#i know she's talking to the corpse on her shoulder but my l o v e

[slashingdisneypasta]

"Mirror mirror, on the wall; Who is the fairest of them all?

... You are."

- Cruella De Vil, 101 Dalmations 1996

[rogue-durin-16]

LIFE-SAVING SHARPIE

Summary: Despite being a muggle, Y/n's mother was an expert in divination. She tried to teach Y/n, who saw it as a mere muggle game. But, oh, what a powerful weapon a muggle game can become in the hands of the right witch.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst (w/ a good ending)

Tags:

Fred Weasley: @whiskeyn-rain @lumos-solemn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: injuries, death(ish)

A/N: I'm not saying I'm incapable of writing an angsty ending for a Fred Weasley story, but I'd rather not do that, so here comes a stupid story that occurred to me this morning, enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"Y/l/n!" I sighed. "Is it true?"

"Your mom is into divination?" George question made me throw my head back in desperation as both twins made their way through the Great Hall to meet me.

I knew that day would be a bumpy one the moment we entered in the Divination classroom. The fact that a muggleborn aced a new subject since class one was strange.

I knew I would have to give some explanation to my friends after. Ron was particularly shocked by the fact that my muggle mother had taught me —against my will, may I say— lots of Divination-related things. I knew Ron, being Ron, would surely tell every soul that would listen about his discovery, but I had hoped for him to wait until the third period at least.

"Secrets spread like wildfire here." I said.

"Are you secretly a soothsayer?"

"Yes, Fred. You see, I have the Sight." I ironically stated, and, seeing this as a perfect opportunity to get closer to the boy I fancied, I added "Want me to read your palm?"

They shared an amused look, fully aware that I was joking. Even in the Wizarding World, divination wasn't something to believe in.

There were supposed to be people able to see the future, such as professor Trelawney, but no student had seen her predict a thing, so she wasn't the best example.

George was the first one to sit down. "Predict my future, oh, you who were gifted with the Sight." I snorted as he laid his palm before my eyes.

I picked his hand on mines, "Hmm..." Fred hovering over my form from behind wasn't ideal for me to concentrate. "Okay so..." I felt one of his hands toying with the clasp of my necklace, brushing my nape. "Will you stop touching my necklace and sit down?" I demanded.

"Yeah Fred, sit down." George reprimanded his brother. "She's trying to see my future." I heard Fred chuntering before he plopped down on my other side, leaning on a tad too close for my liking. "Alright, fortuneteller, is there a love line?"

Of course he would ask about that. "Let's see..." I traced said line, unable to remember to the T what my mom had tried to teach me. "So, the heart line is arched... Which means..."

"That you can't tell a thing?" I slapped Fred's arm.

"Which means he's balanced." I corrected him. "You're able to realize when you need to take care of yourself, and when you should let a someone in." George seemed invested. "You'll have just one serious partner, but they'll be the right one."

"Well, that doesn't sound half bad, huh?" He looked at me with a content smile.

"My turn." Fred spoke, smacking his brother's hand away and replacing it with his left one. "The line of life or whatever." He scooted a bit closer and I felt my heartbeat pick up. "What's my fate?"

"Are you left-handed, Fred?" I questioned with an eyebrow raised, already knowing the answer. "I need your dominant hand." Oh well, that came out wrong.

"Straightforward, are we?" George snorted at his brother's remark as he exchanged hands, turning to straddle the bench to be more comfortable. "Alright, what do you see?" He had leaned on to the point where he only needed to tilt his head down a couple of inches to rest it on my shoulder.

"A hand." I deadpanned, which earned a playful push from him. "Okay, okay— I see..." A puzzled frown took over my gaze. "Wait—" I turned to George. "gimme your hand."

"What?" Fred questioned, shifting his position ever so slightly.

"Uhm..." The frown grew bigger, and I had to remind myself what I was doing was a joke. "You... don't have a lifeline?" I dubiously informed. "I mean— it sorta... Starts? but then it fades away." I widened my eyes and froze, remembering what that meant.

I saw Fred tilting his head slightly. "Is it so bad that you won't tell me what it means?" He asked jokingly in order to lighten my distraught mood.

"It— well, it means that you'll die at a young age." My eyes met his and, despite the amused smile that always danced on his lips, fear slipped out of his orbs now, too.

"Wait what?" George propped himself on his forearms to see his brother's palm. "Can't be. Check mine?"

"I just did, you git." George wasn't even smiling. Maybe he did believe it. "Yours is fine."

The three of us stayed in silence for an instant. Even if none of us believed in divination, the fact that Fred had no lifeline was rather unsettling.

"It's fine." I cleared my throat, turning to my bag and leaving Fred's hand over the table on the process. "Apart from seeing the future, I can fix lifelines." They looked at each other when they saw me grab a sharpie. "Don't move." I demanded, holding down Fred's right hand before tracing a black line where the lifeline was supposed to be. "There. A long, healthy life."

When I looked back at the twins' faces, I saw them ready to laugh. Distress had already left them, and that helped my own evaporate.

"Merlin, Y/n!" Fred dramatically exclaimed. "You've just saved my life!"

"She sure did." George agreed, patting my back.

"Now go and tell Ron to shut up." I didn't want to imagine what would happen if people started to believe I could actually predict their future; the twins were sceptic and even they had somehow fallen for it.

I was so focused on George getting up that I didn't even notice Fred's hand flipping and wrapping around mine.

A soft kiss was placed on my cheek and I felt my face heating up even before meeting Fred's proud grin. "Figured I'd give my savior something in repay." His eyes seemed to flicker to my lips for a second; it's just my imagination, I thought, unaware of Fred's thumb caressing the back of my hand until he removed it in order to stand up.

Four Years Later

FRED'S P. O. V.

One second I was laughing at Percy's joke, and the next one everything was black; not only visually, everything was pitch black in every fucking sense.

I heard nothing, I couldn't touch anything, my voice was gone.

My mind was completely blank, until a thought slipped in my brain: 'you'll die at a young age'.

My head was spiralling now. I was dead. That's what death felt like? Nothing?

Y/n's words kept going on and on, frying my brain. How ironic it was that the voice I would have forever in my mind belonged to the girl I had been in love with since I was fourteen, and the words were what we thought to be her silly prediction.

I had no idea how long it had been, but suddenly I felt it; a tear running down my cheek. A flaming hot tear, burning its way off my face. Then I felt something else, some sort of rope wrapping tight around my right hand and wrist, so tight that it made my pulse speed up.

My pulse.

It dawned on me that my heart was beating fast against my chest. It was beating.

I needed to breathe.

"FRED!" Someone forced my eyes open; It was Percy. I couldn't see him right away because the lights were blinding to my eyes, but I recognised his voice. "FRED SAY SOMETHING!"

"Y/n..." I couldn't hear my own voice, but I felt her name going through my vocal cords.

"HE'S ALIVE!" Ron cried. "you're alive-" my sight was blurry but I could pick out my younger brother's crown in front of me as he sobbed over my chest.

"We gotta get him out of here right now!!" Of course it was Hermione who got everyone moving. As both my brothers managed to pick me up, I felt my eyes closing once more. Not even the fear of not waking up again stopped me from passing out.

READER'S P. O. V.

I had volunteered as Healer to help Madam Pomfrey during the Battle, that's why it was me who received two Weasleys practically dragging a third one into the improvised infirmary.

I recognised him from his jacket. "Fred..." At first I thought it was his corpse, that's how bad he looked.

"Y/N!!" It was only when Fred seemed to tilt his head up due to Ron's cry that I reacted, rushing to help them. "Keep him alive!" I only nodded, taking Ron's place as he took off.

