#i keep being bad a socializing and she!!! doesnt care!!!! i love that!!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

struwberrii · 4 months ago

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Hi, I saw the matchup request are open so here i am requesting for one hehe <3

I want a romantic matchup! My pronouns is she/her and I prefer male characters. I’m not an underage so I want to be match with a timeskip character.

My types - I like someone that stable, reliable and very laidback. I want someone that understands my need for personal space and not pushy since i hate it when people tell me what to do. Despite being an extroverts, im not good in communicating my own feelings so i need someone that can communicate well and understand my struggles. I prefer someone introverts but not shy like they can communicate well with others but they’re just not a yapper (leave that job of yapping to me please). I also prefer them to be an act of service kind of person and not a clingy type (i dont mind pda but not too much).

Personalitiy - my mbti is enfj. im an extroverts but i like to have my own space and dont like it when people overstepped my boundaries. peoples says that im very welcoming and friendly despite my rbf which is why people are scared of me when they first met me. i can be very playful, chaotic and i like teasing people. but im very respectful when it comes to others feelings. most people describe me to be easygoing, funny, caring, and mature. I also can be very sarcastic at times but only with people that understand my humour. im good at reading people because im very observant of people behaviour and it always spot on too lmaoo. some says that i have such an inviting energy and that must be why people often come to consult their problem w me and asking for advice though sometimes we barely know each other. im very opinionated but secretive when it comes to my own feelings. I also tend to take care of everyone else first before me (sorry its a habit of being an eldest daughter). im also a chronic people pleaser lol.

Hobbies/Interests - I love reading. I read books, comics, manga, anything that can be read, I’ll read. I also love writing but mainly poetry. I like having a conversation of political and social issues (as long as people keep it civil like i don’t wanna argue lets have a calm conversation). despite being a plus girl, i do play sports like badminton, lawnbowl and sometimes futsal too.

Love language - My love language is act of service and words of affirmation. On a receiving end, I prefer act of service, words of affirmation and receiving gifts. when it comes to receiving gifts, I mean little things as gifts. lmaoo i would be the happiest person if someone even pick up a stone and gifted it to me saying that it remind them of me.

My dream date - I prefer dates like visiting art/history museums, food hunting in cafes/restaurants or anything that is simple and fun.

Sorry this is so long😭 I’ll stop here and I wanna thanks you in advance! Have a nice day <333

match up: tsukishima kei ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

hope you like the match up!! (also this is time skip i just couldnt find a pic of him in this art style post time skip)

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

tsukishima is very sarcastic and cold, but kind to those who are close to him and those he respects (which is hopefully you as his s/o lol). he is also a man of few words. he says all he needs to to get his point across he is DEF not a yapper. i can def see him being a very active and respectful listener when it comes to you, giving good and genuine advice that may be harsh but its always the truth. this also goes hand in hand with communication. he isnt the most expressive person but i can see him being very blunt and out right telling you when something bothers him or if hes uncomfortable with something since he doesnt want it to happen again, i can see him urging you to do the same and break out of your secretive shell since letting emotions build up and not opening up could end up being very bad

I also see him as a very laid back as a partner and pretty trusting for the most part. he would never overstep his boundaries and let you do whatever you please. i also see him as the type of guy who needs alone time to collect his thoughts as well so he would totally understand if you need some time to yourself as well.

he is DEF a nerd too i mean did we see how bro was fitted up and acting in high school? he would absolutely be coming to you with manga or comic suggestions or asking fro suggestions from you.

I can see him being a very deep and philosophical person behind that salty exterior and probably would love to read your writing and try to break down and understand whatever deeper or hidden message is hiding behind the words you wrote. this can also extend to date ideas, picking out art pieces and trying to understand how one another interpret the piece would be such a fun day for the two of you, plus super cute instagram pictures, i know he does NOT play about his instagram feed.

I see him as the type of guy who only needs to be told something once before he gets the message and just overall being very attentive and understanding to those he cares about and also being very protective over you. he doesnt tolerate any disrespect twoards you and its adorable <3

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oddclangen · 1 year ago

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OddClan year 1

Shystar - leader

Old leader of the clan, she pretty set in her ways and refuses to change, But she will go whith compromises as long as its benefits the clan.

She choose Fleckglint to be the deputy despite his young age becouse she believes that he might come whith some fresh perspective. But she came to regret it later this year whith all new faces he brought.

Saplingspeck and Timberwater are her very good friend they been through a lot together.

Right now she in Medicine den. One of PatchouliClan warriors wounded her while on she was patrol.

Fleckglint - deputy

Special little fella. Believes that Clan needs to change so he uses deputy position to ensure outsiders can get into clan.

Later this year he and Medicine cat Whiskersnow developed cute crushes on each other and after some miscommunication they became mates. She now pregnant whith his kits.

Whiskersnow - Medicine cat

Others members of the clan kinda upset that since Whiskersnow is busy whith her future litter of kits she wont have time treating injuries. Which is a shame she a very talented healer.

For some time before Fleckglint confessed his feeling to her she also considered becoming mates whith Timberwater, but ultimately realised that her feeling are not mutual and thay see each others very differently.

Admirers Beamstripe for have brave she is and will always complete task given

Onefur - warrior

Oldest warrior currently, honestly he looks like trouble, but actually really cares for his clanmates. Loves all of them.

Being the oldest beside Shystar he also know a lot of storie about how OddClan used to be.

He very close Beamstripe since she was a kit, practically treats her as a little sister. They would often train together and share pray.

Saplingspeck - warrior

There honesty not much i can say abou Saplingspeck, she just has nice vibes. She one of the few cats who treat new cats kindly.

Was grabbed by eagle this year, but she fine now. But is slowed her mentorship of Condorpaw and because of it she still apprentice.

Good friend whith Honeytuft

Originally was Loyal, but changed to Charismatic later this year.

Honeytuft - warrior

Originally she was fierce, but i guess developing crush on Onefur decided to be more bloodthirsty so he would like her more.

Mentored Beamstripe and very proud of training some one so talented.

Timberwater - warrior

At firs shameless cat later decided to be more adventurous.

Still has crush on Whiskersnow and absolutely hates Fleckglint (Hope nothing bad happens.)

Also constantly argues whith Honeytuft.

Mentored Wishfeather but doesnt think much of anything positive about them.

I feel like she has a lot of complicated feeling in mind, hope she can sort them out.

Bigflip - warrior

She appeared once saying that StarClan guided her here and whith Fleckglint convincing other to agree.

The truth is that she lied, no StarClan guided her here, but Dark Forest. Her clan vorships them and consider anyone who have bond whith them chocen.

She doesnt know why Dark forest guided her here, but its better keep her past secret. Just in case.

Venti - warrior

He was abandoned by his Twolegs on the road and if not for Fleckglint would died of greencough. He fine now, but seems like experience left him little traumatized.

He developed crush on Fleckglint after that but sees that he very happy whith his current mate and afraid to confess his feeling.

Beamstripe - Warrior

Everyone darling. Very active cat and if she has free time spends it on battle training.

