#i lived in baltimore for two years and it wasn't that bad

[ejunkiet]

I- do not like New York city.

[arctic-hands]

"Racism was a long time ago, get over it!" For one, if you think pervasive and systemic racism, both anti-Black as well as racism against other marginalized racial and ethnic groups, in America is "over", you're probably too willfully obtuse to bother to continue reading, but on the rare chance you do, I'll indulge your claim that "racism is over!":

I just turned thirty this month, May twenty twenty-three. My father was born four years before Loving v. Virginia granted the basic right for Black and white peoples to marry each other in every state. My mother was born the same year the Green Book ceased publication. My grandmother was barely thirty when she attended the RFK rally in Indianapolis where Kennedy announced that Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated. My father (not in attendance) was not quite five. My father was a fourth grader the year Fred Hampton was assassinated in his own bed by the FBI and local law enforcement. My mother was two years from giving birth to my older brother when the Black Panther Party was torn apart by COINTELPRO, my father was a few couple years into college. My father wasn't even thirty when I was born. My mother is a few years younger.

The LAPD beating of Rodney King and the consequential riots happened almost exactly a year before I was born, I was nineteen when Rodney King passed away. That was two years before Mike Brown was killed by Ferguson police and the consequential uprising. I was twenty-two and living just outside Baltimore the year Freddie Gray was killed in the back of Baltimore PD van from a "rough ride" and the consequential uprising. I had fun (despite covid and the lockdowns) on my twenty-seventh birthday when my four roommates and I got drunk and sung bad karaoke, less than three weeks before George Floyd was murdered (as defined the court and the rulings proving guilt) by Minneapolis PD and the consequential worldwide uprisings. Today I'm just two weeks and a day past my thirtieth birthday when I woke up to the news that a U-haul truck bearing the Nazi flag tried ramming the fence to the White House. That's the same day the NAACP issued a travel warning for Black people to not go to Florida, fifty-seven years after the Green Book ceased publication. This is just a few weeks after Jordan Neely, a Black man my age who was having a mental health episode was killed by a white marine being encouraged by other people in the subway car. Florida governor Ron DeSantis is funding that white marine's defense team.

Ruby Bridges is still alive, as are all but one of the Little Rock Nine–as is the white teenager who was forever caught on camera screaming at them. It's only in the last few years that the civil rights leaders of the Fifties and Sixties who weren't assassinated have started dying of old age, and many more are still alive. I was in seventh grade when Rosa Parks died, I was almost done with third grade when the white bus driver who had her arrested died.

This isn't "a long time ago". This isn't old history. It's all within living memory. Our living memory. Our grandparents' memories, our parents' memories, the memories of you and I that are still forming.

Anyway I don't know how to end this, I'm shaken by the NAACP warning I guess, and I'm not even Black. And you're a willful fool if you think racism is over and has been over for a long time.

[beautifullybrave1111]

INTRODUCTION 10-8-2023

I haven't picked up a pen in over 20 years. It sort of showed me my age because I realized instead of writing I am typing my thoughts into my phone. Not ideal, but technology calls. My next obstacle to conquer, what to write about. I could give you a whole series with 8 books with all the thoughts in my head. So how about a memoir. Something simple but maybe able to help someone in thier early 20s.

I'm a 38 year old female living in Baltimore County, Maryland. One of my main goals in life it to help women realize that it is okay to put yourself first. Although, this lovely process of life I didn't figure out until 2020 at the age of 34.

Before that I was just a regular sheltered girl who was very vulnerable and gullible. I was born in 1985 in Baltimore City, Maryland to my mother Penny and father, John. We will get to my father later. But first, my mom.

Growing up wasn't always easy but my mother always made sure we were okay. My mother has a very raw personality and no filter, which is one of my favorite characteristics about her. There was nothing that she wouldn't do for me. She worked the jobs taking care of me after she left my father when I was 5. My grandmothers stepped up to the plate to help my mother with me so she could work. Even though I was a sheltered child, I know now that she wanted me safe. She would never allow another man to ever hurt me. She was successful. Although my mother worked so hard to take care of me, we now have a bond that alot of parents don't have with thier children. Our mother daughter dates started as a tradition and has lasted to this current day.

All it takes is a little coffee and some thrift shopping.

