#i love him sm and i'm so proud of his growth

[firefly--bright]

Hi! I saw your recent post about requesting for Jean since his birthday's coming up. 💖

One of the main traits of Jean is his self-doubt: always feeling like he's not good enough for something/someone; always feeling like a second choice. Could you possibly do a hurt-comfort one where Jean avoids the reader after hearing a comment from someone (either in a joking or serious manner) that the reader's too good for him/reader doesn't deserve him/anything really that makes him kind of doubt whether he is actually good enough for the reader? Then reader is puzzled about why he's been avoiding them, and when Jean opens up why, reader comforts and reassures him that he would always be more than enough for them.

I just want to hug and love this man sm 💖

A safe pair of hands.

jean Kirstein x gender neutral!reader (modern au)

warnings : talks about not being enough

a/n : hi!!!! i am so so so sorry this took so long to write :') i was going to finish this a while ago, but writer's block hit me like a truck and i didn't wanna put out something i wasn't proud of/wrote just to get it out. that being said, i hope this is what you wanted! thank you for requesting and again I'm so sorry it took so long :')

taglist : @holding-ishu-and-a-book @mrsnobodynobody

✿ masterlist is linked in pinned post! ✿ requests are open! ✿ enter my taglist ✿

✿

"they could do so much better, like, what do they even see in him?"

"i know right, they're so out of jean's league."

the library wasn't much of a place to talk, but some people went there to do so anyway, instead of using it for it's intended purpose. jean, like most people, liked to study in the library. the afternoons could get too hot to study in the common outdoor area with benches and lush green grass during the summers, and the library was a nice place with more than enough sunlight, while also being air conditioned.

jean was currently waiting for you to arrive in the library as well, to study for your upcoming midterms together, when he overheard the conversation happening a couple desks over. his day was already going bad, but now it had gotten much, much worse.

he usually wouldn't allow strangers' opinions get to him at all. jean was confident, overly so, but not when someone was pointing out loud how he had always felt. jean knew he had a track record of being...not the best person. he had been trying to tone it down, be kinder to strangers instead of soaking in his own rash decisions and impulsive thoughts. sure, he wasn't the best person ever like you, but he would agree he wasn't the worst, either. he thought he was just being honest, brutally so, not sparing people's feelings when he spoke to them about nothing but the truth, even if they were strangers. he took the harsh role of a leader in group projects, shooting people's ideas down without remorse.

he would admit he changed a bit when he met you and marco.

marco entered his life gently, sitting next to him and starting up conversations, easing into a close friendship with jean, along with you. but unlike marco, you told him where and when he was in the wrong, made him realise that there would be nothing wrong in being nicer to people, rather than scoffing at them.

he didn't even realise when your company started affected him so much. your actions, the ones he adored so much, started to shape him, too. you told him, in your own frustrations, that his real self, the self he usually kept hidden from people, was beautiful. and he started to believe it.

but it felt like a crushing weight as he realised all his growth, all the things he had been doing, were going unnoticed. he was still seen as the over-confident asshole that told people off for bothering him and grunting instead of thanking people.

jean sighed deeply, the weight on his shoulder that had finally been pushed off because of you reappearing in an instant, slumping on his shoulders.

were they true? did he really not deserve you? it sure felt like he didn't. you were brilliant, your love was more beautiful than any song or poem or piece of literature, far deeper than any depth his eyes could ever consider. you were ever-present, like the promise and comfort of the presence of the pole star that would adorn the sky every night despite the lack of a sun.

jean was everything but.

if you were the pole star, then he was only the lost wanderer hoping to find a home in your light. if you were the calm cooling wind on a summer day, then jean would be the hot and humid weather that appeared before a harsh rainfall, lacking any sunlight that you so softly carried in nothing but the palm of your hand.

despite everything, you were good, if not close to it, and jean was everything but.

you deserved better. you deserved someone who would hold your hand without acting like they didn't want to. you deserved someone who bought a much larger bouquet of flowers than jean could get. you deserved someone who was anyone but jean.

a tap on his shoulder, one he had acquainted himself to and come to adore, made him shake off his thoughts the best he could.

you sat next to him, handing him a can of the energy drink he'd asked for, flashing him a smile along with a kiss on the cheek before sitting next to him. he observed your movements, how each one was something you had always done, but each one was something he looked forward to. he looked forward to see you, be in your presence even if you were doing the simple task of picking up your pen to start your assignments.

how could you sit there, doing mundane tasks so beautifully? how were so human, with the creases near your eyes and your lips and the curves and plains of your body, yet being so holy? how was your flesh soft and warm beneath Jean's fingers, his shoulder now brushing yours as you wrote, yet you looked like those meticulously and perfectly carved sculptures that people would travel half the world to see?

and how was it that you chose jean, specifically, to sit beside you? out of all the exceptional and remarkable and special people you had met - jean had met them too - it was jean you decided to spend your time with? he felt unworthy of it. of your attention and time, the one you gave him undividedly and without hesitation.

god, this was pathetic. why was he listening to strangers' words, and more importantly, why was this affecting him so much? you were next to him, not going anywhere.

yet.

what would happen when you'd open your eyes and see that jean wasn't all that, that jean wasn't what you'd wanted? you'd leave jean in the dust like all his other lovers and past crushes did, looking back maybe once or twice before placing your own path without him. and he'd be left alone, again, to figure out what to do.

but you were different, right? unlike jean's other exes - not that there was anything wrong with it - you had been his friend, been close to him before you even started dating. you had seen his ups and downs and you were still sticking by him. that had to count for something, right?

jean sighed, something that didn't go unnoticed by you. you had noticed his strange behaviour as soon as you had walked in, the soft furrow between his brows, the fiddling of his pen between his fingers - he was thinking too hard. about what, you didn't know. you'd just be patient until he told you like he always did. he had a pattern, one that you'd become familiar with. he'd get lost in his thoughts, try to rationalize them, and ask for your help. whether it was about something small like deciding which shoes to wear, or it was your advice on something big like an interview for an internship. he respected your opinion, and your words somehow always made him feel at ease. you didn't know how you did it, you only knew that it worked. he always told you what was wrong, you'd sprinkle in a few jokes to lighten his mood and give him some advice or a shoulder and he'd be strong and face his problems with determination, something you loved about him.