With one of his arms over my shoulders and the other over his brother's, we managed to carry him to one of the stretchers; his painful weak groans went directly into my ear as we moved him, triggering the tears I was holding to fall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRED'S P. O. V.

"—alive, somehow." Y/n's voice, though it sounded far away, let me know she was close. "No, don't wake him up."

"Listen, you gotta get him to St. Mungo." It seemed George the one talking, but his voice was too shaky to tell. "in an hour this is gonna get really ugly, I want him out."

"George, we're besieged." Her tone was hopeless.

"Look at him, You said it— It's a bloody miracle he's still breathing." my brother's voice shattered; all I wanted was to get up, hug him and say I was okay, but I felt my brain spinning once more. "Bill and I will escort you out of the castle so..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time I opened my eyes, terror inundated me; everything was dark again. I gasped for air and propped myself up, instantly regretting it. A stabbing pain attacked every part of my body, triggering a shocked cry out of me.

"What are you doing?!" Y/n whisper-shouted, before placing both her hands over my chest to push me back to the bed again. "Are you mental?" Her fingertips moved out of the way a bandage that covered my eyes. "Oi, listen," when she noticed my shaky hands desperately trying to reach my face, she took them in hers. "You're safe."

I tried to say something —anything—, but my throat was sore, and the only thing that was able to leave it was her name.

"Shhh." She hushed me, letting one of her hands travel to my face. "You have to rest." I would have sworn she was crying, but I couldn't tell. "Everything'll get better." Her thumb stroking my cheek was the most soothing thing I had ever felt, so it wasn't difficult for me to close my eyes, this time willingly, though I was equally scared. "I'll stay by your side." The reassuring squeeze her hand gave me, made me aware that she had noticed my fear.

Before drifting off, I felt Y/n's lips placing a chaste kiss on my forehead, making my heart hammer against my chest.

I was still alive.

A Month Later

READER'S P. O. V.

It was Ron who sent me an owl the moment Fred finally got out of the hospital. He informed me that, instead of going to the Burrow to rest a few days—as planned—, ha had gone straight to the shop.

That's how I found myself the next morning inside Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, which was not-so-surprisingly full of people again.

Due to the huge amount of customers, it was relatively difficult for me to spot the twins.

Apparently, I turned out to be easy to spot.

"Y/n!" I turned in the stairs' direction to be met with a very enthusiastic George who, before I could even greet him, engulfed me in a hug.

"I see you can't catch a break." I observed, pulling away with a big smile on my face. That place really made the trick to bring joy to everyone.

"You can't imagine." He replied, his gaze wandering around before pulling my hand. "Oi, Fred! Look who dropped by!" He shouted over the hubbub, leading me to the till counter, behind which I saw the reason why I had come in the first place.

Just as Fred's eyes noticed me, he attempted to rush out of the till. I left George's side as soon as I realized that he, in fact, couldn't really rush out.

"Merlin's beard!" Despite he had just had to grip the counter in order not to fall, he tried again. "Take it easy, will you?" I scolded him, steadying him by his forearms and helping him step back to rest against the till. "Do you want to go back to the hospital?"

"If you're the one taking care of me, I wouldn't complain." The first time his eyes fell on my lips, I missed it because I was still securing him. The second time it was impossible to miss. "You know? Your sharpie saved my life."

I snorted at his nonsensical words. "You're delirious, Weasley." My hands finally left his forearms, just to be picked up on his. "Still suffering from the concussion?" I joked, trying to deviate my own attention from my fast heartbeat.

Another glance at my lips.

"I should get going." George spoke behind me.

"I was going to visit you tomorrow." Fred stated, his gaze now focused on my eyes.

"Sorry to break it to you, love," I pointed out, motioning at him with our hands still held. "But you can barely walk."

"Yeah, but I needed to see you." He looked somehow sheepish; I doubted I had ever seen him like that before. "I'm gonna be as clear and concise as possible—" He cleared his throat and forced himself to look at me. "I'm pretty much in love with you." I didn't know my eye could go as wide as they went. "Thing's I've known for a good couple of years now." He shrugged. "Telling you scared me, but then this happened." He gestured at himself. "And now not being able to tell you scares me even more." His eyes scanned me before looking around. "This wasn't the ideal place to tell you, but I didn't want to wait any longer."

I gulped, trying to process it as fast as possible.

"For Godric's sake, Y/n," he gently tugged my hand. "Say something, please." Fear started to take over him, even if he tried to keep it at bay. "It's alright if you don't feel the same, we can still be friends, I promise—"

"How do I kiss you without hurting you?" I questioned, already feeling the heat on my cheeks.

I could tell by his face that, out of everything I could have said, he was not expecting the answer I had given him. "Ever the caring one." He let go of my hands to cup my cheeks. "Just kiss me," he sounded so happy, it was contagious. "I'll deal with the pain later."

I listened to him and, holding onto his blazer, stood on my tiptoes and crashed my lips against his— only because I had been wanting to kiss him for too fucking long.

I got lost in the kiss and my brain completely dismissed that an entire wall had collapsed over the boy before me just a month ago; my hands went up to his neck, pulling him closer and, consequently, earning a painful groan from him.

"Shit! sorry." I was quick to let go, suddenly very aware of our surroundings, too.

He just shook his head and pulled my back to him, this time by my hips. "I said I'll deal with it later." He spoke against my lips before going in for a second kiss.

I was more gentle now, careful not to cause him too much pain.

To our dismay, we were interrupted.

"You said love confession!" George snapped us out of it; this time the groan Fred let out was from annoyance. "not snogging session in front of our customers! Get to work!"

He huffed, unwillingly separating from me. "If you stick around until lunch time, we can resume this."

I pretended to think about it. "I guess I can find something to do until then." My smile was as wide as his, and it grew wider when he pulled my into a hug, placing a kiss on the crown of my head. "I love you too, by the way."

His laugh reverberated on his chest. "Good to know."

"Freddie! Now!" This time it was me who groaned at George's demands.

"Help me out, love." Fred requested, pulling away from me so I could help him move behind the till counter. "See you in a couple of hours?" I nodded, pecking his cheeks and walking away from the shop.

It was when I started to walk down the Diagon Alley that it clicked.

His lifeline.

The sharpie.

"OH MY FUCK—"

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

Hitmen AU! | Head Canons | 19+ [Haikyuu!!]

KΛЯΛƧЦПӨ [PART i] [PART ii] [PART iii]

Here is the last part for the Karasuno head canons~! I hope you guys enjoy these~! Expect some drabbles or one shots or even other specific head canons~! 

The next team I’ll be setting up for is Nekoma~!

Again, feel free to ask questions or request anything from this AU! (Specify so I know~!)

» » Admin Ko

»»————-　♔　————-««

T̷o̷b̷i̷o̷ ̷K̷a̷g̷e̷y̷a̷m̷a̷

One of the gifted snipers on the team

or well, that’s what Tsukishima likes to say 

is actually one of the all rounders in the group, but is usually hired for quick assassinations

usually paired off with Hinata which begins and ends with bickering, but holy shit do they get the job done

honestly has one of the more terrifying attitudes in the group when it comes to perfecting his skill

is usually sparring or at a shooting range to get the cleanest shot

whenever he can he’ll take classes on human anatomy and human behavior to better predict his targets and what they’ll do

accidentally shot his mentor’s ear (luckily it only really grazed the area so he has a scar now)

has a tsundere sort of attitude after warming up to his fellow teammates

is the one who’s out most of the time due to the high demand in quick assassinations.

“Target in sight. Decoy ready when you are.” 

The sharp tone in his voice left no room for mistakes as the lean male adjusted his position slightly.

