#i mean guys sorry but I'd like to not have to sell a house if I end up in the hospital

[sleekervae]

The Bride [0.7]

Masterlist

A/N: sorry I've been away for so long guys, I hit a bit of a depression when I came home but I'm slowly coming out of it. And ofc any time Tom's in a cowboy hat catch me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure lol.

Pairing: billy the kid x fem!reader

Summary: Billy moves to Lincoln

Warnings: cursing, slander, mentions of shooting, anxiety and paranoia

Word Count: 5,222

Tag List: @poppyflower-22 @ponyslayer

The town of Lincoln was a booming, dusty town with a strong Mexican population. Despite its small size it was rapidly developing in housing, productivity, and opportunity. And where there was opportunity, ambition came sniffing around.

The first opportunity Lawrence P. Murphy saw was a monopoly; so many immigrant farmers eager to make a living, and he had the means to distribute their products to those who needed them. Of course, because he had been in the only game in town, no farmer could complain when Murphy began to slash their earnings, because where were they supposed to go? Who was going to compensate them?

Well, John Tunstall saw his own opportunity: completion.

Same distribution, same stores, better wages, better human rights. And when the farmers learned of what Tunstall had to offer, they of course clamoured to sell their grain, veggies, and dry goods to him instead of Murphy.

Another result of competition was jealousy... as well as greed... and then desperation.

Murphy became so desperate to keep his stocks, so desperate to hold on to the power and control he had within Lincoln, that he was willing to sub-contract criminals to keep the farmers in line. There was no real law in Lincoln, so again -- who was to stop him?

Seven had just struck the morning air, businesses were opening and children were beginning their chores for the day. It was a simple, ordinary day, up until an unfamiliar horse strided into town. On the back of said horse was a woman, a striking stranger donning a long canvas coat and a black, wide-brimmed hat. The horse matched her facade, black in its coat with a single white sock on its back leg, trotting away peacefully under the patient guidance of its rider.

Some of the locals stopped what they were doing, it wasn't often they'd see women riding horses by themselves. They'd never seen a strange woman ride into town, period; they were typically always accompanied by a man.

And yet, the town of Lincoln would come to find there was nothing typical about this woman.

They watched curiously as she stopped before John Tunstall's store. Dismounting her horse, she was much shorter than she appeared, however she walked with great confidence up the stairs of the store front and waltzed right in.

A store clerk glanced up, giving her his own curious gaze as she bypassed all the available product and approached the desk, "Can I help you, ma'am?" he asked.

"Why yes," she smiled sweetly for him, lifting her hat off her head and letting her long brown hair cascade over her shoulders, "I heard Mr. Tunstall was hiring for a book keeper. I'm here to apply," she replied simply, plucking her riding gloves off her fingers one by one.

The clerk nodded, "I see. Do you have experience?"

"Yes, sir. Six years worth," her smile widened, the tinge of her southern accent was so effortlessly charming that the clerk couldn't help but be taken with her.

"Six years?" he queried. He couldn't have put this girl at more than twenty-years-old.

"That's right," she nodded, never wavering in her confidence.

She seemed sweet enough, the clerk didn't see the harm in her, "Well, Mr. Tunstall won't be back in town for another few weeks, but I'd be happy to give you the run through, if you'd like?" he offered.

"I'd appreciate that," she nodded, "Mr...?"

"Charlie works just fine," he stepped out from the counter to lead her into the back, "And your name?"

"Johana," she replied, reaching out to shake his hand, "Johana Delile,"

Working for Mr. Murphy brought in a lot of money, and for the most part, it was easy money. Intimidate the competition, disrupt supply chains, and remind the locals who held the monopoly in town.

That last part didn't sit well with Billy. Jesse, however, seemed to thrive on it.

The locals they were threatening, the supply chains they were disrupting, were typically Mexican families. Immigrants who had journeyed up North in hopes of achieving the American Dream. They were good people who just wanted to make an honest living. People who, despite their contracts with Murphy, were giving their supply to Tunstall because he simply paid better.

If anyone deserved a shot at making it in this country, it was them. Billy understood that better than any of Jesse's boys could, better than Murphy ever would. Murphy's solution was muscle and ammo, and despite how much Billy tried to keep violence out of it, he could only play peacemaker for so long before something snapped.

Billy found himself torn. He knew the pain of struggling for a better life, the desperation that came with it. He saw the fear in the eyes of the families they intimidated, and it ate at him. He could almost hear Eleanor's voice, urging him to do the right thing, to find another way.

But here he was, stuck in a cycle of survival and compromise, his hands tied by the very people he was trying to distance himself from. Each day brought a new challenge, a new moral line to cross, and Billy felt the weight of it pressing down on him, threatening to crush whatever remnants of his old self he had left.

Today was another warm one, summer would be coming to an end soon yet the heat was insistent on sticking around. Murphy had tasked Jesse with another intimidation tactic, Jesse naturally dragged Billy and Pat with him.

They made a good trio: Jesse was the aggressive one, hyper, quick on the tongue and on the draw, Pat, with his distinguished way of dress gave him some air of power and authority, people respected him. And Billy, well Billy's sensitivity came into play quite effectively. Jesse knew how much Billy didn't want blood spilled, he could tell from the moment he stepped foot into town. So Billy was naturally the last line of threat, encouraging the locals to wise up and respect Murphy's business.

Today however would prove to be just a tad different.

It wasn't the first time the trio had stormed into Tunstall's store, tearing through bags of grain, kicking bags of flour, making a real mess of the place. The clerk in charge stood helpless, unarmed, and outmanned. This was exactly what Jesse and his boys expected as they strode into the store. Jesse’s aggression could be sensed a mile away, and it was enough to make the poor store clerk quake in his boots.

"I thought we gave you a warning last time!" Jesse hollered, his boot connecting with another bag of grain, spilling its contents across the floor.

"And what warning would that be?" the clerk stammered, trying to stand his ground. Billy felt a pang of sympathy for the guy, along with a growing annoyance at Jesse’s antics.

"Shape up and ship out," Jesse replied with a sneer. "You've got no chance at competing with Murphy. He knows it, you know it, and I'm sure at this point Tunstall knows it too."

Pat chimed in, "You can’t even get the same quality product. It’s no competition."

Billy lingered in the back, staying quiet but ready should things escalate. They almost did with a farmer and his family the other day, and Billy had barely managed to reel Jesse back in, like a rabid animal on a leash.

"Where's Tunstall at?" Jesse demanded, hands on his hips.

"He won’t be back for a few weeks," the clerk said, trying to sound confident.

"You told me that last time," Jesse scoffed.

"Last time was the same," the clerk replied. "Mr. Tunstall’s a busy man, you know..."

A smirk tugged at Jesse’s lips. He glanced at Pat, then at Billy, before turning back to the clerk. "I bet he is. So damn busy, he leaves some gawky kid to run his store instead of being here himself. Real brave man,"

Just as the tension reached its peak, the door to the store swung open, and Billy swore he was seeing a ghost. Given the dumfounded look on Jesse's face, he felt the same. In walked Eleanor—or a more refined, polished version of her. Billy finally sat up from the crate he was resting on, studying her hard as she sauntered into the hostile room. Her hair was pinned up nicely, her slacks were traded for a nice dress, and her face was clean, free of any trace of stress or depression.

"Sam, you need help out here? I heard some bags fall over—"

She took in the scene with a quick glance, her eyes locking with Billy's first, then shifting to Jesse. The same gobsmacked expression hit her only for a moment; her eyes went wide, and Billy could hear her sharp inhale. Nevertheless, she remained cool and stoic, standing beside the clerk with a calm authority that commanded the room.

"What’s goin' on here?" Eleanor asked, her voice steady and her Carolinian accent heavier than before.

Jesse straightened up, stepping forward with caution, "Eleanor?" he muttered, but the edge in his voice had dulled.

She cocked a brow, glancing at Sam with curiosity before turning back to Jesse, "Who's Eleanor?" she asked plainly.

Pat himself was confused, glancing between the two men. Obviously, there was something about this girl that had them both as white as sheets.

Jesse scoffed in disbelief, "Don't play around, Ellie. It's not funny," he told her.

"Do you see me laughing?" she sassed back, one hand going on her hip, "Now I asked you a question, you still have yet to answer me,"

"They were just leaving, Jo," Sam informed her.

"Jo?" Billy finally spoke, coming to stand in line with Jesse and Pat. There were so many emotions flooding through him; relief because she was alive and appeared relatively unharmed, confused and hurt because she obviously recognized him and Jesse, but whatever role she was taking on now, she obviously couldn't let slip that she knew them.

"Johana," she said simply, "You boys work for Mr. Murphy, don't ya?" she cocked her head, staring directly at Billy now.

Billy took a hard swallow before answering, "That's right, ma'am," Jesse shot him a glare, pissed and annoyed that Billy was playing into her cock and bull story.

A pitiful smile crossed her face, "Then you don't belong here. Either buy somethin', or get out," she huffed, "We got a special on dried apricots this week,"

Jesse was still in disbelief, but he could register enough to see how she was talking to him. He could see which side she was playing for, and that automatically made her his enemy.

"You really wanna' do this, Eleanor?" he asked, "This is what you do to me?"

Eleanor simply shook her head, "Now listen, I don't know who this Eleanor girl is, but God save her soul should you ever find her. Now, I told you to leave,"

Jesse scowled menacingly, anger boiling inside him now, "Or what?" he took a step closer, "What the hell are you gonna' do?"

Billy watched anxiously as a viscous, petty smile crossed her face. He could see how much Eleanor was enjoying this, toying with Jesse, riling him up. But he couldn't have predicted what she did next.

Without warning, she let out an ear-piercing, murderous scream. The type of scream women let out when they knew they were in real trouble, the type of scream that townsfolk would drop everything for and run if it meant protecting their own. And that's just what happened, already Billy could hear people making their way to Tunstall's store. He knew exactly how it would look when they came in here, and he was eager to avoid as much trouble as he could.

They had to get out, now.

"Alright, alright! We get it!" Billy stepped forward, his hands out to try and calm her, "You win!"

Eleanor immediately stopped screaming, that same smile still plastered to her face. It was almost as though she had been taken on by another spirit, this wasn't the Eleanor that Billy had come to know. Even Sam was shaken as he cowered further back behind the desk.

"I'm glad you see it my way," she told him, "Now either run along, and I make up a ruse about a mouse runnin' loose around here. Or the townspeople can come in and I'll tell 'em all about how you tried to manhandle a poor, defenceless, little woman," her smile was overtaken by that all too familiar pout that Billy and Jesse came to know.

That murderous glare returned to Jesse's face, his fists balling at his sides. Of course, he couldn't do anything here, not now anyway. Billy wouldn't put it past him to return come closing time, though.

"Alright, we're leaving," Pat agreed, tugging Jesse by his jacket arm, "But Mr. Murphy's gett'n real tired of losing his suppliers,"

"Well, maybe if Murphy paid his suppliers properly, he wouldn't be having a problem?" Sam butted in.

"Money talks well, after all," Eleanor nodded coyly.

Jesse stepped back with the boys, his glare never leaving Eleanor's, "Don't get too comfortable, Johana. We'll be back,"

"Gimme' a head's up next time!" she called after them, "I'll put some coffee on!"

Billy grabbed Jesse and dragged him out the door, just as a few locals came rushing into the store to see what all the screaming was about. Sam and Eleanor -- or Johana, as they came to know her -- quickly quelled their fears with the story of a rogue rat, sending them all on their way again. All they were left with now was a giant mess to clean up.

"That was wonderful, Jo," Sam awed, "I don't know how you got it in you!"

"What do ya' mean, Sam?" she asked.

