#i know it's stupid. i know. i craft my events with a lot of love and no love is ever wasted. even if only 1 person participates it's enough

[lale-txt]

i need to be hit with a broom. run over with a truck. put into one of these iron maiden things idc anything that will shut off my brain

[perseephoneee]

caroling [ficmas 2024] [elijah mikaelson x f!reader]

↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2024

@wholoveseggs : Hiii darling!! I have a request for ficmas!! Elijah Mikaelson (duh!) with either caroling (hilarious) or hot cocoa ☕💕

warnings: caroling

author's note: lissa my beloved i hope i did elijah justice <3 this fic took me like four buffy episodes and die hard to write :p

playlist:

christmas (baby please come home) -- darlene love

that's christmas to me -- pentatonix

snow song -- adrianne lanker

The holidays were one of your favorite times of the year, full of community and lightness in times of darkness. Even with Mystic Falls becoming a frozen wasteland, you enjoyed going downtown and seeing all the decorations and bright lights adorning the streets. 

Your job as a librarian was also enriched by the season. Although Mystic Falls library was small and not often used, you did your best with the other staff to create a welcoming environment. This included hosting a book drive, lots of community craft events, and caroling. 

You loved to sing since you were tiny but hated caroling season in Mystic Falls. It was a community-wide thing, and it was also a competition to raise money for the Mystic Falls Foodbank. Except that Nancy Springborg won every single year. And loved to rub it in your face. 

The caroling groups involved many of the students in the various elementary and middle schools, especially the foster kids, who usually didn't receive much during the holiday season. All the kids were assigned to the different caroling hosts, and somehow, even with the random assignments, Nancy managed to have the best-sounding group with the best choreography to win the stupid competition. 

Not that you were bitter. 

"If you hate caroling so much, why do you continue to sign up?" Arielle, your co-worker, asked you as she cut more snowflake decorations. You both were assistant librarians hoping to work your way up the ladder. Currently, that meant doing the menial work of holiday decorations. The backroom was too small to work in, so you were both at the front desk.

"I don't hate caroling; I hate the caroling competition. It's stupid and doesn't achieve anything," you scoffed, aggressively snipping the paper. 

"Except money for the food bank."

"Don't argue semantics with me."

"It's supposed to be fun, and the kids look forward to it," Arielle grinned, pushing her glasses up her nose. You ripped your snowflake out of anger and let out a noise of frustration.

"It'd be fun if Nancy lost. She's such a bitch."

"Who's a bitch?"

You looked up to see Elijah Mikaelson, fingers tapping the counter as he looked at you with a half smile. You had never heard him say a swear word before, and it took your brain a few seconds to compute.

"Nancy Springborg. Y/N's arch nemesis," Arielle responded for you, finishing her snowflake. She sent you a knowing glance as you opened and closed your mouth like a fish. 

"Archnemesis? My, I didn't take you for the vengeful sort," Elijah tutted. 

"That would require you to know more about me," you replied, rolling your chair over to the counter. "Can I get something for you today, Mr. Mikaelson?"

"Elijah. And yes, I have a few archival books on loan that I'd like to pick up."

Elijah had been dutifully working on recording the town's history. He had managed to add a lot more information than was previously recorded. It was almost like he had lived through it.

"I can grab them. Be right back," Arielle nodded, leaving you alone with Elijah. In addition to recording Mystic Fall's history, he had also been coming in at least once a week and had become a subject of infatuation. Arielle wished you would just ask him out, but that would require bravery, which you were sorely lacking. So, instead, you pined from afar and whined when you had one too many to drink. 

"What makes this Nancy Springborg your archnemesis?" Elijah asked.

"She always wins the godsdamn caroling competition and has to be an asshole about it. I always get second," you frowned, twiddling your fingers. "I know it's for the kids…but I really just hate her smug expression."

Elijah chuckled. "I know people like that."

"How do you handle it?" you questioned.

"You, my dear, are too kind for how I deal with it."

You furrowed your brows in curiosity, but Arielle came back right at that second with two heavy tomes that left a satisfying smack on the counter. You scanned the books out to his library card, watching him not even stress a muscle as he put both under his arm. 

"Have a lovely day, Y/N. Arielle," Elijah nodded, heading out the door as your gaze followed him wistfully. You could almost hear Arielle shaking her head from behind you. You swiveled in your chair. 

"Laugh it up, fuzzball," you chimed, returning to your snowflakes as Arielle laughed.

The assignments for the caroling groups came out after your shift. You were already at home, the sky dark at five p.m. It was a frozen dinner night, and you were nursing a cup of green tea while you looked at who you got this year and went through your emails. You had a few new kids and a couple you've had before. One of them, Olive, was a girl you got every year. Her Mom was a widow who worked night shifts and often couldn't do much for Christmas. Still, her Mom gave you cookies every Christmas as a thank you. 

You were debating putting on a holiday movie when your doorbell rang. You weren't expecting any guests but went to check anyway. Surprise crossed your face as you saw Elijah outside. You opened your door. 

"How do you know where I live?" you inquired, leaning against the door frame.

"Arielle told me," Elijah smiled. "May I come in?"

"Uh, yeah. Come in," you said, moving out of the way. He entered, taking a glance

around your apartment. It wasn't very organized; you had books spilling everywhere. But it was clean; you weren't unhygienic. You shrugged.

"I have a librarian's salary, can't afford much."

"I think it's lovely," Elijah nodded, looking appreciatively at all the titles on your shelf. You shifted awkwardly. 

"What can I do for you, Mr. M– Elijah," you caught yourself, crossing your arms. 

"I used to sing when I was a young boy," he spoke, turning towards you. "My Mother would bring me to all the different houses with my siblings. As I got older, I stopped singing and got into playing piano. I still enjoy a choral piece or two." You maneuvered your way to the kitchen, pouring Elijah a cup of tea. He nodded appreciatively. "I was hoping I could help you with the caroling competition."

"I'm sure you have better things to do than participate in a caroling contest," you rolled your eyes, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

"Anything one desires is worth doing," Elijah sipped his tea, nodding appreciatively. "Rose?"

"Cherry blossom. Got it for springtime, but I am still working through it."

"It's good," Elijah put his cup down. "So, caroling?"

"I hope you're not expecting some fancy choir. It's me and a bunch of children."

"Then I'll be in good company."

Was Elijah flirting with you? Maybe not by traditional standards, but he sounded interested. You weren't used to anything like this and didn't want to look too hard into it. 

"It's a week of rehearsals for one night of caroling; we start Monday," you raised your brow, almost in a challenge. Elijah grinned.

"I look forward to it." His gaze caught on the television. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"I was going to put on a movie, that's all." You shifted your weight as you debated your question. "Do you want to stay? I got delicious frozen food."

"It would be my honor," Elijah replied, removing his jacket and hanging it near your front door. He was dressed in the same suit from earlier, and you realized you had never seen him in anything other than the finest. In comparison, you were in loose lounge pants and a T-shirt. "What are we watching?"

"The best Christmas movie ever– Die Hard," you grinned, going to your pantry to find your popcorn.

"Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?" Elijah questioned, causing you to stop in your tracks. 

"Don't ask stupid questions," you tutted. "Let me introduce you to the wonder of John McClane saving Christmas."

Elijah ended up enjoying the movie, although he had many questions throughout. You had to pause several times to tell him to trust the process. He also participated in your frozen dinner buffet, which was entertaining since he dressed like he was going to a Michelin-star restaurant. He ended up leaving hours later. When you closed the door, it took you about thirty seconds before you descended into a giggling mess and called Arielle. 

Monday couldn't come fast enough. Rehearsals were scheduled for after school at the library, and you had already set out snacks and refreshments when Elijah showed up. He was still dressed to impress. You spun around with a snack tray in your hands. 

"Cheese cube, Mr. Mikaelson?"

"You really know how to impress a man," Elijah chuckled, picking up one of the cheeses. Somehow, he made eating cheese seductive. You turned away, swallowing. "Am I too early?"

"Not at all; children are just too late." Even as you said it, though, your usual favorite, Olive, showed up. She bounded through the door, her braided pigtails bouncing behind her. 

"Hi, Miss!" she squealed, going to give you a hug, which you returned greedily. 

"Hey girlie, how's sixth grade treating you?"

"It's really cool because I get a locker now, and I have more than one teacher, and I like my classes," Olive rambled, dropping her backpack onto the floor. You raised a brow, and she picked it up and put it to the side. 

"I'm glad school is going well."

"Yeah, but I'm still excited to go home. Although this time, I'm excited to sing."

"It's not caroling without you, Ollie," you grinned. Olive finally noticed Elijah and peered at him expectedly. 

"Who's this?"

"This is Mr. Mikaelson. He's going to help us out this year so we can beat Nancy."

"Oh good! I want her to perish. That's a new word I learned in class. Perish."

You rolled your eyes. Elijah crouched down to her height, narrowing his eyes.

"That's quite a big word for a small girl like yourself."

"I'm a big girl," Olive huffed, crossing her arms. Elijah acted disinterested, hiding his smile. "Miss! Tell Mr. Mikaelson I'm a big girl."

"That's a battle you'll have to fight yourself," you grinned as Olive returned to chastising Elijah. The other kids soon showed up: Graham, Norman, Sarah, Maddy, and James, and you guys got to work practicing your song. You decided to do "That's Christmas To Me" this year, as it was a completely choral piece with many parts for each kid. Nancy always chose a piece she could do a solo in, and somehow, she still won. Completely defeating the spirit of Christmas. Your practice ended well, and Elijah ended up walking you home since it was dark already. 

"Thanks for helping out," you shrugged, looking over at him. 

"My pleasure," he smiled. "You have a lovely voice."

"Eh, it's fine. I stay on key."

"I would love to hear you sing more without many youngsters overlapping."

"'Youngsters?' What are you, 80?"

You both laughed over that. You arrived at your door before he could respond. You stood there awkwardly, looking at your boots. 

"Perhaps you can entertain me one of these evenings with a solo performance?" Elijah postured, stepping closer to you. There was a doormat worth of distance between you and him. You had trouble meeting his eyes. 

"Perhaps," you gulped. "Good night, Elijah."

"Good night, Y/N," Elijah nodded, stepping away and leaving you to your home. 

The rest of the rehearsals went virtually the same. 

Many of the kids liked Elijah, although Olive still found enjoyment in teasing him. You guys sounded a lot tighter than your groups usually did, and by the time the caroling day came along, you felt semi-confident. 

No group took the same route; otherwise, citizens would be exhausted from hearing music all night. Instead, every group met at city hall and got an assigned route, and a judge accompanied them. Part of you thought that maybe Nancy was sleeping with the judges, and that's how she won. Except that the judges were all elderly women and a gay man, so unless they were attracted to the Devil, it was likely not the case. 

You were waiting inside the foyer of city hall, nursing a cup of hot tea from the refreshment table, when the Devil approached. 

"Y/N, don't you look, darling," Nancy crooned, coming to stand in front of you. Her blonde hair was perfectly curled, and she wore a sweater dress with an expensive-looking brooch. You narrowed your eyes. 

"Hi, Nancy," you groaned, forcing on a smile. 

"I think it's cute how you do this every year," Nancy smiled, touching your arm lightly. She glanced around, finding something more interesting. "Good luck."

"You too," you grimaced, sticking your tongue out as she turned away. Elijah decided at that moment to show up and hid his grin at your behavior. 

"She seems pleasant," Elijah chimed, hands in his trouser pockets. You were still scowling. 

"If you like people with sticks up their ass, sure," you added, downing your tea in one gulp and throwing the cup out. Elijah bit his lip to hide his laughter. You pretended not to notice. "Are the kids here yet?"

"They're around the corner getting hot chocolate."

"That's good…good," you trailed off, staring after where Nancy walked off. Elijah came to stand in front of you. 

"Worry does not serve you, my dear," Elijah murmured. "Tonight will be great, and it is because of you and your resilience." His eyes were molten pools of understanding, and you felt that if you stared into them, it might give you the answers to all of your questions in life. It was the first time you truly looked in his eyes, as most of the time, you were too afraid to. 

"Okay," you mumbled. You gave yourself a shake, blowing out your lips. "We got this. Let's rally the troops."

It took you about two houses to get your rhythm and for the kids to remember the pitch. You're pretty sure some of the moms tipped you more because of Elijah charming them, but you weren't going to complain. Still, you were a hundred shy of your goal by the end of your route, and you saw Nancy's group parading down the street, already overflowing with cash. 

