#i kinda wished the novel went more to the world building throughout the adventures with their relationship

[agrassinthebeginning]

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day.

From Adam Silvera's official website Skip to the end of this post for the trigger warnings.

After reading my last book over the course of three days I was kinda worried the next pick would be tough. I considered the books in my library, the most recent birthday + Christmas loot versus the been-here-so-long-what-are-you-waiting-for books, and vaguely glanced over a started-this-one-three-years-ago-what-happened (I might have to go back to this one some time this year. I'll keep you posted).

Making choices is hard for me (understatement) and that's probably part of the reasons why I don't read as much as I'd like. Reading one book means I'm missing out on reading another; apply that logic to any other area of my life and you get a fair picture of my neurosis. I switched to my ebooks list because somehow digital words are less scary than printed ones and had already given up on any title possibly triggering a spark of interest until my brain went to a full stop and whispered: this one. They Both Die at the End tells the story of a world about exactly like ours except for the fact that everyday between midnight and 3am, thousands of people get a phone call telling them that today is the day they are going to die. They don't know why or how or when exactly they will die but they definitely have less than 24 hours to live and what they're doing with that knowledge and with that time, well, it's entirely up to them. How freaking terrifying.

Something that might be worth mentioning if you don't know me personally is that the thought of death terrifies me. Granted, most people probably aren't super thrilled about it either but in my case uuuh well let's say the mere thought of it is an entire ride to panic town. My brain freezes, skips, rewinds and repeats, my chest gets hollow, my throat feels full and my thoughts get in an endless loop of BAD. Now, you may wonder, if the very thought of death gives me a panic attack faster than you can say thanatophobia why the fuck would I pick this book to read? WELL WHAT DO I KNOW Fine.

I read this book for the challenge.

The challenge of having to read the thoughts of two people confronted to their imminent death, confronted to the urgency of it all, having to sort out their lives and make their goodbyes, make amends and live their last day the best they can, the best they ever wanted to live, all of it happening all at once with no escape. AKA the most terrifying thing. I've been working on myself to step outside of my comfort zone and this one could damn well have been a step, slip, end up in a painful accidental split and can't get my breath back out-of-my-comfort-zone situation but, well. I went for it. And the thing is, it saddens me to say I didn't connect to the characters as much as I wished I would have. I'm usually a character person. Whatever I read or watch, characters mean everything to me. Dialogues that sound real and people who seem spontaneous will sweep me off my feet way higher than a solid plot in a crazy-detailed universe. With this one though, I think maybe I wasn't entirely the target audience; not because I actually believe that there are such things as young adult novels that won't speak to older adults but rather because of what I was expecting from it. I usually ask my friends to never tell me anything about a movie I haven't seen yet. I don't even want to hear people's opinion about it- which is pretty rich coming from someone currently writing a book review, I'll give you that. But I know my friends too well; I know what they're responsive to and what bores them. If they sound like they enjoyed a piece enough but are still slightly disappointed I know which storylines won't go to the fullest of their potential, guess the end of the movie and then what's the point in watching it till the end. I didn't know anything about this book except it was from the LGBTQA+ book section and what the title gave away (I know what you're thinking- the title literally gives away everything, what more do you need?) but that was enough for me to build expectations and wish for answers to questions that turned out to be entirely off focus. They Both Die at the End is a romance novel. It doesn't mean it's intrinsically less good than any other kind but it does mean my questions weren't answered. There's a line in particular at the beginning of the book that stayed with me. When he gets the call, Rufus asks the Death Cast operator: how do you guys know? And that line just tilted things for me. I went on a hunt for clues: references here and there that people believe that Death Cast is a scam; a character who thinks a joke is being played on her until the very last hours of the day; damn, there aren't any public records of how the algorithm works! For all the love I give to slow burn and sweet love stories, this time around I wanted it to be more than that. I wanted Mateo and Rufus' last day to be a day of investigating Death Cast, trying to figure out if all of the deaths they "predict" are actual predictions or if some of them are plain old murders orchestrated to consolidate people's trust in the corporation. Yeah, for once in my life, I was Team Conspiration Theory. Instead the novel barely touches on those subjects- it's a book about people, not about the universe they live in. It's a science-fiction setting, not science-fiction story. It's not a bad book, just the wrong book for me. See, I was barking up the entirely wrong bookshelf.

I'm not disappointed I read it though. This book had something else to offer that definitely worked for me. The title sets a double challenge. It tells it like it is: it looks you in the eyes and goes "these two main characters will die at the end of this book, you have been warned, don't get your hopes up, don't get attached, it ends badly." So of course, the first challenge is "good luck with facing your own fear of death, bud." But there's another gamble coming with this title, it's the thought that crept up at the back of my mind the second I read the title and stayed with me throughout the entire book: Do they really? Do they really not make it at the end? And that's the deal with consuming fiction: these characters are my eyes and ears into this world. If they die then it's over. I'm not even that involved into their story or their families' but if they die, the possibility of their story just stops. I don't want it to stop, how will I know what happens next? What if there's a twist I miss, a chance I might like it better?