"You just stand up to them so well! That first guy was all up in your face and you never flinched!" he replied

"Well, it's simple," she told him as they began to clean up, "Don't let 'em see you scared, that's how they know they got power over you,"

Sam nodded, "S'pose that makes sense... were you scared?"

"Of those knuckle heads? Please," she scoffed.

"Why'd they keep calling you 'Eleanor', though?"

Eleanor simply shrugged, not letting any hint of stress show in her expression, "Hell if I know. Maybe I just got one of 'em faces?"

Sam began to laugh, "Maybe you look too much like his girlfriend that took off on 'im?" well, he almost hit the nail on the head...

"Maybe so," Eleanor chuckled back, though the thought of being Jesse's girl absolutely repulsed her, "I'm gonna grab the broom. You try to salvage whatcha' can,"

"Sounds good!"

Eleanor walked into the back of the store, her calm facade crumbling the moment she was out of sight. Her hand flew to her mouth, muffling her labored breathing. Her chest tightened like a bowstring as she fell back against the wall, eyes wide with panic. Jesse was in town. Billy was in town. They were working for the competition. If they were feeling spiteful, her cover was definitely blown.

She slid down the wall, her legs shaking beneath her, the reality of the situation hitting her like a freight train. Memories flooding back like a dam bursting, the life she had tried so hard to escape was back to haunt her. She pressed her palm against her chest, willing herself to calm down.

Footsteps echoed from the front of the store, each one sending a jolt of fear through her. Sam would surely be back to check on her if she wasn't out soon. She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms, fighting to regain control. She couldn’t let him see her like this, couldn't risk him finding out the truth.

Taking a deep breath, Eleanor straightened up, forcing herself to stand tall. She brushed her hands down her dress, smoothing out the wrinkles, and went to fetch the broom. She had fought too hard to create this new life, and she wasn’t about to let the Seven Rivers Gang destroy it.

Billy had never seen Jesse so furious. The moment he stepped out of the store, his boots stomped heavily across the gravel path. He kicked at a wooden beam supporting the building’s awning with such force that Pat worried it might come crashing down on them.

"That bitch!" Jesse roared, his voice echoing through the quiet town. "After everything we did for her, that's how she repays us?" He turned to Billy, eyes blazing with rage. "She say something to you? About her little plan?"

Billy flinched at Jesse’s snarl. "N-No!" he shook his head swiftly, meeting Jesse’s intense glare. "She must’ve come along here on her way from Rosario!"

"Like hell!"

Pat stepped in, anxious to calm Jesse and avoid drawing more attention. "Who is she, anyhow?" he asked.

"A little runaway whore I took pity on a year ago! Stupid me for thinking she’d be loyal!" Jesse snapped. "I let her outta my sight for one day —"

"Hey, c’mon!" Billy interrupted. "Don’t be that way, Jesse. You don’t know what she had to put up with out there!"

"Oh, and you do?" Jesse scoffed. He stopped in his tracks, stepping into Billy’s space, eyes narrowing. "You'll cling to anything to hang onto her, won’t you?" he growled, spit flying from his lips.

Billy held his ground. "That’s not true —"

"Are you sure? Because now my worry is you'll take one look at her, she’ll bat her big pretty eyes at you, and you’ll lose focus," Jesse huffed.

"And you won’t?" Billy shot back. "You knew her longer."

"And for reasons beyond me, she likes you better," Jesse replied, bitterness lacing his words. "Don’t fall for it, Billy! She’s a snake! A con artist! And we walked right into her next scheme!"

Billy clenched his fists, struggling to keep his composure. "Do you even hear yourself?" he asked, his voice tight with frustration. He didn’t want to believe Jesse, but the doubt gnawed at him viciously.

"You heard her in there! She's Johana. For now, anyway," Jesse spat, whirling around and striding away. Billy and Pat jogged to keep up.

"Jesse, what're you gonna do?" Billy asked, a knot of worry tightening in his chest. He had a sinking feeling about Jesse’s intentions.

"What do you think I'm gonna do? How do you think Tunstall's gonna feel knowing he's got a con woman running his store?" Jesse's voice was sharp, filled with a venom that made Billy flinch.

Pat grabbed Jesse’s sleeve, pulling him to a stop. "Hold on, now," he said firmly, forcing Jesse to face him. "Listen, I understand how pissed off you boys are. But how are you gonna look to Tunstall -- hell, how are you gonna look to Murphy -- if you go and accuse this girl of being who you say she is without any proof? Now, if she had her name and face on a poster, that would be one thing."

Billy nodded, desperate to keep the situation from spiraling. "Yeah, and exposing her doesn't serve us any purpose, Jesse," he added, his voice steady but pleading.

Jesse's jaw clenched, his eyes flickering with a mix of hurt and anger. He knew they were right, even if he hated to admit it. As much as he felt betrayed by Eleanor, he had to stay focused on their mission. She -- Johana -- whoever she was, couldn’t derail their plans.

"Fine," he snapped, ripping his arm from Pat’s grip and straightening his jacket. "Leave her be. She'll be out of a job in no time, anyhow." He then turned to Billy, his eyes narrowing. "And if I find out you go anywhere near her..." His words were harsh, but there was a flicker of something softer in his eyes -- a hint of the pain he felt, buried beneath the anger.

"I won't," Billy assured him, though the words felt like ash in his mouth.

As they fell in step, Pat attempted to shift the conversation to something trivial. Billy nodded along, but his mind was elsewhere, a heavy lump forming in his stomach. The sight of Eleanor had stirred something in him that he couldn’t quite shake. Relief at seeing her alive and well was overshadowed by a gnawing anxiety, questions spiraling uncontrollably in his mind.

Why was she here? Was she safe? What had she gone through to end up in Tunstall's store? His heart ached with the thought of her composed, cleaned up appearance in the store clashing with the Eleanor he remembered. She was pristine and lady-like, a true Southern Belle not quite herself, and if he hadn't seen her in the store there was a good chance Billy might not have recognized her at all.

Billy’s gaze drifted back to Jesse, who was now engaged in a conversation with Pat. Jesse’s anger was palpable, but Billy could see the undercurrent of hurt beneath it. He knew Jesse felt betrayed, but he also knew how deeply he had cared for Eleanor. It was a mess, all of it, and Billy was caught in the middle, unsure of what to do or how to feel.

If there was one thing Billy could never do well, it was listening. He knew he'd pay dearly if Jesse or anyone found out where he was going.

He hadn't planned to leave the party early, but Dolan Murphy couldn't help but push Billy to perform. And perform he did. Over ten targets shot down in less than a minute—a personal best some would reckon. Despite their admiration, despite the clear impression Billy had made, he could also recognize the fear in their faces. Good. In a way, he wanted Murphy, Jesse, even the U.S. Army General to fear him.

With every shot, he reflected on how he ended up here, his mission to abolish such a corrupt system quelled when he realized he was suddenly just as wrapped up in corruption as everyone else. Dear God, if his mother saw him now...

In the wake of his demonstration, Billy left alcohol spilled, glass shattered, and a small fire breaking out over a barn threshold. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but stop and watch the U.S. Army General swig down his whiskey while he chatted with the town sheriff. He recognized the colors he wore, the brim of his hat, the markings on his sleeve. He was of the same battalion as Eleanor's husband—or would-be husband, that is. If he was here, he wondered if that same captain was here too.

He wondered if Eleanor knew that...

His feet moved before his mind could catch up, carrying him away from the chaos he'd left behind and towards the edge of town. He knew the risks, knew Jesse’s wrath would be waiting for him if he got caught. But he had to see her, had to find out if she was okay.

As he walked, the night air cooled his burning skin, but did nothing to calm the storm inside him. He remembered the fear in the eyes of those he'd impressed with his shooting skills, the way they looked at him like he was something to be wary of. It was a twisted sort of satisfaction, knowing he could instill that kind of fear. Yet it was also a bitter reminder of how far he'd strayed from the man he once wanted to be.

His mother would be ashamed, and Eleanor—he didn’t know what she’d think. She might assure him it was okay, might try to understand, but the truth was he didn’t even understand himself anymore. The lines between right and wrong had blurred, leaving him adrift in a sea of confusion and guilt.

Billy stopped at the edge of the road, his eyes scanning the darkness for any sign of her. He didn't know what he was hoping for, but he knew he couldn’t walk away without trying.

The roads were quiet at this time of night, a welcome reprieve for Eleanor on her evening walk home. She still didn't have a "home" per se, but Tunstall paid her just enough to stay in a nicer boarding house. No holes in the curtains, no rotten bed mattresses, and locks on doors that worked properly.

It had been days since Jesse and Billy ambushed the store, and yet she was still as shaken as though it happened moments ago. Every step she took outside, her eyes scanned the faces in the street. Every glance out a window, she wondered if they were watching her, plotting something. Sam, bless his heart, was still oblivious to any stress she was under as he continued to run the storefront, leaving Eleanor to fret over the books and accounts in the back.

She had to wonder if God had a twisted sense of humor, or perhaps he was just taunting her at this point. Taunting her with Billy, always keeping him just within reach, but never enough to have him fully. Not that she ever thought she stood a chance, not out here, anyway. She had to wonder how he became so mixed up in such nasty business. When did he come back to the gang? Did Jesse feel more inclined to let him return because she disappeared?

Ditching Jesse was a move she knew she could never recover from in his eyes, but she seized her opportunity to escape the first moment she could. After all, there was opportunity for her in Lincoln; she never stood a chance with Jesse.

Not even with Billy.

As she walked, the cool night air did little to calm the storm inside her. Her mind was a whirlpool of memories and questions, each one more painful than the last. The image of Billy's face, the anger and confusion in his eyes when he saw her in the store, haunted her. She wondered if he thought of her as often as she thought of him, if he missed her the way she missed him.

But then she reminded herself of the reality. Billy was tangled in a web of violence and lawlessness, a world she had desperately tried to escape. A world she could never fully belong to, even if her heart stubbornly refused to let go of him.

There was a palpable tension in the air, a feeling that prickled at the back of Eleanor's neck. The sensation of being watched, of unseen eyes tracking her every move, gnawed at her. She tried to shake it off, attributing it to her frayed nerves, but the feeling only grew stronger.

The street lamps cast long, eerie shadows, and every rustle of leaves or creak of a wooden plank seemed amplified in the stillness. She quickened her pace, her heart pounding in her chest, every instinct screaming at her to get to safety. Her eyes darted around, catching glimpses of movement in the periphery, shadows that seemed to loom and retreat.

She could feel her breath quickening, a tightness in her chest that had nothing to do with the physical exertion of walking. Every step felt heavy, as if the weight of unseen gazes bore down on her. The normally comforting sounds of the night now seemed sinister, the hoot of an owl making her jump, the distant bark of a dog sending a shiver down her spine.

Eleanor's mind raced with possibilities, each more frightening than the last. Was it Jesse? Had he sent someone to follow her, lurking in the shadows to catch her off guard? She shook her head, trying to dispel the paranoia, but it clung to her, a dark cloud she couldn't escape.

Reaching the boarding house, Eleanor fumbled for her keys, her hands trembling as she pushed through the doors. The clerk was gone for the night, the sign-in book left open on the desk, and a dim candle burning at the end of its wick was the only source of light within.

The flickering candlelight cast dancing shadows on the walls, making the empty room feel even more eerie. Eleanor’s pulse quickened as she hurried towards the stairs, her breath hitching when she heard the door creak open behind her. Panic surged through her veins. Without a second thought, she reached into her bag, her fingers closing around the familiar handle of her switchblade.

She spun around, blade ready, eyes wide with fear and apprehension. But then she froze, the tension in her body melting into a mixture of relief and confusion. Standing in the doorway, silhouetted against the dim candle light, was Billy.