"This is bullshit," Olive swore, glaring at Nancy's group.

"Language," both you and Elijah said at the same time. 

"Why do they have matching outfits?" Graham asked, speaking loudly with his ear muffs. 

"Because Ms. Springborg has too much time on her hands," Elijah sighed. Sarah and Maddy both giggled, elbowing each other. You were pretty sure they thought Elijah was cute, and you couldn't disagree. James, a quiet boy with glasses, tugged on Elijah's sleeve. 

"A-Are we going to do the thing?" he murmured, voice small. Your brows furrowed. 

"What thing?" you inquired as the other kids piped up. Elijah shushed them and turned to you. 

"We had an idea if you would consider it," Elijah postured.

"When did you guys come up with an idea?"

"When you weren't around," Elijah smirked. "We practiced another song; what if we tried it at the last house?"

"B-But I don't know the song."

"Yes, you do; I've heard you sing it when you work," Elijah whispered the song to you, and even as nerves gripped your stomach, you agreed to do it. The kids looked excited enough to convince you it was the right thing to do. 

You went up to the last house, palms sweaty, as Elijah climbed the steps to knock on the door. It appeared to be a Christmas party, which meant a lot more people than you wanted to perform in front of. A middle-aged woman answered the door.

"Good evening, ma'am. What a lovely home you have," Elijah smiled. "We hope you will give us the pleasure of listening to our song this evening." He tacked on some more compliments for good measure, and you could already see the woman swooning. Elijah came back down a moment later, nodding that it was time to start. You sucked in a breath. Elijah counted down for the kids as they started singing. 

"Christmas,"

"The snow's coming down," you sang. Your voice was shaky but loud enough to carry on. Elijah and the kids kept up the backing vocals as you sang the lead. "I'm watching it fall; lots of people around; baby, please come home."

The rest of the party guests came out on the porch, and a couple of other houses also came to see. Your hands were shaking, and all you wanted to do was shove them into your pockets. Olive came up to your left, grabbing your hand in support. Elijah came to your right to take your other hand until all of you were in one happy, hand-holding circle. 

"They're singing 'Deck the Halls.'

But it's not like Christmas at all

'Cause I remember when you were here

And all the fun we had last year,"

As you sang, you couldn't keep your eyes off Elijah for more than a few seconds. He couldn't keep his eyes off you, either. 

The song finished before you realized, and your group enveloped you in a hug as applause broke out from the houses. You saw Nancy down the street, scowling at you as everyone pitched in their money for your performance. Just as the kids let you go, you also turned around to hug Elijah. Some part of your brain thought it was also totally normal to kiss him. You pulled away almost immediately, cheeks burning. 

"Did we win? Did we win?" Olive chirped, grabbing your sleeve and distracting you. You laughed, completely forgetting about the competition the second you started singing. 

"Who cares? I'm just happy I got to see Nancy look that unhappy," you shrugged, waving to Nancy as she stormed away in a huff.

"I'm happy I finally got to hear you sing," Elijah whispered to you. You jumped, spinning around to face him. "The kiss was an added bonus."

"I-I didn't mean to, I'm sorry–"

Elijah kissed you, cutting you off. His hands wrapped around your waist, his lips a firm reminder of everything you loved about the holiday season. His arms stayed around you even as he pulled away. "I should've done that sooner."

"Yeah, we were all waiting," Olive said, rolling her eyes. "Norman bet me a Hershey bar on it."

"Did not!" Norman retorted, and he and Olive broke down into semantics. Elijah pulled you back to him, eyes crinkled in amusement from the two kids. 

"Hi," you whispered. 

"Hello," Elijah brushed your hair away from your face. "Can I kiss you again?"

You nodded, letting him pull you back in, feeling like you won the caroling competition already. 

[echoequinox]

I keep joking that my OTP within the Mane Six is just. The Mane Six. So I wrote how I think every relationship would go-

I'm sorry in advance. Under a spoiler because it can get a little saucy. (These horses have mortgages, you know they're doin' it)

(Also I've only seen like, some of season 4, and only up through half of season 2 recently. If you wanna see how much I've watched go listen to Friendship Is Content on Spotify, that's me!)

Raritwi: A lot of soft, quiet moments. The two bond over a lot of cerebral activities like crafts and learning various tactile techniques and so a lot of their hanging out is parallel play. Dates are usually nice dinners where Rarity gets to dress Twilight up all fancy and listen to her infodump for hours.

Twidash: Dash is Twilight's own personal research subject. She's fascinating to her in so many ways - from her extraordinary speed to the magical connection to their cutie marks to what loyalty means. It's a lot of gentle teasing and butting heads.

Twipie: Even more than Twidash, Twilight and Pinkie are different. They're so inherently opposite one another. Pinkie is extroverted and Twilight is introverted. BUT, both are such massive people pleasers that it draws out interesting sides to both. Pinkie planning events for Twilight has to dig into what makes a quiet, calm night in so much fun, while Twilight spends time learning the study of Play and what makes parties so important, both sociologically and historically.

Fluttertwi: A lot of their relationship is built on quiet companionship. Similar to Raritwi but an even stronger focus on being alone together. Dates are usually things like taking the other to a spot that's important to them, learning things the other likes, like a site of ancient magic or a nesting ground for a rare breed of animal.

Twijack: Where Pinkie and Twilight draw out the ways the other is socially different, Applejack and Twilight are a dichotomy of motivation. AJ is heavily focused on external motivations - the farm, her family, the apple legacy - and Twilight is focused inward - her studies, her friends, her career. Dates vary wildly from huge Apple family get-togethers to a quiet night by the hearth enjoying each others' cooking.

Raridash: Trophy wife. It's a trophy wife relationship. Literally both ways. Rainbow Dash is dead certain she lucked into the hot arm candy trophy wife in Rarity, the kind of hot gal that has every other butch at the track hooting and hollaring, and Rarity knows she has the toughest hottest slab of meat of a woman this side of Equestria. The sex is insane.

Raripie: Weirdly, their common ground is beauty and aesthetics. Both are very into making sure things are CORRECT and pretty. They feed into each other in a really healthy way, where Rarity teaches Pinkie the importance of diligence and attention to detail, while Pinkie stresses that sometimes it's good to let loose and let things BECOME beautiful instead of making them. You can only invite people to a party, you have to hope they have fun!

Rarishy: It's a lot of compromising, that's for sure. Rarity loves going out, Fluttershy likes staying in. Rarity hates being unclean, Fluttershy loves the forests and plains. It pulls the two into realms of uncomfortability, but they do find times when they relate to one another - see: the spa - and learning to compromise is good for the both of them.

Rarijack: Like Raridash but more raw emotion. If the Raridash sex goes crazy, the Rarijack dates are even MORE insane. AJ starts trying to woo Rarity, who cannot be shown up by the likes of her, and the two are competing for who is cuter and more in love with the other. It's a nice blending of two very different mindsets.

Dashpie: Pranks and smoochin'. That's the foundation of their relationship. They play pranks, they tease the others, they zip around and have fun, and then they make out until they pass out from lack of air. They're both so STUPID.

Flutterdash: Classic friends to lovers. More than any of the others on this list. Known each other for years, Dash stands up for Fluttershy constantly, it's a relationship based on respect and a long history with one another. Long, lazy, nightly flights around Ponyville just shooting the shit and nuzzling under the moonlight kind of stuff.

Appledash: If an arm wrestle could be a relationship, that's Appledash. They both THRIVE on competition. Trying to be better than one another in every way, stronger, faster, a better lover. Sex is a game, and both of them are POSITIVE there's a way to win at it.

Flutterpie: Very sweet, very soft, very patient. Pinkie is exuberant with most partners but with Fluttershy she understands there's a level of patience and understanding that has to be had. Big parties, loud cannons, all of the things Pinkie is used to and comfortable with aren't things Fluttershy likes. Her ADHD may make her vibrate out of her skin sometimes, but the quiet moments with Fluttershy make it worth it.

Applepie: FUN. All the time. Laughing, jokes, japes. Lots of family functions, lots of parties, even for no reason. Pinkie throws "Apple Bucking Parties" and "AJ's Favorite Tree Is Three Years Old Parties" and "I Made AJ Laugh During Sex Last Night (Again) Parties", and AJ's overwhelming earth pony stamina has her kickin' it for each and every one (as long as her work is done, of course). Their baked goods go INSANE.

Appleshy: A very picturesque relationship. Kind of "little house on the prarie" shit. Fluttershy is very much "stay at home wife" and AJ is very much a breadwinner, out makin' the bacon and bringing all sorts of lovely gifts for her beautiful girlfriend with every anxiety disorder. Fluttershy helps take care of AJ's animals.

Bonus ships:

Twiluna: Both living in Celestia's shadow means that they have this mutual understanding, this feeling of trying to measure up, trying to please a woman who is already pleased, and it means they both have INSANE praise kinks. It's truly bonkers. Luna says Twilight is a good girl one time and Twilight rides the high for a week. She has to tell Spike to come up with a letter because her Lesson On Friendship that week absolutely cannot be telling Princess Celestia how soft her sister's lips are. Insane.

Twitrix: Kismesis. Blackrom. It's all hate sex all the way down. Every single word out of Trixie's mouth makes Twilight more and more furious, and seeing how cute she is drives Twilight up a fucking wall. Twilight will insist she's a better mage - SHOW Trixie undeniable truth - and Trixie will hit back with some stage magic that she says proves Twilight wrong. She kisses her just to get her to shut the fuck up.

[feathersandfarmers]

Kip Tweedy headcanons (Or facts, since she's my character??)

(even if no one asked) (For those who don't know, Kip is my Chicken Run OC. She's a human character, but is an ally to the chickens! She can talk to animals, which is a special power only she has!.. In the events of the first movie, Kip would be around 10! For the sequel, she'd be 16!)

-She is related to Melisha Tweedy, but she has Willard Tweedy's last name because the Tweedys adopted her. They are Kipper's legal parents, but she'll still refer to them as her aunt and uncle.

-Kip loves rainy weather! She enjoys taking calming nature walks in the rain because the air smells so fresh.

-Kip is quite multi-talented. She's always been good at arts and crafts, for example! However, she learned her cooking skills from her Aunt Melisha! Melisha (obviously) wouldn't ever really "play" with her young niece. Instead, Melisha would teach Kip skills and that is how they'd mainly bond with one another.

-Kip also learned a lot of "handyman" skills from her Uncle Willard. Yes, Kip loves learning about tools and repairs. When she was little, she'd "help" Willard by passing him hand tools as he would fix something that had broken (that is how she learned what all the tools were called!). As she got older, Mr.Tweedy taught Kip how to use tools safely and efficiently. She's quite good at it. When she reaches high school, she's the only girl to sign up for any woodworking class and is better than most of the boys! (Bonus info: Mrs Tweedy was always nervous about Kip getting hurt, and Willard being too stupid to protect Kip properly, so she was never a fan of her niece messing around with power tools...until she became good at them and could fix things around the house!)

-Her first friends on the farm (when she first moved in with the Tweedys) were Nick and Fetcher! The rats were raiding the house for food and junk, and Kip would always catch glimpses of them from the corner of her eye...maybe she'd leave out snacks for them to take?? (I haven't come up with all the details yet) But I'm imagining Kipper sneaking downstairs at night and chilling in front of the fridge with the rats as they have a late-night snack together in secret. They'd introduce themselves, and become acquainted. A few days later, the rats would thank Kip for the food with a small toy they found on their journeys!

-Kip is scared of needles! She has a hard time handling medical stuff in general

-Her best friend, however, is Ginger! She gets along well with Babs and Mac too. Bunty wasn't a fan of Kip at first because Kip is human and the hen distrusts her. Eventually, Bunty grows fond of Kip when she sees examples of Kip's goodness.

-Kipper is Molly's favorite aunt (Auntie Kip!) and will be overcome with joy whenever she comes over for a visit. When Kip stays for a few weeks, Molly will want to spend each night over with her auntie and her cool tent. The two will listen to music together, eat candies and chips, and maybe even draw pictures together!

-Kip's favorite food are french fries!

(Adding an old drawing of Kip for reference! hehe)

[suzy-queued]

Hi! I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your writing. I've read several of your fics on AO3 and they never disappoint. I've written some as well but I still consider myself very new lol. I wanted to ask you, how did you get started with writing and do you have any advice for new fanfiction writers on how to improve their writing? Thanks!

