#i knew i'd be busy all week so i wrote everything during the weekend like a mad woman

[someinstant]

fic writer questions 57 and/or 65, please?

Thank you for the questions, @incognitajones!

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished? 

Oh boy. I used to be utterly TERRIBLE about not being able to write unless I was happy with everything that I had down on the page up to that point, and that got... really destructive and bad during undergrad, because it extended not just to writing-for-fun, but also writing-for-academia. So I was in the middle of writing my undergraduate Honors thesis, and I'd get so that I'd spend hours editing and re-editing the introductory chapter-- WHICH WAS FINE, AND HAD BEEN FOR MONTHS-- and neglecting just getting the damn bones for chapter four down on paper.

And finally I was done with having to make excuses to my thesis advisor, so I drove two hours home one weekend, and dug around in my parents' basement until I found the electric typewriter my mom used to use for her payroll business in the early '90s-- the sort that had a tiny, narrow green display strip that would let you see one line of text at a time and correct ONLY THAT, and then it would type it, bam. Down on paper.

And that's how I wrote the first draft of my undergrad thesis: one line at a time on a typewriter, because I could not trust myself with a proper word processing program. Once I had it on paper, I could-- and did-- edit it into the ground. But it was about getting the words out, and learning to just do the damn thing, and make it flow and build correctly once I at least knew the shape.

Obviously, I don't write fic on a thirty year old electric typewriter, but the exercise definitely changed the way I write in general. I know now that I need to get the shape of the story down-- maybe not all of it, but at least the major points and beats-- and THEN I can fuck around with editing. If I don't just do the damn thing, it doesn't get done.

But it doesn't matter how many times I go over something, doesn't matter that my dad was literally a newspaper editor for a dog's age and my radar for an incorrect usage of "less" versus "fewer" is Stannis Baratheon-esque: I will hit publish on a fic and immediately find at least three typos.

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project.

Right now? A coherent sentence. COVID just knocked me for six and I started teaching again for the semester three weeks ago, so I'm doing well to write a lesson plan. But story-wise, I really want to finish my fic about Cassian as a cook, because that moment of him entering through the kitchen in the hotel on Ferrix to look for Bix, and running into the cook there-- I have so many questions. I've got the first section sorted, but I need to get back into the swing of things for the two following.

The problem is finding the time to do it when I don't need to be doing a million other things, alas. Living alone is awesome, but it also means that when you're like, "Damn, someone needs to mop the floor," that someone is always you.

[kazimakuwabara]

Melt the Ice

Summary: (hieikuwabara week submission, 2100+ words) More than ice needs to melt, but if the ice was melted and Hiei could just find Kuwabara before he dies, that would be great.

***

Hiei is running along the ice, swearing.

Everything is blue and white all around him, and it is frigid cold as the blizzard howls around him, not that he can feel it. It’s in his DNA to be unbothered by the storm, unlike some human he knows.

Some human is beneath the ice, who he is desperately looking for, trying to ignore the silence and closing in darkness.

He is cursing Koenma, Yusuke, and Kurama-everyone involved in this terrible mission where they had been forced to split up into teams. He swipes a foot over some snow staring at the ice beneath him, seeing no traces of what he is looking for.

He sees something yards away to his left.

Hiei skids across the ice, there was a fash of gold, no orange just there, just a moment ago! 

He runs for it dragging his feet over the snow on the top layer of ice looking for the flash of color again.

Kuwabara should have been paired with someone else. 

He would have been safer with Kurama. 

Would have gotten along better with Yusuke. 

Kuwabara shouldn’t have been with him, Hiei, who was too impatient. Hiei, who didn’t need talking to fill the silence. Hiei, who for some ungodly reason had been casting long stares at Kuwabara, desiring something he had never wanted from anybody before-why hadn’t he been paying better attention to the enemy?!

Hiei stopped hard when he found Kuwabara’s face pressed to the ice, trapped beneath it. 

He was white, his hair a dull rust beneath the ice, and admit dark freezing water. His lips were pressed to a crack against the ice, and he was… yes, he was taking in a breath. Thank God Kuwabara was not as stupid as Hiei liked to claim.

Hiei burned his hands through the ice melting the chunks away and his hands fell into the water. Even to him, it was like needles. Kuwabara had been down there minutes. How must he be feeling?