She often agrees whith Fleckglint but only because she doesnt like Shystar much more. But she doesnt like both of them.

Whishfeather - Warrior

New warrior, she still getting a hang of things after her apprenticeship. Timberwater teched her to be more social whith whith other which is a little surprising.

She best friends whith Codorpaw and tries cheer her up, because despite being the same age she still an apprentice.

Condorpaw - Apprentice

I really like her sprite :D

She got hut by one of PatchouliClan warrior which delaid her apprenticeship even further. But others support her and tell her that everything will be okay. Especially her best friend Wishfeather.

Really close whith Whiskersnow.

FallenCricket - Medicine cat.

Recently joined, mother of three, she was exiled from PatchouliClan for something that she doesnt want to talk about, but other cats have a pretty good guess.

Her three kits Newtkit, Hazelkit and Whistlekit making themself pretty comfortable in the clan.

#clangen #Oddclan #warrior cats #shystar #Fleckglint #Whiskersnow #Fallencricket #Wishfeather #Condortrail #Beamstripe #Bigflip #Timberwater #Onefur #Suplingspeck #Honeytuft

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oofuri2003 · 8 months ago

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Hanai transgenderism musings

I think trans readings of hanai's issue w his first name (azusa) are like the biggest easiest thing to latch onto for obvious reasons so might as well muse abt it. What we can gather is: Azusa is his first name, his mom named him, and he hates it. From what he says to tajima & nishihiro we can infer that he hates it bc it is traditionally a female/feminine given name.

In a transmasc reading it's easy to imagine "azusa" as his birth name/deadname, something he hates for being feminine or ill fitting, or bc of dysphoria, etc. If I was personally extending this you could imagine a hanai who has been dragging his feet on choosing a new name, too indecisive and perhaps too attached to "azusa", or worried about the social aspect of having to change it and tell people. OR too worried about changing it bc of his mom's obvious love for the name/she chose it and he has a v close relationship w her

I dont think a transfem reading of hanai from this is rly a stretch tho and it is my personal favorite of the two. Imo it fits his character p well: hanai is a person who fundamentally cares and stresses about how he is perceived, acting "normal" or "cool", and fulfilling his role, whatever that may be in the moment (as a son, a student, a captain, a cleanup hitter, etc).

To me a transfem read of hanai goes like this: as a young kid, he actually has no issue w his given name. Maybe he even likes it (likes that its fem, likes it bc his mom chose it and theyre v close, etc). Upon entering elementary school, he becomes aware that he has a "female" given name, and you can imagine that this is perceived as worthy of mockery by peers (I'm thinking similar to what happens to haruka from free). Hanai internalizes this - having a girl name, as a boy, is bad and worthy of derision. In my read of this his internalization of this fact causes him to become secretive and averse to being called azusa by others (notably, in canon, he seems unbothered by his sisters using his first name at home, and only bothered by his mom doing it in public). Even if he personally likes his own name, and in this read maybe even really likes that its a feminine given name, he has to keep up acting like he hates it, because that is what he is supposed to do. Boys are supposed to hate being named girly things. Being comfortable with his given name might give something away, or make him seem like there is smth "wrong" w him, bc he doesnt feel the "right" way about it. And, notably, he can avoid having to even broach any of that by just not sharing it in the first place.

Idt its hard to imagine hanai overthinking himself into this hole but also more broadly overthinking and rationalizing his own dysphoria which makes trans hcs for him so salient and fun to think about imo

#ig i accidentally posted it instead of saving it as a draft. whatever 6 am musings be upon ye i guess 😭

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immagrosscandy · 1 year ago

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Hi!

Do you prefer HPHM or HPMA? Which is better in terms of storyline, animation, and characters in your opinion?

-Sincerely, from a dumb anon that is me 💋😷

at this point i really prefer hpma over hphm for a lot of reasons and most of them are how hphm fails in everything you just mentioned

the story gets messy super messy as the years go by, they stretch the chapters like gum making em tedious and boring

the animation is sometimes nasty like some 3d models look bad very bad, as if they just wanted to get the job done instead of making sure said job is good

the characters are... meh. i like some of them but the main story focuses on some of the ones that get worse as the story progresses: like the stupidity that is jacob's sibling, the pain in my ass that is merula snyde, jacob "i am found and never seen again for some reason", the supposed-to-be big bad of the story who's VERY important as he's RELATED to the main characters and is never mentioned until the last year of school. why.

also. another problem that annoys me. the less focus the have on the story and more on adding things that don't really matter. like the amount of sidequests and how much of them they do, and how emphasis they put in them on social media. the perfect example is the big elephant in the room, the romance. like most people only care about the romance because jc stopped caring about the story and it shows, and its seems like they have some sort of dateline to make a new romantic sidequests so that the players keep in touch with the game (at least that's how it feels for me)

as you can see hphm was good, even great. i loved the story and the characters. i liked the mystery behind the vaults and our brother, the mc wasn't stupid, i even liked merula because she was a not-annoying bad bitch that knew more of the mystery than us, there was rowan khanna, they created talbott winger thanks you lord, the story was captivating and it didn't need to be like 60 chapters long i'm looking at you year 6 even the romantic subplot was okay for me, the celestial ball and the first date are peak tlsq and tulip and ismelda was dateable i mean c'mon

but they fucked up

so bad

and i'm hoping the same doesnt happen to hpma. i've finished the main storyline and i kind of like ivy and lottie's stories, they're super cute. the artstyle is GORGEOUS it blows my tiny mind, and the animation is great. i really like it! all the things you can do in the castle such as going to class, dueling, dancing or exploring the forbidden forest are really cool and they keep me interested. its just like being at hogwarts. also the characters here are great and they all have a different story to be told (i'm seeing you daniel)

also i never got to play hogwarts legacy or any of the hp games in the ps2, so this is like my first experience of an open-world hogwarts and... it's cool!

i really dont want to glorify this game, there are some things i dont like about it, but until now i'm really enjoying it!

so i feel like hpma might be better than hphm in terms of animation and storytelling, obviously. and i like the characters in both games, but in hphm they downgrade in quality and writing... so i guess hpma wins

dont get me wrong i still love hphm, but what i hate is what they've done to it

i hope this wasn't too long. if you have anything to say about what i've said feel free to do so. my opinion is just an opinion after all

#i hope im not being rude or anything #hphm makes me really mad because i could've been great but now it wont be anymore #also i ALSO hope xdd that my english is good since its not my birth language and it shows xdd

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zapsoda · 10 months ago

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aUGH you talked about bax's and babygirl's i mean. roy's bad eyesight. does anyone else have an likewise handicap or disability? also what's their weakspot for each one of them ... both physically and mentally if you want to write even moar words hehe

ofc!!

as previously mentioned bax has shit eyesight. hes also a bit mentally ill (lack of survival instincts), and while that can be beneficial when in dangerous situations where he needs to act effectively and expediently it can also be VERY DISADVANTAGEOUS. for obvious reasosn. what would the crew do without him? when hes constantly getting injured and incapacitated?

