#i just. i don't get it. i really fucking don't akjshdjkds

[lloydfrontera]

we've known for a while that novel lloyd and webcomic lloyd are two different characters but this really shows the kind of character the adaptation team has turned lloyd into.

like. i cannot begin to emphasize how not true this is for novel!lloyd. at all. he's constantly lying about his feelings both to others and to himself, a big part of his emotional conflict with javier is about javier wanting lloyd to show him how he truly feels and lloyd lying straight to his face about it, being dishonest about his emotions and feelings is a core part of his character and him finally letting himself be open and honest is meant to be the payoff of his emotional arc.

the way he feels and the things he shows and says are not the same.

heck not even his feelings and his thoughts are the same!

It was truly a strange thing. He was giving away a tremendous gift without anything in return. Yet, his heart was light and filled with relief. And even though he said it was a wasted opportunity or whatever, truthfully speaking, he didn't feel that way. Tsk. It's not because that hooligan Frontera made me weak, or because I feel guilty. I'm doing this because I'm tired of its whining. It is beyond annoying to hear Frontera whining, insisting, and begging for me to take responsibility and help out. Lloyd thought this was an opportunity for him to get rid of one less burden of his. It was the cost of getting rid of this pesky burden. This was an investment. So, he concluded that he wasn't being a fool. He was doing this for Arcos and Marbella Frontera. Lloyd reiterated these thoughts in his head and pulled himself together.

like. he will lie to himself about his reasons for doing kind things and justify them as actually selfish and self-interested when we know that's not true.

he betrays his feelings with his actions, him being a good person and being unable to hide it or change it despite his best efforts is also an integral part of his characterization but it's not something he willingly shows or something he's even willing to admit to himself much less to other people.

which. is exactly the opposite of what this scene was about? i think? like. the conflict here was,, someone trying to prove that lloyd's actions aren't actually selfless and that he has a hidden agenda and lloyd proving that notion wrong by rejecting. but,, that's exactly the opposite of what lloyd wants to project about himself?

like. this is a man that when told directly to his face that he's a good person who when left to his own devices will help others for no gain to himself by a higher being whose literal job is to judge souls' goodness he will just go "nuh uh" and insist everything he does is for his personal gain and not the greater good or anything like that.

he would not be emotionally honest enough to have this kind of realization and much less to share it with some fucking guy trying to kill him.

i just. i want to know so bad what the adaptation team wanted to prove with this interaction. like. what was the purpose of it. what did they want to tell us about lloyd by having him say this.

personally i find it so diametrically opposed to lloyd's characterization in the novel that i just. i don't understand how they could've come up with this scene if they understood his character in the novel like. at all.

but. is that anything new lmao