My father on the other hand had created a little life full of drugs and alcohol. This resorted to my mother leaving my father in 1990. There's just something about a man who sells his daughters toys for drug money that you can't forgive.

At this point in my life I know exactly what happened in the past and why it happened. But my momma did a good job in making sure that my childhood remained intact while my father walked away while it burned. Listen, I'm not a "whoa is me type girl" but this leads to the current trauma in my life. Two years ago my father had a suicide attempt where he took ambien and drank alcohol, and thought it would be a good idea to drive. Turns out he did this on purpose and crashed his car into a pole (attempting to kill himself)

Here is the kicker, it was my fault.

What is it about men making women responsible for thier temper tantrums. At the time my father didn't seem to understand that my 5 year old at the time was in school. Kids get sick. Kids have homework but since we didn't have enough time for him, he decided to attempt to end his life. Then blame me. I guess this shouldn't suprise me considering the fact that when I was younger I was 5 minutes late to visit him. He then proceeded to lock the door and listen to me knock asking him to open the door. I'm getting ahead of myself.

As a child always knew the importance of hard work and self care. My mom sold Mary Kay for goodness sake. Facials all the time, Walks to Santonis, the laundromat, riding the bus to get places, I was definitely taught to take care of myself and always be myself.

My mom didn't want me to depend on any man. Little did we know I would come out of the closet at 16.

I mean I had a boyfriend at 15 but I truly felt love when I met my first girlfriend. From that point on I always connected with Females and I knew that is who I was. My mother is very pro gay. She couldn't care less and honestly already knew when I told her. This made me so happy.

At this point, I would usually only see my father weekly on Thursdays. Not saying everything was bad.

Wait until you read the chapter on my step dad. He is the man who raised me and my number one favorite guy. He does it all but walk on water. I'm the woman I am today because of him and my mother. Thier bond and willingness to raise me differently is what really made a difference.

As a grown woman with my own family, small farm and the knowledge of growth. I'm doing pretty damn good.

This book is to help anyone realize that no matter what happens in life you can break generational curses to save your children from any trauma you went through.

[pbandjesse]

I don't feel so good. I don't know what hit me all of a sudden but I just feel bad. My jaw started hurting really bad and I started crying and so I took some medicine and the pain is going away but I just feel sick. I think I'm going to have to go eat something. Not fun.

I really prefer James last night. And today. But he was just so sad. I understand why he's hurting so bad about losing something so important to him. Thankfully he does have a second bike but it's not the bike he's had since high school. It's not his favorite thing. And the other bike has to be fixed and that's going to cost him almost $100. We're having terrible bike luck lately. And I hate seeing how much pain he was in.

We slept okay. I think he was just emotionally exhausted and passed out. I slept okay because of the air conditioning. And we woke up around 8. Had a slow morning. James stretched and took a shower. I got dressed and played on my phone. And we left a little bit after he ate a muffin.

We walk to the pet food store and got Sweet Pea stuff. Cat food. And then we walked back to my apartment. James talked to his friend on the phone. And we got back to my place. On the way back in the alley we found two really nice bar stools. So we carried them back to store for when we move. Hopefully we'll have a bar or counter we can use them with because they're really nice.

Our plans were kind of changed because we are originally going to go for a bike ride. Couldn't do that because James is other bike is broken and the bike store wasn't open on Memorial Day. So instead we walked to the bus and went to Patterson Park. It was a nice day out. And I didn't want to waste it.

I felt very anxious about lots of things today. But it was nice being with James. We took the bus and we got up there and my jaw was hurting all of a sudden. So we walked along the edge of the park and went to the Rite Aid. Got some extra sunscreen and aspirin headed back.

And we walked around the pond. Tried to balance a Furby on a lily pad. She only got a little damp. I liked touching the water. And seeing all the fuzzy milkweed looking stuff flying in the air. It's nice just being outside with my boyfriend.

We did that for a while looked at the community pool and found out the prices. When we walked up to the main street to find lunch. Pizza place where we're going to go was closed for the holiday so we went to the cheap pizza place down the street. Which was fine but used a little bit too much cheese. And then we had a back and forth about carrying the leftovers. Because I wanted to put it in tin foil and put it in my backpack. But James want to carry a box and for some reason that stress me out real bad. I don't know why the idea of having that box made me so on edge but it really did. Even if I wasn't carrying it. But James got his way and we went back out.