Oh, wow! This really made my day!! You have quite a few fics on AO3. I look forward to checking them out. 😍😍

I got started in writing very slowly and then all at once. I worked in fields related to writing, like as a newspaper editor and as a proofreader. My goal was to be a cover artist, so I hung out with a lot of authors. I met my husband (an author), and he and I talk about writing craft all the time. He said for … oh, 15 years or so … that I should write. I refused.

I dipped my feet into writing some YA fantasy (original works), but that never gained traction. When I watched Shameless, I got this tingle up my spine and said, "These are the characters I've been trying to write into all my failed stories. How did they crawl out of my brain?!"

The pandemic was tough, emotionally. I felt trapped and defeated in 2020. I said, if I could do absolutely anything without fearing judgment from anyone, what would I do? And the answer was, write Shameless fan fiction. So I did. And it made me so happy. Still does.

I could talk for hours about writing and tips and advice. I'll try to pinpoint the most important things, for me.

Read. Consume other stories. Read them with a critical eye. Ask what works and what doesn't. Study the way they punctuate and break their paragraphs and put words together. Pay close attention to anything that moves you and try to dissect what you like about it. Always keep your antennae up for inspiration, because you'll find it in unexpected places.

Don't take it too seriously. I love love love AO3 because you can put works up whenever you want. It's my refrigerator, and I'm a child drawing with crayons. Look what I created! The way to improve is to continue to create. The way to continue to create is by not letting your stupid mind get in the way. Just write stuff. Write silly stuff. Write half stories. Take chances. You will develop your own sense of what works and how to improve your craft. That will come naturally with repetition. Don't get hung up on making something perfect (my inner perfectionist laughs defensively).

Keep it fun. Maybe that means talking about your writing with a friend. Maybe participating in fandom events (@galladrabbles are wonderful for making you think about every single word you put down). If writing is a chore or a grudge match, that bitterness will come out in your prose. Hey, this is your happy place! Make sure you actually enjoy it. It's easy to obsess over readers and comments, but do the best you can to write for only YOU. Keep yourself satisfied.

I am so happy that you reached out! Thank you for the love! I wish you nothing but the best with your writing!

[inquisimer]

dragon age fluff fic recs

Part two of my fic rec list series comes bearing the sweetest, most tooth-rotting fluff! It turns out that I....don't actually read a lot of pure fluff, but it was a joy to go spelunking through the tag and all of these pieces made me smile and laugh when I read them.

Check them out! and leave a comment or kudos to let the authors know that you did 💜

Remember to post your fanfic and fanart recs for this week's fan work friday! And if this inspires you to make a fic rec list of your own, tag me in it so that I can read and promote your awesome recs (:

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floriography by ritualist

Lace Harding/Josephine Montilyet | G | 3001 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: When the Inquisitor asks how Skyhold is treating her, Harding can't help the smile on her face when she says, "Ambassador Montilyet sent me a basket of flowers." Mer's Rec: This one caught me up in Lace's sweet and fluffy personality from the start, and the author's grasp of Lace's voice and POV was so well done that I never saw the cute little twist coming at the end. The story captures many tiny details of Harding's position as the Inquisition's lead scout and beautifully contrasts her earnestness with Josephine's practiced poise. Their interactions make sense and flow seamlessly as the story progresses; it had me smiling and laughing like a dork the whole way through.

Girls Like Braids by Katuary

Female Cousland & Fergus Cousland | G | 1375 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Elissa goes to her brother for help fixing the disaster she's wrought of her hair. He insists on hearing how the disaster happened in the first place Mer's Rec: Sibling Bias™️and bisexual panic - what more do I need to say? I'm such a sucker for genfic, and sibling fic in particular melts my heart. The relationship between Elissa and Fergus in this piece is beautifully crafted - from their teasing banter to the fact that Elissa ultimately trusts Fergus to help her when she needs it. The other thing that really struck me is how Katuary wrote Elissa's voice. Even though she's young, and her inner monologue reflects that, she never feels dumb or stupid or naive - she reads authentically as a young child and since I know how difficult that can be to capture in writing, I really loved seeing that portrayal in this story.

Desk by faithlessone

Cassandra Pentaghast/Male Trevelyan | T | 3443 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: The armory is unbearably loud and Cassandra goes off in search of somewhere else to work. Mer's Rec: This is a sweet moment in-between the canon for Cass/Trev and I loved how much is showed them as people beyond their jobs. That's something I often find omitted from stories about Cass, but it was really highlighted here to great success. The author also writes an established relationship incredibly well - the affection between Trevelyan and Cassandra is natural and (without giving too much away), the actions they take in the story feel authentic to a real romantic relationship.

if I had you and I could give you your dreams by calypsid

Hira/Miriam | G | 520 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Miriam and Hira, at the end of it all. Or, how they kept their promise to each other, once and for always. Mer's Rec: what could have been in Absolution, if Dragon Age wasn't the series of Apostates Who Betray You ;-; This fic gives our cheese-farm gays their happy ending, and it also offers a brief but interesting perspective on the apocalyptic events of DAI from the common farmer they buy the land from! Happiness abounds, Hira and Miriam are just so in love, and we're all pretending the finale of Absolution never happened.

known by name by ophryetrash

Female Inquisitor & Inquisition Scouts | G | 2914 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: The Herald is different, but that's a good thing. Members of the Inquisition interact with her and they feel seen. Mer's Rec: Told from the perspective of the Inquisition's scouts, this is a lovely look at what it's like to be in the rank-and-file of the organization, and how it feels to interact with the people at the head of it all. I loved how the awe and wonder in each interaction grew into feelings of personhood, both for the scouts and about the Inquisitor herself. The banter between the scouts and their personalities makes this story shine and (if you're like me) you'll have a good laugh at the surprise cameo toward the end!

[topioswords]

Technicalities

It’s a weird place to have a gallery, an old church, but Noir doesn’t feel up to digging around to find out what turn of events lead to this. And there is a certain kind of familiarity that eases his mind as he slips in through an unseemly back door with a very lax security system.

It’s old though, Noir isn’t gonna hold that against it too hard. He has a pretty good idea what kind of budget they’re working with. Local contemporary art doesn't exactly get a lot of recognition.

The office is pretty bare, and far enough up he should have some chance of slipping out in case anybody shows up unexpectedly. Judging by the dust and smudgy windows it isn’t exactly the most frequented place by whatever cleaning firm they may or may not have employed. And there’s a functional power outlet, colored scrap paper and a chair by a table so really, what more can he ask for? It should be a safe spot for the afternoon. Thank whatever scrap god for everything closing early on Saturdays here.

The light’s shifted when he slogs out of the stupid system reboot he’s been putting off for an uncomfortable amount of time, but at least it’s cleared up some of the error messages. It isn’t just the about half an hour of absent time that accounts for the change though. Somebody’s standing in the doorway, blocking the dusky light from the hallway window.

He knows that build.

“These really would be lovely in patterned paper,” the floaty jerk from the spaceport says, holding a folded green dinosaur he’d made earlier between two pointy fingers.

“Yeah, well,” Noir answers, letting the annoyance slip through the filter “you’re welcome to make them that way, but I’m not doing that.”

“Lux models weren’t coded for crafts,” they say, tilting their triangle screen towards him. The blue glow reflects off the table, making it look vast and cold. The orange tinted mirror lenses in the mask would make for a murky mix if he wasn’t used to cutting it out. His white balancing is pretty solid. “It’s called a hobby, it’s something people do if they’re not working or being creepy.” Noir says.

“I am working”

“Of course you are,” he grumbles. 

The silence stretches on for a couple of long seconds. “What’s your angle, why not just report me and get it over with?” Noir adds, eyeing the open door more than the stupid too-tall black bot in front of it. He could make a run for it, but with his power level tethering on the wrong side of 50 and the leg… he knows he wouldn’t get far, realistically speaking. He doesn’t need the danger assessment merrily suggesting likely scenarios for that action. Not that that’s stopping it.

“I told you before, you’re worth more to me free than captured,” they answer, with a slight thrill to the voice like it’s somehow funny. Noir can’t spot the joke.

“Ok so what’re you getting out of not just letting me go?” he asks, not really willing to do this conversation but knowing full well it’ll happen whether he wants it or not.

“Watching you is interesting” the black bot says, those stupidly finely crafted hover fingers of theirs doing a small flick that has no right looking so elegant. “And my human hasn’t shown up at the appointed time.”

“And what am I getting out of going along with this?”

“The security system maintaining its belief you’re nothing but a slightly eccentric human not a rogue recalled model that’s probably up to no good.”

“You know I’m not up to anything” Noir grumbles, annoyed.

“I do, but it doesn’t” the matte black bot answers and Noir swears it sounds cheerful even though the tone is bland.

“Damn it,” Noir says, and if he could sigh for real he’d have done so.

“Also, staff and some guests have already arrived, so all the exits are either manned or blocked off. Basically you’re stuck here till you’re found or you can help me help you.”

Noir groans, the sound rattling in his speaker. “Fine,” he hisses and folds his arms, refusing to face them.

Being escorted by somebody who’s made creepy comments at you is weird, but Noir has got to admit they were right about the place being hard to get out of on his own. Private events, damn it, he forgot how renting out is one of the ways to earn some much needed money. The mix of contemporary art sculptures and what looks like designer-types would be curious, if Noir hadn’t been in attendance for similar events enough times for the novelty to wear off.

>>Stay nearby, a message pings him, and he doesn’t need to wonder who this time.

>>I stand out, he writes back, skimming the attendance

>>Not too much, there will be presentations in 17 minutes, people will be too distracted to notice. May I help you blend in more?

Noir does turn his head at that, looking at the bot with its hover arms folded at its back, a nice low key pixel face in place. They’ve toned down the blue light to a soothing subtle dark blue. Showoff.

It’s a long moment of wondering what they have in mind before he answers.

>>Ok.

There’s only so much they can do with Noir’s clothes, but somehow the black bot still manages to straighten things out just so, and even though Noir resents them getting so close, it’s better. Nobody seems to pay any mind to the fuzzing, there’s several others who have bots tagging along once he starts looking for it. Right. Rich people and borrowed or plain mandated company models. 

“Sir, what refreshment can I get you?” They ask after quietly greenlighting Noir’s look. He tilts his mask, like he’s thinking.

“Coffee,” he says out loud

>>What’re you really doing here? He asks quietly, in text, safe from prying ears.

>>Officially, accompanying a representative from my current employment

>>and unofficially?

>> something else.

>> So you’re lying

>> Not really, I’m accompanying a representative, and I’m here on behalf of my current employment.

>> Pretty sure that’s called lying.

>> I prefer subterfuge.

>> Riiight, Noir writes, and takes the cup he’s handed. Even through the mask he can pick up on the rich notes from it, hanging in the air. It’s not your standard low grade substitution. He strangles the small huh, but not fast enough for his companion to tilt its screen a little.

“Good quality,” he says out loud, because that’s the more human reaction than getting into base readings.

“I’m glad to hear the accommodations are to your liking Sir,” they answer in voice.

>> That’s interesting, they write, but don't add more to it. Noir wonders what that’s about, but doesn’t ask.

The presentations are pretty varied, Noir listens without putting much attention to it, recording them for future perusal and-or trade. It’s nice he gets to sit at least, in a shadowy back row section to the side. 

>> Here, his unrequested escort writes, gently prodding his shoulder with a small square.

Noir stifles the shudder as he takes it, he’s not interested in that kind of unwarranted rattling around. His wiring is twisted up plenty already.

>> What’re you up to, he writes back

>> Spare power cell, you can borrow it, they answer, and Noir twists his mask to see them stand by the side, the matte black and blue-green glow standing out among the shadows where most of the attending bots are lingering. They’ve folded their arms at their back again, the screen blank.

He should say thanks, probably, but he doesn’t like that they know.

>> What’s your name, he asks instead, to distract himself from the thought.

>> You can read my ID from the user logs

>> No, your name stupid. I don’t call myself Lux Industries model 3.7 production number 130947-900315909 alga. I’m Noir, get it? Try again, what’s your name.

>> They call me BB

 Even though there’s no reason to, he still shakes his head at it. He could look, see when they were made, Noir has a suspicion. But that feels rude at this point and he has no real desire to see if he’s right.