Icy blue eyes focusing in on the figure behind the glass as he shifted the sniper in his hand to a better angle. Letting out a slow and even sigh, the young male positioned his fingers on the trigger. His eyes never leaving the scope as he watched the target interact with their Decoy. Observing the attitude and mannerisms of the target he adjusted himself once more.

It was better to be precise with this one, after all it was their initiation assignment and the male refused to be denied by another team. 

When he saw the signal from the orange haired Decoy, the figure didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger as he waited with baited breath until the target’s body fell into an ungraceful heap on the floor. A sinister grin on his features as he finally relaxed before relaying the information to base.

“Target neutralized.”

Out of all of the rookies, he is the second tallest 

built sturdy yet lean. Not too buff, not too undertone, but just right

Frequents the gym as much as he can and spars with Hinata every other two hours

has at least 3 tattoos on his body 

likes to keep his hair either side swept or slicked back during missions (no obstructions in his eyes when he shoots) but normally has it down when around the base

likes to wear anything protective yet skin tight to keep him from being hindered in any way at making a clean kill

is emotionally constipated

his s/o is confused the first time he confesses but comes to adore it

comes off as an ice prince but just doesn’t know how to give good affection

was scolded by Sugawara and Daichi for trying to ‘get rid’ of someone who was annoying s/o

is an awkward baby with affection but oml when he’s stressed and needs some relief just-- oof

S̴h̴o̴y̴o̴ ̴H̴i̴n̴a̴t̴a̴

Bright and energetic, one of the more unexpected members to join their group

tried to be a sniper and almost ended up killing Kageyama

it’s no surprise he’s banned from using guns after this

is a master in jumping the target or any sort of kidnap or capture assignments 

was hesitant on becoming a decoy, but once paired with Kageyama for their initiation mission he fell in l o v e with it

is kinda psychotic 

he loves the thrill of seeing a target so badly corrupted crumbling dead at his feet

is surprisingly a smooth talker

loves to spar and learn new skills so he takes up behind Noya to learn as many skills as he can and to be useful in any situation

Like Sugawara, he prefers using knives or daggers in close combat fights

“Is that so? Well hey! I know a better area where we can discuss that deal of yours.” Suave and friendly, the ginger began leading the target towards the area he and Kageyama had agreed on. 

The immaculate suit he wore hugged his body nicely as he ran a hand through his unruly hair as he played out the various possibilities that could occur in his head. Though of course snapped out of it as he placed his facade on as he walked with the target. Easily flowing with the conversation despite the heavy desire to gut the corrupted individual before him.

“I see, I see. That truly does sound incredible...” He began walking over to the window as he watched the target follow in the reflection before sighing. 

“Though I can’t really say I agree completely with your ideas. That is-- I can’t agree with them until you're nothing but a corpse at my feet.” He stated coolly, hazel eyes glowing with malice as an unsettling look graced his features.

Before the tainted figure could even retaliate, the sharp sound of wind cut through the air as a bullet sat neatly in the center of the man’s head.

“Pity we couldn’t talk more, but I really want to get a more interesting mission you see?” 

the second shortest among the male members 

is a thiccq boi with broad shoulders 

is very toned too and scarily strong 

tried to arm wrestle with Kageyama, and surprisingly ended it as a tie

undercut ginger boi 

has a couple of piercings on his ears and a nice handful of tattoos painting his body 

is an absolute sunshine with his s/o 

rarely ever gets mad at his s/o, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get frustrated

likes to pick up his s/o to combine their heights to be tall

he learned that from Noya

his s/o always gets embarrassed when he demands to combine their heights to be tall

loves to listen to s/o’s heartbeat when they sleep

K̷e̷i̷ ̷T̷s̷u̷k̷i̷s̷h̷i̷m̷a̷

2/2 of the brain and tactics hub

a sarcastic and blunt boi who absolutely hates incompetent people

very smart and clever

hella observant as well and makes his moves accordingly

avoids Noya whenever he can, but usually ends up caught in some sort of experiment with his senior 

immensely loves to psychologically torture their targets that are brought to base 

is the “good” cop to Noya’s “bad” cop during interrogations

loves to pick apart at people’s brains and their mental stability 

Definitely mocks the other rookies whenever he can

“Haa? So this is my initiation?” A blank look crossed the blond’s features as he adjusted his glasses before a wicked smirk settled on his lips. The slow psychological torture he could do, and learn from had excitement flood his veins as he sat before the man.

A wave of his hand dismissed the two other daunting figures in the room as he took a once over of the person before him. 

“A week huh? I suppose that gives me enough time to peel back the layers of that pile of mush you call a brain.” He stated as he casually shrugged his shoulders before golden irises bore deeply into the figure before him.

“I suppose we should start now with keeping you awake for as long as your pea-sized brain can handle.”

Is the tallest out of the rookies 

loves to use it to his advantage to mock Hinata 25/8

Has a lean yet toned body, but has more of a physique similar to Sugawara’s 

long messy blond locks always be in the bed head state 

has one tattoo and a a couple of piercings 

is an absolute ass to his s/o, but makes up for it with cute small affectionate gestures

is emotional constipated baby number 2

is able to read their s/o well, but doesn’t dwell on it too much as he doesn’t want to be too invasive

can immediately tell when their s/o is off or something is bothering them

will immediately tell them that he has no problems quelling the problem that is bothering them with a eerily placed smile

T̴a̴d̴a̴s̴h̴i̴ ̴Y̴a̴m̴a̴g̴u̴c̴h̴i̴

A soft baby, another unexpected addition to the rookies

has a similar energy to Hinata, but just a lot more tamer in retrospect

is usually with Ennoshita gathering information as well as learning tips and tricks on the cyber aspect of their work

takes the time to learn coding as well as researching other defense mechanisms that can help keep wandering eyes off of their business

usually seen with Tsukishima in the base’s library 

on occasion will be dragged to do sparring with the other rookies 

is the defense and attack on their cyber end alongside Ennoshita

Stretching his back, the figure let out a pleased sigh as he felt his body relax from the tension built as he sat hunched over the multiple computers around him. His eyes briefly skimming over the orders requested and the many attempts at trying to pry into their servers. 

Grasping the cooled mug of coffee, he took a sip as he couldn’t help but let out an irritated sigh as another attempt to breach their firewalls had been commenced. Without a second wasted, he began typing and tapping away with one hand as he took another sip of his coffee before fully immersing himself in not only humiliating the hacker, but exposing them to the rest of the deep dark web with absolutely no hesitation.

His senior glancing over with a hum of approval before resuming his own work as the young male couldn’t help but smile and feel giddy at the delight of approval from his senior.

Is the third tallest member in the rookie squad

out of all the male rookies, he is the scrawniest

but still has enough mass and muscle definition to defend himself if he were to be attacked alone

again, is dragged to spar with the other rookies often 

long medium length hair that is usually pulled back into a half man bun / half pony tail

has one tattoo on his back

is an absolute sweetheart with his s/o

unfortunately doesn’t get the most time with his s/o due to the constant cyber attacks 

but when he is lucky enough for a vacation week he pours all his pent up stress and affections towards them 

loves to just stay in and cuddle with his s/o

H̷i̷t̷o̷k̷a̷ ̷Y̷a̷c̷h̷i̷

The decoy that never was

Initially, when she joined she had tried to be a decoy like Hinata and Kiyoko, but ended up not doing too well in that

though to everyone’s surprise her skill isn’t in decoy, but quick draw gun work

she works alongside Kageyama and trains in utilizing her skills and honing in on her shots 

is usually the back up in case a target manages to get out into the open

never uses more than 3 shots to take down a target 

is the most awkward and soft spoken in their group, but is just as happy and energetic as Hinata

“Yachi-san! The target is turning onto your street!”

