#i love my hair so much tbh i just got it re-dyed recently and like. yes it costs more to get it done professionally but it's so worth it im

[magentagalaxies]

on the note of my tags on the last post (re: me being purple-coded especially if people know aubrey) i thought i'd share this incredible dm i got from bruce last time i was in toronto:

[bunny-hoodlum]

I'm not dead!

But I did totally blank out (afain) on this side of the interwebs and I am very, very sorry about that. 🥺 Tbh, I was going to ease back into the Tumblrsphere, cuz I had turned on notificiations for like all of a minute a couple months ago... And then I couldn't watch WandaVision in private listening mode without the audio cutting out from the notifications. XD I feel like I'm somehow showing my age because surely that shouldn't be such a hindrance... Well anyways, I turned off notifications right away and forgot about everything since then. Q n Q

My current brain space in order has been: Kipo: Age of the Wonderbeasts, Dr. Stone, Jujutsu Kaisen, Heaven's Design Team, I've dyed my hair 3 times again, I'm wondering when I can get my ears pierced budget-wise (I'm literally hitting my 13yo milestone at 30, I'm such a late-life bloomer)... I've been eating almost nothing but salad for the past week or two, Idk, the days blur together and time means nothing to me anymore... Going back to shows!!! My recent headspace is: My Hero Academia -- YES I'M FINALLY BINGING IT -- Tokyo Revengers, ODD TAXI (I loooove this unique anime, it's like a gritty Parappa Rappa), Shadows House ... I still have to watch To Your Eternity but I'm going to be all over that!! And I recently decided to watch Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle. I absolutely love it. What I wasn't loving was the Funimation captions being too early since jokes are ALL ABOUT THE TIMING! So I'm still on ep 4.

Will I ever really talk about any of these? Or draw fan art ever again? I have no idea. The urge never crosses. The images never visit my mind anymore.

I'm just dropping this here because it's been awhile and I am alive but I've just got the worst attention span and I will check my messages again just like I always do before I disappear again -- I'm not actively working on anything that I would share on tumblr so that is why I forget to come on here -- what was I getting to? Right, anyways...

I haven't forgotten about the stories I need to update and repost (like "Powerless") but my procrastination keeps kicking in because the amount of time it feels like I'll have to put in towards that stuff is overwhelming, and when it all turns into a multi-project sludge in my brain, I just go hide in video games and shiznots. 😔 Ugh.

Even the thought of updating on FFN is intimidating me. I'm pretty sure all my old files are gone by now because I haven't refreshed them. So to re-upload "Powerless" is literally going to be like from scratch. Not writing it, I mean the editing. The italicization and the bolding and the scene separation!!!

I wish I hadn't deleted it the first time after all. Q_Q It could've just sat there accruing hype or yearning or whatever. Ugh.

Okay, so why is my attention span so bad honestly? Well, I have the chance to not work slave wage and instead actually focus on my 'art'. Ofc my fine motor skills are rusty and my digital drawing program skills are severely lacking. When everyone else has kept at it, I fell behind. That's what it is and what it feels like. I'm just at a hobbyist level, like, it's really, really bad. And I'm struggling not to look back on my life and question why I didn't do more to make sure I went to art school. Like actually work buttloads to go to VCUArts. Idk, my mom 10 yrs ago was like 'you need a car', as if I can't exist anywhere outside her reach without one. But I would've tried to live in the dorms and just bike. UGH. WHY DIDN'T I JUST DO THINGS AND SAID FUCK ALL TO OTHER PPLS WORRYING??!

Sorry. Ahem.

On the other hand... There's Skillshare and Schoolism and things, and even some Youtuber art pros have discord critique days or whatever, and all that is supposed to be a better investment than 200k debt, but I still keep feeling like I avoided really important experiences and that I'm still disadvantaged. I'm prolly am being pessimistic but it feels so objectively true. Ugh. I just don't see the self-taught vs formal education gap ever closing in a satisfactory way.

I forget what my point is. I wish I could update my fics, I really wish I could schedule some time in, but I haven't been able to properly think about any of it for the past three weeks I think. Another thing that's currently occupying my headspace is an artist that goes by HeartMush. I don't want to @ them because I don't want them to see my whining, but I'm sooooo enamored with their skills and envious of their formal education. And other things. Which you could find on their website contained within their downloadable CV. T_T This person feels like a prodigy to me. Lesigh.

Anyways, if I ever come back again, hopefully it'll be some art that I'm proud of. Maybe whenever I get there, I'll have clearer feeling how much farther my goal really is, and that should be enough for me.

[discotreque]

Disco 3.08: The Sanctuary

This week IRL was a real mixed bag for me: a lot of messy and barely-manageable anxiety about my health, my day job, and uhhhh *gestures outside*—but also I’ve recently fallen in love (from a responsible social distance)—so it’s been equal parts re-writing professional emails to edit the panic attack out of my tone and gazing dreamily at Discord notifications with cartoon hearts in my eyes. It feels like my life is going to hell in the cutest, coziest handbasket—which is to say that Michael Burnham could not possibly feel like a more relatable character to me right now.

I continue to have issues with the writing at a strange medium-level—somewhere between micro, where the dialogue and characters are really good, and macro, where I’m digging the pace of the overall season, it almost feels like something went wrong in the assembly process, and the script ended up a little bit less than the sum of its perfectly good parts. Again.

But that’s such vague criticism as to be nearly meaningless, and it’s hardly the most interesting level to spend time on anyway. If I zoom out, the parallel season arcs of “getting used to the future” and “the mystery of the Burn” are hanging together wayyyyy better than the Red Angel saga did last year.