>> Ok, I guess a nickname is a step up at least, I’m not calling you by serial number. Please tell me it doesn’t stand for something dumb.

>> Black Beauty

>> I regret asking, he writes, and he isn’t sure why that feels so funny to him, but he’s glad he can cut the sound of the laughing he wants to do.

“Urgh, these evening events are hell on my back,” the guy on his left complains and Noir nods as BB quietly fills him in on who it is in the background. “Food’s good though, they finally sprung for some decent catering, about time,” 

They’ve been hanging around for 143 minutes and Noir’s given up asking if he can just go already. Looks like these humans aren’t planning to pack up anytime soon, Noir pities whatever cleaning company has to deal with the aftermath, but at least they’ve all been shuffled away from the art.

“I need some fresh air,” Noir says to the small group of people, and they laugh at the not particularly subtle smoking break code and let him slip off.

Nobody’s remarked on him not actually eating or drinking, his black shadow just slips in and spirits things away when he drifts off for a new group. Noir is tired, his energy level has dropped noticeably, and he can feel himself running hotter from having to keep up the charade.  

A woman approaches and Noir wishes something would break his cover just so he can avoid more small talk at the same time as he’s terrified this time he’ll slip up.

“Sir,” BB slips in, gently catching Noir’s elbow and he realizes that something in his leg has probably given out. He was swaying. He turns his head and sees the way several faces in various stages of masked turn to face him. Shit.

“Excuse us, Sir is feeling unwell,” BB says, all calm and efficient. No heart in it, Noir thinks to himself, but the nearby people nod, or shrug, and turn away again.

Too much to drink gossip. Noir’s tense joints loosen up and he’s very nearly grateful as BB leads him towards the exit, finally.

>> You can let go of my arm now, Noir writes

>> We’re outside, you’ll run

>> You literally just made sure my face didn’t get acquainted with the floor. My legs aren’t up to running, and you know it.

>> I wanted to thank you.

Noir would blink, if he had the ability. He twists in the grip, enough to watch that annoying hover triangle face. BB is using the improved Lux pixel smile again, and Noir doesn’t know if he should take it as an insult or a really badly implemented compliment.

>> You can thank me by letting me go, you’re done with me, aren’t you?

>> You’ve been very helpful, they write, that blue-lit smile mirroring in his scruffy lenses.

>> I just wanted to get out, Noir writes, feeling like he should definitely not ask how being talked at by humans is helpful.

>> I wouldn’t actually have turned you in, you’re too interesting BB writes, then adds

>> Don’t get yourself caught by somebody else.

Noir doesn’t linger to answer that, he scampers off when their grip loosens. Before he gets out of range and puts up some stronger walls, one last message manages to trickle in.

>> You can return that power cell next time we meet. You need it more than I do.

He can feel its weight in his pocket, cold and snug, and he hates knowing they’re right about needing it.

He hates knowing they probably will meet again at some point even more.

[gornackeaterofworlds]

🍄🧩🦴

HI MIGHTY

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

I don't really have any..? Ships aren't my thing, not canon ones. I don't really consume any medias where I even think ab the ships within it except for the ones I hate and what's wrong with them

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

THESE ARE MY PERSONAL PREFERENCES!! Not indicative of a writer's craft!!!! There's not a lot that makes me not read something, especially content wise

1. But misspelling a word consistently, no paragraph breaks, grammar things like that

2. Injuries not being treated properly, and by treated I don't mean healed. I mean some Blue Eye Samurai kind of stuff, where she gets rebar through the foot and just, keeps walking. Bullets barely making a limp, knocking someone out with a weapon and them having a mild concussion at best. No stretching or PT or creams for scarring, especially burn scarring. I can understand why that might not all be included but I enjoy a lot of realism for that kind of thing

3. Improper tagging. Should be given, I think. But a year ago, there I was. Maybe ten chapters into a smut fic. And bam there's guro and necrophilia in the latest one, not a tag or warning about it to be seen. Only when I come back days later bc of another update is it finally tagged, AFTER the chapter had went up. I understand going with the flow for things, but you should have a general idea of the events that will transpire. I know Butterfly Effect will have death, injuries, mutilation, torture, etc before I even wrote those plot points, bc thats the writer I am and bc I know how dark ill let it go. If there's something new, like recently I had to add the limb loss tag(we'd already wrote it I'd just forgot to add the tw) I update it immediately, even though I know it won't show up for many chapters

4. Stupid readers. NO braincells. Either too fuckin dumb to realize what other characters are lying about and thus start a miscommunication trope, or they keep trying to run/escape from, say, yan or villain characters. That is how you die, and I can't put myself into the mind of a dumbass, I'm sorry I can't

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

Oh god. So much. I'm afraid I'm not as creative as some people think. CAS, all TMNT, atla, Fire-Us, adventure time, and so many more. I specifically want to mention Fire-Us, though. A book series no one's read but me apparently, but there's just. So much. My love for drama, for scenic composition, large dynamic groups, family angst, killing off characters, leaving endings and deaths up to interpretation. Not showing every little action bc what the reader can imagine can often be so much better

[emeritus-fuckers]

Howdy hey I'm interested in trying the match-up event. I always enjoy reading the things y'all've written.

Apologies in advance if this is a mess. 1. Identity: I am nonbinary, use they/them and she/her pronouns. I'm bisexual and a bit on the demisexual side.

2. Who I like: I'm cool with either the papas or ghouls

3. What I look like: I'm 5'8" and chubby. I'm pretty strong and got some muscle so I'm built perfect for giving big hugs and cuddles (though it'll take a bit of convincing to get me cuddly). At the moment my hair is dyed bright red but it changes colors often. Both my eyes have sectoral heterochromia and are green with a bright blue chunk. I usually wear all black graphic tees, skinny jeans, boots, and fun colored socks that often show because i never find pants that are long enough in my size lol.

4. My personality: I am introverted but enjoy being around others even if it wears me out. I'm good with kids (I'm a human jungle gym at this point) and people tend to tell me their secrets and find it easy to be open/themselves around me. I'd say i'm pretty smart but I will do stupid things just because i'm curious. Folks i'm comfortable around will never hear the end of my current interests and I'm a complete goofball (I've been banned from being funny at the table because i've caused too many people to choke laughing oops). It takes a while to actually get to know me deeply because I keep things close to my chest and dont open up easily. I've got a lot of anxiety and some baggage that I keep hidden but I'm working on I swear. I can get really competitive over trivial things and can turn anything into a game. I sometimes go MIA when im distracted with whatever the hell i'm into at that time but when I reappear there's always something new to share. (I can tell you everything you never wanted to know about pipe organs!)

5. Interests: I've got the adhd so my interests bounce around a lot. I like making things and I mess around with a lot with different crafts. I do a lot of fiber arts stuff and I've also recently been whittling bears (I have a few around somewhere). I love music both listening and playing it. I play 8 instruments (violin, viola, cello, mandolin, ukulele, trumpet, trombone, and french horn) but I'm best with the violin because i've been playing it for around 17 years. I'm also teaching myself accordion and guitar. I play video games sometimes and I especially enjoy getting 100% completion. In general I love learning anything and everything and am a "jack of many trades but master of none"

6.Trivia: My favorite movie is fantasia 2000 and recently I completed my goal of performing every music piece in an orchestra (The Pines of Rome and the Firebird Suite are my favs). I collect knickknacks and random things I find and use them to decorate my spaces and I have a skeleton with a mustache in a wizard costume in the back seat of my car and its name is Todd. I also keep googly eyes in my bag just in case

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is...Swiss

You and Swiss quickly became friends, he's so excited by things and so enthusiastic that you got swept up in it all. He's charming and really sweet to you, so you started to fall for him. One day you were sitting outside, Swiss taking a large drag of his vape before he looks at you and grins. "I love ya, you know that right gorgeous one?" You blush and blurt out that you feel the same way. Swiss responds by biting your shoulder just under the collar of your t-shirt. "There now it's offical" he says so excited he's practically jumping up and down "you're my mate!"

Swiss adores your eyes, he thinks they are the most awesome thing ever, and so beautiful. He tells you this a lot.

Swiss adores how much of a goofball you are, he is too, and you spend a lot of time together both laughing so hard you end up tearing up.

If your anxeity is getting bad he will cuddle and do anythig he can to help. If things get too much and you seem sad he'll hold you. He will cuddle you as long as you need. Then he'll try and take your mind off things, anything to get you to laugh a little and smile. Swiss is chaos personified but one thing is constant for him, he loves you and is devoted to you.

Swiss can keep up with your changing interestests. Infact he loves it! This Ghoul enjoys chaos and jumping around from thing to thing, that keeps him occupied. Whatever you get into he'll throw himself into it completely with you.

He is fascinated by all the things you collect. He loves how varied they are and the skeleton with a moutache is his favourite. He was very excited when you whittled him a bear. You handed it to him and he just looked at it like 'woow this is awesome'. he keeps it in his room, pride of place.

He's more than happy to help you learn guitar, he gets so excited his tail starts swishing around. He passes you his guitar and sits behind you legs either side of you showing you a cord and then letting you practice. He'll kiss your neck or softly bite your shoulder every now and then. He'll rest his chin on your shoulder and watches. He smiles at how fast you are learning, his smile is gorgeous enough to make your heart melt for him, to forget completely what you were playing and you just smile back. Often this leads to you getting so distracted the guitar gets forgotten as he presses his lips to yours.

~

Written by Nyx

[docholligay]

it's weird i honestly dont think i'd ever get along with you but i kind of like that about you in that i like hearing your opinions on stuff i genuinely dont care about ordinarily. idk.

I know I say this a lot and I assume people think it's a bit, but I absolutely do not think that I am everyone's thing. I am, especially in real life/in person, where we cannot so easily craft an idea of who we wish we were, think I'm a really smoky scotch, or something. I am a REAL DISTINCT FLAVOR, and either you're down with it or you're not, and it rarely surprises me to hear someone doesn't like me even if it hurts my feelings a bit. (Not that it always does. But I, like all humans, sometimes like someone who does not like me as much, and it does sometimes hurt, because though it can be easy to forget, I'm human too)

Anyway, but I do think that an important part of learning critical thinking, and of developing a complex and interesting worldview, is to keep smart people you don't agree with in your orbit, and listen to what they have to say. I wouldn't necessarily call myself smart, bot as compared to some of MY friends, but I am relatively thoughtful, and I rarely say something I don't have any knowledge of. I have a decent sense of scientific literacy, and really good historical literacy. I'm also fine with admitting i'm wrong, which is a big one. So, not to kiss my own ass, but you could do worse.

But yeah, i am deadass serious when I say you should NOT agree with everything I think. You shouldn't agree with everything anyone thinks! I think one of the worst fucking developments of the internet is because we don't have to face each other and we have such a wide net, we find ourselves surrounded with people who fall into lockstep, which is a bad bad idea. I have friends, that I love, that I find to be so so wrong, and sometimes borderline fucking stupid, about some things. I am ABSOLUTELY sure they feel the same way about me, with something. But, they're in earnest, and they are the kind of people who I believe want good things for this world, even if we disagree about means and motives and certain issues. Even if our interpretation of a media or event is different.

Doing actual work to help affect actual change in actual person is not only more effective than reblogging shit, but will also teach you this skill.

But yeah, I hope that if I do nothing else for people--my goal is not to be everyone's favorite, that ship sailed long ago--I make people think about stuff, and not even Big Issues, but like, how we approach stories, how we approach food, how we approach OURSELVES.

[theantarwitch]

Mahō Tsukai no Yome/ The Ancient Magus Bride: When an anime show witchcraft in the good way.

I will slide a little of my usual crap for this time. 

“The humanity still remembers the sounds that filled their bodies even before than language. The Magic is the same. Listen what’s around you and extend your hand, you still remember…”

Besides being a witch, I’m also pretty much a mild otaku (I take baths, I swear), so when I was looking for what else to watch, I stumble with this one. The resume I read looked not too good for my taste, but I thought “Well, it have a witch theme, let’s give it a try” and OH BOY WHY IN THE WITCH COMMUNITY THEY DON’T MENTION THIS SERIE AS A MUST TO WATCH?

I will not enter in details about how the characters are made or the music (even when I will mention that the art is visually BEAUTIFUL and the songs will make you cry a dozen times, because yes, you will cry a ton) and I will focus this review with the witch side.

