#i mean I've definitely got the tone of disaster down

[infiniteglitterfall]

I've tried to write about how, for the past year, and I genuinely can't even articulate it in my own THOUGHTS.

I start with the experience of knowing about the weaponized rapes within the first week. Because I actively googled eyewitness testimonies. That shit was right there in interviews on PBS.

And then mentioning it to a friend who reads the news all day long, who yet had heard nothing about this and acted like it was questionable and never mentioned it again.

Within a month, I started keeping a file of quotes and links. Of evidence of the systemic sexual assault and mutilation. Because so many people not only refused to believe it, but actively went on the attack.

At the end of the second month, I opened TikTok and got slapped in the face with a podcast clip not only denying systemic rapes by Hamas, but insisting that they were dehumanizing racist lies.

By someone who, in the same speech, said she could believe there had been individual rapes, although she hadn't heard of even one --

Which meant. That she hadn't even bothered to google it herself. To see if maybe there was "one." Before she got dressed all nice and went on a pre-scheduled podcast to say all this stuff.

I got out my file. I picked out the worst examples, a wide and detailed variety of different rapes, from the most clearly reputable sources. I recorded a video in which, because it was during Hanukkah, I cast some light on the subject by lighting the menorah and reading one example after each candle.

Then I never, ever posted it. Because I was terrified of what it would be like, on top of the experience of

being a sexual abuse survivor,

knowing people had been brutally gang-raped, mutilated, and killed,

for being Jewish,

and then seeing people angrily deny it over and over,

while also angrily insisting that Israel doesn't represent Jews, while simultaneously insisting Israel is a Jewish ethnostate, while vehemently telling us we don't need Israel to exist in order to be safe, while saying that no one in Israel is innocent much less a civilian, while saying anti-Zionism isn't antisemitism, after appropriating the Jewish term "Zionism" and redefining it to mean pure evil, after claiming Jews are white supremacists rather than a favorite target of white supremacy, after telling us over and over that we play the victim card and the Holocaust card and we're the REAL Nazis and this is the REAL Holocaust with the ACTUAL concentration camps....

...terrified of what it would be like, on top of all that, to have people come scream all that nonsense at me personally for speaking out on behalf of survivors -- not survivors. The opposite, in fact, of survivors. -- as a survivor.

To bear the burden of their obvious, loudly-denied hatred, as a reaction to stating the obvious, loudly-denied RAPES HAPPENED.

I couldn't do it. I already, routinely stay up until 3 am researching and writing about this stuff: debunking disinformation; looking for updates; researching the history of it all; connecting the dots between different hate groups and different terrorist organizations; investigating how and when all the rhetoric and lies built up across the left.

The day that I realized how soon after Hamas's attack Nerdeen Kiswani had posted about it, I crashed for like a week. I was just in dissociative autistic burnout.

I thought she had posted about it the moment the attack officially started. That was literally terrifying. I got the daylight standard thing wrong, I think; she actually posted a whole two hours later. Samidoun is the only other group I know of that posted earlier, and they're part of one of the terrorist groups that attacked. (The PFLP.)

You see, this is how I react to trauma. I research, and I argue, and I articulate things a little better each time, until I really understand why and how I'm right and can feel confident against people's bullshit.

But like. The sheer fucking wall of hatred. Of just overwhelming Suspicion Of The Jews.

The betrayal of seeing everyone abandon progressive values. Of knowing that we're supposed to believe survivors, supposed to let marginalized groups tell us what harms them, until it's the Jews Zionists.

Of knowing that we're not supposed to mentally divide marginalized groups into Good Ones and Bad Ones, to approve and support only the ones who agree with us. Until it's the Jews; then you can just call anyone you don't agree with a Zionist, and ignore them in favor of the ones who agree that you're not antisemitic and that Israel should be burnt to the ground.

The burning feeling, inside, both cold and hot at once, that comes from a friend who's Very Concerned About Antisemitism saying that you two are just not going to agree about the definition of antisemitism as long as you believe the ADL. As long as you don't understand what a vile smear campaign all these claims of antisemitism are. How much they're exaggerated and made up to make pro-Palestinians look bad.

The nausea of seeing people smugly recite, "every Israeli accusation is a confession," while they accuse Israelis of every individual thing Hamas did. The nausea of realizing you can't even point out how DARVO their Holocaust inversion and genocide claims are, because they've already made even that claim about you.

Watching the disinformation consume everything around us. Realizing that nobody cares whether any of it is true or not. Because it expresses what they feel like is happening. And because, for some of them, it satisfies a need to have Jews you're allowed to hate.

For others, I suspect, it's creating that need at the same time as - temporarily - satisfying it.

The horrifying realization that people have been lied to about EVERYTHING. We're so far behind in telling our own stories, in speaking our truths, that there's already a nearly complete, concrete wall of lies where our truth should be.

The hopeless confusion of trying to understand how to tell people that everything they've been told is wrong. Occam's razor isn't going to cut it here.

I don't know how to explain this to people. I have written so many words here, but they're just the bare bones of what happened.

They don't touch the weird dry cocoon feeling of being muffled in strangers' lies, or how those lies explode into rage if you even challenge them.

They don't touch the sheer fucking mindfuck of watching people devoutly believe and repeat bold-faced lies over and over and over.

They REALLY don't touch the carnival-ride confusion of watching people who have no connection to either Israel or Palestine, who have no personal horse in this race whatsoever, reacting as if every Palestinian harmed or killed is ten innocent members of their own community. And that for every Palestinian that died in the past year, really at least three or four others died too.

But at the same time, actively silencing and erasing any mention of Hamas deliberately harming and executing Palestinians.

And angrily shutting down any mention of the hostages being actively abused by Hamas, or of those it killed in Israel, or those it kills in Gaza through endless rocket misfires, or its promise to repeat its attack "again and again" until Israel has been violently destroyed.

Hamas, PFLP, & Co. have figured out how to phrase things in a way that makes people want to self-immolate for them.

I don't know how they do it. I just know it's bad by itself, and it's going to mean much worse things if nobody can stop them.

It's like we're all being transformed into Jewish Cassandras, doomed to be ignored until... oh good, Agamemnon enslaved her for sex and then his wife killed her.

That sounds like a lot of Jewish history, tbqh. That's just Pogrom Tuesdays.

The whole "Jews are weaponizing their trauma" is so, so fucking gross. It's one of the worst types of antisemitism because it foundationally dehumanizes us. They view us as incapable of experiencing genuine pain of any kind.

People don't understand what it is to be Jewish. Kol Yisrael arevim ze bazeh. I feel a physical connection at the center of my being with every other Jew on Earth. I feel the connection to my Jewish ancestors, because my soul is Jewish. I was at Sinai. I received the Torah.

They cannot fathom that we experience the loss of even one of our own as the loss of a world. The same people killing us glorify themselves in death, they cheer for death and destruction. We say l'chaim! Whole worlds were obliterated, desecrated, stolen and hijacked from us.

By people who pretended to be friends for generations, over twenty years. The Jews living near the Gaza border were peace activists. They were practicing what they preached: coexistence with Arabs. These men knew their children, had been in their homes, knew their names.

On October 8th, everyone screamed at us that we were committing genocide. And on October 9th, they said, "Jews don't really grieve their own. They don't feel pain. Any pain you see is just a reptillian manipulative farce, Don't Trust The Jews. They're Not Like Us."

And we aren't. We aren't like you. We never will be. But we are human beings. We grieve. We suffer. We cry out. We beg and plead. We die. One day, G-d willing, we will dance again, too.

[flightfoot]

Miraculous movie review

Just watched the movie. Overall, I'm pretty mixed on it. There were some things I thought it did well and others I thought it was pretty poor at, especially with how the constraints of its runtime meant it couldn't build relationships as well. Ultimately, I prefer the show, though the movie definitely had some things going for it.

More details below the break, warning there will be SPOILERS below.

What I liked about the movie:

It had some really nice music and song sequences, they were my favorite part of the movie! I thought the singing was top-notch, and I loved the visuals they brought out for them, even if it was clearly non-diagetic most of the time. I adore musicals and sadly there haven't been enough of them lately.

The movie was more consistent with its tone and theming than the show usually is. Granted, that's a LOT easier to do in a single movie than in a show spanning 100+ episodes over seven years. They really leaned into the "Marinette has low self-confidence and just considers herself a useless mess who causes disasters all the time, so she needs to learn that she IS capable and heroic."

This movie BELONGED to Ladynoir, specifically with the song sequences with both of them, I adored them singing duets and dancing together.

ADRIEN GOT TO FIND OUT GABRIEL WAS HAWK MOTH AND REALLY REACT TO IT. Gabriel gave a genuine, heartfelt apology for everything, and gave up when he realized he'd been hurting his son. Since this version of Gabriel had only been avoiding Adrien out of grief and hadn't seemed to ever go out of his way to hurt him or subjugate him, Adrien forgiving him worked, I thought. This version of Gabriel jives nicely with most Gabenath fics I've read.

---

What I didn't like about the movie:

While I enjoyed the song sequences the most, they did feel kind of jarring with the rest of the movie, especially since Marinette and Adrien had different voice actors for the singing parts.

Adrien's and Marinette's relationship was barely developed in the Adrienette dynamic. I was actually surprised when Ladybug told Chat that her heart belonged to someone else, given that she'd only had like, two scenes with him as a civilian? And neither one was THAT meaningful. The library scene was nowhere NEAR the level of the umbrella scene.

This movie had beautiful music... for the singing parts. But then they tried to bring out the opening chords of "Careless Whisper" for some bits that were supposed to be romantic and... yeah no, that didn't work at all. It felt like a parody. The show uses its OST WAY better, especially "In The Rain".

While this movie emphasized the Ladynoir dynamic, it didn't actually work for me? It was nice to see them sparring, but I didn't like their actual interactions - mostly because of how Chat was portrayed.

Which leads to a point about Chat: he got done dirty here, with his over-the-top bravado getting to the point of arrogance and it even seeming like he was putting Ladybug down sometimes, with him calling her a "sidekick" several times (which Plagg joined in on for some reason) and a watermelon and while that seems to have been in order to show how his and Ladybug's relationship strengthened and became more playful over time, the shortened length of the movie didn't really allow that to be conveyed well. He was mostly just annoying, and it didn't feel like he actually got to do much in fights. We didn't get to follow him much so there wasn't much reason to get attached to Adrien, either.

Were the fart scenes with Plagg really necessary?

---

Overall I'm happy I watched it, but I wouldn't call it the definitive version of Miraculous by any means. For all its flaws and foibles, I far prefer the show, with the relationships and characters its built, and the creative, intelligent superhero fights it showcases. Just watched the movie wouldn't have gotten me into Miraculous's world, but the show entranced me after only two episodes.

[simplegenius042]

Music Monday & WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @direwombat

Tagging @spookyrares @derelictheretic @inafieldofdaisies @socially-awkward-skeleton @imogenkol @noodlecupcakes @voidika @cassietrn @adelaidedrubman @aceghosts @josephseedismyfather @icecutioner @shallow-gravy @strangefable @statichvm @cloudofbutterflies92 @carlosoliveiraa @wrathfulrook @starsandskies @ladyoriza @la-grosse-patate @minilev @thewanderer-000 @omen-speaker @justasmolbard @alypink @shellibisshe @josephslittledeputy @skoll-sun-eater @g0dspeeed @afarcryfrommymain @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @softtidesworld @florbelles and @yokobai + anyone else who want to join.

Two songs for The UnTitledverse and The Silver Chronicles respectively plus one WIP for Life, Despair & Monsters. You can listen and read these below the cut:

In The UnTitledverse, I've got a trilogy of DOOM WIPs (moreso focusing on the DOOM (2016) and DOOM: Eternal games, with references to the previous ones) creatively called DOOMed, it's prequel DOOMed: From The Start and the sequel DOOMed: Forth Til Eternity. This song though focuses on DOOMed: From The Start, which pretty much follows the events leading up to DOOMed. Furthermore, there are some OCs, some characters mentioned in this game (either by recording, data or dialogue) that will be present too AND as well as Olivia and Hayden. This is like a sitcom months before disaster strikes. Listen below:

"One, two, three, four

La, la-la, la-la-la, la La, la-la, la-la-la

Whatever happened to predictability? The milk man, the paper boy, the evening TV? How did I get delivered here? Somebody tell me please Cause this old world is just really confusing me

Clouds as mean as you've ever seen Ain't a bird that knows your tune Then, a little voice of you whispers "Kid, don't sell your dreams so soon!"

Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a heart (there's a heart), a hand to hold on to Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a face (there's a face), somebody who needs you

La, la-la, la-la-la, la La, la-la, la-la-la

Whatever happened to the good ol' days? Talking to friends for hours, swore it'd never go away Now, I'm feeling a little crazy, trying to fit in with a scene 'Cause how do you know where you're going, if you really don't know who you've been?

Everybody, eventually Says they are as lost as you So everybody, shout it together "Hey, don't sell your dreams so soon!"

Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a heart (there's a heart), a hand to hold on to Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a face (there's a face), somebody who needs you Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a heart (there's a heart), a hand to hold on to Everywhere you look, yeah

When you're lost out there, and you're all alone A light is waiting to carry you home Everywhere you look."

Keeping to Six Of Crows central theme, my How Good Is A Heist If It's Improvised? WIP explores it a bit more (with the addition of Isiah Popov and Gemini Teal apart of the Dregs). Anyway, this song definitely fits the theme of the book and WIP, even if its light tone hides the dark side in these two. Have a listen below:

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA It's like you're always stuck in second gear When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

But I'll be there for you (When the rain starts to pour) I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before) I'll be there for you ('Cause you're there for me too)

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight You've burned your breakfast, so far things are going great Your mother warned you there'd be days like these Oh, but she didn't tell you when the world has brought You down to your knees that

I'll be there for you (When the rain starts to pour) I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before) I'll be there for you ('Cause you're there for me too)

No one could ever know me No one could ever see me Seems you're the only one who knows What it's like to be me Someone to face the day with Make it through all the rest with Someone I'll always laugh with Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

I'll be there for you (When the rain starts to pour) I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before) I'll be there for you ('Cause you're there for me too)

I'll be there for you I'll be there for you I'll be there for you 'Cause you're there for me too!"

Here's a WIP for my House Of The Dragon WIP The Thorned Crown Of Iron Thrones. Takes place weeks after both Aemma's death and Viserys marriage/consummation to Alicent. Corvus is stressing over the new tension between Rhaenyra and Alicent, but unluckily he finds solace with one noble Sir Enigma Malvolio, whose may be a tad strange but he's giving Corvus some floral remedies in the form of tea so he'll endure it; enjoy a history lesson from Malvolio below: [A/N Hey guys, if you noticed that this snippet is a bit clunky, that's because I had been sick at the time of writing the chapter it belongs to, so I wasn't at my best when I wrote this. Still feeling the after effects now even, but I should be fully recovered by tomorrow. Enjoy!]

"You know," Sir Enigma broke the awkward pause, back still to Corvus as he boiled more of the red petals, "There's an old wives tale about these flowers. Say, have you ever heard of the legend of the Court King, your highness?"

Corvus paused mid-sip, the floral scent of the tea clinging to the steam coming out of the cup and assaulting his nose. It was strong, certainly, but something that wasn't uninviting. The sharp taste and scent was both distracting and calming his nerves. Exactly what he had sought out.

"I can't say I have, Sir Enigma," Corvus politely told the older man, finding nothing he could remember about such a name, "Who was he?"

Sir Enigma glanced to him and gave a cheerful grin, something Corvus was unsure was supposed to be inviting. He found it rather unnerving, but refrained from speaking up.

"I thought as much. You won't find anyone around here who'd know the tale by heart. The Court King," Sir Enigma smacked his lips as he began, "is more of a myth in my personal opinion. But I've learned there is always merit to any story passed down rumor by rumor. The tough part would be discerning fact from fiction."

He took the kettle off his small stove, placing it back on the tray. He brought it over to the small table between them, along with setting down his cap to face Corvus as Sir Enigma reclaimed the tea cup he was drinking from earlier. Corvus would think the other man would refill it with the hotter brew, but didn't bring attention to it. He saw no reason to it.

After Sir Enigma took a sip from his cup, he sighed in satisfaction, looked to Corvus with his dark eyes and gleefully continued, "From what I could find, the Court King was a ruler who reigned over many lands with the help of his competent cohort, whom some say he carefully selected himself."

"Hence the name "Court King"?" Corvus questioned, though internally kicked himself for interrupting the nobleman. When Sir Enigma regarded him with an inquisitive gaze, Corvus stuttered out, "S-since he was the head of a- of a court? And royalty?"

Sir Enigma pondered over Corvus words, and hummed, "Well... that's certainly one way to look at it."

"Though I don't think the name matters as much as the being holding it," Sir Enigma admitted after another sip, "From what I've heard, he wasn't of any royalty. In fact, he was more a conqueror. Like your Aegon. Just more successful."

Corvus widened his eyes in shock at Sir Enigma's assertion. The nobleman just sipped on more of his tea as if he hadn't stated something so controversial about the family the Targaryen prince belonged to, adopted status notwithstanding.

He couldn't fathom how Sir Enigma could say Aegon the Conqueror's conquests were lesser than a person who may not even exist.