 Hiei’s arms sunk into the water and he wrapped his arms around Kuwabara’s frigid body pulling him out with one tug. Kuwabara was practically dead weight in his grasp, his head lolling to the side as he wretched.

Kuwabara continued to choke weakly, and Hiei embraced him fully, clinging to the large man who was too weak to cling back. Hiei forced Kuwabara’s heavy arms around his shoulders, manipulating Kuwabara like a heavy over-sized sack of potatoes. He pulled Kuwabara away from the ice, and when he was sure they were on land, manipulated his aura to raise the heat in the air so high, the swirling snow could not touch them.

The snow melted beneath his feet, and Hiei lowered Kuwabara into the wet grass keeping his arms around him, even as Kuwabara remained unresponsive.

“Come on... come on!” Hiei growled, howling louder than the biting wound.

Kuwabara, at last, started to shiver, a sign his body was trying to keep him alive.

Thank God, Hiei had been paired with Kuwabara.

_________

Hiei wasted no time and took Kuwabara back to their cave, a cave that they had been living and hiding in while they spied on their enemies. As he placed Kuwabara on the mossy floor, he feels a sliver of frustration at the thought, that they will have to leave it now. The enemy knows they are in the area, it will no longer be safe to stay. 

At least one of their enemies is down. They did that much. Kuwabara did that much, and was sent into the freezing ice water that might be his doom as a reward. What a pleasant thank you for saving mankind.

Hiei kicked apart a log, splintering it, and catching it on fire with a swat of his hand. Roughly, he added more kindling to the flames, while throwing the furs Hiei had slept on, to the pile Kuwabara had laid upon now. He was quiet, and he shuddered as the furs brushed his skin, shivering as he tipped his face towards the soft warmth.

Hiei paused in what he was doing, and hastily stripped Kuwabara of the clothes that were still slightly damp, tearing them in places, but not caring. They'd worry about that later. When Kuwabara is nude, Hiei only takes a moment to slake his eyes over Kuwabara’s body. His white skin and toned body is doing things to Hiei that shouldn’t be happening right this second, not when Kuwabara’s life is still in danger.

Hiei rolls Kuwabara into the furs, and when he is satisfied Kuwabara is buried beneath them sufficiently enough, he goes back to work on stoking the fire into a furious roar.

When that is done, after several tense silent minutes he turns to look at Kuwabara. How can a man so large look so small, buried beneath all that fur?

Hiei strips himself down and flares his energy up, practically standing in the fire to get his skin burning hot, and then joins Kuwabara in the furs. For once, Hiei wishes he was taller and thicker. That there was more of him to wrap around Kuwabara. At least he’s a demon, and part fire demon at that. 

Kuwabara is so cold he’s not even shaking. He should be shaking. The tremors would be proof of Kuwabara’s body responding to try and keep itself alive. He’d been shuddering earlier and now just stopped. As if the cold was winning.

The cold would not win.

Hiei rubs his hands up and down Kuwabara’s arms, manipulating the heat in the room, drying and warming Kuwabara aggressively.

Too aggressively.

Kuwabara stats coughing and shaking and wheezing, and Hiei has to pull back so he doesn't hurt Kuwabara. Hiei growls at his blunder, and lowers the heat to a more tolerable heat, but it’s still sweltering. 

Finally, Kuwabara shivers, and even cracks open an eye and looks at Hiei. It doesn’t seem like Kuwabara actually sees Hiei, but he burrowing closer regardless, one heavy limb flopping on Hiei’s side. Hiei tucks the arm around him, and presses Kuwabara’s face into his neck and chest, and Kuwabara sighs content. 

Hiei can breathe a little easier.

These past three months have been unexpected. 

They are trying to stop a cult from ending the world, and the cult wisely split up to different parts of the world when they were found out. Kurama and Yusuke went to one end of the earth, somewhere in Brazil, and Kuwabara and Hiei went to Nepal. 

The two members, two leaders of the cult,  Hiei and Kuwabara had followed, were trying to present themselves as Gods to people who lived in Nepal. They went as far as performing “miracles,” to impress them and gain trust and support. It didn’t seem to matter that they were getting media attention, the two Cult members relished in the attention, feeling safer as more eyes landed upon them.

