#i know if gene was here he would probably be very flattered and excited for the attention but also an embarrassed lil' baby bean
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Are y'all ready for the official date announcement of when all of the fabulous days of ✨Geneuary✨ are going to happen??
I'm excited to finally be able to lay them all out for y'all!! Here they all are:
➼ Day 1: ✨January 8th ✨
➼ Day 2: ✨January 11th✨
➼ Day 3: ✨ January 13th ✨
➼ Day 4: ✨ January 16th ✨
➼ Day 5: ✨ January 18th ✨
➼ Day 6: ✨ January 21st ✨
➼ Day 7: ✨ January 23rd ✨
➼ Day 8: ✨ January 26th ✨
➼ Day 9: ✨ January 28th ✨
➼ Day 10: ✨ January 30th ✨
➼ Day 11: ✨ January 31st ✨
I must thank y'all again for being so patient and sweet throughout this process!! I'm so happy to finally be able to share the official dates! So from January 8th-January 31st, we shall be celebrating the middle Belcher child with as much love as possible!! I simply cannot wait to see what y'all do, it's going to be incredible 🙌🏼
And thank you to everyone who's voted so far! Voting's still open for anyone who hasn't seen the announcement yet. Prompts will hopefully be released soon!
#gene belcher#Geneuary2024#getting this event off the ground has been an EXPERIENCE but i'm so glad it's still happening#i will simply implode at all of the incredible ways you guys interpret these prompts!!#i wonder how eugene mirman would feel if he knew this event was happening pfffffft#i know if gene was here he would probably be very flattered and excited for the attention but also an embarrassed lil' baby bean
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will we get any bull!Asahi content? 👀
a/n: anon you will be exited to know that i WILL BE GIVING YOU BULL ASAHI CONTENT BC OMG THIS IS A BIG BRAIN IDEA COMING RIGHT UP BABES OH MY LAWD
shout out to nox and their big brain for BLESSING us on this fine middle of the night
-eden <3
bull!asahi x fem!bodied reader NSFW
tw/cw: breeding, fem!body gender neutral pronouns, slight dubcon, rut, mastrubating, belly bulge, slight size kink
you took a job as a farm hand, working for a farmer named ukai about a month ago. you basically just cleaned pins, fead all the farm animal boys and girls, and occasionally have them medication and baths when needed. the job was simple enough and the farm animals were quite nice to talk to.
today, the breeding bull of the farm was coming back. your not quite sure why he left and wherever you asked everyone got all hush hush, well except this little rooster boy who loved to call him a coward and a cry baby. everyone was buzzing with excitement, and it would be a lie to say you weren’t as well
you were given the task of cleaning his pin and getting it ready for his return. you had to admit, you were quite thrilled to meet him after hearing everyone talking about him for the last month. they said he was so big and strong, perfect genes for breeding heifers. they said he was real scary looking to, super intimidating.
while you were lost in your thoughts you didn’t hear the trailer pull up, or everyone welcoming the bull back before leaving him to retire to his stall, insisting that he get some rest after his long travels. you vaguely register the sound of footsteps but don’t really think anything of it. at least not until you turn around.
you drop your pitchfork in surprise at the bulls sudden appearance, eyes wide as you take in his gorgeous figure and long hair tied nestled into a bun at the back of his head. his own eyes are wide, the clatter of your pitchfork hitting the floor snaps you both out of your trances. as you open your mouth to apologize he beats you to it.
“ah i’m so sorry, i’m a quiet walker you probably couldn’t even hear my steps! here let me help clean!” he rushes out as he bends to pick up your fallen pitchfork. he quickly hands it to you before stuttering out another sentence, “i’m um i’m asahi, i just uh just got back today!”
you offer him a smile and reply, “i’m y/n, it’s nice to meet you asahi, everyone here talks so highly of you!”
his eyes widen at that and a red blush spreads across his cheeks. he opens and closes his mouth like a fish before stuttering out his reply of, “o-oh d-ahem-do they really?”
you can tell that he’s trying to act nonchalant about it, but you can tell by the blush on his cheeks that he’s very flattered at the news. he must value their opinions on him a lot, you think to yourself. your smile grows as you answer, “yep! they told me allll about how big and strong you are!”is it possible for his blush to deepen? because it does.
before he can reply, you speak again, “well, i’ll get out of your hair! you probably want to relax in your stall after being away for so long!” as you pass him you ruffle his hair between his horns, as you make you way down to the barn door you shout, “i’ll see you around asahi!” with a smile.
asahi thanks his lucky stars that you left when you did, because his aching hard cock was practically screaming for attention.
about a week later, your cleaning asahis stall with him in there. you offered to come back when he was outside but he told you he liked talking to you, so here you are. after about 30 minutes of cleaning his stall and making small talk, you decide to ask him the question that had been on your mind for quite some time.
“hey asahi,” you start, while turing to face him, “why were you gone for so long? even when y’all get really sick and need hospital care you’re never sent away for more than a week or two, so why were you gone for a month?”
his eyes widen for a split second, and the blush on his cheeks that he swore was from the heat darkens as his eyes dart from side to side over the stall floor. “well it’s it’s um,” he wracks his brain to try and figure out how to explain it, but can’t seem to find the right words, “it’s a-a little embarrassing,” he forces a laugh.
“oh! you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to! i was just curious is all,” your quick to reassure him, but he shakes his head.
“no no it’s ok, i want to tell you! it’s just a little hard to explain,” his voice gets a little more quiet towards the end.
you smile softly and reply, “that’s alright, take your time honey,” you turn back to continue cleaning but catch him squeezing his thighs together right as you finish your sentence, but simply shrug it off.
it’s about 10 minutes after that when asahi clears his throat, as if he wants your attention. so you turn to look at him and offer a sweet smile as a form a reassurance.
he gives a small smiles back before beginning to speak, “um so i uh was having some uh…issues with um m-mating with the um heifers, s-so the uh farmer sent me to this um thing where they uh, they uh ask you questions about um what would make m-mating more ap-pealing to you to uh try and encourage you to um do…it, but um” at this point his face and ears are cherry red, “it-it didn’t w-work for me. i don’t really um, find heifers appealing, not in that way at least.”
you give him a curious look and he panics, “not that i don’t think the heifers are beautiful, because i do! i’m just not attracted to them in that way, it’s not their fault!” you giggle at his little rant and he relaxes just a tad, “it’s not that um i don’t find anyone attractive in that way, i’m just not attracted to heifers, farmer ukai said that it’s okay though, that he won’t force me to mate with them if i don’t want to and i can still live hear until i’m old!” his tail swishes back and forth behind him as he speaks and he plays with his fingers.
“well, that’s not quite the answer that i was expecting but you don’t need to be nervous about it!” you state.
“i, i don’t? you don’t think it’s weird?” he asks with hopeful eyes.
“no honey, i don’t think it’s weird. and i’m happy that ukai is letting you stay because i quite enjoy your company,” you punctuate your sentence with a ruffle of his hair and a kiss on his head. “okay asahi, your stalls all clean, i’ll see you soon okay hun?”
“oh-okay!” he replies with a big smile. you toss a wink his way before gathering your supplies and leaving to clean the next pin. asahi releases a sign of relief before palming his hard cock while thinking of how pretty you would look under him while he mounts you and stuffs you full of his calves.
when you first started working here, the other workers and ukai all told you to try and avoid the bulls and heifers during their ruts and heats, unless you want them to jump your bones that is. quite a few of the other farm hands have assisted the cows and other farm animals before, but most times they just send another animal of their species in to help them. however, if there are no farm animals to help them one of the farmhands has to. ruts and heats are extremely painful if they aren’t dealt with, and there is no way in hell y’all are going to let these precious babies feel pain. normally their cycles are pretty close together, which is what makes this so odd.
asahis been acting weird all week. clinging to your side wherever you go sitting with you inside other bulls and heifers stalls while you clean them, trying to follow you into places he can’t go and pouting when you tell him no. and when you return he’s sitting on the ground playing with the grass waiting for you to come back. when you have him his weekly bath yesterday he was extremely tense. and he wouldn’t let you wash his inner thighs, insisting that he wanted to do it himself. which of course you have no problem with and respect his wishes, but it is odd considering that he loves when you bathe him. you didn’t raise your suspicions with anyone until after the bath incident, asking one of the other farmhands for advice. when you explained his behavior to your friend during lunch the next day she gave you an answer you weren’t expecting.
“huh, that sound like prc,” she said before taking a mouthful of food.
“what does prc stand for again?” you ask after sipping your water.
she swallows her food before explaining, “pre rut cycle, it’s phs for the girls because they have heats,not ruts,” she took a sip of her drink before continuing, “the week before their rut or heat they get really clingy to who they see as the best partner to help them through their cycle. they wanna touch you all the time, follow you everywhere, and get super possessive over you. i’m not surprised that asahis instincts have decided you’re the best fit considering that he doesn’t like heifers and you’re literally the only farmhand he’s around 24/7.”
you stare at her with wide eyes and try to process her words. “what do i do? do i help him?” you ask quickly.
she sips her drink again before stating, “well you shouldn’t help him if you’re not attracted to him in that way, one it’ll hurt and two bull boys and heifer and cow girls feed of of your emotions. so if you’re turned off they’ll get turned off and their orgasms won’t satisfy their heat. it’s pointless.” she says nonchalantly. “no pressure though, if you don’t help him i’m sure another farm hand will. it’s just more satisfying for them to have who their instincts tell them is the best partner.”
you’re silent for the rest of lunch, contemplating what to do. on one hand, you are attracted to him in that way. whenever you would see his sweaty back muscles flexing under the sun you would always leave with an ache in your abdomen. but on the other hand is this morally right? you would feel terrible if you took advantage of him in such a vulnerable state.
on your walk to his pin to check on him, you contemplate the pros and cons of this situation. lost in your thoughts until you reach the barn door where you hear deep whimpers and raspy whines, your eyes widen and you jog to his stall without thinking. you pull open the door to find asahi on his knees fisting his swollen and angry red cock.
his head shots up when he hears the stall door creak, eyes teary as his blurry vision takes a moment to register that its you. he whines and grabs your forearm with one hand, the other still furiously pumping his cock, and yanks you down onto his lap. you stumble down onto him, straddling his thighs, your center a few inches away from where he’s pleasuring himself. using the hand he tugged you down with, he weaves his fingers in your hair and yanks back so that your eyes meet his. as you lock eyes with him, you notice how blown asahis pupils are, irises almost completely gone. he’s panting wildly while he stares at you and in your daze you manage to pick up on how the wet clicking sounds he’s producing get faster and faster until he releases a deep, desperate growl and you feel his cum hit your thighs and abdomen.
asahis gaze drops to where his milky white cum is located on your body, eyes narrowing and a sound of distaste rumbling in his chest. next thing you know your on your elbows and knees and you can feel asahi ripping your clothes off your body. once you’re completely bare he stares at your pussy before inserting one finger. his finger is so much bigger than yours, he’s reaching your sweet spots without even trying. the stretch and pleasure his finger bring you forces a whine from your lips and you arch your back even more.
asahi lands a harsh smack on you ass and growls out a single warning of, “stay. still.” hearing the aggression in his tone stills your rocking hips and your eyes widen. he had never spoken to you this way. it’s always been sweet loving words and stuttered out sentences, his rut must be pulling his aggression out of him. but hey, you weren’t complaining. he flips you onto your back and positions his body between your spread legs, all while continuing to finger fuck you.
you’re stretched even more when he adds another finger and begins to scissor and twist them around. you don’t beg for more or for his cock. you saw how massive that thing was and you know you’re gonna need all the prep he’s willing to give you. that doesn’t stop you from moaning though, and asahi is basking it the soft and high pitched noises tumbling out of your lips. your noises spur him on and he begins moving his fingers even faster.
despite acting purely on autopilot, even asahis instincts know that he needs to prep you or it’ll hurt. and the last thing he wants to do is hurt you, at least not in a non pleasurable way. so even though his cock is throbbing with need to breed you, he continues adding fingers and stretching your hole until all four of his fingers are stretching you out, his thumb is rubbing circles on your clit, and you’ve already cum once.
asahi removes his fingers but continues to give gentle little strokes to the outside of your folds while he lines up his cock. he slowly begins to push in, rocking in inch by inch and working your walls open. he leaned over to pepper kisses on your head, neck, and shoulders to show his appreciation for you. he puts his lips next to your ear where he whispers praises of, “doing so good for me, so proud of you,” and, “taking me so well sweetheart, like you were made for me.”
he lets out a strangled growl mixed with a groan when he finally bottoms out, head thrown back in ecstasy, ears twitching and tail swinging back and forth. asahi looks down to where you two connect and he moans at the sight of the slight bulge in your stomach. he moves a big hand and pressed down on it, hard. you yelp out a sweet little cry thats music to his big floppy ears. keeping his hand pressed down, he slowly pulls out about halfway before pushing back in. thanks to his hand on your abdomen you can almost feel the veins running up and down his cock with every thrust.
soon, he’s picking up the pace and moving his hand from you abdomen to the back of your knees to fold you into a mating press. the added pleasures from the new position combined with the overstimulation from your first orgasm quickly builds your next high. asahi revels in how small you look under him, completely at his mercy, ready to take his babies.
a/n: bull!asahi is an ideal provider. he’s either a light sub or a soft dom most of the time, and he turns into a rough but still so so sweet dom during his rut. i see him as the kind of petboy who is still acting on instinct during his rut but his instincts tell him to make sure you’re enjoying it as much as he is and not to be too rough with you -eden <3
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What Do You Want From Me? Ch 10
(Lance Tucker x Reader), OFC Claire, OMC Dr. Tucker
Words: 1265
Warning: Language
A/N: I guess this chapter is the conformation many have already guessed about. Side note, my own GYN is named Dr. Tucker, so why not use that as inspiration? Enjoy!
