#i made this as a joke for my friend who's never seen netflix dd but has to suffer through my mattposting anyway

[anendtopursuit]

[ID: two images spliced together. on the left is a black and white photo of a person curled into a ball against a brick wall, captioned "Nothing in life matters..."; on the right is a colourful image of a brightly-dressed person smiling brightly and giving the camera a thumbs-up, captioned "Nothing in life matters!". text above the images reads "Matt in Netflix's Daredevil / Matt in Disney's She-Hulk". /End ID]

something something therapy just made him funnier

[cwopf]

MY THEORY OF GILLOVNY

What if these two actually are together in real life. What if it IS a possibility. As lunatic as it seems, I can’t help but think about it. I have a life of my own, believe me, yet I keep coming back to this thought every once in a while, because I admit I’ve never seen anything like it before and I am not someone who gives even a flying fuck about celebrities. But these two make me wonder and I don’t know what is it about them, but I somehow want to believe in them.

What if their undeniable chemistry truly is real and their love is so much more than just a friendship.

What if Peter Morgan truly is nothing but a colleague and some kind of publicity she caught herself in, because even with all the “proof” of them being a couple, something just doesn’t sit right.

Her behavior, the gestures around him, it just doesn’t seem like a well loved, happy beyond dream kinda woman, I don’t physically see it. I truly don’t get the “love of my life” vibe. Do you?

Stiff, reserved and all in all a bit cold even, they truly make me wonder if it might be just a PR stunt. And, look, if I saw her crazy happy with a guy I’d be happy for her, totally. But, this? Nah, I don’t buy this shit.

Which, when I look back at all the gillovny moments, as crazy as it was, makes me believe that it was more than just an acted out exaggeration. And not even just a deep, year long friendship.

What if it truly passed all of that and became a romance at some point, and a big one. It certainly did look like it at a time. And while it currently looks like it had already ended, it made me think - what if that’s the point?

It takes a fool not to notice their ways towards each other, and even with all the denials, which sure make it hard to believe, when you see it for yourself it naturally comes as a possibility. It seems like a waste not to pursue something like that.

If we go back to the hints. The random sightings. Some might be made up, I am sure, but then some seem just crazy accurate.

What’s with the random dates in their lives, how can it all be so synchronized. Is it just random luck or is it an ode or a message to one another of some sort?

Why were they spotted in the same places so many times, randomly and out of their professional time together. Why the visits on sets, the airport sightings, the deleted tweets that seemed to reveal a little bit too much, the supposed holiday trips to the same destinations.

Why do people in the biz say stuff like “You mean Gillian and David? They’re not married, but they have been together for a while now.” Why does a random person (who apparently works for tv) on fb wish them a happy bday, then posts about how they have been together for a while now and how it was a nice surprise. And why would someone just say that out of the blue? Yep, it probably meant nothing. But, again. What if there was some truth to that? And that was only a fucking year ago.

How do two people accidentally get crippled at the same time? Also the stories from that same event, of how they love each other and their gestures towards one other, them arriving together and entering separately? What the hell are people noticing? Wasn’t she already kinda supposedly taken by then?

Why does she always wear the link bracelet, she wore it in their “good times” and it truly seems like a gift from D, which, of course, we will never know matter of fact, but it just feels like it. She has it on constantly, it seems so telling. She also wears it on red carpets with PM all the time and on almost every photoshoot. What IF it is from DD, wouldn’t that say something?

Also the necklace with a link he once wore on the stage of one of his concerts, could that very link be a part of her chain? If yes, then that is some deeply romantic shit.

Also the recent interviews, one in particular comes to mind. First, her mentioning her supposed boyfriend subtly and only saying the name out loud when asked about it, then proceeding to talk about her “partner” and telling a story of how they were talking about the aging process, but how they respect it because they are both going through it. Why does it feel like the mentioned totally fits someone else, like she’d discuss such a thing with someone who has been a part of her life for a long time and she had inevitably experienced this process with during the years. Does this click for anyone else too, or am I crazy and making up shit?