"What... makes you say that?" Corvus asked, swallowing down his nervousness. He wasn't wrong about this tea, he thought to himself, It seems to rejuvenate me with an energy to speak up.

Sir Enigma snickered at Corvus reaction, and added, "I mean no offense to your family's history, your majesty. But compared to the stories I've heard about your forefather and what I could learn about the Court King, the latter had accomplished a lot more. After all, what bigger conquest can one accomplish but the world's?"

Corvus blinked at Sir Enigma, processing the baffling information he was listening to. The World?! The very idea of someone even coming close to accomplishing such a feat was preposterous to the prince. He's already sat through meetings of father's council struggling to figure out how to approach diplomacy with the likes of Uncle Daemon, he didn't have confidence that they alone could take on the less amicable kingdoms.

Now, he was thoroughly intrigued about this Court King, "Did- did he succeed?"

"In the conquests?" Sir Enigma raised a brow, and Corvus nodded, "Well of course he did. He was fucking ruthless, and most importantly, extremely ambitious in his goal. He left no stone unturned. He wore a mask to hide his face, never disclosing his name so his enemies were unable to curse him beyond death. If what I had learned was true, some say he was akin to a God. Or perhaps gifted by them. It's said he ruled for a life time. Beyond what was even possible for a human; conjuring storms while he was at it. He tamed dragons and flew without their aid. He was fueled by divine magic and as strong as a hundred armies."

Corvus sat in shock, so much so that he broke from it when he lost his grip on his tea cup. It fell to the stone floor, shattering and spilling the red-tinted liquid everywhere. He gave an apologetic gaze to Sir Enigma, but the man didn't seem bothered as he was mid-way through pouring another steaming tea into a new cup.

Taking the new cup with both hands, he gave his thanks as he tried to find a way to form his thoughts coherently into words.

"Did he really do it?" he asked. Sir Enigma responded with a raised brow, so Corvus elaborated, "All of what you just said."

Sir Enigma gave a smile, and a chuckle as he stated, "Of course not. It's all bullshit. No person is capable of living forever, blessed with god-like powers, taming fucking dragons. Only Targaryens and Velaryons can achieve such a feat, which the Court King was neither. In all likelihood, if he ever did exist, he was replaced generation after generation, keeping up the illusion of a god that ruled over the lands for eternity. With a dragon rider of his own probably."

Oh, Corvus cringed, thinking himself a gullible fool.

Sir Enigma showed mercy on him though, not regarding him with ridicule, "Don't beat yourself up so much, your highness. Tales are meant to wind people up, make them believe in the impossible. The Court King's just another in a sea of a thousand more. Flattering stories to feed the egos of dead people. You'll get used to it."

Corvus accepted the nobleman's words without resistance, though he did have a burning question.

"How... do the flowers play into this though?" Corvus inquired.

Sir Enigma looked at the prince, puzzled. Until his eyes widened in realization, "Oh right, almost forgot."

He clears his throat as he continues, "You see, the more mythical parts of this tale state that the Court King's reign long reign had ended at one point. From what I learned, the Court King had been betrayed by his cohort during a particularly big war, leading to his demise. Staying true to his image of divinity, its stated that once his corpse fell, a hundred-thousand red flowers bloomed across the battlefield, rooting itself in anything it could."

"Some say these flowers contained the Court King's courage. Others had the belief that the petals held divine properties belonging to the Court King. There were a few who believed that the flora should be preserved and revered, as they held the Court King's spirit. The commonality between all three claims was that by consuming the flowers, you attain his power," Sir Enigma explained with a roll of his eyes, "Hence the name. The Court King's Favors. Of course, his cohorts hadn't liked such a idea, and some of the more paranoid ones went on to purge the flowers from existence. Where there had been hundreds of thousands, now remains only thirty. Or, well, twenty-eight."

Corvus wasn't sure if he was supposed to cringe at that, but Sir Enigma hadn't seemed to discourage him from drinking the tea full of the favors.

"Now you must understand the ridiculous of such claims. More than likely those flowers merely rejuvenated people with medicinal properties," Sir Enigma disclosed, and Corvus couldn't disagree there. The tea did put to rest his fears and anxieties, much to his relief. Even if the tale was all myth, he couldn't say he didn't see why people believed in it.

"Want to know what else I learned from this tale?" Sir Enigma spoke up, catching Corvus attention. Once the prince gave him a nod to continue, Sir Enigma continued, "Rumor has it, that the corpse of the Court King is held deep in the catacombs of a tomb, somewhere under here. King's Landing itself."

Corvus tensed at Sir Enigma's words, finishing off his tea as he leaned in to softly ask, "Is- is that true? Or just another myth?"

Sir Enigma, though seeming to have all the answers, merely shrugged here, "I never got a concrete answer, so who knows? But it'd be quite a discovery, wouldn't you agree?"

As Corvus wondered over the Court King's legend, pondering on such a unique character, even if he was myth, Sir Enigma broke him out of his thoughts as he offered the kettle.

"Would you like more?" the nobleman asked, "The Court King's legend may be a myth, but his favor does grant you courage in times of strife. If you believe enough, that is. Do you believe, Corvus?"

The prince looked to and from the tea cup in his hands and the kettle in Sir Enigma's. His mind thought back to the recent tragedy weeks ago of mother's death, and the straining gap between his sister and the sweet Lady Alicent. He didn't know how to fix that, and could barely comfort father in his time of need.

He could need a little courage, if not for himself, then to help his family. With his mind made up, he brought his cup forward to a grinning Malvolio, watching as the dark red tainted liquid filled his cup for a third time.

[jagsdoodloos]

New Steven Universe AU Drop:

"After a near disaster that almost cost Steven his life (that a whole other story) Connie realizes that her swordsmanship isn't going to cut it (pardon the pun :p) and needs to take her training to a whole new level. Now Connie will embark on an intense "no-holds-bar" knock down drag out combat training plan that will push her to the absolute limit!

Connie, however, knows she cannot travel this path alone. But not wanting to get Steven involved, and to keep it a secret from him, she enlists her old teacher Pearl to help. Pearl, also desperate to keep Steven safe, agrees and takes on her former pupil once again. But the rules have changed now; The kid gloves are off! Connie wants nothing held back and will endure whatever punishing pain Pearl can throw at her if it means keeping Steven safe.

Connie and Pearl know full well Steven would disapprove of their new training regime. Both sparring partners agree to keep their battle regimen secret to all but a select few. And with a little help from literal magic, Connie's goal to become the ultimate knight to her beloved liege seems in reach - just as long as a certain former Homeworld Gem soldier doesn't end up killing her before hand."

A kind of underground dual take I've had in mind for a bit. Still working on Swordsmith Connie AU - that story happens well before this fight story takes place. And before the "Steeb almost dies" thing I mentioned. I got a tone of stories locked up in the old head cannon.

Definitely more to come.

[alteredsilicone]

My interpretation is that their gap in status set the tone for their relationship right off. Yeah! I am always keeping that thought in the back of my head, because they are both from the actual Orokin era and as per Orokin rules it basically goes like: Albrecht can do whatever he wants and Loid has to follow or he can find out what happens when he doesn't. The Orokin are not shy about disposing of unwanted servants and even though Loid is probably a Valuable Asset (tm), he also knows his place. I think that WitW is Loid's slow-motion breakdown and it's him being more explicit about his anxiety and fear and dissatisfaction than he had ever, ever been during their active relationship

Definitely. Calling back to my first point - Loid is making a lot of demands for someone who, in his social status, absolutely should not be doing it. Ripping the page out of the Grimoire, saying he is tired of "Albrecht's endless justifications" (so they HAVE talked about their feelings, but we know what Albrecht is like, so he was probably self-flagellating the entire time and Loid at one point just got Fed Up (also goes in line with your last point how Albrecht knows what to say and when to get what he wants)). These two DESPERATELY needed a time separated from one another so they can actually sit down and assess their feelings, ok, Albrecht is stuck in 1999 so he probably isn't out there pontificating, but Loid definitely is now free to actually be honest with himself.

We're all having fun with the old man yaoi so nobody wants to point it out, but do you think that once Albrecht involved Loid in his heretical/illegal research (alchemy, stealing the Archon shards, pirating warframes, etc) Loid ever had an option to leave? To get out of the Murmur insanity?

Here's my hot take - if Loid tried to leave, it would end with a murder-suicide. Like, he knows way too much and I do think that at this point Albrecht and Loid have developed a co-dependant relationship, and also Albrecht already tried to kill himself once. I'm also all for Old Man Yaoi and the cutesy lovey-dovey stuff (I mean it's all I've drawn so much lmfao, I'm a sucker for fluff), but I am fully willing to engage with reality and call a spade a spade. I understand their relationship has to be sanded down to appeal to normies OR we are kinda past all the terrible red flags and steering into a slightly better, healthier direction (and by healthy I mean comparing a nasty sore to the bubonic plague). Returning to point two - Loid has finally had space to actually air out his genuine frustrations without fear of retaliation or just the fact he cannot even properly disengage from Albrecht, aside from maybe running off into the labs.

It's my headcanon that Albrecht had never been as explicitly expressive as he is in their final moments with the selectable line; he had never said anything like "my Loid" before. It's a clear reflection of Loid's own endearment for him ("my Albrecht").

The last page of the Grimoire basically confirms it, Albrecht himself confesses that he neither paid attention or spoke his feelings to Loid, despite acknowledging how important Loid is and fawning over him in his notes.

Honestly Albrecht mimicking/reflecting Loid is so interesting because it once again circles back to the first and second point and the whole Orokin/non-Orokin dynamic… Like, hello Loid, why are YOU the one making a possessive remarks towards your Orokin master?

Orokin is as Orokin does, but I would say Loid is so painfully human ("all emotional centers fully intact" as per Necraloid), that it just rubbed off on Albrecht, but Albrecht also has so much going on (and it's not like you can change a person in one day, if at all), that it turns into the bizarre disaster of a relationship they have. Albrecht is not supposed to care about Loid this much, also he has to fight the Adversary and he has to do it alone, so he's stuck between a rock and a hard place.

the only way I can rationalize Albrecht and Loid being very clearly into one another but also being stuck at the "what are we" stage is that Loid is convinced himself that Albrecht sees him as some sort of elevated pet (doesn't help that he took Kalymos to 1999 but left Loid behind)

I mean, Albrecht might be One of the Good Ones but he is still an Orokin, so I am pretty sure Loid spent many days and many nights wondering if Albrecht truly care-cares about him. Despite the very obvious intimate turn their relationship took post Void-accident. Yeah, this man embraces you and wants to be close to you, but surely it's just some Orokin quirk... Lord knows Albrecht has poor circulation and Loid is just his human space-heater. (There has to be some level of self-delusion for Loid to mentally put a barrier between them)

Then, centuries or even millennia later, the Tenno forced Loid to come face to face with reality. He is loved, he is cared for and Albrecht made the ultimate sacrifice in the name of their love.

But also think about it - all this time, Loid was convinced he was abandoned without a second thought.

[confusedwitch]

Witch-Related Books to Grab off Amazon: Masterpost Part 1

First off, I'll be sectioning this into different parts based off of what type of witch you are/want to be/want more info on, or what practices you wanna add to your craft :)

Green Witch/Magick Herbalism (a classic):

The Green Witch by Arin Murphy-Hiscock - $9.69 (Hardcover): This book had incredible reviews on amazon, and a lot of the written reviews said that the book wasn't specific to a religion and didn't try to push a religion on you, which is so wonderful because not everyone wants to be religious with their craft.

Plant Witchery by Juliet Diaz - $25.19 (Hardcover) $18.99 (Paperback): Again, stunning reviews, just a less popular book. This book isn't about general stuff, but instead it's more focused on mother nature and the useage of plants (non-herbal as well, so your houseplants might be mentioned too), which is great if you wanna center your practice around Gaia and the healing energies of the earth.

Herb Magick: An Introduction to Magickal Herbalism and Spells by Patti Wigington - $14.99 (Paperback): here's a review from a verified person- it explained this book WAY better than I ever could:

The focus of this book is on the folkloric and magical uses of herbs, rather than medicinal applications. It provides a few traditional uses of herbs, but the overall theme is knowledge of the plants and their associations, and incorporating them in your spiritual workings. This is an Introductory to Magical Herbalism.

The author's spiritual practice is rooted in traditional American and European Folk Magic. She is a licensed Pagan Clergy and is the founder of Clan Of The Stone Circle, a Celtic Pagan Tradition. (Funny, anything Celtic has been pulling my attention feelers lately, no wonder why I loved this book.) Her spells are derived/based upon the traditional folk magic practices of Western Europe and the British Isles, and the author's own experiences. They are positive spells for magical intentions of healing, love, prosperity, and protection. Baneful or negative workings with herbs are NOT used in this book.

The aesthetic of this book has my little, beginner herbalist heart gushing! The blue, green, and yellow earthy tones and hues used were perfect for the topic of herbs! The cover is GORGEOUS! It's so pretty and flowery, the illustrated pictures of the herbs were extremely helpful because I had never seen some of the plants before. This will make future identification much easier for me!

Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham - $16.43 (Paperback): A couple reviews describe it as being in a cookbook format, and overall an amazing book, like most of Scott Cunningham's other works. Apparently the Amazon shipping was literal trash for a bunch of people and they essentially left the book loose inside the box to bang around and get all sorts of messed up :((

The Witch's Herbal Apothecary by Marysia Miernowska - $18.69 (Paperback): Described by reviewers as the PERFECT book for recipes and rituals, even one of Marysia's personal students spoke very highly of her, saying that she's the real deal. Other reviews state the book as being very beginner friendly, and beautifully written and illustrated :))

Blackthorn's Botanical Magic: The Green Witch's Guide to Essential Oils for Spellcraft, Ritual, and Healing by Amy Blackthorn - $15.79 (Paperback): again, phenomenal reviews, just a lesser-known book. Again, here's a review from someone who explained the book a bit better than I could:

This book is way more than I thought it would be. I thought it would be like a dictionary - you look up the essential oil and get the definition. It is that but it's also got a few introductory chapters about oils and products and rituals to give you a nice and concise overview of a lot of things you might need to know as a novice. I also like the way you can reference different oils in alpha order but also look up your purpose and find the oil you need.

From the looks of it, this book is specifically about Essential Oils. Is that still Green Witchery?? Lol I'm not sure, but i felt like it should go in this category.

Kitchen Witch (another classic):

Blackthorn's Botanical Brews by Amy Blackthorn - $14.49 (Hardcover): this is mainly a book of recipes for drinks and cocktails and stuff. There was one review complaining about how it didn't have correspondences, meanwhile the book is literally described as being a recipe book? It's an AMAZING book if you enjoy/want to start making homemade elixirs and cocktails :))

The Natural Witch's Cookbook: 100 Magickal, Healing Recipes, and Herbal Remedies to Nourish Body, Mind, and Spirit by Lisanna Wallace - $20.69 (hardcover): This is again just a book of recipes, and the reviews are really good. Here's one of them:

I wanted to write the review as soon as I got the book. I was not expecting this book to be so fantastic. The recipes are very nutritious and the names are very inventive, but I could see that before I tried the recipes. I held off on writing the review until I tasted a few of the recipes. Even my kids were very happy with the flavors of these recipes. They are mostly easy to make and they are very delicious. Be aware though that the food can only be as great as the quality of the ingredients that you get. These are not recipes that call for complicated or fancy ingredients, or even a lot of ingredients. As a result, you have to use the best that you can find/afford to get the best results you can. I did not use expensive ingredients, but everything I used was very fresh and it does make a difference on the outcome. Overall, the book have some great recipes, easy to follow and the end result does look like the ones on the picture.

The Book of Kitchen Witchery by Cerridwen Greenleaf - $12.89 (Paperback):

I am so pleased with this book. It’s so magical and warm. Sometimes the new age genre can be a little too technical or focus too much on religion or putting down particular religions... this was not like that. There are so many lovely tips and easy spells and recipes that are kept fairly light so you can make them your own. The book just makes me happy, it has an energy to it that goes right along with it’s artsy illustrations and at-a-glance format. This will be a great reference. Very grateful to everyone who made this book possible.

A former editor said that there were a few editing mistakes, but nothing too crazy. If that's one of your pet peeves, just beware when buying this book lol (btw the editor still have a 4 star review because they said the book is still very good)

Potions, Elixirs & Brews by Anaïs Alexandre - $12.79 (Hardcover): I just had to include both of these amazing reviews, since both said what the other review did not.

This book is so gorgeous and everything I have been looking for in regards to potions. I love her writing style and the way the book looks. Highly informative and I can feel her good intentions behind the book. She is very intelligent. I respect her and I am inspired by her! I found her by chance looking up books for potions, she also has Instagram! Very grateful, amazing book thank you:-) so happy to be the first comment:p excited to see what else amazing things come from Anais!

And

I adore this book. The art and setup is simplistic and beautiful. There is a system that tells you exactly how difficult each potion will be to make, whether or not it’s alcoholic, and what is the ideal season to make it in. The instructions are clear, the preliminary information is well done, and there’s even a section for brewing large batches which I LOVE. The weight of the book is nice and it feels of good quality. The papers are glossy and, I haven’t yet, but I feel like it won’t be a disaster If you get some of your creation on it. The book is separated into types of potions depending on your intent. This is a perfect book for anyone new to making potions or is interested in a magickal recipe book!