We went to the thrift store that's on the Main Street that I passed on the bus yesterday. Didn't buy anything but it was fun looking around. And then we went back to the park to see the pagoda.

The Pagoda is funny. It's very pretty and it's a landmark but James didn't really know the history of it. There's no real sign. And so we looked it up and it turns out it was originally called The Observatory. And you can see a lot of different parts of Baltimore from it. Back when everything was shorter. And it was really interesting to see that there really isn't any point to it. It's just pretty. And it was made just to be pretty. They almost demolished it in the 50s but they were stored it in the late 90s. That's cool. It's a really nice building.

We sat in front of it for a little while and then we walked up to go to Rita's. I got water ice. My first water ice of the season. James. Peach and I got Cherry. Poured most of it into my water bottle to save for later and then we went to wait for the bus to go home.

Again I was anxious about the bus but it came. And then we took that and transfer to the free bus to go back to my apartment. I loaded up the cart for James to bring back home with him in our slow move. Just a couple things that fit and I didn't need in my day-to-day life. And then we said goodbye.

I think that's been the hardest thing about packing because I'm still living in this apartment that it's hard to decide what I can give up on the day-to-day stuff. I took down all the art from all the rooms except for my bedroom. And I took a lot of books and put them in suitcases. Still got a lot of books that didn't fit but it's something.

We're making progress though. I think a bunch of my trucks are going to be going half to his parents house and half to his apartment in the coming weeks. I finished packing the one trunk with all of my nick-nacks. Not all all but a good amount of them. Pretty much everything from the bookshelf. And I do have one empty trunk back in my closet then I'm going to be able to use. But I'm trying to use as few cardboard boxes as possible since I have so many containers. And suitcases. And trunks. But it's progress.

I was frustrated with myself because I had just had four days off and I don't feel very rested. Honestly feel stressed out still. I do feel better than I did last week but I just wish I had more time to do nothing. Not that that will make you feel better but I need to finish my lesson plans and I need to finish that to sculpture for the dentist for our trade and I just couldn't get myself to do it. This week I will do that. Tomorrow is the kids art show so I'm not getting home till late but I plan on working on that shoe sculpture and finishing it before Friday. And I'm going to finish my lesson plans on Wednesday on Thursday morning. I want all that done before the end of the week. I'm giving myself a hard deadline. I have to get my act together. Never honestly just been a little overwhelmed by life and everything but the school Year's almost over.

Actually the Saturday is me and James this one year anniversary. We decided that we're going to celebrate on Friday when we both have the day off. And I'm really looking forward to it. Can't believe it's been a year though. Here's to many more.

I'm going to start getting ready for bed now. I have a long day tomorrow. Museum school kids art show sculpture time it's going to be a long day. But I hope it's a good day. And I don't get rained on too much.

I hope you all feel good out there. Sleep well. Good night

[whereareroo]

R.I.P. P.J.

WF THOUGHTS (2/16/22).

P.J. O'Rourke died yesterday. He was 74, and he fought a long battle with cancer.

As you might guess from his name, P.J. was Irish. His full name was Patrick Jake O'Rourke. He preferred "P.J."

Unlike most Irishmen, including myself, P.J. was brilliant. He shared his wisdom through his writing. He had uncanny powers of observation, and he could explain complicated topics in smooth, readable, paragraphs.

Like most Irishmen, P.J. started at the bottom of the heap and fought his way to the top. From his humble beginnings at National Lampoon magazine, P.J. went on to write analysis and commentary for top political magazines. Three of his 16 books reached the top of The New York Times Best Seller List. I always enjoyed his magazine pieces. He never lost the sense of humor that he cultivated at National Lampoon.

Unlike most Irishmen, who tend to lean towards the progressive side of the political spectrum, P.J. was a conservative with a libertarian streak. He marched to his own drummer.

Do yourself a favor. Go online and read some of the magazine stuff by P.J. It's worth the time.

P.J. was alway funny and insightful at the same time. He are some classic examples:

▪"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then get elected and prove it."

▪"You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money."

▪"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences."

▪"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."

▪"The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of those thoughts could fit on a T-shirt."

▪"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore."

▪"When I was fifteen, I dreamed of living in the big city, as many a young person does if he is artistic and sensitive. By 'artistic and sensitive' I mean short, skinny, sunkissed, bad at sports, and carrying a C average in high school."

