#i left yesterday's thing in the same doc and let myself make a few edits

[bacon-neko]

SoM Day 8+9

remember those chores we still technically need to do?

Arrows lay scattered around them and as she leaned over, gathering the few within arm’s reach. One lay at Keraunos’ feet which he poked at with his long, tapered bill before slipping back into his human form and gathering the remaining arrows into his hands.

“What were we chasing?” Keraunos asked, extending the arrows to her.

With a grimace, Alkidike grabbed them. “I dunno,” she said, sliding them into her quiver. “Some sorta snake. It’s been eating people’s animals.” She shifted her arms and got them under her with a groan.

Keraunos held out his hand and pulled her to her feet, pressing his palm to her shoulder when she swayed a bit. “We should get you home,” he said, echoing her mother, voicing her worry.

Alkidike yanked backwards. “No! The traps, I gotta check the traps.”

“The… what?”

“My rabbit traps. My ma, we—” The girl sniffed and swiped her hand beneath her nose. “It’s food. We need it.”

Hesitant, he mulled over any agreement, but Alkidike was already pushing past him, wincing every couple of steps, but marching on. He trailed after her, eyeing the bloody scrape on her elbow, waiting for the wound to begin sealing itself shut, but it never did. Instead, her jaw quivered while a thin stream of blood inched towards her palm.

“You were a really pretty bird,” she said, breaking the silence. He thanked her and she continued with a sniff, admitting that, “It woulda been cool if you were a hawk or eagle or something. We could’ve hunted together for real.”

The boy tilted his head. “Were we not hunting?”

“Well, yeah,” she said. “Except hoopoes are too little to go after anything worth while. Like my pa, he can turn into a vulture and he’s huge.” She threw her arms wide, only wincing a little as she turned to show Keraunos. “Not that vultures hunt like that either,” she added. “But yknow.”

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

So, It’s been awhile. There’s a reason. The last week or so has been... a week. jesus christ. I shall regale you of my tale, not in chronological order necessarily because that’s how I roll. BUT if you suffer through it, you shall be rewarded with an outdoor plant update post after. Bribery. 

So. Early last week, The Spawn sat down with me and presented a proposal, a well researched proposal, advocating for her starting her own residential cleaning business because she finds it incredibly satisfying and relaxing to clean stuff and she does quite well. So we sat and brainstormed, researched, and talked about how she planned to advertise. She needed a business gmail (and all the tools that come with that), logo, business social media, website, and flyers. 

Being her age, she doesn’t have the skill or knowledge to do these things. So, I volunteered to help with these things so that she didn’t have to spend money hiring someone. I created the email account, put all the brainstorm stuff into a google doc that saved to the biz drive, which included a to do list and the basic info needed. I created a logo. (At which point, she called me a wizard while watching me do so.) I helped her try to create a biz facebook account, but facebook immediately flagged it as breaking the rules. like literally as soon as I created it. So I appealed it & The Spawn wanted to wait to see what came of that before I went further. So she took me with her to shop for the things on her supply list, and we decided to go grab some of the smaller stuff still needed for J’s appt at the same time. This was Friday. 

Saturday, I got a text from J in the early afternoon saying that he needed me. I quickly packed a ‘just in case’ bag, since I didn’t know what to expect or how long I would be there. Now, you have to understand that in the 7 years we’ve been friends, while he has discussed things with me via phone or text, in person he is like me, incredibly stoic. Hell even via text or phone, he always insists that he’s fine and responds to my reminders that i’m here if he needs someone, and to just let me know, he responds “I appreciate it, but I won’t”. So him reaching out like that is a MASSIVE thing. I showed up, let myself in, and he just walked up to me, wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing. I stayed the night, alternating between being comforting and being distracting. It was extremely disarming to see such raw emotion from him repeatedly over the course of the night and to hear him say the things that he is usually uncomfortable articulating. 

The next morning he seemed better, thanked me for coming (to which I responded “Of course I came. I’ve not ever been lying when I’ve said that I’d come if you needed me, day or night, but you have to let me know.”) and apologized for ‘being a mess’. I told him every time he apologized (which happened quite a bit over the course of the night) that there was no need for an apology because this wasn’t something to be sorry for. He was struggling, as people do, and rather than embrace the darkness or fight it alone, he asked for help from someone he trusts and loves that he knows reciprocates. That i know how hard it is for him to do that and that I am proud of him. 

Sunday afternoon the kids (The Spawn and The Bf) picked me up because she needed to take him home but didn’t want to leave the dogs alone. I got in the car after The Bf got into the back, insisting I take the front seat. We hadn’t even gotten out of the parking lot of the apartment complex when The Spawn casually asked “So are ya’ll fucking?” 

that’s how I learned that I was the subject of a bet. Apparently, The Bf asked where I was when he came over and out of convenience, not wanting to really explain the relationship, The Spawn said I was at my boyfriend’s. I guess he went on about how how come I’m never hanging out with him, etc, so The Spawn explained the actual nature of our relationship. At the end The Bf said “Nah, they fuckin’ but your mom isn’t telling you.” The Spawn said, “No, she’d tell me because when I started high school I asked her about her past encounters and asked about what stuff was, if she’d done it, and if she enjoyed it, and she was always honest with me. That’s how I know she likes it up the butt.” He insisted that J and I were banging so The Spawn, knowing the truth, took advantage of this and made a bet. It was an easy win for her. SO...

I get asked this question & I look at her, eyebrows raised because she knows how our relationship is (granted if I were physically able and he was willing, I would definitely jump back up on that horse) and said, “No. Mom is no longer physically capable of fucking without risk of severe injury. Plus, despite having ridden that horse previously, I’m not into endangering our besties status. I would go into further detail and commentary but I don’t want to make The Bf uncomfortable. These are things you know, so why do you ask?” She told me of the bet, Then i promptly text J about it because I knew he’d get a laugh out of it. And I was right. 

By the end of Sunday, she recieved an email stating that facebook was upholding the ban, so she and I talked and decided to make a webpage via WIX and after getting a few clients, she could upgrade her account with them to get extras that are offered, including her own domain (rather than the name.wix address) and a lack of wix ads on her page.  And then it all went downhill from there.

Monday through Wednesday (yesterday) had The Spawn breathing down my neck more than any boss I’ve ever fucking had about when her business shit would be done. On top of what I’d already done, between Monday and Wednesday I:   set up her google voice account for a business number, wrote her a “first time client” script, created a google sheets quick reference client database, created a google forms for detailed client records (all in a folder together that is searchable by client name, which would be the title of the form), set up the calendar, downloaded and edited/collaged her before and after photos she took via cleaning some of our spaces, and built her a 7 page website including the photos, facts, and little blurbs that go along with it. It went live at the end of yesterday. 

Throughout this process, rather than just checking in and thanking me for doing it all to save her money, she asked me every couple hours what still needed to be done. When I was not as far along as she felt I should be, she got progressively more hostile. Yesterday morning she had the balls to text me “What all do we still need to do before I can get rolling?” I responded with “ ‘We’? hahahahaha *I* still need to [list].” 

I’m sure you’re saying to yourself, “Am I missing something? Did you forget to list something in the list of stuff you did between Monday and Wednesday? You mentioned flyers....” You are correct. But yesterday while I was being driven to my 2nd vax appointment by my father, I basically told him that I’m fried. If a flyer just included facts, I’d be fine, but the part where I need the potential customers to be drawn in and want to learn more is not happening. The creative well has run dry to the point that it is reminiscent of the dust bowl. And I reminded him that there is a reason I no longer do this type of shit for a living. I mentioned that thinking about The Spawn’s company is making me stress puke and that any time The Spawn approaches me to talk about anything, I immediately feel incredibly nauseated. 

Now it should be noted that when I mentioned this in a multi paragraph text earlier, he responded with “Just take a step back from it for awhile, then go back to it.”    

and everyone wonders why on earth I don’t speak up when I hit my limits and why I just push onward despite the damage it does to me. THIS. THIS IS WHY. Everyone is all for me not pushing myself too hard... until it is inconvenient for them. So I basically screamed in the car. On the way back he said he’d help. Ok. cool. 