roy has her weird eyesight, and she has kind of the opposite of bax's problem. shes pretty anxious and has trouble acting and making quick decisions. she doesnt really like getting into *serious* trouble (she likes silly stuff and pranks and goofs though), anyways this makes it harder for her to step in when someone needs help.

clam *is* a runaway government android and so basically anything that isnt healing or surveillance is antithetical to what he was programmed for which is bad for everyone. he wants so badly to deviate and cultivate more of an identity but its gotta be just one step at a time, while roy and the others help him reprogram his body and brain bit by bit. which sucks. he wants physical agency Now.

tallys lack of horns and low-ppointing fin rays would land him very low in his home planets sort of caste system. not like. homestuck per se, its less ingrained and more socially enforced. on a dangerous planet where community contribution holds a lot of social weight, being physically weaker, lacking parental skills or instincts, and being kind of selfish on top of all of that made him very. not liked. this is part of the reason kip feels so responsible for him and overly protective.

anyways hes kinda internalized it. every single crumb of attention and validation sends his ego to the moon (metaphorically). he is torn between accepting a low place in life and society "everyone hates me, why should i change that" and desperately trying to prove his worth to anyone who will listen. yaaay mentla illness mwah (i kiss him on the forehead)

kip is the opposite of tally. he has horns. his fin rays point straight up. hes big and strong. he can hunt and protect. hes kind of tender and paternal. hes generally well respected. and he left all that. with his "nephew."

hes used to the expectation of taking care of everyone, protecting them, making sure nothing goes wrong. so he overcorrects. he comes off a bit controlling, though he normally channels this through his cooking. its like a healthy outlet, where he has control over everything as long as everyone stays OUT of his FUCKING kitchen.

hes also very slow to learn and a bit stubborn (though he tries very very hard to work on this)

hes honestly very stable and good at keeping himself together unless He were to be the one hurt and or in trouble ahahaha. he would not handle that. he would go crazy. the thought of being the one to need others makes him ill.

he is so fucking awkward around clam and its for two reasons. 1. dont wanna break him, unfamiliar object, not sure how the best way to proceed 2. stop trying to help me stop leave me alone you sick vermin

deep down he loves clam though cause he feels like theyre the same. "this weird animate object is just like me fr" he admires clams instinct to help others a lot eheheheh.

#asks #<333 #oc stuff

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melancholiaenthroned · 1 year ago

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BERNARD for the ask game >:)

HELPPP ok

first impression: ok i got into comics right around the time tim came out so my first impression was very much the general publics of "robin has a boyfriend!" i read the urban legends story about that first and thought it was fine! i liked it well enough. then bc it mentioned that bernard was a friend was high school i went back and read his original appearences and idk i just loved him... he was silly and he was posturing and nobody really liked him except tim LOL. his friendship and crush on darla was also rlly rlly sweet and i got rlly attached to the trio of them. i also rlly liked his og design w the longer hair and sunglasses. i thought the conspiracy theorist thing was rlly fun esp w how close hed get to the truth and tim would have to be like "what ur so crazy hahaha where would batman get MULTIPLE robins".

impression now: im gonna be honest my peak bernard phase was before tim drake robin started when i was really really excited to see more of this character id gotten attached to... erm. in a post tdr world ive kind of distanced myself from him bc he feels like an entirely different guy. which is fine! presumably hes aged and i wouldnt want to live like my high school self forever. that being said, the ways that he is the same feel a bit like a parody now. his conspiracies r way more outlandish and supernaturally based than they used to be, and they way theyve kind of written it so seems like he knew he was gay/bi back in highschool which doesnt rlly read as true to me having read those highschool appearances. hes just tims boyfriend, who knew he was gay before tim did and was just kind of waiting for him, i guess. i do like the chaos cult, i like that in the unspecified time away from tim his life was like. completely fucked. but now that tim is there it feels like hes just been flattened back out. the last few issues of tdr actually started focusing more on his issues specifically w his parents and the cult but. you know. cancelled.

favorite moment: he was so so scared to talk to darla he was like "losers like us cant talk to cool girls like her tim... shes friends with jocks" and then tim goes up to her and the jocks are all nice and polite normal guys and darlas like yeah u guys seem fun. and its just like. he was completely overreacting. like so much for his claims of being a social chameleon 😭 and then next issue darlas just a part of their group and theyre acting like theyve been best friends forever. i think for as much as he pretends to be like. a cool guy who doesnt care that he has no friends. its a rlly nice moment of showing that hes actually really anxious and self conscious and he wishes he could reach out to people but once he has the opportunity he latches on to ppl and doesnt let go. and i also rlly like when darla comes back and he finds out she has powers and his first reaction is like. my life sucks so bad can i come and be ur sidekick. like man:-( he was funny for it though! shoot ur shot

idea for a story: ok this is for a hypothetical "possible in comics" story and not like. a fic. so its not super bernard focused BUT they need to bring darla back now im not joking anymore where is she. idk what the status of shadowpact is post rebirth i dont think it exists anymore? but whatever. tim gets a case that leads him back to louis grieve where we can get a recap for ppl who didnt read or dont remember what happened back then. he can be like heres where i met bernard^_^ also the horrors. anyway the case has smth to do w the mob&darlas family and so he manages to get in contact w her and obviously shes like. i have no connection to that life anymore im not helping and i dont want to remember this. but reluctant team up👍 anyway bernard plays into this bc i think tim keeps it from him whats going on in the case bc he doesnt know that bernard was actually the first to know when darla came back and he doesnt want to upset him by bringing up old memories bc they Never talk about the shooting. and laura obviously isnt telling bernard bc she has no idea he and tim r dating so hes kept completely out of the loop and tim and darla/laura r NOT getting along. he keeps calling her darla and hes whinier than she remembers and theyre getting nowhere in the case bc they dont work very well together. i would also rlly want an issue where it goes over how each of them experienced the day of the shooting and there r small differences in each one to highlight how time has warped their memories and how theyre all a little unreliable. and each of them would be done by different artists 👍 anyway eventually bernard stumbles upon the case and hes pissed off at tim for keeping from him "darla was my friend too" you know. and smth he remembers about that day but the others dont (too caught up in the gang war/being robin) helps solve the case^_^ and hes able to help tim and laura get along again and they part on good terms w bernard and laura staying in touch. and at some point while he and tim r fighting he confronts tim for fucking off after the shooting and not reaching out to bernard until years later, and how bernard was completely left alone after one his best friends died and the other immediately moved away.

unpopular opinion: whyyyy does he want to be a chef its stupid sorry. emt or nurse bernard is the most important thing in the world to me i have no idea why they chose "chef" for his career path but it annoys me to no end. its another thing that just feels flat about his new character. like even if instead of being motivated by his history with unable to save darla from the shooting+the cult he was scared of wounds and violence and avoided it... why chef? idk itd be fun if he wanted to be like a radio host or smth that actually fit his personality. i think money should also be a bigger motivater for him bc he always read as like. upper middle class new money to me whos parents cut him off when he came out. like maybe if they showed him working as a line cook or an actual job i could understand him growing a passion for it but hes just like. a rich foodie. like what.