you tilted your head, looking at him with your face resting on your fist. "what's wrong?" you asked, hoping to kickstart a rant.

jean looked at you for a minute, blinking, as if he was contemplating wether he should tell you something or not. finally, he shook his head, murmuring "nothing," before facing back to his book.

your brows furrowed. "you sure? I'm here for you, y'know. if anything's wrong then...you can always tell me." you say.

he glances at you only for a moment, and you can tell that he's made up his mind about something in his head already. he nods once, saying, "i know." while still looking at his book.

you figured you should've given him some time. maybe then he'd tell you if something was wrong. something was wrong, and you knew it. it had been a week and a half since that day and the texts you sent him were all one-sided. something was wrong and he was leaving you in the dark about it instead of telling you - something he had never done before. if you did something wrong he'd tell you, that's just who jean was. he's honest and surprisingly was good at communication, ready to gently correct you on your mistakes or praise you for your achievements, so it couldn't have been something you did, right?

if it wasn't for his dry texts worrying you, then it was definitely his behaviour towards you. he'd always have a sparkle in his eye when he met you, locking gazes from across the campus, he'd stand up straighter, smile softly and wave at you before walking towards you with the same smile refusing to slip away from his face. hell, he'd even stop whatever conversation he was having with someone, excusing himself from their talk and instead opt to greet you with a kiss on your forehead, something he'd done even before you had started dating. jean wasn't a physically affectionate person towards his friends, per say, but he'd always walk beside you, either with his hand lacing through yours or with your shoulders bumping, welcoming your comforting warmth.

but he didn't do any of those these past weeks. you'd see him everyday, waving to him excitedly with a smile, but he'd just glance at you and look away almost guiltily. his hands weren't encasing yours, and he kept his shoulders tightly to his body instead. you were confused, and frankly, hurt by this. who wouldn't be? and as humans do, you tried to find the answers to this, to his flipped behaviour. you asked marco, his closest friend, but he shrugged and told you that hed noticed a change in jeans behaviour too, but didn't question him yet. you tried to figure out what went wrong - if you had done something, if you had said something that pissed him off. maybe he was just too hesitant to tell you if you made a mistake this time for some reason, maybe you talked his ear off too much, maybe he was getting a little tired of you.

you told all of this to your friend, who in turn shook you by the shoulders and said that it was futile to try and blame yourself. maybe it wasn't you at all, maybe jean was going through something.

"maybe you should just....ask him. i know you're terrified of confrontation, but it's important." Noor said, taking a sip of the cold coffee the two of you were sharing, untying her hair from the bun she had kept it in. it curled at the ends slightly as she shook it out.

you sighed deeply, resting your head on your palm, looking out of the window of the campus cafe. "yeah. but it's just.... what if i did do something wrong? did i screw up that badly that he won't even hold a conversation with me?"

there was a beat of silence before she answered. "that's sounds like a him problem." she said. you opened your mouth to retaliate, but she cut you off before you could. "what I mean is, if it is your fault, and he's not telling you what you did wrong, then he should tell you instead of being a dick about it." she said, rolling her eyes at the end like it was the obvious answer, which you supposed it was.

you hummed. you'd have to confront jean tonight about this, it seemed. you were honestly getting sick of his forceful distance, and as much as you were hurt about it, you also missed your best friend. you'd ask him if there was something you did, or if he was going through something. if it was the latter you'd be there for him like you always had been. maybe he just needed a little more reassurance.

"anyway, i saw this new music video-" Noor started, whipping out her phone with a giddy smile.

you smiled in anticipation. the conversation with jean and the dread that came with it would have to gladly wait, as you leaned forward to watch the video at a low volume, letting Noor explain each detail of the video.

you had texted jean to meet you at your place after you came back home from meeting Noor, secretly hoping the text would go ignored. it sucked feeling like this, like you were suddenly less important to the one person you thought kept you in high regards as you did him.

you sat on the couch, scrolling through your phone to distract yourself. you had received a text from jean about five minutes ago, a quick "I'm omw" text to your previous one. he had the keys to your apartment, the one you shared with sasha and Mikasa. fortunately, both of them were out, Mikasa staying over at eren and armin's to finish up a group project, and sasha staying over at niccolo's for the first time as a movie date, one that she had frantically put on a comfy but cute outfit for.

there was a knock on your door, startling you. getting up, you stretched, walking towards the door and looked through the peep hole - the one decorated poorly by sasha with cheap acrylic paints with a bunch of sunflowers because you had off handedly mentioned that you liked flowers. she told you she wanted to make you feel more welcomed as a new roomate, and you remembered hugging her tight after that, Mikasa joining in the embrace.

you saw jean on the other side, his leg tapping the floor what seemed to be impatiently, but in reality he was nervous. the way you phrased the text, "love can you come over? i need to talk to you." was very out of character. you'd usually text him in all caps, letting your enthusiasm shine through, maybe even some emojis with symbols, but not this time. atleast you had called him 'love', so you couldn't be that mad at him, right? he knew you had picked up on his weird behaviour over the days, he saw your shoulders deflating from the corner of his eyes when you saw he didn't wave back, didn't start up conversation, didn't ask you to have dinner with him. he felt terrible for it. he wanted to scoop you into his arms and kiss your face all over but he was so, so scared of losing you because be was too clingy, too much. or maybe even too little. jean would thank the stars if he actually knew what was wrong with him and why on earth he was doing what he was doing. would he even accept the answer without it crushing him completely?

or maybe he should thank the stars, because he knew what was happening and he just didn't want to accept it. he was reverting right back to his old ways, the ways he had so gladly left behind when you stepped into his life.

and he absolutely despised it. he hated the patterns that he had seen in himself return with a full force, and now he was sure he was going to lose you to this spiralling descent into Jean's personal form of hell.

you opened the door with a small smile that eased his nerves only a bit. "hi," you greeted him, and he instantly felt even worse. your voice held the usual softness it did whenever you talked to him. the softness jean knew he didn't deserve.

he nodded in greeting, muttering a small "hey," while you pulled the door open wider to let him enter.

you turned, telling him to 'make himself comfortable' and busied yourself by fidgeting with your shirt. jean knew you had something on your mind, something specifically about him.

he reached out to grasp your fiddling hands gently. you looked up to his eyes and let out a tired sigh, giving in to what jean assumed was a relentless chain of thoughts in your head.

