#i know being proud of my side gig isn't probably how most ppl want me to feel abt it but. i am proud
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prolific is slow, so more filming and posting it is for today (tho I'm making!! slow progress!! towards enough ad revenue for a payout, and i got like 100 views across all my stuff yesterday alone! which isn't a lot for most ppl but for me it's !!!! which makes it worth it to try and keep up the tighter filming/posting schedule as best I can)
#text post#im gonna check on prolific again tonight tho bc i can do more then as well#then break from that and filming the days i work the day job (in theory at least lol tho after shift time who knows)#i know being proud of my side gig isn't probably how most ppl want me to feel abt it but. i am proud#im creating stuff using myself! and ppl like it! and it's Just Me in the content nothing else for them to claim they watch for that only#and im exploring new things and feeling more confident in my body and myself and like. dang it i wanna be proud of that#im alive and im trying and I'm working towards better overall and being better and contributing more in general#i don't feel allowed to be proud of that either bc the bar is So Low but most of last week and into this one#the brain has been full on Suicidal Ideation time nearly 24/7 even with coping skills/tools so like. fuck me i think if i wanna continue#to survive and shit maybe i do have to occasionally let myself be proud of the lowest not even over the bar things
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