The Witches Feast: A Kitchen Grimoire by Melissa Madara - $35 (Hardcover): This book actually isn't out yet, but it'll be released on October 26th of this year (2021). It looks promising, which is why I put it on the list, and for that much money, it better be good lol

Lunar/Moon/Astrology Witch:

The Complete Guide to Astrology by Louise Edington - $9.49 (Paperback) $22.99 (Hardcover): There's amazing reviews on this book, and one of them said that she's been researching astrology for 23 years!! Here's the review in it's entirety:

I've been a student of Astrology for the past 23 years now, and have read most of the books on this subject that are considered foundational. Many guides to astrology that I page through in a bookstore are fine, but covering information I already know. What I so appreciated about Edington's new book is that she brings a new angle to even the basics of Astrology. Her book feels like a fresh update, more appropriate to our current time in terms of language and sensibility. There are no "evil" aspects or transits in Edington's view, no dark warnings of disaster; her evolutionary perspective encourages us to see the opportunity in even the most challenging times, what can be learned, what can be accomplished. As she says in her book, she doesn't look at the natal chart as something fixed, unchanging, rather a "blueprint rich in meaning and possibility."

I also admired Edington's extensive knowledge of the stories behind the names and symbology used in Astrology: sharing her interpretations of them, how they are useful, how they can be limiting. Concepts I thought I already understood have been unpacked in greater depth by the author, so that I see deeper layers.

This text is beautifully written, well-organized, offering a fresh update, as well as a deeper dive than many astrology texts. This book is an invaluable resource I'll be returning to, and consulting, with appreciation.

Moon Spells: How to Use the Phases of the Moon to Get What You Want by Diane Ahlquist - $11.35 (Paperback): This book is a bit older fashioned in the sense that it's VERY heteronormative, we're talking about love magick SPECIFICALLY for men and all about being a father, and a section of love magick SPECIFICALLY for women and being a mother. So if this gets on your nerves, then i wouldn't recommend this book. Other than that, the reviews are very good and they describe the book as being a must-have for lunar witches.

The Complete Book of Moon Spells by Michael Herkes - $13.49 (Paperback): Yes, this book was written by a man. If that's something that might make you not want to purchase, please look at this and also keep in mind that SO MANY of the most highly esteemed witches of the world ARE MEN. So if you wanna be closed off and refuse their help and their knowledge, go ahead sis, I'm not stopping you.

He's most definitely not just "some guy". Aside from that, this book has very good reviews. Some people called it "fluffy" and a bit less serious then they anticipated, but it's very good for beginner witches who are finally wanting to start doing spells. Here's a review.

In this book you explore ways to conjure the mysterious power of the moon to manifest your intentions to achieve abundance and balance in your life! Each chapter is devoted to one of the eight phases of the moon and includes various spells, tarot spreads, crystal grids and potions that reflect that phase of the moon!

This is an overall amazing book if you want to build a foundation of learning about the history of the moon, astrology, cycles & phases, ritual tools, crystals, herbs, and essential oils- as well as the moon spells and rituals.

This is one of my new favorite books! I feel so connected to the moon and this book is a great reference for learning the best rituals and spells to use for the different moon phases and energies surrounding them! It’s easy to follow and the lunar rituals, mystical spells and magical drinks are so vibrant, creative and helpful in my spiritual journey. I’d recommend this book to anyone that loves the moon like I do.

Moon Magic: A Handbooks of Lunar Cycles, Lore, and Mystical Energies by Aurora Kane - $19.99 (Hardcover, although there's only three left when I'm looking at it) $9.99 (Kindle):

One review said that the book much surpassed their expectations, and another review said this:

I absolutely adore this book.

If you're just a beginner and want to understand the different moon phases, this is the book to get.

The information inside was extremely helpful without being overly complicated.

Well worth the money spent.

Astrology: Using the Wisdom of the Stars in Your Everyday Life by DK - $14.59 (Hardcover):

I saw this in store and was immediately drawn to it's beautiful and shiny cover! But when I open it, the inside is just as beautiful! I love looking through the pages. I would say it is a very good basic astrology book, but I have another one that gives much more detail. I like this one for more of a quick reference kind of book. It's more of a bullet point style book, where it gives little tidbits instead of paragraphs going in depth. (Though some pages do have paragraphs) BUT, it covers just about everything including all the houses, moon signs, and ascending signs. It covers everything, but it just covers he tip of the iceberg. (In my opinion) I still absolutely recommend it!

Apparently this book is also available in Barnes and Noble, so if you have access to one, you might wanna look there for the book before purchasing off of Amazon :)

Misc Books (General):

The Spell Book for New Witches: Essential Spells to Change Your Life by Ambrosia Hawthorn - $10.19 (Paperback) $20.69 (Hardcover):

This book... It's a very good spell book, and is true in the spells it contains, but MY biggest problem with it is that it's V E R Y Wiccan, and seems almost preachy about the "Threefold Law" and what they like to call "karma". Choosing not to do dark magick is PERFECTLY FINE and being Wiccan is totally okay! But don't be like Christianity and rub it in people's faces, dude. The book talks about how you can ONLY practice "love and light". Other than that, this book is AMAZING and rated literally 5 stars with over 11K reviews. If you lean more Wiccan, by ALL means, buy this spellbook. It's the one for you.

Practical Magic for Beginners by Maggie Haseman - $13.49 (Paperback)

This book is fantastic for the witch who wants to learn more about her craft but doesn't know where to start. Each subject is broken down into easy to absorb bits of wisdom without being overwhelming. A great jumping off place to decide where to dive in deep next.

This book is very comprehensive, and is a great reference guide for beginner witches, or witches looking to add another book to their collection.

Candle Magic For Beginners by Mystic Dylan - $10.86 (Paperback) $21.99 (Spiral bound)

This book is a must have for anyone looking to deepen their connection with the magical element of fire, ritual, and spell work through candle magic! Dylan not only teaches you how to use candle magic for things such as protection, abundance, love, healing, and more, but takes you through the fascinating history of the power of fire & how to properly charge, cleanse, and consecrate your candles to begin manifesting your deepest desires!!! Overall, the book is beautifully written with gorgeous illustration and will hook you from the start!!!!!!!

This book is perfect for beginners to candle magick, or beginners to the craft in general. I personally LOVE candle magic because I've always been attracted to fire. I could void out and just stare at a flame for hours on end lol

Crystals for Beginners by Karen Frazier - $8.99 (Paperback) $20.95 (Spiral bound)

Absolutely love this book!! It’s so informative! I am a beginner and this book explains a lot. Everything a beginner would need to know about crystals is in this book. I am so pleased with it. Best purchase of the week! Definitely worth it. The author explains crystals, chakras and energy so enthusiastically and in a way that is easy to understand. At the end of the book, is a “resources” page with all the websites, books and apps that the Author recommends.

Again, very beginner friendly, but this time it's not spells, it's crystals and such. I've personally been wanting this book for AGES

The Crystal Bible Series by Judy Hall - $38.99 (Volume 1-3 shrink-wrapped set, paperback):

This is my first purchase of the three-part series by Judy Hall. Volume 1 covers over 200 crystals! I can already tell you I'll be purchasing volumes 2 and 3 (each of which cover 200+ MORE crystals/stones, not included in volume 1) I love how each crystal description includes photos to further help in identification. I also appreciate that rarity and sources were included. Information about the spiritual and physical impacts of crystals on the body is in there as well! This book is loaded with a lot of great information and is the perfect quick reference. It's also small and fits easily in my hand. I highly recommend it for beginners.

This is a review from just the first book, and it's from a verified hauler/buyer :)) these aren't exactly newbie friendly, and some people say they're a bit harder to understand.

[honhonluigi]

I was wondering, do you think Nagito sees himself as below talentless people? Or at least on the same level? I see lots of people characterize that he hates them and/or would treat them badly, but I just don't agree. I've been trying to study his character deeply and imo you're the person who writes him the best that I've seen so I wanted your opinion. Sorry if this is out of the blue or if you don't want to answer I understand.

I’m the person you think writes him the best? Thank you! That’s incredibly flattering. I try my absolute best to keep him in-character, and to keep his character aligned with the games and not just my own opinions. I study and analyze all of his actions very deeply, and weigh them against each. And to me, the answer is obvious. 

I don’t agree with that either. Nagito is not a prejudiced snob. (That’s Byakuya). He doesn’t hate talentless people. I absolutely believe that he sees himself as on the same level as them, or only very slightly above them, if anything. I don’t ever think Nagito would “hate all talentless people” or treat someone badly just because they were talentless, or make that kind of judgement against them. I talk about this a lot on Nagito’s blog, and I really hope that it comes through pretty clearly. I never want to portray Nagito as some kind of prejudiced asshole. 

Because he’s not. Canon clearly shows that he isn’t. All the evidence points to him not specifically always hating talentless people. Let’s examine it, the way I did when I came up with my conclusions:

First of all, we have a canon example of how he treats talentless people. It’s Hajime. (And I know Komahina/Nagito haters will immediately go “Yeah! See! He treated Hajime horribly because he was talentless!” Well, you’re a fucking idiot, and you’re completely wrong, but we’ll get to that in a second.)

Let’s look at chapter 1. Nagito is nothing but sweet and considerate to Hajime the entire time, despite Hajime “forgetting” his talent. He sits with Hajime while he’s unconscious on the beach before Nagito even has a chance to know that he has a talent or not. He shows him around. He acts like his best friend the entire time. Despite Hajime not having a talent. 

“But he thought Hajime had a talent then!” You may say. And to that: You’re wrong. Nagito specifically says in the first trial that “Hajime and I are on the same level, since he can’t remember his talent.” That’s why he thought he had a shot at being Hajime’s friend. This proves that 1) Nagito viewed Hajime as ‘talentless’ for as long as he didn’t have a talent, since Nagito definitely didn’t consider himself as “on the same level” as Ultimate Students. and 2) That Nagito saw Hajime as talentless and still treated him kindly. 

That sets the tone for the whole analysis. Nagito saw Hajime as pretty much talentless right up until he found the files in the Funhouse, and he still treated him well. 

Let’s look at chapters 2-4 (up until Gundham’s trial). Hajime is consistently awful to Nagito. Nagito does his best to still be nice to Hajime. Yes, they argue a lot, but that’s Hajime’s fault. Nagito just disagrees with him, or says something crazy about hope, and Hajime can’t handle it. He’s a hot-head. Nagito’s not being ‘deliberately antagonistic’ by just...not agreeing with Hajime. Let alone being cruel on purpose or fighting on purpose. Hajime’s hatred of him was entirely his own fault. The whole time, Nagito still acted nice to Hajime, talked to him, assisted in trials, and was kind. Even if he talked crazy about hope and dared to disagree with Hajime, that doesn’t count as “cruel treatment”. 

Alright, now we’ll get to the part that everyone misconceives as proof that Nagito hates all talentless people ever. And it’s so...so unbelievably stupid that it makes my brain hurt just to think about it. 

Let’s talk about the Funhouse. While they were starving to death, Nagito was nicer to Hajime than any other time since Ch 1. He only started being mean to Hajime after the investigation, when he went through the Final Dead Room. Why? Because he found Monokuma’s secret reward files. At least everyone can agree on that. 

But here most people stop and say “Nagito hated Hajime because he found out he was a Reserve Course Student, and what he says to him proves it!” That’s not true. Let’s really think about it. 

What was in the files in the first place? Monokuma admitted after Nagito’s death that what Nagito found showed to him that everyone in his class was in Despair. It had the information on the Despair personalities of all his classmates. Wait...Wait a second? Who was Hajime in Despair? Izuru motherfucking Kamukura, the Ultimate Hope. I don’t doubt that Nagito found out that Hajime was in the Reserve Course, but that wasn’t the only thing he saw. He saw Izuru Kamukura, the Ultimate Hope. And he only got angry with Hajime after finding out that he had a real talent. 

Why? Because the reason Nagito was angry has absolutely fucking nothing to do with Hajime’s talent (or lack of it). And what he says to Hajime proves it. He comes up to him angry and says things like “You think you can just become hope because you want to? That’s so selfish! You can’t just become hope just because you want it badly! A talentless person like you has no chance of that!” 

What Nagito said was aimed at Izuru Kamukura. He would’ve seen in the files that Izuru Kamukura was a leader of Despair. He would’ve seen that he was “The Ultimate Hope”. And he would’ve learned about Izuru’s part in bringing down Hope’s Peak (which in game canon is the Student Council Murders). Why do you think he was so bent out of shape about Hajime “trying to become hope”? In his eyes, he saw Hajime as some selfish Reserve Course Student who got jealous of Ultimates, who tried to just ‘become hope’ because he felt like it, and ended up destroying everything in the process. Including the school and students that Nagito idolized so much. If you replay the actual conversation, the focus of Nagito’s anger is not that Hajime is talentless, but that he tried to become the Ultimate Hope despite being talentless. He doesn’t go up to Hajime and say “ugh, you’re talentless, and I fucking hate you” he goes “why would you do something like that!? why would you try to become hope!? that’s selfish and irresponsible and you should’ve known that it would end in disaster!” 

The reason people get confused is because you hear that conversation before you find out what Izuru did. I was confused too. I was appalled at how Nagito was acting. But once I learned what he read in the files, it made so much sense to me. He was angry at Hajime “trying to become hope” not “being talentless”. 

And if you think that conversation was insulting...Yes, it was. Yes, in that moment, Nagito was trying to be mean to Hajime. Not because he hated him for being talentless, but because he was genuinely angry. Angry for what Izuru did, but also hurt and betrayed. Nagito probably felt very betrayed after learning that. 

He said the whole time that it was suspicious that Hajime didn’t remember his talent. Monokuma told them there was a traitor, “working with the enemy”. Nagito admitted that he suspected Hajime of being the traitor. What do you think he thought when he saw that ‘Hajime Hinata’ was actually Izuru Kamukura, Head of Despair? Especially when Hajime was the only one who didn’t remember his (very incriminating) talent, and the only calling himself by a different name? Nagito probably thought Hajime was the mastermind. That he knew everything. That he started everything. And he was probably horribly angry and hurt. That’s why he wanted to fight with Hajime. Not because he was talentless. 

If you think that’s just a bunch of speculation, then I have two very canon pieces of proof for it. Pieces of proof that don’t make sense if he just ‘hates Hajime because he hates all talentless people.’ 

After Nagito found the Despair files, he hated everyone. Yes, even his talented Ultimate Hope classmates. He was angry with every single person there. During Gundham’s trial, he did nothing but sass and insult them all. He even said “this is the best that Hope’s Peak has to offer? How disappointing. Some Symbols of Hope you are” or something to that exact affect. He was furious with everyone after what he found. Whether they had a talent or not. 

Secondly, Nagito started being nice to Hajime again after the Funhouse. Close to his death, he was talking as kindly to Hajime as he ever did. Try to spend free time with him and he said things like “oh, it’s so nice that you want to spend time with me, and I really wish I could, but--” After Nagito got over his anger, he went right back to treating Hajime as nice as he always did. Even though, by that point, he definitely knew that Hajime had no talent. The Funhouse conversation didn’t prove that he hated Hajime and all talentless people forever. He was just angry. He’s allowed to do that. 

But it goes beyond Hajime. He’s just an example of Nagito’s canonical interactions with a talentless person. 

Look at Nagito’s own words and actions. Obviously he doesn’t see himself as “as good” as Ultimate Students. He constantly calls himself worthless and horrible. And you know what else? Talentless. Nagito refers to himself as talentless. He sees himself as on the same level as them. 

After the first trial, his big speech makes it obvious. The whole trial, he talked about being used as a stepping stone for hope. About his only life’s purpose being to help hope, because it was the only use for a talentless person like himself. Then, after the trial, he goes out and makes a big speech saying “talentless people are worthless and have no purpose but to die for the sake of hope!” And people think he means Reserve Course Students??? Who the fuck would he be talking about if not himself? He had no idea there was anyone talentless on the island, and certainly not a talentless person involved in his murder plans. The only person like that who was involved was him. And he spoke about himself in that exact same way. “I have no purpose but to die for the sake of hope, because I’m a talentless person and my life is worthless” compare to “talentless people have worthless lives and exist for nothing but to die for hope”. Right after that trial. When he didn’t know there was anyone else talentless on the island. When everyone was asking him “why the hell would you do something like that!?” Who the fuck else would he be talking about? He was talking about himself. It was supposed to show how crazy he was about himself and the idea of hope, not about his prejudice towards...characters that weren’t even known yet? And that very much proves that he sees himself as on the same level as talentless people, not better than them. 

It’s also proved by his interactions with Hajime after the Funhouse. By this point, Nagito knows without a doubt that Hajime is talentless. And yet when you try to spend time with him, he still says things like “I can’t believe you want to spend time with a worthless person like me”. Despite talking to someone talentless, he’s still insecure. He still calls himself worthless. He doesn’t act snobby or lord himself over Hajime. He’s just as self-loathing as he always is. 

I could probably explain this better, but it’s 4 AM so. If something is unclear, ask. I will have proof. My proof is pretty indisputable. Otherwise I wouldn’t have formed this opinion. 