"so... I've noticed that you've gotten a bit distant lately." you said. there was no accusation in your voice, a mere soft observation.

"and i just want to know what happened. i mean, i thought you'd tell me, eventually, y'know. but i think I've gone far enough for me to know 'cause.... it kinda hurts," you say, pausing. then, "and I'd really appreciate it if you told me what's wrong. either with you or with me or with us, i just want to know. i can....we can fix it, y'know? i know it. i love you, and i need you to know I'm here for you no matter what. i promise." you complete, looking into his eyes.

jean blinks. whatever he was expecting, it was definitely not.....reassurance, out of all things. he'd take your anger, he'd take your silent treatment, your cold shoulder, anything but you telling him that you'd still be there.

"huh?" he says, and it's definitely not the response you were looking for, so jean clears his throat and opts for stammering his next sentence out. "i... i mean... what? you think... do you seriously think you were the one that did something wrong?" he says, running a hand through his hair in either nervousness or disbelief or maybe both.

"then what is it?" you ask, desperate for answers now, leaning towards him as the cushions shifted under your weight.

jean sighed. his half-assed resolve - if he could even call it that - was crumbling, and you were look at him like you wouldn't take no for an answer, and Jean knew all too well how stubborn you could be.

he decided not to look at your face for now, to save himself from completely falling apart. he was scared, once again, that if he saw your face he wouldn't be able to stop himself from hating himself for loving you so much.

staring at the grey of his pants, he started.

"i overheard these two people talking about us. talking about how you deserve better, and i know you'll say something about that, but... i don't know, i felt like....like they were right, somehow. that they said what I was always scared of admitting to myself, that you deserved better than whatever or whoever i am and can ever be." he says, muttering your name in a quiet voice. he turns towards you now, and he hopes you don't see how much he regrets this, himself.

but you do. you always do.

your hands clasp his sweaty ones, and even if his hands were practically soaked in his own sweat, your warmth was welcomed.

you don't say anything yet, and jean is glad for that. he continues.

"I'm not perfect, I'm not really anything special, either. it's not that....that I dont trust you or your judgement about loving me, but I'm so, so scared that one day you'll see what I really have to offer and know that that's not enough. I'm scared....I'm scared I'll lose you. that I'll lose the best thing that has ever happened to me. i distanced myself because i was scared you'll come too close and see me for who I really am."

he stops when your hand decides to cup his cheek. his eyes can't bear to look at yours, and he can feel you thinking. his hand escapes your other one from his lap and holds the one on his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so so-"

"stop. don't apologize for how you feel," you say, and your thumb makes small circles on his cheek. you're sure he's trying not to cry, with how much he's avoiding your gaze and swallowing and how much his lashes are fluttering.

"jean," you say, softly, "look at me, love. please."

when he finally does, they're filled with tears as you suspected. your heart chips away a bit, but you don't let that stop you from speaking firmly.

"stop talking about what you deserve or what I do. who gets to decide that, anyway? who gets to decide what we really deserve? i didn't fall in love with you because i expected something in return, that i expected you to give me all of you." you pause, thinking over your words before saying them.

"i know you think you're not good enough. but i also know you're as good as you can be, that you're trying. i might not have known about all the versions of you, but i know you right now. i know that you're passionate and ambitious and honest. i know you that you claim you don't like to bake but when you do, it always turns out amazing. i know that you like to crack your knuckles before drawing something. i know that you like to study for the hardest chapters first so thst you can do the easy ones later. i know that you always carry something for stray cats and dogs to eat if you find one. i know that when you're angry you try to rationalize and see things from another perspective. i know that after you have too much caffeine you start bouncing a little on your heels. all of these things, all of you, are more than i could ever ask for. i wasnt even looking for a better version of you. i was looking for just you, and i have you. I'll have you in any form you give me." you say, exhaling at the end.

you're looking at jean, only to find him looking at you like you have all the answers of the world in your eyes, like you could solve all the mysteries and conspiracy theories that people usually lost their minds over in just a few seconds.

he blinked, "damn." was all he said.

if jean was honest with himself, he wasn't listening to you the first few sentences, which, yes, sounded selfish, but in his defense he was trying not to break down infront of you. not because of his pride or his ego, no, but because he was scared that you'd turn the other way.

admittedly, that was another stupid thought that would've tumbled into a spiraling mess before he tuned back into what you were saying, before he heard you saying all the things you knew about him, listing them off like they actually meant something to you. like they meant more than enough for you to remember and love about him. his breath caught in his throat before your little rant ended, and the singular word was all he could say, all he could muster up.

how could he even think to reply coherently after you just said that so seemingly easily?

and then he saw you laugh at his lack of a response, and surprisingly, he found himself smiling too. or maybe it wasn't that surprising because it was you and because he knew you, and somehow that also meant knowing himself.

"sorry, just-" you say, wiping the corner of your eyes. it shouldn't have been this funny, not as much that warranted a laugh like this, but you couldn't help it. "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at that answer-"

"yeah, alright, pack it up with the excuses, love." jean said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head with a smile.

your laughter subsided soon enough, but the both of your smiles remained the same. you leaned into him, wrapping your arms around his neck, a gesture he reciprocated without hesitation, wrapping his warm arms around your waist as you held each other.

jean's fear, the all consuming grip his mind had on him, telling him he'd always be the second choice, wouldn't dissapear overnight. the both of you knew it. you knew it's take time and patience for this, and jean knew the same.

but jean now also knew that you'd be there when the grip became a chokehold. jean knew that you, out of all people - not that he wanted anyone else - would provide that time and patience. jean sighed into your shoulder with that realization, burying his head in the crook where your shoulders met your neck.