Except that every fucking idea he had legit just tripled the amount of work I was going to have to do. I mentioned being burned enough that I was considering just paying a freelancer to do it. This motherfucker chimes in with “Oh! [Cool Ex Employee Who Left to be a Stay at Home Mom with her First Baby] does stuff like that. Let me reach out to see if she’d be willing to.” BRUH. That should have been the first thing out of your mouth after my original texts! Jesus Christ. I agreed but with the caveat that HE had to tell The Spawn and say it was his idea because he sees me getting overly stressed and has put his foot down. And he had to do it that night because I knew that if he didn’t, the first thing I’d hear today was “So when are my flyers going to be done?” and I am absolutely not dealing with that shit. The only thing I am doing from this point forward is showing her how to use her database/client files/calendar and I will be happy to answer questions or give advice, but that’s it. This isn’t my company and I’m not employed by her, so I’ve already put in far more work than should have been expected of me, with very little thanks outside of after I finished her logo and a couple times she came down and watched, then told me I’m a fucking wizard. 

Really It was good in a way because I had been doing that thing lately where I wonder if I’m just being dramatic because admin type stuff isn’t that hard and if I could do it from home, I should be able to manage... but this put me back down on earth, where I absolutely am not being dramatic and I cannot fucking do that shit 40 hrs a week for some random asshole. Shit, this was for my own child and I was ready to give up, stab her, then tell her to go fuck herself.

so...that’s been my last week and a half for so. Also, my only side effects from Vax 2 (pfizer) is feeling more tired/run down than usual and a bit of extra joint pain... but those might actually be related to the stress and hell I just went through. who knows. 

as always, don’t steal my shitshow. get your own shitshow. suffer through your own crap. 

[daisy-chain-gardens]

Exchange Romance

A/N: Here it is! My first attempt at a Bughead fanfic. The formatting is a bit weird here because I wrote this on Google Docs. I haven’t written in a while and I edited this myself so sorry for any mistakes. I’m actually really proud of this and might possibly turn this into a multi fic if you guys like it so please let me know!

Summary: Betty Cooper is an exchange student from New Zealand who goes to America to live with the Lodge’s. She becomes fast friends with Veronica and her boyfriend Archie, but will how will she get along with their other friend Jughead?

Word Count: 6,101 (sorry guys, I got a bit carried away)

Part 2: https://daisy-chain-gardens.tumblr.com/post/162947052535/exchange-romance-part-2

25 hours flying and an hour long bus ride should be enough to tire anyone out but Betty Cooper was too excited to sleep. She was just minutes away from meeting her host family, the Lodges. Veronica, the daughter, had talked to Betty on social media a bit and she seemed really nice, and really rich. The photos on her Instagram showed Veronica wearing clothes worth more than Betty’s house and she was always tagging various models or socialites in her Facebook photos. Her life here was certainly going to be a big change from her life in New Zealand, and she couldn’t wait.

The bus pulled into the station and Betty recognised her instantly; a short Latina girl with immaculate hair and flawless makeup. Pearls, that Betty soon came to realise as her staple accessory, were strung around her neck, shining under the yellow light of the street lamps. A slightly older woman, who Betty realised was probably Mrs. Lodge, was standing next to her. Veronica ran up to Betty as she climbed out of the bus, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Hi B! I’m Ronnie. It’s so good to finally meet you in the flesh!” The older woman walked up behind her, sky high heels clicking on the uneven pavement.

“Miha! I’m Hermione. How was your flight?” Betty followed them to a long black car and filled them in on her trip.

“Oh my god, B your accent is to die for! All the boys at school are going to be crawling at your feet.”

“Um, thanks, I guess. When does school start?”

“Monday. Hopefully that’ll give you enough time to get settled and catch up on some sleep. Maybe Ronnie could even introduce you to her friends so you’ll know some other people before you start.” Hermione replied, her voice softer than her daughter’s but just as friendly.

The car trip back to the Lodge’s apartment only took about ten minutes but Ronnie took it upon herself to fill Betty in on all of the things which she deemed ‘essential’ to survive at her new school. Her boyfriend Archie and his best friend Jughead seemed to pop up a lot so she guessed that she would be seeing a lot of them over the next ten months. The excitement that Betty had felt on the bus was still there but now dominated by sleepiness. She managed to make it through dinner without closing her eyes for too long but she went out like a light as soon as her head hit the soft pillow.

——————–

The screeching of her alarm woke Betty up with a start much earlier than she would have liked. She got out of bed slowly and changed out of her pyjamas, not wanting to waste her first day in America lying in bed. She wandered into the dining room to find a full breakfast spread already on the table with a note from Hermione saying that she’d be back late this evening due to an event she had to attend. Ronnie hadn’t woken up yet so Betty helped herself to coffee and french toast before heading back to her room to finish unpacking. About half an hour later, the doors burst open and Ronnie strutted into the room. She looked like she’d been awake for hours, although Betty had a feeling that was due to the large mug of coffee she was holding with both hands. She was wearing makeup and a nice dress but no heels. For someone so small she definitely knew how to command attention.

“All right B, we have a big day ahead of us. First up, shopping, of course. Your wardrobe is adorable but I think we need to spice it up a bit. Don’t worry, it’s all on me. Daddy is very generous with my spending money and there is more than enough to go around.” Betty nodded in response, slightly overwhelmed by her energy but also happy that she had planned something for them to do. Ronnie didn’t mention her father very often but given the Lodge’s lifestyle, she assumed that he was very well paid and therefore very busy.

“Then, I asked the boys to meet us at Pop’s for lunch. Their milkshakes are to die for. I don’t know what we’ll get up to this afternoon but we’ll probably end up at Archie’s watching the boys play video games or something. Sound good?”

“Let me just finish this and then I’ll be good to go. Give me five?” Betty replied while continuing to fold the stack of clothes on her bed.

“Five minutes! Betty are you insane? It’s gonna take a lot longer than five minutes to get me ready to go out. I’ll come and get you in half an hour, maybe more if my hair is going to misbehave like it was yesterday.” Betty tried to suppress a laugh as Ronnie paraded out of the room. She didn’t quite understand why Ronnie would wear that just for lounging around the house. Betty used the extra time to sort out her desk and organise the few belongings that she’d bought with her. Although she had bought a sizeable stack of books, she couldn’t help but miss her extensive bookshelf at home. She made a mental note to ask Ronnie where the nearest library was as the two Lodge woman didn’t exactly seem the bookish type. How wrong she was. Ronnie still hadn’t emerged from her room 45 minutes later so Betty decided to explore the apartment a bit. The third room that she peeked into was huge with books covering every spare inch of the walls. She walked inside, awestruck, and started running her fingers along the shelves. She didn’t even hear the her host sister as she entered the room five minutes later.

“I thought I might find you in here.” Betty jumped at the sound of her voice, startled into dropping the book she was holding.

“Sorry Ronnie, I finished unpacking and you weren’t ready so I w-”

“It’s fine B. This is Daddy’s library. I must admit, I’m more a movie person than a book person and since Daddy is always away for business trips it doesn’t get used very often. Help yourself to whatever you want. And by the way, my close friends call me V.”

“Thanks V. You all ready to go?”

“Of course. I can’t wait to show you around. The shopping scene here definitely isn’t on the same level as New York or Milan but it’ll be enough for now.” She linked her arm with Betty’s, pulling her away from the books and into Riverdale.

——————–

Four hours later, the blonde collapsed into a red vinyl booth while the raven haired princess sat down elegantly across from her. Betty could have fallen asleep right then and there, and it wasn’t entirely due to the jet lag. Veronica may be small but she was a force to be reckoned with when she was armed with a credit card. Between the two of them they had bought more clothes than Betty had bought with her from New Zealand, proved by the numerous bags surrounding them in the booth.

“Archiekins just texted me saying that him and Jughead are on their way. They should be here in five. Do you want to order now or wait for them?” Ronnie asked her while fixing her makeup in  a small compact mirror she had whipped out of thin air.

As much as Betty wanted to order now, she couldn’t get her mother’s voice out of her head. Telling her to be polite and wait for everyone else before starting because no one likes a greedy girl. “We can wait, as long as they don’t take too long. Who knew shopping could be so tiring?”