His eyes met hers, a flicker of surprise crossing his face before settling into a wary calm. He stepped inside, closing the door gently behind him, as if to show he meant no harm. Eleanor’s heart pounded in her chest, not from fear anymore, but from the sudden, unexpected rush of seeing him here, now. She slowly lowered the blade, but didn’t put it away, her mind racing with questions and emotions she wasn’t ready to face.

“Billy,” she whispered, the name barely escaping her lips, a mixture of relief and disbelief in her voice. She took a cautious step back, still not entirely sure what to make of his sudden appearance.

"Eleanor," he nodded, speaking softly, "Or... am I talking to Johana?"

She scoffed quietly, slipping the switchblade back into her bag, the tension flooding out of her shoulders, "Come on, quick. Before someone sees you," she whispered, fluttering her fingers to follow her. Without a second thought, Billy obeyed, Jessie's warnings be damned. He was just so glad to see her, to see her ruse falling for him.

She led him down the hall to a corner suite, unlocking the door to reveal a newer, cleaner, intact room. Billy took it all in as she drew the curtains, his eyes lingering on the small details that spoke volumes about her new life. The floral wallpaper, the neatly made bed, the organized desk—it all painted a picture of someone trying to build a semblance of stability. But the shadows in her eyes, the tension in her movements, told another story.

"Nice place you got here," he noted.

"I suppose," she shrugged as she lit the gas gamp, casting a warm glow in the room, "Bit of a step up for me, I'll admit," he noted how her voice softened, her accent wasn't so strong anymore.

"It suits you," he then glanced over her appearance, her long corduroy skirt, the matching vest with the flouncy white shirt underneath, "The whole get up suits you," She looked like a more grown up version of herself that she'd fit into with just a few more years.

"You don't have to flatter so hard," Eleanor went for her closet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, "Care for some?"

"Nah, I'm alright," he took a seat on the edge of the bed while she poured herself a glass anyway. The warm glow of the gas lamp cast a soft light on her face, highlighting the worry lines etched into her features.

"So..." she began as she sat across from him, her voice steady but low, "Who wants to go first?"

[ramonag-if]

So this is slightly spoilery for chapter 9, but were Ahlf's letters and the lack of response from MC really the driving force for Salyra never going back for MC? Or was she really far more willing to leave that part of her life and what MC represents in all of it (namely, her failure) behind than she's willing to admit even to herself?

Because it's absolutely WILD to me that she's basically telling MC "Well, after I abruptly left you with your father who didn't actually want you to be born, already abandoned us once before, and didn't actually agree to take you in until I went literal God Mode on him, in a country that is violently discriminatory towards our people and ruled by a man with a personal grudge against me and your father, I sent letters to him and he said everything was okay and that you didn't want to talk to me, so I figured you were fine! I can't believe that wasn't the case and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, can you play house with my new family now that you're here?" and expecting MC to be like "Understandable lets be family again :)"

Like at NO POINT did she suspect that Ahlf might be lying about MC wanting nothing to do with her? Never considered that in hindsight, the guy who her parents, brother, and bff-turned-second-husband all recognized as emotionally unavailable might not be capable of being a loving parent to an already-traumatized child he never wanted in the first place? Didn't think it was odd that her child that she intentionally made look visibly blessed by the Ancient Ones had no trouble growing up in rural Cyre? No alarm bells at all??

The driving force was Erlan. Erlan had more respect for Ahlf than he did for Salyra. If the MC was with Salyra, he'd likely have killed them both. Salyra did believe Ahlf's letters - why would he have reason to lie to her? Why do you think Ahlf didn't want the MC to be born? 👀 They used to be in love not too long before the MC was dropped off with him. He had been visiting the MC in Ishari for a while and he did in fact send letters to Salyra before she showed up.

It's only the MC's eyes that showed part of their divinity but don't get caught up on that - people would have hated the MC in Salt Bay even if they never left the cottage. Not everyone in the game picks up on the MC's divinity because you need to know what you're looking for. It's picked up by those who are aware of the divine blessings which isn't anyone in Cyre (except our merchant selling Ancient One idols).

Up until Rana is born, Salyra was still actively going against the Blood Guard. It's easier to do that without a child than one who Erlan may or may not would have wanted to kill. I mean, even after Rana is old enough to stay with Danzor, Salyra gets back to fighting the Blood Guard and even gets arrested. So yes, she didn't really think much of the MC remaining with Ahlf 😆

Honestly, I'd have chosen to stick with Ahlf too, if given a choice 😅 Who knows what would have happened if the MC returned to Ishari? 👀

[our-transmasculine-experience]

It's been on and off for what feels like the last couple months but I think I might be trans. I kinda remember wanting to be a boy when I was a little kid and I remember I used to try to intentionally make my voice sound deeper when I was like 15(? or maybe 14, something around those ages?) because I hated how my voice sounded but I stopped because my sister and mum took the piss out of me for doing it one time. I want to try presenting more masculine than I already try to do but my parents feel like a massive fucking roadblock to this. There's nowhere I know of that sells binders in person and I don't want to deal with the issues that could come from ordering them online(mainly my parents asking me what I ordered and stuff like that), my mum doesn't want me to cut my hair shorter because she thinks it'll be a shock to me or w/e. I hate having boobs so fucking much(they feel horrible and sweaty and I want them gone so badly but a part of me feels like that specific part might just be sensory issues) and there's no fucking way my parents are gonna let me get rid of my tits and also I remember during a car ride with my mum, sister and grandmother my grandma went on a rant about people asking for pronouns or w/e and while I don't think it got explicitly transphobic(or maybe it did, I don't remember too well) I ultimately remember coming out of it thinking "I will only come out once I'm able to move out of my house and be financially independent :)". But my parents don't even fucking let me try to get a job and I feel like I can barely even get any form of independence and I just feel so goddamn pathetic and with all the shit going on in the UK about trans rights I don't think I'll ever be able to come out even if I am able to eventually move out and the fact that I have an autism diagnosis(which I also fucking hate having so much and I sometimes wish I was never diagnosed) is just a whole other can of worms that I know will also be a massive fucking roadblock to coming out and actually transitioning. I don't want to say that my parents are transphobic(my dad at least seems like the safest person to come out to out of everyone) but my mum still sometimes accidentally misgenders a childhood friend of mine even though she's kinda known him long after he came out as trans and for some reason, I don't know if I'm misremembering what she's said but when she told me that my friend came out as trans I remember her saying something along the lines of "Just because [ ] is a boy doesn't mean you are too"(he wasn't there for this when she said that fyi) so I guess there's a decent chance she's just not gonna accept me as trans and I'm also scared that both of my parents will just think it's a stage at best and decide that they've had enough of me and kick me out at worst and I just fucking hate that I'm like this though I could be massively overthinking all of this and I just feel like shit about it, I just fucking wish I was born a guy or even some genderless blob so that I'd never have to think about this shit ever again. It's all just so suffocating and I hate being like this.

Sorry for the wall of text I just needed to get this off my chest at the very least.

i’m so, so, sorry that you have to deal with that. that sounds absolutely awful, and if you ever need to vent again or ask for advice, my ask box is open! (most of the times)

[steveinscarlet]

Another Pyro-era Sounds article for your delectation (text under the cut)

IT'S BETTER TO BURNOUT than fade away

GEOFF BARTON ignites DEF LEPPARD and stands well back

RECOGNISE THE headline to this feature? It's a phrase intoned by Def Leppard vocalist Joe Elliott at the beginning of 'Rock Of Ages', the awesomely anthemic and best track on the band's Friday-released third album, 'Pyromania'. In addition, the words are emblazoned for all to see on Joe's stylishly tatty UK tour T-shirt stagewear.

'It's better to burn out than fade away. A catchy slogan - and one that accurately defines the current Def Lep philosophy?

"Oh yeah." confirms Elliott. "I'd rather die at 25 than end up fat, old, bald and nowhere at 50."

But it's not really a 'hope I die before I get old' statement though, is it? I took it more to mean that it's better to go for broke than take a slow slide into obscurity.

Elliott mulls this point over for a couple of seconds. "I suppose you're right. And if you take it to to mean that, then it kind of relates our British tour, you know?

"Just because we're British we want to be big in Britain. But the fact is, the reality is, America's paying for us not to be big in Britain at the moment. 'Pyromania's doing great in the States; even our second album 'High 'N' Dry' is still selling well. But in Britain his voice trails off. "We're losing a heckuva lot of money here. We're going to lose £50,000 just by playing 11 gigs. It's ridiculous..."

"If we were businessmen, only in it for the money like some people think we are, then faced with that kind of financial disaster we'd probably go, uh-uhl No way! But, contrary to popular belief, we've never been like that. If the money comes in, great, if it doesn't, OK, at least we're having a good time doing what we're doing. If I had been in it just for the money I'd have left the band two-and-a-half years ago, when I first realised how difficult it really is to keep your head above water In this business."

Elliott gets momentarily mournful. "It's not worth it. It's terrible. If we actually were selling out we'd just say, 'Up yours, Britain, stuff ya!" He shoves his middle finger In the air for effect. "We wouldn't play one gig here and we'd be £50,000 better off. That's £10,000 for each member of the band, which is a deposit on a house, whatever..."

It's a matter of pride." Sitting in the bar of an Edinburgh hotel, a couple of hours after the Def Ones' gig at the Playhouse, you can't help but feel for Elliott. The guy craves for success and acceptance in his home country, you can see the hunger and, yes, desperation in his eyes. But at the moment that gleaming, glittering goal seems light years away. Unreachable. Unobtainable. Impossible.

As I said in my recent review of the 'Pyromania' LP, the reasons for Def Leppard's current, apparently untenable UK position have been well documented. No HM fan worth his salt should be unaware of the band's spectacular rise to fame and abrupt fall from grace or of the part played by a certain hard-hearted rock journalist as the so-called instigator of the whole sorry affair.

Can just one slag-off article have caused such a dramatic change of fortune? Or was it just one negative element amidst a whole heap of other minus factors? I know the right answers to these questions and I think Joe Elliott does too, otherwise we'd be tearing at each other's throats instead of sitting here sensibly, semi-tearfully,

attempting to right some of those wrongs.

"Trouble is," continues Elliott, "now is a terrible time to try and re-establish yourself as a band. It's not hard rock time any more, is it? That was 1979, 1980, let's face it."

Right. The ol' metal scene definitely seems to have peaked. When 'Big Al Lewis and I first launched Kerrang! the joint was jumpin' with dynamite bands, great albums, killer commitment and boundless enthusiasm. But now there's been a definite downturn. The hot new acts, with one or two honourable exceptions. just don't seem to be coming through any more and the old guard's constant games of musical chairs (Gillan 'n' Sabbath? Do me a favour!!) make everything seen faintly ludicrous.

"Plus people can't afford to go to as many gigs as they used to," says Elliott, making an equally pertinent point."

"Now they just save their money for the big tours your AC/DCs and Queens and the like. They haven't got the dough to see bands like us out of interest, like they used to in the old days. People might be thinking, Hey. I wonder what Def Leppard are like live these days? But they haven't got the readies to find out. They've just got to keep wondering.

And just in case you were.

ONLY 700 People in the Edinburgh Playhouse this Tuesday night. A doctor's just poked down Joe Elliott's throat and diagnosed acute laryngitis.

Support act Rock Goddess are kicking up a storm but are only garnering a polite, vaguely blase reception. It's cold. Echoey. The atmosphere is far from electric. The situation is far from ideal.

But I've I've been stuck behind my hi-rise executive desk for too long to become depressed or downhearted.

And the Leps, it seems, have much the same attitude. Show opener 'Rock! Rock! (Till You Drop) sounds very much like a statement of intent, a plan of attack, the band obviously aiming to recreate the scene of desolation painted on their (creased-up) stage backdrop out front in the auditorium.