Let's take a breather. Think about that for a second. And now let's say that my wishes come true, that's when the fascinating twist comes in: my brain is not ever satisfied. Because no matter how much I want the story to continue, how much I want the characters to survive, how much I want to believe that we can escape death (because that's what this is about, isn't it? That's why I read it after all), there's a voice in my head whispering: But if they make it, won't I be a disappointed? By choosing this title, Adam Silvera makes a promise. And I guess each reader gets to decide how much they want him to keep it.

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They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

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Main content warnings include: death, grief, suicide, gun violence, hospitals

[teaanddonutsbooks]

Book Review: Bleeding Earth by Kaitlin Ward

Book synopsis here. Original review here.

I love horror. I love seeing horror movies, listening to horror podcasts, and reading horror novels. Every Halloween, I binge-read the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe because I just find his work so fascinating. So when my partner and I went to the library and saw Bleeding Earth, a horror apocalyptic novel, on the shelves, we just had to check it out. And I'm glad we did!

The story follow Lea as she struggles to survive a world covered in blood, bones, and hair. Sounds interesting, no? The premise is so intriguing! I've never read a book where the end of the world is happening as the characters were living their normal lives. Usually books take place after the apocalypse has happened. So this was an interesting take on the genre.

I'll be honest, the writing is nothing special. Not that it's bad in any way. It's just very simplistic. I didn't fall in love with the way Ward writes descriptions of scenery nor did I fall in love with her character portrayals. Yet I did fall in love with her ideas and the way she executed them. I loved how she wrote about the world being nothing but an ocean of blood. I love how she described the gore and horror of what this world became. The writing may be simple but it helps the reader envision the dire situations these characters are in throughout the entire novel without making it overly complicated.

My one complaint about the story as a whole was how desperately the characters wanted to hang out outside because "there's nothing to do at home." Are you kidding me? With the world ending, there's no way anyone in their right mind would want to be outside. And I know there's the whole "psychosis" disease that comes with the blood if you come in contact with it, but the characters were talking about being outside in the blood before that disease took place. And there's plenty of things you can do at home! You can read a book, watch YouTube videos, binge-watch a show on Netflix, play video games, exercise, etc. There's a million things to do at home. Why the hell did these characters only care about going outside and partying?

Speaking of characters, I feel they are the weakest aspect of the book. Lea, the main character, falls into a lot of "teenage drama" tropes. In fact, a lot of the time, she was bratty with her parents just to be bratty. Not to mention that she acted really stupid throughout parts of the novel. Who the hell wants to go to a party in the forest when the world is being swallowed up in blood? Who would even want to party at a time like that!? But I digress. Lea is definitely not the most annoying character I've ever read about but she certainly did a lot of moronic things for no other reason than just because she could do them.

Then there's Aracely, Lea's girlfriend. She's actually not a bad character. I found her the most intriguing out of all the characters in the book. She starts off shy and reserved. She really likes Lea but wants to keep it a secret since she is not out yet and that's fine. You should only come out if you're ready and safe to do so. And I love that throughout the novel we see her grow and become more comfortable with who she is. Hell, she even becomes a badass! I do like her, I just wish we got to explore her more. Aside from seeing her grow into a more determined person, we literally know nothing else about her. Not her past nor where she came from. Very little is known about her and I wish she was explored more than what we got to see.

The side characters are really nothing too special. Hillary, Lea's best friend, is kind and always willing to be there for her friend, but she literally contradicts herself when she believes her boyfriend (who's a jerk) over her friends. It made no sense why she would be upset with Lea for treating her boyfriend harshly when he was literally taking advantage of a drunk girl. Speaking of that drunk girl, Mikayla was forgettable. She was only in the book just to have that scene in the park and served no other purpose. Cadence, another friend, couldn't even remember her friends long enough to invite them to said party. Felix is nice but apparently has a big mouth. And they are all just kinda... there. None of them, aside from Hillary, served any point to the plot other than to be a nuisance. All these side characters were just so shallow that I did not connect to a single one.

Another thing that bothered me about this novel was how it ended. No spoilers but... it left a lot to be desired. I was hoping for a bit more closure and I did not get that.

But with all my critiques, you might be wondering why I am recommending this book then. Well, because of how engaging it was! I couldn't put the book down. I HAD to know what was going on. I HAD to see where it was going to end. I needed to know why the Earth was like this and how they were going to resolve it all. I liked this book because of its diversity. We have two queer girls in a relationship and one is a WoC. I liked this book for the world it presents. I liked the anticipation it builds and intrigue it instills. Basically, I just had a lot of fun reading this book.

Do I recommend this book? Yes. But to only those who are looking for a horror/gore-filled diverse adventure. It's not without flaws but it is an entertaining book. Keep in mind that this book has descriptions of blood, gore, violence, murder, and suicide. So if any of that might be triggering for you, then do not read this book. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy reading this despite the flaws. It really is quite the fast read.

My rating: Get it only if you’re curious.