And if I zoom in? This episode was funny as shit, wtf.

The discourse re: Tilly these past couple of weeks has been bullshit, and I have a whole angry thing to say about it—but honestly, if you can’t appreciate Doug Jones and Mary Wiseman as a comedic duo, I’m not really mad: mostly I pity the lack of joy in your heart.

Everyone on this show is so funny. Doug’s prissy little delivery absolutely slaughters me (“Execute!...?”), Mary will make a face sometimes that has me screaming laughter into my hands, and I’ve gone on before—and will again—about Sonequa Martin-Green’s egregiously underrated comedy chops.

They were obviously casting for folks w/ jokes in the new season too: David Ajada is no slouch in the dry-delivery or the goofy-face department; his energy and chemistry with Sonequa are as suited to comedy as they are to romance (i.e. extremely 🥵). Anthony Rapp and Wilson Cruz we knew about, but Blu del Barrio—a certified tiny baby!!!—holds their own and lands every smartass whiz-kid one-liner just on the right side of “too precious to stand.” (I almost always at least chuckle, and never roll my eyes, and for a “teen genius” character that’s literally as good as it gets.) And living legend Michelle Yeoh is clearly having the time of her life, omfg.

Disco’s not funny-funny like Lower Decks, but they do funny-on-purpose better than any live-action Trek except maybe DS9. They have such a deep comedic bench they don’t even need Tig Notaro—they have her on just to flex, I presume.

(I don’t know if I’m predicting, per se, that Strange New Worlds—with Rebecca Romjin’s deadpan, Anson Mount’s twinkly eyes, and Ethan Peck’s twinkly-eyed deadpan—is going to have a tone somewhere between Disco S3 and LwD—but I mean... it kinda has to, right? And you know they kept the number for Rainn Wilson’s agent.)

***

At the start of this episode, I was “sure, why the fuck not” about First Officer Tilly; by the end, I was completely on board. And to everyone who’s still wringing their hands about “the real military” this (always from people who have no idea how actual militaries work, lol) and “Lt. Nilsson” that (she... already has a job on the ship? And no character traits besides “stoic” and “furrows brow”? Oh, I get it—she’s skinny and blonde)—y’all are kind of embarrassing me.

“Rank” and “position” (and “seniority” and “day-to-day duties”...) aren’t the same thing, in Star Trek or any IRL military. Yes, the permanent first officers of normal-duty Starfleet ships we’ve seen have usually been command-division officers with the rank of Commander—but not always. Star Trek: Discovery-A, if you will, is a unique show about a unique ship in a unique situation: “B-b-but that’s not how they do it on Star Trek!!!” isn’t a legitimate criticism, not of this—it’s the mournful cry of an entitled pissbaby who isn’t having their hand held all the way to the fireworks factory.

Here’s what an argument supported by the text of the first 37 episodes of Star Trek: Discovery actually looks like: Sylvia Tilly is nervous and lacks self-confidence, but once she gets over herself—which she can do pretty much instantly in a crisis, even when hilariously intoxicated—she is competent as hell. In lower-stakes situations, without intense pressure to focus her attention, she sometimes gets sidetracked by her own insecurities; at her best, she channels that anxious energy into ambition, drive, and being scrupulously organized.

The only person Tilly doesn’t always get along with is Stamets, and even Stamets’s husband thinks he’s an asshole. Since Season 1, we’ve seen her easily socializing with the rest of the crew, who seem to universally adore her. And she’s also happy to leave her social comfort zone at a moment’s notice: she aligned herself with Ash Tyler (miss you, Shazad!) when no one else would, and she instantly befriended Po even when Po was in Weird Feral Alien Princess mode and Tilly had salad in her hair. She doesn’t like confrontation, but she’s brave enough to initiate it anyway if she needs to, and she’s compassionate with other people’s feelings while still setting firm boundaries. (Her graceful dodge of Rhys’s tipsy kiss at the party in 1.07 lives rent-free in my head to this day.)

No, Tilly didn’t finish the Command Training Program—but she started it, which is almost certainly more command training than any of the lieutenants whose names we know, all of whom are Ops or Science personnel with, presumably, specialized non-command training of their own. The same could be assumed for any unseen ranking officers on this science ship with an entirely volunteer skeleton crew.

And seriously, about Nilsson: she’s my #3 background bae after Octopus Head and the lady on Pike’s Enterprise with the spiky red face, but her job is Spore Drive Ops, not personnel. If she’s running after Saru with a holo-clipboard, who’s going to look serious and push holo-buttons when there’s a Black Alert? *drops holo-mic* Drumhead!

***

The stuff on Kwejian, though. Ooof. Ol’ Two-Takes Frakes directed this one, and between the kinetic energy he always adds to the camera and the scintillating performances he evokes, things stayed moving so briskly I almost didn’t notice Book’s entire “homeworld” was a rental house outside Vancouver, a couple acres of adjacent woods, and like six or seven people.

It’s a hot mess in retrospect, but in the moment it gave us the intensity of Book and Kyheem trying to hurt each other’s feelings by poking at 15-year-old wounds, which as a sibling with complicated sibling relationships I found both funny and devastating—not to mention Frakes directing “shaky bridge” explosion falls at an obvious intensity of “10” on an outdoor location shoot. It falls apart at the slightest scrutiny, but I can’t lie, on first viewing I was totally along for the ride.