"i love you," he heard you say, and there was no doubt or hesitation behind your voice, which was an indication enough for jean to know that you did before he'd register your words.

he laid a kiss on your skin, "i love you too. thank you."

he felt you smile and shake your head. "don't thank me."

the pair of you stayed like that for a bit, a sort of awkward position on the couch where you hugged, so you pulled away. jeans eyes held the affection they always had towards you, and you smiled cheekily.

"so are we gonna kiss now or what?"

jean smiled. who would be if he refused your request?

[why-are-all-the-users-taken]

thoughts on toa

ok so everyone is doing this so imma do it too.

So when I first started reading toast I was like "lesters funny but he's kinda a drama king and thats annoying me a lil" but then,,, like- he started realizing "oH. I FUCKED UP A LIL AS A GOD" and once he started realizing that and acting on the idea that he needed to start being better, hE ACTUALLY BECAME SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER (not that he wasn't already but yk)

So like it kinda when like this

The hidden Oracle: Lester starts as a drama king and I didn't rlly like him too much at first. Like I would literally cringe every paragraph bc he was still in the "im a God and I'm better than u mortals" mindset which is probably why he annoyed me at first. But then he started realizing stuff like, "oh ya maybe that was my fault" example, Daphne and hyacinth. And then also realizing that everyone didn't love him, they just didn't disrespect him bc he could have smited them when he was a god

The dark prophecy: I liked this one a lot actually. Bc meg came back and it showed how much Lester loved her (as a sister) and also had Lester realize that he was kinda petty as a god and that he could have helped a lot more people. AND,,, THERE WAS A OLD LESBIAN COUPLE WHICH I LOVE (I can't remember their names T^T) NOT TO MENTION LEO CAME BACK!!! and the hunters of Artemis, I love them sm.

Burning maze: ...so- I already had spoilers for this one so everytime Callugulas (?) Or Jason's name came out I started tearing up thinking abt what was gonna happen. And Lester sacrificing himself was everything. Literally I was terrified but at the Sam time iT SHOWED SO MUCH GROWTH!!! But honestly I'm glad Jasper broke up bc it was so forced- AND GROVER!!! I LITERALLY SQUEALED WHEN GROVER SHOWED UP!!! and I love all of the dryads sm. And loved coach hedge as well. But honestly it was a rlly good read!! I mean in my opinion Rick is better at first person than 3rd tbh. And Piper slayed. I love her.

The tyrants tomb: ok, I'mma just be honest here, I cried the most during this book. Between Lester almost dying, all of the mentions of Jason, all of the minor characters that died, and everything else, my eyes literally stung by the time I finished reading- BUT DONS DEATH HAD ME BAWLING. I LITERALLY WAS CRYING MY EYES OUT. AND DAKOTA DIED TOO!! I LOVED HIS CHARACTER!!! oh and Artemis and Apollos reunion was SOOO sweet (yes I cried when that happened too). And frazel <33 AND OH MY GODS DON'T GET ME STARTED ON REYNA!!! I LOVED HER BEFORE TTT BUT SHE JUST GOT BETTER!!! I love her sm. And hazel as well!!! AND OH MY GODS (AGAIN) LAVINA!!! MY LIL PINK HAIRED LESBIAN! I LIVE FOR HER CHARACTER! and lavina x poison oak forever bc I love them. But Don 😭 I literally died inside when he died. And oh Hades, meg and her armed unicorns- that was everything- and Apollo seeing how his actions hurt other people like the silent god and the voice in the jar (I'm terrible at names sorry) was such a character arch as well.

Tower of Nero: I'm just gonna say it,the solangelo in this book gave me life. They were so CUTE. and the ....hat creatures (i can't spell their name) were hilarious ngl. AND RACHEL SAW THE BROOKLYN HOUSE AND ONE OF FELIX'S PENGUINS- I LITERALLY STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD DURING THAT SCENE- oh my gods and don't get me started on how much the python and Apollo scene scared me. I was like holy shit Apollos gonna die! Dues flash, he didn't but yk- and meg and Apollo were the best. AND LOU!!! OH MY GODS I LOVED HER!! and I feel bad for all of neros adopted kids :( but Apollo after he became a god again literally shocked me so much- like- he forgave his father!! That shocked me so so much but I was so proud of him 😭

Anyways overall, I loved this series so much. The characters were amazing,the plot was amazing, Apollos character arch was wonderfully written- and I just loved it.

[livingincolorsagain]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

hey kenna! thank you sm for the ask! <3

Rough Surfaces

There was an inherent loneliness to being Captain America.

And it wasn’t like Sam had never been lonely before. He'd been lonely, he’d been alone, and he’d been lonely and alone, but there was something about this, a feeling so old he was surprised he could still feel it; that it still affected him.

That hollow silence that was once filled with the sound of life.

Figaro meowed and Alpine didn’t answer, and for a split second, Sam forgot. He panicked.

Then he remembered, and it weighed him down, an ache so deep it felt engraved into his very being.

And really, it was fine. It wasn’t like he couldn’t do this alone, he could, but.

He didn’t want to.

Mostly, he had started to believe he wouldn’t have to.

Probably the most obvious choice. This one is very important and personal to me and while I’m slowly working on it, it’s definitely one I’m constantly thinking about. It started as just a small piece about Sam and Bucky fighting in the rain and grew legs and wings and look at us now, five chapters in and it’s a feast of angst and feels and growth and they’re slowly but surely gonna make their way back together.

must’ve been a deadly kiss (only love can hurt like this)

Sam imagined wedding planning was already stressful enough without fighting bad guys on a regular basis.

As it was, Sam was Captain America, and he had a job to do.

He also had a very disgruntled fiancé who followed him wherever he went.