The aggravated voice of her teammate rang in her ears as she winced slightly before pulling out a pistol with ease. Her honey brown eyes skimming the area for any abnormal figures as she let the bickering between her two other teammates drown out into nothingness.

A slow and steady breath escaped her as she slipped into the dim alleyway as she heard the scuffling and ragged breathing of a large figure stumbling down the empty streets. With practiced ease, she took aim. Her eyes turning stone cold as she shot once into the target’s leg.

A stumble and he was on a knee. The second shot struck his shoulder as he suddenly fell forward and the young gun slinger stepped out from the shadows as she walked towards the soon to be corpse as she tuned back into the conversation between her teammates.

“Target found. Target neutralized.”

Despite being the shortest member of the rookies she can pack quite the punch

is well toned and lean

Mid-length blond hair that’s usually put in a messy bun or a high pony tail

like the others, she has at least 2 tattoos scattered over her body 

tends to lean towards form fitting clothes like Kageyama for ease of access and speed to engage and neutralize a target

she is immensely doting on her s/o 

loves to smother her s/o in kisses and affection while doing the most normal things she can before going to work

likes to watch movies and thread her fingers through s/o’s hair whenever they have a stay in door date

[sinofdelusion]

SINoALICE x Code Geass: Resolve to Take Up a Sword: Turn 2

*As usual, text that is just italicized indicates in-battle dialogue

-

Part 1

"Where in the world is this place?" In this world that is neither a dream nor reality, Suzaku wanders. (First, I have to gather information...) Now, as he looked around the vicinity to evaluate the circumstances, he decided to enter the big shrine for the time being and began walking there. An unknown land. Suddenly, a monster called a Nightmare appeared. And then— (I feel like I saw Euphie...) Suzaku grasped his pocket watch, thinking of his lady that should be dead. There, in the middle of the road, stood a woman with hair the color of a dull rose.

"Don't go any further. You said you needed to find it, right? Find it quick. The meaning of holding a sword." "What are you..." "How many times do I have to repeat myself? God you're a pain." Saying that, she turned on her heel and disappeared back into the forest. "Wait. You— !" Suzaku made to run after her, but a Nightmare blocked his path.

A little lost after fighting the Nightmare, Suzaku came across a decaying hut. (There couldn't possibly be anyone living in such a dangerous place...) However, contrary to his expectations, he could see the form of an old woman inside. Suzaku was impatient, and unconsciously called out to the old woman. "It's dangerous here! There's monsters wandering around the area, you should flee immediately—" "I'm sorry. I understand what you're saying, but this is a very important place to me..." "But—" "You look tired. If you can stay for a bit, I can make you some tea." The old woman gently invited Suzaku in.

- Part 2

The next morning, he was worried about the old woman, but when he awoke, she wasn't there. Panicking, he rushed outside, but the old woman was right there, laying flowers on a grave right next to the house. "Ah, you're awake now?" "Good morning. Um, that's..." "Yes... it's my husband's grave." (Ah, I see. So that's why this person—) Learning the reason why the old woman wouldn't leave this place, Suzaku felt an indescribable feeling. However— "There's no time to waste on sentimentality." Suzaku cut down the attacking Nightmare in one blow.

"Thank you for protecting me. You're strong, aren't you." "No, I'm not..." "You know, your power isn't for saving this old granny. I wonder if you could use it to save many more people." "... If I did that, I would surely regret letting you die. I don't want to make the wrong choice again." As he said that, the old woman reached over and patted his head, like one would do to a child. "You're kind, aren't you."

"I'm kind...?" "That's right. Kind people hesitate in their choices. And they have a lot of worries. Is it okay if I talk for a bit? Right now, what is the biggest thing that's troubling you right now?" Lulled by the old woman's voice, Suzaku said what was bothering him without hesitation. "The person who killed.... someone precious to me..... might be my best friend..." (Isn't that right? Lelouch...) Nothing answered his heart's objection to those words.

- Part 3

"Shall I tell you a little about my husband?" The old woman began to speak tenderly to Suzaku after he voiced his worries. When she was young, her husband would ask her what she wanted for her birthday every year. She wanted flowers, but she was stubborn and thought they wouldn't suit her so she couldn't say what she truly wanted. And so when her close friend gave her flowers for her birthday, she said she was going for a walk because she deplored the smell of flowers. But her husband always gave her something that wasn't flowers.

"But I've been giving you flowers every year since a certain year. Do you know why?" "No..." "Easy. You said you wanted flowers." She said bashfully. "It's no good if you don't say anything. That's why you have to talk to your best friend." "But where are you going now..." "I'm going to the capital. There's lots of people there." "The capital..." "Have you seen the grand shrine? It's there." "I understand. Thank you very much. But before that, I have to do as much as I can." Saying that, Suzaku took up his sword.

"Before she goes to the capital— let's eliminate the monsters in this area. So that the old lady will be safe..."

When Suzaku finished off the Nightmares around the hut, he made a bouquet. (If it's just this, I wonder if there's time to go into the woods to pick flowers.) If he went to the capital, he could get information and come back here quickly. If there was a connection between them— was what Suzaku thought before he opened the hut's door. What was reflected in his eyes was... The old woman dyed with blood, and the form of a bandit splattered with her scarlet blood.

- Part 4

When the bandit who killed the old woman saw Suzaku, he nervously began spouting excuses. "I didn't mean to kill her! She could've handed her valuables over quietly, but this hag resisted! I was desperate! If you're just doing your best to survive until tomorrow, you have to steal from others!" "That's why you say it's okay to kill people?!" "S-Shut up! It's no use! I'm trying to protect myself! That's right, if it's to protect my family, I will—" A black mist began to gather around the robber as he assumed a fighting stance.

" K i l l . . .  T o  p r o t e c t  m y s e l f ,  I ' l l  k i l l  y o u ! "

"You are already... no longer human."

When he cut down the bandit and approached the old woman, she was still breathing, just barely. "Granny?!" — But her wheezing breaths showed that she wouldn't live for much longer. "It... hurts..." "Granny, hang in there!" ".... ll me. In a moment. To where that person is..." "...!" As the old woman wished, Suzaku's sword took her life with a single thrust.

Suzaku stared at the old woman's blood staining his hands. "Aa..." The lukewarm feel and musty odor jolted his memories. It was the same as that time he killed his father to stop the war— "Aa... aaaaaaaaaaaa!" Having an intense headache, Suzaku collapsed on the spot.

- Part 5

When Suzaku opened his eyes, there was a small child sitting in front of the bandit's corpse. "Dad... Dad..." "... Are you that person's child?" "Why did you kill my dad?" "That's because your father..." "Even though all my dad did was protect me! Is that wrong?! So you killed him?!" "Don't... don't ask me!" "Don't run away! Look at your sins!" The girl turned to Suzaku, showing him her father's bright red blood soaking her hands. "For what do you kill?!" "I... I...!"

"You killed him. Dad, come back!"

"I'm sorry... I..."

"BRING HIM BACK!”

"Where on earth did I make a mistake..."

Making a grave for the old woman, the bandit, and his daughter, Suzaku held a funeral for them. "You still don't understand?" When he looked up at the voice, he saw the dull rose-haired fortuneteller standing there. "... It's fine, whether it's reality or a dream. Will you condemn me? Before I make another mistake." "I hate it. Why do I have to wipe your ass? Do it yourself. You'll lose yourself if you don't take responsibility for the lives you've taken."

"And you're not ready to accept the hatred of those left behind." "Responsibility... and hatred..." "If you're not ready to bear all of the responsibility, then you shouldn't have a sword. Just be a bystander that shuts himself away in a corner of the world for the rest of his life." The fortuneteller called irritably over her shoulder as she left Suzaku.

