as much fun out of that as she did watching him

keyofshadows Okay, we totally know what we're doing with Auryn when he misbehaves. Off to aunt Ray's for a pop quiz!

sstingray secretly gives him cookies when they're not looking

keyofshadows Ray's gonna end up with a kid that mouths off just to be sent for 'punishment', you know. Though he'll be more of an actual pain in the ass as a teenager. Amelia says don't worry about that, she and Nico will knock him into shape. With his own Keyblade, if necessary.

sstingray but eli she is not a tool to punish your children with! gosh!!

sstingray well if he misbehaves TOO badly he'll still learn not to cross her

keyofshadows The Grasshopper knows this. But really, it's Date Night and he and Specter really wanted to have some quiet movie time that didn't involve Auryn yelling in the background from upstairs. I should probably feel bad for Ray having to deal with the next generation of troublemakers, but nope. Too busy snickering.

sstingray it's fine they'll watch a movie that eli doesn't want him to see

keyofshadows Which would probably be anything with drunk elephants. Dumbo is Evil. So is Bambi, but for completely different reasons.

sstingray well. if auryn is up for it...

keyofshadows This is Eli's punk firstborn, of course he is.

sstingray welp. pink elephants on parade it is!

keyofshadows And Ray then gets to field ALL the questions, like how can elephants get drunk, and why isn't HE even allowed more than a can of soda a day if whatever Dumbo had was worse - wait, was that elephant beer? Or did he drink funny water? And if he drinks too much soda is he gonna see pink elephants too? Is THAT why he's not allowed too much? Can he have a few cans and find out?

sstingray fermentation is a terrible thing, you're too young kid, maybe idk but i saw this video once of elephants eating fermented fruits and getting totally trashed, honestly who even knows anymore, no, no it's because you'll get a sugar high and it's also terrible for your health, and no

keyofshadows He is completely unhappy with all of these answers, he'll have you know. Except the trashed elephant video, he wants to see that. BUT. He's gonna complain to Nico first (who will tell him to Listen To Aunt Ray She Knows More Than Them) and then he'll go home and whine at his dad BECAUSE AUNT RAY IS BEING UNFAIR FIX THIS

keyofshadows Eli just snickering and yeah, no, you have no idea of the meaning of 'unfair' when it comes to her, short stuff, sorry.

sstingray eli's probably like "that's what she does there is nothing i can do"

keyofshadows Nor does he wish to try, he's too old for another Darkside/Twilight Thorn/Who Knows What That Is pop quiz. He has kids now! (He's never too old, lmao. Kai'll boot him over for laughs.)

sstingray in which kai accidentally initiates a game of corridor ping pong with eli as the ball

keyofshadows Pfff. Kai says he thought he was going to get into trouble for booting the Epic Dork through Corridors, or does that only count when he's kicking him into the Maw?

sstingray nnnnno he'll probably be in trouble for it later but aunt ray has a life too you know she can't deal with your antics all the time!! there are seas to be sailed! treasures to be found! magics to learn!

keyofshadows Good, then can she take Soren with, he needs a way to deal with him this week that A - Does not involve setting his sneakers on fire AGAIN and B - Keeps Ro from rescuing him. Little brother gets seasick, little brother won't be warping over to pick him up. ...The maturity is astounding.

sstingray just for that she'll kick kai into the ocean

keyofshadows This is punishment how? He can swim. Also will probably open a Corridor and drop into it before he hits the water because he's a little shit.

sstingray either way he's off her ship so she'll count it as a win

sstingray not if she kicks him into her own portal and drops him right above the water

keyofshadows This is how you make enemies, Ray. (lmao, as if he'd do more than sulk for a few days before showing up again to get cookies/ask a favor/see what she thinks is a good present for Ro's birthday)

sstingray puhlease she'll take kai on pirate adventures someday

keyofshadows Do we really want a Keyblade wielder pretending to be a pirate. Or even just on the ship for longer than thirty seconds. (Yes.)

sstingray um duh?? how fun could that be

keyofshadows Kai's pointing out it should be Keyblade MASTER by that time, get it right. This from Mr. 'There's no way I'd ever be that good' who eventually is because whoops, Auryn's training is filled with fetching the chips Mastery Exams. I didn't know that traumatizing was another word for fun.

sstingray isn't that the epitome of everyone's time with their favorite aunt

keyofshadows There was just a resounding 'YES', so.

sstingray well there you go!

keyofshadows /snicker

keyofshadows The pirate thing is gonna turn into tradition, just like Ray taking on Eli as an apprentice started that ball rolling for him. She should pop on by one of the rabbit holes of Wanderer's Refuge again and see if she can land anywhere near Fen's time again. Be greeted by a slightly older (no more than 18, probably) Az, who happily informs her about how she's 'retraining' Celia's apprentice Seth, much to her dad's horror. Probably much to Ray's too, lol. 'Wait, wasn't he the boy that kept going creeper on you? That you hated? WHAT ARE YOU DOING'

sstingray no no its not a bad thing retraining is good

sstingray show him the light girl you go though lol god forbid ray ever have kids and they get mixed up with eli's family that's just gonna be chaos everywhere

keyofshadows Fen asks Ray to PLEASE not encourage his baby, he doesn't like Seth, he doesn't trust him, how does he know he's not going back to Celia and telling her things AZ IS NOT READY FOR THIS STUFF. OMG

sstingray also how would even feel about ray showing up again Oh welp

keyofshadows SO MUCH CHAOS.

sstingray that's the thing about light fen, sometimes you just gotta trust someone

keyofshadows Also no one minds Ray's random drop-ins, she's the Refs boogieman, after all.

sstingray and maybe put a tracker on them u know whatever works

keyofshadows He refuses to trust Seth, he's a little shit.

sstingray excellent her legend will live on

keyofshadows Az'll threaten her kids with Ray popping out of nowhere, just for the entertainment value.

sstingray I have a feeling her hypothetical family would get on great in the chaos tho lmao az can be like IT HAPPENS. A LOT ACTUALLY. we should probably do something about that

keyofshadows Just like how she's naming her firstborn son Jalen, also for the entertainment value. She can hear the grumping from the original through the rabbit hole, lmfao.

sstingray listen ray never asked to be an accidental time traveler it's weird ok

keyofshadows Also hilarious

sstingray she'll be sure to tell Jalen that when she gets back

keyofshadows The kid's gonna be the bounciest, most cheerful baby ever. /cackle

sstingray Oh how delightful!

keyofshadows Az thinks so~

keyofshadows Fen's twitching now because apparently Az is over her crush on Leo and he'd actually rather she go drool over the grease-covered boy Not From Here as opposed to the direction she's looking in. /facepalm

sstingray he could always come back :v

keyofshadows Imagine Fen trying to convince Leo to distract his daughter from the weirdo she's currently 'retraining'. For her own good, of course, not his nerves. /dies

sstingray leo is like whoa that is none of my business dude. slowly backs away.

keyofshadows Az is just smirking. Ha ha dad. But hey, nice to see you Leo, still eating sandwiches out of that toolbelt of yours? Somebody made rice krispy treats if he wants any.

sstingray great now that he gets to see her again, yes, and y e s where can find them?!

keyofshadows lol. Just opens a Light corridor and hands him a whole plateful.

sstingray !!! did he ever tell her he loves her cause he totally does

keyofshadows OH GOOD WAY TO START OFF THE AWKWARD BLUSHING LEO THANKS

sstingray thumbs up!!

keyofshadows Fen's trying not to applaud. Go away, you, quit trying to influence things. His wife would swat him.