▪"Israel is smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware."

▪"Term limits aren't enough. We need jail."

▪"The idea of a world where all people are alike--in wealth or anything else--is a fantasy for the stupid."

▪"Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there."

▪"I wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad."

▪"The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help."

▪"I think the Baby Boom does have a tendency to get its nose in everything. The Greatest Generation had a better tendency to leave people alone. Of course, they also had a better tendency to hate everyone's guts."

▪"The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids."

▪" The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know that there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."

▪"Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective."

I could do P.J. quotes all day long! He was full of golden nuggets.

There won't be another Patrick Jake O'Rourke. He was truly one of a kind. Rest In Peace, PJ. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, your humor, and your mastery of the written word.

[twenty-nothing]

FortyThree

When’s the last time you ate bread? Today for brunch

What’s the last movie you watched on your own? The Shining

What about the last movie you watched with another person? Terrifier

What about the last movie you saw at the cinema? Was it good? The Meg, it was awesome

Do you attend school, college, or uni? Nope, already graduated college

What do you study, wherever you study? I studied accounting

What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? Not sure

Are you a Hugh Grant or Colin Firth kinda girl? Neither 

Kisses on the cheek or the neck? Neck

How do you earn your keep?

I work

If you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be? French, Spanish and German

How many texts have you ever sent on your current phone? A ton I’m sure

Who do you usually text the most? My mom

Baths or showers? Showers

Cheese or tomato? Both

Shaved legs or shaved arms? Legs since I don’t shave my arms

Early nights or early mornings? Early mornings

How many coats do you own? Two lol

What about shoes? Only like 11 without counting flip-flops and sandals 

One word to describe your most recent ex? Cheater

Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? Scrambled

Have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed? Nooo, I don’t like eating in bed

Where, in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? If I could afford it, NYC or Boston or Baltimore or LA

Where wouldn’t you want to live? In the middle of nowhere

Has your life begun? Very slowly and bumpy :(

Do you like snow? I hate driving in snow storms or cleaning my car off but it’s okay I guess lol

Have you always got good grades? Yes

Do you like sheer clothing? Not on me

Name three things that are overrated: Pumpkin spice, any apple products, weed

List four things about your facial appearance: I have green eyes, straight teeth, chubby cheeks and big ears...

List four things about your general appearance: i’m 5′4″, 6 tattoos, fat and no ass

List four things you like about yourself: I think things through, i’m loyal, I’m strong willed and I’m funny

List four things you dislike about yourself: East to get extremely stressed out over little shit, very introverted, unmotivated and vindictive.

List four of your favourite TV programs: The Office, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Bad Girls Club and Cops

List four of your favourite foods/drinks: Pizza, Cherry Pepsi, Mozzarella Sticks, Wegmans subs

This quiz is pretty different to others, right? If you say so

Cats or dogs? Dogs

Llamas or sheep? Llamas

Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? Yes, Matt Damon

Are you hungry right now? Kinda

Do any of your friends really irritate you at times? Of course

What do you think of couples who have entire albums just for them, with pictures of them just randomly at home, doing nothing that really requires a photo? Get out of each others ass, fucking annoying

Can you cook? Haven’t cooked much, so not really

Can you iron? A little

Can you work the microwave? Hell yeah lol

Can you work the washing machine? for the most part

Do you like your photo being taken? No

Do you like taking photos of yourself? No

Have you ever got into a club, whilst being underage? Never been to a true club

How many magazines do you buy a month? One

How many of them are car-related? Zero

What about fashion? Zero

Any celeb gossip ones? Zero

Who will do this note after you? No one prob lol

What pets do you have? A dog

It’s getting pretty cold now, isn’t it? Do you have the heating on? Its very fall out! High 40s. No heat yet, just sweats and blankets

Do you watch Hollyoaks? I don’t know what that is

Do you like Silus? What’s that?

Who’s your favourite? -

Who’s your least favourite? -

Do you watch Gossip Girl? No

Who’s your favourite girl? -

What about guy?

-

Favourite colour? Dark gray and mint

Are you regularly tired? Yeah

Are you excited to live on your own? I would like it more if I wasn't paycheck to day before my paycheck

When do you plan on moving out?

I’ve been living on my own for two years

Do you have a onesie? No