When people joined their cult, they implanted a demonic seed that took over their minds, turning the cult members into willing chew toys for demons who liked to eat human life force straight from their source. While the mission had been hard, with a lot of spying and stopping plans, Kuwabara and Hiei had also been getting closer. 

Hiei had been... looking at Kuwabar for a while, but never expected Kuwabara to look back.

He is surprised one day when he realizes,Kuwabara is flirting with him, and has been since they started this mission.

Hiei called him on it, and Kuwabara had blushed as he admitted, “Yeah… I’m flirting with you.”

“Why? I’m terrible! To you specifically!” Hiei snaps. Hiei had panicked a little. He’d been very careful to make sure no one knew of his interests. He hadn’t wanted it to be known to anyone, least of all the subject of Hiei’s roaming eye.

Kuwabara had been embarrassed, maybe even a little overwhelmed, but tried to explain himself, “You say some shit… so do I… but your actions... They say something else… don’t they?” Kuwabara had a look of a man wondering if he had guessed something wrong.

“You thought I liked you,” Hiei realized; says it aloud rather thank keeping it to himself. How had Kuwabara picked up on it?

Kuwabara blushed, but his eyes are flooded with sadness, “I did…I thought you...”

He says nothing else, and Hiei lets Kuwabara turn away from him, a defeated hunch to his shoulders.

It’s been two days since then, and perhaps it was this conversation that caused Hiei to falter against their enemy, put himself in danger he didn’t need to be in. Caused Kuwabara to throw himself at the attacker, and sever the man’s heads from his shoulders. Kuwabara had looked surprised-stricken. He had never killed someone with intention before-not successfully at least.

So Hiei had broken Kuwabara’s heart, and had made him a murder as well.

Wonderful, Hiei was fucking, wonderful.

The second cult leader, howling with fury, then chunked Kuwabara into the iced-over water, and Hiei had to make a choice as their enemy turned to flee. 

There was no choice, the only option Hiei had was to rescue Kuwabara.

Hiei wraps his arms around Kuwabara harder, pushing the past few days aside for now. He needs to be here now, to continue to make sure the human doesn’t... how cold does a human need to be to die? What is the exact temperature?

Pressing Kuwabara into his warmth, willing Kuwabara to open his eyes right now, Hiei apologizes, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry… I was a coward. I lied. I want you. I want you… don’t die. Kuwabara, don't you fucking die!”

It’s a weak pathetic plea, but Hiei is pleading anyway, curling Kuwabara against him wishing for Kuwabara to do something other than be a shivering mass of dead weight.

It’s perhaps an hour into Hiei’s silent pleading, before Kuwabara’s violent shudders die down to a softer tremor, and he wheezes a little as he seems to stir awake. Hiei strokes warm hands down Kuwabara’s cheeks, his neck, his shoulders... He touches Kuwabara gently, coaxing him back to the waking world with him.

“H-Hiei,” Kuwabara whispers, his eyes not even open, “You’re o-okay!” A dopey smile slides across his face, he shivers and mumbles, “Good. Good.”

“You fucking idiot,” Hiei grates into Kuwabara’s face and kissed Kuwabara, lips sliding against Kuwabara’s mouth desperately. Kuwabara gasps weakly into it and tips his head away.

It feels like rejection.

“Wh-waht are you doing?”

“I do like you. I do. I’m terrible to you, why do you like me?” Hiei says desperately, his nerves frayed as he keeps kissing against Kuwabara’s jaw, challenging him to reject him again. Kuwabara doesn’t lean away again, but he’s not really responding either.

“Are you a fool? You should pick up on the danger signs I’m flashing, you shouldn’t want to come near me!” Hiei hisses, voice cracked and rough. 

Kuwabara, eyes still closed, leans clumsily towards Hiei and kisses Hiei’s nose. Kuwabara grunts, annoyed, adjusts his angle and kisses Hiei’s mouth. It’s cold, and not pleasant at all, but it quiets a little storm inside of Hiei’s chest.

“I do… but I do,” Kuwabara mumbles,  weakly reaching for Hiei; blindly. Hiei catches Kuwabara’s hands and kisses the palms.

Bitterly he says, “You’re a fool. I’ll burn you.”