As the set progresses it steadily dawns on you what an incredible wealth of quality material these youthful Leppard cubs have at their disposal. From fist-clenching skull- cleavers like 'Rock Brigade' and 'Let It Go', through the cleavers like Rock beefy, barbarous ballads 'Bringin' On The Heartbreak' and 'Overture', to the breathless steamhammer sounds of 'Wasted' and 'Rocks Off', the group are unquestioned masters of the art of good, strong, memorable HM songwriting.

Would that their stagework was equally irreproachable. While the collective Def dudes work well and hard on the boards, they still lack the distinction and sheer, superior presence of their peers.

The addition of Phil Collen on guitar (replacing Pete The Midget Willis, who used to go offstage during shows to hide behind his amps) is a definite step in the right direction, although the ex-Girl axeman's zippy choice of performance costumery is too punky by half.

Hopefully the ebullient Collen will bring his counterpart strummer Steve 'Steamin" Clark out of his shell. The unrecognised compositional lynchpin of the band, to my mind Clark needs to cultivate and build upon his soundcheck style, where I saw him posing fag-handed and moody, like some taciturn, sunken-cheeked Keefalike.

Slimline Joe Elliott, also, is still a far from ideal frontman. Tonight he over-compensates for his bad throat by flinging himself about the stage like a man possessed. He also does some very silly things, like picking Collen's guitar strings with his teeth, climbing a lighting rig to shine a white spotlight over the crowd and making a Dave Lee Roth-style splits leap from the drum riser at the end of the show.

However, Def Leppard are still an incredibly young band; plus, prior to this current series of British dates, they'd been off the road for all of 14 months. Their stagecraft can only improve. And when it matches the quality of the music the result'll music be devastating

MEANWHILE, back at the hotel and our regularly-scheduled interview. Elliott and myself are chatting more genially. The solemnity that tainted the start of our conversation is slowly beginning to ebb away..

So tell me about 'Rock Of Ages'. Its basic, stompalong sound reminds me of Judas Priest's "Take On The World', although it's nowhere near as crass..

"Yeah you know, we've re-christened 'Rock Of Ages' Another One Bites The Stroke' by Joan Jett's Rainbow! People've got to realise that we're taking the piss not out of the audience, but out of ourselves, out of 'anthems' in general. We've always been renowned for anthems, what with 'Rock Brigade', 'Let It Go', 'Rocks Off', you name it, we've got so many we don't know what to do with them. But with 'Ages' we wanted to bring a bit of fun back into it, put our tongues in our cheeks slightly. I don't know, I just got the feeling that things were were becoming too po-faced, too serious. This is the entertainment business, after all, and you can't entertain people unless you're enjoying what you're doing yourself."

"It's like tonight. I was sick. I know for a fact that I didn't sing particularly well, but I enjoyed it. I got a buzz back from the crowd, it made feel good. I've never been one of those singers who, all due respect to David Coverdale, who's a brilliant vocalist, I could never touch - just stands there and sticks his cock in people's faces. I want to smile, I want to be happy, I don't want to prowl around the stage all stern and grim-faced. Singing 'Rock Of Ages', I try to bring that sort of feeling across." Do you think Def Leppard were guilty of taking things too seriously at the early part of their career?

'Yes, definitely. But when you're as young as we were when we started out you can fall into loads of traps, which I admit we did. Mind you, at the time I was sure we were doing the right things; around the time we first started getting knocked God couldn't have told me I was wrong.

"Now I realise, yeah, alright, the first album 'On Through The Night' was a load of shit. It was very representative of the band for six weeks; six weeks after it came out it was true to our sound, afterwards we weren't anything like that any more. I learnt to sing, the band got better..."

"We've always been able to write good songs that first LP has some great numbers on it, they just weren't that well played, recorded or sung. Our second album 'High 'N' Dry' I can still listen to. Yeah, I think that's a good LP.

And 'Pyromania'?

'Pyromania' I'd like to be regarded and revered like Montrose's first album in the years to come. I'd like it to be awarded the same kind of stature. Whether it will or not don't know, but without wishing to come across all big headed. I seriously think 'Pyromania' is one of the best recorded LPs I've ever heard

For which kudos must go to producer 'Mutt' Lange.. surely and indisputably the reigning king of HM in-studio knob-twiddlers. Elliott is also quick to quick to credit Lange for an inestimable improvement in the vocal department.

"Mutt's really patient" relates Elliott. "he does take into consideration that I haven't got the talent of Lou Gramm or Robert Plant, he just tries to bring out in my voice what I'm capable of but what I wouldn't do myself because I'd get fed up with trying. If I was in charge of recording vocals I'd probably pack it in after six attempts but Mutt'll keep me going for twelve, It's painful and I hate him for it at the time. but when I listen to the end result I'm proud because know that's me at my best. It's the best I can do.

GOING back to what you were saying earlier, about it not being hard rock time any more, how do you see the genre developing in the future? Is there another sudden upswing on the horizon? Or will we be in the doldrums for years to come?

"It's very 1969 now, isn't it?" comments Elliott. "All these bands with names ending in -ER are are coming back! It's like everything is growing old again. I don't know. I guess what we really need is an audience that'll accept a band that looks like Duran Duran but sounds like Saxon. That's the next step because, let's face it, Duran Duran look amazing. And if a heavy rock version of Simon Le Bon and company is possible then, who knows, could be on the way to recreating the spirit of "74,"

You're talking about an early Eighties version of the Sweet?

"Could be, could be... because, thinking about it, by today's standards of pop music, the Sweet were heavy metal! 'Blockbuster. 'Ballroom Blitz... that is definitely heavy metal compared to Depeche Mode, Spandau Ballet and the Belle Stars."

What do you think about Hanoi Rocks' chances?

"If they only sounded as good as they look, they could be in with a shot. But at the moment they're too much like the New York Dolls. That's not to say that I never liked the Dolls, but I can't really see a pastiche of their music getting chart success in 1983. If Hanol Rocks practised, they'd be great. Maybe in two or three years...

But if Joe Elliott's vision of the future is accurate, then where does this leave Def Leppard? Is a quick trip down the Kajagoogoo instant image clinic in order?

"No," laughs Elliott, his depression now fully dissipated, "of course not! I've just got this gut feeling that, whatever happens, one day we will do it in Britain, on our own terms. We'll have a hit single, the crowds will start coming to gigs, the albums will begin selling..."

"I don't want to sound arrogant, but I I know I'm right."

He's got to be.

[adracat]

G Witch Episode 15 thoughts

This was an intrigue heavy episode focusing on the nature of war profiteering and the Earthian conflict. This was a much needed look at differing perspectives beyond Suletta and Miorine.

We knew from Earth House and Sophie/Norea that the situation on earth is bleak. But this was the first proper glimpse at how much. Constant rationing, unsafe living conditions, lack of medical care; the worst possible situation for these people. And that's not factoring in Spacian warmongering for the sake of profit margins.

And poor Guel is caught in the middle of it all. You have to feel sorry for the guy. Sure, he's a spoiled spacian 'prince' but he also murdered his father and now his family company is about to be bankrupt while he's trapped as collateral. To the earthian's credit, they're trying to keep him alive. Sadly, Guel lacks the will to live after the plant incident.

Nika's situation is also dire. Norea is devastated by Sophie's death and has no patience for Nika being a spacian sympathizer. She wails on Nika and chides her for being selfish. Norea has a bit of a point here, much as I like Nika. Attacking a school full of civilians was shitty, but so is the earthian treatment by spacians.

Meanwhile, Shaddiq has an enlightening conversation with his adoptive father. It's revealed what exactly the corporations are doing to make a profit. To my understanding, they're funding wars by selling weapons to the highest bidder. Perhaps funding both sides of massive conflicts if it's profitable. Partitioning implies they divvy up sections of earth to corporations.

I suspected Shaddiq was some flavor of earthian since we know he's an orphan with a lot to prove. Half-earthian is interesting, since it implies he remembers his parents and sees himself relating more to his earthian heritage. He says he wants to break this system, but is that his true goal? The DoF were retaliated against because of his actions. We'll see.

Sophie's gravemarker being stuffed animals hurts so much. She was a hero to these kids apparently. UGH! Twisting the knife. We also see the DoF prepping for the Benerit retaliation with these small bits of humanity. A soldier embraces his family as worried civilians watch on. The spacians are looking worse by the moment.

I really liked this subplot for Guel. This girl was about to murder him as revenge for her father dying at Plant Quetta, but when she was crushed by rubble he tries to save her. She even asks him why, and the truth is he doesn't know. He just heard her calling for her dad and could relate to her grief.

But for all his urgency, the child dies in his arms. He sounds shaken and visibly changed from the Guel we once knew. Guel has seen the horrors of earthian oppression first-hand. The only positive is this incident rouses him from depression.. I'm so proud of him. Though, it's still a mystery what he intends to do. Protecting the last he has of his father could mean anything.

**Quick addendum, it's so smart to have Guel go through these trials in particular. Not just because of his privilege , but he was the most entrenched in the dueling games and prized his piloting skill. The school intentionally familiarizes its students with weapons of war, reducing their impact when they begin selling or piloting for real. It's a cyclical horror-- children who become coporporate heads have no idea of the damage they're doing by selling these weapons at the earthian's expense.

Brief mention to Olcott. I think you're pretty cool. He's apparently a former Dominicus soldier aquianted with Kenanji. Just like Guel with the girl, he empathized with Guel during his captivity, and it's implied he was the reason why the spacians didn't just do away with him. The man is shown to be traumatized himself by the rampant conflict. I'd love to find out more!

This post-credits scene was a doozy. It's painful this is the bulk of Mio's screentime but at least it was interesting. We learn Notrette was a botanical engineer who veered into human bioengineering at some point. We also learn Prospera wasn't lying and QZ was indeed Notrette's vision. Rajan is cagey on the exact details but apparently Delling wants to complete it for his wife's memory. Sorta noble? The Notrette-Elnora/Prospera connection seems very likely now.

It was lovely of Rajan to say this to her. He wants her to follow her heart and not what would please her parents. Whether Moirine will decide to proceed with Quiet Zero is for another day. i CAN'T BELIEVE IT ENDS HERE ;-;

See you next Suletta Sunday!

**Addendum, again lol But I forgot to comment on Eri here. She does look older. It seems like she lived for a number of years past Folkvangr, but still died during piloting. A handful of years more at most

[bi-buck-coded]

Fuck It Friday (but make it Teen Wolf)

I've been rewriting my sterek fic where Stiles is the one who's bit instead of Scott in season 1 (also they're seniors so stiles is 18 do not judge me) and idk ive loved this idea for a while now and I know it's probably already been written a thousand times but I'd like to write my take. I'll put it under the cut so people that don't like teen wolf don't have to scroll past some huge post but ya.

"I was umm- Well I- No okay.” Stiles sighs and rubs his hand over his face giving up. “I definitely would like to answer that question, you seem like a great guy and I'm terribly sorry to inconvenience you, but I don't actually know why I’m here.” Again a growl and another step towards Stiles. Stepping back he tries to explain, “No, wait! I'm not lying! See, me and my friend Scott were trying to find a dead body in the woods- which may have been my idea- and possibly my dad caught me, but I went back in the woods to find Scott when I heard a howl and-” Stiles stops, worried he may have underestimated this headache. “Wait, no that couldn’t have been right. There haven't been wolves in California for like 60 years-" 

"Really don't need a history lesson, just why you’re in my house.” Stiles scrunches his brows and looks around at the burnt down house before turning back to the man with an incredulous look.

“You live like this?” The stranger rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. He says nothing else, though, so Stiles powers on. "Okay, sourpuss, I couldn't find Scott so I was headed back to my car when I found the dead body! I ran to get someone, my dad or any deputies if they were still out there, when I fell. Must've hit my head because I don’t remember anything past that and it’s killing me now.”