This was the moment when I stopped to think if just maybe there was a crazy possibility of David still being in her life.

Why does she speak about it being so good not living with her man and how she doesn’t see him that often, but when she does it’s special and it works for them.

While she must have been seeing her “current man” on set all the time. Do you notice how a lot of stuff that are supposedly about PM just don’t add up? Also, again, does the story make you think about someone else as well?

Also, have to throw this in here. The Christmas Jonathan Ross show. The sudden David (dick) reference. The Rob Lowe (apparently a good friend of David’s) saying “not far off from what I’ve been told” then both of them giggling together, almost as if an inside joke. The kind that gives off the vibe of making you wonder if the size thing’s something she’d accidentally blab out and brag about jokingly at some dinner party they once shared.

Why does she usually not give a fuck about half the stuff said, yet she would feel so shaken by people’s disbelief to publicly put it out on twitter about PM being the “love of her life” just to defend that idea? Why does it not seem like her at all? Why do I feel making a joke or being sarcastic about it would fit her more?

Is her SM being totally under control?

Maybe the penis and yoni of the day (along with Nelson) are one of the rare outlets right now, even that being some pre-approved idea for having it seem like she’s being her regular self, cause that’s something that we know fits her character.

But when you think about it, it is still a mini subtle commercial for SexEd. Which I love, yet...Netflix. Again.

Also, the constant mentioning of Netflix along with PM in her stories, desperately trying to fit him somewhere. Like the “what do you eat during quarantine” and bam: “when me and Pete hosted a dinner we froze a chocolate cake...” Riiight. Is it just me, or does it seem like trying way too hard?

Which makes me think of all the contrary. If we go back to the past Gillovny fuckery...“he’s in the shower” and “I’m with schmoopie” shirts and “chewie’s girlfriend” and the twitter saga. What if it was intentionally done that way to make people think “what if”, but obviously take it as a joke, because of course that’s what it is. But was it? Maybe they just knew no one would truly buy it so they could play around for a little bit and actually be a couple for a minute, make out on Kimmel and fuck around on twitter. Propaganda? Maybe.

Some truth in that? God damn it, almost feels like it. Sure felt way more natural, sexy and loving than any of the stuff going on today.

What if we hate MP for no reason, what if she’s just truly a fucking assistant, a help and nothing but it. What if G hugged her after the play in London out of gratitude, because she’s just a prop they need to act this shit out. What if it’s all a big shitshow, but a shitshow nonetheless.

What if I will say the silliest shit of all time and boldly assume...that behind all of this which we do not understand, D&G are still together and fine. What if it was meant to feel like the end to us. But they are there, in secret, because it’s somehow better for them, because they prefer it that way.

What if the shoe pic of “working from home in my Dune London shoes” a day prior to his 60th birthday is just another way to turn people away from that idea and subtly make them not even question anything, while in reality she is with him, somewhere, celebrating his 60th birthday. And things are much brighter for them than what they seem.

I might be so wrong, so off. But something is going on in the background and there are way too many things I do not buy.

Also, it was honestly more probable to me that they were once together, but fell apart somewhere along the way, I believed that and it totally seemed like a probable scenario.

Until the very subtle, yet interesting stuff that have been going on made me question it again, maybe it’s silly, but when I connect the dots, like the constant bracelet wearing, the talking about a partner and not mentioning the name, but referencing stuff that feel completely Gillovny, aging with someone, long distance shit, random people still stating “they have been together for a while now, nice surprise”. Maybe it’s a load of bullshit, but it also just makes it seem like he still might be there, somewhere, after all.

How the hell did I end up here? I ask myself this constantly. I still have no idea.

Yes, it is so fucking crazy. But this is where I leave this at.