“Oh my sweet innocent Betty, how else do you think I stay in shape for cheerleading? Heaven forbid having to go to the gym. Just the thought of it makes me gag. People seeing me sweaty? No thank you.” Betty’s laugh was covered by the twinkle of the bell over the door. “Archiekins!” Ronnie jumped out of the booth and wrapped her arms around Archie’s neck, kissing him deeply. “Hey Ronnie, long time no see.” She giggled as they sat down in the booth across from Betty.

A tall boy with dark hair, covered by a crown shaped beanie slid into to booth next to her. “No kiss for me Ronnie? I’m crushed.” He put a hand over his chest, feigning hurt although the twinkle in his eye revealed his amusement.

“Haha, very funny Jughead. Boys, I want you to meet Betty. She’s from New Zealand and she’s staying with me for the year so please try to behave. I’ve grown immune to your childish behaviour but I don’t want you to scare her off.” Ronnie shot Jughead a look full of ice and even Betty was a bit intimidated for a moment. Jughead gave Ronnie a innocent smile before turning to face the blonde sitting next to hi.

“G’day mate.” Jughead’s face held a huge grin as he put on a what he thought was a New Zealand accent, causing Betty to burst out laughing. “What?” His face fell slightly but he kept grinning at the sound of her laugh.

“It’s nothing it’s just that’s an Australian accent, and a god-awful one at that.” She answered, her eyes wet from laughter. Jughead’s face turned red and he ducked his head a bit, his grin shrinking from embarrassment. Luckily the waitress chose that moment to come and take their orders.

They sat in the diner for the next couple of hours, talking and laughing and eating. The boys spent a lot of time mocking Betty’s accent and she spent a lot of time laughing at how clueless they were about New Zealand. She felt like she had known these people all her life. The smile glued to her face showing how happy she was with her new friends.

——————–

Just as Ronnie had predicted, the group left Pop’s and ended up in Archie’s room after stopping of at Veronica’s apartment to drop off their shopping. The boys set up their video game and then started playing on Archie’s bed, leaving the girls to sit on Jughead’s bed on the other side of the small room. Fred came into the room at about 6pm to tell the boys that he was going to be out late and seemed surprised to see a pretty blonde girl sitting next to Veronica.

“Hi, I’m Fred, Archie’s old man.” he said, reaching out his hand towards Betty.

“Nice to meet you Mr. Andrews. I’m Betty, Veronica’s exchange student.” She shook his hand firmly, a friendly smile plastered on her face.

“Oh yeah, Hermione mentioned something about that. New Zealand right?”

“Yes Mr. Andrews. I just arrived yesterday.”

“Well welcome to Riverdale and please, call me Fred. Are you two staying for dinner? I was just going to leave the boys some money for pizza.” Betty looked back over at Ronnie questioningly, not really sure what was normal in situations like these.

Veronica piped up from her spot on the bed. “Sure we can Fred. Someone’s gotta keep these boys out of trouble when you’re not around.” She looked over at Archie and flashed him a playful smile. Betty’s eyes met with Jughead’s and a small smile crossed their faces.

Fred started to leave the room. “Knew I could count on you Veronica,” a grin on his face once his back was turned. He’d seen the look that Betty and Jughead had shared and recognised the look on his face as one he saw on his son’s face when he looked at his grilfriend. Jughead had a crush on the new girl.

——————–

Shortly after, the four of them were sat in the Andrew’s living room, waiting for the pizza to arrive and watching cartoons. Archie and Ronnie shared a large leather armchair and Betty and Jughead were sitting on a couch in the middle of the room.

“Why would you order a hawaiian pizza Jug? Everyone knows that pineapple doesn’t belong on a pizza.” Archie said from his chair. His thumb drawing small circles on Veronica’s hip as she curled into him. “But pineapple on pizza is the best thing. I honestly don’t understand how you don’t like it Arch.” Betty countered from her side of the couch.

“Thank you Betts. At least someone here has good taste.” He sent her another one of his small smiles and she felt butterflies in her stomach at the sound of her new nickname, sending her into panic mode. How could she have a crush on this boy already? She had only met him a couple of hours ago but they just seemed to click. Her panic was interrupted by her mother’s voice, always present in the back of her head. “This year is for academic purposes Elizabeth. You need to have something interesting on you CV for university applications ok? This means no boys. They will distract you and then that’ll waste this whole year for you, do you understand me?” Betty returned his smile before quickly looking down at he nails, picking at the chipped nail polish. The doorbell rang before they could continue their discussion. Jughead got up, grabbing the cash off the coffee table before disappearing down the hallway. He returned moments later with five pizza boxes stacked in his arms.

“Why do we have five pizzas if there’s only four of us?” Betty asked, opening the box containing the hawaiian pizza and helping herself to a slice. Ronnie untangled herself from Archie before reaching forward to grab a slice of the vegetarian pizza.

“Well, that’s one pizza each plus two for Jughead.” Ronnie answered matter of factly. Betty almost choked on her mouthful. One pizza each? If only her mother could see her now. After years of controlled diets and calorie counting this was certainly a change. Burgers for lunch and then pizza for dinner? It was a miracle that her new friends were all so in shape. Especially Jughead, considering Betty had picked up the vibe that he wasn’t exactly the sporty type.

“I’m a growing boy.” Jughead stated as if he could read her mind. He picked up one of the boxes and set it on his lap, causing the other three to burst into laughter as he started on his first slice. They kept talking and laughing until the pizza was finished. Betty only managed to eat three quarters of hers so Jughead happily finished off the remaining slices. They watched cartoons in comfortable silence until Betty felt herself drift off to sleep.

——————–

She woke up and felt someone stroking her hair. She sat up quickly, causing her to smack her forehead into Jughead’s chin.

“Ow. Oh my god I’m sorry.” Betty exclaimed, reaching up to run her fingers over the red spot on his face. “How long have I been asleep for?”

“A couple of hours, it’s about 11pm.” He replied, removing her hand from his face and holding it in his.

“Where did Ronnie and Archie go?” She asked while fixing her ponytail.

“Umm, they went upstairs a while a go so I thought it might be safer to stay downstairs with you. Plus you kind of fell asleep on my lap so…” He was thankful that the lights were off so she couldn’t see his cheeks redden. She was thinking the same thing. Not only because she’d fallen asleep on him but also because of his implication of what Ronnie and Archie were doing.

“I’m so sorry about that. Sadly one good night’s sleep isn’t enough to get over my jetlag.” He chuckled a little and stroked his thumb over her hand.

“Do you want me to walk you home? You probably don’t know you’re way around yet and you might have to wait a while for Ronnie.”

“Yeah that would be great thanks. I think I left my phone upstairs though.”

“No worries. I’ll tell Ronnie to take it with her when she leaves. Is Hermione home?”

“No she left a note this morning saying that she would be out late tonight. I don’t think that she’d mind though. I mean I only met her last night but she seems pretty understanding. Unlike my moth-” She broke off and looked up at Jughead who was looking back at her, waiting for her to go on. “Nevermind. We should probably go.” Her voice was soft and quiet as she looked down at her nails. Jughead took the hint and stood up. Leading her out the door. Her hand still grasped in his.

——————–

They walked home in a comfortable silence. Jughead occasionally pointing at things that they walked past to explain it or tell her about something stupid that Archie had done there when they were kids. His hand held hers the whole walk home and Betty was disappointed how quickly they arrived at a familiar door. She turned around to face him.

“Thanks for walking me home.” Her voice was soft and she looked up at him. It took her several seconds to look away and then she stood up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Goodnight Juggie.” She quickly turned around and walked inside, closing the door softly behind her. He stood there, frozen in the summer breeze. He lifted his hand up to brush his cheek where her lips had been just seconds earlier. He turned and walked the whole way home with a smile on his lips, fingers brushing his cheek.

——————–

Veronica proved to be a lot more effective than an alarm clock since she managed to wake Betty up an hour after her alarm was supposed to go off.