No! No! No! No! No! Fuck no! God damn mutha fucking, hell no! This is absolutely not fucking happening!!! You punk ass bitch!! Lies! All fuckling lies!
It didn't matter how much you swore at the little stick, holding your future hostage, the results stayed the same: pregnant. How was this even your life? You were celibate for two and a half years. Birth control wasn't an issue because you weren't having sex. Jase and you have been using condoms. Did one of them break? Must've been what happened. Fucking rubber pieces of shit! They are so fucking ineffective!
What to do now? Do I tell Jase? See a doctor? Phone a friend? This is so frustrating. Maybe the phone a friend option for right now. No. Text an acquaintance.
God, he'll think I did this on purpose! Who gets pregnant right away anyway? You've been an actual couple for three weeks. Dates, hanging out, sex. It's been three weeks of bliss, and you're about to ruin it with ‘hey sweetheart...we're having a baby!’
You sent a message to Claire asking her to meet you for lunch. She agrees and picks the place as per usual. Must be nice to be able to eat at those high-end places all the time.
Eleven thirty rolls around and you find yourself walking into the classy restaurant asking the waitress if your friend had arrived. Of course, she's already here. The waitress smiles at you and guides you through the restaurant and to your seat across from your friend.
“Hello, darling! I've missed you!” She says with a big smile.
“Claire. I've been…busy.” Jesus she can't help herself. It looks like she's going to burst if she can't ask. “Ask away.” You tell her, knowing she's wants all the details.
“How's Jase? He's officially your boyfriend, right? Is the sex amazing? He's got a big cock, doesn't he?” She says all at once.
“He's great. Yes. Yes. Fuck me twice, yes!” You both laugh.
“I'm so happy for you! You deserve this. Just promise me, I get to be your maid of honor.” She's taking this way too far.
“Claire, it's been three weeks. Marriage is not on the table at all! But…I do need to tell you something.”
Claire gives you a worried look. “Everything ok?”
You lower your head to the table. “Ugh, no!” Taking a deep breath in you look up at Claire and let it out, “I'm pregnant.”
The shriek Claire lets out has everyone in the restaurant looking in your direction. “This is so great! God, I can't believe it!”
“Shhh! Claire, please…I just found out. Jase doesn't even know yet.” You tell her quietly. The less people who know, the better.
“When are you telling him?” She's asks. Claire’s happier about this than you are at the moment.
“After I see the doctor. Once I have more info, I'll tell him.”
Claire’s so happy, she's practically jumping in her seat. “This is so exciting! I'm going to spoil this baby so much!” Of course, she is. This kid will be better off than me.
“Aren't you excited?” Claire questions you with raised eyebrows.
“I don't know. I don't know how I feel yet. Everything is so new, and we're already having a baby. I just hope he doesn't walk away.” That was really bothering you. Would he walk away? You were scared he would. He probably would.
“Jase won't walk away. Don't worry so much. Everything will be alright. Now let's eat, I'm starving!” She looks down at the salad the waitress brought at some point in all the excitement.
“I hope so...I really hope you’re right.”
The following week found you at your new doctor’s office. After the forms were filled out and you peed in a cup, you were taken back to an exam room. The doctor came in and you were surprised to see it was a very attractive male physician standing in front of you.
“Hello. I'm Dr. Tucker. You must be Y/N.” Shock. You're in shock. It's a male doctor.
“You're a guy!”
Dr. Tucker laughs at you. “Last time I checked.”
“And you're going to be all up in my vagina?”
He laughs again, this time a little louder, “It's what I went to school for.”
Damn, he's good!
“And you'll be delivering my baby?”
The physician sits down on the stool. “Unless you have someone else in mind more qualified than I am, then I will deliver your baby.” He's too good. “You're so young!” His laugh and smile are so amazing. “Good genes.”
“I want to date you.”
Dr. Tucker lets out a loud laugh. Oh shit! I can't believe I just verbalized that, and to the guy that was about to be in my vagina!
“I'm flattered…and as beautiful as you are, one; I don't think your significant other would like that, and two; your vagina and I are going to become really friendly. I normally have a five-date rule before I get to that point.”
You cover your face in embarrassment. “I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend and can't believe I said that!” You can feel the redness in your cheeks.
“It's ok, I'm not offended. Before I have my assistant join us, I just have some questions to go over.
Dr. Tucker and you go back and forth over the paperwork and he takes occasional notes on your chart. “So according to your paperwork you last period was March twentieth. Your due date is December twenty fifth. That makes you eight weeks pregnant.”
“What?!” You question Dr. Tucker's math, “that can't be right. Figure that out again!”
He rolls his eyes at you, but does so at your instance. “March twentieth...last period...due date-”
“Ok… I'm not slow. I've only been having sex with my boyfriend for a month. You’re telling me I'm two months pregnant. Not possible!”
Dr. Tucker takes in a deep breath and lets it out. “Look, you seem pretty intelligent, and I seriously offer no judgement, but seeing as immaculate conception has only been recorded in the Bible, I'm going to assume there was an actual body involved, and sexual intercourse happened.”
“But how?!” It sounds like the stupidest question in the world.
“Sex happens when a mommy and a daddy get very stimulated.”
What a fucking smartass.
“Jesus Christ! I get it…but there wasn't anyone else!” You can feel tears start to form.
“I'm sorry. This must be difficult for you. Again, I won't judge you. Why don't I call my assistant and we'll do the exam and get things going, ok? If you need to talk about this later, we can.”
You nod, and he grabs his assistant. Doctor Tucker does the exam, and takes the necessary samples. By the end, you're still not feeling any better about this pregnancy, and you feel as though your life just went to hell.
“Do you have any questions for me? And yes, I'm sure about the due date, but I’ll order an ultrasound to check the dating just to be sure.
You shake your head no. There wasn't anything you could say. You just needed to process what you’d been told.
“Alright, I'll see you in a month. It's nice to meet you…and don't worry, I'll make this fun!” He waves and leaves the room.
You get off the table and start to get dressed. It's not possible. There's no way. You weren't with anyone else, only Jase. There's got to be a mis…Fuck!!
No! No! No! No! No! Fuck this!
You look down at your belly and scowl. “Oh My Fucking God! You're Lance’s baby! That fucker got me pregnant!”
#lance tucker#lance the fucker tucker#lance tucker x reader#lance tucker fanfiction#the bronze#the bronze au#pa!reader
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got any nsfw headcanons for the shit goblins? :)
OooooOOOoooh sugar, what a can of worms you just opened.
I actually did make a post about the development of their physical relationship here, and how it helps them learn to communicate with each other.
But as for general HCs? Yeah I got a few lmao. Listen, sexuality has been one of my special interests for years, I love using it for character building. It’s so fun.
Beneath the cut will be lots of naughty HCs. 18+ for some explicit/graphic language. You’ve been warned.
Mavis has a huge punishment kink. Her favorite is being caught in the middle of a naughty deed and being forcibly punished for it, being scolded all the while. But scolded in a way that’s still sort of complimenting her on what a slick prankster she is. Things like, “Finally, I got my hands on you. Wait ‘til everyone hears how I finally put the arcade’s biggest problem in her place.” Just as an example. But she never submits immediately – she’s a really bratty sub that likes egging her partner on so she’ll get punished even more.
Along with that, she’s a real big masochist. Mavis loves almost anything that makes her feel a rush, and pain’s a big one. She loves Turbo’s sharp teeth and how bitey he is. She loves being choked, slapped, scratched, having her hair pulled, being tied up too tight, etc. It’s very rare that she comes out of an encounter without at least a few marks.
Turbo, for the most part, loves being in control. He loves having his ego stroked even more than his dick. Winning a struggle for dominance is a big one, so it’s good that Mavis isn’t a pillow princess and fights back. He loves being worshiped in any way – really let it show how much you love touching him. Begging and praise are huge turn-ons, and there’s nothing he loves more than reducing Mavis to the point where she’s mad with desire.
Turbo loves dominant sorta roleplay shit but not the usual "daddy" or "master" kink. He likes being treated like royalty, being called things like "your majesty/grace/highness/flattering word" or "my king/lord", and showered with so much praise, affection, and adoration that it borders on worship. Mav's role in that scenario is the unruly court jester, a snarky playful little shit that's still ultimately there to entertain the king. (Hilarious if you think of Pyrite later)
That being said, though, very occasionally, Turbo’s been known to enjoy being dominated. People constantly in control or with a lot of power tend to like playing into the fantasy of a power shift in the bedroom. It’s a safe, rewarding way to experience losing, which is otherwise so taboo for him. That’s not to say he’s 100% submissive either, he’s less of a bratty sub and more of a straight up spiteful sub. Glares, insults, growling, nipping at fingers. He hates how much he loves it.
With that, the things he tends to “enjoy” the most are being tied up, being degraded, being leashed and commanded. He’s not as much of a masochist as Mavis but he still enjoys some biting, hair-pulling, and a bit of choking. As a sub he often takes on the role of a wild, ill-tempered animal that needs to be broken into an obedient pet. That involves a nice mix of teasing, praise, punishment, and humiliation while still encouraging him to push back and refuse to fully submit. Quite often, those scenarios end with him either being freed or breaking out of his restraints and going wild on Mavis, overpowering her and paying her back for all the rough treatment. Resistance and scolding on her end is all part of the scene, but before long, she’s always pulling hard on the leash and urging him on, praising him for being such a good demon boy. He earned his reward.
I’d like to think that they own a strap on (it’s Mavis’ dildo), but straight-up pegging is not something Turbo’s down with. That level of submission is just a smidge too far for him. Which is fine. But Mavis still likes to make him suck her strap-on dick, especially if he’s tied up and she can knot a fist in his hair and force his head down onto it or fuck his mouth. Turbo’s straight, but he’s pretty secure in that fact (and homophobia kind of isn’t a thing in my arcade ‘verse). He’s sucking a dick, but it’s a girl’s dick, so he’s still into it. (Transphobia isn’t a thing either. Gender’s super vague and unimportant.)
I’ve been asked enough times to remark upon it what Turbo’s dick is like. I hadn’t thought of it too much bc for me, dicks aren’t all that exciting appearance-wise lmao. But it’s inevitable if I’m going to talk nsfw about him. So my answer is…. length-wise, it’s pretty average, but it’s a little bit on the thicker side. I believed I described it as, it’s just nice enough that you might see it and be like, “Goddamn it, such a fuckin’ douche canoe doesn’t deserve a dick that nice.” It’s not all that vascular, it’s grey, and it gets darker towards the head. (I know I’m gonna have to draw it eventually. I draw nice dicks so be ready)
This isn’t relevant to the shitgoblins really but I think that the Twins have similar dicks to Turbo’s since they’re all brothers, but theirs are on the longer side rather than the thicker side. Mavis has seen them, and she just laughed, to the Twins’ displeasure.
No one’s asked me what Mav’s vulva looks like (and thank god actually thats a weird question but at the same time why not???? vulvas are nice) but I guess all I can say about it is… it’s cute? To match her “cute Disney-faced young woman” aesthetic. I have to imagine that if Disney studios ever did porn animations they would draw really idealized labia. ALL VULVAS WOULD LOOK THE SAME. That’s a concept I’ve tried to battle with my own nsfw art where I can, but for Mav I can only picture her with simplified cutesy bits. Soft, supple, pink, blushy, etc. Does not at all mirror how she likes said bits to be treated lmao. But I will gift her with a nice, decent sized clit because you can’t stop me
SHE TASTES tangy and sweet like cherry pie filling
Here’s a fun one. I mentioned that Mav is a masochist. I think she takes that to an extreme in her game. For someone not programmed with in-game death or defeat, dying’s probably almost as painful as DYING dying before respawn. And respawn’s gotta be a dizzying rush of relief from that pain. So… I think she occasionally get off on respawning LOL. She only does this alone, though, as she asked for Turbo’s help with it once and he did not end up having a good time. As it turns out, he’s not into killing his partner in bed, lmao.
Mavis’ brush and paint can are loaded with some of her most dense code, so much that she can feel touch through them, and they’re, shall we say, erogenous zones. Turbo knows this and likes to swipe her brush in public and fiddle around with it just to tease her. She also frequently uses the handle of it to fuck herself.
The shitgoblins are REALLY into PDA. Turbo likes to show off the action he’s getting and Mav just loves the taboo of it. They make out in open public spots all the time, will casually get a little handsy while talking to people, and will straight-up fuck where they can. Tapper’s supply closet is a fave, as well as Niceland’s penthouse, as well as a dark corner of the Qix nightclub. Hidden rooms and alleys in other games work, too. But the best of all is Gene’s closet, with his expensive cashmere cardigans used as cum rags.
Mav is really good at deepthroating. It’s nothing to her.
Turbo has been known to come pretty fast, but he has the peculiar ability to be ready to go again in record time. He’s like the Energizer bunny. He just keeps fuckin’ going.
That’s all well and good, because once they’re fully used to fucking, Mavis develops a taste for overstimulation and likes being fucked past her limit. That’s where communication and a safe word comes in handy.