***

I’m dying to see where this Georgiou thing goes. It doesn’t feel like a stretch to assume she got Cronenberg’d a couple weeks ago, probably to get her under the thumb of this century’s Section 31, and that her arc is going to take Michelle Yeoh off this show in a way that sets up the S31 show. But also, I don’t care so much whether I’m right, I just want to watch Michelle Yeoh—and Sonequa Martin-Green, and also David Cronenberg tbh, and bring back Shazad Latif while you’re at it—get wherever they’re going.

It’s also a fun and interesting direction to take the comically-evil comic relief character and show that her performative moustache-twirling is partly habit and partly a transparent emotional defence against very real fear and vulnerability. We’re all products of our circumstances, and a radical enough change in circumstances can afford almost anyone at least the opportunity to change. I can’t say Emperor Georgiou would have been my first choice of protagonist for that storyline, but it’s not like Michelle Yeoh’s not going to fuckin’ crush it.

***

Miscellany:

So the Burn had an origin point, and now that point is broadcasting a signal that’s somehow both a haunting melody that everyone seems to know—but no one can remember learning—and a Federation distress signal. What the fuck, y’all. I have full-body goosebumps just typing that.

Saru workshopping his own captainly catchphrase with the aid of Tilly’s extreme sincerity and organizational skills is probably the funniest thing that’s ever happened on this show—followed closely by the uncomfortably lingering reaction shots when he’s trying them out on the bridge 😂 (And omg please give Rhys and Bryce the dumbass buddy-comedy C-plots they deserve next season, I beg you.)

I would do a little “prop watch” entry on those Kwejianian(?) bolt-throwing rifles, but I’d have to stop drooling over them first. “Curvy polished hardwood” seems to be New Trek shorthand for “extra sleek and futuristic” (cf. the bridge of the USS Titan in the LwD finale), and I have to say: I am fully into it.

Restating my prediction that we will not see Detmer and Owosekun get together this season, because we will find out that they’ve been together for ages. Everyone knew—Pike even knew!—it just never came up in front of the audience before. That would be one of the cutest ways to do it imho, and one of the funniest too, especially as a meta-joke about how much character development didn’t happen in the first two seasons. (That said, if we get to see their first kiss, I will be screaming with incoherent joy for days, so this is a real win-win for me.)

Speaking of cute: IRL spouses Mary Wiseman and Noah Averbach-Katz, both Julliard-trained actors (it’s where they met!), can’t quite hide their chemistry in the scenes between Tilly and Ryn. I loved seeing Tilly be a hardass when Ryn was rude to the captain, but that sparkle in her eyes didn’t quite match the context <3

And speaking of people who are VERY OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE: that last scene with Book and Michael, and his nervous little “yeah, I said it” eyebrow lift, and her irrepressible giggle as she’s walking away... it was almost too much. Especially right after the queer-family scenes with Stamets and Culber and Adira. My poor heart is going through a lot lately, and I guess I’m just glad Season 3’s emotional intensity is melting it with soft sweet scenes like that instead of kicking it down repeated flights of stairs like Season 1.

***

Next week: everyone stops caring about the Burn and starts trying to solve an even more important mystery—why is this (holographic) dude wearing an early-2360s uniform with an early-2370s combadge?

[vegetalass]

Veneno

its almost 5 am and i’ve been working on this for WEEKS and im sick of it!!!!! i think its the longest fic ive written in my life tbh...

I really wanted to play with the idea of a Sidestep who was manipulating herald, as I remember Malin mentioning multiple routes exploring a few different possibilities of treatments to the ROs. so this is my take on the manipulation theme!

partially inspired by my ex, who has a dumb nickname I never called him, and who once said to me “even if you can’t say it back, i’ll wait.” 

sorry for giving herald a cat. i was actually just describing mine lol. 

warning: contains Fallen Hero: Retribution spoilers, with sweets and drinking vice mentioned. 

HUGE thank you to @abyssopelagick and my friend GRUM!!!!!!! who i can honestly say i wouldn’t have been able to post without. ily both! 

FH:R belongs to @fallenhero-rebirth

Herald/gn!Reader - 2753 words

You knew it. You knew Herald used to be rich.

Maybe it was his perfect hair and blue eyes that gave it away, or the fact that he mentioned having a television as a kid. Maybe it was because he was so sweet and shy when you first met, that when you found the collection of pills beneath his bathroom counter when you went snooping through his stuff, that you realized you’d never even considered the fact that he’s probably never had to starve.

In retrospect, maybe it should’ve been a little more obvious after the first night you spent with him, and you should’ve taken better precautions to handle his delicate, loving nature, but so far you haven’t complained and you’re not about to start. Not only has everything worked out, but currently, you’re laying in the soft, old sheets of Herald’s bed, in his nice and clean apartment you can only describe as luxury.

Better than what you have. Better than what you had.

It makes you feel like a kid, the type with no concept for anything except longing. The kind of kid that reads books about bakers who sneak bread to dying girls, and blond princes who insist on liking someone their father hates.

And boy, does Herald like you.

He’s such a prim boy, if not just a sweet one. Kind, generous, loving, you name it. Anybody would be lucky to have him, and for now, that means you. The money is just a bonus, one that you could easily get used to.

Whether this has always the case, though, is another question. One that doesn’t matter much, because you find it’s just been nice to have been surprised as a telepath. Not to mention, you could always use the resources.

In some ways, it makes you want to laugh; to think that Herald knows nothing of your endeavors to kill him, and that all his good fortune can’t do a thing to stop you.

But in others, you feel like crying because he’s a boy who loves you and you have nothing left to offer in return.