Hiei feels a little manic. He is not someone who is allowed to have something soft as love. He feels like it’ll shatter in his greedy fist.

“I’ll learn from it,” Kuwabara mutters, “It’s not like you’re trying to hurt me. You’re trying to be better. You've been trying since the first time we met,”

“How do you know?” Hiei has stopped trying to press himself into Kuwabara, stopped trying to merge their bodies together as one.

“Because I've seen you. Your actions…they’re louder than the words you say. Softer too.” Kuwabara shudders again, shivering against Hiei, who double checks and makes sure the furs are tucked all around Kuwabara.

“I understand you better now... had to after all these years,” Kuwabara whispers, his arm tugging Hiei to him, weak but eager to hold the shorter demon.

“I will hurt you if we start, if this continues,” Hiei warns, knowing he can’t turn away now. Knowing he won’t let Kuwabara go now.

“You’ll make it up to me by trying to do better,” Kuwabara whispers. 

At last he opens his eyes, looking at Hiei. Kuwabara has grown into the most beautiful thing Hiei has ever seen, and Kuwabara’s eyes are all that Hiei wants on him.

“I’ll…” Hiei wants to say, “fail” wants to warn Kuwabara to look elsewhere. To turn back before he hurts him because that's all he knows how to do. Kuwabara’s lips are still blue from the cold. Hiei leans in and sucks on them until they are red and flushed.

“I’ll try,” he promises instead.

Kuwabara laughs, breathless, shivering, and falling asleep. Quietly he mumbles, “I love you. I want you.” And then passes out.

Hiei lies awake the rest of the night, Kuwabara heavy, but light in his arms.

The blizzard rages on outside.

[mybodyliberation]

David's Bridal Review

The feedback from my last bridal store review was so overwhelmingly awesome. I was so grateful that not only did so many of you read it but actually got in touch to tell me how much you loved it or how helpful you found it.

Boo, you know this sis has got your back and if I can help or assist in anyway never falter to holla at me. I want you to have an incredible experience filled with love and laughter and magic!

So with that said let's jump into the final bridal store review. I actually talked in my article for Scottish wedding directory about whether I should have visited a few boutiques seeing as I had done so much research and booked so many appointments, but I realieed that actually listening to my gut was more important than experiencing something just for the experience.

So spoiler I found my dress at David's Bridal, said yes to it and knew in my gut and in my heart that I would not find anything that made me as special as my dress did.

Not only did I say YES TO THE DRESS, but I screamed at the top of my lungs while ringing a bell and making a wish that I hope carried straight up into the heavens and is being made to order for delivery right now.

Now as I said I had done A LOT of research and I had read a lot of reviews . This isnt sponsored or gifted or anything else so I have no problem telling the tea. And the tea is overall the company has a pretty terrible name in the states and in the London stores. There was review after review of disgruntled brides, talking about terrible customer service, lack of communication, messed up orders and the list went on.

It didnt leave much to the imagination and it certainly didn't bode well, but imagine my surprise when I looked at all of the reviews for the Glasgow store. They shone bright. It was 99.9% positive feedback for everything and for the staff.

Thruthfully that's what I experienced too. Glasgow David's Bridal is a testament to the entire company. It was really wonderful to see so many smiling faces when you walked in, so many designer options and prices and just I felt confident.

So important information to know.

• David's Bridal works on appointments. You can book in online or over the phone and it takes about 5 minutes total. You can also specify that you are attending for a Bridal appointment.

• As said in the previous review, bridal samples run small, so expect to be sized up but one of the wonderful things is that my measurements were taken and I wasnt even told what size I would be wearing. This was a confidence boost for me because I automatically knew it was about the dress not about my size or weight.

• Make sure you read the store policies online before attending but also ask on arrival if the store has any because for example we were not allowed to take any pictures or video.

• You're appointed a stylist on arrival

• You are given time to browse before your measurements are taken and then you are left to browse again so that you can pick the dresses youd like to try on

• Make sure you wear the right underwear. At Wed2B I ended up not wearing my bra but at David's bridal I absolutely did.

• They carry designers like Vera Wang and Oleg Cassini but at amazing prices. I personally never imagined being able to fit into or afford a designer gown and so it's really encouraging that there are options like this for plus size budget brides.