Since he’s a Speed Demon, Turbo has unusually high body heat. This means… yes, this means his jizz is really hot. Excuse me.
Turbo rarely admits it but he’s obsessed with Mavis’ ass. He loves grabbin onto it while they fuck, and loves casually feeling her up (with her consent of course). A particularly nice view of Dat Ass can throw him completely off what he was doing. Same goes for her legs.
Mavis has a thing for Turbo’s hands. She otherwise never wants hands to touch her so they’re a real special thing to her. He often doesn’t even have to touch her anywhere particularly erotic to get her going – just the fact that she’s being touched is exciting enough. That being said, she loves being fingered, and she loves having his fingers in and around her mouth, to satisfy her oral fixation.
Mavis is of the “try everything once” attitude. Turbo’s a bit more of a princess than her, but probably more adventurous than the average person.
As much as Turbo likes to finish inside her, he’s also got quite a taste for spilling all over her, as a sort of possessive way to mark/claim her. She’s all his, after all.
They looooooove fucking while high.
I think thats enough for now lmao congrats on consuming so much dirt!!
#asks#headcanons#dirty stuff#i love the nasty shitgoblins#i just love them and i want them to have a nice sex life
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Super Strange Things
Chapter Three: I Don’t Give A Damn ‘Bout My Bad Reputation
Pairing: Eventual Johnathan Byers x Reader
Overall Summary: Y/N Winchester, middle child of John and Mary Winchester, arrives in Hawking’s with her family to investigate a series of disappearances and hearsay of a strange, faceless monster, along with a girl who can supposedly move things with her mind.
This Chapter: Y/N and Jonathan receive a less than fun visit from Steve and his crew.
Warning: Warped time line (like music and birthdates of certain characters).
Series Masterlist
Tagging: @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @bands-and-shietz
Authors Note: Friendly suggestion to turn off Tumblr’s “Best Stuff First” in your dash board settings as it is hurting smaller blogs and lessening the material you see.
One of the disadvantages of being below the average height was that it made everything harder to reach, harder to see. Your brothers, it had seemed, had stolen every single height gene that either side of your family had to offer, and you would by ling if you said you weren’t just the slightest bit bitter about it.
This reason alone would be why you were currently standing atop the bench of one of the outdoor tables, your right hand shielding the bright sunlight from your E/C irises as you looked for your new found friend, Jonathan.
He had said to meet him outside after school so that the two of you could head to his house so he could teach you how to take proper photos in the daylight. It had been a long time since you were this excited, you were practically vibrating with energy atop that table with the passing students giving you strange glances, but you didn’t really care. You were focused on finding Jonathan, and when you finally spotted him, he leaning against a pole, trying to be subtle about looking for you. But you could see his head slowly turning as his gaze raked over the school yard.
With a satisfied smile, you jumped from the picnic table and started to make your way over to him, slinging your school bag over your shoulder, as you had plopped it down while you were searching.
“Hello,” you chirped, causing Jonathan to jump slightly.
“Hey,” he greeted, shifting his shoulders awkwardly. The vast majority of his mannerisms seemed to be laced with ineptness, which you found oddly endearing. “You wanna get going?”
“Sure,” you replied, linking you flannel covered arm through his jacketed one. Jonathan stiffened at your action, but you ignored his stiffness and began to walk towards his old, beat up car. He eased into his position along the way, and you found yourself smiling lightly as you walked, enjoying the feeling of your new friend on your arm, that is, until you saw a few figures perched up against Jonathan’s car, watching the two of you approach. You felt Jonathan go rigid, and you quirked your head to the side.
“Whose that leaning on your car?” you asked, your voice laced with confusion.
“Trouble,” Jonathan muttered as he began to walk towards the car, breaking from your hold as he put himself in front of you, as the two of you approached the group of students leering at him. You followed behind closely, watching the group of kids blatantly, a strut in your step that you always seemed to acquire when confrontation arose.
“Hey man,” a boy with large hair stepped forward, his words were friendly, but his eyes and stance said otherwise.
“What’s going on?” Jonathan asked, his voice small.
The boy who had first spoken, Steve maybe? You were pretty sure you had heard things about him around school. One of the popular kids, maybe. You were going to call him Steve either way. Steve stared at Jonathan accusingly, “Nicole here was just telling us about your work.”
Nicole, you assumed, was the red head with longer hair, who perked up at the mention of herself.
“We heard great things,” Carol, an obnoxious girl from you biology class, said. Her voice was a little too cheery for your liking.
“Yea,” a guy with a face plastered full of freckles said, “Sounds real cool.”
“We’d just love to take a look,” Steve said, looking down at Jonathan, “You know, being connoisseurs of art.”
You had come to a halt beside Jonathan, crossing your arms and cocking your right up out, your intense E/C gaze sweeping over the group of students, the two girls stared back at you, but dared not say a word. You were very intimidating when mad, even despite your smaller stature, and you damn well knew it.
What the fuck is going on here? You wondered to yourself.
But as you stared at the accusing faces the group of students were giving you, it hit you, what the group was talking about. “We don’t want to stumble into Steve’s yard.” This must have been the people that were outside last night around the pool. They were talking about the pictures you had taken of them the night before when Jonathan was trying to teach you to use his camera.
“Ohhhh,” you grinned, the wheels in your heading turning quickly in hopes of diffusing the situation. You unzipped Jonathan’s backpack and stuffed your hand inside, fishing around for the binder that he kept his photos in. When you found it, you drew it out and opened it up, flipping through Jonathan’s pristine shots until your eyes landed on the out of focus photos you had undoubtedly taken the night before.
“Here, you must be talking about these things I took last night.”
Jonatan shot you a questioning look, but you brushed him off as you focused on Steve.
“Last night Jon and I ran into each other in the woods where the police department found Will’s bike. Jon was looking for clues, I was looking for something my dad had dropped earlier that day, he’s the FBI agent on the case you see,”
Steve watched you with his arms crossed over his chest, he had the pictures clutched in his right hand but had yet to look at them, opting to watch you re tell the vents that had occurred last night. You figured by now he would have figured out Dean, who had established himself a popular playboy in just one short day, was your older brother. And it only took a few interactions with your elder brother to understand that he would fuck up anyone’s world if they tried something funny with you or Sammy. He was playing it safe. A smart move on his behalf.
“I asked Jonathan if he could teach me to take pictures like him, I’d always want to learn, but we never stayed in once place long enough to, not that my dad would ever buy me a camera anyway but, long story short. He agreed to teach me, and we were taking some other photos of things around the site when we heard a scream, which we ran to investigate. When we saw it was just you guys partying, Jon wanted to leave. But there’s was a lot of light right there, so I could see what I was doing, so I just wanted to snap a few and see what I needed improving on,” you paused and shrugged your shoulders.
“Jon had to develop them while I was in lit class, and we were just heading to his house to go over them, then trash them. I’ll be honest, I never really thought about how weird it was until now.”
“She’s just trying to cover for him,” the freckled boy in the back accused.
“Yea, no.” You replied with a roll of your E/C eyes. “Just telling the truth, if you look at the ones I just handed, Steve, I think? Is that your name? That’s what I’ve decided to call you, anyway, if you look at the photos I’ve handed Steve you will see that those photos are armature hour, while these are, quite frankly, gallery worthy.” You held up Jonathan’s binder, showing off a few of his faultless photos to the group.
Steve analyzed the two examples carefully, frowning as he looked at your photos.
“You could try not to look so disappointed, Steve. I am still new at that,” you grumbled sarcastically.
Carol peeked over his shoulder, her face scrunching up as she took some of the photos from Steve. “This isn’t creepy at all,” she said, looking at the photos in disgust.
“Oh please, you can’t even make out who you are in most of these,” you snapped.
“You do realize this is called stalking?” Steve asked, looking at Jonathan.
“Hey,” you said, snapping your fingers to avert Steve’s outrage back onto you, “Your issue is with me, not with him. Eyes over here.”
“And fist of all, stalking is an unwanted obsession by an individual over an elongated period of time. So, going by that definition, I am not a stalker, as I’ve only been in town for under a week and have no clue as to who any of you are,” you paused, then pointed at Carol, “Except for her, she’s the annoying girl in my bio class. Other than that, I don’t even know who the fuck you are. You never even told me if your name is actually Steve,”
“Yes,” the boy nearly shouted in frustration, “My name is Steve!”
“Finally,” you smirked, “Some answers.”
“You’re not the ones asking questions here,” the other boy chimed in. You ignored him.
“Also, don’t flatter yourselves. You’re not important enough, or good looking enough for me to stalk. Especially you, human freckle, wipe that grin off your face.” You snapped at the chuckling boy.
“So that’s it then,” Steve asked, “You just took a couple of photos of us as photography classes?”
“Yea, that’s literally it.” You said as you uncrossed your arms and put them on your hips.
“What’s going on?” a small voice asked. You turned your head slowly and scanned the new arrival over. You weren’t sure what her name was, but you had seen her in a few of your classes yesterday, along with her red headed friend. This girl was much shorter than her best friend, with pretty, long wavy brown hair, but her face, though beautiful, was contorted with worry.
“The star of the show,” Carol greeted with her hands gesturing to the upcoming girl, “These creeps were spying on us.”
“Literally not spying.” You dismissed with a wave of your hand. You were ignored, however, as Steve squared up with Jonathan, fixated on the boy for some reason.
“He was probably gonna save this one for later,” Carol said as she handed the new girl a photo from the stack. Your face contorted in confusion at wat the insufferable girl could be talking about.
“Hey,” you yelled at Steve. “What did I tell you? Your issue is with me, leave Jon alone!”
“Oh shut up,” Steve snapped. “We know your covering for him.”
Steve rounded on Jonathan once more while you fumed silently, to angry to form a coherent sentence as you shook in place. Steve poked Jonathan in the chest, and Jonathan just shrank into himself, taking the abuse.
“I don’t know why you’re covering for him though, because, look at him, he knows he did wrong. But that’s the thing about perverts, it’s hardwired into them. They just can’t help themselves.”
Steve began to rip the photos up in front of you, not that it bothered you. You could always take new photos, of things you’d rather photograph anyway, however what bother you was the way he was talking to Jonathan.
“How can we help?” the boy with the freckles asked.
“We take away his toy,” Steve said.
“No!” You and Jonathan cried out simultaneously.
“No it’s not his fault, leave his camera alone! It was me, it was me!” you screamed, lunging forward to grab a hold of Steve as he grabbed Jonathans backpack from off of the boys shoulder, shoving him back a few steps for resisting. But the freckled boy grabbed a hold of you from behind and hugged you to his chest.
“Get the fuck off of me!” you screamed, thrashing around in the boys arms. You used the back of your head to head butt the boy, but he only grunted and held you tighter.
“Hey, its ok, it’s ok,” Steve told the boy, motioning for him to release you.
“Here you go man,” Steve said, holding out the camera for Jonathan to take. He lunged forward, but he wasn’t fast enough to catch it when Steve suddenly dropped it. It hit the cemented parking lot with a loud crack, causing you to flinch.
“Opps,” Steve said as he looked down at the camera.
Jonathan trembled as he bent down to gather up the broken pieces of his beloved possession, his lip quivered as the people surrounding you laughed, and the sight of your new friend, on the ground like that, threw you into a rage.
“What the FUCK dude?” you yelled, lunging forward to snatch Steve up. However, the boy behind you grabbed you again, only this time, you brought your foot up to connect with his groin. He let out a strangled cry as he went to cup his injury, but you gave him little time to do so, as you elbowed him in the nose sending him falling backwards on his butt.
“Come here you,” you roared, you stalked forward as caught Steve by the collar of his pretty boy shirt and drug him down to your height.
“Why the actual fuck would you do that?” you seethed, looking into the freighted eyes of the older boy. “I told you it was me you idiot, what is your vendetta against Johnathan?”
“He’s a creep,” Steve spat at you, “That’s my problem.”
“He is not a creep you egotistical piece of-” you words were cut off as someone grabbed two fistfuls of your flannel and threw you backwards. Your head hit the ground, but not hard enough to keep you down.
“Y/N!” you heard Jonathan cry, but you were already hauling yourself up off the ground, your E/C irises flashing dangerously as you swept your H/L locks from your face, the loose braid you had them in had come undone during your fight.
You laughed dangerously, “Come here you little bastard,” you snarled as you rounded on the freckled boy, you brought your fist up in the air, ready to deck the boy, when a strong voice boomed over the parking lot.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Dean yelled as he stalked towards you. His fists were clenched at his sides, his jacket flapped in the wind as he made his way over to you with a grim face.
“What the hell is going on?” he demanded.
“Your sister is fucking crazy,” the freckled kid said, wiping some of the blood oozing from his nose off with his lower arm.
“Fuck you,” you growled.
“Y/N, it’s alright,” Jonathan said from behind you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You hadn’t noticed the boy creeping up behind you in an attempt to grab and sooth your anger.
“No,” you swallowed, “It’s not alright. They can’t just treat you like that,” you protested.
“It’s fine,” he muttered, rubbing his thumb over your shoulder, “I’m use to it.”
“But you shouldn’t be,” you whispered back.
“Y/N,” Dean boomed, “What happed?”
“What happened is your sister and her friend are fucking creeps,” the freckled boy said.
“Shut your cake hole, human freckle!” Dean rounded on the boy.
“Does bad name calling run in the family?” you heard the boy mutter.