favorite relationship: he and tim i guess LOL who else does he have. him and darla for friendship and also i think it wouldve been cute if they had dated for a bit in highschool<3

favorite headcanon: i think he should be angrier at tim. for missing dates, for not telling him hes robin, for everything. hes too nice. or if theyre set on the nice thing i think it should be framed as him being a bit of a people pleaser/pushover post cult bc hes scared of tim leaving him and either way tim should have to address being kind of a shitty boyfriend. a nicer one is i think duke would be his favorite of tims siblings:-) hes not weird to bernard like i think the others would kind of be (shovel talk from dick would make me kms) and bernard never had any siblings so he kind of treats duke like a younger brother and tries to like, help duke with his homework, despite the fact that duke is definitely doing better in school than bernard did. i dont know if duke like. likes bernard but hell actually respond to his attempts at bonding unlike damian who has him blocked.

#ty for indulging me<3333 #poison.txt #ask #dc

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honeylunnes · 1 year ago

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perpetually growing list of random rosa facts

- she was born on the night of a new moon

- she fidgets with her hair a lot, especially if shes bored or anxious

- shes really clumsy, but insists that it has nothing to do with her heels. shes actually right, and to most peoples surprise shes even more uncoordinated in flats or barefoot

- she used to be insecure about her height, especially being taller than most of the guys in her life, but eventually began trying to take pride in it instead. it went too far though, and she now gets weirdly competitive whenever she encounters men taller than her (why she wears heels every day)

- shes got a sweet tooth, and especially loves most if not all strawberry desserts

- she would love to be able to make her own treats, but every attempt somehow manages to lead to failure

- shes a sucker for bad pickup lines, and traditionally “corny” romance in general. she finds it incredibly endearing

- semi related, but shes very dense. she seldom registers the subtleties of romance and has unknowingly shot peoples advances down because she just didnt realize they were shooting their shot

- aside from the few she played as a kid, very detached from video games. she really likes the art she sees of various series on social media, though

- shes heard of splatoon, and was intrigued by it at first. however she finds the creative liberties that lead to inaccuracies to be too frustrating to engage with the game or conversations about it. finding out otters are extinct was also incredibly disappointing for her

- despite using social media, she hardly ever interacts with people or engages with trends. most references to memes and other online current events from her peers go right over her head

- she has fangs! because shes so reserved very few people know this, but they become apparent whenever she laughs hard or gives a wide smile

- i have in my notes that when shes drunk she acts like pinkie pie. idk what i meant by that but make of it what you wish

- while she can get easily annoyed, its difficult to make her genuinely angry. the exception to this is rude customers, and her coworkers keep a little plushie behind the counter for her to take out her frustrations on when she encounters one

- she grew up on sailor moon, and still holds it very dear to her heart. (looking back on it she realized there was a lot of gender envy involved there) her favorite character is sailor neptune

- she has a habit (running gag?) of finding animals typically seen as gross or creepy really cute and endearing, especially snails and slugs.

- her favorite song is “cassiopeia” by sara bareilles

- she doesnt care about astrology in the traditional sense but does pay some attention to it solely because of its association with the stars and constellations

- she refuses to admit it, but she scares *super* easy

- she owns that ikea shark but is completely oblivious to the memes abt it, she just likes sharks

- her sense of humor suuucks. not that she’ll tell bad jokes, but she’s the only one laughing when someone else tells one. most ppl assume she’s laughing at the person, but she just genuinely finds the joke funny

- while her sweater is largely a security blanket of sorts for her, she also gets cold rly easily, even if its fairly warm out, which is how she can wear it and insists on doing so regardless of the weather or time of year

gonna keep adding random shit to this as i think of more :]

#rosaposting

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meet-at-tycho · 4 months ago

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okay i KNOW yr not supposed to pick at yr skin or whatever like i know its bad for you but. PICKING AT MY LIPS ? 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 god tier, been doing it since i was really little , and my mom would like bat my arm away but id just keep doing it THEY DONT GET ITTTTT. ive perfected the art its so .

no thts the thing is it hurts but not really? like ive created a cycle for myself where i pick and they scab and the scab is soooooo tempting to pick at okay . LIKE ITS BASICALLY BEGGING its self sufficient cuz it scabs pretty fast. my sibling doesnt get it okay they think i just do it cuz i like the pain I DONT.. its the satisfaction of the task but also. NEVER SATISFYING ENOUGH FOR ME TO STOP CUZ IT SCABS SO FAST OKAY im like sisyphus or some shit

i love it so much i dont CAREEEEE it is good for my mento health and its also a nice stim for me im allowed 🙄 i used to be insecure about how it made my lips look but i dont care anymore, i also rmember my mom always being like. yr gonna get an infection if you keep doing that (shes a nurse so she just thinks that way) but im gonna have to learn the hard way cuz that never stopped me and UNTIL something bad happens it WONT STOP ME....

also this is so silly but like. being someone like me, just. largely isolated from yr peers emotionally and socially, ITS SO HARD TO GRASP THAT THERES PEOPLE LIKE ME IN ANY WAY, let alone something like that i remember i read a fucking tiktok comment that was like omgg this is so me (i pick at my lips) and i felt so seen and heard like holy shit..... THEY GET IT..................... ghrghrghrrr

no i literally needed to ramble about this its so . SUCH A STIMULATING TASK FOR ME, and oddly enough like knowing the kind of person i am (💀) i actually dont like when it bleeds just cuz IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IVE GONE TOO FAR except instead of stopping i just continue but warily. that and i dont like the way it gets caked on my nails

fun fact thats why i write cicero having like. breakdowns over blood under his nails so much cuz that shit YOU GOTTA GET IN THERE TO GET IT OUT OKAYY . so tedious. also cicero lip picker its why his lips look like this

since the beginning, in fact

he was made for it .......................... grgrhgjrgrj

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nothing-a-good-nap-cant-fix · 1 year ago

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i hate them i hate them i hate them i hate them why do they always do this. i hate my dad why is he always like this why is he always like this why is my mom always like this. he starts saying about how we're such bad people because we laze around all day and that we're always messy and dirty and that we're just lazy fucks and thats all he ever says about us. he always thinks we're dumb and stupid. and our mom always says we should do more that what we're already doing isn't enough that it's "what we should be doing" and that we should do more do more do more i hate her i hate her i hate her whats wrong with everyone i hate my sisters i hate my parents i hate everyone i hate everything why does this always happen why are they always like this why why why why i hate this i hate everything i wanna leave i wanna leave. i wanna leave. i work so hard just so i can escape this fucking place and i have to keep telling myself that its for me its for me. i should work hard to finally leave. if i work hard in my studies i cna leave i can leave i cna leave i want to leave. Why is my mom staying home. I hate it when she stays home. I wish she'd gone on her trip for a month. Now she's just gonna go on and on about how we're messy and stupid and don't even know how to do basic chores. i never asked to be part of your fucking family i never asked you to be stupid and get pregnant in college i never asked for you to keep me fucking alive fuck you fuck you fuck you i never asked to be here i never asked to live with you fuck you. fuck you fuck you fuck you i hate you i stopped loving you years ago fuck you.