- Part 6

Since then, Suzaku has shut himself away in the hut. Was it right or wrong? He kept thinking and thinking about it until he fell unconscious, then woke up thinking about it again. And he kept seeing endless nightmares. (How do... I...) There was no answer to that question. The answer he came to was—

"I won't forgive you."

"Yes, I won't forgive you."

"To just die like that—"

"We definitely—"

"—won't forgive you."

Suzaku woke to his own shouting. "I... I...!" A black mist gathered around Suzaku as he crouched, holding his face in his hands. The mist gathered, and gradually solidified into the shape of a person. "... Suzaku." "Euphie...?" "It's painful, isn't it? But it's okay. Do you want to start over together? Over and over again, for eternity..." "... Ah, that's right..." The black mist slowly engulfed Suzaku...

"It's no use. It seems that we're too late." Alice said calmly, running up to the hut and seeing Suzaku turn into a Nightmare. "Your best friend was swallowed up again." "I see...." Behind Alice, a slim boy with black hair and violet eyes came running. "I'm sorry, Suzaku. Next time, I will definitely save you. And—" The slim boy's face twisted as he looked up at the sky. "... I'm sorry, Nunnally. Again, I..." The sky he looked up at was dyed bright red.

---

"E h ?  Is it split  a g a i n  ? ! "

" P l e a s e  think of  t h e  s t a f f . "

"If it's the Pokelabo staff, then we don't  n e e d  to  w o r r y  about them,  d o  w e ?  Pokelabo is  w h i t e . "

"As  e x p e c t e d ,  h u h . "

" —  W e l l ,  joking  a s i d e . T h i s  world is  f i l l e d  with ill will. For those who  l o s t  t h e i r  w a y  in this world,  t h e r e  w a s  a  massacre that happened in their original world.  F o r  t h o s e  that were killed, resentment  f i l l s  the world."

" I  s e e ,  I agree."

" I f  Suzaku commits a  m u r d e r ,  the main cause would  b e ,  e v e n  i f  h e  avoids  i t — would be to  a v o i d  a n o t h e r  t r a g e d y ,  i s n ' t  i t . "

"Isn't killing  n e c e s s a r y ? "

" Y e s .  That's why he should  a c k n o w l e d g e  i t . "

"His  w e a k n e s s . "

" L e t ' s  prepare."

"To accept the  p r i c e  o f  s i n  b e f o r e  w e  g o . "

" O n l y  t h e n  w i l l  t h e  l o o p  e n d . "

[vera-invenire]

batman vs superman, pt 2

part one is here!

And we’re back at Luthor’s party where he’s giving a not at all significant speech about Prometheus, who stole from the gods, and the criminal injustice of having knowledge without power:

Bruce goes off to snoop around. Like five people clock Bruce as he oh so stealthily makes his way to Luthor’s servers.

Good job, Bruce.

Alfred, over the comm: “Maybe some girl from Metropolis will make him honest. Ha, in your dreams, Alfred.” I kind of love that this is Alfred’s defining character beat. He wants Bruce to have babies!

And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the first clash between Bruce and Clark where we find out that these two men are Not Impressed with each others’ alter egos.

Bruce tries to brush Clark off, but Clark plays the upright Boy Scout and says some not nice things about Batman’s effect on the people of Gotham. This, Bruce will not take. He’s like, ‘little boy, you don’t know shit, you ESPECIALLY don’t know shit about Gotham, and also your city’s cape is a menace with good PR, now run along, son, and stop wasting my time.’ He actually calls Clark ‘son’ dismissively and, you know what, it fits.

Clark: “He (Batman) thinks he’s above the law,” well, now, that’s not hypocritical of you at all, Supes. Honestly, I’m with Bruce here.

Bruce: “Maybe it’s the Gotham City in me; we just have a bad history with freaks dressed like clowns.” Oh, burn. This is why you don’t diss Gotham in front of Bruce. Or imply that maybe Batman has a not so great effect on the city, possibly. Bruce will not take kindly to it.

“Boys! Bruce Wayne meets Clark Kent. I love it. I love bringing people together!” And here’s Luthor to butt in and give some fourth-wall breaking prattle.

Man, those two tower over him.

So Alfred has been talking with Bruce through an earpiece, coordinating the hack into Luthor’s systems. Clark, with his super hearing, has been picking up on Alfred’s voice over the comm and is like, ‘what the hell?’

Clark tails Bruce - he’s right behind Bruce, but Bruce doesn’t notice? - until a Spanish-language news report about a fire in Mexico catches his attention. Bruce continues on to where he left his hacking doohickey on Luthor’s server only to find, gasp, the doohickey is gone!

Bruce turns, and there’s the woman in red who has been walking mysteriously through the crowd all this time.

Yes, the dress is red. I know, it’s hard to tell. The colors are clearer on my TV screen than in the caps, to be fair.

“I can’t believe they’re going to let that poor girl die,” the news broadcast says, so Clark loosens his tie and leaves the premises. Alas, Diana also leaves the premises, giving Bruce the slip and leaving him all alone.

Clark saves the girl in Mexico. He’s greeted by an awed and reverent crowd of people in full Day of the Dead costume, all of them reaching out to touch him as if he were God.

No, I’m not making this up.

You know, somehow I feel like I’ve seen this before...

Ah, yes. It’s funny how the component parts of these scenes are so similar. Wonder how that happened. Like, what’s the underlying theme.

:/

Jump to a news/opinion show that straight up uses the words ‘savior’, ‘religion’, ‘messianic figure’ re: Superman.

(also apparently the Senator lady from Kentucky who’s been dragging Superman in public hearings is a Democrat. From Kentucky. The state of McConnell and Rand. Yeah, okay.)

(Why didn’t they just make her from Kansas, though. Smallville’s in Kasnas!)

Montage of news clips interspersed with Clark saving people from various disasters in slow-mo. Cameo by Neil deGrasse Tyson.

...and they copied Katrina footage. Of course they did. *eye-twitch*

I had just started my first week as a college freshman in New Orleans when Katrina hit and this bull - no, you know what. I’m not gonna talk about this. I will leave it at the *twitch*. A BIG TWITCH.

Moving on, Clark wants to do stories on Batman, but Perry’s like, ‘uh, no, you do your job and write the stories I tell you to write. What do you think this is, 1938.’ Wow, such a random year, wonder why that one came to mind, hmmmmmm.

This is Perry, unimpressed as ever with Clark’s hustle.

“Nobody cares about Clark Kent taking on the Batman.” Gee, then why’d you make a movie about it...

(They really do hang an awful lot of lampshades, re: the premise of this movie.)

Cut to the mysterious woman! She’s in a ridiculously classy-looking museum looking at Alexander the Great’s sword when, wouldn’t you know it, Bruce Wayne himself shows up to hover over her shoulder. Gasp.

I don’t think she’s impressed.

Bruce does some unprompted mansplaining about the sword - it’s a fake - only for the mysterious woman to cut him off because she knows perfectly well what she’s looking at and where the real one is. Take that, Brucie.

She tries to politely disengage, but Bruce follows and grabs her arm. You can see the moment where he nearly lost his hand, but this lady is too classy and forgiving to cause an exasperating scene.

He is o b l i v i o u s.

Bruce says she stole his doohickey and that wasn’t polite. She shoots back, ha, you were trying to doohickey your way in without permission, don’t talk to me about polite, only she says it in a much more elegant way.

We find out she’s looking for a photograph Luthor has in his possession, but she wasn’t able to crack Luthor’s encryption after all.

Bruce tries to smooth talk her.

This dialogue. Ugh.

Bruce, getting way too far in her personal space to murmur in her ear: “You know, I bet with that dress, 9 out of 10 men would let you get away with anything.”