• There is no limit to how many dresses you can try on. This can be wonderful but also overwhelming so discuss with your stylist before hand how many dresses you feel you can handle.

• Take water and snacks for yourself and your guests. We didnt but I regret it as it's a time consuming and tiring process and keeping yourself watered and fed will help with stamina.

• Something I forgot to mention in the last review is that you try each dresses on with under skirts to add a fuller effect.

So I went to this appointment again during the week, during hours that would be more low key than a busy evening weekday or weekend time. I went with my mum, dad, sisters and a friend. That's a pretty large enterouge but all of them made the experience priceless. They brought so much joy to the day but as an aside always make sure the wedding dress shopping party is made up of people who will support you and make the day what it should be: ABOUT YOU and FUN!

Chloe (also who ended being my stylist for the appointment) greeted us with so much joy and kindness I was instantly excited for the appointment. She was incredible from start to finish I feel so grateful that my experience was with her. We giggled, we cuddled and more importantly she listened. As soon as we started she wanted to know what I liked and what I didn't, if I already knew what I'd like to try on, the whole shebang.

Chloe was funny, approachable, joyful, patient and kind. Sue explained the process perfectly and helped us feel at ease and excited. I was able to show her all the pictures I had and all the images I had pinned from the instagram page and it really helped us find the right direction.

Chloe took my measurements and never asked my size or told me my measurements so I didn't feel the need to ask. I cant help but be in love with that process of things and applaud her and David's Bridal for such a body positive approach to things because at the end of the day who cares what the size of the sample size is and who cares what your weight is.

What is important is that you feel great in whatever dresses you're trying on!

As I browsed and picked dresses she would be pulling the samples in the appropriate sizes for me and that's all the information you really need.

I know plus size brides fear being made to feel different because of their weight but it never even came into the conversation and I know it can be intimidating but if you feel like that's not the kind of care you're getting as a bride in any bridal store, please speak up and dictate the kind of treatment you want and deserve as you drop all of that coin.

I'm a pretty confident plus size woman and so this was great but I know for other plus women who might not quite be as confident yet, this kind of experience is the making of a positive journey from them as brides. So dont be afraid to message me and I'll call them on your behalf if I need to.

Since I had tried on every style previously in Wed2B, I used this as an opportunity to zero in on the styles that I really loved and dresses that I knew for sure I loved the look of. I had researched anout 4 of these dresses by looking through the Davids Bridal cookbook which you can find online.

I'll link that here: https://catalog.davidsbridal.co.uk/bridalstyle

It was a helpful tool to see what they had and I wrote down the product codes and took screenshots.

Combined with the dresses I had researched and the ones I saw in store and a few I had pinned on insta, I ended up trying on 7 dresses which is actually quite a lot in comparison to the last time I had tried on dresses. It took way more time and was genuinely quite tiring. Bate in mind that even when you have fun it will be tiring and emotionally quite taxing so be gentle with yourself. If you get a bit cranky or overwhelmed or upset don't feel bad for asking for a few seconds to yourself.

That being said at no point did I feel rushed or pushed, in fact Chloe encouraged me to take my time and be as vocal as possible while also taking on the feedback from my family and friends present at the appointment, while also making sure I felt in control.

It can be a tricky balance and thankful all my family and friends are very encouraging and patient and respectful but I know for other families there may be a more complicated dynamic at play.

Now although I had fun, each dress I tried on, even though it was within the style I wanted, felt like it was taking me further from what I could picture in my head.

You'll remember I left Wed2B with a solid option and really everything else was just competing against that dress.

As we got closer to the end of the appointment I wasn't exactly sure if I would find anything and I was right about to make peace with that but then I final dress I tried on, which coincidentally was the one I had saved three times on instagram.

Before Chloe had even pulled the dress against my body I knew...it was the one.

As stood there knowing this dress ticked every single box the other dress didn't quite manage to do, I knew the competition and the search was over.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I had one of the biggest smiles I had probably ever had stretching my face within an inch of itself.

I didn't just step out, I floated out and there was a moment of silence from what had previously been loud and laughing family.

It felt like this dreamy haze was filtering my vision, and I remember hearing a wow as Chloe completed the look with a gorgeous cathedral length embodied veil, a tiara and the bouquet.