I fucking hate this. My only safe place is the fucking bathroom and even that isn't safe enough. I can't stay in here too long or else my dad will notice and start getting mad at me again and say that I'm trying to escape again and that I'm on my period and acting immature. i hate this iw anna cry and i cant even cry or else theyll see and theyll make fun of me everyone will make fun of me. i have to keep telling myself that its worth it. that all my hard work will be worth it and ill finally escape. I need to earn money now. But im too scared. I already have social anxiety to deal with and i cant i just cant. 2021 i thought i finally escaped to a safe place only for me to realize im fucking stupid. of course they arent safe. Of course they were just like them. i thought they would understand but they didnt. they only infantilized me and made me feel like i was stupid and useless. it felt even worse being with them. And now i can hear my mom getting mad. Fuck fuck fuck of course my sisters dont know that shes unsafe that they shouldnt even trust thwir emotions around her whats wrong with them dont they understand its unsafe never show your emotions around her. but theyre stupid. i understand. they think shes still their mom. they think that she actually loves thwm. i understand. but that means i should leave them behind too. theyre too attached to mom and still see her as a mom. okay. theyre stupid. im going to escape and im not bringing them anymore. they think mom still cares. she doesnt. dad doesnt care. he never even wanted to be here. If he had a choice he would never choose us.

Fuck fuck fuck i want to cry my time is up here i cant stay too long anymore theyll notice theyll notice i dont wanna leave but i have to what choice do i have i have to get yelled at again i have to get yelled at again i have to just stay quiet again fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate them i want to just run away fuck i have to go now i have to leave fuck fuck i want to run away i want to leave i dont want to get out the bathroom please please please i want to feel safe for once.

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nineliabilityrisk · 1 year ago

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considerably long sleep deprived blog management ramblings (+ question that i would appreciate input on) below the cut. apologies if i sound a little insane ive been up for almost 24 hours because my brain is going too fast to let me sleep (the downsides of being autistic and fixating on your own fucking five nights at freddys roleplay blog)

ive been trying to keep this blog mainly canon characters bc thats just. easier overall (dont have to explain every little thing abt them) but like. hhhfgh. i love the character dynamics the muses that i have offer me but like. they have very very concrete roles in the story. they have their Places.

now, i very much enjoy these roles. i enjoy playing them, i enjoy planning things to do with them and developing on them and i very much enjoy the way the people i play them WITH add to the dynamics on their end and add their own insight on my characters as my interpretations are not fully formed and likely never will be. yall r great im so happy to have found you guys.

but also. i have a very specific set of characters. other than the animatronics, i have the afton boys, cassie, and jeremy fitzgerald. and this specific set of characters are all very restrictive in a very specific way.

michael is. the human punching bag. this blog has just turned into me bullying him and like. not that im complaining, i just wasnt expecting the muse for him to hit me that hard. he has taken over this blog and that was not what i had planned. the thing with him is: nine times out of ten, when he is interacting with someone else, he is not a participant in a conversation. he is a target. that is just due to the nature of how his life is. he is the protagonist of a franchise of survival horror games. other than a few select family members and maybe like. henry, charlie, and jeremy, he doesnt have positive relationships with anyone. which means he is a GREAT source of angst or conflict, which i love to write, but it also means he doesnt provide many other forms of interaction. he may have a few soft moments here and there, with his mother or with henry, taking care of him and giving him reprieve from his father, but... thats about It. unless he finds some new friends, he doesnt do lighthearted, funny social interactions, and i highly doubt my michael will find any romantic partners for a long time. he is great at what he does. i just need to find balance between him and my other muses because i dont want my blog to be me just beating this poor guy up 24/7. thats just cruel.

evan - only really knows his parents, siblings, and maybe charlie. hes a baby. probably wasnt any older than five or sixish when the bite happened. very very good for soft, comforting moments. unfortunately , incredibly limited in who he could reasonably interact with. i mean, feel free to prove me wrong, but im coming up with a blank here.

cassie - also a child. would be good for more psychological horror type threads like how ruin was, but i do not feel comfortable putting her in real physical danger. mainly, just like evan, she is a muse i want to keep safe and comfortable, no matter how much it disregards canon. i am very very touchy around my younger child muses, for obvious reasons. yes, i am aware this is the Child Murder Franchise. no, i am not going to let you Child Murder my fucking elementary schoolers. full stop. also, moving on from that, likely wont get much interaction outside of security breach muses or muses with sb verses. once again, constricting.

and then theres jeremy. lets be real here. he has no canon connections to anyone. hes the only one with any actual connection to the fnaf 2 location, and thats just about all we know about him. obviously, hes basically an oc already. my jeremy is close to michaels age, so hes not gonna be involved with just about anyone else - hes just fucking here, basically. just SITTING here. hes my favorite child i wanna play him so bad im here waving him frantically at passersby hoping for interaction but its no use because theres nothing to work off of to START interactions. that is nobodys fault but mine. my dumb ass got attached to Background Character #43 and now i cant let him go. hes the abandoned doll collecting dust on the corner of the shelf because nobody plays with him. he barely exists.

BASICALLY, all of that mess was to say that i need to diversify my roster - i need a muse that i can throw at whoever i want. no pre-existing canon connections to anyone to complicate things, no timeline constraints until we possibly build one of our own, just, fucking. Miscellaneous Fazbear Entertainment Employee #4067 that i can put in Situations.

if i actually went through with making a fnaf muse like that, would anyone be interested in interacting with him or would i just be making a guy in my brain and then putting him on the shelf next to jeremy?? genuine question please help.

#ooc | nines speaks #small text bc otherwise it would be a Long Ass Post

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pinkseas · 1 year ago

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[parasocial bestie] squishing ur cheeks so hard (gently) right now youre so cute UR PARTNERS VERY SWEET AND I GET YOU THO like personally,...

to me i have a mixed feeling with kisses cus of family complications and other social stuff etc etc that twists a lil of my view to physical affections in general, but it doesnt stop me into understanding it in fictional creations and to myself as someone who's not interested in romantic associations. so i think!! platonic and familial is what rlly matters 2 me when presenting these things.

i hope u know how much it makes me Not Sane for zhongli being softly indulgent to xiao especially on his most vulnerable moment (bc by god does he need that extensive care and love despite the spiralling), but not too mushy and direct (going segway a bit that while i hold parental zhongli Very Dearly i do not dig the idea he does it to the extent of inf*ntilizing xiao, hes still a [young] adult but just very confused how to be one, so the treatment IS still specific) but patient and gentle. and when the adeptus isnt awake in such situations, the former archon would plant a light kiss on his forehead too (doing when xiao is awake would be a whole other thought spiral and confusion to the poor guy). very rare moment, but very valuable.