"So you're saying that breaking into someone’s house is okay as long as you can’t remember it?” 

"To be fair, man, this is barely a house, it could be a haunted mansion maybe? Definitely doesn't look livable to me-" the man clears his throat. "I mean some throw pillows would be nice, but other than that its a very fine house! Actually, are you looking to sell?" Stiles stumbles over his words. The stranger nods looking insanely unamused. “You know what, I can see that you’re gonna be a hard bargain on the selling front so I’ll just show myself out.”

“Yeah, you do that.” Stiles walks past the man and turns to go down the hallway, but is stopped by a hand on his shoulder turning him so he’s facing a door.

“Right, sorry.” The door slams behind him as he looks out to the woods. "I don't suppose you have a map? Or GPS?"

Silence.

"Yeah no it's- I'll just walk this way,” Stiles says loud enough for the stranger to hear. “It’s not like there was just a murder in these woods,” he mumbles to himself.

[lifetimeshipper]

My Little Dancer

Chapter 5

~~~~~~~~~~

This chapter is starting with a flashback for a change. I wanted to go ahead and end the flashback segment in this chapter because, for one, I ran out of ideas, and secondly, I want to start focusing more on the present. So starting in the next chapter the story will be more focused on the present time.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Arcee arrived at Megatronus' house he wasn't there, so she went to the gladiator arena to look for him. When she arrived at the arena she asked around for him until she came across one of his friends who was with him at the club, "Hey, you're the femme that Megatronus bought."

"Yeah. I'm looking for him. Do you know where he is?"

The mech points toward the fighting area of the arena, "He's out there fighting. Want to watch?"

Arcee was unsure at first, she'd never seen a gladiator fight before, but she needed to speak with Megatronus, "Sure."

The mech leads her to a good spot where she can watch the fight at a safe distance. Megatronus is fighting a beastly creature which worries Arcee, but he's standing his ground and looks like he's actually beating the creature. He fights the creature with everything he has until he finally kills it, the crowd erupts in cheers as he stands victorious. Arcee is amazed.

When Megatronus heads to the back to get cleaned and patched up he spots Arcee, he instantly makes a beeline for her. "Arcee, you're back. Did you find your parents?"

Sadness fills her optics as she looks down to the ground for a second before looking up at him again, "Can we talk somewhere private?"

Worry started gnawing at Megatronus when he saw the sadness in her optics, "I'm done fighting for the day, we can go back to my place after I get patched up." Arcee looked at his body and saw the damage the creature did to him, he didn't even show any signs of being hurt while he was fighting. She follows him to the infirmary and once he's patched up they leave to go to his house. "What happened, Arcee?" He asks once they're inside.

"They're dead. From what I was told they tried to fight Holo to stop him from taking me and he killed them." Megatronus hugged her as she started to cry, she should not have had to go through any of this. "For so long I thought that they were still out there looking for me, never knowing that they were dead."

"I'm sorry, Arcee. My parents were also killed when I was a sparkling and I was taken by a high-class bot who trained me in fighting before selling me to the great gladiators of Kaon where I was trained to be a gladiator and forced to fight for the amusement of the upper-class society and High Council." His demeanor suddenly changed when he spoke of the upper class and the High Council and Arcee could pretty much feel how much hate he had for them.

Arcee looks up at him, "I'm sorry that happened to you, Megatronus. I always wondered why bots would want to become gladiators and put their lives on the line just to entertain others, it never occurred to me that you guys were forced into it. But now that you're older, can you not just quit fighting?"

"I can but I've been fighting for too long, I can't see myself doing anything else. Other gladiators feel the same way."

"I can understand that, I've been dancing for so long that it kind of feels weird not dancing anymore."

"You can still dance for me, I'd love to get a private show," he says with a smirk.

Arcee's face tinted blue as she moves away from him, "Does that mean I'm allowed to stay here?"

"Of course. By the way, I did research on that couple and I found out that they've been taking young femmes for years, there are many reports of femmes going missing. Also, after digging deep enough, I found a record of the femmes that were sold, unfortunately, a lot of them didn't have the fortune of ending up with a good mech." Megatronus brought out a datapad to show her the reports as he continued, "Most of them were found dead, killed by the mech that bought them."

Arcee looked over the reports as her spark broke, "Those poor femmes. How did you find this stuff?"

"I have a friend who is an archivist, he's an expert at searching things, I asked him to help me research them and that's everything he found. I tried reporting it but it was overlooked because they were too popular." Megatronus sneered at the thought of those two being left free to do whatever they wanted.

"That's not right, they need to be stopped."

"I agree but there's nothing we can do."

Arcee turned off the datapad and handed it back to him, he was right. Megatronus caresses her cheek, "At least you're now free from them. They will never touch you again." Arcee's spark quickens, she can't believe how gentle he is for a gladiator.

As time passed, Arcee got to know Megatronus more, and in time she started falling in love with him. Megatronus was more than thrilled when she told him, he had fallen even deeper in love with her to the point where he couldn't see his life without her. They started fragging but they held off on sparkbonding for a while because Arcee needed to build up the courage to take that step, she saw it as a big step to take in their relationship. But in time she finally decided to take that step.

They were in his room, where she found herself to always be since they started their relationship, their armor already off as she lay underneath him. He's getting ready to penetrate her when she speaks up, "Megatronus, I'm ready to sparkbond."

He looks down at her, "Are you sure? I want you to be absolutely certain before we get started."

"I'm sure. I love you and I want to sparkbond with you."

Megatronus kisses her as he removes her chest plating to reveal her spark before removing his own. He pulled away from the kiss to look at her as he stuck his spike into her port before holding her close so their sparks could connect. Arcee gasps at the feeling of their sparks connecting combined with the pleasure of him slowly thrusting into her. She closes her optics as she holds him close, "This feels so good," she says before letting out a moan.

Megatronus groans as he starts thrusting faster, "I love you so much, Arcee," he says as he buries his face into her neck. They could feel each other's pleasure through the bond that was forming which caused even more ecstasy in both their bodies. Never thought it would feel so good this way.

Neither did I. Are you doing okay?

I'm fine. Arcee gasps when Megatronus starts pounding into her, his spike hitting all the right spots in her port. Keep going just like that.

Megatronus lays his forehelm against hers as he looks into her optics. Feels good?

Yes.

One thing that Arcee found out in all the times that she fragged Megatronus is that gladiators can frag for a really long time before they get tired, she's always the one who gets worn out first and then they have to wait on fragging again for a little while to let her body recover. This time is no different, even after the sparkbonding ends they continue fragging, doing every position that Megatronus likes to do, going for hours. In the morning, Megatronus could feel through the sparkbond how sore Arcee felt and he could better understand why she always wanted to wait for some time between frags. Megatronus feels bad for being so rough but he knows that Arcee can take it, if she couldn't then she would let him know. Arcee knows that if it gets too much for her she just needs to speak up and he'll stop.

As time passed, Arcee noticed more changes in Megatronus' attitude and demeanor. He started speaking up more about the injustice being done to the lower-class bots. He started coming up with his own solutions for the issues, all of which Arcee couldn't see herself getting behind. As much as she loved him, she couldn't get behind the stuff he proposed, and he knew it.

Then the attack on the High Council happened, Arcee felt like she was in a nightmare that she couldn't wake from. Her sparkmate, the love of her life, started killing bots and is starting a war. He changed his look and his name, and one of the first things he did was track down the old couple and kill them in the most brutal way he could think of, no bot could stop him.

Arcee knew Orion Pax, Megatronus had introduced her to him and they became friends, so when she found out that Orion Pax was selected to be the new Prime she knew that she had to make a choice, stay with Megatron and become a Decepticon or join Optimus and become an Autobot. She wanted to stay with her sparkmate but she didn't agree with the Decepticon cause and couldn't follow it, so she became an Autobot which really angered Megatron. He tried countless times to get her back but failed and in time he decided that if he was to go through with his plans he would have to let her go for the time being.

Arcee had little to no contact with Optimus throughout the war on Cybertron but she didn't mind, she just fought and tried to stay alive. She was the first one to start cutting off the bond so Megatron couldn't find where she was or discover any of the Autobots' plans, but in time Megatron started doing it too for the same reasons.

XXXXXX

"Let me go, Megatron!" Arcee demanded as the warlord practically dragged her through the corridors, she kept trying to get free but his grip was too tight.

"You're in no position to be making demands, Arcee. I'm not letting you get away from me again."

"Did you really think that I was going to follow you and your plans? I disagreed with them from the beginning, you knew I did."

"I expected you to stick by my side as my sparkmate."

"If I had known that you would end up changing and turning into a tyrant I wouldn't have sparkbonded with you."

Even though the words came out of her mouth, Megatron can feel that only part of her feels that way. He knows that despite everything she still loves him. He growls as he opens up the door to his quarters, he drags her inside and makes her sit on his berth. He grabs her chin to make her look into his optics, "I don't ever want to hear you say that again!" He releases her chin and turns to head for the door, "I have some business to take care of, I'll be back later." He walks out and closes the door, he locks it to make sure Arcee can't escape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Next Chapter

[dollsonmain]

I'm going to start staying in bed in the mornings so That Guy can't use morning time as Captive Audience Lecture time.

That's why I don't eat with him anymore, and why I don't talk to him at all in the car.

It's different than "There is a problem and we need to discuss it." because I'm not allowed to speak and any point I manage to interject with is disregarded or talked over.

A cut, though, because this is going on main instead of my whining side blog because it's about me, and it'll be long.

Last night I was thinking about how useless I am. I'm saying it that way just to get the point across as quickly as possible, I'm not being self-deprecating.

To elaborate, I was thinking about the jobs I've done in the past and my ability to function in general. Life in general seems unreasonably too hard.

-

My first job was bussing tables and that was fine but I got fired because my manager played favorites and scolded me for crying because my bandaged wrist hurt, which made me cry harder while bussing tables.

-

Then I was in the military and I was very bad at it. Physically, for now-obvious reasons, and mentally. I could never memorize the ranks, for example, or the weird little rules like "If you're the first to see Smadge in the morning, you call at ease as loud as you can to welcome him to the office" or the "Address superiors by their rank, don't talk to them like companions" and that kind of thing.

I did fine doing the mail.

I struggled in the office where I was the personnel database manager. There wasn't enough work to do and I could never make myself look busy. When I first took over the database I rewrote it all so that it was accessible to each of the companies in my unit to add and adjust things and then I wasn't needed anymore. I was there for two years with nothing to do.

At one point I started leaving to do the mail as early as possible with the excuse that I was taking other unit's mail clerks with me (true), and then after mail time was over, I'd just leave and go back to my room.

No one really noticed or cared because I wasn't providing anything to the office anyway.