“Y/N?” Dean asked again as he turned back to look at you.
You quickly ran through the situation, and Dean listened with his arms crossed over his chest. When one of Steve’s crew tried to throw in their version of the story, he would shut them up real quick. At the end of the story, Dean rounded on the crew and raised a finger to point at them.
“If I ever catch one of you putting your hands on my baby sister again, even looking at her the wrong way, I will put you in an early grave, do you understand that?”
All heads in the party were eager to nod.
“I don’t wanna hear another damn word on this situation, you were all idiots, we clear?”
You all nodded.
“Good, now you six, get out of my face.”
Dismissed, Steve and company began to walk off, save for the quite girl who walked over to you last, who stayed to gather the ripped photos on the ground, shoving them into her back pack hastily when Steve called for her.
“Y/N, you coming home?” Dean asked as he raised a single brow.
“Not right now,” you said, looking back at Jonathan, “I’m gonna hang out with Jon for a bit, if that’s cool with him?”
“Yea,” Jonathan muttered, “Of course.”
“Ok,” Dean nodded, “Call the house when you need to be picked up.”
“I’ll bring her home,” Jonathan muttered.
Dean gave him the once over before he nodded, deciding that he would allow it.
“Safely,” Dean commanded, giving Jon a stern look before he turned and stalked off toward the Impala.
#stranger things#stranger things 2#stranger things imagine#jonathan byers#jonathan byers x reader#jonathan byers x you#jonathan byers imagine#jonathan buyers x you#steve harrington#nancy wheeler#mike wheeler#will byers#lucas sinclair#mileven#supernatural#supernatural imagine#Sam Winchester#sam and dean#dean winchester#dean winchester imagine#dean winchester x sister!reader#sam winchester imagine#sam winchester x sister!reader#john winchester
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This Graceful Path (7/19)
Summary: Emma has just moved in with Mary Margaret and started working as a deputy in the Storybrooke sheriff’s department when she meets Killian Jones, the town’s introverted harbormaster. When a prominent Storybrooke resident is found murdered, Emma tries to juggle solving the case with new friendships, parenthood, and romance. A Season 1 Cursed!Killian AU.
Rating: Explicit per CSBB guidelines (violence, sex); more of an M on unfolded73’s scale. The sex, when we get there, is not extremely graphic in nature. Same with the violence.
Content Warning: This fic contains two major character deaths, one canon and one not. (You’re already past them.) Content warning for depiction of alcoholism in this chapter.
Total word count: ~ 75,000
Acknowledgements: Thank you to @j-philly-b for betaing this monstrosity. Thank you to @caprelloidea for all of the read-throughs and cheerleading; not sure I could have written it without your excitement early on. Thank you to @teruel-a-witch for the original prompt on tumblr which sparked this fic. Thank you to @pompeiiablaze for the wonderful art which accompanies Chapter 3 and also will accompany later chapters. Thanks to the CSBB mods (@sambethe in particular, who had to look at my check-ins) for your support and for enduring my neuroses.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 – AO3 Link
Chapter 7
As soon as Emma arrived at the sheriff’s station the following morning, she regretted that she’d asked David to work an early shift. The last thing she wanted was him seeing her powered by little more than booze-soaked regret. The night with Mary Margaret, Ruby, and Ashley had been fun, and a much-needed break, but now she had to face the morning hungover.
“Whoa,” he said when he saw her, her face still pale and haggard, she assumed. “You okay this morning?”
“Um… to be honest, I drank too much last night, so no.” She felt vaguely ashamed, as if it was her own father seeing her in her sorry, hungover state. Which was ridiculous; she’d never even had a father.
“Oh, yeah? Sorry about that.”
“I’ll live. It’s my own fault.” She flopped down in her desk chair, hoping she could find something mindless and quiet to do until she was feeling a little more human.
“Hey, you know Killian Jones, right?” David said, walking over and hovering in the doorway to her office.
Why did everyone keep talking to her about Killian? “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know him well…”
“He helped me corral a stray dog down by the docks once, and he seemed like a good guy. Figured I should make an effort to make more friends, so I was going to invite him over to watch hockey or something. If you think he’d be interested.”
It was endearing, she had to admit, the way David was seeking her advice on how to woo a new friend. “I have no idea if he’s interested in sports at all, but sure, ask him.”
“Yeah, okay. I think I will.” He started to walk away, then paused. “Was… uh, was Mary Margaret with you last night?” David asked, his attempt to be nonchalant painfully transparent.
Not for the first time, Emma wondered if he just assumed that she knew about his and Mary Margaret’s affair. As always, it made her feel extremely awkward, so much so that she almost regretted hiring David as her deputy. Almost being the operative word; he was, as she expected, a natural at the job. “Yeah, she was.”
“I hope she’s not feeling too bad this morning,” he said, and the yearning was written so plainly on his face that Emma almost had to laugh. She couldn’t think of any two people less suited to carrying on a clandestine love affair than David Nolan and Mary Margaret Blanchard.
She cleared her throat. She felt the need to say something, something that would set things between Mary Margaret and David to rights, something that would prevent her roommate from getting her heart broken. but she knew such a thing did not exist.
“Look,” he said softly, “I know you probably think I’m a bad guy, and I can’t really blame you—”
“I don’t think you’re a bad guy,” Emma responded quickly, uncomfortable with the idea of David continuing to talk to her about this. “But I do think that a person I’ve come to care about is going to end up getting hurt, and I don’t want that to happen. If that makes it seem like I don’t like you, or don’t… I don’t know, approve of you, then I’m sorry. My only interest in this is her heart not getting broken.”
“Mine too,” David said. “I swear it.”
“I’m sure you think that’s true. But love is like a drug. You get addicted to it, and all you care about is the high, and it doesn’t matter what lies in your way of getting it. That’s how people get hurt.”
“That’s a very cynical attitude.”
Emma shrugged. “That’s life.”
~*~
She didn’t go back to the Rabbit Hole several days later because she knew Killian went there. She went because it had been a hard week, and she had very little to show for it, and she needed a drink. Still, she couldn’t help but notice the little thrill that ran up her spine when she saw him at the bar, any more than she could stop her feet from walking over to him.
“Swan,” he said in greeting, lifting a glass of dark liquid in her direction. “Off duty, I hope?”
Emma pulled herself up onto the barstool next to him and nodded. “Finally.” She flagged down the bartender and ordered a whiskey, because that’s the kind of night it was.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, nursing their drinks. Emma cast sidelong glances at Killian, relishing the burn of the liquor in her chest. Killian’s prosthetic hand rested on his knee, and she could see that there were zippers on the sleeves of the leather jacket he wore, and she wondered if it was more difficult for him to get the prosthesis through a sleeve. She wondered what kind of sailing accident could result in the loss of a hand. She wondered a lot of things.
“I see you’re no more interested in wearing a sheriff’s uniform than Humbert was,” he said, giving her a sidelong glance.
“They aren’t very flattering. And it’s not like people don’t know who I am; I don’t need a uniform to let people know I’m the law.”
“While that red leather jacket is quite fetching,” he said, and she could practically feel his eyes on her, raking up and down her body. She should have hated it. She really, really didn’t. “I’ve always thought so.”
“Given a lot of thought to me in my leather jacket, have you?”
“Oh, you have no idea.” He grinned at her, but the grin didn’t quite reach his dark-shadowed eyes.
“No offense, Killian, but you don’t look so great. You feeling okay?”
He took a swig from his glass, which she could now smell was rum. It fit with his whole tortured seafarer vibe, she thought. “I don’t sleep well.”
“Ever, or lately?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Still investigating me, Swan?” He raised his hand to the bartender, signaling for a refill.
“Why do you call me by my last name all the time?”
“I don’t know. ‘Swan’ suits you.”
“Because I have an abnormally long neck?”
“Because you’re pale and graceful. And you have a lovely neck.” His tongue darted out, licking his bottom lip.
“Okay, weirdo.” She took a drink from her whiskey and hoped that the dim lighting of the bar hid her blush.
Once Killian had downed a large swallow of his refreshed drink (and once she had averted her eyes from the way his neck muscles worked), he said, “I get nightmares.”
“What?” she said, feeling hazy and a little mesmerized. By the atmosphere, by his voice. By the way his neck looked when he drank rum.
“The reason I’m not sleeping well. I have nightmares,” he explained.
“I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.”
They sat in silence for some time, Killian continuing to drink like it was his job. “Does the drinking make the nightmares better or worse?” she asked him.
He chuckled, his jaw clenched. “Worse at first, but then I continue to drink until it makes them better.”
“Until you pass out, you mean? That doesn’t sound like a healthy lifestyle.”
“Oh, it definitely is not,” he said. “So, I suppose you’re settled in Storybrooke for the foreseeable future, eh?” It was a clumsy attempt to change the subject, but she allowed it.
“I guess I am.” Emma sighed heavily. His confessions about his nightmares and his drinking made her want to be straight with him. To let her walls down a little. “Now that I’ve gotten to know Henry, I don’t know if I can be away from him again. I already lost so much time.”
He turned and looked at her for a quiet moment, a small smile on his lips, one that this time reached his eyes. “He’s a good lad. I never really understood how Regina managed to raise a boy so full of hope and optimism, but now I know.” He raised his glass to her. “It’s you, Swan.”
“I didn’t have anything to do with his upbringing.”
“Must be something in your genetics, then.”
Emma snorted. “If there’s a gene for hope and optimism, then it skipped a generation.”
Killian laughed at that. “Are you saying we’re a black hole of despair and hopelessness, sitting here at this bar and sucking in all the light around us?”
“Something like that,” she said after another sip of whiskey.
Killian levered himself up from his bar stool, swaying slightly. “Well, this hopeless bloke needs a trip to the lavatory.” He dropped into a bow, and Emma was afraid for a moment that he might lose his balance and topple over. “Begging your pardon, love.”
Emma rolled her eyes, watching him weave an unsteady path to the bathrooms. It occurred to her for the first time to wonder how many hours he’d been sitting here drinking.
When Killian didn’t return after what seemed like more than a reasonable amount of time for a man to pee, she put enough cash on the bar for her own drinks and got up and to go looking for him. She didn’t particularly want to see what the men’s room of the Rabbit Hole looked like, but if Killian had passed out and clocked his head on a urinal, she probably should help him.
Rounding the corner to the short hallway that led to the bathrooms, she almost collided with him where he was leaning against the wall.
“Hey, you okay?”
He looked at her with a glazed expression. It seemed that his last few drinks were hitting him all at once. “‘M fine.”
“Did you pee?”
“Aye.” He was too drunk to be embarrassed at her inquiry after his bathroom activities.
“Okay, let’s get you home then.” Emma put an arm around him, guiding him out of the hallway.
“You goin’ to take me home and take advantage of me, love?” he said as he willingly went along with her. He wasn’t so drunk that he couldn’t move under his own power, but she kept her arm around him just in case.
“Not a chance,” she said, glancing at the bartender with a raised eyebrow.
The bartender waved her away. “He’s good for it,” he said.
Together, they left the bar, the wind whipping into them and stinging their cheeks with its icy fingers, a few desultory snowflakes falling from the sky. Emma looked longingly at her car, but unfortunately, she’d had just enough to drink that she doubted she was sober enough to drive.
“All right, we’re walking,” she said. “You up for it?”
Killian held up his prosthetic hand. “I don’t drive; I walk everywhere.”
Emma led them in the direction of the beach and his apartment. “There are plenty of people with a missing hand who drive,” she said. “You’d probably just need something on the steering wheel that would be compatible with your prosthesis. Not that you’d be driving right now; if you did, I’d have to arrest you.”
“I’d never endanger the populace that way, love.”
“Whatever. I’m just saying you could drive if you wanted to.” They trudged along the poorly lit sidewalk, and Emma was very aware of the way her arm was still slung around him. He felt warm and solid under his leather jacket. She couldn’t help but think about the fact that her best working theory for Gold’s murder right now was that someone had followed Gold in a car. If Killian didn’t drive, that was one more reason that he couldn’t have done it.
“You really don’t have to see me home,” he said after a while. The cold air seemed to have sobered him a bit.
“Yeah, I’m not gonna take the chance of you ending up dead in a ditch somewhere.”
“Why Swan, I didn’t know you cared.”
“It’s either I walk you home or I throw you in the drunk tank; your choice.”
“Believe me, I’ll take any excuse to have you see me to my bed.” He stumbled (God, his feet are really big, she thought, staring down at them), but managed to right himself before he pulled them both to the ground. Emma focused on getting them to his apartment and ignored his clumsy innuendo.
Finally, they made it to his front door. Killian was sober enough to pull his keys out and unlock the door, saving her the discomfort of rooting through his pockets. Still, she followed him through the dark space and watched as he shucked his jacket and kicked his shoes off before collapsing onto his bed fully clothed. “Sure you don’t want to join me?” His voice was muffled by the pillow.
“Yeah, I’m fairly sure,” she responded, rolling her eyes and turning to go. “Sleep well, Killian.”
“Emma,” he called, and she turned back, surprised at his use of her first name and at how suddenly clear his voice sounded.
“What?”
“Thanks for escorting me home.”
“Goodnight, Killian.” With a last long look at him stretched out on his bed, she left the apartment.
On the front steps, she collided with another person. “Oof, sorry,” she muttered.