I truly felt like a bride.

I turned first to my dad see his reaction. He sat smiling and nodding and then I turned to my mum (who had loved the Wed2B dress and had really not liked any of the other dresses I had tried on).

She smiled and I knew...right this is it.

I squealed and kept twirling and giggling and prancing. I felt like the princess and I instantly wanted to show Bae so badly because whenever theres something I love of course I want to share it with m5 best friend.

The search was finky over. I said YES a thousand times that day and yes everyday since. I cannot wait to walk down the aisle in a dreamy dress to my dream man.

Eeeek so yes now that I have gushed back to some logistics.

Once I had said Yes, rung the bell, sobbed my heart out while simultaneously laying, and finally being allowed to take photos it was time to get down to brass tax.

Once I reluctantly took the dress off, I then had my measurements taken again because when you buy the dress from David's Bridal:

• It will be ordered and made specifically for you.

• This will be done by the designer or DB itself if your purchase one of their dresses and it will then be sent to whatever store you tried your dress on in.

• You will then have alterations done 6 weeks before the wedding. This can be done with DB or at an alterations company of your choice but if you do it with DB your dress will remain insured under any accidents.

• They sometimes have deposits and installment plans but this depends on the dress so do make sure to ask.

• They also have discounts and deals running regularly so check in advance if there are any available that you would qualify for.

• Some dresses must be paid in full if you want to purchase the dress so have the money ready if this is something you want to do.

• I purchased my under skirt from them but of course you dont have to.

• Before you purchase your stylist will go over any changes you might want to make for example I ordered the dress in pure white instead of ivory.

• You will have to sign a form which will act as a contractually agreement to say you have listened to all the terms and conditions and you agree to them.

• Once ordered and made for you, you will not be able to refund the dress or get money back for the dress.

It is a huge commitment to make and there are always things you should make sure you are super clear on, in terms of policies and terms conditions, before verbally agreeing or signing any legal documentation. That's why its important to have a solid group with you full of people who will be there to act as witness or even help you understand any jargon that might be going over your wedding blissed out head.

It's such an incredible privilege that I was able to purchase my dress then and there and I truly don't take it for granted.

It was such a perfect experience for myself and my family and friends, but and I hate that there is any because what could be worth mentioning that would leave this is on a slightly tinged note.

The only negative experience unfortunately came from the store manager, which while she seemed lovely enough, was extremely overbearing. At first I thought I was being paranoid but checking in with my group after that made confirmed that I wasnt the only person that felt a little uncomfortable.

You sed she was very intense and actually quite standoffish explaining that we weren't allowed to film or take pictures of me in the dresses I tried on despite the fact I had done this in other stores, but of course not every store can be the same. They have this policy in place because in the past other brides have complained about being in the shots of other brides photos. This makes perfect sense.

We instantly understood the stores policy and respected it, but then for the rest of my appointment she hovered almost as if she felt her presence needed to be there to enforce the rule. It probably wasnt her intention but it made us feel as if us, as the only large group of black people in the store, couldn't be trusted to not break the rule.

Though we were not bred new appointment in the store, there were no other brides around me so it felt unnecessary because the reason the policy was there was because a bride had complained about being in another brides picture.

There were other appointments behind us though and she never even went over to check on them.

She lingered around our appointment the entire time and quite frankly as the only people of colour in the store it did make me feel uncomfortable because it sent a message that the black family needed to be "watched". It would have been different if she was paying me special attention and trying to make the experience better but I didnt feel that from anyone but Chloe who truly went above and beyond.

It was disappointing and I know it wouldn't have been the intention of the manager to make a black bride feel singled out or like there was an issue but nonetheless every time I stepped out of the dressing room that's how it felt because there she was looking stern.

It really wasnt until I found my dress and was prancing around that she began to relax and to smile and announced, once I said this is it, with much authority and vim that I was allowed to take pictures.

Blessedly I was able to have the strength to ignore her and just focus on the reason I was there because honestly with all the time and effort we had all collectively put into the experience it wasnt worth ruining it thinking of things like that but I do hope that other people of colour that visit the store do not end up having any experience like that.

All said and done it was still perfect because I was with people who love me, had a stellar stylist and I found the dress of my dreams.

So am I hyped to be a bride?

Sis. Yes.