a lot more rare when its on lumine getting her unspoken concern and care to him in an affectionate way that's not just holding his hand for reassurance or light but solid hold on his shoulder to keep his whirling internal conflict grounded. i could literally count on one hand (TWO FINGERS INCLUDING THE ANGEL KISS) that she ever kissed xiao at all before she left.

so it just,... matters to me a lot of xiao's relationships to others with the emphasis of his unwilling repulsion to affection, cus on both reasons he doesnt think hes worth one and that he doesnt know how it will work for him yknow [[explodes

NO BC i dont think ive seen full on infantilization of xiao (Yet.) but the thought of it just now esp w/ zhongli flooded dread through every ounce of my being dear Lord. no yeah he is very much still a young adult and zhongli Gets It zhongli knows whats up <333 AND THE LITTLE FOREHEAD KISS WHILE XIAO IS ASLEEP............ EXPLODES AND DIES INSTANTLY

the shoulder hold to help keep him grounded mgmfgnfmngmnfgmnfmng dies. dies. dies. dies. DOESNT THINK HES WORTH IT AND DOESNT KNOW HOW ILL WORK FOR HIM that's so real of him tbh like i Get It king me too <- said as if i dont put him in so many situations with So Much affection because i cant get the idea of him w/ the traveler specifically being very casually physically affectionate out of my head after seeing the way he holds onto them during that One cutscene. um. anyways ^_^

what if we both exploded what if we just held hands and then exploded that'd be pretty awesome i think. my cat is here as i write this she can explode too i think she'd appreciate the experience. staring directly at her as i type this Patches What Are Your Thoughts On Xiao Genshin Impact. Be Honest.

i need to get my ass in gear and write more on god like. him being casually affectionate gets me so bad but him being touch repulsed or touch starved or both or him only really accepting physical contact of anytime in combat because thats just how it works or him feeling as though he doesnt deserve the affection or smth i actually have partially written with him enjoying/accepting it from lumine but having no idea how to reciprocate in the slightest or or or or. i need to write All Of It i need to explore All Of It or else i will explode

#parasocial bestie tag

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narwhalandchill · 6 months ago

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thank u for the addition! but ehhhhhhh im sorry i really dont see this transactional + desperation aspect u speak of personally so agree to disagree more than anything n i have my own view of why his relationships to people are like That

firstly im not rly sure where this widespread idea of childe being someone desperate for other peoples approval seems to be coming from but canon-wise thats... not really the case to me. its never been. he has always been consistently confident and self-assured to the point where lore in things like his boss drops and profile alike make a point of repeatedly emphasizing the extent of his arrogance and ego. this isnt a desperate individual (i wouldnt rly call nor consider him a narcissist but lets say hes Way closer to that than some anxious wreck), so like, that motivation doesnt track for me. he Likes approval and praise and attention yes he loves that shit (attention whore <3) but hes not dependent on it. he knows who he is and what he wants.

secondly. on the specific relationships.

with teucer; i dont really think childes exactly unaware of the unsustainable nature of his lies - idt hes really called attention to it explicitly so far, but the continued theme of promises and taking responsibility for those of them broken in his SQ and how he is generally way more self-aware of the contradictory nature and relationship between all the different sides of himself - despite all being true to who he is obvi - than ppl give him credit for (the self admitted "kind of a bad guy" and things like "even good guys lie and manipulate at times… and bad guys have their own doubts and misgivings", for a few) arent rly. giving me oh hes completely clueless on what hes doing. he calls it defending childhood dreams; i think he knows teucer will grow up eventually; he himself did, after all. now i obviously do think theres that selfish and prideful element to how much he wants to Keep being that perfect big brother but again. i think the motivation has nothing to do with transactions, its just abt having a familial dynamic untainted by The Ajax 14 Incident and trying to preserve the purity of that perception as long as he can despite how shitty it is for teucer and the best way he knows to construct that relationship is through the high effort Perfect Big Brother & Loyal Knight (TM) persona, same way he wears any of his facets as a mask for any particular opera stage that asks for it.

as with his parents, methinks the tension slash possible painful history there goes way too deep for anything in that relationship in particular to be generalized for childes overall social dynamics. i think him sending them things is at most a way of taking care of his family without ruffling feathers at home bc again, the self-awareness thing - id assume childe in his 20s knows he was out of control and in the wrong back then at 14 (altho while not a fan of taking that fanon trauma angle at all for what was behind that ordeal. i also dont rly blame him for being unable to acclimate back to teyvat post 3 months in abyss w 0 support either; even skirk an actual adult avoids the surface bc of that reason aka adjustment difficulties lmao and he was just a teen with no proper outlet before the fatui gave him one), and understands the damage cannot be undone. and because nobody wants to talk and open those wounds, he substitutes for actions instead for amends and olive branches.

the tsaritsa is just. not sth i see at all. again. childes attitude towards the tsaritsa isnt one of a revered deity whose godly approval hes desperate for at all - he respects her for one reason and one reason only and its that shes a fellow warrior. and one who by serving he can continue accessing the stronger enemies and challenges he needs to reach his ambitions. like i do think theres a more transactional element to his loyalty to the fatui in general than most ppl do (like. i can fairly easily see him not backstabbing rly but ditching the fatui if either of those clauses falls; so 1) tsaritsa loses his respect or 2) he overtakes the fatui in power and they no longer provide him a way to pursue his goals. or 3) they mess w his family lmao its so funny when ppl speculate on this not considering how it might backfire on the fatui lol) but thats exactly bc he is Not desperate for a gods approval just for the sake of it. like yes, loyalty and keeping promises is a big thing for childe and he v much takes pride in his duties as a harbinger and practically feeds his overgrown ego an exclusive high calorie diet of good-at-my-job juice. but a man that is explicitly out there to grind the thrones of the divine to dust under his heel is not someone id consider a character thats scared of the tsaritsa tossing him away if hes useless lmaoo like hot take but to me. SHE has more to worry about HIM ditching HER lets just. say that 💀💀

also. the human weapon thing rly gets overblown im sorry. childe puts IMMENSE emphasis on staying alive to see the end of his journey as the most important thing. he talks about it constantly. he is not unaware of the risks he takes and the dangers that come with his path - thats why he makes such a point of the value of life (curiously also sth he shares with skirk; did he get it from her?) irregardless of the outcome of a battle. he knows his life could get him killed and is staunchly committed to Not Doing That. like this is just very clearly established in lore. ppl see him as suicidal or self-destructive and its like nope. he takes risks yes and is both reckless and overconfident at times but theres a very clear line for. what he knows he can and cannot survive and his will to live things through is one of those very pointed characteristics unique to childe that tend to be forgotten in favor of more fanon trope aligned interpretations aka Having A Death Wish or not realizing the risks he takes