You’ve decided not to mull on it. Because when he invites you to spend the night, and kisses you endlessly in that red-hot way, staying in his bed after is so comfortable and warm that it almost feels like the reason you don’t intend to get caught as a villain for a while.

So, you’ve been starting to come over to his place a lot recently.

It wasn’t intentional, your relationship with him. You always tried to tell him that it was Sidestep he was dreaming of, not this new you. But from the moment you let him kiss you on that day in HQ, and then later on that other night after your first date... it became harder and harder to stop yourself from growing quite… fond of him.

Even if it wasn’t planned.

Despite the mess that you’ve gotten tangled up in, in every possible way, it has been a really fun way to pass the time. Watching the way Herald dances around you as if you’re a breakable doll who’s done no wrong, even if he loves and trusts and admires you.

And the fact that you sometimes have emotional outbursts where you cry about disappointing him only adds to the effect of it all. It’s a risky but satisfying game, and even if part of it is genuine, you’re still a villain and have to remember the limits, though you don’t want to be evil all of the time. You might run out of luck.

Herald doesn’t know that, though. There’s actually a lot that he doesn’t.

Part of the fun is trying to guess how long you think all of this good might last. Because good things never last, do they?

But that’s no matter right now, and you shake your head from the thought, because the only person who has even dared to figure out your true nature is Herald’s cat, who hasn’t taken kindly to your presence since the start.

What a smart animal.

She’s a fat, old thing. A tabby, with piercing, green eyes. She was hiding on the first night you came over, probably busy licking herself and thinking that you were another romantic partner here to screw her Daniel over. She was right, but you just kept coming back.

Currently, she’s washing herself from her place on Herald’s dirty hoodie on the dresser across from you, looking up occasionally to hiss in what feels like a mocking, angry tone.

Re-Gene! Villain! I know what you’ve done, and you leave my Daniel out of it!

Tough shit, cat, though it’s still a shame she won’t let you pet her.

Not like you’re planning on moving out of bed, anyway.

It’s only in between your stints of dozing to the sound the sickly sounding auburn news anchor on the TV and mulling about whether sweets or a drink would taste better first, that you notice the approaching presence of Herald’s feather white aura growing closer, and realize that he must be in the building.

Even the now-napping cat seems to stir in acknowledgement before the both of you notice the sound of keys struggling in a locked door, as if you couldn’t try to pinpoint Herald’s exact location by entering his mind from your comfortable position with a little effort if you really wanted to try.

Immediately, the cat jumps from her comfortable perch to the floor, and rushes to the front door in an attempt to reach Herald halfway, get a scratch, and then rat you out as if he’d even listen if she could talk.

Either way, he’s home.

You can hear meows, and it’s easy to imagine how she tangles around his ankles as he squats to give her ears a good scritch. The pleasant imagery is interrupted too soon, though, as suddenly she yowls and you can hear the pit-pat of her feet as she rushes your way in her attempt to tattle on you.

“Oh, you,” you can hear him mutter at her as his footsteps echo in your direction before he hobbles into the room with a nasty limp. He looks about as close to someone who just got hit by a car and lived as someone possibly could, as his mess of gold hair is wind-blown and tangled, face bruised and dirty, and from the way his head is tilted down, must’ve been slouching for a while.

He looks... defeated, and you smile at the sight, hoping that you somehow look kind.

The cat continues to meow until Herald looks up, eyes widening in surprise when they finally meet your gaze, and despite his bad posture, or lack thereof from his aches, brightens immediately at your smile.

“Hi,” he breathes, finally standing up to throw his keys onto the little table resting by the door to his room.

“I wasn’t sure if I could let myself in-” You nod in his direction, before he interrupts you.

“Of course,” he blurts, almost too quickly, and then quickly looks away from your face when he finishes. “Always.”

You smile, feigning relief, even if you don’t really care.

Herald continues on, shuffling from where he’s standing to a dresser not far away, and you sit up in his bed to watch as he strips from his Ranger suit to reveal another handful of purple-blue wounds and scratches layered above his already scarred chest. He must be hurting.  

“Daniel...” you call to him in an attempt to seem worried, and he hums in acknowledgement, “Are you okay?”

He grunts, and in the silence that follows, the TV seems to grow louder in his place. You hadn’t realized that it switched from the weather special to a Los Diablos Breaking News! segment.

“Ranger spotted in successful attempt stopping local mob,” the smiling woman says, eyes blurred toward the camera as a clip of Herald handcuffing a man in a black jumpsuit takes over the screen.

You smile again because he’s a really good guy. A great one. And his fighting has been getting better.

Part of you wonders if it’s due to the fact that you’ve been training him, and the other part wonders if you should be worried. He’s always been someone who appears a lot weaker than he actually is. And you want to stoke the flame.

“You don’t have pull the tough guy act with me, Daniel,” you say to him, this time more forcefully.

You know he always notices when you use his real name, which is one of the reasons why you started using it. This time, you watch as he lowers the green shirt he’s been holding to his chest to look at you with those endless blue eyes and sigh wistfully.

“I get it, you know I do,” you try again, this time with the intent of at least getting him to open up.

You’re nervous, at first, scared of what he could say to you. That he knows you’re playing games, or that he doesn’t want you around anymore. But nothing has ever warranted this response in the past, so you wonder what’s happened to him to make him look at you like you just hit him over the head.

Ha.

You have hurt him. You even ruined one of his legs, but that was in the past, and it’s not like he knows that was you. If he did, you’d hope that he’d just be grateful enough to appreciate the fact that you didn’t kill him that night, too. He shouldn’t have any reason to look worried when you’ve just been here, lying in bed, silently waiting for him to join you, so you suppose you shouldn’t be worried either.