Anyway, Nagito doesn’t hate talentless people. He’s not a fucking snob. People who characterize him like that just want an excuse to hate him and see him as a bad person, because they don’t want to admit that they hate him because of how his mental disorder makes him act. And they need a “that’s problematic” reason to hate a character, because simply not enjoying a character isn’t a valid enough reason to have an opinion, apparently. That, or they just weren’t bothering to pay attention to him at all, and only remember the one Funhouse conversation. 

Nagito views himself as on the same level as talentless people. He doesn’t think he’s better than them, even if he doesn’t think that he’s worse. When he interacts with talentless people, he’s still just as humble and kind as he is to everyone else. Maybe he could stand up for himself better to talentless people, but that’s as far as I would take it. He doesn’t hate talentless people. That’s just dumb. 

[katedrakeohd]

What Happens in Paris...(7)

Masterlist

Back at the train, the men and women separate to get ready for the tea party. Down in Max and Drake’s shared room, Drake is sitting on his bed watching Max do his primp and polish in front of the mirror. Impeccably dressed in his black Gucci dress shirt and trousers, Maxwell is running a comb through his neatly trimmed hair and whistling. If he wasn’t his friend, Drake could almost hate him for it. His clothing style rarely changed. His way of taking his day look into a night look usually involved the undoing of a button on his shirt, and the addition of a hair product to keep himself looking sharp when he broke out the moves on the dance floor. Drake knew though, even by day when Maxwell appeared to be calm and collected there was always a three ring circus, complete with peacocks, going on inside his head.

Drake looked down at Maxwell’s shiny black shoes, and then glanced at his own scuffed and worn looking brown ones. As much as Drake didn’t want to dress all fancy for a Royal tea party today, he knew that Kate was expected to be there. Plus he wanted to witness the look of envy on Maddy’s face when Kate walked in all dressed up and stole away attention from the future Queen. Although he usually wouldn’t give a damn how he looked when he skulked his way into events after everyone else important arrived. This time he knew Kate would be under Liam’s lustful eye, and it made his stomach ache at the thought. If he was going to escort Kate into this stupid party, even as her seemingly platonic friend, he had to make an effort to fit in for his own peace of mind. Drake cleared his throat to get Maxwell’s attention. I can’t believe I’m doing this again. Heaven help me.

“Uh, Max? About this party today… I can’t exactly show up looking like some bum off the street. Could you help me pick out something fit to wear?”  

Maxwell gasped, dropping the lint roller he was using to remove fluff and hair from his trouser leg. “Really?! You’ll let me dress you up for two events in a row?”

Drake sighs, getting up from the bed and running his hands through his hair. “Well don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“It is a big deal. My grumpy best friend wants to impress a girl!”

Drake grimaced, “Tone it down will ya? Besides, you are not my best friend.”

Maxwell is unfazed by the brush off and just raises his eyebrows, nodding, “Oh right! We’re even better than that now. We’re family!”

Drake opens his mouth to protest and then closes it again. Technically Max was right, as painful as it was for him to admit. He raises his hands and gives Max an impatient head shake, “Alright! Alright! Whatever! Are you gonna help me or not?”

“Of course I will. Show me what you got.”

Drake holds his hands out to the sides to display his current denim disaster.

“No, no silly.” Maxwell drags over Drake’s suitcase and flops it onto the bed. Drake places a protective hand on top, shakes his head.

“No point in looking in there," Drake grumbles.

“Okay then, to the Royal Closet we go.”

Kate sits in front of Hana’s portable makeup mirror, while Hana runs a round brush through her hair, coaxing it into soft waves. “I love your hair Kate, it’s so soft and manageable. What shampoo do you use?”

With a shrug, Kate admires her freshly painted fingernails. “Some kind of fruity scented stuff that I bought at the drugstore. Drake forgot to grab the matching conditioner when we showered, so I hope my hair doesn't get all full of static and frizz.”

Hana meets Kate's gaze in the mirror and they both giggle. “Oh my goodness, Kate. No wonder you two were late for breakfast.”

Trying to hide her blush in the lighted mirror was impossible, “Yeah, well I did interrupt him while he was shaving this morning. And damn he looked sexy in that bathrobe.”

Hana sighed with envy as she parted Kate’s hair and swept it behind her shoulder. Kate hands her the golden, flower embellished comb from the counter. “What’s it like Kate?”

“What?”

“Having a King and his best friend both in love with you?”

"It's not as fun as you might think. They've both staked their claim on me in some way and I hate being the rope in their tug of war. The worst part is that Liam has already lost me and he doesn't know it yet."

“Poor guy, he’s going to be crushed. What does Drake have that Liam doesn't?”

“He doesn't have the weight of the kingdom sitting on his head and shoulders, nor does he have a bunch of noble ladies fighting over him. Plus he’s nobody important to the press or tabloids. I’m not as worried about being seen with him, because I know he’ll protect me.”

“He’s not worried about being pulled into the Tariq scandal with you?” Hana asks, a look of concern on her face.

Kate shrugs, “I know he doesn't regret coming to my rescue, except for maybe the punches Tariq landed on his ribs. He was very much a gentleman about the whole thing, which is a lot more than I can say for Tariq.”

“But speaking of having two guys interested at the same time, what about Neville and Rashad?”

Hana wrinkles up her nose with a frown of disgust, “They're so boring. And neither were very nice to Penelope when we first met them.”

Kate applies a pale pink lip gloss to the center of her bottom lip to enhance her lipstick, pressing her lips together and then checking the results in the mirror, “Well frankly, since finding out she participated in the smear campaign against me, Penelope isn't one of my favorite people either. But I get what you’re saying, especially with Neville. He creeps me out in the same way Tariq does. Rashad seems to be marginally better than his friend as far as character goes, having made his own way as a businessman. He’s not depending on his Father’s money like Neville.”

Hana tilts her head, considering Kate’s thoughts. “I suppose you make a good point. But still, neither are as important, charismatic, charming or handsome as the King.”

Kate smirks, “Liam's definitely a charmer. I wonder sometimes what he sees in an ordinary barmaid like me. Or what Drake does either.”  Kate meets Hana's gaze in the mirror. "Am I really worth all this fuss? What's so special about me that loving one man must mean breaking the other's heart?"

"You mean besides your charisma, charm, intelligence and beauty? You're a genuinely nice person Kate, and everyone is drawn to you. The other women in the room envy you when the men all look your way."

Kate turns around to look up at Hana, seeing the admiration in her eyes. "You're all of these things and more, Hana."

Hana looks down at her shoes, shyly,  "I wish. My parents have invested so much into my training, refinement and education. But they've rarely praised me for any of my achievements. Sometimes I feel like they'd throw me at any available bachelor if it would raise my status on the social ladder, especially if it got our names in the media back home."

Standing up from her seat, Kate places her hands on Hana's shoulders. "Hey now, don't beat up on yourself. You're more than just some guy's arm candy or potential wife. You need to stand up and grab the future you want for yourself. To Hell with your parents’ expectations. I bet you could excel at anything you put your mind to. You don't need a man to raise your status. Be the strong independent woman I know you can be.”

Hana smiles, “Thanks Kate. I wish I’d met you years ago. You're the type of friend I've been missing all my life.”

Kate smiles back, “You’ve been here for me too, so it's only right that I return the favor.”

Stepping back from Hana, Kate strikes a pose with one hand on her hip, raising the other in a provocative sweep of her hair to highlight her face and bare shoulders. “So what do you think of my finished look?”

Hana smiles broadly, with a clap of approval at her stylish handiwork. “You're going to be hotter than the tea, that’s for sure.”

Kate winks, “Damn straight. We are.”

Drake stands outside of Kate's train compartment, fidgeting. Dressed in a crisp white dress shirt and dark grey trousers, with his hair combed and set with some of Maxwell's styling compound; he felt like a teenager on Prom night. Drying his sweaty hand on his thigh, he's reminded of how thin the fabric feels compared to his usual denim. The way the slim fit of the pant legs hugged his thighs made him feel so exposed, almost naked, and he was starting to regret not opting for his usual jeans. But Maxwell had assured him that he looked good, and that he’d fit in just fine at the party.

He hoped he looked good enough to escort Kate. The sudden absurdity of wanting to dress up for a tea party makes him chuckle and he shakes his head. Damn it Kate, what have you done to me?

Sucking in a deep breath he knocks on Kate’s door and waits.

…

Crouching down to secure the gold strap of her shoe around her ankle, Kate hears the buzzing sound of a text message coming from inside her purse. She glances up, “I bet that’s Drake.”

Hana gets a pinging sound on her phone seconds later, “It's a group text from Liam. The cars arranged to take us to the tea party have arrived. We're to meet in the dining car to coordinate who is traveling with whom.”

Kate breathes a sigh, picking up her clutch. “Ok, off we go then.”

.

Drake is leaning against the wall looking at his phone when he hears the sound of voices to his right, causing him to look up. Kate and Hana are giggling as they approach hand in hand, and then they stop as Kate sees Drake and gasps. “Oh..my...God! Look at you.”

With a smirk, Drake straightens up blushing. “What..do I look that bad?”

Kate shakes her head, then appraises Drake all over again with a head tilt and a slow look from head to toe and then back up again. “Nah, ah. Hardly. You’re looking like a tasty snack.”

Drake clears his throat, raising his eyebrows. “Heh, look who's talking. If I’m a snack you're definitely dessert.”

Hana grins at them both, rolling her eyes, “Ok lovebirds, quit with the flirty food talk and making eyes at each other we’ve got a party to get to.”

Stepping aside, Drake nods. “But of course, after you Ladies.”

Taking in a deep breath and closing his eyes as Kate passes him in the hall, Drake falls into step a few paces behind them. Damn she smells nice, this party isn’t going to be torture at all.

:::

tagging: @jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @mskaneko @speedyoperarascalparty @dcbbw @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @drakexwillow @kingliam2019 @kimmiedoo5 @gardeningourmet @drakesensworld @mfackenthal @thequeenchoices @debramcg1106 @fluffy-marshmallow-heart @wickedgypsymoon @griselda1121 @indiacater @texaskitten30 @nikkis1983 @lynne1993 @bobasheebaby @drakesfiance @moonlightgem7 @princessleac1 @janezillow @jlpplays1 @walker7519 @drakesensworld @furiousherringoperatortoad @samihatuli @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @rainbowsinthestorm @burnsoslow @bbrandy2002 @jessiembruno @msjpuddleduck @princess-andromeda-nazario @princess-geek @mom2000aggie @batgirlassociationofgothamcity @masterofbluff

[stefciastark]

MJ ~ Webpril Day 10

A/N: So this was an older work of mine from years ago that inspired me to rework and rewrite it to fit the prompt fill. It's quite different from anything else I've done in this collection thus far, in that it's set in an AU where it puts Peter quite OOC compared to his MCU persona. The Peter I've portrayed in this short one-shot is quite jaded and pessimistic in his adult life, having been hurt in love before and instead has become a sort of tortured artist. Peter also doesn't have powers, Harrington is now an arts professor, and Ned is inexplicably clairvoyant. Peter somehow knows he's seen the woman he's painting before, and maybe he has, in another lifetime. This story is a bit darker in sub-tone and doesn't contain any IronDad, but what's a compilation without a bit of variety :) This is a project I've considered making into a full fic, but we'll see what happens with it.

~Read on AO3

~Read on FFN

Paintbrush in hand, he let each colour blend together in a unique dance of raw emotion, letting each stroke convey a secret that resided deep inside him, and he found that the strokes directed themselves once he began. Her face, though only seen ever so briefly, embedded itself into his memory.

The image was beginning to take place on what was once a blank sheet of white, and now a woman with olive skin took over the surface, framed by long and dark hair cascading down the figure’s shoulders. Hazel eyes stared back out at the artist, and the dimming light from the busy city below surrounded the piece of art with a haunting yet dauntingly beautiful quality.

What really caught the eye of the artist, however, was the dark necklace that hung just below her collarbone. It was a black dahlia flower made of glass, some petals cracked, and some completely missing. The memory of it stood out so clearly in his mind, just as her face had when they fleetingly passed each other on the metro during that midsummer afternoon.

An angel must have been looking down upon him and had granted him the opportunity to find love once more, but he couldn’t tell if it was an opportunity that could be defined as cruel, or a golden chance to redeem his heart that had begun to blacken as he got older.

Startled from his reverie, Peter turned around, paintbrush still in hand, palette now empty and canvas now full. The door had creaked open ever so silently and tentatively that he would have nearly missed it if it weren’t for his overindulged paranoia.

“Didn’t anyone teach you to knock?” His tone was laced with annoyance, and it was poorly covered up. This of course didn’t go unnoticed by Ned, but his urgency far surpassed his need to grace Peter’s biting comment with a response.

“Peter, there’s been an accident on Queens Boulevard, and I think this woman you drew may have been involved.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun had now completely set on New York as Peter turned right and onto where 71st Avenue met Queens Boulevard. Peter had come up to the scene first, the man he still called his best friend arriving moments later.

What met his eyes was an absolute catastrophe, and he wondered how anyone or anything could have survived what was the largest vehicle pileup he had ever seen in his twenty-eight years of existence.

A large semi-truck was keeled over sideways on top of a number of smaller cars. It was a mess that consisted of an assortment of wheels and metallic parts that once belonged to a whole. He could smell the acute tang of iron amongst the powerful odour of gasoline and burnt rubber. In a moment at the wrong place at the wrong time, the lives of ill-fated drivers and unfortunate bystanders alike had ended. Even if some had survived, there would be permanent scars, physical and mental, that would remain for the rest of their lives. It gave Peter a fleeting sense of sonder.

Quashing his initial surprise and his odd sense of apathy regarding what caused such an accident, he turned to Ned and frowned, indifference transforming into confusion and mild vexation. He sighed. “Why am I here, Ned?”

“So, you’re telling me that you’re not expressing an ounce of concern for these people? That’s cold, man.” Giving him a brief sidelong glance and pressing his lips together, Ned moved to be amongst the crowd and reached out to the first man he saw – a police officer – and swiftly made to gather all the information he could about the situation at hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The clock had ticked forward about thirty minutes since the two arrived at the scene of the accident. He returned around fifteen minutes later, having grown weary of (what was essentially) interrogating person after person. He shook his head slowly, communicating ‘nope, I got nothing’.

“Look, this is tragic and all, and I feel really bad, I do, but dude, did you really have to distract me from my artwork? I need to get this piece finished and handed in to Harrington by tomorrow, I don’t have time to be checking out depressing wreckages on the main road.” He paused, shifting his eyes away from the disaster zone and instead transferred his full attention to Ned. “Wait wait, why did you say the woman I drew might be here? And why did I believe you?”

“Because I’m usually right?”

Peter felt a small pang of unease dart across his mind despite himself. He trusted Ned’s intuition – it was rarely ever wrong. Most things that Ned had seen in his visions had come to pass, and Peter hoped that this mystery woman would be no different. He had to meet her, and not in a creepy way. He felt as if in another life or another timeline - should such a thing exist – they had been happy together. Unexpectedly, the image of himself giving the necklace to her featuring himself as a younger, less jaded version of himself, played through his mind. They were standing on a bridge in the night, in a place that was not their home yet was. He felt that anywhere she was became home. It was such an unexpected thought, and yet it was so strangely profound and vivid that it felt more like a memory.

He scanned the wreckage from afar once more, but most victims had long since been extricated from the pretzel made up of what was now just scrap metal. He knew who he was looking for. He was looking for that face he drew in his painting, the face that had been etched permanently into his mind for some time. Once more he recalled that figure silhouetted by long, dark curls that fell like a waterfall in the night. That necklace of a flower with a meaning he had yet to understand.

If she wasn’t there, he didn’t even know where to begin looking. New York was a massive city, full of seemingly infinite twists and turns he hadn’t discovered and probably never would.

He was taken aback by his own obsession with this strange girl. He’d never even truly met her.

His musings were broken by the sound of sirens echoing down the main boulevard, the final ambulances at last departing with the injured and deceased citizens of New York.

He wondered sadly if she was one of them.

A/N: SO, that was definitely different haha What'd you guys think? I enjoyed writing with a bit more of a 'serious' tone, but today's fill was a bit difficult for me, hence the shorter length as well. I also wanted to try something a bit different, so here we have it! See you back with another update tomorrow xx

[multiphandomunnies]

Warm up||Sua

Requested: Uhh can I get a little scenario with either DC's SuA or Handong, "umm I can come back later if you want me to, I mean..." With the reader crushing really hard on them?

Admin: Heather

A/N: It took me WAY to long to fill this prompt, but here it is! (Pst.. I will do it also for Handong ❤)

"It will be fun!" Your friend assured, dragging you towards the gym. She kept talking about signing you up for a yoga class for two weeks now and you finally let her take you there.

"I guess." You mumbled unconvinced. "Since when are you so keen on exercising?"

She didn't answer immediately and a blush colored her cheeks. Interesting.

"There's this girl I met on a party..."

Of course it was about some hot girl. Your friend has been moping about being single and miserable for ages.

"She attends the class?" You asked.

"She is the instructor."

You turned to her with raised eyebrows. So you were just a lame third wheel that had to suffer extreme muscle stretching while your friend thirsted over the instructor. Typical.