(altho editing to add in here that yes could be argued that he lacks a plan for an actual long term future; he has a voiceline abt overthrowing the world and then dueling us to the death implying hes kinda just not considering a life past the point of fulfilling that grand ambition but also. he brings it up himself hes clearly self aware there)

then zhongli; again i think its reading a bit too deep into it, esp since the whole sugar daddy thing as funny as i find the dynamic myself as well is sth fandom has rly made a bigger deal than it arguably ever was in canon lmao. childes a very generous person to begin with and also had an additional ulterior motive for tying the fatuis finances into his "working" (business dinner inappropriate flirting into what-are-we into YOURE WHAT (fucking fight me) etc etc etc chili my dearest) relationship with zhongli as a way to add potential strings to pull with the wangsheng funeral parlor. so like there was already a strategic aspect to that. but also like. i just think hes a filthy rich guy who isnt that invested in the elitism of that position that enjoys the company of a person who tends not to think about the cost aspect of his many hobbies and happens to Somehow be strangely unfazed by ajax' general existence unlike most ppl. so its like. i dont think its that deep. they hang out, zhongli forgor the mora and ajax has more than enough to spare and far too little care not to throw that mora around like its confetti

now. what to me feels like a more prevalent theme in the dynamics you mentioned and that i can 100% agree with is that childe puts a great emphasis on the value of actions. as ways of representing his promises and ties to others as opposed to anything more abstract. you say he needs to be useful to other people to be allowed to be around them, as stated before, i dont really agree with the desperation element there, but i do agree being able to provide acts of service and be competent and helpful is a big aspect of and v important to his character but its just the desperation thats not rly sth i see. its about his own capability to do those things for others that means a lot to him. in terms of pride and ego and how he views himself. thats really the only thing. making and keeping a promise is an action. taking responsibility for breaking it is one too. loyalty is more of a nebulous concept (hence his self-admitted ambivalence towards such things in labyrinth warriors act II that ppl still think isnt canon text bc it goes against popular fanon where hes just Loyal period and not with a abyss shrimp colored asterix lol) but fulfilling his tasks and excelling at what he is asked to do are actions that center him and make his actions as the defining cornerstore of his relationships to others. like that to me is the central theme of all those relationships and its also why with skirk that element is absent: he knows that within the only domain their relationship takes (martial master & disciple) he is by definition the one with jack shit to offer other than following her guidance and trying to improve. she has already defined their relationship as one where this usual dynamic of his actions isnt as central. but bc ofc he would hes also Still trying to impress her thru his actions and it shows in the way hes desperate (like. unironically. THATS desperation for approval to me like childe has Such a Please Notice My Efforts I Worked So Hard on This PLEASE energy towards HER that he rly has for no one else JKWDJKJKWDJKD puppy crush at 14 moment hes so cute. tsaritsa megafan ajax? nah its all skirk. like her approval actually matters to him So Much you can see it) to see her again and challenge her to use both hands to defeat him the next time. like the reason skirk doesnt fit the 'pattern' is bc they just have a different dynamic and one that was formed before his current (insufferable) self and attitude was fully formed and he became the kind of person hes these days. like it has the remnants of baby ajax there before he killed his old self and picked the bones clean to remake himself into a warrior

and like this was partially in the og post wrt teucer already but overall i think the very like. grandiose nature of the roles he seeks to occupy in his relationships isnt a sign of desperation or thinking any less wouldnt be enough for ppl to tolerate him around but instead a reflection of his perfectionism, drive and ambition as well as his massive fucking ego. he doesnt want to be a Perfect Brother (TM) or at least the idea of it in his head (which can be a source of dubious judgements to begin w) bc he thinks only that is enough, he wants to be that bc he wants to excel at everything he does and put his all into it. hes not content with being average he MUST be the best and work towards being the best. being Just A Harbinger (like that by itself isnt a frightening achievement at his age already) that does his job as he should is too lowly of a bar when he always always demands more from himself to keep improving. so he strives to be a lethal weapon of war for the tsaritsa that commits to his duties with surgical precision. and so on. its not that he Has to be such an overachiever but that he Wants to be. he Wants to surpass his own limits every step of the way and watch the boundaries expand in front of him as he proceeds onwards on his path (lab warriors act III)

and as much as all this analysis stands i also think hes kinda just. a practical fairly straightforward guy by the end of it. and letting his actions speak for him is just a part of how he rolls imo like showing commitment by putting effort in a relationship through his actions is just a characterization thing. its easier to act to him than to do anything else, and slotting into a specific Role within a dynamic like the Loyal Knight Brother or Weapon of War just lets him allocate and manage which parts of himself he involves in any specific relationship

(also. its an inch resting quote unquote "loophole" to me that lowkey if u think abt it. foil hat on. he is loyal to the tsaritsa As her weapon of war. as tartaglia the 11th. as that particular mask that character. but thats also v much not All That He Is. so like. if u think abt it. isnt there also plenty of sides/roles of him that technically have never sworn that allegiance to her 🤔 hmm)

but yeah this got long jwdjkwdjkwjkdjkdjkdjkwd im afraid i couldnt rly agree with the central point ur making there but. theres v much interesting stuff to look at with childes relationships for sure & and this is just my very quick rambles on some of it. not very coherent but just stuff ive thought abt For A Long While wjkdjkwdjk

spicy take incoming but i kinda wish ppl werent so desperately attached to and protective of this moniker of Great Big Brother 100% Perfect So True And Real when it comes to childe bc honestly. he really isnt (perfect or even that good at times) and to me acknowledging the ways both he and his family (for enabling him) are in some ways kinda just. doing teucer incredibly dirty in the long term but only with the best of intentions in the short term is so much more interesting than just pretending hes a flawless brother?? like it only adds to the drama and irony of it all man like theyre rly so dysfunctional as a family unit its great. even if hoyos likely never exploring that shit in its true depth it still lives rent free in my head for sure lol

like. you rly dont have to turn ajax into some sort of unfeeling uncaring monster of a shit brother to acknowledge that he does, in fact, repeatedly make incredibly reckless and selfish choices during his SQ with teucer and in general by choosing to obstruct the truth of who he is from lil bro so completely?