“It was my fault.” The man wore coveralls and an easy smile and smelled faintly of engine grease. “Got called out on a late tow job.” Billy was emblazoned on his uniform, and Emma remembered Killian mentioning his neighbor. Billy finally seemed to register her face. “Hope there’s no trouble, Sheriff.”
“No, just making sure Killian got home from the bar,” she said with a thumb pointing back at his door.
“Ah. Well, I’m sure he appreciated it.”
“Hey, can I ask you something?” Billy nodded. “You’re probably not going to remember this so many weeks later, but November fifteenth; do you remember seeing Killian come home that night?”
Billy’s eyebrows went up. “The night Gold was killed?” Reluctantly, she nodded. “Yeah, actually I do. I was sitting near my front window when he walked up to the porch.”
She arched an eyebrow. “How do you remember it being that particular night two months ago, and not some other night?”
“Because my friend Mikey was over here hanging out. He’s a paramedic, and it wasn’t that long after I saw Jones get home that he got called out on a job. He told me later, it was to get Gold’s body.”
“Did Killian look normal?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Were his clothes dirty? Was he carrying anything unusual? Did he seem upset?”
Billy blinked at her. “Is he a suspect?”
“Just answer the question.”
“No, I didn’t notice anything. He looked normal.”
Emma watched for any sign of a lie but saw none. “Okay, thanks. I’ll see you around.”
It wasn’t exactly an alibi, but the whole picture pointed to Killian being an innocent man. As she walked back to the Rabbit Hole and her car, which she was now sober enough to drive, she realized she was only now really and truly crossing Killian off her list of murder suspects. Which meant she’d been halfway lusting after him while still thinking there was an outside shot he’d killed somebody. “How fucked up are you, Emma?” she muttered to herself as she trudged down the sidewalk, her hands jammed in her pockets and ears going numb from the cold.
The rumble of an engine made Emma stop and turn around. A motorcycle pulled up beside her, slowing to a stop. She watched, wary, as the driver pulled his helmet off, revealing a handsome man with wavy brown hair, perhaps a few years older than she was.
“Evening. I was wondering if there are any hotels in town?”
She gaped at him for a second. She couldn’t remember any other tourists coming through (other than herself) since she’d arrived in Storybrooke. And wasn’t that a little bit odd for a seaside town in Maine, even with the weather getting colder?
“Granny’s has rooms to rent,” she finally said. “Go straight here, and then take a right at the light.”
“Thanks.” He reached out a gloved hand for her to shake. “I’m August Booth.”
His grip was solid, almost too tight on her smaller hand. “I’m Emma.”
~*~
She saw the stranger again the following morning when she stopped into Granny’s for a coffee. He was seated at one of the tables, enjoying a very large breakfast.
“I see you found the place last night,” she commented, stopping at his side. His leg was jiggling with pent-up energy.
“I did; thank you.” He gestured for her to take the other seat, but she shook her head.
“Just stopping in for a coffee, thanks.”
“Suit yourself, Sheriff.”
Emma raised an eyebrow. “You know who I am?”
August smiled an easy smile at her. “I mentioned to Granny that an Emma had directed me here, and she said you were the sheriff.”
“Ah. So what brings you to town, Mr. Booth? Vacation?”
“Not exactly.” He took a bite of his pancakes and gestured to the other chair again. “As it happens, I could use your help.”
With a sigh, Emma sat. Ruby, who had been watching and seemed to suss out the situation, brought Emma a cup of coffee in a to-go cup. She met Emma’s gaze and surreptitiously rolled her eyes at the stranger across from her before slinking away again.
“What do you need my help with?” Emma asked, reaching for the container of sugar and working the lid off of her cup.
“I’m a writer. And when I read that the mysterious and wealthy Mr. Gold had been murdered, I couldn’t pass up the possibility that there might be a story here.”
Emma shook her head as she added sugar to her coffee. “I’m not going to discuss an open murder investigation with you, Mr. Booth.”
“Call me August,” he said with a wink. “And I’m not asking for you to show me all of your case files. Maybe simply a small nudge in the right direction. You and I might be able to help each other.”
“Anything I’d be willing to tell you is in the local paper. I’m sure if you stop by their offices, they can help you.” She stood up from the table. “Enjoy your stay, August.”
~*~
“You got my message!” Henry shouted, running toward the bench Emma was sitting on.
It was a chilly and bright Sunday afternoon, and Emma had been lying around the loft in her pajamas, debating the wisdom of taking an afternoon nap, when she heard the crackle of a walkie-talkie from up in her bedroom. She’d found an old set in the sheriff’s station, and had given one of them to Henry. He’d been over the moon with excitement about the idea but had been surprisingly restrained in using the walkie-talkie, probably assuming that if he abused it, Regina would figure out that something was up.
Henry had summoned her to this particular bench along Main Street, near the old library, and so here she sat. She wasn’t sure how he’d gotten out of the house on a Sunday without Regina noticing, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Even so, she couldn’t help but be glad to see him.
“Yeah, I got your message. Did you eat lunch already? We could get something at Granny’s if you want.”
“I’m not hungry,” Henry responded, which made Emma raise her eyebrows in surprise. He almost never turned down the opportunity for some pancakes and hot cocoa, no matter the time of day. “But if you want to eat—”
“No, I’m good. Mary Margaret made a huge breakfast this morning, so I’m still recovering from that.”
“It’s funny how even though she doesn’t remember that she’s your mom, she still treats you like her daughter.”
Emma rolled her eyes. “She likes to cook, kid. Since I’m her roommate, I’m the beneficiary, that’s all.” She pushed aside the thought that she did feel mothered by Mary Margaret sometimes. And she didn’t hate it.
“If you say so,” Henry said, shrugging off her denials.
“Anyway, you said you had information critical to Operation Cobra,” she said indulgently. Sometimes she could almost pretend that Operation Cobra was just a game they played and was not seated in Henry’s genuine delusion that the residents of the town were all fairy tale characters.
“I do. I was thinking about how all this started with my storybook, and that made me start to wonder if there are others. Books, I mean. We already know that everyone in Storybrooke isn’t in the book, but there could be other books! We don’t know.”
“Okay, sure,” she agreed, worried where this was going, worried that she wasn’t handling it right. She’d felt the instinct several times to grab Henry and whisk him into her car and run off to Boston or New York, somewhere that he was away from Regina and where she could maybe get a second opinion on his psychological problems. But that would turn both of them into fugitives, and she doubted that would be an improvement for Henry. More fundamentally, she wasn’t sure if she was capable of being his mother, but a part of her wanted to find out.
“So haven’t you always wondered why the library in town is locked and boarded up?” He pointed to the building behind them. She had wondered that, and moreover, she’d thought it was a weird place for a library, that big building in the center of town with a clock tower on top of it.
Emma shrugged. “I guess I assumed there wasn’t any budget to maintain it?”
“My mom must have sealed it up to protect something. Or hide something. It’s the only explanation.”
“I don’t think it’s the only explanation,” she said.
“Okay fine, but it’s worth investigating. You must have a way to get in there as sheriff. We need to have a look around, see what the Evil Queen is hiding.”
“No, we don’t need to do any such thing. I don’t even know if that building is safe, or if it’s likely to come crashing down on your head.” She thought about how Henry had gotten himself trapped in the old mines and shuddered. “And even if that’s not an issue, there’s no better way to attract your mother’s attention to Operation Cobra than to break into buildings together.”
“But it could be important.” His expression was thunderous, which was kind of shocking on Henry’s sweet little face.
“And I promise that I’ll look into it, but I need to do it delicately and try not to incur Regina’s wrath any more than I have to. I’m the sheriff now, I have responsibilities—”
Henry stood up and stomped his foot, of all things. “You don’t even care about Operation Cobra, you just care about your stupid job now.”
“Henry, I do care, I promise—”
“You’ll never break the curse if you don’t do something to help me!” he shouted, swiping at angry tears that had suddenly fallen onto his cheeks. Without warning, he turned and ran away from her at full speed.
Emma registered several things at once, helpless, too far away to act: Henry running into the street, his tears blinding him. The large car barreling toward him. Other people turning at her shout (because she must have shouted) and gaping at the scene unfolding. A blur of black as someone ran toward Henry, so fast (too fast), shoving him out of the way. A sickening thump as Henry’s savior was hit by the car instead. The squeal of brakes as the car stopped.
She was running then, or maybe she’d been running the whole time. Henry was on the ground, half in the street and half on the sidewalk, and she dropped to her knees where he was trying to sit up.
“Oh my God, Henry, are you okay?” Her heart was pounding like a jackhammer. The thought he’d been so close to being hit by a car, and it would have been her fault—
“I think so.” He was looking at the palms of his hands, which were scraped and starting to bleed. “Somebody pushed me out of the way…”
Emma turned and half-stumbled, half-crawled over to the person in the street that the car had actually hit. “Somebody call 911!” she shouted to the gathering crowd.
“Already done,” a voice responded as she looked down and saw for the first time who it was that had saved Henry.
“Killian,” she gasped.
He winced as his eyes fluttered open. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Stay still; there’s an ambulance on the way.” She pulled Killian’s jacket aside, looking for injuries. “How did you get to Henry so fast?” In her memory, it had seemed almost inhuman. But she knew enough to understand that the shock made her memory unreliable.
“I don’t know; I saw Henry, and I just—”
“I couldn’t stop in time, Sheriff; they both came out of nowhere,” the nervous driver said, shifting from foot to foot.
She glanced up at him. “Yeah, it wasn’t your fault.” She pressed gently along Killian’s right side and he groaned in pain. “I think you’ve got some broken ribs.”
“Is Henry okay?” he gasped.
She looked up and saw Henry standing on the sidewalk now, rubbing his palms on his jeans. “Yeah. You saved him.”
Before either of them could say more, the scream of sirens interrupted as an ambulance pulled up.
Once Killian’s neck had been braced and he was on a stretcher, Emma went back over to Henry. “Let’s walk over the loft and get those hands cleaned up, and then I’ll drive you home, okay, kid?” She put an arm around Henry’s shoulders and felt him trembling.
“That was my fault. Killian wouldn’t be hurt right now if I hadn’t—”
She bent down so that she was eye level with him, her hands clasping his upper arms tightly. “Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m furious with you for running away from me and almost getting hit by a car. But the adults in your life are here to protect you, and that’s the way it’s supposed to work.” She felt a swell of emotion in her chest that Killian was one of those adults, that his instinct had been to save Henry in spite of the danger to his own body. “So you aren’t allowed to feel guilty for what happened to Killian. You’re only allowed to feel guilty for scaring all of us so badly. Okay?”
He took a shaky breath. “Okay.”
“And don’t ever, ever do anything like that again.” She pulled him into a tight hug. “I don’t know how I would live if something happened to you.”
Chapter 8
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295: Health Foods That Are Actually Making Us Sick With Dr. Gundry of the Plant Paradox
New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/295-health-foods-that-are-actually-making-us-sick-with-dr-gundry-of-the-plant-paradox/
295: Health Foods That Are Actually Making Us Sick With Dr. Gundry of the Plant Paradox
Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.
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Katie: Hello, and welcome to the “Wellness Mama Podcast.” I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com, and I am here today with one of the most requested podcast guests ever. Dr. Steven Gundry MD is a renowned heart surgeon, four-time “New York Times” bestselling author and physician-scientist. He’s considered the leading expert in the world on a lectin-free diet as the key to reversing disease and boosting longevity, and he explains the science and the protocol in his book, ”The Plant Paradox.”
He also wrote a book called “The Longevity Paradox: How to Die Young in a Ripe Old Age” where he talks about how to get younger as you age, and he certainly seems to be an example of that. He also has written several cookbooks, including ”The Plant Paradox Family Cookbook,” which comes out right about the time you are listening to this and is available everywhere books are sold. This is one of my favorite interviews I’ve done. It’s fascinating.
We go into a lot of different topics, including autoimmune disease and how to reverse it, how to keep your family healthy, even things like we go deep on APOE-4 genes and a whole lot of fascinating science. And Dr. Gundry practices medicine still seven days a week with his waitlist only clinics and helps thousands of people a year to get healthier. And, stay tuned to also hear how some of his clinical studies that he’s working on, they have a 95% reversal rate for autoimmune disease. So, like I said, one of my favorite episodes that I have done, and I hope that you will enjoy it as much as I did.
Katie: Dr. Gundry, welcome, and thanks for being here.
Dr. Gundry: Thanks for having me, “Wellness Mama.”
Katie: I am so excited to have you. In fact, you are one of my most requested guests ever, and I’m so excited to finally get to chat with you on air. And I mentioned in your bio you are well-known for your book, ”The Plant Paradox,” and I think that’s a perfect place to start because I read it and really enjoyed it, and I know it caused a stir to say the least. And you talk about lectins being a problem. So to start broad, can you give us an overview of what lectins are?
Dr. Gundry: Lectins are a plant protein that’s a sticky protein, and they’re designed by plants as a defense mechanism against being eaten. These, believe it or not, plants don’t want to be eaten, and they don’t want their seeds or babies eaten. So one of the ways they fight against being eaten is to produce these lectins, which like to bind to specific sugar molecules in us or any of their predators. And those sugar molecules line the wall of our gut. They line the lining of our blood vessels. They line in our joints. They line the spaces between nerves.
And when lectins hit these places, they are a major cause of leaky gut. They can break down the gut wall barrier. They’re a major cause of arthritis, they’re a are major cause of heart disease, and they’re a major cause, in my research, of autoimmune diseases. And so anything that a lectin can do to make its predator, us, feel bad, not do well. A smart predator says, “Every time I eat these particular plants or their seeds, I don’t do very well, and I think I’ll go eat something else.” That’s the defense mechanism that plants use.