"Oh come on, Y/N. Don't look at me like that!" She huffed defensively. You just rolled your eyes and kept walking. After a minute, you found the locker room and changed quickly into workout clothes. You didn't even want to think about the pain you will feel on the next day.

"Maybe you will find someone interesting here as well." Your friend tried to convince you and save the remains of her desperate dignity.

"Yeah, sweaty dudes in too tight shots. Amazing." You responded sarcastically.

You finally got to the training room and took a yoga mat. Your friend couldn't stop talking about the benefits yoga had for body and soul as if she didn't attend the class only because of a hot instructor. Zoning out, you planned an escape route when two girls entered the room and your breath stopped for a moment.

"She's beautiful, right?" Your friend whispered as a tall girl greeted everyone and introduced herself to the new participants.

"Hi everyone! I'm Minji, but you can call me Jiu. Thank you for coming today." Her smile was dazzling and you had to agree with your lovestruck friend. Jiu was crazy beautiful. However you couldn't take your eyes away from the other girl.

"You didn't tell me Bora worked here!" You whispered back. Your friend's eyes got wide when she realised that Jiu's companion was your longtime crush.

"I had no idea, Minji was our only instructor..." she quickly explained.

Jiu smiled warmly at everyone and motioned towards for her friend to come closer. Bora took a graceful step forward and bowed a little with a laugh.

"I'm Bora, but most people call me Sua. I will be your co-instructor today." She informed in a confident tone that seemed too big for her tiny frame.

"Sua usually teaches the fitness class, but she agreed to help me today. We have many new members, so we'll have to split into two groups." Jiu explained.

You stood there frozen as the instructor divided everyone. The newbies were told to follow Sua to a different room, while more experienced people stayed to train with Minji. Your friend was over the moon because of that.

"Have fun!" She shouted with a wink and you wanted to rub that smug smirk off her face. Now you had to exercise for who knows how long with your crush watching. Amazing.

The room was smaller as your group had less members than the advanced one. Sua put her own mat on the ground and stood in front of you all.

"As Jiu told you, I usually teach fitness. So I'm definitely not a pro." She informed with another giggle and everyone smiled with her. Her laugh was so contagious, you had to join in. "We'll learn together."

You shruddered a bit at her words. You could only dream about any "together" with Sua and now you were in the same room, exercising together.

She started with some simple breathing techniques and basic stretching. You tried to focus on your inner voice or something like that and stop looking at her beautiful features. Closing your eyes helped with that and you breathed in and out. You were almost there when two small hands appeared on your shoulders, making you tense.

"You are way to focused." Sua's low whisper rang in your ear. "Just relax, Y/N."

It was hard to relax when you could still feel her burning touch after said your name like that. And how did she know it in the first place?

The rest of the class passed on trying some basic positions and more stretching. You tried to get Bora out of your head and stay proffesional, but it was difficult when she was stretching on the mat in front of you. Who knew she was so darn flexible?

"Okay, we should end for today!" Sua finally stood up smoothly and looked at the group with a small smile. Everyone was tired and covered in sweat, but you had to admit the class was entertaining. Not only because of the pleasant view.

Everyone thanked Bora for guidance and she took another bow with a loud laugh. You reluctantly left the room, dazzled by her laugh. However your daydream was quickly interrupted by a body colliding with yours.

"How was it?!" Your friend squealed into your ear and grabbed your arm. You glared at her a bit, but couldn't make it intimidating when a soft smile lingered on your face. "Damn, Sua got you good."

You smacked her and she protested innocently, as if she wasn't teasing you seconds earlier. She was right unfortunately. You were attracted to Sua for almost a year now, ever since you borrowed notes from her for a Chemistry test and she told you that "Chemistry can mean a lot of things". Needless to say, you had no chance with a girl like her.

"Crap." Your friend suddenly stopped in her tracks. "I left my water bottle there."

You rolled your eyes at her as she looked at you with puppy eyes.

"Please, Y/N. Get it for me!" She asked. "I can't make an idiot out of myself in front of Jiu."

You agreed with a sigh and moved back towards the room she trained in before. Opening the door, you froze. Minji was nowhere in sight, but Bora stood in front of the mirror and stretched. You felt like a creep watching her like this, but you had to take that freaking bottle.

"Oh, Y/N. I didn't see you there." Sua said nonchalantly and continued pulling her tone leg up, head leaning on the mirror. "Jiu let me use her room. It's much bigger than mine."

You nodded dumbly and felt more awkward with every moment. Sua was stretching her leg impossibly and it was torture to keep your eyes away.

"I-I came here to get my friend's bottle. Umm, I can come back later if you want me to. I mean.. " you took a deep breath. "I don't want to interrupt."

Sua let out a low hum and put her leg down. She turned to you and sized you up with her piercing gaze. It left like the room got suddenly hotter.

"Maybe you can help me?" She suggested with a small smile. You looked at her cluelessly.

"Um, I can try? But.." Sua nodded and motioned you to come closer. You obeyed, because who were you to deny her anything.

"Just pull my leg up as much as you can." She requested simply and put her hand on the wall.

You almost tripped while standing. Guess she didn't consider it awkward, you two knew each other after all and Bora was never the one for shame.

Not wanting to keep her waiting, you carefully put your palm on her knee and put some pressure to bend it upwards. It was a struggle to keep your eyes away respectfully. Especially when Sua kept telling you to keep going.

"Good." She finally stated. "Hold it like this."

You did as she ordered and decided that avoiding looking at her would seem like you were ashamed to properly look at a girl. So you strategically moved your eyes to a safe area that wouldn't make you a pervert. Glancing at her arched back seemed like a safe bet. Just ignore how tight her outfit was.

"Did you like the class?" Sua took you by surprise with a question. You noticed she was staring right at your face in the mirror. Well, you were screwed. "I've never seen you here before."

It took you a minute to compose yourself.

"Yeah, yoga was never my thing. It was my first. Class! My first class." You blurted out like a disaster you were. Bora nodded a little.

"Well, lucky me to be your first. Teacher." You could swear she smirked at you as you blushed furiously and your hold on her leg weakened a bit.

In a blur she was standing on both legs, her face inches from yours. You stood there like a deer in headlights and almost not breathing.

"Maybe you are more of a fitness person." She wondered in a low tone. "It's more dynamic."

"M-maybe." You stuttered.

"So, we will see each other more often?" She inquired in the same tone, her gaze never leaving your eyes. You just nodded mechanically.

"Good." How could a simple word make you feel like that. "I can teach you much more in my class."

"Can't wait." You managed to say and something like approval shined in Sua's eyes. And then she turned around and walked towards the door. Your eyes followed her in awe, everything getting hazy.

"Y/N." Her voice make you snap back to reality. She stood in the door frame, her gaze much more playful. "Don't forget your water."

She winked and slid out to the corridor. You could finally let out a deep breath that you were holding. Sua was right. Yoga wasn't intense enough for you.

[tea-and-toblerones]

Loose Change Chapter Two- I'd Love To Pop Some Tags But I've Only Got A Fiver In My Pocket

After much anticipation, chapter two is now complete! As always feedback is appreciated! I thrive off it. So, with out further ado... 

I sat at my designated table, furiously scribbling notes as a way to past the time until I closed up shop. My books spread out across the surface, highlighters of every color littered between my books and notebooks. I chewed on the top of the pen as I read, something I did when I was super focused, unaware of it until the cram sessions was over. I put my pen down, rubbing my eyes as the words on the page began to blur. There was a couple patrons scattered amongst the shop, most in the same situation I was. I didn't notice how late it had gotten until they apologised for staying over closing hours as they paid for their drinks. I waved them off, bidding them a good rest of their night. I flip the open light off, before making myself a fresh cup of coffee before plopping back down at my table. I took a sip of my coffee before picking up my pen  and I trudged along, deciding to finish the chapter before heading home. I heard the door creak open timidly, my eyes dragging away from the page to see Ed's face peering in.

"Er...can I come in?" His face the definition of uncertainty as he lingered, half in half out. "I know the sign says closed but...I thought I'd stop in and see how you were doing."

"Hey stranger!" My bright tone echoing through the quiet shop, "Sure, you can come in. Just do me a favor and lock the door behind you." My eyes dropping back to the page picking up where I left off, "You know you can come in while we're open right? You don't have to wait until we're closed or people leave."

I heard the door open and close again, the soft clunk of metal on wood told me he had brought his guitar case in. My eyes leaving the page again to see him stripping off his hoodie, one of the tshirts I had gave him was underneath. He scooped up his bag and case as he made his way across the room, grimacing every time his case brushed against a chair, a muttered sorry after every one. As silly as it sounded I couldn't tell if they were towards me or the chairs.

"I can't really buy anything, isn't that just loitering at that point?" Setting his stuff down beside my table.

"All you'd have to do is order water." I tell him, shuffling through the notes I made during the lecture, "Either way I wouldn't kick you out. Loads of people come in here just to study." Switching my pen out for the highlighter, dragging it across a couple choice phrases.

"Oh...I didn't realise you were busy..." His tone caused me to look up, soft and almost regretful, "I could go so you can finish studying." His hand resting on the back of the chair, caught between pulling it out.

"No, stay." I brought my foot up, giving the chair a slight push outwards, "I haven't talked to you for a while. I want to catch up. I'll be done real soon."

He slowly sat down, taking extra care to keep his hand off the table, resting them in his lap. I wonder if he was a fidgeter? Or was he worried he's mess up my clearly organized stack? Either way, his hands remained off the table, moving from his knees to under his armpits as he crossed his arms. We hadn't physically sat down and had a full conversation in a couple weeks. Our main form of communication had been notes passed between one another when I stopped by to drop off some form of food and a a buck or two. At least enough to cover his bus fare. Most of the time his notes consisted of  just some sort of ridiculous commentary on the meal and what sort of interesting stuff happened during the day. For example yesterday's drop off was two pb and jelly sandwiches. The note I had today, scribbled on a piece of a brown paper sack ' I butter thank for the sandwich, they really got me out of a jam' then went on to talk about how Americans were an odd bunch, holding conversations with complete strangers.

  At first I left notes asking if he needed specific things, mostly in the apparel department since we were still in the middle of quite a cold snap. He conveniently ignored that part of the note, just thanked me for the meals and proceeded to tell me about how he shared his fries with an angry looking pigeon that he was pretty sure would actually fight him over them and he wasn't sure he'd win. 'Best to stay on their good side. I don't need to piss off the birds. There's too many to fight, innit? Think you could put a good word in for me?' If I hadn't gotten a slight glimpse at his off the wall oddball humor, I'd think he was raving. I came to the conclusion he would never out right ask for certain things, it would be up to me to just guess what he would need.

He craned his neck, skimming over the upside down text, "This system you got here is really something." I could hear the wonder in his voice, I didn't need to look up to know his expression matched,  "Don't most people type everything digitally now? This seems complicated and kinda unnecessary."

"Mhmm? Oh, no, it helps the info stick in my brain better than typing it all out. Call me old fashioned I guess but nothing beats the feeling of a pen gliding over the paper, your hand creating the words. Plus the feel of paper under your fingertips. Sorry, having it on a computer just doesn't work for me."

There was a smile that crossed his face. "I completely agree with you. Nothing will replace handwriting everything. Things just seem to flow easier when you use a pen. Which is why I write everything instead of type." He paused, his smile turning sheepish, "Well that and the fact I can't really afford a computer. Which is a good thing, really. Means I'm not likely to get targeted for a mugging."

I feel my eyebrows draw together as I tear my eyes away from the page. He seemed completely relaxed, his head bobbing around to some beat trapped in his head as he looked around the room. When his eyes settled on me he seemed slightly surprised at my gaze.

"Ed, be straight with me. Have you been mugged?" My concern ringing true as I stared him down. There's almost no way he's be able to handle himself in a fight. He just seemed so fragile.

"Look at me Cassidy. Does it look like I'm that well off? Do I look like I'd have anything of value?" His arms spreading wide to emphasize his point. " No. I look fairly second hand. Not worth a second glance."

He had a point. He did look pretty down on his luck. Everything he had was noticeably second hand and heavily worn. He was right, he didn't look like someone that would have anything of value. Nothing worth fighting over. Even his pack had seen better days. It was this frayed army green canvas pack, the leather straps that held it closed shown obvious wear, the holes were stretched out from the use. The whole thing looked like it was one good tug away from coming apart. The guitar case however was still in pretty good condition, apart from a couple scratches and scuff marks. It appeared that he took better care of it than he did himself.

"Well, you've got that fancy guitar. That's worth something to a strung out junkie looking for something to sell for his next fix." I point out, causing his mouth to come down in a frown.

"That is true." He pondered, his hand rubbing his chin, "But Cyril is pretty battered. You're not gonna get much out of him. He's about as broken down as I am." His fingers opening the clasps with fluidity that comes from the repetitive act. He pulled it free from its felt nest, giving it an almost loving strum, "I'm afraid he's only priceless to me."

I hadn't noticed as he played, my gaze was usually drawing to his fingers or just him in general has he bounced around. I never focused on the guitar itself. The finish had began to chip away, from the use. There were scratches covering the face of it and the back of it was a disaster zone of criss crossed scratches, most likely caused from the zipper of his jacket grinding into it. The tuning keys had lost their luster, dulled by the constant turning. He was right, It had seen better days.

"Still...just be careful okay? Some will scope you out for days, waiting for a really good haul  then make their move." I could hear my tone slipping into lecture mode, the same I used with the kids I worked with.

"Aw, geez, you make it seem like I walk around with my head in the clouds." I could see that mischievous glint in his eye as he leaned forward, "You forget, I've been doing this for years now. I've gots some streets smarts by now."

I closed my book, deciding then and there nothing else was going to get done. "Don't take this the wrong way Ed but...you sorta come off as naive..."

"Yeah? So? What's wrong with that? Coming off as naive and being naive are two different things you know." I had expected him to be angry or at least annoyed, yet he seemed like he was enjoying himself, that smile still on his face, "There's nothing wrong with seeing the good in people."

"Yeah, but, aren't you worried that someone's going to come along and take advantage of your good nature?"

"If they do, it'll be a lesson learnt won't it? Even if it was the hard way, I'd've learnt something." That easy smile still across his face. It seemed nothing I threw at him was phasing him. Suddenly he straightened up from his relaxed pose, "I almost forgot, I came in for a reason!" His words tumbling out in an excited rush.

"Oh, so it wasn't just to talk philosophical views?" I tease as I cram books into my bag, "What's up?"

"I've got a gig." He was positively beaming now

"And you lead with questions about my study techniques?!" I squealed, as I knocked my bag to the floor, "That's great! When?! Where?!"

"An open mic night at...shit what was the name again..." He began rummaging through his bag, pulling out a wrinkled flyer, "The City?"

He passed the flyer over to me with a shrug. My eyes skimmed over it, nodding as I read it. I passed it back to him, watching as he crammed it back into his pack. "I've heard of a lot about City. Never been, but it pretty popular on campus."

"You know what type of vibe it has? So I know what I'm getting into?" I could see a bit of worry starting to settle behind those eyes.

"How 'bout this. We'll go drop in and get a feel of the crowd. That way when the night comes, you won't be worried about what songs you should choose."

"Okay...yeah...that's not a bad idea." He perked up at this, his smile quickly returning, "Okay, yeah. We'll think of it as recon." His transparent eyebrows wiggling. "God, you make it seem so sinister." I couldn't help but laugh as his lopsided grin as he waved me off, "All we're doing is checking it out. It's not like we're doing anything bad."

"The music industry is tough." His voice had lost all of the playfulness it had, replaced with a more sober tone, "Honestly, a tiny little thing like reading a crowd wrong could make or break me. This could be what gets my name out there and it could either be, 'Oh yeah, that Ed Sheeran, he's a real wanker playing that coffee house music at night club or Hey, That Ed kid, he's pretty good. Got a couple songs that really grab ya."

I could tell he was getting up in his head, planting seeds of doubt already. He had found one of my pens, twirling it between his fingers as he thought. I knew had to feel like he was balancing on the edge of a sword, one mistake would be all it would take to send him tumbling down. I needed to get him out of that mindset and fast. Nothing good would come from it.

"Hey, we've got a week. One week to get you prepared." My attempt at cheering him up seemed to fall a bit flat, earning me a half nod, "Look, we'll meet here tomorrow and go check it out."

"I would feel better about it if I knew what I was getting into." He may not have been smiling but he seemed in better spirits. "Tomorrow it is."

He had hung around a bit longer, turning down my offer to  come back to my place for a shower and proper dinner. I did however, convince him to take a couple sandwiches, which he thanked me for and added that I really did spoil him. If this was spoiled I shudder to think of how bad off he was before I stepped in. He gave me an awkward sort of wave before turning away, adjusting his pack and heading in the opposite direction. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the busses had stopped running and he most likely walked all the way back to wherever it was he was sleeping. It couldn't have been too far since he was always at his spot by 7:45. All I could hope was that wherever he was staying was at least sheltered and he wasn't too terribly hungry. *********************************************** After a long and frustrating day I gladly flicked the open sign off, turning back towards Ed, who had settled in the corner, scribbling furiously in a small brown leather bound notebook. I remember spotting it when he was pulling his clothes out, it tumbled out, flopping out on my floor open for the world to read. He didn't snatch it up quickly, which lead me to believe that it didn't hold anything particularly personal. Once I asked him if he was ready, it snapped closed and returned to the depths of his belongings. We stopped by the apartment to drop of his guitar and bag, deciding that it would just be too much of a hassle to carry around. There was a definite reluctance, even when I assured him that if Lucca did swing by, she wouldn't touch it. I couldn't say I blamed him for his wariness. That was literally everything he owned. I would probably be just as worried as he seemed to be, leaving it a fairly unfamiliar place. He seemed satisfied with them tucked away in my closet.