Another fairly obvious choice. I always talk about how proud I’m of this fic and it remains true. IMO it’s some of my best writing. All the little details and how it comes full circle. Really some of the most fun I had writing a fic.

but baby i'm a fool for you

After several attempts at getting back in the dating game, Bucky bites the bullet and asks Sam for dating advice. Chaos ensues.

(Or, Bucky and Sam are dating, and they're the last to find out about it.)

This one was very fun to write. I miss writing them as oblivious idiots in love. All the chaos and humor and drama and fluff and pining. It’s also probably my most popular sambucky fic.

You're my Calling (Cure my Longing)

Sam turns mid-sentence, gesturing ferociously at Bucky. The couple he’s talking to has big smiles that get bigger as he goes on, turning his back away from Bucky, talking with his whole body.

Bucky frowns and downs the last of his beer, debating if he should go over and join the conversation that’s obviously about him or if he should stay where he is, by the sidelines, watching from far away and–

Then Carlos is passing him and saying, “Congratulations, Bucky. Took y’all long enough,” and Bucky pauses, bewildered into stillness, but Carlos is gone before Bucky has the chance to ask what in the world he’s talking about.

I love this one so much. Writing drunk Sam was super fun and I should do it more often. Was just really an absolute joy to write all around. The old couple and Sam being so touchy-feely and them talking about getting cats. Sigh. I need to write more fics like this lol.

and i play it on repeat (until i fall asleep)

co-written with @saryasy

“And for my last question, what’s next for you? Cap, you want to go first?”

Sam’s answer to this question has stayed the same throughout the day. He’s going to keep doing what he does best, fighting the good fight, protecting the people, and giving help to those who need it.

The thing is, all day, no one has asked Bucky what’s next for him. So, even though the way she worded it implied she’s asking Bucky next, Bucky’s completely blindsided when she turns to him and says, “What about you, Sergeant?”

There’s a long pause, Bucky’s mind blanking. He must have stared too long at the interviewer because Sam subtly nudges him.

So, without giving it much thought, Bucky says, “I’m gonna keep doing what I do best, watching Cap’s six and being an unpredictable, unstable human being.”

“That’s quite hot.”

Oblivion idiots? In my sambucky? More likely than you think. Writing this Sary was the best thing ever! So much fun and memories and metaphorically hovering over her shoulder. She’s a fantastic writer and a very patient and kind person and made this one of the most amazing writing experiences ever. 10/10 experience, can’t wait to do it again.

[lanceappreciationblog]

omg okok i don’t have a starter hc for lance but i LOVE LOVE LOVE reading everybody’s!! i love you guys sm!!!/p

uhm uhm so can i just say i really like the idea that lance isn’t a child prodigy at all :> gonna project as many issues onto this man as i can istg

i just think it’d be neat for yet another parallel with silver (i am constantly on my dad lance bullshit sorry not sorry) because of silver’s constant strive for strength and lance always trying to live up to the dragon master title.

like he’s (lance) just reminded so much of his teenage self when seeing silv. how the poor kid is always beating themself up for not being strong enough when they’re so close, they’re getting there, it’s just that moment of feeling bad and plateauing before the growth kicks back in you’re doing so good kiddo i’m so proud of you—

teenage lance trying to figure out why he isn’t as strong a dragon master as he should be parallel with teenage silver wondering why they’re still not the best when they’re ‘so strong’ for suffering through everything that they have (even though they never should’ve had to suffer at all)

yeah :> i swear i’ll be neurotypical abt them eventually but that day isn’t today so im gonna set up a little camp in your askbox <3 -💫

I'm SO with you anon!

To echo what I said last ask, I do not think Lance was a gifted child at all. In fact, he struggled so much to get to where he is today and that only made him stronger.

ALSO, your parallels with Silver?? HUGE brained. I've been saying this for so long!! Lance seeing a bit of his younger self in Silver is something I believed true for as long as I can remember. The fact that he's so remorseful and empathetic for Silver out of ANY other young trainer is definitely a sign of SOMETHING.

SET YOUR CAMP AND SPREAD YOUR TRUTH ANON.

[hoshigray]

Spread love to fanfic writers! Answer these questions about your fanfics then send this to 5 other fanfic writers 💙 Name a fic you loved writing the most. Name a fic that others loved but you didn’t care for as much. Name a fic you had the most fun writing. Name a fic that you are the most proud of. Name a fic that you wish had gotten more recognition. Name your happiest/saddest/most comedic fics!

mona bearrrr !! omg, i appreciate this as this gives me time to look through all the pieces I've worked on. So hmmmm....

Loved Writing the Most: Old Tricks, Same Treats is my pride and joy. Sure, it's my most popular work, but it means a whole lot to me to make a story with my favorite character with my favorite trope and make it come out in the way I actually envisioned! Like I think about it all the time; how it makes me proud that I made that piece and how I wish to make a series for it when I get the time.

Others Loved; I Didn't: mmmmm I'mma be real with you; none really come to mind. but, if I had to really pick, maybe Gotta Have "U" in Sugar??? idk, at the time of writing it, I thought it was a pretty good concept. But now, it was my first long fic and tbh, I think I could do a better job structuring the story or actually have Toji be, well, Toji. i don't know....maybe a concept I can pick up again? who knows.

Most Fun to Write: Omgggg I'd give that to Sink Your Teeth to Drink!! that was my second time writing for Choso (sadddd i love him sm) and it was with a prompt that fit him so well!! I tried to make it as cute and funny as possible, but also hot and steamy, ya know. omg, I just realized I never proofread that one.....might have to fix that ngl, hehe.

Most Proud Of: I'd give that to SMASH or SLASH[er]!! tbh. It was the first fic I got to make after my one or two-month hiatus from fanfic writing. And not only was it my first time writing a threesome fic (holy shit!!), but I believe this was a pivotal point for me in terms and a foundation for how I write fics as of now. I owe this fic a lot for my growth, so I'm still kinda psyched about writing it myself.

Wished Had More Recognition: I'd say I Can Drink Your Sorrow for this one. It was my first time writing a full fic for Gojo, so I kinda get how it didn't get traction. However, I did put a lot of heavy emotion into the story and tried to make it not about the smut. It's a pretty mild yet messy story, esp at the end.