Katie: That makes sense. So what would be examples of foods that contain lectins and some of the different types of lectins that are in these foods?
Dr. Gundry: Most grains have lectins primarily in the hull, sometimes in the germ of the grains. So we’re talking about, for instance, gluten happens to be a lectin, but there are other mischievous lectins in wheat in the hull called wheat germ agglutinin, which is probably even worse than gluten present in all grains except sorghum and millet. Sorghum and millet don’t have a hull and have been tested as lectin-free. They’re present in all beans. Beans and legumes have some of the highest lectin content of any food, and that includes peanuts.
Peanuts are a legume, they’re not a nut at all, and that includes cashews. Cashews are part of the nightshade, Oh, sorry. Not the nightshade family, poison ivy family. And anyone who thinks that cashews are good for them might chew on poison ivy and find out how bad that really is. I mentioned nightshades. The nightshade family includes potatoes, eggplant, tomatoes, peppers, and even goji berries. And then there are also lectins in new world’s squash families, things like zucchini, things like summer squashes, things like cucumbers actually all have lectins, primarily in the peels and the seeds. So that’s a good overview.
Katie: Got it. So, that sounds like a lot of foods. I know people who are not familiar with this may be thinking, like, “That’s half of what I eat.” What would be on the converse, what would be some examples of foods that do not contain lectins?
Dr. Gundry: Well, you know, interestingly enough, all of those foods that I mentioned, no human being ever consumed any of those foods until about 10,000 years ago when agriculture started. We did not eat wheat. It didn’t exist. Rice began being cultivated 8,000 years ago. Things like the nightshade family, most of us come from Europe, Africa, or Asia, and all of these nightshade families are American plants, and so none of our ancestors ate any of these until 500 years ago. And beginning to be introduced to something in 500 years is like speed dating and evolution, and I think we haven’t been able to catch up with adapting to these modern foods.
So an answer to your question. We have been eating leaves and tubers for probably millions and millions of years. There is evidence that early man primarily got a lot of its food supply by tubers, including, fun fact, those little tiger nuts, which are actually not nuts at all but little underground tubers. There’s some pretty cool archaeological evidence that we consumed quite a bit of tiger nuts in the past. But yams, for instance, are another thing and all the leafy green vegetables. Great apes like chimpanzees and gorillas eat mostly leaves, and we started as one of the great eight families.
Katie: That is really fascinating. So to clarify one point on this because you just mentioned a lot of vegetables and even tubers that are sources of starch, I think that there was some misconception with “The Plant Paradox.” People thought it was essentially a carnivore diet or that you were saying to avoid all plants, and that’s certainly not the case at all. But can you just clarify that a little bit?
Dr. Gundry: Yeah. This is not a carnivore diet. It’s the antithesis of the carnivore diet. I’m actually very plant-friendly. In fact, there’s a vegetarian and vegan version of every one of my recipes in every one of my books. And I’m secretly trying to make people pretty close to vegan as possible. My wife and I eat pretty much vegan during the week. Then on the weekends, we add usually wild shellfish or wild fish into our repertoire. Now, the reason I think people think that this is a carnivore diet, the carnivore diet folks have jumped on the lectin bandwagon because, quite frankly, all plants have lectins in them.
And my point in “The Plant Paradox” is that there are some plants that we have eaten for literally millions of years and our bacteria, our microbiome, has evolved to handle those particular lectins and eat them and also teach our immune system that, “Yeah, this plant has a lectin, but, hey, you don’t have to get all upset about it because you’ve seen this lectin for a million years and don’t get your shorts in a wad. And I think that’s the difference. The carnivore diet folks say, “Okay, well every plant is bad, and so we auto-eliminate all plants.”
That’s, I think, taken to an extreme. I will say this about the carnivore diet. In a way, it is the ultimate elimination diet. And I do have patients with severe IBS or leaky gut that even raw vegetables, particularly raw cruciferous vegetables, are really mischievous introducing them initially into the program. And I write in all the books, and some people don’t read closely enough. But if you do have IBS, or a leaky gut, or diarrhea, then raw vegetables are way down the list that you should add to your diet. And if you want those vegetables, you need to cook them to an inch of their life and make them kind of mushy, particularly a pressure cooker really helps.
Katie: Let’s talk about that a little bit more. I’m a huge fan of pressure cookers and Instant Pots, and I have actually several of them. But how do pressure cookers help with lectins?
Dr. Gundry: So there is good evidence that all lectins can be destroyed with the application of high heat and high pressure simultaneously. The exception to that is gluten. Gluten does not appear to be broken down by high heat and high pressure. Interestingly, I was a professor and chairman at Loma Linda University for much of my career, and the Adventists are vegetarians. And, the primary protein source in the Adventist diet is texturized vegetable protein, TVP as it’s known. And this is actually defatted soy meal that is extruded under high heat and high pressure. And I think maybe unbeknownst to them, this deactivate the rather nasty lectins in soy.
So some people characterize me as anti-bean, and that’s actually not the case. I think beans have some great soluble fibers that if you deactivate the lectins by pressure cooking them, they’re a really great source of food. And so, as you know, I’m a big fan of the Instant Pot. In fact, on November 19th, I’m introducing ””The Plant Paradox Family Cookbook,” which has mostly Instant Pot recipes for busy families. And you’ve got six kids, so you are one busy wellness mama. And so, an instapot is just a great option for delectinizing foods and getting a great meal on the table very quickly.
Katie: I definitely agree. I’m a huge fan of it. I’ll make sure to share your new cookbook when it comes out and also to grab a copy. But just to make sure I understand, so if people are using an instapot or pressure cooker correctly, does that make things like beans, and nightshades, and squash safe to consume?
Dr. Gundry: Yes, absolutely. And I go through that in every one of our books, that the key is using a pressure cooker, like an Instant Pot and following the package directions. The other thing I think that’s important for people to know who maybe are still afraid of the pressure cookers, the Instant Pot or other modern pressure cookers are not their grandmother’s pressure cooker. My mother exploded one when I was growing up. These are incredibly safe, useful devices. I think the other great thing is, and I have no relationship with this company.
There’s a company called Eden, E-D-E-N, that not only soaks all their beans and legumes and lentils but also pressure cooks them. And they’re really one of the few companies that has a non-BPA lined can. And just to give you an example. I ran home from filming, in San Francisco, a public television special Wednesday night, and I opened a can of Eden Garbanzo beans, threw in a bunch of chopped onions and a half head of radicchio with some Italian herbs, and stirred it all around, and that was dinner. And so you can report that Dr. Gundry admitted to eating pressure cooked Garbanzo beans. Oh my gosh. News flash.
Katie: I have it on the record now. We have a record of this. What about grains? So you mentioned sorghum and millet do not have lectins. Does that make them okay as is to consume?
Dr. Gundry: Yeah, I think they’re really a great underutilized grain. Both sorghum and millet, you can make into oatmeal which has the texture, which has the flavor. I’m a sucker for sorghum popcorn. Sorghum popcorn looks like miniature popcorn. It smells like popcorn. It tastes like popcorn, only it’s really tiny. And I think it’s another underutilized grain. Now, one of the things that I talk about in all my books, these should be used not as the mainstay of anyone’s diet. I think they are additions to a diet. They still have a lot of starch that breaks down into simple sugar.
And one of the things I’ve seen through the years in dealing with my patients is that a lot of people see my list of friendly foods page and look at the resistance starches and say, “Oh, I can have unlimited amounts of sorghum, or Yuca, or millet.” And I’ve tested this on myself, and I’ll have a bunch of sorghum popcorn and then check my blood levels of triglycerides. And sure enough, if I’m munching, even a couple cups of sorghum popcorn as a snack, within a week, my triglycerides are elevated. And as people have heard me talk, that’s really bad longterm for heart health.
Katie: That makes sense. Let’s go a little deeper on that because I think that there’s also a misconception that you are just, by default, low carb or that you recommend a low carb or keto-type diet because a lot of these foods that contain lectins are also high carb, but you are a heart surgeon as well as a research scientist. So give us the low down on that. What do you personally consume carb-wise, and what do you recommend for your patients?
Dr. Gundry: Well, so I’m actually, as you probably know or as people know, I have a ketogenic version of my diet that I use for anyone who is insulin-resistant, or prediabetic, or diabetic, who has issues with cancer. I treat a lot of patients with cancer with my version of the ketogenic diet. But my version of the ketogenic diet is plant-based in that I want people to consume about 80% of their calories as primarily olive oil and/or avocados. And that’s where the vast majority of their calories should come from. I literally want people to consume about a liter of olive oil per week. And as strange as that may seem, that’s 10 to 12 tablespoons of olive oil per week.
My wife and I go through about a liter and a half of olive oil every week. And David Palmiter, a good friend, he and his wife, each have about a liter of olive oil per week. And you can look at any of us, and we’re certainly not overweight. In fact, there’s a beautiful study out of Spain forcing people to use a liter of olive oil per week for five years at the age of 65, and they actually lost weight during that time period. And they had improved brain health and memory, and they actually reduced their incidents of coronary heart disease by 30%.
So back to your original question, I believe that most of the food that we should be to get olive oil into our mouth. In other words, the purpose of eating broccoli is to get olive oil into your mouth. The purpose of having a salad is to get olive oil into your mouth. In fact, when I pop sorghum popcorn, I pour olive oil over it. And in fact, in my previous cookbook, I recommended that people, instead of butter on their approved waffles pour olive oil on it. And people go, “Wait a minute, olive oil on waffles?” Well, it’s a fat, and it’s a good fat, so why not use the waffle to deliver a good fat like olive oil? Everything goes better with olive oil.
Katie: I’m a huge fan of olive oil as well. I’m glad that you are such a supporter. So another thing I’d love to go a little bit deeper on. So I first really started learning about lectins starting with gluten but then all of the others when I was in, like, the really bad part of having Hashimoto’s. And so, I was trying to figure what was wrong with me, and I eventually figured out it was Hashimoto’s. And for a long time, I had to be very restrictive with my diet. And I’m much less so now. But let’s go deep for a little while on the lectin autoimmune disease connection. Can you start by explaining what’s going on in the body that there’s that link?
Dr. Gundry: Yeah, I think the first person to talk about this was Loren Cordain from Colorado State University, who, I think, is the true father of the paleo diet. And Cordain postulated that one of the things plants do is molecular mimicry. And the best way to explain this is lectins are proteins, and our immune system is set up with literally barcode scanners that read the barcode on all proteins that enter us. And the immune system is educated as to which proteins are friendly, that they’ve got a valid passport, or which proteins are on the no-fly list. And when, give you an example of a splinter, is under your skin, it gets all red, and that’s your white blood cells attacking that foreign protein.
So lining the wall of our gut is about 65%, 70% of all the white cells in our body line our gut wall. So if a foreign protein, you know, like a lectin, makes its way across the border, our immune system scans the barcode on that protein and says, “Aah, that’s a bad protein. And number one, we should mobilize the troops and kill this guy, but we should also memorize what this barcode looks like so that if we ever see something that looks like this barcode again in our body, we will attack it.” Now, I think plants are a lot smarter than people give them credit for, so plants have made these proteins resemble other proteins in our body.
For instance, they resemble the proteins in the thyroid gland. They resemble proteins in joints. They resemble proteins in nerves. They resemble proteins in skin. And, they even resemble proteins in the brain. So that when your immune system is activated by a leaky gut, then your immune system or I call them your fighter jets are going through your body and they go past your thyroid or Kelly Clarkson’s thyroid and says, “Oh, my gosh, you poor person. There are lectins in your thyroid, and we’re going to shoot to kill. Now, they don’t quite look like the electrons we’re looking for, but they’re pretty close. And so we’ll shoot first and ask questions later.” So that’s molecular mimicry.
Last year, I published a paper of 102 people with biomarker-proven autoimmune diseases like Hashimoto’s, like Crohn’s, like rheumatoid arthritis, like lupus who were put on the Plant Paradox program. And in six months’ time, 95 out of 102 patients were biomarker negative for those autoimmune diseases. So that’s a 94% success rate in six months. Not bad if I do say so. So we’ve seen people like yourself, like Kelly Clarkson, become completely autoimmune negative within a fairly short time period. In fact, just recently, I mentioned on another podcast, in my practice, for a new patient, usually my PA will see the patient first, and then I see the patient the next visit.
And I saw a woman in her mid-50s who had Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, and she had been on the program for three months. When I saw her, first thing she did was introduce herself. She said, ”Well, I’m here because I have, you know, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.” And I said, “Well, no you don’t.” And she said, ”Well, of course, I do. That’s why I’m here.” And I said, ”Well, you don’t have it anymore.” And she said, ”Well, how could that be?” So I held up her new lab work and sure enough, her anti-thyroglobulin antibody or anti-thyroid peroxidation antibodies were previously positive, but now they were negative. And that was in only three months. So, obviously, she was delighted and so was I, but that’s what we’ve come to expect.
Katie: That’s an incredible success rate, and I love that it turns the idea on its head. There’s an understanding that autoimmune diseases are not reversible, and I’ve heard that, you know, from a lot of doctors saying, “Once you have it, you always have it.” And so I’d love a little bit more just to clarify, these people are not just in remission, but they don’t even have the biomarkers at all for autoimmune disease at that point.
