#i know it aint MY phone! i can hear other calls perfectly clearly

[sarinataylor]

Will you tell us more about the show and Sarina? Maybe tomorrow ... pretry please 😊

right. take two.

ok so first up: my mom and i were like…. really early, first in line at the gate, early. “why? it was all seated!” i hear you say. well, my service provider was running some kind of promo where i and a guest could get a $20 voucher for food and drink (if we were in the first 350 people) and, well, my mom being a mom was like “we are getting these freebies if i have to kill a man to get them”

we did not get them, we paid $12 for a pita bread to share instead. 

so after finding our seats and freaking tf out cause i like… didn’t realise how good the seats i got were (vindication – camping out in the bathroom at work at 9am for general release tickets was worth it) i went off in search of beer, beer, and more beer. here’s a pic of the seats:

got beer, downed beer, went for more beer. in between beers im just sorta chatting shit with my mom, cause we have like two hours to kill. so it’s now 7ish? an hour and a half until the show starts, and im flicking thru insta as ya do. now, i’d already said to myself that i was gonna keep an eye out for sarina ‘cause she’s been posting stories out and about at shows this tour.

but like. my eyesight is shite, the arena is now half full, and she probably won’t even be out. so my hopes are not high. BUT! then sarina shares the vid her mate natalia took of her so now i know what she’s wearing 🕵️‍♀️

and i shit you fucking not, i look up from my phone, i look across the arena and there she fucking is. i lose my mind.

^ a totally normal reaqction

anyway lmao i turn to my mom and im like……….. mom i think i can see roger’s wife. and my mom, bless her cotton socks, is like “… and?”

and im like MOM I CAN SEE SARINA FUCKING TAYLOR

and my mom is like……. just now realising that, maybe, perhaps, i am not a casual fan. like, not at all. and she’s like….. ok. that’s cool. i, on the other hand, am quietly and calmly losing my everloving shit. 

“do you think….. do you think i should go say hi?”

“no”

my mom, i should point out here, is currently experiencing flashbacks to the text messages she received from me when i got kicked out of elton john after one song.

“but…. i mean. it’s,” here i lower my voice like im talking about some kind of minor deity. “sarina taylor.”

my mom sighs. “if you get kicked out over roger taylor’s wife,” she says, as if that isn’t a perfectly valid reason to get kicked out of anywhere (very much including bed). “i will not follow you. you can sit outside and cry for the three hours of concert, and i will sit in here and enjoy the show. i do not care.”

ice cold.

she clearly thinks im going to propose or something, as if i can’t keep my cool around a gorgeous woman. which……….. like, fair, but still.

i hesitate……… before leaping to my feet, and bolting across the fucking arena. i am dodging security personnel who want to direct me to the closest toilet, ducking past arena workers who are tryna get me to go buy another $12 pita. i’m the fastest goddamn thing this arena has ever seen. i’ve got my eyes on a blonde in a leopard print dress, and i aint letting her go. footy players, whomst????

i’m about half way there and she’s answered a phone call, so i slow down. i am a lion, a cheetah, some kind of other big cat. i wont be denied. i am a thief in the night.

you can sense the level of power walking that i was involved in while taking this photo, can’t you. you can. i would like to remind you all i am six beers deep at this point; that i didn’t have a stitch is a fucking miracle

anyway i slow down, cause, like, she’s on the phone. im casual now; cool, calm, collected. other adjectives beginning with c. i am all of them. crazy? yes.

she’s off the phone, i speed up again. i’m playing this slick, like what? no i didn’t just vault my way across the arena to get to you! this is happenstance! coincidence! (i love you)

i draw up level and go: “… oh my god, i’m sorry, are you sarina?” i planned this the entire way across. im a conversational genius. bow down before me. sarina blinks at me, grins and goes, “yeah, yeah, love that’s me.”

hi im on the floor and i dont know how i got here.

“oh my goodness! i follow you on instagram!”

“oh wow! hi, it’s lovely to meet you!”

“you too! i love your presence on instagram, it’s so positive! really brightens my day when i see your posts and stories.”

“that’s so nice of you. you look gorgeous! is this your first time seeing the show?”

“yeah! first time seeing them at all.”

“you’re going to love it, it’s so much fun.”

“oh, i know! i’ve been looking forward to this for months. i’m sorry, but would you mind if i got a pic with you?”

“no, of course not! my friend can take it”

natalia took the photo – i am bricking it. the photos are just me like OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I SOMEONE BRING ME THE SMELLING SALTS. look at this face. this is the face of someone who is in a kind of fugue state.

and then i took my phone back from natalia and sarina introduced us, so i shook natalia’s hand and then i was like i’m sorry that i disturbed you guys, i’ll let you go and sarina was like “no, no, it’s fine! what’s your name, love?” and i told her and she was like “where are you sitting?” and i told her and then i sort of panicked? and was like “I SHOULD REALLY LET YOU GO” and she laughed (kill me, she’s so gorgeous) and was like “ok, it was so nice to meet you! enjoy the show!” and i was like “thank you!!!!!!!!!!” and then i walk/ran away

and like i was trembling so hard i didn’t stop for a good half an hour and then the bloody show started and off i went again! and she liked the pic on insta, cause my mom posted it and and and.

hi my name is lo aka sarinataylor and i adore sarina taylor she was just so lovely. also she is tiny and i look like a giant next to her. i am deceased. this is all i will talk about for the rest of my life.