The TV speaks again.

“Impressive feat for the youngest member of the Rangers, who just under a year ago was taken down by the notorious Puppetmaster at their debut sighting.”

Herald is still paused, except this time, you notice his gaze has moved from you to the screen in front of him.

Though the news channel was initially spouting a success story, it’s no surprise that they’re now comparing Herald’s skills to when the both of you fought. It’s also not a surprise when the golden boy of the Rangers suddenly looks even smaller than before when he whips back around as to stop glaring at the news anchor as if she could even see him. You wonder what she would do if she could.  

You don’t speak.

“You know…” Herald starts, ignoring your previous words all together, “I’m worried about you.”

This doesn’t shock you, though not because you’re a telepath. He’s a naive boy, so of course he is worried, and because part of you cares about him in some twisted way, the good in you wishes that he wasn’t.

Worried or naive?

Both?

Deep down, you know he shouldn’t like you and you crave to tell him as such. To berate him, to beat it into him, to scream that he’s just a stupid, little boy in love with an animal who has a past he’d never understand. But it’s easy to stop yourself because you always do.

You hesitate to respond, but mutter back anyway. “Why?”  

You know he means it well, he means everything well, but the words come out harsher than you intended them to, and you quickly have to pat the spot next to you in bed to ensure that Herald thinks you’re not angry at him for simply… being him.

The little, sweet and young Sidestep that is still left in your heart is screaming to be kinder; telling you that you should just be happy that there is someone still cares for you and is able to show it. But there’s an ache in your heart, and suddenly the thought of both your past and your future make you feel like you have to get piss-shit drunk, puke all over yourself, and then immediately get heartburn.

So you decide to ignore the thought all together, and focus on the fact that Herald is now staring intently at you again. Only half-dressed (which is distracting), still, but staring nonetheless.

He tilts his face towards the ground to slouch once more, before whispering, “I just don’t want… them to come after you, too.”

“Oh, hush,” you say instantly, patting the bed again, before reaching out your arms for him to join you as he makes his way over. You know who he means, and the person already has.

You.

You are coming for yourself.

“Puppetmaster is growing very strong, when they learn you’re still around… they might-” He cannot finish the thought before he reaches the bed and ducks himself into your waiting arms.

You roll your eyes as you rest your cheek on his soft head. He really is a silly boy.

“I’ll be fine,” you say, into his hair, “I still have you, don’t I?”

He stays silent, so you continue the charade.

“You’re the one on the frontlines, so if anything, I’m the one who should be worried,” are your final words, before Herald cups your cheeks in his large palms in an attempt to kiss you. Before he makes it, however, you have to swat his face away because you can’t stop the laugh that bubbles deep from inside your chest at the realization of the situation.

Herald looks stunned, but smiles meekly in return when he decides you aren’t angry, and then laughs with you, even if he doesn’t get the joke.

“You’re silly, Daniel,” you say, settling with simplicity, because what do you say to the love who you’re lying to? What can you say, even if you kind of love them back?

But Herald, or maybe Daniel now (as you don’t much care which anymore), just blinks slow and smiles, content being held tightly in your arms.

You want to consider it strange, all this dedication to a person he doesn’t really know, this old Sidestep person, whoever they are, except that in a way, you realize, he does know you.

He knows the you that you have given him, this laughing kid, and in a sense, you truly believe that that’s not really you at all; because you just play this game too well, and he’s been wrapped around your finger from the start. You allowed for this, and you don’t want to say you regret it.

He’s a sweet boy. Always has been. And he never fails to surprise you.

“I love you,” he declares suddenly, voice quiet, sweet, and calming.

And you’re shocked. Not because you didn’t know that, but because you weren’t expecting to really care. And underneath his covers, everything seems three times as sweet. You weren’t expecting to be flattered, and there’s a part of you doesn't even mind. Another thing you could easily get used to. So responding is easy.

“Thank you, Daniel. I mean it.”

And he nods, still cuddled against your heart, your tattoos, looking at you like someone who could truly be loved. He is smiling all the while, too.

“Even if you can’t say it back, I’ll wait,” he says, lips barely curled, blue eyes sparkling.

It’s a nice gesture: this sudden, heartfelt proclamation, but you can’t say it’s one you deserve, as you have been so cruel to both him and yourself. Even though the Sidestep in you would rather jump off a roof, crash, and die before breaking his heart, you have long since realized that there is still a villain inside you that is hungry to laugh and cheer when Herald finds out who really tore him apart on that night at the museum.

You’d feel worse, but that day really was amazing. Finally making yourself proud, even at his expense.

However, the thought quickly escapes you, as this time, when he leans over to kiss you, you let him. His lips are warm on yours, and as you find your fingers tangled in his hair, for a second, it almost feels as though this relationship wasn’t built on a lie.  

“I know,” you respond, smiling sweetly at him for once, genuinely, because even if could change your behavior, you cannot help your pride, and you cannot help your heart.

And when you’re going to break his anyway, even though you know you should stop this mess, because a small part of you loves him, you might as well make sure it hurts.