Dr. Gundry: Correct. The biomarkers are negative. They’re zero. And, you know, that includes rheumatoid factor, that includes anti-CCP3, that includes anti-nuclear antibody, that includes anti-DS double-stranded DNA, that includes Sjogren’s syndrome. We’ve seen reversal in so far every autoimmune disease. So, we’ve tackled…including MS. We’ve recently… Let me give you another example. There’s some beautiful new tests looking at attack on brain myelin that’s measurable with tests. We’ve got anti-cerebellar antibodies.
Recently saw a gentleman, young man in his mid-30s, very successful businessman, young wife, who had brain fog, for lack of a better word. And he came to us, had autoimmune markers for lupus, but also had two markers of his brain being under attack, one of them a de-myelination antibody. And we put him on the program, and he travels a lot. And I saw him back after two months. He said those two months were the most difficult that he’s ever had in his life. He hated me. But his wife, to keep him on track, actually made all his meals and packed them for him while he was traveling because, you know, he’s a 35-year-old guy who’s got markers for MS, and his brain doesn’t work.
So he said, you know, after six weeks, he said, “I really began to start liking you, so let’s see what we got.” And sure enough, his marker for lupus antinuclear antibody was gone. But I think most encouraging was that both of his brain autoimmune markers were now turned off. And that just gives you the power that people have to take control of what…many doctors are telling them, “Well, you got MS, and you’re just gonna have to live with it.” And, you know, Terry Wahls perfectly proved that this is something people do not have to live with. This is something that’s reversible, and these are fixable problems as long as we repair the gut barrier.
And, I think, my research over the last 20 years has stood the test of time that Hippocrates was right, that all disease begins in the gut. And I’ve added to that, that all disease can end in the gut if we stop a leaky gut from occurring. And if lectins are one of the major causes of leaky gut, and I and others believe they are, then getting lectins out of the diet is a first step.
Katie: I love Dr. Wahls. Her work is so encouraging as well. And I’m guessing there’s a lot of people listening who are going, “Oh, my gosh, is this actually possible? I have X, Y, Z autoimmune disease. Where do I start?” And I know that, obviously, they need to get “The Plant Paradox,” and we’ll talk about your new book in a couple of minutes as well. But can you, kind of, give us just a broad overview, both as a doctor and as a researcher, what you think an optimal diet for most people sort of, like, a specific issue looks like? Like, where should we begin with the good?
Dr. Gundry: Well, like, principle number one of “The Plant Paradox” is what I tell you not to eat is far more important than what I tell you to eat. And I can’t emphasize that enough. It’s the foods that you remove from your diet. And if you want to call it an elimination diet, that’s fine with me. But there’s certain foods that are making people sick. And getting these foods out of their diet, the ones I’ve just talked about, the ones that we were not designed to eat and that we were not exposed to until 10,000 years ago is the perfect place to start.
And I jokingly say I want people to party like it’s 9,999 years ago and eat that way because these modern foods didn’t exist in the human diet. And that was actually my research as an undergraduate at Yale University. I had a special major in human evolutionary biology, finding the foods and the environment that transformed a great ape into a modern human. And that’s actually was the basis of my original program.
Katie: That’s amazing. And also, you do talk a lot about the microbiome, and I know that removing lectins is a big part of that. Most of the people listening have kids, and that’s been a big area of research for me as well, as, how do we give our kids the best start in life by fostering a good microbiome early on? And I’d love to hear your research and your take on that. As parents, what can we be doing from the very beginning with our kids to make sure that they have the best start in life when it comes to this?
Dr. Gundry: Well, that’s why I wrote ”The Plant Paradox Family Cookbook” because, number one, I was a professor of pediatrics at Loma Linda, was a children’s heart surgeon, and a lot of my practice now involves children with the juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s disease. I see a lot of children with asthma and eczema that have had no results elsewhere. And having children follow this program is obviously challenging because of peer pressure. But what we found was that if children were encouraged to follow this program, their Crohn’s disease went away, their rheumatoid arthritis went away.
And if they slipped, even if they cheated one time, had a cupcake at a school party, that they would flair immediately. And one of my patients early on said, “You know, feeling good, never tasted so good.” And I think that’s a really important point. So how do we do this with our kids? Now I have two young grandchildren. And bless my daughter and her husband’s heart, they have fed their kids with the Plant Paradox since day one, and they’re both thriving three and five-year-olds now. One just started kindergarten. And they cook in the kitchen.
I think that’s one of the most important things you can do, is involve your kids and making things very early. I give step-by-step advice to mothers who wanna get pregnant on the steps you need to do. Once you’re pregnant, what you should do. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of high dose fish oil, particularly DHA for building your baby’s brain. There’s a new study out that shows mothers who supplement with vitamin D have smarter kids who do better athletically than mothers who do not supplement with vitamin D during pregnancy. I think this is incredibly important information, and we give the all the suggestions in doing that.
In addition, please, please, please keep cows milk out of your child’s diet. Your baby is not a baby cow, and cow’s milk is designed to make baby cows grow rapidly so they do not get eaten by predators. We, as you, as a mother knows, are a very slow-growing species, and we do not want to have insulin-like growth factor, IGF1, which is high in cows milk given to our kids because it will actually make our kids grow faster and fatter. And that’s the last thing we actually want. Kids who grow rapidly have a much higher incidence of childhood cancers and cancers in their teenagers than kids who grow slowly and normally. So those are a few of the helpful ones. We can go on and on, but it’s all in ”The Plant Paradox Family Cookbook.”
Katie: Yeah, definitely. Again, echo the recommendation for your books.
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Katie: And you mentioned in kids that they were even able to see reversal of autoimmune symptoms and certainly in adults. There’s studies on this as well, but then it took complete adherence and no cheating. And so, I’m curious how you respond because I get these, too, people who say, “This is way too extreme. Everything in moderation. It should be fine. Like, you don’t have to completely avoid it.” I’m just curious how you answer those types of questions.
Dr. Gundry: Well, in the paper that I published at the American Heart Association in Lifestyle and Epidemiology meeting on the patients with autoimmune disease, seven of the patients subsequently, once they were in remission or cured, had no biomarker evidence of disease, started liberalizing their diet. And all of those seven people relapsed. The good news is once they went back on the program, they cured themselves again. They went back into remission. And that’s what we see. I lectured at Harvard two years ago at the neurosciences meeting.
And after giving this evidence, one of the professors said, “Well, that’s ridiculous. You know, everything in moderation. What do you say to that?” And I said, “Well, that’s fine. You know, if you want moderate heart disease, if you want moderate arthritis, if you want moderate dementia, and if you want moderate autoimmune disease, then please do that. But who in the world would actually want that? It’s preventable. These problems do not exist in societies that eat like us.” And I mean, believe it or not, when, you know, when I was in medical school, autoimmune disease and childhood cancer were aberrations.
They were oddities. And now, every commercial we see on TV is for, oh, you know, a happy person smiling with our autoimmune disease because of an immunosuppressant drug. And people forget that I was a transplant immunologist. I’m world famous in Xenotransplantation and how to fool the immune system to accepting a pig heart as normal. And what I’ve taken with my knowledge of autoimmunity and immunity is bringing that into, “Okay, we know what the immune system is looking for, let’s calm it down. This is fixable.”
Katie: And that makes so much sense. And a couple more questions, I don’t know, that will probably come up and that are probably common questions for you. You talk about how you eat seafood on the weekend, and there’s also that conception in the natural health world that things like shrimp and crab aren’t good for you because they’re bottom feeders with their filters. And so I’m curious your take on that.
Dr. Gundry: This is one of my favorite questions. I have a very good friend who’s a professor at the University of Texas in Galveston, which is one of the shrimp capitals of the world, and he delights in telling anyone who will listen that a shrimp is not a bottom feeder. They’re free swimmers, and they are a quad with trawlers nets, and so they are absolutely not bottom feeders. I used to live in Baltimore, Maryland, and I can assure you that crabs are not bottom feeders either. They actually are free swimmers.
And, in fact, there’s a Pulitzer prize-winning book that I recommend to anyone about the Waterman of the Chesapeake Bay called ”Beautiful Swimmers,” which is about crabs. And so, that’s one of the great misnomers of all time. Incidentally, muscles may be one of the greatest health foods known to mankind. They are regenerative creatures. They actually filter about six gallons of water every day. They do not accumulate toxins, and they clean the ocean, and they actually do not use up any energy. So, they’re really one of the best foods that you can eat.
Katie: That’s great to know. And what about fruit? I know that’s a common food for kids. You didn’t mention it as being a source of lectins, so I’m curious your take on fruit.
Dr. Gundry: So two things on fruit. We forget at our peril that a few short years ago, fruit was only available seasonally during seasons that primarily were summer and early fall, and not the rest of the year. Unless you lived in the panhandle of Florida, you didn’t have fruit during the winter. In fact, there’s volumes of research that show that great apes only eat fruit during the summer, and they eat fruit to gain weight for the rest of the year. In fact, fruit consumption, fructose, is one of the best ways to gain weight that there is. Let me give you a recent example.
I recently appeared on the “Kelly Clarkson Show” because she cured her Hashimoto’s by following my book. All she did was read my book. She never met me. She didn’t have a consultation with me, and lo and behold, you know, she lost 30 pounds, and her Hashimoto’s was gone by…well, it’s up to 40 pounds now just by following my book. So I was talking with her producer a few weeks beforehand on, you know, what we’re gonna do on the show. So I showed up in the green room backstage, and the producer walked in, and he said, ”I took your advice. I gave fruit the boot. I gave up fruit, and I’ve lost five pounds in two weeks. And that’s the only thing I changed. I gave up fruit.” He said, “How did you know?” And I said, ”Well, because we use fruit to gain weight.” Fruit is not a health food for children, and particularly fruit juice. There’s a recent study in the “British Medical Journal” showing that fruit juice consumption is a leading cause of cancer. And we have to understand that cancer cells vastly prefer fructose, fruit sugar, over glucose. And so, you know, give fruit the boot.
Now, berries are great. Pomegranate seeds are great. Persimmons are in season right now. Those are some of the safest fruits you can eat. But this should be a treat. We should treat fruit as what it is, and that’s dessert. It is not a healthy snack. You’re much better off giving your kids a handful of walnuts, or pistachios, or macadamia nuts as a healthy snack rather than a healthy piece of fruit. And to elaborate on that, most fruit in this country is brought over incredibly long distances from Argentina, and Chile, and even Mexico, and it’s picked unripe and then ripened with ethylene oxide.
An unripe fruit actually has lectins in it. I am old enough to remember eating green apples as a kid and suffering what we called the Green Apple two-step, which was pretty impressive diarrhea. And that’s because the lectins in green apples were designed to not make you eat that fruit until the seeds actually had a peel on them that you couldn’t digest, and then the plant actually wanted you to eat its fruit. That’s how it works.
Katie: That’s really fascinating. So, as an action step, you’re saying things like local, seasonal berries when they’re in season as a treat, that’s totally great. It’s just eating all fruits year-round like we live on a tropical island confuses our body basically.
Dr. Gundry: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And it’s really one of really the major causes I see of weight gain in this country, of insulin resistance in this country, and heart disease, quite frankly. Actually, it raises triglycerides. Triglycerides are the first form of fat that we make from sugars. And also, by the way, fructose is a toxin, and it’s such a toxin that we carry it immediately to our liver where it’s detoxified into triglycerides, which is a fat, and uric acid. And uric acid causes high blood pressure, and it also causes kidney stones and gout. So we always have to go back to realize that fructose is not our friend. Fructose, oh, by the way, is a mitochondrial poison. So why anyone would want their kids consuming a mitochondrial poison is beyond my comprehension.
Katie: That’s a great explanation. And as some really important people in my life get a little older, my parents, and also as I get older myself, you also are well-known for your book, ”The Longevity Paradox.” So to switch gears a little bit, explain to us what ”The Longevity Paradox” is.
Dr. Gundry: Well, we all want to get old. And live a long time, but we don’t wanna get old. And that’s actually ”The Longevity Paradox.” We look kinda into the future and getting old, we don’t wanna die, but getting old doesn’t look very good. It means hip and knee replacement. It means stents or open-heart surgery. It means maybe not remembering your loved ones’ names or ending up in a skilled nursing facility or assisted living, and none of that looks particularly good. What we really wanna do, the subtitle of the book is we wanna die young at a ripe, old age.
And that’s what we want, and it’s actually achievable. And the purpose of ”The Longevity Paradox” is to give people the hope and the evidence that it’s never too late to make changes in your life that will change your life around. And the examples that I see in my practice, and I see patients seven days a week because I learn from my patients. I learn what happens when I ask them to do certain things. I learn from their blood work what works, what doesn’t. And you know, I can’t resist not seeing patients every week, every day because every day I get to learn something new from one of my patients. And, you know, what a tremendous gift my patients are to me. So ”The Longevity Paradox” is how to get young, no matter how old you are.
Katie: I love that. And I’m curious, are there any supplements or go-to things that you take or that you think are essential for both getting rid of autoimmune disease, living longer, a lot of these things that you’ve talked about?
Dr. Gundry: Well, as you know, I formed my own supplement line, Gundry MD, three years ago now. All the supplements that I manufacture are based on my research in tens of thousands of patients, looking at their blood work and their response to certain ingredients. So I’m obviously biased that there are some really good things that people should take. Now, I’m a nut. And I list every one of the supplements that I currently take at the end of ”The Longevity Paradox,” and there are a rather impressive list. I take about 120 different supplements in the morning and about 80 at night. And I’ll tell you when I’m 150, how that worked out. In fact, our saying in our clinic is “150 is the new 100.”