Most "______" Fic:

Happiest: Bear Mine is probabaly it, bc 1) i'd love to have babies with toji lmfaooo, 2) I love having the opportunity to explore toji's vulnerable side when I can. Whenever I go back and read this, I can't stop fighting the smile as I read! Like yes, Toji having happiness in his life which he deserves!?? Sign me up!! and tbh, a close second would be this fic as well...

Saddest: I Can Drink Your Sorrow; again, has a lot of heavy emotion because I wanted the reader to actually feel the goat from Gojo's perspective and what he was doing. I guess I wouldn't say it's "sad," but the way he beats himself up over what he did (which is valid) is a bit heart-wrenching.

Comedic: lol i think that one goes to Seven Hellish Minutes of Heaven; idkkkk i guess it's bc i modleled from conversations with my friends to make the bickering and insults between reader and Gojo seem more realistic, but funny at the same time, ya know? I think writing for him is where I find it easiest to come up with comedy dialogue, so (as of recent) I'd say this is my most funniest.

And that's it, really!! Honestly, this was kinda hard to do as I don't usually go back on the things I write — especially the old ones, lol. But tysm for this, mona dearest, love ya mwah !! 💓

[thisspringday]

So you wanna talk about Terry, huh, fam? I'm up for it, watcha got? I'm ready to make a friend, yo (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I will always want to talk about Terry (’:

Um.  I apparently wrote a fucking essay about a few (but not all, surprisingly) the reasons why I love Terry so… I’m putting a read more.  lmao

And I can talk about how he’s an angel of a person.  I remember when I first started watching his videos I saw a comment from a hard of hearing person who watched his videos and he responded so kindly and it was very heartwarming and humbling.  Not to mention when he cries—particularly with that bullying video (I didn’t cry until I saw a tear falling and I burst out in sobs)—and it’s just so real.  He’s so open with his emotions, and it’s hard to find that imo.  Also when he got really pissed off at that YouTube prank person, I just… love him so much.

I can also talk about his relationship with Boyoung and how amazing it is.  Their friendship is, for a lack of a better term, goals.  Like Boyoung films in the space Terry films in, and it’s just??? So cute???  And how Boyoung takes care of Max sometimes. (’:  Also hoW PROTECTIVE HE IS OF BOYOUNG.  Like when he sent Toast Army on that person who had been leaving nasty comments on all of Boyoung’s videos.  Or how he helped set up her new channel and promoted her consistently.  You can just tell how much they both care about each other.

And how much Terry loves Max and how he takes care of him~  Max is literally the cutest thing ever like omf?

And don’t even get me started on his interacting with fans.  It’s gotten slightly less as his fanbase grows, but he’s always replying or liking tweets for example (I remember lowkey crying when he liked a couple of my tweets.)  He just appreciates Toast Army so much???  And it’s beautiful??  (Also I remember when he first was trying to get a fandom name and when it came up as Toasts, I sat there laughing so hard bcuz what the actual hell.  But I love it).  But also when he responded to the fan who was being bullied and apparently hated on Twitter, he was just… so kind and supportive andyou know he’d be there for any fan who reaches out to him.

Also his fanbase, I’ve yet to meet a rude fan.  Like I’ve never seen such a positive, loving fanbase??  And with almost 400k subs (holy shit I’m so proud of him I remember when he hit 200k ;;; he’s growing so fast !!!), it’s surprising that there a smidgen of toxicity I’ve seen, and I think that’s a testimate to what kind of person Terry is, truly.  Also the memes.  The fucking memes.  I sob.

And one of my favourite tweets of his was when he was asking if he can still be nice when he roasts people so much.  Turns out he can.  Because holy hell if he isn’t one of the sweetest people I know of…  But his roasts are fucking hilarious.

And I can also talk about how Terry always can put a smile on my face.  It’s honestly instant, and it’s just… laksdjfas I love him so damn much.  I can go on and on… if you couldn’t tell lmao.

[shineestories]

By now, I'm sure all of you must have watched Key' Proud. Last night I wanted someone to lift me up and Key did just that with his song. Earlier today, a childhood incident, from his mother's journal was revealed to Shawols, "Mom, " she had written in when Key was 4, "the stars are following kibummie because kibummie is kind, right?" I imagine his mother's soft smile at the question's innocence. "Yes, " she assured him, "the stars will protect you".

As a kid he knew what he wanted. He wanted to get into the idol industry. His parents were reluctant, as any parent would be, the idol industry is a scary place to be in. His parents wanted him to pursue medicine, but hell no, key wrote in the essay. The Daegu kid dreamt of becoming an idol. After endless training sessions, sweat and tears, the same boy would debut as a member of the k-pop group Shinee. The eighteen year old Key saw his dream coming true. Innovation, the foundation on which Shinee build their image, stayed with him, when he ventured solo. When I first gave Another Life and Proud a listen, somehow they seemed to fit together. "Like rockets we'll blaze upto the outer space until we reach the roof" and "Racing without answers, so I made it" remind me of Key's video from the fall of 2016. A reporter had told Key that Shinee boys were like "elegant swans on a beautiful lake". So he chased the swans to stay in the race that the world had made for him.

What happened at the end of the race? Key discovered that he was no swan. With acceptance came realisation. "The thing I find the saddest is not a chicken chasing the swans and dying without becoming one, it's when a chicken can't live as a chicken". As he talked about the 2008 incident, I think I saw something in his eyes. In their initial days when everything was set for them, the image their clothes their songs, I can't imagine how stifling it must have been. "I was the shy and quiet Key, in the beginning, I couldn't get used to it. It was the exact opposite of what I felt." After View, things changed for the better. Sm started trusting Shinee. And with Bad Love, he finally became the 'Key' that he wanted to be. An incredible sense of Liberation accompanied. When I sit infront of my laptop to do programming, I don't feel that I'm working. Sure, there are times when I get frustrated, but I never think of quitting. Key is where because he worked hard to be Himself. And that creative freedom was hard won. The star that guided him was his own light. His fire to Create kept the star burning. Key owns the freedom to be himself, much more than loving it.