If it wasn't for the group of people that had gathered outside planning that night's bar crawl, I would have thought we were at the wrong place. The outside of the building gave off an abandoned factory vibe. Really, this is the place that people keep raving about? Ed must have sensed my hesitation since he grabbed onto my sleeve, pulling me toward him and away from the door.

"I know this is the address he gave me but...are you positive this is the right place?" He sounded a bit worried, that little crease forming on his forehead.

I glanced at the building, completely understanding his doubt. It definitely didn't give off the new hip bar on the scene vibe, more of a hey this is where cows come to be turned into burgers and steak. I know you should never judge a book by its cover but come on, they could have spruced up the place a bit. I caught my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Yeah, this is the address that both you gave and google gave me..." I turned my eyes away from the building and back to him, his expression mirroring my own, "Okay, what exactly did he tell you?"

"That Thursday was like a trial run and if he likes me, most likely if the crowd likes me, he'll pay me to come in regularly a perform." He let a breath out through his nose, "Sorry I can't be more help, I couldn't wait around any longer to see if he replied again with anything extra..."

"Hold up, wait around any longer?" I could feel my face scrunch up in confusion, "Why didn't you just call him?"

"I don't really have that kinda change lying about y'know..." His eyes dropping to the ground as he shuffled a bit. Then it clicked.

"You don't have a phone do you?"

"Nope."

Of course he doesn't have a phone. How would he pay for it. I felt like an idiot, I was so used to phones being almost a necessity nowadays that it didn't even cross my mind that some people don't have them. Still, one thing about that bothered me.

"How do you talk to your family then?"

"Oh, emails. I use email for practically everything. The library lets you use their computers as long as you have a card. Which was a handy thing I learnt at the shelter." He cleared his throat, ready to change the subject off of him, "Alright, well, you ready to see if we we're being pranked or not?"

"Lead the way."

We weaved our wave through the crowd, finally spotting the sign above the door that read The City. He pushed the door open and I followed him inside, almost running into when he stopped suddenly in his tracks. With good reason. It was quick to see why it was called The City, the walls were comprised of graffiti covered brick, bright and in your face. There was actual stop lights hanging from the ceiling, the floor made to look like a road. The furniture was chic and the bar was lit with bright rope lights of reds and blues. There was so much going on, it was chaotic, it was alive, it was insane. There was only one problem.

"Cassidy...there is no way I'll be able to perform in these clothes...I want to stick out but not in this way..." People weren't exactly dressed to the nines but they were definitely not a hoodie and frayed jeans type. He turned to me, a worried look back on his face, "What are we going to do?"

"Well, first, we're gonna go find ourselves a table. Oh, they have food..." My eyes zeroing in on a girl chowing down on a huge slice of pizza, "Alright we're gonna get a table and we're gonna get us some food and we'll go on from there."

To be honest, I really didn't have much of a plan. I figured once we got here, it would all fall into place but all I was feeling right now was uncomfortable, like I didn't exactly belong here. They had the hustle and bustle down. I couldn't help but wonder if it was because it was new or because they had something special that others didn't. I spotted a table close to the stage, which was quite a bit bigger than I had initially anticipated. It must have been bigger than Ed thought to since I heard him whistle.

"That's a stage, I wasn't expecting ...jesus..." he said, full of awe. His eyes held a wistful look. "A proper stage...wow..."

After a good bit of people watching and some surprisingly fantastic food we had finally settled on a game plan. There was a bit of doubt, no, a lot of doubt on his end, especially the longer we stayed. When he discovered that they had had some pretty well known bands grace the stage all his confidence had went out the window.

"How am I supposed to compete with acts like that? Christ, I'm fucked before I've even had a chance." He moaned, stabbing a  couple fries in the mountain of ketchup dismalily

"Are you kidding? Ed, you've hit gold here." I glance around to make sure nobody was within ear shot, just to be safe I leaned in, "You've got a bunch of pretentious people who thrive on up and coming musicians. They're going to eat you up."

"Yeah and probably spit me out. Come on Cassidy, I'm not ready for something like this."

"Stop with the negatives and what could go wrong and focus on what could go right. You're worried about your clothes? We'll get you new clothes. That's no issue."

"How? I've got-" He dug in his pockets, before realising they were empty. His eyes screwed shut as he thought,  "A fiver and whatever change is in my rucksack."

"Well then, it's time to introduce you one of my favorite places. Thrift shops. They're insanely cheap and you can store them in my closet." I could see the hesitation in his eyes and I already knew that he view that more as a luxury. Perhaps he was right. "Look, I can get them for you. I'm positive I can get you a good looking outfit for under 15 bucks."

"I couldn't, that's too much, you've already done too much."

"If you're that worried about it, pay me back when you're rich and famous."

We wrapped things up and headed out once it hit one in the morning. I was shocked I had actually stayed up that late and Ed looked like he could go on for hours more. I wondered if he was used to getting little sleep, always sleeping on the edge, prepared for the worst. After a lot of persistence, I had finally persuaded him to stay on my couch again, planning to hit the thrift shops in the morning. I had half expected him to complain about not performing but he surprised me with his ready acceptance. It wasn't until I was in half asleep did I think that his quick agreement could have been a farce and that, like last time, he'd sneak out before I woke up. Yet, when I woke up, there he was, curled in a tight ball, the blanket pulled tight across his body, his mouth slightly open as a light snore filled the silence. ********************************************* "Oh mah GAWD, look at this!"

I heard Ed's voice calling out from a couple racks down, his head popping up, grinning from ear to ear. He was holding up the most atrocious looking bright blue paisley plaid button up that would surely haunt my dreams for weeks to come. I could only stare at him in silence, my mouth trying to form the words why and what, most likely leaving me looking like a gaping fish. He chuckled as he placed it back on the rack, satisfied with my reaction. For a split second I wasn't sure if he was seriously contemplating it or not. We had been browsing for about an hour now and in that hour I had gathered that this boy had absolutely no fashion sense at all. I decided to take up the role of personal shopper, which he said made him feel like a toff and a bit of a wanker. He had made it his mission to find every ridiculous article of clothing he could get his hands on and proudly show them off. The bigger the reaction, the bigger the smile was.

"Hey, Cass, do you mind if I call you Cass?" I shrugged, "Wicked. Look at these trainers. They're nicer than what I've got and they're cheap."

He was clutching a new looking pair of shoes, orange with three white stripes. I glanced down as his ragged, brown but not originally brown shoes. The soles had started to peel away from the material and I could remember seeing every pair of his socks having brown stains where water had leaked in. I nod my head to the cart.

"Alright, put em in. You can't keep walking around with those dead fishing smelling things you call shoes. I'm shocked your feet haven't fell off your body, to be honest with you."

His lip pulled pout in a pout as he placed them in the cart. "That's mean, my feet don't smell that bad." "I said your shoes smelled bad." I clarified as I held out a plain black sweater to his chest, eyeballing the fit before throwing it in the cart.

"I'll get hot in that on stage. Those lights put out a lot of heat."

"Who said it was for just stage? It's cold. A sweater or two wouldn't kill you. Neither would a coat."

He stopped in the middle of the racks and I didn't notice until I had turned around to ask him his opinion on a shirt. He just stared down at the floor, the most pathetic look across his face. Even his hair seemed  to lose a bit of its spunk, wilting a bit.

"This was just supposed to be for performances. One or two outfits so I wouldn't look like a tramp on stage...You've got almost a cartful...Cass...I can't take-"

"Yes, yes you can." I said simply, cutting off the rest of his sentence, "Stop thinking you don't deserve things because you live on the street." I threw a pair of jeans into the cart with a bit more force than I anticipated, "I'm sick of you thinking you're less than a person.  I don't know who made you think that, but I'm sorry. You're a human being. You deserve to have things like coats and warm clothes. Those aren't luxuries Ed. They're things that most people take for granted. So stop thinking you don't deserve the basic necessities."

"Why me though? They're are plenty of people on the streets."  He sounded less broken, but still dejected. I breath heavily out my nose. "Every person out there with their battered sign all tell the same story. It may be worded different, but its still the same story. Hungry, homeless, give me money. Some sob story to tug on the heart strings of others. It could be true and that money could go towards a hot meal. Or it could go straight into their veins or up their nose. You though...you don't ask for money. You stand out there, with your signs that say such positive things, playing your music, making that corner of the city a brighter place. You could sing about your troubles and really hit people with a well crafted sob story in the form of a song. But you don't."

He sat in silence for a moment, mulling over everything I said. "Thanks for that...I needed to hear it. Sorry for being a downer..."

He seemed to perk up a bit, finding this flannel looking hoodie, tossing it into the cart. After another half an hour we had made not one but two complete laps around the store. There was a few more ridiculous finds, we had decided to wrap it up and head home. As I was pulling out my card to pay and Ed placed the bags in the cart, I heard the lady behind us make a snide comment to her shopping partner about how he should feel like less of a man for a woman buying his clothes. I had seen them throwing looks our way as we browsed, muttering under their breath and I had had enough.

I slapped my card down on the counter, whirling around to see, yet again, a hurt looking Ed, his hand hovering over one of the bags. "Excuse me," I smiled the biggest, falsest smile I could muster, "but I think I found your nose in our business. So how this. Why don't you collect it and your bad attitude, shove it in your designer bag and move right on along." I spun on my heel, thanking the cashier for my card, bidding them a good day, snatching the bags out of the cart, brushing past the ladies, "May Karma bless you three fold."

I walked out, Ed almost having to jog to keep up with me as I made my way across the lot. "The nerve of them." I tug my trunk lid up and start throwing bags in, "Just who do they think they are? Seriously."

"Cass, it's okay, really."  I could tell he was just trying to calm me down, although it was having the opposite effect.

"No, it's not okay. Nothing gives a person the right to say such ridiculous things for the sole purpose of hurting someone."

"But it is pathetic Cass.” He shrugged, seemly undefeated, “I should be able to pay for my own clothes. It is what it is. I'm grateful and I really don't care what a couple of strange old women, who we'll never see again, think. It shows their character, not ours." His eyebrow cocked upwards, "Though I will say, you handled that quite well."

"I have to deal with a lot of angry parents. And kids. It's a skill i've developed over the years of working at the summer camp." I slam my trunk closed, "Pushing that aside, we can get these back to my place, throw them in the wash, Yes, I'm washing them," I saw his mouth fly open, in protest, "After that, all you'll need to focus on is what you'll play."

"Oh, all I'll need to do. That's only the hardest part." A smirk creeping across his face, "We've got a little less than a week to prepare. Plenty of time to come up with some sort of set list." His hands rubbing together, "Now the real work begins."

[squishyharold]

You said prompts are always welcome :)))) how about "I got pulled by someone but he just wanted to make his flat mate jealous and now they're fucking it our of their systems and I've been left in the living room with an awkward boner and you're their other flat mate who witnessed what happened pls help me" NARRY

oh boy, oh anon, this got a bit out of hand… I hope you actually like this haha  ✌💛🌞

the worst night of his life

narry fanfictionrating: explicitwords: 6940pairings: narry (side-lilo and brief larry let’s never talk about this again) (accidental and light daddy-kink )

Harrypractically falls through the door when Louis’ finally manages towiggle a hand behind him to open it. It’s not that easy with theirlips connected in such a messy kiss, all wet with a bit too muchtongue but Harry hasn’t been kissed in weeks and hasn’t had a shag inmonths so he doesn’t complain. He’s on the edge of being tipsy afterLouis bought him only two drinks and then asked him to go back to hisplace to fuck. Harry was briefly worried about being too easy butLouis’ hands on his arse were quite convincing.

Sonow they’re stumbling into Louis’ flat (that seems way too big forone person) and Harry gasps when he’s being pushed against the edgeof a table. He makes a little noise of complaint but Louis ignoreshim and grinds against Harry’s hips instead, letting out anexaggerated moan that echoes through the whole room.

Louisusually isn’t the type of guy Harry would go for but it’s just forfun anyway, so why not? After a few more awkward kisses and touchesHarry decides to just turn off his brain and let his body do therest, like dipping his fingers into Louis’ trousers to touch morenaked skin. God, it really has been too long since he has touchedsomeone and has been touched by someone. And Louis is definitely intoit, still making those obnoxiously loud noises while he tugs atHarry’s long curls and rolls his hips again. Harry whimpers when hefeels Louis press against his half-hard dick and he’s so ready tojust bend over the table and let Louis fuck him right there becauseapparently he’s not just that easy but also that desperate.

Butthen one of the quite many doors open and Louis’ rips away from hismouth, leaving Harry cold and confused. There’s a guy looking lividwhile he yells at Louis and Louis yells back at him like he’s done ita thousand times before. Harry’s alcohol muddled brain barely keepsup with what is being said.

“Doyou think this is a game?” The bloke growls with his handscurled into fists.

Louisjust snorts, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Whatisn’t?”

“You’resuch a fucking arsehole, has anyone ever told you that? Just becauseyou don’t care about what the world thinks of you doesn’t mean otherpeople see things the way you do! Not everyone can make thosesacrifices and pretend that the world can go fuck itself.”

“Jesus,Liam, I didn’t ask you to give up your life for me, I just asked youto tell your fucking friends!”

“AndI told you it’s not that easy,” Liam hisses and now he’s almostnose to nose with Louis. “I see them at work, too, and what willyou do if I lose my job? Who will pay your share of the rent, huh?”

“Fuckyou,” Louis almost spits into his face. “I never needed afucking sugar daddy, I just needed my best friend, my boyfriend,not to be ashamed of me.”

Liamgroans in frustration. “And I told you that’s not it, I told youa thousand times. When will that ever get into your thick brain,huh?”

Harrycan see how Louis’ shoulders are trembling with anger (or maybesomething else). “You can talk all you want, Liam. It’s theactions that count.”

There’ssomething taunting in Louis’ voice that Liam picks up on immediately,eyes flashing dangerously. “Is that why you’re cheating on me?Are trying to make a point? That’s pathetic.”

Louisholds up one finger in front of Liam’s face. “First of all,you’re not my boyfriend anymore so it can’t be called cheating,”then he raises a second one, almost shoving it into Liam’s eye,“second of all, I’m alwayspathetic you fucking donut!”

Harryblinks, not quite sure how it happened because he’s pretty sure heonly blinked once, but suddenly they’re grabbing each other’s facesand kiss so desperately they almost fall over. But they don’t. Liamis pulling Louis toward the bedroom instead, the one he just came outof, muttering strings of “Fuck you”or “I love you”into his mouth (Harry is not quite sure which one it is, maybe it’sboth).

Thedoor closes with a bang and then Harry is just left stare standing,staring at the wood like it’s an enchanted cupboard that leads intoanother world where he doesn’t feel like a piece of crap. Wow,he thinks. That’s a first.

He’sheard rumours of this technique before, about making out with somerandom person to make your crush jealous. It’s something he has alsoseen in movies before, something that made him sit on the edge of hisseat because he loves romcoms and all the fake drama and the sweetslow burn until they’re finally together.

Whatnone of these movies ever depicted is how shittyit is to be the onewho is used to make someone else jealous. They don’t even explain howthe fuck this person is supposed to find their way home now. Harrywas so busy snogging Louis on the bus he doesn’t even know where heis. At least no one else witnessed this disaster.

Butas if on cue (because apparently the universe hates Harry), anotherdoor opens and a boy with damp blonde hair steps out of the bathroom,rubbing a towel over his head. He wears nothing but a pair ofsweatpants and a tank top, humming something to himself that soundslike a lot like Bryan Adam’s summer of 69and they instantly lock eyes.

Hestops dead in his tracks when he sees Harry still standing there likea fucking idiot with an uncomfortable boner and his floral shirt halfunbuttoned (though it always looks like that). They look at eachother and the boy frowns at Harry, mouth opening to ask a questionbut then Louis moans loudly from behind the door and his mouth snapsshut again. Harry feels his face grow incredibly hot when the guy’seyes flicker between him and the door and he finally makes theconnection.

Harryfeels so humiliated he wants to die and he prays to any god who willlisten to just let the ground swallow him whole so no one will everknow about the worst night of his life.

“Shit,”the guy curses and rubs the towel over his hair one more time beforehe drapes it over his shoulder and beckons Harry over. “Comeon,” he says and moves to open another door that probably leadsto his own bedroom. And since Harry doesn’t know what else to do hetakes the offer like a drowning man in search for an island or someshit like that.

Theroom is small and cosy with a desk that is so loaded you can’t evensee the surface and a chair that has become a closet for every pieceof clothes this guy owns. There’s an Irish flag above the bed thatHarry quite likes and the soft light from the desk lamp makes himrelax a little. This room kind of feels like safe space.

“Sitdown with me.”