“Good morning B! Ok, so, Jughead came back to Archie’s last night with a smile on his face. I have seriously never seem him smile like that. Ever. So spill. Don’t you dare forget a single detail because I will find out.” Betty yawned, slowly sitting up and stretching her arms over her head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about V. I fell asleep on him while we were watching cartoons at Archie’s and when I woke up you had disappeared with Archie. Jughead offered to walk me home since I didn’t know how to get back here. That’s it. Nothing happened.” The blonde said sleepily. She didn’t need to look at Ronnie’s face to know that she would have a small pout on her lips.

“So you didn’t kiss him?” Disappointment evident in her tone.

“No V. We didn’t kiss. We did hold hands while we were walking but I don’t think he meant anything by it.” Betty tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice by getting out of bed and picking up one of their shopping bags from yesterday.

“You did WHAT? You held hands with Jughead? Oh my god B I think I’m gonna pass out from excitement. This is too much for this time of day. I need more coffee.” With that she was gone. How she managed to move so quickly in heels was beyond Betty. She chuckled and started to put away the clothes Veronica had bought her yesterday. Ronnie returned just as abruptly as she had left, this time accompanied by two large steaming mugs.

“I think you’re going to need some coffee to get through this conversation.” Ronnie said, offering Betty a mug. She accepted it with a grateful smile and took a slip before setting it on her desk and then sitting back onto her bed.

“B I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation. Jughead is great but he’s not really a people person, let alone a girl person. Archie is basically his only friend and I think the only reason he puts up with me is for Archiekins. They’re basically brothers. There were rumors going around school last year that Jughead was gay but Archie helped stomp those out pretty quick. Jughead holding hands with a girl is like Archie losing a football game. It just doesn’t happen.” Betty blushed at Ronnie’s words and smiled down at her coffee as she felt the butterflies wake up in her stomach. Jughead liked her. Holy crap.

——————–

Monday came around a lot quicker than Betty expected. She had spent some more time with Archie and Jughead over the last couple of days. They’d hung out at Pop’s and then at Archie’s which led Betty to believe that this was some sort of routine they have. Nothing had progressed with her and Jughead which left her feeling a bit discouraged but then she remembered it had only been four days and she was there until the following June. Plenty of time to get closer to him. She was a nervous wreck on Monday morning. The nail polish on her fingers was completely destroyed and her bottom lip was turning red due to her teeth attacking it. Veronica went to school with her early to get their timetables from the office and give her time to sort out her locker. Archie and Jughead came and met them before class. Archie wearing a blue and yellow letterman jacket she hadn’t seen before and Jughead wearing his signature beanie which Betty had definitely seen before. She said hi to Jughead as Ronnie and Archie made out against Veronica’s locker.

“What do you have first Betts?” Jughead asked as his hand reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. He had to lean in a bit to be heard over the noise of the corridor and Betty picked up a scent which she had begun to identify with him. It was comforting to have something familiar in such an intimidating place.

“American History with Mr. Moreau.” She replied, her voice raised slightly.

“Oh cool. You can, um, sit with me if you want. I know Ronnie’s not in that class.” His eyes dropped from hers from a second but returned quickly. She could tell that he was nervous and the butterflies in her stomach obviously felt the same.

“Yeah that sounds great. You might have to help me because I know nothing about American history.” Betty sent him a small smile which made his eyes light up. He loved her smile. It was so warm and friendly. It was so Betty.

“Can you walk with me to class Juggie? I don’t know my way around yet and I think Ronnie’s busy.” He looked over at his best friend and laughed.

“I think that this is becoming a pattern Betts. Class is this way.” He’d grabbed her hand and pulled her gently through the crowds of students. It felt so natural, holding hands. Ronnie’s words came back to her and she smiled down at her feet.

——————–

The four of them had their after school routine down to a science. Archie would drive them to Pop’s after school for milkshakes. Ronnie and Archie would head back to school at about 5pm for cheerleading and football practice respectively while Jughead and Betty would walk back to the Andrew’s or the Lodge’s to do homework. Betty had asked Ronnie, during one of their gossip sessions, why Jughead lived with Archie and Fred. She had shrugged it off and said that something about Toledo before going uncharacteristically quiet. Betty decided not to push the subject and instead asked Ronnie about some new heels she’d seen on the doorstep that morning which perked her right up again.

——————–

Although they had a certain routine with Ronnie and Archie, Betty and Jughead also had their own little tradition; old movies and late night take out. They found out pretty quickly that they both shared an appreciation for old movies, especially Tarantino much to Jughead’s delight. It was a Thursday night and they were watching ‘Rear Window’ in the Lodge’s extravagant living. Their burgers were finished hours ago and they were curled up on the couch. Betty’s head in Jughead’s lap as his fingers ran through her hair.

“Juggie.” Betty said, turning slightly to face him. “What happened to your family?” Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her. His fingers kept playing with her hair and he looked down at her, sending her that small smile that woke up the butterflies in her stomach. His eyes looked slightly sad and Betty suddenly felt guilty for prying, hearing her mother’s voice in the back of her head scolding her for being nosy. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer if it makes you feel uncom-”

“No, Betts, it’s ok. I had a feeling that you were going to ask at some point. I mean it’s not exactly normal to be rooming with your best friend in high school but since when has anything about me ever been normal?” He tried to hide the darkness of his statement behind a laugh but Betty could hear the sadness in his voice. She reached over to grab his other hand and squeezed it tightly.

“Um, so my Dad isn’t really in the best place. He, um, he has a drinking problem and one day, oh god. Betts, one day my Mum couldn’t take it anymore and she took Jellybean and left. I ,um, I haven’t seen them since. That was four years ago” He wasn’t looking at her anymore but Betty could still see the wet tears on his cheeks. Her eyes started to tear up as well. She sat up and stroked his cheek, one of his hands still stroking her hair. Betty leaned forward to place a kiss on Jughead’s cheek and then hugged him tightly. Jughead’s sobs were becoming audible as Betty shook against his chest. They stayed like that until the credits stopped playing and they’d run out of tears.

Betty let go first, untangling herself from Jughead’s arms but staying close. He caught her eye and then bought both hands up to cup her face.

“Jug?” Her eyes were wide and filled with wonder. He leaned forward quickly, almost as if he was trying to stop himself from getting psyched out. He pressed his lips against hers. Softly at first, as though he wasn’t sure of himself. He pulled away and waited for her to open her eyes, hoping he hadn’t just ruined everything. The smile that he’d fallen in love with crossed her lips slowly before her eyes opened to look into his.

And then she kissed him. Again and again. Whispering sweet nothings in his ear. At some point his beanie fell off his head and she ran his fingers through his hair while he did the same to her, her hair tie long gone. Eventually they pulled apart and fell back into each other’s arms, staring up at the black screen, their smiles bright enough to light up the dark room.

——————–

From then on, Jughead and Betty’s tradition changed. Not much, but enough. Their homework sessions were interrupted by stolen kisses, movie nights accompanied make out sessions and their takeout dinners always took a lot longer to finish. Somehow, their friends were still oblivious. Ronnie hadn’t pulled Betty aside to talk about how she looked at Jughead for a little bit longer than normal at Pop’s or how they always seemed to stand just that bit closer together. Neither of them were particularly surprised that Archie hadn’t noticed anything. Betty had only been in Riverdale for a handful of weeks and even she could tell that Archie wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. It was a Friday afternoon and the four of them were sitting in their usual booth at Pop’s, sipping on various milkshakes. Ronnie and Archie stayed for a bit longer than usual because there was a game on that night. The red headed boy and the raven haired girl were trying to convince their friends on the other side of the booth to come and watch the game.

“Come on guys, it’ll be fun! And what else are you going to be doing tonight anyway? Watching boring old movies?” Veronica practically yelled at the pair before taking another sip of her chocolate milkshake. She had a certain glint in her eye which Betty had come to come to associate with determination. She looked over at Jughead and saw a similar gleam in his eyes.

“First of all Ronnie, we were planning on watching ‘Rebel Without A Cause’ tonight which isn’t a boring old movie, it’s a cinematic masterpiece.” He paused to let the point sink in but Ronnie just rolled her eye. “And second of all, why would we want to go and see a football game? You just watch some sweaty jocks run up and down the field and occasionally barrel into one another. No offense Arch.”

“None taken bro. What do you think Betty?” Archie took his attention away from Ronnie for the short time that it took to ask Betty the question.