[a-c-i-d-k-i-t-t-y]

Fuck it & Answer all of them!

oomg ok! this will take forever so i’m gonna take breaks in between and then come back1.if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?they would read my journal, watch any of my favorite docs/films that relate to my mind and my life the most, and if someone wants to really understand me they’ll have to communicate with me, listen instead of just hearing me. they’ll have to want to understand.2.have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?oh yeah plenty 

3.three songs that you connect with?this is hard as hell cause i have a million songs i connect with, but just off the top of my head: Why - NFHelp - Papa RoachHonor Roll - BulowMyself - Layton Greenthat’s four but whatever4.would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no that girl is like my sister lol

5.have you taken someones virginity?someone’s lesbian virginity6.how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?zero, i can’t see that ever happening. i’ve never fully trusted male figures.

7.if you could, would you take back your last kiss?noo

8.who would you like to see in concert?not counting anyone i’ve already seen,NF, post malone, paramore, ariana grande, billie eilish, kane brown, and a million more

9.what was the last concert you saw?i think it was demi but i feel like i seen someone after her who i’m forgetting

10.would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe. if i’m totally safe doing so haha11.do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?i fuckin hope so, i’m making it a mission

12.what was the last thing that made you laugh?whatever random shit me and angie were talking about tonight when i seen her13.a song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?i have no idea, fire on fire - sam smith 

14.have any pets?4 kitties

15.do you want to have kids? How many?i don’t know honestly, it’s something i think about and flip flop with. i’ve always said that if i want to have a child, it’ll be before i’m in my 30′s and if it decide to, my plan forever was to have a sperm donor. but i don’t know if i can raise a child tbh. i have too many fears which i’m sure everyone does when thinking of having a baby. i can’t picture myself pregnant either lol. but i would want it to come from me if i had one.

16.do you have piercings? How many?my nose, vertical labret, and my ears are stretched

17.do you miss anyone from your past?i miss friends from my childhood and middle school who’ve moved away or drifted, family members who are gone now, and versions of people before they’ve changed due to addiction, struggles, etc

18.what are you craving right now?a shower cause i just got home

19.have you ever broken someone’s heart?yes not intentionally 

20.have you ever been cheated on?yes

21.have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?yes when i finally walked away, it bothered me a lot to make someone cry, but it really had to be done.22.do you believe in true love?yes

23.favourite weather?summer & fall!

24.do you like the snow?yes it’s pretty to look at, but i only like when it snows maybe once every winter cause i can’t deal with the freezing cold

25.do you wanna get married?as of today my answer is no26.is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?yes only if i like them or are dating them. when random ass people call me that i hate it

27.what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?my mind is totally blank right now when i try thinking of any, i do have some though

28.go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!“space can alter your DNA.”

29.what’s your favorite pasta dish?chicken alfredo pasta or just regular pasta with tomato sauce & meatballs

30.what color do you really want to dye your hair?i think i might change my hair to dark brown in the summer but i don’t really know cause whenever i change it from black i immediately miss it or regret it

31.what’s your favorite eye color?all eye colors are my favorite

32.talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.i had this bag with hearts all over it in middle school and i carried it everywhere with me and it seen some dark shit man.

33.are you a morning person?i used to be, i want to be

34. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?no weird places. i think i went to some abandoned places with friends when i was younger. we didn’t “break” into anything though, but we trespassed. 35.what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?my converses or vans, i used to wear my combat boots EVERYWHERE people used to think i was crazy cause i’d wear them in the summer when it was like 90 degrees.

36.what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.i. fucking. love. socks. fuzzy socks.

37.tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.ummm idk i walked my best friend home to the next town at like 2-3AM and we smoked weed prior, and as we were walking some dude was yelling out to us asking if we know where to get crack rock, and all i remember is us running because we were scared lol 

38.do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!i used to got to starbucks a lot but not anymore. i usually just make coffee at home or go to DD or wawa.39.who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?fuck if i know. i think my boyfriend at the time in the back of his truck.

40.what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?always had the fear of abandonment or my mom dying since my dad died when i was 8. i would send myself into panic attacks whenever my mom would leave me home alone for hours or if i came home and she was gone i would automatically think she was dead and would cry hysterically. and yeah i have that fear still but i don’t cry like that anymore, just feel a lot of anxiety.

41.do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?yes, it’s been a minute so i don’t remember42.think of a person. what song do you associate with them?i just texted angie so that’s who i thought of,yoho - blood on the dancefloor lmfao don’t ask

43.what are your favorite memes of the year so faroh god if i could i would post them, they had me dying.