First, I can tell you that a good percentage of the magical lore is pretty ACCURATE. From creatures, myths, material, ingredients, techniques, all. IS WAY TOO ACCURATE, it let me think that the writer has a witch near to learn about these shits. It doesn’t fall into the “lol I can make magic haha let’s open a portal and will have no logical reason and I will not even get tired”, is a “witchcraft is a craft and you need to study, practice and follow some principles, plus rest after do it”. Fuck hell, a lot of times is teaching us to not underestimate ourself and learn, but also to not do stupid things if you don’t know a shit. Plus each chapter start with a “folk proverb”, which add a pretty touch to the theme.

It mentions fairies, with her “real” rules we usually know. It teaches us to differentiate between witchcraft and mages, speaks about the ancient lore of England, Celtic culture and even Nordic songs (maybe? Is nothing official but have Nordic words and Gaelic music so lol?), the Wandering Jew, alchemy, yule, herbs, Morrigan, the church grim, hag stones, fluorite, types of wood, wyverns, familiars, wands, crystals, charging, witches, covens, crafting, fatuos, sacrifices, selkies, elves … Damn, even in some point she makes a spell against nightmares with lavender, like YES!!.

The characters speak also a lot of the witch “spirit”, you know, the respect for the naturel, the elements, the way we use magic, all the spiritual thing that cross us, the interconnectivity of the world, in such delicate and beautiful way that make you re watch your own witchy path with fresh eyes. The majority of the teachings that the “wiser” characters say, seems not even to being directed to the protagonist, but to OURSELVES. They are teaching US.

“Underestimating oneself, as if you were disposable, is like saying that those one has saved are useless”

In some point a fairy mention to a priest that he adores “another god” as if all the deities of the world exist at the same time, you know, as we all know here!

Elias, the character, is by himself a mix of stuffs! He usually wear a veil to not scare others but, we know to what else a mage would use a veil, right? He also carries a cane that bears a resemblance with the Egyptian Was scepter. His face is very similar to what we know as the “goat face” or the head of Baphomet.

And anyone who ever has or have a Patron will probably say that Elias, in some points, remember us about them. By the energy, the mysterious way to speak and act, by the strange love that come from beings that are beyond our comprehension.

Besides all that, the story is phenomenal and touch death in so many artistic ways that is almost a thesis of the process of life and death. Death as a natural path where everyone will fall, death as a tragedy, death as a process, death as a rule, death as a memory, a trauma, a lost, a desire, death as a body, death as a soul.

Not even mention how, in a subtle way, show us about PTSD, suicide and depression, how slowly heal from traumatic events, how grow and take healthy coping mechanisms; how a person under a traumatic past can get numb to the point that everything seems bland and pointless, about codependency, grief, move on. Is a book about psychology and witchcraft with pretty stuffs in the middle.

“You think that by destroying yourself you will earn the right to stay here”

A huge NOPE: It have a hint of Antisemitism. The main bad character is the Wandering Jew, and one of the “good” ones is a German scientist called Adolf Straud. Meanwhile, IRL existed Adolf Strauss, a German general from the Nazis. Like… I’m not saying is the same but… * cringes *

Of course, is not a manual, is an anime, it has a lot of nopes and mixed shit and stuffs that are obviously not accurate or right, but coming from a popular media, I think any witch with some basic experience and an open mind should take a look to this anime. With a small tw because it can fall a little into the gore and horror. But next to the usual Hollywood movies where witchcraft is more a show or the source of the darkness in a scary movie, is pretty good.

[kitsuneregin]



I just wanna talk about my Spider oc cause I love her and she is so precious.

Her name is Alyssa Jones and she's a southern belle,

she lost her mother to childbirth of her little brother, and her father passed cause he's a police captain (canon event),

she has butterfly locs cause she loves butterflies and anything with Butterflies,

she has braces cause she got into a fight with a bully who was mocking her universes peter

She has a crush on her older neighbor (Minho jung, yes I copied from Yunho of Ateez) and I made this stupid headcanon that he finds out her secret identity and in order to hang out with her more he becomes another version of spiderman but he has no spider powers, (I call him pseudo spider) and Alyssa is always having to stop him from getting hurt cause he has no superpowers

Alyssa is stronger than your regular spiderman she easily stop trains, speeding cars, and pick up heavy rubble with ease

She can't heal as fast though, so she has to be extra careful during fights

She made long range web based weapons to help her fight

Her Peter knows of her secret identity and helps her with her webbing and weapons

Her brother is 3 years old

He calls her bubu cause he's trying to say butterfly

Alyssa in turn calls him caterpillar

Alyssa is actually Miguel's apprentice

Alyssa loves cats (a entire liter of stray kittens came up to her and she was stuck sobbing on the sidewalk cause she couldn't hold them all Peter has recordings of this moments)

Alyssa is allergic to cats (her tears were an allergic reaction)

Alyssa specializes in web crafting thus she makes a lot of web related stuff

She made a hammock that used to hang under Miguel's moving platform

Miguel had destroyed the hammock cause he almost crushed her by accident when the platform was descending

Alyssa was pouty about it for like a week before Miguel made a small rest corner for her

Jess helps Alyssa touch up her locs

Jess also made Alyssa an unofficial god mother to her unborn child

When Gwen joined Alyssa let her rant about her issues and simply gave her hugs after so

Alyssa fights with Hobie constantly, she can't tell if Hobie is aware that he agitates her or he is oblivious to it all (he's aware)

Alyssa purposely says Chai tea to annoy pav

Alyssa became the go to babysitter for Mayday (Mayday reminds Alyssa of her baby brother)

Alyssa tends to ride on Miguel's back when he walks around the spider complex (though they wont say it aloud the spider variants find it adorable)

When Miles came to the spider society Alyssa was the first to greet him

The two had a spider connection happen as Miles accidentally bumped into her

Alyssa would try to secretly warn Miles to leave (though she would fail)

When Miles tries to go back to his dimension Alyssa does chase after him though she makes no attempts to stop him

Alyssa captures Miles for a moment and ask if he can save his dad and not break the canon

When Miles says that he knows he can do it, Alyssa helps him escape

As Miles is leaving and Miguel is trying to stop him Alyssa webs him (Miguel) by his wrist and uses her strength to stop him long enough for Miles to leave

Miguel is pissed she stopped him and sends her back home

Alyssa joins Gwen's team to save Miles

[waitinqroom]

this is a story that i'm really only posting it for myself and it's very long but it's a little bit romantic and the fuck of it all is that it's all real so. 🤣🤣🤣

ʚɞ ᥫ᭡⋆˙⟡♡˚⋆˙⟡ꨄ₊˚⊹⋆✿˖°⋆˙⟡♡˚✿˖° ʚ♡ɞ˚ᥫ᭡ ʚɞ

when i was a little kid i went to the same summer camp every summer. we swam in a pool and we played dodgeball and we played duck duck goose and we ate ice pops. when we were old enough we went on away trips on school buses to places like water parks and hikes along the hudson river. i loved my camp so much! with my whole heart!

and the thing about me and my summer camp was that although i had the same friend group of the same girls and boys every summer, i decided that i had a different crush every summer--because everyone was always changing the way they looked and the way they behaved, because we were little kids and that's what children do. and i was always a hopeless romantic, looking for some fun and beautiful and wholly imaginary thing straight out of the books and movies to occupy my mind and heart.

the summer i turned twelve (my birthday is in june, so i turned a different age every summer) i set my eyes upon the prettiest boy i'd ever seen--john. i'd never been friends with john, but i'd seen him in school, sitting at the lunch table a few rows down from mine. i'd always thought he was the prettiest boy in the cafeteria, but i didn't know anything about him and there'd been other, more important things on my mind.

but that summer, when i realized we went to camp together, i decided i had a crush on john. he was the prettiest boy i'd ever seen. besides, he was quiet enough for me to craft an entire personality for him in my mind that didn't necessarily have to match up with who he was in real life.

john was best friends with another boy--we'll call him tyler. while tyler was loud and obnoxious--an asshole, even for a twelve year old, john was nice enough for me to disregard how shitty his friend was. and, of course, he was the prettiest boy i'd ever seen.

one trip we went on that summer was to some amusement park in connecticut. it was an all-day event, and on the bus ride back home, we were all tired and hungry. i had a pack of gum in my backpack, but i only had two pieces left. i of course had one for myself. the second and last piece was up for grabs. all of my friends were vying for it, including john and tyler. john was as quiet as ever, but when i looked a little bit closer at him, and he was bending over, leaning his head on the seat in front of him and though his hair partially covered his face, what i could see of his face looked green in the lighting. he looked sick. desperate. i gave my last piece of gum to john.

i wrote diary entry upon diary entry about john. i genuinely believed that it had been love at first sight, that no one was more beautiful than him, that i would never care for anyone the way i did for him. he was sweet when we exchanged words, and i was convinced that i was in love.

of course, i was twelve and i was stupid. but i did have real feelings, and it all meant a lot to me at the time.

nothing substantial ever happened, but i kept john on my mind and in my diary. he was actually the second crush i ever wrote about in that diary, and the recipient of quite possibly some of my most passionate entries to this day.

the summer ended, a couple of months went by, and i swiftly forgot about john. throughout the months of fall, winter, and spring, i immersed myself in an entirely new community: i learned more about queerness than i'd ever known up until that point.

i turned thirteen and went back to camp. this time, we were old enough to go on even greater, bigger and more interesting trips. we went on overnights to the poconos and boston and niagra falls.

john and tyler were still best friends. in fact, they were so close that a few of my girl friends and i joked about them being lovers. we laughed about the incredibly intimate friendship between the two boys all summer. what made it so silly was the fact that tyler, in addition to remaining an asshole, was openly homophobic. we took the joke so far that we actually ended up writing an erotic fanfiction about john and tyler that ended with one of my friends--we'll call her ivy--killing tyler. (we truly detested him.) we were so proud of the work that we changed the names in it and published it on wattpad.

all throughout this, i didn't have a crush on john anymore. i actually might've been a little bit in love with my own best friend, ivy. we had so much fun together and we created so many inside jokes that would last a lifetime.

the summer ended, and in the fall, ivy and i began talking with john and a few other people, in a group, on snapchat. we thought it was all just for fun. (and of course it was fun! john was such a pretty boy!) however, through this talking, we learned that john actually hated tyler. he told us that he was annoying and cruel and obnoxious. in these fall months, as i continued to talk more with john, more than i ever had, i began to develop another crush. how could i not? he was, after all, still the prettiest boy i'd ever seen. that would never change. but, even though i had a little crush on him now, it wasn't the same way i'd felt the summer i was twelve. that first summer when i'd truly believed i loved him, because i was twelve and that's how hopeless romantics think when they're twelve. this time, for me, it didn't even count. and, of course, i was only in eighth grade, and countless other things were going on. eventually, john faded into the background, i once again forgot him, and i found new crushes.

i turned fourteen and went back to camp. john and tyler were still there, but they were no longer as important as they had once been. i was more concerned with ivy--our friendship had taken a strange turn (as it often does when two queer wlws are best friends) and i was desperate to keep her as my best friend, no matter what. my friend group as a whole had accomplished the greatest thing we possibly could have, in terms of john and tyler (i am referring to, obviously, the gay fanfiction), and that was all.

for a very long time, that was all.

the summer ended.

i turned fifteen.

the summer ended.

i turned sixteen.

the summer ended.

i turned seventeen.

the summer ended.

i was now a senior in high school. i did senior in high school things. i accomplished senior high school things--winning the class writer senior superlative, being the salutatorian of my class of 327 students, committing to ucla (a secret long-term dream of mine). over the past few years, i'd been through countless crushes (ivy, still my best friend, always being an on-and-off constant one of these crushes), a boyfriend, the boyfriend being so inadequate that i was fully convinced that i was a lesbian, meeting a new boy--we'll call him alex--who was so hot and alluring that i became very confused and wondered if maybe i wasn't actually a lesbian. i'd met new characters in my life--a pair of twins and a guitarist and a funny cellist and so on and so forth.

at the very end of the school year, in mid-may, i did another senior in high school thing, this one much less serious: play senior assassin. everyone who participated was randomly assigned another senior to pin with a clothespin and eliminate. there were safety items, safe zones, and "purges" called when none of the aforementioned worked. the game's end date was our prom in june. the grand prize was $500 (each participant had pitched in $5).

though it was all just for fun, people took the game very seriously. they stalked their targets and showed up at their homes and workplaces. people were ambushed and betrayed and ratted out all throughout the weeks of the game.