“Well, I’ve never been to a football game before so-”

“WHAT? How have you never watched a game of football before? I know that New Zealand is a long way away but do you guys live under rocks? Honestly B. There’s no debate now. You have to come, even if it’s just to watch me cheer, ok?” Ronnie flashed Betty a sweet smile as she stuttered in agreement, still not used to her host sister’s ways of negotiation. Almost before she could blink, Betty and Jughead were sitting in the back of Archie’s car on the way back to Riverdale High.

——————–

Betty walked into the football stadium and was slightly overwhelmed. Even though it was relatively empty due to their early arrival, it seemed impossible for a school to need such a large stadium, especially just for football. Jughead watched her quietly, a chuckle falling from his lips as he watched her gape at her surroundings.

“Nothing quite like this where you’re from, huh Betts?” He quipped. He threw his arm around her, making the most of their friend’s absence.

“No not really. I mean, we have stadiums like this for regional rugby games but definitely not for any sort of school games.” Betty couldn’t stop looking at the expansive concrete jungle she was currently walking around. Jughead couldn’t stop looking at her.

“You really are something else Betts, you know that?” He said, pulling her closer and kissing the top of her hair. They found a seat in the middle of the stadium and sat in a comfortable silence. The seats around them slowly filled up as they watched the various athletes warm up. After about the first five minutes of the game, Jughead turned to look at Betty.

“Hey Betts.”

“Yeah Jug.”

“Do you even know how football works?”

“Not a clue.” Betty replied with a cute smile on her face. Jughead kissed the end of her nose and then proceeded to teach Betty all of the rules of the game. All those years being Archie’s best friend obviously payed off. She wasn’t really listening to what he was saying but watching him all the same. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about football and was actually cheering for his school by the end of the quarter. Betty was getting into it as well but mostly just copying Jughead since she still had no idea what was going on. She did cheer enthusiastically for Ronnie when she performed at half time though. Veronica had taken it upon herself to explain all of her routines and workouts to Betty when she first arrived. Even though she had no desire to actually be a cheerleader, she definitely had a new appreciation for them.

By the end of the third quarter, Betty thinks that she understands the basics of the sport and is starting to understand the need for such a large stadium. It’s addictive to watch and the atmosphere is unlike anything she’s ever experienced before. No wonder everyone comes along to watch the games.

Archie scored the winning touchdown just as the time ran out on the fourth quarter. Jughead went mental, along with the rest of the crowd, and kissed Betty square on the mouth. She forgot where they were and kissed him back, hard. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he lifted her up and spun her around. It was a bit hard in the confined space of the stands but it didn’t matter. They pulled away and smiled at each other, slightly out of breath before Jughead set her back down on the ground. Betty’s face changed suddenly. Eyes grew wide with panic as she looked around, searching frantically for Ronnie and Archie on the field. Archie was celebrating with his team and Ronnie was bouncing towards him with the other cheerleaders.

Betty stopped panicking and wrapped her arms around Jughead’s neck. Her fingers played with the dark hairs that had escaped his beanie. She kissed him soft and slow. A complete contrast to their last kiss but just as breathtaking. They broke apart slowly before walking down from the stands to congratulate their friends.

——————–

As soon as Archie’s car disappeared around the corner, Ronnie turned to Betty.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Jughead? How long have you guys been going out? How did this happen? Oh my god B, you have to tell me everything! I just have to get changed and then we’ll have some girl talk, ok? Be back soon.” Veronica disappeared and then reappeared half an hour later in silk pyjamas. She still had her pearls on. Betty smirked. Trust Veronica Lodge to look fabulous in pyjamas.

“Ok so spill. I want to know everything.” Ronnie said as she sat down on the edge of Betty’s bed.

“Well we kind of … had a moment a couple of weeks ago. We were watching a movie on the couch and I asked him about his family and it just sort of happened. He kissed me and then we’ve kind of been together since then, I guess.”

“Omg B, I’m so happy for you! What did I tell you about that accent? I can’t believe he told you about his family. I’m pretty sure Archie is the only one who knows what really happened. The only reason I know is because my dear, sweet, lovely Archiekins is the worst secret keeper ever. Jughead seems to really like you.”

“I really like him too. We haven’t really talked about it but it feels right, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. You guys are the cutest together!”

“Umm thanks, I guess V. By the way, how did you find out?”

“You two were sooooo obvious at the football game. And by the way, that kiss at the end of the game was totally hot.” Veronica teased before getting up and sashaying out of Betty’s bedroom. Betty flopped down onto her bed, her cheeks on fire. She quickly fell into a peaceful slumber, dreaming about grey beanies and flannels.

——————–

Fred had the boys helping him out on the construction site all weekend so Betty didn’t get to see Jughead until Monday at school. The two girls found Archie and Jughead leaning on their lockers waiting for them.

“Sorry for the delay boys but this hair doesn’t look like this by itself.” Archie smiled at his girlfriend whilst Jughead rolled his eyes. Betty leaned up and kissed him, leaving a surprised look on his face.

“What was that for?” He asked Betty before looking over at the other pair that made up their friend group. Archie’s faced was shocked but Ronnie just winked at the blonde girl.

“Oh, um, Ronnie saw us at the game so I just kind of assumed she would’ve told Arch already.” Betty trailed off, trying to hide her embarrassment by picking at her nail polish.

“Hey.” Jughead said softly. He grabbed her hands, forcing her to look up at him. He kissed her softly before pulling away and flashing her a butterfly-inducing smile. “I think it’s pretty safe to say he’s figured it out by now.” Betty smiles back at him. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and kisses her forehead. The duo walk together to their first class, leaving Ronnie to deal with an awestruck Archie.

“But, but, but I never even saw it coming!” Archie explained to Ronnie as she slowly dragged him in the opposite direction.

“I know my dear Archiekins. I know.” She replied, a smile crossing her face as she thinks back to Betty’s display of confidence. “But it kind of makes sense doesn’t it?”

[temenosjournal]

It’s that time of year when everyone gathers a list of all The Best of, of which this not, or least not ‘best’ as in good, or should be nominated for a Giller Prize. Anyways, I got looking back through my drafts, and actually used one from the summer for a recent post (shhh…not saying which), and thought maybe I’d take a look at what I posted, in comparison to what got shelved.