“But you’re the 10th?” <--matter of fact, not impressed

“I’m guessing I’m the first (slight pause) to see through that babe-in-the-woods act.”

Bruce, the only reason you get laid is because you have money. And to think I was actually liking you more than Clark at this point. How is ‘Batman’ an easier person to like than ‘Bruce Wayne’, I ask you.

But really, what ‘babe-in-the-woods’ act??? This woman has been running circles around you and she’s been on screen for less than two minutes so far! She straight up told you her motive. She’s not playing innocent, she’s just not engaging your dumb ass when she doesn’t need to.

Bruce: “You don’t know me, but I’ve known a few women like you.”

Look at that smile. You don’t even need the next line of dialogue, the look says it all. “I don’t think you’ve ever known a woman like me.”

AND ALSO

“You know what, it’s true what they say about little boys. Born with no natural inclination to share.” She tugs his bowtie, no sexual tension.

She informs Bruce that she already returned the doohickey, it’s in the glove compartment of his car.

Then she walks away. He never even gets her name. (though she names him as she takes her leave and that’s an interesting power dynamic, yes.)

Bruce takes his dongle to his Bat Cave to crack the encryption, and then we suddenly cut to -

Holy post-apocalyptic!vision, Batman! (or daydream? who knows what goes on in Bruce’s head)

The city in front of him (Gotham? Metropolis?) is basically a ruined corpse of itself; huge pillars of firey death are scattered all around. Even Batman’s binoculars are cracked - it appears he’s fallen on some hard times.

A caravan of trucks that looks a mite sketchy pulls up, but surprise, looks like Batman is working with them. They’re delivering ‘the rock.’

Hm, looks a bit more like a bomb to me. Delivered in a LexCorp box to boot.

This is where I start really questioning this scene. Does Bruce know about kryptonite at this point? If he doesn’t, then where exactly is this vision coming from?

But wait!

Half of the guards kills the other half in a turn that’s actually very reminiscent of Lois’ escapades at the beginning of the movie. (Deliberate? Honestly can’t tell.)

And the turncoats? All wearing tactical gear with a big ole Superman ‘S’ patch on their shoulders.

Bruce goes ‘noooooo!’, enters the fight, takes one of their guns and starts shooting people with it while using another gun as a club.

I’m gonna be honest here, it’s not even that great of a fight scene. The random alien bugs that come out of nowhere (??? Bruce, if this is your imagination, I have questions) don’t help all that much.

...and Bruce just snapped a guy’s neck. Just to really drive the point home that this is the Bad Future of No Hope, I guess.

Bruce gets overwhelmed and knocked out. He wakes up to this.

And then this.

Look, the ‘must crush cockroach’ look is back!

The guards kneel to Clark as he does his murder-walk toward Bruce and the other prisoners. Said prisoners promptly get laser-visioned in half by Clark‘s murder-glare.

Clark unmasks Bruce. He says, “She was my world. And you took her from me.”

Then he - tears Bruce’s heart from his chest? Yes, yes, Bruce takes Clark’s heart, so Clark takes his. It’s painful and likely (haha, ‘likely’) fatal.

It also shocks Bruce back to his Bat Cave in the present day, but the fun’s not over yet!

Going by the half-assed facial hair, I’m assuming this is the Flash from the future. Which future, who knows. I don’t think he even knows, tbh. But future!Flash has a message to pass on.

“It’s Lois, Lois Lane, she’s the key.”

Bruce’s expression: who the fuck is Lois Lane. the key to fucking what. why is there a disembodied torso surrounded by lightening in my Bat Cave.

And then future!Flash is like, shit, shit, “am I too soon? fuck, I’m too soon.” But he doesn’t let this stop him from delivering the rest of his unhelpfully vague message:

“You’re right about him! You’ve always been right about him! Fear him! Fear him!”

So my question is, are we supposed to believe future!Flash gave Bruce this vision? Or that Bruce got a glimpse of the future as a side-effect of future!Flash showing up in his Bat Cave? The presence of Kryptonite in a LexCorp box makes it likely the vision wasn’t one of Bruce’s freaky nightmares if he doesn’t know Luthor has that yet. (though this movie has already shown him having troubling visions. unless, gasp, is the bat!mommy real, too?)

Future!Flash says, “Find us, you have to find us!” and then vanishes just in time for the Bat Computer to finish decrypting Luthor’s files. Bruce - assumes it’s all a dream? Who knows.

Next bit amps up the brewing conflict between Supes and the Bat. Clark gets a Mysterious Package with pictures of Bruce’s branded victims, calling him out for being judge, jury and executioner -

- while Bruce argues with Alfred about stealing kryptonite from a LexCorp ship to use against Superman. It’s a little unclear if he really thought the ship was carrying a dirty bomb at first and only just found out it was carrying kryptonite through Luthor’s files, or if he knew all along.

What is clear is that he really, really wants to take down Superman for the good of the millions of people Superman might otherwise kill. “If we believe there’s even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty. And we have to destroy him.”

Alfred argues that Supes is not the enemy, Bruce says, yeah, not today. “Twenty years in Gotham - how many good guys are left? How many stayed that way?” Hi Harvey, Hi Jason.

One good thing about the early part of this convo is we find out that Bruce is shit at lying to Alfred. Because of course he is.

Alfred knows your tricks, Bruce, he taught you most of them.

Back at the Planet -

Perry: “KENT!! Where does he go. Where does he go?”

Reporter, walking away fast: “I don’t...I don’t know.”

Perry: “Clicks his heels three times, goes back to Kansas, I suppose.”

Brief scene of Lois clandestinely giving the Mysterious Government Bullet to a Senator, possibly to try and exonerate Superman. Scenes are getting shorter again.

And now we have Bats, being very dramatic at the docks.

Can you see him? He’s there. His cape is very flow-y, trust me on this.

Cue car chase to get Luthor’s rock. On the one hand, we get the Batmobile, Batman’s favorite accessory. On the other, he literally crushes, flips, and drags upside down cars while people are still in them. This isn’t even the Hell Future, it’s present day. The people behind this film aren’t even trying, are they.

...he just threw a car at another car while the mooks cried, ‘nooo!’ at their on-coming death.

Oh, and Batman has machine guns in the bumper of his car. But that’s okay because the mooks had a rocket launcher in their truck.

Bruce chases the nearly demolished truck, they’re getting away, he takes a sharp turn -

Uh-oh.

Clark’s here.

And he kicks Bruce’s car into a wall.

tbc...

[privilegc-blog]

( » » tasks | 018 ; chance encounters. )

“Chance encounters are what keep us going.” — ( x )

a l e x i   n i k o l a y e v i c h    —

Blair wanted to die. Nine months of torture and never had he thought he wanted to be killed in that entire time. But now, now he was holding a strip he had torn off the bottom of his shirt against the bleeding stump of his arm, and he wanted to be gone, to let go of the cloth and just bleed all this hurt out of his body and finally perish from this painful and mistake ridden thing called life. He could feel the shards of his forearm bones under the fabric, through the blazing pain of it all, and it was a thought that made him want to throw up. A parking lot curb caught at his feet and he nearly screamed at the jostling of his arm, the way fire raced up his ruined limb. Then he was in middle of the street and couldn’t remember how he got from the parking lot to the there. 

Up ahead, he could see an intersection filled with four or five shambling undead corpses drawn by his screams and he distantly wondered if that’s where he could die. Instead, his numb mind dimly comprehended a pair of living humans cutting down the danger, his easiest chance of escaping all this pain. He wanted to whine, to mourn the loss of that easy way out. The flashing of their machetes made him shy like a nervous horse and he shuffled backwards, unsure of their intentions, if they wanted to cause him more pain on top of this unbearable pain. His mind and feet stuttered to a stop and he closed his eyes to think, it had been so much easier to think in the dark of his series of rooms.