i secretly hoped and dreamed and wished and prayed that i would get alex, or that alex would get me. i just wanted him so so badly.

but the game began, and i didn't get alex. i got a friend of mine, our school president. i had no idea who had me, and for the first couple of weeks of the game, i could not for the life of me figure out who it could possibly be. tragically, alex had been eliminated, so it couldn't be him.

i asked around.

the twins claimed to know.

someone told me that the guitarist was asking for information about me.

it then occurred to me the one person who was a common denominator between the twins and the guitarist.

who else could it be, other than a boy i'd thought i'd been so madly in love with, so long ago?

john had me.

at first i thought it was funny. i joked around with my friends--"my twelve year old self would be so happy." (meanwhile, my seventeen year old self was disappointed. john wasn't alex. and he wasn't a very exciting assassin either; he hadn't made any attempts to get me out in these first two weeks of the game.)

but then my friend told me how lucky i was. because sure, i wasn't friends with john so it wasn't as much fun and he wasn't at all the boy i'd wanted. but now that we were in twelfth grade, nearing adulthood, this boy john was really fucking hot. and i got to be this hot boy's target.

i then texted john for the first time since eighth grade. i told him that he had to do a better job of trying to get me out in assassin, because right now things were pretty boring. he responded that he was trying.

and so, something shifted.

i was driving home with a girl friend one sunday afternoon when i saw his car waiting by my street. i flipped him off and sped away from my house. he sped up to follow me. i turned onto a main road. he followed me. i lost him a few times and he found me again a few times. the whole ordeal was so silly. we pulled our cars aside and turned our blinkers on. i called him--i still had his number after all these years. we talked about the game, and then this funny thing happened. we kept on talking and talking and talking.

the car chase lasted for two hours. when i finally made it home safely (i'd outsmarted him, of course), he called me again. we talked even more. this time, our conversation went even beyond the game of assassin. we played chess on our phones and shared little pieces of each other's lives.

i wasn't thinking about what i was doing, or what was happening. i was lost in the moment. i was just playing the game--or a few, if you count chess.

the next day, i went to get coffee after school with my friends. i jokingly texted john that he should join us--maybe he could get me for assassin if a purge was called. he responded "ok." five minutes later, i was sitting at a table with a cup of coffee, two of my best friends, and john. he wouldn't leave. he sat there and partook in our conversation. soon enough my friends had to leave, and john said he would leave too.

he got into his car--a car that, funnily enough, had been my dream car all throughout elementary school. i hadn't known anything about cars, but i loved this one, and i wanted to drive in one like it, or at least ride in one like it, very very badly.

john started driving away.

i got into my own car, and it wasn't long before i realized that john was driving to my house.

he blocked my driveway and we had another long conversation before he finally left. he told me he thought my dad's car, which he'd seen in the driveway, was cool.

inside my head, i thought that six years later, john was still the prettiest boy i'd ever seen.

we talked on the phone a little bit that afternoon. he told me about marie curie and radioactivity. i told him about women's rights. my friends who i'd hung out with earlier texted me to tell me how attractive they thought john was, how i had to pursue him in some way outside of this silly game. i was, of course, starting to feel the same way. so i just kept on playing phone chess with him.

the next day, john showed up at a club meeting, for the club i was the president of. a purge was called, and in a few seconds, he got me out for assassin.

it was all over, wasn't it?

i'd had my fun for the sake of my twelve-year-old self, and now the game was literally over. no more car chases, no more showing up to get coffee, no more chess games. no more long conversations that somehow always drifted away from what they had been meant to be about.

but then i thought about what i'd gotten out of this so far (in reality, it was nothing truly substantial), and what i wanted from it. i thought about how he was still the prettiest boy i'd ever seen, and how now i wasn't the only person who thought so. with my twelve-year-old self in mind, i thought that maybe i could make something more out of it, if i really tried.

so i sat down beside john at the club meeting he still hadn't left even after getting me out and we talked about chess. and then before i realized what i was doing, i got a ride from him to the far parking lot my own car was parked in and for approximately 120 seconds i got to ride in my childhood dream car. and we sat in the parking lot for a few minutes, face to face, sitting in my childhood dream car, and we talked about our lives and outer space and the future.

for the next couple of days, i was in a strange limbo in which i occasionally texted john, occasionally got left on delivered for long periods of time, and occasionally got proper bouts of interaction from him. we played chess. i went to taylor swift's eras tour and at metlife night 1, he texted me back right in the middle of the red set. when i went to metlife night 2, he texted me back right as taylor arrived onstage to begin her lover set.

one night, i went out to get ice cream with my friends. we were sitting around a table, talking about john--the pretty boy, the boy i was now chasing, the boy all of my friends told me i couldn't let go of because he was too beautiful.

and then john literally appeared out of nowhere and walked by.

it turned out that he was there with his own friends to get ice cream. their group took a seat at the table next to mine and we all had a big conversation.

it was the strangest twist of fate. it was a random weekday night; my town isn't even that small. he just happened to show up with his friends and we just all happened to be there at the same time. just like he'd somehow happened to get me for assassin and he'd somehow come back into my life like this. and he'd somehow, in the eyes of so many people, achieved the title of being the most beautiful boy in my town. and now he was here in front of my own eyes.

at some point that night, i said something flirtatious to john and ivy (my best friend, the one i've always been on-and-off in love with) made a gagging sound and feigned throwing up. we all sat there staring at her. i felt a funny feeling inside, like something real and terrible and dangerous in all directions was happening.

at the end of that week, my entire grade went to the beach (another senior year activity). my friends and i were actually the first group to arrive, and we were sitting by the water when the second group to arrive showed up--john's group, of course. he walked by and i said hi to him. he got a little bit drunk and i told him we had to keep on playing chess and he had to help me get better. he told me okay. he did that thing where a really tall guy leans down to hear a short girl better and i got butterflies in my stomach.

that night, when we were all home, john texted me about chess. i texted him about my friend's relationship situation with a friend of john's. things suddenly felt so much more real.

the following night, i was with my coffee-date friends from earlier and i texted him "wyd" because we just thought it was fun and silly. he responded "i am eating japanese food." i said "that's hot" and "it would be better if it were korean" (i am korean). he hearted the "that's hot" and said "no Japanese food is my favorite." he later followed up by saying "honestly i'm not really sure if i've ever had korean food."

we kept on going with chess and occasional side conversations. he told me that a day on venus is longer than a year. i told him that space makes my head hurt. for the first time, he ended our conversation by telling me goodnight.

a few days later, i asked john to help me prompose to my prom date--a mutual friend of ours, the cellist i mentioned earlier. i'm running out of fake names for people ummmm i'll call him bill because i'm listening to kill bill by sza rn. sorry off topic. anyways.

john said he would help me. i wasn't sure what that entailed, but i was pretty sure it meant a proper in-person hangout with john. i really only wanted john to help with the actual execution of the promposal, just showing up to surprise bill and taking pictures for the two of us. i called some other friends to help me make the actual promposal poster, but in some other strange twist of fate, quite literally none of them were available.

so i called john and an hour later i was in front of his house and he was getting in the front seat of my car. this was in early june 2023, when that ominous orange smoke was covering up the entire northeastern region of the united states. it was the only thing i could see and smell but it gave me something to talk about with john as we drove to the craft store. and when we were in the crafts store i got all of my supplies for the promposal but john kept on lingering around and talking about different things with me and all i could think about was how far my twelve year old self had come and how this all had to amount to something, right?

over the course of that day, i learned more about john than i ever had. he told me about how he didn't actually hook up with many people because he had very high standards and how sometimes he worried that he was too nice to people and how he ended up leading them on. this entire sequence of things he told me worried me very much.

but then there was another point when we were sitting in the back of my car in the middle of the smoke to make that poster for bill and we got so close that the sides of our bodies were pressed against each other and even after we finished the poster we still stayed like that for a while and we just talked. in the back of my car, me and the prettiest boy i'd ever seen.

even after this pivotal moment, i still wondered if after we were done with this ongoing chess game, john would be done with me. i wondered if we had anywhere else to go from here--the school year was almost over, the game of assassin was over, we were moving on with our lives.

the next day, john texted me a new game of chess. he said he was bored. so the game and our little side conversations went on.

not much longer after, on the day of our prom, i showed up with bill. my hair was curled and i was wearing a red dress and i felt very pretty. i saw john and he saw me and i swear to God his face lit up.

so he complimented me. i felt on top of the world. and during the actual prom, i danced with him a little bit. he looked so good. all of my friends made a point to tell me how good he looked that night.

when it was over, he asked me if i was going to after prom. i said yes. i asked if he was too. he said yes.

so for after prom i got really really really drunk. i texted him his name and he texted me back my name. we eventually met up at after prom. in the middle of a bunch of flashing lights and loud music and drunk sweaty people. we talked about how close we'd gotten and i told him that i used to have a crush on him in middle school. he said he knew, but i don't think he really did. i think he knew i liked him in eighth grade, when we talked on snapchat, but he couldn't possibly know about that real crush i'd had the summer when we were twelve.

then i told john i had a secret but i'd only tell him the secret if he kissed me.

so on that friday night in june in a random club in new york city that let in drunk minors, i told john that my friends and i had written a gay fanfiction about him and tyler at camp. he told me it wasn't that bad of a secret and i asked if he could kiss me now. he said yeah and then he kissed me.

he was literally the prettiest boy i'd ever seen, and everyone else around me thought he was that pretty too, and here i was kissing him.

and then he tried to kiss me with tongue and then i got freaked out and pulled away and then we kept on dancing and i was being very foolish but it didn't seem to bother him. i told him i loved him and he didn't say it back.

that same night, i told alex, the boy i'd initially wanted for assassin so badly, that i loved him and he told me he loved me too and we kept on hugging each other. it felt very fulfilling. why couldn't john tell me he loved me too? i was much closer with him than i was with alex.

john hooked up with two other girls that night and he was all over one of them especially but the morning after he sent me chess again and i put all my dignity aside. i was over the moon. i didn't care that i wasn't the only one he'd had that night even though he was the only one i'd had.

we kept up our chess game and our little conversations and i even called him with my friends and he entertained us for thirty minutes. we never talked about after prom but i was okay with that because i was embarrassed about the whole ordeal, from the gay fanfiction to my pulling away from the kiss to my dancing to the many sloppy things i'd said.

people started saying that i'd hooked up with bill at after prom, which i very much hadn't, and so i freaked out and texted a bunch of people at once and john was one of them. he wasn't very helpful but i didn't care. i just wanted to see if he would say anything about our interactions after prom and he didn't. i wondered if he was pulling away from me, if he was done with me after all my foolishness.

a few nights later i went out for japanese food with my friends. we were sitting around this table at this restaurant, talking and eating and then, once again out of nowhere, john showed up.

this time he was alone. no friends. he'd just wanted japanese food, and we'd just happened to be there. i didn't even like this restaurant; i'd only wanted to go out for ice cream, but my friend had insisted on coming here and now john was here too. the second we saw each other, we both started laughing because why does this always happen to us? and then he sat with my friends and i at our table and when it was time to leave, i got a ride home from john in that fucking dream car of mine. we sat in my driveway and talked for a little bit and then he left.

later that night, i asked if he could pick me up again and he told me that he was too tired.

i took that as a soft rejection.

he sent me a picture of his cat.

a few nights later, i got drunk again and i texted him "sup." and then i told him how i was talking to a cousin of the girl he took to last year's prom and he said "that actually is so crazy." and then he beat me in chess and he didn't send me another game.

i felt defeated. after everything, all of that, six years of a buildup, was it over? was this how it ended? it just seemed like there was so much more left.

the next time i saw him was at graduation.

he parked his car right next to mine and i swear it had to be on purpose because i have a very distinctive car and there was no one else's car in the parking lot at the time when he parked. we took pictures together after the ceremony and at grad night he was drunk and we talked a little bit and i even talked with tyler a little bit and alex was drunk too and he hugged me with so much love. when it was time to leave ivy took me home and she said she saw john smirking at me before i got in her car.

i felt special.

he was the hottest man at my school. maybe even in my town, for our age range. everyone was in love with him. everyone thought he was the prettiest boy they'd ever seen, and i felt like i could call just a little bit of him mine.

