#i know i'm very privileged in many ways and incredibly thankless and insufferable and childish and so on but idc i'm tired
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i need someone to punch me or run me over with a car or something i don’t care just anything i’m sick and tired
#i'm not functioning at all i hate this what am i even trying for#or i mean i'm functioning in the sense that my apartment is clean i get exercise i cook my own meals etc i can go through the motions blind#but the instance i have to Do Something uni related i just shut down nothings working and like in general as well i just don't care anymore#i have so many opportunities to meet my friends and ppl from uni but i just can't be bothered it's tiring and i don't care#yesterday i finished my meetings in the ed clinic and the doctor asked about the psychologist thing for other things#but i was like eh idk if it's gonna do anything and i know it's a dumb attitude to have but i can't help it i've lived like this for so long#like truly i just know there's something wrong with me and i'm a bad person but i also already know that i have to take initiative to fix it#but i'm just too tired and there's no point#like usually i'm fueled by spite or panic or something but i just don't feel things now#i have no braincells left anymore none#and now with my new gut issues which might stem from the ed or be genetic i'm just. even more tired than before with less time to use#because i spend hours in the bathroom#i should book an appointment for a doctor abt that but i'm just. very doubtful since it took my sister years to find out even a part of her#issues which might not be the same as mine but still#i'm too tired for social interactions and will never form meaningful connections with other people i will never get a job i will be in pain#and i don't have anything on a grand scale that i would want and all of that makes this seem so useless what am i being alive for#i'm being dramatic right now and i know things can get better and things change etc etc but also. i'm not having fun#i know i'm very privileged in many ways and incredibly thankless and insufferable and childish and so on but idc i'm tired#why the fuck did i have to burn out before i finished my bachelor's thesis and why the fuck did i choose my major when it's 10000#times more demanding than the one my friends went to#in those courses i just throw shit together for easy 5s and in my major i'll get hanged if i don't include the doi part in citations#i mean i still have time so not all is lost but time just keeps happening and i'm not experiencing any of it#shit talking
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