Before he could process what he had seen and evaluate the threat of it — it was so much harder without the dark he had come to find soft, so much harder without being able to place these people among the numbers of the ring by breathing patterns and voices, maybe it was Tiger coming to guide him — there was a voice addressing him.

“Сын чертовой сучки... You were screams, no?”

Blair tilted his head, chin against chest, they hated him looking like he could see them, it was easier to concentrate that way— none of them had spoken, what was that? Russian? none of them had spoken Russian and while this man’s breathing patterns were elevated from the exertion of killing some of the undead, he didn’t match anyone, why didn’t he match? — and he responded automatically — they hated when he didn’t answer questions immediately outside of interrogations, if he didn’t answer during interrogation he could take it, he could take anything they threw at him — with a cracking voice from the pain.

“Yes, they —”

“It had, no, is happening right now?”

The question confused him, the conflicting tenses of it — yes, it is happening right now, this pain that dominated his senses and rung in his teeth, and yes, it had happened, and yes, it will continue to happen — and he involuntarily looked up, catching random details of the stranger. A spider tattoo crawling up his neck, tattoos covering his hands, icy blue eyes, that was all he caught before his own eyes closed again. Blair filed away all that information — Spider, maybe Tats, no, Spider, he was thin enough for Spider to be true, all knobby long fingers and jutting angles, that’s what he would call him, Spider, was he a new member? but wait, none of the ring spoke Russian — and found his thoughts were interrupted again.

“Why are you closing eyes?”

Blair didn’t open his eyes, pressing his face harder against his shoulder to resist looking. His panic thoughts flitted along — they took away his blindfold, was this a test again? did they want him to make a mistake again? to reinforce a rule he had been breaking? — and his right elbow cradled his face, to block out any visuals as he tried to stem the flow of blood from his other arm.

“You don’t want me to know your faces, that’s why, you told me —”

“I am not them.”

The words were spoken so forcefully that Blair felt like he should be kneeling, and his knees buckled a little — whether from exhaustion or blood loss or need to obey the rules the ring had set out, he was wasn’t sure. Suddenly Spider was ducking under his good arm and the familiar movement unmoored his mind from the present moment. 

Tiger was walking him to the next hideout, he’ll be safe for a while with Tiger’s gentle prods and support when he got too tired or a hand to help him when he stumbled. Tiger wouldn’t mind him talking. There was someone else’s hands tying the rag around his arm, but the pain of that wasn’t that bad and Tiger would protect him from the others hurting him too much.

“Tiger, my arm hurts. How much further?”

“Not far.”

“Thank you Tiger.”

“Name not Tiger, am Aleksey Nikolayevich Alexandrov.”

The response brought him back into the present. This wasn’t Tiger, this was Spider. But not Spider, he gave his name, Aleksey Nikolayevich Alexandrov. Aleksey, Aleksey, Aleksey. Blair clung to that name, none of the rest of the ring had ever told him their names, not even Tiger. He felt them turn, his foot caught on a leg of one of the corpses — was Aleksey even part of the ring? was he released from the ring? yes, yes, he was released, they told him that he was carrying a message, yes, he must remember the message, it was important, or was this another attempt at capturing someone? — and Aleksey propped him up more.

“Clear path better, Callum.”

Another name. The other man, the one he hadn’t paid any attention to. His closed eyes made the walk feel like a forever in hell, he wanted to open his eyes but he couldn’t break the rules. A door opened, and noise washed over him, he must be back in the ring’s current hideout or something. Aleksey’s arm tightened around his shoulder and Aleksey’s voice rose, along with another voice behind him.

“Gwen!”

Another name, another blessing of knowing a name. Callum, the other man who was outside and now inside calling out the name from behind him, and Gwen, who they were calling for now. Was Gwen the one he knew as Ice coming to bind up his arm properly? Aleksey’s supporting arm left him, and Blair sunk down to his knees, tired and ready to be shoved in room somewhere so he could open his eyes at last, unbothered by the presence of the ring. The noise around him dropped in volume, and Blair’s brain caught up with him as he kneeled in the silence and darkness behind his eyelids. It was like being back in his rooms.

He realized, in a sudden bolt of clarity, that this must be one of the camps the ring had wanted him to carry the message to. His thoughts were careening around his head with the shock of it — none of the ring would be so careless with names, by now he would have another blindfold if he was recaptured by the ring, why would they release him only to recapture him? these were the first ‘normal’ free people he had encountered, but wait, maybe this was all just an elaborate test, seemed something Major or SS would come up with for fun — and he wanted to curl up on the floor, overwhelmed. Someone knelt next to him, there was another person standing behind him, and another body was in front of him judging by the breathing around him, a flurry of movement that made him stay still out of fear from the unknown. Aleksey spoke from right next to him, placing the breathing beside him to a source.

“This Gwen.” His good hand was brought up and laid on a woman’s shoulder, the body in front of him, her hair brushed his knuckles. That left Callum or some other unnamed member of this camp or the ring behind him. “She is nurse, will take care of you.”

“I’m a healer here, I use to be a nurse — uh, let’s take a look at your arm here.”

By the time he realized he could open his eyes without punishment, Aleksey had disappeared from his view. A spider on a silk strand, gone into the wind.

s h e r m a n   d o y l e   —

Blair still thought better in the dark, still closed his eyes to think. He was trying to figure out how the man in front of him had been able to survive this long. Words written down, or communicated through hand signs, existing on an entirely visual plane, the opposite of what he had been. Blair tried to imagine his captors having deprived him sound. He thinks he would have gone insane, more than he was had been on an average day. Instead of continuing down that path of thought he turned back to survey the room.

And today was an average day, or at least an average day in his new world. He was on a trading mission with the Capitol, and he was still surprised at the way people took up space. They were standing in a large room, every corner occupied by people free to move,  what use to be the state senate. Standing in front of him was one of those such free people, who had never been tied up or locked in a room. 

Yet, this man was like him in some ways. He was different. Blair might have a more apparent disability, but this man was deaf, so he knew the feeling of not being ‘normal.’ Blair focused his attention fully on the man. Sherman, was his name ( names were so freely given now, another thing that amazed him ), and he was pointing to his little pad of paper, handing over his communication life line to those someone couldn’t speak his language of hand signs. Him, who couldn’t speak Sherman’s native language, unlike the woman he signed towards who was sitting next to the Capitol’s leader, an entire conversation without a word.

‘Do you have any painkillers?’

The scribbled question made him pause. He did, a bottle of probably expired Advil, it was a part of the load he had packed in the bag on his back. When he loaded his backpack, he hadn’t even thought about the pain relievers, they were just another object in his haul. They weren’t the demon they were to him in the past, no longer a promise of escape in a pill, no longer a wicked temptation. He didn’t feel any of the ugly feelings he use to have when he thought about pills. There were just another good now to trade.

Blair nodded yes, deciding the rest of his response shortly before he wrote it out, neat small capital letters in contrast to the large scrawl of the Capitol’s deaf hunter.

‘What do you have in return?’

And that was that. The day moved on normal, two survivors in a world that didn’t want them to survive. Two men with impairments they overcame and adapted with, one born with and one forced upon, that never would fully dominate who they were.