I think of the Kim Kibum in Eighteen, "You go boy, you'll be Key", he wanted to tell his 18 y/o self, and show the kid, who had just stepped into one of the toughest industries ever, his exponential growth. In the face of all uncertainties, Key would grow to follow his heart. He would deliver, and oh boy so much more than your expectations. I want to tell him, Key we're so proud of the colorful canvas you've painted. I'd seen fulfillment in his eyes.

What comes after liberation?

"leave all the madness and let go, to another life"

[amjustagirl]

😩😩💖💖 NIKKI!! came here to scream about icarus. i have been so excited to read it since it first came out i'm so glad i finally got to it!! (hoping to make my way through your other long fics too heheh <33) but yeah i literally made a document of the lines that absolutely destroyed i swear your writing is just so immaculate. here are some of the absolute bangers imo HAHA

ig spoilers if you havent read it!! ajdjjd

okay part one lmaoo

"wings spread from his shoulder blades, moulded by madness and greed from fire and wax"

"save for your heart - you will need to retrieve it, whatever's left if it at least. you last recall seeing it beneath tooru's feet, dashed to pieces as he spreads his wings and takes flight" are you kIDDING ME WHAT

"to volleyball, a far more demanding mistress. you cannot compete with her. you should not have tried" AKDJJFJF respectfully what the hell this is so good

part two

"the heart that you've locked away behind bars of bone and steel twitches just once" i got so excited omg the tension

"..so you slash the threads connecting you to him with a flash of your teeth, bury your beating heart deeper into the dungeon you've built years ago of white bone and solid steel" it was the deeper part that really got me

part 3

"..but he clings to you, a humble man..delighting in the affection present in every inch of your smile" idk this just hit sm for some reason like his love but also reader's growth and journey of being with tooru

"you're afraid he wont be happy if he chooses to clip his wings for you"

"you hand over your heart, press it into his waiting hands. icarus, icarus, welcome home." i cried KAJDJD so so good

just loved this story soo much oikawa's characterization and everything wow especially reader's journey akjdhd okay okay hope you're doing well nikki <33

*screams*

WHY ARE YOU SO SWEET. im blushing and so flustered cos the fact that you compiled all your favourite lines?!?? that's an amazing thing to do thank you ohh my god. i...am definitely doing VERY well after receiving this ask.

also, is it shameless that im so happy that you picked out these lines? im so proud of the writing in this fic - especially w the imagery of the reader's battered heart pounding against its prison bars, and the comparison of oikawa / icarus. and i was worried abt screwing up oikawa's characterisation so im glad you like it.

im doing great! (also - shall i call you tara fr now on?)

[obeymematches]

Can I get a matchup? ;u; Im a trans guy, 20 n 168 cm tall. I have shoulder length, thick hair that is messy as all hell dhdjh I also wear glasses and I have central heterochromia which is kinda cool ig? Uh I'm in college to be in the veterinary field, so I really love animals (no phobias either) and i have a soft spot for exotics, especially snakes. I have 3 noodle children whom I adore and once I start talking about them I can't shut up. I also really love paleontology as well (1/3)

Personality wise, I'm quiet, reserved and awkward around strangers/acquaintances, and many people tend to forget I'm even there lol.Once im comfortable around u tho, I become annoying and loud VERY quickly and I just. Don't stop talking. I'm also not afraid to talk back n be sassy with friends, or be blunt or a bit of a dick if they deserve/need it. despite acting like an idiot most of the time, i do know when to get serious. i try to help others as much as i can, even if it effects me badly 2/3 ive been told im very mature + wise when needed and that im very good mediator. ive basically been a makeshift therapist since i was 11 so im well versed lol. im very actually really observant despite acting airheaded. also pretty empathetic and i can pick up on the small things. i overthink things constantly and i tend to keep my emotions + feelings to myself. when it comes to myself im careless and a pushover, but with others im a huge worrywart n stubborn. Fhdjh I'll stop now, and thank you!! 

Hi!!!

Thank you for sending in a request, I hipe you like the results! <3 

Ok so the 2 characters on my mind were Leviathan and Mammon! I decided to match you with Mammon but tbh it could work out well with Levi too!

Here is why:

ok so the fact that you love animals makes you perfect for candidates with animal familiars so hopefully you like crows! 

but same point would make you perfect for Levi too

ok think about Mammon pretending to be cool but actually he’s scared of snakes fghjk :( 

you’ll never know though at first 

come to think of fist, we all know how bad he is at leaving first impressions on humans so the fact that you can put your feet down when needed and be a bit meaner but honest is great in his case

don’t take it personally though it’s just... him being him 

also i think he’d like shy and quiet ppl a lot ... imagine him being so proud when he finally reaches the stage where you’re loud and can’t stop talking

honestly you can quickly become his partner in crime 

the fact that you know when to be serious and you are wise and also mature means at least this duo has someone with braincells

though you really shouldn’t underestimate him either!! 

the fact that you are a great mediator means you could kind of build a better bridge between him and Levi?

or just him and his brothers in general... not that they are not bad terms but sometimes someone who listens is very much needed and tbh his respect and admiration would be through the roof if someone did that 

i think it’s the same with him, like ppl tend to think he is so easy going and stuff but actually that’s not really the case, this also makes him underestimated by his brothers. but this means he feels relatable and thats so important!! 

oh god he also hides his emotions... but i think this is something that can be worked on in the future and by this i mean the two of you could work together on growth which is also a green flag! 

i think being his friend would obviously make him care for you sm that your carelessnes towards yourself wouldn’t be an issue! though he is not a parent kind of friend he is not going to be afraid to remind you to eat if you haven’t already before you go out. though his way of doing that would probably be inviting you out to grab something quick 

ok but you being stubborn is also great! though he is going to have a hard time saying no to you anyway! 