[imbringingexyback]

Trans ask-thingy

I should have really seen this coming when I made @a-chilleus​ do all the questions earlier :’)

1. what is your gender? nonbinary, transmasc. I would say male but the lack of fucks I give about having a dick makes me question it

2. what are your pronouns? He/him or they/them. He/him mainly as its easier for people to use

3. what is your gender presentation like? In a word. Gay. I love dungarees but also mostly wear super skinny jeans & floral/very jazzy shirts. I love rainbows & stripey tops as well as crop tops & cut-off vests. I don’t really wear any jewellery other than my ear piercings, ‘the one ring’ from LOTR that my Dad made & the flag bracelets I made (Trans, ace & gay)

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit? Not sure really but a t-shirt/shirt that is loose enough to hide my hips & not feel uncomfortable but fitted enough to show off my frame. Probably black skinny jeans & one of my many floral shirts with my glittery gold brogues

5. what makes you feel validated? Being called the right pronouns, people seeing my as male/non-binary without any doubt about my identity (e.g. my housemate treating me just like she does her other male friends automatically because she forgets people see me as ‘female’, or people saying they could never see me as female). Also, people not being surprised by my femininity when inhabiting queer spaces as I’m just a camp guy

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)? I like my hair as it was really blond but I like it now it’s dyed red & its still soft & fluffy. I like my freckles because they constantly multiply & are cute af. I like my eyes because they’re electric blue & so detailed with flecks of greyer blue. I like my collarbones as I like fiddling with them. Finally, I like my neck because although I want a deeper voice & stuff my neck looks cool in pictures sometimes.

7. favorite trans meme/bit of trans humor? I also like the very common trans names like @a-chilleus​ said. Me & my housemate have a joke where I loudly (& in a panicked tone) go “where is my dick?!!!” & act like i’m frantically looking for it because it makes us laugh. I just like most trans memes because they’re relatable and cis people don’t get them

8. how did you pick your name? Can’t really remember other than it being between Elliot & Robin & then me realising I really didn’t like Elliot cause its close to my deadname. I don’t really like Robin either so now I need to find a new one

9. what does your name mean? apparently it means ‘fame-bright’ & is of French & German origin

10. do you have any trans pride merch? I like it being called ‘merch’ like we’re a band! I have a trans-flag woven bracelet I made, a trans flag, a number of gender-related t-shirts including the Stonewall one & ‘Gender does not define a dragon’ & a fuck tonne of pronoun badges & pin/enamel badges

11. recent happy trans moment? Meeting Esme (@a-chilleus​) & talking trans stuff with them whilst on camp & then just like hinting to our friends Gareth &Lizzy that I was a raging tran by showing them pictures where I have a trans flag around me & being in the men’s changing-room with them. Like honestly that was so freeing cause we got to educate our (very accepting) cis friends on some memes & hard shit & I got to overshare so much 😉

12. favorite trans headcanon? Trans Peter Parker. It makes so much sense to me & I’d love the representation.

13. favorite canon trans character? Non-binary Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens) is fully cannon as they’re angels & I’m still in love with it! Jake in Tales of the City is an awesome trans character too & I love him

14. favorite trans blog(s)/trans blogger(s)? definitely @a-chilleus​ because they have the same interests as me, @born2jasper​ because Jasper is my best buddy at uni & when he does blog it’s cool shit

15. favorite trans celebrity? Oh my. Fox Fisher does amazing work for trans activism & they’re a cutie. Elliot Fletcher I’ve been a fan of since he was regularly on a trans youtube channel & now hes been in TV shows & repping the trans community. Laverne Cox of course. Indya Moore for their no-shit attitude.

16. song that gives you Big Trans Feels? Wrabel- The Village, is literally about being trans & having no-one in your family accept you but it being “something wrong with the village” rather than it being about you being wrong. It was written after Trump did all the shit things to trans people. Literally the line “it’s a lie though, burying disciples, one page of the bible isn’t worth a life” makes me cry cause of all the trans people who feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel for them. The music video left me sad but it’s an amazing song

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self? You’re not broken, & your friends have your back & will accept and love for who you are, not who you pretend to be. Society is gonna fuck you up but you’re stronger than you think

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

i mean i’m living my idea fashion look tbh

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality? Just makes me gayer but I’m still ace so…

20. do you have a comfort item? Blankets mostly at uni cause I snuggle under them/with them cause that helps my sensory overload calm down. Big comfy jumpers are good for when I feel like hiding my body

21. what makes you feel euphoric? When strangers call me ‘he’, when dogs like me, when I’m accepted into a new group as ‘one of the lads’. When I look more masc face-wise (if that makes sense)

22. what genre of media would you love to see more trans characters in? all genre’s tbh as there is a lack in every genre. But definitely fantasy & action. I’d love to see a bad guy get slapped with a packer to distract them because the trans hero had nothing else to throw :’)

23. claim something as trans culture. Walking around going ‘masc masc masc’ or ‘lads lads lads’ is trans culture

24. give some love to your trans friends/mutuals (alt: give some love to the trans community in general) I’ve tagged the ones I know mostly but to every trans person who sees this. YOU’VE DOING SO GREAT, YOU LOOK GREAT, YOU’RE VOICE IS WONDERFUL. YOU ARE SIMPLY KILLING IT!!

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans? Tbh the memes are pretty solid. But honestly, it’s the community you find in each other when you need It, it’s the joy of finding out someone else you know is trans, it’s the celebration of the little &big things together. I especially enjoy knowing there are people that get why I have to triple check that I’m flat before going anywhere, the cis friends who will go into men’s bathrooms with me to scope them out & just the re-defined masculinity & femininity.

[quinnznos]

Get to know me tag

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

Tagged by: @captisaac

LAST:

1. Drink: Coffee bc i recently got re-addicted to caffeine. help


2. Phone call: Some random person who dialed my number idk

3. Text message: to @captisaac about something, probably


4. Song you listen to: The Art School Kids by Slow Hollows 

5. Time you cried: like three days ago, man

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: thats a Hard No


7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes.