[aplaceinthesunaplaceinthesun]

3 am thoughts

There's this part in elastic heart where Sia sings "and I want it I want my life so bad, I'm doing everything I can" and there's a guttural sense of yearning there There's this moment where her voice almost breaks I don't know how else to explain it But when I think about my life I climb into that moment, I climb into her wavering voice I climb into the fraction of a second where it starts to Fall Apart Sometimes all I know is that I'm very well versed in that feeling That guttural desperate feeling The banging on the door with ripped up knuckles feeling That screaming underwater feeling That 'sometimes I dream that I'm trapped in a confined space and I can't move and I can't breathe and I can't m o v e and I c a n t m o v e and I c a n t m o v e and I c a n t m o v e' Feeling You know those dreams Your face is twisted up somewhere under a cabinet You don't know how you got there But It feels wrong I t f e e l s w r o n g And Y o u c a n t m o v e Is that a recognisable thing Do you get what I mean Feeling There's a wrongness that sits simultaneously in the pit of my stomach and in the back of my throat I think too much I feel too little And then It flips on me I feel too much I think too little I feel my thoughts I think I feel I feel myself thinking Too much too little I feel this wrongness in the pit of my stomach And simultaneously in the back of my throat And at the forefront of my mind And somewhere in the pressure behind my eyes I've got this desperate feeling And it's eating away at me By eating away I mean I'm in your car And you're chewing loudly And I'm hyper aware of every sound that you make It's not quite that it's the quiet of 12am Or that your face is a fraction away it's just This pressure in the air This tension I feel it in my teeth At the back of my head In my eye sockets There's this desolate feeling Eating away at me And when I say eating away I mean when you sigh and shift it takes longer than 3 and a half seconds But it doesn't stretch out the way I need it to And we both know what happens next When did I frame this In my mind By eating away at me I mean it's not on a feedback loop Not quite And I don't think about it day to day Or at all since really But If you asked me To recall the moment I could tell you In great detail Every shift in space In the tiny cramped car space Between us I get this feeling This Foreboding feeling I feel it simultaneously in the roots of my teeth And behind my eye sockets It's all connected Like the pink goo and fibres covering the skeleton I want to cut my skull open Show you the tiny hooks in my brain I don't know how else to describe it Picture an expensive nipple clamp chain But without the linkages It's just Hooks It's all hooks And they're clamped into my brain Like in those portrait photography photos Y'know the ones With the surgical setting Grey table Blue shadow Ominous bald man somewhere in the back You know the ones Imagine the clamps The brain clamps That's how I feel Imagine if Just bear with me here They twisted the chains Clamped one metal hook badly onto another one Made it Heavier Can you picture it Did you feel that brief flutter of added weight Like there's something bearing on your head Tugging all your hair really hard but Not ripping it out Just this Pressure It's bearing on you And the hooks They move When you move Like you're a puppet Or this super villain deployed brain controlled robots But your brain is still attached To your head So it's just Tugging I get this feeling And it's all connected I get this feeling Bearing on me And it's like A shittier version of a headache Do you know how it feels when you drink too many caffeinated drinks and it feels like you can hear the white noise in your brain It's like a faint buzzing It's a bit different from your ears ringing But that happens too There's this feeling Bearing down on you And you can hear it behind your teeth You know that moment where your eyes are too sore to be open or closed And you're acutely aware of them sitting there In their sockets Melting away in your brain I get this feeling This overwhelming feeling It's all connected Like with Sia's voice I climb into that moment Where it all falls Apart But my heart isn't elastic It's made of Tree bark and year 12 science class razor blades I'm projecting It's made of Soft mushy things Too soft It doesn't hold its shape Slips out from between the cracks Sometimes it's a cavern And sometimes it's a door nailed shut Sometimes I recontextualise it Turn it into A different idea My heart isn't full of rooms It's an open road It's full of potholes And quicksand The road disappears into gravel It's a special type of gravel Every stone is a stone you got stuck in your shoe When you were eleven you went to the big shiva temple and there were sharp rocks all over the ground and you took your shoes off and walked across the sharp rocks because your parents taught you to remove your shoes before you enter the temple My heart is like the rocks from the temple It's not so much that I think that they're holy But that I cut myself up Trying to do the right thing By them My parents I mean Or God Or both In my religion they say it's both But it also says that your husband is your personal God We stopped going to the big shiva temple Years ago When I was a girl My sister did the jaya Parvati varat She fasted for days Grew the mother plant and prayed to it On one of the days There was a rule You had to stay up all night I would fast with my sister and set up the mattresses on the floor of the sitting room We played monopoly And card games We watched Dracula and I remember when I would wait all year For the day we'd stay up all night I wondered if I would do this too One day Start some ritual contract Pray for the husband of my Choice When my first ex broke up with me I realised I wouldn't I wouldn't pray to find Love My heart is like The light switch in the movie Black and white Nosferatu turns it on and off and on and off and on and off again When my second ex broke up with me My mother told me to turn my heart to stone But my heart Isn't made of rocks Or electricity Or feelings It's made of band less hair ties and pencil sharpener razor blades It's too sharp to be picked up I'm projecting My heart Is a site of confusion Frustration It weighs 100 tonnes And sinks through my body You can caress it through the thin skin on my back I get this feeling sometimes Like the elastic heart But my heart isn't made of elastic The hair ties snap The razors tumble out I come from a long line of Unhappy Gujarati women A chain of hands That clasp their nieces and sisters hands desperately Like the song That moment I try not to take too much eye contact with my cousin I see her mother in the bags of her eyes My own mother breaks down crying at the table She carries with her a family tree that sustains itself with the tears of the women who appear inside it Us women The life force I come from a long line of unhappy Gujarati women When I found out I couldn't have kids myself I was glad to think that line would die with me Beyonce talks about wearing your mothers lipstick the way she wears disappointment In my culture we wear red vermilion in the parting of our hair New jewellery, old story Heavy embellished saris We sit cross legged Cover our heads when we pray Pray for strength that we don't Wear our mothers disappointment When we have enough of our own Family teaches us How to be good girls Negotiate our very existence away Compromise our lives Sacrifice our happiness Step into flower garlands like lowering your head into a noose I always had this idea That if I ever got married I'd play that song from that sad movie Mubarak Mubarak Everyone plays it at weddings But it's not a happy song I wonder if that's the reason There's this old myth the darker the stain of your henna the more your husband will love you I would spend hours As a girl Waiting for the paste to dry Walked around all sticky with sugar and lemon dripping from my palms "On your wedding day silly, not now" they'd tell me I don't think I'll ever find out There's this feeling I get Like the hooks in my head The flowers The noose The razorblades The vermillion My heart is a vessel for the holy fire I can feel it in my eye sockets Rolling into the back of my head Burning in the back of my throat They teach us to be good girls I lie awake Wondering if I'll lie like a corpse in our bed There's this feeling I get Bearing on me Like in the song My mother told me to turn my heart to stone But I come from a long line of unhappy Gujarati women With stone hearts And their grandmother's heartache etched into the lines of their skin Their aunty's exhaustion in the droop of their shoulders Their sister's strength in the hard lines of their backs These women who carry their mothers guilt in their own tear ducts Wear their disappointment Like a full face of make up A circle of women who bang their heads against their stone hearts Waiting for them to crack open I come from a long line of unhappy Gujarati women I feel it in the pit of my stomach And at the back of my throat In my teeth In my eye sockets It's all connected I get this feeling you see Like in the song I climb into that moment Where everything falls apart There's this bit in elastic heart where Sia sings "and I want it I want my life so bad, I'm doing everything I can" and there's this yearning there I get this feeling It's bearing on me My heart is made of Excuses And Dark matter Sharp rocks That haven't weathered into stone Just Yet There's this feeling I get It's all connected I come from a long line of hooks clamped inside my head There's a desperation there A tension I get this feeling Like the other shoe is about to drop I'm suspended there In that desperate moment Her her voice almost Breaks But And here's the kicker But It doesn't