Theguy is already sitting cross-legged on his bed and pats the spot infront of him. Harry bites at his lips because he’s not quite surewhat the guy is trying to do but then he just toes out of his shoesand joins him anyway.

“So,are you alright? My name’s Niall.” Harry can hear his accentnow, it’s a really nice one.

“Harry,”he provides quietly and rubs his nose so he doesn’t start to cry.

“Niceto meet you, Harry. And I’m sorry about Louis, he’s the biggest knobin the world but I didn’t think he’d pull something like that. It’sshitty and I’m sorry you got caught up in it.”

Harryjust tries to shrug it off and plays with a loose thread on Niall’sduvet. “It’s okay. I didn’t plan for my evening to end like thisbut… it’s okay.”

“It’snot okay,” Nialll huffs and when Harry looks up he can see himglare at the wall like he’s superman with his x-ray vision and cansee exactly what Louis and Liam are up to. “They’re a fuckingnightmare to have as flatmates and an even worse couple but theycan’t seem to live without each other. Last week Louis broke Liam’sphone so he’d lose all his contacts and the week before that Liamthreatened to beat up a guy who was flirting with Louis. Which ishilarious because Liam once cried because he accidentally killed aspider that he wanted to carry outside. Louis kinda wormed his wayinto Liam’s heart and now it’s a never-ending drama with them.”

Harrylistens to the story and now it makes absolutely sense why Louisinsisted to go to his place even though Harry’s was closer, why hewas being unnecessary loud and why he told Harry at the club that hewas perfect because helooked nothing like him. Buthis stupid tipsy ass didn’t care and now he’s in this mess. GreatJob, Harry.

“Sorry,”Niall says when he notices that Harry doesn’t comment on it. He’s notsaying anything, really. “Do you want a cup of tea or something?I can even fix you some food, though I gotta warn you, I’m a shitcook.”

Harryfrowns at that because everyone should know how to cook, it’s vitalunless you don’t care whatever shit you put into your body. Nialldoesn’t look like he doesn’t care, he’s quite toned with nice armsand… well, he looks fit. Which doesn’t help with the boner thatHarry is still having. He probably needs a cold shower.

“I’mfine thanks–” He cuts himself off and his eyes widen when theyhear the first moan drifting over from the other room. It’s highpitched like someone’s being sweetly tortured and then he groans Fuckyes, Liam and Harry wants toactually die. His cheeks turn a few shades darker and he hides hisface in both hands. He’s so fucking embarrassedhe can’t even function properly.

“Erm,I’m gonna put on some music, yeah?” Niall’s blushing a littlehimself like he’s embarrassed on Louis’ and Liam’s behalf and thathelps a little at least.

Niallcrouches down in front of his stereo, the only expensive thing inthis room – no wait, that’s not true. Harry spots a guitar leaningagainst the wall, free of dust and shining brightly like it’s beentaken proper care of. Harry wonders if Niall would play something forhim if he pretended to cry. But that would be just as shitty aspulling someone to make someone else jealous. So he holds back thetears and just sniffs a little until Niall has put on a song loudenough to drown out the sounds Liam and Louis make.

“TheChain!” Harry blurts out because he fucking loves the song andeven manages to smile at Niall when he slumps back down on the bed, alittle comfier this time, so Harry makes himself more comfortabletoo, with one leg thrown over the edge of the bed and the other stilltucked underneath his thigh.

“Ilove Fleetwood Mac,” Niall says with a grin. “My band and Icover a few of their songs sometimes.”

“You’rein a band?” Harry asks and his eyes flicker over to the guitaragain. “Yeah, makes sense. Do you just play?”

“Ising sometimes,” Niall shrugs. “We don’t really have ourown songs yet.”

“So,are you any good?”

Harrytries not to stare when Niall laughs because first of all, it’s agreat laugh and second of all, he looksgreat when he laughs.

“Nah,we’re probably shit. But it’s fun, so.” He shrugs. “It’sjust a hobby anyway. I’m studying sound engineering, that’s why Istill have to put up with shitty flatmates.”

Harryhums, nodding to himself. “I’m studying law. Doesn’t leave muchroom for hobbies but I always loved to sing. Probably have a betterflatmate though, Zayn’s barely home but he always pays the rent ontime.”

Niallgroans like he’s jealous. “Can we switch?”

Harrylaughs. “No way, that would be even more awkward than it alreadyis.”

There’sa serious look on Niall’s face this time, it almost looks stubborn.“Honestly, Harry, listen to me: If anyone should be embarrassedit’s Louis, not you. Can’t believe he even managed to pull someonelike you, you’re way out of his league.”

Harrycan’t help but snort and brushes a few strands of hair behind hisear, mirroring the grin Niall is giving him. He’s trying to cheerHarry up and he wants Niall to know that it’s appreciated. Niall nodsat him approvingly and shifts a little closer with his tongue stuckbetween his teeth so he can poke Harry in the ribs.

Hemakes a strangled noise. “What was that for?”

“Youjust look very pokable,” Niall says, still grinning and Harrycan’t stop grinningback. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s still a little drunk or ifhe just feels very comfortable around Niall. So comfortable in factthat he already forgets about Louis and Liam and concentrates on themusic instead, singing along to the chainwith his upper body rocking to the beat of it.

Nialljoins him by humming some harmonies under his breath, moving hisfingers to the right chords of the song like he would with his guitarand then they’re just jamming together and Harry feels a littlelighter, so light he might just fall off the bed.

“Careful,”Niall laughs and keeps him steady by getting a hold of both of hishands.

“I’malways careful,” Harry lies but he’s such a bad liar that even astranger calls him out on it.

“Ifeel like that’s a complete lie,” Niall snorts while the songchanges to Landslide.“I bet you trip over your own feet like an oversized puppy.”

“I’mnot. I even do some boxing.”

Niall’seyes flicker to his arms immediately, like he’s trying to see themuscles underneath the awful print. But Harry loves awful prints andhe’s not ashamed of it.

“Areyou any good?” Niall asks with a raised eyebrow and Harry jutshis chin out in defiance.

“I’mamazing!”

“Yeah,sure,” Niall chuckles to himself. “But I’m sure you’rebetter at singing. Honestly, you sound great, have you ever thoughtabout joining a band?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

Harrytilts his head. “What, yourband?”

“Sure,”Niall says and tilts his head in the same direction. “You need aproper hobby, don’t you? Boxing is lonely and you study lawwhich can’t be that exciting.” Harry can’t really argue withthat. “Don’t you think you could use a change of scenery?”

Insteadof answering Harry just throws his head back and sings loudly, “WellI’ve been afraid of changin’ ‘cause I’ve built my life around you,but time makes you bolder even children get older and I’m gettingolder, too… Oh, I’m getting older, too.”

Harryalmost gets lost in the music like he always does. Doesn’t matter ifhe’s listening to it on his way to class or during a workout. Noteven the shower is safe from him and his  performances and when he’scooking he sings the list of ingredients to the tune of BritneySpears. Also, the best part about Christmas is singing Christmassongs with his sister. Fuck,music takes up so much space in his life, he didn’t even realise ituntil Niall pointed it out.

WhenHarry tips his head forward again and opens is eyes Niall is evencloser, his hands still squeezing Harry’s. It surprises him so muchthat he feels himself lean forward as well, it’s pure instinctbecause Niall is so fit and he smells so good since he came fresh outof the shower and Harry probably smells like a liquor store and thatdoesn’t seem to bother him at all.

“CanI kiss you?” Niall asks quietly, all serious now and on the edgeof desperate. It makes Harry’s head swim and his heart pound. Evenhis dick almost swells back into fullness just from that question.

“Yes,please,” he says politely because his mother said to always bepolite.

Niallsmiles and lets his hand smooth over Harry’s wrists and up to hisarms to get a better hold of him and just haul him into Niall’s lap.He goes willingly, eagerly, and smashes their mouths together beforehe can even straddle Niall.

Harryis so much taller than him, so he has to hunch over to kiss himproperly and Niall’s head is tipped back all the way to kiss himback. It’s already so much better than kissing Louis and that hasnothing to do with skill, Harry has kissed enough people to knowthat. Kissing always involves two people and those two people have tofit together in order to be ‘good at kissing’. Niall might be shit atkissing in general but Harry wouldn’t care because he’s greatat kissing Harry and that’s all that matters to him right now. Heenjoys the slow drag of their lips, the hint of teeth grazing hisbottom lip whenever they move their heads to change the angle.

They’recompletely in sync and Harry breathes little needy moans againstNiall’s lips, squeezing his thighs together like he’s preventinghimself from grinding into his lap. He’s holding back, he knows heis, because he doesn’t want to be a charity case here, he doesn’twant Niall to feel sorry for him, he just wants to be wanted. That’swhat he always wants.

“Doyou want me to fuck you?” Niall whispers against Harry’s lips,hands roaming his back. “I’d fuck you good until you scream.What do you say, hm? Do you want Louis to hear what he’s missing outon?”

Harrymoans and wriggles on Niall’s lap, already feeling hot all over. Fuckyes, he doesn’t just want to be fucked, he wants to be claimed and towash away the humiliation from earlier. Because Niall doesn’t look athim like he’s a second choice, like he’s bait for someone else. Hiseyes are so wide and blue, so hungry for Harry like he’s the fuckingjackpot. Harry’s always a fucking sap when he’s had alcohol but hethinks he might be able to fall in love with that look on Niall’sface. He’s definitely able to get fucked by Niall, that’s not even aquestion.

ButNiall is still just looking because Harry hasn’t given him an answeryet and the fact that he waits for consent, that he even asked if hecould kiss Harry, makes his cock jump with need.

“Howsturdy is your bed?” He asks instead and Niall’s patience turnsinto shy confidence.

“Haven’tfound out yet. I usually don’t take people home.” His fingersmove up under the hem of Harry’s shirt, trailing over his bare skin.

Harryfeels himself shudder and carefully drapes his arms around Niall’sneck, “Good thing I was already here then. Now let’s find out.”

Niallblindly grabs for the remote of his stereo to turn it off before helets it drop to the floor and kisses Harry again. It’s rougher thistime, with more tongue and teeth but not too much, it’s just rightand Harry feels like he could get off just from kissing Niall. Well,and maybe from rutting against him like a brainless animal becauseNiall tastes so good, smells so good and feelsso good, he doesn’t know what else to do. But Niall doesn’t seem tomind, he’s already growing hard himself. There are hands popping thelast few pathetic buttons on Harry’s shirt before it’s shoved overhis shoulders and he’s half naked.

“Come'ere,” Niall mutters and breaks away from Harry’s lips to drapeone arm around his waist and flip them over.

Harrymakes a surprised noise when he’s suddenly on his back with a heavilypanting Niall on top of him. His eyes and hands follow every line ofHarry’s body, starting from his hip  over his stomach to Harry’schest. He’s swallowing hard as he re-draws the tattoos on his skinand Harry just lets him.

“Fuck,I want to get my mouth on every inch of you but I don’t think thenight is long enough,” he says like it’s just a normalthing to say even though it’s not and Harry stares at him like he’sinsane and wants nothing more than to be infected with it.

“Just.Just start anywhere you like,” Harry whines and squirms on theduvet so he can push his hip against Niall’s.

Niallis only grinning and lets his fingers trail over Harry’s arms, downto his wrists. He pins them above Harry’s head in one swift motionand bends down to kiss him at the same time. It immediatelyextinguishes any will in Harry to break free, he just goes bonelessinstead, breathing through his nose as Niall kisses all the words andnoises out of his mouth.

“You’reso fucking pretty, you know that?” Niall murmurs against Harry’smouth before he licks back into it. He’s not so careful anymore, notso composed and when he moves around, Harry can feel how hard he inhis sweatpants. It would be nice to touch him, to circle his fingersaround him and feel how big he is, to find out how much he’s going totake up his arse in a minute.

There’sthe faint noise of a bed creaking in the other room but Harry quicklyforgets about it, tunes it out completely when Niall lets go of hishands to shift back on his legs and open his trousers. It takes a bitof effort to get them off but when Harry is completely naked heshivers with Niall’s mouth leaving kisses on his skin as he crawlshis way up Harry’s body (of course he leaves out Harry’s desperatelythrobbing dick).

“Fuck,”Niall curses and stares at Harry like he did something odd.

“What?”He asks, suddenly anxious that he fucked up. But he didn’t even doanything, did he?

“You’reso good for me already,” Niall says in awe and kisses alongHarry’s arm with pleased little noises rumbling in his throat untilthey reach– oh. Now Harry understands. He’s talking about the wayHarry just kept his hands above his head, even when Niall let go ofhim. His fingers curled around the little rods of the headboard oninstinct, he didn’t even think about it. But it seems to drive Niallmad with want so he better pretends to have done it on purpose.

“Iwanted to fuck you on your hands and knees,” Niall growls intothe skin on his neck, tormenting it with bites like they’re a treat(and oh, they are to Harry). “But now I really want to look atyou while I take you apart piece by piece.”

“Niall,”Harry whimpers, body jerking against him. “You’re not even nakedyet.”

“Hmm,I think I like it when you’re naked and I’m not.”

“Niall,”he complains a little louder which only makes Niall chuckle.

“Alright,no teasing. I think Louis teased you enough today. Fucking dick moveof him, god, I reallywant to hate him but it means I get to have my way with you so Idon’t really know what to do.”

Hepresses his thumb into the fresh bruise he just left on Harry’s neck,making him gasp. “Fuck me. Please.”

“Ah,”Niall says. “Right, that’s what I wanted to do.”

Hisfingers wrap loosely around Harry’s dick, nothing else, just toground him as he leans over to his night-stand to provide a bottle oflube and a condom. It kind of works though, Harry expects to go wildwith the faintest touch but Niall excites him and calms him down atthe same time.

“Tellme what you like,” Niall asks while he coats his fingers withlube. “I don’t know you yet, but I want to make you feelgood.”

Harrycan’t really think, the word yet making his fuzzy brain ponderall the possibilities. But Niall’s finger is already teasing the rimof his hole, his eyes watching Harry carefully.

“Ilove being stretched out until it’s just enough,” he finallysays when he meets Niall’s eyes. “Just enough so I can stillfeel it when you fuck me. I like when it’s too–” He gasps atthe first finger entering him. “Too much. I like it rough but Ialso love going slow, I…” He trails off for a moment andcloses his eyes when Niall slides his finger in and out. “I wantto be taken care of—fuck! Niall.”

Theother boy grins and licks over his teeth as he repeats the movementthat barely grazes Harry’s prostate.

“Notyet, but good thing I already found it.”

Harrygroans. “You’re the worst.”

“Maybe,”Niall murmurs and gives Harry a look that he doesn’t know where toplace. “But I think you’ll love it.”

“Fuck.”

Hisfingers tighten around the headboard as Niall keeps stretching himout, adding a second and third finger with softly spoken words thathave Harry keen and writhe on the bed. Who knew that asking what helikes could be such a turn on? He has been in countless situationsbefore where he felt like he couldn’t say anything. He didn’t hate itbut sometimes he didn’t enjoy it, he just endured it until the lessnice parts were over. With Niall it was completely different, hemakes it so easy to just say it out loud and he doesn’t feel bad forguiding him when he gets it wrong. Not that there’s anything Nialldoesn’t nail on first try.

Harrycloses his eyes and takes a deep breath when Niall finally strips outof his clothes and then quickly climbs back between Harry’s legs toroll on the condom and sink into him, careful and slow. His handssqueeze Harry’s sides and keep him warm and steady as he bottoms out,breath catching in both of their throats. It’s just the way Harrylikes it, stretched enough but with a slight burn that makes himsquirm underneath the body on top of him.

Whenhe opens his eyes he can see Niall watch him with a trembling jaw,like he’s barely holding himself together. He’s waiting and Harry’sheart jumps with arousal and affection for this guy that he just met.He loosens his hands from the headboard because they’re starting toache but also because he wants to hold Niall.

“Youcan move.” Harry doesn’t recognises his own voice, he sounds sowrecked already. “Come on.”

“Roughor slow?” Niall whispers against his lips but doesn’t kiss him.It’s driving Harry mad.

“Rough,”Harry decides right then and there, digging his nails into Niall’sback to urge him on.

Niallpulls almost all the way out before he thrusts back into him,stealing Harry’s breath once more before he gives in and kisses him,teeth catching Harry’s lower lip. He starts with a quick pace andHarry loves it. He wants Niall to know how much and tells him betweenkisses, whenever there is enough air in his lungs. Doesn’t matterthat he can’t really think straight and that it’s more gibberish thanactual words.

“Youfeel so good,” Harry whimpers when Niall changes the rhythm andfucks harder into him, face pressed into his neck now.

“Ifeel like that’s my line,” Niall gasps, hands skimming downHarry’s body to grab his thighs and jerk his hips forward.

“Ohfuck, fuck.” Harry’s hand grabs at Niall’s bleached hair.“Fuck you, get your own line.”

Niallcackles into Harry’s skin and he can’t help but laugh, too, which isridiculous. Sex with Niall is fun and that’s a word he hasnever associated with this kind of activity. Sex is usually hot andgood or very awful but never fun.

“Alright,”Niall says and stops moving, which makes Harry complain and squirm onthe bed. “Jesus, you’re such a little monster aren’t you? Can’teven keep still for a moment while daddy is catching his breath.”