i had my birthday party the following day and bill brought john even though i hadn't actually invited john. ivy got mad that he was there but john stayed for a little while and i started to get this terrible inkling that ivy was jealous of john for very complicated reasons. right before he left, john told me happy birthday and i said it wasn't my actual birthday and he said it's the 25th right.

he knew my actual birthday.

the following night, i was hanging out with some friends (one straight guy, three straight girls, and me) and we decided to rank every guy in our high school's graduating class because fuck it we were graduates.

we got into an argument about whether john or alex should be first. they ultimately decided on alex in first and john in second. we ranked 107 guys in total.

one of the girls there--i'll call her ethel bc im listening to gibson girl rn--wouldn't stop talking about how she wanted to get with john and i said if i called him he might probably show up to hang out with us because we were friends like that and then they could hook up. so i called him but he didn't answer and i invited him over but he couldn't come.

a few days later, on my actual birthday, john texted me happy birthday rebekah and i said thank you john and he told me to have a good day.

ethel was having a grad party the following week and she told me to bring john.

i called john and invited him to my next hangout with ethel and co in which we would now be ranking the girls of our class, and i then invited him to ethel's grad party. he said he would come to both outings.

at the hangout with ethel and co, john showed up in a different car than his usual one (my elementary school dream car). it then hit me that this different car he'd showed up in was the only OTHER dream car i'd ever had. this one was my CURRENT dream car. i felt so peculiar.

that night, nothing notable really happened, but john was there and i think it hit us both at that point that we were actually close now, and it seemed like the universe was constantly pushing together.

the night of ethel's grad party, i agreed to be john's designated driver. i picked him up from his house and we showed up at ethel's together and i let him get drunk and do his thing and he flirted with some other girls and i knew he wasn't truly mine and it bothered me slightly but i wasn't going to cling on to him and try to force something when the universe was mostly always doing its job without my help. anyways, he looked so hot that night and everyone knew it and it honestly didn't feel real to me where we were and how much had happened, the two of us. at some point, john needed to go to the bathroom and i offered to guide him into the house because he didn't want to go alone but he said no because he didn't want people thinking we were hooking up.

alex was there too and he was so drunk and at some point he held me in such a way that made me feel like it was everything i'd ever wanted from him and i couldn't believe it was real.

i drove john home and we sat in his driveway and he told me that he was a virgin and he didn't remember who his first kiss was with. he told me he didn't remember anything from after prom except that i'd told him about the gay fanfiction and i think he might have been lying because he didn't want to talk about what had actually happened. i don't blame him. we talked a little bit about alex and i could tell that john resented that we'd ranked alex first and john second (during the girls ranking we'd told john about our guys ranking) and so he tried to list off the things that made him hotter than alex. he told me if i thought that alex was so hot then i should have sex with him. i think he was jealous but i couldn't tell if it was because of me or because of him. i told john i was pretty sure that ivy was jealous of him and he said that made sense and that she was probably in love with me. i told john that i wasn't in love with him and he said he knew. he also just told me a lot about his life and suddenly i was sitting in the car with a completely new person.

it always felt like with every conversation john and i had, another layer was being peeled back. i was uncovering more and more of a human. the john i'd known for all these years, the pretty boy in my head whom i'd loved when i was twelve, and seen walking by in the hallway as we grew up, was suddenly more of a real person than he'd ever been. this conversation in my car made me feel that way, especially.

i learned his favorite colors, the places his parents had taken christmas card photos when he was young, the way he didn't really believe in fate. he knew i liked phoebe bridgers so he told me he'd been listening to a song of hers earlier but he didn't remember which. i told him the extended lore of ethel cain. i learned that he liked olivia rodrigo and this was when her new song vampire had literally just dropped so we listened to it for the very first time together and he said it was a basic chord progression but still a good song. at some point he laughed and i realized how good of a laugh he has. he's so so beautiful and it's so not fair. his lucky number is my lucky number divided by two and there's two of us so i thought that maybe that should mean something.

in my car he took a piece of gum and i thought about how nearly six full years ago now i'd given him my last stick of gum on the bus. i spit out my gum after it lost its flavor and he told me he didn't spit out his gum when it lost its flavor and i thought that was such an interesting difference.

it had been three hours in his driveway at this point and at the beginning i'd sort of wanted something exciting to happen but now i was just too tired and i think he could tell so he left.

when i got home i texted him pictures from the night and he sent me a picture of his hair because i'd wanted to know what it looked like in its natural curly state after it dried. we kept on texting for a little bit and then i told him goodnight.

the following night, there was another grad party. for the second night in a row, i was john's designated driver. bill too! i picked both of them up and we went to the party but before we went i let john drive my car and when we got there the funny thing is that john didn't even end up drinking.

after the grad party it was still sort of early so bill suggested that we go to this abandoned town near us. john and i agreed so we went there and it was sort of fun and creepy and then i took bill and john home. we played sudoku in bill's driveway and then i went to drop john off and we spent another hour talking in his driveway. bill texted me in korean that i had to make a move on john. i didn't know how and he didn't really seem like he was making any moves either, but he wouldn't leave my car either. this time we talked about religion and physics and all sorts of introspective things and i realized that we see all things very differently and it suddenly occurred to me that i really enjoyed john's company and that, everything else aside, we were really really close.

the following night, i hung out with bill and i asked if we could pick john up too. bill agreed and this time john invited us into his house. so for the first time, after those two long driveway conversations, i set foot in john's house. he showed us all these things he had--including a guitar and a poster and a record signed by trent reznor. i thought it was the coolest fucking thing ever and he thought it was so cool that i thought it was cool. we went up to john's room and i sat on his bed and then the guys started talking about computers and video games and then i fell asleep in john's bed.

bill threw something at me to wake me up and then i was up again and we got in his car to go to the mall to pick up something bill had left there. at the mall john suggested we should go ice skating and i said no because i was bad at it and he said he was okay at it. on the car ride home i asked john if i could braid his hair and he said yeah so i braided his hair and i kept on playing with it and he got really close to me and it felt even more intimate than when we'd kissed.

eventually bill had to go home and he had driven us both so we had to leave but now i was going on a trip for a really long time so it would be a while before we hung out again. but john told me "see ya." i said "i love you guys" and he said "you too."

bill texted me that night that he was pretty sure that i was now john's closest female friend. i was pretty sure he was right.

so then i went to korea. he texted me once and deleted a chat and it felt strange. i want to know what that deleted chat was but i don't think i'll ever know. i texted him once about something else and he didn't respond for a full 24 hours. i didn't respond to him at all because it felt pointless.

so now im at the end of my trip and im going home soon and i think now john is going on a trip so i'm not sure when i'll see him next. in a few weeks it will have been exactly six years since i wrote that very first diary entry about john and that is the day i'm having my grad party and so much has changed since then but john is still the prettiest boy i've ever seen and as i'm writing all of this out i'm feeling so many wild things. i don't think we're done at all and we have a lot more left between us but i'm going to college in less than two months and that makes this all just feel very fatalistic. but i also have a feeling john has now forever cemented himself as my hometown boy, and whenever i'm back there, he will be too, for me. the universe has pushed us together in so many ways over the past two months and i think it will continue to do so for a little bit more. or maybe forever. because now he's my hometown boy.

and also like. there are so many other characters in my life. ivy is my best fucking friend and thinking about her in any other context makes my head and my heart hurt so i just pretend like that part of our relationship isnt real even though it very much is for both of us. i had a crush on alex all throughout my junior year and senior year until john came back to me at the very very end of senior year and now it finally seems like there could actually be something between us and if he were down i would sooooo get with him and he lowkey does seem down but it would also send a Message to john so idek.

and yeah thats all lol we'll see what happens next 🤣

[lord-of-dragons-2007]

So I follow the nostalgia critic on YouTube, and this past week had been a video on the kids wb, which was something I grew up for and lived for on Saturday mornings. I would get up at 7am every Saturday morning just to watch cartoons, like any kid.

This isn’t a post about a YouTube video, its a post about what was the best time in my life. I want to say between 1995 and 2005 was the best time in my life, the time that was completely happy and had nothing but good times. All of the good cartoons, no stress in life, just that period of 10 years was a time when everything felt perfect in my life. I had my big family that was close and would have big parties on the major holidays, the coolest video games if you ask me came out about that time, the best events in my life happened in that time too. My parents were happy and lively and young and were amazing (not that they still aren’t amazing, but it was different).

I think back to that time and I hurt thinking that time was almost 20 years ago… I would give anything to go back and live in that time on infinite replay. I know it sounds stupid and unhealthy and whatever, but with the way things are today. Stress over my job, stress over my stupid asshole boss being a dick to me for what feels like every day, the main in my chest from panic and anxiety, worries about the mortgage, worries about the economy, worries about making the bills, worries about being able to cover all the meals I need to cover, worries about money, worries about being alone in my life, worries about if I will ever be a father if that dream will ever come true for me… worries about if my life will turn into a finely crafted family story or if it will end in a tragedy of not so good things happening to a good man…

I hate my life these days, the pain, the sorrow, the anxiety, and loneliness, all of it I feel without what feels like any joy in my life, without any love in my life. Every day I struggle to get out of bed, not because of a lack of sleep (though sometimes its because of that), its more of finding that reason to get out of bed. I just feel like the people in my life (if you can call them that) dont want to talk to me… I rarely have anyone check in on me, my dating pool has been so disappointingly small, sparse, and just nothing to even look at.. Lately I’ve been questioning what I’m doing at my job these days like just if I even want to be there anymore.

There is a picture I’ve seen before of a man made of puzzle pieces missing a lot pieces because he gave those pieces away to people who needed that piece, I feel like in so many ways that reflects me.. I am someone who cares about the people around me, my friends and people who I guess I may incorrectly perceive as more than just acquaintances. My very nature is to care and be there for those people, but then like the picture I give my pieces away and none come back to me, not that I’m looking for it, its just it sucks when I need something or need someone in my corner in the darkness that no one and nothing is there for me… or thats just really what it feels like.

I had made a ‘friend’ last year that had made a promise to me that ‘I was stuck with them as a friend’, and today I saw that they had blocked my text messages for reason… Even though I had supported them in their relationship, and getting engaged to someone, and helped them when they needed a friend… I just feel like my life has nothing really good in it, the only thing I can say are just my little dogs. Between these sweet girls and my parents its really the only reason I’m really still here, without them I might have just crawled into bed and died a long time ago…

the past couple of weeks I’ve just questioned if I’ve died on the inside long ago, if I am truly just dead on the inside and just carrying on a shell of who I used to be, a ghost that is wondering around without rest… As I’ve said before I am sure I’m going to die alone, sad and alone.

Honestly I am not sure why I am even taking the time to write this, its not like anyone really follows my random cryings in the void/darkness. I wonder if I have even made any difference in anyone’s life aside from my parents, I just feel like a plot point in a movie that if you factored it out it wouldnt change the movie at all… Just so much of my life I’m questioning from just what I do for a living, how I interact with people, if I’ve had any sort of meaningful positive impact on people, if just I’m just a waste of space and resources that the world would be better off without…

[poisonheart]

Listen, you and I are passengers on this cruise named StalkYoo. We have been sailing forever, braved some rough seas, but only recently found each other when we were howling at the moon and crawling all over the deck and burning the life boats because nobody is getting off now. We either make it to dock or we sink—there is no escape.

The naysayers will say what they want to say, will try to downplay the events that Quimchee has so carefully, so masterfully crafted, yet we KNOW BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN FEEDING ON THOSE CRUMBS OF CATNIP FOR YEARS AND TONIGHT SHE LEFT THE BAG OPEN AND WE'RE ROLLING IN THE GOOD SHIT!!!!!

Ahem.

NO SCREW THAT I WILL NEVER BE NORMAL ABOUT THEM. EVER. I have not been able to process anything since last night. I was just at the kitchen, cooking my pasta in garlic butter sauce when they came into my brain again and I was just like...

I LOVE THEM. THEY ARE SO STUPID!!!! /affectionately

Nana having a moment to talk to Nol before she meets Shin Ae was so important and I think a lot of people miss why.

She got to see him reacting to what had just happened with Shin Ae. Was seeing him mope, fiddle with his emotional support bandana. It's probably a side of him that she doesn't often see because Nol doesn't let many perceive his distress. Or so he thinks. He thinks he's so good at hiding, especially his emotions.

Nol tells Nana that the bandana belongs to his friend.

Nana knew that it wasn't a gift.

