#i know i'm being difficult but idk how to describe it my brain shuts off

[miserye]

i got forced to go to a social event yesterday and it looked like i was being a (slightly) uncooperative bitch (i was) but that's just how i normally am at social events when i am outnumbered by people i don't know

[schizosupport]

Hai! Suspecting schizospec anon again! Tysm for snaswering my wquestion!!! It REALLY helped me out and gave ne a name for things ive experiencing for quite a while, like the close eye halluicinations.

Ive loojed into more specific schizospec symptoms. And while it took me a minute to understand, jve come to the realization ive probably have experienced ipseity disturbances in the past. Its still difficult to understand due to how clinical and Professinal Big Wordy everything is written but i have recalled occasionally feeling not real inside. Like i viewed myself as a floating, bodyless, lack of a proper face being and my face just being whatever icon ive had online at the time. I even caught myself wondering n wishing why i can just be like that instead of Real and There.

As for negative symptoms, still font get it. But i have came to the realization that i suck at talking (ppl not getting what im trying to say, no matter how hard i try to explain it which has lead to a lot of misunderstandings even as of right now) i always described myself as "lacking proper vocabulary" and ive been feeling n wondering for ages that im mentally regressing or deteioratimg in terms of communication and understanding. I remember even considering just picking up AAC in the past despitecme still being able to talk and the simplistic language made me happy and euphoric.

I am aldo undergoing a hard time in terms of personal hygiene and academics. I had to make myself a hygiene chart to make sure i can remember what ive done n what i havent and yet its beent a week abd i STILL havent printed it out. The concept of getting up to bring my laptop over to my printer, hook it up, print it out; and put my stuff back sounds tiring.

And as fir academics, this semester was rough. To give ypu an idea: me missing quizzes and teetering so close to due dates for things that im scrambling to do it is NOT normal for me. I am usually on top of everything and all of a sudden this semester its like all of that just disappeared n now im tired all the time trying to find the easy way out while keeping good grades. I need external simuli like tea or my meds or even freaking Brain Focus Gum to help motivate me n get me to focus, and this has lead to accidental abuse of my medication. Idk whats going on. Its all so sudden and i do worry for the future.

Sorry for the dump again youre like. The only guy actually helping me out n helping me understand this. Ofc this could partly just be me becoming more disabled and my autism flaring up more as i get older (ive heard abt something like that) but this also seems to tick some boxes, esp when psychosis is still a prominent thing for me.

Hey there! I apologize for taking a while to get back to you, I'm like on-off with my activity on this page.

How are you doing now?

Based on everything you've been saying it's also hard for me to say if your experience is best described as schizo spec or an exacerbation of existing issues.

I'm not an expert, but I know that autistic burnout as well as autistic regression is also a thing, and autistic people are overall more likely to experience psychotic symptoms than the general population. So while some of the things you describe are relatable to me as what I perceive in myself as negative symptoms, I think those can also be related to burnout. For example needing a lot of external pressure to do things and still falling behind.

The things you identify as possible ipseity disturbance could also be dissociation, specifically depersonalization, it might be helpful for you to look into resources for that as well. Dissociation can come along with many different disorders and experiences.

But while I can't tell you exactly what's up, nor do I think it matters what exact labels we put on it, it sounds like you're under a lot of pressure and your brain is shutting down in some capacity as a result.

Whether it's beginning psychosis, or autistic burnout, or just plain ole stress response, it's really important that you try to see if you can give yourself some type of a break. Is there any way to at least lessen the course load next semester? Stuff like that.

Because I really don't think this is the type of thing that's likely to be resolved by just pushing yourself harder and harder. It sounds like you need a bit of space to breathe and get back in touch with your brain.

I hope this answer finds you well!

[sacredwrath]

In addition what passing out due to sudden blood pressure drop or bloodloss feels like (at least for me) all of the above plus

First vision becomes inconsistent? Like dark around the edges then bright spots and dark spots flasing in and out. Sometimes looks like pretty sparkles othertimes it's like whole patches of your visual field going in and out

Depth perception goes to shit and you can't really tell where you are in relation to stuff around you. This is when I hit the floor, but in theory you prob could stay up for a bit

High pitched rining in your ears that pulses with your heartbeat

Building pressure in your head. Not usually painful (at least for me, but i can imagine it being). Feels like the pressure is pulsing with your heartbeat. It's almost feels like all the blood in your head and face has expanded? Hard to describe, but like I can feel my heartbeat in my lips, eyelids, ears, etc pulsing

Sounds like your hearing anything around you through an echoy tube? Sounds very far away and eventually fades away/ gets drowned out by the ringing

It's hard to form words and speak. Mouth feels thick and full of cotton even though brain is thinking just fine

If you aren't sitting or laying down already this is when i would fall over. Tingling limbs stop working, muscles go flopy and just stop supporting you. Any part of you that isn't supported becomes jelly and will fall. Any part of you already on the ground feels too heavy to lift or move

For me eventually the ringing cuts off and that's when I know I'm gone gone

There's a few milliseconds where your brain is still fully consious but your body is completely paralyzed. That's weird and scary

Then gone. Nothingness

Also the numbness, tingling, hot cold flashes, fast heart rate, that Op mentioned keep hapening

Idk if this is just me or not, but when I'm passing out from blood stuff I'm fully consious and like mentally aware through this whole process. My thinking is the last thing to go. It's scary because you're fully present and aware as each part shuts down but you can't do anything about it.

This all happens fast for me, but time seems drawn out. Idk if this is true, but I suspect that how fast you're losing blood effects it. Would also affect the brain fog. I don't really get that because it happens so fast, but is suspect if this process was drawn out thinking would become way more difficult before you eventually pass out

From personal experience as someone with blood pressure issues

Writing Advice From Experience 1 - Blood loss

1. When you first lose blood, it doesn't feel that bad immediately, you won't actually notice it.

2. After 10 minutes and with you moving around, you will start to feel cold like you're sweating and your muscles ache.

3. Your face feels cold and you might get something akin to a headache. This is when you feel like you want to sit down.

4. Your vision will blur before going black at the edges and your limbs start tingling.

5. With the impaired vision your body will have a hard time balancing so any attempt you make is overcompensated, making you move more than you intended or crash into wall.

6. Your pulse will increase, like you can hear the heart pounding away along with some static noise in your ears as if you're standing next to a waterfall but directly in your ears.

7. You will later feel hot and then cold again. It will be like a roller coaster.

8. Trying to move without properly resting first will make your symptoms come back twice as bad!

9. It can affect you hours after initial blood loss event!

This information has been brought to you by me donating blood and not preparing properly. Fun stuff 11/10 would recommend for the experience alone, free snacks is a win along with learning your blood type.