I haven’t edited these (well, some spelling cause I am horrid). So, here we go, for better or worse.

~~~~~*~~~~~

HOW TO TALK TO TREES – [March 6th]

It has come to my attention recently that I’m not a total whack job, and that talking to Fred, my Ficus, is not completely in vain.

Yip, that’s it. Had been watching this Doc on the interconnected nature of trees, and was spellbound by the bond they have with their environment, how they send out nourishment to their offspring, and the …well anyways, began to sound in my head like I was writing some article for National Geographic, and not a personal blog. So that was ditched.

Five days later I published this – make it so. Instead, I wrote about my Ficus benjamina that I call Fred. And yes, I do talk to Fred, we’ve been together now for over 25 years, so we know each other well.

Then, later in the month I dove back into the heady waters of U.S. Politics, of which I do try to stay clear, but not always successfully. This is a product, you know, of my insatiable news addiction, I need to find a new hobby. But anyways.

~ * ~

AND I CRIED REAL TEARS [March 26th]

Was cleaning the front door yesterday afternoon, as the rain fell, I’d got ansy and found myself on this cleaning spree. Had swept and washed the floors, after rearranging everything last week, so the door was the last on the list. Had the music playing, some random Classical playlist from YouTube, so I’d been zening out all afternoon. Scrubbing away all this dirt and grime that had collected somehow to almost a degree that I found rather shocking I hadn’t noticed earlier, washing away the dirt of almost 4 years. And than it played…

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ‘Tis the gift to be free, ‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right ‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

One of my favourite versions, from ‘Appalachian Waltz’, with Yo Yo Ma and Allison Krause…stunning.

And somehow these tears came to my eyes.

It has always reminded me of my Grandmother, that song Simple Gifts, as she used to hum it all the time. It was one of her favourite songs, and basically in a number of ways sums up some of the things she taught me.

But these tears were not for her.

No, these tears were maybe frustration, disillusionment. When I look south of the Canadian border and look towards my Fathers family, I don’t know who it is I see anymore. What did I miss?

And don’t get me wrong, this creeping fear of the other has manifested itself here, with comments on come across on Facebook, and snide remarks about new policies in Toronto schools about providing a place for those of other faiths to pray, such as Muslim. And the quip about taking out the Lord’s Prayer in the morning, as I stand in line with them after work on Sunday afternoon at some retail store. Doesn’t prevent them from SHOPPING on Sunday though, I see.

Anyways, I am delusional.

Completely off in LaLa land to actually imagine maybe the world was a different place than it is.

I get sad, you know? I cry real tears for an America I understand. And I hear those beautiful words, of that simple song, and I can’t help but wonder, what happened to just simple gifts? You know, like maybe inclusion, community, compassion, empathy, faith, understanding? Love? When we have so much, and there are those with so little.

And all this hate, for what? 

To what ends? 

And God alone knows what the heck conspiracy theory of the moment is, but mark my words, you can guarantee someone is benefiting a WHOLE bunch.

And, dang it all, why am I crying REAL TEARS over this!!!??

I’m saddened, sure, just more than I realized.

How did this once great nation lets the wolves in? How?

With racism, and hate. Well, and believing all the BS that these talking heads spout.

See, I don’t watch TV, don’t catch the evening news, don’t follow the latest crap of some Kardashian or some other media “star”.

Seriously, couldn’t care less. Actually, I could care less, but I don’t believe there is an actual word for how much less I could care. So there.

But there I was, washing my door, and listening to simple gifts, and crying real tears.

I was born in the North Carolina, and lived there, in a dinky little trailer till I was 2 and a half. After which I’ve merely spent vacations every few years in the south. Driving down I95, winding so far round Washington D.C. and then crossing that Mason Dixon line, everytime thinking about why it’s there, and what that line means.

Same division, just I guess the lines got a little tangled up over the years, but there is still a line.

And I cried real tears, thinking about a place that I thought was just crawling out of that dark age it put itself into, through racism and hate of the other. Thought maybe they had learned a thing or three.

See, delusional.

A day later, I posted this – EUSTON. Just pictures, no words.

But I couldn’t let it go. That sense of something lost haunted me, but I decided I needed to say it in another way, so I went back and finally posted The Comfort Of Historical Knowledge. [April 6th] The featured image was a shot of the floorboards of the old attic, or we called the attic; actually would have been the servants quarters back in the mid-1800’s. It was taken just before the space was renovated as a suite for Dad and MsB a couple years ago.

~ * ~ THE VALUE OF THE EARTH OUTSIDE MY DOOR [April 28th]

The dirt underneath my fingernails, the sweet scent of the earth, the hope and gratitude gardening creates is a beautiful distraction from the insanity that haunts me. Or, rather I suppose that I allow to haunt me. For I do hunt for the tidbits the same as any other news junkie. I can’t help it.

It’s an insidious hate that poverty doth wrought. On the backs of those whose very existence is hand to mouth. Kept ignorant, impoverished and at the mercy of those whose actions, when they do choose to act, are done always for their own benefit. Believing every hateful utterance that condemns those they have been trained to be hateful towards. It’s a vicious, self-serving blanket of lies and half-truths, that haphazardly covers any truths they wish to hide from.

And, so I garden.

Ugh.

So, it is to the garden that I escape. At the end of the sidewalk, inbetween, is where you will often find me. Sitting on my stoop, with my dog at my feet, soaking in the shade of the Black Walnut over my head, here in my nook.

Instead, I posted garden the very same day.

This was one of the first where I took those long-winded essays and swept away whole sections, getting right to the core, but this time I left the two separated.

Yet, at other times, I ignored it completely and went off in a completely different direction. ~ * ~

DOING WHAT YOUR NOT SUPPOSE TO [June 8th]

Even now, I still half expect him to show up some night, real late at night when I have to work early early early the next morning, just like he always did. I don’t really believe he would, and he said he never would, not in two million years, but I still half expect it. Like anyone I’ve cared for, figures into my world long past there expiration date. Not so much from some pathetic belief they want something, but more as a fantasy, I suppose, so I know they really did actually care.

Although, in BealArt guys case it was never clear if he actually could feel real emotions anymore, or if everything had just been switched off when his baby girl passed on that night so long ago.

His ability to feel was always a joke, but I always thought he was the way he was because his feelings ran so deep, they were so big, but he never learned how to deal with them, just how to control them. Though every now again I could see the side of his mouth twitch, you know, like a ventiquilquist.

Instead, later that same day I posted – On Creating Woodlandia, And How You Can Too

Two shots I didn’t include with that post, for whatever reason.

Yes, I do sometimes prefer plants to humans, far less complicated.

~ * ~

paulab’s day off [July 4th]

i smelled the scent of the milkweed in the morning sun hundreds of them in bloom around me and i did not know that they had a scent at all as the morning coolness gave way to the noon day sun alone amongst them in wonder there atop the rise at euston meadow. later with nowhere to be but sit and watch the light change under the walnut tree in the in-between garden just watching shadows play dancing on the sidewalk flickering and i catch the breeze with my bohemian dress and skip over the cracks in the light fantastic on my way to a new day.

Which I guess I was going to post in response to a Photo Challenge, but something stopped me. Instead, the next day I posted this, actually for another Photo Challenge – a bridge for the sun.

It was inspired by a walk a couple of days before, and the air was filled with the smell of Milkweed from Euston Meadow. Even the next morning, when I was riding to work, as I rode by it was intoxicating. There were hundreds and hundreds of them, great sweeps of them. I had no idea Milkweed could smell so sweet.

~~~~~*~~~~~

Can’t remember what books it’s from, but it applies, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. It’s interesting, looking back at what I posted, and what I left unsaid. Kind of a snapshot, in a certain way, of my writing process (or lack of at times). Sometimes its something I came back to, while others never saw the light of day, till now.

As this year comes to a close, I do want to thank you, all you who read my simple words.

Love,

The Best Of What I Didn’t Say This Year It's that time of year when everyone gathers a list of all The Best of, of which this not, or least not 'best' as in…

[junker-town]

Tom Brady made a website for his TB Times cartoons, and they’re *maybe* starting to make sense?

The plot thickens.

The dots might not be actually connecting, but they are starting to appear in a pattern that might someday yield a picture.

Yes, folks, that’s right: Tom Brady released another edition of the TB Times yesterday. We missed a week when New England lost to the Dolphins, but on Sunday, the Patriots beat the Steelers thanks to an overruled touchdown and the fact that no one in the National Football League has any idea what a catch is.

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Dec 17, 2017 at 4:24pm PST

I’m still pretty confused, but we are starting to see some common themes and characters within these comics that might eventually make some narrative sense. In the meantime, Brady, his Social Media Guy (S.M.G.), and the artist who draws these cartoons (D.K.), unveiled the website tbtimes.org, because these people seem determined to ruin my life. I’ll have more on that at the end of this post, but let’s analyze this week’s images (yes, there are two!) first.

We have to start with the missed one from the Dolphin’s loss last week:

For the first time ever, Brady, S.M.G. and D.K. released the comic that would’ve run last week had Jay Cutler and the Dolphins not smoked the Patriots in Miami. It once again features fidget spinners, and was slightly different from the one I drew last week at 1 a.m. as an embarrassed Patriots fan.

What do we know from this picture? A few things.

Brady and Croc have tracked down the Dolphins’ fidget spinner ring.

It turns out that Croc’s dreadlocks from the original Dolphins comic were a disguise. I am not sure what the disguise is supposed to be. But he can be seen here removing it after he and Brady wrestle the South Beach Spinners briefcase away from the Dolphin.

They then run to a secret lair, which still seems to be underwater, and open the briefcase.

I laughed at the time, but NESN Patriots reporter Doug Kyed was right when he sent me this text last week, the ramps of the Dolphins stadium really do look like fidget spinners.