And– oh. Harry did not expect that. He didn’t, but now the words haveslipped out of Niall’s mouth and they make him shiver all over, makehis cock twitch where it’s trapped between their bodies as heproduces a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

Niallbraces himself on his hands to stare down at Harry like he didn’teven mean to say it, but when he sees what the words did to Harry hiseyes grow dark.

“Didyou like that, too?” He asks and rocks back onto his kneeswithout pulling out of Harry, who’s still moving around so Niallgrabs at the fat on his hips to keep him still. It’s that groundingfeeling again, the certainty of being in good hands, the best handshe could possibly be in and Niall has very nice hands. They’reso rough and calloused and Harry wants to die on the spot becausehaving Niall’s dick in him like this, having Niall’s eyes roam hisbody in fascination, it’s enough to drive him close to the edge. Onlyhis neglected cock stands between himself and a mind-blowing orgasm,he can tell.

“Yeah,you liked that,” Niall realises with an intrigued growl and thenhe rolls his hips to watch Harry arch off the bed in pleasure. “Youreally, really liked that.”

“Please,”Harry breathes and brushes away a few strands of hair that stick tohis face. “Please don’t stop.”

“No?You still want it rough, baby?”

Harrynods so fast his head hurts and tries to reach out for Niall with onehand while he props himself up with the other, dragging theirforeheads together.

“Pleasefuck me, daddy,” he says in a shy voice that has Niall groanlike he’s in pain.

“Ohgod, okay, jesus. Come here, babe.” He catches Harry’s mouth ina kiss before he can say anything else, thrusting his hips at thesame time to fuck him deep and raw. “Such a good boy,” hemutters and Harry is about to faint from how well he’s being fucked.It’s like the alcohol has evaporated a long time ago, theintoxication he’s feeling coming from Niall and how great his dickfeels each time he rocks back into him.

“More,”he whispers and falls onto his back again when Niall pushes at thehollows of his knees and almost bends Harry in half. That’s it,that’s it. Niall’s dick finally rubs over his prostate and itmakes Harry grow restless. He stops his arms from flailing around bygrabbing his own hair with one hand and clawing at his face with theother, his little finger trapped between his teeth.

“Shit,how are you– so hot. Louis is a fucking idiot, I can’t believe helet you slip through his fingers.” There’s sweat gathering onNiall’s forehead, his still damp hair plastered to it as he givesHarry these looks that make him blush. He wants to be good for Nialland he basks in the attention he’s receiving. Niall can’t even blink,can’t look anywhere else and Harry loves every minute of it. “Youcan be as loud as you want, love. Let them hear, yeah? I want them tohear how much my boy is enjoying himself. Come on, Harry.”

Hecaresses the back of Harry’s thigh before he finally reaches for hiscock that needs to be touched so desperately. Harry could’ve done ithimself but he wanted to last longer for Niall, he didn’t want tocome yet, didn’t want the night to end. This night, that somehow hasturned from the worst night of his life to the best night of hislife.

Niallgives him a firm stroke, thumb circling over the swollen tip andHarry lets out a choked cry as he writhes on the duvet with his nailsdigging firmly into cheek. It’s so different from all the other timesHarry has hooked up and it has never been so hard to keep his bodyand his thoughts together. Niall’s words, the sounds every time hiships meet Harry’s, Niall’s eyes worshipping his body, it makes Harryforget about his less exciting and mostly troubled life. Which inturn reminds him why he wanted to get drunk and hook up with someonein the first place.

“Louder,”Niall demands, sounding less controlled and more like he’s about tocome. “Do you know why I want them to hear? It’s not–” hetakes a deep breath but his words come out jerky anyway from the wayhe’s fucking into Harry. “It’s not for my sake it’s for yours.Louis, he should be taught a lesson, yeah? He shouldn’t fuck withpeople like that. And I want him to know, that… that you can have agood time without him. You’re having a good time yeah? How does myboy feel?”

“Sofucking good,” Harry breathes and then whimpers when Niall pullsaway from his cock and his thigh to lightly slap his arse. He holdson to it painfully hard, but it’s just the right amount of painfuland Harry would have no trouble telling Niall if it wasn’t.

“Language,”he groans, which has Harry half-moaning and half-laughing.

“Sorry,sorry! So good. Feels so good,” he corrects himself and now thathis legs are free again he spreads them a little wider, causing Niallsink deeper into him.

“Fuck,”Niall chokes out because apparently he’s the only one allowed tocurse and somehow that turns on Harry even more and has him groanlouder. “I take it back, fuck them, I want you all for myself.”

It’senough, all of it is enough to make the heat coil in the pit ofHarry’s stomach. Niall recognises the moment and quickly curls hishand back around Harry’s dick, stroking him as fast as he fucks himand then the heat simply unravels again, making Harry’s mouth fallopen as he comes hard. He feels his toes curl in the duvet and he canonly hold his breath for a moment before the moans fall from hismouth, loud and unapologetic

“That’sit, there’s my good boy. So pretty, so fucking pretty I can’t even–oh god.”

Harrycan’t help but feel a little disappointed when he calms down from hisorgasm and notices that Niall already came and is currentlyrecovering from it with his head fallen back and his chest rising andfalling in quick motions. Harry didn’t want to miss it but he’s alsovery pleased that he could make Niall come at all.

Theireyes lock a moment later and it kind of brings them back intoreality. A reality where Harry is not Niall’s boy and they’repainfully aware of the silence in the other room. Harry feels sore,his legs are aching and he nervously bites at his bottom lip, notsure how to read the look Niall is giving him. But then the cornersof his lips turn up into a smile and the knot in Harry’s chestloosens instantly, making him mirror the expression until they’rechuckling and giggling.

Harryis still kind of out of it and barely notices Niall pulling out andgetting rid of the condom. But he feels the faint sensation of a wetcloth cleaning up the mess on his stomach before a warm body slipsback into bed with him. Niall’s struggling a bit to get the duvet outfrom under Harry, yanking at it and laughing when Harry just sprawlsacross it like a star fish to make it extra hard.

“Brat,”is what he mumbles against Harry’s ear when he’s finally able to pullit over both of them.

ToHarry’s delight Niall just curls around his back and pulls himagainst his chest where it’s still a little sweaty but mostly warmand cosy. Other guys either tend to not cuddle at all or let him bethe big spoon because he’s so tall but Niall doesn’t care, he presseshis face into the back of Harry’s neck, leaving kisses on his skinwhile telling him to go to sleep. And well, there’s nothing elseHarry can do because he’s so tired and pleasantly exhausted, hisbrain completely wiped from anything that ever bothered him.

*

Theyfuck again in the morning, though Harry doesn’t really want to callit fucking. It wasn’t even planned, Harry just kept wriggling hisarse until Niall was hard again and asked him quietly if he wanted itrough or slow. Harry picked slow this time and turned around to kissNiall lazily while he was opened up with three fingers.

That’show they end up on their sides with Harry’s leg hooked over Niall’ship as he keeps rocking in and out of Harry. They’re not in a rushand Niall’s movements are so gentle and slow that Harry almost fallsasleep again. Not because it’s bad, it’s just so nice and soft andHarry easily goes pliant in Niall’s arms. They are looped around hisbody, fingers splayed over his back.

“Lovehow you feel around me, baby,” Niall whispers and leaves kisseson his cheek, his jaw. “Don’t worry, daddy is taking care ofyou. Do you want a proper kiss?”

Thewords let the heat curl in Harry’s body all over again and make itquite obvious that he didn’t just enjoy them because of last night’salcohol.

“Yesplease,” Harry hums against Niall’s mouth. It’s not proper, it’sjust very sweet the way Niall pours himself into the kiss and Harry’sheart actually flutters a little. Woah.

“Howclose are you?” Niall murmurs after pulling back.

“Dunno.Close…? Want you to come inside me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Wantme to fill you up?”

“Mhm.”Harry nods, which is ridiculous since Niall’s wearing a condom.“Need you, daddy.”

“Fuck.Be a good boy and come with me then.”

Harrywhimpers. “I can’t.” He doesn’t actually know if he can orcan’t because Niall is going so slow and it doesn’t feel like there’sa build-up to anything but then he feels Niall’s hand sneakingbetween them and his head lolls back in pleasure. “Oh.”

“Thereyou go, come for daddy. Just for me this time, I know you can.”

AndHarry does. It’s just a tiny orgasm compared to last night but itmakes him feel fuzzy around the edges and he’s actually consciousenough to feel it spread in his body until he’s trembling with it.He’s giving a soft sigh while he burrows himself deeper into Niall’sarms and enjoys the little jerking motions as he comes as well.

Theyjust stay like that for several minutes or hours, Harry can’t tell,but at some point he hears two people bickering outside of the doorlike an old married couple, hears cupboards being opened and closedagain. Harry couldn’t care any less. He watches Niall through hoodedeyes but Niall is too focused on the little bruises he left onHarry’s neck and shoulder, kissing them while brushing back his hair.

Harryhasn’t felt this calm and sated in ages and it suddenly hits him thatthis might end any second when Niall decides to throw him out of hisbed. And he didn’t even have the chance yet to convince Niall not todo that. All Niall did yesterday was ask him what he likes. He tookcare of Harry and Harry never bothered to ask what he likes.

“Ilike fucking pretty boys,” Niall says when Harry blurts out thequestion like a scared teenager asking for his crush to hold hishand.

“Ohreally?” Harry mutters, not exactly happy with the plural inNiall’s answer.

“Mhm,”Niall hums and runs a delicate finger up and down Harry’s thigh thatis still thrown over his hip. “I also like dating prettyboys.”

Harry’sfrown deepens and his bottom lip juts out in a pout. “Boy. As inone boy, which is me. You should date me.”

Healready loves the lazy smile that appears on Niall’s face as he presses themcloser together. “Sounds good. I think I’d like that even more.”

Harrynods and decides to be brave by leaning in for a kiss that has Niallmoan in a completely non-sexual way. It’s more like he’s tastingreally good food, which makes Harry realise how hungry he actuallyis. Especially when the smell of coffee reaches him.

“So…”Niall looks very pleased after they break apart. “Now thatwe’ve settled that: Are you ready to have the most awkward breakfastin your entire life?”

Harrygives him a look. “It’s only as awkward as we make it, Niall.And I want to make it very awkward… for them.”

Niall’ssmile turns into a grin and then into a laugh and Harry joins him amoment later.

Yeah,definitely the best night of his life.

[oumakokichi]

Hi! Just wanted to say, I've noticed that you described Saihara as suicidal and depressed in several of you meta posts, including the most recent one. I'm not having anything against it, I can see where it's coming from, but could you maybe elaborate a bit more on how it manifests in the game?

No problem! The fact that Saihara is depressed (that all the ndrv3characters are depressed to some degree) is established fairly early on, but I’dsay it first comes to light in Chapter 2. Following Kaede’s death, Saihara isinclined to stay holed up in his room without really eating or talking toanyone the next day. If Momota hadn’t come to fetch him in person, it’s quitelikely he wouldn’t have come out for some time.

This kind of behavior isn’t abnormal considering how muchtrauma all of them just experienced the day before, but it’s fairly notablethat Saihara is the only one in thegroup who didn’t really want to come out and meet up with everyone forbreakfast. As far as I can remember, it’s not something Naegi or Hinata everexhibited, even when they were both at their most upset. Meeting with the groupand trying to figure out what they would do next or how they would tackle thesituation always sort of won out on the list of priorities.

This trend of Saihara staying holed up in his room andfeeling too lethargic or upset to go anywhere or talk to anyone continuesseveral times throughout the game, culminating in Chapter 5 with the reveal of “thetruth of the outside world,” but I’ll touch on that in a bit.

As for Chapter 2, the remember light they use is perhaps thefirst really big tip-off as to how depressed Saihara and the others actuallyare, as well as a fairly good clue as to the potential real state of theoutside world. One of the first things Saihara recalls as a result of usingthat remember light is thinking a very strong, prevalent thought: “I want todie together with everyone.”

At the time, Saihara and the others can only assume thisline of thinking was related to the SHSL Hunt and erasing their memories inorder to live as talentless students. Knowing what we know about the reveals inChapter 6 however, there’s a strong implication that the decision to enter thekilling game willingly was itself a method of “throwing away one’s life.”

Tsumugi strongly emphasizes again and again in Chapter 6 that“the world of Danganronpa” is the only world in which “people like them” canlive. This is, of course, no doubt partially due to her desire to break theirspirits and have them never be able to open up the catbox or visit the outsideworld themselves. But I think there’s at least some degree of truth to it too,as there is with many of Tsumugi’s comments. She wouldn’t be able to weave sucha convincing story about the survivors, and about Saihara in particular, ifthere weren’t some underlying truth to it too, in my opinion.

In ndrv3, regardless of what the state of the outside worldmight be, one thing that seems pretty consistent is—bad. There are tons ofhints that the virus in particular seems to be real. Even if it didn’t wipe outall of humanity, the fact that Tsumugi was clearly sweating bullets when sherealized Momota was sick in Chapter 5 and the fact that the virus wasforeshadowed by Ouma long before the Hope’s Peak remember light, as early asChapter 3, all suggest that some kindof disaster happened in the outside world.

There’s also what we hear from “Makoto” in Chapter 6. Thescene with Makoto isn’t shown via any remember lights or scenes with Tsumugi;rather, it’s a scene entirely for the player’s eyes, and it highlightsincredibly well the sort of pressure placed on “normal, talentless” people tokeep up with societal pressure in a school meant only for the “elite.” Makotopretty much flat-out confirms that he would just up and kill himself without throwinghimself headlong into fiction and into DR in particular in order to cope—to anunhealthy degree even.

This scene sets the tone for the rest of Chapter 6 and forthe reveals we discover about the rest of the characters. This is exactly whatleads me to believe that pre-game Saihara did, to some extent, rely on the DRfranchise in the same way; his audition tape suggests as much. The ndrv3universe seems to hinge heavily on convincing children, particularly teenagers,that their lives don’t particularly mean much if they can’t “keep up” with theelite and talented members of society. And so, joining “the world ofDanganronpa” is a definite way to escape from that frustrating, painful realitywhich puts so much pressure and misery onto these kids.

Going back to what I mentioned about Chapter 5 earlier aswell, in-game Saihara is notablydepressed and suicidal after Ouma drops “the truth of the outside world” on allof them. The whole group is, really, except for Tsumugi as the ringleader andMaki because she’s used to dismissing her own personal feelings in order tokeep going as any good soldier or assassin would.

Saihara literally lies in his bedroom for at least two orthree days literally thinking to himself “there’s no reason to live, there’s noreason to live, there’s no reason to live” on loop, unable to eat, shower, orgo out and talk to anyone. Maki even agrees to kill all the rest of the groupas per Himiko’s request if they still want to die after using the rememberlight she found—and none of them have any problems with this, because realizingthat all the people they ever loved are dead and gone and the earth is acomplete wasteland is just that painful a truth.

This tendency to want to just give up and die is somethingthat carries over even into Chapter 6, when Tsumugi hits them with one “reveal”after another about the fragile state of their existences as fictional beings.As she claims credit for every single thing they’ve ever thought or done, downto their experiences, their memories, even their emotions, the initialexpectation from most players I think is to assume that Saihara’s going to bereally shocked and upset at first, only to bounce back with the usual “you’vegot that wrong” speech full of hope and inspiration.

But that doesn’t happen. Saihara quite literally gives up.It’s a very emotional scene full of heavy impact because Saihara makes someextremely valid points on why there’s not even any point in going on. If she saysall that, then it is true they have no way to deny it. And he’s tired. He’s tired and he’s in pain andhe’s miserable and they’ve already lost so many of their classmates, and nowthey don’t even have anything about themselves that they can trust, not eventheir own feelings or the memories of the people they love.

It’s at that point that Kiibo has to take the stage as themore traditional “hope-giving” protagonist figure—and it’s this hopeful andinspirational speech which actually incites Saihara to action again. Ratherthan hooking him into the usual “hope vs. despair” conflict though, it’s angerthat drives him. Anger and a willingness to quite literally discard his life ifthat’s what it takes to end the whole killing game. It’s the same sort ofsuicidal but determined drive which allowed Ouma to make the same decision inChapter 5.

Even at the very end of Chapter 6, Saihara never reallyexpected to make it out of the game alive. Every truth he exposed, he did so inthe hopes of keeping himself and the other survivors alive, but by the game’send, he was fully convinced that the DR franchise and the killing game showcould only be brought to a stop if he and the other survivors sacrificed theirlives for it. He was willing and ready to die, and only Kiibo’s self-sacrifice offeredthem a third option they hadn’t considered before.

In other words, Saihara is pretty clearly depressed,anxious, and suicidal for almost the entirety of ndrv3. He’s capable ofcheering up and gaining confidence in himself, of course, but often he needs torely on others and has a much more dependent streak than either Naegi or Hinatabefore him. His hesitation and insecurities about his own abilities, aboutfinding the truth, and about whether or not he even wants to live on, are allextremely relatable in my opinion, and part of what make him such a greatprotagonist in the most unconventional way.

I hope this cleared matters up a little! There’s probablymore examples than what I’ve listed too, but these are just the big points Icould remember in terms of how depressed and willing to die Saihara gets. Thankyou for asking!