8. Been cheated on: yes


9. Lost someone special: yep

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i have a high tolerance so, no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: sky blue, dark red, and pale yellow

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes!

16. Fallen out of love: yes multiple times


17. Laughed until you cried: yes thankfully


18. Found out someone was talking about you: yeah man my highschool friends for the most part were shitty and mean to me


20. Found out who your friends are: yeah, again, read the above statement

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: two of them i believe

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like 70 percent of them

23. Do you have any pets: i am living with heather so do i count her dog and cat? sure.


24. Do you want to change your name: um, hell yes. 

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: had a crazy fuckin party and met up with my ldr boyfriend at the time and made out a bunch it was really fun also all the people at that party were amazing and i love them all??!!

26. What time do you wake up: 7:30 usually but on days i have off like... 10?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: um, probably smoking weed or falling asleep at my friends house idfk

28. Name something you can’t wait for: living in an apartment and going to college and seeing my super cute and wonderful friends

29. When was the last time you saw your mom? 6/6

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: how paranoid and depressed i get and how all of my romantic relationships ended 

31. What are you listening to right now: nothin


32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: not that.. im aware of


33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not much currently, just myself tbh

34. Most visited website: instagram


35. Moles: ye 

36. Marks: like 30+ bc i had like 10 major surgeries on my leg throughout my life

37. Childhood dream: being the president

38. Hair color: brownish/blackish

39. Long or short hair: lil past my shoulders


40. Do you have a crush on someone: when do i NOT have a crush on someone. (lowkey a girl im goin to college with bc shes punk rock and cool shh)

41. What do you like about yourself: lol..... i think im cute sometimes i guess, and i like my eyes/eyebrows a lot. i like how people perceive me? i like how people genuinely appreciate me even though all their kind words might never sink in


42. Piercings: nope

43. Blood type: AB pos i think

44. Nicknames? Quinny (some ppl call me that sometimes), Hart, idk

45. Relationship status: single


46. Zodiac: virgo

47. Pronouns: they/them

48. Favorite TV Show: Parks and rec


50. Right or left hand: right


51. Surgery: femur bone/tumor removal

52. Hair dyed in different color: nope but ive seriously considered blue before

53. Sport: volleyball!

55. Vacation: anywhere in europe, or washington

56. Pair of trainers: adidas/converse

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i like lunch bc its easy


58. Drinking: sparkling water and gingerale

59. I’m about to: maybe go to a friends local punk band concert but idk


62. Want: to feel worth it


63. Get married: not ‘till after college at least


64. Career: film-maker/director/writer


65. Hugs or kisses: hugs


66. Lips or eyes: eyes


67. Shorter or taller: i dont.. know

68. Older or younger: either is chill


70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i dont care

71. Sensitive or loud: i like both


72. Hook up or relationship: hook ups are alright tbh i never get over relationships or hookups so regardless im fucked lmao

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: both. always

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: nope

75. Drank hard liquor: yes


76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i have good vision so, no

77. Turned someone down: yeah.... i felt really bad about it tho


78. Sex on the first date: nah i gotta be close to the person emotionally first


79. Broken someone’s heart: yeah...


80. Had your heart broken: HAH yeah


81. Been arrested: no


82. Cried when someone died: i bawled when my grandpa passed away


83. Fallen for a friend: yes, its common issue

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:


84: Yourself: sometimes


85. Miracles: yeah


86. Love at first sight: sometimes?

87. Santa Claus: no


88. Kiss on the first date: ive done it before

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: joe or heather


91. Eye color: green

92. Favorite movie: Scott Pilgrim vs the World, or La La Land

[careful-knives]

I got tagged by the lovely @pierceaholic​

   1. Who are you named after?

I don’t think I was named after somebody, my parents just liked the name.

   2. Last time you cried?

I can’t recall.

   3. Do you like your handwriting?

Damn, no. The only consistient thing about my handwriting is that it always looks bad to me. But at least I can read what I wrote.

   4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

Chicken, I think.

   5. Do you have kids?

Biologically no and I’m not supposed to even try.

   6. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes, though I try not to use it online, it doesn’t translate well.

   7. Do you still have your tonsils?

Yes, as far as I know I do?

   8. Would you bungee jump?

No, I have issues with height.

   9. What is your favorite kind of cereal?

I don’t really have a fave here, I don’t eat much cereal. Cini minis, I guess?

   10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

I mean, I try to remember to do that. But sometimes I don’t and then I regret it.

   11. Do you think you’re strong?

I once transported a package that weighted more than 60 kilos on my back from my parents basement to my grandma’s place. It was during the flood, though.

Unless you mean mentally, then I think I’m probably average.

   12. What is your favorite ice cream?

I really love those Oreo’s Ice Cream Sandwiches.

   13. What is the first thing you notice about someone?

Depends. Usually it’s the face.

   14. Football or Baseball?

Neither.

   15. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?

Generally my body is the source of almost all my personal problems, tbh. Both health wise and mental wise. As for the character I think I hate how long it takes me to get over negative things.

   16. What color pants are you wearing?

Navy blue.

   17. Favorite smell?

New books. Or hyacinths.

   18. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My aunt.

   19. Favorite sport to watch on tv?

I don’t watch many sports, but ice skating always could catch my attention. And recently I watched the entire segment of hammer throwing, because of Anita Włodarczyk.

   20. Hair color?

Sandy blong or light brown is the natural color, but it’s currently dyed dark purple.