Now let’s look at this week’s comic:

This is a riff on the movie Zoolander. Ben Stiller, AKA Ben Steeler, is doing his signature modeling move “blue steel,” which sort of makes sense in a word association-type way, given that Ben Roethlisberger is the quarterback of the Steelers. Brady says, “Steeler...so hot right now...” which is from this scene:

The turtle is back from the first Dolphins comic, but the grouper with pink hair isn’t. So is the Narwhal, who first rescued Brady in the comic that ran after the game against the Bucs, when he killed pirate skeletons with lasers.

Speaking of lasers, the plans inside the Dolphins’ briefcase appear to be for some sort of giant, inter-galactic laser.

Oh my god, do you think that because I’ve been imagining that the social media room underneath a TB12 workout facility looks like a lair, they drew a lair?

Sorry, I know this isn’t about me.

Is that guy wearing a lab coat by the picture of Ben Steeler Gronk?

Yes, because in the comic after the Houston win, Gronk showed up wearing that same lab coat. He’s also wearing glasses and says, “the computer data is telling me...”

Get it? It’s funny because Gronk is not generally seen as a rocket scientist. They were in space then. Now they’re underwater. Or possibly underground.

Bill Hader is back from the Bills comic. So is Billy Crystal, who appears on the front page of the TB Times that Hader is reading.

Hader is still wearing the outfit that I couldn’t place based on researching his IMDB catalogue.

The finger game (where you’re allowed to punch your friends if you get them to look at your hand as you do the A-OK symbol) appears again. It first showed up in the comic that ran after the Bills game. This time, you can see Billy Crystal’s hand doing that sign on the back of the TB Times.

QUESTIONS, THOUGHTS, A DESCENT INTO MADNESS

I’m still having trouble figuring out how the Jets, Broncos, Chargers, Saints, and Atlanta comics play into all this.

Who is Croc?

What is Croc?

Why is Croc?

Why is the TB Times team taking all these dude actors from bro movies when I was in high school and putting them into comics? We’ve got Chuck Norris in here, too. These read like Millennial fan fic from 2007.

When I lived in Boston in 2014, I noticed all the guys in their early 20s had lines from Wedding Crashers, Zoolander, Old School, etc. in their Tinder profiles. I wrote an article about it. Maybe that’s relevant here. Maybe it isn’t.

Why are we sometimes in space and sometimes underwater?

And why, in the underwater lair, is there a football with planetary rings around it?

Interesting theory from Twitter, c/o Robbie Vogel: “The alligator steals the top secret docs from the Dolphins and we find out they’re in possession of Steelers-themed military schematics - are we to assume this means the Dolphins know how to beat the steelers? Cuz it kinda makes sense, the last two times the Steelers and fins played (last year and 2013) the fish won.”

Will the show from the Bills comic, Bill’s Got Talent, come back?

Is the key that Croc was holding the key to winning the Super Bowl?

Are answers to this whole thing contingent on the Pats winning the Super Bowl?

If it is, and the Patriots don’t, and we never get answers, will I die?

TBTIMES.ORG

The plot thickens. Usually these comics just get posted to Instagram and Facebook, but on Sunday, Tom Brady, S.M.G., and D.K. unveiled an entire website devoted to it. It’s TBTimes.org, so I guess it’s a non-profit? There’s not much here yet, but let’s dive in anyway.

When you go to the site, ominous music plays. Then all the characters from previous comics appear. We’ve got Brady as a centaur from the Broncos comic. We also have the Jets’ hot tub salesman, the Falcons’ falcon, the Panthers’ cat, the Rams’ ram, the turtle, Gronk with his lab coat on after the Buffalo game...

WAIT. OH MY GOD. I’M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE GRONK WAS IN A LAB COAT LAST YEAR. Not only does he appear in the Houston comic, and now the Steelers comic, wearing his coat, he was wearing it in the comic that ran after the Patriots beat the Bills in 2016!!!!

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Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, October 30, 2016

The TB Times might be more calculated than I realized. When I started analyzing these a few weeks ago, I hypothesized that S.M.G., D.K., and Tom Brady had no idea what they were doing. I thought there was a good chance this started as a way to mess with indoctrinated Patriots fans who never question anything Tom Brady, prince and savior, does. I wondered if they’ve found themselves in slightly too deep, now that so many people (myself included) are so invested.

But maybe this has actually been planned out for two years.

Anyway, the rest of the gang is on tbtimes.org, too, but there’s a new guy — Peter Pan (or a leprechaun? I can’t tell) ripping his shirt open. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we’ve seen him yet. He hasn’t been in any comics last year or this year. The closest thing we’ve got to Peter Pan is Brady walking the plank when the narwhal saves him.

When you click on the button in the upper left-hand corner that looks like the logo on a Lacoste polo, the Croc changes (if it turns out that this is all just a way of announcing a that Lacoste is Brady’s new sponsor, I will riot in the streets of Foxboro).

First, Croc changes into his fidget spinner disguise:

Then he becomes a slow cooker, briefly, (hah, get it? Croc Pot? *walks slowly into the ocean*):

Then he lets out a mighty roar:

If you click on the Panther (which someone on Twitter called “a fat cat” in a message to me, and which I can’t stop laughing about), this pops up:

It’s the version of the TB Times that would’ve come out on October 1, had the Patriots not lost to the Panthers. It’s actually fairly disgusting, and also might be my favorite edition yet.

In this comic, the Panther eats Tom Brady. Brady not only has a huge cell phone with him as he sits in the cat’s stomach, but also gets reception in there, so he’s able to call previous Patriots player Vince Wilfork. Vince is wearing the RIBS hat he wears in the commercial he did for Kingston Charcoal commercial (fun fact: I love Vince and that hat so much that I bought one from the Kingston website, I’m wearing it as I write this).

Vince then feeds the panther so many ribs that the Panther forms a hairball in his stomach and throws up Tom Brady so hard that he shoots him into space.

FINALLY! AN ANSWER FOR WHY WE WERE IN SPACE WHEN THEY PLAYED HOUSTON! IT’S ALL STARTING TO COME TOGETHER!!!!!

Wait, except that it isn’t. The Patriots beat the Texans a week before they played the Panthers. The week after this would’ve come out, the Patriots played the Bucs, but that cartoon doesn’t take place in space.

I’m about three paragraphs away from lighting my computer on fire and drop-kicking it out of my window.

But first, check out this cryptic message in the HTML code of the website (yeah, I went there, and yeah, I’m fine, thanks for asking, the walls of my apartment are not covered with string and pictures of various species of crocodiles, why do you ask?):

They spell Croc “Krock” in that line of code I’ve highlighted. Maybe Croc is Robert Kraft. Krock. Hmmm...

When you click the console button under the Inspect Element tab, you see this:

It reads:

Hey! Tom Brady here.

Boy, I sure do love playing football. But there’s nothing quite like writing a healthy block of JavaScript.

Anyway, nice to see someone found this site and decided to inspect element.

You won’t find any more secrets here, though...yet.

Go Pats!

Well, damn. This feels like the closest thing to a personalized message I’m going to get. I wonder if they knew I’d inspect element. I doubt Brady wrote this, but it really does read like the gosh-darn-y way he talks.

You better believe that I’ll be checking this religiously as we head into the playoffs.

The fact that S.M.G., D.K., and Tom Brady are releasing previously unseen versions of the comics (from last week’s Dolphins game, and now this) makes me think several things:

Maybe these guys DO know what they’re doing and they need all of the panels in order for the story to come together at the end of the year. So far, characters and narratives just keep reappearing haphazardly, but I have learned to never doubt Tom Brady when he’s trying to execute a plan. It usually works out.

Maybe they were so cocky going into this season that they didn’t think they’d lose a single game and would therefore be able to release these only when they won. Maybe they need this website to ensure all the comics get published.

Alternatively, this could be a very charming version of a midlife crisis. Or perhaps a sign that Tom Brady is starting his own media company once his career playing football is over. If that is true (SB Nation, don’t read this), I would like to know if they’re looking for an editor in chief. Or, hell, even a blogger. I emailed asktombrady@gmail.com to ask about it. I’ve emailed this address before, but I’ve never heard back, so I’m not holding my breath.