My First Sargent griped about it one time, but I kept leaving anyway and no one bothered me about it.

-

Then I worked at Walmart behind the jewelry counter and that was fine. I liked it enough. Being a smaller department there never was anything like having to pull palettes around and the stuff on the shelves didn't change too much. There was a lot of time standing behind the counter doing nothing.

-

Then Wegman's selling cheese and that was fine, too. I got up, put on my uniform, went to work, did what I was told, and went home. Annetta made the mistake of asking me to redesign the cheese display once and I was like "Um.... I can't.... do that, sorry." After I left (I was impregnated by That Guy when he ejaculated inside me without permission, then he moved me away from my job or I'd probably still be there), she said she'd asked some of the younger boys in the department to take over and they were doing very well with it.

My managers at Wegman's gave me a lot of opportunities for advancement and to learn new skills and I had to decline because my brain couldn't do anything more than the lowest base-line work in the department. I mean, I tried. I did what was asked, and then I wasn't asked to do those things again.

-

Since then it's been house-mom.

I'm very bad at that.

I don't clean enough, I don't cook at all, I don't do That Guy's laundry so he can't blame me when something goes wrong with it (he blames me anyway because if HE ruins his laundry it's because I refused to do it), I'm not super involved with my Son.

If I'm not specifically told "Do this." I don't think to do it. It's not by choice. I can't.

Son struggles with hygiene. I've mentioned that before. I've come here and asked for help. I've asked the IEP team at school for help.

Lately, Son stinks.

This morning That Guy had me captive audience for a lecture and said that he got a lot of answers out of Son about his hygiene last night which he waited to even ask until I'd gone to bed because he knows that if he starts being an un-constructive asshole about it I'll put a stop to it.

He said Son isn't changing his underwear and was like "I KNOW I've talked to him about this AND YOU..... You have to constantly be on him about it."

When I tried to say "I don't even think about his underwear because I never see them. He comes downstairs dressed every morning." he said "You have to struggle against that compulsion."

How, after 20 years, does he still not understand that my entire day every day is struggling against that kind of thing and always has been?

There are times I want to take the whole world, hold their faces between my hands, put my face right up in theirs and say

"You don't understand.

It's not that I don't want to.

I would give almost anything to function. I don't like to be like this. I don't like to be trapped here needing someone else to keep me alive.

I.

Can't."

That Guy still doesn't understand that I can't. He thinks I choose not to. He thinks I don't care enough.

I never could think of like, that extra little something that would make something better or whatever it is that makes some people really good at aesthetics, or anything outside of what I've been told to do.

When I say "I don't exist" I can't put into words what I really mean.

I am nothing more than a worker ant.

I really do often think I should have been let to die in infancy when I couldn't keep milk down. That should have been in indicator that I wasn't fit for survival. I've been consistently miserable my whole life because of this.

[shadowspellchecker]

<p>11. 10. The obligatory Ghosts AU.</p>

<p>Twins Luke and Leia inherit a mansion in Massassi, New York, and, along with Leia's boyfriend Han and his old squadmate Chewie, embark on the unique adventure of opening a B&B. But they have company! Joining them are Victorian era Chinese immigrants Chirrut and Baze (<u>1850s</u>), lost Spaniard Kay—something, Native American scout currently going by Cass, and bootlegger (or Buffalo Bill expy performer, for Saw Gerrera's Wild West show) Jyn Erso. Bodhi Rook, the unlucky first-gen immigrant <u>satellite TV installer</u> and aspiring pilot who died while installing a satellite dish on the roof in the 1980s, is the 'baby' of the bunch. Oh, and also Mon Mothma (wife of the man who built the house) or Shmi (who would be a bondservant from Ireland, second wife of the first white farmer on the land). In the Basement we meet the Company, headed by Cody– wwi soldiers who survived Jim Crow and the trenches of France only to die of the Spanish Flu. They find the underground comforting. (Fucking bombers! Ruined the sky for us!) In the next house over, owned by organic weed grower Maz Kanata, you have WWII corporal Draven. In the house on the other side there is fur trader/ revolutionary war spymaster Lucian (I burned my life to build a nation I knew I'd never live to see), who K and Cass used to spend a lot of time with before the stream and property lines shifted. He was completely wrong about Benedict Arnold. Mon Mothma's daughter is Mon's unfinished business, and so she gets to ascend at the end of the third season. In the condemned summer kitchen you have Rex, Gregor and Wolffe, who survived the flu and took employment in the town. At the time the heiress of the mansion was Miss Tano, who went missing during the Cold War. They assume that she had gone on one last mission and never came back. (Fact: she's stuck in an underground bunker on the estate. Alternatively she did go out on that mission, and will be summoned back during a Halloween episode.) These guys died in the incident that left the summer kitchen condemned, and are forever trying to work out what they did wrong with that new water heater. Their unfinished business is reconciling with the basement ghosts (there is some sort of bad blood, partial survivors guilt) and for Rex finding Ahsoka. </p>

<p>Kay, of course, died in the lightning strike and can affect electronics. Cassian was shot walking on the lake one winter while looking for his missing sister, and froze to death. Think the <u>death of Otzi the iceman</u>. His unfinished business will be finding her bones. His ghost power is cold spots. Jyn was part of an Indian act in <u>Esau Gerrera's Circus of Curiosities</u>. (Saw himself presented himself as an exotic Arabian prince or something. So people wouldn't think 'escaped slave' when he smuggled people to Canada. (Jyn wasn't exactly around for that part.) Yeah, Cass is pissed. She was left behind and went looking for some gold her father allegedly had stowed nearby. That, incidentally, is her unfinished business. Her ghost power is making people feel like they were punched. Leaves no marks, can't affect objects. People just think someone lightly punched them.</p>

<p>You know, it might be worth taking a look at it… </p>

<p>No, no Luke. It'll be like that gerbil. You see it, you get attached. It's old, it's historic, it's huge. What would we do with it? When would we have time? I say we sell it. Split the profits fifty fifty, you can get that old plane you've been saving for and I can pay off the rest of my schooling. </p>

<p>I thought you'd had that ironed out.</p>

<p>Not the point, Mr GI Bill…. Shit, sorry. I didn't mean it like that… it's covered, but it…</p>

<p>Gets to you. I'm sorry, I…</p>

<p>Sigh. No, i shouldnt havr snapped… </p>

<p>Han?</p>

<p>Yessss….</p>

<p>He won't find you upstate. </p>

<p>Nice try… but youre right. Let's take a look at the place. See what we're dealing with. But don't get attached, I'm selling my half. </p>

<p>We'll see.</p>

<p>Alright, so it's the summer of 93, and we'd just conquered the Demon's Pass. </p>

<p>Really? Another of your collective daydreams?</p>

<p>You could step up and talk for a change. </p>

<p>So. The invasion.  Chirrut and bodhi are optimistic, Kay and Baze dread the change, Jyn is pessimistic, Cassian is past caring tbh, mon tries to rally morale. </p>

<p>So there is an </p>

<p>Indian (Cass)</p>

<p>Arrow Guy (Cass)</p>

<p>Temporally unusual European (Kay)</p>

<p>Relatively modern dude </p>

<p>Repressed Victorian (Mon)</p>

<p>Officer (Luthen, Draven)</p>

<p>Kick-ass performer lady (Jyn)</p>

<p>Token repressed guys (Baze and Chirrut)</p>

<p>Troop leader (Bodhi)</p>

<p>Spiritualist practitioner (Chirrut)</p>

<p>Food smell aficionado (Sass→ Cass)</p>

<p>Superchill individual (Flower →Chirrut )</p>

<p>Dubiously ethical group member (Alberta, Flower → Jyn)</p>

<p>Alternative setups include Jyn as the new newcomer, and Cass as the misplaced Spaniard (1500, see <u>Lavrador</u> (1498), <u>Cabot</u> (1497), <u>Leon</u> (1513), <u>de Soto</u> (1540), etc.) while Kay is a downright ancient ghost whose isolation has caused him to lose most of his connection to humanity and a severe case of the personality flattening we notice when ghosts aren't in contact with the living doing living stuff. Cass "saves" him by pulling him out of that state. In that scenario, Maarva and Clem might have been around at the time. Alternatively, they could have come later as an immigrant and an escaped slave and have given the duo lessons in English. Either way, they're long since sacked off. </p>

<p>Deaths:</p>

Shot by arrow

Struck by lightning

Murdered

Illness

Drugs and heart attack

Violent accidental death

Unknown but didn't leave marks

Unknown but didn't leave marks and was probably the drug of choice for that time period

<p>Circumstances </p>

Volunteering

Lost in a foreign land

After a performance in the house

In a normal consequence of living in one's time period

While partying too hard/ carelessness

While on drugs

While depressed

Multiple choice

<p>After</p>

A fight with a loved one

Being abandoned by comrades

Being unknowingly betrayed

Accidentally killing someone you liked

Doing a good deed

Betraying your allies

Being rejected

Finally tasting freedom

<p>And before</p>

Being mourned by your family

Still being alone… despite that a family member was looking for you.

Your murderer gets away with the crime

Being mourned by your secret keeper but otherwise forgotten about

Your associates hide your body and never tell your family where it is

Your accomplice turns the reason for your betrayal into something decent

Being celebrated by your brand new lonely haunting partner

Your children continue to disappoint you

<p>Marks of ghostly stuff</p>

You still have the arrow that killed you stuck in your body

You lost your hat. This matters.

You are stuck in costume

You are forever stuck in full uniform

You are lacking a vital article of clothing

You have the damage that killed you on your body

Multiple choice

Multiple choice

<p>But hey! Guess what? You… </p>

Have a positive and upbeat personality

can make electronics short out

Can create auditory stimuli

You can make people feel a specific adverse sensation related to your death by walking through them

You can touch physical objects with your finger!

Can make people feel a specific adverse sensation related to your condition at the time of death by walking through them. But you experience it too! All the time.

Are the lady of the house too

Are an amazing liar.

<p>Baze. Something to do with opium, guilt. </p>

<p>Chirrut. Knew Baze in life. Scholar visiting Yale. Blinded by a fever and walked in the wrong direction at the wrong time. Was in a fight with Baze and stormed off. Drowned. </p>

[coreene-simblr]

Landgraab Household [1]

Welcome to another iteration of my half Uberhood. Today we are with Malcolm.

I got him a car as his house comes with a garage and without wasting time he made it to his electronics store

And apparently, Mallory the girl who Don met on his last day works here. She has a lot of skills but none is really an interest to Malcolm as he needs someone who can work the register.

Running the store is going a lot easier then the bakery. It also helps that Malcolm has more of a talent in making a sell where as Denise would just argue with customers xD

I spot the most famous Sandy Bruty. Loving the hot pants!

Around 4 or 5 he closes the store and makes his way to the Club Dante. Now, I want to get things and change it up a little bit around here but need to see how much money this place can earn first. And also look who came here on the first day 👀

You guys must know of this picture. Because of that I always thought of Nina to be Malcolm's first so he will pursue her as he already has a wish to ask someone on a date.

Next day he had a wish to jump rope and what do you know fitness is his one true hobby. I was already thinking about him having a gym as his 3rd asset and this just confirmed it.

uh... ma'am you seem to have misplaced your face...

so she got a pink face after I gave her the uniform, meaning I loaded the thumbnails for a bunch of new cc.

-I'm sorry Mallory but you're scaring the customers. I'm afraid I must let you go.

oh, god... it's pink... it's pink everywhere. This reminds me; there was a post in tumblr making the rounds that showed someone found the texture for the pink flashing. Has anyone made a default replacement for it? It sounds like something we would do as the sims community xD

I reloaded the game and it seems like it is the teens' night at Club Dante. The reporter was also there but he didn't write a review.

I removed the tables and the bar from this room and added a billiard table, this table and a gambling table. Which also meant Malcolm had to let this guy go as well. He will hire someone eventually so they can be promoted to a manager if I want to expand his business but for now I'd like to see if he can make a decent profit.