[valerianhemlock]

Hi can I ask what my guides are trying to tell me about my life path? Ty sm!!! They said something about teaching but I'm getting conflicting messages from all of em 😂 (2 ancestors and 3 archangels = they are helping me for a little bit) TY UR BLOG IS AMAZING!!!!!!!

Hi! ^_^ ❤️❤️ Yes you absolutely can!! And thank you, you’re so sweet!! I love your blog as well!! 🥺❤️ For your reading I have a total of 5 cards. 1 flipped over during shuffling, 3 were drawn regularly, and the 1 from the bottom of the deck- showing something of significance:

You’re off to a very good start here, starting off with the Wheel of Fortune: Immediately what I get from this is that fortune is turning in your favor and a lot of good luck is coming your way. A favorable outcome awaits you. Circumstances are changing for the better. Even if you aren’t totally aware of what you’ve done to initiate the process, you’ve started the ball rolling- or rather, the wheel turning. Don’t resist- these changes will promote growth and bring valuable learning experiences for you. It can be hard to stay balanced, but go with the flow and trust the process.

The second card is the Knave of Swords reversed: This card indicates that despite your intelligence, you may be lacking clarity or direction in life. However, knowing the court cards are 9 times out of 10 actual people- this could represent someone in your life who is young and inexperienced, or, someone whose limited life experience and blinkered attitudes leave him or her at a disadvantage. Perhaps this is someone you may have the opportunity to teach or take under your wing? As the Knave card is usually (at least to me) seen as the “student card” perhaps your guides are leading you to a life of teaching after all! :)

The third card is the upright 9 of Pentacles: This lovely card says you’ve arrived. You’ve achieved your goals and now feel secure. You’ve worked hard, used your skills and acumen, and accomplished much- you have reason to be proud! It also represents independence, you’ve created the life you desire and can now enjoy your success. The way the Knave is facing this card says to me this person can learn a lot from your talents and successes. You will be a great teacher.

The fourth card is the upright 5 of Swords: This one is the card that popped out of the deck demanding my attention. The number 5 signifies change, and this card shows a time of adjustment after a conflict of some kind. Sometimes the fight stems from ideological or spiritual differences. It symbolizes the devastation of war and recommends using diplomacy to resolve problems. After a “battle”, you realize fighting isn’t the best way to settle disputes. The cost of winning may not be worth the losses you’ve endured. This advice will be pertinent to you, whether now or sometime in the future- be sure to keep it close by.

The fifth and final card is the Chariot reversed: This card says that thing may be happening for you so fast that you may feel out of control. It may seem like you’re being pulled in two directions at once, and the stress is intense. You fear you won’t be able to control the multiple factors of a given situation. You’re at a crossroads- choose your direction carefully. The more you can tune into your own inner guidance, the more control you can exert outwardly. Most likely, the solution to the problem at hand is to take the middle road between the conflicting issues. Sever the fear and trust your intuition and inner voice. Rely on your guides, they are here to help you.

Ah, also I forgot to mention the presence of more Swords in this reading denotes that there is an air of anxiety or manipulation, so do be wary for that. The presence of two Major Arcana means that this will be something very impactful to your life. Also being that the Knave is of Swords and it is facing your 9 of Pentacles, you and this person may butt heads on different beliefs or issues.

I do hope this reading helps you, lovely, or gives you some insight on what your guides were trying to tell you! ❤️:) Wishing you good luck and blessings on your path, dear! If you have any questions I’m never more than a message away!

[halflingkima]

1.05 Looking for the Future | Looking Movie

[moonlitmeeks]

aaah same omg,, i waited months for s3 and blasted thru it in one night 😓 shoulda saved it fr,, devi gets on my nerves sm oml but i cant help but root for her? shes gone thru so much growth i am so proud of her.. my fav has to be ben bc i just love his wittiness BUT ALSO trent is so funny i love him

literally!!! i finished it and was like okay. now what.and YES OHMYGOD like she'll do something that makes me go ??? why ??? but im also kinda like you know what good for you devi<33 and trent oh my god- i'm actually obsessed with him and the sheer himbo energy he radiates he can do no wrong in my eyes

[raysofcrosby]

hi hello i am here to scream in your asks about you screaming in my tags (i'm also on my laptop again so sorry for the lack of emojis)

our little ind is growing up!! even if it's just by a little bit each day, but she'll get there eventually and it's probably all down to jj (and ms lana)

ok so i get everyone's mad at john b right now BUT you have to remember that you only read indie's version of events and get to hear/see/experience indie's thoughts, feelings and emotions whereas on the other side eve and john b have feelings too but because they're not the main character of the story... you don't get to see how this effects them both individually and their relationship because you only see what indie sees (and sometimes jj)

LMFAO PLS the boot eve out train is going strong tho... everybody be wanting a painful break up for them both

yes indie and her pie! she made the man a special pie and he just sent her away like she was tryna sell him girl scout cookies at 1am PLS the poor pie

they really are their own little family and it makes my heart swell so fucking much

ugh we love a good screaming session, truly.

she really is!! even just from the first series of her romantic tirades, you can see the growth that she’s had and while still she’s a little pain, i feel like a proud mother :’) pls tell me ms lana becomes like a surrogate mother to indie bc i’d love that sm.

ugh stop bringing in the common sense i’m choosing not to have 😭😤 i really do want to feel bad for indie, especially since jb is her brother, but also i can see how her words and her actions could hurt him more than what we know since we have only seen indies pov 👀 like he was the only family she had besides their dad and i’m sure he’s sacrificed a lot of shit for her to make sure she was okay and taken care of– just for her to act like a brat and come at him for dating her best friend and hiding it from her when miss indie literally did the exact same thing 👀👀👀👀👀

LMAO IDC IF SHE’S INDIES BFF OR JOHN B’S GF MISS MA’AM NEEDS TO LEAVE<3

the fact that jj called her out for how she made the pie makes me laugh 😭 but at least miss indie tried to bring something as a gift for thanksgiving 🥺 let’s be real, i’ve got a feeling that old indie would’ve been like “the presence of my hot self is enough of a gift for this get together<3″ and called it a day.