On a more serious note, I have to say that I think this is all kind of wonderful. Brady doesn’t have to do any of this, but it’s a fun element to an otherwise pretty garbage NFL season. And not only for Patriots fans — I’ve received a number of emails and tweets saying that people hate New England but love this strange and bizarre story that’s playing out online.

it’s smart, actually, for a QB of a team everyone hates to get a little funky. People might actually want the Patriots to win, if only for this silly reason.

In case you’re worried that the process of figuring out these trippy and frustratingly puzzling pictures is having psychotropic effects on me, don’t be. Here, for proof, is a video I took of myself while I researched the JavaScript of a football player’s fake newspaper’s website and Googled “inter-galactic lasers football”:

Except at the end, instead of turning around and saying, “I need a map,” I just do this:

[takemakelove]

Wordpress October 2010

Eating out

October 10, 2010

is actually not that bad. Yesterday we went to sushi house and the boys were surprisingly well-mannered! But they usually are and I feel super lucky to have, not one, but two babies that we can take out to a restaurant and enjoy a meal. And my boys are so cute! They were staring and giggling at all our dining neighbors, and were overall pretty quiet during our long stay there (service is always slow there). They ate all the food  i packed for them, including the cheese toast croutons, plus some cheerios. They drank their whole bottle during our dessert and only shrieked/squealed super loud a few times for fun. They were so good-and I am so proud ^_^

But this post isn’t to say that my boys are so perfect when we go out– oh no. they will throw their tantrums and crying fits. We went to BJs once for a friends going to the monastary party, and demetri cried for such a long time and nothing would sooth him maybe it was molars coming in. And then when we go out to parties on the weekend and they don’t get their long 3 hour nap, they used to be so horrible! so inconsolable and crying forever and so not fun. Always cuts our outings shorter than desired.

I have to mention, though, that when we got seated in the non busy restaurant, the hostess obviously saw that we have babies and I told her we needed two high chairs. And she sat us but then she didn’t remove two seats from the tables and didn’t even bring high chairs to replace them. And she walked back to her post and I had to walk to her again and ask for high chairs. Eventually a dude/waiter came over and gave us highchairs. It might not have been her job, but she totally seemed like she forgot about the high chairs.

It’s interesting cause on my facebook for mommies, i saw a post on my twins group that a mom encountered a twins-unfriendly establishment that refused to give her two highchairs cuz their policy was like they can only give one incase another family comes in and they don’t want to run out of high chairs…. but the restaurant was very empty. They even brought out the manager and he said the same thing about their policy. The waitress even suggested the parents switch off holding one and eating while the other baby is in the high chair! The finally gave in to giving her another high chair when she grabbed all her things and was heading out the door. They even told her that they would make that exception that one time but that for future visits, they would only grant her that one high chair. This was at outback steakhouse, by the way. I dunno what state though.

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Competitive Walking

October 13, 2010

To be honest, I’m a competitive person..and kinda a competitive mom >.< I’m sorry! Please don’t judge me! It’s so deep in me that I’d like to think that I cage it well, but sometimes it’ll crawl up and I have to mention something to darrell

I think there was a baby boom around the time Aizen and Demetri were born back in September of last year. I swear: everyone’s friend was pregnant when I was pregnant. And distant friends I sorta knew in HS were pregnant. And 4 of darrell’s cousins were due the same time we were. So we all had our kids around the same time…and therefore..it’s really hard to avoid comparing all of those full term singletons to my preemie twins. I know, I know, I shouldn’t ever compare kids, and it’s hard enough trying not to compare between the two let alone with all those other singleton kids, but still – deep down, in a cage, my competitive nature come out.

My boys are always behind in their developmental milestones — compared to all the other kids. They are on time according to the Doc’s records and all, and they are especially on time when you adjust your expectations with their adjusted, prematurity age…but my heart kind of tremors ever so slightly when I see or hear that the singleton kids are already rolling over or crawling or talking or reading and especially – walking. And it also tremors when I see or hear that they are so much bigger/heavier/taller than my boys at their well baby check ups. The only thing my boys have on all of those kids combined is- the amount of teeth they have.

But I’ve come to realize something. When “they” (developmental charts, online parenting websites, doctor’s visits) say when to expect babies to walk, they always say there is a range. Most kids will hit the milestone at this age or that age but some kids will hit it faster or later and not to be worried bc all babies are unique and develop at their own rate. I realize that if your baby is born at their due date or past, then they will hit those milestones ahead of most. And that if you have a preemie, you have to adjust their prematurity age and they will hit those milestones later than the rest. That’s why there’s a range. But anyway….

I always felt like walking is such a huge achievement. It’s always in all those new parenthood commercials and videocameras and all that, that’s it’s really hyped up for me. I then I started feeling pressure that they should be walking by their 1st birthday. That didn’t happen. But once i realized that they were going to be last again in the imaginary development race, I kept saying to myself and hearing from other mothers that walking isn’t all that awesome. It gets way harder on mom and dad and that I should enjoy the non mobile phase as much as possible because, oh man, once they start walking – all hell breaks loose! They get into everything and run away and it’s all so much harder once they walk. And besides, they have all their lives to walk and run from here to there, but they only get a few months if anything (their older cousin walked at 9 months -_-) to be cute little rugrats. And man, they were fast little rugrats! but…

Aizen is walking now ^_^ He took his first independent steps a few weeks ago. I want to say on Monday Sept. 20 (i think bc their ninong came over for lunch and we all saw aizen take 2.5 steps!) And I want to say that Demetri took 1 step on his own a few days later. Then 2 weeks later, I come home from school and Darrell tells me that Aizen can now walk from the couch to the table when placed a few feet from the couch! SO exciting! I got a video posted on youtube of him doing it the next day.

We have been spending a lot of time with Darrell’s side of the family because his grandmother passed away exactly 2 weeks ago. So we’ve been all hanging out with the cousins and there are a few of the boy’s cousins who are toddlers and they all play together. (A&D are the only ones still crawling) And the aunties and uncles (lolos and lolas to the boys) are always taking the boys and holding them up so they can walk supported and it was on the night of the funeral that Aizen took some really strong, solid, slow steps on his own! No more of this rigid stepping and stumbling, now Aizen toddles and will squat and lower his knees so that get can start crawling again He’s getting better and better everyday. He now can cross half the room. Demetri is right behind him tho, still a little lazier with jellier legs, but still, he can toddle a step here and then. I have yet to get a video of Demetri and I need to get a video of Aizen walking for longer than a few steps.

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No More Bottles!

October 18, 2010

We took away all their expensive a** avent bottles and gave them sippy-straw cups.

Aizen’s doing way better than Demetri.

I’ll explain more later. If I remember to come back to this post to edit.

Aizen is on the left, enjoying his sippy straw cup, and demetri is on the right- showing how hard it is to keep his straw in his mouth.

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Butt butt butt!

October 18, 2010

I think my sons have big butts. Like..bigger than the average butt for a baby their size O_O

I’ll explain more later. If I remember to come back to this post to edit.

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Every since they were about 5-6 months old, whenever their grandpa (my future FIL) would hold one of them, he would always give them back after a few minutes and proclaim that they “were wet and need a diaper change” but they didn’t poop. I would smell their diapers and look inside and even pat around their diaper to feel for some fullness. I guess it felt kind of full. Whatever- I would change them cuz sure, they’ve been in their diapers for a an hour or two, and sure, it could be full. But every time I would change them, their diapers were barely even peed on. And eventually Dad and I would think “dang, what a waste of a diaper -_-”

So then one day I decided to change them right before I gave one of them to their grandpa. And sure enough, within a few minutes or 1/2 and hour, he would give them back claiming that they were wet and needed a diaper change. So again, I would smell their diapers and look inside and even pat around their diaper to feel for some fullness. And again, I guess it felt kind of full. And then I started thinking about it. So then I changed him into a fresh diaper and started patting around the diaper to feel for some fullness. And sure enough-it kind of felt full. But how? It is a fresh diaper-surely there was not time for him to pee!

And then I thought- it must be their butts! They must have big butts! And consulted with my sister and with Dad and yes. We all skeptically agree-maybe they do indeed, have big butts for their age and that is why their diapers always feel full-because of their big, squishy-apple bottom butts

The one on the floor is when they are 8months old, and the one against a window they are almost 10months. I think both times, Aizen is the one I made show off his butt