I also got this guy for the outside because I never see them around in lots as I never play with the newer expansion worlds.

Also we have a university dude for the register. I'm guessing he is from university because he has that goofy walk. He has no skills so he asks for very little and he will eventually learn to get better with the register.

He fails the sale often too but he can still profit here. Also as you can see I mixed it up a little with the electronics.

He didn't go to the club and instead took the night off to have a little fun and maybe meet Nina again.

Nina wasn't around and the waiter dropped the food all over him

But at least he met Zelda Mae. This means nothing to you guys but in one of my saves him and Zelda were the most adorable couple.

to be continued...

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

3. "So 'cool' guys protect businessmen while everyone else lives in the ruins? I can think of cooler things."

+1 Communism

SIILENG - "Yeah -- *cool* ruins," he agrees. "I get to sell quality goods like these by cutting out the middlemen. *You* don't have to rebuild your house. Live in a crater! Or in a tree!" He points to a tree. "*Where* can you do that? Only here."

3. "Is there a discount for cool officers like me?"

SIILENG - "No need for discounts at Siileng's, officer. Everything's already on sale." He nods towards the crates. "Anything you want, 50% off!"

4. "That's all then. Let me ask you something else."

SIILENG - "Anything for you..." He smiles again.

3. "Where are you from, Siileng?"

SIILENG - "Me? It's a boring story, officer. Who cares about the past? I'm all business now -- all Revachol."

"But you're not a local, are you?"

(Better not to mention.) "Sounds good. Let's get back to business then."

SIILENG - "Very sharp, officer. I'm Seraise, from the Siigay province of the Seraise Empire. The 'Apricot Suzerainty', you know?"

"Yum. Apricots are delicious."

"Why's it called that? Lots of apricots there?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "The *Apricot Suzerainty*," the lieutenant explains, "is what the Siigay archipelago is commonly known as in Revachol." He pauses. "It's a bit of a *fraught* term, I'm sure you understand."

SIILENG - "No-no, apricots come from Siigay," the vendor explains. "My grandma used to grow them. But Siigay is a shithole, that's why I came to Revachol. Here's much better for an independent entrepreneur. Less *laws*."

"Speaking of -- why not support an independent local entrepreneur? I send half my profits back to my grandma in Siigay."

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - Well. If it's for his *grandma*... you should buy a lot of things.

3. [Rhetoric - Challenging 12] Persuade him to give you some money.

-1 Poor underprivileged grandma.

We have basically no chance of succeeding at this. Still, money is money, and we still don't have enough to pay Garte for tonight...

RHETORIC [Challenging: Failure] - No need to dress this one up, just tell him what you want.

"You. I want your money. Now."

SIILENG - "Oh, okay." Siileng stops, his face suddenly serious. "But why, officer?"

"Because I... am corrupt? I don't really remember how it works, though -- being corrupt, I mean."

"I don't know, it was just the only thing I could come up with in my head -- to ask you. I need to get money *somehow*."

SIILENG - "Ah, yes. Money is very important." The street vendor nods, dead-serious.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Are you trying to ask for a *bribe*? If so, you're not doing a very good job..." He looks at the vendor.

SIILENG - "Sorry, detective." The man grins as if the entire incident is already forgotten.

4. "I'll look around, thanks." [Leave.]

Siileng has three boxes of wares. Let's look through them.

PILE OF CLOTHES - There are clothes inside. Cheap second-hand clothes, smelling of strangers' body odours.

SIILENG - "Don't be shy, these are premium-class clothes! Good quality fabrics, best retro design! Save the economy with your style, officer!"

Browse through the box.

[Leave for now.]

PILE OF CLOTHES - You find your hands deep in tattered and faded garments made from weird polyester blends that make your body itch and sweat in all the wrong places.

SIILENG - "Economical, but also trendy!" the street vendor shouts. "Look first-hand, buy second-hand. Keep the economy moving!"

2. [Composure - Medium 10] Find something worth salvaging from that pile of rags.

We'll find a different item in here depending on whether we succeed or fail. This is a white check, though, so failing will allow us to retry it. I'd actually prefer to fail here, so I go to change. When I put on those jeans we found in Cindy's room, however...

INTERFACING - The pockets of these new jeans are perfect for sticking your hand into. Makes you look cool, calm, and collected. As your hand enters the pocket, your fingers brush against something… soft, yet crinkly.

Take the item out.

INTERFACING - Hey! It's a chewing gum wrapper. It reminds you of the fruity juice of apricots. You should inspect it closer if you have time. Something about the wrapper's texture is familiar...

We've been hearing a lot about apricots lately...

APRICOT CHEWING GUM WRAPPER

A gleaming chewing gum wrapper found in the pocket of the labourer jeans. It gives off an ever-so-faint scent of apricots... Your mouth starts watering.

>INTERACT

APRICOT CHEWING GUM WRAPPER- There it is again -- the scent of apricots, with a touch of cinnamon. Smells like the end of some distant summer. The surface of another planet, or some ancient temple.

Ancient temple?

End of summer...

Take a deep, *deep* breath.

[Put the wrapper away.]

APRICOT CHEWING GUM WRAPPER- Yes. From the height of antiquity. A long, long time ago. Millennia ago. On an island of time you can never return to.

2. End of summer...

APRICOT CHEWING GUM WRAPPER- The sun sets into the sea, but the water does not boil. Instead it turns to liquid gold. For a moment, the world's store of precious metals seems to increase dramatically, and you are rich...

There is a movement next to you. The shuffle of a small coat. Warm, like the evening. But when you turn toward it there's nothing there...

Where did it go?

Wait, come back!

APRICOT CHEWING GUM WRAPPER- Why are you talking to a gum wrapper?

3. Take a deep, *deep* breath.

APRICOT CHEWING GUM WRAPPER- Bitter, citrus, sweet, it seems to grow stronger, like a glow, with every breath you take...

... until a blossom of skin and flower petals erupts behind your closed eyes. Made of toffee, cream, and distance. You just *had* to take a dive.

Thought gained: Apricot Chewing Gum Scented One

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - Feels so, so familiar.

4. [Put the wrapper away.]

APRICOT CHEWING GUM SCENTED ONE

Temporary research bonus: -1 Reaction Speed: Living in the past Research time: 5h 5m

PROBLEM: You have found a trace of *entity* who’s been stalking you across the planes. The gloom stalker, the conglomeration. The shadowy organization behind your downfall. (Possibly connected to the dreaded *ex*-something.) Granted, it is *impossible* to determine its true identity. But you *can* remember where you first smelled its treachery. Yes! Use the 'Tutti Frutti' gum wrapper -- reconstruct the day you first breathed in her untrustworthy atoms.

Anyway. Clothes.

SIILENG - "You keep coming back. That's good, officer! Keep browsing those clothes, keep saving that economy!"

COMPOSURE [Medium: Failure] - No good. All you can come up with are some treated wool pants. You can tell they're too tight around your thighs and too loose around the waist.

-1 Morale

Touch them.

Discard the woolly pants.

COMPOSURE - They itch. Like hell. Like an itch-pit in hell.

SIILENG - "All natural materials, see?" The street vendor interrupts, guiding your hand over the fabric. "Real wool, 100% skin-friendly! And they're yours for only 2 reál!"

Itchy Pants +2 Half-Light -1 Composure -1 Savoir Faire

These are super cheap, and as you can see, they'll allow us to pass Medium difficulty Half-Light checks.

3. [Cost: 2.00] "I want to buy those itchy pants."

SIILENG - "You won't regret it, officer!" The street vendor smiles broadly.

3. [Leave for now.]

Itchy Pants

+2 Half-Light: Itch-rage -1 Composure: Bees in your pants -1 Savoir Faire: Really uncomfortable

Itchy pants. These pants make you angry. Good LORD these pants are UNCOMFORTABLE. Punch someone in the face! They are striped and calf-length; too tight around thighs, too loose around waist -- the worst case scenario.

FALN SNEAKERS ON A PEDESTAL OF SPEAKERS - You see two lowly, defeated speakers. Thralls, slaves basically. Perched atop them like conquerors surveying the land: a pair of FALN durable-wear sneakers, 'Ultra' series.

Inspect the sneakers.

Inspect the speakers.

[Leave].

FALN SNEAKERS ON A PEDESTAL OF SPEAKERS - A pair of FALN 'Ultras.' The design is impossibly sleek and simple -- a futuristic silhouette with a sleek monochrome colourway, a jet black upper, and a silver-lined midsole.

SIILENG - "Those sneakers, mister..." the street vendor intones. "Those sneakers are the latest FALN sneakers. Super-rare, super-fine, super-cool -- only 50 reál!"

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - Only?! That's madness.

We obviously cannot afford the sneakers.

2. Inspect the speakers.

FALN SNEAKERS ON A PEDESTAL OF SPEAKERS - These once-respectable speakers have been conquered, reduced to a mere prop by the indomitable FALN 'Ultras' atop them.

SIILENG - "No-no, don't look at the speakers, officer! Look at the *sneakers*!" The man points to the footwear. "The *sneakers* are the stars here!"

"But I already looked at the sneakers."

"What about the speakers though? Doesn't anyone want those speakers?"

"Poor little speakers." (Pat them.)

SIILENG - "Then look at them again! These are premium lifestyle sneakers, officer -- the best on the market!"

3. "Can't I just buy the sad, conquered Samaran speakers?"

SIILENG - "No way, officer, these aren't for sale. They're bad speakers, low-fi socialist junk."

[ragingstillness]

Shadow and Bone spoilers - random thoughts from my notes (e4)

Ngl when I saw the guys unloading stuff near Pekka's secret house I thought I saw plants in those boxes and immediately thought Pekka was secretly selling jurda parem. Considering future happenings, this could still be true.

"Met" read: fucked

Love that Wylan's natural style just makes him look like a repairman.

When Jesper is fixing the wire Wylan literally says "what beautiful weather we're having" and I lost my shit.

I get the feeling Jack is flexing his musical skills on us.

Quoted directly from my notes here on the psuedo bathroom scene: "Shy boy is afraid of the seductive power of bare shoulders and tank tops."

Idk why but Kaz and Inej constantly promising to protect each other gave me this:

"No one's ever smart enough to look for the real one" - *breathing heavily*

Goddammit Nina you cock-blocker.

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Finally we get to see Kaz kill someone."

"I recommend a cane" - haha get fucked

For my RE4 fans in advance of the remake coming out the 24th: Kaz with his hair sweaty looks like Leon.

"This city's price is blood and I am happy to pay with yours" - it says something about me that I become most lustful for Kaz the more violent he gets.

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Ben looks scruffy, I bet he enjoyed not shaving for a while."

Letting David work in the same room as Baghra's cage was a grade A bad idea™.

The balls on Nikolai proposing to Alina in front of Mal. Big Ball Energy?

Quoted directly from my notes here: "'I'd lay down my life to protect you' - don't speak too soon Mal."

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Are they gonna fuck now? They're playing the soulful sex flutes."

I'm sorry but Genya's vest is one of the ugliest pieces of clothing I've ever seen.

"I should be your greatest shame" - powerful line, not sure I believe it. If they had shown him coercing Genya in season one I'd buy it more.

Cowards won't show Genya getting attacked by the Nichevo'ya.

Wylan's little face nudge up into Jesper's space is the cutest thing.

Those deeply CGI wolves are going to be adopted by me now. To keep them away from both the Hellgate staff and Matthias.

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Wow he's [Matthias] really gonna be a little bitch about her [Nina] lying to save their lives."

I really like how the sound mixers have been layering Ben's voice when he coughs, like the Nichevo'ya are speaking over and through him.

Why is Aleksander's tidemaker friend wearing green? Not a grisha order I recognize. I mean, it looks good on her but I'm still surprised nothing was ever made of it.

Repeating what someone else said: why are there no oprichniki?

Aleksander looks like he's nearly crying all the time.

The licking was somehow both creepy and sexy.

I'd love some explanation on how much the tether can effect reality and the locations it takes place in.

Quoted directly from my notes here when Alina shows up at Nikolai's door: "Christ girl do not fuck him."

[crimsonblackrose]

.

So choking your successor is a right of passage for Cobra Kai? WTF