   21. Eye color?

Green.

   22. Favorite food to eat?

Pizza. Junk food and comfort food.

   23. Scary or funny movies?

Old, funny movies. Or movies so bad, they’re funny like Skeleton Man.

   24. Last movie you watched?

Re-watched Guardians of the Galaxy.

   25. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black.

   26. Favorite holiday?

I guess Christmas, or more specifically the period between Christmas and New Year.

   27. Wine or Beer?

I don’t like beer all that much and most vines give me headaches, but if it’s a kind I like I’d choose both (and suffer later).

Thank you for tagging me, @pierceaholic you’re the best!

Also, if any of my followers feel like answering it - consider yourself tagged!

[naturalhairgoddessus-blog]

My Hair Story

Hey Guys! 

Remi HERE! Welcome to the Page!!! I refuse to call it my page because I honestly made this page for other women, like myself who are natural and are looking for ways to communicate or interact. Basically this is you guys blog too. YAAAAAAY 

Anyway, today I wanted to share the start of my journey with being Natural. My story isn’t interesting but I wanted to talk about how it started and how being natural changed my life. Also, I am going to post other stories by women of how they started and why, so stay tune. 

Okay, so I went back to being natural almost 7 yrs. ago (I say that because I believe when we’re born or in general, we are natural. But after that, we make the decision of putting relaxers in our hair. Basically retracting from our natural roots from Africa.)  This is a picture of my hair before I went back to being natural: 

I was receiving relaxers at that time since I was 4yrs. of age. I use to love the loooooooong process of doing relaxers, my mother was always the one doing them because she did not trust beauticians for the life of her (which I cannot blame her because I had a bad experience with them) that basically was our bounding time with each other. From mixing the chemicals to burning my edges off, FUN TIMES. Anyway, towards me getting older and basically a teenage, I was looking for change. I loved my hair, but TBH I could not stand relaxers anymore. The look was basically the same and the routine became boring and I was looking for something different and versatile. 

Crazy thing is the same week I was experiencing this feeling, I had a conversation with my mom about hair. Apparently, My sister and her were also feeling the same way I was about relaxers. My mom was telling me how she decided that maybe it was time for a change for everyone (referring to her and my sister). My mom talked to her best friend (Who is natural and actually at one point made her own natural products from scratch.) about going back natural, at first I did not know much about it at the time except for one of my really good friend’s were going through the process also. At first I was scared of doing it and really did not know how to feel about it but I also felt like: change is always good and my mom did say if I wasn’t feeling it, I could go back. So I said F-U-C-K IT, why not (Didn’t say it out loud, my mom would slap the crap out of me, IDK why I spelled it anyway. SORRY MOM)  

Anyway, so I decided to take a step into one of the best decisions of my life and practice the natural lifestyle. At first, I didn’t know what to do, the whole transitioning process of it was literally the hardest part. From deciding what kind of protective styles that work for me (Braids, Locs, Yarn Locks, Marley Twist, Two Strand Twist, etc. etc. etc.) to what products to use (Shea Moisture, Olive Oil, Cantu, etc.) I didn’t know what the hell to do tbh! After I dyed my hair (the first time) when it was time to style it, I was so confused on what to do. Some of my friends were supportive of my decision, others were confused about why I was even doing it and talked shit about it (My curl pattern was trash when I first started) so my hair was looking crazy and I started questioning why the hell I even do this: 

I honestly wanted to ask my mom: WTF is this? This wasn’t what I signed up for or agreed to. After 4 months being in this stage, I was very insecure about my hair. For years, I was known for having long hair and now I was in the confused state and asking my go to question when things are too hard, difficult, or too much: what is life? 

But one day, I was talking to my friends and come to find out most of them were starting down the same path of confusion and anger I was: TRANSITIONING! Seeing my friends feel the same way I was feeling kind of made me feel better. 

We’re basically in this together. (*Cues High School Musical music*) what also brighten my mood was how many styles my hair is basically open to now, more than it was relaxed. My first protective/hairstyle was Bantu Knots. (Shown here in the pic below): 

(Why was I smiling so hard? Because that is the first and last time my Bantu Knots came out perfect, since than NOPE!) 

Next style was: Box Braids - they only lasted for about 1 month (I usually keep my protective styles for at least 2-3 months depending on the style, while co-washing, keeping it moisturized and refreshing them when needed but they were too heavy for me):

(Last year in High School, I was too happy to graduate and go to college! HAHAHA lol where’s the re-do button?) 

Another style that I did was a simple up-do that worked really well with my outfit for my last homecoming: 

After that the styles kept coming. After that was: Marley Twist, Sew ins, Crochet Braids, Buns, Locs (Faux and Yarn), YOU BASICALLY NAME IT. After awhile, I started to see growth in my hair and personality. I became more confident in my own skin and loved my hair the way it was. Sure from time to time, I feel like doing the big chop (BUT sadly I do not have the head shape for it and plus I probably be pissed if I did cut it) and other days I walk around with my afro like I’m Cold: 

 I receive more compliments now than I did when I had my hair relaxed. Compliments went from the usual and simple: “Your Hair is Long” to “Your Curl Pattern is Goals, That Style Looks Good on You, etc.” I’m feeling myself more now than I did back than. I honestly enjoy this lifestyle, I feel like it chose me and I chose it. 

That’s basically my hair story you guys. Nothing special, just got tired and bored one day and decided a change needed to happen. I hope you guys enjoyed this story. Thanks for reading. 

This is a recent pic of me after a twist out:

-REMZ