44.do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?yes poetry is pretty45.what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?never given or received a “stupid” gift46.what are some of your worst habits?here’s three: catastrophizing, ruminating, self-sabotaging47.describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.they’ve been here for me since day one, always. proven through their actions that they genuinely care about my well being and my feelings and want the best for me. has my back through everything and is more than a friend, i consider them family.

48.tell us about your pets!stella: alpha cat of the housecookie: she isn’t the youngest but she is the baby of the cat fam and is super needyiris: badass and fears nothingno-name: literally unbothered by anything 

49.is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?showering, sleeping. i’ve literally been working on answering this for an hour.

50.are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?don’t hate them, just not a fan. 

51.what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?honestly just treating me like a fucking human being

52.describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.eyesss like honey 53.what’s some of your favorite album art?lana del rey’s album born to die has nice artwork and that album is one of my favorites 

54.are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?i have one currently. i plan to get more. i want midna from twilight princess on my upper arm or skull kid surrounded other things from the legend of zelda correlated into the tattoo turning it into a half sleeve, certain quotes or lyrics i have in mind, a tattoo dedicated to my dad, etc.

55.do you like concept albums? absolutely

56.what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?into the wild57.list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.pieces - red58.if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?i wouldn’t press either of them. everything in my past happened for a reason and i wouldn’t want to skip into the future because that freaks me out to skip time where i could have done something in those 5 years missed.

59.what do you do when you’re sad?either a negative or positive coping skill depending where my head is.

60.what are some things you do when you can’t sleep?think too much, listen to music all night, binge watch something on netflix or youtube, talk to someone, take a lovely walk to the refrigerator

61.what was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had?nights full of positive vibes with friends, laughing, having good talks, good food, music, just chillen. going to seaside, having bonfires, going off-roading in the woods, etc

62.who is the last person you told a secret to?i really don’t have secrets, i’m an open book if you ask me anything. 63.what’s the best piece of advice you ever received?i wouldn’t say advice, but i’ve received amazing guidance from my fam back at my old outpatient program when i was in therapy. i wish i could still remember most of the things i was told but i know it really helped me when i needed it most.

64.what’s your favorite food?sushi 

65.what’s your secret dream?i don’t have a secret dream

66.three songs you were recently obsessed with.straight to my head - you me at sixno ordinary love - memphis mayfirefire on fire - sam smith67.three songs that remind you of the person who sends this onei don’t know the person who sent me this

68. three favourite old songssome of my favorites that throw me back to when i was in middle schooldon’t matter - akonleave, get out - jojoi miss you - blink 182

69.three last songs you listened towe belong together - mariah careylithium - nirvanaheart-shaped box - nirvana

70.worst possible time to get horny:a funeral

71.have you ever had a friends with benefits?it depends what someone considers a friends with benefits relationship to be. i’ve hooked up w a friend years ago like twice, but idk if that would be considered fwb? since it wasn’t an ongoing thing. there was no strings attached, so i guess? any type of ongoing relationship i had with anyone after that there was always feelings.72.do you believe in soulmates?i wanna believe that yeah73.Is there anyone you would die for?i’m sure there is 74.who was the last person you cried in front of?my ex like over a year ago. i don’t cry in front of people, i fight it and i hate feeling emotionally exposed like that. it takes a lot for me to actually shed a tear in front of anyone out of pain. but happy tears are different though.

75.do you give out second chances too easily?lol more like 50 

76.is it easier to forgive or forget?it’s easier for me to forget cause i just repress shit subconsciously. i forgive easily for things that aren’t a big deal. but detrimental/trauma type shit takes me years to process through and forgive 

77.is this year the best year of your life?this year has been better compared to the last few years. it wasn’t great, but a lot of good things happened even though a lot of terrible stuff happened too. but it def wasn’t the best year of my life lol.

78.do you have trust issues?yeah like the rest of the world

79.who/what was your last dream about?

lolol was driving in a car with a friend