I like how everyone is sitting around while Miguel reads his college essay. Even Robby. Rosa: It's the greatest story since Don Juan DeMarco. (film)

Johnny knowing water doesn't do well with waterworks, realizes the water is coming from the ceiling and moves the computer out of the way. Also points out it's a sewage pipe.

Their landlord's name is Sully. (or their maintenance guy)

Family of 5 nearly 6 down to two bedrooms with lots of financial concerns. I love that Carmen is like yup big family. I love that Robby is a part of it. Though, theoretically he could go stay with Shannon for a bit.

I'm sorry, her grandfather is still alive?

Gary gives Miggy a brochure for a valley university

Johnny has shown up at LaRusso's to get a blow up mattress.

Chozen has been watching all the reality TV: Selling Sunset, property brothers. Chozen is also a fan of the uncrustables like the kids.

Amanda wants Chozen gone

LOL they just help themselves to what's in Daniel and Amanda's fridge. I guess Johnny likes those uncrustables too. And Chozen likes Diet Dr. Pepper.

Kreese knows that Johnny defeated five of Kim's students.

OMG we have not seen Brucks in ages. And I can't believe Kyler and Brucks are checking out the same school. I'd figure both were rich and would go somewhere more expensive.

Brucks goes to MIT (and got all new teeth) Kyler goes to the local community university. That actually makes sense, for Brucks, he occasionally knew like really high level SAT stuff.

Chozen just pretending to be a realtor and looking at houses with Johnny, not something I ever expected, but I love it.

Johnny you need 5 beds. Not four. You have three kids and a mother-in-law. Plus potentially Amanda might shove Chozen off to live with you.

Johnny too honest. Let Chozen do all the talking.

Master Kim fought off invaders with an eunjangdo

For a guy who had to fight over a pit of snakes while a POW and threw his captain into a pit of snakes, I'm surprised how much Kreese likes snakes.

Kyler is being bullied by a Mr. Zenker frat bro.

Hawk has been nicknamed Spikes.

Look at Johnny using not only the recommendation Miggy gave him back in like season 1 (Make a fist and don't punch) but also Miyagi-do just breathing.

Awww Johnny finally found an old fan who say his '83 fight, named Little Stevie and who also thought Dutch was cool.

Apparently Johnny was also prom king.

Kreese apparently feels a lot of pain from Johnny hating him and only feels fear when he fears for Johnny.

Well damn. Kreese killing the Johnny he cares for in his head so he doesn't have weakness any more.

Kyler pouring stuff on his bully's head...who knew I'd ever cheer on Kyler????? Proud of him. And the fact Miguel wouldn't stand to see him bullied and is standing back to back with him to fight.

NICE! Kyler defending Miggy from the guy trying to break glass on Miggy and Miggy knocking it loose so Kyler could hit the guy with it.

Chozen doesn't get paid. So you're just using free immigrant labor?

I mean, Johnny has a point there, but Chozen's also like on vacation.

LOL Bruicks is in Midwest Industrial Training. I mean he's said smart stuff before so they totally got me on that.

Look at Kyler telling Miguel to chase after his dream.

Aw Kyler got into a different house.

lol they dug out this outfit again.

Daniel did not offer a job. Oh no, Johnny.

We can give him a job refilling popcorn machines like Robby.

He thinks I offered him my job.

she thinks a baloney sandwich and junk mail.

I mean it was empty last time.

I love that Johnny sold a car while Daniel was trying to figure out what type of job to give Johnny and that Amanda immediately was delighted that he did such a good job.

I mean it's what...August? School just started back up? Why can you see their breath in Korea? Are they on a mountain peak? Even then??????

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

Get Gotti

Poor John Gotti.

They did everything to put him in jail and they succeeded. They even cheated with the wire tape, sorry but that's cheat.

Poor Gotti, he has been getting.

Some quotes:

"- There's three cardinal rules of the mafia. Don't go with another made member's wife, don't sell drugs, and never cooperate. I mean, that's a death sentence. Back then, it was the worst thing you could do." (Anthony Ruggiano Jr. - Episode 2)

"- You had to keep everything secret. You're never allowed to reveal any information and become a rat or a stool pigeon." (Polisi - Episode 2)

"- I'd have to say, if I have one rule of thumb, it's I really never ask the client what happened, because, frankly, I don't really give a fuck. What's important to me is what the government says it can prove. And that's what being a defense lawyer is about." (Susan Kellman - Episode 2)

"- Bruce told the jury to think of the charges as a rancid stew. And the reason I remember that is I wrote it for him. He said, "You can't make a stew that anyone is gonna swallow out of all these rotten ingredients, no matter how long you cook it." And then Bruce got up, and he just..." (Michael Shapiro - Episode 2)

"- I've heard the word, "Brucified," and it's a fantastic way to describe how Bruce approached cross-examination." (Susan Kellman - Episode 2)

"- They were some of the most impeachable witnesses imaginable. A veritable zoo of lowlifes." (Michael Shapiro - Episode 2)

"- Johnson was shot several times in the head outside his home. (Reporter) - One of the rules is don't kill a guy in front of his house. That's an insult to his wife and kids. (Bruce Mouw - Episode 2)

"- So, if they really hate a guy, and wanna send a message, they'll whack him by his house." (Bruce Mouw - Episode 2)

"- The Diane Giacalone trial was primarily based all on informant testimony. All on people who were terrible people in their own right." (Episode 3)

"- He was romantically involved with his own image. He actually said, "I have a public out there. They want to see me." We're mob guys. We're not supposed to have a public. We're not supposed to have fans." (Sal Polisi - Episode 3)

"- You know if you're street smart, this is just not gonna end well. You're not a movie star. You're a fucking boss of the Gambino Crime Family. Act like one." (Andrea Giovino - Episode 3)

"- The government has an ego too. They're saying, "These fucking guys, are they kidding me?" He was abusing them. Like, "I dare you to come get me." It came to a point where we were just red-hot. The feds were all over the place. They were on everybody, especially guys that were close to John." (Ruggiano - Episode 3)

"- He signed his own death warrant, and that was the end of DiB. There's always a method behind the madness. There's always a dollar sign somewhere in the scenario. Because no DiB is out of the picture. When the wise guy goes, the family gets the spoils. Who benefited from it? John Gotti benefited from it because he's inherited the porn business." (Ruggiano - Episode 3)

[birchlane]

friday, oct. 6

8:00PM - alright i am trying something new today. i decided to start a journal/write about my day. even if it's small entry, i think it will be good for me to write, wind down, and reflect on my day. my true intentions for this is not to get noticed haha, but more so to distract myself from bad habits, and also just to have something to do other than doom scroll. hoping this helps with my bad habits. ( i'm jer^ing off too much is what i really mean lol)

tbh i don't even know where to begin. i'd like to start off by mentioning that i have been so stressed these days. i started a new job because i quit my other one so suddenly bc it was a SHIt job. could not stand working there anymore. i you've ever worked in food YOU KNOW how shit it is. no breaks ever and constantly on ur feet all day. my manager was a c^nt (sorry) (not rlly, she was a bitch) god forbid i take a fucking break bc "cUstOmeRs coMe FiRsT" i just walked out, out of frustration. then it sucked bc i realized later it might've been a bad decision but there was nooooooo way i was going back. my pride is way to high. haha i managed to pull thru for like a month tho. been like DIRT poor and started selling my shit to be able to make it by and pay rent.

school has also been another stress, iv'e been kind of lacking and im finding myself procrastinating a lot. which is really bad bc my school has been so patient with me haha i can't afford to fail. on top of that i'm dealing with an ex bf that i had signed a lease with. my life is sooooo shit right now and i really don't know how i'm pulling thru. also forgot to mention that when i moved out, i signed a lease for student housing in august, which my other lease w/ my ex doesn't end until oct. so i'm paying rent for 2 apartments, all because my ex is a pain in the ass and doesn't care. but y'all have no idea how urgently i needed to get out. which i don't have time to get into ATM bc that's a whole shit show in it's self.

ALSOOOOOOO i started dating a new guy who i am so happy to be with, (call me a slut idc, but maybe i'll get more into details when i have time...i'll have to talk about my feelings about it and if this is even right) but it has been so hard for me to find a balance with all this shit that has been going on. i'm trying my best but i really want to cry and SCREAM. love this new guy i'm dating but damn this man is sooooooo clingy. anyways i'm just rambling haha. iv'e got to cut this entry short because i have plans to see my new mans today. didn't even get to do homework. feeling totally unproductive. whyyyyyy am i like this.

[persistcnt]

rowan & amity: "will you help me" (tell me about this boyyyyyy)

he frowned. "this isn't a thing i can help you with, boss."

amity scowled. it was cute, in a pinched, hbic kinda way. rowan shifted where he sat, crosslegged on the counter, watching amity as she trained. or tried to, anyway. she wasn't doing very well.

"you've been a death guy--"

"moros."

"--whatever. for like a decade, yeah?" when he nodded, she continued. "then why won't you help me?"

rowan shook his head. "i told you, it's not that i won't, it's that i can't."

she crossed her arms, one foot tapping. clearly, she wanted him to continue. with a sigh, he hopped off the counter, socked feet against slick hardwood. "you said you do law." she nodded. "so you do a lot of speaking, right? you did debate or speech club or whatever in high school, right?"

"i don't see where you're going with this, but yes."

"you ever do tongue twisters?"

"...pardon?"

he gave her a look. "y'know, tongue twisters. like, sally sells seashells bullshit."

"i mean, i guess."

"so you know that thinking about it makes it harder to do. you can't think too hard about the phrase, or you'll fuck the whole thing up."

amity shifted her weight. "i mean, i never faced that problem myself," she said, fidgeting with the chain at her neck. he fixed her with a look. "alright, so you're saying that's my problem, then?"

he nodded again. "i saw you back at that house. you were just trying too hard. you gotta stop thinking about it and just do it."

"yes, well. this doesn't exactly come easily to the rest of us."

one dark eyebrow lifted. "you think this came easy to me."

she gestured. "you saw me at the house. i saw you."

rowan nodded, slipping his hands into his pockets. "alright, fair," he said, turning back to take his seat. "but i'm ten years up on you, boss. it takes work to make it look this easy." he hopped back onto the counter, letting his heels bounce against the bottom. "and i'm a moros. you aren't. you wanna get good, you gotta put in the work."

"i'm trying."

amity opened her mouth, then closed it again. bingo. instead, she blew a stray strand of hair from her face. "well, how long did it take *you* then?"

"me?" he chewed on a thumbnail. "to do that? seven months."

her eyebrows shot up. "seven months?"

he nodded. "i didn't have anybody to show me. my awakening was... bad. i was really isolated for a long time after, both in the hospital and in my life. i only really had two friends. i tried telling them what i saw in stygia, but they didn't get it. duh." he shrugged, dropping the hand at his mouth finally. "there weren't any other mages near me. i didn't meet another for two years."

amity's posture had changed, somewhat. less defensive, more curious. "what changed?"

"i got stupid and posted about it online." he laughed. "i had just left home. i needed *something*. so i found this old forum and posted about it. most of them thought i was crazy. hell, *i* thought i was crazy. joseph was the only one who thought i was an idiot."

"joseph?"

"yeah, he was my mentor a while back. he was actually an admin on the board. he deleted my post to keep up the veil, but then he got in touch with me. helped me figure it all out."

she looks entirely too pleased with herself. "so you *did* have someone teach you."

"not what i said." he held up a finger. "he helped me figure out, like, mage shit. not the actual magic. remember, i'd been doing it two years then. i can't teach you to relax, amity."

she grumbled. "i like boss better."

"i know."

there was a moment of silence. amity stared at the candle, the only illumination in the open space. "where's joseph now?"

"dunno. lost touch with him after he went rogue."

her head snapped up. "went rogue?"

rowan raised his left hand. "he became a seer a few years back. haven't heard from him since."

"...i'm sorry."

"yeah, well." he nodded his chin towards the candle. "do it. now. don't think. just act."

amity's eyes flicked down.

the room went dark.