But she uses the bandana to unsettle Nol in an effort to get him to talk because she recognizes that he's retreating and she doesn't want him to. She knows that he will find a way to get her to leave to stop embarrassing him and that they'll have a chance to talk. She just has to play the part. And she does. Beautifully. Comically.

As expected of Nana.

But there is more to this, too.

Not only does Nana notice what's happening between them, but she also connects the dots that this is the "new friend" he's often talked about. I need you to understand how HARD I AM CHEWING MY WALLS.

Do you remember that episode where Nana calls him out to eat at night and tells him to eat more because he's tiny? How can he fight evil witches with that small frame?

And Nol responds that he's at least 6 feet tall and that if Nana wants to see tiny, she should see how small his friend is.

That's just one instance that we see, but we're not privy to those small moments often given the format of Webtoons.

Just like Nol and Shin Ae texting a lot, by the glimpses of their message history, but it's not something explicitly stated...

This is another one of those moments.

I know in my soul that Nol has mentioned this friend to Nana before and now Nana knows this is Shin Ae. It's a girl... and whatever sort of platonic enthusiasm he displayed before is entirely gone now.

This isn't the avoidant gaze of a guy who had a little disagreement with a pal. And Nana sees it. Recognizes it.

She's 72 and sharp.

She's been around long enough to see two idiots clearly.

I want to scream.

Ah, so this is that friend you were always yapping about?

She sees the effect Shin Ae has on him—when she's not there and now when she is right in front of him.

Everything about them drives me insane.

I just want to rattle them like Shake n Bake chicken.

So many people in the comments like:

"This miscommunication is getting on my nerves" or "When are they finally going to admit everything?"

They get served a banquet of catnip and spurn it.

They must not be cats.

We can't relate.

I need to pause and simply comment Quimchee's art. It's so simple. We know she's been struggling with missing assistants, etc. But she is able to always, always draw the emotions perfectly.

I don't know how she does it.

This is one of the things I have always admired about her work.

When Nana leaves them alone you see that Nol has the intention of saying something—maybe apologize, but he doesn't. Because the two of them are struggling with emotions and pick at each other.

"So all those things she said... about you moping about... was she just making all that up to get you riled up? Or was there truth to it?"

That pokes him. Pokes at the thing he was trying to convince himself he had no time for—he has too much shit going on.

Instead of letting him speak, she prods... and he often whips back. They do this a lot—they go back and forth—because he has the same power to get under her skin, get her riled up.

Nol has been pushing them away for so long that she asks what's been on her mind since running into Dieter.

"Did you hurt him too?" <- that is the underlying question.

And so he remembers the guilt which was already bubbling because when Dieter came back to his room before, Nol hid the bandana from him because it was part of a secret moment he thought nobody but them were privy to.

Dieter is good at hiding.

Like Shin Ae, he could think anything off about him was exhaustion. It's easier than even thinking Dieter saw any of that, but now he can't avoid the reality that Dieter saw everything.

Only that would explain the behavior Shin Ae is explaining right now.

He has failed his friend in his mind.

He has feelings for the same girl.

So Nol pushes her out and he knows where to hurt her. He tells her that she has no business being there. And he probably would have let her storm off had she not made a comparison with Rand, the person he most despises being like.

After all, Kousuke has partially despised him for being Mini Rand. For being "like father." To have someone else, someone Nol cares about, remark that he's just like Rand—that's what gets him to express that the reason he's asking her to leave (or so he wants her to believe) is because Dieter saw them. Saw them having the most non-platonic sappy moment ever.

I feel like Shin Ae isn't aware that saying he's like Rand gets under his skin—it was a natural thing for her to say, where Nol is often aware of what can hurt others and sometimes weaponizes that knowledge.

It takes a lot for him to reach that extreme, but he does it.

"He heard it all. Saw it all."

And this is such an interesting line because Nol didn't see the entire part of their little exchange. He blindfolded himself for that dance. Both to hide the tears and I also believe to shield himself from seeing the person he wanted for himself. Had he seen her smiling that way, seen her so happy with him, I don't think he could have taken it.

Nol didn't see her shining, but Dieter did.

Dieter saw the things Nol wanted to blind himself to.

And like you say... it's how Nol says things.

It's the way he emphasizes, as you said, "when we thought we were the only ones up" because both of them gave into a stolen moment that Nol feels he probably didn't deserve nor should have taken.

But he did take it.

He went all in for it.

He was so insane for what he did and it finally hits him.

Especially because Dieter witnessed everything.

Shin Ae still doesn't add it up because she hasn't processed how her feelings for Nol are vastly different, much less how someone looking at them would interpret things.

She wants to normalize what she feels for Nol so badly.

"I don't feel the same way about Dieter as I do Min Hyuk, so obviously that explain why Nol is different too."

She hasn't processed that he's the only one to truly rile her up, get under her skin, fluster her, frustrate her, and drive her over the edge.

She hasn't had time or space to compare and realize why Nol is so different. She never dug into why Nol disappearing from her life hurt so badly, so much worse than any other betrayal or disappearance.

Shin Ae has been confessing to Nol the entire night, without realizing the impact of what it means yet. She has told him, without saying she loves him, that she loves him. Always remarking how well they get along, how effortless it is to be with him, how badly she wants to see the real him, how much she needs him to stop pushing her away. And he has heard every single word. Believed it.

He doesn't doubt her.

Shin Ae feels Nol's urgency and maybe even a sense of finality which only makes her more desperate to fix the situation.

She can't lose him.

"There's nothing going on here."

But there is. There is so much going on.

"You're acting like you did something despicable."

He did. He feels he did. Because he likes her. It's not platonic.

"We're all friends here."

She is trying to salvage this situation that is spinning out of control. Trying to convince him that she can fix it. That she can undo the big mess. Yet it won't work because the truth is they're not friends.

What's happening between them is anything but friendship.

AND IT IS SO FUCKING WELL DONE.

Shin Ae is Rose trying to pull up Jack on that fucking door and Nol is just like "No."

Quimchee is so good at the way she draws thing.

I know I mentioned this on Discord but having her set the foot down was such a nice touch because she's been "tolerating his bullshit" in respect to his boundaries but she can tell this is different.

This isn't really a boundary but cowardice.

Why won't he tell her what it's really about?

Why is he really trying to get rid of her?

She doesn't get it.

I love her so much. She represents that some people really need it to be spelled out for them. It may be part consequence of her brain injury, but it's also trauma.

Shin Ae often thinks worse case scenario.

We've seen her assaulted by memories of all the bad things people have said about her. She's asking him to not leave her to her own imagination, to be clear—direct, but he won't do it.

He wants her to figure it out herself.

He doesn't want to influence her.

A lot of people shit on Nol for being a bad friend to Dieter because he developed feelings for Shin Ae (as if you can control that lol) but I love the way he stood up for Dieter this episode.

"It's either you are or you aren't."

In many ways, he is trying to get her to understand she needs to apply this to him too.

Why is he different? Why does she care so much about him?

"He doesn't have that. Not even as your friend."

But she still doesn't get it because she doesn't have the same feelings for all her friends.

From the start, she has tried to make sense of things, but it doesn't quite dawn on her why Nol is different.

She has been too busy trying to salvage the friendship he was throwing away to even ponder on how her feelings for Nol are different.

She's been trying to get him to "stay put" and be honest, and "stay."

And she keeps losing him.

He keeps slipping.

Now he's pushing her and she's trying to counter his logic by saying "all friendships are different" because this is all she knows.

This is what she had been fighting for.

Except it wasn't.

What she's been fighting for wasn't friendship, it was Nol.

She was fighting to keep Nol.

She was fighting to keep him in her life.

She thinks what she's been fighting for is solely the friendship, but what she wants is him, the person. To see him, to know him, to be by his side.

I HATE THEM SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS TO ME.

That's why he asks why she cares.

She keeps saying it's because they're friends, because she cares about him, so he asks why again.

Why do you care about me?

Why him? Why is he different?

Shin Ae has been telling him all night why. What he means to her. How he makes her feel. The impact he's had on her life. How much he matters. How special he is to her.

But Shin Ae has never gotten down to why she feels all those things.

She can't come up with an answer...

She doesn't understand why "I care about you" isn't enough.

Why she needs some better reason to "convince him."

In many ways she's like "Are you dumb?"

While he's like, "Are you dense?"

Like you say—they're speaking in different languages.

Why he's pushing her away is the same reason why she cares about him. It's the same. They're on the same page, but holding different translations of the book, lol.

AND I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

As you know, Quimchee said on Patreon that she wanted Nol to resemble Rand while still looking like himself in that panel where he asks her to convince him.

I want to believe it will mean something.

That she will think back and have one of those "my life flashed before me" moments and realize exactly why he's different and why Dieter is understandably hurting.

Because everyone can see it except her right now.

This is so good. This is everything I wanted.

This is angst that isn't there as filler but as natural progression of two idiots who are coming to terms with each other.

It's as you said: Nol can't deny Shin Ae.

He's so insane.

How he blocks her number but checks his spam folder. He can't let go. He just can't. All he can do is push, but they always find a way back to each other. IT'S UNREAL IT'S FJAHBUFBAKJ.

THEY MAKE ME SO SICK.

This is a story that loses all meaning if people take everything at face value... which happens a lot when you read the comment section. I'm so happy to have found someone WHO UNDERSTANDS and LOVES the catnip Quimchee leaves for us.

ILY FP 231

ALRIGHTY KIDS WHO’S READY FOR STALKYOO WEEKEND WHO’S READY FOR ME TO TALK NONSTOP ABOUT ILY AND TENSION AND FEELINGS AND EXECUTION AND SUBTEXT I’M RARING TO GO picture me frothing at the mouth rattling the bars of my cage because that’s been me and that WILL remain me! 

Keep reading

[wowsnowwhitewell]

Perfect. Is that how he would describe him? Probably. The new son of Zeus camper was absolutely stunning and unlike most of the sons of Zeus. A good different.

Most of Aphrodite's children sent many envious glances, jealous of the attention and admiration that was around the boy. Percy himself was absolutely stunned when he saw Émile entering the camp. He looked a little shy, something that was not common in the first impression of a son of Zeus; but without the lack of a simple smile, so after being claimed and welcomed by his brothers, he was ecstatic.

In recent weeks, Émile has become quite popular. He had a talent in almost everything – Archery, Arts and Crafts, Canoeing, Savings, Crafting magical and valuable tools and weapons. Émile had a lot of dedication and effort, especially with magic, it was one of his strengths – his name was very beautiful, his first and last name. Everything came out perfect and was executed perfectly, he's probably good at almost everything. Since then, Percy has been taken and claimed in several matches, competitions and group missions that Émile was also; Jackson watching him from afar for a while but never talking to him. How can he? Zeus's son was absolutely perfect Almost a Greek god! Body, soul, EVERYTHING (Not to mention, he was rumored to be Zeus's favorite since he was born on the same day as the man. Gods, he was so splendid).

After another day off, Percy finally worked up the courage to go to him.

— "Hey!! Émile Theodore- right!?" Percy called out to the other boy, shyly walking over to him. Émile looked at Poseidon's son, smiling brightly as he slowly stopped his training in the field.

— "Yes, it's Émile. You must be Percy Jackson. Yes. I've heard several events that..you've been quoted and marked, although I never thought I would actually meet you so casually! – you're such a celebrity here Mister Jackson." Émile chuckled weakly, Percy felt his heart flutter with an angry speed, his cheeks flushing a bright red as he returned a smile.

— "Actually, you look like the celebrity around here hehe – even Nico said you were really cool and..stylish! Yep.." Percy chuckled shyly as he admired the other boy's arms. He was very hot and manly sir. What puberty and bisexuality don't do, right?

— "Wow – I could talk to him later..I think Angelo is so impressive too! But, well..it's nice to meet you too Percy! Sparing the conversation with games later? It would be a great second impression, Percy. What do you think?" Percy nodded silently on automatic, his face still flushed like a ripe tomato.

— "This is going to be really cool. Thanks for the introduction, Mister Jackson." Émile winked at the other dark-haired boy from the seas, then walked away and headed towards the showers.

H o l y c r a p. G o d s. Olympus of Heaven- Percy was absolutely desperate and stupid when it came to love.

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🌺❣Émile Theodore Hazel Roumísque💫. That's the full name of my pjo oc! I created him from my head and got from Pinterest a fanart of a handsome black guy😼I just don't know who the artist is, but this is what Émile looks like🤎🧡