like this stuff can be nuanced and coexist with his absolutely 100% genuine commitment to protecting teucers bubble of a worldview (and w the theme of childlike dreams and wishes being so prevalent in general who knows what could be cooking w that one in particular) and his loyalty and love for his family without just having to whitewash the dumb shit he does lmao

like just bc hes capable of and willing to face the potentially grave repercussions of absolute bangers (🙄🙄) like teaching an actual fucking child to consider ruin machines fun besties and 100% insta ready to fuck himself up by protecting teucer at the cost of aggravating his still-unhealed injuries from the liyue AQ when dottores abandoned lab turns out to be more lively than expected doesnt. make that choice not a very irresponsible one yall im begging 💀

like. hes the adult here . the entire situation unfolding as dangerously as it does in the factory is Absolutely all on HIM for not being able and/or willing to disappoint teucer by just . Doing the mature thing and sending him away to safety because HES gotten too attached to this idea of being his lil siblings' loyal knight and perfect brother that Always finds a way to surpass the expectations no matter the cost its a role HE wants to keep playing despite the risk

like its So obviously a pride thing for him too and thats so fucking interesting because Of how flawed and questionable the logic is!! like yes he truly cares about teucer and ensuring he has a great unforgettable time during this impromptu escapade in liyue like thats not up to debate but the point im trying to make is that the choices he makes are Still very much intertwined with his ego and overconfidence and not really based all that much on Whats Actually The Best Approach Here. he improvises a way to give teucer the best mr cyclops outing he has ever seen bc HE wants to be the one offering him that experience and ends up biting off a bit more than he can chew and he can only blame himself for that one and This Isnt Fucking Sustainable

like i dont think that makes him evil but i do think it showcases his arrogance and flaws in a very concrete way and is a part of why calling him a perfect brother or at least one without an asterix just. rubs me off wrong lmao

like idk feel free to keep calling him that if its important to u and all if u want idc (and i do to some extent get why this defensive narrative of insisting hes great no issues at all emerged bc i remember 1.1 some ppl acting like hes childcare satan for how he treats teucer lol) but. at least like . Be willing to chip in to fund the therapy teucers going to need for those lifelong trust issues in the future man 💀

Bc Thats The Other Thing. now tonia and anthon i dont consider a part of this bc at least they Know hes in the fatui and hiding the gory details of ur harbinger job from ur baby sibs is like. fair enough and reasonable. but. crafting an Entire different AU version of yourself and feeding it to your baby brother as what constitutes actual reality surely is a choice of all times like ajax ily but genuinely . What the fuck if you were real id throttle you

AND HIS FAMILY ENABLING IT THE ENTIRE TIME ITS CRAZY LIKE. As a person with multiple siblings both older n younger with some similar age gap cohorts involved. God id snitch so fucking fast i dont think ppl rly stop and think much abt how objectively horrifying this shit is from teucers long term pov 😭 in the best way obviously given its fiction like its so scrumptiously awful and dysfunctional .

(& just in general man im just so obsessed with the way ajax 14 basically broke the eggshell of his past life and emerged to rise towards his destiny drowned in the guts and gore of the place and people and community he once called home unconditionally. Bro he fucked that town UP and now his family relations will never ever be the same its so fucking Delicious. those 3 days missing and what followed are just Actually a literal fucking horror movie when you stop blindly stanning our ginger menace, forget ajax' side and take the pov of his family and morepesok in general Why Are People Not Talking About This)

like. its not that i dont understand Why this is sth childe ended up doing as i said Thats The Point. its human. teucer is the only one in the family who wasnt there during that fateful 3 days/months . Like yea anthon and tonia were prolly sheltered from most of the carnage back then too but they still Know where he was sent when he became literally uncontrollable and almost killed the neighbors (everybody & their mom loves demonizing his parents as if his demon spawn ass left them a fucking choice JFEJSJSJSKDKS) . like its at least Known.

but then theres teucer.

And like. teucers the Only one with whom ajax can even pretend to have that delusion (ha) of normalcy and a family that hasnt seen him gaze into the abyss and stare back bloodied and grinning ear to ear . like. hes the only shot childe can have at even playacting some crude imitation of normalcy before Everything and even That comes with an expiration date hes fully aware of. so theres just lies after lies after lies and the fact that even his family just. if not actively partaking in the charade then at least silently allows the entirety of it to happen to teucer whos the Only fucking one out of the loop is just..... dude its not fair on him At All

Misleading teucer THIS much is just. its fucking horrible man but i GET it. thats why its so delicious man i GET it but god its just . imagine being teucer in this situation.... thats his entire fucking World shattered once the truth comes out. Everyone close to him has been lying to him his entire time. They all knew and they let him be misled. Like sure he might be happier Now with ajax dutifully protecting that childhood dream of his but after that. Just. sit on this for a bit. after everything do we Really think teucers just going to understand why it came to be and see it as worth it???? Will he really????

yet at the same time as awfully cruel it all is its just So human!!!!! Its so human of both ajax and his family to use the innocence of the only child that was spared the aftermath of worlds best/worst 3 month abyss training camp to indulge in this flawed false reality where their third son didnt walk into the void and come back hungry for More until only the fatui could take him and even then it only spurred him on further on that path. Like its all an act and a lie and its just. Not fucking fair on teucer but hes still doing it and theyre letting him even tho they Know it wont last theyre all looking teucer in the eye every day and letting him believe like man....

like in both the entire ruin factory sequence And in general hiding the truth from teucer as extensively as childe does hes being incredibly selfish but at the same time its selfishness only rly in the way all people are when it comes to Wanting to be seen a certain way by the ones they love and care about. and thats what makes it so interesting. bc as much as the choices he makes are dubious (or like. this decision makes sense to him. a morally bisexual total omnivore ethics-wise narwhalpilled since 14 who sees exclusively in abyss shrimp colors and acts accordingly) both they and the motivations behind them are also just. So very human ones . as terrible as the implications and eventual inevitable downfall of those choices can (will) be.

like. is it not that much more fascinating to consider all the ways that childe is neither a particularly exemplary nor an egregiously bad brother just one that. Happens to be wired weird in the head and proud and flawed and with a track record of heavily suspect decision-making but that also very much genuinely loves his family man. Like i can love that about him without dismissing the fact that theres parts to how hes treating teucer that 100% can and imo rly should backfire horrifically bc. It really just is that fucked up

hes not a good brother hes Worse AMD better than that and also not alone in this like. his family is an active fucking part of this . But like still . Is he trying his best with his abyss shrimp colored vision ? Yes. Is his love genuine? Absolutely. What are the marks? 3/10 meet me in the office after class mister youre just actually horrible (affectionate) 😭

A perfect brother? Not My Ajax man 🗣🗣 and like theres SO MUCH to explore in that it makes me so sad you just. Never see any of it p much in fanworks bc we all just call him best bro and whatever and thats that like its so sad. this family is terrible horrible awful and no good and they deserve it but also didnt deserve it it was misfortune it was fate it was inevitable . justice for teucer man i need to get him in therapy asap

#hope this isnt. Too much. again . agree to disagree obvi and as attached as i am to my personal analysis of his chara #its just a character jkwjkjkwdkjd #i am soooooo normal abt himm and his weird fucking brain #also like it was just a side tangent but i am literally SUCH a . every single one of those tsaritsa megafan stan ajax hcs. nope nope nope.#its a very professional sense of respect there i will fight on this. but skirk? SKIRK?????? oh my fucking god . hes so embarrassing #like especially the way his personality wouldve Shifted over time during those 3 months. so he just gets Worse (TM) as time goes on #bc early on hes just starstruck & not yet an overconfident menace so its like. hes just staring at her in awe v quiet and complacent #but then he starts developing the ego. and then its like hey master was this good was i good im super good right???#i cut that head off super clean?????? please???? right?? like. he gets Cocky. and skirk is there like :I its so fucking funny.#just give him a compliment maam hes fucking dying. your student is dying and youre just standing there. maam #genshin #rambles #childeposting #long post #discussion

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