So having said that, I think there are certain supplements that really every human being should take for maximal health, and that is vitamin D3. The current recommendations are being raised. Most labs now, a vitamin D level of 120 is now considered normal, not elevated. I have run my vitamin D level greater than 120 for the last 17 years to prove that I’m not dead. And so far so good. I’ve yet to see vitamin D toxicity. It may exist, but I certainly not seen it in my patients. So I’m aggressive at pushing vitamin D on my patients, at least 5,000 international units a day. Most people with autoimmune disease should start with 10,000 international units of D3.
The second thing that I think is critical for most people is to get enough fish oil, and I don’t care if it’s algae-based DHA, but to get enough fish oil to have 1,000 milligrams of DHA per day. And look on the back of whatever omega-3 or fish oil you’re buying and look for the amount of DHA per capsule and then just choose accordingly. I take care of a great number of people with the APOE-4 gene, which is, unfortunately, nicknamed the Alzheimer’s gene. And about 30% of Americans carry the Alzheimer’s gene. And in those people, I supplement with krill oil in addition to their fish oil.
Not as a substitution because there’s a phospholipid in krill oil that will carry DHA into these people’s brains, which otherwise might not get there. It’s a small technical point. But since Dale Bredesen who wrote the end of Alzheimer’s and I have become friends, we’re both very adamant about getting people with the APOE-4 gene, not only on fish oil but also on krill oil. And so, those are the essential things. The third thing that anyone can do for longevity is to practice time-restricted feeding. Now, whether we call that intermittent fasting, whether time-restricted feeding, which means limit the eating time during the day to a small number of hours, start with 10 hours, work your way down to even four to six hours, that’s probably one of the best ways to prolong good health of any trick that anyone has ever discovered.
And I profile a gentleman from the 1500s, Luigi. Carnero, who wrote a book on how to live to 100. He actually died at 102 in the 1500s. And he wrote a book on how to do this. And he actually practiced calorie restriction, and he gives the complete guide of how to do it. And one of the things that I always remember him, he said that most people think that 65 is pretty much the end of life, and there’s not much worth living for. And he says, “I stand to correct everyone that 90 and 100 is the best years of your life, and here’s how to do it.” And that’s what I want for everybody.
Katie: I love that. And I’ll make sure there’s links to all of your books in the show notes, and I’ll also post them on social media. But I’d love that you address the APOE4 because that’s something that runs in my family and something I’ve done quite a bit of research on as well. It’s good to know that there are things people can do to really mitigate that. Another clarifying point, I just wanted to make sure we touch on.
When I made this dietary switch myself when I was just learning about autoimmune disease, there was definitely an adjustment period where I didn’t feel very good. And you mentioned one of your patients didn’t like you those first few weeks. So, can you talk about, is there an adjustment period with this when your body’s still kind of like trying to figure out what’s going on, when it’s not as fun, and when do the beneficial results kind of start to work?
Dr. Gundry: Yeah, I actually tell any of my new patients that “You’re gonna hate me for two weeks and then you’re going to love me.” And it’s worked out to be pretty true. Most of us are addicted to the morphine-like compounds in grains and in dairy, and it’s like being withdrawn from a drug. One of the reasons we love wheat products, and rye, and barley, and oats is because of these morphine-like compounds that they are morphed into. And one of the reasons we like cow’s milk and cheeses is a beta-casomorphine, which goes right to our brains, particularly women’s brains, and goes happy, happy, happy, happy.
And interestingly enough, since you mentioned the APOE-4 gene, remarkably, saturated animal fats like cheeses are really detrimental to people with the APOE-4 gene, and vast majority of people with the APOE-4 gene love cheese. And it’s one of the hardest things to get away from them, and it’s because of these morphine-like compounds. And I really do think that most of us are, you know, addicted to this and it’s withdrawal. And once you withdraw, that’s when things start kicking in.
The second thing that happens, the vast majority of Americans are insulin-resistant. They have high fasting insulin levels. And I tell anyone who will listen in all the residents that come through my clinic and family practice that the best test if they’re gonna spend their patient’s hard-earned money on a laboratory test, the best test to get is a fasting insulin level. And that’s gonna tell you more about your patient’s fate than just about any tests you can get. Most people are insulin-resistance, and insulin resistance, not only feeds cancer but also makes your brain die rather rapidly.
We now know there’s a condition called type 3 diabetes of the brain and your brain becomes insulin-resistant. And so, when people go on a program like my own, they’re not able to actually get to the fat cells and make ketones, you mentioned the ketogenic diet earlier, and so they really crash and burn because they don’t have what we call metabolic flexibility. They can’t change on a dime from burning sugar as a fuel to burning fat as a fuel. And I talk about those and how to get around it in all my books. And it’s a big factor in making this transition easy for people.
Katie: Amazing. And again, I know I’ve said it a couple of times, but I definitely recommend all of your books. I’ve gifted them to my parents. I tell a lot of people I love. And I’ll make sure they’re linked in the show notes, but, of course, they’re available anywhere books are sold. And speaking of books, I’d love to ask, mainly selfishly for my own ideas, if there are any book or books besides your own that have really impacted your life that you’d recommend?
Dr. Gundry: Well, actually, in my grade school library when I was 10 years old, I found a book called ”All About You.” And it actually changed my life at 10 years old. And after reading that book, I decided to become a doctor. And one of the things you’re…you know, you’re a mother, and you probably already know the importance of reading to your kids, number one, and getting your kids to read.
I think just reading opens up so many doors. Early in my lectin research, I was most impacted by Michael Pollan’s really first book, which was called ”The Botany of Desire,” about how plants are intelligent thinking creatures that manipulate animals for their benefit. And it just, you know, was tantalizing how smart plants are, and I think it really set the stage for me to give plants the credit they are due.
Katie: I love that. And reading is a huge, huge part of my life. Even in the busiest of times, I’m sure I get in time, like at least 30 minutes to read each day. I think it’s such an important thing for all of us. That and community, which I also personally think is huge for health and longevity and like having strong relationships and really nurturing those are kind of my two non-negotiable when it comes to life.
Dr. Gundry: Well, you’re absolutely right. In “The Longevity Paradox,” one of the real factors in all of the blue zones, those people with extreme longevity. And interestingly enough, I’m the only nutritionist who’s ever actually lived most of his life in a blue zone in Loma Linda University, so I hope I know what I’m talking about. Blue zones have this intense social network, and it’s this social network that is really critical to longevity.
And so you’re right. One of the things you’ve got to have is a social network, however you wanna constitute that social network, whether it’s, you know, whether it’s based on religion, whether it’s based on community service, whether it’s based on, “Let’s play bridge together at your house once a week”, you know, “mothers against drinking alone on a Friday night.” I’m just making that up.
Katie: I love that. I know you talked about it, and I’ve seen the stats as well about how having those solid relationships and making them a priority, it actually statistically is more important than things like even quitting smoking or exercise. Like, it’s absolutely vital to our health. And so I love that you talked about that.
Dr. Gundry: Yeah. Yeah. We are very definitely social creatures. And the other thing I can’t stress enough is having a pet, particularly a dog or a cat, in every study that’s ever been done, not only promotes longevity but is a great social connection. Making you to walk your dog twice a day is a great way to meet other people, and having a pet improves your microbiome and your children’s microbiome. And, in fact, mothers should realize that children who have pets introduced early in their life have far less allergies and far less eczema than children who don’t have a pet, exactly the opposite of what many mothers are taught.
Katie: I love that. I’m gonna use that to help talk my husband into another dog, and I think that’s the perfect point to wrap up, have strong relationships, have a pet that you love, and eat a clean diet, and get some sunshine for vitamin D. I think we covered so much in this episode. I hope that maybe one day you’ll come back for round two, but I’m so grateful for your time and for all that you shared today.
Dr. Gundry: I’d love to come back, and thank you for all the great work you’re doing. And we’re gonna have you on my podcast, and we’ll talk about all the stuff that you’re up to, and I’ll really look forward to it.
Katie: Thank you. I can’t wait. And thanks to all of you for listening and sharing one of your most valuable resources, your time, with both of us today. We’re so grateful that you did, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the ”Wellness Mama’ Podcast.”
If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.
Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/dr-gundry/
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12/6/17 – No Contact: Boring Wednesday
It feels like the weekend. I got a job offer from the HEB today but I declined because I’d rather not work Midnight to the Morning. I’d be open to working a regular job, just not those hours. I guess that’s my fault. I was wondering if I should have two jobs considering the hours at the Dollar General are LITERALLY fucking shit.
Anyways, yesterday I went to work. It was my first day but it was super dramatic. Like the computer shut down and had to restart. The environment could be better but everyone seemed to like me. Customers, coworkers, etc. That wasn’t so bad. I need to come in again on Saturday. At 8. Not so excited about that.
Again, really want to find another job. Working two jobs, however, can be pretty tough. Will it be worth it? Idk.
Anyways, after work I walked back home and the door was locked. This was basically the peak of drama and I had to wait in the cold for an hour while Adela finished her job and came back. She also had to bring work home. Mind you, she was late yesterday. I was about to be late, too, but I got a ride from Adela. I told Ariel how dramatic the day was. Then I got a message from a friend who I don’t really talk to. More an airsoft acquaintance. I had a dream about him that night and he just messaged me that day, asking if I can airsoft. I can’t, obviously, but I told Ariel about it. It’s unusual and perhaps is a coincidence but she thinks I predicted it. She also thinks that someone’s negative energies are working against Adela and me. I’m hesitant to believe any of that. In fact, I had a dream about airsoft last night as well. I didn’t have a battery and I was doing quite well. That’s how I know it was a dream: I suck at airsoft. Thus, if I do well I’m probably dreaming. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to afford Ariel’s ticket here with these current hours. The moment I hit my total, I’ll start spending money on myself again. I will refuse to spend more than I have to just to ensure that I finally get to see her. Of which, we were talking last night while I was stuck outside. We had some pretty heavy topics. Discussed a hypothetical relationship. I won’t say what was discussed, but it went… surprisingly well. I thought she’d hate me for it. It began with her ex bringing over the rest of her things from his apartment. They’ve been separated for several months already, sort of like Esther and myself. Eh, I guess I will reveal what was discussed after all. Their problem was that he refused to open up. Like, after they got in a relationship he closed down. I immediately compared their relationship to the relationship of mine and Esther’s. But, it’s different. I never really opened up to begin with. And Esther cheated on me. And she stopped talking to me (of course, I isolated myself so that’s excusable). And Esther basically ruined the dynamics of my friendship with Shane and Dennis and their friendships with each other. Not the point. The point is, I mentioned how I isolate myself when I’m depressed. I revealed this knowing Ariel wouldn’t like to hear it but I told her anyways. I also told her that I was trying to be more open. It’s easier to tell her how I feel through text rather than verbally. For men, it’s harder to discuss how you feel. As a guy, you’re basically told “Suck it up” or “Man up” or all these other emasculating phrases that basically reinforce the idea that you should keep your troubles to yourself. I explained to her that I was trying to be more open with how I felt but I couldn’t guarantee anything.
The conversation went on, we discussed a bit more, and though she REALLY didn’t like what I originally said she was pleased with the follow up discussion. I told her that with her, I have conversations with no easy answers. That I can’t just mindlessly nod and say, “Yuh huh!” I answered as honestly as I could. I didn’t say, “Yes, I would do everything just to PLEASE you!” because despite what Esther thinks, I’m not a sycophant. I was honest with her and her questions have no right answers. She appreciated that. From that, she called me her “perfect companion.” We’re not official or anything, but I’m flattered. Since then, everything has been reminding me of her. Daniel sent a gif of a woman flashing her breasts. Attractive woman, sort of has Ariel’s body type. A bit later, I found a video of who I think were two Czech people running a weapons course? Not sure where they were from but there was a woman who was buff. She ran through the course using a Czech rifle, firing live munitions. Then she ran through it again using the glorious G3 Rifle which I use for Airsoft. I wanted to know exactly how to reload the G3 and what needed to be done and if the HK slap was optional. The reason for this is because when I get into airsoft again, I intend to use a magazine that requires reloads. For giggles, I want to actually cock the rifle. For airsoft, this seldom does anything but for a real steel weapon it would place a round in the chamber making it ready to fire. I had to rewatch it. This woman reminded me of Ariel. I guess I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. Definitely today. She used to kickbox. Was very active. And she was a strong woman. Like… my natural physique (admittedly, I’m a bit tubby right now but I have what my schoolmates in high school called “retard strength” because of course they would) mixed with her 180cm of badassery would lead to some very physically fit children. Or at least physically capable. I have decent genes. Physically, I’m well. Mentally… well, my dad isn’t the most keen, I guess. A lot of depression in my family. Mental short comings. We’re smart but I guess we’re kind of destructive and dramatic. My sister is the same way. We’re just… weird people. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. My dad might have it too. And Ariel’s dad, apparently, was a clinical Narcissist or whatever. She hates him, mind you. A lot of drama from him. I’m concerned that I might be a Narcissist too and the BPD thing might not be true. I’m even more concerned that Ariel will hate me like Esther does.
Right now, all I can do is see a future with her. As weird as she is and as strange as her beliefs are… well, I can dream.
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